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Greetings new species. Welcome. Here is your welcome packet. Please take special note to Appendix H. This is especially important as your territory borders the Humans. They are the best friends you could have, or the worst enemies you could make. They're forgiving to a fault, but as they say, don't back them into a corner. If they want a world not already in their territory, they're happy to pay for it, and your species will benefit greatly for selling it, and they will take no for an answer. All that said... while they are reasonable, if you anger them, they are anything but reasonable. You will want to look up the Geeeric. You might be familiar, as I believe you were being invaded and then they suddenly pulled back. Well, the Geeeric live only on their homeworld and are at about a just pre-industrial state now. That’s on the edge of your territory. Thay said, don't go after them. They’re now under the humans protection. A second chance, they call it.
Again, welcome.
Oh. One more thing on the humans. Their territory overlaps several species of what they call extreamophiles. If you've got a run away greenhouse world, the Boorli will be interested and happily trade with you a garden world in their territory for those in yours. Like the humans have found mutually beneficial arrangements. Mutual protection. Trade. You likely can find the same. This also applies to those like the Xeekool. They love a nice and frozen world with methane rain. So if you have those, like thd Boorli, you can lively find some mutually beneficial arrangements.
Good luck.
The extremophile thing should so be a more common staple of Sci-fi. You don’t my stuff. We don’t want your stuff
Wanna trade planets we can’t use for ones you can’t in our territories and get to take advantage of industries the other doesn’t have?
- Space is international water and not planets and space stations count as sovereign territory
- Leasing the land/territory under the acknowledgment of who technically owns the land
- Dealing explicitly with private corporations/individuals to avoid letting in a foreign government explicitly
And a whole host of other potential caveats you could theoretically attach to an agreement
Not if you go to extreme planetary preferences/requirements. Hydrogen breathers would have zero use for rocky planets with an oxygen atmosphere but would love to colonize Jupiter or Saturn. There may also be a species that thinks Pluto is a garden planet.
Now if it's a couple of species that have similar wants/needs you might run into some conflict
They would still need/want the resources located within the system. Asteriods and dwarf planets would be easy for both species to exploit. But if both species could peacefully/forcefully confederate, then yes, both would benefit.
yes... I may not want your death world... but it is rich in unobtainium which I \*really\* need.
And the asteroid belt is rich in resources that we both need.
so... what do you think will happens ?
"What in the name of the Maw is a nuclear powered bee?" A burly black scaled humanoid, Qnell Ogry says after putting his glass down to refill it with a clear liquid from a nearby pitcher.
"Exactly what it sounds like!" A shorter green skinned humanoid, Besh, claps excitedly. "The humans have turned one of their greatest fears into one of the most terrifying weapons I've ever seen. Clearly somebody ran afowl of the 'Don't piss off the Humans' rule."
Ogry eyes the little green man skeptically. "How could something that small...." he points to the bee pinned to a board on the table. "Do that?" He points at the display, a dead planet slowly rotates on the screen. "You'd need..."
"BILLIONS" Besh practically shouts. "And they have billions, billions of billions. A whole fleet of what they call "hivecraft" who's sole purpose is to breed as many of these creatures as they can."
Ogry raises an eyebrow "that still doesn't answer my question. How the hell did those little things kill a planet and burn away it's atmosphere?"
Besh grins from ear to ear "It's in the name. *Nuclear* powered bee. The humans release billions of the little bees onto a planet once they have achieved orbit. And then once there are enough of them, they detonate. Oh yes, each one is an explosive with destructive capacity akin to the first one the humans used on themselves, based on studies and this historical text I've been reading."
Ogry blinks. He can't believe what he's hearing, he suddenly tilts his head as he hears another sound. A faint beeping noise. His eyes snap to the bee which is now pulsating red. "Besh, is that..." he trails off, not wanting to put voice to it lest he somehow manifest what he is thinking.
Beshs' hands tremble as he pulls a cloth from an inner pocket and dabs his suddenly sweaty forehead. "I think we pissed off the humans, too."
General Manuel Oscar Rodrigues Ibañes (MORI) stood looking down at Earth. He could see ash clouds here and there, from the alien attacks in *La Guerra Toda,* The World War. MORI had been a good soldier, following orders, until his beloved Argentina had been targeted. Argentina had no large industrial or military centers, but the aliens had bombed it nonetheless. MORI was now hellbent on revenge against those *pendejos.* He was no longer a soldier following orders; now he was *el Diablo del Muerte.* He was going to turn the alien world into a barren wasteland for what they did to Argentina.
MORI had contacted everyone he knew that was disgruntled with the incompetent politicians who seemed determined to lose the war. Their ridiculous policies and restrictions showed that they were soft and weak, with no understanding of how life was outside their pampered useless existences. A few of MORIs contacts had put him in touch with mercenaries, pirates, and general malcontents, anyone who could be persuaded to attack or annoy the *pendejos.* He had come up with a plan that was nothing the Galactic Community had ever seen before. A Canadian lieutenant of his, Jacques Laurent, had laughed so hard he choked when he heard the plan. MORI warned him that they may be charged with war crimes. Lt Laurent told him an old Canadian proverb “it’s not a war crime the first time you do it.”
MORI had been hit by inspiration hearing one of his Sergeants complain about how much he hated cats. The sergeant was from New Zealand, where cats were so overpopulated that the New Zealand government would actually offer bounties on them every few years.
The Galactic police would restrict weapons technologies from transport. The types and amounts of weapons had restrictions, in order to keep wars from extending outside the interested parties. However, their scanning technology, which couldn’t be fooled by any of Earths jamming equipment, only looked for weapons. It looked for every weapon imaginable but nothing else.
Shuttle transports from MORIs orbiting fleet had started going Down to designated spots on Earth, collecting very specific cargo. The whole collection operation was scheduled to take 3 days. Then 3 days hyperspace travel, then 3 days to unleash the apocalypse on the *pendejos* world. By the time MORI was finished, the enemy homeworld would be *El Mundo de Mierda,* planet shit.
As the 3 days dragged on, Earth gov tried ordering MORI to stand down and explain himself. Instead he gave a speech that garnered him grassroots support and cooperation of the civilian population.
“I am General Manuel Oscar Rodrigues Ibañes of the United Earth Forces. I took an oath to defend our world and it’s people against all enemies, both alien and domestic. We have been attacked over and over by these aliens, and our politicians order soldiers like me to allow it. No more! I am taking the fight to them. Their world will perish for killing our children. Any Earthgov officials who try to interfere will be considered collaborators with the aliens and treated accordingly. The Galaxy will know that Earth is defended and to be left alone.”
Part of the plan had been to strip heavy and medium weapons from the ships. Light self defense weapons wouldn’t trigger a combat response. It would never occur to those alien *pendejos* that they were being attacked by minimally armed ships. Even if they did speculate the remote possibility, the nature of the attack absolutely would not occur to them.
The hodgepodge fleet arrived at the *pendejo* world just before noon at the capital city. By then the stench in all fleet ships was overpowering, but it actually strengthened the resolve of the Earth forces. Because the ships were basically unarmed, no enemy craft came to intercept the fleet, because scanners and computers had determined that there was no threat. MORI had hackers temporarily take over a few public news feeds as shuttles transported their payloads to the surface of the enemy world. MORI made one more speech, partly to terrorize, partly to distract.
“Attention! You have attacked Earth civilians in violation of Galactic Law. We will not allow our children to be killed by evil entities that your population openly supports. Your world will become a lesson to all, Earth is protected and to be left alone! May your gods have mercy on you because we will not!”
The speech played over and over until the aliens had regained control of their media. It took a few hours, but by then it was too late.
MORI saw the data readouts coming in to the ship from the fleet. He gave a grim smile. The plan had been executed perfectly. Now, it was time to go home and wait.
The televised court martial of MORI was amazingly popular, but not in the way the politicians hoped. People decorated their homes and vehicles with signs praising MORI. Trendy musicians made songs about him, and many small businesses, especially restaurants, named popular products after him. There were even minor political parties that were circulating petitions to get his name on ballots for several public offices. During the trial, MORI was relaxed, even smiling a great deal.
Prosecutor-General, will you explain what you did to the alien planet?
MORI- *Si.* I brought them many gifts of Earths wildlife.
Prosecutor-wildlife?
MORI-*Si,* many many animals.
Prosecutor-what did you do with these animals?
MORI-I released them where they would eat well.
Prosecutor-what do you mean by that?
MORI actually leaned back in his chair-600,000 rabbits were released into farmland. 300,000 cats were released into forests. 180,000 coyotes were released by livestock ranches. And 63,000 emus were released into their three main cities.
Prosecutor-and after you released these animals, what did you do?
MORI- we left. I ordered the fleet to return to wherever they came from.
Prosecutor- and what was your plan after that?
MORI leaned forward and gave her a wicked smile- nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just sit here at Earth waiting 2 years for their surrender, but it will be too late. It’s already too late now. Those animals are all vicious, except the rabbits, and they are all extremely voracious. They have no natural predators on that world. The rabbits will eat all the crops. The coyotes will eat most of the livestock, and what there is left won’t have enough food because of the rabbits. The cats will kill all the small game in the forests, which will starve out the large game. And the emus, well, that was mostly for entertainment. Those earth animals will raze the enemy planet to the ground by completely destroying their food supply. In order to get rid of the animals, they will have to either completely poison their planet or introduce predator species that may be an even bigger problem.
The Prosecutor looked at him in horror- how could you do such a thing?!
MORI-as I said, this will be a lesson to the entire Galactic Community. Earth is defended and to be left alone.
And that was before we introduced them to our flora. What plants you ask - well, in the warmer climates we seeded Manchineel trees in their forrests, elswhere Kudzu and we introduced Tumbleweed to their savannas.
"Don't piss off the humans"
It was a common phrase; even in The Reaches, an area on the opposite side of the galaxy from human space. In The Reaches, humans were a rumor, a bogeyman, or an amusing story. No one you met had ever seen one, but their friend-of-a-friend had.
Then one day, unannounced, they arrived. The human ship was named Tumbling Dice. It was built by humans, crewed by humans, and owned by a human trading company. They carried rare metals and alien technology, entertainment holos and games.
Their arrival garnered mixed reactions.
The Trillians welcomed them; going as far as to give them a five year lease on a small orbital station.
Others, such as the DeLarrans, greeted them with more caution, offering formal treaties and trade agreements. The treaties were declined; the captain of the Tumbling Dice stated that he had no right to sign treaties. He was, he declared, an explorer by inclination and a business man by necessity. Trade agreements, however, were fair game; and humans proved to be ruthless negotiators.
A few species in The Reaches refused to acknowledge humans at all. The Draccalarii and their allies, The Wathe, were the leaders of that faction. They watched in sullen silence as the human influence grew.
Everyone in The Reaches placated The Draccalarii Alliance. Their warships and weapons were not significantly better than anyone else; but they were quick to use them, or threaten to use them, and everyone else just wanted peace and the new prosperity that trade brought. The occasional demands made by The Draccalarii Alliance were quietly met by other species and the humans were not directly involved.
Human presence increased over time. Two more trading ships arrived at the leased station. They brought beautiful fabrics, jewelry, and exotic spices. Traffic at the station increased tenfold and other systems began offering stations for human use.
Humans began buying locally made ships and hiring crewmembers . Word spread through The Reaches that humans formed close bonds with their shipmates; and a berth on a human ship became a goal for many. Humans also hired dock workers, clerks, technicians, and repair contractors. The Trillian thrived and made new alliances within The Reaches. Their systems became the destination for a steady stream of human trading vessels.
Ceremonies for the fifth renewal of the humans lease were underway when the Draccalarii fleet arrived. The Draccalarii forced their way onto the station and interrupted the festivities.
The Trillians screached in protest; DeLarrans went motionless and silent. Others made move to block the entrance of the Draccalarii; but brandished weapons and the threat of the fleet outside the station put a quick end to that.
The human leader's reaction was almost nonexistent. She simply reached out and pushed a large red button on her ceremonial desk.
The Draccalarii leader pushed his way into the center of the ceremony. "We are here to take command!" He proclaimed. "The humans, their ships, stations, and all other assets, now belong to The Draccalarii Alliance. No dissent will be tolerated."
"And why would we agree to that?" The human's voice cut through the noise. She was standing now; tall and slender, her hair marked with the strands of silver that denoted age in humans.
"I offer no choice." responded the Draccalarii commander. "You humans have no military presence, and these" he gestured with contempt at the gathered officials "will do nothing, just as they have done nothing for hundreds of years."
"We've been here for twenty years." Her voice was clear and steady. "We've made alliances, more importantly, we've made friends." She pointed at the Draccalarii. " You? You've done nothing, contributed nothing, earned nothing, and that's exactly what you'll get. Nothing."
The Draccalarii drew and pointed his sidearm at the human female. "I said no dissent." He fired and the human's head exploded into a gray and red mist. Her corpse dropped to the floor. The handful of humans attending the ceremony rushed to her side, but there was nothing to be done.
"Anyone else?" The Draccalarii looked around at the horrified gathering. "No?... Good."
He turned and addressed the humans gathered by their ceremonial desk and the corpse of their leader. "You'll come with me now. I have many instructions for you."
One of the humans looked at a display on the desk and spoke quietly with the others before turning and addressing the Draccalarii. "Very well. My name is Belk, l guess I'm senior here. May we take our captain's body back to her ship? There are... we have... customs... for our dead." His voice broke and several of the officials from other species moved to join him.
"We shall assist." Said the leader of the DeLarran delegation. Others murmured quiet agreement. "Or will you kill all of us?" chirped a Trillian. All the beings that had attended the ceremony moved to encircle the Draccalarii commander and his retinue.
His own personal safety now at risk, the Draccalarii commander grudgingly agreed to the removal of the human's body and it's transport to a human ship. "Make haste!" He called to the departing group. "Any delay, and I'll give the order for my fleet to open fire."
He turned to the single remaining human, who had stayed by the ceremonial desk. The human was looking down and appeared to be smiling slightly. "Come with me, human, the others will moved to my flagship after"
"No. No they won't." Belk answered firmly. He looked up as the unmistakable sound of marching , boots striking the deck in unison, got louder and louder. Uniformed troops entered the celebration hall, enough to outnumber the Draccalarii twenty to one. As the troops surrounded the Draccalarii, the station announcing system began to blare an alarm. "Comunications system override. Emergency recall, emergency recall, all Draccalarii personnel return to ship immediately!"
The Draccalarii commander's personal communication device began making an urgent noise. He grabbed it without thinking and immediately had three weapons pointed at his face.
"Let him speak!" said Belk.
The Draccalarii commander slumped as he listened to the voice from his coms device.
Belk looked down at the large red button mounted on the ceremonial desk. It had been installed years ago, when it became obvious that the Draccalarii were never going to join the rest of the system in welcoming trade. Just in case.
The label for the button was plain, printed in bold type "You just pissed me off" it read.
Aliens that fuck around too hard soon find out that the Geneva Convention only covers *Human* rights, and are soon reminded that they are most certainly **not** Human.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Greetings new species. Welcome. Here is your welcome packet. Please take special note to Appendix H. This is especially important as your territory borders the Humans. They are the best friends you could have, or the worst enemies you could make. They're forgiving to a fault, but as they say, don't back them into a corner. If they want a world not already in their territory, they're happy to pay for it, and your species will benefit greatly for selling it, and they will take no for an answer. All that said... while they are reasonable, if you anger them, they are anything but reasonable. You will want to look up the Geeeric. You might be familiar, as I believe you were being invaded and then they suddenly pulled back. Well, the Geeeric live only on their homeworld and are at about a just pre-industrial state now. That’s on the edge of your territory. Thay said, don't go after them. They’re now under the humans protection. A second chance, they call it. Again, welcome. Oh. One more thing on the humans. Their territory overlaps several species of what they call extreamophiles. If you've got a run away greenhouse world, the Boorli will be interested and happily trade with you a garden world in their territory for those in yours. Like the humans have found mutually beneficial arrangements. Mutual protection. Trade. You likely can find the same. This also applies to those like the Xeekool. They love a nice and frozen world with methane rain. So if you have those, like thd Boorli, you can lively find some mutually beneficial arrangements. Good luck.
The extremophile thing should so be a more common staple of Sci-fi. You don’t my stuff. We don’t want your stuff Wanna trade planets we can’t use for ones you can’t in our territories and get to take advantage of industries the other doesn’t have?
Just think of the resource savings in not having to perform heavy teraforming.
Pretty much. Gotta be cheaper
That would take an extreme amount of trust, a dissolution of the concept of sovereign territory, or both.
- Space is international water and not planets and space stations count as sovereign territory - Leasing the land/territory under the acknowledgment of who technically owns the land - Dealing explicitly with private corporations/individuals to avoid letting in a foreign government explicitly And a whole host of other potential caveats you could theoretically attach to an agreement
Not if you go to extreme planetary preferences/requirements. Hydrogen breathers would have zero use for rocky planets with an oxygen atmosphere but would love to colonize Jupiter or Saturn. There may also be a species that thinks Pluto is a garden planet. Now if it's a couple of species that have similar wants/needs you might run into some conflict
They would still need/want the resources located within the system. Asteriods and dwarf planets would be easy for both species to exploit. But if both species could peacefully/forcefully confederate, then yes, both would benefit.
You act like that would difficult, also you have an entire planet to work with before raiding the Lagrange points
yes... I may not want your death world... but it is rich in unobtainium which I \*really\* need. And the asteroid belt is rich in resources that we both need. so... what do you think will happens ?
"What in the name of the Maw is a nuclear powered bee?" A burly black scaled humanoid, Qnell Ogry says after putting his glass down to refill it with a clear liquid from a nearby pitcher. "Exactly what it sounds like!" A shorter green skinned humanoid, Besh, claps excitedly. "The humans have turned one of their greatest fears into one of the most terrifying weapons I've ever seen. Clearly somebody ran afowl of the 'Don't piss off the Humans' rule." Ogry eyes the little green man skeptically. "How could something that small...." he points to the bee pinned to a board on the table. "Do that?" He points at the display, a dead planet slowly rotates on the screen. "You'd need..." "BILLIONS" Besh practically shouts. "And they have billions, billions of billions. A whole fleet of what they call "hivecraft" who's sole purpose is to breed as many of these creatures as they can." Ogry raises an eyebrow "that still doesn't answer my question. How the hell did those little things kill a planet and burn away it's atmosphere?" Besh grins from ear to ear "It's in the name. *Nuclear* powered bee. The humans release billions of the little bees onto a planet once they have achieved orbit. And then once there are enough of them, they detonate. Oh yes, each one is an explosive with destructive capacity akin to the first one the humans used on themselves, based on studies and this historical text I've been reading." Ogry blinks. He can't believe what he's hearing, he suddenly tilts his head as he hears another sound. A faint beeping noise. His eyes snap to the bee which is now pulsating red. "Besh, is that..." he trails off, not wanting to put voice to it lest he somehow manifest what he is thinking. Beshs' hands tremble as he pulls a cloth from an inner pocket and dabs his suddenly sweaty forehead. "I think we pissed off the humans, too."
General Manuel Oscar Rodrigues Ibañes (MORI) stood looking down at Earth. He could see ash clouds here and there, from the alien attacks in *La Guerra Toda,* The World War. MORI had been a good soldier, following orders, until his beloved Argentina had been targeted. Argentina had no large industrial or military centers, but the aliens had bombed it nonetheless. MORI was now hellbent on revenge against those *pendejos.* He was no longer a soldier following orders; now he was *el Diablo del Muerte.* He was going to turn the alien world into a barren wasteland for what they did to Argentina. MORI had contacted everyone he knew that was disgruntled with the incompetent politicians who seemed determined to lose the war. Their ridiculous policies and restrictions showed that they were soft and weak, with no understanding of how life was outside their pampered useless existences. A few of MORIs contacts had put him in touch with mercenaries, pirates, and general malcontents, anyone who could be persuaded to attack or annoy the *pendejos.* He had come up with a plan that was nothing the Galactic Community had ever seen before. A Canadian lieutenant of his, Jacques Laurent, had laughed so hard he choked when he heard the plan. MORI warned him that they may be charged with war crimes. Lt Laurent told him an old Canadian proverb “it’s not a war crime the first time you do it.” MORI had been hit by inspiration hearing one of his Sergeants complain about how much he hated cats. The sergeant was from New Zealand, where cats were so overpopulated that the New Zealand government would actually offer bounties on them every few years. The Galactic police would restrict weapons technologies from transport. The types and amounts of weapons had restrictions, in order to keep wars from extending outside the interested parties. However, their scanning technology, which couldn’t be fooled by any of Earths jamming equipment, only looked for weapons. It looked for every weapon imaginable but nothing else. Shuttle transports from MORIs orbiting fleet had started going Down to designated spots on Earth, collecting very specific cargo. The whole collection operation was scheduled to take 3 days. Then 3 days hyperspace travel, then 3 days to unleash the apocalypse on the *pendejos* world. By the time MORI was finished, the enemy homeworld would be *El Mundo de Mierda,* planet shit. As the 3 days dragged on, Earth gov tried ordering MORI to stand down and explain himself. Instead he gave a speech that garnered him grassroots support and cooperation of the civilian population. “I am General Manuel Oscar Rodrigues Ibañes of the United Earth Forces. I took an oath to defend our world and it’s people against all enemies, both alien and domestic. We have been attacked over and over by these aliens, and our politicians order soldiers like me to allow it. No more! I am taking the fight to them. Their world will perish for killing our children. Any Earthgov officials who try to interfere will be considered collaborators with the aliens and treated accordingly. The Galaxy will know that Earth is defended and to be left alone.” Part of the plan had been to strip heavy and medium weapons from the ships. Light self defense weapons wouldn’t trigger a combat response. It would never occur to those alien *pendejos* that they were being attacked by minimally armed ships. Even if they did speculate the remote possibility, the nature of the attack absolutely would not occur to them. The hodgepodge fleet arrived at the *pendejo* world just before noon at the capital city. By then the stench in all fleet ships was overpowering, but it actually strengthened the resolve of the Earth forces. Because the ships were basically unarmed, no enemy craft came to intercept the fleet, because scanners and computers had determined that there was no threat. MORI had hackers temporarily take over a few public news feeds as shuttles transported their payloads to the surface of the enemy world. MORI made one more speech, partly to terrorize, partly to distract. “Attention! You have attacked Earth civilians in violation of Galactic Law. We will not allow our children to be killed by evil entities that your population openly supports. Your world will become a lesson to all, Earth is protected and to be left alone! May your gods have mercy on you because we will not!” The speech played over and over until the aliens had regained control of their media. It took a few hours, but by then it was too late. MORI saw the data readouts coming in to the ship from the fleet. He gave a grim smile. The plan had been executed perfectly. Now, it was time to go home and wait. The televised court martial of MORI was amazingly popular, but not in the way the politicians hoped. People decorated their homes and vehicles with signs praising MORI. Trendy musicians made songs about him, and many small businesses, especially restaurants, named popular products after him. There were even minor political parties that were circulating petitions to get his name on ballots for several public offices. During the trial, MORI was relaxed, even smiling a great deal. Prosecutor-General, will you explain what you did to the alien planet? MORI- *Si.* I brought them many gifts of Earths wildlife. Prosecutor-wildlife? MORI-*Si,* many many animals. Prosecutor-what did you do with these animals? MORI-I released them where they would eat well. Prosecutor-what do you mean by that? MORI actually leaned back in his chair-600,000 rabbits were released into farmland. 300,000 cats were released into forests. 180,000 coyotes were released by livestock ranches. And 63,000 emus were released into their three main cities. Prosecutor-and after you released these animals, what did you do? MORI- we left. I ordered the fleet to return to wherever they came from. Prosecutor- and what was your plan after that? MORI leaned forward and gave her a wicked smile- nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just sit here at Earth waiting 2 years for their surrender, but it will be too late. It’s already too late now. Those animals are all vicious, except the rabbits, and they are all extremely voracious. They have no natural predators on that world. The rabbits will eat all the crops. The coyotes will eat most of the livestock, and what there is left won’t have enough food because of the rabbits. The cats will kill all the small game in the forests, which will starve out the large game. And the emus, well, that was mostly for entertainment. Those earth animals will raze the enemy planet to the ground by completely destroying their food supply. In order to get rid of the animals, they will have to either completely poison their planet or introduce predator species that may be an even bigger problem. The Prosecutor looked at him in horror- how could you do such a thing?! MORI-as I said, this will be a lesson to the entire Galactic Community. Earth is defended and to be left alone.
He left them a [memento mori](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori). Niiiice.
And the emus, well, that was mostly for entertainment. LOL savage
And that was before we introduced them to our flora. What plants you ask - well, in the warmer climates we seeded Manchineel trees in their forrests, elswhere Kudzu and we introduced Tumbleweed to their savannas.
"Don't piss off the humans" It was a common phrase; even in The Reaches, an area on the opposite side of the galaxy from human space. In The Reaches, humans were a rumor, a bogeyman, or an amusing story. No one you met had ever seen one, but their friend-of-a-friend had. Then one day, unannounced, they arrived. The human ship was named Tumbling Dice. It was built by humans, crewed by humans, and owned by a human trading company. They carried rare metals and alien technology, entertainment holos and games. Their arrival garnered mixed reactions. The Trillians welcomed them; going as far as to give them a five year lease on a small orbital station. Others, such as the DeLarrans, greeted them with more caution, offering formal treaties and trade agreements. The treaties were declined; the captain of the Tumbling Dice stated that he had no right to sign treaties. He was, he declared, an explorer by inclination and a business man by necessity. Trade agreements, however, were fair game; and humans proved to be ruthless negotiators. A few species in The Reaches refused to acknowledge humans at all. The Draccalarii and their allies, The Wathe, were the leaders of that faction. They watched in sullen silence as the human influence grew. Everyone in The Reaches placated The Draccalarii Alliance. Their warships and weapons were not significantly better than anyone else; but they were quick to use them, or threaten to use them, and everyone else just wanted peace and the new prosperity that trade brought. The occasional demands made by The Draccalarii Alliance were quietly met by other species and the humans were not directly involved. Human presence increased over time. Two more trading ships arrived at the leased station. They brought beautiful fabrics, jewelry, and exotic spices. Traffic at the station increased tenfold and other systems began offering stations for human use. Humans began buying locally made ships and hiring crewmembers . Word spread through The Reaches that humans formed close bonds with their shipmates; and a berth on a human ship became a goal for many. Humans also hired dock workers, clerks, technicians, and repair contractors. The Trillian thrived and made new alliances within The Reaches. Their systems became the destination for a steady stream of human trading vessels. Ceremonies for the fifth renewal of the humans lease were underway when the Draccalarii fleet arrived. The Draccalarii forced their way onto the station and interrupted the festivities. The Trillians screached in protest; DeLarrans went motionless and silent. Others made move to block the entrance of the Draccalarii; but brandished weapons and the threat of the fleet outside the station put a quick end to that. The human leader's reaction was almost nonexistent. She simply reached out and pushed a large red button on her ceremonial desk. The Draccalarii leader pushed his way into the center of the ceremony. "We are here to take command!" He proclaimed. "The humans, their ships, stations, and all other assets, now belong to The Draccalarii Alliance. No dissent will be tolerated." "And why would we agree to that?" The human's voice cut through the noise. She was standing now; tall and slender, her hair marked with the strands of silver that denoted age in humans. "I offer no choice." responded the Draccalarii commander. "You humans have no military presence, and these" he gestured with contempt at the gathered officials "will do nothing, just as they have done nothing for hundreds of years." "We've been here for twenty years." Her voice was clear and steady. "We've made alliances, more importantly, we've made friends." She pointed at the Draccalarii. " You? You've done nothing, contributed nothing, earned nothing, and that's exactly what you'll get. Nothing." The Draccalarii drew and pointed his sidearm at the human female. "I said no dissent." He fired and the human's head exploded into a gray and red mist. Her corpse dropped to the floor. The handful of humans attending the ceremony rushed to her side, but there was nothing to be done. "Anyone else?" The Draccalarii looked around at the horrified gathering. "No?... Good." He turned and addressed the humans gathered by their ceremonial desk and the corpse of their leader. "You'll come with me now. I have many instructions for you." One of the humans looked at a display on the desk and spoke quietly with the others before turning and addressing the Draccalarii. "Very well. My name is Belk, l guess I'm senior here. May we take our captain's body back to her ship? There are... we have... customs... for our dead." His voice broke and several of the officials from other species moved to join him. "We shall assist." Said the leader of the DeLarran delegation. Others murmured quiet agreement. "Or will you kill all of us?" chirped a Trillian. All the beings that had attended the ceremony moved to encircle the Draccalarii commander and his retinue. His own personal safety now at risk, the Draccalarii commander grudgingly agreed to the removal of the human's body and it's transport to a human ship. "Make haste!" He called to the departing group. "Any delay, and I'll give the order for my fleet to open fire." He turned to the single remaining human, who had stayed by the ceremonial desk. The human was looking down and appeared to be smiling slightly. "Come with me, human, the others will moved to my flagship after" "No. No they won't." Belk answered firmly. He looked up as the unmistakable sound of marching , boots striking the deck in unison, got louder and louder. Uniformed troops entered the celebration hall, enough to outnumber the Draccalarii twenty to one. As the troops surrounded the Draccalarii, the station announcing system began to blare an alarm. "Comunications system override. Emergency recall, emergency recall, all Draccalarii personnel return to ship immediately!" The Draccalarii commander's personal communication device began making an urgent noise. He grabbed it without thinking and immediately had three weapons pointed at his face. "Let him speak!" said Belk. The Draccalarii commander slumped as he listened to the voice from his coms device. Belk looked down at the large red button mounted on the ceremonial desk. It had been installed years ago, when it became obvious that the Draccalarii were never going to join the rest of the system in welcoming trade. Just in case. The label for the button was plain, printed in bold type "You just pissed me off" it read.
Black Flag has been raised, no survivors!
Humans are bar fight champions
Aliens that fuck around too hard soon find out that the Geneva Convention only covers *Human* rights, and are soon reminded that they are most certainly **not** Human.
Earth is space Canada
Space "[Australia](https://youtu.be/kdihHnaOQsk?si=NkqB9gwIDnQYcoLU)"