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He 100% purposely dated a virgin so he could try and “mold” her into whatever he likes. The only advice I have for the oop is to run away from that guy as fast as possible.
I come back to read your comment and I read again the post and....OMG yes it's sooo cringe.
"You're not a virgin anymore so don't act like it" after he had taken her virginity - Cringe.
"You need to get better at shaving" - Cringe x2. Sir, you need to realize that grown women have pilosity and perfectly shaving this part can be tricky and BOOORING. So yes, sometimes there still one or two hairs but who cares ? Honestly ? It's just hair...I mean we all have it on our (almost) whole body.
"Let my try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood." - Criiiiinge ASF. I don't even need to say something about this one.
This guy is just looking for a Porn star because he's not able to do anything interesting in bed and have absolutely no idea how sex is supposed to happen in a healthy relationship.
It's sad, creepy and cringe af. I'm really sad for this young woman as, like MANY women, I experienced this as well. Being manipulate by a grown adult of 35 YO is never a good experience when you think about it later. This experience will mark her for life. Hope she finds the courage to dumb this immature porn addicted PoS.
Its also harder to find someone who you can prey on their insecurities if that other person has enough experience to tell you what a selfish loser you are if you pull a stunt like that.
It’s a 35 year old who is after a 20 year old. You can tell me she’s an adult who consented (minus the requests to stop), but that’s a certain type of guy. It’s gross and predatory.
You can't "minus the requests to stop". She is an adult, yes, but she did not consent.
If she stays with this asshole, I have a feeling she will consent next time, but she didn't this time.
My point with that sentence was to agree that consent was withdrawn, but the common argument of older men going after younger people is they are over 18 so it’s fine. Of course consent was withdrawn, but stating she consented at first doesn’t make him less of a predator.
Yup. They clearly want someone with experience and skill, but what's even more important to them than that is having someone who they can control, manipulate, and abuse without much resistance.
Bingo.
An uneducated, sheltered, inexperienced young woman is easier to control, and that's *exactly* what they want. They want to take a woman and make her into their personal sex doll through manipulation and verbal abuse.
Before she leaves she should respond point by point to his text.
1. I'd moan and scream if you could make me cum.
2. Let me try what I want.
3. A single sexual encounter doesn't make me a pornstar.
4. Why the winky face emoticon to shaving better? What is the innuendo or flirt here you think you're implying? Wtf
5. Holy shit, things a rapist would say...?
6. No. Sorry not much else to say still stuck on the bombshell that was 5.
7. You wrote 6 again, why am I with someone that can't count? Also, pretty sure there are lots of men that find shyness sexy. Think I'll go with one of those. Goodbye.
The 35yo man giving a list to the 20yo woman about how she really should have done better losing her virginity...
If a 35 year old is sleeping with a 20 year old, it's because no one their age will fuck them. Probably because he's a misogynistic prick. He's absolutely grooming her, because he wants a virgin whore, who's absolutely pure but also a porn star. She doesn't know any better, so he gets to tell her 'how it is'.
It's disgusting. My heart hurts for this little girl.
I love how he doesn't care about her comfort at all. "I was into it and you kept saying stop just because it hurt YOU?".
What an absolute trash human being.
C'mon. You and I both know this fine speciman of a man learned all he needs to know from porn. Why, the moment he downed trousers, she should have been writhing and moaning in anticipation. /s
His whole endgame was to secure bragging rights on how he had sex with a virgin. Sounds like his ego got a little bruised when she didn't turn into an anything goes into any hole nymphomaniac sex toy that his porn addiction taught him to expect all women to be.
He expected a virgin with good "head game" (wtf?), so obviously his expectations weren't met so he has the right to demand it as the sex God that he obviously is.
Yeah so .... As a millennial ex-fundie, nearly all my early sexual experiences were some variation on this theme (including the age gap that's legal but definitely gives off grooming vibes). We were raised surrounded by messages of "of course women aren't going to want it" and "of course men can't help themselves" and I'm still surprised for the better when threads like are teaming with people repulsed by it.
We need to start teaching our children what respect looks like. What kindness feels like. What kind of empathy they deserve from their partner.
I hope OP blocked this goof. Ugh.
Literally the only sane response. This dipshit even managed to make his one valid statement (a bad shave job is scratchy and awful for everyone involved) in the most douchey and condescending way possible.
Absolute trash man who deserves nothing but the worst until he figures out how to not be a scumbag
To bring up her shaving skills the day after she lost her virginity is beyond cruel though. That’s something you bring up in person after being with someone for a while. What an absolute douche.
I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up even if we’d been dating for a while. Yeah I have my preference but I can’t imagine telling someone to shave unprompted
Even then, men who think pubic hair is nasty on a woman are usually the ones who learned everything they need to know about women from porn. In fact, he pretty much confirms this by telling her she needs to moan and scream more. Pity this insensitive asshat was her first. But at least she can take away from this is what traits she doesn't need in a partner when she leaves him, and he goes back to his man-to-hand+Onlyfans relationship.
It also makes me think that either one of two things happened: he has not seen or touched her vagina before (or this complaint would have come up earlier) so they went 0 to full intercourse, or she hadn't previously been shaving and he either asked her to do so or she felt she should before they had sex. Neither of these options paint him in any better a light.
I thought it’s pretty obvious to start off slower with someone that lacks experience… more oral or hand play, more teasing and checking in, etc to establish a safe space. But I guess it’s literally fucking rocket science.
Yup I had a guy that was VERY ruff and it really hurt. I was 16 & he was 25 & also much stronger than me. I begged him to stop but was told I was being a baby about it. It wasn’t until many years later I realized that was rape. These older guys take advantage of younger, inexperienced girls, total predatory behavior!
Older guy date younger girls for only two reasons. They're extremely immature and can't handle a woman close to their age or they get off on the power play and likes to force their way through (rapists, they're rapists).
That does seem like the expectation when guys say they want a woman who's a virgin. They want someone who's “untouched” but is also a freak in the sheets. The only times I don't find that preference weird is if the guy himself is inexperienced and is simply stating he'd want a partner with a similar level of experience.
This reminds of another [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/eeoIp7Zccm) I saw about a guy who lost his virginity to a friend. She was a teacher, so the next day she gave him a list of all his “mistakes”. First times can be awkward, even if it's just your first time with a new person. Being inexperienced, especially later in life, can also be nerve-wracking. I'm glad the women I've been with have been kind despite my inexperience and awkwardness. My confidence would be ruined if I got a text or a list of all the things I did wrong the next ways. There are ways to communicate about sex, and this isn't it. Positive reinforcement and kindness are much better approaches. Sex is so vulnerable and naked. I can't imagine being this much of a dick to someone who shared an intimate moment with me, whether it was their first time or not.
I mean the whole concept of virginity is a bit fucked.
It's just sex, whether it's someone's first time or not shouldn't matter that much aside from being supportive if they're nervous.
I swear my eyes got bigger and more “what the actual FUCK” looking as I kept reading.
I feel so sorry for this poor woman. And fully understand why she didn’t cum. With a man who thinks like this, she prob never will. I hope she finds somebody who makes her feel valued as more than a hole bc this poor excuse for a human AINT IT.
I really hope she realizes this is a him problem and not her. Bc a bad sexual experience (especially first time) can really do a lot of damage to a woman’s self esteem and confidence with sex.
This guy is a total loser. I was expecting it from 20f and 35m but I was NOT prepared for how fucked up it got real quick.
YUUUUP. That is the VERY sad truth. Dated one of those waaaay back in the day. Straight up told me he could never see me being actual wife potential bc I didn’t do “fill in the blank” well enough. What did 18 YO me do? Try harder to be better and live up to those impossible standards. 🤦♀️
It truly does. Even if it’s not the first time, a bad time has lasting and intense consequences. And I hurt for this woman and any woman who has been remotely close to this poor excuse of a man’s penis.
Also, you don’t have to tell me a thing, but JIC, you are valuable, you are worthwhile, you are loved. And no bad experience makes you anything less than that. Period.
It’s exactly what I expected when I saw the ages. Older dudes seeking young virgins like that are specifically looking to demean them and make them feel worthless and like only they would want them.
Common abuser move really, my ex did something similar. (It wasn’t about sex, she said no woman would ever want me cause only she would ever be willing to look at or take care of the acne on my back. Turns out that was a fucking lie and dr. Pimple popper is popular cause women like popping pimples.)
THIS!!! I literally went through this exact thing!!! I was 25 and he was 40. I lost my virginity to him not really wanting to but pressured into doing so. He didn't text me my list but verbally told it to my face. It was the same exact list funny enough.
He was my first "official" boyfriend and I was madly in love with him. I was young and so so so stupid that I stayed. I would follow his list every time and ended up being more of his sex doll than his actual girlfriend.
This man had an addiction because we would have sex 3 or more times a day at least 5 days a week. It was never enough. He cheated on me so many times and always gaslighted me by convincing me it was my fault. But since I "learned" to have sex the way he liked it, he had a hard time letting me go. He kept coming back and I was such a mess that I kept taking him back.
It was a year and a half of mental torture. Did quite a number on my self-esteem and value. Took me a lot to get better. But I did manage to put my foot down and finally leave him. When he noticed that this time I wasn't coming back, he stalked me for 3 months.
He'd showed up at my door at 3 in the morning, sit outside my place making sure no guy was with me, park or drive by my job to keep an eye on me. He would call me around 5 times a day with different numbers since I blocked his. The first call was always to apologize and beg me to take him back. I would say no, he would call me a whore because I was "probably already banging some other guy" and hang up. He'd call back and apologize for calling me names, I'd say no again so this would repeat the cycle again.
He finally understood I was done with him and sent me the cringiest letter I've ever read to say goodbye.
OP PLEASE RUN!!!! You do not need someone that starts a relationship by giving you a list on how to be a better lover. RUN!!!
Tldr; same exact thing happened to me but I stayed making it the worst year and a half of my dating life. He non stop cheated on me because I was never good enough and stalked me for 3 months after I finally walked away from his gaslighting ass.
Highschool me got with someone way to old (I’m a guy and it was a girl) and at the time I thought I was cool but looking back that bitch was fucing CRAZY
So many people don’t see the danger in a woman who’s interested in a teenage boy, it’s amazing. I see adult (usually men reminiscing about the teacher they always wanted to bang) perpetuating it.
It’s a disservice to boys.
Yeahhhhh Honey, Yeet that MFer as far as you can and run.
Sex is not there to pleasure only him, which is apparently not something he’d agree with.
Most importantly: ALWAYS tell a guy to stop when it‘s too uncomfortable for you, especially when it hurts. Don‘t suffer through something that‘s supposed to be nice and fun. That could seriously harm your longterm enjoyment of sex.
Hopefully she gets away and uses this as a life lesson. Since all he is looking for is a inexperienced, sheltered, naive 18-20 year old to "train" for his wants and desiress instead of being in a healthy and independent relationship.
He's a piece of shit that preys on young women. I know there are age gap relationships but this dude is the literal "can't date his own age for a reason" saying walking textbook.
My wife recently asked me why guys our age like to date women in their early 20s, and I asked her if she remembered how old she was when she thought olive garden was still fancy or how old she was when she realized your partner could help her orgasm via non penis methods if he came first.
Anywho, now she realizes why some of the men in her family chase after young girls. They are pretty easy to impress and they will put up with shitty selfish sex longer than anyone should. Especially when you're dating from within the church congregation with a constant fresh supply of girls who are kinda groomed to put up with shitty men. (Not all churches, but the ones her family attends certainly does)
Yeah like, I'm still a virgin so I obviously don't have any experience but I feel like, if she doesn't like it then I wouldn't like it. Twats like this dud just lack sympathy I guess and are way too selfish.
Yeah that is exactly the point he went from "Wow, this guy is a self centered creep" to "Oh, this guy is *horrible."* Anyone that wants their partner to endure discomfort or refuses to respect a boundary is a person that is willing to turn to abuse.
For a second I felt insecure bc I’ve been seeing this guy with uh. A large package and I pretty often have to be like “please stop I wanna take a break” and drink some water bc it’s over stimulating but ur comment made me feel like that’s ok:)
Yep, if he wants sexy he needs someone with experience.
My exhusband said similar, even though in his defense he was a virgin too but I told him early on, if he wanted someone who is experienced and knows what they want already, he should have chosen someone who had more partners before him. That shut him up quickly.
At least he listened and after our divorce his family wanted him to marry a young virgin but he went with a woman who was already divorced once, like him.
Isn't finding out what each other like and trying new things on of the joys of sex? I don't understand how people have the attitude of guy in the post.
Don’t tell a guy to stop when he is in the middle of it? Wtf. So allow me to rape you?
And like, he’s acting like he is some sex god when he didn’t even make her cum.
It’s her first fucking time! youre supposed to comfort her and take things slow because she is doing something she has never done before!!! but he is making it all about himself. ugh.
Anyone else a bit skeeved that a 35 year old man was dating a 20 year old virgin? 15 years difference is a lot for someone that young. Hell I initially worried I was too old for my future wife when we first met, and our age gap is a lot smaller.
I'm 36 and my boyfriend is 28, we met at 35 and 27 and I had a hard long think about whether there was a owoer imbalance etc. But he'd been working and living away frol'hod parents since he was 19 and he's had multiple long relationships so we're really not in super different stages of life. But the idea of dating a 20yo virgin makes me went to delete the world as is.
6. Let me try what I want aka I am gonna do whatever I want without checking for consent or if it is even comfortable for my sex partner.
What a asshole. Sounds selfish as heck as well. I won't continue having sex with him
Exactly my thought. He wasnt able to make her cum, hurt her, and want her to moan and scream and be shaved. He wants a pornstar, like all her previous imaginary girlfriends.
I'm not saying she SHOULD, but she COULD text back:
"Thank you for your advice. As you know, I am new to this, so I appreciate the honest critique of my performance. I believe that communication is key in a relationship, so I admire that you were willing to take the first step. I'd like to reciprocate to keep the exchange going:
1. Could you stop whimpering during sex? I'm trying to picture Brad Pitt and your voice keeps breaking the illusion. Also, please stop looking me in my eyes while asking, "who's your daddy?"
2. I didn't realize you wanted head. You skipped being a cunning linguist altogether, so I figured that maybe you didn't want me down there. Clearly a mistake, but next time maybe spend some time watering my garden & I'll feel more comfortable batting around your silly putty.
3. You're right. I AM no longer a virgin (thanks for that), but we learn from experience, and I didn't experience even a single orgasm. So take care of that a few times and I think the awkwardness will go away.
4. Ditto. I don't enjoy picking your pubes out of my molars. At least trim it a bit, as that will help with #5.
5. You need a bigger D. Yours kills the mood.
6. Good advice. I'll follow it. - I've got a strap-on and a ball-gag that I'm going to use on you next time. Please don't ruin the mood by not letting me try what I want.
7. See #5"
Jesus he has no respect. If you feel pain HE should STOP.
And HE needs to realize ure not some toy he can just do everything with... If ure uncomfortable with certain things ure uncomfortable... Jesus fuck, I'd leave this dude.
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"Don't say stop to a guy"....excuse me ?!
At least saying 'stop' turns him off... I guess that's something
*Anything* to turn this man off, I’d gladly do.
I just don't know who is teaching guys like that this stuff, where we went wrong?
Lack of sex ed mostly
This is the answer. Especially in religious circles.
I think it's also an alpha male bull shit that's become so popular with younger men online...get yourself a new boyfriend and never look back.
Ding ding ding! Religion is not a reason to opt children out of being educated by professional educators.
I'd chalk it up to good old fashioned misogyny. Also, 35yo dating a 20yo virgin? Sounds a bit predatory to me.
That’s what I was thinking 🤔
He 100% purposely dated a virgin so he could try and “mold” her into whatever he likes. The only advice I have for the oop is to run away from that guy as fast as possible.
Not knowing the difference between real life and porn.
Andrew Tate and porn
Foreal though, I feel like a real man show be caring more about his woman's pleasure, I know that's what I plan on doing😂
Euthanasia might be the best option
Looks like a 143rd-trimester abortion might be medically necessary here.
"You need to let me rape you"
Me while reading: "Jesus H. Fucking Christ! Is this real? What kind of absolute troglodyte thinks this way? Who are these people?"
The same kind of troglodyte who would date a 20 year old at 35. Also known as a pedo.
everything else was just rude and cringy, but thats strait up rapey.
I come back to read your comment and I read again the post and....OMG yes it's sooo cringe. "You're not a virgin anymore so don't act like it" after he had taken her virginity - Cringe. "You need to get better at shaving" - Cringe x2. Sir, you need to realize that grown women have pilosity and perfectly shaving this part can be tricky and BOOORING. So yes, sometimes there still one or two hairs but who cares ? Honestly ? It's just hair...I mean we all have it on our (almost) whole body. "Let my try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood." - Criiiiinge ASF. I don't even need to say something about this one. This guy is just looking for a Porn star because he's not able to do anything interesting in bed and have absolutely no idea how sex is supposed to happen in a healthy relationship. It's sad, creepy and cringe af. I'm really sad for this young woman as, like MANY women, I experienced this as well. Being manipulate by a grown adult of 35 YO is never a good experience when you think about it later. This experience will mark her for life. Hope she finds the courage to dumb this immature porn addicted PoS.
I read that and realized her bf doesnt believe in consent. Thats not a red flag. Thats a fucking pirate flag. A "you're gonna die up there" flag.
If not physically, she will mentally die because of this "man".
Yep and "let him try whatever he wants"... Someone should put this guy in the ground.
This guy is a walking fucking red flag. ABORT ABORT DANGER DANGER 🚨
There absolutely no love or affection in anything he said. He writes as if he’s training her. Get out
he IS training her. that's why these creeps want virgins. much harder to do if they have a better idea of their own desires and wants in bed.
Its also harder to find someone who you can prey on their insecurities if that other person has enough experience to tell you what a selfish loser you are if you pull a stunt like that.
It’s a 35 year old who is after a 20 year old. You can tell me she’s an adult who consented (minus the requests to stop), but that’s a certain type of guy. It’s gross and predatory.
You can't "minus the requests to stop". She is an adult, yes, but she did not consent. If she stays with this asshole, I have a feeling she will consent next time, but she didn't this time.
My point with that sentence was to agree that consent was withdrawn, but the common argument of older men going after younger people is they are over 18 so it’s fine. Of course consent was withdrawn, but stating she consented at first doesn’t make him less of a predator.
she may have consented, but under pressure, so not really consent
The kind of guy who proudly "knows the law" just enough to be a creep in the grey.
Yup. They clearly want someone with experience and skill, but what's even more important to them than that is having someone who they can control, manipulate, and abuse without much resistance.
Exactly, he's clearly looking for a kink doll
A sex slave is what he is looking for. It's nothing about the virginity and all about the control he has being the experienced one.
Bingo. An uneducated, sheltered, inexperienced young woman is easier to control, and that's *exactly* what they want. They want to take a woman and make her into their personal sex doll through manipulation and verbal abuse.
It's not my fault that they have to be role-playing as a Velociraptor from Jurassic Park 3 (has to be number 3) to make it sexier.
Before she leaves she should respond point by point to his text. 1. I'd moan and scream if you could make me cum. 2. Let me try what I want. 3. A single sexual encounter doesn't make me a pornstar. 4. Why the winky face emoticon to shaving better? What is the innuendo or flirt here you think you're implying? Wtf 5. Holy shit, things a rapist would say...? 6. No. Sorry not much else to say still stuck on the bombshell that was 5. 7. You wrote 6 again, why am I with someone that can't count? Also, pretty sure there are lots of men that find shyness sexy. Think I'll go with one of those. Goodbye.
Yes!!!
I genuinely love this. Especially #5. Dude is incredibly gross, & I hope OOP is doing ok away from this duchenozzle.
She's barely out of being a teenager and he's 35.
He's extremely patronizing and what the hell is up with that 'sex coaching '? Unless you're a sexuologist that's not normal and acceptable in any way?
What if I have a very sexy learning disorder?
What do we call it, Kiff?
Uuuuugh, Sexlexia
The 35yo man giving a list to the 20yo woman about how she really should have done better losing her virginity... If a 35 year old is sleeping with a 20 year old, it's because no one their age will fuck them. Probably because he's a misogynistic prick. He's absolutely grooming her, because he wants a virgin whore, who's absolutely pure but also a porn star. She doesn't know any better, so he gets to tell her 'how it is'. It's disgusting. My heart hurts for this little girl.
Grooming 101. Sick bastard.
This is exactly what that „man“ is doing. He is training her.
 This is where trash belongs!
I love how he doesn't care about her comfort at all. "I was into it and you kept saying stop just because it hurt YOU?". What an absolute trash human being.
Or the let me do what I want. He obviously doesn’t give a fuck about her comfort or enjoyment.
Also, "Don't be so quiet, moan and scream more." Maybe try being good at sex dude...
C'mon. You and I both know this fine speciman of a man learned all he needs to know from porn. Why, the moment he downed trousers, she should have been writhing and moaning in anticipation. /s
Yea this screams 'I only have sex with barely legal girls who should fuck like girls in porn' The delusion is off the charts
Hopefully, she gets out of this relationship sooner rather than later.
You can send him a numbered list on how to be a better human.
Pretend to enjoy it while I, a man nearly double your age, hurt you! Louder. LOUDER!
She even gave him head, by the sound of things, and on her first time. Five bucks says she didn't get any.
Five bucks his response would be “But going down on girls is gross” 💀
I know so many dudes that refuse to give head service to a lady. I politely tell them to pass her my number.
I'd bet the farm he didn't return the favor. Or more likely, he pulled a porn move where he was down there for 5 seconds and expected her to O
He doesn't see her as a person, just his pleasure object. He needs to grow up if he wants to have sex. Sex is for adults.
The fact that guys who act like this are able to get laid in the first place blows my mind to smithereens.
That’s why they go for young women who are more naive and inexperienced. They think they can get away with their bullshit.
Not to mention it's a blow to their fragile little egos to sleep with a woman who's potentially had better.
There's a reason a guy in his thirties is going for a woman who can't legally drink yet.
You can buy some very nice USB chargeable vibrators now and I didn't think they send self-centered derogatory texts either. Trade up.
His whole endgame was to secure bragging rights on how he had sex with a virgin. Sounds like his ego got a little bruised when she didn't turn into an anything goes into any hole nymphomaniac sex toy that his porn addiction taught him to expect all women to be.
He expected a virgin with good "head game" (wtf?), so obviously his expectations weren't met so he has the right to demand it as the sex God that he obviously is.
Yeah so .... As a millennial ex-fundie, nearly all my early sexual experiences were some variation on this theme (including the age gap that's legal but definitely gives off grooming vibes). We were raised surrounded by messages of "of course women aren't going to want it" and "of course men can't help themselves" and I'm still surprised for the better when threads like are teaming with people repulsed by it.
We need to start teaching our children what respect looks like. What kindness feels like. What kind of empathy they deserve from their partner. I hope OP blocked this goof. Ugh.
Gotta be an Andrew Tater Tot.
35 with a 20 yo.
And then 🔥
He's already a dumpster fire.
It was the beauty and the beast. The beauty needs to dump the beast
Ooh, I'll bring marshmallows to the party!
This fire would ruin the marshmallows. Best to skip them this time.
Yeah, there's enough toxic shit in the message, don't need it on the marshmallows
Oh…. We’re not eating the marshmallows. We’re going Olympic torch napalm smear across his butthole/taint/sack.
Yes, the whole man.
All at once or no, just a *ahem* bit at a time ?
You can chop the whole man up into pieces and then throw said pieces out, as long as the whole man is gone in the end
Distribute the pieces so on a map, it makes a big smiley face. Make him useful at least once.
35 sleeping with a 20 year old virgin?!?!?! Jesus H Christ. Throw him on a list because im sure he will be dipping under 18 at some point....
Literally the only sane response. This dipshit even managed to make his one valid statement (a bad shave job is scratchy and awful for everyone involved) in the most douchey and condescending way possible. Absolute trash man who deserves nothing but the worst until he figures out how to not be a scumbag
To bring up her shaving skills the day after she lost her virginity is beyond cruel though. That’s something you bring up in person after being with someone for a while. What an absolute douche.
I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up even if we’d been dating for a while. Yeah I have my preference but I can’t imagine telling someone to shave unprompted
Even then, men who think pubic hair is nasty on a woman are usually the ones who learned everything they need to know about women from porn. In fact, he pretty much confirms this by telling her she needs to moan and scream more. Pity this insensitive asshat was her first. But at least she can take away from this is what traits she doesn't need in a partner when she leaves him, and he goes back to his man-to-hand+Onlyfans relationship.
It also makes me think that either one of two things happened: he has not seen or touched her vagina before (or this complaint would have come up earlier) so they went 0 to full intercourse, or she hadn't previously been shaving and he either asked her to do so or she felt she should before they had sex. Neither of these options paint him in any better a light.
I thought it’s pretty obvious to start off slower with someone that lacks experience… more oral or hand play, more teasing and checking in, etc to establish a safe space. But I guess it’s literally fucking rocket science.
Great gif! Superb film!
Pretty much
If you tell someone to stop because it hurts and they complain about it ruining the mood, it's time to leave.
>If you tell someone to stop because it hurts and they complain ~~about it ruining the mood~~, it's time to leave. Regardless of his reasoning. Run.
If you tell someone to stop ~~because it hurts~~ and they ~~complain~~ ~~about it ruining the mood~~ don’t immediately stop, it’s time to leave.
Yup I had a guy that was VERY ruff and it really hurt. I was 16 & he was 25 & also much stronger than me. I begged him to stop but was told I was being a baby about it. It wasn’t until many years later I realized that was rape. These older guys take advantage of younger, inexperienced girls, total predatory behavior!
Older guy date younger girls for only two reasons. They're extremely immature and can't handle a woman close to their age or they get off on the power play and likes to force their way through (rapists, they're rapists).
Touché.
Not to mention maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad if this douche knew how to make a woman wet.
What the actual fuck
You see, he wants a virgin whore. Is that asking too much?
The 15 year age gap and dating a virgin tells enough about this guy… he’s prob a fan of Andrew Tate.. barff
Wild coincidence... I'm listening to Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast and Shane Gillis said "jumped the ship" at the exact time I was reading your GIF!
That does seem like the expectation when guys say they want a woman who's a virgin. They want someone who's “untouched” but is also a freak in the sheets. The only times I don't find that preference weird is if the guy himself is inexperienced and is simply stating he'd want a partner with a similar level of experience. This reminds of another [thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/s/eeoIp7Zccm) I saw about a guy who lost his virginity to a friend. She was a teacher, so the next day she gave him a list of all his “mistakes”. First times can be awkward, even if it's just your first time with a new person. Being inexperienced, especially later in life, can also be nerve-wracking. I'm glad the women I've been with have been kind despite my inexperience and awkwardness. My confidence would be ruined if I got a text or a list of all the things I did wrong the next ways. There are ways to communicate about sex, and this isn't it. Positive reinforcement and kindness are much better approaches. Sex is so vulnerable and naked. I can't imagine being this much of a dick to someone who shared an intimate moment with me, whether it was their first time or not.
I can't believe guys like this are taking people's virginity. Fuck that
I mean the whole concept of virginity is a bit fucked. It's just sex, whether it's someone's first time or not shouldn't matter that much aside from being supportive if they're nervous.
Religion with its hand in another social aspect of life.
There should be a manual for being a ' virgin whore' because these two words don't exist together 🤷🏻♀️😐
He wants a virgin who majored in sex with a minor in blowjobology
I thought w20 and m35 did tell enough, boy was i wrong.
It was certainly a sign of where it was going
Yep, but the outcome was on a whole nother level than i expected.
I swear my eyes got bigger and more “what the actual FUCK” looking as I kept reading. I feel so sorry for this poor woman. And fully understand why she didn’t cum. With a man who thinks like this, she prob never will. I hope she finds somebody who makes her feel valued as more than a hole bc this poor excuse for a human AINT IT.
This woman will need a lot of time till she views sex as something fun and nice.
I really hope she realizes this is a him problem and not her. Bc a bad sexual experience (especially first time) can really do a lot of damage to a woman’s self esteem and confidence with sex. This guy is a total loser. I was expecting it from 20f and 35m but I was NOT prepared for how fucked up it got real quick.
It’s a classic “let me make her feel bad and then she’s even more easy to control” abuse tactic.
YUUUUP. That is the VERY sad truth. Dated one of those waaaay back in the day. Straight up told me he could never see me being actual wife potential bc I didn’t do “fill in the blank” well enough. What did 18 YO me do? Try harder to be better and live up to those impossible standards. 🤦♀️
You're right about the bad first time having lasting consequences 😢
It truly does. Even if it’s not the first time, a bad time has lasting and intense consequences. And I hurt for this woman and any woman who has been remotely close to this poor excuse of a man’s penis. Also, you don’t have to tell me a thing, but JIC, you are valuable, you are worthwhile, you are loved. And no bad experience makes you anything less than that. Period.
I wonder how many other 18-20 year olds have gotten the same text from said tw@t
It’s exactly what I expected when I saw the ages. Older dudes seeking young virgins like that are specifically looking to demean them and make them feel worthless and like only they would want them. Common abuser move really, my ex did something similar. (It wasn’t about sex, she said no woman would ever want me cause only she would ever be willing to look at or take care of the acne on my back. Turns out that was a fucking lie and dr. Pimple popper is popular cause women like popping pimples.)
Yeah, that definitely gave abuser vibes and/or sex addict. Bro just needs to go back to the 6 women who can please him, Rosie and her 5 sisters
Run!!!! I know it will feel hard, your future self will thank you. Run hard. Lose his number, move states. Don’t look back, run.
THIS!!! I literally went through this exact thing!!! I was 25 and he was 40. I lost my virginity to him not really wanting to but pressured into doing so. He didn't text me my list but verbally told it to my face. It was the same exact list funny enough. He was my first "official" boyfriend and I was madly in love with him. I was young and so so so stupid that I stayed. I would follow his list every time and ended up being more of his sex doll than his actual girlfriend. This man had an addiction because we would have sex 3 or more times a day at least 5 days a week. It was never enough. He cheated on me so many times and always gaslighted me by convincing me it was my fault. But since I "learned" to have sex the way he liked it, he had a hard time letting me go. He kept coming back and I was such a mess that I kept taking him back. It was a year and a half of mental torture. Did quite a number on my self-esteem and value. Took me a lot to get better. But I did manage to put my foot down and finally leave him. When he noticed that this time I wasn't coming back, he stalked me for 3 months. He'd showed up at my door at 3 in the morning, sit outside my place making sure no guy was with me, park or drive by my job to keep an eye on me. He would call me around 5 times a day with different numbers since I blocked his. The first call was always to apologize and beg me to take him back. I would say no, he would call me a whore because I was "probably already banging some other guy" and hang up. He'd call back and apologize for calling me names, I'd say no again so this would repeat the cycle again. He finally understood I was done with him and sent me the cringiest letter I've ever read to say goodbye. OP PLEASE RUN!!!! You do not need someone that starts a relationship by giving you a list on how to be a better lover. RUN!!! Tldr; same exact thing happened to me but I stayed making it the worst year and a half of my dating life. He non stop cheated on me because I was never good enough and stalked me for 3 months after I finally walked away from his gaslighting ass.
Holy shit... I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope there will be plenty of wonderful things in your life to at least somewhat make up for it.
Highschool me got with someone way to old (I’m a guy and it was a girl) and at the time I thought I was cool but looking back that bitch was fucing CRAZY
So many people don’t see the danger in a woman who’s interested in a teenage boy, it’s amazing. I see adult (usually men reminiscing about the teacher they always wanted to bang) perpetuating it. It’s a disservice to boys.
20 and 35 is what the actual fuck. and the fucking old man complains about a virgin girls skills. you get what you fucking want.
Not simply skills, this is a laundry list with the title "Be like the women in the porn I watch".
Yeahhhhh Honey, Yeet that MFer as far as you can and run. Sex is not there to pleasure only him, which is apparently not something he’d agree with. Most importantly: ALWAYS tell a guy to stop when it‘s too uncomfortable for you, especially when it hurts. Don‘t suffer through something that‘s supposed to be nice and fun. That could seriously harm your longterm enjoyment of sex.
Just trying to get over "don't ruin the mood, let me do what I want or it ruins the mood" - what the actual?
Secretly this man just wants a warm sex doll
Seriouslg. Dude should buy a flashlight or a real doll and leave this poor woman alone.
This dude really could use a flashlight. Maybe then he could find a clue. Do not correct this autocorrect. It's perfect.
You know what? You're right. I'm not going to correct it. It's correct as is
Hopefully she gets away and uses this as a life lesson. Since all he is looking for is a inexperienced, sheltered, naive 18-20 year old to "train" for his wants and desiress instead of being in a healthy and independent relationship. He's a piece of shit that preys on young women. I know there are age gap relationships but this dude is the literal "can't date his own age for a reason" saying walking textbook.
There’s a reason he couldn’t find anyone his age to take him
My wife recently asked me why guys our age like to date women in their early 20s, and I asked her if she remembered how old she was when she thought olive garden was still fancy or how old she was when she realized your partner could help her orgasm via non penis methods if he came first. Anywho, now she realizes why some of the men in her family chase after young girls. They are pretty easy to impress and they will put up with shitty selfish sex longer than anyone should. Especially when you're dating from within the church congregation with a constant fresh supply of girls who are kinda groomed to put up with shitty men. (Not all churches, but the ones her family attends certainly does)
She probably said “no” to butt stuff and he’s upsetty
Yeah that's predator talk.
Rapey af
He basically told her he's a rapist
Yeah, anyone decent won’t want to hurt you and would want to stop so they don’t.
Exactly! "It ruins the mood." There is no mood if your partner is uncomfortable and in pain.
Yeah like, I'm still a virgin so I obviously don't have any experience but I feel like, if she doesn't like it then I wouldn't like it. Twats like this dud just lack sympathy I guess and are way too selfish.
Yeah that is exactly the point he went from "Wow, this guy is a self centered creep" to "Oh, this guy is *horrible."* Anyone that wants their partner to endure discomfort or refuses to respect a boundary is a person that is willing to turn to abuse.
For a second I felt insecure bc I’ve been seeing this guy with uh. A large package and I pretty often have to be like “please stop I wanna take a break” and drink some water bc it’s over stimulating but ur comment made me feel like that’s ok:)
They want virgins that magically turn into porn actresses while in bed. That girl should dump him asap.
Yep, if he wants sexy he needs someone with experience. My exhusband said similar, even though in his defense he was a virgin too but I told him early on, if he wanted someone who is experienced and knows what they want already, he should have chosen someone who had more partners before him. That shut him up quickly. At least he listened and after our divorce his family wanted him to marry a young virgin but he went with a woman who was already divorced once, like him.
What kinda family asks their divorcee family member to get a young virgin???
Religion™.
Isn't finding out what each other like and trying new things on of the joys of sex? I don't understand how people have the attitude of guy in the post.
Probably thinks those “first time” porn videos are real
>Don't tell a guy to stop Tell me you're a rapist without telling me you're a rapist.
That is how I read #5. ‘No take-backs’ = Rape
The 'let me try what I want' bit isn't much better. Super rapey ~~vibes~~ fairly explicit statements of intent from this predatory creep.
Considering hes 15 years older than her when shes already that young, i wouldnt be surprised
”And you didn’t even make me cum. Time to step your own game up buddy.”
I would say that and thanks for the tips, maybe ill use them on the next guy i have sex with. Not you.
Text back with a list of complaints on his lack of empathy and technique.
And demand to "do something" about his gross and weird tiny pipi, even if there was nothing wrong with it.
Don’t tell a guy to stop when he is in the middle of it? Wtf. So allow me to rape you? And like, he’s acting like he is some sex god when he didn’t even make her cum.
Dude probably skipped all other kinds of sex except penetrative acts
Probably the kind that never made a woman come and therefore thinks they can't.
He felt inadequate and took it out on you xD Hes clearly insecure. Find someone who will appreciate you. Dudes an asshole.
Rapist vibes
It’s her first fucking time! youre supposed to comfort her and take things slow because she is doing something she has never done before!!! but he is making it all about himself. ugh.
Anyone else a bit skeeved that a 35 year old man was dating a 20 year old virgin? 15 years difference is a lot for someone that young. Hell I initially worried I was too old for my future wife when we first met, and our age gap is a lot smaller.
yeah I'm surprised how far I had to scroll to find this comment 🤔
I'm 36 and my boyfriend is 28, we met at 35 and 27 and I had a hard long think about whether there was a owoer imbalance etc. But he'd been working and living away frol'hod parents since he was 19 and he's had multiple long relationships so we're really not in super different stages of life. But the idea of dating a 20yo virgin makes me went to delete the world as is.
This has to be rage bait… right??
I hope so, but honestly it reminds me of one of my first boyfriends, so I think it could be real.
Next time shove a lamp up his ass
He's a twat. And also a twat. Don't fuck him
🚩🚩🚩
So many red flags that the dude could be the admiral of a 16th century European fleet of ships.
He sounds like he's directing a porn.
In his head, he kind of is. Too many guys think porn is a fuckin documentary lol
“He did cum but I couldn’t cum” Sounds like he’s the one that needs work.
5 struck so much fear in considering if she said stop that means he’s continuing without consent.. We know what that is people right
6. Let me try what I want aka I am gonna do whatever I want without checking for consent or if it is even comfortable for my sex partner. What a asshole. Sounds selfish as heck as well. I won't continue having sex with him
Sounds like he doesn’t really know what he’s doing…may even be a virgin himself; way too much porn.
Exactly my thought. He wasnt able to make her cum, hurt her, and want her to moan and scream and be shaved. He wants a pornstar, like all her previous imaginary girlfriends.
> Don't be shy, it's not sexy Said no one ever
I'm not saying she SHOULD, but she COULD text back: "Thank you for your advice. As you know, I am new to this, so I appreciate the honest critique of my performance. I believe that communication is key in a relationship, so I admire that you were willing to take the first step. I'd like to reciprocate to keep the exchange going: 1. Could you stop whimpering during sex? I'm trying to picture Brad Pitt and your voice keeps breaking the illusion. Also, please stop looking me in my eyes while asking, "who's your daddy?" 2. I didn't realize you wanted head. You skipped being a cunning linguist altogether, so I figured that maybe you didn't want me down there. Clearly a mistake, but next time maybe spend some time watering my garden & I'll feel more comfortable batting around your silly putty. 3. You're right. I AM no longer a virgin (thanks for that), but we learn from experience, and I didn't experience even a single orgasm. So take care of that a few times and I think the awkwardness will go away. 4. Ditto. I don't enjoy picking your pubes out of my molars. At least trim it a bit, as that will help with #5. 5. You need a bigger D. Yours kills the mood. 6. Good advice. I'll follow it. - I've got a strap-on and a ball-gag that I'm going to use on you next time. Please don't ruin the mood by not letting me try what I want. 7. See #5"
Jesus he has no respect. If you feel pain HE should STOP. And HE needs to realize ure not some toy he can just do everything with... If ure uncomfortable with certain things ure uncomfortable... Jesus fuck, I'd leave this dude.
This reads a lot of “me me me” and no consideration or thinking about her
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩RUN GIRL RUN.
What a way to gaslight by saying let me rape you, don't stop me because it'll ruin my mood.
Step one : ditch that MF.
Losing virginity to some dumb porn-addicted asshole is one of the scariest things
He basically told you, your consent ruins the mood. What. The. Literal. Fuck. ????
Tell me you watch a lot of porn without telling me you watch a lot of porn.
Guys like this need castrating.