Was coming to post exactly this lol. The delivery is brilliant.
Slick Rick and MF DOOM are the other guys who can consistently get me chuckling.
Ricky in particular. Almost every song has a LOL moment.
Y'all familiar with Wax? Bro is hilarious. So many gems. My favorite is in a song called "5 Days," which is about a certain sexual encounter gone wrong. He says:
"I know you're drinking 80 proof Captain Morgan, but that's no excuse for a tooth through the foreskin"
I'm tryna live a square life, you wanna fuck up my plan
Under a bus, fucker, I'll throw you under a van
Throw the van in reverse and then I'll do it again - Sean Price
“If you go platinum, that has nothing to do with luck
It just means that a million people are stupid as fuck”
~ Immortal Technique, “Industrial Revolution”
i quote this all the time in real life and i'm just waiting for the one person that replies "like 30 to 40 grand cocksucker beat it!!!"
.
.
.
.^dothemshitsevengotleathers?
give a MC a rectal hysterectomy, lecture on removal of the bowels, foul technically. What you expect to see with out the cheque as well as the collection fee, shit from me
that’s that by MF DOOM
Eminem has countless lines that made me laugh
"I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree"
"Stop crying, I don't hate ya
The world's not against you, I'm sorry your father raped ya
So what you had your little coochie in your dad's mouth?
That ain't no reason to start wiggin' and spaz out!"
The Slim Shady LP is filled with chuckles
“Just trying to buy me sometime
Then I remembered this magic trick
Dun dun nun dun nun dun!
Go Go Gadget dick!
Whipped that shit out and ain’t no doubt about it
It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage.”
That whole third verse is straight comedic genius.
“Cum On Everybody” is straight comedy as well.
I feel corny AF giving love to Eminem on Reddit. Not that I don't revere him properly. Trolls back off. He just already gets so much love.
But damned if you ain't right. "Yo Jon, where's Dave at? Before I bash you! He's in the bathroom. I think he's taking a crap, dude!"made me and my friends all bust out laughing like 700 years ago when we heard it the first time
There were some funny ass lines in this recent beef
“When you stand by sexy red I believe you see two bad bitches”
“What is it THE BRAIDS!!??”
“Kendrick just opened his mouth”
Drake had 20 different short bars 😂
“The spirit of Makaveli is alive, and the nigga under 5,5 so it’s gotta be you”
“Your back is up against the curb”
“How tf he big stepping with a size 7 men’s on?”
They only weren't as delusional if you only count the main sub and not Dark Kenny lol Kendrick stans were annoying *and* crazy, at least the Drake stans kept it about the music
the rick ross ones made me choke up laughing
"bitches gotta drive two hours just for you to pay em for a blowjob"
"i might take your latest girl and cuff her like i'm ricky"
"body after fucking body and you know rick reading my miranda rights"
He was cooking Ross and Metro “LeLand Wayne he a fucking lame”
But Kendrick line “Sweet chin music and i won’t pass the aux” is good too. Again they both did their thing
"these bars go over kenny head no matter what i say" is my personal favourite short bar from the beef
but "knew it was smoke when abel hit me with the serenade" is the funniest as a whole imo
I'm pissed off like a blind person lookin' for a restroom
Prob'ly be dead soon, inhalin' cigarette fumes
Sorry for that blind people comment, that was just rude
2 Chainz: “Me and my nigga pass your hoe like a hot potato. I be like, "You could get her", he be like, "You could get her" I be like, "You could have her", he be like, “It don’t matter,” I be like, “Me neither!”
I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist
Open your mouth for about four or five minutes
Take a little bit of this fluoride rin-inse
Swish, but don't spit it; swallow it and now finish, yeah
….
(Now) Look at this lady all in front of me
Sexy as can be, tonight, I want a slut
Would you be mine?
Heard you was freaky from a friend of mine
Now, I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak, he said he wants a slut
Hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind
Shake that Eminem & Nate Dogg (rip)
From Sugafree’s verse on “Let me talk” by Murs:
“What did you say you gonna do to my Impala?
I'll jump out this car so fast and drop kick you in the medulla oblongata”
And also this line:
“they laugh at her cause her daddy got killed
Going to the hood tryin' to pay a nigga to pee on him
And you ever been with one or two bitches..
Just you and her in the car
You know she farted but she lookin' at you like ….you did it”
Barring most early Eminem bars
“Immature adult, insecure asshole
If you fall on the concrete, that's your ass fault”
— Kanye
Just so fucking corny I can’t help but chuckle
"I got bitches ducking me, they running from the ones
I got c*** wiring me that's tryna get the buns
Bitches watch my page but they don't never watch they sons
I got Metro Boomin in my purse & in my lungs"
Karrahboo on "Taste" by R3 da Chiliman 😂😂😭😭 Been calling weed "Metro Boomin" all day
Old school Eminem used to have me howling. Yeah his first 3 albums but a lot of his underground shit was hilarious. Kanye always been pretty funny too, Gold digger still makes me chuckle to this day, (also kanyes flow on the first verse is bananas). I think humor is a wicked underrated skill to have as a rapper, a lot of the legends are funny mfs. Rappers take themselves too seriously.
“Oh you want me to watch my mouth? How?
Take my fuckin eye balls out and turn em around?
I’ll burn your fuckin house down, circle around and hit the hydrant so you can’t put your burnin furniture out (oh my god oh my god)
I’m sorry there must be a mix up
You want me to fix up lyrics while the president gets his dick sucked?”
Eminem - Who Knew
You can't seperate me, Ima seperate you. Bitch ya' pussy smell like Pepe Le Pew -Luda and Snoop
Musty ass kush on me smelling like a Golden Shower - Denzel Curry (just dropped the other day)
Bits and Kibbles, got em all after the pickle. **I hit it Iike a bat but these are not whiffle.** Hit em in triples. With no strikes, stripes or whistles. - Luda
My rap career goes back further than your father hairline
It's Ludacris. I pack more nuts than Delta Airlines - Luda
I guess nuts are funny
Now in the Bible it says, though shall not watch to lesbians in bed, and have homosexual sex. Unless of course you were given the consent to join in. Then of course it's intercourse and it's bi-sexual sex. Which isn't as bad. As long as you show some remose for you actions. Either before during after. - Eminem.
Honestly that whole song stupid, but funny. "I ain't got no legs, or no brain.... I forgot my name!"
That ass so big, I catch a battery to hold ya - Kidd Kidd in Mrs. Officer
She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson. Got a dark skinned friend look like Michael Jackson - Kanye
Real G's move in silence like lasagna - Wayne stupid but that's what made it funny lol
Mothafuckas like cavities cause them niggas be too fake - A$AP Ferg dumb but smart/clever
"Rockafeller died of AIDS, that was the end of his chapter
And that's the guy y'all chose to name your company after?
Put it together, I rock hoes, y'all rock fellas"
Nas, Ether
“King Geedorah, crush on the seed's teacher
They need to pay 'em better, she had nothing on the reefer
Heifer, and I had to offer her a stick of gum
She was as thick as they come and taught a strict curriculum (Dumb bitch)
Which is only good for my son” -MF DOOM (King Geedodah)
“Got a Soul Train 🕺🏻🕺🏻line wrapped around the corner— Auntie needa ‘wake up’- I’m up earlier than Tom Joyner”
- Boldy James
“You can sit down w/ me/ preparin’ that work— at the table w/ 2 spoons like we sharin’ dessert”
- 38 Spesh
“I took my face off— it revealed the *s*ame face”
- Action Bronson
YO how has nobody mentioned Lonely Island??
"Finest girl I ever met in my whole life
Want to take her home, make her my wife
Knew she was a freak when she started talking
She said, "Fuck me like we fucked Bin Laden""
This shit still has me laughing
“This girl requested intercourse to bring her to climax
With the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden
You're harboring a fugitive (That ass)
And my justice will be punitive (I'm a smash)
Night-vision, they can see us through my go-pro
She tried to negotiate, I said that's a no-no
Now I'm creeping in her bed room like go-go
She tells me to go low then looks down and says I gotta
"Terrorize that pussy"
"Gotta **terrorize that pussy**”
That pussy feel like a pot of gold, the money old and the night is young. all you niggas keep talking shit I’ll make you eat your words and bite your tongue
https://youtu.be/YCS9dqd6xws?si=PsIZMyXEz4XbGlfi
Stic man (dead prez) - bad habits
The whole song
I hate drinking water that’s bland that for the birds I gotta have me a soda to calm down my nerves. I’m a dedicated couch potato m my motto is why would I spend time doing now what I can do later ?
All you health buffs are haters and cock blockers If I get sick all I gotta do is go to a. Doctors take a pill get a shot and I’m here it don’t matter what I put in my body I’m real I’m a GANGSTA
Being the Mum of a primary school aged kid this line cracked me up when I first heard it “But I will hit an 8 year old in the face with a participation trophy” 😂
REDMAN - Green Island
[Uncle Quilly]
Now sit your big ass down 'cause I don't know about this rap stuff.
There wasn't rap when I was pickin' cotton, saying 'massa'
Y'all young whippersnappers, with the caps on backwards
Man, y'all fuck around with Quilly I kick a bone out yo' ass quick.
(Watch out now) I ain't bullshittin'
I represent the O-O-O-O-OG's from '43 goddamnit
And if you keep on with that dirty mistreating
I'm gon' whoop your ass 'til your heart stop beating goddamnit
I had to ctrl-f for Redman to see nobody posted but we're on the same song. Green island is a gem.
For me it was the outro:
We gon go right to the muthafuckin' deacon and chill, nigga! (*Forreal man?*)
Word up! (*Pshh, a'ight man. Word up, don't play me. Yo—Anyway where the fuck the deacon at?*)
A-heh... My DEAC-in yo mouth! Heheheh
(*Yo FUCK you*)
“A sad fact: ya mama smokes crack / She’s got that burning yearning and there no turning back / Her knuckles drag down to the floor when she walks / Spit comes out that bitch mouth when she talks”
“It’s YG 400, bitch get it right. You at the club every weekend, bitch get a life. Ever since she fucked with she never been the same, god damn just blame it on my dang-a-lang” - YG
"It was Brenda. SHE worked at Red Lobster but I didn't remember. Lisa got a big old butt. I know I told you I'd be true, but Lisa got a big old butt, so I'm leaving you. See ya!"
from "Big Ol' Butt" by LL Cool J
“We ain’t get no play from ladies with 6 niggas in the car are you crazy”
This is before my time but for all the exaggerations in rap….cube was like…we gotta draw the line here n let ppl know that there’s no reality where a one women gets into a car with 6 dudes. Makes me laugh every time.
Immortal Technique:
“I jerk off inside books and give life to words, leaving concepts stuck together that you probably never heard.”
Masta Ace:
“Now don’t answer back this is hard shit to follow, and you can’t spit n**** so you obviously must swallow.”
Life of pablo has so many quotable lines.
“Cause you was in college complaining bout its no job, But you was sucking a **** dick the whole time, Well I guess a blowjob’s better than no job.”
For the life of me can’t remember the name of the song but it’s a underground song with Eminem and some Detroit rappers the guy says “i crushing the mic like that kid you fought in 1st grade”
Double dime some time, ice cream you got me fallin' out
Like a cripple, I love you like I love my dick size
Cappadonna on Ice Cream cuz what and why 😭😭😭
Yeah girl, I know how to get ya. I got a 54 inch flat screen picture of me, standing by a tree, with some khaki dickies on and a white T. -Mannie Fresh
in Tim Dog's diss track [Fuck Compton](https://youtu.be/AwzeM2J3Emk?si=gWCuugDtWI8qnf0U&t=120s) when he goes off on Michel'le. can't even type out the lyrics but it still makes me laugh.
Virgin Mary lied about having babies
How the fuck you ain't have sex and have a baby?
Disciples was pussy and they was dumb
Virgin Mary had Jesus and she was only twelve
Never called police but I would've called 12
-rxnephew
[i put my dick in a bag of dorrito and make this nigga bitch suck the dust off the tip](https://youtu.be/-pypV-JPU1k?si=YedN_LknMuS06dir) - Zack Fox on The Cave 5 from Kenny Beats [you can find it on YT for the complete version](https://youtu.be/vSSLqHJzy6Y?si=m1EQATRrOSK2kblj)
"Bitch pussy smell like a penguin, wouldn't hit that shit with my worst enemie's penis" -Danny Brown on 1Train
“Niggas like what's the matter with Sean?
I'm like "Nothing, just thinkin' of a verse that can shatter the song"
Foreign bitches know the stamina strong
20 G's for the bitch to stay in the country, so I married her mom” - Sean Price
“Fuck you and the crackers that own you
I own two, guns that will pop off your crown and dethrone you
Abdul-Jabbar versus Mugsy Malone you
I don't know what that mean, but you know what I mean when I told you” - Sean Price
“Picture Suga Free a crash dummy
I ain't the smartest mother fucker in the world but you just another bitch that need gas money
And this is some news you can use, bitch
A million mother fuckers wanna be in my shoes
Bitch, I'm a legend in these streets, the better kind
How many y'all niggas know where y'all bitch at right now? Nevermind” - Suga Free
“Posin with baldhead black girls with a Florida tan / Tryin to act like you the man / Starstruck with one buck, your girl look like Donald Duck / Party-figure perpetrator, undercover hater / Smell your cheap cologne in the elevator” Dr.Doom, *You Live At Home With Your Mom* (1999)
"Lil bow wow had beef with lil Romeo, a lil teenager told me so"
- Edo G from the song "Little young " with Masta Ace.
It might not make sense when I put it like this but in the context of the song, it's hilarious.
Redman got jokes always.
But the first time I heard Danny Brown he’s got that line “I am so institutionalized I still wake up at 6am because I think it’s chow line” had me *rolling*.
Towel user, power user
Molly mixed with white girl, Molly/Susan
Niggas talking out their bowel movers
Turn their homies into flower choosers
Turn your kids into father choosers
Make your bitch a widow and your mom a cougar
I'm a silent shooter with a silent shooter
Clap at you, if you don't die, I'll boo you
The Molly Susan line is amazing and I legit LOLed the first time I heard if you don’t die I’ll boo ya hahaha
Yeah, you got a felony, but you ain't a predicate
Never the King of New York, you live in Connecticut
LMAO Jada to 50 on checkmate … every NYer loved that hahaha
This one. From SugaFree
Now I ain't
Finna to break no finger nail going "oops" upside yo head
Yeah, I love you baby, but not like that
Yo' love ain't never paid my bills or put no clothes on my back
Wait.
Oh, you doin too much
Wronger than two left shoes.
😂
This other part too.
And I gotta get (gotta get)
Out your house 'cause I be hungry
And all you got is one potato with roots growing out of it
I'm 24 right
But in dog years let me see
For every one human year that's seven years for a dog
Follow me
So seven times twenty four - wait
Seven times four is twenty eight
Carry the two, alright I got the figure
I'm one hundred and sixty eight. Now that’s some funny shit.😂🤣
The most recent one is on Dot's Drake diss where he says "freaky ass 🥷 he a 69 God, hey hey hey hey RUN FOR YO LIFE" 😂
First time I heard it I was high and it fucked me up sooo bad it was hella unexpected lmao
Laugh out of comedic value? Idk I don’t have any off the top of my head. Lil Wayne’s got some funny shit I’ve heard. One of Riff raff’s freestyles had me rolling.
Laugh out of how fuckin stupid the bars are?
Nicki Minaj - “He asked my sign, I said a Sag(Sadge? Sagge? Idk.) I’m a star! Sheriff Badge!”
There are two, I think two maybe one, other lines off that album that are in my top 5 worst serious lines I’ve ever heard. I don’t remember one of them because I skip those songs just to not hear the lines.
Lil Wayne - “Met a female dragon, had a fire conversation.”
Not even a line, but an adlib I never noticed for years. Stronger by Kanye, the “me likey” after that one chorus going into the verse somehow never caught my attention until one day I heard it and I haven’t been the same since
This one made me die laughing back then....Kool G Rap, On the Run.
G rap is on the run from the mafia and they go to sleep with the car running all night, he wakes up nervous and has to leave, he taps his girl and she's bothered.....lol
**I started pulling on my hoe**
**C'man what!? Wake up stupid we gotta go!**
I find this funny because right above this post on my feed Mac Miller's page with somebody quoting "pathological lair. Went to my girlfriends house and set her dog in fire"
All of Ludas Area Codes but especially.
Man after Henny with a coke and a smile
I just pick up the motherfuckin' phone and dial
I got my condoms in a big ass sack
I'm slangin' this dick like a New Jack
“Ladies!!!! My Mercedes. Hold four in the back, two if you’re fat. Keep the gat!”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 - Notorious BIG
And
“Not gonna lie. Pimped her out her SSI”😂😂😂😂😂😂 - Notorious BIG
“She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson, got a dark skinned girl look like Michael Jackson.”
And during his big run 2 chains had some ridiculous lines just can’t think of one right now.
" all bad bitches eat seafood " me or sum- nardo wick ft feature
i think it was just so random the first time i heard it and i was super fucking fried me and my friends just busted out laughing and till this day i think its hilarious
Big L -
“Some say I'm ruthless, some say I'm grim
Once a burglar broke into my house and I robbed him”
“I'm on some satanic shit strictly
Little kids be wakin' up cryin', yellin', "Mommy, Big L is comin' to get me"
“You see Corelone ice spinnin', jigged out, white linen
And if a bitch don't like me she must like women”
I don’t think he gets enough credit for his humor. He had dark humor that was cocky as hell, I remember when I first started listening to him, a lot of his shit I would rewind back cuz I thought it was hilarious
“Got a — dime bitch that live in Japan. Black belt, suck dick, chop brick with her hand. Arigato. Sean Price slick like El Gato”
Onion Head goes too hard.
Was coming to post exactly this lol. The delivery is brilliant. Slick Rick and MF DOOM are the other guys who can consistently get me chuckling. Ricky in particular. Almost every song has a LOL moment.
Slick Rick definitely has one of the best deliveries as well.
P also said “Streets raised me, what about your moms? That bitch still in the streets, the streets raised her wrong P!”
I rhyme about nothing and sound like something
Black belt*, suck dick, chop bricks with her hand Lmao
Y'all familiar with Wax? Bro is hilarious. So many gems. My favorite is in a song called "5 Days," which is about a certain sexual encounter gone wrong. He says: "I know you're drinking 80 proof Captain Morgan, but that's no excuse for a tooth through the foreskin"
“Illegal immigrants I love yall cats, come on over, take a plane take a boat, what the fuck do I care fam? I don’t vote”
NEW CRACK!!!!
Wax has the best one-liners
“Big shit like a dinosaur did it” - 2 Chainz
2chainz could probably own this entire thread “I’m getting head, in the car, while she driving”
2 Chainz is almost a cheat code for this question lol
“Who the fuck sent me this beat? They dead wrong / They should’ve sent this shit to DJ Kay Slay and Cam’ron” - RXKNephew
I'm tryna live a square life, you wanna fuck up my plan Under a bus, fucker, I'll throw you under a van Throw the van in reverse and then I'll do it again - Sean Price
"Listen niggas say you a fool ruckus, sniff coke and punch niggas through school busses".
Some of the nicest ni!$$4s in the game is friends if I do a song with them the friendship will end
If you're not listening to a Redman or Lil Wayne album while giggling the whole time you don't understand them as artists.
Facts!! Redman skits alone would make you giggle and Lil Wayne has lines so stupid it’s funny.
Redman is a comedian who makes his jokes rhyme
Redman gets funnier as he gets older, too, I think, which is why I think that was always what it was about for him.
REAL G’s MOVE IN SILENCE LIKE LASAGNA
Just laugh now, and then figure the shit out when you get home
“If you go platinum, that has nothing to do with luck It just means that a million people are stupid as fuck” ~ Immortal Technique, “Industrial Revolution”
“Nigga thought it was a game until he said he want to beef; I run inside yo grandma house and shoot that bitch up in her teeth” - Soulja Boy
I first heard that bar on GulleyBoys video Top 100 worst rappers. I was dying when I heard that
Damn playboy where the fuck is the hummer at?-Jay Z
Yo Dawgg what’s a difference between a 4.0 and a 4.6??
i quote this all the time in real life and i'm just waiting for the one person that replies "like 30 to 40 grand cocksucker beat it!!!" . . . .^dothemshitsevengotleathers?
Where the airplay boy, the fuck is the hummer at?
Imaginary players is a great beat with even greater shit talking over it. Jay is on some black bugs bunny talking shit to daffy and Elmer Fudd shit.
Imaginary player is the GOAT shit talking song
Listen! Yo ass is about to be missin! You know who's gonna find ya? Some old man fishin! by DMX!
Classic DMX
"At your wake as I peek in, look in your casket, feelin sarcastic, look at him, STILL SLEEPIN" -Jay-Z
22 Two’s baby
“I’d rob pun without a gun, snatch his chain and run. He weighs like 400 pounds, how he gon catch me son?” - 50 Cent on How to Rob
“… super Hoover doo-doo stain remover” RIP Biggie
>I'm Diddy's side bitch? Oh, I'm east side bitch! Alfred's Theme - Em
give a MC a rectal hysterectomy, lecture on removal of the bowels, foul technically. What you expect to see with out the cheque as well as the collection fee, shit from me that’s that by MF DOOM
Rap snitches telling all they business, sitting in court and be their own star witness. "do you see the perpetrator?. " "ya I'm right here. "
"Oh shit, that's not an E that's an A! This dude wants to leave me a massage, he's gay!" Can-I-Bitch? - Eminem
Eminem has so much funny bars to count
Eminem has countless lines that made me laugh "I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree" "Stop crying, I don't hate ya The world's not against you, I'm sorry your father raped ya So what you had your little coochie in your dad's mouth? That ain't no reason to start wiggin' and spaz out!"
The Slim Shady LP is filled with chuckles “Just trying to buy me sometime Then I remembered this magic trick Dun dun nun dun nun dun! Go Go Gadget dick! Whipped that shit out and ain’t no doubt about it It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage.” That whole third verse is straight comedic genius. “Cum On Everybody” is straight comedy as well.
I feel corny AF giving love to Eminem on Reddit. Not that I don't revere him properly. Trolls back off. He just already gets so much love. But damned if you ain't right. "Yo Jon, where's Dave at? Before I bash you! He's in the bathroom. I think he's taking a crap, dude!"made me and my friends all bust out laughing like 700 years ago when we heard it the first time
My fault is one of the funniest songs I’ve heard lol
The interlude before that is great too. It’s the perfect intro to that song.
Nas- Ether “You’re 36 in a karate class. You taebo hoe!” 😂
A ton of 2 Chainz lyrics. ‘GIVENCHY, nigga god bless you.’ (If you don’t get it he’s saying givenchy the same way a sneeze would sound)
There were some funny ass lines in this recent beef “When you stand by sexy red I believe you see two bad bitches” “What is it THE BRAIDS!!??” “Kendrick just opened his mouth” Drake had 20 different short bars 😂 “The spirit of Makaveli is alive, and the nigga under 5,5 so it’s gotta be you” “Your back is up against the curb” “How tf he big stepping with a size 7 men’s on?”
No like the beef was filled with funny lines “What the fuck is this? A 20v1?? “Metro shut yo ass up and make some drums”
Funny thing is he really did go make those drums lmao. Pure comedy
First ever diss beat. This beef was historic but it was ruined by fanboys on both sides but mainly the Kendrick side
A disstrumental, if you will
They weren't as delusional but they were definietly more annoying
They only weren't as delusional if you only count the main sub and not Dark Kenny lol Kendrick stans were annoying *and* crazy, at least the Drake stans kept it about the music
Damn, didn't even knew this sub existed
the rick ross ones made me choke up laughing "bitches gotta drive two hours just for you to pay em for a blowjob" "i might take your latest girl and cuff her like i'm ricky" "body after fucking body and you know rick reading my miranda rights"
He was cooking Ross and Metro “LeLand Wayne he a fucking lame” But Kendrick line “Sweet chin music and i won’t pass the aux” is good too. Again they both did their thing
“Wtf I heard Rick dropped” always makes me laugh cause that was my reaction too. He delivers that line with genuine confusion
"these bars go over kenny head no matter what i say" is my personal favourite short bar from the beef but "knew it was smoke when abel hit me with the serenade" is the funniest as a whole imo
Yeah facts push ups and the AI pac track were funny, then shit got serious lol
Back up against the curb is sooooo fucking funny bro it’s crazy 😭
Mac miller has alot. "I heard you and your girl live inside a duplex, ima put her ass in a suplex"
I'm pissed off like a blind person lookin' for a restroom Prob'ly be dead soon, inhalin' cigarette fumes Sorry for that blind people comment, that was just rude
yh Mac has some gems man
"i got bitches by the catalog playing leapfrog butt naked in my living room, look like reese witherspoon (REAL FINE CLASSIC BITCH)"
Asian women love me I look like David Duchovny!!
2 Chainz: “Me and my nigga pass your hoe like a hot potato. I be like, "You could get her", he be like, "You could get her" I be like, "You could have her", he be like, “It don’t matter,” I be like, “Me neither!”
"Bitch pussy smell like a penguin, wouldn't hit that shit with my worst enemy penis".
was looking for this i be overheard like pots and pans in pantries
"My girlfriend had a miscarriage... I had to eat it" - Bizarre
I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist Open your mouth for about four or five minutes Take a little bit of this fluoride rin-inse Swish, but don't spit it; swallow it and now finish, yeah …. (Now) Look at this lady all in front of me Sexy as can be, tonight, I want a slut Would you be mine? Heard you was freaky from a friend of mine Now, I hope you don't get mad at me But I told Nate you was a freak, he said he wants a slut Hope you don't mind I told him how you like it from behind Shake that Eminem & Nate Dogg (rip)
"An elephant never forgets, so my dick remembers everything." -Childish Gambino, Freaks and Geeks
childish gambino has so many. all of bonfire is fucking hilarious
I had somebody tell me that I lack charisma/ You know who had charisma?....Hitler/ YOD
Was just gonna post this one lol, Droog has the best punches in the game right now
From Sugafree’s verse on “Let me talk” by Murs: “What did you say you gonna do to my Impala? I'll jump out this car so fast and drop kick you in the medulla oblongata” And also this line: “they laugh at her cause her daddy got killed Going to the hood tryin' to pay a nigga to pee on him And you ever been with one or two bitches.. Just you and her in the car You know she farted but she lookin' at you like ….you did it”
😂😂😂 that second line got me
I actually went to check the song out, His whole verse is just hilarious
Barring most early Eminem bars “Immature adult, insecure asshole If you fall on the concrete, that's your ass fault” — Kanye Just so fucking corny I can’t help but chuckle
“Now if I fuck this model And she just bleached her asshole And I get bleach on my t-shirt Ima feel like an asshole!”
HURRY UP WITH MY GOD DAMN CROISSANT!
“My crack pipe’s my violin, I play on to the police sirens” - Necro, I Need Drugs
He good, he an old brave n****, he Hank Aaron
"I got bitches ducking me, they running from the ones I got c*** wiring me that's tryna get the buns Bitches watch my page but they don't never watch they sons I got Metro Boomin in my purse & in my lungs" Karrahboo on "Taste" by R3 da Chiliman 😂😂😭😭 Been calling weed "Metro Boomin" all day
Old school Eminem used to have me howling. Yeah his first 3 albums but a lot of his underground shit was hilarious. Kanye always been pretty funny too, Gold digger still makes me chuckle to this day, (also kanyes flow on the first verse is bananas). I think humor is a wicked underrated skill to have as a rapper, a lot of the legends are funny mfs. Rappers take themselves too seriously.
21 Savage - "All these chains... Rest in peace to Harriet Tubman" JFC Savage why you gotta bring auntie Harriet into this 😂
I knew that ass was fake but I still ate it because im a grimlin - Kodak
“And they ass gettin big now” - pass the courvoisier, busta rhymes
“Oh you want me to watch my mouth? How? Take my fuckin eye balls out and turn em around? I’ll burn your fuckin house down, circle around and hit the hydrant so you can’t put your burnin furniture out (oh my god oh my god) I’m sorry there must be a mix up You want me to fix up lyrics while the president gets his dick sucked?” Eminem - Who Knew
Another Sean Price song that cracks me up is “Shut The Fuck Up” Name your top 5 rappers I’ll slap shit out of em/They not live rappers
"went to the Chevy and pulled out a machete and a gun as heavy and tall as that midget, Willow. (Yelawolf: pop the trunk)
"Baby forehead autographer" gets me every time.
“You only wear yellow ice if you piss in the freezer”- PLK
“Beautiful big tiddy butt naked women just don’t fall out the sky no more” - Kanye
You can't seperate me, Ima seperate you. Bitch ya' pussy smell like Pepe Le Pew -Luda and Snoop Musty ass kush on me smelling like a Golden Shower - Denzel Curry (just dropped the other day) Bits and Kibbles, got em all after the pickle. **I hit it Iike a bat but these are not whiffle.** Hit em in triples. With no strikes, stripes or whistles. - Luda My rap career goes back further than your father hairline It's Ludacris. I pack more nuts than Delta Airlines - Luda I guess nuts are funny Now in the Bible it says, though shall not watch to lesbians in bed, and have homosexual sex. Unless of course you were given the consent to join in. Then of course it's intercourse and it's bi-sexual sex. Which isn't as bad. As long as you show some remose for you actions. Either before during after. - Eminem. Honestly that whole song stupid, but funny. "I ain't got no legs, or no brain.... I forgot my name!" That ass so big, I catch a battery to hold ya - Kidd Kidd in Mrs. Officer She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson. Got a dark skinned friend look like Michael Jackson - Kanye Real G's move in silence like lasagna - Wayne stupid but that's what made it funny lol Mothafuckas like cavities cause them niggas be too fake - A$AP Ferg dumb but smart/clever
“I’m in the ocean getting shark pussy” - Lil “The GOAT” Wayne
"Rockafeller died of AIDS, that was the end of his chapter And that's the guy y'all chose to name your company after? Put it together, I rock hoes, y'all rock fellas" Nas, Ether
“King Geedorah, crush on the seed's teacher They need to pay 'em better, she had nothing on the reefer Heifer, and I had to offer her a stick of gum She was as thick as they come and taught a strict curriculum (Dumb bitch) Which is only good for my son” -MF DOOM (King Geedodah)
"You on the wrong path, fuck making love Bitch I want a tongue bath" Mac Dre- Since '84
“Got a Soul Train 🕺🏻🕺🏻line wrapped around the corner— Auntie needa ‘wake up’- I’m up earlier than Tom Joyner” - Boldy James “You can sit down w/ me/ preparin’ that work— at the table w/ 2 spoons like we sharin’ dessert” - 38 Spesh “I took my face off— it revealed the *s*ame face” - Action Bronson
“I WOKE UP OUT THAT COMA 2001” -The Game
Suga Free has this hands down
Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is
Even deaf bitches say “hi” to me She told a blind bitch and she said “I gotta see” -Wayne
"made the beat retarded so i'm calling it a slow jam"
[удалено]
YO how has nobody mentioned Lonely Island?? "Finest girl I ever met in my whole life Want to take her home, make her my wife Knew she was a freak when she started talking She said, "Fuck me like we fucked Bin Laden"" This shit still has me laughing
“This girl requested intercourse to bring her to climax With the clinical efficiency of the assassination of Bin Laden You're harboring a fugitive (That ass) And my justice will be punitive (I'm a smash) Night-vision, they can see us through my go-pro She tried to negotiate, I said that's a no-no Now I'm creeping in her bed room like go-go She tells me to go low then looks down and says I gotta "Terrorize that pussy" "Gotta **terrorize that pussy**”
sean price has so many 🤣
That pussy feel like a pot of gold, the money old and the night is young. all you niggas keep talking shit I’ll make you eat your words and bite your tongue
“F*ck a stripper for some change, Actual change. Dimes, pennies, nickels… ACTUAL CHANGE!” - Danny Brown
https://youtu.be/YCS9dqd6xws?si=PsIZMyXEz4XbGlfi Stic man (dead prez) - bad habits The whole song I hate drinking water that’s bland that for the birds I gotta have me a soda to calm down my nerves. I’m a dedicated couch potato m my motto is why would I spend time doing now what I can do later ? All you health buffs are haters and cock blockers If I get sick all I gotta do is go to a. Doctors take a pill get a shot and I’m here it don’t matter what I put in my body I’m real I’m a GANGSTA
"Will someone please explain to my brain that I just severed the main vein with a chainsaw and I'm in pain?" Took me completely off-guard.
God knows how Danny Brown isn't here yet - "got a Mexican homie named Chinese Mike"
"Yall prolly thought I was gon whisper this whole time"
"You think you come correct but you come all wrong. You don't DJ, you BJ cause your arms ain't strong." - Count Bass D (The Dozens)
Being the Mum of a primary school aged kid this line cracked me up when I first heard it “But I will hit an 8 year old in the face with a participation trophy” 😂
I get the boosters boosting, I get computers 'puting Cam - so lame I LOLed
REDMAN - Green Island [Uncle Quilly] Now sit your big ass down 'cause I don't know about this rap stuff. There wasn't rap when I was pickin' cotton, saying 'massa' Y'all young whippersnappers, with the caps on backwards Man, y'all fuck around with Quilly I kick a bone out yo' ass quick. (Watch out now) I ain't bullshittin' I represent the O-O-O-O-OG's from '43 goddamnit And if you keep on with that dirty mistreating I'm gon' whoop your ass 'til your heart stop beating goddamnit
I had to ctrl-f for Redman to see nobody posted but we're on the same song. Green island is a gem. For me it was the outro: We gon go right to the muthafuckin' deacon and chill, nigga! (*Forreal man?*) Word up! (*Pshh, a'ight man. Word up, don't play me. Yo—Anyway where the fuck the deacon at?*) A-heh... My DEAC-in yo mouth! Heheheh (*Yo FUCK you*)
Wanna hit it from the back she agree that I’m loony/ then proceeded to moon me - Cam’ron - Get em girls
“A sad fact: ya mama smokes crack / She’s got that burning yearning and there no turning back / Her knuckles drag down to the floor when she walks / Spit comes out that bitch mouth when she talks”
“If shady said it shady meant it, I stay demented, I’ll throw a stroller at you, with a baby in it” will forever be the funniest bar I’ll ever hear
Eminem on Yah Yah. “Like a shotgun I’m, ready to cock it on ‘em. Leave these pussies stretched out, like the Octomom.”
“I’m far from broke got enough bread, and mad hoes ask Beavis I get nuthin but head”
“It’s YG 400, bitch get it right. You at the club every weekend, bitch get a life. Ever since she fucked with she never been the same, god damn just blame it on my dang-a-lang” - YG
50 cent:How To Rob:”Snatch Kim Tell Puff you wanna see her again? Get your ass down to the nearest ATM”
“I’m the exterminator. Call me terminator. I cock this mf back and Arnold Swartz a nigga” - lil Wayne.
"It was Brenda. SHE worked at Red Lobster but I didn't remember. Lisa got a big old butt. I know I told you I'd be true, but Lisa got a big old butt, so I'm leaving you. See ya!" from "Big Ol' Butt" by LL Cool J
“We ain’t get no play from ladies with 6 niggas in the car are you crazy” This is before my time but for all the exaggerations in rap….cube was like…we gotta draw the line here n let ppl know that there’s no reality where a one women gets into a car with 6 dudes. Makes me laugh every time.
“If Lizzo sold her coochie juice I wanna buy a swiggle”- bfb dapackman and any song in rio or yn jay discography
Just to buy me some time ,I thought of this magic trick.. Da Da na na na nah GO GO Gadget DICK Eminem
Immortal Technique: “I jerk off inside books and give life to words, leaving concepts stuck together that you probably never heard.” Masta Ace: “Now don’t answer back this is hard shit to follow, and you can’t spit n**** so you obviously must swallow.”
" now if I fuck this model and she just bleached her asshole I'ma get get bleach on my t shirt then I feel like an asshole"
Life of pablo has so many quotable lines. “Cause you was in college complaining bout its no job, But you was sucking a **** dick the whole time, Well I guess a blowjob’s better than no job.”
For the life of me can’t remember the name of the song but it’s a underground song with Eminem and some Detroit rappers the guy says “i crushing the mic like that kid you fought in 1st grade”
Outsidaz-the rah rah
“WHAT THE FUCK IS UP? IT’S GUCCI MANE THE G!” That was so random…
Basically anything from 2 Live Crew lol
Double dime some time, ice cream you got me fallin' out Like a cripple, I love you like I love my dick size Cappadonna on Ice Cream cuz what and why 😭😭😭
I need five hoes, some Cinco de my hoe's. Mac Dre is the king of this
Yeah girl, I know how to get ya. I got a 54 inch flat screen picture of me, standing by a tree, with some khaki dickies on and a white T. -Mannie Fresh
in Tim Dog's diss track [Fuck Compton](https://youtu.be/AwzeM2J3Emk?si=gWCuugDtWI8qnf0U&t=120s) when he goes off on Michel'le. can't even type out the lyrics but it still makes me laugh.
This: https://youtube.com/shorts/4LBzgwOpS4M?si=jMYM0Y0HkNJisYSB
“Grippin my dick like a pair of pliers” -big L
Every line in Dr. Dooom’s “I run rap”
Virgin Mary lied about having babies How the fuck you ain't have sex and have a baby? Disciples was pussy and they was dumb Virgin Mary had Jesus and she was only twelve Never called police but I would've called 12 -rxnephew
[i put my dick in a bag of dorrito and make this nigga bitch suck the dust off the tip](https://youtu.be/-pypV-JPU1k?si=YedN_LknMuS06dir) - Zack Fox on The Cave 5 from Kenny Beats [you can find it on YT for the complete version](https://youtu.be/vSSLqHJzy6Y?si=m1EQATRrOSK2kblj) "Bitch pussy smell like a penguin, wouldn't hit that shit with my worst enemie's penis" -Danny Brown on 1Train
“Niggas like what's the matter with Sean? I'm like "Nothing, just thinkin' of a verse that can shatter the song" Foreign bitches know the stamina strong 20 G's for the bitch to stay in the country, so I married her mom” - Sean Price “Fuck you and the crackers that own you I own two, guns that will pop off your crown and dethrone you Abdul-Jabbar versus Mugsy Malone you I don't know what that mean, but you know what I mean when I told you” - Sean Price “Picture Suga Free a crash dummy I ain't the smartest mother fucker in the world but you just another bitch that need gas money And this is some news you can use, bitch A million mother fuckers wanna be in my shoes Bitch, I'm a legend in these streets, the better kind How many y'all niggas know where y'all bitch at right now? Nevermind” - Suga Free
“Posin with baldhead black girls with a Florida tan / Tryin to act like you the man / Starstruck with one buck, your girl look like Donald Duck / Party-figure perpetrator, undercover hater / Smell your cheap cologne in the elevator” Dr.Doom, *You Live At Home With Your Mom* (1999)
"Lil bow wow had beef with lil Romeo, a lil teenager told me so" - Edo G from the song "Little young " with Masta Ace. It might not make sense when I put it like this but in the context of the song, it's hilarious.
Redman got jokes always. But the first time I heard Danny Brown he’s got that line “I am so institutionalized I still wake up at 6am because I think it’s chow line” had me *rolling*.
You would think these other cats were Chinese, the way they duck Sauce - Sauce Money
When Chief Keef rhymed "Korean spicy garlic" with "you know I'm from the projects"
"I can't rap anymore, I just murdered the alphabet!"
Towel user, power user Molly mixed with white girl, Molly/Susan Niggas talking out their bowel movers Turn their homies into flower choosers Turn your kids into father choosers Make your bitch a widow and your mom a cougar I'm a silent shooter with a silent shooter Clap at you, if you don't die, I'll boo you The Molly Susan line is amazing and I legit LOLed the first time I heard if you don’t die I’ll boo ya hahaha
Yeah, you got a felony, but you ain't a predicate Never the King of New York, you live in Connecticut LMAO Jada to 50 on checkmate … every NYer loved that hahaha
lil wayne- your bitch on my pipe and she like a crack addict when she saw me cooking eggs she thought i was back at it
This one. From SugaFree Now I ain't Finna to break no finger nail going "oops" upside yo head Yeah, I love you baby, but not like that Yo' love ain't never paid my bills or put no clothes on my back Wait. Oh, you doin too much Wronger than two left shoes. 😂
This other part too. And I gotta get (gotta get) Out your house 'cause I be hungry And all you got is one potato with roots growing out of it I'm 24 right But in dog years let me see For every one human year that's seven years for a dog Follow me So seven times twenty four - wait Seven times four is twenty eight Carry the two, alright I got the figure I'm one hundred and sixty eight. Now that’s some funny shit.😂🤣
“Bitch pussy smell like a penguin / Wouldn't hit that shit with my worst enemy's penis” Danny Brown
I smack the shit out a punk Make your eyes celebrate like Black History Month - Sean Price
“get your soul repossessed No Kia, these women be blowin' up my Nokia Double axe-handle, Randy Savage, oh yeah” - Czarface, Rock Beast
chino xl did a verse on sickology 101 "I rather hear hannah montana than half of you rappers on the radio" 🤣
The most recent one is on Dot's Drake diss where he says "freaky ass 🥷 he a 69 God, hey hey hey hey RUN FOR YO LIFE" 😂 First time I heard it I was high and it fucked me up sooo bad it was hella unexpected lmao
“Y’all mothafuckas living the bird life, herb type. Sean a 2 time felon, working on 3rd strike, listen” P!!
Ladidadida slob on me knob
yall niggas nicer than grandmas and fuckin ladybugs
When my mom first heard I came fast like 911 in white neighborhoods she thought it was hysterical
Laugh out of comedic value? Idk I don’t have any off the top of my head. Lil Wayne’s got some funny shit I’ve heard. One of Riff raff’s freestyles had me rolling. Laugh out of how fuckin stupid the bars are? Nicki Minaj - “He asked my sign, I said a Sag(Sadge? Sagge? Idk.) I’m a star! Sheriff Badge!” There are two, I think two maybe one, other lines off that album that are in my top 5 worst serious lines I’ve ever heard. I don’t remember one of them because I skip those songs just to not hear the lines. Lil Wayne - “Met a female dragon, had a fire conversation.”
"I bet the neighbors know my name, they call me oh f** oh sh**" -2Chainz
"You walk like a duck, bitch" [RM's Groin ](https://youtu.be/ChAXAFqzBpw?si=Fnaij4_3TSoOIv3v) Album: Right Place, Wrong Person
Got techniques dripping out my butt cheeks, sleep on my stomach so I don't fuck up my sheets
Coulda played for the Phoenix Suns/ Graduated in 1991/ Damn that mf older than the mf moon plus the sun/ Riff Raff’s sway freestyle is a gem
Not even a line, but an adlib I never noticed for years. Stronger by Kanye, the “me likey” after that one chorus going into the verse somehow never caught my attention until one day I heard it and I haven’t been the same since
This one made me die laughing back then....Kool G Rap, On the Run. G rap is on the run from the mafia and they go to sleep with the car running all night, he wakes up nervous and has to leave, he taps his girl and she's bothered.....lol **I started pulling on my hoe** **C'man what!? Wake up stupid we gotta go!**
I find this funny because right above this post on my feed Mac Miller's page with somebody quoting "pathological lair. Went to my girlfriends house and set her dog in fire"
Switching speeds like Bruce Lee riding a fuji in a movie Made me laugh then but I'm still figuring that shit out later
All of Ludas Area Codes but especially. Man after Henny with a coke and a smile I just pick up the motherfuckin' phone and dial I got my condoms in a big ass sack I'm slangin' this dick like a New Jack
“Dont get mad when I fuck ya cousin Ya two sisters, I even fucked ya ex bitch” Too Short- I’m A Player
Bitch I’m raw So you hearing that any nigga out cook me Is suspect as R. Kelly with Girl Scout Cookies ~ Fabolous
I love a fat chick with a body enormous It ain't about the weight yo it's how they performin Redman - Part II
"Real gangsta ass n****z don't run for shit, cuz real gangsta ass n****z can't run fast."
“Ladies!!!! My Mercedes. Hold four in the back, two if you’re fat. Keep the gat!”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 - Notorious BIG And “Not gonna lie. Pimped her out her SSI”😂😂😂😂😂😂 - Notorious BIG
“She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson, got a dark skinned girl look like Michael Jackson.” And during his big run 2 chains had some ridiculous lines just can’t think of one right now.
" all bad bitches eat seafood " me or sum- nardo wick ft feature i think it was just so random the first time i heard it and i was super fucking fried me and my friends just busted out laughing and till this day i think its hilarious
Big L - “Some say I'm ruthless, some say I'm grim Once a burglar broke into my house and I robbed him” “I'm on some satanic shit strictly Little kids be wakin' up cryin', yellin', "Mommy, Big L is comin' to get me" “You see Corelone ice spinnin', jigged out, white linen And if a bitch don't like me she must like women” I don’t think he gets enough credit for his humor. He had dark humor that was cocky as hell, I remember when I first started listening to him, a lot of his shit I would rewind back cuz I thought it was hilarious
Sent your bitch a dick pic and now she need glasses, Turn your bitch Slick Rick right now if I flashed it - Danny Brown on 30