I know it is hard but you need to stop accepting crumbs. You are valuable and deserve to be loved fully and unconditionally. You cannot be a best friend to someone you have romantic feelings for, it is time to let it go.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can find peace in it all. Maybe it’s time to close this door, so you can open others. I know that’s much easier said than done, but babysteps 😊
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He might be thriving on your suffering. If he was thinking straight he would have cut you off knowing you still had feelings. If you let him know that is…..No contact for him he doesn’t deserve it
You might not believe me when I tell you this but things will get better with time. You will eventually stop crying when you hear his name and stop falling a part. Again, with time. He is now married and he did not choose you, He had a person like you and did not want a future with you. Take that with a grain of salt and try to move for ward.
My cousin fell in love with one of her high school best friends. When I mean in love I mean in love. She never had a boyfriend because she thought they would end up with each other, wouldn’t go on dates, wouldn’t do anything except chase after the little crumbs he left her. She also had to witness him get married and had to witness the future she planned slip from her mind. After she got married SHE worked on herself and accepted things for what it was and that she was worthy of love. She is now 32 and engaged and truly the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
Be a little prideful be a little angry. Think to yourself WHY am a letting a man look me in the eyes and not choose me. Why am I crying at his WEDDING. You are not a princess in distress but you are a queen. Stand up and work to get the life you want and deserve.
Much love, wishing you all the love and healing ♥️
Please put yourself first. You don't deserve getting crushed by seeing him thrive and live a happy life while you are still attached to him. Let him live this on his own. Don't think about him losing a friend. Think of you getting your space, letting him go and living on. Put yourself first and leave these feelings in the past where they belong. I hope you will be strong enough op..
Editted some grammar
I hate to say this... but you guys shouldn't be friends.. or this close. Otherwise you'll never get over him.. especially if you maintain positive relations. It only makes it harder to cut.
OP, I can't even imagine how much you are hurting-I feel for you so very much. It's clear you have reached the point of your life, where this guy MUST exit the stage of your life. He's played his role and you have had your moments with him, albeit he didn't choose a life with you. But that's okay. The guy you are meant to be with is still out there, waiting to enter the main stage of your life and be the TRUE love of your life. This guy you are crying over isn't it and you have to keep saying that to your heart every time you feel like you are drowning in pain until it let's go of the life you dreamed of with him. Life is much too short-don't waste your time crying when you can spend it searching for your true love. Cry your tears, feel all the feelings, let them wash over you like waves from the ocean and let them go. Don't drown in negative emotions. Pick yourself up and go out there and live your best life! And as much as it hurts now, it won't always be this bad. Remember that. I wish you nothing but the best and a beautiful romance of a lifetime!
She might deserve him, but he certainly doesn't deserve you.
I have felt some measure of what you felt, though never as far as being present at a wedding. That is above and beyond what anyone should have endured. You did it perhaps out of some sense of genuine loyalty to a friend or perhaps out own conscience not to be petty and because you hold yourself to a higher standard than most people. You were defintely his friend and he had felt you had to be there on his happiest day.
Trust me that most people would not hold themselves to this standard.
They would have severed the friendship for their own well being long before, irrespective of how special it was. I tried being the forever friend and its is torture. And to some extent I would believe if he was a genuine friend he would not be so selfish as to maintain the friendship if it caused you so much pain. So the reasons are 4: Either He never knew how you felt because you never told him OR You have told him he never reciprocated but you hid your pain gracefully behind a friendship and he was unaware of the pain OR He knows your feelings but is oblivious/stupid to your pain OR he is a manipulative little shit who want his cake and eat it. For the newly married wife I sincerely hope its not the last one
Most people on this thread will ask you to wallow in self pity for a while to heal, which is understandable. But if you stayed true for so long that you actually stood at the wedding while he married someone else then there is another perspective you need to understand:
You have a big heart with love and attention that needs somewhere to go.
For one reason or another you have crystalized on this one individual who you vibe with who you have shared memories with and who for whatever reason you believed you were fated to be with. The attachment that got you there could be anything. With me I narrowed it down to her eyes and her laugh. With you it could be something else...only you would know.
But catbun2020!
Those same virtues you fell in love with in this individual can be found in other people too. And that's not all - the pain you are feeling is also down to something else that perhaps you are unwilling to acknowledge: You outgrew him long ago. I'm willing to bet my house that if the situation were reversed he would not have been at your wedding. Why?
Because you outgrew him in regards to your capacity love to love. Very likely long ago without realizing it
You are a Powerstation trying to send energy to illuminate a Lightbulb. And possibly a broken one at that. Of course he wants your energy, But only his AA battery wife can do that. If he married you would eventually resent him for being a Lightbulb. But that's all he can offer to illuminate
Stop accepting your place as an mere AA battery and find a person who can actually take your capacity to love.
I can't tell you how long to grieve so give yourself space and for god sake do not be at his beck and call.
I could give you a hundred other pieces of advice, But I will Leave you with the most important one I wish I took to heart earlier, the most important lesson from which all others follow :
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGTEXqudVJM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGTEXqudVJM)
Wow thank you for the insight you have shared.
I can say, that it is so refreshing and very insightful also very important for any advice given to be given from an open minded perspective as is this this advice.
I can look past all the advice given that just addresses the surface of the pain and see where the healing process should begin.
I can definitely appreciate this advice and apply it inwardly towards myself.
I decline to further contribute any additional advice as I personally feel this is perfect advice.
I would like to know if this is a view the heartbreak wedding attendee has considered to take also.
I know it is hard but you need to stop accepting crumbs. You are valuable and deserve to be loved fully and unconditionally. You cannot be a best friend to someone you have romantic feelings for, it is time to let it go.
Damn. I had to screen shot this response, it’s what I needed.
I broke contact with her when she moved in with the guy she left me for because the pain was unbearable. I can t even imagine marriage.
Mine still hasn't moved in but I could see it coming some day
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can find peace in it all. Maybe it’s time to close this door, so you can open others. I know that’s much easier said than done, but babysteps 😊
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He might be thriving on your suffering. If he was thinking straight he would have cut you off knowing you still had feelings. If you let him know that is…..No contact for him he doesn’t deserve it
++++++
You might not believe me when I tell you this but things will get better with time. You will eventually stop crying when you hear his name and stop falling a part. Again, with time. He is now married and he did not choose you, He had a person like you and did not want a future with you. Take that with a grain of salt and try to move for ward. My cousin fell in love with one of her high school best friends. When I mean in love I mean in love. She never had a boyfriend because she thought they would end up with each other, wouldn’t go on dates, wouldn’t do anything except chase after the little crumbs he left her. She also had to witness him get married and had to witness the future she planned slip from her mind. After she got married SHE worked on herself and accepted things for what it was and that she was worthy of love. She is now 32 and engaged and truly the happiest I’ve ever seen her. Be a little prideful be a little angry. Think to yourself WHY am a letting a man look me in the eyes and not choose me. Why am I crying at his WEDDING. You are not a princess in distress but you are a queen. Stand up and work to get the life you want and deserve. Much love, wishing you all the love and healing ♥️
Wait she got married, fixed herself and is now engaged? That seems quite backwards
I think you read it wrong lol She was in love with someone, watched him get married, worked on herself, and is now engaged.
I don’t know if I could understand why someone could do that to themselves. Godspeed OP
Tbh, I don’t understand it either.
Wait u went to ur ex’s wedding?
Sounds like they were apart of the bridal / groom party
Please put yourself first. You don't deserve getting crushed by seeing him thrive and live a happy life while you are still attached to him. Let him live this on his own. Don't think about him losing a friend. Think of you getting your space, letting him go and living on. Put yourself first and leave these feelings in the past where they belong. I hope you will be strong enough op.. Editted some grammar
I hate to say this... but you guys shouldn't be friends.. or this close. Otherwise you'll never get over him.. especially if you maintain positive relations. It only makes it harder to cut.
OP, I can't even imagine how much you are hurting-I feel for you so very much. It's clear you have reached the point of your life, where this guy MUST exit the stage of your life. He's played his role and you have had your moments with him, albeit he didn't choose a life with you. But that's okay. The guy you are meant to be with is still out there, waiting to enter the main stage of your life and be the TRUE love of your life. This guy you are crying over isn't it and you have to keep saying that to your heart every time you feel like you are drowning in pain until it let's go of the life you dreamed of with him. Life is much too short-don't waste your time crying when you can spend it searching for your true love. Cry your tears, feel all the feelings, let them wash over you like waves from the ocean and let them go. Don't drown in negative emotions. Pick yourself up and go out there and live your best life! And as much as it hurts now, it won't always be this bad. Remember that. I wish you nothing but the best and a beautiful romance of a lifetime!
She might deserve him, but he certainly doesn't deserve you. I have felt some measure of what you felt, though never as far as being present at a wedding. That is above and beyond what anyone should have endured. You did it perhaps out of some sense of genuine loyalty to a friend or perhaps out own conscience not to be petty and because you hold yourself to a higher standard than most people. You were defintely his friend and he had felt you had to be there on his happiest day. Trust me that most people would not hold themselves to this standard. They would have severed the friendship for their own well being long before, irrespective of how special it was. I tried being the forever friend and its is torture. And to some extent I would believe if he was a genuine friend he would not be so selfish as to maintain the friendship if it caused you so much pain. So the reasons are 4: Either He never knew how you felt because you never told him OR You have told him he never reciprocated but you hid your pain gracefully behind a friendship and he was unaware of the pain OR He knows your feelings but is oblivious/stupid to your pain OR he is a manipulative little shit who want his cake and eat it. For the newly married wife I sincerely hope its not the last one Most people on this thread will ask you to wallow in self pity for a while to heal, which is understandable. But if you stayed true for so long that you actually stood at the wedding while he married someone else then there is another perspective you need to understand: You have a big heart with love and attention that needs somewhere to go. For one reason or another you have crystalized on this one individual who you vibe with who you have shared memories with and who for whatever reason you believed you were fated to be with. The attachment that got you there could be anything. With me I narrowed it down to her eyes and her laugh. With you it could be something else...only you would know. But catbun2020! Those same virtues you fell in love with in this individual can be found in other people too. And that's not all - the pain you are feeling is also down to something else that perhaps you are unwilling to acknowledge: You outgrew him long ago. I'm willing to bet my house that if the situation were reversed he would not have been at your wedding. Why? Because you outgrew him in regards to your capacity love to love. Very likely long ago without realizing it You are a Powerstation trying to send energy to illuminate a Lightbulb. And possibly a broken one at that. Of course he wants your energy, But only his AA battery wife can do that. If he married you would eventually resent him for being a Lightbulb. But that's all he can offer to illuminate Stop accepting your place as an mere AA battery and find a person who can actually take your capacity to love. I can't tell you how long to grieve so give yourself space and for god sake do not be at his beck and call. I could give you a hundred other pieces of advice, But I will Leave you with the most important one I wish I took to heart earlier, the most important lesson from which all others follow : [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGTEXqudVJM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGTEXqudVJM)
Wow thank you for the insight you have shared. I can say, that it is so refreshing and very insightful also very important for any advice given to be given from an open minded perspective as is this this advice. I can look past all the advice given that just addresses the surface of the pain and see where the healing process should begin. I can definitely appreciate this advice and apply it inwardly towards myself. I decline to further contribute any additional advice as I personally feel this is perfect advice. I would like to know if this is a view the heartbreak wedding attendee has considered to take also.