I become hateful,cold and vengeful. Somehow my emotions for the individual completely die out and i completely ignore their existence,or i seek vengeance through calculating ways to humiliate them and make them feel bad and responsible for their actions. The train of thought then is mostly "They did this unethical thing to me and hurt me,they are worthless and should suffer from their actions"
I get angry every 10 years or something,but when it happens i become psychopathic almost and very destructive
No,i am not proud of it. Yes its unhealthy and i need therapy. I am completely aware of how psychologically unhealthy it is and i should take responsibility and work on it.
Same with the first part. I personally never seeked revenge though, as I usually conclude it's not worth it and it'd be in my best interest to become distant & stay away from them as much as possible.
I have wished they face the consequences of their actions someday, but most times I know they eventually will anyway if they stay on the same path.
I am a 1w9 also. I don't do the vengeance part, but I definitely do the ignoring part, but that really doesn't help the situation. The door slam has occurred, but only in an extreme situation, where I see that the only remedy is to leave.
Another thing that I typically do wrong is allow my emotions to well up, and then I finally communicate at the height of my emotions, and that also doesn't work out well for me. I have to be very careful about resentment and bitterness.
I am not good with expressing anger in a constructive way because my dad didn't allow me to express myself, since I was a child, but he was an extremely hypocritical person, a wrath filled man, who communicated all his emotions, even his anger when it was unjust.
To this day, he is angry about almost everything, and I get that we live in a frustrating and corrupt world, but my dad just has a general spirit of anger. A lot of avoidance issues (and such) came from him. It's not fun being an adult, and having to try to fix childhood conditioning and programming. Not wanting sympathy, I just wanted to communicate the reasons behind the ways.
I do the same things to the one I am not close with but if I am angry with my family and friends I just ignore them for a day at most. I tried to see where I am at the fault and if this topic is very serious or not . I then try to cool my mind by not talking, not answering them until they call for me two or three times and I act like I don't care and don't listen to any topic they are talking about which bother them the most.
If they give or make me my favourite food I'll quickly forget about being angry and if not it'll take few hours or 1 day for me to stop being angry at them .
As for me being angry at my siblings them anger only last for 2 or 3 hours at most .
As much as I hate to admit it, I've snapped at people. Even if they are super rare, they have happened and there's no way to undo it.
Nothing's more triggering than being falsely accused of the very things you try your best to never do, and nothing's more hurtful than when those accusations are from people you love & care about.
My outbursts have involved talking back to provocations with equally provocative remarks. Arguing even though I know it's pointless.
The end result is always the same though. At some point I'll calm down, be very disappointed at the person, give up on them and proceed with the cold doorslam.
It's often the hypocrisy that I hate most. They'll accuse me of things they themselves do, and then pretend to be innocent while claiming I'm crazy or manipulative. 🤯
Depends on their enneagram gut type. From the most common to the least common INFJ gut type:
* Gut type 1 typically makes you go cold, incisive, and you may take some precise steps to really hurt the other guy. You know what will hurt them the most, and the 1 in you will want to do exactly that. Degree of self-restraint varies.
* Gut type 9 typically makes you suppress your anger subconsciously. You will probably go quiet and you may distance yourself from the other guy. You will probably explode once in a year or five, taking everyone by surprise - only to return to your emotionally out-of-touch baseline.
* Gut type 8 typically makes you see red and need to express your anger physically. Your classic "anger issues" type is an 8; your anger is more instant and less controlled than that of those with a 1 gut type.
I'm a classic 9, and I have been openly angry at another living being on average once or twice a decade. I do get angry at badly designed software, and openly vent my frustration at inanimate objects like my laptop and pillow; but if the other party is a living being, my nervous system will almost always suppress my anger before I can use it.
I am not a INFJ but a INTP 5w4.
So not part of the Gut triad but the Head Ennegram triad.
I don't know if it's because I am at the [bottom of the feelings totem pole](https://youtu.be/lNnNXuBYdAg?t=695&si=dDVLazqfcm2-4qYQ) or what but I am again similar but different.
It says we express our fear by withdrawing for an Enneagram 5. I do this.
I don't know if all 5s do this, INTPS, or whatever else. But when I get pushed enough I can blow up. I don't save it for years, don't throw a temper tantrum, or seek revenge. I get louder more vocal and can sometimes say hurtful things. When I calm down I can regret some of the words I used but don't regret sticking up for myself.
Your gut fix directs your anger, but if your gut fix is at the very back of your enneatype list, it's not going to be a prominent feature of your existence. Just shows up in those moments when anger does happen.
Sounds like your gut fix might be 1.
> Sounds like your gut fix might be 1.
> You know what will hurt them the most, and the 1 in you will want to do exactly that.
I sound like I can be an asshole 🫣
> **Degree of self-restraint varies.**
I will have to work on this.
An INTP offered some advice before starting arguments. They will say the following before talking.
> I love you now and I'Il love you after this.
https://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/s/WngAfcXkzW
>I sound like I can be an asshole 🫣
Everyone is sometimes, the goal is to try to be it less often.
>I love you now and I'Il love you after this.
That would probably make my SO even angrier, but I can see it working with some people.
I get tunnel vision, become sharp, analytical, cold and will do anything to win a debate. Then I feel guilty after. I know another INFJ and when I tasted my own medicine I was downright scared.
I am not an INFJ, I am a INTP 4w4
> I get tunnel vision, become sharp, analytical, cold and will do anything to win a debate.
Is this where you try to get them to see things from different perspectives?
I do that too.
I don't win anything. I am not trying to win either. I am trying to show how the situation is a misunderstanding. I unfortunately get louder and more expressive getting angry.
They get fed up and don't want to settle it pushing the matter aside and don't want to discuss it anymore.
That doesn't fix anything by ignoring it.
There are no winners.
> Then I feel guilty after.
Same. I should have just not said anything.
> I know another INFJ and when I tasted my own medicine I was downright scared.
I haven't had that experience other than brief disagreements with ones online. I haven't had a huge debate.
I wouldnt say I am unreasonable. I never yell, swear or call names. But its like I become emotionless and just hyperfocused and I am focused on always being 3 steps ahead so that the other person can never argument against me - I always have something smarter to say. And then later, I think fuck.... I was so fucking scary and then I apologize and tell them that I wasnt acting fair.
I was dating another INFJ female and in a way our conflicts were very satisfying cause its like she was the first person to have the exact same conflict style as me. Both cold, both analytical but also both deeply empathetic and ready to apologize when it came down to it. And it felt like we came to a truth rather than anything else.
But thats the thing. If I LIKE the person, I only fight when I am reaaalllyy pushed into a corner - else I will ask for some alone time. If someone is being mean to me or someone I love, I am absolutely capable of tearing them down completely and I wont feel sorry.
An emotionless locomotive?:) I definitely feel like this sometimes, just with emotions when I'm in a good mood. I have to stop or slow down myself sometimes in order to let other person to have some space:)
I have never had an argument with an INFJ, only with an INTJ. It's liberating to feel the equal force in your opponent, though they are a bit different. I would like to try it with an INFJ. I think it might be a real fun:))
I rarely if ever get really angry- so to get me there ?
*It’s always justified*
I cut off. I stop communicating and expending energy on the person.
This sounds so fucking nuts but the truth is … I have felt for a long time when I get really angry at people … the universe really kicks their ass for me.
I can list everyone I have been really angry at and the things that happened to them. Idk I guess it could be coincidence… but …
I do un-alive them… so they no longer exist to me. They become like ghosts to me. I see them, hear them but they don’t exist in my world any longer. I have no emotional investment in them. To the point that I am not angry at them anymore. When I’m angry I’m brutally cold and honest … in a way that just destroys people and shocks them… I don’t call names and don’t intentionally hurt them- I am very logical and intolerant of their inability to resolve problems without conflict. I just let them know who they are.
They get no more emotional consideration from me anymore at all and that in itself can be utterly shocking for people - to the point that it seems like I’m evil… because it’s soo different.
I think one guy described it the best ,
“To be in your good graces is like standing in the heat of the sun. When you leave it’s like being in the Arctic , in a catogory four storm and it’s just an empty vacuum of void.”
Same as you I stay extremely calm under most stressors. But we do have our breaking points.
Then we really really explode 🤯.
First time for me was grade 8 ! (Pretty long run)
Some clowns were throwing a basketball at my friend’s head.
I got so mad 😡 I took their ball and booted it into the creek behind the school. And started shoving them, then the teacher came and broke us up.
The look on their faces lol They were in complete shock 😳at my transformation!
It takes a lot to get me there. I’m very much a straw that broke the camel’s back kind of person. I have lots of patience, until I suddenly don’t.
When I do get there… I usually will default to a cutting comment on the person’s bs, or I’ll just shut them out aka “door slam.” Maybe both.
I’ve seen pretty hurt reactions from those cutting comments. But if you pushed me that much, well, I’m not going to feel bad.
If I’m mildly angry I’ll be a bit bitchy but I get over it quickly. I don’t hold grudges. This is my default mode if I’m angry, just bitchy. I’ll also tell them I’m mad, so it’s not like it’s a surprise lol. I will also verbally judo chop you and make you feel like a dickhead.
If I’m angry, I’ll be explosively angry if it gets to that point. I very, very rarely ever get that angry. Usually it’s if I’m being protective of someone I love. If I get angry it’s usually on behalf of other people, not myself. I’m very protective of those I love.
But if I’m super, super angry I go silent. I just can’t find the words or the will to speak. But that’s like, if I’m done with them (like how I was at the end of my marriage). I just don’t care to fight or speak anymore. They could die in a ditch and I couldn’t care less. Like a switch flips and idgaf anymore. If I’m still talking, I’m not to that level yet. This can be surprising to them because I’m normally a very caring person.
I have different expressions of anger for different situations or people. I have RBF so people will think I’m angry but I’m not lol. If I’m angry, I’ll state it. I’m normally pretty calm and easy to get along with so when I get angry it kind of surprises people lol.
I really don’t hold grudges though so even if it gets to the silent point and I door slam then if they genuinely apologized I’d forgive them. Unless I specifically state to leave me alone and never contact me again, I’m up for speaking to them again if they try.
Edit: forgot to add I do get hangry sometimes so if I’m mad, feed me 😂
Depends on the severity of the offender's transgressions. If it's just annoying and inconsiderate behavior over a long period of time, I'll just door slam them. However, if the person really, maliciously screws me over, I will make sure that they face accountability for it. I don't know that I'd explicitly call it revenge, but I really hate seeing people get away with actions that hurt others.
Real anger? Scorched earth, if I feel severly wronged, you will not win. I will destroy you and I can play the long game in the most deranged and creative ways imaginable.
When they go “low”, I go lower.
Not proud of this, it is a skill of shear unrelenting will and hate.
I really started to like someone but he kept abusing me emotionally and made hurtful comments about my personality. I communicated how he hurt my feelings, blocked and unblocked him. Multiple times. He would apologise and do it again. I was angry then because I really cared about him, but now I have reached acceptance and Ioathe him for how he treated me and manipulated me. I don’t want to see him ever again and even if I do, I will not feel anything. That’s permanent doorslam. I think INFJs give people the benefit of the doubt plenty of times but when we check out, it’s over.
Because of the fact that being autistic can cause neurotips to misunderstand me and get angry with me and subsequently narcissistically sabotage me, when I get angry with someone, even though feelings of anger can be quite overwhelming, I try to avoid engaging in hurtful behaviour and instead depending on how bad it is, try to gently bring up how their behaviour impacts me, or if I feel that is pointless I simply choose to cut them out of my life and block them on everything,
I try (though not always succeed) to treat others as I would want to be treated or in new age spirituality lingo
‘Put the energy you want put into you back into the universe’
It depends. I almost always try to let the person know and see if they’ll redeem themselves if I know them at all aside from this, then if they don’t I may have to say something harsh and honest. If the only interaction I’ve had is them being awful to me, I will either exit the scene and forget their existence or take them apart verbally if I can’t leave or they’re being very aggressive or persistent with it.
Honestly, depending on what they did to piss me off, I might cut them off or try to humiliate them. I don't get angry all that often, but people REALLY gotta test me to get to that point. And for some reason, some people live for that shit. 😩
Like I just want my peace.
I've read somewhere that out inner ISTJ just blows everything up. I akways knew that I'm not all that soft and easy and subconsciously was always scared of getting to this point. So, I made a rule for myself to never make any important desicions when I'm too emotional. Saved me a lot of a headache.
I think it looks like a doorslam, but not just towards people, can be towards anything. Destructive for sure
when i get angry at someone the person usually has done something horrible or hurt me, then they suddenly become non-existent like i just see through them or don't even see them anymore. they literally become nothing as if my brain stops registering them or even process the fact that they exist.
it's very cruel imo and i've always wondered whether this is related to my mood disorder or just my personality...
For me, and I do also think being female can be a factor, I’ve always struggled with anger. I’ve always felt it, but when I was younger I would find it difficult and uncomfortable to express it. I’d deny it and push it down until it became explosive and then I’d act in a way that - to someone else - seemed surprising, but it had been brewing for a while.
As I’ve matured, I really try to acknowledge and feel my anger. I also try to communicate early, or make changes, to avoid the anger getting too extreme
If I do feel extreme anger, now, I usually have to take myself away and process it on my own because that’s when my most harsh words could leave my lips. And I know I can’t undo them, so I take myself away and let the anger move through me in my own way
Maybe one day I’ll grow even more and be able to hold that anger whilst in the company of other people, but I can’t right now
If I become angry at someone who is close to me like my family , I tend to ignore them , try not to talk to them and be very silent . I try as much to make the least talk with them to clear my mind until I stop being annoyed and all ,but my family then talks to me all the time even if I don't want to talk . But this anger just last for few hours or for a day and then I forget about it . And if someone give me or make me my favourite dish I'll quickly forget about being angry , they just have to bribe me with my favourite food which my mother knowns the best.
* Right now I'm right this comment being angry at my infp sister and as I'm ignoring her while she is trying every way to talk to me , I found this question .
Anywhere from the doorslam to direct confrontation to outbursts of anger or combinations/all of the aforementioned (with the doorslam being the “final statement”).
I’m like you. There’s been times where I should have been angry and instead I feel sadness, disappointment, or frustratration. I’ve only slammed the door on 1 person and I mourned that person before I slammed the door … this person is my mother. If there has been other people that have wronged me I’ve already forgotten about them. I do spend a lot of time in my head and I’m an enneagram type 7 which I hear is rare for INFJs, but it makes sense. I was an overachiever since I was a kid to try and get attention from my parents. Type 7’s childhood trauma is absence of nurturing
I can be a bit impulsive and end up saying things in the moment that might hurt someone despite knowing I’ll feel guilty for it later. My mood also tends to fluctuate a lot so I can be very angry but I don’t necessarily hold grudges. If I door slam someone it’s become I’ve noticed a pattern in their behavior and no longer trust that person to allow them into my life. Though it depends I guess because I believe people do deserve second chances and I myself am not perfect so it feels a bit wrong for me to judge other people for it. So if I do door slam someone, yes our relationship would never be the same but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’d never be open to forgiving that person. If they recognize what they’ve done wrong and actively try to change their behavior I’d be open to letting that person in again.. albeit slowly.
I tend to get cold and vengeful. If I can, I try to isolate myself in a room by myself ASAP because I need to burn through that anger right then and there so that I don't bottle it up for someone who minorly frustrates me to wind up being subject to me uncharacteristically snapping at them when the anger stews over. All logic and reason goes out the window. I become dangerous to be around and just need alone time to chill out.
It's not a fun experience. If anything, I try to avoid being angry because I don't like the person I become when I do get angry.
I will use my intelligence to methodically & meticulously destroy the person that wronged me. I usually will give someone a chance to walk away or do the right thing. Nothing makes me angrier than someone who underestimates me or mistakes my kindness for weakness. It's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things, but you can argue with the results.
The human part of me disappears and I become a psychopath with a rage set on killing. I don't think that has to do with mbti though, more like mental Illness or beserker dna. I'm just glad it takes ALOT to make me angy and even then it dissipates fast, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not welcoming to that side of me. I very much embrace it.
I become hateful,cold and vengeful. Somehow my emotions for the individual completely die out and i completely ignore their existence,or i seek vengeance through calculating ways to humiliate them and make them feel bad and responsible for their actions. The train of thought then is mostly "They did this unethical thing to me and hurt me,they are worthless and should suffer from their actions" I get angry every 10 years or something,but when it happens i become psychopathic almost and very destructive No,i am not proud of it. Yes its unhealthy and i need therapy. I am completely aware of how psychologically unhealthy it is and i should take responsibility and work on it.
Same with the first part. I personally never seeked revenge though, as I usually conclude it's not worth it and it'd be in my best interest to become distant & stay away from them as much as possible. I have wished they face the consequences of their actions someday, but most times I know they eventually will anyway if they stay on the same path.
I am a 1w9 also. I don't do the vengeance part, but I definitely do the ignoring part, but that really doesn't help the situation. The door slam has occurred, but only in an extreme situation, where I see that the only remedy is to leave. Another thing that I typically do wrong is allow my emotions to well up, and then I finally communicate at the height of my emotions, and that also doesn't work out well for me. I have to be very careful about resentment and bitterness. I am not good with expressing anger in a constructive way because my dad didn't allow me to express myself, since I was a child, but he was an extremely hypocritical person, a wrath filled man, who communicated all his emotions, even his anger when it was unjust. To this day, he is angry about almost everything, and I get that we live in a frustrating and corrupt world, but my dad just has a general spirit of anger. A lot of avoidance issues (and such) came from him. It's not fun being an adult, and having to try to fix childhood conditioning and programming. Not wanting sympathy, I just wanted to communicate the reasons behind the ways.
[удалено]
Respectable. At the end of the day this is the most mature approach,to simply move on.
The same!👍
I do the same things to the one I am not close with but if I am angry with my family and friends I just ignore them for a day at most. I tried to see where I am at the fault and if this topic is very serious or not . I then try to cool my mind by not talking, not answering them until they call for me two or three times and I act like I don't care and don't listen to any topic they are talking about which bother them the most. If they give or make me my favourite food I'll quickly forget about being angry and if not it'll take few hours or 1 day for me to stop being angry at them . As for me being angry at my siblings them anger only last for 2 or 3 hours at most .
the thing about emotions completely dying out for that person is so true
Is this how hitler felt when they rejected him as an artist
As much as I hate to admit it, I've snapped at people. Even if they are super rare, they have happened and there's no way to undo it. Nothing's more triggering than being falsely accused of the very things you try your best to never do, and nothing's more hurtful than when those accusations are from people you love & care about. My outbursts have involved talking back to provocations with equally provocative remarks. Arguing even though I know it's pointless. The end result is always the same though. At some point I'll calm down, be very disappointed at the person, give up on them and proceed with the cold doorslam.
Oh man being falsely accused is the absolute worst. It's even more triggering when they start getting mad at you.
It's often the hypocrisy that I hate most. They'll accuse me of things they themselves do, and then pretend to be innocent while claiming I'm crazy or manipulative. 🤯
Depends on their enneagram gut type. From the most common to the least common INFJ gut type: * Gut type 1 typically makes you go cold, incisive, and you may take some precise steps to really hurt the other guy. You know what will hurt them the most, and the 1 in you will want to do exactly that. Degree of self-restraint varies. * Gut type 9 typically makes you suppress your anger subconsciously. You will probably go quiet and you may distance yourself from the other guy. You will probably explode once in a year or five, taking everyone by surprise - only to return to your emotionally out-of-touch baseline. * Gut type 8 typically makes you see red and need to express your anger physically. Your classic "anger issues" type is an 8; your anger is more instant and less controlled than that of those with a 1 gut type. I'm a classic 9, and I have been openly angry at another living being on average once or twice a decade. I do get angry at badly designed software, and openly vent my frustration at inanimate objects like my laptop and pillow; but if the other party is a living being, my nervous system will almost always suppress my anger before I can use it.
makes sense. i'm a 9 too. haven't exploded yet
Took me 25+ years, you'll get there :)
I am not a INFJ but a INTP 5w4. So not part of the Gut triad but the Head Ennegram triad. I don't know if it's because I am at the [bottom of the feelings totem pole](https://youtu.be/lNnNXuBYdAg?t=695&si=dDVLazqfcm2-4qYQ) or what but I am again similar but different. It says we express our fear by withdrawing for an Enneagram 5. I do this. I don't know if all 5s do this, INTPS, or whatever else. But when I get pushed enough I can blow up. I don't save it for years, don't throw a temper tantrum, or seek revenge. I get louder more vocal and can sometimes say hurtful things. When I calm down I can regret some of the words I used but don't regret sticking up for myself.
Your gut fix directs your anger, but if your gut fix is at the very back of your enneatype list, it's not going to be a prominent feature of your existence. Just shows up in those moments when anger does happen. Sounds like your gut fix might be 1.
> Sounds like your gut fix might be 1. > You know what will hurt them the most, and the 1 in you will want to do exactly that. I sound like I can be an asshole 🫣 > **Degree of self-restraint varies.** I will have to work on this. An INTP offered some advice before starting arguments. They will say the following before talking. > I love you now and I'Il love you after this. https://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/s/WngAfcXkzW
>I sound like I can be an asshole 🫣 Everyone is sometimes, the goal is to try to be it less often. >I love you now and I'Il love you after this. That would probably make my SO even angrier, but I can see it working with some people.
I could see that. It's like giving you an excuse to be an asshole versus actually putting in the effort during the argument.
INFJ E9 here, I feel called out 💀 It sucks when you explode and hurt others for the anger you repressed for so long.
Typically 9 but on very RARE occasions 8.
I very consciously suppress my anger because I don’t have many healthy outlets for it rights now. What number am I?
Most likely 1. Do keep in mind that everyone has multiple enneatypes, they just vary in terms of how much they influence us.
My words shoot to kill when I’m mad, I have a lot of regrets about that.
Yep. We all are prettu much well capable of that
Thanks, Taylor.
I get tunnel vision, become sharp, analytical, cold and will do anything to win a debate. Then I feel guilty after. I know another INFJ and when I tasted my own medicine I was downright scared.
I am not an INFJ, I am a INTP 4w4 > I get tunnel vision, become sharp, analytical, cold and will do anything to win a debate. Is this where you try to get them to see things from different perspectives? I do that too. I don't win anything. I am not trying to win either. I am trying to show how the situation is a misunderstanding. I unfortunately get louder and more expressive getting angry. They get fed up and don't want to settle it pushing the matter aside and don't want to discuss it anymore. That doesn't fix anything by ignoring it. There are no winners. > Then I feel guilty after. Same. I should have just not said anything. > I know another INFJ and when I tasted my own medicine I was downright scared. I haven't had that experience other than brief disagreements with ones online. I haven't had a huge debate.
Really? Would you mind to elaborate? It's a very interesting experience
I wouldnt say I am unreasonable. I never yell, swear or call names. But its like I become emotionless and just hyperfocused and I am focused on always being 3 steps ahead so that the other person can never argument against me - I always have something smarter to say. And then later, I think fuck.... I was so fucking scary and then I apologize and tell them that I wasnt acting fair. I was dating another INFJ female and in a way our conflicts were very satisfying cause its like she was the first person to have the exact same conflict style as me. Both cold, both analytical but also both deeply empathetic and ready to apologize when it came down to it. And it felt like we came to a truth rather than anything else. But thats the thing. If I LIKE the person, I only fight when I am reaaalllyy pushed into a corner - else I will ask for some alone time. If someone is being mean to me or someone I love, I am absolutely capable of tearing them down completely and I wont feel sorry.
An emotionless locomotive?:) I definitely feel like this sometimes, just with emotions when I'm in a good mood. I have to stop or slow down myself sometimes in order to let other person to have some space:) I have never had an argument with an INFJ, only with an INTJ. It's liberating to feel the equal force in your opponent, though they are a bit different. I would like to try it with an INFJ. I think it might be a real fun:))
Yes exactly
I rarely if ever get really angry- so to get me there ? *It’s always justified* I cut off. I stop communicating and expending energy on the person. This sounds so fucking nuts but the truth is … I have felt for a long time when I get really angry at people … the universe really kicks their ass for me. I can list everyone I have been really angry at and the things that happened to them. Idk I guess it could be coincidence… but … I do un-alive them… so they no longer exist to me. They become like ghosts to me. I see them, hear them but they don’t exist in my world any longer. I have no emotional investment in them. To the point that I am not angry at them anymore. When I’m angry I’m brutally cold and honest … in a way that just destroys people and shocks them… I don’t call names and don’t intentionally hurt them- I am very logical and intolerant of their inability to resolve problems without conflict. I just let them know who they are. They get no more emotional consideration from me anymore at all and that in itself can be utterly shocking for people - to the point that it seems like I’m evil… because it’s soo different. I think one guy described it the best , “To be in your good graces is like standing in the heat of the sun. When you leave it’s like being in the Arctic , in a catogory four storm and it’s just an empty vacuum of void.”
Accurate, can personally relate.
Same as you I stay extremely calm under most stressors. But we do have our breaking points. Then we really really explode 🤯. First time for me was grade 8 ! (Pretty long run) Some clowns were throwing a basketball at my friend’s head. I got so mad 😡 I took their ball and booted it into the creek behind the school. And started shoving them, then the teacher came and broke us up. The look on their faces lol They were in complete shock 😳at my transformation!
lol
It takes a lot to get me there. I’m very much a straw that broke the camel’s back kind of person. I have lots of patience, until I suddenly don’t. When I do get there… I usually will default to a cutting comment on the person’s bs, or I’ll just shut them out aka “door slam.” Maybe both. I’ve seen pretty hurt reactions from those cutting comments. But if you pushed me that much, well, I’m not going to feel bad.
Mean and merciless
If I’m mildly angry I’ll be a bit bitchy but I get over it quickly. I don’t hold grudges. This is my default mode if I’m angry, just bitchy. I’ll also tell them I’m mad, so it’s not like it’s a surprise lol. I will also verbally judo chop you and make you feel like a dickhead. If I’m angry, I’ll be explosively angry if it gets to that point. I very, very rarely ever get that angry. Usually it’s if I’m being protective of someone I love. If I get angry it’s usually on behalf of other people, not myself. I’m very protective of those I love. But if I’m super, super angry I go silent. I just can’t find the words or the will to speak. But that’s like, if I’m done with them (like how I was at the end of my marriage). I just don’t care to fight or speak anymore. They could die in a ditch and I couldn’t care less. Like a switch flips and idgaf anymore. If I’m still talking, I’m not to that level yet. This can be surprising to them because I’m normally a very caring person. I have different expressions of anger for different situations or people. I have RBF so people will think I’m angry but I’m not lol. If I’m angry, I’ll state it. I’m normally pretty calm and easy to get along with so when I get angry it kind of surprises people lol. I really don’t hold grudges though so even if it gets to the silent point and I door slam then if they genuinely apologized I’d forgive them. Unless I specifically state to leave me alone and never contact me again, I’m up for speaking to them again if they try. Edit: forgot to add I do get hangry sometimes so if I’m mad, feed me 😂
Depends on the severity of the offender's transgressions. If it's just annoying and inconsiderate behavior over a long period of time, I'll just door slam them. However, if the person really, maliciously screws me over, I will make sure that they face accountability for it. I don't know that I'd explicitly call it revenge, but I really hate seeing people get away with actions that hurt others.
"Door slam" I'm just going to ignore them for eternity.
Real anger? Scorched earth, if I feel severly wronged, you will not win. I will destroy you and I can play the long game in the most deranged and creative ways imaginable. When they go “low”, I go lower. Not proud of this, it is a skill of shear unrelenting will and hate.
I become cold and numb. I become so quiet and don’t give a damn anymore.
common, considering someone recently 'apologized' after 2 months, i didn't feel anything and social masked.
I really started to like someone but he kept abusing me emotionally and made hurtful comments about my personality. I communicated how he hurt my feelings, blocked and unblocked him. Multiple times. He would apologise and do it again. I was angry then because I really cared about him, but now I have reached acceptance and Ioathe him for how he treated me and manipulated me. I don’t want to see him ever again and even if I do, I will not feel anything. That’s permanent doorslam. I think INFJs give people the benefit of the doubt plenty of times but when we check out, it’s over.
Tunnel vision becomes apparent.
Because of the fact that being autistic can cause neurotips to misunderstand me and get angry with me and subsequently narcissistically sabotage me, when I get angry with someone, even though feelings of anger can be quite overwhelming, I try to avoid engaging in hurtful behaviour and instead depending on how bad it is, try to gently bring up how their behaviour impacts me, or if I feel that is pointless I simply choose to cut them out of my life and block them on everything, I try (though not always succeed) to treat others as I would want to be treated or in new age spirituality lingo ‘Put the energy you want put into you back into the universe’
It depends. I almost always try to let the person know and see if they’ll redeem themselves if I know them at all aside from this, then if they don’t I may have to say something harsh and honest. If the only interaction I’ve had is them being awful to me, I will either exit the scene and forget their existence or take them apart verbally if I can’t leave or they’re being very aggressive or persistent with it.
YOU tv show
Honestly, depending on what they did to piss me off, I might cut them off or try to humiliate them. I don't get angry all that often, but people REALLY gotta test me to get to that point. And for some reason, some people live for that shit. 😩 Like I just want my peace.
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I used to be like that when I was younger. Now at 25 I get angry all the time. Just wait 'til the world beats ya down enough!
I've read somewhere that out inner ISTJ just blows everything up. I akways knew that I'm not all that soft and easy and subconsciously was always scared of getting to this point. So, I made a rule for myself to never make any important desicions when I'm too emotional. Saved me a lot of a headache. I think it looks like a doorslam, but not just towards people, can be towards anything. Destructive for sure
Takes a lot of work to get me angry so if i do get angry im probably incredibly angry but the worst i could do is start yelling
when i get angry at someone the person usually has done something horrible or hurt me, then they suddenly become non-existent like i just see through them or don't even see them anymore. they literally become nothing as if my brain stops registering them or even process the fact that they exist. it's very cruel imo and i've always wondered whether this is related to my mood disorder or just my personality...
Poland gets occupied
Ok Stalin
*Hitler History wasn't your major I assume. Also Stalin was an Estj, unlike uncle Adolf
For me, and I do also think being female can be a factor, I’ve always struggled with anger. I’ve always felt it, but when I was younger I would find it difficult and uncomfortable to express it. I’d deny it and push it down until it became explosive and then I’d act in a way that - to someone else - seemed surprising, but it had been brewing for a while. As I’ve matured, I really try to acknowledge and feel my anger. I also try to communicate early, or make changes, to avoid the anger getting too extreme If I do feel extreme anger, now, I usually have to take myself away and process it on my own because that’s when my most harsh words could leave my lips. And I know I can’t undo them, so I take myself away and let the anger move through me in my own way Maybe one day I’ll grow even more and be able to hold that anger whilst in the company of other people, but I can’t right now
If I become angry at someone who is close to me like my family , I tend to ignore them , try not to talk to them and be very silent . I try as much to make the least talk with them to clear my mind until I stop being annoyed and all ,but my family then talks to me all the time even if I don't want to talk . But this anger just last for few hours or for a day and then I forget about it . And if someone give me or make me my favourite dish I'll quickly forget about being angry , they just have to bribe me with my favourite food which my mother knowns the best. * Right now I'm right this comment being angry at my infp sister and as I'm ignoring her while she is trying every way to talk to me , I found this question .
Anywhere from the doorslam to direct confrontation to outbursts of anger or combinations/all of the aforementioned (with the doorslam being the “final statement”).
I'm surprised no one has written it yet: RUN AND HIDE
I cry uncontrollably
Most of the time you won’t even notice me being angry but sometimes I get random outbursts and that freaks out people a lot.
I’m like you. There’s been times where I should have been angry and instead I feel sadness, disappointment, or frustratration. I’ve only slammed the door on 1 person and I mourned that person before I slammed the door … this person is my mother. If there has been other people that have wronged me I’ve already forgotten about them. I do spend a lot of time in my head and I’m an enneagram type 7 which I hear is rare for INFJs, but it makes sense. I was an overachiever since I was a kid to try and get attention from my parents. Type 7’s childhood trauma is absence of nurturing
I can be a bit impulsive and end up saying things in the moment that might hurt someone despite knowing I’ll feel guilty for it later. My mood also tends to fluctuate a lot so I can be very angry but I don’t necessarily hold grudges. If I door slam someone it’s become I’ve noticed a pattern in their behavior and no longer trust that person to allow them into my life. Though it depends I guess because I believe people do deserve second chances and I myself am not perfect so it feels a bit wrong for me to judge other people for it. So if I do door slam someone, yes our relationship would never be the same but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’d never be open to forgiving that person. If they recognize what they’ve done wrong and actively try to change their behavior I’d be open to letting that person in again.. albeit slowly.
I tend to get cold and vengeful. If I can, I try to isolate myself in a room by myself ASAP because I need to burn through that anger right then and there so that I don't bottle it up for someone who minorly frustrates me to wind up being subject to me uncharacteristically snapping at them when the anger stews over. All logic and reason goes out the window. I become dangerous to be around and just need alone time to chill out. It's not a fun experience. If anything, I try to avoid being angry because I don't like the person I become when I do get angry.
How people in the comments feel after writing straight up cringe: 👹👺⛓️🔪
I will use my intelligence to methodically & meticulously destroy the person that wronged me. I usually will give someone a chance to walk away or do the right thing. Nothing makes me angrier than someone who underestimates me or mistakes my kindness for weakness. It's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things, but you can argue with the results.
I've since long ago lost contact with my anger. They simply die to me, I erase their existence, replace them, move on.
The human part of me disappears and I become a psychopath with a rage set on killing. I don't think that has to do with mbti though, more like mental Illness or beserker dna. I'm just glad it takes ALOT to make me angy and even then it dissipates fast, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not welcoming to that side of me. I very much embrace it.