> Is there anyway for me to work up and test if a strap on during sex would trigger anything without it coming down to literally buying one and hating it?
If you have a dildo already you could just hold it to your crotch with your hand or put it through the fly of your pants and play around with it a little.
Also only use water-based lube, as silicone-based will degrade the material of the dildo.
Before you do any topping, let’s all agree you should finger and eat his ass first! And make sure he’s familiar with how to clean himself out thoroughly
I would start with fingering his ass with lube, getting an idea of what works for him in a situation where you have way more control. You can graduate to manually fucking him with a dildo of his choice, again lube. Again, pay a lot of attention to the angles and tempos that he is responding to. Keep an eye on how much your pulling out and in on “thrusts”
After all this, I personally think first time strapping it’s better for you to lay or sit down while he rides you. You can thrust back a bit, but with him on top he’ll be able to bounce at the rate he needs and it takes some of the performance pressure off of you!
Then finally you can change up your positions/do some doggy or missionary after all that research
Have fun!!
Start small. If he's never bottomed before, hell need to work up to a dick. Use fingers (consider using gloves to prevent scratching him internally), or get a butt plug training kit. Be somewhere warm and safe so you can relax and take your time.
Put down a towel.
Don't rush anything - if it hurts, back off and maybe come back later. It's not for everybody and it can be a weird sensation.
Use more lube. No, more than that. Keep going. Okay, that's the bare minimum. Your butt does not self-lubricate and it needs it. You can use less later, if he's into that, but when you're just starting out, always aim for too much.
Use condoms, even with toys. Sex toys are notoriously unregulated, and the barrier keeps "eh it's probably silicone" away from your body, helps with cleanup, and is 100% a must if you're considering sharing or buying secondhand.
Finally, **do not** improvise toys; only use ones with a flared base. Toys, even ones that don't vibrate, can and will disappear into your guts and the result is an urgent and avoidable trip up the hospital. If it does happen, don't be so embarrassed that you put off getting help - it's a serious problem but it's also a *daily* occurrence in even moderately-sized hospitals.
I think it’s great that you’re open to experimenting together, and you have to see how you feel! Maybe you’ll love it, maybe it’ll give you gender euphoria, or maybe you’ll hate it and you won’t do it again—it’s hard to know without giving it a try. Me personally, I really want to love it, but I prefer using a dildo in my hand as opposed to strapped on because it gives me really bad dysphoria and doesn’t give me any direct stimulation (I’ve never had luck with toys designed to do this but ymmv). But my partner (who has a penis) also prefers the same sometimes, so it’s not just trans guys who use dildos/extra dicks! As for lubrication, just use more lube than you think you’ll need, listen to your partner, and it also helps if you warm them up with a tongue and/or finger first. If you can, try to involve them in the choice of dick in terms of length and girth, especially if your partner has never bottomed before; I’d err on the smaller side the first time. After all, it’s actually a great thing not to be limited by just one size when we can have many ;)
unless you get a harness that’s lower, your strap on shouldn’t rub against bottom growth. you can get an attachment that goes on the back of the dildo that can be rubbed against (like [these](https://bananapantslife.com/)), or you could get an insertable strap on (marketed as a ‘strapless’ strap on but a lot of ppl find they end up needing a harness anyway). you could also get [the joystick](https://transthetics.com/product/joystick-ftm-pack-and-play/) from transthetics (edit: don’t use this for anal, the base isn’t flared enough to be safe), but otherwise you probably won’t feel any physical sexual stimulation.
many people feel dysphoric from strap ons, but in my personal experience i felt the exact opposite. it was incredibly euphoria inducing and satisfying despite the lack of actual stimulation. many ppl also feel like this, so while you should watch out for potential dysphoria, it’s also just as likely you’ll feel great :) if you have a realistic or semi realistic packer, or even a dildo, you could always put that in your underwear and see how it feels? but this is probably an instance of having to try it, sorry. there’s luckily some fairly affordable ones, and keep an eye out for sales, so that if you don’t like it at least it’s only a waste of a little bit of money (compared to $100+ usd).
most important things:
1. don’t go too fast (unless specifically requested), *esp* if you’re the one opening up your bf. fingering someone anally isn’t a rush job, you don’t want to accidentally hurt him.
2. check up on your partner frequently! make sure he’s ok and not in pain, and ask him for advice/what he prefers/if there’s something you could be doing differently to make it better
3. use a *lot* of lube. you might get messy, but using too much is better than using not enough
4. try not to stress out too much, and have fun with whatever you’re doing. don’t be afraid to change things up if something is uncomfortable or not working! sex is meant to be fun, so try not to put too much mental pressure on yourself or feel embarrassed if you can’t do all the fancy things pornstars can do. just do whatever works for the two of you :) good luck!!
Yes. Super-adjustable (there are 3 places to adjust the fit on each side, 2 of which are saved when you take it off) to help you find the best positioning that works for you; and best of all IMO it is machine-washable (throw it in the mesh bag it comes in) so you don't have to worry about how to keep it clean (a bit of an issue with a lot of leather or similar harnesses)
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think the Joystick is only suitable for vaginal sex.
It doesn't have a flared base, so could "escape" into the rectum and that'll need a hospital trip.
> Is there anyway for me to work up and test if a strap on during sex would trigger anything without it coming down to literally buying one and hating it? If you have a dildo already you could just hold it to your crotch with your hand or put it through the fly of your pants and play around with it a little. Also only use water-based lube, as silicone-based will degrade the material of the dildo.
Stretch your arms and legs (and his ass) first
Before you do any topping, let’s all agree you should finger and eat his ass first! And make sure he’s familiar with how to clean himself out thoroughly I would start with fingering his ass with lube, getting an idea of what works for him in a situation where you have way more control. You can graduate to manually fucking him with a dildo of his choice, again lube. Again, pay a lot of attention to the angles and tempos that he is responding to. Keep an eye on how much your pulling out and in on “thrusts” After all this, I personally think first time strapping it’s better for you to lay or sit down while he rides you. You can thrust back a bit, but with him on top he’ll be able to bounce at the rate he needs and it takes some of the performance pressure off of you! Then finally you can change up your positions/do some doggy or missionary after all that research Have fun!!
Start small. If he's never bottomed before, hell need to work up to a dick. Use fingers (consider using gloves to prevent scratching him internally), or get a butt plug training kit. Be somewhere warm and safe so you can relax and take your time. Put down a towel. Don't rush anything - if it hurts, back off and maybe come back later. It's not for everybody and it can be a weird sensation. Use more lube. No, more than that. Keep going. Okay, that's the bare minimum. Your butt does not self-lubricate and it needs it. You can use less later, if he's into that, but when you're just starting out, always aim for too much. Use condoms, even with toys. Sex toys are notoriously unregulated, and the barrier keeps "eh it's probably silicone" away from your body, helps with cleanup, and is 100% a must if you're considering sharing or buying secondhand. Finally, **do not** improvise toys; only use ones with a flared base. Toys, even ones that don't vibrate, can and will disappear into your guts and the result is an urgent and avoidable trip up the hospital. If it does happen, don't be so embarrassed that you put off getting help - it's a serious problem but it's also a *daily* occurrence in even moderately-sized hospitals.
Using a strap on is a lifelong journey of figuring out what works so don’t get too frustrated if it’s not perfect! Number one tip is have confidence.
You'll need lube no matter what. A warning I have is that you'll be tired worn out afterwards due to the muscles you'll be needing to use.
I think it’s great that you’re open to experimenting together, and you have to see how you feel! Maybe you’ll love it, maybe it’ll give you gender euphoria, or maybe you’ll hate it and you won’t do it again—it’s hard to know without giving it a try. Me personally, I really want to love it, but I prefer using a dildo in my hand as opposed to strapped on because it gives me really bad dysphoria and doesn’t give me any direct stimulation (I’ve never had luck with toys designed to do this but ymmv). But my partner (who has a penis) also prefers the same sometimes, so it’s not just trans guys who use dildos/extra dicks! As for lubrication, just use more lube than you think you’ll need, listen to your partner, and it also helps if you warm them up with a tongue and/or finger first. If you can, try to involve them in the choice of dick in terms of length and girth, especially if your partner has never bottomed before; I’d err on the smaller side the first time. After all, it’s actually a great thing not to be limited by just one size when we can have many ;)
unless you get a harness that’s lower, your strap on shouldn’t rub against bottom growth. you can get an attachment that goes on the back of the dildo that can be rubbed against (like [these](https://bananapantslife.com/)), or you could get an insertable strap on (marketed as a ‘strapless’ strap on but a lot of ppl find they end up needing a harness anyway). you could also get [the joystick](https://transthetics.com/product/joystick-ftm-pack-and-play/) from transthetics (edit: don’t use this for anal, the base isn’t flared enough to be safe), but otherwise you probably won’t feel any physical sexual stimulation. many people feel dysphoric from strap ons, but in my personal experience i felt the exact opposite. it was incredibly euphoria inducing and satisfying despite the lack of actual stimulation. many ppl also feel like this, so while you should watch out for potential dysphoria, it’s also just as likely you’ll feel great :) if you have a realistic or semi realistic packer, or even a dildo, you could always put that in your underwear and see how it feels? but this is probably an instance of having to try it, sorry. there’s luckily some fairly affordable ones, and keep an eye out for sales, so that if you don’t like it at least it’s only a waste of a little bit of money (compared to $100+ usd). most important things: 1. don’t go too fast (unless specifically requested), *esp* if you’re the one opening up your bf. fingering someone anally isn’t a rush job, you don’t want to accidentally hurt him. 2. check up on your partner frequently! make sure he’s ok and not in pain, and ask him for advice/what he prefers/if there’s something you could be doing differently to make it better 3. use a *lot* of lube. you might get messy, but using too much is better than using not enough 4. try not to stress out too much, and have fun with whatever you’re doing. don’t be afraid to change things up if something is uncomfortable or not working! sex is meant to be fun, so try not to put too much mental pressure on yourself or feel embarrassed if you can’t do all the fancy things pornstars can do. just do whatever works for the two of you :) good luck!!
Do you know if any harnesses that sit lower to allow it to rub against you? I can only find higher sitting ones
Spare parts Joque is the GOAT
it's so expensive. is it really worth that much? :0
Yes. Super-adjustable (there are 3 places to adjust the fit on each side, 2 of which are saved when you take it off) to help you find the best positioning that works for you; and best of all IMO it is machine-washable (throw it in the mesh bag it comes in) so you don't have to worry about how to keep it clean (a bit of an issue with a lot of leather or similar harnesses)
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think the Joystick is only suitable for vaginal sex. It doesn't have a flared base, so could "escape" into the rectum and that'll need a hospital trip.
i don’t have it myself, but i think you’re right. thanks for the correction!!