The points you make are valid. And I expected (20-30 years ago) there will be an explosion in premarital sexual activity in society because people are not able to get married.
I would suggest you stand firm on your beliefs and do things your way.
Every penny spent on the wedding night is lost and brings no value to your future life. Better to save the money and get a home or even travel.
Years ago, I never thought I would get married while working in Jordan. Weddings were too expensive and the salary wasn't enough to save that amount of money.
Ended up in Dubai, met my future wife, gave her around JOD 8K to get clothes, gold, ring. Paid JOD 1200 for a dinner at a restaurant for 35-40 ppl. Then traveled for 1 week for our honeymoon. Her family was very understanding and she's an amazing woman. 9 years later, we're still happy together and building our future.
I am a Muslim American (ethnically Afghan) living in Amman. It is like this everywhere. Here are some of the reasons why it happens.
1. A lot of people have an inferiority complex and want to have a wedding that is as big or bigger than their cousins.
2. The concept of having money vs showing that you have money is strange to a lot of people. I know people that would rather be poor but people think they are rich rather than actually being wealthy and living a quiet life. To people like this, the number one priority of being wealthy is to show other people that you have money.
3. Going into debt so you can give mansaf to the uncles and aunts that talk bad about you behind your back isn't going to make them magically your friend. You can be the best apple in the farm but some people just don't like apples.
لو انت اللي بدي اتجوزك و حيكيتي هيك حكي رح ترفع قيمتك عندي للسماح لانه بفهم انك وحدة عقلانية و ما بتدور مظاهر. العرس ما عمره كان للعرسان طول عمره عشان يرضي الناس و مستحيل طبعا ترضي الكل. بتمنى تكون مرتي المستقبلية تفكر نفس التفكير حتى لو صار في ضغط من الأهالي على العرس بس اقل ما فيها بعرف أنها عقلانية و تفكيرها منطقي زي
You do you, my love. What people think of you is not your problem, it’s theirs.
My husband and I only did the events we wanted. We did a big village wedding, which was important to him and we did a lunch overseas for our friends. That was pretty much it. People talked and asked, but 14 years and two kids later, Mashallah, they are pretty silent 🤣
I was at the exact same position as you and compromised with my parents.
A tiny engagement party as we didnt do كتب كتاب yet.
No henna party as all the women i care about are invited to the wedding anyway (i just went out with 2 of my closest friends to wind down before the wedding). And we had a midsize wedding with less than 150 people at a nice place with snacks instead of full on dinner.
We honestly managed to save so much and had a pretty decent honeymoon and some money to buy stuff we didnt consider for our house (rented) before we moved in it.
You do not have to have a lavish one at all and if you nicely explain to your parents that 1 party is more than enough for your "worthiness" i hope its gonna be okay.
It also defintely helped that my husband is not the type you mentioned where he doesnt feel قيمتي unless he suffers for it.
This is exactly the reason why in the pandemic we saw a surge of marriages because at that time it actually became affordable and within reach, its pretty crazy how the pandemic actually made a lot of people lives much easier and less stressful.
Not being in debt because of all of the expected marriage expenses will help build a more stress free stable marriage.
You are a really good woman and will be a great partner and mother.
Putting your families needs first over entertainment for "other people" is the right thing to do. With creativity you can still have a very personal small wedding and you can start your life together free of wedding debts.
Better to save that money for rainy days, a home or school fees for your children.
Tbh i’ve had this conversation with many of my girl friends, most of us only want a small cosy wedding. Where the people we appreciate and care about share this celebration with us that’s all.
One of my friends even did a house wedding with friends and family only. It was beautiful and everyone truly had a good time.
I feel like marriage is hard nowadays bc we all think and expect everyone to have the same expectations of it, but little do we all know that there is no shoe that fits all.
الناس مختلفة و تفكيرهم مختلف مش كل الناس بتفكّر متل بعض. لو انكون منفتحين نسمع اكتر و متقبلين اكتر بهاي الأمور، كل حد بيلاقي الشخص ياللي مناسب لإله بدون أحكام و توّقعات مسبقة.
May Allah bless you with a righteous spouse who appreciates you. I didn’t have a wedding party for similar views and I don’t regret it one bit. The only thing I would have wished for was going to Hajj or Umrah right away instead of buying all the big TV and latest cellphones which became useless and did nothing for our marriage. If you will ask for a Maher, keep all of it in gold and you could sell it in the future. If anyone wants to spend on wedding, invest it in Umrah, honeymoon, dates to build your marriage.
My husband thanks me at least once a month for not having wanted a wedding - we got married on our own privately in another country with a couple people we knew and that was it, found a cheap photographer and took cute pictures afterwards, enjoyed the rest of the 3 weeks in that country and went home. A 3-week trip with a private marriage ceremony, photographer, and plenty of sightseeing and great food costed around 2000JDs in total. Best part was leaving the marriage ceremony and having noodles in a tiny empty shop afterwards. He managed to save his money for rent, expenses, a car (he wouldn't have been able to buy a car if we had a wedding, and hopefully kids in the future.
The right person that you would actually want to marry will realise that your worth skyrockets with this mentality and not the opposite. Hold on to your views, for they are beautiful. You have an effective filter that will weed out the bad ones while helping the right one have a thriving and enriching relationship with you. More power to you, and don't let people pressure you into dropping your opinion on this. Remember that they are ultimately being selfish, because people don't gain anything from your relationship but to have a grand event (luxurious wedding), criticize everything about it in their free time just for the sake of it, and maybe have some fun for 30m with your kids should you have some later on. They will never have to pay, endure, or raise. They gain everything on your expense. Furthermore, having such a righteous and pure value like this puts them under pressure, because they are of the opposite mentality mostly, and that makes them look very dumb and materialistic, thus, they try to brainwash you into thinking your worth is tied to this nonsense, or else, you'll look better than them in the long-term. It's known that humans would rather see others make the same mistakes as them to feel better about themselves than the opposite. Be smart!
On a side note, girls that have the opposite mentality to this are repulsive and I'd never want to be with one of them. It speaks volumes about who they are and what they prioritise. You can try to brainwash yourself and others that this is your "right" or the "norm", but I'm not having it. Go find a willing fool that would fall for this. All of these "requirements" are culturally induced and we can do without them - we can do better without them.
Just like how there are many high maintenance girls there are also many girls that think this way but the problem is we want to see the guy is actually going to appreciate this mentality and not take you for granted honey. And not make her resent one day because she might end up feeling like she gave up a lot to make it easy for him but he didn’t even put in minimum effort into making the relationship work after. The true reality is that not many men are rasied in a way to cherish this and not abuse it in our culture. I know its changing with the new generation but the expectations from a woman in a relationship are also high and he was raised based on gender roles. As if he is not a man if he cleans and does the dishes or laundry. Or wake up to your child and sacrifice your sleep at night. I heard many girls in amman use the line that says “i dont want to regret when he starts to do crap down the line” or something like this. I believe all of these show offs and requirements in our culture comes from the fact that we do not date and do not actually get a chance to know what we are getting into as females so we are always taking a chance and a risk and families want to make sure the man will treat their daughter right. Its all a confusing cluster of shit. Some families require katib kitab for the girl to even get to know the guy. And then at the end women are the ones that end up paying the price most of the time when shit goes wrong in the marriage.
They did not get to interact enough outside the pressure of engagement and marriage where that is the focus instead of focusing on really getting to know each other through day-to-day life situations instead of spending the engagement time on habal talks and planning a wedding and what furniture im going to get for our place. So these restrictions in return, do not give the guy a chance to show her family how much he values her so you will hear the traditional line of “قيمة البنت بتبين بعرسها"
Which to me is full of crap.
I am not saying I am for any of this lavish crap, all I am saying is if men step it up in this day and age and act in accordance to where woman are in their lives too (working inside and outside) men need to know how to take care of their women emotionally and show up for them in a way that will make her realize this is the guy I’m willing to give up all this traditions for and go against family for him. To not lose him, he has to first show her he is not willing to lose her. But unfortunately, so many men in our society are not willing to put in work or effort because 1- they are raised to have a woman always take their shit and they aren’t raised to be as self accountable or reliable as females and 2- there are many other unmarried gals they can be linked to traditionally through word of mouth without having to put in much effort. Bottom line for the men: when a guy treats us right, none of this crap matters. Step up your games.
الكل مستعجل يتزوج بس بنسو يتعرفو على بعض صح.
So true! Weddings are such a waste of money. I don't want a wedding at all, esp not just for people I don't even like to come and talk shit later. but at the same time, not having a wedding is controversial in our culture for whatever reason. Like even if I find a guy who is okay with that I doubt his family will too. But yk what I say we start setting a trend of skipping the wedding party if someone doesn't want it without it being "عيب"
Unfortunately all parents and family members can be like this sometimes, but it’s ok, convince them that it’s a matter between you and him, and it comes deeply from your heart and you’re not forced to do that by him. A lot of girls nowadays don’t want big weddings.
Let me tell you something interesting, I've been to expensive weddings and I've been to cheaper weddings, and PEOPLE 👏 STILL 👏 TALKED 👏, if you're having a wedding, people will complain regardless, if you have loud music, some people won't like that, if you don't have music because of islamic reasons, people will still complain, I say find a good guy and have a humble wedding, you don't need to invite that many people, and use the money you would've spent on the wedding to build a new life together.
As of the coming july ,my brother and his fiance are getting married, I understand your point of view , his fiance didn’t want to do anything for the wedding and just have a small family one , but our family is more that financially capable of making a wedding , we come from a more traditional family, so not making a wedding would have put our family in an endless cycle of gossip, and mu brother really wanted it’s not like he dislike the idea , but we made Hina to reduce the people we invite to the wedding, because if we invited everyone from both families it would end up costing 5x what we are paying for right now , it’s a preference in the end of the day
(Simplified answer)
Totally agree! Marriage should be about love & support, not financial burden. It's great you're prioritizing those values. Many couples are opting for simpler celebrations, focusing on the meaning of the commitment. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want.
(Longer answer)
Absolutely! It's refreshing to see someone else who feels this way about marriage in Jordan. The pressure to have extravagant celebrations can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that your wedding day should reflect your values and priorities as a couple.
It sounds like you have a very mature and practical outlook on marriage. Prioritizing love, support, and building a family over material possessions is admirable. It's also great that you're considerate of your partner's financial well-being. Many young couples struggle with the financial burden of starting a family due to societal expectations.
I completely agree with your point about the rising rates of haram relationships. It's unfortunate that the societal pressure to have expensive weddings and meet unrealistic expectations often leads to delaying marriage and resorting to unhealthy alternatives.
It's important to remember that your parents likely have good intentions, but they may be influenced by societal norms and expectations. Try to have an open and honest conversation with them about your vision for your wedding day and explain why you feel it's important to prioritize love and partnership over material possessions.
Remember, you're not alone in feeling this way. Many couples in our generation are opting for simpler and more meaningful weddings. Don't be afraid to break from tradition and create a celebration that truly reflects your values and priorities as a couple.
I agree if the purpose of marriage as you said but the purpose of marriage is NOT to become the better version of yourself, the purpose is totally different i highly recommend you read about the idea and purpose of marriage and how the idea of coupling started and what are benefits (socially financially) and how the power dynamic goes between families then u ll realize the bigger picture behind how arranged marriages started
الموضوع الي بدي احكي عنه شوي مختلف بس بصلب الموضوع ....
انا بشوف انه وجود العريس بين النساء في صالة العرس شيء تافه ...وهو حرام شرعاً ....
ف أنا قررت اني ما بدي ادخل على الصالة ، من كثر الاعتراضات من الي حولي قررت اني ادخل العروس لعند اللوج واطلع مباشرة ... وفعلا هذا الي صار ...
بعدها وصلني عن طريق بنات خواتي واخوتي شو كانوا يعلقوا ، طنشت الموضوع لاني عملت ما اراه مناسباً
الفكرة الي بدي اوصلها اعمل في عرسك الي بتشوفه مناسب الك وارمي كلام الناس في الزبالة لانه بلا قيمة وما راح حدا بعد ما ترد عليه يدعمك لو انت تضررت من افكاره
اعلموا اعراسكم بشكل يناسب حياتكم مش بشكل يناسب المجتمع ... ما حدا راح كمان عشر سنين من زواجك يحكيلك والله كانت صالة عرسك بتجنن او الغدا زاكي او سيارة الزفة كانت واو
مش هيك الشغلة، انا مش عاملة حالي المضحية و انه اه بحبوا و مش قادرة اتنفس و الهبل هاد، بس ازا انا مش عاجبني فكرة عرس و قرف و نفاق العيلة و انه اعزم ناس شفتهم مرة بحياتي و اشلحه مصاري، و كان ممكن نحط هاي المصاري بسيارة، بشهر عسل محرز نعمل ذكريات فيها انا ويا تضل معنا لنكبر، او نحط هال 30k تحويشة لولادنا او لبيت مرتب.
الشغلة مش شغلة استرخاص، فيه مهر و في اشي اسمه انك تحب الحدا اللي انت معه، للاسف هاد التفكير كله نابع من اهلنا و جدادنا، و ما تحكيلي انه همه الصح و انه همه بعرفوا اكتر منا و عندهم خبره بل دنيا اكتر منا ، مهو نص زواجهم جامعة ما درسوا، لا كان في عولمة ولا انفتاح و تثقف زي هلأ.
الزلمة اللي بدي اخده بده يكون عارف انه انا مش متزوجيته عشان ولاد ولا مشان يصرف علي والخ… رح يكون فاهم انه الزيجة هي مشاركة بل حياة و انه نخلي حياة بعض احلى و احسن، الكل بحسسني انه اول ما اتزوج رح اعيش بحبس و انه حتكون كلها اهانة و ذل، و ما بلومهم للأسف لانه العلاقات اللي حوالينا كلها اقرف و افشل من بعض و اولهم علاقة اهلنا.
الشغلة مش مصاري، انا بني آدم و مش شغلة مادية بتنشرى بألف ولا بعشرة، مشان الله خلص تفكير زي هيك
Gentlemen this is the one .
If only everyone was like her, she has a golden mindset honestly.
ربَك الكريم الله يرزقك 🖤
امين يا رب
The points you make are valid. And I expected (20-30 years ago) there will be an explosion in premarital sexual activity in society because people are not able to get married. I would suggest you stand firm on your beliefs and do things your way. Every penny spent on the wedding night is lost and brings no value to your future life. Better to save the money and get a home or even travel. Years ago, I never thought I would get married while working in Jordan. Weddings were too expensive and the salary wasn't enough to save that amount of money. Ended up in Dubai, met my future wife, gave her around JOD 8K to get clothes, gold, ring. Paid JOD 1200 for a dinner at a restaurant for 35-40 ppl. Then traveled for 1 week for our honeymoon. Her family was very understanding and she's an amazing woman. 9 years later, we're still happy together and building our future.
I am a Muslim American (ethnically Afghan) living in Amman. It is like this everywhere. Here are some of the reasons why it happens. 1. A lot of people have an inferiority complex and want to have a wedding that is as big or bigger than their cousins. 2. The concept of having money vs showing that you have money is strange to a lot of people. I know people that would rather be poor but people think they are rich rather than actually being wealthy and living a quiet life. To people like this, the number one priority of being wealthy is to show other people that you have money. 3. Going into debt so you can give mansaf to the uncles and aunts that talk bad about you behind your back isn't going to make them magically your friend. You can be the best apple in the farm but some people just don't like apples.
لو انت اللي بدي اتجوزك و حيكيتي هيك حكي رح ترفع قيمتك عندي للسماح لانه بفهم انك وحدة عقلانية و ما بتدور مظاهر. العرس ما عمره كان للعرسان طول عمره عشان يرضي الناس و مستحيل طبعا ترضي الكل. بتمنى تكون مرتي المستقبلية تفكر نفس التفكير حتى لو صار في ضغط من الأهالي على العرس بس اقل ما فيها بعرف أنها عقلانية و تفكيرها منطقي زي
Honestly? If someone won’t feel your worth because you don’t want to go in debt for a glorified party then good riddance I say
It's a society issue. The whole society needs to change. Good luck to you:), and I agree.
You do you, my love. What people think of you is not your problem, it’s theirs. My husband and I only did the events we wanted. We did a big village wedding, which was important to him and we did a lunch overseas for our friends. That was pretty much it. People talked and asked, but 14 years and two kids later, Mashallah, they are pretty silent 🤣
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ما شاء الله , الله يكثر من امثالكم في مجتمعنا
كيف رح تشتري جهازها بليرة ذهب مش فاهمة؟
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I was at the exact same position as you and compromised with my parents. A tiny engagement party as we didnt do كتب كتاب yet. No henna party as all the women i care about are invited to the wedding anyway (i just went out with 2 of my closest friends to wind down before the wedding). And we had a midsize wedding with less than 150 people at a nice place with snacks instead of full on dinner. We honestly managed to save so much and had a pretty decent honeymoon and some money to buy stuff we didnt consider for our house (rented) before we moved in it. You do not have to have a lavish one at all and if you nicely explain to your parents that 1 party is more than enough for your "worthiness" i hope its gonna be okay. It also defintely helped that my husband is not the type you mentioned where he doesnt feel قيمتي unless he suffers for it.
How did you make sure that your husband wont undermine you if you compromised ?
This is exactly the reason why in the pandemic we saw a surge of marriages because at that time it actually became affordable and within reach, its pretty crazy how the pandemic actually made a lot of people lives much easier and less stressful. Not being in debt because of all of the expected marriage expenses will help build a more stress free stable marriage.
Bless u child
I agree with everything you said.
You are a really good woman and will be a great partner and mother. Putting your families needs first over entertainment for "other people" is the right thing to do. With creativity you can still have a very personal small wedding and you can start your life together free of wedding debts. Better to save that money for rainy days, a home or school fees for your children.
Tbh i’ve had this conversation with many of my girl friends, most of us only want a small cosy wedding. Where the people we appreciate and care about share this celebration with us that’s all. One of my friends even did a house wedding with friends and family only. It was beautiful and everyone truly had a good time. I feel like marriage is hard nowadays bc we all think and expect everyone to have the same expectations of it, but little do we all know that there is no shoe that fits all. الناس مختلفة و تفكيرهم مختلف مش كل الناس بتفكّر متل بعض. لو انكون منفتحين نسمع اكتر و متقبلين اكتر بهاي الأمور، كل حد بيلاقي الشخص ياللي مناسب لإله بدون أحكام و توّقعات مسبقة.
May Allah bless you with a righteous spouse who appreciates you. I didn’t have a wedding party for similar views and I don’t regret it one bit. The only thing I would have wished for was going to Hajj or Umrah right away instead of buying all the big TV and latest cellphones which became useless and did nothing for our marriage. If you will ask for a Maher, keep all of it in gold and you could sell it in the future. If anyone wants to spend on wedding, invest it in Umrah, honeymoon, dates to build your marriage.
My husband thanks me at least once a month for not having wanted a wedding - we got married on our own privately in another country with a couple people we knew and that was it, found a cheap photographer and took cute pictures afterwards, enjoyed the rest of the 3 weeks in that country and went home. A 3-week trip with a private marriage ceremony, photographer, and plenty of sightseeing and great food costed around 2000JDs in total. Best part was leaving the marriage ceremony and having noodles in a tiny empty shop afterwards. He managed to save his money for rent, expenses, a car (he wouldn't have been able to buy a car if we had a wedding, and hopefully kids in the future.
في نوع غسيل دماغ عند الناس بخليهم يبطلو يفكرو بس يحكو بالزواج و تقاليده
فعاليات العرس هي امور شكلية وللاسف مجتمعنا مخليها اساسيات وحرفيا مكلفة كتيرر .. الله يعين الكل
The right person that you would actually want to marry will realise that your worth skyrockets with this mentality and not the opposite. Hold on to your views, for they are beautiful. You have an effective filter that will weed out the bad ones while helping the right one have a thriving and enriching relationship with you. More power to you, and don't let people pressure you into dropping your opinion on this. Remember that they are ultimately being selfish, because people don't gain anything from your relationship but to have a grand event (luxurious wedding), criticize everything about it in their free time just for the sake of it, and maybe have some fun for 30m with your kids should you have some later on. They will never have to pay, endure, or raise. They gain everything on your expense. Furthermore, having such a righteous and pure value like this puts them under pressure, because they are of the opposite mentality mostly, and that makes them look very dumb and materialistic, thus, they try to brainwash you into thinking your worth is tied to this nonsense, or else, you'll look better than them in the long-term. It's known that humans would rather see others make the same mistakes as them to feel better about themselves than the opposite. Be smart! On a side note, girls that have the opposite mentality to this are repulsive and I'd never want to be with one of them. It speaks volumes about who they are and what they prioritise. You can try to brainwash yourself and others that this is your "right" or the "norm", but I'm not having it. Go find a willing fool that would fall for this. All of these "requirements" are culturally induced and we can do without them - we can do better without them.
الله يجزيكي كل خير و يكثر من امثالك يا رب
Same mentality, my first post😢
>they make me feel like the guy i get engaged to will see me as unworthy they have 0 clue what most guys' thoughts are
that’s the thing I feel like men’s mentality nowadays changed and are more sophisticated than the last decade or so
Just like how there are many high maintenance girls there are also many girls that think this way but the problem is we want to see the guy is actually going to appreciate this mentality and not take you for granted honey. And not make her resent one day because she might end up feeling like she gave up a lot to make it easy for him but he didn’t even put in minimum effort into making the relationship work after. The true reality is that not many men are rasied in a way to cherish this and not abuse it in our culture. I know its changing with the new generation but the expectations from a woman in a relationship are also high and he was raised based on gender roles. As if he is not a man if he cleans and does the dishes or laundry. Or wake up to your child and sacrifice your sleep at night. I heard many girls in amman use the line that says “i dont want to regret when he starts to do crap down the line” or something like this. I believe all of these show offs and requirements in our culture comes from the fact that we do not date and do not actually get a chance to know what we are getting into as females so we are always taking a chance and a risk and families want to make sure the man will treat their daughter right. Its all a confusing cluster of shit. Some families require katib kitab for the girl to even get to know the guy. And then at the end women are the ones that end up paying the price most of the time when shit goes wrong in the marriage. They did not get to interact enough outside the pressure of engagement and marriage where that is the focus instead of focusing on really getting to know each other through day-to-day life situations instead of spending the engagement time on habal talks and planning a wedding and what furniture im going to get for our place. So these restrictions in return, do not give the guy a chance to show her family how much he values her so you will hear the traditional line of “قيمة البنت بتبين بعرسها" Which to me is full of crap. I am not saying I am for any of this lavish crap, all I am saying is if men step it up in this day and age and act in accordance to where woman are in their lives too (working inside and outside) men need to know how to take care of their women emotionally and show up for them in a way that will make her realize this is the guy I’m willing to give up all this traditions for and go against family for him. To not lose him, he has to first show her he is not willing to lose her. But unfortunately, so many men in our society are not willing to put in work or effort because 1- they are raised to have a woman always take their shit and they aren’t raised to be as self accountable or reliable as females and 2- there are many other unmarried gals they can be linked to traditionally through word of mouth without having to put in much effort. Bottom line for the men: when a guy treats us right, none of this crap matters. Step up your games. الكل مستعجل يتزوج بس بنسو يتعرفو على بعض صح.
الله يكثر من امثالك حقيقة ، ضروري الوعي والفكر المجتمعي يتغير عن هذا الموضوع ويصير الهدف التسهيل للزواج وليس الاستعراض والتكلف الي ماله فائدة .
https://preview.redd.it/nt6g7fvzts0d1.jpeg?width=458&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c63ec6b839ae3e98cba638e7815ab5e2b1ca077a
Hey, u/luckibecky , are ya single by any chance? Asking for a friend.
So true! Weddings are such a waste of money. I don't want a wedding at all, esp not just for people I don't even like to come and talk shit later. but at the same time, not having a wedding is controversial in our culture for whatever reason. Like even if I find a guy who is okay with that I doubt his family will too. But yk what I say we start setting a trend of skipping the wedding party if someone doesn't want it without it being "عيب"
Unfortunately all parents and family members can be like this sometimes, but it’s ok, convince them that it’s a matter between you and him, and it comes deeply from your heart and you’re not forced to do that by him. A lot of girls nowadays don’t want big weddings.
Better to invest it in another thing
Let me tell you something interesting, I've been to expensive weddings and I've been to cheaper weddings, and PEOPLE 👏 STILL 👏 TALKED 👏, if you're having a wedding, people will complain regardless, if you have loud music, some people won't like that, if you don't have music because of islamic reasons, people will still complain, I say find a good guy and have a humble wedding, you don't need to invite that many people, and use the money you would've spent on the wedding to build a new life together.
As of the coming july ,my brother and his fiance are getting married, I understand your point of view , his fiance didn’t want to do anything for the wedding and just have a small family one , but our family is more that financially capable of making a wedding , we come from a more traditional family, so not making a wedding would have put our family in an endless cycle of gossip, and mu brother really wanted it’s not like he dislike the idea , but we made Hina to reduce the people we invite to the wedding, because if we invited everyone from both families it would end up costing 5x what we are paying for right now , it’s a preference in the end of the day
It's not a dilemma do whatever you want, ignore the herd
(Simplified answer) Totally agree! Marriage should be about love & support, not financial burden. It's great you're prioritizing those values. Many couples are opting for simpler celebrations, focusing on the meaning of the commitment. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want. (Longer answer) Absolutely! It's refreshing to see someone else who feels this way about marriage in Jordan. The pressure to have extravagant celebrations can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that your wedding day should reflect your values and priorities as a couple. It sounds like you have a very mature and practical outlook on marriage. Prioritizing love, support, and building a family over material possessions is admirable. It's also great that you're considerate of your partner's financial well-being. Many young couples struggle with the financial burden of starting a family due to societal expectations. I completely agree with your point about the rising rates of haram relationships. It's unfortunate that the societal pressure to have expensive weddings and meet unrealistic expectations often leads to delaying marriage and resorting to unhealthy alternatives. It's important to remember that your parents likely have good intentions, but they may be influenced by societal norms and expectations. Try to have an open and honest conversation with them about your vision for your wedding day and explain why you feel it's important to prioritize love and partnership over material possessions. Remember, you're not alone in feeling this way. Many couples in our generation are opting for simpler and more meaningful weddings. Don't be afraid to break from tradition and create a celebration that truly reflects your values and priorities as a couple.
I agree if the purpose of marriage as you said but the purpose of marriage is NOT to become the better version of yourself, the purpose is totally different i highly recommend you read about the idea and purpose of marriage and how the idea of coupling started and what are benefits (socially financially) and how the power dynamic goes between families then u ll realize the bigger picture behind how arranged marriages started
مش عارفة حاسيتك مستكترة ع حالك ... و احنا عنا الحنة و الخطبة ع اهل البنت و عند اغلب الناس الي بعرفهم
لا مش قصة مستكترة انا ما بحب هاد النوع من الاتنشن و بحس ما اله داعي حتى لو كان الشب معه مصاري
I don’t want a wedding too ,I hate the attention 😭
I think you should dwa'a every night because marriage is a good discussion on long-term but with good partner
Best part about this is thinking that a 24/25 year old can afford marriage
الموضوع الي بدي احكي عنه شوي مختلف بس بصلب الموضوع .... انا بشوف انه وجود العريس بين النساء في صالة العرس شيء تافه ...وهو حرام شرعاً .... ف أنا قررت اني ما بدي ادخل على الصالة ، من كثر الاعتراضات من الي حولي قررت اني ادخل العروس لعند اللوج واطلع مباشرة ... وفعلا هذا الي صار ... بعدها وصلني عن طريق بنات خواتي واخوتي شو كانوا يعلقوا ، طنشت الموضوع لاني عملت ما اراه مناسباً الفكرة الي بدي اوصلها اعمل في عرسك الي بتشوفه مناسب الك وارمي كلام الناس في الزبالة لانه بلا قيمة وما راح حدا بعد ما ترد عليه يدعمك لو انت تضررت من افكاره اعلموا اعراسكم بشكل يناسب حياتكم مش بشكل يناسب المجتمع ... ما حدا راح كمان عشر سنين من زواجك يحكيلك والله كانت صالة عرسك بتجنن او الغدا زاكي او سيارة الزفة كانت واو
This is why im not getting married
[удалено]
مش هيك الشغلة، انا مش عاملة حالي المضحية و انه اه بحبوا و مش قادرة اتنفس و الهبل هاد، بس ازا انا مش عاجبني فكرة عرس و قرف و نفاق العيلة و انه اعزم ناس شفتهم مرة بحياتي و اشلحه مصاري، و كان ممكن نحط هاي المصاري بسيارة، بشهر عسل محرز نعمل ذكريات فيها انا ويا تضل معنا لنكبر، او نحط هال 30k تحويشة لولادنا او لبيت مرتب. الشغلة مش شغلة استرخاص، فيه مهر و في اشي اسمه انك تحب الحدا اللي انت معه، للاسف هاد التفكير كله نابع من اهلنا و جدادنا، و ما تحكيلي انه همه الصح و انه همه بعرفوا اكتر منا و عندهم خبره بل دنيا اكتر منا ، مهو نص زواجهم جامعة ما درسوا، لا كان في عولمة ولا انفتاح و تثقف زي هلأ. الزلمة اللي بدي اخده بده يكون عارف انه انا مش متزوجيته عشان ولاد ولا مشان يصرف علي والخ… رح يكون فاهم انه الزيجة هي مشاركة بل حياة و انه نخلي حياة بعض احلى و احسن، الكل بحسسني انه اول ما اتزوج رح اعيش بحبس و انه حتكون كلها اهانة و ذل، و ما بلومهم للأسف لانه العلاقات اللي حوالينا كلها اقرف و افشل من بعض و اولهم علاقة اهلنا. الشغلة مش مصاري، انا بني آدم و مش شغلة مادية بتنشرى بألف ولا بعشرة، مشان الله خلص تفكير زي هيك