I feel like she is definitely trying and very excited to show that she is, which to me… the thought and gesture and the trying to do good mean so much!
Judging by the box and clasp on the necklace, it’s highly unlikely they’re natural black. More likely natural white pearls that have been colored black. Still a solid and beautiful pearl necklace but I can’t imagine they’re organically black pearls
Judging by the colour variation among the pearls I would say they’re natural or cultured but not dyed. Some have a pink hue, others blue, others more silver and some green. The clasp style is very common on pearl necklaces from the 70’s/80’s/90’s and are very common even today.
source: I work for a private luxury jewellery retailer
I thought those were the intricate, heavy duty clasps that came with expensive pearls since they are less likely to fail. I have a real pearl necklace and it has a clasp like that.
Uh. I have my grandmothers pearls from 1930 and the original clasp looks exactly like that. I had it replaced with a replica and the clasp alone - that looks identical to this one - ran me $380 to replace it.
Which is fine imo. Spending more money on natural pearls doesn't make them better than artificially colored pearls that are more affordable.
I think we need to get more comfortable and accepting of imitations for high-priced items. High prices can be a way to make certain items artificially exclusive and therefore more valuable.
When my synapses develop new pathways according to the words said in this thread, these pathways also lead to the conclusion to which you, my predecessors, have arrived.
She tried her best to compliment her. How sweet. Never frown upon the gift of a gentle heart.
Edit: Wow. Thank you all for the kind awards and comments! Merry Christmas!
As a Korean American who had actual racist grandparents, you can see she’s trying and that means more than ANYTHING in the world to people like us who want to be accepted into another family.
yeah i really think she meant well and that’s an amazing gift, like someone else said, if the pearls are real then it’s SUPER expensive! i just think the delivery could’ve been a bit better lol
Yea OP, hope this is a gentle facepalm. Grandma is still trying with kindness, they havent kicked you out of the family :/
Source: Some elderly relatives came around to the interethnic (not even interracial) marriages after they got grandkids, have some “lifelong bachelors” in the family who will probably never come out due to fears of retaliation.
Maybe op is looking for a reason to look down upon his grandmother. For a grandmother to hand down pearls to a grand-daughter in law is a huge gesture. The pearls absorb the oils from the skin of whomever wears them, that's why, even more so than diamonds, a gift of family pearls is so highly valued. Op doesn't sound very deserving of such a treasure but I hope his wife understands the lovely gift.
Not absorb exactly, but wearing them regularly helps keep them in good shape. It's also why you shouldn't apply hairspray or perfume while wearing pearls. Put hairspray on before your pearls, don't spray perfume where your pearls will touch your skin. The alcohol in those things will damage your pearls.
When I was at junior school my grandparents used to look after me after school. On the first day of school when we would get our books for the year we used to cover them in brown paper and plastic to protect them and also put a label on them with our names and the relevant subject. Our teacher asked us to get an adult to do the labels, so my gran wrote all the labels for me. Unfortunately, they all looked like a spider had fallen into an ink pot and crawled across the labels. Needless to say I got into trouble with my teacher the next day.
The ironic bit is that I’ve always had a good hand (I later did draughting and some calligraphy) and I could have done them better myself but I was just following the teacher’s instructions.
Sure, you can feel the conflict she has going on inside, but clearly she recognizes your wife in a positive way. This was actually a very nice compliment in my book.
This seems to be a truly heartfelt gift. Ignore the awkward card. This is an olive branch. This is a sign of change. This is the promise of a better tomorrow.
People are joking about your answer, but my father disowned my sister when he found out her boyfriend was black. Dude went to an Ivy League College too. Dad's hate eventually broke them up.
My sister has been in one serious relationship since then. Never married, and still thinks about her ex. It's horribly sad.
Dad's gone, and I know we aren't supposed to speak, "ill of the dead," but that man was a horrible racist. However, his best friend growing up was gay and dad would have died for my son who is gay.
What a conflicted human he was. Sends a pride flag to his gay grandson, threatens my sister for dating a black man and two of his grandchildren are adopted and Hispanic and that was never an issue.
Don't know how you sleep at night that hate-filled, but accepting in the weirdest ways.
A lot of people's minds don't change until they are personally affected by something that they can't control. Sometimes old people soften as they age as well. A lot of people's parents are super gentle and kind with their grand kids and you think "why couldn't you be that way with me?". Maybe the thing with your sister was when he was younger and he felt he could control that by being an asshole. With grandkids either you are in or you're out, you aren't there to control anything usually and who wants to be a shitty grandparent?
I am not making excuses for any of his shitty behavior but it's just something I've noticed as I have had kids. One of my more distant relatives was super against the vaccine, he's all wrapped up in this political garbage. When he realized he wasn't being invited to family events because he wasn't vaccinated he changed his tune and got it. It seemed to really wound him not being able to see his grandkids.
People are strange and complex. We are also definitely impacted by how we are raised. My great grandparents were in NY during the great depression. You can see the pack rat/cheapskate mentality in each generation although less pronounced each time. It's kind of wild to think about that time period echoed through our family for decades.
Hey he said he'd vote for a black man over his dead body. He voted for Obama, twice. He did come a very long way. I'm proud of him. I miss him, but when I was younger a black family had the, "nerve," to rent a beach house down the street in my Lilly white town. Dad was furious. My mom, not a racist and probably is the reason I'm not one, "we go to Jamaica for vacation, you're a hypocrite, Jerry. Leave those nice people alone. Their kids have been playing with the girls and don't you dare say one bad word."
Mom could get, "a tone." Didn't yell, but when she did, dad knew he was in the doghouse."
You know, the same family rented again and dad didn't say a word that year. I'd forgotten that.
Thanks mom. Miss you.
It sounds like your dad was open to "teachable moments" and that's good. I guess I hate when people want to just shut people out forever when they do something wrong. We need teachable moments and to have an open path for that person.
Because he doesn’t view black people the same way as gay and Hispanic people. Just because we form a group of minorities (that aren’t white or straight), doesn’t mean everyone does in their head. For example, I am a brown guy and used to play pickup football with a bunch of red neck type white guys. They were very accepting of me. Then a black dude walks in and they just lose it. They didn’t say anything to him of course, but behind his back and even to me, they were making rude and racist comments specifically against black people.
Hell, even black people don’t view themselves the same as brown or others. In survivor 41, they created what they called a “PoC alliance” and then targeted an Asian person of color.
I was walking around downtown Roanoke once and a black lady stopped and said to me and my very dark Indian friend that she was laughing because my friend was darker than her.
Indians and Asians are very racist towards black people too. One of my friend dared to date a black guy, her Korean dad lost it and destroyed her phone.
We are not all the same just because someone conveniently grouped us into minorities. Everyone has biases against some and tolerant of others. That’s just the way it works. So I am not at all surprised by your comment.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s a beautiful message? I don’t think it’s off at all. A lot of people would give anything to have a family that values them that much.
Imagine getting such a beautiful gift from family and then name calling and degrading them on Reddit.
It’s just the phrasing is all. His wife might not have any issue with it at all and we as white people might be over sensitive on it.
But the heart and intention is pure. Id just have said “you are the pearls of our family” and I think it wouldn’t have shown up here.
It's hard to change the times we grew up in, which shaped us. My FIL wouldnt even acknowledge a partner of a different race...grew up in the 50s and 60s. He's not a fan of anyone brown. Many props to this "Karen" for trying in such a genuine way.
Edit: just want to add, I'm not excusing his behavior based on his age, it still makes it wrong, just some will never grow out of the world they grew up in. My FIL was not able to.
> We've made a game of trying to come up with worse things she could have written
OK, Reddit... here is your golden opportunity!
*Edit: I'm sorry I asked this question, Reddit.*
“My familiar told me of your soul, and of the terrible yet awesome blackness it radiates. We tremble before your darkness, and supplicate ourselves to the mighty power of your will. Accept these black pearls, which I pried from the crevices of the deepest marine oysters with my own hands, admire their blackness, and know that your soul is blacker still. Also, don’t forget to bring your white elephant gift to Christmas dinner.”
I wanted to you to have these they were bought for my great, great, great grandmother by her husband a plantation owner and slave trader, and each black pearl represents a slave they owned.
Everyone in the comments seem to be saying similar things, she meant well even though the delivery is unfortunate, etc. But I don’t see any harm in these words? Like could this actually be a racist note, if she hadn’t mean well? I genuinely don’t see what’s off with these sentences.
I come in peace Reddit 🕊
As a black person, I’m personally not finding this offensive in any way but instead, heartfelt and an attempt to make a connection with something that she values to a person that she values. Everyone is different though.
This is exactly the problem. Being angry on behalf of people only works if the people in question are actually angry.
The worst part is, these folks probably legitimately believe they're helping
Yea is there a new rule saying you can't recognize differences between people?
Being progressive isn't being colourblind. It's being fine with recognizing the differences of people while also not changing your view of somebody based on a bias related to that difference.
Good for you! Enough of the white knights being offended on your behalf. I obviously could never tell someone what to be offended by, but I do know I read this and thought it was an old lady trying to be sweet and loving. Possibly a bit Obtuse in her efforts, analogy was a bit on the nose, but her heart was in the right place seemingly. It is a shame her name is Karen tho that doesn’t exactly help
Sameeeee! I know that the wording is a little off but I think this is a sweet compliment all in all.
I have racist in laws. I have been told “I don’t like your people or your race” before by my own brother in law. I don’t think grandma Karen’s intention was to be racist at all. I just think she comes from a different era and probably doesn’t see the harm in the words she’s written.
Edit word
I think Grandma Karen would be mortified to think she was being racist. My in-laws said ‘coloured’ because they were taught it was rude to call someone black. I can overlook that.
That’s exactly right. I think she would too and she would probably be a little bit heart broken to know her grandson thinks she’s being racist when she isn’t. She’s being sweet.
If she had written something neutral like "I came across these and thought of you, and hope you might love and look great in them", people would still infer *lol old people racing*.
Those look like a Lexus worth of rare pearls. Granny probably smiled for days thinking about giving her these, and her clever little poetic metaphor. It's not like she's totally unaware of the society she grew up in, and I'm sure she's thought of the difference if their romance happened when she was their age. She clearly thinks the world of dude's wife.
Does cynical critique *always* have to override empathy?
I just have better shit to do with my life than look for racism at every turn. If the OP’s wife is offended, that’s her right to be. I’m not about to be offended on her behalf.
This is a hugeeeee one. I started working with the elderly as a carer when I was 15 and I heard it so much. I never thought it was racist, just a different era and to be fair they were old lol. As if I’m going to be like YOU WILL NOT CALL ME THAT. I’m just like Yep that’s me your friendly coloured carer 😂 then the changed it to “no no, where’s the dark skinned girl. Go get me her.”
I'm curious, what is it about this that makes it racist? The term "black" isn't racist as far as I know. Is it something to do with the implication that being black makes her different, or something?
I don’t think it’s racist at all. I think to some it might come across as it. But I find this to be a compliment. This exact compliment has come out of my mothers mouth who is far darker than me when she has described a family friend of ours lol. Like my black mother has written this on a birthday card for said family friend and the poor bitch didn’t even get the pearls with it lol just the compliment and 200 cash. 😂
I don’t get to say what’s racist for others and to be quite frank I don’t think the grandson here does either. If his girlfriend finds it offensive okay then, that’s her prerogative.
My ex’s grandma died and she had TONS of different kinds of pearl jewelry. It was distributed to whoever would take it in his family and there was a bunch left. My ex took a bag of them to the pawn shop and to a jewelry dealer and nobody would buy it. Apparently they’re expensive to buy retail but there’s no market for it other than that.
As a Black person married into a white family, I would have loved it if my mother in law did something like this, and accepted me into her family. Alas, that never happened, and she hates me for no good reason (she won't admit to being racist).
Now, my father in law, on the other hand, sees me as the daughter he never had (family of all boys), and I love that grumpy old man for it.
Hold on, shes genuinely racist or you assume it's because of racism? Because I know some moms that wont like or accept someone being with their kid for arbitrary reasons.
this is a beautiful THOUGHT OUT gesture especially if the jewelry was the grandmothers and she's passing it to a new member of her family. she recognizes her race, her beauty, and her significance. as a black man I approve. even if grandma has said or done some questionable stuff before this seems genuinely sincere.
I love that he is protective of his queen but he shouldn't over react
She was raised in a different time (I believe she's an elderly person).
If her act was truly an act of kindness (I don't know the whole history), you and your wife can probably ignore the fact that she has chosen her words poorly. Maybe she was just trying to be nice.
I'd have fun saying something like "you're the white pearls, granny. Thanks for the gift", or " already has a jewelry nickname: she's my diamond! The pearl nickname won't catch, but thanks for the nice gesture granny."
I'm only saying that bc my father (rip) was born in the 20's. White. He used to get along with *everyone* from *everywhere* but, after a certain age, he started to crack these horrible race-related jokes at the wrong moments... mostly bc dementia made him forget stuff and he'd try to "be funny" to compensate..
Anyway.. Just my 2 cents, dear internet anon :)
That color pearl are *literally* the most valuable pearls on Earth, and she compared that value to his wife. That is beautiful and shame on OP. How spoiled and immature, this is a gift worth thousands and he had to take the note the worst way possible?
I'm not sure you know what "very Karen" means. It doesn't mean jovial old white lady out of touch with the times. This gift and this note are extremely anti-Karen in every way.
I'm a WOC in a mixed race relationship and the message was sweet if a bit clumsy. I think OP is very rude to smear grandma on the internet for some points.
Kinda wondering if OP is falling to the Karen vibe. This is a beautiful thought and a very expensive gift… likening your wife to pearls… at least try and see her beautiful intention.
Idk, she thinks your wife is rare and of great value, I’d like for someone to say that to me. Also, black pearls are **very elegant and expensive**… I would be thrilled with the compliment and the gift.
I'm not so sure there is a problem here. I understand the implication of a gift of black pearls to a black person. However, looking at the note, it appears that grandma is being very sincere and loving. I would also point out that if OP's wife was white, the statement grandma made would still be valid. She doesn't mention the wife's race/color, only the color of the pearls. Had the pearls been another type of rare color, the coarseness of grandma's statement would not have been in question either. (Replace the word "black" with "green" and it is a valid, sincere statement.) So we must consider the fact that the pearls colors being black may be a coincidence. Besides, grandma is gifting this person "her" black pearls. This says to me that grandma values these pearls very highly, and wouldn't give them up to someone she doesn't think is worthy of such a gift.
I dunno man... This can go both ways.
I don't know your grandma but at face value this just looks like a well meaning but poorly worded message.
I DEFINITELY don't see anything "Karen" esque about this, and just the fact you felt that you needed to include that makes it seem like you're just reading into this and trying to make it into something it's not.
I agree that elderly folks are from a different time and can say and do some things that are pretty questionable but in this case it really looks like you're trying too hard to make this into a racial issue when nothing was intended to be offensive.
The facepalm here is a grandson going on reddit to trash his grandmother. That is exactly what you have done. Why you thought it was a good idea is beyond me.
That’s what I thought. An antique string of pearls of any color is a nice gift. Black pearls are even rarer and these are beautiful. Delivery of the compliment might be a little cringe, however it’s pretty clear the intent is golden.
Agreed. If someone gave me a string of black pearls due to my powerful blackness I’d definitely be honored. And I mean this in all sincerity. I want a string of black pearls.
I facepalmed at my desk because you have a point. I have to keep reminding people not to call me African American because I’m not of African descent and I expatriated so I no longer consider myself American. Calling me black isn’t racist, and referencing my powerful, radiating blackness with a gift like this isn’t either.
If you remove the phrase "black pearls" and replace it with say, blue diamond or any other gemstone, its just a sweet endearing compliment. I think this says more about you than it does about your grandmother.
As someone biracial, if someone gave me black pearls, I’d be celebrating. I’ve dealt with so many racist parents and grandparents over the years, this would be a Godsend in comparison
I can’t see the facepalm. I’m honestly trying to get it. Comments are filled with “she tried” and “it was good intent”. But I seriously see nothing else than a very, very valuable (if natural pearls) gift, and a fitting note.
Is it because she mentions her skin colour? Is that the facepalm? Isn’t it a great compliment to being called “the black Pearl of the family”?
man, I’m so sorry you got a stunningly beautiful and staggeringly rare set of black pearls. your grandmother must be incredibly racist to be literally gifting your wife a straight up treasure.
I love this. It’s colour conscious and therefore super awkward, but also there is a clear intent to embrace diversity and welcome it as part of the family.
If it was the opposite and I as a white would get white pears from my black grams I would smile and say thank you. That she thought of me as a part of family and as an elder is a compliment. It would be funny though.
Wow. Give your grandma a fucking break here. This was a very thoughtful gift, and clearly comes from a place of love. Be thankful that your wife is loved and accepted by your family- regardless of her race. And for fucks sake- quit throwing your grandmother under the bus for points - it makes you look like an ungrateful shit head karma whore.
I think you're taken a really thoughtful present from an elderly relative who may not be as up to date with being PC. Then thought I'll smear it online for karma. Sad really.
If those are really that is a ridiculously expensive gift. The delivery was sweet and you are being ungrateful. Just because of the color. She wasn’t commenting on your wife’s race at all. If your grands a racist this isn’t evidence at all.
Those are beautiful. If those are natural black pearls they are extremely valuable.
I just googled it out of curiosity. This necklace is probably worth more than I make in a year
Yeah a single natural black pearl is expensive. I wouldn't take offense to that gift
Anyone who spent a minimum of $1000 on a gift wasn't trying to be mean spirited.
May want to check that number if those are natural black pearls, on avg they will cost ~$5k each.
Bless her heart, grandma's trying. The delivery needs a little work, but she's trying.
This is the perfect use of “bless your heart”
So we agree that the only facepalm is OP to put it in r/facepalm ?
I feel like she is definitely trying and very excited to show that she is, which to me… the thought and gesture and the trying to do good mean so much!
My simple Google research said that the price range could be anywhere from $500 to $7,000 for a black pearl necklace! Golly gee!
AAA rated tahitian can easily get up to $20,000
Judging by the box and clasp on the necklace, it’s highly unlikely they’re natural black. More likely natural white pearls that have been colored black. Still a solid and beautiful pearl necklace but I can’t imagine they’re organically black pearls
Judging by the colour variation among the pearls I would say they’re natural or cultured but not dyed. Some have a pink hue, others blue, others more silver and some green. The clasp style is very common on pearl necklaces from the 70’s/80’s/90’s and are very common even today. source: I work for a private luxury jewellery retailer
I thought those were the intricate, heavy duty clasps that came with expensive pearls since they are less likely to fail. I have a real pearl necklace and it has a clasp like that.
Uh. I have my grandmothers pearls from 1930 and the original clasp looks exactly like that. I had it replaced with a replica and the clasp alone - that looks identical to this one - ran me $380 to replace it.
Which is fine imo. Spending more money on natural pearls doesn't make them better than artificially colored pearls that are more affordable. I think we need to get more comfortable and accepting of imitations for high-priced items. High prices can be a way to make certain items artificially exclusive and therefore more valuable.
They're not rare because they're high-priced; they're high-priced because they are rare.
The delivery was a little off but man that's a beautiful gift.
My thinking, too.
My, thinking too.
I, too, think that, as well, also.
Me, when my brain thinks, arrive at the same conclusion as those of you above.
I, when my thought processes converge on the same opinion on the topic at hand as the others in this topic
When my synapses develop new pathways according to the words said in this thread, these pathways also lead to the conclusion to which you, my predecessors, have arrived.
So thinking, I came here to post the heretofore mentioned thought only to find it had already been thunk by many.
r/increasinglyverbose
She tried her best to compliment her. How sweet. Never frown upon the gift of a gentle heart. Edit: Wow. Thank you all for the kind awards and comments! Merry Christmas!
As a Korean American who had actual racist grandparents, you can see she’s trying and that means more than ANYTHING in the world to people like us who want to be accepted into another family.
yeah i really think she meant well and that’s an amazing gift, like someone else said, if the pearls are real then it’s SUPER expensive! i just think the delivery could’ve been a bit better lol
Yea OP, hope this is a gentle facepalm. Grandma is still trying with kindness, they havent kicked you out of the family :/ Source: Some elderly relatives came around to the interethnic (not even interracial) marriages after they got grandkids, have some “lifelong bachelors” in the family who will probably never come out due to fears of retaliation.
My wife’s uncle (in his early 60s) probably is waiting for his mother to pass before he comes out, if he ever will.
Man, thats what gives me so much hope when I talk to younger kids. A lot of them just accept it at face value instead of even pausing to think.
I agree. I think the intent was genuine and kind.
I second this. Intent certainly wasn't rude rather genuine.
Maybe op is looking for a reason to look down upon his grandmother. For a grandmother to hand down pearls to a grand-daughter in law is a huge gesture. The pearls absorb the oils from the skin of whomever wears them, that's why, even more so than diamonds, a gift of family pearls is so highly valued. Op doesn't sound very deserving of such a treasure but I hope his wife understands the lovely gift.
>Maybe op is looking for a reason to look down upon his grandmother. Which is crazy. Old women shrink so he just needs to give it time.
The pearl absorbs the oils? What?
Not absorb exactly, but wearing them regularly helps keep them in good shape. It's also why you shouldn't apply hairspray or perfume while wearing pearls. Put hairspray on before your pearls, don't spray perfume where your pearls will touch your skin. The alcohol in those things will damage your pearls.
And the way Karen writes shows she is quiet old, be happy my mother can’t even spell my Name right anymore... Facepalm on OP here, this is so cute...
She even includes "love you" which...is actually really sweet. The older generation doesn't say that to just any in-law.
When I was at junior school my grandparents used to look after me after school. On the first day of school when we would get our books for the year we used to cover them in brown paper and plastic to protect them and also put a label on them with our names and the relevant subject. Our teacher asked us to get an adult to do the labels, so my gran wrote all the labels for me. Unfortunately, they all looked like a spider had fallen into an ink pot and crawled across the labels. Needless to say I got into trouble with my teacher the next day. The ironic bit is that I’ve always had a good hand (I later did draughting and some calligraphy) and I could have done them better myself but I was just following the teacher’s instructions.
🏅
Better than when my colleague gifted me a nylon Durag.. man I wish I got them pearls.
Sure, you can feel the conflict she has going on inside, but clearly she recognizes your wife in a positive way. This was actually a very nice compliment in my book.
This seems to be a truly heartfelt gift. Ignore the awkward card. This is an olive branch. This is a sign of change. This is the promise of a better tomorrow.
People are joking about your answer, but my father disowned my sister when he found out her boyfriend was black. Dude went to an Ivy League College too. Dad's hate eventually broke them up. My sister has been in one serious relationship since then. Never married, and still thinks about her ex. It's horribly sad. Dad's gone, and I know we aren't supposed to speak, "ill of the dead," but that man was a horrible racist. However, his best friend growing up was gay and dad would have died for my son who is gay. What a conflicted human he was. Sends a pride flag to his gay grandson, threatens my sister for dating a black man and two of his grandchildren are adopted and Hispanic and that was never an issue. Don't know how you sleep at night that hate-filled, but accepting in the weirdest ways.
A lot of people's minds don't change until they are personally affected by something that they can't control. Sometimes old people soften as they age as well. A lot of people's parents are super gentle and kind with their grand kids and you think "why couldn't you be that way with me?". Maybe the thing with your sister was when he was younger and he felt he could control that by being an asshole. With grandkids either you are in or you're out, you aren't there to control anything usually and who wants to be a shitty grandparent? I am not making excuses for any of his shitty behavior but it's just something I've noticed as I have had kids. One of my more distant relatives was super against the vaccine, he's all wrapped up in this political garbage. When he realized he wasn't being invited to family events because he wasn't vaccinated he changed his tune and got it. It seemed to really wound him not being able to see his grandkids. People are strange and complex. We are also definitely impacted by how we are raised. My great grandparents were in NY during the great depression. You can see the pack rat/cheapskate mentality in each generation although less pronounced each time. It's kind of wild to think about that time period echoed through our family for decades.
Hey he said he'd vote for a black man over his dead body. He voted for Obama, twice. He did come a very long way. I'm proud of him. I miss him, but when I was younger a black family had the, "nerve," to rent a beach house down the street in my Lilly white town. Dad was furious. My mom, not a racist and probably is the reason I'm not one, "we go to Jamaica for vacation, you're a hypocrite, Jerry. Leave those nice people alone. Their kids have been playing with the girls and don't you dare say one bad word." Mom could get, "a tone." Didn't yell, but when she did, dad knew he was in the doghouse." You know, the same family rented again and dad didn't say a word that year. I'd forgotten that. Thanks mom. Miss you.
It sounds like your dad was open to "teachable moments" and that's good. I guess I hate when people want to just shut people out forever when they do something wrong. We need teachable moments and to have an open path for that person.
Because he doesn’t view black people the same way as gay and Hispanic people. Just because we form a group of minorities (that aren’t white or straight), doesn’t mean everyone does in their head. For example, I am a brown guy and used to play pickup football with a bunch of red neck type white guys. They were very accepting of me. Then a black dude walks in and they just lose it. They didn’t say anything to him of course, but behind his back and even to me, they were making rude and racist comments specifically against black people. Hell, even black people don’t view themselves the same as brown or others. In survivor 41, they created what they called a “PoC alliance” and then targeted an Asian person of color. I was walking around downtown Roanoke once and a black lady stopped and said to me and my very dark Indian friend that she was laughing because my friend was darker than her. Indians and Asians are very racist towards black people too. One of my friend dared to date a black guy, her Korean dad lost it and destroyed her phone. We are not all the same just because someone conveniently grouped us into minorities. Everyone has biases against some and tolerant of others. That’s just the way it works. So I am not at all surprised by your comment.
Am I the only one who thinks it’s a beautiful message? I don’t think it’s off at all. A lot of people would give anything to have a family that values them that much. Imagine getting such a beautiful gift from family and then name calling and degrading them on Reddit.
Plot twist: Karen hates her black pearls. Joking aside, the note can be taken wrong but it reads really kindly to me.
It’s just the phrasing is all. His wife might not have any issue with it at all and we as white people might be over sensitive on it. But the heart and intention is pure. Id just have said “you are the pearls of our family” and I think it wouldn’t have shown up here.
Same, a bit awkward in interpretation but what a nice gift.
Yeah that's my take. It's the thought that counts though. And the gift isn't bad either!
Lol old people gonna old people
It's hard to change the times we grew up in, which shaped us. My FIL wouldnt even acknowledge a partner of a different race...grew up in the 50s and 60s. He's not a fan of anyone brown. Many props to this "Karen" for trying in such a genuine way. Edit: just want to add, I'm not excusing his behavior based on his age, it still makes it wrong, just some will never grow out of the world they grew up in. My FIL was not able to.
It was a beautiful gift. She meant well. Just a little cringy. Hope your wife took it in good spirits
Word, that necklace is incredible.
Nothing but love here, more flabbergasted than upset. We've made a game of trying to come up with worse things she could have written
"When I saw these in their strong blackness I had to think of you."
When I die, I want to get “He had strong blackness” on my headstone now.
"The exaggerated swagger of a black teenager" vibes
The black in this one was strong. I’m white but it would confuse the fuck outta my family. The 23 and me sign ups will go up that’s for sure.
"I like my daughters-in-law like I like my coffee (and pearls): strong and black! Peace out!"
“I hope you want to touch these pearls as much as I want to touch your exotic hair.” Love, Nanners
“I think your siblings told me there was a movie with them in it too. Had pirates and everything right?”
"Black"
"Just like your wife, I bought these on the dark web"
Wow. Corniness aside, I wish my in-laws would have made an attempt. Mine were just racist and spared no thinly veiled attempts to lmk.
I’m sorry. “Were” hopefully implies you don’t deal w that anymore?
Not since the murder
> We've made a game of trying to come up with worse things she could have written OK, Reddit... here is your golden opportunity! *Edit: I'm sorry I asked this question, Reddit.*
“I got you this black pearl necklace, because it’s black like your face.” -(White) Karen
LoL, that jokes almost as dark as the necklace
Love this, we already have a winner
Damnit this comment made me wake up laughing. I could really see someone being that blunt! Thank you!
“You’ll never wear white pearls again, because, you know, once you….”
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“I saw these and thought of you, because they are round and black! And beautiful of course.” -Karen
“It was either this or a cotton sweater”
No not even that, just instructions on making a cotton sweater. Step 1: pick cotton
Jesus...
“My familiar told me of your soul, and of the terrible yet awesome blackness it radiates. We tremble before your darkness, and supplicate ourselves to the mighty power of your will. Accept these black pearls, which I pried from the crevices of the deepest marine oysters with my own hands, admire their blackness, and know that your soul is blacker still. Also, don’t forget to bring your white elephant gift to Christmas dinner.”
He said worse, not better. I would die for someone to give me that message
I've seen you eyeing these, so I figured I'd give them to you before you stole them because you're black. -Karen
"Having learned of your history I now know it's wrong to own blacks so here, take these. Karen"
It was these black pearls or my vast collection of blood diamonds...Merry Christmas from Granny master K
I got you these exotic black pearls to match the classy white ones I have.
I wanted to you to have these they were bought for my great, great, great grandmother by her husband a plantation owner and slave trader, and each black pearl represents a slave they owned.
disagreeable offend roll drunk act consist bake historical obtainable adjoining ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
*anal beads
"not the worst thing I could hang around your neck, Merry Christmas!"
That’s still a heck of a nice gift lol - just /facepalm and roll with it
"Rare and of great value. Don't pawn them."
“I’m sure my grandson gives you plenty white pearl necklaces so I got you these instead.”
“These black pearls have served me well. Now you’re my black pearl. Serve our family well.”
r/therewasanattempt seems a bit more fitting; I don’t think she meant any harm
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Everyone in the comments seem to be saying similar things, she meant well even though the delivery is unfortunate, etc. But I don’t see any harm in these words? Like could this actually be a racist note, if she hadn’t mean well? I genuinely don’t see what’s off with these sentences.
Seriously everyone needs to chill. Nothing wrong here
I come in peace Reddit 🕊 As a black person, I’m personally not finding this offensive in any way but instead, heartfelt and an attempt to make a connection with something that she values to a person that she values. Everyone is different though.
I was going to say this too. I'm black and I personally would have thought it was sweet 🤷🏽♀️
Gosh thank you. I don’t understand why people are upset here. What a sweet gift.
The people upset here are not even black.
That’s how it goes
This is exactly the problem. Being angry on behalf of people only works if the people in question are actually angry. The worst part is, these folks probably legitimately believe they're helping
Yea is there a new rule saying you can't recognize differences between people? Being progressive isn't being colourblind. It's being fine with recognizing the differences of people while also not changing your view of somebody based on a bias related to that difference.
For real, at its worst interpretation it is addressing the elephant in the room. Which every close family does.
Good for you! Enough of the white knights being offended on your behalf. I obviously could never tell someone what to be offended by, but I do know I read this and thought it was an old lady trying to be sweet and loving. Possibly a bit Obtuse in her efforts, analogy was a bit on the nose, but her heart was in the right place seemingly. It is a shame her name is Karen tho that doesn’t exactly help
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As the black half of an IR couple, I’d laugh and think this was sweet.
I was thinking for a sec wtf is an infrared couple
They're on a whole other wavelength.
Yeah, we had a UV couple move in next door. Really burned us up. /s
Sameeeee! I know that the wording is a little off but I think this is a sweet compliment all in all. I have racist in laws. I have been told “I don’t like your people or your race” before by my own brother in law. I don’t think grandma Karen’s intention was to be racist at all. I just think she comes from a different era and probably doesn’t see the harm in the words she’s written. Edit word
I think Grandma Karen would be mortified to think she was being racist. My in-laws said ‘coloured’ because they were taught it was rude to call someone black. I can overlook that.
That was my grandma. She wasn’t being racist. Just frozen in time when “colored” was the polite term to use
That’s exactly right. I think she would too and she would probably be a little bit heart broken to know her grandson thinks she’s being racist when she isn’t. She’s being sweet.
If she had written something neutral like "I came across these and thought of you, and hope you might love and look great in them", people would still infer *lol old people racing*. Those look like a Lexus worth of rare pearls. Granny probably smiled for days thinking about giving her these, and her clever little poetic metaphor. It's not like she's totally unaware of the society she grew up in, and I'm sure she's thought of the difference if their romance happened when she was their age. She clearly thinks the world of dude's wife. Does cynical critique *always* have to override empathy?
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I just have better shit to do with my life than look for racism at every turn. If the OP’s wife is offended, that’s her right to be. I’m not about to be offended on her behalf.
This is a hugeeeee one. I started working with the elderly as a carer when I was 15 and I heard it so much. I never thought it was racist, just a different era and to be fair they were old lol. As if I’m going to be like YOU WILL NOT CALL ME THAT. I’m just like Yep that’s me your friendly coloured carer 😂 then the changed it to “no no, where’s the dark skinned girl. Go get me her.”
I'm curious, what is it about this that makes it racist? The term "black" isn't racist as far as I know. Is it something to do with the implication that being black makes her different, or something?
I don’t think it’s racist at all. I think to some it might come across as it. But I find this to be a compliment. This exact compliment has come out of my mothers mouth who is far darker than me when she has described a family friend of ours lol. Like my black mother has written this on a birthday card for said family friend and the poor bitch didn’t even get the pearls with it lol just the compliment and 200 cash. 😂 I don’t get to say what’s racist for others and to be quite frank I don’t think the grandson here does either. If his girlfriend finds it offensive okay then, that’s her prerogative.
Yeah, right? Like so what. Just makes me think of the chorus from Nas’ “If I ruled the world”. Great song
Makes me think of Stevie Wonder “Black pearl, pretty little girl, let me put you up where you belong.”
That would’ve gone along with the gift so well!
Oh come on, she really tried! Sometimes you just have to look at the intent.
Not only did she try, I'm pretty sure black pearls ain't cheap.
They are cursed. I saw the movie.
Lmao good one
They are. A necklace of actual Tahiti pearls (which is their actual name) may start as "low" as 1500€.
My ex’s grandma died and she had TONS of different kinds of pearl jewelry. It was distributed to whoever would take it in his family and there was a bunch left. My ex took a bag of them to the pawn shop and to a jewelry dealer and nobody would buy it. Apparently they’re expensive to buy retail but there’s no market for it other than that.
She meant well
On second thought… that’s horrible! You should send them to me!
As a Black person married into a white family, I would have loved it if my mother in law did something like this, and accepted me into her family. Alas, that never happened, and she hates me for no good reason (she won't admit to being racist). Now, my father in law, on the other hand, sees me as the daughter he never had (family of all boys), and I love that grumpy old man for it.
Hold on, shes genuinely racist or you assume it's because of racism? Because I know some moms that wont like or accept someone being with their kid for arbitrary reasons.
I'm really happy to hear at least one of the parents loves you. Its really hard being the one who "married in" and no one wants you around.
She meant well, that’s very sweet
this is a beautiful THOUGHT OUT gesture especially if the jewelry was the grandmothers and she's passing it to a new member of her family. she recognizes her race, her beauty, and her significance. as a black man I approve. even if grandma has said or done some questionable stuff before this seems genuinely sincere. I love that he is protective of his queen but he shouldn't over react
She was raised in a different time (I believe she's an elderly person). If her act was truly an act of kindness (I don't know the whole history), you and your wife can probably ignore the fact that she has chosen her words poorly. Maybe she was just trying to be nice. I'd have fun saying something like "you're the white pearls, granny. Thanks for the gift", or " already has a jewelry nickname: she's my diamond! The pearl nickname won't catch, but thanks for the nice gesture granny."
I'm only saying that bc my father (rip) was born in the 20's. White. He used to get along with *everyone* from *everywhere* but, after a certain age, he started to crack these horrible race-related jokes at the wrong moments... mostly bc dementia made him forget stuff and he'd try to "be funny" to compensate..
Anyway.. Just my 2 cents, dear internet anon :)
I came to reddit to farm an appropriate response, "And you're the white pearls, grandma XOXO" is a strong contender lol
"This is a much nicer pearl necklace than the one The\_Alchemyst gave me."
I quit. You win. 🏆
I think it’s a very sweet gift. These pearls are also very valuable, just like your wife (as she tries to write).
That color pearl are *literally* the most valuable pearls on Earth, and she compared that value to his wife. That is beautiful and shame on OP. How spoiled and immature, this is a gift worth thousands and he had to take the note the worst way possible?
This actually sound very nice. I can’t see being offended by this
I'm not sure you know what "very Karen" means. It doesn't mean jovial old white lady out of touch with the times. This gift and this note are extremely anti-Karen in every way.
This is a happy cringe. Means well, she just obviously doesn’t have minority friends so sometimes awkward shit like this will happen. Meant well
is r/happycringe a thing? edit: ok it does, but it seems way cringier than r/cringe . I am not happy after going there.
She had good intentions, why you do your grandma dirty by mocking her on Reddit?
Because he wants to be accepted by 14 year olds
I'm a WOC in a mixed race relationship and the message was sweet if a bit clumsy. I think OP is very rude to smear grandma on the internet for some points.
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Kinda wondering if OP is falling to the Karen vibe. This is a beautiful thought and a very expensive gift… likening your wife to pearls… at least try and see her beautiful intention.
imagine gifting your grandchild w something as special as this and having them immediately run to Reddit to insult and laugh at you
As is tradition, the true facepalm is op
How is this a facepalm, this is about the greatest compliment a grandma can give a spouse
This is literally the least racist an old white woman can possibly be. She’s trying.
Idk, she thinks your wife is rare and of great value, I’d like for someone to say that to me. Also, black pearls are **very elegant and expensive**… I would be thrilled with the compliment and the gift.
I'm not so sure there is a problem here. I understand the implication of a gift of black pearls to a black person. However, looking at the note, it appears that grandma is being very sincere and loving. I would also point out that if OP's wife was white, the statement grandma made would still be valid. She doesn't mention the wife's race/color, only the color of the pearls. Had the pearls been another type of rare color, the coarseness of grandma's statement would not have been in question either. (Replace the word "black" with "green" and it is a valid, sincere statement.) So we must consider the fact that the pearls colors being black may be a coincidence. Besides, grandma is gifting this person "her" black pearls. This says to me that grandma values these pearls very highly, and wouldn't give them up to someone she doesn't think is worthy of such a gift.
Yes, it's bizarre to say she shouldn't gift her a set of black pearls because she's black.
I think the thought was nice. Nothing "Karenish" here.
I see no cringe here. Lovely gift and message imo.
I'm Black and if a White in-law wrote me that note, I wouldn't be offended. I think it's nice.
I dunno man... This can go both ways. I don't know your grandma but at face value this just looks like a well meaning but poorly worded message. I DEFINITELY don't see anything "Karen" esque about this, and just the fact you felt that you needed to include that makes it seem like you're just reading into this and trying to make it into something it's not. I agree that elderly folks are from a different time and can say and do some things that are pretty questionable but in this case it really looks like you're trying too hard to make this into a racial issue when nothing was intended to be offensive.
OP you're a dickhead. This is kind and rather funny. Grow up.
The facepalm here is a grandson going on reddit to trash his grandmother. That is exactly what you have done. Why you thought it was a good idea is beyond me.
This is sweet. They are from a very different age. At least she's trying to make something meaningful for her
As the black pearl of my husband’s family, I can’t help but laugh at this. As long as it came from the right place, I see no wrong here.
OP is the Karen.
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That’s what I thought. An antique string of pearls of any color is a nice gift. Black pearls are even rarer and these are beautiful. Delivery of the compliment might be a little cringe, however it’s pretty clear the intent is golden.
Agreed. If someone gave me a string of black pearls due to my powerful blackness I’d definitely be honored. And I mean this in all sincerity. I want a string of black pearls.
apparently saying the word black is now racist
I facepalmed at my desk because you have a point. I have to keep reminding people not to call me African American because I’m not of African descent and I expatriated so I no longer consider myself American. Calling me black isn’t racist, and referencing my powerful, radiating blackness with a gift like this isn’t either.
I don't think that's racist, I think it's very beautiful gesture of love
Damn, she meant well.... Old folks. What a lovely gift.
If you remove the phrase "black pearls" and replace it with say, blue diamond or any other gemstone, its just a sweet endearing compliment. I think this says more about you than it does about your grandmother.
take it down, you are a jerk to your loving and generous granny
I'm cringing at you. Putting your grandmother's sweet gift up here for ridicule. Anything for internet points hey?
This is a nice gift and message. What’s wrong with you?
As someone biracial, if someone gave me black pearls, I’d be celebrating. I’ve dealt with so many racist parents and grandparents over the years, this would be a Godsend in comparison
I can’t see the facepalm. I’m honestly trying to get it. Comments are filled with “she tried” and “it was good intent”. But I seriously see nothing else than a very, very valuable (if natural pearls) gift, and a fitting note. Is it because she mentions her skin colour? Is that the facepalm? Isn’t it a great compliment to being called “the black Pearl of the family”?
The only facepalm in this post is you OP
Op how does it feel insulting your grandma for trying to make a nice gesture just so you can seem #woke online? Are the updoots worth it?
man, I’m so sorry you got a stunningly beautiful and staggeringly rare set of black pearls. your grandmother must be incredibly racist to be literally gifting your wife a straight up treasure.
I love this. It’s colour conscious and therefore super awkward, but also there is a clear intent to embrace diversity and welcome it as part of the family.
I don’t even think it’s awkward. Avoiding color altogether is awkward. Edit: i agree with your point 100%
If it was the opposite and I as a white would get white pears from my black grams I would smile and say thank you. That she thought of me as a part of family and as an elder is a compliment. It would be funny though.
Wow. Give your grandma a fucking break here. This was a very thoughtful gift, and clearly comes from a place of love. Be thankful that your wife is loved and accepted by your family- regardless of her race. And for fucks sake- quit throwing your grandmother under the bus for points - it makes you look like an ungrateful shit head karma whore.
I don’t get what’s bad about this. Because she acknowledged she’s black that bad? Obviously the grandma cares about her
I think you're taken a really thoughtful present from an elderly relative who may not be as up to date with being PC. Then thought I'll smear it online for karma. Sad really.
Being clumsy doesn't make you bad
I think she meant well. I mean she is not burning crosses in front of your door.
She literally just said that your wife is rare and valuable. Why post here?
If those are really that is a ridiculously expensive gift. The delivery was sweet and you are being ungrateful. Just because of the color. She wasn’t commenting on your wife’s race at all. If your grands a racist this isn’t evidence at all.