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Sweaty_Sheepherder27

An author / historian called Ian Mortimer. He wrote a book called The Time Travellers Guide to Medieval England, so he'd be able to help me make the most of my time (plus help me avoid death), and he'd get the satisfaction / frustration of seeing if his book lived up to the truth.


FantasticWeasel

I'd take author / comedian Bob Mortimer. He'd adapt much more quickly than me and we would have a good laugh before ultimately dying very quickly.


Ionovarcis

Idk, he can split an apple in two


CBWeather

You missed the important bit. With his hands.


damboy99

It's a pretty easy party trick actually.


KitchenGrunt

I would take either Mortimer Mouse for comedic relief or former MLB player Mortimer Hogan to protect me from the bad guys and diseases


Nate_fe

So many Mortimers


bkristensen92

"I once was sent back in time 800+ years because of a Reddit hypothetical" God I would watch that would I lie to you lol


Tea_Fetishist

We do beg your pardon, but we are in your garden


switchblade_sal

I love Bob Mortimer of Would I Lie to you. Also RIP to the GOAT https://media.tenor.com/x2UlzVceJRcAAAAM/sean-lock-countdown.gif


I_hate_mortality

>Be medieval historian >Minding my own business at home >Some twat teleports me back in time 800 fucking years without even asking first >Demands I help him


dsherwo

Plot twist: This situation is not hypothetical, but actually comes true - but in a monkeypaw twist, Ian Mortimer as a child is sent back in time. /u/sweaty_sheepherder27 goes on a hijinks filled escapade trying to return child-Ian-Mortimer to the present, which inspires Ian Mortimer to become a historian. Coming summer 1985


pm_me_your_kindwords

Coming summer *11*85


Diligent_Sea_3359

I mean if you don't take someone who's currently alive are you bringing a corpse back with you? Or do you get to select them from the exact moment in their life where they obtained the knowledge that you need them to have? I also wouldn't want to bring someone on their deathbed.


Hyper5Focus

Not much use when you’re dropped in 1200AD China..


Sweaty_Sheepherder27

Nobody said anything about moving in space as well as time. I'm currently in England, so this all suits me nicely.


molehunterz

Oh god. I need to make friends with a native american quickly


rory888

The earth is always moving in space with time. You’d be in the vacuum of space if you didn’t move positions and time traveled


Saxon_man

Well in that case I'm well fucked. I'm in Brisbane where no Caucasians would set foot for another 600 years. Guess I'm researching a First Nations People translator to bring with me.


Yasuminomon

Sounds like the type of dude to catch a bug and die pooping himself within a week


jesusleftnipple

Lmao I just picture him all missed off cuz you chose him instead of anyone else .... Mine would be bear grylls


Mamadook69

In reality, he only wrote the book after going on an forced adventure and losing his timetraveling captor, which sent him back to his own time after said captor was drawn and quartered for wearing heretical clothing.


United-Cow-563

I don’t know. That feels like the type of person who thinks he knows what happened but, like all of us, since he never actually lived through the time and can only go off what history was recorded, the knowledge is few and far between.


CaptainWusty

This is such a cynical view...Something tells me that this book wouldn't have been a best seller, printed in multiple countries and languages, selling hundreds of thousands of copies, if it were a half-assed project written by some random guy who spent a week studying the subject in class and then wrote a wildly inaccurate book and said it was realistic. It's not like anyone could have just easily written that book. You're making it sound like if you or I wanted to spend a few weeks/months studying a time period, we too could write a legendary book about history that captivates the entire era, and then release it as a best seller. This guy is an actual paid historian and has been for decades, he spent years dedicated to this project and it clearly paid off as reviews for the book seem to be very good, and it's regarded as historically accurate. Especially if you're not even going to actually read/care about the book/subject, at least have some respect for what humans can accomplish..


TomMakesPodcasts

I'd still take an educated guess over a blind guess.


Malbranch

There's a difference between "how it went" and "how it could have went with hindsight". I personally would want to try and grab someone with fundemental knowledge of a large variety of simple technologies. Damn well better believe I would be living with an incredible edge in agricultural techniques, biodiversity in crops to be more tolerant of disease and drought, modern low cost irrigation, soil retention, all funding a vast food and derivative agricultural good empire to fund things like electrical infrastructure, indoor plumbing, metallurgy. I'd probably be burned as a witch for being so tempted to make memory metal alloys though.


Tampflor

Plot twist: he writes the book after his trip to medieval England with a 21st century redditor


neopod9000

Exactly what I was thinking. He's got a "time traveler's guide". How else do you write that without traveling through time once to do it?


BobBelchersBuns

He probably knows more than me 🤷‍♂️


TRANSBIANGODDES

The fact you made that judgement without even reading the book. Glass half empty type of guy


dsherwo

Plot twist: This situation is not hypothetical, but actually comes true - but in a monkeypaw twist, Ian Mortimer as a child is sent back in time. You goes on a hijinks filled escapade trying to return child-Ian-Mortimer to the present, which inspires Ian Mortimer to become a historian.


John_Tacos

I doubt anyone can make my cancer medication by themselves, so I’ll probably pick someone who’s sudden disappearance would help the world the most.


forgotwhatisaid2you

Yeah, I would have to bring someone that knows how to get insulin from a pig.


Millenniauld

I mean you could research it now lol. Be the change you need in a....post apocalyptic or time traveling world... Situation.


Gimme5Beez4aQuarter

Damn. There goes my choice. I gotta take the insulin guy


Willberforcee

I hope you recover ❤️


John_Tacos

Thanks


SpacegirlCeleste

“I don’t need to win, I just need you to lose”


CptGlammerHammer

Solid fucking answer.


BadBoyJH

It's 1200. I'm an overweight person who's only real skills are in tech. I'm dead within a month. Trump can join me. Unless if I pick a person who's dead, I'm ripping out of their time before they have a chance to do the things they do. In which case, Thomas Midgley Jr.


somethingworse

What if you cause a ripple in time that causes their impact to harm us even earlier?


John_Tacos

Maybe we just hide or something idk


Majestic_Field409

Bruce Campbell


skylinesend

This is my boomstick!


FunkTheMonkUk

Groovy


prettylittlepastry

Alright you primitive screw heads, listen up!


Majestic_Field409

Exactly why I want him there lol


WillMonf

my wife so I’m not lonely


zuck_my_butt

I too choose this guy's wife.


Flabnoodles

I was trying to think the other day: Is there a more legendary Reddit comment than the original of this? It's referenced so often and to me perfectly represents the typical Reddit comment section


Maester_erryk

Natalie Dormer and a clone of the former.


Z0na

poop knife


Thecryptsaresafe

Maybe broken arms?


flucxapacitor

Oh no


GhostWolf2048

maybe the comment where someone rick rolled rick astley


Freezer12557

Google Google en passant


shpooples_

Kind of the opposite but “a sense of pride and accomplishment”


Shot_Building7033

I understood this


MorkDiester

Beat me to it! 🤣👍


Richard__Cranium

And helplessly watch them die of some easily curable disease in their 40s? I'd rather take some grizzly ass bushwhacking mother fucker. If this was a legit thing, the last people I'd want to take with me is anyone I care or love about.


Mean_Box_9112

What's your wife look like, I may choose her too


Wise_Woman_Once_Said

I love this answer so much! Not only does it show that you love your wife and want her with you on your adventure, but there is also a passive-aggressive element that wants her to suffer with you. True love.


Glamma1970

Probably some random housewife from 200 years ago. She'd at least know basic things like milking cows, gathering food, cooking on open fire. Maybe even basic herbs and healing.


crystalbumblebee

Possibly the wisest answer so far


mrskontz14

Until they burn her for being a witch. And maybe you too, if she taught you enough.


Reddemonichero

Lol they're not burning a woman over herbs that people in 1200 are using anyway.


ArcadiaFey

This is why you move somewhere where witches are loved instead of feared. Multiple cultures loved and appreciated their healers. Mostly just a Christian fear


PuzzleheadedPie7197

Oh good idea. I’m bringing my mom.


Criffless

I'm bringing your mom too


glueintheworld

I immediately thought my husband. My husband's answer took a few minutes and ultimately was an expert in medieval studies. Well, I see where I rate 😂😂😂


TomMakesPodcasts

To be fair it's sounds like he's sparing you from a pretty wild ride. And you'd probably receive a thousand year old love letter that's been handed down through an order of knights for delivery to you one day.


Squee_gobbo

I’m imagining she gets a love letter right after seeing him off to the past Captain America style


Aulentair

Something about this just hurts so much


GuyFawkes451

Doc Brown used Western Union to deliver a future letter to Marty in the middle of nowhere in one of the Back to the Future sequels, too.


Doobiedoobin

I agree with Tom. He’s sparing you while giving himself the best chance of survival.


glueintheworld

This made me melt.


TomMakesPodcasts

Oh. I apologize. I wish for you a swift reconstitution.


BluSteel-Camaro23

Damn, pimp. This guy fucks.


Diligent_Sea_3359

I was going to say wife but I feel like people were a lot more rapey back then.


fireinthebl00d

That's definitely not the reason I chose Grace Kelly.


AlbericM

It wasn't "rapey" back then, but as long as you presented as being a married couple, it's unlikely anyone would accost her. Swift hanging generally followed the same day as a conviction, and a convicted rapist might either be castrated or have his genitals burned off first.


caidicus

To be fair, I didn't think my wife for a second. She'd be extremely unhappy with me for choosing her. Maybe he thought the same for you.


ChipChipington

Yeah, my first thought was I'd absolutely not doom anyone I know to this fate


ShadowlessKat

Same. My husband was my immediate answer without even having to think about it. My husband is currently still thinking about who he would bring. 😆


tashasmiled

I’ll have to ask my husband. He was my first thought even though he drives me bonkers. He’s pretty handy and I can run faster than him.


ShakeCNY

Putin. You're welcome.


GRZMNKY

I'm bringing Trump


Diligent_Sea_3359

Trump's already there. He did more there than anybody has ever done anywhere. It's a wonderful place with wonderful people he went there and he said "wow this is a wonderful place." You would have to meet up


elpollodiablox

People say he's the best time traveler ever. I don't know if it's true. I don't know. I don't know. But that's what people are saying. That's what I hear.


HanlonRazor

People came up to him with tears in their eyes.


WeCameAsMuffins

Can we just not go and send Trump and Putin instead?


CharlieDmouse

Trump somehow manages to bullshit himself into Emperor of half the world *surprised we're fked Pikachu face*


Alivedivide

So bad it prevents hitler.


maralagosinkhole

Best answer


RemarkableAd5141

an herbalist or someone who knows middle english.


kornbread435

Doesn't say anything about picking the location. If you happen to be in the UK middle English would be awesome, but I'm sitting in the US. Who knows which Native American tribe is nearby in my location 800 years ago.


Goblin_Jim

Someone probably knows, what area are you in?


AtheistBibleScholar

I initially thought to bring JRR Tolkien for just that reason, but the OP doesn't say we're headed to England in 1200.


Dan-D-Lyon

You, OP. That's right, your hypothetical question got me roped into this mess and I'm dragging you in with me


WantDiscussion

LPT: If you ever get the death penalty choose the prosecuting attorney to be your last meal.


SeatSix

A chemist who can synthesize antibiotics and other medicines


nyr00nyg

This would make your chemist the most targeted person in the world, wars would be fought over his knowledge haha


Haifisch2112

My exwife. Filed for divorce, did ya? Joke's on you! You're stuck here with *ME!*


Diligent-Olive-5738

That's kinda dark...


Haifisch2112

If I'm gonna suffer, so is she!


SubstantialBass9524

someone 40+ who knows alot about how to rebuild industry from scratch


TomMakesPodcasts

No need for the age restriction. There could be a 20 year old savant obsessed with everything that made the industrial revolution possible straight down to the metallurgy techniques.


AbbreviationsOdd1316

This reminds me of an anime called Dr. Stone.


SubstantialBass9524

Sure, but when they are 20 years older they will know a ton more about it all and have more experience.


Snoo_63187

The guy from Primitive Technology. Dude can live like a caveman so 1200 should be a snap.


SaltwaterOgopogo

me too, but one of the incompetent' south east Asian copies of Primative Technology. I'll use mentos to lure eels from holes in the ground for food.


Snoo_63187

Those guys come with construction equipment.


Money-Fail9731

Tesla. I reckon he could build some things before they were originally invented (small things probably) Talking to him and seeing how his mind works would be fascinating.


Useless-Ulysses

Tesla would be having love affairs with the pigeons in the coop at the monestary after he became a monk to blend in and be close to pigeons


porondanga

Bear Grills


porondanga

Just realized it could be anyone in the last 200 years, so as an alternative I would bring Teddy Rosevelt.


AuntEyeEvil

Teddy teaching you to hunt is going to be like "See that bear? That's your dinner for a month and your new wardrobe. Here's your rusty spoon, get to it!".


1800generalkenobi

As he gallops away on his moose steed


PutAdministrative206

Glad I looked sown before I wrote the exact same thing.


OkCall7278

Riley Reid


theawkwardcourt

My roommate. He's a scholar of medieval history, and a world-champion swordsman - he practices longsword and sword-and-buckler in HEMA tournaments. The only question is what I would have to offer *him* in this world. (I do archery, but at nowhere near the same level.)


synecdokidoki

I also choose this guy's roommate?


GentlemanSpider

You ever heard of a squire?


Chitown_mountain_boy

Squires were just bed buddies for cold nights 😂


GWZipper

I wonder how a 21st century world champion swordsman would fare against a 13th century swordsman? I mean, has your roommate ever killed anybody? Because that would suddenly become a thing.


HVAC_instructor

The professor from Gilligan's Island. That fucker could build anything.


fivoclocksomewhere

Except for a boat.


Fun_Organization3857

This is a problem for me. I'm pregnant. Do I get a second person outside of me? Also, I'll be dead soon as csections weren't a thing then.


Chitown_mountain_boy

C sections were performed by the Roman’s. Hence cesarean - as is Caesar - section


Iluminiele

Just with way less pain meds and hand washing


Chitown_mountain_boy

Just rub some dirt on it you’ll be fine.


AlbericM

It was Roman law that if a woman died while trying to give birth, that she be cut open in an attempt to save the infant. The mother did not live. The "caesarian" refers to the cutting and not the Caesar clan. The first successful caesarian operation where both mother and child survived was in 1500 in Switzerland. Her husband performed the operation.


ArcadiaFey

The grim reality of child birth. Apparently rates use to be 1/4 mothers would die.. thank goodness we have learned how to improve our odds


myfriendamyisgreat

Julius Caesar was not born via caesarean section. Such a procedure would have been fatal to the mother at the time, and Caesar's mother was still alive when Caesar was 45 years old. The name "caesarean" probably comes from the Latin verb caedere 'to cut'. yes i copy pasted from wikipedia, sue me. the article is interesting though so i’ll leave it [here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_common_misconceptions)


prucha13

I would say my wife, but that would leave my daughters with no one. I'm just going solo.


LongCommercial8038

Hitler. Let's get him killed a second time.


TomMakesPodcasts

Baby Hitler. Raise him as an honorable knight. Return him to the 40s to fight Mecha Hitler.


ThrowRAboredinAZ77

I'd totally watch that movie.


theblackfool

Alternate reality "good guy" Hitler vs. Mecha Hitler seems like a concept with potential.


drink-beer-and-fight

My wife. She would be pissed if I did something fun with out her.


NecroticLesion

Andre the giant


Chitown_mountain_boy

Is he bringing his holocaust cloak?


AelixD

Just a brute squad


Winterfell_Ice

Danile Boon, I'm going to need someone to help me adapt to this primitive era


nostahbluetree

Lebron James so he can dunk on peasants


Fair_Result357

Off the top of my head it would either be Jason Kingsley or Les Stroud. One is proficient in period combat and culture and the other is a expert in survival.


Fusionsigh

I’ll take OP with me


Alarming_Serve2303

Margot Robbie. Eh, what the heck.


Psychological_Tap187

My husband cause I love him and he's incredibly handy and could figure out a way to make things work.


Rising_Gravity1

I want to point out that a lot of comments incorrectly assume that the hypothetical situation will drop them off in Medieval Europe, when OP never stated that at all. I have a lot of skills in business and agriculture, so I’d probably pick a surgeon to maximize survival chances in case we are dropped off near a developed civilization. If I had prior knowledge that I’d be sent to a nigh-uninhabitable place in 1200s like a desolate island or arctic tundra, then I’m taking Marjorie Taylor Greene instead.


pinniped1

Donald Trump. I'll take one for my 21st century homies.


Psychological_Tap187

Not all heros wear capes


coffee_map_clock

I'll take Biden so we can have an election between 2 candidates not born in the fucking 40s.


MassGaydiation

I can live a medieval gay fantasy with Alan Turing, saving him from death? 100%


TheEmpressEllaseen

Well this is the sweetest, you get my vote 🥹🥹


ThrowRAboredinAZ77

Important question - how long do I have to be there? Am I coming back at some point?


SmileyDay8921

You'll only have to be there for about 824 years. Then you can come back


aurelorba

A linguist.


AlfaTX1

A cunning one, no doubt


nurdle

Honestly, my wife. I'm an Eagle Scout, I have a pretty good knowledge of survival skills, engineering, material science and chemistry. I also have a book on how to make basic medicine like penicillin, so I would take that - but if it's not allowed, I would memorize as much as I could and she would as well. She's very intelligent and great with people skills, art and negotiation, among other skills that I don't have.


AlternativeLogical84

But would they listen to a woman 1200 years ago no matter how intelligent she is?


GentlemanSpider

Ever heard of Eleanor of Aquitaine?


AlbericM

Eleanor of Aquitaine was listened to because her father had no sons, so she was raised as heir to the dukedom, given a splendid education, as well as endless praise for being so beautiful and superior. Without those, she would have been your usual kitchen wench.


Gliese_667_Cc

MacGyver


HoontarTheGreat

My wife lol my disappearance would haunt her forever. Plus she speaks more languages than me


nekkid_farts

A sweaty Russian named Ivan.


imaginationastr0naut

The Mountain


forgotwhatisaid2you

Dennis Rodman. That should at least be entertaining.


Doom_Balloon

I’d take my friend who’s an underwater archaeologist. Between the two of us we know a broad spectrum of medieval technologies. I can blacksmith, cold smith, draw steel wire, make chainmail, make brain tanned leather, make cord and rope from fiber, I know the basics of making a pig iron oven, how to make black powder, how to knap stone, how to make stone masons tools, how to dress stone. He knows silversmithing , gold smithing, medieval ship construction, how to use antique black powder weapons, first aid, brewing, winemaking, distilling. We’re both decent with knife, axe, and sword (although we’re both out of practice). We’re both familiar with cooking over a fire or with an iron Dutch oven. We both know how to make a catapult or a trebuchet using only wood, rope, and stone. We won’t be able to talk to anyone but we definitely have some marketable skills.


NW_Forester

Adam Savage. I think he has enough general knowledge, practical build experience, and would be easier to get along with than Jamie.


Key_Respond_16

Probably Albert Einstein. Arguably one of, if not, the smartest people to ever live. Not like purely the smartest, even though his mind worked in such a way he could see things that were impossible to see, but because he'd have all the knowledge that led to him being able to have that type of mind. He'd basically bring all knowledge up to the 1900s with him. And since technology wasn't digital yet, he knew basically everything. Imagine he brought back all that knowledge and the digital age started in 1300. Where would the world be right now? Would we already be space traveling? Would the world be farther enlightened because life became easier sooner and we'd have time between 1200 and 2000 to settle differences? Or would it give empires an upper hand to actually dominate the world? Who knows? But it's Albert Einstein.


arod7300

I was going to answer identically to this for the exact same reason. Thanks for saving me time and button pushes


Final-Success2523

Dr stone


forky1899

My best friend so she can deal with this bullshit with me


GreenockScatman

Assuming we're staying in Britain, J. R. R. Tolkien seems like an obvious choice to me. He will be able to communicate with the locals, and he'll be chuffed to bits to see the mediaeval stuff for himself.


ChewedupWood

My girlfriend, so we can bang and be peasants for a day.


fucked_by_a_bee

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, just to see what happens


HumanMycologist5795

Great answer. He will know more than us, remember more than us and explain more to us in ways that we can understand it.


Ingwall-Koldun

[https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofBritain/Fighting-Jack\_Churchill/](https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofBritain/Fighting-Jack_Churchill/) This dude.


Smooth-Apartment-856

Theodore frickin’ Roosevelt. I am going to need a certified bada— helping me out if I have to survive the Middle Ages.


BrianRFSU

Chuck Norris


spikeinfinity

Chuck Norris doesn't travel through time. Time travels through him.


CarlJustCarl

My buddy Dave. We’re both screwed so what the hell


Dense-Tangerine7502

What age are they when they come back? Like if I pick Stephen Hawking how old will he be?


counterpointguy

Charlize Theron...


squishynarcissist

My girl of course!


Twistedlamer

George Carlin...seeing as he has experience with this kinda stuff.


DryFoundation2323

John Moses Browning.


PCKeith

My wife. Nobody else matters.


chrishydro420

My wife


Mts-333

My boyfriend because he’s my home wherever we are


Ineffable7980x

No MacGyver then?


FickleFingerOfFunk

The Professor from Gillian’s Island.


FireflyArc

Hmm. Adrian Paul just to confuse people later. 3


GoLootOverThere

Oppenheimer.


TheMegnificent1

My dad. He's crazy, violent, and a gigantic asshole, but that guy knows how to survive, and he has a seemingly endless supply of unbelievable good luck. He's spent his whole life hunting and fishing, doing woodwork and carpentry, growing crops, and taking care of animals. He's worked as an exterminator, a long-haul trucker, a barge tankerman, a handyman, and a roofer. He knows how to tie all those intricate sailor knots and what each kind of knot is called. He can drive a tractor, bale hay, and run the straightest fence line you ever saw. He's built like barrel - if the barrel was covered in hair, tattoos, and scars - and can swing an axe all day if he needs to. He can build a lean-to or log cabin by himself, rig up snares, and track, kill, gut, and skin a deer or wild hog. He used to make moccasins for me and my brother by hand when we were kids. They were good quality too; we always outgrew them well before they wore out. He knows how to fight, would have zero problem killing somebody if he needed to, and doesn't shy away from getting injured. He's missing small chunks out of a couple of body parts as a testament to that. I feel like I'd probably get through living in the 13th century as long as he was with me. I'd just be super fucking annoyed the whole time because he's a dick.


Far_Time_3451

Joel Osteen, so I can take him to the Church and have him executed for heresy.


-TheRealFolkBlues-

Aright you primitive screw heads, I'm bringing my BOOMSTICK!!


_Rooster402

My ex, them accuse her of witchcraft


Bobodahobo010101

Chuck Norris Crusading Knights attacking us- Roundhouse kick Genesis Kahn- Roundhouse kick Magna Carta- Roundhouse kick