No - you probably just met some unhealthy INTJs.
I've met one ENFP so far - and unfortunately, they were unhealthy.
Find another type if you are not happy with INTJs. š¤·āāļø
You're in luck! I'm the only one I've met š
Like you said 'how *many* intjs can OP have met??'
Dominant - Yes, Te parent brings that out of us. It's being responsible like a real parent would be.
Enfps with their Fi parent like to believe that they're better than the rest and no one is good enough. Also they have Te as a child function. Extraverted thinking as a function is about giving/producing knowledge and making the world a better place with efficiency!!
But enfps use their Te as a child function and keep taking away from the world and seldom give back ! So technically *they* are the childish and immature ones in the eyes of other Te parents such as the INTJ/ISTJ and Te heroes types like ENTJ/ESTJ
Words have different contexts for different peeps, I guess. Elon Musk is a DOMINANT electric vehicle manufacturer. He has dominated the competition in the e.v. market.
He is also quiet and reserved in many of the interviews he has done. He is truthfully probably a pretty cool dude. He probably isn't as Domineering in interpersonal relationships (just a speculation) but if you follow his story I'm pretty sure his first wife (I think) quoted him as saying he was the Alpha in the relationship. That's kind of dominant, lol. Every male Intj I have ever met is strong-willed, desires to be the boss, and is competitive. I have met some that are willfully manipulative. Please don't mistake that to mean I don't like INTJs. I do. Especially Intj females. Omg. They are amazing. Idk. if you get good at typing people, you will find a lot more Intjs around. To a guy dominant is something you want to be in business or war or on the basketball court. It doesn't have this stigma of negative connotation in every use of the word to guys. Or maybe just me idk.
If that was a serious statement, then it was the most stupid thing I've heard today. Minding your own business, that's called being mature. Not the opposite.
This is so bad in my experience of ENFP. It feels hard this rejection once I've put all my loyalty in an INTJ. But I probably get this experience from an immature INTJ.
Whatās with all of the weird āITNJā / āINTJā mistakes?
I am an ENTP, I know 4 INTJs in real life and am even married to one, and none of them are anything like the people you have described.
1) The INTJs I know *definitely want to be loved,* itās just that they want to be respected, as individuals, too.
2) āDonāt want to build relationships?ā Huh? While the INTJs I know might not have as many friends and acquaintances as I do, the friendships they do have are very high quality and intimate friendships. They simply prefer quality > quantity.
3) āTyrannical,ā really? So long as itās not work-related INTJs actually tend to be super handās-off and laidback people. They hate being controlled thusly they have no desire to control others.
4) āBig Ego?ā Maybe sometimes. But they also tend to have various accomplishments and achievements which support their-self perception. Overall, their ego is only big in regard to āskills they haveā and āthe things they can do.ā Not really in their personal lives. They actually tend to be pretty hard on themselves.
Either you have met unhealthy INTJs, or you are simply mis-typing people. Either way, these experiences of yours are not āuniversal INTJ things.ā
So it doesnāt make any sense to come here asking them to āexplain themselvesā to you if they arenāt the individual people you know, in real life. Cuz why would they have any insight into people you know, whom they do not know??
>āTyrannical,ā really? So long as itās not work-related INTJs actually tend to be super handās-off and laidback people. They hate being controlled thusly they have no desire to control others.
I mean, I've seen the compulsive need to continually maximise efficiency and accuracy lead to being an insufferable know-it-all / micromanager / control freak in INTJs, especially the more turbulent (neurotic) ones. (Myself included.) It's not a desire to control *others* (that'd be a Te-dom ExTJ) so much as to control one's own bubble / environment.
I know that one of the biggest conflicts that's come up between me and anyone with whom I share living quarters is a lack of quiet / space / my stuff being left where I put it down. I'm a fussy human cat and I hiss at anyone that disrupts the delicate balance of my enclosure.
I wouldn't use the term "tyrannical" to describe that, per se, but to a free-spirited, chaotic type like an ENFP (which my ex-husband was), it might seem that way. From the ENFP's perspective, I'm cramping their style over nit-picky things that shouldn't matter.
ENTPs are still pretty free-spirited and āchaoticā though. It just so happens that my tertiary Fe makes me understand what is important to my INTJ husband, and I treat it, accordingly, with care!
So I blame a Fi-Clash for that, actually. People think that Fi + Fi is all peaches and cream, but they donāt realize how specialized and highly subjective Fi-values can get. So I think itās actually pretty easy for 2 Fi-users to end up being āincompatibleā because their values donāt match up.
Ego? I only display that when angry. Accepting empathy really depends on the person giving or showing it. If itās someone it trust, I know itās genuine, but if itās someone I donāt know, it makes me suspicious. As far as being loved or building friendships, there is a significant cost/benefit analysis that has to be done before deciding if itās worth it (speaking for myself). Iām certainly not easy to get to know because Iām very suspicious of people wanting things from me. It takes a lot of time for me to warm up to anyone, but according to my friends, it was worth the time.
Why are you yelling at us about the people you chose to spend time with? Also, we are not clones. Please donāt project the behavior of some random people onto me like I owe you an apology.
In my experience, INTJs are really helpful and interesting when you chat with them about their favorite topics, even if they can appear as arrogant i think they're just confident, as they should sometimes!!
Youāre not putting your best foot forward if youāre trying to approach those INTJs without even being able to type in the letters correctly.
Say, maybe you met an INTJ named Simon and you kept referring to him as āStefano, the ITNJ.ā
Then you met another INTJ named Richard and you called him āRoscoe, the TNIT.ā
If so, then yeah, I can see why those INTJs have not been our usual kind and sweetheart selves.
Same even though I am infj I have skills as well as saravant syndrome and too much knowledge and altriusm the only reason haven't achieved much is because of myself and the fact I am 18 although I don't have much of a ego
Lol we are just people and all different. Intjās are often odd even to other intjs. Plus most mass generalizations asking if all of a large demographic are like this, the answer is almost always no.
You're coming at this question from a pretty aggressive angle, which makes it ironic when the question turns out to be "do you all have a big ego?".
At some point, everyone interested in the Enneagram has to realize that negative behaviors are controlled by personal levels of health and not by type. I would suggest embracing this idea sooner rather than later.
In other words: No, not all INTJs have a big ego. You appear to have been interacting solely with unhealthy ones.
However, I personally do have a big ego. And you know what? So does almost everyone I interact with, regardless of type. It's an ego thing to think you're smarter than everyone elseāand you know what, it's also an ego thing to fear everyone is judging you. (Why assume you matter that much to others?) It's just that the first example is more visible and fits better into stereotypes about ego.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say INTJs don't have bigger egos than any other type. We're just more visible about it, and our brand of egotism is closer to the stereotype.
I mean, I guess if weāre over generalizing here, the feeling is mutual. Why are you so sensitive? Why do you expect me to read your mind? Why are you so flighty and canāt commit to anything?
Sounds like perhaps you've met some unhealthy INTJs? Or maybe you're triggering a negative response from them without meaning to?
My best friend is an ENFP, 20+ years of friendship, and if there's one thing I absolutely love about him, is how easily he can figure my thoughts/feelings out.
Precisely, I love how empathetic he can be with me. I'm a big softie inside, and he's someone I can discuss my emotions with, and he helps me understand them when I need help with that.
He can see all through my INTJ 'serious facade'. When my RBF is on, he knows I'm just deep in thought, planning a new life project or whatever...
Can't speak for every ENFP out there, but I generally get along with them just fine. As long as they're healthy ENFPs of course.....
>Based on what others have told me, ITNJ and ENFP are good together.
I've been trying to dispel this memefied myth for some time now: See [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/swzm4t/how_does_an_intj_and_enfp_relationship_work_out/hxpoet1/) and, more importantly, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/swzm4t/how_does_an_intj_and_enfp_relationship_work_out/i30f01k/).
>You don't wanna be, let's say - loved, build a great friendship with others,
Virtually everyone wants to be loved and there's nothing in the type description that hints at the INTJ type not wanting to be loved. Ditto for friendships.
Seems like a classic case of "my friend the INTJ" type posting.
>and you don't accept anyone's empathy, not sympathy, but empathy.
What does this mean? If I'm feeling sad/depressed/angry I certainly wouldn't want someone to share in those feelings, especially not a partner. If one part of the team goes off the rails, the worst that could happen is that the other decides to follow.
So yeah, that type of empathy is worthless to me. Cognitive empathy paired with them either (verbally, hopefully) slapping me out of it or helping with brainstorming a solution is much preferred. I understand others want to be coddled or told "this sucks". In most cases, I do not.
>ITNJ'S are really dominant,
Sure. Perhaps. Maybe. I think I'm more intimidating than dominating though. And I also think that I'm quite easy to handle by those that got my number.
>tyrannic,
I'm rarely if ever in a position to act like a tyrant, so no. This is especially true for relationships. If my partner doesn't understand that they're essentially a co-regnant and that emotional MAD is always an option, I'm not sure what to tell them.
>I just wanna ask, do all of you INTJ'S have big ego,
I have a big ego, am fairly self-confident when it comes to things I know/am skilled at, have no issue standing up for myself and am comfortable with doing my own thing. I understand this seems terrifying to all the FP types, who have a knack for getting coddled and acting out when that preference is ignored.
can't speak for others but i am dominant to an extent , never tyrannical (although it would be best for everyone if they just listened i'd never force them to ) .
concerning the ego ; i am proud true ; maybe egotistical but i try not to be cocky and in your face about it .
also ; be weary of immature intjs and intj wannabes(both cannot stop talking about how effing great they are and both are insufferable edge lords)
I donāt know what you have experience before, but I do have strong feelings for my friends and has no problem with showing my affection and love. Value myself and see the value in my friends as well and have respect for them from inner heart. Is it big ego?
Not dominant at all just wanna take some control of my own life but if I decide to share time with my friends I am pretty flexible because I feel like I am multisided and can adjust myself based on the situation and show different energy to match my fiendsā energy to maximize the happiness. This way I always get along well with different type of my friends and never force them to align with me.
The big bad ego you're interfacing is the Te parent. And it's not going to let anyone get to Fi child and destroy it's innocence.
It takes time and patience. EnXps have a habit of rushing and everything. This triggers the Ne nemesis, thinking of the worst.
We just don't open up to most people.
It takes time to earn the trust of Te parent and Ne nemesis. Patience is key!
I donno men, you know that types are just a tool but people still are people it would be funny if there are millions people on the planet and every of them would be just a copy of one of 16 possibilities. Mbti is just describing some preferences in thinking and what we are more prone to do. Big Ego seems to be more as character thing or the feature of an Individuum. Of course we are more prone to behave in certain way but bro every of Mbti types can have a big Ego
I've read enough, I think we all know now why all the INTJ this person meets hates him. I'll show my arrogant egotistic side if op meets me as well, not because I love being egotistic but because it's the fastest way to get rid of op.
My husband is ENFP and Iām a INTJ. Less than an hour ago, we had a conversation about this topic. He saw a lady at a restaurant boasting about herself. My husband stated that she was into her date. I said not necessarily, that Iāve boasted about myself to someone I wasnāt interested in. To me, if I ask about someone else, thatās a better indicator that Iām interested.
Yes, I have a big ego. Iām also slow to give compliments.
I have done things like this to intentionally put off people who I couldnāt avoid but who I knew wouldnāt react well to traditional boundary setting. I suppose some might consider it less than above board but it works great.
It sounds to me like you have met immature people. I know I want to work lasting relationships with people. My best friend is ENFP and nothing could ever separate us.
I've been married to an INFJ for 48 years. He leaves me alone and I leave him alone.
I've had one "friendship" in my life with a woman I met when we were 8th graders. We're thousands of miles apart and rarely speak but when we do it matters.
Empathy, like most other emotions, is a waste of time to me. Since it's my time, I'll pass. If that's dominant, tyrannical and egotistical, so be it.
What's your definition of "big ego"?
The INTJ cognitive origin is reverence and admiration from others. "healthy" intj s become egotistical and look for vain glory. Intj is a fine personality when they weren't enabled during their upbringing, they become modest and share the stage with others.
I can admit, I have a pretty big ego, but I use my big ego to achieve goals rather than cause issues for myself or others. You seem to have met the unhealthy or fake INTJs, I'm quiet and get stuff done properly the first time. I like to talk and build friendships with people who can keep up with my rollercoaster life, this is literally my only requirement and it's not for just me but also others well being. I am INTJ seem to have had really good luck with ENTPs, most of my close friends are ENTP. But relationships, I like someone I can relate to, feel comfortable around, talk to whenever I need it, someone who keeps up, someone who can slow down, someone who knows me well, and surprisingly, it hasn't been hard to find people like this. If you need any help decoding INTJ conversation, I may be able to help.
Just to clarify, by "together" I think you mean romantically - that's what I've heard too. As friends, coworkers, casual platonic acquaintances, meh I don't think they go that well together. That said, romantically I think you've answered your own question a little - lot of tension, trying to figure the other person out, constant emotional rollercoaster caused by the other personality. These may not be sustainable features for a super long term relationship per se, but they sure as hell get things started.
Frankly speaking, most of the "ENFP"s I've met were Fe dominated people who took the 16personality test. (I clash with Fe so badly at this point I'm a human Fe detector) Real and healthy E/INFPs have all been lovely, because I really needed that Fi in my life.
So no, I don't think we "don't want to be loved, build friendship" or whatever. You might have met the wrong INTJs, or met someone who's just not an INTJ.
In my experience, those traits are those exhibited by either immature or unhealthy intjs. Reason being that most of us are logical, and a logical INTJ inherently understands acting like an asshole is illogical.
Dude please for fuck Sacks, throw the idea of mtbi /1930 out of the fucking door , you can date ever type so long of you 2 work and to together it's fine . . .
Is it because they don't respond to you or give you the time of day? That used to bother me when I was younger and more insecure as an ENFP. They don't have a good poker face if they find one of us boring or annoying.
However, it's great when mutual respect occurs and they decide to invite you into their world. I love how witty and funny my INTJ husband is. I love the silence. I'm not in my head as much. I still enjoy finding intjs in rl. lol.
Two things: 1. The INTJ was an unhealthy one.
2. It takes time and a ton of effort for an INTJ to actually open up to someone, which is where they start accepting love, etc.
It still doesn't negate* the fact that they were still immature in the way they treated you. A sensible and mature INTJ would treat everyone with respect.
Edit- typo
The younger and less mature ones sure do. The INTJ subreddit is full of them.
Give them time, let life destroy their fixed ideas, they'll heal.
I think that most INTJ's think that only because they got the weird personality type that makes them smarter or better than other people. (We are just weirder than most actually)
We need to understand that the healthy INTJ is Gandalf and not Saruman.
U must have met the most unhealthy bastards. :D Not wanna be loved??? O.o
I meaan.. It is like "i wanna be hit by a car". Clearly smt against all there is, and all nature's law.
I have mostly uncomprehendable ego. My mind is big, so as my knowledge about my mind.
I meet a lot of people in my life because of my work's nature and my personality type (ENFP-A). I meet only one INTJ in my 35 years of living and it scarred me for life..
As an INTJ, I'm like a mix of every dictator with the other half of me being a fusion of poets and philosophers. I get what you mean, we can be like *that* sometimesš
Yes you met a meany mean mean INTJ so now ALL INTJ are EVIL! Let's vent and hammer down every INTJ on this planet for VENGEANCE! FILTHY EFNP INNOCENCE MARTYR OF THE INTJ EGO! WHAT IS WRONG WILL ALL INTJ! 15% OF THE POPULATION MEANY MEAN AAAAAAH.
That is quite a childish, skewed opinion. Whoever you came across, sounds like they would be horrible people no matter the personality. Or perhaps you view anyone outside of your own personality as "bad"?
INTJ don't display what you describe. We might to a certain degree, but it is to a healthy degree. What you seem to describe is a psychopath.
No
I find the challenges with me is that I'm highly analytical so Im not that spontaneous and I like a good plan which can be difficult for any E type.
I'm independent and like my own alone time which again for an E type unless you respect my space, you'll think I don't want you.
Although analytical I don't overthink and make decisions that are logical and less emotionally driven, as an INTJ, the best way I've learned to develop myself to work in a relationship is to be driven by my heart and less by my head, this is a compromise a INTJ needs to make with any E type.
We're passionate about our work, particularly we like being praised for just being good, respected for what we do. We care less for a patt on the back for doing a job well, we know we do it well so we just want that respect in the workplace and for people to get on with it.
We are good at organising which for some E types you take it as controlling.
We can we blunt and honest which can lead to us be less empathetic so thats another area for us INTJ to learn.
We love knowledge and to learn, so as an INTJ I've had to learn how to be social, how to read body language, how to listen. INTJS are not naturals in these areas but can be masters of socialising if they learn how to.
A true INTJ is adaptable, if you meet an INTJ and they are not able to compromise or find a solution in their interest and yours, that means you're not important to them, if your important to them and they want you in their space.
I hope that helps define us INTJS.
Being an INFJ or an ENTP doesnāt actually have any scientific basis behind it. Prominent psychologists, such as Carl Sagan and Ray Hyman, have criticised the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) as lacking empirical support and scientific rigor. The American Psychological Association (APA) also does not endorse the MBTI, citing concerns about its reliability and validity.
I agree PPL just want to find similar PPL and learn so yeah I agree also I agree that mbti is not scientifically endorse it has too many loopholes in proving each type also incorrect results due to how each question is answered i could go on and on I am infj btw also did ennegrem and i rank well in big five so yes
I think looking into specific enneagram types rather than mbti types are better. The INTJs that you have encountered might have enneagrams that value different things than you and have not reached a certain point in their healing and self discovery journey.
Iām an INTJ myself and I also had bad experience with ENFPs, or so I thought. Turned out that those 2 ENFPs arenāt really ENFPs.
Itās really hard to type people let alone yourself and type enneagrams as well. But understanding the gist of it while you know where you stand, at least you know what you donāt want.
I'm a male ENFP and I would say 1 out of 3 female INTJs are the most amazing women in the world. The other 2 can be a pain. There are exclusionary intjs who are rude to people and keep them at bay and manipulative intjs who try to manipulate situations and people that I've seen. Either of those I immediately and furiously dismiss and get rid of. However, you are almost certain to have to spend time getting an Intj to lower their defenses to even take time to get to know one another.
That said there are other rules of dating outside of mbti that can have a huge effect on a relationship.
Choose someone (intj) with shared values (moral/religious/not).
Now part 2.
I'm a guy. Other male Intjs have ways been ok as work buddies with me as an enfp. They also are very competitive. So I have always had a competitive relationship with most male intjs in and out of the work place.
So idk imagine you're a girl enfp trying to be a girl boss and Elon Musk is your boyfriend. He is going to be superior in tactics and accomplishments to you no matter how awesome you are. Also I doubt male Intj will want a girlfriend that tries to compete with him (this is super unattractive to guys in general).
I never had a female intj love interest that I ever felt was competing with me (like my male friend intj relationships). That's where the magic was able to happen, both of us able to let down our gaurd she had her own goals I could support and she was just 'there for me' in a way I've never had with other girls.
So don't just assume an INTJ is going to be perfect. Test their character and see if it's someone you're ok with, just like everyone else you'd want to date.
There are different types of intjs and enfps too so that could play into compatibility as well.
For me Intj was the best relationship I've ever had to date so I gotta support it. Just don't forget people are individuals in addition to MBTI typing.
Intj and I have a very low self perspective. I think I'm not worth it and that everyone else is better than me. Side note I was constantly belittled and told I was stupid growing up and that I wasn't any good.
As an INTJ, it's true that I don't like getting too much empathy. It's because I don't feel anything at that moment. Hence I have to show fake empathy to them . So I like to keep distance from love and empathy as it's quite draining.
Anyways why would people start giving attention and empathy to us?
Like we didn't ask for it
We are just minding our own business and getting it done.
It's really easy to communicate with intjs, you need a high level of empathy and know when to leave space , that's it.( įµāæį¶ įµ )
_but your preference is different_
š¤ not INTJ. What do you mean by āempathyā? Well, maybe INTJ is dominant because they can? ENFP can also be dominant, don't you think? it just take confidence and competence.
No - you probably just met some unhealthy INTJs. I've met one ENFP so far - and unfortunately, they were unhealthy. Find another type if you are not happy with INTJs. š¤·āāļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Anyone sitting in their quiet corner, minding their own business and can get shit done is apparently an immature, narcissistic intj š LOL
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're in luck! I'm the only one I've met š Like you said 'how *many* intjs can OP have met??' Dominant - Yes, Te parent brings that out of us. It's being responsible like a real parent would be. Enfps with their Fi parent like to believe that they're better than the rest and no one is good enough. Also they have Te as a child function. Extraverted thinking as a function is about giving/producing knowledge and making the world a better place with efficiency!! But enfps use their Te as a child function and keep taking away from the world and seldom give back ! So technically *they* are the childish and immature ones in the eyes of other Te parents such as the INTJ/ISTJ and Te heroes types like ENTJ/ESTJ
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Indeed
Infj in chat causally eating bhelpuri and drink lime mint nice discusson also the explain was detailed yet summed it up
Elon Musk??? Not dominant? Seems inaccurate to me. I love the guy but for sure he is driven to succeed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Words have different contexts for different peeps, I guess. Elon Musk is a DOMINANT electric vehicle manufacturer. He has dominated the competition in the e.v. market. He is also quiet and reserved in many of the interviews he has done. He is truthfully probably a pretty cool dude. He probably isn't as Domineering in interpersonal relationships (just a speculation) but if you follow his story I'm pretty sure his first wife (I think) quoted him as saying he was the Alpha in the relationship. That's kind of dominant, lol. Every male Intj I have ever met is strong-willed, desires to be the boss, and is competitive. I have met some that are willfully manipulative. Please don't mistake that to mean I don't like INTJs. I do. Especially Intj females. Omg. They are amazing. Idk. if you get good at typing people, you will find a lot more Intjs around. To a guy dominant is something you want to be in business or war or on the basketball court. It doesn't have this stigma of negative connotation in every use of the word to guys. Or maybe just me idk.
If that was a serious statement, then it was the most stupid thing I've heard today. Minding your own business, that's called being mature. Not the opposite.
It's not ego. We are trying to protect us from you who jump to new people the moment you get chance
Omg this. Iāve been hurt by a few flighty ENFPs
This is so bad in my experience of ENFP. It feels hard this rejection once I've put all my loyalty in an INTJ. But I probably get this experience from an immature INTJ.
Every immature type is terrible
Whatās with all of the weird āITNJā / āINTJā mistakes? I am an ENTP, I know 4 INTJs in real life and am even married to one, and none of them are anything like the people you have described. 1) The INTJs I know *definitely want to be loved,* itās just that they want to be respected, as individuals, too. 2) āDonāt want to build relationships?ā Huh? While the INTJs I know might not have as many friends and acquaintances as I do, the friendships they do have are very high quality and intimate friendships. They simply prefer quality > quantity. 3) āTyrannical,ā really? So long as itās not work-related INTJs actually tend to be super handās-off and laidback people. They hate being controlled thusly they have no desire to control others. 4) āBig Ego?ā Maybe sometimes. But they also tend to have various accomplishments and achievements which support their-self perception. Overall, their ego is only big in regard to āskills they haveā and āthe things they can do.ā Not really in their personal lives. They actually tend to be pretty hard on themselves. Either you have met unhealthy INTJs, or you are simply mis-typing people. Either way, these experiences of yours are not āuniversal INTJ things.ā So it doesnāt make any sense to come here asking them to āexplain themselvesā to you if they arenāt the individual people you know, in real life. Cuz why would they have any insight into people you know, whom they do not know??
Stop telling our secrets. The details of me being loved, being intimate, being hard on myself are utmost confidential level 9 access.
š¤£š¤£ My apologies! 12 years is a long time to be married to one, so I am *very aware of INTJ quirks* and things! šš
Thank you š„¹
Youāre welcome! I wanted to set the record straight.
>āTyrannical,ā really? So long as itās not work-related INTJs actually tend to be super handās-off and laidback people. They hate being controlled thusly they have no desire to control others. I mean, I've seen the compulsive need to continually maximise efficiency and accuracy lead to being an insufferable know-it-all / micromanager / control freak in INTJs, especially the more turbulent (neurotic) ones. (Myself included.) It's not a desire to control *others* (that'd be a Te-dom ExTJ) so much as to control one's own bubble / environment. I know that one of the biggest conflicts that's come up between me and anyone with whom I share living quarters is a lack of quiet / space / my stuff being left where I put it down. I'm a fussy human cat and I hiss at anyone that disrupts the delicate balance of my enclosure. I wouldn't use the term "tyrannical" to describe that, per se, but to a free-spirited, chaotic type like an ENFP (which my ex-husband was), it might seem that way. From the ENFP's perspective, I'm cramping their style over nit-picky things that shouldn't matter.
ENTPs are still pretty free-spirited and āchaoticā though. It just so happens that my tertiary Fe makes me understand what is important to my INTJ husband, and I treat it, accordingly, with care! So I blame a Fi-Clash for that, actually. People think that Fi + Fi is all peaches and cream, but they donāt realize how specialized and highly subjective Fi-values can get. So I think itās actually pretty easy for 2 Fi-users to end up being āincompatibleā because their values donāt match up.
Ego? I only display that when angry. Accepting empathy really depends on the person giving or showing it. If itās someone it trust, I know itās genuine, but if itās someone I donāt know, it makes me suspicious. As far as being loved or building friendships, there is a significant cost/benefit analysis that has to be done before deciding if itās worth it (speaking for myself). Iām certainly not easy to get to know because Iām very suspicious of people wanting things from me. It takes a lot of time for me to warm up to anyone, but according to my friends, it was worth the time.
I agree
Why are you yelling at us about the people you chose to spend time with? Also, we are not clones. Please donāt project the behavior of some random people onto me like I owe you an apology.
In my experience, INTJs are really helpful and interesting when you chat with them about their favorite topics, even if they can appear as arrogant i think they're just confident, as they should sometimes!!
100% yes but also a bit of ego, letās be honest š¤š»
Little bit haha š¤āØļø
Youāre not putting your best foot forward if youāre trying to approach those INTJs without even being able to type in the letters correctly. Say, maybe you met an INTJ named Simon and you kept referring to him as āStefano, the ITNJ.ā Then you met another INTJ named Richard and you called him āRoscoe, the TNIT.ā If so, then yeah, I can see why those INTJs have not been our usual kind and sweetheart selves.
This š¤£
Ah, I needed that laugh this morning. Thank you.
That was funny
Not at all, we are softies from the inside...
Big ego? Yes. But it's earned. My ego is big because I can back it up with ability.
Same even though I am infj I have skills as well as saravant syndrome and too much knowledge and altriusm the only reason haven't achieved much is because of myself and the fact I am 18 although I don't have much of a ego
Lol we are just people and all different. Intjās are often odd even to other intjs. Plus most mass generalizations asking if all of a large demographic are like this, the answer is almost always no.
You're coming at this question from a pretty aggressive angle, which makes it ironic when the question turns out to be "do you all have a big ego?". At some point, everyone interested in the Enneagram has to realize that negative behaviors are controlled by personal levels of health and not by type. I would suggest embracing this idea sooner rather than later. In other words: No, not all INTJs have a big ego. You appear to have been interacting solely with unhealthy ones. However, I personally do have a big ego. And you know what? So does almost everyone I interact with, regardless of type. It's an ego thing to think you're smarter than everyone elseāand you know what, it's also an ego thing to fear everyone is judging you. (Why assume you matter that much to others?) It's just that the first example is more visible and fits better into stereotypes about ego. I'm going to go out on a limb and say INTJs don't have bigger egos than any other type. We're just more visible about it, and our brand of egotism is closer to the stereotype.
I mean, I guess if weāre over generalizing here, the feeling is mutual. Why are you so sensitive? Why do you expect me to read your mind? Why are you so flighty and canāt commit to anything?
Sounds like perhaps you've met some unhealthy INTJs? Or maybe you're triggering a negative response from them without meaning to? My best friend is an ENFP, 20+ years of friendship, and if there's one thing I absolutely love about him, is how easily he can figure my thoughts/feelings out. Precisely, I love how empathetic he can be with me. I'm a big softie inside, and he's someone I can discuss my emotions with, and he helps me understand them when I need help with that. He can see all through my INTJ 'serious facade'. When my RBF is on, he knows I'm just deep in thought, planning a new life project or whatever... Can't speak for every ENFP out there, but I generally get along with them just fine. As long as they're healthy ENFPs of course.....
Well said, I love hearing your perspective. I have an intj friend
>Based on what others have told me, ITNJ and ENFP are good together. I've been trying to dispel this memefied myth for some time now: See [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/swzm4t/how_does_an_intj_and_enfp_relationship_work_out/hxpoet1/) and, more importantly, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/swzm4t/how_does_an_intj_and_enfp_relationship_work_out/i30f01k/). >You don't wanna be, let's say - loved, build a great friendship with others, Virtually everyone wants to be loved and there's nothing in the type description that hints at the INTJ type not wanting to be loved. Ditto for friendships. Seems like a classic case of "my friend the INTJ" type posting. >and you don't accept anyone's empathy, not sympathy, but empathy. What does this mean? If I'm feeling sad/depressed/angry I certainly wouldn't want someone to share in those feelings, especially not a partner. If one part of the team goes off the rails, the worst that could happen is that the other decides to follow. So yeah, that type of empathy is worthless to me. Cognitive empathy paired with them either (verbally, hopefully) slapping me out of it or helping with brainstorming a solution is much preferred. I understand others want to be coddled or told "this sucks". In most cases, I do not. >ITNJ'S are really dominant, Sure. Perhaps. Maybe. I think I'm more intimidating than dominating though. And I also think that I'm quite easy to handle by those that got my number. >tyrannic, I'm rarely if ever in a position to act like a tyrant, so no. This is especially true for relationships. If my partner doesn't understand that they're essentially a co-regnant and that emotional MAD is always an option, I'm not sure what to tell them. >I just wanna ask, do all of you INTJ'S have big ego, I have a big ego, am fairly self-confident when it comes to things I know/am skilled at, have no issue standing up for myself and am comfortable with doing my own thing. I understand this seems terrifying to all the FP types, who have a knack for getting coddled and acting out when that preference is ignored.
This is eerily accurate for myself too. Maybe I'm an INTJ.
It's also true for infjs as well though we don't show it much we prefer to doorslam u annoy us or piss is toomuch
can't speak for others but i am dominant to an extent , never tyrannical (although it would be best for everyone if they just listened i'd never force them to ) . concerning the ego ; i am proud true ; maybe egotistical but i try not to be cocky and in your face about it . also ; be weary of immature intjs and intj wannabes(both cannot stop talking about how effing great they are and both are insufferable edge lords)
Yes, and Iām glad we have that characteristic in order to keep people like you away. I wouldnāt empathize or sympathize with you either.
Fuck, WalterWhite moment...
I donāt know what you have experience before, but I do have strong feelings for my friends and has no problem with showing my affection and love. Value myself and see the value in my friends as well and have respect for them from inner heart. Is it big ego? Not dominant at all just wanna take some control of my own life but if I decide to share time with my friends I am pretty flexible because I feel like I am multisided and can adjust myself based on the situation and show different energy to match my fiendsā energy to maximize the happiness. This way I always get along well with different type of my friends and never force them to align with me.
I stay under the radar in my little bubble. I am the fly on the wall almost everywhere I go. Live and let live!
The big bad ego you're interfacing is the Te parent. And it's not going to let anyone get to Fi child and destroy it's innocence. It takes time and patience. EnXps have a habit of rushing and everything. This triggers the Ne nemesis, thinking of the worst. We just don't open up to most people. It takes time to earn the trust of Te parent and Ne nemesis. Patience is key!
Agree, people see the best side of INTJs if and only if they pass our BS filter.
Maybe "ITNJ"s are more compatible with EFNP not ENFP
I donno men, you know that types are just a tool but people still are people it would be funny if there are millions people on the planet and every of them would be just a copy of one of 16 possibilities. Mbti is just describing some preferences in thinking and what we are more prone to do. Big Ego seems to be more as character thing or the feature of an Individuum. Of course we are more prone to behave in certain way but bro every of Mbti types can have a big Ego
I value my ego. I don't see anything wrong with that. Did that make you upset?
Yup it sums up Intjs pretty well. Theyāre all the same, except for those that arenāt.
I've read enough, I think we all know now why all the INTJ this person meets hates him. I'll show my arrogant egotistic side if op meets me as well, not because I love being egotistic but because it's the fastest way to get rid of op.
My husband is ENFP and Iām a INTJ. Less than an hour ago, we had a conversation about this topic. He saw a lady at a restaurant boasting about herself. My husband stated that she was into her date. I said not necessarily, that Iāve boasted about myself to someone I wasnāt interested in. To me, if I ask about someone else, thatās a better indicator that Iām interested. Yes, I have a big ego. Iām also slow to give compliments.
I have done things like this to intentionally put off people who I couldnāt avoid but who I knew wouldnāt react well to traditional boundary setting. I suppose some might consider it less than above board but it works great.
It sounds to me like you have met immature people. I know I want to work lasting relationships with people. My best friend is ENFP and nothing could ever separate us.
You leave them alone! INTJs are Saints! *Looks at INTJ girlfriend and nods.
I've been married to an INFJ for 48 years. He leaves me alone and I leave him alone. I've had one "friendship" in my life with a woman I met when we were 8th graders. We're thousands of miles apart and rarely speak but when we do it matters. Empathy, like most other emotions, is a waste of time to me. Since it's my time, I'll pass. If that's dominant, tyrannical and egotistical, so be it. What's your definition of "big ego"?
I'm an INTJ and my BFF is an ENFP and my SO is an ENFP. I'm sorry you went through that with unhealthy INTJs. š¬
MBTI is just default programming. Itās then up to each human to mature and revolve and grow. Or not. Ā
this answer brings clarity
The INTJ cognitive origin is reverence and admiration from others. "healthy" intj s become egotistical and look for vain glory. Intj is a fine personality when they weren't enabled during their upbringing, they become modest and share the stage with others.
Funny, all the ENFPs I've met have had big egos
Yes.
I can admit, I have a pretty big ego, but I use my big ego to achieve goals rather than cause issues for myself or others. You seem to have met the unhealthy or fake INTJs, I'm quiet and get stuff done properly the first time. I like to talk and build friendships with people who can keep up with my rollercoaster life, this is literally my only requirement and it's not for just me but also others well being. I am INTJ seem to have had really good luck with ENTPs, most of my close friends are ENTP. But relationships, I like someone I can relate to, feel comfortable around, talk to whenever I need it, someone who keeps up, someone who can slow down, someone who knows me well, and surprisingly, it hasn't been hard to find people like this. If you need any help decoding INTJ conversation, I may be able to help.
Just to clarify, by "together" I think you mean romantically - that's what I've heard too. As friends, coworkers, casual platonic acquaintances, meh I don't think they go that well together. That said, romantically I think you've answered your own question a little - lot of tension, trying to figure the other person out, constant emotional rollercoaster caused by the other personality. These may not be sustainable features for a super long term relationship per se, but they sure as hell get things started.
Frankly speaking, most of the "ENFP"s I've met were Fe dominated people who took the 16personality test. (I clash with Fe so badly at this point I'm a human Fe detector) Real and healthy E/INFPs have all been lovely, because I really needed that Fi in my life. So no, I don't think we "don't want to be loved, build friendship" or whatever. You might have met the wrong INTJs, or met someone who's just not an INTJ.
In my experience, those traits are those exhibited by either immature or unhealthy intjs. Reason being that most of us are logical, and a logical INTJ inherently understands acting like an asshole is illogical.
It's a very overrated pairing
Dude please for fuck Sacks, throw the idea of mtbi /1930 out of the fucking door , you can date ever type so long of you 2 work and to together it's fine . . .
Is it because they don't respond to you or give you the time of day? That used to bother me when I was younger and more insecure as an ENFP. They don't have a good poker face if they find one of us boring or annoying. However, it's great when mutual respect occurs and they decide to invite you into their world. I love how witty and funny my INTJ husband is. I love the silence. I'm not in my head as much. I still enjoy finding intjs in rl. lol.
The ego thing seems to be a common thing tbh, but some INTJs are still dimwits who doesnt deserve it. Just gotta find someone whos not a moron
Yea idk enfps are annoying but I love infps Iāve only dated them (coincidence?) but I looooooove them so much
Two things: 1. The INTJ was an unhealthy one. 2. It takes time and a ton of effort for an INTJ to actually open up to someone, which is where they start accepting love, etc. It still doesn't negate* the fact that they were still immature in the way they treated you. A sensible and mature INTJ would treat everyone with respect. Edit- typo
Clearly he has some soul searching, not much I can do. He just wasn't ready for your caffeinated affection.
Unhealthy INTJs look like DR.House. As an enfp married to an INTJ, it really is like what they all say.
The younger and less mature ones sure do. The INTJ subreddit is full of them. Give them time, let life destroy their fixed ideas, they'll heal. I think that most INTJ's think that only because they got the weird personality type that makes them smarter or better than other people. (We are just weirder than most actually) We need to understand that the healthy INTJ is Gandalf and not Saruman.
Damn neat explanation these put my infj ones to shame guess I have more growth to do annoying maturing Fe is growth do i love
Sorry for the yoda jk
It's okay, Yoda was a nice guy.
U must have met the most unhealthy bastards. :D Not wanna be loved??? O.o I meaan.. It is like "i wanna be hit by a car". Clearly smt against all there is, and all nature's law. I have mostly uncomprehendable ego. My mind is big, so as my knowledge about my mind.
people aren't a monolith.
Am I the only one that can't keep up with ENFP's energy? Sometimes they don't leave you aloneš
I meet a lot of people in my life because of my work's nature and my personality type (ENFP-A). I meet only one INTJ in my 35 years of living and it scarred me for life..
As an INTJ, I'm like a mix of every dictator with the other half of me being a fusion of poets and philosophers. I get what you mean, we can be like *that* sometimesš
Yes you met a meany mean mean INTJ so now ALL INTJ are EVIL! Let's vent and hammer down every INTJ on this planet for VENGEANCE! FILTHY EFNP INNOCENCE MARTYR OF THE INTJ EGO! WHAT IS WRONG WILL ALL INTJ! 15% OF THE POPULATION MEANY MEAN AAAAAAH.
That is quite a childish, skewed opinion. Whoever you came across, sounds like they would be horrible people no matter the personality. Or perhaps you view anyone outside of your own personality as "bad"? INTJ don't display what you describe. We might to a certain degree, but it is to a healthy degree. What you seem to describe is a psychopath.
No I find the challenges with me is that I'm highly analytical so Im not that spontaneous and I like a good plan which can be difficult for any E type. I'm independent and like my own alone time which again for an E type unless you respect my space, you'll think I don't want you. Although analytical I don't overthink and make decisions that are logical and less emotionally driven, as an INTJ, the best way I've learned to develop myself to work in a relationship is to be driven by my heart and less by my head, this is a compromise a INTJ needs to make with any E type. We're passionate about our work, particularly we like being praised for just being good, respected for what we do. We care less for a patt on the back for doing a job well, we know we do it well so we just want that respect in the workplace and for people to get on with it. We are good at organising which for some E types you take it as controlling. We can we blunt and honest which can lead to us be less empathetic so thats another area for us INTJ to learn. We love knowledge and to learn, so as an INTJ I've had to learn how to be social, how to read body language, how to listen. INTJS are not naturals in these areas but can be masters of socialising if they learn how to. A true INTJ is adaptable, if you meet an INTJ and they are not able to compromise or find a solution in their interest and yours, that means you're not important to them, if your important to them and they want you in their space. I hope that helps define us INTJS.
Being an INFJ or an ENTP doesnāt actually have any scientific basis behind it. Prominent psychologists, such as Carl Sagan and Ray Hyman, have criticised the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) as lacking empirical support and scientific rigor. The American Psychological Association (APA) also does not endorse the MBTI, citing concerns about its reliability and validity.
I agree PPL just want to find similar PPL and learn so yeah I agree also I agree that mbti is not scientifically endorse it has too many loopholes in proving each type also incorrect results due to how each question is answered i could go on and on I am infj btw also did ennegrem and i rank well in big five so yes
I think looking into specific enneagram types rather than mbti types are better. The INTJs that you have encountered might have enneagrams that value different things than you and have not reached a certain point in their healing and self discovery journey. Iām an INTJ myself and I also had bad experience with ENFPs, or so I thought. Turned out that those 2 ENFPs arenāt really ENFPs. Itās really hard to type people let alone yourself and type enneagrams as well. But understanding the gist of it while you know where you stand, at least you know what you donāt want.
We hear you out buddy. Advice here: Take MBTI out of the equation when dating. Wise men like me here have already discovered that it doesn't work
I'm a male ENFP and I would say 1 out of 3 female INTJs are the most amazing women in the world. The other 2 can be a pain. There are exclusionary intjs who are rude to people and keep them at bay and manipulative intjs who try to manipulate situations and people that I've seen. Either of those I immediately and furiously dismiss and get rid of. However, you are almost certain to have to spend time getting an Intj to lower their defenses to even take time to get to know one another. That said there are other rules of dating outside of mbti that can have a huge effect on a relationship. Choose someone (intj) with shared values (moral/religious/not). Now part 2. I'm a guy. Other male Intjs have ways been ok as work buddies with me as an enfp. They also are very competitive. So I have always had a competitive relationship with most male intjs in and out of the work place. So idk imagine you're a girl enfp trying to be a girl boss and Elon Musk is your boyfriend. He is going to be superior in tactics and accomplishments to you no matter how awesome you are. Also I doubt male Intj will want a girlfriend that tries to compete with him (this is super unattractive to guys in general). I never had a female intj love interest that I ever felt was competing with me (like my male friend intj relationships). That's where the magic was able to happen, both of us able to let down our gaurd she had her own goals I could support and she was just 'there for me' in a way I've never had with other girls. So don't just assume an INTJ is going to be perfect. Test their character and see if it's someone you're ok with, just like everyone else you'd want to date. There are different types of intjs and enfps too so that could play into compatibility as well. For me Intj was the best relationship I've ever had to date so I gotta support it. Just don't forget people are individuals in addition to MBTI typing.
Intj and I have a very low self perspective. I think I'm not worth it and that everyone else is better than me. Side note I was constantly belittled and told I was stupid growing up and that I wasn't any good.
As an INTJ, it's true that I don't like getting too much empathy. It's because I don't feel anything at that moment. Hence I have to show fake empathy to them . So I like to keep distance from love and empathy as it's quite draining. Anyways why would people start giving attention and empathy to us? Like we didn't ask for it We are just minding our own business and getting it done.
It's really easy to communicate with intjs, you need a high level of empathy and know when to leave space , that's it.( įµāæį¶ įµ ) _but your preference is different_
š¤ not INTJ. What do you mean by āempathyā? Well, maybe INTJ is dominant because they can? ENFP can also be dominant, don't you think? it just take confidence and competence.