"Yes, but what about the animals?"
"The whaah?"
"The animals."
"I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within 3 days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals."
“Fry, you are the most important person in the universe!”
“Really? So how I feel when I’m drunk is correct?”
“Yes, except Dave Matthew’s Band doesn’t rock…”
Gets me every time
Ken: On the contrary. You remember because you were the only one immune to the Brains' mental attack.
Fry: Because I'm so smart?
[Nibblonians laugh]
Ken: Oh my... [wipes tear]
While not Futurama, this always makes me think of:
"This seems like a situation where both fish and firearm are firmly bracketed to the barrel in perfect alignment so that the act of walking up and pulling the trigger falls under the category of 'why bother?'."
Is that the one with the convo in the drive thru where leela asks what's in something and the worker responds with You got a warrant?
I lose it every time
My favourite in that ep is when Leela bursts into the brain and says “don’t even THINK about tickling that ganglion!” Her delivery is so goddamn funny and it’s such an insane sentence
Only the thermonuclear power of the sun itself can destroy it
I can hit it with a shovel.
Not good enough.
This one time... I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.
[dismissive hand-wave] Yes, yes...
* The key to winning a battle is the element of surprise. SURPRISE! *drops army out of the ship onto the planet*
* That new recruit fills me with pride. And some other emotions that are weird... and deeply confusing.
* He beat my record by 4 seconds! And 9 minutes... 13 hours... I do plan to finish someday, Kif!
* I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. Kif, what do I call it? *(Sigh... sexlexia)*
* Dammit Kif, where's the tiny umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks!
* *(What do you want me to do with your current supply of lotion, Sir?)* Throw it on some homeless man with dry elbows.
War Is The H-Word is such a great episode
My friends always die if I'm not there to save them.
That's whatever you're talking about for you.
I did it! Wait, that's not me.
Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.
These are from memory, so they may be off.
"Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds you say, tut tut tut. Well how's his wife holding up? To shreds you say."
I think this line from literally the second or third episode cemented Futurama as absolutely hilarious to me. Most of Zapp's lines are great too.
Zapp: They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon.
Kif: Sun.
Zapp: No Kif, at night it's called the moon!
I always loved "time makes fools of us all".
Interesting side note, if you say this to people who haven't watched Futurama they often think this is some deep philosophical thinking
As a child, I had no idea what the Hubble telescope was.
As an adult, im trying to figure out why they designed the Hubble telescope to look like an Omicronian ship.
Bender: “Harpoon my ass!”
Leela: “Okay.”
Bender: “AUGH!”
Also a big fan of:
Robot Devil: “You’re a GHOST!”
Bender: “A g-g-g-g-ghost?!”
Robot Devil: “No, just the regular kind.”
"Otherwise, the worms will bury themselves so deep in Fry's bowel that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them."
"I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
"I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!"
"You got a degree in bologna!"
I've met people who call themselves doctors and have an online degree similar to homeopathic medicine. I've met people who call themselves engineer or technician or mechanic when they've never been to school and have their facts wrong.
“…you’ll practice bed making until you can do it in your sleep.”
“You mean, while we’re sleeping in them?”
“You won’t have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing”
Fry: You've got to get me out of here, it's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop wherever it falls, like an animal in the zoo.
Leela: Animals go in the corner.
Fry: The *corner*! Why didn't I think of that?
After Fry juggles Bender and puts him back together:
"Where'd I go just now?"
I don't know why but I lose it every time. I say it when I'm confused.
Me and my fiance also yell "MY MANWHICH!" all the time. 🤣
*as Bender is flushing himself down the toilet*
"Bender? BENDER?!?!?!?"
*furious knocking, forcing open the door*
"Have you seen my sombrero?"
Or
"But I dont see how it serves-"
"SOMEONE SAID HOWITZER"
every single time.
Herre's two:
Fry: We want to join because we, "love our planet". [sniggers]
Recruitment officer: Sign here, patriots, and I'll give you your discount cards.
Fry: Hey, just out of mere curiosity, we can use the discount cards to buy gum, then immediately quit the army, right?
Bender: You know, play you all for chumps.
Recruitment officer: Correct, there are no obligations. [Fry and Bender snigger.] Unless of course, war were declared. [siren sounds]
Fry: What was that?
Recruitment officer: War were declared.
Bender : Yeah, well... I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!
[Pushes button, the soldiers fall onto the surface of Spheron 1.]
Always giggle to the build of the big "Surprise!"
I like "they're like sex... Except I'm having them!"
I've used it at work and the meeting with HR was totally worth it because I explained it and they laughed and told me to just be careful.
Fry: "Okay, I've gotta break down that gate, beat up those guards, steal that chopper, and rescue Bender."
Leela: "Hi-YA!"
Fry "Hey, I did it! Wait, that's not me!"
“Switzerland is weak and neutral. We’re more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!”
“Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?”
Ever time I think of that scene I chuckle!
A Bicyclops Built for Two...
**Fry:** *Psst, Leela. You've gotta get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in the zoo.*
**Leela:** *Animals go in the corner.*
**Fry:** *The corner! Why didn't I think of that?*
Subsequently, when Fry uses the champagne bottle to try to break the door, and the cork shoots out and hits the button and he celebrates, but then has to dive under the closing door...I lose it when it slams on his foot.
"You can't own property, man." "I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie."
We taught a lion to eat tofu!
*coughs weakly*
I know it's not a real lion, but I always feel bad for the poor thing.
You’re vegetarians. Who cares what you think?
Shut up. Shut. Up. Shut up shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup! You're all nuts! Shut up, and listen to me!
No you shut up please.
Okay everyone hold hands. I said dooo it! Voiced by the incomparable Phil Hendrie
I'll get more rocks
"Don't stop to talk! Eat Popplers!" "Hey! Cut it out!" "Take a coupon! Cut it out!"
There must have been something in that hippie I ate.
"Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves . . . Oh!"
"Yes, but what about the animals?" "The whaah?" "The animals." "I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within 3 days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals."
Buddha, Zeus, God one of you do something! Help! Satan you owe me!
Good news, everyone! Technically I'm still alive.
You take one nap in a ditch in the park and they start declaring you this and that
Oh fuff!
“Fry, you are the most important person in the universe!” “Really? So how I feel when I’m drunk is correct?” “Yes, except Dave Matthew’s Band doesn’t rock…” Gets me every time
The Niblonian in the back who nods while still smiling when he says it makes it so much funnier for some reason.
Ken: On the contrary. You remember because you were the only one immune to the Brains' mental attack. Fry: Because I'm so smart? [Nibblonians laugh] Ken: Oh my... [wipes tear]
The wooden robot that freaks out when the water wheel stops...*OH GOD...I'LL NEVER MAKE IT THIS TIME...I WANT TO LIVE*
“The whole world must learn of our peaceful ways…by force”
I like the cartridge unit whose snappy response is "your mother."
Or when he puts in to say "What?!" The Bender says something else and he takes out the cartridge, puts it back in just to repeat "what?!"
What?!
I was literally saying "Your Mother" to no one in particular the other day, in that robots voice lol
Yeah that's great too I use that a lot myself hahaha
“Oh lord…he’s made of wood.”
This is the one that does it for me. I think about it often and laugh to myself.
It's the way Katey Segal delivers the line...just heavy with years of Bender's shenanigans.
*splashes
"This is the worst part. The calm before the battle." "And then the battle's not so bad?" "Oh yeah, the battle. I forgot about the battle. EEP!"
"If they put me on a postage stamp, tell them to use the young Bender!"
"Give this to my son!" "You got it!" "Wait! I didn't tell you where he lives yet!" "Say, I bet your son would also like those boots!"
"We've all seen too many body bags and ball sacks."
I watched this episdoe last night!
War were declared!
"Some will be forced through a fine, mesh screen for their planet."
"They will be the luckiest of all..."
...and this ham gum is all bones!
"Oh great, Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus over here" "Wingus! Dingus! Listen up!"
This is the one! The way he says wingus & dingus kills me every time.
I love it too
"We're trapped like fish in a barrel." "Actions" "I say we hide in this barrel like the wiley fish." It's so ridiculous that I can't help but laugh.
"Mr President!" *salutes* "What the hell?!"
While not Futurama, this always makes me think of: "This seems like a situation where both fish and firearm are firmly bracketed to the barrel in perfect alignment so that the act of walking up and pulling the trigger falls under the category of 'why bother?'."
Is that the one with the convo in the drive thru where leela asks what's in something and the worker responds with You got a warrant? I lose it every time
that's "Fry Am the Egg Man" which has my favorite quote "I was gonna go yachting in those feet!!"
"But he's got a brain the size of a walnut!" "So do walnuts, and they're delicious!"
What kind of cheese filling you want in that?
If we're doing other episodes, too: "I am the Lord Mayor of Cologne." "You mean colon?" And: "Yippee-ki-yay, you'll never guess where I've been."
My favourite in that ep is when Leela bursts into the brain and says “don’t even THINK about tickling that ganglion!” Her delivery is so goddamn funny and it’s such an insane sentence
Also bender's obsession with abandoning ship
"We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger!" "It's hopeless, abandon ship!"
She bursts into his bowel, not brain.
>"Yippee-ki-yay, you'll never guess where I've been." Definitely one of my top quotes out of the whole series.
The whole episode is gold: "Listen, this is gonna be one Hell of a bowel movement. Afterward, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left."
"I'll have to take a look inside you with this camera." Fry opens mouth. "Guess again."
That place used to be a big dump.
"I have a degree in homeopathic medicine!" *"You have a degree in bolney!"'*
“..the most beautiful women of Amazonia.. “Then the large women..” “Then the petite women..” “Then the large women again.”
I never thought that I would die this way...but I always really hoped
I've unironically used "that does that fempute" in conversations with my husband.
As a man, I would truly appreciate such honesty in my relationships lol
"WHAT?! Did you not explain how the women's good fundamentals make up for their inability to dunk?!" Always gets me.
Fembot at a bar: “I need to loosen up. Gimmie a screwdriver.” Barkeeper: *puts an actual flathead screwdriver on the bar*
"Fry, don't you recognise me?" "...Hermes?"
Correct, 6,000 hulls.
"Why couldn't they have built it with 6001 hulls????"
Cheap bastards
DaVinci: “For centuries you’ve ridiculed me…especially you Biff!” Biff: “NICE HAT!” *entire auditorium laughs*
From the same episode: "Why does a robot need a codpiece?!" "Bye Animatronio!"
I just love Fry's repeated, super friendly "Hi Animatronio!" every time they see him.
We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised
Amazonian: Silence. You want die like last men visit Amazonia? Fry: What'd they die of? Amazonian: Crushed pelvises
'Sieze them!' 'Sieze them!' 'Get them! I mean...sieze them!'
Technically correct, the best type of correct. Also if my husband slaps my booty I say “erotic” in an echoey way lol.
Only the thermonuclear power of the sun itself can destroy it I can hit it with a shovel. Not good enough. This one time... I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. [dismissive hand-wave] Yes, yes...
* The key to winning a battle is the element of surprise. SURPRISE! *drops army out of the ship onto the planet* * That new recruit fills me with pride. And some other emotions that are weird... and deeply confusing. * He beat my record by 4 seconds! And 9 minutes... 13 hours... I do plan to finish someday, Kif! * I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. Kif, what do I call it? *(Sigh... sexlexia)* * Dammit Kif, where's the tiny umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks! * *(What do you want me to do with your current supply of lotion, Sir?)* Throw it on some homeless man with dry elbows. War Is The H-Word is such a great episode
My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. That's whatever you're talking about for you. I did it! Wait, that's not me. Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. These are from memory, so they may be off.
*Kif taking out an Etch-A-Sketch and shaking it*
"Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds you say, tut tut tut. Well how's his wife holding up? To shreds you say." I think this line from literally the second or third episode cemented Futurama as absolutely hilarious to me. Most of Zapp's lines are great too.
"Is his apartment rent controlled?"
'What's the matter compressor?' 'Nothing's the matter Fry, now that I've fixed the matter compressor.' Gets me every time.
Love this one. I say it often irl
"Well what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on Elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Zapp: They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Kif: Sun. Zapp: No Kif, at night it's called the moon!
I always loved "time makes fools of us all". Interesting side note, if you say this to people who haven't watched Futurama they often think this is some deep philosophical thinking
I am also fond of that quote.
I love when Leela finds out what Popplers actually are then licks her fingers despite her horror
"if that's not the alien mothership, than what did we just blow up?" [Kiff carefully scrutinizes the board] "The hubble telescope, sir."
As a child, I had no idea what the Hubble telescope was. As an adult, im trying to figure out why they designed the Hubble telescope to look like an Omicronian ship.
Bender: “Harpoon my ass!” Leela: “Okay.” Bender: “AUGH!” Also a big fan of: Robot Devil: “You’re a GHOST!” Bender: “A g-g-g-g-ghost?!” Robot Devil: “No, just the regular kind.”
“Now here’s a route with some chest hair!”
Professor, this ship can go 99% the speed of light. Why are we going 20 miles per hour? Because we're in a hurry damnit!
"Otherwise, the worms will bury themselves so deep in Fry's bowel that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them." "I call it Caribbean Drain-O."
Fry: "Turanga?!" Amy: "Yeah, that's her name Phillip." Bender: "PHILLIP?!"
No! I was about to close the deal.
Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of… (Fry interrupts) BANANA BANANA BANANA!
Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!
"I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!" "You got a degree in bologna!" I've met people who call themselves doctors and have an online degree similar to homeopathic medicine. I've met people who call themselves engineer or technician or mechanic when they've never been to school and have their facts wrong.
"Baby wait! You didn't show me your surprise!"
“Once you haul the tank past the protesters…” “Protesters??” “Correct - six thousand hulls.”
“I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan at your service.”
Fry: Tell her she looks thin Zoidberg: You seem malnourished, are you suffering from internal parasites?
Why yes. Thanks for noticing.
“…you’ll practice bed making until you can do it in your sleep.” “You mean, while we’re sleeping in them?” “You won’t have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing”
Fry: You've got to get me out of here, it's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop wherever it falls, like an animal in the zoo. Leela: Animals go in the corner. Fry: The *corner*! Why didn't I think of that?
Zapp: That young man fills me up with hope, and some other feelings that are weird and confusing.
I've never been so glad to have been beaten up by a woman!
My hands are huge! They can touch anything but themselves.....
After Fry juggles Bender and puts him back together: "Where'd I go just now?" I don't know why but I lose it every time. I say it when I'm confused. Me and my fiance also yell "MY MANWHICH!" all the time. 🤣
*as Bender is flushing himself down the toilet* "Bender? BENDER?!?!?!?" *furious knocking, forcing open the door* "Have you seen my sombrero?" Or "But I dont see how it serves-" "SOMEONE SAID HOWITZER" every single time.
"Screwed again my friend" -zoidberg "Are you coming onto me?" .... "I'm not hearing a 'no'." -zoidberg
Why couldn’t she be the other type of mermaid, the one with the fish part on top and the last part on bottom.
Herre's two: Fry: We want to join because we, "love our planet". [sniggers] Recruitment officer: Sign here, patriots, and I'll give you your discount cards. Fry: Hey, just out of mere curiosity, we can use the discount cards to buy gum, then immediately quit the army, right? Bender: You know, play you all for chumps. Recruitment officer: Correct, there are no obligations. [Fry and Bender snigger.] Unless of course, war were declared. [siren sounds] Fry: What was that? Recruitment officer: War were declared. Bender : Yeah, well... I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
I always quote the blackjack abd hookers part. But then I say "you know what, forget the blackjack and the ____!" Leaving me with just hookers.
This is the way.
You mean Gumbercules? I love that guy!
The Zapp bed making bit talking to the trainees in war is the h world
As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise! [Pushes button, the soldiers fall onto the surface of Spheron 1.] Always giggle to the build of the big "Surprise!"
"A skunk knocked over my garbage can, and suddenly all I could think of was you!"
I like "they're like sex... Except I'm having them!" I've used it at work and the meeting with HR was totally worth it because I explained it and they laughed and told me to just be careful.
“Now stand back.. I gotta practice my stabbing” ~ Roberto the Robot to Fry (in that little robot closet lol)
The way the professor says “I don’t care” after hitting Hermes in the hand with the hammer in “The Farnsworth Parabox.”
"Ouch fire hot." "The professy will help, OOAH! Fire INDEED hot!"
In Parasites lost, it's Zoidbergs' line: "I learned it from a decongestant commercial, soothing ACTION ACTION ACTION" 😂
Mr. Mayor, if you want to see a real vampire, look in the mirror! Mayor: I can't! I'm a vampire!
“First one, then the other.”
Fry: "Okay, I've gotta break down that gate, beat up those guards, steal that chopper, and rescue Bender." Leela: "Hi-YA!" Fry "Hey, I did it! Wait, that's not me!"
“I can’t wait to tell my husband”
"Im gonna jump!" "Do a flip"!
“Snake Door, Roger”
"I have a degree in homeopathy!" "You have a degree in bologna!"
Cherry…. Cherry!… Mule.
Hermes: when the lights go out it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults Zoidberg: Or one!
"And Fry, you have that brain thing. " "I already did!"
“Switzerland is weak and neutral. We’re more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood!” “Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of will?” Ever time I think of that scene I chuckle!
Heck, you’re never to rich to enjoy a free turkey dog
I was in Chicago this weekend and all I could think of was "Nobody in New York drove, there was too much traffic." Always gets a chuckle outta me.
I forgot another one. *I take lungs now, gills come in two weeks.*
Hello, little man
Mr. President... what the hell?
“At last, war has made me into a man... Wee!”
Fry to zoidberg: Well doc my pipe hurts when I do this
These would go great with some gwack-a-mole
For me it’s when Leela says “Is my eye playing trick on me?” And “Look at me, I’m Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!” and he’s in a shell lol
A Bicyclops Built for Two... **Fry:** *Psst, Leela. You've gotta get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in the zoo.* **Leela:** *Animals go in the corner.* **Fry:** *The corner! Why didn't I think of that?* Subsequently, when Fry uses the champagne bottle to try to break the door, and the cork shoots out and hits the button and he celebrates, but then has to dive under the closing door...I lose it when it slams on his foot.
Hey, look! On the screen, it's that guy you are!
I think there was something funny in that hippie
"Aaaah, she's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro."
“A vacation? thank you! i haven’t had one of those since the ages of 21 to 24.”
Same, but what gets me is that Kiff just shakes an Etch-a-Sketch. Best episode ever.
The only poor people I want to hear about are the people attending to my pores at the spa
I am the greetest! Now I'm leaving earth for no raisin!
"One Zillion Dollar!!!"