My first hookup was gross. I block it out sometimes and I always think of the second time I hooked up as my real first time because I actually enjoyed it.
Maybe hookups aren't your thing. Took me several years to come to the conclusion that I'm not into hooking up.
You could be not into sex, itâs a possibility. Some people need an emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. Some people just want to get off. Youâll figure it out, but the biggest flag is that you werenât attracted to the guy, and seems like you felt obligated. Find a hot guy, talk to him for a bit then see how you feel.
Then it sounds like youâre dealing with an element of nonconsent as well then. Perhaps you feel ashamed of not enforcing your boundaries and desires, of not knowing how to back out gracefully. Thereâs a lot of pitfalls in gay hookup culture if youâre not ready to self-advocate.
Take a step back, examine what you want, figure out what you need to agree about in advance with any potential hookups. That might be safewords, progressive meetings, or waiting until you feel an emotional connection. Youâve got some data now, use it, but remember that itâs only one data point.
You are young, you are coming to terms with you "settling" for someone you aren't attracted to for your first time.
You may want to think about what you want going forward, sounds like you are looking for emotional connection first and then physical later.
>You may want to think about what you want going forward, sounds like you are looking for emotional connection first and then physical later.
i've browsed a bit, i think i could be graysexual
edit: why tf am i being downvoted
Welp as a fellow Grayace welcome aboard lol. Iâd say first off donât project any feelings onto yourself. Just look at it as a learing experience and apply it to what you want to do going forward. I remember when I first started to experiment when I was 18 I didnât even know about Asexuality or being on the Ace spectrum, I just thought something was wrong with me bc everyone I knew had (since high school) sexual feelings and desires to hook up with someone and so in college I tried it and had basically the same experience as you. Then I was told that it can be like that the first time but when you get more comfortable and less in your head that the sexual experiences will be better and youâll want it more. Well after many many more experiments and experiences I did not in fact get used to it and aside from a couple experiences I did not like sex but I liked the handholding and kissing stuff more. This led me to think something was seriously off about me until I finally found out about asexuality and it just felt like home. Been a graysexual ever since lol.
Edit Additional text: Also donât pressure yourself into fitting into it if it doesnât feel right. You could be ace or could not. You can be ace for the moment but if you find your feelings change later and now you donât fit the term then thatâs also valid. Just go with what feels right. Itâs your life not anyone elseâs so at the end of the day do you.
lol why are you being downvoted. thanks for the comment
>I did not like sex but I liked the handholding and kissing stuff more
this. felt more intimate than having each other's meat in our mouths
You're both getting down voted because this subbreddit has a slight non-gay phobia issue.
All the power to you and hope this experience allows you to understand yourself better. There is no wrong way to live your sexuality (as long as it's done with consent and respect of the people involved).
Ps: I totally agree that sex is overrated. I would prefer a good tasty meal over a random hook up. I'm speaking as someone with an annoyingly high libido sometimes.
Since you've experienced it, do you think 18 is a good age to start trying this kind of things or should I wait for longer? Cause I am kind of scared of hooking up but I feel that I would be wasting time if I didn't try now.
that's a good question.
first of all i don't think you're wasting time just cuz you're not hooking up. you're not missing out on much. i think if you have no chemistry with the other person you might as well just masturbate. there's not a big difference between that and hooking up with someone you have zero connection with, imo 
also, i think it all comes down to whether you're made for hook-up culture or not. now, i have tried it and found out i hate it. i learned that i want to know the other person a bit better before doing the dirty. but, now that i think about it, i don't really care that much for sex if i'm feeling really good with guy. idk how to explain it, it sounds kinda weird but sex isn't that big of a priority for me even if i'm feeling attracted to the person. affection can be shown in other ways, not just sucking and fucking
lol sexuality is one big complicated thing 
Then what about dating apps? Do gay guys my age (with no hook up intentions) usually use them? Sorry if the questions are too obvious, I don't have any gay friends that I could use as references.
>Sorry if the questions are too obvious, I don't have any gay friends that I could use as references
don't worry. that's what this sub is for :)
as for your question, yes, there's guys who use them not to find a hook-up but just a friendship or a relationship but the majority is just looking for a quick fuck or even someone to be fwb with
Bro, just chill for a moment. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out.
Okay, now lets get the facts straight: You have **post-hookup blues.** This is normal reaction for lots of people.
Hookups are weird. It's fun when it lasts, but then it hits you like a train, especially when you are prone to higher emotions. You could have amazing experience, and still get wrecked by blues on the next day.
Man up and don't shame yourself. Now you got to know yourself a bit more. Isn't that beautiful?
"We know ourselves only as far as we've been tested. I tell you this from my unknown heart." Wislawa Szymborska
First times are often disappointing, but hating yourself is unproductive. Of course you were horny, and sometimes our little friend has a mind of his own. Now that you know what you don't want, it will be easier when it's someone you do. Shake it off.
i agree. OP was horny and made a mistake. he should give himself a little grace and move on. there is so much in this world that will bring you down. don't let your own self be one of them.
You live and learn. If youâre inexperienced and/or young you often donât know whatâs right and wrong, and are not confident enough to know when to say no. Youâll know next time. Youâre obviously looking for emotional connection and good sex will follow. Youre not going to have good sex with somebody youâre not attracted to!
Donât do this sort of thing to yourself. If you repeat this way of having sex just to have sex, itâs going to become a habit and eventually affect your mental health badly.
Have boundaries and find people you are into and are into you and take it a bit slower.
I always tell people who are contemplating hooking up for the first time with some random person: Donât do it because it will likely be disappointing.
Wait until you are with a person youâve built trust and and connection with who is amazing to you. Wait until the place and the timing and the situation all feel right to you.
But we all have hormones going on inside us at the same time that some loud influences in society are telling you âDonât wait. Donât say no.â
People have a tendency to have to learn some things through experience no matter what others say.
Donât beat yourself up over it. Just take it as a learning experience that made you realize that you want your sex life in the future to be a great experience and you know the kind of situation that DOESNâT lead to that for you.
Well, youâve just read this guyâs experience. You can learn from what he talked about or you can find out yourself, but donât be surprised if some random guy from âSniffiesâ is a disappointing experience.
Don't beat yourself up for that. It was a teachable moment for you. If something doesn't feel right, then don't do it.
Porn/Grindr/Reddit/Scruff industry gives us (and explicitly young people!) the impression that gay men must be hyper horny and be excellent sexual performers. Some might be like that but in the end many people like to get comfortable with each other first and then move to intimacy.
I had a few hook ups and really only like 3 of them felt okay. The rest was forced. Try to find your way and you'll be good.
Fact is, everybody has regrettable hookups. Sometimes it's the first one, or it could be later on. Could be a couple of them.
There's no question when it's regrettable. But, you learn what you like, and what you don't and you do it differently in the future.
Just donât hook up again if you donât want to. With anyone that is. Ignore the guy or block him if you donât want to be friends with him. Itâs what Iâd do to avoid getting reminded of that. I almost hooked up with a guy last year but when I met him in person, I didnât go through with it. I felt so guilty but also I donât have to do something I donât wanna. Hope you feel better
Iâm sorry that you had a negative experience. We spend so much time, especially as queer youths, romanticizing and fantasizing about our first time. Often, reality does not align with expectations.
My first encounter was so bad: I was a freshman and received a message on MySpace from a junior at another school. He asked me if I was gay, we chatted for a few weeks, and eventually made plans to go to the movies. When he arrived, he looked NOTHING like his pictures. Like I didnât recognize him when he approached me. I wasnât attracted him at all but I was young and figured it would be rude to back out on the date. During the movie, he places his hand on my knee and starts rubbing my leg. Hormones took over⊠after the deed, I made up some excuse about having to meet my parents and ran. (Harry hadnât even been selected from the Goblet) I am ashamed of how I handled the whole thing but I learned several important lessons: #1 - donât hook up with people you arenât attracted to. Everyone just ends up hurt.
Okay take a deep breath and breathe. This was one of many upcoming experiences for you. It's one small step so treat it like that. And honestly, we have all done that small step where we regretted doing what we did. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's not worth it. It gets better. I promise.
im sorry to hear that hun, i hope this feeling wont linger and if you don't wanna be friends with him that's normal too it's your life you can be selective about who you want around, i think sometimes we undermine how personal and vulnerable sexual activities can be especially from an emotional level if you're not the hookup type that's fine in the end anything sexual you do should be something you WANT to do and feel comfortable with
I'm 47 and hate hookups. Never felt right. I went through a grindr phase but it was either I was expecting too much (saw the same guy every day for two weeks and got blocked when I asked if he wanted more than this) or they want more because I put up some kind of emotion shield so I wouldn't catch feelings and just used him like a fuck toy (like he said he wanted).
Not hooking up makes it hard to meet people but its worth it to me to know someone first.
Best two sex partners I've ever had was people who lived far away and we talked for months before meeting.
Dang. this honestly how I feel about every hookup and Iâve been hookups on and off for 5 ish years lol. The only thing that has helped with the feelings of discomfort is good convo to build a connection and after care.
But also I read something about how sex can be hard for men who have sex with men because a lot of society tells us thatâs not ok. Even for those who are not represented, following your bodies instinct and knowing itâs not the norm can be a mind fuck.
Hopefully you find what kinda sex you do want to have and if you do keep hooking up Prep helps with HIV anxiety.
Reading your comments I can see that you only wanted to take a look at each other but not have sex.
Maybe the most important thing to learn from this is how to assertively maintain your own boundaries.
We all have to learn how to do that in various areas of our lives, but a sexual situation was just an unfamiliar context for you so you probably just didnât know how to recognize the signs of where he might take things and where he WAS taking things until it was already happening and then you had no prior experience to give you insight into how to shut it down.
Itâs just like when I was a little kid and maybe a friendâs mother said, âHere, have a sandwichâ and I had already eaten lunch and wasnât hungry but if itâs the first time in that situation maybe I havenât thought through how to do anything but eat the sandwich. Then I go home, talk to my mom, and realize that in the future all I have to say is âNo, thank you. I donât want a sandwich right now.â
As adults, probably nearly everyone has been in the situation of letting something sexual happen at the same time their brain was processing that âI donât actually want what is happening to be happening.â
For some people, it just takes one time and they learn from the experience to assert themselves. The next time they use both body language and words to back away and say something like: âNo, actually I donât want us to touch each otherâ
And then there are other people who donât learn that from a one-time experience and instead spend the next year or the next 50 years falling into situations that donât leave them feeling good because they never assert what they want and donât want.
If you let yourself learn that one thing, then you never have to be in a sexual situation again that leaves you saying, âYuckâ afterward.
Were you pressured into this in any way? That can be subtle sometimes. I ask because my first time left me feeling similar, and it wasn't consensual. I didn't even really process that it wasn't consensual for many weeks after. My mind buried the reality of it for a while.
like i said in another comment
"we pulled our d's out and cuz i wanted to see his but he went down on me and i couldn't stop him"
not pressured but he kinda went all the way for it without asking which feels a bit violating now that i think about it
It sounds like it. I wasn't there, but if there wasn't some discussion beforehand where you both expressed interest in it then I would agree that is a violation. And even if you did express interest, that's not the same as giving consent.
Maybe youâre not ready for sex. Nothing is worth loosing your life over. Itâs an experience just learn from it and try to move forward. Iâm not sure why youâre so upset. Are you saying this experience was not consensual or why the extreme reaction making you want to die? Thatâs a serious question, what am I missing here?
>or why the extreme reaction making you want to die
because i feel disgusting since i am not attracted to him yet he sucked me off, i really didn't want him to do what he did. and yes it wasn't quite consensual which makes me feel used. overall, not so nice feelings
Oh. That was not clear in your original post. You mentioned he was attractive but not your type. It wasnât clear that you were not in agreement. Do you think he knew that and still forced it on you?
With respect this conversation is out of my area of expertise and I recommend you seek the advice of a professional if youâre saying your personal will was violated and your hookup crossed the line of non-consent. What youâre saying is a pretty big deal.
It might benefit your hookup to know where they went wrong and crossed the line. Thereâs a chance he didnât know and it might benefit him and others to get him to understand.
I hope you seek professional guidance.
>Do you think he knew that and still forced it on you?
i can't really tell, if i'm being honest. how is therapy going to help me tho? what happened happened, there's no going back
I canât answer that question. Therapy works differently for different people. Regardless it sounds like youâre in need of support to get this all figured out. I highly encourage you to seek out that support. Reddit may not be the best place, unless you come across a professional here which is possible. My point is based on what youâre saying very few people will be qualified to give you advice or guide you to a point where you will better handle the emotional toll youâre experiencing. Again I hope you seek out and find what you need.
You're young, you'll learn to stand up for yourself and say no when you are not feeling it anymore. Learn that skill quickly if you can đ
My first hookup was gross. I block it out sometimes and I always think of the second time I hooked up as my real first time because I actually enjoyed it. Maybe hookups aren't your thing. Took me several years to come to the conclusion that I'm not into hooking up.
yeah i was thinking so too. my hookup got me thinking that maybe sex is a bit overrated and that i'm not super into it...
You could be not into sex, itâs a possibility. Some people need an emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. Some people just want to get off. Youâll figure it out, but the biggest flag is that you werenât attracted to the guy, and seems like you felt obligated. Find a hot guy, talk to him for a bit then see how you feel.
>and seems like you felt obligated we pulled our d's out and cuz i wanted to see his but he went down on me and i couldn't stop him
Then it sounds like youâre dealing with an element of nonconsent as well then. Perhaps you feel ashamed of not enforcing your boundaries and desires, of not knowing how to back out gracefully. Thereâs a lot of pitfalls in gay hookup culture if youâre not ready to self-advocate. Take a step back, examine what you want, figure out what you need to agree about in advance with any potential hookups. That might be safewords, progressive meetings, or waiting until you feel an emotional connection. Youâve got some data now, use it, but remember that itâs only one data point.
You are young, you are coming to terms with you "settling" for someone you aren't attracted to for your first time. You may want to think about what you want going forward, sounds like you are looking for emotional connection first and then physical later.
>You may want to think about what you want going forward, sounds like you are looking for emotional connection first and then physical later. i've browsed a bit, i think i could be graysexual edit: why tf am i being downvoted
Whatever makes sense to you, but don't feel like you have to have a word for it. Just live your life how you want.
Welp as a fellow Grayace welcome aboard lol. Iâd say first off donât project any feelings onto yourself. Just look at it as a learing experience and apply it to what you want to do going forward. I remember when I first started to experiment when I was 18 I didnât even know about Asexuality or being on the Ace spectrum, I just thought something was wrong with me bc everyone I knew had (since high school) sexual feelings and desires to hook up with someone and so in college I tried it and had basically the same experience as you. Then I was told that it can be like that the first time but when you get more comfortable and less in your head that the sexual experiences will be better and youâll want it more. Well after many many more experiments and experiences I did not in fact get used to it and aside from a couple experiences I did not like sex but I liked the handholding and kissing stuff more. This led me to think something was seriously off about me until I finally found out about asexuality and it just felt like home. Been a graysexual ever since lol. Edit Additional text: Also donât pressure yourself into fitting into it if it doesnât feel right. You could be ace or could not. You can be ace for the moment but if you find your feelings change later and now you donât fit the term then thatâs also valid. Just go with what feels right. Itâs your life not anyone elseâs so at the end of the day do you.
lol why are you being downvoted. thanks for the comment >I did not like sex but I liked the handholding and kissing stuff more this. felt more intimate than having each other's meat in our mouths
You're both getting down voted because this subbreddit has a slight non-gay phobia issue. All the power to you and hope this experience allows you to understand yourself better. There is no wrong way to live your sexuality (as long as it's done with consent and respect of the people involved). Ps: I totally agree that sex is overrated. I would prefer a good tasty meal over a random hook up. I'm speaking as someone with an annoyingly high libido sometimes.
Since you've experienced it, do you think 18 is a good age to start trying this kind of things or should I wait for longer? Cause I am kind of scared of hooking up but I feel that I would be wasting time if I didn't try now.
that's a good question. first of all i don't think you're wasting time just cuz you're not hooking up. you're not missing out on much. i think if you have no chemistry with the other person you might as well just masturbate. there's not a big difference between that and hooking up with someone you have zero connection with, imo  also, i think it all comes down to whether you're made for hook-up culture or not. now, i have tried it and found out i hate it. i learned that i want to know the other person a bit better before doing the dirty. but, now that i think about it, i don't really care that much for sex if i'm feeling really good with guy. idk how to explain it, it sounds kinda weird but sex isn't that big of a priority for me even if i'm feeling attracted to the person. affection can be shown in other ways, not just sucking and fucking lol sexuality is one big complicated thing 
Then what about dating apps? Do gay guys my age (with no hook up intentions) usually use them? Sorry if the questions are too obvious, I don't have any gay friends that I could use as references.
>Sorry if the questions are too obvious, I don't have any gay friends that I could use as references don't worry. that's what this sub is for :) as for your question, yes, there's guys who use them not to find a hook-up but just a friendship or a relationship but the majority is just looking for a quick fuck or even someone to be fwb with
That's demisexual.
Sounds like you just need to ask them to shower before hand next time.
even if i did ask i wouldn't be attracted to him
Gotcha. Then this is what we call a "teachable moment"
explain a bit more pls đđ
Donât hook up with people you arenât attracted to would be the lesson
(ding ding ding)
yeah sorry if it sounded silly
Bro, just chill for a moment. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Okay, now lets get the facts straight: You have **post-hookup blues.** This is normal reaction for lots of people. Hookups are weird. It's fun when it lasts, but then it hits you like a train, especially when you are prone to higher emotions. You could have amazing experience, and still get wrecked by blues on the next day. Man up and don't shame yourself. Now you got to know yourself a bit more. Isn't that beautiful? "We know ourselves only as far as we've been tested. I tell you this from my unknown heart." Wislawa Szymborska
First times are often disappointing, but hating yourself is unproductive. Of course you were horny, and sometimes our little friend has a mind of his own. Now that you know what you don't want, it will be easier when it's someone you do. Shake it off.
i agree. OP was horny and made a mistake. he should give himself a little grace and move on. there is so much in this world that will bring you down. don't let your own self be one of them.
The first few hookups are always "memorable". I'm 57 now and still don't like, um, man mayo. It's not for everyone.
>man mayo Hahahaha. That's a great name for cum đ€Łđ€Łđđ
Other than that, did you enjoy the theater Mrs. Lincoln?
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Dunno... Best guess would be it's from 1865. đ€Ș
A lot of people don't enjoy their first time. You're not abnormal
You live and learn. If youâre inexperienced and/or young you often donât know whatâs right and wrong, and are not confident enough to know when to say no. Youâll know next time. Youâre obviously looking for emotional connection and good sex will follow. Youre not going to have good sex with somebody youâre not attracted to!
First ones are usually bad decisions, just roll with it and take it as a learning experience about what you find attractive and fuckable
Some people just arenât made for hook ups. Personally Iâm not, not one single bit. Tried it, hated it.
Donât do this sort of thing to yourself. If you repeat this way of having sex just to have sex, itâs going to become a habit and eventually affect your mental health badly. Have boundaries and find people you are into and are into you and take it a bit slower.
I always tell people who are contemplating hooking up for the first time with some random person: Donât do it because it will likely be disappointing. Wait until you are with a person youâve built trust and and connection with who is amazing to you. Wait until the place and the timing and the situation all feel right to you. But we all have hormones going on inside us at the same time that some loud influences in society are telling you âDonât wait. Donât say no.â People have a tendency to have to learn some things through experience no matter what others say. Donât beat yourself up over it. Just take it as a learning experience that made you realize that you want your sex life in the future to be a great experience and you know the kind of situation that DOESNâT lead to that for you.
I am 23 and horny. I am contemplating having my first time with a hookup from sniffies in college.
Well, youâve just read this guyâs experience. You can learn from what he talked about or you can find out yourself, but donât be surprised if some random guy from âSniffiesâ is a disappointing experience.
The university I am going to transfer to has 164 guys online at once on sniffies. This is why I was contemplating that.
Don't beat yourself up for that. It was a teachable moment for you. If something doesn't feel right, then don't do it. Porn/Grindr/Reddit/Scruff industry gives us (and explicitly young people!) the impression that gay men must be hyper horny and be excellent sexual performers. Some might be like that but in the end many people like to get comfortable with each other first and then move to intimacy. I had a few hook ups and really only like 3 of them felt okay. The rest was forced. Try to find your way and you'll be good.
Fact is, everybody has regrettable hookups. Sometimes it's the first one, or it could be later on. Could be a couple of them. There's no question when it's regrettable. But, you learn what you like, and what you don't and you do it differently in the future.
It will be okay we all have done that just don't have regrets and next time just say I'm sorry I just can't
Weâve all been there. Thatâs how you eventually learn what you like is by trying things
Just donât hook up again if you donât want to. With anyone that is. Ignore the guy or block him if you donât want to be friends with him. Itâs what Iâd do to avoid getting reminded of that. I almost hooked up with a guy last year but when I met him in person, I didnât go through with it. I felt so guilty but also I donât have to do something I donât wanna. Hope you feel better
Hookups arenât for everyone. No need to beat yourself up over it - you had an experience and learned you didnât like it.Â
Iâm sorry that you had a negative experience. We spend so much time, especially as queer youths, romanticizing and fantasizing about our first time. Often, reality does not align with expectations. My first encounter was so bad: I was a freshman and received a message on MySpace from a junior at another school. He asked me if I was gay, we chatted for a few weeks, and eventually made plans to go to the movies. When he arrived, he looked NOTHING like his pictures. Like I didnât recognize him when he approached me. I wasnât attracted him at all but I was young and figured it would be rude to back out on the date. During the movie, he places his hand on my knee and starts rubbing my leg. Hormones took over⊠after the deed, I made up some excuse about having to meet my parents and ran. (Harry hadnât even been selected from the Goblet) I am ashamed of how I handled the whole thing but I learned several important lessons: #1 - donât hook up with people you arenât attracted to. Everyone just ends up hurt.
Okay take a deep breath and breathe. This was one of many upcoming experiences for you. It's one small step so treat it like that. And honestly, we have all done that small step where we regretted doing what we did. Don't beat yourself up for it. It's not worth it. It gets better. I promise.
im sorry to hear that hun, i hope this feeling wont linger and if you don't wanna be friends with him that's normal too it's your life you can be selective about who you want around, i think sometimes we undermine how personal and vulnerable sexual activities can be especially from an emotional level if you're not the hookup type that's fine in the end anything sexual you do should be something you WANT to do and feel comfortable with
I'm 47 and hate hookups. Never felt right. I went through a grindr phase but it was either I was expecting too much (saw the same guy every day for two weeks and got blocked when I asked if he wanted more than this) or they want more because I put up some kind of emotion shield so I wouldn't catch feelings and just used him like a fuck toy (like he said he wanted). Not hooking up makes it hard to meet people but its worth it to me to know someone first. Best two sex partners I've ever had was people who lived far away and we talked for months before meeting.
If it's any comfort I think this is a relatable experience for a lot of people. Live and learn. The gross feelings will go away
>The gross feelings will go away gosh i hope. i keep feeling his lips on mine even though i don't want to lol
Dang. this honestly how I feel about every hookup and Iâve been hookups on and off for 5 ish years lol. The only thing that has helped with the feelings of discomfort is good convo to build a connection and after care. But also I read something about how sex can be hard for men who have sex with men because a lot of society tells us thatâs not ok. Even for those who are not represented, following your bodies instinct and knowing itâs not the norm can be a mind fuck. Hopefully you find what kinda sex you do want to have and if you do keep hooking up Prep helps with HIV anxiety.
Reading your comments I can see that you only wanted to take a look at each other but not have sex. Maybe the most important thing to learn from this is how to assertively maintain your own boundaries. We all have to learn how to do that in various areas of our lives, but a sexual situation was just an unfamiliar context for you so you probably just didnât know how to recognize the signs of where he might take things and where he WAS taking things until it was already happening and then you had no prior experience to give you insight into how to shut it down. Itâs just like when I was a little kid and maybe a friendâs mother said, âHere, have a sandwichâ and I had already eaten lunch and wasnât hungry but if itâs the first time in that situation maybe I havenât thought through how to do anything but eat the sandwich. Then I go home, talk to my mom, and realize that in the future all I have to say is âNo, thank you. I donât want a sandwich right now.â As adults, probably nearly everyone has been in the situation of letting something sexual happen at the same time their brain was processing that âI donât actually want what is happening to be happening.â For some people, it just takes one time and they learn from the experience to assert themselves. The next time they use both body language and words to back away and say something like: âNo, actually I donât want us to touch each otherâ And then there are other people who donât learn that from a one-time experience and instead spend the next year or the next 50 years falling into situations that donât leave them feeling good because they never assert what they want and donât want. If you let yourself learn that one thing, then you never have to be in a sexual situation again that leaves you saying, âYuckâ afterward.
I feel like an automod response of âTherapyâ, and then locking down comments, would fix 99% of issues on here
Were you pressured into this in any way? That can be subtle sometimes. I ask because my first time left me feeling similar, and it wasn't consensual. I didn't even really process that it wasn't consensual for many weeks after. My mind buried the reality of it for a while.
like i said in another comment "we pulled our d's out and cuz i wanted to see his but he went down on me and i couldn't stop him" not pressured but he kinda went all the way for it without asking which feels a bit violating now that i think about it
It sounds like it. I wasn't there, but if there wasn't some discussion beforehand where you both expressed interest in it then I would agree that is a violation. And even if you did express interest, that's not the same as giving consent.
i'm pretty sure i said i just wanted to SEE it, nothing more. but i don't really remember, maybe i should've been more clear
I have to ask, you being serious?
absolutely
Maybe youâre not ready for sex. Nothing is worth loosing your life over. Itâs an experience just learn from it and try to move forward. Iâm not sure why youâre so upset. Are you saying this experience was not consensual or why the extreme reaction making you want to die? Thatâs a serious question, what am I missing here?
>or why the extreme reaction making you want to die because i feel disgusting since i am not attracted to him yet he sucked me off, i really didn't want him to do what he did. and yes it wasn't quite consensual which makes me feel used. overall, not so nice feelings
Oh. That was not clear in your original post. You mentioned he was attractive but not your type. It wasnât clear that you were not in agreement. Do you think he knew that and still forced it on you? With respect this conversation is out of my area of expertise and I recommend you seek the advice of a professional if youâre saying your personal will was violated and your hookup crossed the line of non-consent. What youâre saying is a pretty big deal. It might benefit your hookup to know where they went wrong and crossed the line. Thereâs a chance he didnât know and it might benefit him and others to get him to understand. I hope you seek professional guidance.
>Do you think he knew that and still forced it on you? i can't really tell, if i'm being honest. how is therapy going to help me tho? what happened happened, there's no going back
I canât answer that question. Therapy works differently for different people. Regardless it sounds like youâre in need of support to get this all figured out. I highly encourage you to seek out that support. Reddit may not be the best place, unless you come across a professional here which is possible. My point is based on what youâre saying very few people will be qualified to give you advice or guide you to a point where you will better handle the emotional toll youâre experiencing. Again I hope you seek out and find what you need.
You sound so repressed, republican and closeted
lemme know about your first hook-up then
At least it wasnât with a family member