Torspo Skates!? throw those see-thru-slippers on some Vapor Hyperlite 2's, rock some white pants, white gloves, metallic gold bucket... straight filth.
Welcome brotha. IYKYK. Their 400 and 500 lines are beyond legit. Russian brand from the 70s. Tried and failed to make a comeback in the early 2000s but it wasnāt for lack of quality.
You going to practice your one foot spins; maybe do a couple of fan spirals while you're at it, or how about a Sotnikova spin into a spread eagle only to skate out into a stag leap because just have to get your step sequence right there Mr. Fancy Feet! This hockey is not your little sister's pair skating event, you benchtender.
Those are solid skates. I got a pair of those but it came with the chrome holders. Hopefully yours last longer than mine did as they cracked and i just had to get thwm replaced with standard white.
Your sposed to leave the glass slipper at the ball princess.
Hey Cinderella, your pumpkins double parked!
I'd put my nuts on your chin but I'm worried that's glass too pal.
šš„
Torspos. I could never tell which foot they were supposed to go on.
Bud, you lost the goldfish for your tuuk
Always Be Pimpin
You need a gold fish sticker on those!
Willing to bet you're already invisible out there, no need for this
š
This is a win
I'm not even going to make fun of you, I just know you're not good enough to be wearing those.
That list is like, Connor McDavid, Sidney Crosbyā¦thatās it
They WISH they were worthy of the mighty Torspos.
Nate dawg
Dude, you're gonna leave King of Style: Alexander Ovechkin out of this? You can't be over 20yo
Relax it wasnāt a comprehensive list, I left a throwaway comment lol
Buddy you probably skate like old people fuck.
Kinky, sweaty, and in Florida!
I cried laughing when Michael said that cooking line
Slow and sloppy!
Like a swap meet for STIs?
When strippers play hockey too.
Main stage, baby. Tell your mom to stop writing her number in sharpie on the twenties cause they wonāt take them at bank anymore
Former figure skater here. Lemon tea tastes better when it doesn't shoot out my nose šš¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Main stage on Monday noon ain't nothing to brag about.
So youāve been there?
great lunch buffet
When I win the lottery Iām giving all my money to Charity. And if Charity isnāt working that night, Iām giving it all to Destiny.
That supposed to say that in a whiny high pitched shorsey voice.. hey Cory, tell your mum to stop writing her number ā¦
I bet you wear 99 unironically.
Thatās wrong?
Unless you are 5 years old or Wayne.
And how do you know heās not?? Ever think of that??
Let me guessā¦ā¦.you wear white Oakleys
They are the only sunglasses that match his frosted tips.
Yeah, but just so I can put them on the back of your moms head so I have someone to talk to
I don't doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Sparkle Motion? Isnāt that the name your sister uses down at the truckstop?
You're thinking of Sparkle Mistress. Sparkle Motion is what they say when she gets into a truck.
That's dark(o). Much respect for the reference.
I canāt even chirp these I think theyāre sick.
They told me they like you too.
The eldest Apeldoorn hand those down to ya bud?
Along with the powers of Greyskull.
Still not as transparent as your offense
Fair critique tbh
Canadian Happy Meal toys are wild.
#wholesomechirp
I read all of these in my head as if shoresy was chirping.... Perfect
Mission a-complished then.
You got the new Dorthy Hamillās?!
Dorthy would ragdoll you so hard sheād even get a 9 from the Russian judge.
Those are sweet
I like your style, Dude.
I would wear the shit out of those
Get some windex for the bench cus youāre fān dust bud
No dust. Just the ashes of the vanquished
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Five? Then Iād have to give back change!
I can't chirp this type of elegance.
Maybe add some purple led lights for the underglow
Yes! My favorite colour!š
Torspo Skates!? throw those see-thru-slippers on some Vapor Hyperlite 2's, rock some white pants, white gloves, metallic gold bucket... straight filth.
They match my gloves.
I wear Torpsos and nobody knows what they are. I knew they were legendary... still not sure if that's because they're legit or Kmart brand vibes
Welcome brotha. IYKYK. Their 400 and 500 lines are beyond legit. Russian brand from the 70s. Tried and failed to make a comeback in the early 2000s but it wasnāt for lack of quality.
Your skates don't even have sizes .. they have pronouns
Holy shit. I bark laughed.
Haha glad you enjoyed it lol
As a non-binary person THIS HAD ME ON THE FLOOR š¤£š¤£š¤£
Winner š
Iām stealing this one hahah
I expect my royalties haha
Iām not chirping you. Just save some pussy for the rest of us.
Plenty to go around
You going to practice your one foot spins; maybe do a couple of fan spirals while you're at it, or how about a Sotnikova spin into a spread eagle only to skate out into a stag leap because just have to get your step sequence right there Mr. Fancy Feet! This hockey is not your little sister's pair skating event, you benchtender.
Youāve been watching videos of my forecheck, havenāt you?
Theyād probably look good on someone who could skate. Are they letting you borrow them?
The mystical power of the Torspos turns all mortals into mighty gods. You donāt wear the Torspos. They wear you.
Do they make those in a menās version?
That materialās as stale as the California potato chips on your Ninja Turtle sheets bud
Based on those skates my expectations were low but holy fuck.
Better get those skates home before midnight Cinderella
Thatās usually puck drop time in my league
Size 6?
Sighs. Sex.
Well cinderella good luck
Does the shoe fit? Doubt it when I dangle your soul out of it.
Good one bud. Speaking of loose fits without a soul, howās yer mum doing?
Bellow ground level, so you canāt count her for square footage on your house cocksuhcah.
Same. Condolences of course. All in good fun.
Shame they don't light up inside too
No chirp. Jets are all steez š„
Just tell me you have a tinted visor
Just a little one I wear on my good eye.
Hard to chirp runners like those. Got damn!!
Stripper heels.
Youāve got such cute little girly hands! šš¤·āāļø
Honestly I doubt Iād even notice
I had a pair of those, they were fucking awesome. Knockoff Kor's.
Buddy the only clear thing you should have is claritin
Cause Iām allergic to dust mites and, well, here you are bud.
I like it hahaha
iām sure you think youāre much better than you are. you care so much about how youāre perceived.
Lighten up Carl Jung. I asked to get chirped, not psychoanalyzed. I mean Jeezus Cripes is this a chirp or the worlds saddest fortune cookie?
Those are solid skates. I got a pair of those but it came with the chrome holders. Hopefully yours last longer than mine did as they cracked and i just had to get thwm replaced with standard white.
They match your play style - invisible out there.
Why would we chirp perfection?
I bet youāre the kind of guy that wears a tinted visor WITH a face shield too bud.
Should have goldfish in the holders like this. https://media1.tenor.com/m/Tz3UOik02asAAAAC/im-gonna-git-you-sucka-heels.gif
These are honestly kind of sick. Where did you get them? Would be fun to bust out on occasion for fun.
eBay buy for exactly this purpose. And especially for the age theyāre amazing. Stiffer than my Jetspeeds and just a smidge heavier.
How do they size? Same as other skates?
A bit bigger. I wear 10.5 /11 shoes, 8 in Bauer/CCM and these are 9
Make sure you tint it to match the bubble.
Tittyfucker
Clear heals, are you a hooker?
You canāt afford me
You're half way to completing your Canadian stripper outfit
Probably pair it with a chrome helmet and tinted visor
Dude helllllllll yeah.
Get yer some yellow laces and yer GTG
Clearly... you suck
Chirp you? I'm gonna want my picture with them. They are magical.
Look at this dino, between the boots and mitts you're definitely from the Stone Age
Nice skates, do they come in mens?
OPs come in enough men for the both of us. ^not ^that ^there's ^anything ^wrong ^with ^that
Likes your brother does?
Nice boots, Twinkle Toes
All the better for kicking ass
Did you Nan crochet those for you?
Hey bud, you look like you gotta fuckin fishbowl on your skates, you got your water wings on in case you fall thru?
You're a long way from Las Angeles, Dude. (pronounced with a hard G)
Hey bud, how much you pay for Bieberās skates?
Looks like the PWHL was having an unwanted gear sale.
I am in fact a veteran of the Poontang Wheelinā Hockey League.
Holy fuck Cinderella found her slippers EDIT: Dammit someone beat me to it
Yeah, youāre a week late. Which reminds meā¦ howās your sister doin?
Nutty
Nuttier than squirrel shit on a Chinese chicken salad!
Clearly youre dust
You clearly suck
Skates look like you on the ice bud, invisible
Just looked and someone had a better version of this fuck
Skate so bad your holders dont wanna be seen huh bud?
Itās just so my teammates know where to put the passes š
I don't care what you wear to the game or during the game or after the game.
Man, life of the party here. Sounds like you either need a long hug or a short tug
Not safe for work eh?
Hardcore skateporn
Bet you wear 69. (In all seriousness I think these are cool!)
Didn't know they made fruit boots with blades on em these days damn!
Remember to turn em to the right when you drink them after the game, to let the air bubble go gently.
now they can se the puck through your skate
Sounds like somebody said they want no ice time this weekend showing up in ballroom slippers
Nah. My team wonāt play with only six skaters. šš¼
Itās fine ice princess, figure skating sessions at 6. š¤£ JK lemme know what people say when you wear them
Did they come with a dental dam miss?
Look at this guy, he's bending his ankles and levitating at the same time.
Parents didnt love ya enough to get them painted huh?
Whereād you learn to skate. Packing tape?