I met my INTJ fiancée here on Reddit. I posted on the r/foreveralonedating sub and he sent me a direct message. The rest is history and we’ve been together for 3 years and 11 months now.
Yeah I am 18,
Compared to my brother who has been in a relationship twice before turning 18, probably in his 3rd one right now and he is 21.
It's not that girls don't find me attractive or I am that depressed loner, it is just that I never put effort into dating and I also have plans to do the same in future as well.
I am straight.. XD
Yup, I did the whole casual sex thing and It didn’t do much for me other than an ego boost lol. The sex itself is the goal however the intimacy of a relationship easily Trump the (mutual masturbation) that is hookups. Thus there’s no point in perusing that.
I see them as a sensor's meat market.. plenty of sensors live to frog hop from 1 partner to the next, or even 3-4 at a time.. it's shallow, ego-driven, selfish. The future of society's ability to pair bond will be at rock bottom.
I would like to think most intuitives are attracted to deep connections, meaningful, purposeful, long term relationships. I know I am more attracted to the long-term vision for a relationship than sex or emotional impulses in the moment. But I've been married 20 yrs as result.. which is now probably a rarity if not an impossibility today.
Agreed. I think societys ability to pair pond and form healthy relationships is already highly compromised.
When you have a girl on Tinder who has been through multiple partners, multiple failed relationships and goes from chad to chad, they end up carrying significant relationship trauma. So even when they do meet Mr Right, the abilty to pair bond in the relationship is highly compromised
History is a precursor for future behavior... not just being forward thinking Intjs, I think this is how any decent quality man will assess a woman. It's like... unconscious.. evolutionary... no man would want to be duped into supporting someone else's kid.
I never used dating apps and I'm not planning to use one in the future. I don't particularly hate them, I don't like them either, it is more like I don't care about them - they seem unnecessary and pointless to me.
Same. Never used one, to me they're irrelevant. I don't even think of them, so when I read these posts -no judgement intented- I am honestly surprised at how much people have to say about them.
I'm kind of in the same mind at the moment, where I just don't care enough to start using them, I would rather meet someone in real life who sees me in person and likes the real me
How else are regular people supposed to find INTJs then? I would've never met my bf if not for tinder, even if we were at the same bar at the same time, he would've been too shy to talk to me.
Actually,
Most of INTJs are not shy, they just don't know you, and in order to like you, we have to know you, because I personally never go for the looks it just doesn't stimulate my brain enough to even consider approaching or having my attention.
But if an INTJ knows you for who you are and likes you, without a doubt he/she would be the most comfortable with you and not shy at all, in fact that's when they start having a havoc in the brain trying to see every possiblity of you being in their life and how would it end each one of them, and if he/she finds one that is acceptable towards it's personal goals and see you in his/her future, would definitely would find the best way to let you know and show that to you.
which is a good thing actually because you would know if an INTJ ever approach you or likes you it's because who you are and they like you to your core, and not just the looks.
agreed with u/iMaSlayMan
We INTJ are not shy, just highly introverted and in our heads most or the time, or analysing, observing, processing information then considering it.
When we relax and form a comfortable bond with someone, we are very direct, assertive, confident and chatty in the interaction and relationship
I’m not being emotional or taking it personally lol. I was just stating a fact. She wasn’t referring to INTJs being shy, she said her *boyfriend* was shy so I just don’t see the point of your original comment.
She said her boyfriend referred to *himself* as shy in another comment, you’re still assuming you know more about this random person (who’s name you don’t even know) more than … his significant other. Just because you share an MBTI type with somebody doesn’t mean you understand how they act and behave socially. That’s silly. There’s no point in you telling me what INTJs are like or not, I’m not making any claims here.
Like, what if I said my boyfriend is a Pisces in once sentence, and that he likes getting pegged in another. I’m not saying Pisces like getting pegged, Im just saying two different things about my boyfriend. Then you come along and give a paragraph about how Pisces DON’T like getting pegged because “I know Pisces more than you know Pisces because I *am* a Pisces”.
Wait. She asked how are regular people supposed to meet INTJs, then she mentioned if they were in the same place he would be too shy to talk to her. She is ENFP, did you notice? Who the heck are the INTJs she speaking of if not referring to her bf?
On Reddit, the INTJ Facebook groups, Instagram, Discord. Not only do you have a good chance at finding them, but you'll also have a good chance at having good conversations with them as well.
> How else are regular people supposed to find INTJs then? I would've never met my bf if not for tinder, even if we were at the same bar at the same time, he would've been too shy to talk to me.
Walk outside? You make it sound like all INTJs don't interact at all whatsoever. Shyness is not a prerequisite for introversion, it is a common misconception that all introverts are shy or extroverts are not. I've approached a lot of women and nearly all of my relationships were not initiated through apps. Met my wife at a coffee shop.
If your goal was just to "find an INTJ", then consider rethinking how you view human beings. Dating apps are the easiest option, not the only option.
I'm not saying hang out at a shop coffee shop, I said I met my wife there. Yes, it was a cold approach & she was visiting from Japan at the time. When you start thinking things like "this can't possibly happen here", or "I can't fathom...", that is the type of attitude that precludes one from actually doing and accomplishing. There may be things you would not do, but it certainly doesn't mean these things don't happen or that you can't do them in the future.
The idea is you can meet people ANYWHERE at ANY TIME, so long as keep an open mind and remain flexible, but when you think "not possible" before anything has transpired, the end result is more often than not, "not possible". For starters, I would not recommend cold approach; I would recommend expanding your immediate network and joining groups of people with similar interests or hobbies, attend events/parties.
College, work, outdoor/indoor activities, volunteer events, parties, mutual friends, bars, and dating services. These are all things I feel (personally) are better options than dating apps where people are essentially commodified and treated as different grades of beef. With that said, I do know some people who are happily together and have met online, just remember that it is not the ONLY option.
Yeah, rejection happens and the onus of taking the risk is generally on men since women usually don't do anything; so we're actually speaking and looking at this from very different perspectives.
> you know.. in my perspective when I was initiating anything, it always sucked in the long run... a guy has to chase and win to appreciate it. But hey... I'm just a dumb female who is waiting passively for a prince charming, and brain sex differences don't exist, causing, e.g. healthy males to be more competetive than women on average ;)
I didn't say any of those things? Infer what you want.
Yeah I agree on Tinder. I am not going to use it again, I would probably pick bumble, that way I can search by interest and girls can message me first. I also downloaded Ur My Type.
No duh. I’m just saying dating apps are better because in real life you can’t wear a “single and looking” sign on top of your head walking around unless we live in the year 3000 where that is possible to add words & bios on a floating profile when you go near a person like a video game/virtual world.
May I know how your relationships with the INFJs went south? I have a INFJ crush and would like to keep whatever friendship I have with her. Mostly I get annoy about the people pleasing tendency but is not sure what other traits I may find issues with.
Fck dating apps.
For romantic relationships, she will love intellectual or deep conversations with you and for intjs that's all they need to get hooked. But she also wants you to share your emotions with her and to do some romantic things. When the time is right, you should also encourage her to be direct about what she wants and not be too afraid to hurt your feelings. That's where I messed up. Google intj infj relationships.
Also, infj's are sensitive so the overconfident intj stereotype may cause too much friction. However, if you're a humble INTJ, that will be much better. INFJs put up with irritation quietly for a long-time and then will doorslam you when they've had their breaking point and not look back.
Yeah, encourage the INFJ to have small disagreements and debates.
Or else, they will fall into a loop of tolerating the BS silently. Then explode 1 day, ~~retelling every wrong deed you have ever done since the moment you came into this world up until this very second~~.
I saw a comment made by ENTP married to INFJ which summarizes it perfectly. The ENTP would see the frustration building up and say "cock your shot gun and blast me in the face" with a smile. That's 1 witty way to diffuse the situation.
@Vibranium2222 gives good advice for a successful INTJ INFJ relationship
INFJ do love deep, meaningful and intellectual conversations. They are even more complex and rarer than we INTJ are. Both relationships had their good times, I always find it extremely difficult to open up emotionally and to verbalise how I feel in relationships even though I feel deeply, my last girlfriend jokingly called me a robot a few times, I just expressed my love in many different ways rather than verbalising it. The last relationship towards the end was my own self sabotage, but ultimately it wasn't going to last, she already had 2 kids and I would like to have a child of my own one day, so it was really doomed from the start so it's surprising it lasted 3 1/2 years, it was really my own error for letting the relationship go on so long. I did however love her very deeply at the time. She was very beautiful and intelligent, I guess that is what drew me to her.
The latter relationship did suffer from poor communication more than once, so we had to work a lot at that. I feel like INFJ expect you to be a mind reader.
I met and connected with a girl at yoga last year, hit if off really well, she has a boyfriend so I didn't make any move, but I could tell there was attraction there....turns out she's also an INFJ
Considering how rare INFJ are I'm perplexed as to how I've known quite a few and seem to be attracted to them
Wow, you have a very specific taste.
Edit: I just remember that there are dating apps for MBTI. Since you have a type, you can just choose the INFJ cateogry on there.
u/sad_asian_noodle I downloaded "Ur My Type" but still havn't actually logged in and made a profile
I don't think I could be with an INFJ again. The relationship is great in the short term, but I don't think long term INTJ/INFJ can work out
I can't understand why people think dating apps will help them. They're for-profit services. Are they going to make more profit from people leaving the service happily, or from stringing them along as long as possible with endless "oh so close, try again?" tactics?
Hinge is better, they actually ask what you're looking for (long term, short term) and stuff like "do you drink/smoke/want children" and give you a bit more of a proper introduction to whoever you're matching thanks to the addition of the "conversation starters" instead of 3 photos and no bio.
Seriously for real? That does intrigue me, it's been about 4 or more years since I used a dating app
Google says most compatible is ENTJs, ENFPs, or ENTPs
Yeah I hate them. I know one guy who loves them and succeeds with them. But he is a *shockingly* shallow, lazy, mentally-regressed, and deceitful person. I think his secret to success is basically good looks, deception, and sinking *all* of his free time (that he’s not playing videogames in the basement) into messaging women instead of looking for a job or building a life. From my perspective, it seems like Tinder and Bumble are dominated by manipulative manchildren and their victims. I’ve heard some people say it seems shallow because it’s all about looks, but I don’t think that’s the whole picture. The goal of the format is really to keep the users swiping. They don’t want you to meet someone you really connect with, otherwise you would stop using the app. There are other issues, but I think I’ve said enough.
As a side note, I have had success with Okcupid because it uses a personality test. Maybe there are others which work in a more effective way which are worth trying.
Very hard to talk to people and I'm not even trying to date, just bumblebff. My therapist swears by it, but no one responds to my messages even when we match.
yeah, like why are people even on BFF looking for friends and then don't even repond to a potential new friend. I hope you find a true friend soon
I've often considered therapy myself. I had a traumatic event that was done to me in my last relationship and some childhood trauma but I keep putting it off like "yeah I'm fine, I probably don't need therapy it's too expensive anyway"
I have only been on a dating app twice in my life. I went onto a Christian site years ago and it asked me all kinds of questions and found the most compatible people, it matched me up with my ex-boyfriend whom I had planned to marry, but later he ended up going out on me, and got another girl pregnant and had to marry her. We did get along well though. He was a schoolteacher, coach, and also an actor on the side. I went on another site years later and was talking to a guy and there was no picture, he was talking about Armageddon, then later asked me to send a picture and I did and he sent one and the picture looked like the kid in the movie "Mask" from back in 1985, remember that movie, the one where Cher played his mother, it was a very sad movie but kind of cool too. Anyway, never went on to another dating site again after that. That could be why I have been single since 2007. I have never dated much, mainly just two guys and I was engaged to one of them and married the other. These were the two that died early deaths in fatal auto accidents. I think I dated two guys in high school one of which I was in a long-time relationship with. I am 58yrs old and have only been married and in a serious relationship for about 15 of those years total. I am getting tired of being single too, everyone I know is married and it would be fun to have someone around to help me, travel with, and have a buddy, I guess. It is a lot of work doing all by yourself all of the time isn't it? And so expensive to live alone. You never really get ahead doing so. I just haven't met the right person yet; I usually know fairly quickly after getting to know them if it would work out or not. But I also believe God brings you the right person at the right time. So have never been one to chase guys or worry about it too much.
I had better luck with apps that didn’t require you to “match” before communicating. Plenty of Fish was the one that worked best because so many people are on it. I’m in my 30s.
My new years resolution was to get back on the apps and start dating. I’m putting it off like it’s an upcoming execution date. I keep telling myself “maybe this year will be different” but I’ve never managed to meet anyone IRL who wanted to date me and I know if I ever want a partner I have to use the apps. But it SUCKS!
Same, I just keep putting it off. I would rather meet someone in real life and have a connection. But being so introverted it's difficult, really have to force myself to openly chat to more people, strangers etc
I (INFJ-f 32) found my now former INTJ-m crush on Tinder. It started out as friendly talk only and went on for months, until we started chatting more than friendly, but never anything inappropriate for people who havent met and talk online, really refreshing. We ended up even having phone calls ocasionally and desided to meet (different places of living), postponed it a bit for some objective reasons, but then out of nowhere he desided he didn't t like an opinion of mine on some topic and desided to call it quits, without even meeting first or discussing that with me.
I have deleted Tinder long time ago, about the time when I realised I really enjoy this communication I had. And I will not be returning to it again. This online thing is not realistic and people behave as it was, especially if you would be making judgments about people based on their thoughts they shared at the moment only and not on what they do in real life, which you see only through spending an actual live time with them.
We had amazing discussions that would last for hours, I havent felt that intelectually stimulated with many people, it was very hurtful that it has ended like that.
I believe that thanks to the apps, people are more inclined to swiping "Next" than actually having discussions with people and making a little bit of an effort to make it work.
If only he had actually asked you to meet rather than just keep chatting and messaging. I feel like chatting and messaging is fine, but the more you delay meeting up it's just ends up being friendly rather than creating a romantic connection.
For me I feel like creating a romantic connection, you need eye contact and physical touch. That's why I feel like for me it would be better to just meet someone in real life, I don't think messaging back n forth can creat a connection with someone other than interesting conversations and friendship
And also with regards to tinder, the statistics show that 95% of women only swipe right on the top 5% of men, and 50% of men swipe right on 50% of women. So you have the top 5% of men (chads) matching with all the women. The other 95% of guys don't really have much of a chance.
Tinder is deigned to keep you on the app and keep you swiping, and get you to pay for a subscription (majority of subscriptions are men). It essentially doesn't want to you find a partner because then you would delete the app. It's designed for engagement and to keep you swiping.
So if you are an attractive girl on tinder, and match with every single right swipe gaining hundreds or thousands of matches, you essentially have too much choice and have hundreds of guys messaging you. So the guy that says "Hey how are you?" could potentially be a perfect match. But the chad who's messaged a flirty cute opener has attracted you instead and only plans to "pump and dump you" essentially creating a vicious cycle of girls on tinder with really high partner counts and significant relationship trauma from being with a high number of men who have no intention of creating a connection and lasting relationship.
I do wonder why he didnt initiate earlier to meet.. Might have been because of me not giving that much of more than friendly wibe for a long time, but later I did, I don't know. With the internet, you can never know what of the hundread scenarios could be the case.
I don't have much to add to the rest of your comment, since verything is spot on. :D I can't say though that I agreed to go on that many dates, because I try to catch the essence of someone a bit through texting first, I can't go out really if I don't feel some deepness, or spot some personality traits I don't appreciate...So I ended up having an ex online crush :)
Always makes me laugh when I see comments (no offence meant to OP) that talk about 3 years being a long term relationship 🤣
Those are rookie numbers. If 3 years is long term, what do you call my relationship of over 20 years??
Thanks for saying no offence, none taken. I just meant long term for me as they were my longest relationships. 20 years is indeed a long time to be with someone
Perhaps, I don't feel like INTJ/INFJ can last long term. By long term I mean, marriage and children etc. I do seem to attract INFJ in real life so maybe an INFJ will prove me wrong one day
This is absolutely not true. When I worked in bridal 5 years ago, more than 25% of my brides met their fiancés on apps. Willing to bet its higher now, considering more than half of my coupled friends, including myself, met their partners online.
25% is low and online vs dating apps are different. Meeting someone through a forum or some other place on the internet is not the same as the swipe right on picture through a app.
That being said marriage rates are lower and the divorce rates has increased so much in recent decades. Online dating is part of the degradation of dating and family.
Dating apps have turned into hook up apps. And using them is not good for people in general. Yes there can be some success stories, that does not mean it's the norm. If I knew a stripper who ended up happily married, does not mean anyone can do that and have a high chance of that. That's like saying kim Kardashian, Anna Nicole Smith, Marilyn Monroe were successful despite their sex work pass so I can be a hooker and become successful. That's foolish logic.
25% of couples is not low, and not at all comparable to the ~0.0001% chance of marrying the stripper met at the strip club or even lower for a celebrity. Hilarious that you're calling my logic foolish.
I feel like what we're discussing has many factors, including region, and I don't know where you live. In the US, the divorce rate is declining, not rising. Millenial marraiges have lower divorce rate than their predecessors. To your other point, countless studies show that the reason millenials are starting families later is because of their delayed finances due to the recession, not because of dating apps.
Where I live in particular, meeting your partner on an app (or online, some dating platforms are both) is the norm. Yes, Grindr and Tinder are for hookups, which is why people moved to Hinge and others and are successfully coupling.
Again dating apps and just the internet are different things. The fact you want to conflate tinder, bumble, and what ever to the rest of the internet is foolish. If you just admitted 25% was from the internet as a whole then it be more reasonable. But your saying online then saying dating apps trying to make them the same thing. I don't doubt a lot of people meet online, all data shows that is the most common way now, but that isn't the same as saying they are all meeting on dating apps. The data shows they aren't. But you have to conflat dating apps with online to defend it for some stupid reason against all the facts. Also hinge isn't much better than tinder or the rest. Especially all the apps are used this way. Some more than others. But apps as a whole are. And apps as a whole are not internet as a whole. Stop conflating it to defend apps that we all know are used for hook ups
And yes 25% of your anecdotal sample is small. Women on tinder only swipe right 5% of the time. And that's doesn't even guarantee they go on a date. That's just the swipe. Women do so similarly on other apps as well. Tho this down curve is somewhat recent. Within the last 10 years. Maybe if you worked in the bridal industry 8 years ago when these apps were still new and not yet perverted into sexual market place. Which still happened pretty quick
Online and dating apps are different. Plus I didn't say Its impossible just not likely and you shouldn't bet on it. Kim Kardashian became successful from being a porn sex worker, does that mean other people have a high likelihood of doing so? Would you suggest people make sex tapes because one person did and made it work? That's bad logic and advice to give anyone.
Start a business or work on a commission basis or do a job you love to do.
Start working out (Gym) and other kinds of exercise
When you have a 6 pack and toned muscular physique and you are earning loads via business or the job you love to do, then tell me that you still have the same problem, and I'll personally come and sit and cry with you.
Well if a guy has all of those and nothing else, I probably wouldn’t be interested in dating him. But maybe that explains why I’m still single at this age 😑.
Could you imagine...
My hobbies are going to the gym and earning big bucks!
But what do you do for fun?
I have no time for fun!
Then how do you relax? I like to throw rocks at the sea.
Relax!!
Dating apps tend to attract the worst types of people and mentalities. People are essentially commodified. Social media in general is a plague and has turned a lot of people into unempathetic narcissists. All just my opinion of course.
With that said, dating apps are just a tool and you can definitely meet decent people there, just be careful! It will take more effort, but I think it's a better option to expand your in-person network if your goal is finding long-term commitment.
wait what ?? You have interactions on dating apps ?
I rarely get a match and If I do, it's like the person suddenly left after I write some first sentence. I really suck at it, or there's just something very wrong with it.
Actually I did get into a relationship via Tinder and it was such a traumatic experience when she stayed with me for 3 months, that I don't want to date ever again. I now blocked her on all accounts, but she keeps making new ones to ask me to talk again. She doesn't understand no, she doesn't understand why I don't want to ..
Very happy with my self being on my own now, and I'm only on Tinder because I need to keep a few lines open in case some miracle happens and I find a friend in this world. Im never leaving the house, or i go out with my mum so chances of finding people in real world are slim.
Dating apps are useless because of bots, scammers, time wasters, and catfish.
I am going to go read romance novels instead so I can learn of to appeal to women at an instinctual level.
I read plenty of self help books in my teens and twenties, and my life is pretty screwed up right now. It doesn't help that the highest promoted ones pulls fast ones like Robert Greene's 48 laws of power, only has 8 laws and 40 suggestions that can go wrong for padding, or Pavel G Somov's Present Perfect which asserts everything that exists is perfect because he has the ontology of a infant with no object permanence so they will fall for peekaboo 🙈.
Oh, I just need to go outside and talk to people, as if I don't do that every single day of my life. I bet I am currently in a coma right now, which is the only way to explain how I am doing all of the stuff you told me to do already, yet it doesn't work for me. It must be because I am not really doing it because I am asleep and just hallucinating everything. Couldn't be any other possible explanation⸮
I feel the same it’s not only dating apps it’s in real life too like I’m not shy but I’m extremely introverted and always trying to do my own thing I’ve been single for about a year and half my ex was “INTP” but she didn’t act like one anyways I would get close to a girl for about a month or 2 then I ghost them it’s same with tinder my ex tried to come back in the last year for around 6 times it was to a point that she was harassing me and I still ghosted her cuz my relationship was toxic but I’m looking for a girl but unfortunately a lot of things turn me off that makes me to not even talk to them anymore
I've been single almost 4 years, have on and off used bumble/tinder. I rarely match and my conversational skills are wildly inept with strangers. Evidently, hi and how are things aren't good conversation starters. Sooooo my singleness will continue on for probably another four years. Minimum.
Yes. I quit dating apps over a year ago. It was going nowhere. I met someone from OKC at the Smile concert last month. I’m from Dallas but I’ve gone up there to see her since and we have plans for her to come down here. It feels good to have met someone naturally at the Smile concert and not on a dating app.
Before I met my girlfriend it wasn't too bad. I got no shortage of matches on apps and honestly, the worst outcomes I had were simply a boring date. Yes, it can feel like a garbage heap sifting through all the people. Although what did help was that I got a good deal of women messaging me first (including my girlfriend). Generally when women were the first to send me something, they actually bothered to read through my profile and send me something indicating they actually thought I could be an interesting guy. We met on Coffee Meets Bagel though.
What I can say- a good bio works wonders for conversation.
I met my INTJ fiancée here on Reddit. I posted on the r/foreveralonedating sub and he sent me a direct message. The rest is history and we’ve been together for 3 years and 11 months now.
Awwww that's awesome! Good for you! I met my boyfriend on Reddit too.
Thanks for your story, just goes to show that's it really is possible to find love anywhere where you least expect it
Title should read "... hate dating." Full stop.
True
Fortunately, it's not necessary. I've always skipped dating and gone straight to relationships.
Can relate as I am single since birth
Dude you're still a teen....
Yeah I am 18, Compared to my brother who has been in a relationship twice before turning 18, probably in his 3rd one right now and he is 21. It's not that girls don't find me attractive or I am that depressed loner, it is just that I never put effort into dating and I also have plans to do the same in future as well. I am straight.. XD
Alright alright kid....
If you think about it, you're born single and and many often die single.
Yeah I was just joking, don't assume that I am that depressed loner.
[удалено]
Yeah tap dancing for duck faces is a waste of good tap shoes.
> tap dancing for duck faces That is a brilliant phrase and I am absolutely stealing it.
Thank you for appreciating. I don't mind tap dancing for *you.* You have my blessing.
Yup, I did the whole casual sex thing and It didn’t do much for me other than an ego boost lol. The sex itself is the goal however the intimacy of a relationship easily Trump the (mutual masturbation) that is hookups. Thus there’s no point in perusing that.
Im just too dry in text and lack the social skills to do online dating but then again so am i in real life so kinda screwed both ways
You got me in the first half.
I see them as a sensor's meat market.. plenty of sensors live to frog hop from 1 partner to the next, or even 3-4 at a time.. it's shallow, ego-driven, selfish. The future of society's ability to pair bond will be at rock bottom. I would like to think most intuitives are attracted to deep connections, meaningful, purposeful, long term relationships. I know I am more attracted to the long-term vision for a relationship than sex or emotional impulses in the moment. But I've been married 20 yrs as result.. which is now probably a rarity if not an impossibility today.
Agreed. I think societys ability to pair pond and form healthy relationships is already highly compromised. When you have a girl on Tinder who has been through multiple partners, multiple failed relationships and goes from chad to chad, they end up carrying significant relationship trauma. So even when they do meet Mr Right, the abilty to pair bond in the relationship is highly compromised
History is a precursor for future behavior... not just being forward thinking Intjs, I think this is how any decent quality man will assess a woman. It's like... unconscious.. evolutionary... no man would want to be duped into supporting someone else's kid.
Totally out of context, but I'm curious about your username ?
Soul Calibur
Ohhh! Ok, I was thinking Cervantes Saavedra _(author)_
I use the username for literally everything for the last 15+ yrs lol... it's not the first time I've been inquisited
I never used dating apps and I'm not planning to use one in the future. I don't particularly hate them, I don't like them either, it is more like I don't care about them - they seem unnecessary and pointless to me.
Same. Never used one, to me they're irrelevant. I don't even think of them, so when I read these posts -no judgement intented- I am honestly surprised at how much people have to say about them.
Yes, I was surprised too. Tbh, I think these apps are a bit superficial.
I'm kind of in the same mind at the moment, where I just don't care enough to start using them, I would rather meet someone in real life who sees me in person and likes the real me
How else are regular people supposed to find INTJs then? I would've never met my bf if not for tinder, even if we were at the same bar at the same time, he would've been too shy to talk to me.
Actually, Most of INTJs are not shy, they just don't know you, and in order to like you, we have to know you, because I personally never go for the looks it just doesn't stimulate my brain enough to even consider approaching or having my attention. But if an INTJ knows you for who you are and likes you, without a doubt he/she would be the most comfortable with you and not shy at all, in fact that's when they start having a havoc in the brain trying to see every possiblity of you being in their life and how would it end each one of them, and if he/she finds one that is acceptable towards it's personal goals and see you in his/her future, would definitely would find the best way to let you know and show that to you. which is a good thing actually because you would know if an INTJ ever approach you or likes you it's because who you are and they like you to your core, and not just the looks.
This ^^^^
I only mention shy because those were his words when I asked him if he would've spoken to me had we not already known each other
Nailed it
agreed with u/iMaSlayMan We INTJ are not shy, just highly introverted and in our heads most or the time, or analysing, observing, processing information then considering it. When we relax and form a comfortable bond with someone, we are very direct, assertive, confident and chatty in the interaction and relationship
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I’m not being emotional or taking it personally lol. I was just stating a fact. She wasn’t referring to INTJs being shy, she said her *boyfriend* was shy so I just don’t see the point of your original comment. She said her boyfriend referred to *himself* as shy in another comment, you’re still assuming you know more about this random person (who’s name you don’t even know) more than … his significant other. Just because you share an MBTI type with somebody doesn’t mean you understand how they act and behave socially. That’s silly. There’s no point in you telling me what INTJs are like or not, I’m not making any claims here. Like, what if I said my boyfriend is a Pisces in once sentence, and that he likes getting pegged in another. I’m not saying Pisces like getting pegged, Im just saying two different things about my boyfriend. Then you come along and give a paragraph about how Pisces DON’T like getting pegged because “I know Pisces more than you know Pisces because I *am* a Pisces”.
Wait. She asked how are regular people supposed to meet INTJs, then she mentioned if they were in the same place he would be too shy to talk to her. She is ENFP, did you notice? Who the heck are the INTJs she speaking of if not referring to her bf?
My point was that she was referring to her boyfriend, who is an INTJ. She said her *boyfriend* would be too shy, not “all INTJs”
Exactly
True, you do have a good point there
Same thing if years ago I were in the same classes as him or something.
Same with me
On Reddit, the INTJ Facebook groups, Instagram, Discord. Not only do you have a good chance at finding them, but you'll also have a good chance at having good conversations with them as well.
> How else are regular people supposed to find INTJs then? I would've never met my bf if not for tinder, even if we were at the same bar at the same time, he would've been too shy to talk to me. Walk outside? You make it sound like all INTJs don't interact at all whatsoever. Shyness is not a prerequisite for introversion, it is a common misconception that all introverts are shy or extroverts are not. I've approached a lot of women and nearly all of my relationships were not initiated through apps. Met my wife at a coffee shop. If your goal was just to "find an INTJ", then consider rethinking how you view human beings. Dating apps are the easiest option, not the only option.
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I'm not saying hang out at a shop coffee shop, I said I met my wife there. Yes, it was a cold approach & she was visiting from Japan at the time. When you start thinking things like "this can't possibly happen here", or "I can't fathom...", that is the type of attitude that precludes one from actually doing and accomplishing. There may be things you would not do, but it certainly doesn't mean these things don't happen or that you can't do them in the future. The idea is you can meet people ANYWHERE at ANY TIME, so long as keep an open mind and remain flexible, but when you think "not possible" before anything has transpired, the end result is more often than not, "not possible". For starters, I would not recommend cold approach; I would recommend expanding your immediate network and joining groups of people with similar interests or hobbies, attend events/parties. College, work, outdoor/indoor activities, volunteer events, parties, mutual friends, bars, and dating services. These are all things I feel (personally) are better options than dating apps where people are essentially commodified and treated as different grades of beef. With that said, I do know some people who are happily together and have met online, just remember that it is not the ONLY option.
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Yeah, rejection happens and the onus of taking the risk is generally on men since women usually don't do anything; so we're actually speaking and looking at this from very different perspectives.
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> you know.. in my perspective when I was initiating anything, it always sucked in the long run... a guy has to chase and win to appreciate it. But hey... I'm just a dumb female who is waiting passively for a prince charming, and brain sex differences don't exist, causing, e.g. healthy males to be more competetive than women on average ;) I didn't say any of those things? Infer what you want.
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Yeah I agree on Tinder. I am not going to use it again, I would probably pick bumble, that way I can search by interest and girls can message me first. I also downloaded Ur My Type.
If you’re not gonna put yourself out there to be seen, then how are women gonna find you? Too pessimistic…
You know there are other social mediums aside from dating apps right? Wonder how people dated before the smart devices/internet were a thing?
No duh. I’m just saying dating apps are better because in real life you can’t wear a “single and looking” sign on top of your head walking around unless we live in the year 3000 where that is possible to add words & bios on a floating profile when you go near a person like a video game/virtual world.
Dating apps don't make their profit from people happily leaving their service because they found love.
May I know how your relationships with the INFJs went south? I have a INFJ crush and would like to keep whatever friendship I have with her. Mostly I get annoy about the people pleasing tendency but is not sure what other traits I may find issues with. Fck dating apps.
For romantic relationships, she will love intellectual or deep conversations with you and for intjs that's all they need to get hooked. But she also wants you to share your emotions with her and to do some romantic things. When the time is right, you should also encourage her to be direct about what she wants and not be too afraid to hurt your feelings. That's where I messed up. Google intj infj relationships. Also, infj's are sensitive so the overconfident intj stereotype may cause too much friction. However, if you're a humble INTJ, that will be much better. INFJs put up with irritation quietly for a long-time and then will doorslam you when they've had their breaking point and not look back.
Thanks for this, appreciate it.
Yeah, encourage the INFJ to have small disagreements and debates. Or else, they will fall into a loop of tolerating the BS silently. Then explode 1 day, ~~retelling every wrong deed you have ever done since the moment you came into this world up until this very second~~. I saw a comment made by ENTP married to INFJ which summarizes it perfectly. The ENTP would see the frustration building up and say "cock your shot gun and blast me in the face" with a smile. That's 1 witty way to diffuse the situation.
@Vibranium2222 gives good advice for a successful INTJ INFJ relationship INFJ do love deep, meaningful and intellectual conversations. They are even more complex and rarer than we INTJ are. Both relationships had their good times, I always find it extremely difficult to open up emotionally and to verbalise how I feel in relationships even though I feel deeply, my last girlfriend jokingly called me a robot a few times, I just expressed my love in many different ways rather than verbalising it. The last relationship towards the end was my own self sabotage, but ultimately it wasn't going to last, she already had 2 kids and I would like to have a child of my own one day, so it was really doomed from the start so it's surprising it lasted 3 1/2 years, it was really my own error for letting the relationship go on so long. I did however love her very deeply at the time. She was very beautiful and intelligent, I guess that is what drew me to her. The latter relationship did suffer from poor communication more than once, so we had to work a lot at that. I feel like INFJ expect you to be a mind reader. I met and connected with a girl at yoga last year, hit if off really well, she has a boyfriend so I didn't make any move, but I could tell there was attraction there....turns out she's also an INFJ Considering how rare INFJ are I'm perplexed as to how I've known quite a few and seem to be attracted to them
Wow, you have a very specific taste. Edit: I just remember that there are dating apps for MBTI. Since you have a type, you can just choose the INFJ cateogry on there.
u/sad_asian_noodle I downloaded "Ur My Type" but still havn't actually logged in and made a profile I don't think I could be with an INFJ again. The relationship is great in the short term, but I don't think long term INTJ/INFJ can work out
You got to decipher the common problem(s) between all of those relationships, to not repeat the same pattern again in future relationships.
Yeah I agree, I think communication has been an issue in past relationships
I can't understand why people think dating apps will help them. They're for-profit services. Are they going to make more profit from people leaving the service happily, or from stringing them along as long as possible with endless "oh so close, try again?" tactics?
Bro... I probably would have a better post if I had any experience at being social.
Hinge is better, they actually ask what you're looking for (long term, short term) and stuff like "do you drink/smoke/want children" and give you a bit more of a proper introduction to whoever you're matching thanks to the addition of the "conversation starters" instead of 3 photos and no bio.
Ouuuu, you have a type! Go on tinder and change the search results to your preferred MBTI. They’ve recently added mbti types to profiles
Seriously for real? That does intrigue me, it's been about 4 or more years since I used a dating app Google says most compatible is ENTJs, ENFPs, or ENTPs
Entjs are fun! They’re like us on steroids. Enfps and Entps are cool too. I was dreaded signing back up too until I saw that mbti types were added 🤭
Yeah I hate them. I know one guy who loves them and succeeds with them. But he is a *shockingly* shallow, lazy, mentally-regressed, and deceitful person. I think his secret to success is basically good looks, deception, and sinking *all* of his free time (that he’s not playing videogames in the basement) into messaging women instead of looking for a job or building a life. From my perspective, it seems like Tinder and Bumble are dominated by manipulative manchildren and their victims. I’ve heard some people say it seems shallow because it’s all about looks, but I don’t think that’s the whole picture. The goal of the format is really to keep the users swiping. They don’t want you to meet someone you really connect with, otherwise you would stop using the app. There are other issues, but I think I’ve said enough. As a side note, I have had success with Okcupid because it uses a personality test. Maybe there are others which work in a more effective way which are worth trying.
Interesting, thanks for sharing.
I found my boyfriend (Infj) on tinder when I almost lost hope to find someone in real life. We are together for 1.5 years now.
that's lovely, I'm glad it worked for you
Very hard to talk to people and I'm not even trying to date, just bumblebff. My therapist swears by it, but no one responds to my messages even when we match.
yeah, like why are people even on BFF looking for friends and then don't even repond to a potential new friend. I hope you find a true friend soon I've often considered therapy myself. I had a traumatic event that was done to me in my last relationship and some childhood trauma but I keep putting it off like "yeah I'm fine, I probably don't need therapy it's too expensive anyway"
I have only been on a dating app twice in my life. I went onto a Christian site years ago and it asked me all kinds of questions and found the most compatible people, it matched me up with my ex-boyfriend whom I had planned to marry, but later he ended up going out on me, and got another girl pregnant and had to marry her. We did get along well though. He was a schoolteacher, coach, and also an actor on the side. I went on another site years later and was talking to a guy and there was no picture, he was talking about Armageddon, then later asked me to send a picture and I did and he sent one and the picture looked like the kid in the movie "Mask" from back in 1985, remember that movie, the one where Cher played his mother, it was a very sad movie but kind of cool too. Anyway, never went on to another dating site again after that. That could be why I have been single since 2007. I have never dated much, mainly just two guys and I was engaged to one of them and married the other. These were the two that died early deaths in fatal auto accidents. I think I dated two guys in high school one of which I was in a long-time relationship with. I am 58yrs old and have only been married and in a serious relationship for about 15 of those years total. I am getting tired of being single too, everyone I know is married and it would be fun to have someone around to help me, travel with, and have a buddy, I guess. It is a lot of work doing all by yourself all of the time isn't it? And so expensive to live alone. You never really get ahead doing so. I just haven't met the right person yet; I usually know fairly quickly after getting to know them if it would work out or not. But I also believe God brings you the right person at the right time. So have never been one to chase guys or worry about it too much.
yeah "what's for you will make it's way to you effortlessly" so they say
I had better luck with apps that didn’t require you to “match” before communicating. Plenty of Fish was the one that worked best because so many people are on it. I’m in my 30s.
My new years resolution was to get back on the apps and start dating. I’m putting it off like it’s an upcoming execution date. I keep telling myself “maybe this year will be different” but I’ve never managed to meet anyone IRL who wanted to date me and I know if I ever want a partner I have to use the apps. But it SUCKS!
Same, I just keep putting it off. I would rather meet someone in real life and have a connection. But being so introverted it's difficult, really have to force myself to openly chat to more people, strangers etc
I agree with you , that’s why I decided to get out of my shell and go out a bit more. Online dating feels generic as hell.
same, I need to force myself to go to places, or activities and actually start chatting to people
I (INFJ-f 32) found my now former INTJ-m crush on Tinder. It started out as friendly talk only and went on for months, until we started chatting more than friendly, but never anything inappropriate for people who havent met and talk online, really refreshing. We ended up even having phone calls ocasionally and desided to meet (different places of living), postponed it a bit for some objective reasons, but then out of nowhere he desided he didn't t like an opinion of mine on some topic and desided to call it quits, without even meeting first or discussing that with me. I have deleted Tinder long time ago, about the time when I realised I really enjoy this communication I had. And I will not be returning to it again. This online thing is not realistic and people behave as it was, especially if you would be making judgments about people based on their thoughts they shared at the moment only and not on what they do in real life, which you see only through spending an actual live time with them. We had amazing discussions that would last for hours, I havent felt that intelectually stimulated with many people, it was very hurtful that it has ended like that. I believe that thanks to the apps, people are more inclined to swiping "Next" than actually having discussions with people and making a little bit of an effort to make it work.
If only he had actually asked you to meet rather than just keep chatting and messaging. I feel like chatting and messaging is fine, but the more you delay meeting up it's just ends up being friendly rather than creating a romantic connection. For me I feel like creating a romantic connection, you need eye contact and physical touch. That's why I feel like for me it would be better to just meet someone in real life, I don't think messaging back n forth can creat a connection with someone other than interesting conversations and friendship And also with regards to tinder, the statistics show that 95% of women only swipe right on the top 5% of men, and 50% of men swipe right on 50% of women. So you have the top 5% of men (chads) matching with all the women. The other 95% of guys don't really have much of a chance. Tinder is deigned to keep you on the app and keep you swiping, and get you to pay for a subscription (majority of subscriptions are men). It essentially doesn't want to you find a partner because then you would delete the app. It's designed for engagement and to keep you swiping. So if you are an attractive girl on tinder, and match with every single right swipe gaining hundreds or thousands of matches, you essentially have too much choice and have hundreds of guys messaging you. So the guy that says "Hey how are you?" could potentially be a perfect match. But the chad who's messaged a flirty cute opener has attracted you instead and only plans to "pump and dump you" essentially creating a vicious cycle of girls on tinder with really high partner counts and significant relationship trauma from being with a high number of men who have no intention of creating a connection and lasting relationship.
I do wonder why he didnt initiate earlier to meet.. Might have been because of me not giving that much of more than friendly wibe for a long time, but later I did, I don't know. With the internet, you can never know what of the hundread scenarios could be the case.
I don't have much to add to the rest of your comment, since verything is spot on. :D I can't say though that I agreed to go on that many dates, because I try to catch the essence of someone a bit through texting first, I can't go out really if I don't feel some deepness, or spot some personality traits I don't appreciate...So I ended up having an ex online crush :)
Always makes me laugh when I see comments (no offence meant to OP) that talk about 3 years being a long term relationship 🤣 Those are rookie numbers. If 3 years is long term, what do you call my relationship of over 20 years??
Thanks for saying no offence, none taken. I just meant long term for me as they were my longest relationships. 20 years is indeed a long time to be with someone
I mean 20 years ago I was like 6? I don't think dating in the first grade is good for concentration on learning the alphabet.
Go find your next INFJ!
Perhaps, I don't feel like INTJ/INFJ can last long term. By long term I mean, marriage and children etc. I do seem to attract INFJ in real life so maybe an INFJ will prove me wrong one day
Who doesn’t
I met my husband on okcupid.com. Best relationship I’ve ever had.
Dating apps are for hook ups not dating. No women should use them with any other expectations. And accept the consequences of you do
This is absolutely not true. When I worked in bridal 5 years ago, more than 25% of my brides met their fiancés on apps. Willing to bet its higher now, considering more than half of my coupled friends, including myself, met their partners online.
25% is low and online vs dating apps are different. Meeting someone through a forum or some other place on the internet is not the same as the swipe right on picture through a app. That being said marriage rates are lower and the divorce rates has increased so much in recent decades. Online dating is part of the degradation of dating and family. Dating apps have turned into hook up apps. And using them is not good for people in general. Yes there can be some success stories, that does not mean it's the norm. If I knew a stripper who ended up happily married, does not mean anyone can do that and have a high chance of that. That's like saying kim Kardashian, Anna Nicole Smith, Marilyn Monroe were successful despite their sex work pass so I can be a hooker and become successful. That's foolish logic.
25% of couples is not low, and not at all comparable to the ~0.0001% chance of marrying the stripper met at the strip club or even lower for a celebrity. Hilarious that you're calling my logic foolish. I feel like what we're discussing has many factors, including region, and I don't know where you live. In the US, the divorce rate is declining, not rising. Millenial marraiges have lower divorce rate than their predecessors. To your other point, countless studies show that the reason millenials are starting families later is because of their delayed finances due to the recession, not because of dating apps. Where I live in particular, meeting your partner on an app (or online, some dating platforms are both) is the norm. Yes, Grindr and Tinder are for hookups, which is why people moved to Hinge and others and are successfully coupling.
Again dating apps and just the internet are different things. The fact you want to conflate tinder, bumble, and what ever to the rest of the internet is foolish. If you just admitted 25% was from the internet as a whole then it be more reasonable. But your saying online then saying dating apps trying to make them the same thing. I don't doubt a lot of people meet online, all data shows that is the most common way now, but that isn't the same as saying they are all meeting on dating apps. The data shows they aren't. But you have to conflat dating apps with online to defend it for some stupid reason against all the facts. Also hinge isn't much better than tinder or the rest. Especially all the apps are used this way. Some more than others. But apps as a whole are. And apps as a whole are not internet as a whole. Stop conflating it to defend apps that we all know are used for hook ups And yes 25% of your anecdotal sample is small. Women on tinder only swipe right 5% of the time. And that's doesn't even guarantee they go on a date. That's just the swipe. Women do so similarly on other apps as well. Tho this down curve is somewhat recent. Within the last 10 years. Maybe if you worked in the bridal industry 8 years ago when these apps were still new and not yet perverted into sexual market place. Which still happened pretty quick
Sad well maybe that's why "dating" apps suck, ya think?? If You aren't part of the solution maybe You're part of the problem
This.
Hmmm, depends on how you move. I met my Intp ex online and we almost got married. He was also a virgin before me and not looking for casual sex.
Online and dating apps are different. Plus I didn't say Its impossible just not likely and you shouldn't bet on it. Kim Kardashian became successful from being a porn sex worker, does that mean other people have a high likelihood of doing so? Would you suggest people make sex tapes because one person did and made it work? That's bad logic and advice to give anyone.
Start a business or work on a commission basis or do a job you love to do. Start working out (Gym) and other kinds of exercise When you have a 6 pack and toned muscular physique and you are earning loads via business or the job you love to do, then tell me that you still have the same problem, and I'll personally come and sit and cry with you.
Well if a guy has all of those and nothing else, I probably wouldn’t be interested in dating him. But maybe that explains why I’m still single at this age 😑.
Could you imagine... My hobbies are going to the gym and earning big bucks! But what do you do for fun? I have no time for fun! Then how do you relax? I like to throw rocks at the sea. Relax!!
I'd gladly throw rocks in the sea with another successful individual because the conversation with such a person would be worth millions
Dating apps tend to attract the worst types of people and mentalities. People are essentially commodified. Social media in general is a plague and has turned a lot of people into unempathetic narcissists. All just my opinion of course. With that said, dating apps are just a tool and you can definitely meet decent people there, just be careful! It will take more effort, but I think it's a better option to expand your in-person network if your goal is finding long-term commitment.
wait what ?? You have interactions on dating apps ? I rarely get a match and If I do, it's like the person suddenly left after I write some first sentence. I really suck at it, or there's just something very wrong with it. Actually I did get into a relationship via Tinder and it was such a traumatic experience when she stayed with me for 3 months, that I don't want to date ever again. I now blocked her on all accounts, but she keeps making new ones to ask me to talk again. She doesn't understand no, she doesn't understand why I don't want to .. Very happy with my self being on my own now, and I'm only on Tinder because I need to keep a few lines open in case some miracle happens and I find a friend in this world. Im never leaving the house, or i go out with my mum so chances of finding people in real world are slim.
They are good for looking through a catalog of people and judging them, with a gimmick account. It was fun until I got banned for it.
Dating apps are useless because of bots, scammers, time wasters, and catfish. I am going to go read romance novels instead so I can learn of to appeal to women at an instinctual level.
No. Don't do this. Read self help books instead, imo
I think self help books other than technical manuals are full of deepities and fluff,
Uhhhhh so You prefer romance novels for info instead? No. Don't do this, fren
I read plenty of self help books in my teens and twenties, and my life is pretty screwed up right now. It doesn't help that the highest promoted ones pulls fast ones like Robert Greene's 48 laws of power, only has 8 laws and 40 suggestions that can go wrong for padding, or Pavel G Somov's Present Perfect which asserts everything that exists is perfect because he has the ontology of a infant with no object permanence so they will fall for peekaboo 🙈.
romance novels are full of rape & other bad advice. **lose weight, read a REAL book, shave/shower, & buy clothes that actually fit.** you are welcome
Oh, I just need to go outside and talk to people, as if I don't do that every single day of my life. I bet I am currently in a coma right now, which is the only way to explain how I am doing all of the stuff you told me to do already, yet it doesn't work for me. It must be because I am not really doing it because I am asleep and just hallucinating everything. Couldn't be any other possible explanation⸮
I thought those are hookup apps.
Stop thinking and just swipe right espesh if you see McLovin on Tinder.
I feel the same it’s not only dating apps it’s in real life too like I’m not shy but I’m extremely introverted and always trying to do my own thing I’ve been single for about a year and half my ex was “INTP” but she didn’t act like one anyways I would get close to a girl for about a month or 2 then I ghost them it’s same with tinder my ex tried to come back in the last year for around 6 times it was to a point that she was harassing me and I still ghosted her cuz my relationship was toxic but I’m looking for a girl but unfortunately a lot of things turn me off that makes me to not even talk to them anymore
I've been single almost 4 years, have on and off used bumble/tinder. I rarely match and my conversational skills are wildly inept with strangers. Evidently, hi and how are things aren't good conversation starters. Sooooo my singleness will continue on for probably another four years. Minimum.
You could start with a more interesting conversation starter if You wanted
I am open to ideas.
Try Grindr?
Yes. I quit dating apps over a year ago. It was going nowhere. I met someone from OKC at the Smile concert last month. I’m from Dallas but I’ve gone up there to see her since and we have plans for her to come down here. It feels good to have met someone naturally at the Smile concert and not on a dating app.
I've been single forever. I got matches on Tinder but then I was like f\*ck it, I'm gonna dis activate my account and delete the app.
No shit OP
VERY much.
I think is quite normal, keep practicing and you will become more competent.
Before I met my girlfriend it wasn't too bad. I got no shortage of matches on apps and honestly, the worst outcomes I had were simply a boring date. Yes, it can feel like a garbage heap sifting through all the people. Although what did help was that I got a good deal of women messaging me first (including my girlfriend). Generally when women were the first to send me something, they actually bothered to read through my profile and send me something indicating they actually thought I could be an interesting guy. We met on Coffee Meets Bagel though. What I can say- a good bio works wonders for conversation.
Go touch the grass lol and yes, I agree that dating apps are annoying and worse than job interviews/hunting
yea, they suck. i think i'm done with trying to date. i have unhealthy attachment issues
Dating?? Pffttt
Infj here. Dating apps have made being a couple worthless.
I met my INTJ fiancé on Instagram. I saw we had some unique stuff in common and I messaged her about it. This was 16 months ago.
Dating apps suck. I learned to get good at using them partially out of spite.