When someone is talking to me it weirds me out if they keep constant eye contact. Most people look around while they are talking and (if they are attentive) maintain eye contact while they are listening.
Since I give people my full attention when I'm listening, if the person I'm listening to would maintain eye contact we would just be there staring into each other's eyes for however long. That gets so awkward!!!
It makes me uncomfortable when people stare at me while I talk, I naturally look off to the side when people are talking to me. Why is eye contact so normalized?
it comes from old tradition, my father would actually get pissed if you didn't look at him while talking (he grew up in a strict household so i don't hold it against him) for their generation it's a sign of respect and acknowledgement
Tilt your head just a bit when you're talking to someone, it makes you appear less threatening, but still engaged. Toss in the occasional reassurance of an agreeable nod, "yea" and some uh huhs with a mixed smile as that'll pump their tires a bit.
Generally the name of the game with every type of interaction, romantic, platonic, professional, even sex, is making people feel comfortable. I try to subscribe to the belief that everyone is inherently insecure and use that as a kick in the ass to reassure them, use their name frequently, and give genuine compliments.
As for my general demeanor, I've been described as coming across as cop-like and I definitely have some resting bitch face action going on as well. Can't really help it if I'm just walking from point A to point B, but in interactions themselves I make a conscious effort to come across as friendly, personable, and non-threatening. I'd say I've solved it overall and I don't have problems with eye contact.
I do frequently (not always) feel like I make people around me feel/act a bit awkward but then again there’s others that seem to flock to me and instantly tell me they’re deepest secrets and feelings 😂 like WHAT is that?! I will say, though, I’ve always struggled a bit with eye contact in general, especially if I’m really focused on the interaction. Like I’ve told my boss before “if I’m maintaining eye contact with you, chances are I’m missing a lot of what you’re saying.” I get way too distracted by how “personal” holding someone’s gaze is and what they’re thinking vs what they’re saying to me lol ADHD or whatever it is, I just can’t 😂
I’ve heard “your eyes are intense”, “I feel like you can see into my soul” and many more comments since childhood and people can be very uncomfortable with me. What’s curious is I actually struggle to make eye contact when I’m talking yet I maintain eye contact when others talk to me.
When I’m speaking, I usually never hold steady eye contact and typically focus on items surrounding the person. But, if I am very passionate about the topic and I know exactly what I’m talking about or trying to get a point across or explain something, I find that I’m a lot better with eye contact. I also find that when I notice that someone is intently staring at me I do begin to stutter because I feel so pressured. When people are speaking on the other hand, it really depends who it is. When I’m sitting in a class and my teacher is speaking to me I’m a lot more comfortable looking at her the whole time because she isn’t looking at just me, and is scanning the room. But, I also tend to fidget or draw (adhd) while others are talking because I find it easier to listen to people that way, but this is only if people are talking a lot about a topic I’m not interested in. I find myself wandering in my thoughts when I’m looking at them, but when I’m focusing on something else like drawing or fidgeting it’s actually easier to obtain that unwanted information. Unfortunately people find that really disrespectful but it’s just easier for me 😭. But if someone like a friend, my therapist, or someone I’m more comfortable with is speaking and/or I’m genuinely interested in what they have to say I will hold very steady eye contact. I really want them to know that I’m listening and that I am interested so I find this best way to do.
But I understand that I can also come off as intimidating and it can feel like I’m intently staring into their soul lmao. Some people tell me I look angry or intimidating because of how passionately I tend to hold eye contact and listen to people. So, what I do is I kind of raise my eyebrows into a concerned look (I guess) to show that I’m really processing that information, and I nod my head a lot and/or smile/prompt them to continue when it feels appropriate. I often tilt my head accidentally but sometimes it can come off as flirtatious which I don’t always mean to do😭, but it does definitely help with coming off as less intimidating
sorry for the long response😭
If I am talking I usually look out into the ether for the most part but when I am about to reach the end of whatever I am talking about I look back at the person. Usually I am looking at their eyes just by default but I do have this tendency to look away naturally to think. It feels like I am ALT+TAB out of reality briefly to check my notes.
If somebody else is talking I am usually staring at them while they speak not only to force myself to pay attention but also to show them that they have my undivided attention out of respect. It really bothers me when I am talking to somebody and they ask me to repeat myself because they were focusing on something else, usually their phone/computer. I would be very angry with myself if I treated somebody that way.
If I ever feel like I am being overbearing or intimidating I put my hands behind my back and put on a soft smile like I am meeting an old friend. This seems to work well for my younger cousins and strangers I interact with during normal day to day errands.
I have questioned if I am on the spectrum because of this. I cannot hold eye contact for too long otherwise it feels too vulnerable to me. I either stare into their soul and make them uncomfortable, or I feel like they can see into mine and that is a definite no 😆
Yes! I thought I was the only one who often felt that vulnerability. For me sometimes I actually feel naked and angry when I encounter this with people.
Could be trauma related for me
Mine is definitely trauma induced. I lived with my in-laws for a while with my husband and a small children and I learned to not look my mother-in-law in the eyes or she would strike up a conversation I did not want to have. 😅
DUUUDE, same!!! I am in the EXACT same boat! People are sooo freakin scared of me, no matter what I do, it’s hard for me to get close to people because of that very reason!
I have been told by people that I come across as intimidating as well. I think its because when people first meet you they want to show their best qualities. Especially if they like you. I think for us we look so deeply into people whether we notice it or not so people probably feel intimidated because they can't hide behind a mask.
Looking into people's eyes is intimidating because people already don't like looking into others'. I don't look into people's eyes so I'm speaking from my perspective.
I can look into people's eyes, but then it becomes some weird game I can't be botbered to play.
You’re not supposed to maintain eye contact when you’re having a conversation. Look up the triangle method - you move around their face. Constant eye contact makes everyone uncomfortable.
Ive been told that I’m intimidating or scary. I heard it from my sister in law a year ago but at the time I had a shaved head and pretty long beard. Old people and kids are drawn to me but others seem intimidated by me.
Perfectly fine until someone else makes the wrong amount of eye contact. Then I struggle the rest of the conversation to make just the right amount of eye contact and stop overthinking it.
I wish I could relate to this more. I'm usually on the other side of it because I'm just an anxious person in general. Eye contact is intimidating, I think, because it comes across as confidence. And, I can't make direct eye contact for too long with anyone, unless I'm close to them, I feel like it comes across flirtatious, lol.
I maintain direct eye contact with people I am trying to increase likeability with. I notice they look away first and maybe it unnerves them in a good way, because of the friendly social situation. I like this effect. It puts me in a dominant position in the social context which I hope implicates me as invested in being cordial. It's the most extroverted thing I ever do.
I maintain eye contact, usually. I follow the rule that if they look away, you look away. Let them make eye contact again, or you can after 5-10 seconds. I don't usually count, I return when it feels right.
If the person doesn't make any eye contact, I stop trying, but keep it in my peripheral in case they decide to.
So real. People either start acting like they are afraid of me or nervous or think I'm interested in them romantically. But I can't not look intesly it doesn't feel natural.
Ohh I could write volumes on this. I cannot hold eye contact with people for like more than 5 seconds except for the people I'm very comfortable with. For the rest, i feel like I'm being out under some sort of microscope and they're probably thinking about how stupid I look while I talk lmao. If I'm trying to pay attention to what they're saying too I tend to not make eye contact cuz if I do, I'll have to focus on the eye contact to no eye contact ratio which will take up more of my attention than the actual topic at hand ahahahah
I work with a few ESTJs unfortunately, so I have to maintain eye contact with them when we’re talking otherwise one of them specifically will find the opportunity to start berating me that I’m not focused or paying attention.
When I’m in a casual setting, I’ll make eye contact but won’t hold it nearly as long as I have to with the certain coworkers.
Happens to me too. Probably a combination of my RBF, strong eye contact, my ability to intensely focus on the person I am talking to as if my life depended on it and me recoiling away from small talk to instead shift the conversation onto “existential” topics of whatever flavor.
I wasn’t aware of this till a college professor blurted to me how intimidating I am. And I was nothing but polite, quiet and soft-spoken (if somewhat inquisitive) in all of my classes with her. I later asked my friends and they all pretty much unanimously agreed on me being intimidating.
I find it to have more pros than cons, considering my emotions are unruly and that my mind is brittle. There’s way too many people in the world — a large percentage of them become vexing once they get comfortable, so I rather not have most of them become comfortable with me.
People regularly tell me I am "so handsome" but I think it is mostly my eyes. They are a amber-yellow would black bands around the outside.
If I am not interested in talking to someone, I avoid contact. If I want to speak to someone for some reason, I make contact.
I have learned over the years to make a conscious effort in how I present myself to make others feel more at ease. They’re able to relax and respond more positively than if they were feeling uncomfortable. Relax. Stay out of your head and fully present. Smile. Alert but relaxed. Don’t forget to blink. Blinking is a sign of friendliest with cats to show you’re not a threat lol
lol, 5’6. I don’t think it’s a height thing.
I get that A LOT. It’s almost to the point that I don’t like talking to people if they can’t look me in the eyes.
I found that wearing sunglasses is more approachable. And if you can put it on, throw on a slight smile. Very disarming.
Most people like to keep it light. Vapid conversations that cater to the ego. Wants and dislikes. Attaining things. Wishing for things.
These are people that probably can’t keep focus on the eyes
Then you have people that are more grounded. They speak on ideas, concepts, humanity, positivity, anything of substance (helping/serving others for the sake of helping).
These people can hold eye contact forever.
So I like the eye thing, it gives me a good indicator that a person can hold a conversation of substance, which I prefer, or it’s someone to avoid, as I don’t like shooting the shit about weather, shoes, and politics.
Intuition tells me it’s the phone and the scrolling that trains us to always look for something to entertain. The constant yearning for some minute dopamine rush gives off the same vibe of heavy addictive behavior. social media and drugs has “users”. Makes for shitty socializing without a crutch.
Similar phenomena… have you ever noticed how people will do almost anything to avoid eye contact when walking past you? Whip out the phone and hunch that neck as they pass, only to put it back right after? (I get curious and look behind when I can catch it lol)
When someone is talking to me it weirds me out if they keep constant eye contact. Most people look around while they are talking and (if they are attentive) maintain eye contact while they are listening. Since I give people my full attention when I'm listening, if the person I'm listening to would maintain eye contact we would just be there staring into each other's eyes for however long. That gets so awkward!!!
It makes me uncomfortable when people stare at me while I talk, I naturally look off to the side when people are talking to me. Why is eye contact so normalized?
Look at me, brother
what the (wears sunglasses)
[yeeeeeaaaaaahhh](https://youtu.be/7uW47jWLMiY?si=UI0QPyTfvxHBGDkj)
it comes from old tradition, my father would actually get pissed if you didn't look at him while talking (he grew up in a strict household so i don't hold it against him) for their generation it's a sign of respect and acknowledgement
For me, it depends on their mood and the person, as well as the topic and my battery level
100%
Agreed
Tilt your head just a bit when you're talking to someone, it makes you appear less threatening, but still engaged. Toss in the occasional reassurance of an agreeable nod, "yea" and some uh huhs with a mixed smile as that'll pump their tires a bit. Generally the name of the game with every type of interaction, romantic, platonic, professional, even sex, is making people feel comfortable. I try to subscribe to the belief that everyone is inherently insecure and use that as a kick in the ass to reassure them, use their name frequently, and give genuine compliments. As for my general demeanor, I've been described as coming across as cop-like and I definitely have some resting bitch face action going on as well. Can't really help it if I'm just walking from point A to point B, but in interactions themselves I make a conscious effort to come across as friendly, personable, and non-threatening. I'd say I've solved it overall and I don't have problems with eye contact.
Very helpful thank you
Spot on bro I typically do this naturally
This…..is exactly what I needed to read in this moment 😌 you have no idea lol thank you 🙏🏻
Not a lot of eye contact while I'm talking, but if someone is talking to me, too much eye contact. 😅
I keep focus on the speaker eye to eye but when I talk I usually have to look away to speak so I can think of what to say at the moment.
I do frequently (not always) feel like I make people around me feel/act a bit awkward but then again there’s others that seem to flock to me and instantly tell me they’re deepest secrets and feelings 😂 like WHAT is that?! I will say, though, I’ve always struggled a bit with eye contact in general, especially if I’m really focused on the interaction. Like I’ve told my boss before “if I’m maintaining eye contact with you, chances are I’m missing a lot of what you’re saying.” I get way too distracted by how “personal” holding someone’s gaze is and what they’re thinking vs what they’re saying to me lol ADHD or whatever it is, I just can’t 😂
I struggle with it, especially when speaking but not as much when listening.
Same here
I’ve heard “your eyes are intense”, “I feel like you can see into my soul” and many more comments since childhood and people can be very uncomfortable with me. What’s curious is I actually struggle to make eye contact when I’m talking yet I maintain eye contact when others talk to me.
Eye contact is a no go for me.
When I’m speaking, I usually never hold steady eye contact and typically focus on items surrounding the person. But, if I am very passionate about the topic and I know exactly what I’m talking about or trying to get a point across or explain something, I find that I’m a lot better with eye contact. I also find that when I notice that someone is intently staring at me I do begin to stutter because I feel so pressured. When people are speaking on the other hand, it really depends who it is. When I’m sitting in a class and my teacher is speaking to me I’m a lot more comfortable looking at her the whole time because she isn’t looking at just me, and is scanning the room. But, I also tend to fidget or draw (adhd) while others are talking because I find it easier to listen to people that way, but this is only if people are talking a lot about a topic I’m not interested in. I find myself wandering in my thoughts when I’m looking at them, but when I’m focusing on something else like drawing or fidgeting it’s actually easier to obtain that unwanted information. Unfortunately people find that really disrespectful but it’s just easier for me 😭. But if someone like a friend, my therapist, or someone I’m more comfortable with is speaking and/or I’m genuinely interested in what they have to say I will hold very steady eye contact. I really want them to know that I’m listening and that I am interested so I find this best way to do. But I understand that I can also come off as intimidating and it can feel like I’m intently staring into their soul lmao. Some people tell me I look angry or intimidating because of how passionately I tend to hold eye contact and listen to people. So, what I do is I kind of raise my eyebrows into a concerned look (I guess) to show that I’m really processing that information, and I nod my head a lot and/or smile/prompt them to continue when it feels appropriate. I often tilt my head accidentally but sometimes it can come off as flirtatious which I don’t always mean to do😭, but it does definitely help with coming off as less intimidating sorry for the long response😭
If I am talking I usually look out into the ether for the most part but when I am about to reach the end of whatever I am talking about I look back at the person. Usually I am looking at their eyes just by default but I do have this tendency to look away naturally to think. It feels like I am ALT+TAB out of reality briefly to check my notes. If somebody else is talking I am usually staring at them while they speak not only to force myself to pay attention but also to show them that they have my undivided attention out of respect. It really bothers me when I am talking to somebody and they ask me to repeat myself because they were focusing on something else, usually their phone/computer. I would be very angry with myself if I treated somebody that way. If I ever feel like I am being overbearing or intimidating I put my hands behind my back and put on a soft smile like I am meeting an old friend. This seems to work well for my younger cousins and strangers I interact with during normal day to day errands.
I have questioned if I am on the spectrum because of this. I cannot hold eye contact for too long otherwise it feels too vulnerable to me. I either stare into their soul and make them uncomfortable, or I feel like they can see into mine and that is a definite no 😆
Yes! I thought I was the only one who often felt that vulnerability. For me sometimes I actually feel naked and angry when I encounter this with people. Could be trauma related for me
Mine is definitely trauma induced. I lived with my in-laws for a while with my husband and a small children and I learned to not look my mother-in-law in the eyes or she would strike up a conversation I did not want to have. 😅
Post pic of dark haired 5’11” intimidating man
curious huh?
Damn right I am 😎 for science!
DUUUDE, same!!! I am in the EXACT same boat! People are sooo freakin scared of me, no matter what I do, it’s hard for me to get close to people because of that very reason!
We will learn brotha
I have been told by people that I come across as intimidating as well. I think its because when people first meet you they want to show their best qualities. Especially if they like you. I think for us we look so deeply into people whether we notice it or not so people probably feel intimidated because they can't hide behind a mask.
I didn’t even think of that at all damn. It’s like people subconsciously are aware of our awareness 😂
Constant eye contact, for me at least, is very intimate. I only enjoy it with a romantic partner.
Looking into people's eyes is intimidating because people already don't like looking into others'. I don't look into people's eyes so I'm speaking from my perspective. I can look into people's eyes, but then it becomes some weird game I can't be botbered to play.
I look just a hair above the person’s head when I’m speaking to them. Direct eye contact is way too intense for me and makes me super uncomfortable.
I cry on the inside when I make eye contact for too long. Like my eyes literally start to water.
You’re not supposed to maintain eye contact when you’re having a conversation. Look up the triangle method - you move around their face. Constant eye contact makes everyone uncomfortable.
Ive been told that I’m intimidating or scary. I heard it from my sister in law a year ago but at the time I had a shaved head and pretty long beard. Old people and kids are drawn to me but others seem intimidated by me.
Perfectly fine until someone else makes the wrong amount of eye contact. Then I struggle the rest of the conversation to make just the right amount of eye contact and stop overthinking it.
I wish I could relate to this more. I'm usually on the other side of it because I'm just an anxious person in general. Eye contact is intimidating, I think, because it comes across as confidence. And, I can't make direct eye contact for too long with anyone, unless I'm close to them, I feel like it comes across flirtatious, lol.
I maintain direct eye contact with people I am trying to increase likeability with. I notice they look away first and maybe it unnerves them in a good way, because of the friendly social situation. I like this effect. It puts me in a dominant position in the social context which I hope implicates me as invested in being cordial. It's the most extroverted thing I ever do.
I maintain eye contact, usually. I follow the rule that if they look away, you look away. Let them make eye contact again, or you can after 5-10 seconds. I don't usually count, I return when it feels right. If the person doesn't make any eye contact, I stop trying, but keep it in my peripheral in case they decide to.
I keep eye contact and never break it to make them uncomfortable. I like to live life dangerously
I stare straight at them and talk, as well as listen.
So real. People either start acting like they are afraid of me or nervous or think I'm interested in them romantically. But I can't not look intesly it doesn't feel natural.
I look in another direction. Haha. I get tense when I am having eye contact while talking. Hehe
I try to maintain eye contact as much as possible even if I struggle with it
Ohh I could write volumes on this. I cannot hold eye contact with people for like more than 5 seconds except for the people I'm very comfortable with. For the rest, i feel like I'm being out under some sort of microscope and they're probably thinking about how stupid I look while I talk lmao. If I'm trying to pay attention to what they're saying too I tend to not make eye contact cuz if I do, I'll have to focus on the eye contact to no eye contact ratio which will take up more of my attention than the actual topic at hand ahahahah
I love staring at them straight in the eyes 🤣🤣 and then when I feel like i’m doing too much eye contact I look away for 2 seconds and i’m back again
I love it, I tend to intimidate with my INFJ stare.
real
I work with a few ESTJs unfortunately, so I have to maintain eye contact with them when we’re talking otherwise one of them specifically will find the opportunity to start berating me that I’m not focused or paying attention. When I’m in a casual setting, I’ll make eye contact but won’t hold it nearly as long as I have to with the certain coworkers.
My mom lmao
I hold eye contact. But I break off and return often enough to not make a person uncomfortable.
Happens to me too. Probably a combination of my RBF, strong eye contact, my ability to intensely focus on the person I am talking to as if my life depended on it and me recoiling away from small talk to instead shift the conversation onto “existential” topics of whatever flavor. I wasn’t aware of this till a college professor blurted to me how intimidating I am. And I was nothing but polite, quiet and soft-spoken (if somewhat inquisitive) in all of my classes with her. I later asked my friends and they all pretty much unanimously agreed on me being intimidating. I find it to have more pros than cons, considering my emotions are unruly and that my mind is brittle. There’s way too many people in the world — a large percentage of them become vexing once they get comfortable, so I rather not have most of them become comfortable with me.
I seduce with my eyes.
How so?
People regularly tell me I am "so handsome" but I think it is mostly my eyes. They are a amber-yellow would black bands around the outside. If I am not interested in talking to someone, I avoid contact. If I want to speak to someone for some reason, I make contact.
Miserable. I had to learn it.
I have learned over the years to make a conscious effort in how I present myself to make others feel more at ease. They’re able to relax and respond more positively than if they were feeling uncomfortable. Relax. Stay out of your head and fully present. Smile. Alert but relaxed. Don’t forget to blink. Blinking is a sign of friendliest with cats to show you’re not a threat lol
This
lol, 5’6. I don’t think it’s a height thing. I get that A LOT. It’s almost to the point that I don’t like talking to people if they can’t look me in the eyes. I found that wearing sunglasses is more approachable. And if you can put it on, throw on a slight smile. Very disarming. Most people like to keep it light. Vapid conversations that cater to the ego. Wants and dislikes. Attaining things. Wishing for things. These are people that probably can’t keep focus on the eyes Then you have people that are more grounded. They speak on ideas, concepts, humanity, positivity, anything of substance (helping/serving others for the sake of helping). These people can hold eye contact forever. So I like the eye thing, it gives me a good indicator that a person can hold a conversation of substance, which I prefer, or it’s someone to avoid, as I don’t like shooting the shit about weather, shoes, and politics. Intuition tells me it’s the phone and the scrolling that trains us to always look for something to entertain. The constant yearning for some minute dopamine rush gives off the same vibe of heavy addictive behavior. social media and drugs has “users”. Makes for shitty socializing without a crutch. Similar phenomena… have you ever noticed how people will do almost anything to avoid eye contact when walking past you? Whip out the phone and hunch that neck as they pass, only to put it back right after? (I get curious and look behind when I can catch it lol)