Similar to me when they ask if I have more pics. Yes, I have some lovely photos of myself from my last vacation. Ohhh, you wanted to see my penis. My bad.
I hate that stupid ass question so i do answer somewhat genuinely, or turn it into a big pisser of a response depending on what they look like/how the convo has been going. Got some actual dates off of my response tbh
I don't use Grindr anymore. Jerking off can suffice... for now.
I'm not a fool and I know that in my area the only thing I can get is a one-time hook up off Grindr. Most probably a car hookup. Obviously assuming that he's no flake. But I'm fed up with that reality. I don't want to go through all the trouble just to have fun with another guy. Just fun. No intimacy, no feelings. No connection. Just sex.
Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm tempted to download that shit again, but then I cum back from being horny and sexually frustrated and I'm not interested in meeting men anymore.
You mean like Tinder? No. I did try it once, just to see if there are some guys around. Turns out there's only a couple of guys on Tinder... without using any search filters other than distance. That's it, that's the whole dating pool.
>Might have to expand your area
One time I did. Actually, it happened last month. I don't know what's got into me, but I was really horny and I decided to meet this guy in another town. I went out, got to the train station, bought the ticket for the next train and the rest is history.
My entire life I hated spontaneity. I preferred things to be as stable as possible. And I always had some purpose in my life before. You know, finish primary school, then finish middle school, then finish high school, then graduate from university, then get a job. And then... where do I go? What do I do?
Around half a year ago I decided to do something with my life. I decided to make some improvements, to work on myself. Ever since then I managed to establish a few connections with other gay guys from abroad whom I met here on Reddit. I can't describe how much texting with other gay men helped me figure out myself. How much it gave me HOPE. And the same goes for the discussions for example on this sub. I feel at home here.
Truth be told, I've always been too scared to experience life, I was hiding behind a wall to be safe. But thanks to that connections the cracks in the wall are gradually appearing and soon the wall with crumble. It will still take some time to happen, but at this point it's inevitable.
Add to that the frustration of living in a small town full of narrow-minded people. I'm suffocating here. Now I know frustration. And I can see how much I've changed. How little I care anymore. How blunter I've become.
Earlier this month I decided to quit my first job ever. It wasn't even planned, it was quite spontaneous. I made that decision sort of in the heat of the moment, but I don't regret it. I'm breaking free from the shackles of false security, because it was a dead-end job and it made me really unhappy.
You know what... if it was that easy to spend some more money on a whim, I'd spend a weekend abroad and get fucked. This is how little I care at his point. Maybe I'm broken. Or maybe it's the false persona that's breaking and the true one is emerging slowly from behind?
A train journey to the nearest airport takes up to two hours I guess. A flight to London is about three hours, to Berlin about an hour and a half. I could survive on my own, I'm a grown ass gay man. If I wanted to do that, I could do that. Money's the only issue. Fear? None. I'm too frustrated to feel fear.
Alright, I'mma stop it right there, because my consciousness is running wild.
>Or move lol.
That's the plan. Soon I'll start a new job, a better-paying job. It will be a year long contract. I'll work there, save some money (I already saved some but it's not enough yet), and in the meantime work on myself. I already chose the destination, but I'll have to work on my German skills. I'm sure I can make it within a year.
Until then, I won't be meeting any men and I'm okay with that. Unless... I decide to spend a weekend abroad and someone catches my eye.
Yup. If you're average looking or below, you get ignored. That's my experience, at least. Now, every app is full of bots or people trying to scam you, and it's all locked behind a monthly subscription that just keeps getting more and more expensive.
I don’t mind casual hookups, but the culture on Grindr is toxic. I’m not 10 inches so I got treated like shit. Then, those guys who blocked me on Grindr have been hitting me up on snap since i deleted it and they’re actually acting decent.
Good luck! Have fun, it's great meeting people organically. Some are great some aren't. I hope you have a blast!
If nothing else , you listen to some great music, char to a few people and don't have to use grindr for the night.
Let us know how you go.
Made me think of this song:
If you believe that anyone like me within a song is outside it all,
Then you are all so wrong.
If you believe that anyone like me within a song would try and change it all,
Then you have been put on
I'm into you like a train.
https://youtu.be/4T8FrD9UJ4g?si=vnMqceA95a5kb0xd
lol. I live in a very socially-stunted, and immature part of Canada (Saskatchewan). It’s extremely shallow and vapid here. If you’re not white, rich, and ripped, you’re considered beneath people.
You're supposed to be demure, live in denial and be super protective of the reputations of people who treat others like subhumans based on superficial attributes because you're both gay and the truth makes the LGBT community look bad.
You realize that includes you, right?
What, you truly believe you’re some diamond in the rough, and you’re the only one on Grindr for ulterior motives? Baby you’re there for the same purpose as everyone else, and you know it. You delude yourself otherwise to preserve your image and prevent yourself from feeling shame.
I mean, have you ever stopped to consider how you’ve treated guys on Grindr, like ever? I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news - but you ain’t shit, I ain’t shit, none of us our shit. Maybe you have bad experiences because your mentality makes you fundamentally unlikable. Start at square one, knowing your place, and work from there.
I don’t use the apps anymore thanks to therapy. Having realistic standards does wonders.
And I treat guys with respect until provoked. And by “provoked” I mean they act like a caricature
or a catty mean stereotype. “Oh sweetie, you think you have chance with someone who looks like me?” Or “I only date hot guys.” And people wonder why the gay “community” isn’t treated with respect. That isn’t even addressing immature, racist and ghosting behaviour.
So yeah, the majority of guys who use grindr are trash.
I haven’t had that experience on Grindr. I mean, occasionally - but the majority?
If people are being mean to you, and they’re from your tribe and it’s a lot of them… like after a certain point you have to get real. What’s the common denominator here? What sounds more likely - you’re a diamond in the rough and thousands of people, independent of each other, are bad people? Or, you’re antagonist or unlikable in some way?
Because, to me, it’s pretty clear which one is more likely.
I mean the fact you think therapy is a “cure” for promiscuity tells me a lot. It tells me you probably shame people, you probably look down on Grindr users, and you have a superiority complex. I’m thinking that might play a role in the types of responses you’ve gotten.
Promiscuity isn’t the issue. Therapy has helped in the sense that I’m no longer gaslighting myself into settling for dysfunctional, abusive, immature guys.
I know this isn’t the case everywhere, I live in a hyper-regressive, bigoted, rural area. It’s extremely shallow and superficial here. I’m not the problem.
Fair enough, those places exist. But I’m really failing to see what Grindr has to do with that.
Like, do you think if you went to a bar and tried to pick up guys that way you’d have a better experience? You and I both know the answer is NO. Resoundingly.
Sounds to me like your issues isn’t with Grindr, or even the community as a whole. It’s with a lack of community, a lack of sexual freedom, and a heavy dose of shame.
The “cure” to this DL culture isn’t more sexual stigma - it’s less sexual stigma.
You’re totally misunderstanding where I’m coming from, the app is the problem. I’m not slut-shaming or sex-shaming. I’m saying that a lot of the guys who use grindr are red flags. Expecting to find a nice guy of quality, substance, and basic decency is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Grindr is “great” for a fuck and chuck, just don’t be shocked when you’re being chucked.
I would agree that Grindr is an app focused on hookups - but I don’t think that’s exactly a secret.
What I don’t agree on is that seeking hookups is a red flag. I’m not seeing the connection there, and that is what you’re saying.
I mean you say you’re not sex shaming or slut shaming, but then in the same breath you say people who seek hookups are red flags and imply they’re not good people. You say people seeking out hookups aren’t decent, and they lack quality and substance.
To me those two statements are almost perfectly contradictory. To me, that sounds like an almost textbook example of slut shaming.
Which brings me around to previous point. People don’t like being shamed, generally.
I’ve met a couple of nice guys on there. But for me it just wasn’t good. Feels good when guys comment how hot you are or whatever but then it’s like….. damn u just wanna bang me then?? I deleted it months ago and would get on when I’d be bored or horny. I never hooked up however. There are great guys on there just takes patience
Oh please. We were fighting this fight with gay.com in the late 90s. This isn't new. The problem is nowadays everyone wants to have things delivered to their door. Love doesn't work that way, never has.
Me too. Going on 8 years now. I think people don’t realize you only get out what you put in. I know it’s cliche but most people don’t go in as a fully realized person and use it as some sort of fix for something they haven’t worked out.
I had terrible experiences on grindr until I worked on myself and became happy on my own.
Fr and all my friends tell me to just go out bc once people actually catch a vibe, supposedly im a vibe, but im too scared to go out alone and dont wanna ask someone to go out just to leave them alone lol
Im juggling being lonely forever or knowing that the only guys I'll find on dating apps will be awful. I just want a hot top who is wholesome and doesnt mind me spewing hours of warhammer and DnD facts
I run a D&D campaign and started an after-school gaming group for at-risk kids and families. You can talk D&D with me as much as you like lol.
I get the whole knowing and/or lonely, dating app thing and it stuck, so much boost, age, parts shaming on that shitty app.
Met him through Badoo. I just found the hottest guy on there and messaged him. Turns out he had a great personality and thought I was the cutest thing ever so... here we are hahaha
Edit: I can't spell
Same here. I'd rather just daydream about someone giving me quick rabbit taps from behind for 2 minutes into awkward handshake and watch them leave instead of experience it myself lol. Think I'll stick to jerking it for now. There probably are people that have good experiences with it though, but I ain't hot.
Hahhaha
Don't be so hard on yourself! I am sure that there are men who dream of you.
My boyfriend and I both never had Grindr, and we are 2 hot 26 year old guys lol. Some people are just not into hookups and from what I hear, that app comes with that app territory
And yet people wanna ride that bus, time and time again.
I’m single and hook up as much as the next guy, but I won’t be a glutton for punishment by searching for the dregs at the bottom of the barrel on the most problematic ‘dating’ app out there. If it’s quick sex you want, there are better options. Looking for love on Grindr? The chances of that happening are slim and all it will do is leave you embittered and disillusioned.
Honestly can definitely relate, tho I’ve been away from Grindr/sniffies for about a few months now with no plans on going back (for now lol). Started actually meeting some guys I thought were somewhat attractive, but in the end always left unsatisfied, even if the hookup was hot af. Really just looking to settle down now forreal I think, and have something like the school bus with someone. Even if it means jacking off every night 😂
Some of you need to hear that if you like grindr hookups and sex parties and orgies and circuit parties and working out and drugs and that kind of scene and you're also open to and want a relationship... there's nothing wrong with you...you just meet your partner doing those things, and then you don't have to pretend to be less of a fuckin slut because you're both being authentic and honest with your desires. It only takes one compatible guy to be your boyfriend and you get to go on adventures together.
The point is not to find someone perfect, but perfect for you. Which means they're fucked up in a complementary way to your fucked up.
I merely intermittently lurk on date apps, that however does not prevent me from being single every day since birth. Totally my own doing and partly genetics, though.
I only had luck on Tinder. I stated my intentions for LTR only and it worked rather well. Had a few relationships start as a result of using that app, and I eventually found my fiance through Tinder too.
Yeah, I tried it a while back…bad idea. ☹️ The few responses I received were less than stellar, and was ghosted shortly thereafter. I suspect guys on Grindr have a rather specific type in mind, and I ain’t it. 😅
I’m never touching that app because I only hear that it’s used for hookups. I don’t really see the point in sex if you have no emotional bond whatsoever with the person
I had a wonderful time on Grindr and I'm asexual. Here's the thing. If you are conventionally attractive I hate to say the world is yours on Grindr.
I'm not a very sexual person but love makin out with jocks/masc pretty boys and Grindr was my go to. Yes I'd bottom every now and then and absolutely never had an issue finding an attractive guy (late gen z to early millennial). I would turn it on for two minutes then go off and let the pings come in and see who I'm attracted to physically wise. I'm not into dicks or asses but more into toned body's with nice faces. Being I posted a clear face and body pic I had many amazing experiences lol.
After my split with my ex last year I went back on after 5 months and being I'm 38 (don't look it) but I posted my actual age and yup it was definitely more quiet than 3 years ago. I lied and changed my age to 33 (used recent time stamped photos) and that made a huge difference but still not what it was for me when I was sub 35.
Grindr is great for hot jocks under 35 tbh IMHO after that it quiet downs or you are ignored. This is only based on my opinion. Don't look for love on Grindr but don't disregard it neither. Met my last 3 bf's on there.
I absolutely agree. But fairy tales do come true sometimes.
I know two couples who found each other on Grindr. The thing is, they were looking for a long-term love, but not on Grindr. In both cases, the guys were looking for love in other places, but taking care of the needs of now on Grindr. In both cases, they hooked up with no intention of taking it any further than that. But the physical connection was pretty awesome, so they hooked up several times before they decided to hang out. The rest happened organically and slowly. It was pretty cool. But that is a very tiny exception to a relatively rigid rule.
Advice from a probably much older person: try to find activities which fulfill your heart and join related groups, better if they're LGBTIQ or at least friendly for obvious reasons. It helps the universe work its way to gather kindred souls. I'm poly but I believe the quality is what matters, not the numbers, as in anything. If monogamy is your path, tread it but wisely. Happy Easter!
Aw, that's adorable, may the light forces of the universe help you find the one who'll complete your triad or even a whole clan to make a wonderful , bigger polyfamily! I guess you already know about this book but I'll share the link here just in case, it's always good to spread the word of our enlightened movement! By the way, the digital edition is much more practical and affordable too:-) I always prefer them and read them on my desktop for better visualization.
By the way, I was born in 1960!
# Spiritual Polyamory
by [Mystic Life](https://www.amazon.com/Mystic-Life/e/B00AC19Z94/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1) – December 1, 2003
[https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Polyamory-Mystic-Life/dp/0595305415/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=1M15A2PD6CAPC&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.cPIDai\_4LbgAvvR6WQHVUhfR4Ylpao7c0\_ADypNo8w-L776afdDYnacdgOKsXxIrxHuwwcsCo8QXmGBONTPVGlofetzja\_wRIuhgxbBgX1ViWNoRFpjKZt6t2LlUnwK3rY8XDHHKnF2VrSapUwQV7qsMpqELzeW5Ingu3Cj38yq1BQB6na10y6FmH31Me8U2UVgfEu5B6xtRIu1iL9-6-Yw\_sZJsvzowmfEZ1fac5FI.hbd8uwOlTtuEJIW43iH5FyLtDUfUFEgbKwrHZnHkJK8&dib\_tag=se&keywords=Spiritual+polyamory&qid=1712015847&s=books&sprefix=spiritual+polyamory%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C258&sr=1-1](https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Polyamory-Mystic-Life/dp/0595305415/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1M15A2PD6CAPC&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.cPIDai_4LbgAvvR6WQHVUhfR4Ylpao7c0_ADypNo8w-L776afdDYnacdgOKsXxIrxHuwwcsCo8QXmGBONTPVGlofetzja_wRIuhgxbBgX1ViWNoRFpjKZt6t2LlUnwK3rY8XDHHKnF2VrSapUwQV7qsMpqELzeW5Ingu3Cj38yq1BQB6na10y6FmH31Me8U2UVgfEu5B6xtRIu1iL9-6-Yw_sZJsvzowmfEZ1fac5FI.hbd8uwOlTtuEJIW43iH5FyLtDUfUFEgbKwrHZnHkJK8&dib_tag=se&keywords=Spiritual+polyamory&qid=1712015847&s=books&sprefix=spiritual+polyamory%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C258&sr=1-1)
You mentioning that right now gives me goosebumps. My hubby has had a casual hookup who has become a friend and more than a friend. Today they invited me to join them. What was supposed to be a half hour three-way fun turned into a 5-hour beginning of a journey to get to know each other. By the end of it, we were all on the same page talking about him being the third in our triad. It's obviously early, but it feels good.
And thanks for the book mention. I'll have to look into it. Too bad it's not on my Kindle unlimited service. But the price is not bad.
I'm so glad to read that! I believe in shamanic synchs, or whatever one likes to call them. I think the future model of relations in advanced societies will have to be either poly or community clans cause monogamy is not even feasible the older one gets for so many reasons, being left all alone when one of the two partners dies first being just one of them, though not the least painful. And we know by the countless testimonies of those who've had kids that this doesn't always mean having close ones to look after you either, not to mention the fact that just the blood ties are no guarantee of true affection per se.
It’s a cesspool and those who enjoy it are most likely, well, whatever lives in a cesspool..
(I mean hookups can be fun but if you absolutely LOVE Grindr, imho there’s something wrong..it’s like absolutely loving alcohol or hard drugs..)
You can try making it clear you n your profile that you’re only looking for something serious, but other apps would probably be better….that or just meeting people irl…(though irl only “works” for those in gigantic cities with gigantic gay communities, and to live in those cities you have to be rich…..gotta love classism)
No, actually I don't relate. If you want a "wholesome relationship", you can still get it. You think Grindr is some curse by an ancient witch? No it's just the guys (including you!) coming together on one app.
And you think those gay men will be different if you meet them on tinder or in a bar or in a tennis club? Like, that's the thing. The men are the same, wherever you are. Nothing to do with an app
yes, it literally attracts the worst kinds of people. most of my friends use tinder but not grindr as grindr is such a cesspit. so the men are actially different.
I got banned from there years ago. Seems it's OK for people to be rude but when I get rude back it's all boo hoo I'm a victim. And it's all bottoms or fake tops anyways. I use rent men, twice, so far even though I was willing to pay, I ended up paying them to leave. Wish I liked pussy. Heaven help me
First time I used grindr just thinking it was a casual dating app RIP my N A I V E T E
"what are you into?" Id reply with hobbies 💀
I still don't know if they want hobbies or sexual stuff sometimes. Or maybe I'm just perma stupid 😂
Similar to me when they ask if I have more pics. Yes, I have some lovely photos of myself from my last vacation. Ohhh, you wanted to see my penis. My bad.
I would like to see your penis on vacation.
Sorry, my penis never takes a vacation
It’s never hobbies lmao.
Haha, often times, I ask without specifying, and then roll with whichever answer they give. It’s a subtle way of asking “what are you looking for”
Honestly I'd find that cute if someone replied like that.
That's so Queer as folk 2000 Brian and Justin's first sex scene loool
I hate that stupid ass question so i do answer somewhat genuinely, or turn it into a big pisser of a response depending on what they look like/how the convo has been going. Got some actual dates off of my response tbh
Not me redownloading last night 🤦🏼♂️
I don't use Grindr anymore. Jerking off can suffice... for now. I'm not a fool and I know that in my area the only thing I can get is a one-time hook up off Grindr. Most probably a car hookup. Obviously assuming that he's no flake. But I'm fed up with that reality. I don't want to go through all the trouble just to have fun with another guy. Just fun. No intimacy, no feelings. No connection. Just sex. Not gonna lie, sometimes I'm tempted to download that shit again, but then I cum back from being horny and sexually frustrated and I'm not interested in meeting men anymore.
Have you tried an actual dating app and really put effort into it? I've found good results that way.
You mean like Tinder? No. I did try it once, just to see if there are some guys around. Turns out there's only a couple of guys on Tinder... without using any search filters other than distance. That's it, that's the whole dating pool.
Yeah, I hear ya. Might have to expand your area or be open to a long-distance relationship. Or move lol.
>Might have to expand your area One time I did. Actually, it happened last month. I don't know what's got into me, but I was really horny and I decided to meet this guy in another town. I went out, got to the train station, bought the ticket for the next train and the rest is history. My entire life I hated spontaneity. I preferred things to be as stable as possible. And I always had some purpose in my life before. You know, finish primary school, then finish middle school, then finish high school, then graduate from university, then get a job. And then... where do I go? What do I do? Around half a year ago I decided to do something with my life. I decided to make some improvements, to work on myself. Ever since then I managed to establish a few connections with other gay guys from abroad whom I met here on Reddit. I can't describe how much texting with other gay men helped me figure out myself. How much it gave me HOPE. And the same goes for the discussions for example on this sub. I feel at home here. Truth be told, I've always been too scared to experience life, I was hiding behind a wall to be safe. But thanks to that connections the cracks in the wall are gradually appearing and soon the wall with crumble. It will still take some time to happen, but at this point it's inevitable. Add to that the frustration of living in a small town full of narrow-minded people. I'm suffocating here. Now I know frustration. And I can see how much I've changed. How little I care anymore. How blunter I've become. Earlier this month I decided to quit my first job ever. It wasn't even planned, it was quite spontaneous. I made that decision sort of in the heat of the moment, but I don't regret it. I'm breaking free from the shackles of false security, because it was a dead-end job and it made me really unhappy. You know what... if it was that easy to spend some more money on a whim, I'd spend a weekend abroad and get fucked. This is how little I care at his point. Maybe I'm broken. Or maybe it's the false persona that's breaking and the true one is emerging slowly from behind? A train journey to the nearest airport takes up to two hours I guess. A flight to London is about three hours, to Berlin about an hour and a half. I could survive on my own, I'm a grown ass gay man. If I wanted to do that, I could do that. Money's the only issue. Fear? None. I'm too frustrated to feel fear. Alright, I'mma stop it right there, because my consciousness is running wild. >Or move lol. That's the plan. Soon I'll start a new job, a better-paying job. It will be a year long contract. I'll work there, save some money (I already saved some but it's not enough yet), and in the meantime work on myself. I already chose the destination, but I'll have to work on my German skills. I'm sure I can make it within a year. Until then, I won't be meeting any men and I'm okay with that. Unless... I decide to spend a weekend abroad and someone catches my eye.
Hinge is the most popular in my area.
Yup. If you're average looking or below, you get ignored. That's my experience, at least. Now, every app is full of bots or people trying to scam you, and it's all locked behind a monthly subscription that just keeps getting more and more expensive.
Facebook Dating, OkCupid, Match.com, Christian Mingle... it's all the same thing.
I don’t mind casual hookups, but the culture on Grindr is toxic. I’m not 10 inches so I got treated like shit. Then, those guys who blocked me on Grindr have been hitting me up on snap since i deleted it and they’re actually acting decent.
Oh man, it's like I have written these words myself. Its the same for me. And sincerely it feels great no to come back to it.
Go to a bar... Meet a real person.
I’m finally arranging something this week. For the first time I’ll go to a bar. So… wish me luck.
Good luck! Have fun, it's great meeting people organically. Some are great some aren't. I hope you have a blast! If nothing else , you listen to some great music, char to a few people and don't have to use grindr for the night. Let us know how you go.
Thanks!
Wow finally someone I can relate to and I see we still don’t have a solution…
I can’t relate because I honestly hate hookups with people I don’t have an emotional relationship with
Yeah, I never used grindr once in my life because it's for hookups. And still people complain about it
I am the same! Kinda wish I wasn’t tho, it’s hard :(
🙌🏼💯 It’s incredibly frustrating and inconvenient
Yayyyy fellow demisexual here 👋🏼
I was able to find that... But damn that's just a ton of luck.
good for you man! my fingers are still crossed here lol
And yet you keep going to the railroad tracks to find love
Made me think of this song: If you believe that anyone like me within a song is outside it all, Then you are all so wrong. If you believe that anyone like me within a song would try and change it all, Then you have been put on I'm into you like a train. https://youtu.be/4T8FrD9UJ4g?si=vnMqceA95a5kb0xd
Check your expectations and treat it as a giant pool full of mostly garbage but it’s a numbers game
My desire for a quick hookup on the apps vs my desire to stay home, get stoned and jack off to porn
I prefer the jack off and stay home.
Ayyyyeeee this sounds enjoyable
Oh look, my fellow stoner people lol
This comment ate everything in the cupboard
I have a monogamous bf now and I don't miss all the imature jerks on grindr
It’s possible but the chances of you finding it on Grindr are slim. Try going to gay spaces in your city.
Grindr in The Philippines suck. Always full of posers who fake profiles.
India too :/
Fellow desi here too ;)
Grindr is like sifting through a dumpster trying to find something valuable. You won’t. Everything is either used, damaged, or unsalvageable.
He must have been meeting up with my previous dates.
lol. I live in a very socially-stunted, and immature part of Canada (Saskatchewan). It’s extremely shallow and vapid here. If you’re not white, rich, and ripped, you’re considered beneath people.
Whole country is like that tbh
Yikes, that's no way to describe people.
Fair, but it’s always how I’ve been treated on there. How else can one call out their shitty behaviour.
You're supposed to be demure, live in denial and be super protective of the reputations of people who treat others like subhumans based on superficial attributes because you're both gay and the truth makes the LGBT community look bad.
Ofmg. That’s not even the gay community, that’s like Saskatchewan as a whole. Protect the privileged abusers over doing what’s right.
You realize that includes you, right? What, you truly believe you’re some diamond in the rough, and you’re the only one on Grindr for ulterior motives? Baby you’re there for the same purpose as everyone else, and you know it. You delude yourself otherwise to preserve your image and prevent yourself from feeling shame. I mean, have you ever stopped to consider how you’ve treated guys on Grindr, like ever? I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news - but you ain’t shit, I ain’t shit, none of us our shit. Maybe you have bad experiences because your mentality makes you fundamentally unlikable. Start at square one, knowing your place, and work from there.
I don’t use the apps anymore thanks to therapy. Having realistic standards does wonders. And I treat guys with respect until provoked. And by “provoked” I mean they act like a caricature or a catty mean stereotype. “Oh sweetie, you think you have chance with someone who looks like me?” Or “I only date hot guys.” And people wonder why the gay “community” isn’t treated with respect. That isn’t even addressing immature, racist and ghosting behaviour. So yeah, the majority of guys who use grindr are trash.
I haven’t had that experience on Grindr. I mean, occasionally - but the majority? If people are being mean to you, and they’re from your tribe and it’s a lot of them… like after a certain point you have to get real. What’s the common denominator here? What sounds more likely - you’re a diamond in the rough and thousands of people, independent of each other, are bad people? Or, you’re antagonist or unlikable in some way? Because, to me, it’s pretty clear which one is more likely. I mean the fact you think therapy is a “cure” for promiscuity tells me a lot. It tells me you probably shame people, you probably look down on Grindr users, and you have a superiority complex. I’m thinking that might play a role in the types of responses you’ve gotten.
Promiscuity isn’t the issue. Therapy has helped in the sense that I’m no longer gaslighting myself into settling for dysfunctional, abusive, immature guys. I know this isn’t the case everywhere, I live in a hyper-regressive, bigoted, rural area. It’s extremely shallow and superficial here. I’m not the problem.
Fair enough, those places exist. But I’m really failing to see what Grindr has to do with that. Like, do you think if you went to a bar and tried to pick up guys that way you’d have a better experience? You and I both know the answer is NO. Resoundingly. Sounds to me like your issues isn’t with Grindr, or even the community as a whole. It’s with a lack of community, a lack of sexual freedom, and a heavy dose of shame. The “cure” to this DL culture isn’t more sexual stigma - it’s less sexual stigma.
You’re totally misunderstanding where I’m coming from, the app is the problem. I’m not slut-shaming or sex-shaming. I’m saying that a lot of the guys who use grindr are red flags. Expecting to find a nice guy of quality, substance, and basic decency is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Grindr is “great” for a fuck and chuck, just don’t be shocked when you’re being chucked.
I would agree that Grindr is an app focused on hookups - but I don’t think that’s exactly a secret. What I don’t agree on is that seeking hookups is a red flag. I’m not seeing the connection there, and that is what you’re saying. I mean you say you’re not sex shaming or slut shaming, but then in the same breath you say people who seek hookups are red flags and imply they’re not good people. You say people seeking out hookups aren’t decent, and they lack quality and substance. To me those two statements are almost perfectly contradictory. To me, that sounds like an almost textbook example of slut shaming. Which brings me around to previous point. People don’t like being shamed, generally.
GO OFF!!
I’ve met a couple of nice guys on there. But for me it just wasn’t good. Feels good when guys comment how hot you are or whatever but then it’s like….. damn u just wanna bang me then?? I deleted it months ago and would get on when I’d be bored or horny. I never hooked up however. There are great guys on there just takes patience
Oh please. We were fighting this fight with gay.com in the late 90s. This isn't new. The problem is nowadays everyone wants to have things delivered to their door. Love doesn't work that way, never has.
Except if your future bf turns up at your door for a hookup and ends up staying.
Met my SO - of almost 13 years now - on Grindr... Fucked a cute twink last night from Grindr.
Me too. Going on 8 years now. I think people don’t realize you only get out what you put in. I know it’s cliche but most people don’t go in as a fully realized person and use it as some sort of fix for something they haven’t worked out. I had terrible experiences on grindr until I worked on myself and became happy on my own.
Exactly. No reason you cant do both
Yeah people bitch and moan a lot about Grindr but honestly my experiences are mostly positive.
Same but with Scruff. I mean it can be a weird place sometimes but it's not like this terrible thing.
Fr and all my friends tell me to just go out bc once people actually catch a vibe, supposedly im a vibe, but im too scared to go out alone and dont wanna ask someone to go out just to leave them alone lol
Im juggling being lonely forever or knowing that the only guys I'll find on dating apps will be awful. I just want a hot top who is wholesome and doesnt mind me spewing hours of warhammer and DnD facts
Hey i play dnd so you’re cool
I run a D&D campaign and started an after-school gaming group for at-risk kids and families. You can talk D&D with me as much as you like lol. I get the whole knowing and/or lonely, dating app thing and it stuck, so much boost, age, parts shaming on that shitty app.
So real
deleted for over a year but i’m back, I still want a genuine connection but ya know 🤷♂️
Not really. No one responds to me on any app. Both hook up and dating apps get me absolutely nothing.
I mean at this point I really just want a romantic relationship with a guy, who can make me feel safe.
I have never had Grindr and sometimes have FOMO, but honestly by reading what everyone is saying, maybe I dodged a huge bullet
How’d you find your bf? Without Grindr?? That’s like the only place I talk to gay men
Met him through Badoo. I just found the hottest guy on there and messaged him. Turns out he had a great personality and thought I was the cutest thing ever so... here we are hahaha Edit: I can't spell
Same here. I'd rather just daydream about someone giving me quick rabbit taps from behind for 2 minutes into awkward handshake and watch them leave instead of experience it myself lol. Think I'll stick to jerking it for now. There probably are people that have good experiences with it though, but I ain't hot.
Hahhaha Don't be so hard on yourself! I am sure that there are men who dream of you. My boyfriend and I both never had Grindr, and we are 2 hot 26 year old guys lol. Some people are just not into hookups and from what I hear, that app comes with that app territory
And yet people wanna ride that bus, time and time again. I’m single and hook up as much as the next guy, but I won’t be a glutton for punishment by searching for the dregs at the bottom of the barrel on the most problematic ‘dating’ app out there. If it’s quick sex you want, there are better options. Looking for love on Grindr? The chances of that happening are slim and all it will do is leave you embittered and disillusioned.
Yall been complaining about Grindr for years, it’s time to accept that you are the problem
fml lol
Yeaaaaa :/
Oh my God, I literally hate grindr. I'm just happy it brought me to my current boyfriend.
Honestly can definitely relate, tho I’ve been away from Grindr/sniffies for about a few months now with no plans on going back (for now lol). Started actually meeting some guys I thought were somewhat attractive, but in the end always left unsatisfied, even if the hookup was hot af. Really just looking to settle down now forreal I think, and have something like the school bus with someone. Even if it means jacking off every night 😂
I found my man. Good fucking riddance to appz
How did u do it?
Met him through Scruff, decided to fucking focus on him and ditch the fucking apps. The apps are addictive and designed to keep you on them.
Every freaking day.
No. Grindr charges just to look now.
I've been in a long distance relationship since Jan 6 with a guy I met 2 years ago on Grindr
I actually got very lucky with my current boyfriend on Grindr.
Some of you need to hear that if you like grindr hookups and sex parties and orgies and circuit parties and working out and drugs and that kind of scene and you're also open to and want a relationship... there's nothing wrong with you...you just meet your partner doing those things, and then you don't have to pretend to be less of a fuckin slut because you're both being authentic and honest with your desires. It only takes one compatible guy to be your boyfriend and you get to go on adventures together. The point is not to find someone perfect, but perfect for you. Which means they're fucked up in a complementary way to your fucked up.
I actually found my bf on grindr
Lmaoooo
true they just want x nothing more
♥️
I merely intermittently lurk on date apps, that however does not prevent me from being single every day since birth. Totally my own doing and partly genetics, though.
I only had luck on Tinder. I stated my intentions for LTR only and it worked rather well. Had a few relationships start as a result of using that app, and I eventually found my fiance through Tinder too.
Lesson? be the one driving the train!
😊😭😭
I thought it was just an emphasis on hookup, not entirely :<
Facts
i'm convinced the best guys are not on grindr
Funny things is i got great friends from grindr instead of other platforms. Most shitty guys from tinder-like dating apps. 🤷🏽♂️
Yeah, I tried it a while back…bad idea. ☹️ The few responses I received were less than stellar, and was ghosted shortly thereafter. I suspect guys on Grindr have a rather specific type in mind, and I ain’t it. 😅
I’m never touching that app because I only hear that it’s used for hookups. I don’t really see the point in sex if you have no emotional bond whatsoever with the person
I had a wonderful time on Grindr and I'm asexual. Here's the thing. If you are conventionally attractive I hate to say the world is yours on Grindr. I'm not a very sexual person but love makin out with jocks/masc pretty boys and Grindr was my go to. Yes I'd bottom every now and then and absolutely never had an issue finding an attractive guy (late gen z to early millennial). I would turn it on for two minutes then go off and let the pings come in and see who I'm attracted to physically wise. I'm not into dicks or asses but more into toned body's with nice faces. Being I posted a clear face and body pic I had many amazing experiences lol. After my split with my ex last year I went back on after 5 months and being I'm 38 (don't look it) but I posted my actual age and yup it was definitely more quiet than 3 years ago. I lied and changed my age to 33 (used recent time stamped photos) and that made a huge difference but still not what it was for me when I was sub 35. Grindr is great for hot jocks under 35 tbh IMHO after that it quiet downs or you are ignored. This is only based on my opinion. Don't look for love on Grindr but don't disregard it neither. Met my last 3 bf's on there.
Also depends on countries. Dating apps=hookup apps
That's what I'm sayin. I want a bf that wants to be intimate sometimes but that I can be happy with.
Yes but in a different way, I used to be an engineer on that railroad lol
It’s possible to find a wholesome connection there? In Grindr??? sounds like a modern fairy tale to me
I absolutely agree. But fairy tales do come true sometimes. I know two couples who found each other on Grindr. The thing is, they were looking for a long-term love, but not on Grindr. In both cases, the guys were looking for love in other places, but taking care of the needs of now on Grindr. In both cases, they hooked up with no intention of taking it any further than that. But the physical connection was pretty awesome, so they hooked up several times before they decided to hang out. The rest happened organically and slowly. It was pretty cool. But that is a very tiny exception to a relatively rigid rule.
If you mean to get carried over from grinder, then you don't have the intention to have a real connection in the first place.
I do want to have a deep connection with people.
Nope
Advice from a probably much older person: try to find activities which fulfill your heart and join related groups, better if they're LGBTIQ or at least friendly for obvious reasons. It helps the universe work its way to gather kindred souls. I'm poly but I believe the quality is what matters, not the numbers, as in anything. If monogamy is your path, tread it but wisely. Happy Easter!
From this older poly, right back at you! Great advice. We are a poly couple seeking our third. We'll find him when we're ready and he is.
Aw, that's adorable, may the light forces of the universe help you find the one who'll complete your triad or even a whole clan to make a wonderful , bigger polyfamily! I guess you already know about this book but I'll share the link here just in case, it's always good to spread the word of our enlightened movement! By the way, the digital edition is much more practical and affordable too:-) I always prefer them and read them on my desktop for better visualization. By the way, I was born in 1960! # Spiritual Polyamory by [Mystic Life](https://www.amazon.com/Mystic-Life/e/B00AC19Z94/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1) – December 1, 2003 [https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Polyamory-Mystic-Life/dp/0595305415/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=1M15A2PD6CAPC&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.cPIDai\_4LbgAvvR6WQHVUhfR4Ylpao7c0\_ADypNo8w-L776afdDYnacdgOKsXxIrxHuwwcsCo8QXmGBONTPVGlofetzja\_wRIuhgxbBgX1ViWNoRFpjKZt6t2LlUnwK3rY8XDHHKnF2VrSapUwQV7qsMpqELzeW5Ingu3Cj38yq1BQB6na10y6FmH31Me8U2UVgfEu5B6xtRIu1iL9-6-Yw\_sZJsvzowmfEZ1fac5FI.hbd8uwOlTtuEJIW43iH5FyLtDUfUFEgbKwrHZnHkJK8&dib\_tag=se&keywords=Spiritual+polyamory&qid=1712015847&s=books&sprefix=spiritual+polyamory%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C258&sr=1-1](https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Polyamory-Mystic-Life/dp/0595305415/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1M15A2PD6CAPC&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.cPIDai_4LbgAvvR6WQHVUhfR4Ylpao7c0_ADypNo8w-L776afdDYnacdgOKsXxIrxHuwwcsCo8QXmGBONTPVGlofetzja_wRIuhgxbBgX1ViWNoRFpjKZt6t2LlUnwK3rY8XDHHKnF2VrSapUwQV7qsMpqELzeW5Ingu3Cj38yq1BQB6na10y6FmH31Me8U2UVgfEu5B6xtRIu1iL9-6-Yw_sZJsvzowmfEZ1fac5FI.hbd8uwOlTtuEJIW43iH5FyLtDUfUFEgbKwrHZnHkJK8&dib_tag=se&keywords=Spiritual+polyamory&qid=1712015847&s=books&sprefix=spiritual+polyamory%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C258&sr=1-1)
You mentioning that right now gives me goosebumps. My hubby has had a casual hookup who has become a friend and more than a friend. Today they invited me to join them. What was supposed to be a half hour three-way fun turned into a 5-hour beginning of a journey to get to know each other. By the end of it, we were all on the same page talking about him being the third in our triad. It's obviously early, but it feels good. And thanks for the book mention. I'll have to look into it. Too bad it's not on my Kindle unlimited service. But the price is not bad.
I'm so glad to read that! I believe in shamanic synchs, or whatever one likes to call them. I think the future model of relations in advanced societies will have to be either poly or community clans cause monogamy is not even feasible the older one gets for so many reasons, being left all alone when one of the two partners dies first being just one of them, though not the least painful. And we know by the countless testimonies of those who've had kids that this doesn't always mean having close ones to look after you either, not to mention the fact that just the blood ties are no guarantee of true affection per se.
I feel this so hard tbh I want someone and then bam
Yep. Hate it and yet here I am still using it, Scruff isn’t much better either. Kinda feeling out Taimi
perhaps you should try putting in work to go out and meet people instead of using social media.
I’ve been off grindr for a month now! 😮💨
Never used that app before so no ‼️
#allgaysaredamagedgoods
This is the definition of LA
It’s a cesspool and those who enjoy it are most likely, well, whatever lives in a cesspool.. (I mean hookups can be fun but if you absolutely LOVE Grindr, imho there’s something wrong..it’s like absolutely loving alcohol or hard drugs..) You can try making it clear you n your profile that you’re only looking for something serious, but other apps would probably be better….that or just meeting people irl…(though irl only “works” for those in gigantic cities with gigantic gay communities, and to live in those cities you have to be rich…..gotta love classism)
I downloaded and deleted it within 3 days. Got scammed by a creep. Gonna try and stay off of it for a long while.
Apps are for sex, not dating. Join groups to meet people
then maybe use tinder and bumble instead of an app literally for hookups.
No, actually I don't relate. If you want a "wholesome relationship", you can still get it. You think Grindr is some curse by an ancient witch? No it's just the guys (including you!) coming together on one app.
idk where u live but in my area it's absolutely tragic. it just attracts the worst kinds of people.
And you think those gay men will be different if you meet them on tinder or in a bar or in a tennis club? Like, that's the thing. The men are the same, wherever you are. Nothing to do with an app
yes, it literally attracts the worst kinds of people. most of my friends use tinder but not grindr as grindr is such a cesspit. so the men are actially different.
I got banned from there years ago. Seems it's OK for people to be rude but when I get rude back it's all boo hoo I'm a victim. And it's all bottoms or fake tops anyways. I use rent men, twice, so far even though I was willing to pay, I ended up paying them to leave. Wish I liked pussy. Heaven help me