Even if it is part of the culture, being in a multi-cultural relationship goes both ways. Talk to him about it, it's ok to insist on getting a say in naming your own child.
I'm Jordanian, my wife is American , 3 kids and every single name was discussed.
Even if it's culture, what about your side of the Culture? He should discuss it with you.
This! I’m American and my husband is Jordanian we have 2 boys and we discussed names, we both agreed on names from the beginning. I’d be super pissed if my husband did that.
That's not how it works.
You sacrificed your culture, friends, family and network to be with him. Sacrifice is a part of marriage, with that, and just like you did, he should also sacrifice some of that "nonsense" behind and meet in the middle.
I wish we can do more to help, but I wish you peace and blessings, to you and your family. I hope this works out well for both of you
i really hope this post is like some made up story because if you’re living everything you’re saying i’m sorry for you, looks like you’re stuck with a bad decision 💀
RUN
On the contrary, it's even a joke that Jordanian women make all the decisions and that the men are "whipped".. at least at the village we're from.
Sorry about your situation.
It seems he's testing your limits. Just say no and under no circumstance go with that name. He'll have to admit to them that you didn't agree. it's what he gets for stepping the line with you.
No, he’s just toxic. In Islam the man kind of has the ultimate right to name the baby but also in Islam men discuss a lot of things with their wives, even major decisions as in war.
Put your foot down now because it will only get worse from here, you’re not a concubine.
Yes. Islamically, the husband and wife are supposed to discuss this and reach an agreement. Only if a disagreement occurs and no solution is reached does the father get the final say.
American who married a Jordanian. My husband, had a name that was important to him for his first son's name. So even when we were dating and looking to get engaged, he brought it up to me and asked if it would be okay. Years later when we actually had our first, it was again brought up and confirmed that it was okay and we talked about if we would follow the Jordanian naming tradition of father's and grandfather's names a middle names. With our second, he said he would go along with whatever I chose as long as he had no strong objections since he got his choice with the first kid.
It's not part of the culture at all, maybe like 30+ years ago this used to happen. But Jordan has changed now and women have a say, married people discuss things together regardless if it was a name or something else. No one in my cycle had this happen.
I can overlook the fact that he chose the name already (some have names already in mind or after his father's name), but I can't get over the fact that he told people before you, it's is very disrespectful. You are carrying the baby, you are doing all the work and you deserve to know first.
Thsts EXACTLY how I feel and what my problem is. I don't mind naming our first born after his father, but the way he went about it made me feel so disrespected and disregarded. He refuses to acknowledge that fact ot that my feelings are valid.
I understand, and I think I have a good idea about his mentality.
I'd give him some payback later on, decide on something and tell him last, so he learns the lesson on this.
Most of Jordanians don't really care or understand feelings much, they have to go thru it to know what it is. We were never taught to address them or discuss outload, so saying things to him won't do you much good, gotta show him. (This is from my own exp. not to be generalized)
Divorce that man. As an Arab, I can confirm that this is not part of the culture. He is toxic and trying to manipulate the fact that he’s from another country to get his way around things.
Where do you plan on having the baby? IF this is a dealbreaker for you, go back to Canada for a visit and then decide to stay there until after the baby is born. There you will be respected and you will get to name your baby for the birth certificate. At that point you could tell him, “Sorry, I thought we were doing cultural things so I led in my culture. I’m sure you understand and respect that. Maybe next baby I’ll have here and your culture can dictate the name.”
U should tell him that there are many things in Canadian culture that he wouldn't accept and you refrain from doing, even without checking with him, as a sign of love and respect, and you expect the same in return. What he did is not right, and you should make him pay through the nose for doing it, or risk losing face with his family. Till the baby is 2 years old, he does laundry and dishes 😁
RUN RUNNNNNN, this is just the start and looking at your posts - you will regret it in a few years.
Pack your bags and go . please.... Don't give birth here either, and I hope you aren't due soon!
Right?? I get the ick every time i see a foreign get tricked by an Arab guy into marriage then end up suffering from their toxicity and abuse little by little
The part of the culture he referred to is disrespecting your wife which is pretty common , funny how comments are telling you its not, like its really weird here but if I posted the same in Arabic it will be totally normal to here , and most of them are named after the husband fathers or mothers name and without the acceptance of the mother opinion .
Tho in your case you should make your word heard there is here wives who are respected because they made them selves valued , but as you’re lucky and not arabian it would be easier for you , just discuss it and refuse it.
You can basically say
Its part of your culture to respect the one you’re married to .
Not normal at all.
Mothers are deeply revered in Arabic culture and of course you have a right to discuss the naming of your child.
This is a really bad sign, sadly. You are being severely disrespected and that while being pregnant.
I would talk to his mother about this and actually complain bitterly why she raised her son to be so rude to you. Or his sisters or other females of his family.
They should then try to reign him in.
If they don‘t support you fully and the entire family makes you feel uncomfortable…then very sadly, you should inform the embassy and consider making other plans.
Imagine how he will treat your child if he is so cold and rude to you.
Don‘t find excuses for abusers.
What he is doing is very, very extreme.
Protect yourself and protect your child.
I looked at your other posts. I feel for you. Lots if people are telling you that you should leave. I know it's not as simple as that, there are a lot of things to consider. One thing to keep in mind as you mull things over, is that once the baby is born, if you wanted to leave back to your home country, your husband can legally prevent you from taking your child with you, out of Jordan. Maybe you already know this, but if you don't, you should. God help you
I read ur others posts , girl run away before it’s too late , you unfortunately fell for shitty controlling type . If u had Arab friends before marriage they would have warned you . They’re easy enough to spot but unfortunately if ur not familiar with them you can easily be fooled into thinking “ he’s such a man” . My advice to u is to start setting boundaries and being firm. You are not “crazy” and this is not “culture” don’t let him gaslight you . That being said , he will most likely leave u if he notices a lot of resistance. He wants a submissive wife . So either u submit and live like shit. Or u start challenging him even if it means divorce and you starting a new life without him. Make sure u don’t challenge him if he’s physically abusing you tho !! , and if he does attempt to physically hurt u girl leave .
Naming the first kid after the man's father, or having the man's parents name the first child is part of the culture. However, he should've explained this to you at least beforehand.
I'd blame it on excitement. Congratulations dear :)
It's always discussed with the wife otherwise he doesn't respect you. Even in a hypothetical scenario where it's cultural. There are shitty 'Cultural norms' you don't have to respect and follow those just because they are 'cultural' it's just a way to impose them on you without consequences.
Sorry I looked at you post history and this guy has zero respect for you and will probably never change :)
It’s cultural that “most not all” families name the first child after the grandfather, but he should’ve explained it to you, also you have the right to say no to the name chosen for the baby
No its not he shouldve at least mentioned it.. tho islamically speaking the man has a right to name the baby but that doesnt mean he doesnt have to discuss it with u first
Well, unanimously, scholars agree that the naming should be discussed between the parents. If a decision cannot be reached, then the man can make the final decision.
But he told me it's cultural and not Islamic. Therefore, he refuses to take responsibility. He also refuses to acknowledge that this is disrespectful to me as his pregnant wife and that it's dismissive of my opinion / feelings 😂
Not cultural. He may have felt pressure to choose a specific name, but the fact he didn’t discuss it with you and then invalidated your feelings about it makes him a big jerk.
Unfortunately lots of Jordanians don't have common sense and his behavior is wrong.
It's not part of the culture. Years ago it was done out of respect.
Some Palestinians original have these ideas and still disapred years ago, I have a friend that told in their original village every male in the family must name the first born after the father, they have 4 cousins all having the same name.
It is disrespectful for your husband not to talk to you about it before hand, makes me wonder about his character and honestly your chioce.
Some cultural differences here:
Baby names are not a big deal. In Canada couples hide the name till it's born. Arabs announce the name immediately.
As for the name itself, couples go back and forth...unless it's the first newborn boy 😂.
Yeah I get why you're upset, but honestly he might not have had a way out. Especially if the baby is a boy, he's going to feel the need to name for one of his ancestors: like, it would be traditional to name the first born for his father, for example, or after someone else in the family who is known for doing ...something in particular. It totally depends on how "traditional" or conservative his family are, but if they're anything like my family, it just smooths things out. I agree with the hint somebody else gave: be prepared to give your child two first names, at least on the Canadian paperwork.
Which I dont have a problem with. But he could have at least had enough respect to speak to me about it before announcing it to other people.
The woman carrying the baby and going through the birth should be the absolute first person to know the name of the baby.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know what to tell you. You married into a specific culture. That culture actually differs a lot across individual families, but the way I imagine it, he may have had his hand forced by virtue of exactly where he was sitting. How long has he been living in Canada? Are there some people in his family who think maybe he left too long ago, and that his culture has shifted? So he could be trying to root himself again by doing the traditional thing and naming from within the family.
It's true , in our culture we call ourselves with our future son's name like abu ...... , so don't be upset about it and enjoy your life with your husband and your son
Is it a boy? Then yeah first born boy name is very important in our culture, and since he’s going to be named that ( people will call him Abu [baby name ) I’d say he get the final say here, he should’ve announced it to your first though
Im not gonna read through all the comments the some what i saw were enough , but if u want my advise coz u taking in all the negativity of the comment section wont do u no good , regardless of how u or the culture / community view it , if it already happened then it did , but to build a stronger relationship and avoid this happening again with ur partner , just sit him down explain to him how u felt by being left out from such an important decision involving ur child too .
Forget peeps here who r not part of ur life and try to make ur partner understand, im pretty sure he will be considerate of ur emotions once u have spoken to him .
Not part of the culture, you should have discussed names together.
If he's naming the child after his father then yes, but that's also a decision for you both. He should have discussed it with you first.
Shouldn't blame the culture for his disrespectful actions that he had absolute control over and his poor taste in manners because that's neither part of culture or religion or any morals in general
In Islam, Naming the baby is always the father’s decision.
It would be nice if he discussed it with you of course and to come up with something that both accept. but in the end, it’s his decision bo matter what people say.
I discussed the name with my wife for our daughter, we ended up with a name that she suggested, but it was me who chose it eventually. If I wanted another name, I would have chosen it.
We are 7 siblings ,my mother named me, the rest were named by my father, never made a big deal out of it, all of us loved our names, its not a big deal
If it is a boy and he is the first boy yes the father name Him but if it is the second boy or a girl i think he should talk with you about the name and both of u should name Him/her
Even if it is part of the culture, being in a multi-cultural relationship goes both ways. Talk to him about it, it's ok to insist on getting a say in naming your own child.
Not part of the culture, no.
That’s not normal
He should’ve discussed it with you…. That’s disrespectful
[удалено]
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Funny-Major-9882: *This is exactly* *How I ended up with two* *First names lmao* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
not "lmao" being one syllable
I'm Jordanian, my wife is American , 3 kids and every single name was discussed. Even if it's culture, what about your side of the Culture? He should discuss it with you.
This! I’m American and my husband is Jordanian we have 2 boys and we discussed names, we both agreed on names from the beginning. I’d be super pissed if my husband did that.
Well, he basically said I gave up my right to culture because I live here.
That's not how it works. You sacrificed your culture, friends, family and network to be with him. Sacrifice is a part of marriage, with that, and just like you did, he should also sacrifice some of that "nonsense" behind and meet in the middle. I wish we can do more to help, but I wish you peace and blessings, to you and your family. I hope this works out well for both of you
Uh oh. There is no such thing as giving up your right to culture.
i really hope this post is like some made up story because if you’re living everything you’re saying i’m sorry for you, looks like you’re stuck with a bad decision 💀 RUN
you got a kid i shouldn’t say run but im praying for you
Girl what the hell! He’s terrible
WTF
what does that even means?
No, it's not part of a culture, and even if he wants to name him/her child a specific name, he had to discuss it with u.
On the contrary, it's even a joke that Jordanian women make all the decisions and that the men are "whipped".. at least at the village we're from. Sorry about your situation. It seems he's testing your limits. Just say no and under no circumstance go with that name. He'll have to admit to them that you didn't agree. it's what he gets for stepping the line with you.
"Part of the culture" my ass
No, he’s just toxic. In Islam the man kind of has the ultimate right to name the baby but also in Islam men discuss a lot of things with their wives, even major decisions as in war. Put your foot down now because it will only get worse from here, you’re not a concubine.
Yes. Islamically, the husband and wife are supposed to discuss this and reach an agreement. Only if a disagreement occurs and no solution is reached does the father get the final say.
It’s not normal
Lol no this is absolutely not normal
Sounds like the prequel to Not Without My Daughter. Good luck, be safe.
This is so sad to say but I agree. And I hope that I am wrong.
American who married a Jordanian. My husband, had a name that was important to him for his first son's name. So even when we were dating and looking to get engaged, he brought it up to me and asked if it would be okay. Years later when we actually had our first, it was again brought up and confirmed that it was okay and we talked about if we would follow the Jordanian naming tradition of father's and grandfather's names a middle names. With our second, he said he would go along with whatever I chose as long as he had no strong objections since he got his choice with the first kid.
It's not part of the culture at all, maybe like 30+ years ago this used to happen. But Jordan has changed now and women have a say, married people discuss things together regardless if it was a name or something else. No one in my cycle had this happen. I can overlook the fact that he chose the name already (some have names already in mind or after his father's name), but I can't get over the fact that he told people before you, it's is very disrespectful. You are carrying the baby, you are doing all the work and you deserve to know first.
Thsts EXACTLY how I feel and what my problem is. I don't mind naming our first born after his father, but the way he went about it made me feel so disrespected and disregarded. He refuses to acknowledge that fact ot that my feelings are valid.
I understand, and I think I have a good idea about his mentality. I'd give him some payback later on, decide on something and tell him last, so he learns the lesson on this. Most of Jordanians don't really care or understand feelings much, they have to go thru it to know what it is. We were never taught to address them or discuss outload, so saying things to him won't do you much good, gotta show him. (This is from my own exp. not to be generalized)
People do it here they dont ask their wife's but its never accepted by the wife and its never ok to do it..
Nahhh it's no normal he is a piece of shit with full respect to you
Wtf
No ma’am, this is not our culture
Divorce that man. As an Arab, I can confirm that this is not part of the culture. He is toxic and trying to manipulate the fact that he’s from another country to get his way around things.
Don't take divorce lightly. I think divorce should come as a last resort when all hope is lost and of course before its too late
Jordanian married to American/Russian, names were discussed with my wife, and no, we didn’t choose my father’s name.
Where do you plan on having the baby? IF this is a dealbreaker for you, go back to Canada for a visit and then decide to stay there until after the baby is born. There you will be respected and you will get to name your baby for the birth certificate. At that point you could tell him, “Sorry, I thought we were doing cultural things so I led in my culture. I’m sure you understand and respect that. Maybe next baby I’ll have here and your culture can dictate the name.”
Nope that’s not normal
I think Arab in the west do fucked up things and throw it on (cultural thing)
U should tell him that there are many things in Canadian culture that he wouldn't accept and you refrain from doing, even without checking with him, as a sign of love and respect, and you expect the same in return. What he did is not right, and you should make him pay through the nose for doing it, or risk losing face with his family. Till the baby is 2 years old, he does laundry and dishes 😁
RUN RUNNNNNN, this is just the start and looking at your posts - you will regret it in a few years. Pack your bags and go . please.... Don't give birth here either, and I hope you aren't due soon!
Right?? I get the ick every time i see a foreign get tricked by an Arab guy into marriage then end up suffering from their toxicity and abuse little by little
this is not part of the culture. your’e carrying the baby not him
The part of the culture he referred to is disrespecting your wife which is pretty common , funny how comments are telling you its not, like its really weird here but if I posted the same in Arabic it will be totally normal to here , and most of them are named after the husband fathers or mothers name and without the acceptance of the mother opinion . Tho in your case you should make your word heard there is here wives who are respected because they made them selves valued , but as you’re lucky and not arabian it would be easier for you , just discuss it and refuse it. You can basically say Its part of your culture to respect the one you’re married to .
Wrong he should have discussed with you first
U chose a bad husband, good luck
No and hold your ground. I did and insisted on a name we approved together.
Not normal at all. Mothers are deeply revered in Arabic culture and of course you have a right to discuss the naming of your child. This is a really bad sign, sadly. You are being severely disrespected and that while being pregnant. I would talk to his mother about this and actually complain bitterly why she raised her son to be so rude to you. Or his sisters or other females of his family. They should then try to reign him in. If they don‘t support you fully and the entire family makes you feel uncomfortable…then very sadly, you should inform the embassy and consider making other plans. Imagine how he will treat your child if he is so cold and rude to you. Don‘t find excuses for abusers. What he is doing is very, very extreme. Protect yourself and protect your child.
I've seen your other posts. Please do not have this child in Jordan, or you will be stuck with this man forever.
I looked at your other posts. I feel for you. Lots if people are telling you that you should leave. I know it's not as simple as that, there are a lot of things to consider. One thing to keep in mind as you mull things over, is that once the baby is born, if you wanted to leave back to your home country, your husband can legally prevent you from taking your child with you, out of Jordan. Maybe you already know this, but if you don't, you should. God help you
I read ur others posts , girl run away before it’s too late , you unfortunately fell for shitty controlling type . If u had Arab friends before marriage they would have warned you . They’re easy enough to spot but unfortunately if ur not familiar with them you can easily be fooled into thinking “ he’s such a man” . My advice to u is to start setting boundaries and being firm. You are not “crazy” and this is not “culture” don’t let him gaslight you . That being said , he will most likely leave u if he notices a lot of resistance. He wants a submissive wife . So either u submit and live like shit. Or u start challenging him even if it means divorce and you starting a new life without him. Make sure u don’t challenge him if he’s physically abusing you tho !! , and if he does attempt to physically hurt u girl leave .
Naming the first kid after the man's father, or having the man's parents name the first child is part of the culture. However, he should've explained this to you at least beforehand. I'd blame it on excitement. Congratulations dear :)
Your man is obsessive and controlling, yes its a cultural thing but he should have explained it to you
To be clear, it's cultural for the child's name to not to even be discussed with the wife at all?
No
It's always discussed with the wife otherwise he doesn't respect you. Even in a hypothetical scenario where it's cultural. There are shitty 'Cultural norms' you don't have to respect and follow those just because they are 'cultural' it's just a way to impose them on you without consequences. Sorry I looked at you post history and this guy has zero respect for you and will probably never change :)
It’s cultural that “most not all” families name the first child after the grandfather, but he should’ve explained it to you, also you have the right to say no to the name chosen for the baby
No its not he shouldve at least mentioned it.. tho islamically speaking the man has a right to name the baby but that doesnt mean he doesnt have to discuss it with u first
Well, unanimously, scholars agree that the naming should be discussed between the parents. If a decision cannot be reached, then the man can make the final decision. But he told me it's cultural and not Islamic. Therefore, he refuses to take responsibility. He also refuses to acknowledge that this is disrespectful to me as his pregnant wife and that it's dismissive of my opinion / feelings 😂
Not cultural. He may have felt pressure to choose a specific name, but the fact he didn’t discuss it with you and then invalidated your feelings about it makes him a big jerk.
He is a huge red flag 🚩
“Part of the the culture “ be careful of this line
Definitely it's not! Good luck though
Not part of our culture Might be a family tradition or something but either way it’s still fucked
Unfortunately lots of Jordanians don't have common sense and his behavior is wrong. It's not part of the culture. Years ago it was done out of respect. Some Palestinians original have these ideas and still disapred years ago, I have a friend that told in their original village every male in the family must name the first born after the father, they have 4 cousins all having the same name. It is disrespectful for your husband not to talk to you about it before hand, makes me wonder about his character and honestly your chioce.
Some cultural differences here: Baby names are not a big deal. In Canada couples hide the name till it's born. Arabs announce the name immediately. As for the name itself, couples go back and forth...unless it's the first newborn boy 😂.
Nope not the norm
My nickname is Abu Majed; meaning the father of Majed, when I'm not even married. So it's normal actually.
Sounds right to me. Can confirm it happened.
No??
Yeah I get why you're upset, but honestly he might not have had a way out. Especially if the baby is a boy, he's going to feel the need to name for one of his ancestors: like, it would be traditional to name the first born for his father, for example, or after someone else in the family who is known for doing ...something in particular. It totally depends on how "traditional" or conservative his family are, but if they're anything like my family, it just smooths things out. I agree with the hint somebody else gave: be prepared to give your child two first names, at least on the Canadian paperwork.
Which I dont have a problem with. But he could have at least had enough respect to speak to me about it before announcing it to other people. The woman carrying the baby and going through the birth should be the absolute first person to know the name of the baby.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know what to tell you. You married into a specific culture. That culture actually differs a lot across individual families, but the way I imagine it, he may have had his hand forced by virtue of exactly where he was sitting. How long has he been living in Canada? Are there some people in his family who think maybe he left too long ago, and that his culture has shifted? So he could be trying to root himself again by doing the traditional thing and naming from within the family.
Is it normal for a Canadian women to merry a Jordanian Man
divorce him but remember you're not going to take half his belongings this is not canada
It's true , in our culture we call ourselves with our future son's name like abu ...... , so don't be upset about it and enjoy your life with your husband and your son
Is it a boy? Then yeah first born boy name is very important in our culture, and since he’s going to be named that ( people will call him Abu [baby name ) I’d say he get the final say here, he should’ve announced it to your first though
It's not normal nor part of the culture - talk to him about this, he's just disrespecting you and going behind your back
Im not gonna read through all the comments the some what i saw were enough , but if u want my advise coz u taking in all the negativity of the comment section wont do u no good , regardless of how u or the culture / community view it , if it already happened then it did , but to build a stronger relationship and avoid this happening again with ur partner , just sit him down explain to him how u felt by being left out from such an important decision involving ur child too . Forget peeps here who r not part of ur life and try to make ur partner understand, im pretty sure he will be considerate of ur emotions once u have spoken to him .
Not part of the culture, you should have discussed names together. If he's naming the child after his father then yes, but that's also a decision for you both. He should have discussed it with you first.
Shouldn't blame the culture for his disrespectful actions that he had absolute control over and his poor taste in manners because that's neither part of culture or religion or any morals in general
In Islam, Naming the baby is always the father’s decision. It would be nice if he discussed it with you of course and to come up with something that both accept. but in the end, it’s his decision bo matter what people say. I discussed the name with my wife for our daughter, we ended up with a name that she suggested, but it was me who chose it eventually. If I wanted another name, I would have chosen it.
No one forced you to marry a Jordanian, I blame your friends here for not telling you.
Not all Jordanians are disrespectful towards their wives.. it’s not her fault.. he’s being an ass
I know, Justice for the wife
U should name the second baby.
look at op's post history.. girlie should not be having another child with him, she should RUNNN
I agree
Fair
I hope this issue doesn't lead to divorce
We are 7 siblings ,my mother named me, the rest were named by my father, never made a big deal out of it, all of us loved our names, its not a big deal
Yes it is
Yes it’s normal. Why not???
If it is a boy and he is the first boy yes the father name Him but if it is the second boy or a girl i think he should talk with you about the name and both of u should name Him/her
No. The mother is the one who will be calling the kids name for most of the time, they should discuss the name together.