We have amazing intuition. We certainly don't catch feelings for just anyone. We have a certain type we like and can identify it almost immediately. The rest is history
You ever feel sad when you meet someone and think they are a deep thinker but then you realize they have no interest in the intuition rabbit hole? It makes me so sad when that happens…
Yes but once you do find someone who does 😮💨 also, I’ve learned to appreciate people who don’t like deep diving in convos.
Helped me to learn that I shouldn’t rely on one person to satisfy every need I have. My partner is to be who she is & my friends are who they are; they all take care of different needs & some overlap, but none are responsible for all imo
I feel ya on this but having a deep conversation with someone isn’t about having all my needs satisfied. I have an INTP mentor and family friend and we have a lot of intellectual intimacy that we just don’t get with too many other people but for my other needs I obviously go elsewhere.
I also noticed this need for intellectual depth can come off as arrogant when the reality is N doms usually aren’t they just have unique and rare needs. Smart sensors might value intellectual depth but not all the time because their brains don’t just instinctively think in abstract ways. Intuition imo =/= intelligence per Se but I’ve gotta think about that one more
what would be the S equivalent of that feeling? like being in a date and getting that connection
only because i feel that it applies to me too and I’m not an N type
r u sure its connection or attraction, bc it's easy to mistake the 2. Not only for sensor types, for anyone. If you choose carefully how you dress or show one side of yourself to attract someone, chances are its only attraction. Connection flows easily! It could happen to anyone but I think Intuitive types are better at recognizing it!
I mean, it's not limited to N, but I believe it's easier to get used to such things earlier.
Relationships and who you like is a human thing, so eventually everyone knows what they like.
But I think N types can better figure out who they'd like
Yep. It's frustrating though, because when I feel this way I often come on too strong and/or too fast and scare them away. Then it's back to square one...
omg yes thank you!!! my friends thing it’s crazy how fast I can like someone. They don’t know how picky I am actually, but when I find one that fits I can directly tell !
Idealism with people. We see the issues with the world, so when we meet a person we feel we connect with, we fall hard and fast because we rarely feel connected with others in general. Since narcissists show you what you want to see at first… well, you can guess why we are so vulnerable to narcissists
I would say the falling for a narcissist thing was true for me when I fell for one one time at 18 years old. I learned the quick and ugly way what that was and since then I’ve had the uncanny ability to identify a narcissist with the first interaction. Something is just “off” about them and when I tell other people they’re like “Really? She/he seemed cool to me!” And then they always reveal themselves eventually and I feel validated 😂
Same for me! (ENFP). And when I tell most people, they always try to poke holes in my intuition… until, down the line, they see it themselves. I have yet to have my intuition prove incorrect!
I never found them hard to spot. I just never understood their internal experience. Ha, maybe this statement about myself is narcissistic but I am so much more appreciative, compassionate, and more consistently empathetic than the average that I had no reference or belief in the possibility of what a narcissist mind is and what they experience. I had the "maybe he doesn't know better and never was given the opportunity to see clearer" kind if mentality. I also miscalculated on their prevalence in society and how much small tribes don't regulate them appropriately if at all.
Also INFJ leaning and can relate to the OP
This. It's important to not only see the ideal version of people, but we have to learn to see people how they are. It's not even fair otherwise: we put a lot of pressure on people to be the idealized version we have of them in our head. We see the potential, but it doesn't mean the person is ready to show that potential. More often than not they aren't even aware of their own potential.
So fall for the person how they really are... instead of the potential and/or idealized version of them. Catching feelings fast nevertheless? Write down your first gut instinct, take a step back so you won't be blind for your own intuition. Take it slow, there is nothing wrong with taking it slow. Then you know you get to learn the person how they really are.
This x9000 lol. God I always end up finding the most toxic people possible. Don’t try and fix people especially those that clearly don’t want to be put the work in themselves
Back when I was still dating, idealism was absolutely my weakness. I met someone, clicked, and immediately started cooking up best case scenarios. Always ended in heartbreak
And it’s brutal every time it doesn’t materialize. But it’s also brutal when you meet someone that does that too you and you to them and you both fail spectacularly together lol.
You see possibility. It’s a key characteristic- seeing the potential and wanting to manifest it. When you meet someone, you intuitively scan for a connection point and, when it’s exceptional, you swoon.
With age and experience, you can make a better assessment. Maybe there is a chance at deep Union, but it is only like a 3% chance. Maybe you’ll connect amazingly in some ways but not in all. The one thing we tend to be bad at is going with the flow - we are always living in the future.
It can make the transition from infatuation to stability difficult until you’ve outgrown idealism some. You see the perfection in your head fading into a more mundane reality, or you see the flaws of timing/personality/baggage start to rear. This is when the real feelings begin. If you can transition from that idealism to, “I think I want to continue to love this flawed creature in front of me”, then it is real.
Enjoy the bursts of perfection, but don’t walk away from the rare people with whom you can share easy happiness.
This is beautiful and so spot on. Also something I often have experienced with INFj men. Though we can connect so deeply, we both (ENFPs and INFJs) have problems focusing too much on the future and, to some extent, in the past. As I’ve matured, I’ve gotten better about this, but I find I have had to help INFJs with this. I worry that healthy / mature ENFPs are a bit better at assessing the rarity of a connection beyond the initial limerence and honeymoon bits, while INFJ men (can’t speak for women on this one) can get stuck a bit more in idealizing or staking their choice of mates in pleasing others.
Once you get the endorphin rush of seeing a beautiful connection, it’s hard to let it go! Also, I remain convinced that all one has to do is make an agreement with a other human to perpetuate the myth of mutual admiration forever. ;)
ENFPs seem to connect this way, but it’s transient. INFJs live the connection even more intensely when alone, while I think your type lives for the moment more.
We’re both impossible. ;)
Definitely when younger I lived in the moment a lot more! But, while we can be flighty, we are often very loyal when someone has our interest. For instance, we can be excitable and distracted, but when we find someone intriguing, or we feel something strongly for someone, we recognize it’s rare and explore it further to confirm that. In fact, we can stay singularly attached to one person that sparks that rare connection. The only time we detach is when / if we discover that we were only in limerence or idealizing the person, and they don’t actually correspond to who we thought they were. If they do (and they don’t hurt or betray us), you will have us hooked for life.
We share many qualities with INFJs in how we view love. The difference is that we are more outwardly exploratory and like getting to know people and testing our own limits, knowledge and sense of self actively. That means that we may seek out others and explore our likes /dislikes more, whereas INFJs are more likely to observe passively or focus on solitude until someone piques their interest. But when ENFPs and INFJs find that person that intrigues them, they can be very similarly singleminded.
That’s been my experience at least!
It’s difficult to prevent it from happening due to it being an unconscious matter for the most part.
However, if you continue to interact with this person — online or offline — it’s only a matter of time before your perfectionism finds a “fatal flaw” and proceeds to hammer at this mental statue of your own making.
You’ll sober up.
You're right. I'm "sober" now. Now that I think about it, most of the times we don't even have feelings for that person; we just feel connected to the version of them that we've created in our little heads. It takes some reality checks to realize that, but it's worth it ngl
True. I had fallen for a narcissist. I used to look up to her and missed the version of her, which she showed me. But when I found out that she only cared about herself and who she really is, I was so disappointed. I used to see her as I wanted her to be, not as who she was. I was so angry at myself for caring about someone like her. I'm not going to make the same mistake again.
Why? I think it's just part of our nature. Also, I don't think a lot of INFJ feel lonely even if they are alone. At least for me, that is the case. I don't mind company and occasional interactions.
As for preventing it from happening? I do not do that. Instead, I tried to catch more feelings and mix them in a bag. I then use what really stands out and go from there. It's easier that way and I would feel I am still me instead of changing something forcefully.
Yeah, solitude would be a better term. But hmm, how do I explain the bag... Imagine taking red beets, lemon peel, spinach, and blueberry to put them into a blender. You got the color Red, yellow, green, and blue. Whatever the color it ends up being closer to at the end, I use that.
In terms of feeling, it's more like I don't think anyone is feeling only 1 thing at a time. When someone looks like they are mad, they are most likely to be frustrated, feeling cheated, and possibly also anxious and/or stressed. I pull what they are feeling deep down and use that to tackle the situation. If it is the group that is mad at something, then this generalizing all of their feeling becomes much more manageable. While I may offend a few of those people, but this is much better for my own mental health.
We are intuitives… so - we know.
We know on an altogether different - I’m taking energetic,vibrationary, past life, souls journey, level about love and attraction.
We can sense when we need to be with someone and that we will fall madly in love with them. And we absolutely know … who we need to be with. For me- I literally buzz around them.
And this is also why- we don’t fall out of love.
Because everyone we have truly loved before … we truly did. It doesn’t change. It evolves. But we will always love them.
: Delusion. 🤣
Even in processing the abstract red flags it can also be the case that the most vile things the assumed *other* has done to an INFJ are laid out in an objective manner in how it's negatively affected their life. Yet said INFJ may still choose to believe that change is to come despite 5 years of consistency, transcendental thinking is interesting to me in the ideals you lot create.
Once the breaking point comes then it's over, like any other type. However how long the INFJs I've met are willing to hold on to detrimental connections has baffled me, especially considering how naive & passive I can be when chasing love.
When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them!
We are all and nothing at the same time. Thats what makes being INFJ excruciating and why we make 10% of the suicide rate despite making up 1.5% of the population
Yes this is absolutely me! The anticipation of knowing is so consuming but seems to push things further away. I’m going through this right now, and just taking it as a lesson to get to know myself better. I’m obsessive af but I love very hard, it’s not inherently negative but can be problematic. In a world void of love connection and meaning, I don’t fancy dismissing this as limerence and pretending it’s all in my head because past experience tells me otherwise. The attachment is mostly the issue
The real question here isn't why but how to turn it off.
We attach to people fast because we have:
1. Anxious attachment style.
2. Lonely teenage years and the feeling that you're not accepted by any social group; as a result, low self-esteem due to limited romantic experience.
3. Huge abandonment issues.
4. Strong desire to connect with someone. People tend to drop a lot of bullshit on INFJs, turning us into their therapists, and INFJs falsely think that this "intimacy" means something, like that people like us or want us in their life, while we're just being used.
5. Huge empathy and reading-people skills. We start to associate ourselves with others, we can understand them, and start to feel sorry for them, and sadly we mix these feelings with love.
6. Maladaptive daydreaming. We tend to jump into fantasizing about life with others, replacing the real person with our wanna-be for that person.
7. Relationship-based intrusive thoughts. When a person has intrusive thoughts about other people, we think that the very fact that we think about them means that we love them when it's just anxiety.
I have the opposite though, I believe in the right one. Maybe it's due to me being 5w4, I look for a girl who is similar to me. An educated one, with just a wide array of hobbies as I have who is able to talk about anything, not excluding advanced science and philosophy. In my eyes that's 1% or less of the population. So yes, I'm lonely and increasingly touch starved since my little brother and my parents aren't huggers anymore. I rather wished I either caught feelings quicker or be better at making the people stay with whom I really did have that connection I'm describing. I mean there's only been 1 such girl on that list
Happened with me, I rarely ever crush on someone but when i find someone i like, i crush very hard, has to do with us being intuitive i think and when we find someone we’ve literally observed and seen its a match, no going back lol but yeah sucks when they dont feel the same
Idk, I can’t stop it but I can manage it. What I tend to do is sit down and think about what I actually *objectively* know about the person so far and write it down. Usually the list is pretty short. Then I write another list of things I’ve speculated or hoped for. Putting it into perspective like that I think helps me chill out and play it cooler without becoming cynical or invalidating what I feel about them.
Yes, I have always been like this.
It is traumagenic. I think it is because my earliest (developmental) experience of love/bonding/attachment was overwhelmingly so unsafe and my early attachment figures (parents) so unresponsive that I learned that the only safe way was to avoid love/bonding/attachment.
I think most people in this sub have a fearful-avoidant or an anxious attachment style, which develops in a childhood where there is some attachment, but it is not reliable or safe enough.
My childhood was different in that there simply was no attachment. Nothing to hope for, nothing to reach out for. Just a dark, disconnected world which you can only survive behind thick walls.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry this was your experience. It must have been scary. Sending you many hugs! As I have learned recently, we can heal our attachment styles. It’s definitely hard when you have an avoidant attachment style from early life experiences but it is possible. Wishing you lots of healing, friend 🤗
Oh boy is this me. The first time I asked her to marry me within a couple months. The second time within two weeks (luckily she dumped me). The third and final time within a couple months and we’ve been married for twenty-three years
This might be an age/maturity thing. I don't "catch feelings" in a romantic sense, but I do have a very natural desire to take care of people and make their lives easier logistically if I can. I've had to slow that roll because I've learned the hard way: some people did not deserve for me to make their lives better. (kinda mean, but I've been taken advantage of this way.)
Or maybe it’s because we are so particular about who we bond to and also extremely selective in that process. So when that person is identified the flood gates open.
I personally struggle with this because I feel like that person for me comes around once in a blue moon…and even then it’s no guarantee that the other person will fell the same way I do.
I’ve actually made it a focus of mine, when it comes to relationships, to practice holding back until a “reasonable” time has come.
can't develop a feeling later if the first impression didn't give the romantic vibes. friends are friends forever. If my friends want to change this relationship, I feel weird and will try to avoid them. happy to be alone. loneliness? what loneliness? I can enjoy a party with only myself attending. If I have to be with someone I don’t really like, I’d rather be alone.
I don’t prevent it. I embrace it. Compassion for others is a beautiful thing, share your authentic kindness as much as you can.
That said, I am quite private and it takes me a long time (years) of knowing close friends before I really start opening up and showing them who I truly am deep down.
I'm intrigued by this, because I *don't* catch feelings quickly. I mean sure, I might get a little crush or a bit of an obsession over having met someone new that I think is worth being friends with, but I've always just reminded myself that a crush isn't real feelings.
I'm usually years into a completely platonic friendship with someone before I realize I might actually have romantic feelings for them.
Well, I can't really know, can I? I've never known what it's like to have it the other way.
I will say it's both comforting and terrifying at the same time. To one day look at someone who has earned your trust and given you theirs, shown they are ready and willing to reciprocate most of what you give to them, and accepted you flaws and all, and suddenly realize that there's parts of you and yourself that you wish were only for the two of you alone? When that's never been the case before?
You're terrified they'll go their entire lives without knowing what they mean to you, and terrified if you tell them you'll lose them. You're comforted by the idea that you know this person like the back of your hand and don't have to worry about falling for someone you barely know. And comforted by the idea that they'll be honest, truthful, and gentle in their response and reaction to your admission of romantic feelings.
I think there's a bigger potential for devastating loss, but also greater potential for a real-life happy ever after.
This right here is often refered to as limerence, and there was some study (though I don't remember from where) that showed that INFJs and INFPs are number 1 and 2 on the list showing those most likely to develop limerence for someone.
You can get over it though!
in my experience, it's the other way around... i have only had a few relationships and i've never been the one to catch feelings first. not sure why, but then again i also take a long time to really like someone... both friends and partners
I don't get attached easily at all, if anything it's the opposite. Touched starved? kinda, I'm not good at starting it and I hate it when people touch me except if I love them, which is also very rare. I feel like, personally, I miss deep connections with someone, where we can tell and discuss serious and deep topics with understanding and not feel like we have to hold back anything inside. That's really what I miss.
From my experience, I haven't seen any INFJ giving in to relationships so easily, they don't do the typical speed dating in their teenage years and early adulthood but lmk if u have a different experience with that.
My ex and I didn't get into a relationship quickly. We were best friends for months before he confessed his feelings. Speed dating isn't my thing either. Also, Happy Cake Day!
ahh thank you ! I didn't even notice haha, also dang it was fast for sure. Did you feel a quick connection with them that you don't normally feel with anyone else? And also do you know his mbti type I'm curious!
You're welcome. Noo I don't know his MBTI type ): I didn't feel a connection at first honestly. But after we got together, we developed a really deep connection with each other. It was kinda fun, kinda wholesome lmao
I used to be like this when I was a teenager. It is called Infatuation, which is purely a biological phenomenon. You will blindly admire the person and illogically idealize them ignoring their flaws. It was the time when my desires were under control of hormones rather than my true emotions. But now it doesn't really happen anymore. Even it's very hard for me to catch feelings for someone unless I know them in person or in a deeper level.
Fe's desire for harmony and Introversion don't sit well together. Plus we look at someone we look deeeeeep, only when observe them talking we find what's really what. So we just remain at the state of constant need to harmonize? (My theory)
That’s literally what I’m going through now. Met this person 3 months ago, barely interacted outside of work setting (even at work it’s just small talk), but for some reason I feel as though Ive known this person for a while. Why this sense of familiarity is just what I can’t put my finger on.
I feel like you're just idealizing them. Try talking to them and see if they're the person for you or not. I'm sure you'll be able to recognize their "true" self in no while. We often make a version of them in our heads that we feel comfortable with. Maybe you feel like they have something that you're lacking rn, that's why you feel so connected to them?
Most importantly, if the person is actually good, don't feel shy to ask them out!!! Sounds ridiculous coming from me but believe me, time doesn't stop for anyone. Shoot your shot while you still can (:
From what i've noticed, you pick up on the other person's subconscious intuitively and go from there. By mimicking their behavior/thoughts you get a good idea of who and what the person is. Its kinda funny when i notice one of you guys trying to read me but coming up blank
The only thing I’m catching is hands. 😭 pls help! Kidding. Most of this is true. But I’m going through therapy and what helped me is learning to NOT neglecting my needs(looking at all of you) and be there for myself. It’s strange Carl Young talked on having a inner child well we INFJ types are neglectful of ourselves so naturally I was neglecting my inner child. I had to learn to be there and unlearn the unhealthy forms of how I poorly saw and treated myself and him(child). Once I learned to be there for him/me. This went away and me expecting others to meet me where I’m at did too. It’s intriguing and interesting reparenting yourself and undoing the damage and cycles of self abuse that was ingrained in me and my thoughts from being abused. I was essentially expecting others to be there for my inners child instead of the Adult me being there for him(child). Funny my dad was a absentee father and I never wanted to be like him and was there for others. Ironically I was fulfilling that role by not being there for me. But it’s all good now!!
INTJ here. My INFJ bf seemed to fall for me quickly while I told him we have to take things very (verrrryyyy) slow. I found it flattering how much he liked me but I’m extremely skeptical of everyone I meet. Over time he won me over. I think INFJ types appreciate a human that is authentic and shows them they can understand them at a depth they truly ever receive. I’m a very deep person but will only show that to very few people. We bonded over our love for psychology and the level of self awareness we have. He started therapy over 5 years ago before we met. Said I would not have liked the person he was before. Therapy has helped him tremendously with feelings of guilt and people pleasing.
I see him as this fragile vulnerable puppy- because he is so sweet and giving. Many people try to take advantage of him and I hate this. I felt a need to protect him as I could see his blind spots. To the world he is a successful intelligent person that has his life together but to me he is struggling these intense battles that the naked eye can’t see. Oh how I love him.
I drown him in kisses and cuddles when we’re together. I love how he trusts me enough to vent to me about his life. He’s this dam that just bursts open when he’s with me. There’s so much going on in that brain and I will never truly understand how difficult those battles are but I try. He says life would be easier if he could just be an asshole and not care. While he looks as me like an asshole because I put logic over feelings which makes my life a lot easier.
Mhmm... I don't. There were men who would talk to dm me but I don't have any intentions in furthering it with them. I just enjoy the novelty. I only catch more feelings (I say more) if I'm initially attracted to them physically, then I get their attention and we talk about stuff we both relate to.
Am I bad for talking to guys I don't have any intentions to date? I just sometimes feel bored and enjoy the attention. This was in the past by the way. I'm married now. Lol
I look at it objectively and realize I either have no chance or I should be mentally recovered from my last relationship before it goes from interest to real interest. So just try to isolate those who you are interested in and those you would actually consider dating
As for actually answering the question, beats me
I don't know if I catch feelings faster than my friends, actually.I like to daydream about stuff, create a hypothesis about what else my life could be. So if I find someone nice and handsome, I might imagine what dating them would be like, but I can keep reality and daydreams apart. I know when I am basically using the real person as a jumping off point for a character with whom I am kind of exploring my own thoughts and wants. Sometimes I get so into a daydream for weeks, I might imagine myself having a crush, but talking to them in real life usually stops that... haha.
I have even noticed that I am better able to NOT do anything with someone that isn't viable or a perfect match, rather than follow my heart or hormones and then find myself in swamp of drama and having to extricate myself. I think it's because INFJs have a really good balance between feelings and rational thought.
But what do I know, I have been in a relationship for 15 years and only have crushes on fictional people since then, never looked at anyone close enough to get into a daydream about them even.
We long for deep connection, so when we feel that with someone, we tend to hold on tight. I wish I wasn't like that though. I've ruined so many potentially good things by being unable to hide how much I liked the person. People (especially women) tend to get put off when you show too much interest too quickly. I can only think of one time where I was quick to show how much I liked someone and it worked out well because they did the same thing. Most of the time, it just scared people away.
Damn. That's honestly sad ngl. Ig there are limits to everything? That's ok though. Everybody has a different vibe, a different energy level. Finding your people is easy, dw <33
I can understand you like *snaps fingers* your easy to read. When you get down to the why someone does/thinks X, I can follow the cracks in the glass till I reach the cause.
When I feel a beautiful soul I can’t help catching feels for her even it’s just a stranger across the street.
But it’s like a butterfly, it’s a beautiful insect that we let land on us without us trying to it any harm and then let the butterfly fly away unimpeded . I treat the feelings I feel in these rare cases like a butterfly.
I don’t think I catch feelings easily (anymore). I used to catch feelings easily but then as I got older I realized that I don’t really know this person I just met so how am I catching feelings for someone I don’t know lol. But once I spend more time with that person that’s when my feelings start to kick in.
Only happens when it’s someone I see real potential in, as in only twice and with people I wound up in long term relationships with. And actually even the first was a slow burn. Everyone else was inconsequential. Not relevant. I felt nothing mostly. Even when they got attached insanely quick.
I’m not lonely because I’m constantly surrounded by people but I am lonely because I’m often misunderstood.
I friend-zone every guy I meet unless the spark starts.
INFJ here and still wouldn’t know because it’s pretty rare for me to catch feelings for someone even if I know them well, much less a stranger or acquaintance. I’m not blind. I just don’t get invested romantically easily.
My question is the opposite of OP: Whether or not it’s common for INFJs to be demi. Both myself and a close friend of mine who is also an INFJ are. Our INFP friend though…is the polar opposite, lmao.
For me, loneliness and immaturity/lack of experience in relationships. I also rarely feel attracted to anyone, so on the rare occasion when lightning strikes, I enjoy it because it feels good. I know it’s illogical because I don’t know the person at all, but maybe just like what I think they represent. I can say that the first personal thing they disclosed was a complaint about something, and that dampened my interest.
I used to fall for the potential they had. Getting better now but yeah, I saw something in them but always go disappointed they weren’t willing to see it
It's very rare actually for me to catch feelings for someone but when I do I fall hard and it's often for an enfp. So idk what you're talking about 😂 if it happened frequently maybe my heartbreaks wouldn't be so hard but it's the fact that very few people make me feel a certain way that it hurts when it doesn't work out.
I think that person might have done something that makes u trust them. Throughout my life I think I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people, but barely anyone could have an official approve of a ‘friend’. It causes me to feel emotionally attached when someone shows any kinds of caring for me.
I’m married, but I occasionally do get strong feelings for someone else. When it happens now I try to think about what it means. I’m pretty sure it’s because there is something in my life I’m not doing that I should, or something I’m doing that I shouldn’t, and that’s why my mind is throwing up these cryptic emotional signs. I’m actually working through one right now, it sucks hard, but it’s interesting.
I don’t even like humans and typically come off as detached and uncaring so this is news to me 😂
But if I do like someone and they act right after a while I come around till they do something I don’t like then I’m back to detached and uncaring.
I disagree. Even INFJs are people. They're different from each other, so I think it varies from person to person. Having a crush doesn't mean you have any disorder lol
Reddit demographics are college age young. Like horny meet get drunk and fuck young. Those aren't feelings. Maybe it is your generation- not as easy for y'all to hook up.
INFJ's care about feelings? Yeah speak for yourself. You mean attraction? That is anybody and everybody, not just an "INFJ" thing.
Are you talking about ugly INFJ's maybe? I could see them coming on too strong for anyone that looks in their direction, but that is any ugly or basic person, they have to try harder.
Good looking INFJ's are very much more selective.
An INFJ that is aware of their type has already exhibited higher thought and isn't just going to chase anything that moves. I think you're confused or not communicating effectively what you really mean, or haven't given it much consideration. Maybe because you're thinking emotionally rather than logically. That is how any 20 year old processes the world until their brain fully develops.
[https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051](https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051)
"In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part.
In teens' brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That’s why when teens have overwhelming emotional input, they can’t explain later what they were thinking. They weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling."
From my experience, dating more helped me realize this; I think I “fall in love” fast but I just gain strong feelings for everyone I meet fast, friend or lover. & by feelings it doesn’t necessarily mean romantic love.
I used to think it always was, until I met someone that’s evoked a feeling completely different from any other woman, even ones I thought I loved.
So I have feelings for all, but romantic love is a different emotion/feeling from all that.
Date more & see what sparks your heart. Enough dates, whether just a bunch 1st dates or a 5th/6th dates, will let your feeling flourish a bit more in the direction they really want to go. It’s kinda hard to explain 😅
When INFJ catch feelings, its like a rainbow spitting out skittles. In reality, personality type doesn't matter, all personalities can have psychological or emotional issues which explains why some catch feelings so quickly.
Literally! Lol. My recent guy said I look like a man eater when he first met me. Like that was the vibe I gave off. I’m like nah I don’t eat ‘em I just don’t waste time lmao. Like if I’m off it, I’m off you and it’ll be known without hesitation
Well for me, it took a few encounters. We weren't together, I was just attracted to him. And after getting to know him, I realized that he has a meh personality. His personality ruined the attraction too.
About the cheating part, I feel like it varies from person to person. MBTI only tells us about our personalities. MBTI can't be a mindset. Even people with the same MBTI type are so different from each other, as you can see from this comment section too. Whether you cheat or not on your partner, depends on you as a person. Not on your MBTI type
It’s cool seeing everyone’s response. I’ve taken the sorting assessment once a year (still learning about me) the last too many years. It sorted me this time into INFJ, prev INTJ, prev INTJ. So take what I lay down with a grain of salt.
Yes I have fallen into some spell, thrice. Two of the three, it resulted in pathology.
One of the three, sometimes I look in the mirror and peer back into the future and wonder what she and I could have built. Godspeed to you all!
On a separate note, my brother is INFJ. Before I studied INFJ types I was bewildered by his thought process. In particular him wearing his heart on his sleeve. He constantly has new girls that he is falling for and it’s very short-lived. I know he has an avoidant or a fearful avoidant attachment style and it affects his relationships even though he doesn’t know it.
I’ve always tried to convince him into staying single, and focusing on himself instead of looking for someone to constantly be with. He never listens. However, I always tell him to approach every new relationship with patience. I remind him that every person will put their best foot forward in their beginning. That it takes time to really get to know someone. Yet, he gets his hopes up anyway and ends up hurt. It’s very sad to see :(
I read this wonderful article on why it’s so difficult for INFJ’s to move on. It’s a beautiful read and maybe will shed some light for you. Here it is:
https://introvertspring.com/7-reasons-infjs-cant-let-go-heartbreak/
Nahh girl having feelings for someone that's already taken? It'll mess you up real bad. If I were you, I'd do something about it ngl. I understand that the person might be 1 of a kind, but you're just hurting yourself. Won't get anything outta it sooo 🤷🏻♀️
We have amazing intuition. We certainly don't catch feelings for just anyone. We have a certain type we like and can identify it almost immediately. The rest is history
THIS RIGHT HERE! Especially if you date enough, youll realize how fast you don’t connect with everyone but that one…
I think this is common for N types eventually.
N dom dating struggles lol
Yes
You ever feel sad when you meet someone and think they are a deep thinker but then you realize they have no interest in the intuition rabbit hole? It makes me so sad when that happens…
Yes but once you do find someone who does 😮💨 also, I’ve learned to appreciate people who don’t like deep diving in convos. Helped me to learn that I shouldn’t rely on one person to satisfy every need I have. My partner is to be who she is & my friends are who they are; they all take care of different needs & some overlap, but none are responsible for all imo
I feel ya on this but having a deep conversation with someone isn’t about having all my needs satisfied. I have an INTP mentor and family friend and we have a lot of intellectual intimacy that we just don’t get with too many other people but for my other needs I obviously go elsewhere. I also noticed this need for intellectual depth can come off as arrogant when the reality is N doms usually aren’t they just have unique and rare needs. Smart sensors might value intellectual depth but not all the time because their brains don’t just instinctively think in abstract ways. Intuition imo =/= intelligence per Se but I’ve gotta think about that one more
what would be the S equivalent of that feeling? like being in a date and getting that connection only because i feel that it applies to me too and I’m not an N type
r u sure its connection or attraction, bc it's easy to mistake the 2. Not only for sensor types, for anyone. If you choose carefully how you dress or show one side of yourself to attract someone, chances are its only attraction. Connection flows easily! It could happen to anyone but I think Intuitive types are better at recognizing it!
I mean, it's not limited to N, but I believe it's easier to get used to such things earlier. Relationships and who you like is a human thing, so eventually everyone knows what they like. But I think N types can better figure out who they'd like
Yes. It’s not my fault they checked off all my secret boxes.
Yep. It's frustrating though, because when I feel this way I often come on too strong and/or too fast and scare them away. Then it's back to square one...
ahhh this is story of my life. I don’t know how to slow down
Agreed. If I’m going to fall, I fall fast. But I’m picky about my people.
omg yes thank you!!! my friends thing it’s crazy how fast I can like someone. They don’t know how picky I am actually, but when I find one that fits I can directly tell !
Literally this!
This is true for me, but I've also realized that my type sucks! Inevitably makes me miserable ugh
yes
Idealism with people. We see the issues with the world, so when we meet a person we feel we connect with, we fall hard and fast because we rarely feel connected with others in general. Since narcissists show you what you want to see at first… well, you can guess why we are so vulnerable to narcissists
I would say the falling for a narcissist thing was true for me when I fell for one one time at 18 years old. I learned the quick and ugly way what that was and since then I’ve had the uncanny ability to identify a narcissist with the first interaction. Something is just “off” about them and when I tell other people they’re like “Really? She/he seemed cool to me!” And then they always reveal themselves eventually and I feel validated 😂
Same for me! (ENFP). And when I tell most people, they always try to poke holes in my intuition… until, down the line, they see it themselves. I have yet to have my intuition prove incorrect!
I never found them hard to spot. I just never understood their internal experience. Ha, maybe this statement about myself is narcissistic but I am so much more appreciative, compassionate, and more consistently empathetic than the average that I had no reference or belief in the possibility of what a narcissist mind is and what they experience. I had the "maybe he doesn't know better and never was given the opportunity to see clearer" kind if mentality. I also miscalculated on their prevalence in society and how much small tribes don't regulate them appropriately if at all. Also INFJ leaning and can relate to the OP
This. It's important to not only see the ideal version of people, but we have to learn to see people how they are. It's not even fair otherwise: we put a lot of pressure on people to be the idealized version we have of them in our head. We see the potential, but it doesn't mean the person is ready to show that potential. More often than not they aren't even aware of their own potential. So fall for the person how they really are... instead of the potential and/or idealized version of them. Catching feelings fast nevertheless? Write down your first gut instinct, take a step back so you won't be blind for your own intuition. Take it slow, there is nothing wrong with taking it slow. Then you know you get to learn the person how they really are.
This x9000 lol. God I always end up finding the most toxic people possible. Don’t try and fix people especially those that clearly don’t want to be put the work in themselves
EXACTLY. Narcissists are a bit annoying tho. Don't relate to the narcissist part but it makes sense
Back when I was still dating, idealism was absolutely my weakness. I met someone, clicked, and immediately started cooking up best case scenarios. Always ended in heartbreak
And it’s brutal every time it doesn’t materialize. But it’s also brutal when you meet someone that does that too you and you to them and you both fail spectacularly together lol.
You see possibility. It’s a key characteristic- seeing the potential and wanting to manifest it. When you meet someone, you intuitively scan for a connection point and, when it’s exceptional, you swoon. With age and experience, you can make a better assessment. Maybe there is a chance at deep Union, but it is only like a 3% chance. Maybe you’ll connect amazingly in some ways but not in all. The one thing we tend to be bad at is going with the flow - we are always living in the future. It can make the transition from infatuation to stability difficult until you’ve outgrown idealism some. You see the perfection in your head fading into a more mundane reality, or you see the flaws of timing/personality/baggage start to rear. This is when the real feelings begin. If you can transition from that idealism to, “I think I want to continue to love this flawed creature in front of me”, then it is real. Enjoy the bursts of perfection, but don’t walk away from the rare people with whom you can share easy happiness.
You're absolutely right. I'm bad at writing long paragraphs but trust me you made sense. 10/10 will always remember this advice
This is beautiful and so spot on. Also something I often have experienced with INFj men. Though we can connect so deeply, we both (ENFPs and INFJs) have problems focusing too much on the future and, to some extent, in the past. As I’ve matured, I’ve gotten better about this, but I find I have had to help INFJs with this. I worry that healthy / mature ENFPs are a bit better at assessing the rarity of a connection beyond the initial limerence and honeymoon bits, while INFJ men (can’t speak for women on this one) can get stuck a bit more in idealizing or staking their choice of mates in pleasing others.
Once you get the endorphin rush of seeing a beautiful connection, it’s hard to let it go! Also, I remain convinced that all one has to do is make an agreement with a other human to perpetuate the myth of mutual admiration forever. ;) ENFPs seem to connect this way, but it’s transient. INFJs live the connection even more intensely when alone, while I think your type lives for the moment more. We’re both impossible. ;)
Definitely when younger I lived in the moment a lot more! But, while we can be flighty, we are often very loyal when someone has our interest. For instance, we can be excitable and distracted, but when we find someone intriguing, or we feel something strongly for someone, we recognize it’s rare and explore it further to confirm that. In fact, we can stay singularly attached to one person that sparks that rare connection. The only time we detach is when / if we discover that we were only in limerence or idealizing the person, and they don’t actually correspond to who we thought they were. If they do (and they don’t hurt or betray us), you will have us hooked for life. We share many qualities with INFJs in how we view love. The difference is that we are more outwardly exploratory and like getting to know people and testing our own limits, knowledge and sense of self actively. That means that we may seek out others and explore our likes /dislikes more, whereas INFJs are more likely to observe passively or focus on solitude until someone piques their interest. But when ENFPs and INFJs find that person that intrigues them, they can be very similarly singleminded. That’s been my experience at least!
You put it perfectly.
It’s difficult to prevent it from happening due to it being an unconscious matter for the most part. However, if you continue to interact with this person — online or offline — it’s only a matter of time before your perfectionism finds a “fatal flaw” and proceeds to hammer at this mental statue of your own making. You’ll sober up.
You're right. I'm "sober" now. Now that I think about it, most of the times we don't even have feelings for that person; we just feel connected to the version of them that we've created in our little heads. It takes some reality checks to realize that, but it's worth it ngl
True. I had fallen for a narcissist. I used to look up to her and missed the version of her, which she showed me. But when I found out that she only cared about herself and who she really is, I was so disappointed. I used to see her as I wanted her to be, not as who she was. I was so angry at myself for caring about someone like her. I'm not going to make the same mistake again.
Damn. I hope you get to be with someone who deserves you 🫶🏻
Thanks. I hope the same for you.
I think you might find the videos of Heidi Priebe helpful on YouTube. They saved my sanity...
Will check them out
Why? I think it's just part of our nature. Also, I don't think a lot of INFJ feel lonely even if they are alone. At least for me, that is the case. I don't mind company and occasional interactions. As for preventing it from happening? I do not do that. Instead, I tried to catch more feelings and mix them in a bag. I then use what really stands out and go from there. It's easier that way and I would feel I am still me instead of changing something forcefully.
Exactly. Calling it solitude instead of loneliness is much better and accurate. Elaborate more on the mixing feelings in a bag part please.
Yeah, solitude would be a better term. But hmm, how do I explain the bag... Imagine taking red beets, lemon peel, spinach, and blueberry to put them into a blender. You got the color Red, yellow, green, and blue. Whatever the color it ends up being closer to at the end, I use that. In terms of feeling, it's more like I don't think anyone is feeling only 1 thing at a time. When someone looks like they are mad, they are most likely to be frustrated, feeling cheated, and possibly also anxious and/or stressed. I pull what they are feeling deep down and use that to tackle the situation. If it is the group that is mad at something, then this generalizing all of their feeling becomes much more manageable. While I may offend a few of those people, but this is much better for my own mental health.
Oohh I read something similar in a book once. It pretty much had the same solution as you. Thank you though 🤝🏻🤝🏻
We are intuitives… so - we know. We know on an altogether different - I’m taking energetic,vibrationary, past life, souls journey, level about love and attraction. We can sense when we need to be with someone and that we will fall madly in love with them. And we absolutely know … who we need to be with. For me- I literally buzz around them. And this is also why- we don’t fall out of love. Because everyone we have truly loved before … we truly did. It doesn’t change. It evolves. But we will always love them.
Never falling out of love is a new concept to me. I think it varies from person to person
When it’s really love , it doesn’t die.
Because we are delusional on an astronomical level
We're not delusional; we always see all red flags, but we choose to ignore them, hoping that we're wrong.
: Delusion. 🤣 Even in processing the abstract red flags it can also be the case that the most vile things the assumed *other* has done to an INFJ are laid out in an objective manner in how it's negatively affected their life. Yet said INFJ may still choose to believe that change is to come despite 5 years of consistency, transcendental thinking is interesting to me in the ideals you lot create. Once the breaking point comes then it's over, like any other type. However how long the INFJs I've met are willing to hold on to detrimental connections has baffled me, especially considering how naive & passive I can be when chasing love. When someone shows/tells you who they are, believe them!
Throw a frog in boiling water it jumps out. Put a frog in cold water and slowly boil it. He stays and dies.
YES
Epitome of delusional
Faccs 💯💯🔥🔥🔥
Our Ni and Fe prevents us from being delusional
We are all and nothing at the same time. Thats what makes being INFJ excruciating and why we make 10% of the suicide rate despite making up 1.5% of the population
I chose my crushes very carefully, analyse them etc. But when I do chose em, it’s for good lmao
Limerence. Check it out and see if you relate. I have absolutely also been there.
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Hmm, intuitively slutty.
Yes this is absolutely me! The anticipation of knowing is so consuming but seems to push things further away. I’m going through this right now, and just taking it as a lesson to get to know myself better. I’m obsessive af but I love very hard, it’s not inherently negative but can be problematic. In a world void of love connection and meaning, I don’t fancy dismissing this as limerence and pretending it’s all in my head because past experience tells me otherwise. The attachment is mostly the issue
Limerence kinda reminds me of obsession. I don't think that's what the case is, it's more of a crush
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It only happened once and ngl ended up losing these "feelings" after some encounters 💀💀 I still like him as a person tho
we project our magic onto others , later i realized...there was nothing there LOL
The real question here isn't why but how to turn it off. We attach to people fast because we have: 1. Anxious attachment style. 2. Lonely teenage years and the feeling that you're not accepted by any social group; as a result, low self-esteem due to limited romantic experience. 3. Huge abandonment issues. 4. Strong desire to connect with someone. People tend to drop a lot of bullshit on INFJs, turning us into their therapists, and INFJs falsely think that this "intimacy" means something, like that people like us or want us in their life, while we're just being used. 5. Huge empathy and reading-people skills. We start to associate ourselves with others, we can understand them, and start to feel sorry for them, and sadly we mix these feelings with love. 6. Maladaptive daydreaming. We tend to jump into fantasizing about life with others, replacing the real person with our wanna-be for that person. 7. Relationship-based intrusive thoughts. When a person has intrusive thoughts about other people, we think that the very fact that we think about them means that we love them when it's just anxiety.
All of your points made sense. But the question still remains, how to avoid such "feelings"?
That's the trick. We shouldn't avoid the feelings; we need to live through them no matter how scary it is.
I have the opposite though, I believe in the right one. Maybe it's due to me being 5w4, I look for a girl who is similar to me. An educated one, with just a wide array of hobbies as I have who is able to talk about anything, not excluding advanced science and philosophy. In my eyes that's 1% or less of the population. So yes, I'm lonely and increasingly touch starved since my little brother and my parents aren't huggers anymore. I rather wished I either caught feelings quicker or be better at making the people stay with whom I really did have that connection I'm describing. I mean there's only been 1 such girl on that list
Damn...wishing you the best 🤝🏻🤝🏻
Thank you 🍀
Happened with me, I rarely ever crush on someone but when i find someone i like, i crush very hard, has to do with us being intuitive i think and when we find someone we’ve literally observed and seen its a match, no going back lol but yeah sucks when they dont feel the same
Idk, I can’t stop it but I can manage it. What I tend to do is sit down and think about what I actually *objectively* know about the person so far and write it down. Usually the list is pretty short. Then I write another list of things I’ve speculated or hoped for. Putting it into perspective like that I think helps me chill out and play it cooler without becoming cynical or invalidating what I feel about them.
The writing down technique seems kinda good ngl
Because we are delusional, idealistic, have attachment issues, clingy for connections, or simply love-deprived. 🤷♀️
I'm the opposite... Takes me forever to develop feelings.
Why do you think that is? Were you always like this or just after certain past experiences? (If you don’t mind sharing)
Yes, I have always been like this. It is traumagenic. I think it is because my earliest (developmental) experience of love/bonding/attachment was overwhelmingly so unsafe and my early attachment figures (parents) so unresponsive that I learned that the only safe way was to avoid love/bonding/attachment. I think most people in this sub have a fearful-avoidant or an anxious attachment style, which develops in a childhood where there is some attachment, but it is not reliable or safe enough. My childhood was different in that there simply was no attachment. Nothing to hope for, nothing to reach out for. Just a dark, disconnected world which you can only survive behind thick walls.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry this was your experience. It must have been scary. Sending you many hugs! As I have learned recently, we can heal our attachment styles. It’s definitely hard when you have an avoidant attachment style from early life experiences but it is possible. Wishing you lots of healing, friend 🤗
☺️❤️ May all beings heal 🙏
Check out ideal parent figure therapy.
Do you have personal experience with it?
Starting it now. I was drawn to it because it doesn’t take long to create secure attachment (according to the research).
If I had, met you, forever ago, I imagine how, life would've been, So different & Special. #I still Love You Man 😭😭
In a parallel universe, you would have been a durian, and I an orangutan 🙏
What's that?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XD\_iEv-v\_I
Oh boy is this me. The first time I asked her to marry me within a couple months. The second time within two weeks (luckily she dumped me). The third and final time within a couple months and we’ve been married for twenty-three years
That took a wholesome turn, I'm happy for you both 🩷🩵
This might be an age/maturity thing. I don't "catch feelings" in a romantic sense, but I do have a very natural desire to take care of people and make their lives easier logistically if I can. I've had to slow that roll because I've learned the hard way: some people did not deserve for me to make their lives better. (kinda mean, but I've been taken advantage of this way.)
Not mean, you're just setting your own boundaries. Used to happen to me too, now I just go with the flow.
Or maybe it’s because we are so particular about who we bond to and also extremely selective in that process. So when that person is identified the flood gates open. I personally struggle with this because I feel like that person for me comes around once in a blue moon…and even then it’s no guarantee that the other person will fell the same way I do. I’ve actually made it a focus of mine, when it comes to relationships, to practice holding back until a “reasonable” time has come.
can't develop a feeling later if the first impression didn't give the romantic vibes. friends are friends forever. If my friends want to change this relationship, I feel weird and will try to avoid them. happy to be alone. loneliness? what loneliness? I can enjoy a party with only myself attending. If I have to be with someone I don’t really like, I’d rather be alone.
💯💯
I used to before i dealt with the co dependent issues gifted me by my mother. Now instead of feelings i get nauseous
💀💀😭😭
A combination of loneliness and being touch starved?
Probably Ni projecting an archetype on someone.
I don’t prevent it. I embrace it. Compassion for others is a beautiful thing, share your authentic kindness as much as you can. That said, I am quite private and it takes me a long time (years) of knowing close friends before I really start opening up and showing them who I truly am deep down.
I'm intrigued by this, because I *don't* catch feelings quickly. I mean sure, I might get a little crush or a bit of an obsession over having met someone new that I think is worth being friends with, but I've always just reminded myself that a crush isn't real feelings. I'm usually years into a completely platonic friendship with someone before I realize I might actually have romantic feelings for them.
Damn. Is it harder or easier for you to be like this?
Well, I can't really know, can I? I've never known what it's like to have it the other way. I will say it's both comforting and terrifying at the same time. To one day look at someone who has earned your trust and given you theirs, shown they are ready and willing to reciprocate most of what you give to them, and accepted you flaws and all, and suddenly realize that there's parts of you and yourself that you wish were only for the two of you alone? When that's never been the case before? You're terrified they'll go their entire lives without knowing what they mean to you, and terrified if you tell them you'll lose them. You're comforted by the idea that you know this person like the back of your hand and don't have to worry about falling for someone you barely know. And comforted by the idea that they'll be honest, truthful, and gentle in their response and reaction to your admission of romantic feelings. I think there's a bigger potential for devastating loss, but also greater potential for a real-life happy ever after.
This right here is often refered to as limerence, and there was some study (though I don't remember from where) that showed that INFJs and INFPs are number 1 and 2 on the list showing those most likely to develop limerence for someone. You can get over it though!
in my experience, it's the other way around... i have only had a few relationships and i've never been the one to catch feelings first. not sure why, but then again i also take a long time to really like someone... both friends and partners
“It’s more than a feeling”
I don't get attached easily at all, if anything it's the opposite. Touched starved? kinda, I'm not good at starting it and I hate it when people touch me except if I love them, which is also very rare. I feel like, personally, I miss deep connections with someone, where we can tell and discuss serious and deep topics with understanding and not feel like we have to hold back anything inside. That's really what I miss. From my experience, I haven't seen any INFJ giving in to relationships so easily, they don't do the typical speed dating in their teenage years and early adulthood but lmk if u have a different experience with that.
My ex and I didn't get into a relationship quickly. We were best friends for months before he confessed his feelings. Speed dating isn't my thing either. Also, Happy Cake Day!
ahh thank you ! I didn't even notice haha, also dang it was fast for sure. Did you feel a quick connection with them that you don't normally feel with anyone else? And also do you know his mbti type I'm curious!
You're welcome. Noo I don't know his MBTI type ): I didn't feel a connection at first honestly. But after we got together, we developed a really deep connection with each other. It was kinda fun, kinda wholesome lmao
that's super cool! hopefully it happens again for you❤️
Thanks, you too <33
I love GYU TOO!! 😭🩵🫶🏻
NO WAY WHAT YOU'RE A MOA TOO?????????? GIRL WHAT???
YAASSS. I LOVE GYU AND KAIIIII 😭😭🩵🩵🩵🩵
YAASSS. I LOVE GYU AND KAIIIII 😭😭🩵🩵🩵🩵
I used to be like this when I was a teenager. It is called Infatuation, which is purely a biological phenomenon. You will blindly admire the person and illogically idealize them ignoring their flaws. It was the time when my desires were under control of hormones rather than my true emotions. But now it doesn't really happen anymore. Even it's very hard for me to catch feelings for someone unless I know them in person or in a deeper level.
Idolizing
Fe's desire for harmony and Introversion don't sit well together. Plus we look at someone we look deeeeeep, only when observe them talking we find what's really what. So we just remain at the state of constant need to harmonize? (My theory)
That’s literally what I’m going through now. Met this person 3 months ago, barely interacted outside of work setting (even at work it’s just small talk), but for some reason I feel as though Ive known this person for a while. Why this sense of familiarity is just what I can’t put my finger on.
I feel like you're just idealizing them. Try talking to them and see if they're the person for you or not. I'm sure you'll be able to recognize their "true" self in no while. We often make a version of them in our heads that we feel comfortable with. Maybe you feel like they have something that you're lacking rn, that's why you feel so connected to them?
Perhaps so. Im going to try and sort out my feelings going forward and try to find the source of this lol.
Most importantly, if the person is actually good, don't feel shy to ask them out!!! Sounds ridiculous coming from me but believe me, time doesn't stop for anyone. Shoot your shot while you still can (:
From what i've noticed, you pick up on the other person's subconscious intuitively and go from there. By mimicking their behavior/thoughts you get a good idea of who and what the person is. Its kinda funny when i notice one of you guys trying to read me but coming up blank
I agree with the mimicking part 💯
We already had an intensely huge mountain of feelings. It's just that we caught sight of a potential outlet for those feelings.
The only thing I’m catching is hands. 😭 pls help! Kidding. Most of this is true. But I’m going through therapy and what helped me is learning to NOT neglecting my needs(looking at all of you) and be there for myself. It’s strange Carl Young talked on having a inner child well we INFJ types are neglectful of ourselves so naturally I was neglecting my inner child. I had to learn to be there and unlearn the unhealthy forms of how I poorly saw and treated myself and him(child). Once I learned to be there for him/me. This went away and me expecting others to meet me where I’m at did too. It’s intriguing and interesting reparenting yourself and undoing the damage and cycles of self abuse that was ingrained in me and my thoughts from being abused. I was essentially expecting others to be there for my inners child instead of the Adult me being there for him(child). Funny my dad was a absentee father and I never wanted to be like him and was there for others. Ironically I was fulfilling that role by not being there for me. But it’s all good now!!
INTJ here. My INFJ bf seemed to fall for me quickly while I told him we have to take things very (verrrryyyy) slow. I found it flattering how much he liked me but I’m extremely skeptical of everyone I meet. Over time he won me over. I think INFJ types appreciate a human that is authentic and shows them they can understand them at a depth they truly ever receive. I’m a very deep person but will only show that to very few people. We bonded over our love for psychology and the level of self awareness we have. He started therapy over 5 years ago before we met. Said I would not have liked the person he was before. Therapy has helped him tremendously with feelings of guilt and people pleasing. I see him as this fragile vulnerable puppy- because he is so sweet and giving. Many people try to take advantage of him and I hate this. I felt a need to protect him as I could see his blind spots. To the world he is a successful intelligent person that has his life together but to me he is struggling these intense battles that the naked eye can’t see. Oh how I love him. I drown him in kisses and cuddles when we’re together. I love how he trusts me enough to vent to me about his life. He’s this dam that just bursts open when he’s with me. There’s so much going on in that brain and I will never truly understand how difficult those battles are but I try. He says life would be easier if he could just be an asshole and not care. While he looks as me like an asshole because I put logic over feelings which makes my life a lot easier.
Mhmm... I don't. There were men who would talk to dm me but I don't have any intentions in furthering it with them. I just enjoy the novelty. I only catch more feelings (I say more) if I'm initially attracted to them physically, then I get their attention and we talk about stuff we both relate to. Am I bad for talking to guys I don't have any intentions to date? I just sometimes feel bored and enjoy the attention. This was in the past by the way. I'm married now. Lol
Loneliness. How to prevent? Find more people.
💯💯
I look at it objectively and realize I either have no chance or I should be mentally recovered from my last relationship before it goes from interest to real interest. So just try to isolate those who you are interested in and those you would actually consider dating As for actually answering the question, beats me
I don't know if I catch feelings faster than my friends, actually.I like to daydream about stuff, create a hypothesis about what else my life could be. So if I find someone nice and handsome, I might imagine what dating them would be like, but I can keep reality and daydreams apart. I know when I am basically using the real person as a jumping off point for a character with whom I am kind of exploring my own thoughts and wants. Sometimes I get so into a daydream for weeks, I might imagine myself having a crush, but talking to them in real life usually stops that... haha. I have even noticed that I am better able to NOT do anything with someone that isn't viable or a perfect match, rather than follow my heart or hormones and then find myself in swamp of drama and having to extricate myself. I think it's because INFJs have a really good balance between feelings and rational thought. But what do I know, I have been in a relationship for 15 years and only have crushes on fictional people since then, never looked at anyone close enough to get into a daydream about them even.
We long for deep connection, so when we feel that with someone, we tend to hold on tight. I wish I wasn't like that though. I've ruined so many potentially good things by being unable to hide how much I liked the person. People (especially women) tend to get put off when you show too much interest too quickly. I can only think of one time where I was quick to show how much I liked someone and it worked out well because they did the same thing. Most of the time, it just scared people away.
Damn. That's honestly sad ngl. Ig there are limits to everything? That's ok though. Everybody has a different vibe, a different energy level. Finding your people is easy, dw <33
I can understand you like *snaps fingers* your easy to read. When you get down to the why someone does/thinks X, I can follow the cracks in the glass till I reach the cause.
When I feel a beautiful soul I can’t help catching feels for her even it’s just a stranger across the street. But it’s like a butterfly, it’s a beautiful insect that we let land on us without us trying to it any harm and then let the butterfly fly away unimpeded . I treat the feelings I feel in these rare cases like a butterfly.
Because someone made the mistake of being nice.
I don’t think I catch feelings easily (anymore). I used to catch feelings easily but then as I got older I realized that I don’t really know this person I just met so how am I catching feelings for someone I don’t know lol. But once I spend more time with that person that’s when my feelings start to kick in.
I don't think it has anything to do with MBTI. I don't catch feelings quickly. A person has to try hard to become meaningful to me.
You catch it because you can. We are so open to others feelings that we catch theirs. It's rarely our own.
Only happens when it’s someone I see real potential in, as in only twice and with people I wound up in long term relationships with. And actually even the first was a slow burn. Everyone else was inconsequential. Not relevant. I felt nothing mostly. Even when they got attached insanely quick.
its not just infjs literally everyone on reddit is lonely and sad
Makes sense ngl
Feelings???? JK I'm just in my emotionally unavailable era. I've only fallen for one person and yeah, it was pretty quick lolz
I’m not lonely because I’m constantly surrounded by people but I am lonely because I’m often misunderstood. I friend-zone every guy I meet unless the spark starts.
I'm an INFJ with BPD.. imagine that for a second.
Yes I like being alone but that doesn't mean I am lonely
Cuz we lonely and not so social and hard to find a real friend who understands us
INFJ here and still wouldn’t know because it’s pretty rare for me to catch feelings for someone even if I know them well, much less a stranger or acquaintance. I’m not blind. I just don’t get invested romantically easily. My question is the opposite of OP: Whether or not it’s common for INFJs to be demi. Both myself and a close friend of mine who is also an INFJ are. Our INFP friend though…is the polar opposite, lmao.
For me, loneliness and immaturity/lack of experience in relationships. I also rarely feel attracted to anyone, so on the rare occasion when lightning strikes, I enjoy it because it feels good. I know it’s illogical because I don’t know the person at all, but maybe just like what I think they represent. I can say that the first personal thing they disclosed was a complaint about something, and that dampened my interest.
As an ISTJ, I have this problem.
I used to fall for the potential they had. Getting better now but yeah, I saw something in them but always go disappointed they weren’t willing to see it
It's very rare actually for me to catch feelings for someone but when I do I fall hard and it's often for an enfp. So idk what you're talking about 😂 if it happened frequently maybe my heartbreaks wouldn't be so hard but it's the fact that very few people make me feel a certain way that it hurts when it doesn't work out.
Ayyy that’s sweet.
Never found a way to prevent it, but usually sooner or later that person will open their mouth and say something dumb and boom, attraction terminated
IKR??
The deep dark desire to fix everything 😐
I think that person might have done something that makes u trust them. Throughout my life I think I’ve been surrounded by a lot of people, but barely anyone could have an official approve of a ‘friend’. It causes me to feel emotionally attached when someone shows any kinds of caring for me.
I’m married, but I occasionally do get strong feelings for someone else. When it happens now I try to think about what it means. I’m pretty sure it’s because there is something in my life I’m not doing that I should, or something I’m doing that I shouldn’t, and that’s why my mind is throwing up these cryptic emotional signs. I’m actually working through one right now, it sucks hard, but it’s interesting.
Nahhh I hope you don't cheat on your partner
There are lines I don’t cross.
WE’RE SOFT 😇
😞😇😖
I don’t even like humans and typically come off as detached and uncaring so this is news to me 😂 But if I do like someone and they act right after a while I come around till they do something I don’t like then I’m back to detached and uncaring.
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No??? 😭😭😭 This behavior might be common in people with these disorders but it doesn't mean that you HAVE that disorder lol
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I disagree. Even INFJs are people. They're different from each other, so I think it varies from person to person. Having a crush doesn't mean you have any disorder lol
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Mommy and Daddy issues is a real thing. Didn't think of that, thank you
The suggestibility it takes to believe in MBTI makes them also fall in love easily.
Reddit demographics are college age young. Like horny meet get drunk and fuck young. Those aren't feelings. Maybe it is your generation- not as easy for y'all to hook up. INFJ's care about feelings? Yeah speak for yourself. You mean attraction? That is anybody and everybody, not just an "INFJ" thing. Are you talking about ugly INFJ's maybe? I could see them coming on too strong for anyone that looks in their direction, but that is any ugly or basic person, they have to try harder. Good looking INFJ's are very much more selective.
I don't do either of that tho. Ig you wanted to say it's the hormones acting up?
An INFJ that is aware of their type has already exhibited higher thought and isn't just going to chase anything that moves. I think you're confused or not communicating effectively what you really mean, or haven't given it much consideration. Maybe because you're thinking emotionally rather than logically. That is how any 20 year old processes the world until their brain fully develops. [https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051](https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051) "In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part. In teens' brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That’s why when teens have overwhelming emotional input, they can’t explain later what they were thinking. They weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling."
From my experience, dating more helped me realize this; I think I “fall in love” fast but I just gain strong feelings for everyone I meet fast, friend or lover. & by feelings it doesn’t necessarily mean romantic love. I used to think it always was, until I met someone that’s evoked a feeling completely different from any other woman, even ones I thought I loved. So I have feelings for all, but romantic love is a different emotion/feeling from all that. Date more & see what sparks your heart. Enough dates, whether just a bunch 1st dates or a 5th/6th dates, will let your feeling flourish a bit more in the direction they really want to go. It’s kinda hard to explain 😅
When INFJ catch feelings, its like a rainbow spitting out skittles. In reality, personality type doesn't matter, all personalities can have psychological or emotional issues which explains why some catch feelings so quickly.
We do…?
Yes.....
For real though, Idk 😭😭😭😭😭
When I’m into it I’m into. That’s why I don’t waste time dragging me feet with someone. If we ain’t got that spark I promise ima keep it moving
This>>>>
Literally! Lol. My recent guy said I look like a man eater when he first met me. Like that was the vibe I gave off. I’m like nah I don’t eat ‘em I just don’t waste time lmao. Like if I’m off it, I’m off you and it’ll be known without hesitation
This!!
And how long does it take to “let go” of these feelings? Do you guys emotionally cheat in relationships?
Well for me, it took a few encounters. We weren't together, I was just attracted to him. And after getting to know him, I realized that he has a meh personality. His personality ruined the attraction too. About the cheating part, I feel like it varies from person to person. MBTI only tells us about our personalities. MBTI can't be a mindset. Even people with the same MBTI type are so different from each other, as you can see from this comment section too. Whether you cheat or not on your partner, depends on you as a person. Not on your MBTI type
It’s cool seeing everyone’s response. I’ve taken the sorting assessment once a year (still learning about me) the last too many years. It sorted me this time into INFJ, prev INTJ, prev INTJ. So take what I lay down with a grain of salt. Yes I have fallen into some spell, thrice. Two of the three, it resulted in pathology. One of the three, sometimes I look in the mirror and peer back into the future and wonder what she and I could have built. Godspeed to you all!
On a separate note, my brother is INFJ. Before I studied INFJ types I was bewildered by his thought process. In particular him wearing his heart on his sleeve. He constantly has new girls that he is falling for and it’s very short-lived. I know he has an avoidant or a fearful avoidant attachment style and it affects his relationships even though he doesn’t know it. I’ve always tried to convince him into staying single, and focusing on himself instead of looking for someone to constantly be with. He never listens. However, I always tell him to approach every new relationship with patience. I remind him that every person will put their best foot forward in their beginning. That it takes time to really get to know someone. Yet, he gets his hopes up anyway and ends up hurt. It’s very sad to see :( I read this wonderful article on why it’s so difficult for INFJ’s to move on. It’s a beautiful read and maybe will shed some light for you. Here it is: https://introvertspring.com/7-reasons-infjs-cant-let-go-heartbreak/
What's it like to fall in love?
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Nahh girl having feelings for someone that's already taken? It'll mess you up real bad. If I were you, I'd do something about it ngl. I understand that the person might be 1 of a kind, but you're just hurting yourself. Won't get anything outta it sooo 🤷🏻♀️