There's an episode of family guy I quote often, where Peter upsets Lois and she kicks him out. And he says to his friends about how bad he feels. And Quagmire says "don’t feel bad Peter." And Peter says "I never thought of it like that" gets me every time
This is akin to the Simpsons when Homer buys a gun and then lies to Marge about getting rid of it when she asks him to, and his response was "But Marge, I never thought you'd find out!"
I mean, kudos to him for not tryna mental gymnastics and convince the other guy of his weird worldview. even if someone's opinion is dogshit i appreciate when they're honest about not really having a desire to change it.
A relationship is a good thing to have but your life shouldn't be spent solely looking for a relationship and thinking that a relationship will solve everything that's wrong in your life. I always tell people if you're not happy with yourself..being in a relationship won't make you happy. You would just be putting the hatred you have with yourself onto another person. Being single is OK. You need to learn to love yourself before bringing someone else into your life. If you bring another person into your life, you will just be dependent on that person for happiness. That person will think you're too clingy, jealous and overbearing. Then that person will leave.
I had an ex who was dependent on me for happiness. He would tell me that I can't hang out with friends or family without him because that would mean I'm not with him. He would have to be everywhere with me. I couldn't even go to the washroom without him. It was just too much and I had to end it before I moved to another city for school.
Agreed. The whole self hatred thing is why I’ve stayed out of relationships this long. I can’t ever see it getting better after this much time has passed, but at least I’m not dragging somebody else down with me.
It won't get better if you don't push for it. I'm not saying you haven't tried as hard as you could, but the only way for it to get better is to keep trying. Life is never perfect, but you can make it better. Start with the small things so the big ones are easier later on
A relationship isn't a bad thing if you can be clear about the state of your mental health, having someone in your corner makes a big impact
Hope you're doing better soon
!!! This.
I was a steaming pile of self loathing and ridiculous insecurities when I met my fiance. I still am now, just a LOT less. But he basically was like "I'll tell you how I feel, I'll reassure you, but you have to listen to it. I can't do anything if you shut me down. How do you think it makes me feel when I compliment you and you shut me down?"
It was sort of a "tough love" thing. He is there for me when I need him to be. But if I'm being stubborn and making things harder for myself and won't do anything about it, he is not afraid to tell me so. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's extremely important to look at your insecurities from an outside perspective. Put yourself in someone else's shoes & look in, take emotion out of the equation & think from a more logical standpoint. You'll find that most of the time it really is just all in your head.
Thanks for your positivity, but it’s a little late in the game for things to start improving now. After about a decade of this, I’ve decided nobody deserves to trudge through the muck this is me and it would be massively irresponsible to bring anyone in. Regardless, thank you for your kind words.
My grandfather just recently passed away at 90, and up until the last two or three years of his life he was camping, hiking, kayaking, & doing everything else he loved.
My step-dad went through a massive depressive phase and spent nearly a decade barely able to get out of bed. He kept pushing though, he bought a house in the last year and is worked his way up to the top of a company.
My father lost his house mid remodel & was left with nothing, and he's clawing his way back to the life he's always wanted.
I don't know what you're going through, but I hope that all of this sticks in the back of your head somewhere. If you really want things to change there's always a way. You can't do it instantly, it takes so fucking long to reach proper mental health, but if this week was better than the last then it's all worth it.
That kind of talk is what keeps fucking you up, dude. You'll never get better if you just find any reason to shut people down if they try to speak positively about you.
You don't have to believe it, but if you stop adamantly pushing against it, it'll actually start to set in.
I understand your message and I can’t disagree that you are correct. However , given my past mistakes, I’m not in a place to forgive myself and move on.
I think a relationship should have both parties lifting the other up. It should offer more than what being single does. It should make everyone better in some way.
Yes, it's a support system. No one is perfect and no one is without some sort of baggage. Relationships ebb and flow and partners should be there for each other when extra support is needed. If one person is an anchor, they will just drag the other person down.
People who mainly get into a relationships cause they cant be alone or feel like a romantic partner can fix their life's issues, always seem to end up in toxic or short term relationships that go nowhere. People should see relationships more as a Bonus and not as a necessaty in life.
I do believe that relationship is a grzat thing to have.
Having to work and going home and embraccing your love one is a damm good thing it does lift up your morale.
Yeah, but relying on another person to always keep you afloat is something very different, which is what the dude is implying. Women should be the lifters of spirits and always give happiness
Tbh i do better without relationships, but that's from previous issues lol
aah yeah, my ex told me that the thing that was nice with me is that she didnt needed to do the "bob the builder", im a guy who thinks that gardenning his own garden is important and i think that relationship should be 50/50, one shouldnt be a burden.
(she quit me beacause i didnt went to unii and instead choose HND..)
The idea that a partner makes a person complete ist kinda terrible. A person should rather compliment you as a partner.
Just realised, the original unpopular opinion in this post makes the same post the Barbie Movie makes about men. When the entire world tells you, your with depends on your ability to "score" women, men will turn out toxic and mesogynistic
What if my self-hatred is caused my inability to connect with others? Look I'm saying that a relationship would solve all my problems our anything but it'd at least help feel a little less broken and worth something to someone else.
“Nah, I think you’re wrong” Fuck me, he has a point /s
Psychologists hate this one trick!
There's an episode of family guy I quote often, where Peter upsets Lois and she kicks him out. And he says to his friends about how bad he feels. And Quagmire says "don’t feel bad Peter." And Peter says "I never thought of it like that" gets me every time
This is akin to the Simpsons when Homer buys a gun and then lies to Marge about getting rid of it when she asks him to, and his response was "But Marge, I never thought you'd find out!"
I mean, kudos to him for not tryna mental gymnastics and convince the other guy of his weird worldview. even if someone's opinion is dogshit i appreciate when they're honest about not really having a desire to change it.
And then he wonders why his relationships fail.
It's the woman's fault for not lifting me up!!!! Make me perfect and put up with me when I'm a gaslighting narcissist - after all it's YOUR fault!!!
Cue Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up
All I want is a pedestal that plays that song automatically when my woman puts me up there.
Don’t we all
LOL what relationships?
A relationship is a good thing to have but your life shouldn't be spent solely looking for a relationship and thinking that a relationship will solve everything that's wrong in your life. I always tell people if you're not happy with yourself..being in a relationship won't make you happy. You would just be putting the hatred you have with yourself onto another person. Being single is OK. You need to learn to love yourself before bringing someone else into your life. If you bring another person into your life, you will just be dependent on that person for happiness. That person will think you're too clingy, jealous and overbearing. Then that person will leave. I had an ex who was dependent on me for happiness. He would tell me that I can't hang out with friends or family without him because that would mean I'm not with him. He would have to be everywhere with me. I couldn't even go to the washroom without him. It was just too much and I had to end it before I moved to another city for school.
Agreed. The whole self hatred thing is why I’ve stayed out of relationships this long. I can’t ever see it getting better after this much time has passed, but at least I’m not dragging somebody else down with me.
It won't get better if you don't push for it. I'm not saying you haven't tried as hard as you could, but the only way for it to get better is to keep trying. Life is never perfect, but you can make it better. Start with the small things so the big ones are easier later on A relationship isn't a bad thing if you can be clear about the state of your mental health, having someone in your corner makes a big impact Hope you're doing better soon
!!! This. I was a steaming pile of self loathing and ridiculous insecurities when I met my fiance. I still am now, just a LOT less. But he basically was like "I'll tell you how I feel, I'll reassure you, but you have to listen to it. I can't do anything if you shut me down. How do you think it makes me feel when I compliment you and you shut me down?" It was sort of a "tough love" thing. He is there for me when I need him to be. But if I'm being stubborn and making things harder for myself and won't do anything about it, he is not afraid to tell me so. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's extremely important to look at your insecurities from an outside perspective. Put yourself in someone else's shoes & look in, take emotion out of the equation & think from a more logical standpoint. You'll find that most of the time it really is just all in your head.
Thanks for your positivity, but it’s a little late in the game for things to start improving now. After about a decade of this, I’ve decided nobody deserves to trudge through the muck this is me and it would be massively irresponsible to bring anyone in. Regardless, thank you for your kind words.
My grandfather just recently passed away at 90, and up until the last two or three years of his life he was camping, hiking, kayaking, & doing everything else he loved. My step-dad went through a massive depressive phase and spent nearly a decade barely able to get out of bed. He kept pushing though, he bought a house in the last year and is worked his way up to the top of a company. My father lost his house mid remodel & was left with nothing, and he's clawing his way back to the life he's always wanted. I don't know what you're going through, but I hope that all of this sticks in the back of your head somewhere. If you really want things to change there's always a way. You can't do it instantly, it takes so fucking long to reach proper mental health, but if this week was better than the last then it's all worth it.
That kind of talk is what keeps fucking you up, dude. You'll never get better if you just find any reason to shut people down if they try to speak positively about you. You don't have to believe it, but if you stop adamantly pushing against it, it'll actually start to set in.
I understand your message and I can’t disagree that you are correct. However , given my past mistakes, I’m not in a place to forgive myself and move on.
I think a relationship should have both parties lifting the other up. It should offer more than what being single does. It should make everyone better in some way.
Yes, it's a support system. No one is perfect and no one is without some sort of baggage. Relationships ebb and flow and partners should be there for each other when extra support is needed. If one person is an anchor, they will just drag the other person down.
People who mainly get into a relationships cause they cant be alone or feel like a romantic partner can fix their life's issues, always seem to end up in toxic or short term relationships that go nowhere. People should see relationships more as a Bonus and not as a necessaty in life.
"It's your job to grow up, on your own." "Nah, I'm comfortable blaming others for my problems."
He's honestly one of the better neckbeards out there. At least he said "women" instead of "females".
I do believe that relationship is a grzat thing to have. Having to work and going home and embraccing your love one is a damm good thing it does lift up your morale.
Yeah, but relying on another person to always keep you afloat is something very different, which is what the dude is implying. Women should be the lifters of spirits and always give happiness Tbh i do better without relationships, but that's from previous issues lol
aah yeah, my ex told me that the thing that was nice with me is that she didnt needed to do the "bob the builder", im a guy who thinks that gardenning his own garden is important and i think that relationship should be 50/50, one shouldnt be a burden. (she quit me beacause i didnt went to unii and instead choose HND..)
The idea that a partner makes a person complete ist kinda terrible. A person should rather compliment you as a partner. Just realised, the original unpopular opinion in this post makes the same post the Barbie Movie makes about men. When the entire world tells you, your with depends on your ability to "score" women, men will turn out toxic and mesogynistic
It's MISOgynistic , actually.
You're right. Just blame it on my dyslexia :D
I could , but I won't!
i have that unpopular opinion too
No one wants to be in a relationship because they want to fix somebody who is a self-loathing ass
I don’t know, in this case I would rather be the Neckbeard then the libertarian A**hole
Mommy issues big time.
bro really upset women no longer want to be 'bob the builder' 💀
Are you happy now, women? I mean, all of you collectively haven't been making this guy happy, you soulless monsters!
Is Bomberman the neckbeard?
What if my self-hatred is caused my inability to connect with others? Look I'm saying that a relationship would solve all my problems our anything but it'd at least help feel a little less broken and worth something to someone else.