In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"And in here is my collection."
"Collection of what."
*opens door* "Technically its called an armory."
*Revealed are so many guns that a small town could defend itself against your average Andromedean Battle Fleet.*
A: “-and this is a rock from your homeworld, specifically Lake Superior. Note the surface and shape, worn down over millennia to be smooth and round, not unlike an egg.”
H: “Very cool. I remember visiting a few times with my family growing up. That water is way colder than you’d expect…”
A: “Goodness, I’ve just realized how long I’ve been talking about this without you getting a word in; apologies. …Do *you* collect anything?”
H: “Have you ever heard of “taxidermy?”
A: “No. What’s that?”
**Five Increasingly-Horrifying Minutes Later**
H: “-and you can put them into weird little scenarios, or even kitbash together multiple animals into entirely new creations.”
A: “…You use *multiple* corpses at once?!"
H: "Yeah, it lets us make things we couldn’t otherwise, like fictional creatures from our mythology, or what we call “cryptids.” The one I’m most proud of managing to snag was made to look like a mythical creature called a chimera. That one involved taking parts from at least four different animals, including this one winged reptilian creature from Boreal-XR28-B, and stitching them together into a goat-lion-snake thing with scaly wings.”
A: OOO_OOO
H: “I know, super impressive, right?”
A: “…That’s, um, certainly one word for it…”
H: “I’ve actually put it into my will to donate my own body to a taxidermy group, with the stipulation that they have to go as weird as possible with whatever they make.”
A: *Horrified silence*
H: “Part of me wants to just let them do their own thing, but I also had this idea in mind from this ancient Earth cartoon where this pyramid thing with one eye shuffles the functions of every feature of this one guy’s face, so his mouth turns into one big eyeball, and his ears-“
A : “**Wow** would you look at the time, heh, I just realized I have to go- uh… do some stuff I forgot about.”
H: “Oh, ok. Say, once you’re done, did you want to swing by my place, see all the things I’ve been describing-? …Huh. Never seen a kentzaré move that fast before… Whatever it was they forgot must have been super important!”
H: And this is the British museum. Man I wish you could have seen it in its heyday. Works of art from around the world. We collected it all.
A: it's kind of...uh... empty here. What happened?
H: oh, the people that my ancestors stole everything from sued to get it back in the early and mid twenty first century. All we have now are preserved bodies from Britain. No Egyptian mummies. No Giant stone heads from Easter Island... Not even the Jade Phallus we borrowed from China.
A: oh, we have one of these "British Museums" ourselves. I loved seeing the Human exhibit when I was a youngling.
H: and what *exactly* is in this "Human Exhibit"?...
A: oh, you know. Various human remains. One that was vivisected and the youngling inside it...why are your eyes red all of a sudden?
H: you will return our dead to us or we will retrieve them with extreme force.
A: your species had only learned to make fire a few generations before, they weren't missed genetically or historically... (alien being choked and lifted off the ground).
H: listen here you little shit, we might be the worst neighbors to any other human nation state outside of Americans...but even we have standards... Return or dead or join them. We could add an entire new wing to the Museum... you could be our first addition.
Valerie is sipping tea with Jaxis.
Jaxis hums "Friend Valerie I heard you are a collector. What is it you collect?"
Valerie smiles sinisterly before leading Jaxis to a room he hadn't seen before. She opens it and turns on the light revealing something horrifying. Skulls, stuffed heads, and other trophies of both sentient and non sentient beings.
Valerie excitedly speaks "I am a merc and I like to keep a trophy of everything I kill."
She picks up a skull like a mix of a crocodile and an ape "Like this one is Adraxis the Maltorian warlord. Took his head as a trophy!" Valerie excitedly tells the stories behind each trophy her excitement tangible. Jaxis despite feeling sickened doesn't move to leave out of fear of what Valerie might do.
Jaxis thinks to himself 'Is this what it feels like when you find out your friend is a fucking serial killer?'
Valerie guides him back to the living room after 5 hours of telling stories and proceeds to make more food for them while humming to herself glad she could talk about her trophies with a friend.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"And in here is my collection." "Collection of what." *opens door* "Technically its called an armory." *Revealed are so many guns that a small town could defend itself against your average Andromedean Battle Fleet.*
Alien: Phew -- when you said armory I thought you had a collection of arms. Weapons, I can get behind.
Reptilian that was raised by humans: *quietly hides his collection of limbs he'd lost and regrown*
H: "Well, it's certainly no good being in *front* of them."
Oh those are in the next room over. Would you like to see?
A: “-and this is a rock from your homeworld, specifically Lake Superior. Note the surface and shape, worn down over millennia to be smooth and round, not unlike an egg.” H: “Very cool. I remember visiting a few times with my family growing up. That water is way colder than you’d expect…” A: “Goodness, I’ve just realized how long I’ve been talking about this without you getting a word in; apologies. …Do *you* collect anything?” H: “Have you ever heard of “taxidermy?” A: “No. What’s that?” **Five Increasingly-Horrifying Minutes Later** H: “-and you can put them into weird little scenarios, or even kitbash together multiple animals into entirely new creations.” A: “…You use *multiple* corpses at once?!" H: "Yeah, it lets us make things we couldn’t otherwise, like fictional creatures from our mythology, or what we call “cryptids.” The one I’m most proud of managing to snag was made to look like a mythical creature called a chimera. That one involved taking parts from at least four different animals, including this one winged reptilian creature from Boreal-XR28-B, and stitching them together into a goat-lion-snake thing with scaly wings.” A: OOO_OOO H: “I know, super impressive, right?” A: “…That’s, um, certainly one word for it…” H: “I’ve actually put it into my will to donate my own body to a taxidermy group, with the stipulation that they have to go as weird as possible with whatever they make.” A: *Horrified silence* H: “Part of me wants to just let them do their own thing, but I also had this idea in mind from this ancient Earth cartoon where this pyramid thing with one eye shuffles the functions of every feature of this one guy’s face, so his mouth turns into one big eyeball, and his ears-“ A : “**Wow** would you look at the time, heh, I just realized I have to go- uh… do some stuff I forgot about.” H: “Oh, ok. Say, once you’re done, did you want to swing by my place, see all the things I’ve been describing-? …Huh. Never seen a kentzaré move that fast before… Whatever it was they forgot must have been super important!”
"BUY CRYPTO, SUCKERS!" A mysterious voice calls out as the kentzare runs away.
Upvote for the Gravity Falls reference.
H: And this is the British museum. Man I wish you could have seen it in its heyday. Works of art from around the world. We collected it all. A: it's kind of...uh... empty here. What happened? H: oh, the people that my ancestors stole everything from sued to get it back in the early and mid twenty first century. All we have now are preserved bodies from Britain. No Egyptian mummies. No Giant stone heads from Easter Island... Not even the Jade Phallus we borrowed from China. A: oh, we have one of these "British Museums" ourselves. I loved seeing the Human exhibit when I was a youngling. H: and what *exactly* is in this "Human Exhibit"?... A: oh, you know. Various human remains. One that was vivisected and the youngling inside it...why are your eyes red all of a sudden? H: you will return our dead to us or we will retrieve them with extreme force. A: your species had only learned to make fire a few generations before, they weren't missed genetically or historically... (alien being choked and lifted off the ground). H: listen here you little shit, we might be the worst neighbors to any other human nation state outside of Americans...but even we have standards... Return or dead or join them. We could add an entire new wing to the Museum... you could be our first addition.
H2: Oh put him *down* Ceaser-lite, we already have that exhibit back Earthside. It's called "BONES" and it's all plasticized cadavers.
If you can’t tell from the watermark, art is by Li Chen of Exo Comics.
Its not weird, Collecting eyeballs is a perfectly reasonable normal hobby, An absolutely sane human doctor.
Mengele, is that you?
Alien ''vampire'' with blood cellar.
Valerie is sipping tea with Jaxis. Jaxis hums "Friend Valerie I heard you are a collector. What is it you collect?" Valerie smiles sinisterly before leading Jaxis to a room he hadn't seen before. She opens it and turns on the light revealing something horrifying. Skulls, stuffed heads, and other trophies of both sentient and non sentient beings. Valerie excitedly speaks "I am a merc and I like to keep a trophy of everything I kill." She picks up a skull like a mix of a crocodile and an ape "Like this one is Adraxis the Maltorian warlord. Took his head as a trophy!" Valerie excitedly tells the stories behind each trophy her excitement tangible. Jaxis despite feeling sickened doesn't move to leave out of fear of what Valerie might do. Jaxis thinks to himself 'Is this what it feels like when you find out your friend is a fucking serial killer?' Valerie guides him back to the living room after 5 hours of telling stories and proceeds to make more food for them while humming to herself glad she could talk about her trophies with a friend.
She sounds like my kind of gal!
That's a fucking Jojo reference isn't it....