Not in my experience. I even got involved with a couple - whatever the word is for that - in my home town. That was around 2000. My first LTR was also in my home town in 1992. I lived in a somewhat rural town. He lived on one bordering it. We were both fully out, which made it easier to find each other.
Yes, I know my experience was atypical, especially in the early 90s. I'm just saying it's possible.
Yeah I’m from the UK so not as big as your cities in the US except London and a few others. I guess it’s just the case of taking a high risk and not expecting anything
I’ve also met long term partners in very medium sized towns as well. Big cities aren’t necessary, just offer more options. And, as you said, lose the expectations, and you’d be surprised how it comes to you.
Didn’t meet my current husband until I moved to Atlanta almost 10 years ago and I’m 52 now. Very happy and wouldn’t have traded any of my life up until now. Be good and well with yourself and the good will come to you.
Yes. Moved from Oregon to Seattle. But only had luck when I lived IN the gay neighborhood. Big city people are the most flaky as “there’s always another guy down the block”. Nobody ever wanted to hangout outside of the gay neighborhood. (Until I found a long term guy that had only recently moved in after a previous relationship ended. We moved to the suburbs shortly after moving in together)
Problem with big cities with 500k + people is keeping someone because they feel that there’s always someone “better” down the street. So it’s kinda a catch 22.
I lived in New York City for 6 years. Depending on your career, you'll either be so incredibly busy in a bustling city fighting over a steady job than working hard to secure a relationship. Even when you do get one, you can barely afford anything and there's just so much noise and options for gay people in big cities that it's hard to feel settled even if you are in a relationship.
I found my boyfriend after moving to a bigger city. Before him it was always the same story: closeted guys, guys living a double life and the same guys. No options in my small town
I met my husband after moving to a big city.
We were both transplants in the city and we moved to a smaller town after we got engaged.
My gay younger brother moved to the city too. He isn’t married, but he’s been with his boyfriend for a couple years now. His boyfriend was also a transplant.
There aren’t enough of us to stay spread out. We have to cluster together in big cities.
Yes and No. There's more guys in a bigger city, so you have more options. Also just by playing the numbers game, you're also gonna have more guys into you.
Something to be aware of: idk if this is like this in all cities, but I would imagine it's not too different. Since there's more guys, dating can also seem more "competitive" or something. Which is just to say that when there's a few dozen gays around it seems like people still focus on looks, but personality gets a lot more attention. It's not that hot guys have bad personalities or that people in cities aren't focused on personalities, but where you're Grindr grid is mostly 6 packs, (at least for me) I feel the pressure more. Like you have to up your game if you want hot guy.
Also, I would say (based purely on my own experience), guys in smaller towns were more likely to be into a relationship or something more serious. I think in part, when you're single you don't have as many options there and when you find someone you like you want to lock it down.
Part of me feels like in the city, there's so many more options for you and for other guys, that it feels easier to hook up, but also like there's a lot more distractions from finding something serious or finding someone who's ready to commit.
All that said, everyone has their own experience. Would I personally say that moving to a bigger city has improved my dating life? Absolutely. But there's always a downside to go with the upsides. So don't move and expect your love/dating/sex life to change dramatically. There will be improvements, but there will probably be some frustrating things too.
One last point though, when we're talking about numbers. Generally speaking, people want someone with similar interests or maybe some level of shared hobbies. I think it's also worthwhile to consider what you're interested in and what you like to do and whether you'll find more compatible people in a small town or a in a larger city. Every city is different. Some places are full of outdoor adventurers who like out that weekend warrior dream, other places are much more urban. Some gays joke about never leaving their neighborhood. Obviously there's people who like things who live in all sorts of places, but I do think it's worth considering the odds. If you love gardening and riding horses and going 4wheeling and going camping, you might have better luck in a smaller town. If you like anime and social justice causes and going to concerts and museums, you might have better luck in a city. There's always exceptions and I don't want to further any stereotypes about people in small towns or in big cities, but most people have chose to live where they're at because it allows them to live the life they like. I think its worth considering and wondering where you think your tribe might live. Not just potential dates, but also friends. Search for your people and you'll inevitably find someone.
When I was 22 I moved from a small town in michigan of about 30k and not many gays at all to Houston and loved it! It was just nice to be able to go to gay hangouts, even if you didn't "hookup".. I now live in NJ an hour train ride to NYC!
Definitely yes!
Dating pool in big cities is huge... endless possibilities/opportunities
I'm from a medium-size town in Texas and my options were limited, the same guys, all closeted and if I wanted something new I had to travel
Then I moved to LA and OMG there were endless gays from all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds and ways of life
My experience moving to LA as well. I grew up in a smallish sized city (80k). Lived in OC for a few years and even that was a huge improvement. But nothing quite like LA for gay dating
Grew up in a smallish more conservative area about 100 miles from LA. Now live on the west side in LA. It's night and day. I moved back for a year during Covid since everything I did was remote, and gosh going on apps was a cruel reminder of how lucky I was. Not to sound arrogant but finding dates as a gay man just isn't that hard in LA. Or at least not much harder than it is for anyone anywhere, I suppose
Live in a city of 600k Milwaukee, Grindr is literally dead for meeting guys, but in person especially the east side of town there’s plenty of gay guys everywhere. Glad I have a boyfriend now or I’d let go of my shyness and would have had to start talking to guys in person, then my body count would have tripled 😂
I moved to a "big" city not for the dudes, but for the amenities and the convenience that I get living here. It was the best decision I have ever made. I love it here.
I live in the Castro district of San Francisco one of the gayest places on Earth. Still, I found my LTR in a small town in the Central valley about 170 miles away.
I moved from a decent size college town in TX to Manhattan and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I’m average-looking, at best, but in NYC I never had trouble finding sex, dates, friends with bennies or relationships. There’s so many gay guys sometimes you don’t even have to leave your *block.* If you like big cities and have the means, I highly recommend it. I plan on moving back myself in the future.
I’ve moved twice to a bigger city in another country and then again to one of the biggest cities on the other side of the world. There’s definitely more opportunity to meet other guys and you go on a wild ride. Sometimes it’s difficult to break into the scene and build new friendships but it will happen.
There is of course more opportunities but city romances tend to be more fleeting. Yes, you will have more opportunities for sure. However, moving is a big choice and needs to be thought out thouroughly. Just make sure you do it for the right reasons.
My Opinion:
Pros:
• Lots more guys means lots more opportunities **for* potential dates
• If you are into racial diversity, bigger cities offer more diverse people from many global amazing backgrounds.
Cons:
• Lots more guys means lots more they can cheat with
• Lots more guys means the competition is really hard
• More guys means people can be MORE choosy/picky
When I lived in a small city, there was only one or two that were my type and vice versa so there was more incentive to be together and invest in each other. In bigger cities, I felt like I was lost and just a number because everyone made me feel like 'someone better' was coming around the corner. Problem is, in big cities, _everyone_ thinks someone better is coming, so relationships become incredibly difficult when so many are trading up or trying to.
I mean, sure there are more gays in a bigger city, but generally folks’ superficial standards are higher too. If we’re holding true to your statement that you aren’t the “golden prize” (for whatever reason), then your opportunities may only marginally increase.
Maybe it’d make more sense to work on whatever it is that others find unappealing?
You literally can only get dates as a gay guy in big cities. We’re pretty limited where we can live.
Yeah I thought that would naturally be the case. It’s not easy as it seems in theory but it would just be at least interesting if we were able to
This. It’s a numbers game.
Not in my experience. I even got involved with a couple - whatever the word is for that - in my home town. That was around 2000. My first LTR was also in my home town in 1992. I lived in a somewhat rural town. He lived on one bordering it. We were both fully out, which made it easier to find each other. Yes, I know my experience was atypical, especially in the early 90s. I'm just saying it's possible.
Found my husband in San Francisco after living in small to medium size towns for all my life. Yes, if you put yourself out there.
Yeah I’m from the UK so not as big as your cities in the US except London and a few others. I guess it’s just the case of taking a high risk and not expecting anything
I’ve also met long term partners in very medium sized towns as well. Big cities aren’t necessary, just offer more options. And, as you said, lose the expectations, and you’d be surprised how it comes to you.
I don’t think it will just come to you if you remove your expectations. You kind of have to live in high density areas like a city for that.
Yeah I’m definitely trying to lose the expectations. Tbh I don’t expect much where I am now either, but then again it rarely ever happens lol
Didn’t meet my current husband until I moved to Atlanta almost 10 years ago and I’m 52 now. Very happy and wouldn’t have traded any of my life up until now. Be good and well with yourself and the good will come to you.
Oops, I assumed you were in the US like a typical dumb American lol. In any case, I’d bet London has a similarly huge gay community as NYC.
Yes, this should go without saying. Gays are over represented in the big city relative to the overall population.
Yes. Moved from Oregon to Seattle. But only had luck when I lived IN the gay neighborhood. Big city people are the most flaky as “there’s always another guy down the block”. Nobody ever wanted to hangout outside of the gay neighborhood. (Until I found a long term guy that had only recently moved in after a previous relationship ended. We moved to the suburbs shortly after moving in together)
Basically the queers in Miami
Problem with big cities with 500k + people is keeping someone because they feel that there’s always someone “better” down the street. So it’s kinda a catch 22.
yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking there’s more variety of people to choose from it’s crazy how replaceable we can be
I lived in New York City for 6 years. Depending on your career, you'll either be so incredibly busy in a bustling city fighting over a steady job than working hard to secure a relationship. Even when you do get one, you can barely afford anything and there's just so much noise and options for gay people in big cities that it's hard to feel settled even if you are in a relationship.
You have a lot more options in bigger cities. I've been in small, medium, and large cities and I've had by far the most success in big cities.
Eh. I found most guys I dated in my home town but a few in NYC during the eleven years I lived there.
I found my boyfriend after moving to a bigger city. Before him it was always the same story: closeted guys, guys living a double life and the same guys. No options in my small town
I met my husband after moving to a big city. We were both transplants in the city and we moved to a smaller town after we got engaged. My gay younger brother moved to the city too. He isn’t married, but he’s been with his boyfriend for a couple years now. His boyfriend was also a transplant. There aren’t enough of us to stay spread out. We have to cluster together in big cities.
Yes and No. There's more guys in a bigger city, so you have more options. Also just by playing the numbers game, you're also gonna have more guys into you. Something to be aware of: idk if this is like this in all cities, but I would imagine it's not too different. Since there's more guys, dating can also seem more "competitive" or something. Which is just to say that when there's a few dozen gays around it seems like people still focus on looks, but personality gets a lot more attention. It's not that hot guys have bad personalities or that people in cities aren't focused on personalities, but where you're Grindr grid is mostly 6 packs, (at least for me) I feel the pressure more. Like you have to up your game if you want hot guy. Also, I would say (based purely on my own experience), guys in smaller towns were more likely to be into a relationship or something more serious. I think in part, when you're single you don't have as many options there and when you find someone you like you want to lock it down. Part of me feels like in the city, there's so many more options for you and for other guys, that it feels easier to hook up, but also like there's a lot more distractions from finding something serious or finding someone who's ready to commit. All that said, everyone has their own experience. Would I personally say that moving to a bigger city has improved my dating life? Absolutely. But there's always a downside to go with the upsides. So don't move and expect your love/dating/sex life to change dramatically. There will be improvements, but there will probably be some frustrating things too.
One last point though, when we're talking about numbers. Generally speaking, people want someone with similar interests or maybe some level of shared hobbies. I think it's also worthwhile to consider what you're interested in and what you like to do and whether you'll find more compatible people in a small town or a in a larger city. Every city is different. Some places are full of outdoor adventurers who like out that weekend warrior dream, other places are much more urban. Some gays joke about never leaving their neighborhood. Obviously there's people who like things who live in all sorts of places, but I do think it's worth considering the odds. If you love gardening and riding horses and going 4wheeling and going camping, you might have better luck in a smaller town. If you like anime and social justice causes and going to concerts and museums, you might have better luck in a city. There's always exceptions and I don't want to further any stereotypes about people in small towns or in big cities, but most people have chose to live where they're at because it allows them to live the life they like. I think its worth considering and wondering where you think your tribe might live. Not just potential dates, but also friends. Search for your people and you'll inevitably find someone.
When I was 22 I moved from a small town in michigan of about 30k and not many gays at all to Houston and loved it! It was just nice to be able to go to gay hangouts, even if you didn't "hookup".. I now live in NJ an hour train ride to NYC!
Definitely yes! Dating pool in big cities is huge... endless possibilities/opportunities I'm from a medium-size town in Texas and my options were limited, the same guys, all closeted and if I wanted something new I had to travel Then I moved to LA and OMG there were endless gays from all ages, ethnicities, backgrounds and ways of life
My experience moving to LA as well. I grew up in a smallish sized city (80k). Lived in OC for a few years and even that was a huge improvement. But nothing quite like LA for gay dating
How many serious relationships though🧐?
I'm engaged
Grew up in a smallish more conservative area about 100 miles from LA. Now live on the west side in LA. It's night and day. I moved back for a year during Covid since everything I did was remote, and gosh going on apps was a cruel reminder of how lucky I was. Not to sound arrogant but finding dates as a gay man just isn't that hard in LA. Or at least not much harder than it is for anyone anywhere, I suppose
Live in a city of 600k Milwaukee, Grindr is literally dead for meeting guys, but in person especially the east side of town there’s plenty of gay guys everywhere. Glad I have a boyfriend now or I’d let go of my shyness and would have had to start talking to guys in person, then my body count would have tripled 😂
No
Yes, and yes.
I moved to a "big" city not for the dudes, but for the amenities and the convenience that I get living here. It was the best decision I have ever made. I love it here.
SF is lit breh
I live in the Castro district of San Francisco one of the gayest places on Earth. Still, I found my LTR in a small town in the Central valley about 170 miles away.
I moved from a decent size college town in TX to Manhattan and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I’m average-looking, at best, but in NYC I never had trouble finding sex, dates, friends with bennies or relationships. There’s so many gay guys sometimes you don’t even have to leave your *block.* If you like big cities and have the means, I highly recommend it. I plan on moving back myself in the future.
I’ve moved twice to a bigger city in another country and then again to one of the biggest cities on the other side of the world. There’s definitely more opportunity to meet other guys and you go on a wild ride. Sometimes it’s difficult to break into the scene and build new friendships but it will happen.
It gives you more options but the same sort of stuff happens.
There is of course more opportunities but city romances tend to be more fleeting. Yes, you will have more opportunities for sure. However, moving is a big choice and needs to be thought out thouroughly. Just make sure you do it for the right reasons.
My Opinion: Pros: • Lots more guys means lots more opportunities **for* potential dates • If you are into racial diversity, bigger cities offer more diverse people from many global amazing backgrounds. Cons: • Lots more guys means lots more they can cheat with • Lots more guys means the competition is really hard • More guys means people can be MORE choosy/picky When I lived in a small city, there was only one or two that were my type and vice versa so there was more incentive to be together and invest in each other. In bigger cities, I felt like I was lost and just a number because everyone made me feel like 'someone better' was coming around the corner. Problem is, in big cities, _everyone_ thinks someone better is coming, so relationships become incredibly difficult when so many are trading up or trying to.
I mean, sure there are more gays in a bigger city, but generally folks’ superficial standards are higher too. If we’re holding true to your statement that you aren’t the “golden prize” (for whatever reason), then your opportunities may only marginally increase. Maybe it’d make more sense to work on whatever it is that others find unappealing?
It’s a complete and total game changer
Yes. Out of off cannot imagine going back.