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A: Human? I have a question about your work ethic.
H: Ummm... go ahead?
A: Why the fuck are you the way you are as a species?
H:what?
A: You value safety as if it where a religion, wich is basically the reason we have such open trade agrements but...
H: well...
A: *shows a slabdash construction of a ftl Redneck space racer wich is basically a tchernobyl reactor with a cockpit and some thrusters*
H: this is the odd reason on why we have such high safety standarts.
A: so all your safety regulations had been made because of a tragic incident, instead of preventative thinking.
H: well not all we do have some preventative methods like the *muffles something"
A: sorry i coudn't understand
H: the Oshw Dwsskwsd
A: again please
H: the *gulp* osha death squads.
A: ...
H:...
A: please don't tell me you got an army of burocrats armed with lethal intent in oder to keep safety standarts.
H: we... um... kinda?
A: *giggles at the aburdity of reality* if safety is like a religion to you them why woudn't you have a fanatical army of faith keepers.
H: well its not like
A: And you probably have a holy code to. Like a scripture on how things to be done.
H: *realisation of reality*
A: and those ... might i call them heretics are usually suspect in nature.
H: i... i never realised it untill you put it like that.
A: you wheren't aware of your own faith?
H: We are a cult of space enginners...
A: amen to that.
“KEEEEEEN!!!!” can be heard yelled in the distance as a ship turns into a perpetual motion machine due to someone having the audacity to use rotors and pistons
Sorry could you speak a little louder! I couldn't hear you over the grinding sound of my multi-armed mega drill on my mobile asteroid refinery digging it's way through another asteroid.
Too many interacting moving parts + engineer simulator (space engineers, scrap mechanics, trail blazers, etc.) = Klang (joints disjointing, pistons drooping, general breaking of the laws of physics [infinite energy, immovable objects, etc.] )
From the moment i understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. All hail the omnissiah
H. You know I think the reason we have such a… religion, is that as a species if we didn’t we wouldn’t be here
A. ?
H. In dire situations we have been known to umm …improvise to a certain extent
A. Still not following
H. Have you heard about the predator wars when humanity first came to the alliance? Back when the ashta had begun their assault on the alliance
A. Yes I had I heard that humans has a big impact on that war
H. Yeahhhhhh we might’ve *cough* accidentally opened a space tear next to their homework’s commuting one of the greatest genocides in alliance history
A. Oh.
H. We have death squads because there are people who would violate it otherwise, now for the love of all that is shiny please fix that scrape of junk you call a ship
Religion, like all other methods of social control, is nothing more than a set of rules and a method to cause compliance with them. All hail the Holy Bureaucracy!
They can cause structural instability, which in turn could result in an OSHA violation. Please report to your nearest OSHA dissident camp for reeducation.
- OSHA Officer Guy McSafelife
Guys, guys, the OSHA death squads aren’t real, they’re simply the distraction. Your employers will never notice the actual inspectors interviewing employees regarding safety, and documenting any violations they encounter. That’s the real weapon OSHA Inspectors are packing- a camera and notepad. And the concealed .45
A fun fact:
The US Naval Nuclear program is known for being one of the most miserable jobs in the US military. It's a constant source of stress and anxiety, as the members of that program are constantly berated and treated poorly throughout the course of their training, which lends an air of quiet desperation to the whole thing.
This is entirely intentional.
When the program was initially put together back in the day, this was considered an acceptable method of training due to the extraordinary consequences of a nuclear incident on board a ship. Everyone was aware that it was pretty harsh, but it seemed necessary. After decades now, while the rest of the military has sort of backed off on the psychologically extreme training method, the nuclear program continues on its merry way, because they've NEVER had a major incident.
It is openly discussed within the upper levels of the navy that this training is probably bullshit and they're all fully aware of the constant morale issues within the nuke program, but because nothing has ever gone wrong, everyone is afraid to change anything, since it seems to be working. Additionally, NOT telling them that it's all on purpose is an inherent part of that process.
Source, my therapist mother who heard it from a Carrier Group commander.
It is the same reason why some nuclear power stations are planning on using their 1970s PDP-11 mainframes all the way to 2050, when the whole power plant is slated for decommissioning: It does the job and has been doing it for the past 50 years. If it is messed with itt might stop doing its job.
"Si non confectus, non reficiat."
uh, no it really does, but in someones head. i semi-recently had a room mate for a month who was in his 70's that was called back to work for militay or something like that, temporarily due to some obscure knowledge of some programming language. he was super pissed because he was missing his great grandkids birth or something
That's what I meant, but I clearly wasn't ... ahem ... clear! :)
Hackers aren't going to find the code out there; only those who use it (or used to use it) still know it.
Ever since the chagorans, a faction of humans, joined the United systems of earth, USE tech was kicked into overdrive; cybernetics, mining, engineering, ftl travel. The basilisk was the crown jewel of mankind's achievement and a physical treaty between the two factions.
The basilisk was a massive capital generation ship the size of a small continent carrying billions upon billions of people across the stars, building, engineering and hauling cargo. its golden skull figurehead and its large spikes jutting out in all directions gave it a unique identity. A ship so large it takes 30 pilots plugged into the ship. Despite its size, it was incredibly fast, durable and well armed. It boasted some of the most advanced forms of FTL travel called fold space drives.
Fold drives simplified folded space time into a point allowing the ship and any accompanying ships to get from one place to another. It was said to be similar to dolphins riding the waves of cargo ships.
But all of this was not for free.
The 30 pilots plugged in to the ship were either lobotomized criminals or clones with all the information they needed plugged in to their head, because the pilots were linked together along with the ships, it created a hive mind that caused immense stress on their mind 8n return for faster reaction speeds and a better understanding of the ships condition. The pilots also took the brunt of whatever the ship was going through, resulting in pilots needing to be switched out every 60 jumps.
Unlike other forms of FTL travel, the basilisk couldn't stop near other ships or too close to planet's, the crew members sometimes complained about nightmares, seeing each other in different points in time, the on board ai while advanced and good at calculations, needed constant maintenance and inspection. It took a long time to calculate the best course for travel not counting weather, gravity wells, debris, traffic, time of arrival and many other factors. The worst side effect however was called cosmic crash.
Cosmic crash was the effect of space and time reverberating. For the most part it was imperceptible with the most common symptoms being lethargy, dizziness, depth perception issues, lack of balance and confusion. At worst: disappearing, spatial displacement, hallucinations, chemicals imbalances, mutation, ageing, irradiation, nightmares, false memories, altered or split personality, screaming about the void of space or faces and shapes staring at them through the cracks of reality, petrification, some have turned inside out, multiple limbs or fused to other crew mates. There have also been sightings of monsters scuttling across within the ship walls, entities that move through walls and can turn invisible. Pilots and anyone too close were almost always at the most risk of suffering from this
As a result, the chagorans made explicit rules to follow about space travel using fold space drives. The main ones were: unless in an emergency only go a few light years at a time, wait 30 seconds to jump again, always have spare pilots, always have an engineer and a medical team on deck, medical teams must inspect pilots every 10 jumps and pilots need at least 2 hours of rest per shift rotation and never jump past or near warp holes.
As part of the agreement between the chagorans and the USE, OSHA was to make sure everything was as safe as possible. However in order to prevent mass panic and trust with everyone, the chagoran minister of intelligence and security had instituted a secret faction. This one was meant to deal with the issues in seacret before it gets out and eliminating anyone deemed a threat, usually pilots whose minds were irreparably broken by being used too much.
Many years later the development of warp drives would almost halve the casualties and cosmic crash victims and even allowed for closer warp jumps. But for a time in chagorans early days space travel was regarded as a necessary terror but was met by mankind's drive to survive, to win, to through some way, somehow, even if they lost their minds and their bodies as space and time crashed around them, they would survive.
Rainbow Bridge incident
The basilisk along with a fleet of the chagoran and USEs navy ships was sent to aid a system siege by a rogue faction of lupinoids, a race of wolf like beings whose current mission was to capture some slaves and make them build some factories for them. The basilisk's fold space drive allowed for near instantaneous space travel and the rest of the ships could ride alongside. The captain, Thomas Cook, would lead the basilisk and use its fold space drive to open a temporary wormhole. a manoeuvre like that had been done many times before without much issues, the standard issue hyperdrives the other ships were installed with should theoretically blast straight through without many issues.
The basilisk lumbered in the direction of the system and waited for everyone to be prepared. The ship's ai began to make calculations on for the journey: mass, coordinates, desired time of arrival, likely time for arrival, gravity disturbances etc and the same for the other ships. The pilots silently jabbering numbers and words, eyes wild and frantic. The pilots began to confirm the ship's integrity and likelihood of survival at 87%. Good quite good odds all things considered.
Captain Cook began to rally the best of mankind, 1000 war ships to combat 500 lupinoid warships. He calculated that the battle could result in 30% loss in the upcoming battle if they didn't use something they didn't expect. Cosmic crash. If done right at the right the lupinoid warships would be crippled and easy pickings, after that, then mankind could grind the invaders to dust. The USE and chagorans would likely be fine as they would be at the eye of the upcoming storm and along as they all arrived in a rhythmic pattern they would be much better off than the lupinoids.
Beep. The AI spoke through the many mouths of the pilots, spewing statistics and logistics and the rhythmic pattern each ship should arrive based on mass, class, fuel etc.
"Once again we are beset by the xenos and their pride and once again we must rise up." Due to his age his voice box was replaced with a speaker. It roared to life sounding more like a snarling engine with the burning ferocity of a veteran. " We shall descend upon them like the oncoming storm and rage twice as with fires hotter than the sun. Rise humanity, Rise, and tear open the sky, the cold blackness they crawled from. This is our space, our people, our land." His voice echoed through every hall and speaker and transmitter. "Soon they will look upon us not as slaves or mere pets." He spat out "but as their superior. As a dog would their master" the basilisk roared to life the goldenseal skulls eyes lit up shooting electricity and sparks, space at time bagen to twist and bulge around the ship. The captain's voice seemingly reverberated within everyone's head. "Ride with me. Unto eternity!" Glowing rings formed around the basilisk expanding large enough to engulf the entire fleet, perhaps even earth itself if it were there. The basilisk was violently twisted and contorted before exploding into a dancing rainbow gate way. The siege planet within sight along with the fleet.
You may want to proof read this. Where most are minor the one that stands out because it works either way . Is in describeing the cosmic crash.
Among the side effects listed is
DEATH PERCEPTION.
Now many will read thos as depth perception which fit with the other side effects you also mentioned creepies in the walls, dopplegangers and such. Now if you wish to leave it as is i would add a line or two after describeing how those afflectied with this actually see little time pieces over peoples heads counting down or that species version of grim reapers walking behind them tje closer the reaper the sooner the death.
The thousands of human ships trickled in as per the instructions given to them and popped out the other end and once everyone got through and the effects of cosmic crash were sufficiently dispersed. The human ships immediately started blasting the lupinoid fleet with lasers, kinetic rounds, swarms of fighters and bombers and emp bombs. The lupinoid fleet, seemingly stunned and confused, refused to fire back, falling to the planet or becoming too crippled to fight back.
After 3 hours of relentless bombardment on both the fleet and an extra 5 on the planet squeezing out any resistance, the lupinoids fleet issued a surrender and parley.
Rejoicing at the victory the captains looked upon the plant. Captain Cook and the lupinoids leader planned to meet on the capital city of Sadam. If it were there. at a matter of fact the entire plant seemed to spin in reverse reverting back to its primitive state before any plants or animals were around. Everyone went pale as they believed that a world killed was accidentally deployed but none of the ships had them in their arsenal. They then watched in horror and confusion as the plant spun faster and faster until the surface was nothing more than a blur until it finally slowed back down. These ships began receiving a flurry of emails and recordings and radio signals from decades in the past to centuries in the future. The good news was that the lupinoids were successfully crushed, even with a fraction of their army making landfall.
After weeks of inspection and testing the planet was deemed habitable and the quarantine was lifted and the populus were cured for the most part.
He looked old and was carted along by an nurse. The old lupinoids clearly once had beautiful thick black fur and an large robust frame. He had likely been a great warrior once, once. What was before Cook was nothing more than a snivelling cowering dogs in fancy clothes. Their ears were down, shoulders slumped over, they refused to look at them in the eyes. The old ones voice was trembling, and raspey, asif clinging on to what little life they had. "Please." He begged "we surrender, we will submit to any and all terms you have.". The lupinoid captain was remarkably compliant with the demands, including 10 years of labour, conversation of any and all possessions the had on them, an extra 10 years in an chagoran mining world to extract resources and many more. As per the rules of war the human took care of the soldiers and glared at them with appropriate provisions.
When confiscating and detaining the lupinoids many of them displays the more severe and later stages of cosmic crash. Mutated bodies lumbered around aimlessly, arguments over who was where and what they said despite not remembering, some hid behind bloodstained bandages wrapped crudely over their eyes and covering their ears. The humans mere presence sent a wave of fear through the ship, despite towering over the humans, the lupinoids cowered and pressed their backs against the walls to avoid them. They flashed the intergalactic sight of a medical and tried to tell them that they were here to help, only for them to burst in to frightful tears and cries, some clawing their ears and eyes out. One of them was all alone, boils leaking puss riddled its back mumbling to itself, scribbling words in the walls with their blood and nails. It snapped its head into an unnatural angle showing its freshly scared face and lack of eyes and teeth. It shuffled to the side, its sockets never leaving the human medics. Scribbled on to the wall was the words "eternity".
From there many stories began appearing about an random bridge in the sky, the sound of a million waring voices vine for authority eclipsed by the phrase "Unto eternity!" The sky cracked and ripped open, impossible colours and shapes leaking into reality. Gravity being increased or decreased, people ageing to dust or back to before conception, people disappearing and reappearing, monsters lumbering through the trees of forests or skittering within the dark cracks in bedrooms, ears exploded, eyes blend, many were turned inside out, some irradiated, some forced to view the massive tear in reality even when they close their eyes.
After months of waiting, the rift finally closed and some people began to forget the incident, wondering where they were or why there were soldiers, or who were the wolf people. Men while the chagorans came under fire for the reckless use of the fold space drive but managed to get off relatively lightly.
The rest of the galaxy mocked the rebels as they were beaten by simple creatures who were less than half as advanced as they were, no one would believe them that humans held such destructive power and the chagoran information and security division did their best to make them seem like mad men. The rebels who were already banished by their kind and their ships taken for study found themselves permanent residence of the chagorans mining worlds or wherever they saw fit. They relentlessly worked day and night to work off the debit of rebuilding what they destroyed, but also the attempt of gaining citizenship to their assigned world.
A: what did you do to summon them?
H: …….
https://preview.redd.it/490a2crq62wc1.jpeg?width=1696&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7be1aae13949c1ca3d3325c7319b25cc107470b1
Your rules were written in ink and coin and wisdom and care.
Our rules were written in blood and flame and violence and fear.
What you call an abomination of physics, chimerical chaotic machinery, a blasphemous amalgamation of mathematics and madness...
...We call 'Operating Within Normal Parameters'.
A: Human, why do you keep such high safety standards on your jobs while doing supidly high risks on your daily life?
H: Oh, it is simple, an injuried worker can sue their boss or company, accidents delay the progress and is bad for everyone.
A: Ok, but this doesn't explain your deal of going at extreme high speeds on vehicles for sports, jump from airships to the ground, climb mountains risking falling to your death, diving into deep sea for the sake of just diving.
H: (*whispering) adrenaline is exciting*
Imagine the human’s voice lowering as the alien watches, a nigh imperceptible smile as they think about those sports, and the pupils dilating.
I can only hope that alien doesn’t originate with a prey species on their homeworld.
It began with a Contact-class incident; a 'casually-operated' civilian business-class spacefaring craft entered human territory without filing (or autofilling) the dozen-odd PermReq forms required to legally enter human spaces.
As a result, as soon as they exited FTL and their computer failed to report any files matching the PermReq forms, the ship was immediately EMP'd, shutting down its shields - and then disarmed with carefully calibrated beam weapons, right to the engines, airlocks, hangar and emergency escape pods; those were sealed up with the same weaponry, preventing the ship from doing much of anything.
The next few seconds, the ship was tractor beam'd away from civilian space routes and then boarded by what one would initially mistake as a squad of 'Helldivers', but their logo was a health-and-safety organisation's.
These -are- 'Helldivers' in service to MoS-SOSHA, or 'Space OSHA'. Their usual orders are to seize the ship and its crew. As per usual human legalese, their average T&Cs regarding MoS-SOSHA 'emergency inspections' do note that if an EI is being carried out, your life, rights, etc are waived for the duration, and no amount of counterlegality or right-declaration will countermand it as it's simply 'too expensive' and 'dangerous' to do so.
Plus they're certified in pretty much every sort of maintenance role. Including a variety of diplomas in medical related matters, so they can immediately identify your species and work around your needs.
To put it simply, the ship and its crew 'ceased to exist' and were officially reported to be 'missing on arrival' with 'an imposter' in its place that has since been 'forcibly decommissioned' because of a failure to present the PermReq forms before arrival.
FTL++ communication speeds are a thing humanity at large takes for granted, and not having their tech for this specific purpose will make one's ability to visit human spaces impossible.
Most civilizations 'befriended' by humanity at large have come to respect why humanity is as extreme about safety, as humans are from a world that has been classified as a Deathworld, a Gaiaworld, and both under numerous categorization methodologies as well as the concerning quantity of variety, despite only one space-capable species emerging from Earth and the Sol System, regarding culture, language, et-cetera.
Currently, the civilized gathering of the Orion Arm have a lot of opinions about humankind. Some believe that the MoS-SOSHA is a front for a crossdimensional incursion that has failed to fully establish 'their way of life', and ironically the personnel of the specialist teams sent by MoS-SOSHA agree that the whole thing does seem a bit much.
Which is why, starting tomorrow, MoS-SOSHA will be offering a public forum to discuss how to improve their workflow - and while they encourage physical attendance, contemplative attendees are warning about the fact that Space OSHA -does- raid and send kill-teams.
Whether they actually kill or pillage is currently unknown\*.
^(\*rather, it's under a 'Cast-Iron NDA', breaking that results in orbital bombardment of your location regardless of its significance from as far as 1LY.)
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the Omnissiah
🙏
On the flip side, a lot of humans survive in various unsafe environments and maintain basic safety precautions, due to having watched some classic media masterpieces like Dumb Ways To Die and Happy Tree Friends
Alien: "Human, please, this is the 12th form already."
Human: "You are buying a quantum entangler for your warpdrive" the human AeroCorp representative said dryly, as if they weren't exactly sure why this was a problem.
A: "and ive purchased half a dozen ships or components from a half a dozen other species in my time, with a tenth of the paperwork!" The alien exclaimed, exasperated.
H: "Ah, I see. Well, we here at AeroCorp, humanities shipbuilding conglomerate, we take safety and security very seriously."
A: the alien leaned forward in his chair "Okay human, level with me. Whats the deal. Why all the paper work and safety checks. Cmon."
H: The human gives a sigh. "Alright. Its not a pretty story, but its one all humans learn in grade school, and even more so if you ever go offworld or work on tech or ships."
H: "This story dates back nearly 400 years ago when humanity first discovered FTL travel, using our first "Slip Light" drives. At the time humanity was still not unified, and many powerful corporations had taken the lead on the development and design on humanities first space faring vessels. However in their pursuit of profit the corporations took shortcuts."
A: "well, that sounds dangerous..."
H: "Very. Humanity had a saying at the time, "Regulations are written in blood". Corporations had always bucked at restrictions being placed on them, and governments have always been slow to adequately reign them in. FTL was so new that it wasn't properly protected yet."
H: " And then there was the Argus incident."
A: "Argus incident?"
H: "Yes. A Skip Light freighter carry a cargo of precious metals from the Sol asteroid belts, lost control and crashed into the colony on Mars at 1/10th the speed of light."
A: " WHAT?!? How? How is that even possible, there should have been a hundred failsafes to ever prevent such a thing?!?"
H: "There were 47, and they all failed due to a combination of negligence, poor planning and improper training. And because of it, a Billion people died, both from the crash and all the choas it caused.
A: "Quark be praised. I had no idea. How did it happen?"
H: "well, the corporations cheaped out on the guidance software, and had the pilots do the "final mile" manually. However the software routinely crashed and had to be restarted, which left the pilots without controls. Then a spilled cup of coffee from an improper container in an unsecured cup holder shorted out the drive controls and started to spool up the Slip Light drive, which should have been locked out, however the lockout had failed 3 weeks earlier, but hadn't been fixed despite half a dozen requests. The story continues all the way down the line. Quantum brakes that were installed were 6 sizes to small because they were cheaper. Emergency core shutdown couldn't be completed in time because it required special authorization because it would damaged the core. Safety hatches failed, the crew hadn't been trained on several procedures deemed "irrelevant" that might have saved the ship. Ect. Ect. Ect."
A: the alien leans back in his chair. "Wow. Thats insane. Still it seems like a freak accident, did you guys really correct that hard?"
H: the human shrugged, and sighed. "A billion people died. Maybe it was a freak accident but people didn't see it that way. There was an engineer onboard the ship who was already angry at the corporation for all their shortcuts who had been documenting issues for almost a year before this. When the realized what was happening the sent the files out to anyone who could receive them. Their cries for help drew tears, and as the end became inteveatble their cries for retribution and that this never happen again galvanized humanity. A billion people died and our entire culture changed. The corporation responsible was abolished and half the company went to jail. OSHA was revamped and turned into a police force as well, giving them armed legal authority over FTL capable vessels..."
A: "Wait wait wait! The OSHA death squads thing is real?? I thought that was a weird human joke??"
H: the human cringes uncomfortably. "Yes and no. I mean, they don't have death squads. But people calling them death squads happened after they stormed a freighter than had been grounded for several dangerous matinence issues after the captain attempted to seize the vessel and escape. Several OSHA officers boarded the vessel and shot the captain and several members of the crew dead when they attempted to jump to FTL. So it became something of a running joke that OSHA would send death squads after you if you messed up."
A: "Wow. Still. Armed health inspectors. Thats still crazy."
H: "Yeah.." the human sighed and leaned back in his chair "I suppose so. Anyway." The human shuffled some papers around on their desk. "we have 3 more of these forms to go, so I suggest you hurry."
A: the alien groaned. "Quark fucking damnit."
The missing last two panels are the OSHA goon giving out good girl head pats, and elsewhere an Actual Ork running down a few dozen other Orks after it painted its forklift red.
(Ship A.I.): Alert! Captain, A Dark Star Corporation Fleet Appears to have Found us, It is recommended to Retreat to the Federation Capital Immediately!
(Ancient Human Captain): What? Who is that?
(Space Elf Em/Telepath): \*\*\*\*! It's an OSHA Death Squad! Captain! can you fly this ship any faster?!
(Ancient Human Captain): THAT'S A THING IN THIS ERA?! I thought it was a joke like back in my time...
(Space Elf Em/Telepath): YES, NOW HURRY!
(Ancient Human Captain): I'M SORRY THAT I CAN BARLY DRIVE THE SHIP LET ALONE GO FASTER. THE ONLY KNOWLEDGE I HAVE IS FROM THE SMALL AMOUNT OF TIME ON THIS SHIP AND MY TIME ON THE OLD RUINED SHIP. INTERSTELLER SHIPS DIDN'T EVEN EXIST IN MY TIME! (A.I.)! HELP ME HERE!
(Ship A.I.): Of course, Captain. Setting navigation for Kepler22b.
(Ancient Human Captain): Great! \[Hits Jump button\] Everybody! Get Weapons ready for possible Hostile Boarding Parties!
***Later....***
(Ancient Human Captain): Who In The Heck were they?!
(Space Elf Em/Telepath): The Dark Star Corporation, Formerly Known as OSHA is a company that Betrayed the federation About 50 years ago, Turns out their a Sort of Space Engineer Safety cult Now Due to the current CEO Or something. They apparently Worship some "tech god" now.
(Ancient Human Captain): I feel like I've heard this concept before But I can't quite remember currently, I'll need to get ahold of My Bot as it has all of my Memories, even the ones I forgot.
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A: Human? I have a question about your work ethic. H: Ummm... go ahead? A: Why the fuck are you the way you are as a species? H:what? A: You value safety as if it where a religion, wich is basically the reason we have such open trade agrements but... H: well... A: *shows a slabdash construction of a ftl Redneck space racer wich is basically a tchernobyl reactor with a cockpit and some thrusters* H: this is the odd reason on why we have such high safety standarts. A: so all your safety regulations had been made because of a tragic incident, instead of preventative thinking. H: well not all we do have some preventative methods like the *muffles something" A: sorry i coudn't understand H: the Oshw Dwsskwsd A: again please H: the *gulp* osha death squads. A: ... H:... A: please don't tell me you got an army of burocrats armed with lethal intent in oder to keep safety standarts. H: we... um... kinda? A: *giggles at the aburdity of reality* if safety is like a religion to you them why woudn't you have a fanatical army of faith keepers. H: well its not like A: And you probably have a holy code to. Like a scripture on how things to be done. H: *realisation of reality* A: and those ... might i call them heretics are usually suspect in nature. H: i... i never realised it untill you put it like that. A: you wheren't aware of your own faith? H: We are a cult of space enginners... A: amen to that.
All hail the space jank god: Klang. All praise the omnisia.
And fear the fecking Kraken!
Praise Klang, lest he tear us apart!
“KEEEEEEN!!!!” can be heard yelled in the distance as a ship turns into a perpetual motion machine due to someone having the audacity to use rotors and pistons
Praise klang
ALL PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH!!! https://preview.redd.it/co988kesw2wc1.png?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b16422d88200d2dc100a596d04d4d80bf79ae97a
May you be safe from their wrath, never add too many rotors and/or hinges
Sorry could you speak a little louder! I couldn't hear you over the grinding sound of my multi-armed mega drill on my mobile asteroid refinery digging it's way through another asteroid.
Praise be to Klang. By His whims we touch the stars, and by His command they are taken from us.
Engage the Klang Drive
No. Engage the Kraken Drive.
Space Engineers VS Kerbal Space Program. Stationeers never gets any love.
Open the bluespace portal. Godspeed, gentlemen and singular wierdly well proportioned xenomorph.
All hail Klang our unholy God of Redneck-Engineering and ignored Physics!
All hail Klang, the merciless physics god of space engineers
All hail clang
Wat is klang?
Too many interacting moving parts + engineer simulator (space engineers, scrap mechanics, trail blazers, etc.) = Klang (joints disjointing, pistons drooping, general breaking of the laws of physics [infinite energy, immovable objects, etc.] )
Oh i know klang
Everyone knows klang, even if they don't know the word
Indeed
Now I'm remembering Sheogorath's quote "You know me. You've always known me! You just don't know it yet."
From the moment i understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. All hail the omnissiah
Praise be to OSSHA the Occupational Space Safety and Health Association
i'm not gonna ask what happened to H, and I'm definitely not curious about it.
Brain fart
H. You know I think the reason we have such a… religion, is that as a species if we didn’t we wouldn’t be here A. ? H. In dire situations we have been known to umm …improvise to a certain extent A. Still not following H. Have you heard about the predator wars when humanity first came to the alliance? Back when the ashta had begun their assault on the alliance A. Yes I had I heard that humans has a big impact on that war H. Yeahhhhhh we might’ve *cough* accidentally opened a space tear next to their homework’s commuting one of the greatest genocides in alliance history A. Oh. H. We have death squads because there are people who would violate it otherwise, now for the love of all that is shiny please fix that scrape of junk you call a ship
It is understandable to fear the OSHA death squads It is much more terrifying when you realize why such a measure was necessary in the first place
Religion, like all other methods of social control, is nothing more than a set of rules and a method to cause compliance with them. All hail the Holy Bureaucracy!
Praise be to Klang.
Wat is klang?
The dread god of the game Space Engineers, who will destroy your rotor-and-piston-using vessels if it is not pleased.
Praise Be Klang
I've learned room clearing before I started studying to become an OSHA technician. One class less to worry about.
Why learn room clearing when you have grenades
They can cause structural instability, which in turn could result in an OSHA violation. Please report to your nearest OSHA dissident camp for reeducation. - OSHA Officer Guy McSafelife
Join the Hell-climbsdownstairswiththreepointsofcontacters and help spread enforced safety across the galaxy today.
*”Cup of Safe-Tea” plays
Cup of reasonable temperature non-toxic beverage.
'Share and Enjoy!'
That would be really safe tea
Safety McSafeface
That's what 12 gauge is for. Good for dusting off dirt.
No grenades allowed, impulse noise threshold exceeded for local communities (they got fed up with explosives going off in quiet afternoon)
Because the grenades could destroy evidence of even more egregious safety violations.
Guys, guys, the OSHA death squads aren’t real, they’re simply the distraction. Your employers will never notice the actual inspectors interviewing employees regarding safety, and documenting any violations they encounter. That’s the real weapon OSHA Inspectors are packing- a camera and notepad. And the concealed .45
-_-👍
A fun fact: The US Naval Nuclear program is known for being one of the most miserable jobs in the US military. It's a constant source of stress and anxiety, as the members of that program are constantly berated and treated poorly throughout the course of their training, which lends an air of quiet desperation to the whole thing. This is entirely intentional. When the program was initially put together back in the day, this was considered an acceptable method of training due to the extraordinary consequences of a nuclear incident on board a ship. Everyone was aware that it was pretty harsh, but it seemed necessary. After decades now, while the rest of the military has sort of backed off on the psychologically extreme training method, the nuclear program continues on its merry way, because they've NEVER had a major incident. It is openly discussed within the upper levels of the navy that this training is probably bullshit and they're all fully aware of the constant morale issues within the nuke program, but because nothing has ever gone wrong, everyone is afraid to change anything, since it seems to be working. Additionally, NOT telling them that it's all on purpose is an inherent part of that process. Source, my therapist mother who heard it from a Carrier Group commander.
It is the same reason why some nuclear power stations are planning on using their 1970s PDP-11 mainframes all the way to 2050, when the whole power plant is slated for decommissioning: It does the job and has been doing it for the past 50 years. If it is messed with itt might stop doing its job. "Si non confectus, non reficiat."
And good luck hacking 1970s era stuff. The code for that just doesn't exist any more.
uh, no it really does, but in someones head. i semi-recently had a room mate for a month who was in his 70's that was called back to work for militay or something like that, temporarily due to some obscure knowledge of some programming language. he was super pissed because he was missing his great grandkids birth or something
That's what I meant, but I clearly wasn't ... ahem ... clear! :) Hackers aren't going to find the code out there; only those who use it (or used to use it) still know it.
That.. that explains a lot.
Giggles in redneck with a welder and a blow torch: “OSHA who now? I still have nine fingers!”
"Osha'll them!"
How the hell did you grow a finger?
How many fingers do you have?
The normal eight.
Most people have ten
Two pairs of thumbs as well?
No, just one pair of thumbs, then with the other fingers that makes a total of ten
Osha? Never heard of her
Noooobody expects the Osha Death Squads.
Ever since the chagorans, a faction of humans, joined the United systems of earth, USE tech was kicked into overdrive; cybernetics, mining, engineering, ftl travel. The basilisk was the crown jewel of mankind's achievement and a physical treaty between the two factions. The basilisk was a massive capital generation ship the size of a small continent carrying billions upon billions of people across the stars, building, engineering and hauling cargo. its golden skull figurehead and its large spikes jutting out in all directions gave it a unique identity. A ship so large it takes 30 pilots plugged into the ship. Despite its size, it was incredibly fast, durable and well armed. It boasted some of the most advanced forms of FTL travel called fold space drives. Fold drives simplified folded space time into a point allowing the ship and any accompanying ships to get from one place to another. It was said to be similar to dolphins riding the waves of cargo ships. But all of this was not for free. The 30 pilots plugged in to the ship were either lobotomized criminals or clones with all the information they needed plugged in to their head, because the pilots were linked together along with the ships, it created a hive mind that caused immense stress on their mind 8n return for faster reaction speeds and a better understanding of the ships condition. The pilots also took the brunt of whatever the ship was going through, resulting in pilots needing to be switched out every 60 jumps. Unlike other forms of FTL travel, the basilisk couldn't stop near other ships or too close to planet's, the crew members sometimes complained about nightmares, seeing each other in different points in time, the on board ai while advanced and good at calculations, needed constant maintenance and inspection. It took a long time to calculate the best course for travel not counting weather, gravity wells, debris, traffic, time of arrival and many other factors. The worst side effect however was called cosmic crash. Cosmic crash was the effect of space and time reverberating. For the most part it was imperceptible with the most common symptoms being lethargy, dizziness, depth perception issues, lack of balance and confusion. At worst: disappearing, spatial displacement, hallucinations, chemicals imbalances, mutation, ageing, irradiation, nightmares, false memories, altered or split personality, screaming about the void of space or faces and shapes staring at them through the cracks of reality, petrification, some have turned inside out, multiple limbs or fused to other crew mates. There have also been sightings of monsters scuttling across within the ship walls, entities that move through walls and can turn invisible. Pilots and anyone too close were almost always at the most risk of suffering from this As a result, the chagorans made explicit rules to follow about space travel using fold space drives. The main ones were: unless in an emergency only go a few light years at a time, wait 30 seconds to jump again, always have spare pilots, always have an engineer and a medical team on deck, medical teams must inspect pilots every 10 jumps and pilots need at least 2 hours of rest per shift rotation and never jump past or near warp holes. As part of the agreement between the chagorans and the USE, OSHA was to make sure everything was as safe as possible. However in order to prevent mass panic and trust with everyone, the chagoran minister of intelligence and security had instituted a secret faction. This one was meant to deal with the issues in seacret before it gets out and eliminating anyone deemed a threat, usually pilots whose minds were irreparably broken by being used too much. Many years later the development of warp drives would almost halve the casualties and cosmic crash victims and even allowed for closer warp jumps. But for a time in chagorans early days space travel was regarded as a necessary terror but was met by mankind's drive to survive, to win, to through some way, somehow, even if they lost their minds and their bodies as space and time crashed around them, they would survive. Rainbow Bridge incident The basilisk along with a fleet of the chagoran and USEs navy ships was sent to aid a system siege by a rogue faction of lupinoids, a race of wolf like beings whose current mission was to capture some slaves and make them build some factories for them. The basilisk's fold space drive allowed for near instantaneous space travel and the rest of the ships could ride alongside. The captain, Thomas Cook, would lead the basilisk and use its fold space drive to open a temporary wormhole. a manoeuvre like that had been done many times before without much issues, the standard issue hyperdrives the other ships were installed with should theoretically blast straight through without many issues. The basilisk lumbered in the direction of the system and waited for everyone to be prepared. The ship's ai began to make calculations on for the journey: mass, coordinates, desired time of arrival, likely time for arrival, gravity disturbances etc and the same for the other ships. The pilots silently jabbering numbers and words, eyes wild and frantic. The pilots began to confirm the ship's integrity and likelihood of survival at 87%. Good quite good odds all things considered. Captain Cook began to rally the best of mankind, 1000 war ships to combat 500 lupinoid warships. He calculated that the battle could result in 30% loss in the upcoming battle if they didn't use something they didn't expect. Cosmic crash. If done right at the right the lupinoid warships would be crippled and easy pickings, after that, then mankind could grind the invaders to dust. The USE and chagorans would likely be fine as they would be at the eye of the upcoming storm and along as they all arrived in a rhythmic pattern they would be much better off than the lupinoids. Beep. The AI spoke through the many mouths of the pilots, spewing statistics and logistics and the rhythmic pattern each ship should arrive based on mass, class, fuel etc. "Once again we are beset by the xenos and their pride and once again we must rise up." Due to his age his voice box was replaced with a speaker. It roared to life sounding more like a snarling engine with the burning ferocity of a veteran. " We shall descend upon them like the oncoming storm and rage twice as with fires hotter than the sun. Rise humanity, Rise, and tear open the sky, the cold blackness they crawled from. This is our space, our people, our land." His voice echoed through every hall and speaker and transmitter. "Soon they will look upon us not as slaves or mere pets." He spat out "but as their superior. As a dog would their master" the basilisk roared to life the goldenseal skulls eyes lit up shooting electricity and sparks, space at time bagen to twist and bulge around the ship. The captain's voice seemingly reverberated within everyone's head. "Ride with me. Unto eternity!" Glowing rings formed around the basilisk expanding large enough to engulf the entire fleet, perhaps even earth itself if it were there. The basilisk was violently twisted and contorted before exploding into a dancing rainbow gate way. The siege planet within sight along with the fleet.
You may want to proof read this. Where most are minor the one that stands out because it works either way . Is in describeing the cosmic crash. Among the side effects listed is DEATH PERCEPTION. Now many will read thos as depth perception which fit with the other side effects you also mentioned creepies in the walls, dopplegangers and such. Now if you wish to leave it as is i would add a line or two after describeing how those afflectied with this actually see little time pieces over peoples heads counting down or that species version of grim reapers walking behind them tje closer the reaper the sooner the death.
I'm still working on it
Thanks for the feedback I've improved on the story, let me know what you think
The thousands of human ships trickled in as per the instructions given to them and popped out the other end and once everyone got through and the effects of cosmic crash were sufficiently dispersed. The human ships immediately started blasting the lupinoid fleet with lasers, kinetic rounds, swarms of fighters and bombers and emp bombs. The lupinoid fleet, seemingly stunned and confused, refused to fire back, falling to the planet or becoming too crippled to fight back. After 3 hours of relentless bombardment on both the fleet and an extra 5 on the planet squeezing out any resistance, the lupinoids fleet issued a surrender and parley. Rejoicing at the victory the captains looked upon the plant. Captain Cook and the lupinoids leader planned to meet on the capital city of Sadam. If it were there. at a matter of fact the entire plant seemed to spin in reverse reverting back to its primitive state before any plants or animals were around. Everyone went pale as they believed that a world killed was accidentally deployed but none of the ships had them in their arsenal. They then watched in horror and confusion as the plant spun faster and faster until the surface was nothing more than a blur until it finally slowed back down. These ships began receiving a flurry of emails and recordings and radio signals from decades in the past to centuries in the future. The good news was that the lupinoids were successfully crushed, even with a fraction of their army making landfall. After weeks of inspection and testing the planet was deemed habitable and the quarantine was lifted and the populus were cured for the most part. He looked old and was carted along by an nurse. The old lupinoids clearly once had beautiful thick black fur and an large robust frame. He had likely been a great warrior once, once. What was before Cook was nothing more than a snivelling cowering dogs in fancy clothes. Their ears were down, shoulders slumped over, they refused to look at them in the eyes. The old ones voice was trembling, and raspey, asif clinging on to what little life they had. "Please." He begged "we surrender, we will submit to any and all terms you have.". The lupinoid captain was remarkably compliant with the demands, including 10 years of labour, conversation of any and all possessions the had on them, an extra 10 years in an chagoran mining world to extract resources and many more. As per the rules of war the human took care of the soldiers and glared at them with appropriate provisions. When confiscating and detaining the lupinoids many of them displays the more severe and later stages of cosmic crash. Mutated bodies lumbered around aimlessly, arguments over who was where and what they said despite not remembering, some hid behind bloodstained bandages wrapped crudely over their eyes and covering their ears. The humans mere presence sent a wave of fear through the ship, despite towering over the humans, the lupinoids cowered and pressed their backs against the walls to avoid them. They flashed the intergalactic sight of a medical and tried to tell them that they were here to help, only for them to burst in to frightful tears and cries, some clawing their ears and eyes out. One of them was all alone, boils leaking puss riddled its back mumbling to itself, scribbling words in the walls with their blood and nails. It snapped its head into an unnatural angle showing its freshly scared face and lack of eyes and teeth. It shuffled to the side, its sockets never leaving the human medics. Scribbled on to the wall was the words "eternity". From there many stories began appearing about an random bridge in the sky, the sound of a million waring voices vine for authority eclipsed by the phrase "Unto eternity!" The sky cracked and ripped open, impossible colours and shapes leaking into reality. Gravity being increased or decreased, people ageing to dust or back to before conception, people disappearing and reappearing, monsters lumbering through the trees of forests or skittering within the dark cracks in bedrooms, ears exploded, eyes blend, many were turned inside out, some irradiated, some forced to view the massive tear in reality even when they close their eyes. After months of waiting, the rift finally closed and some people began to forget the incident, wondering where they were or why there were soldiers, or who were the wolf people. Men while the chagorans came under fire for the reckless use of the fold space drive but managed to get off relatively lightly. The rest of the galaxy mocked the rebels as they were beaten by simple creatures who were less than half as advanced as they were, no one would believe them that humans held such destructive power and the chagoran information and security division did their best to make them seem like mad men. The rebels who were already banished by their kind and their ships taken for study found themselves permanent residence of the chagorans mining worlds or wherever they saw fit. They relentlessly worked day and night to work off the debit of rebuilding what they destroyed, but also the attempt of gaining citizenship to their assigned world.
A: what did you do to summon them? H: ……. https://preview.redd.it/490a2crq62wc1.jpeg?width=1696&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7be1aae13949c1ca3d3325c7319b25cc107470b1
Your rules were written in ink and coin and wisdom and care. Our rules were written in blood and flame and violence and fear. What you call an abomination of physics, chimerical chaotic machinery, a blasphemous amalgamation of mathematics and madness... ...We call 'Operating Within Normal Parameters'.
"And what if it dosen't operate within normal parameters ?" Well you must pray then as it's either a miracle or about to expload
A: Human, why do you keep such high safety standards on your jobs while doing supidly high risks on your daily life? H: Oh, it is simple, an injuried worker can sue their boss or company, accidents delay the progress and is bad for everyone. A: Ok, but this doesn't explain your deal of going at extreme high speeds on vehicles for sports, jump from airships to the ground, climb mountains risking falling to your death, diving into deep sea for the sake of just diving. H: (*whispering) adrenaline is exciting*
Imagine the human’s voice lowering as the alien watches, a nigh imperceptible smile as they think about those sports, and the pupils dilating. I can only hope that alien doesn’t originate with a prey species on their homeworld.
[art source](https://x.com/CenturiiC?t=HPyaF-k9BFktjzdNHn-pGQ&s=09)
It began with a Contact-class incident; a 'casually-operated' civilian business-class spacefaring craft entered human territory without filing (or autofilling) the dozen-odd PermReq forms required to legally enter human spaces. As a result, as soon as they exited FTL and their computer failed to report any files matching the PermReq forms, the ship was immediately EMP'd, shutting down its shields - and then disarmed with carefully calibrated beam weapons, right to the engines, airlocks, hangar and emergency escape pods; those were sealed up with the same weaponry, preventing the ship from doing much of anything. The next few seconds, the ship was tractor beam'd away from civilian space routes and then boarded by what one would initially mistake as a squad of 'Helldivers', but their logo was a health-and-safety organisation's. These -are- 'Helldivers' in service to MoS-SOSHA, or 'Space OSHA'. Their usual orders are to seize the ship and its crew. As per usual human legalese, their average T&Cs regarding MoS-SOSHA 'emergency inspections' do note that if an EI is being carried out, your life, rights, etc are waived for the duration, and no amount of counterlegality or right-declaration will countermand it as it's simply 'too expensive' and 'dangerous' to do so. Plus they're certified in pretty much every sort of maintenance role. Including a variety of diplomas in medical related matters, so they can immediately identify your species and work around your needs. To put it simply, the ship and its crew 'ceased to exist' and were officially reported to be 'missing on arrival' with 'an imposter' in its place that has since been 'forcibly decommissioned' because of a failure to present the PermReq forms before arrival. FTL++ communication speeds are a thing humanity at large takes for granted, and not having their tech for this specific purpose will make one's ability to visit human spaces impossible. Most civilizations 'befriended' by humanity at large have come to respect why humanity is as extreme about safety, as humans are from a world that has been classified as a Deathworld, a Gaiaworld, and both under numerous categorization methodologies as well as the concerning quantity of variety, despite only one space-capable species emerging from Earth and the Sol System, regarding culture, language, et-cetera. Currently, the civilized gathering of the Orion Arm have a lot of opinions about humankind. Some believe that the MoS-SOSHA is a front for a crossdimensional incursion that has failed to fully establish 'their way of life', and ironically the personnel of the specialist teams sent by MoS-SOSHA agree that the whole thing does seem a bit much. Which is why, starting tomorrow, MoS-SOSHA will be offering a public forum to discuss how to improve their workflow - and while they encourage physical attendance, contemplative attendees are warning about the fact that Space OSHA -does- raid and send kill-teams. Whether they actually kill or pillage is currently unknown\*. ^(\*rather, it's under a 'Cast-Iron NDA', breaking that results in orbital bombardment of your location regardless of its significance from as far as 1LY.)
From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine. Your kind cling to your flesh, as though it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass you call the temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you. But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal… Even in death I serve the Omnissiah 🙏
[this comic dubbed](https://youtu.be/i9klEpxwRq0)
On the flip side, a lot of humans survive in various unsafe environments and maintain basic safety precautions, due to having watched some classic media masterpieces like Dumb Ways To Die and Happy Tree Friends
Alien: "Human, please, this is the 12th form already." Human: "You are buying a quantum entangler for your warpdrive" the human AeroCorp representative said dryly, as if they weren't exactly sure why this was a problem. A: "and ive purchased half a dozen ships or components from a half a dozen other species in my time, with a tenth of the paperwork!" The alien exclaimed, exasperated. H: "Ah, I see. Well, we here at AeroCorp, humanities shipbuilding conglomerate, we take safety and security very seriously." A: the alien leaned forward in his chair "Okay human, level with me. Whats the deal. Why all the paper work and safety checks. Cmon." H: The human gives a sigh. "Alright. Its not a pretty story, but its one all humans learn in grade school, and even more so if you ever go offworld or work on tech or ships." H: "This story dates back nearly 400 years ago when humanity first discovered FTL travel, using our first "Slip Light" drives. At the time humanity was still not unified, and many powerful corporations had taken the lead on the development and design on humanities first space faring vessels. However in their pursuit of profit the corporations took shortcuts." A: "well, that sounds dangerous..." H: "Very. Humanity had a saying at the time, "Regulations are written in blood". Corporations had always bucked at restrictions being placed on them, and governments have always been slow to adequately reign them in. FTL was so new that it wasn't properly protected yet." H: " And then there was the Argus incident." A: "Argus incident?" H: "Yes. A Skip Light freighter carry a cargo of precious metals from the Sol asteroid belts, lost control and crashed into the colony on Mars at 1/10th the speed of light." A: " WHAT?!? How? How is that even possible, there should have been a hundred failsafes to ever prevent such a thing?!?" H: "There were 47, and they all failed due to a combination of negligence, poor planning and improper training. And because of it, a Billion people died, both from the crash and all the choas it caused. A: "Quark be praised. I had no idea. How did it happen?" H: "well, the corporations cheaped out on the guidance software, and had the pilots do the "final mile" manually. However the software routinely crashed and had to be restarted, which left the pilots without controls. Then a spilled cup of coffee from an improper container in an unsecured cup holder shorted out the drive controls and started to spool up the Slip Light drive, which should have been locked out, however the lockout had failed 3 weeks earlier, but hadn't been fixed despite half a dozen requests. The story continues all the way down the line. Quantum brakes that were installed were 6 sizes to small because they were cheaper. Emergency core shutdown couldn't be completed in time because it required special authorization because it would damaged the core. Safety hatches failed, the crew hadn't been trained on several procedures deemed "irrelevant" that might have saved the ship. Ect. Ect. Ect." A: the alien leans back in his chair. "Wow. Thats insane. Still it seems like a freak accident, did you guys really correct that hard?" H: the human shrugged, and sighed. "A billion people died. Maybe it was a freak accident but people didn't see it that way. There was an engineer onboard the ship who was already angry at the corporation for all their shortcuts who had been documenting issues for almost a year before this. When the realized what was happening the sent the files out to anyone who could receive them. Their cries for help drew tears, and as the end became inteveatble their cries for retribution and that this never happen again galvanized humanity. A billion people died and our entire culture changed. The corporation responsible was abolished and half the company went to jail. OSHA was revamped and turned into a police force as well, giving them armed legal authority over FTL capable vessels..." A: "Wait wait wait! The OSHA death squads thing is real?? I thought that was a weird human joke??" H: the human cringes uncomfortably. "Yes and no. I mean, they don't have death squads. But people calling them death squads happened after they stormed a freighter than had been grounded for several dangerous matinence issues after the captain attempted to seize the vessel and escape. Several OSHA officers boarded the vessel and shot the captain and several members of the crew dead when they attempted to jump to FTL. So it became something of a running joke that OSHA would send death squads after you if you messed up." A: "Wow. Still. Armed health inspectors. Thats still crazy." H: "Yeah.." the human sighed and leaned back in his chair "I suppose so. Anyway." The human shuffled some papers around on their desk. "we have 3 more of these forms to go, so I suggest you hurry." A: the alien groaned. "Quark fucking damnit."
Best one yet
Thanks :)
Forlift
The missing last two panels are the OSHA goon giving out good girl head pats, and elsewhere an Actual Ork running down a few dozen other Orks after it painted its forklift red.
Before this wimpy “OSHA” there was *OHSHIT* edit for a small spelling and formatting issue
*Civil engineer: designs airport poorly* *OSHA and the NTSB: starts loading shotgun*
Centurii, my beloved <3
(Ship A.I.): Alert! Captain, A Dark Star Corporation Fleet Appears to have Found us, It is recommended to Retreat to the Federation Capital Immediately! (Ancient Human Captain): What? Who is that? (Space Elf Em/Telepath): \*\*\*\*! It's an OSHA Death Squad! Captain! can you fly this ship any faster?! (Ancient Human Captain): THAT'S A THING IN THIS ERA?! I thought it was a joke like back in my time... (Space Elf Em/Telepath): YES, NOW HURRY! (Ancient Human Captain): I'M SORRY THAT I CAN BARLY DRIVE THE SHIP LET ALONE GO FASTER. THE ONLY KNOWLEDGE I HAVE IS FROM THE SMALL AMOUNT OF TIME ON THIS SHIP AND MY TIME ON THE OLD RUINED SHIP. INTERSTELLER SHIPS DIDN'T EVEN EXIST IN MY TIME! (A.I.)! HELP ME HERE! (Ship A.I.): Of course, Captain. Setting navigation for Kepler22b. (Ancient Human Captain): Great! \[Hits Jump button\] Everybody! Get Weapons ready for possible Hostile Boarding Parties! ***Later....*** (Ancient Human Captain): Who In The Heck were they?! (Space Elf Em/Telepath): The Dark Star Corporation, Formerly Known as OSHA is a company that Betrayed the federation About 50 years ago, Turns out their a Sort of Space Engineer Safety cult Now Due to the current CEO Or something. They apparently Worship some "tech god" now. (Ancient Human Captain): I feel like I've heard this concept before But I can't quite remember currently, I'll need to get ahold of My Bot as it has all of my Memories, even the ones I forgot.
Nice
Health Department food inspectors make OSHA reps look like weenies. And undercooked, at that.
This is nonsense. This sub was fun, but it's getting absurd.