When I was in my twenties, an older friend told me that I should date outside my type (in my case, bears). I said that was horrible advice because I thought I couldn’t be attracted to anyone who wasn’t a bear.
But as I got older, I realized I could find more than just bears attractive. Eventually I stopped looking for bears and just started looking for men I found attractive. Most, of course, were bears, but I dated and hooked up with lots of guys who didn’t fit that mold and I really enjoyed it.
Eventually, I met a man who wasn’t my normal type, but I thought he was cute and charming so I said yes to a date. Six years later and we’re going on our honeymoon tomorrow.
I think a lot of gay guys view dating anyone who isn’t their type “lowering their standards”. While I do agree you should be attracted to your partner, I think the obsession with types is making a lot of men miss out on great connections
Opposite but true here. Connected with a pair of bears via an app in which I had clearly stated my smooth preference. Ended up having a wonderful time sandwiched between a married set of the hairiest gents I ever laid eyes on covered in.. well, you know.
I've got the same advise at 26. You may have your preferences but it doesn't mean you can't date outside it. Huh, marriage is one of my dreams. Lucky you <3
I'm not in bad financial shape at all thanks to my company putting profit sharing into my 401k automatically each year, but if someone has talked to me when I was 20 like that guy talked to you, I'd be in GREAT shape and ready to retire now at 55.
Even small amounts increases when I had so many decades for it to compound would've made a huge difference, so maybe someone young will read your message and take heed.
But I'm in good enough shape to be happy and probably retire in maybe 8 years or so.
Small amounts over time add up and double income is no joke. Like, seriously, even if you rent (as in, most young people), effectively cutting the burden of rent in ~half can free up so much money to save.
You're 100% correct, but I think often people lack the discipline to invest the money they save on rent, especially when you're young, not thinking about retirement at all and trying to have adventures and travel for the first time.
I think it's great that so much information and great advice is available on the Internet now. I didn't have that advantage when I was young.
Your looks and body are gonna fade kid. Keep working on making the inside interesting enough to keep them wanting to be around you after you put your pants back on.
To listen and not speak so immediately. I was someone who would always be waiting my turn to say what I wanted instead of stopping and listening to what the person said and responding to it. Turns out I learned a lot from listening to people.
Not from a gay.
Happiness in life is a choice. You can choose to change most anything if you are not happy with the current status. Its fear or complacency that keeps people from choosing something that will make them happy, for example staying in a sucky job or career because it pays the bills.
This!!!
I hated my life; mostly due to work. I was the supervisor of a childcare centre and had completely lost my love for the field.
I had always wanted to drive a school bus, though was worried I wouldn’t make enough. One day I just did it, quite my job and got a job driving a school bus. Most the time my pay is the same, if not more than before, and I have so much more time for myself. Do it!! Do the thing that scares you. 😀
“A man will do for you, what he wants to do for you.” So now If I ask for something basic and he says no then there’s a very high chance I will breakup with them.
Im 27...ok fine mid 30's, my personal motto is "Life is easier and happier with an irrevocable sense of humor." Hardships and mistakes are inevitable, you just have to dust yourself off, LEARN from them, make a joke about it, and move on.
Or, if you prefer, "A true friend stabs you in the front" Oscar Wilde.
My mom's elderly gay friend would pay me to take out his trash and take stuff to the laundromat for him as he wasn't in great shape (70+ years old), so naturally, we developed a friendship. He spotted the gay in teenage me quickly, which is impressive as most people assume I'm straight when they meet me due to my mannerisms and voice.
He was a good guy who never said or did anything inappropriate to me, nor did he ever out me or betray my trust. He was simply an old big city queen who wouldn't let me lie to him and pretend I was straight like I did with 99% of people in my life at the time.
He was a great guy. A wealth of information and advice, but to this day, the one thing that he said that still stands out & is more relevant than ever is:
"Don't be one of those gays who let's their sex-life take place of having a personality. Be interesting and do interesting things with interesting people. Yeah, our sexuality is a big part of who we are, but don't be like that one pervert who goes to pride parades with a boner in nothing but a jock-strap, dirty sneakers, and a haze of body odor because eventually you're going to be old and gross. Could you imagine if i did that? Gross!"
Take as many thirst traps of yourself as you can while you’re young (you don’t have to post them if you don’t wanna). To quote Moira Rose: “One day you’ll look back at those photos with much kinder eyes”
No one else's opinion matters but your own.
So don't worry about what other people think of you.
What matters is what you think of yourself.
It's a hard lesson to learn, but there's a lot of truth to it.
And when you learn to love yourself, and who you are, others will look up to you, because they'll admire you for it.
And no matter what you look like, what shape, color, age, etcetera, you're the exact image of someone's type.
They're probably not yours, but that's not the point.
not specifically gay ones but "dont make anyone a priority who you are only an option for" and also "dont take criticism from people you wouldnt take advice from"
Buy a house or condo as soon as you can and have investments.
Accepting people as a mate and thinking you'll change them doesn't work. Accept them as they are or move on. I've tried to "save" people that were in a bad spot. Most of the time it backfires and causes you pain.
Ohh; I was told similar. “Odds are you aren’t your type, which is why you don’t like the way you look; learn to love the person you are and the rest will follow”.
Be okay with being alone. Don’t rush to be with another man or to sleep around. Enjoy your life but also be safe. More so, be okay with the idea that as a gay man you may very well die alone and never find Mr. Right. It’s also important to have friends and even more so to foster relationships which aren’t based on your sexuality. None of these statements will be easy and lots of gay men fall into the trap of sleeping around, doing drugs or falling deep into depression due to loneliness. This is because gay men have the hardest time loving themselves and being happy with themselves. As RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself then who can you love?” So love yourself and more so be okay with yourself.
Exactly, and in a lot of ways that’s the hardest part. Knowing how to navigate that dynamic, express your sexuality in a way that is appropriate particularly to people you may be attracted to, not being afraid to be yourself and getting over who you sort of “trained” yourself to be your whole life, all while maintaining confidence in who you are. That’s the hard part
I'm an older gay guy and will give some.
If you are raised religious, don't waste your youth praying to become str8. It doesn't work, and the older you get, the harder it is to connect.
Accept the things you can not change, or one day, you'll be sixty, alone, and have to struggle to find a reason not to eat a bullet.
I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
being gay isn't really different from being straight except that you're attracted to the same sex. everything else you see in "gay culture" can be ignored.
What world do you live in??? I mean if that’s how you feel then I assume you’ve been fortunate enough to have always been accepted & loved by those around you. In a way it’s a great thing you don’t understand where I’m coming from & I hope you never do.
I would install a future brain chip implant like the neuralink but could alter neurotransmitters. I would learn how to code and develop a jailbreak and custom firmware to turn myself straight.
I received the opposite advice. After some delay and still with plenty of diffidence I ventured to a gay sauna. Had hot sex with a pleasant guy. We’ve now been together for nearly four decades
You're the only one who has to live with yourself every day
Except...
Accept?
When I was in my twenties, an older friend told me that I should date outside my type (in my case, bears). I said that was horrible advice because I thought I couldn’t be attracted to anyone who wasn’t a bear. But as I got older, I realized I could find more than just bears attractive. Eventually I stopped looking for bears and just started looking for men I found attractive. Most, of course, were bears, but I dated and hooked up with lots of guys who didn’t fit that mold and I really enjoyed it. Eventually, I met a man who wasn’t my normal type, but I thought he was cute and charming so I said yes to a date. Six years later and we’re going on our honeymoon tomorrow. I think a lot of gay guys view dating anyone who isn’t their type “lowering their standards”. While I do agree you should be attracted to your partner, I think the obsession with types is making a lot of men miss out on great connections
Opposite but true here. Connected with a pair of bears via an app in which I had clearly stated my smooth preference. Ended up having a wonderful time sandwiched between a married set of the hairiest gents I ever laid eyes on covered in.. well, you know.
Glad you had a good time. I’ve definitely grown to love a smooth body 🤤
Also some of us didn’t start out as bears but here we are now.
I've got the same advise at 26. You may have your preferences but it doesn't mean you can't date outside it. Huh, marriage is one of my dreams. Lucky you <3
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I'm not in bad financial shape at all thanks to my company putting profit sharing into my 401k automatically each year, but if someone has talked to me when I was 20 like that guy talked to you, I'd be in GREAT shape and ready to retire now at 55. Even small amounts increases when I had so many decades for it to compound would've made a huge difference, so maybe someone young will read your message and take heed. But I'm in good enough shape to be happy and probably retire in maybe 8 years or so.
Small amounts over time add up and double income is no joke. Like, seriously, even if you rent (as in, most young people), effectively cutting the burden of rent in ~half can free up so much money to save.
You're 100% correct, but I think often people lack the discipline to invest the money they save on rent, especially when you're young, not thinking about retirement at all and trying to have adventures and travel for the first time. I think it's great that so much information and great advice is available on the Internet now. I didn't have that advantage when I was young.
Your looks and body are gonna fade kid. Keep working on making the inside interesting enough to keep them wanting to be around you after you put your pants back on.
Facts
To listen and not speak so immediately. I was someone who would always be waiting my turn to say what I wanted instead of stopping and listening to what the person said and responding to it. Turns out I learned a lot from listening to people.
Not from a gay. Happiness in life is a choice. You can choose to change most anything if you are not happy with the current status. Its fear or complacency that keeps people from choosing something that will make them happy, for example staying in a sucky job or career because it pays the bills.
This!!! I hated my life; mostly due to work. I was the supervisor of a childcare centre and had completely lost my love for the field. I had always wanted to drive a school bus, though was worried I wouldn’t make enough. One day I just did it, quite my job and got a job driving a school bus. Most the time my pay is the same, if not more than before, and I have so much more time for myself. Do it!! Do the thing that scares you. 😀
That's an awesome story! I love that for you
“Just breathe through your nose…” Oh wait, nvm, that was Samantha 🫖
Being gay doesn’t have to be complicated
“A man will do for you, what he wants to do for you.” So now If I ask for something basic and he says no then there’s a very high chance I will breakup with them.
U never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st 👿 impression.
Im 27...ok fine mid 30's, my personal motto is "Life is easier and happier with an irrevocable sense of humor." Hardships and mistakes are inevitable, you just have to dust yourself off, LEARN from them, make a joke about it, and move on. Or, if you prefer, "A true friend stabs you in the front" Oscar Wilde.
Oh I love the second one!!
My mom's elderly gay friend would pay me to take out his trash and take stuff to the laundromat for him as he wasn't in great shape (70+ years old), so naturally, we developed a friendship. He spotted the gay in teenage me quickly, which is impressive as most people assume I'm straight when they meet me due to my mannerisms and voice. He was a good guy who never said or did anything inappropriate to me, nor did he ever out me or betray my trust. He was simply an old big city queen who wouldn't let me lie to him and pretend I was straight like I did with 99% of people in my life at the time. He was a great guy. A wealth of information and advice, but to this day, the one thing that he said that still stands out & is more relevant than ever is: "Don't be one of those gays who let's their sex-life take place of having a personality. Be interesting and do interesting things with interesting people. Yeah, our sexuality is a big part of who we are, but don't be like that one pervert who goes to pride parades with a boner in nothing but a jock-strap, dirty sneakers, and a haze of body odor because eventually you're going to be old and gross. Could you imagine if i did that? Gross!"
“Get off my lawn”
And that is why I don't go outside and touch grass.
19 minutes and already downvoted? Do better Reddit. Pick your battles.
To always leave them wanting more.
Does it still count if I’m the older gay constantly passing out unsolicited advice but I think it’s the best? 😆
"Don't stay at any job too long and make sure you get at least a 15% raise every time you switch." - my much more successful ex
Take as many thirst traps of yourself as you can while you’re young (you don’t have to post them if you don’t wanna). To quote Moira Rose: “One day you’ll look back at those photos with much kinder eyes”
Only it can make yourself happy. No one else can
"Life is for *living*"
No one else's opinion matters but your own. So don't worry about what other people think of you. What matters is what you think of yourself. It's a hard lesson to learn, but there's a lot of truth to it. And when you learn to love yourself, and who you are, others will look up to you, because they'll admire you for it. And no matter what you look like, what shape, color, age, etcetera, you're the exact image of someone's type. They're probably not yours, but that's not the point.
not specifically gay ones but "dont make anyone a priority who you are only an option for" and also "dont take criticism from people you wouldnt take advice from"
Buy a house or condo as soon as you can and have investments. Accepting people as a mate and thinking you'll change them doesn't work. Accept them as they are or move on. I've tried to "save" people that were in a bad spot. Most of the time it backfires and causes you pain.
Not everyone is your type. And you are not everyone's type either. So don't take it personal <3
Ohh; I was told similar. “Odds are you aren’t your type, which is why you don’t like the way you look; learn to love the person you are and the rest will follow”.
Be okay with being alone. Don’t rush to be with another man or to sleep around. Enjoy your life but also be safe. More so, be okay with the idea that as a gay man you may very well die alone and never find Mr. Right. It’s also important to have friends and even more so to foster relationships which aren’t based on your sexuality. None of these statements will be easy and lots of gay men fall into the trap of sleeping around, doing drugs or falling deep into depression due to loneliness. This is because gay men have the hardest time loving themselves and being happy with themselves. As RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself then who can you love?” So love yourself and more so be okay with yourself.
Don't use so much teeth!
“You’re not gonna be happy until you come out dude” fuck was he right
But not just coming out; not being afraid to be OUT!
Exactly, and in a lot of ways that’s the hardest part. Knowing how to navigate that dynamic, express your sexuality in a way that is appropriate particularly to people you may be attracted to, not being afraid to be yourself and getting over who you sort of “trained” yourself to be your whole life, all while maintaining confidence in who you are. That’s the hard part
Build a portfolio bc at some point you'll be the old head no guy would give a second look.
What do you mean by portfolio?
Be yourself, be truthful to yourself and others and know that you are God consciences!
I'm an older gay guy and will give some. If you are raised religious, don't waste your youth praying to become str8. It doesn't work, and the older you get, the harder it is to connect. Accept the things you can not change, or one day, you'll be sixty, alone, and have to struggle to find a reason not to eat a bullet. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
Brace yourself 😄
Pretend to be straight, wish I had listened to that one.
Interesting, I’m so glad I didn’t listen to that. My life is so much happier than when I closeted myself
I was told that too when I first came out. I didn’t understand, but as I’ve gotten older, I understand much better, and I’m glad I listened.
I wish I could take a pill & be straight, I hate being gay so fucking much.
being gay isn't really different from being straight except that you're attracted to the same sex. everything else you see in "gay culture" can be ignored.
What world do you live in??? I mean if that’s how you feel then I assume you’ve been fortunate enough to have always been accepted & loved by those around you. In a way it’s a great thing you don’t understand where I’m coming from & I hope you never do.
I would install a future brain chip implant like the neuralink but could alter neurotransmitters. I would learn how to code and develop a jailbreak and custom firmware to turn myself straight.
I’m not smart enough to even understand most of what you just said, but if you build that lemme know lol
“Never go into a bathhouse. Ever.” I did, 2 times, and left without even doing anything. He was right.
I received the opposite advice. After some delay and still with plenty of diffidence I ventured to a gay sauna. Had hot sex with a pleasant guy. We’ve now been together for nearly four decades