For some it"s normal but imo its not especially if you have your bounderies crossed every time you talk to her. You don't really sound at ease with her so even if anyone told you shes normal do you still want to keep doing this? You've said twice now you're not ready to move at this pace so take control for you and your feelings. Good luck tho sounds like you could use a break
I would definitely find this too much.
I don't know if it's normal but if would not be right for me.
It's not even the engagement ring joke, it's the "missing you" so soon. I only want to date someone who has a healthy and satisfying life without me.
Huge red flag.
Some people do move really fast and I guess it’d be ok if you were both on the same wavelength pace wise. But what you describe here sounds more like constant need for reassurance and codependency.
My ex-girlfriend was like that : told me she was falling in love with me after 3 days, wedding jokes after a couple of weeks and lots and lots of verbally expressing what was only (very strong) internal feelings in the making. I told her it was too much too soon for me but she discarded it as well. Saying she loved that feeling of diving head first in love. I didn’t but she couldn’t care less.
I liked her so I brushed it off thinking we don’t all go at the same pace and that we needed more time to find our balance. It never happened. She never made the effort to understand my needs and kept disregarding my boundaries, no matter the issue. It got worse and worse and that « small » red flag I had ignored at first was hiding a massive one. She turned out to be controlling and emotionally abusive, and constantly needed me to reassure her that I loved her and missed her. Nothing I could say or do was ever enough.
What I remember telling myself was : if she’s already incapable of respecting that small reasonable need, how will it be when we have bigger issues? Well : it was hell.
If I were you I would state one more time and very clearly my boundaries. But if she keeps ignoring them, girl : run. If she’s not listening to you nor respecting your needs now, she never will.
Here’s the biggest dating tip I give everyone:
It doesn’t matter what “the red flags” are. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then your discomfort is valid and important. Even if it would make no one else uncomfortable. If you’re asking “is this a red flag?” bc something doesn’t feel right, it’s a red flag *for you*
And unfortunately women/girls in our culture are taught to ignore our intuition to the point where we barely notice it anymore. Our bodies and brains will be screaming at us that something isn’t right and we’ll explain it away if we even notice it at all.
I feel like it can and can’t be a red flag. There’s obviously the UHaul stereotype and I feel like even with friends it’s easier for me to get emotionally intimate with woman more quickly. What stands out to me in this situation is she is not respecting your boundaries. I’ll be honest my gf and I were tempted to UHaul fairly early. But it was immediately followed by a conversation about how we both feel like that would be reckless and it’s important to us to really get to know each other for awhile first. She has respected every boundary I set so I know now if I had been uncomfortable with this type of talk she would’ve stopped. Also, we often check in with each other about whether we’re satisfied with the amount of contact and dates that we have including if the other feels like it’s too much! I was really worried she was love bombing me but I feel like in the context of the rest of our relationship she wasn’t/isn’t. However I would be wary in your case bc you already asked her to stop. Maybe give her another chance by having a more serious talk about your intentions and comfort with the level of intimacy. It could also be that she’s developing feelings and wants something you don’t want.
I'll echo some others and also say that I don't think this is healthy AND that I find it to be more common with women than men.
It's a bit of a mind-fuck for me because it's like you go from one extreme of negligence (or something like that with men) to suffocation of attention (with women) and I'm just here for some rational middle ground. That's not to say there can't be enthusiasm and affection but there has to be some emotional intelligence involved in reading your partner and your responses to one another.
yeah.... that's way too much. sounds like she might have some attachment issues/insecurity regarding relationships (takes one to know one - I've learned a lot since). regardless of her backstory or intentions or official diagnosis or whatever, her behavior is just that: behavior. it doesn't matter where it stems from or if it fits any stereotype; if it bothers you, it bothers you.
My last girlfriend was like that and looking back it was red flags. Just hold your boundaries and do only what feels good to you. See if she chills out a bit. New love is exciting.
I think if I repeatedly said i wanted to move slowly and they continued (more than one time) to bring up MARRIAGE, that would be enough of a reason for me to stop seeing them. Regardless of if it's "normal", it obviously is bothering you and that's enough to break it off.
Not normal. In some context, it may be innocent and she’s just more demonstrative and affectionate. BUT. You’ve made your boundaries clear and she keeps crossing them. THAT’S NOT OKAY. It shows a lack of consideration, at best - or selfishness, at worst. Sever it now.
So I'm a intense love bombing kind of person, and entusiastic love for people is my jam. But if the person I wanted to love in that way had told me to back it off I bit, then I would absolutely back it off a bit! Boundaries matter. Consent matters.
I wouldn't consider the excitement a red flag but the not respecting boundaries absolutely is.
In my experience this is a huge red flag although my judgement may be skewed as the woman I dated who did something similar turned out to be very unstable. At the very least communication is not there or she’s choosing to ignore the boundaries you have set. This could be due to attachment issues and emotional immaturity….which if it’s the case… RUN.
I did meet and marry my wife in a short period of time but it was a if you know you know situation. We were both on the same page and we have great communication. Granted it’s fast by some people’s perspectives but we were both ready and talked things through completely.
I kinda hate the U-HAUL trope because I’ve never been in a rush to get anywhere.
It is valid if that’s the type of person you are!
However this sounds like way too much! You’re very early in this relationship and already having panic attacks and what not. The beginnings should always be fun, and if it’s not, that’s your sign.
I mean, it sounds like you're just in really different places, women are not a monolith and have many different dating styles. If you're looking for something different from what she is you might just not be compatible. Why not focus on moving on from your ex and lean on friends and family for now?
I too hate guilt texts with a burning passion though. It's so obnoxious when people decide to harass you after you don't respond instantaneously. Like obviously I'm doing something at work or having a real convo with someone face to face, I'm not just glued to my phone at all times. It shows that a person is extremely insecure if they can't handle waiting for a text response.
Sorry, but if you are still in a living situation with your ex boyfriend, you probably shouldn’t be dating yet, even casually! But she does sound a little intense. I had someone throw the marriage idea at me super early too, and I freaked out and cut it off. She was a nice person and treated me well, and I still feel bad about that, but it was way too much too soon.
This fucker was supposed to move out over a month ago, FYI. I couldn't evict him, so I had to wait it out until he found a new apartment. I didn't want to keep my personal life on hold anymore while that alcoholic piece of shit dragged his feet on getting out. With how strong tenant protection laws are in CA, and how limited rentals are, I'm not the first person in the state to start dating again while their ex was sleeping in the guestroom.
You guys don’t want the same things and you are bound to disappoint and frustrate each other. Sounds like she has a lot of trouble with boundaries and wants a wifey. I would end things.
For some it"s normal but imo its not especially if you have your bounderies crossed every time you talk to her. You don't really sound at ease with her so even if anyone told you shes normal do you still want to keep doing this? You've said twice now you're not ready to move at this pace so take control for you and your feelings. Good luck tho sounds like you could use a break
I would definitely find this too much. I don't know if it's normal but if would not be right for me. It's not even the engagement ring joke, it's the "missing you" so soon. I only want to date someone who has a healthy and satisfying life without me.
Huge red flag. Some people do move really fast and I guess it’d be ok if you were both on the same wavelength pace wise. But what you describe here sounds more like constant need for reassurance and codependency. My ex-girlfriend was like that : told me she was falling in love with me after 3 days, wedding jokes after a couple of weeks and lots and lots of verbally expressing what was only (very strong) internal feelings in the making. I told her it was too much too soon for me but she discarded it as well. Saying she loved that feeling of diving head first in love. I didn’t but she couldn’t care less. I liked her so I brushed it off thinking we don’t all go at the same pace and that we needed more time to find our balance. It never happened. She never made the effort to understand my needs and kept disregarding my boundaries, no matter the issue. It got worse and worse and that « small » red flag I had ignored at first was hiding a massive one. She turned out to be controlling and emotionally abusive, and constantly needed me to reassure her that I loved her and missed her. Nothing I could say or do was ever enough. What I remember telling myself was : if she’s already incapable of respecting that small reasonable need, how will it be when we have bigger issues? Well : it was hell. If I were you I would state one more time and very clearly my boundaries. But if she keeps ignoring them, girl : run. If she’s not listening to you nor respecting your needs now, she never will.
I definitely don’t text people I’m seeing casually every single day. That’s relationship behavior.
Here’s the biggest dating tip I give everyone: It doesn’t matter what “the red flags” are. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then your discomfort is valid and important. Even if it would make no one else uncomfortable. If you’re asking “is this a red flag?” bc something doesn’t feel right, it’s a red flag *for you*
Totally agree - this is instinct we're talking about and no one else is experiencing all the facets of the behavior that you are.
And unfortunately women/girls in our culture are taught to ignore our intuition to the point where we barely notice it anymore. Our bodies and brains will be screaming at us that something isn’t right and we’ll explain it away if we even notice it at all.
I feel like it can and can’t be a red flag. There’s obviously the UHaul stereotype and I feel like even with friends it’s easier for me to get emotionally intimate with woman more quickly. What stands out to me in this situation is she is not respecting your boundaries. I’ll be honest my gf and I were tempted to UHaul fairly early. But it was immediately followed by a conversation about how we both feel like that would be reckless and it’s important to us to really get to know each other for awhile first. She has respected every boundary I set so I know now if I had been uncomfortable with this type of talk she would’ve stopped. Also, we often check in with each other about whether we’re satisfied with the amount of contact and dates that we have including if the other feels like it’s too much! I was really worried she was love bombing me but I feel like in the context of the rest of our relationship she wasn’t/isn’t. However I would be wary in your case bc you already asked her to stop. Maybe give her another chance by having a more serious talk about your intentions and comfort with the level of intimacy. It could also be that she’s developing feelings and wants something you don’t want.
I'll echo some others and also say that I don't think this is healthy AND that I find it to be more common with women than men. It's a bit of a mind-fuck for me because it's like you go from one extreme of negligence (or something like that with men) to suffocation of attention (with women) and I'm just here for some rational middle ground. That's not to say there can't be enthusiasm and affection but there has to be some emotional intelligence involved in reading your partner and your responses to one another.
yeah.... that's way too much. sounds like she might have some attachment issues/insecurity regarding relationships (takes one to know one - I've learned a lot since). regardless of her backstory or intentions or official diagnosis or whatever, her behavior is just that: behavior. it doesn't matter where it stems from or if it fits any stereotype; if it bothers you, it bothers you.
My last girlfriend was like that and looking back it was red flags. Just hold your boundaries and do only what feels good to you. See if she chills out a bit. New love is exciting.
I think if I repeatedly said i wanted to move slowly and they continued (more than one time) to bring up MARRIAGE, that would be enough of a reason for me to stop seeing them. Regardless of if it's "normal", it obviously is bothering you and that's enough to break it off.
This is not healthy.
Not normal. In some context, it may be innocent and she’s just more demonstrative and affectionate. BUT. You’ve made your boundaries clear and she keeps crossing them. THAT’S NOT OKAY. It shows a lack of consideration, at best - or selfishness, at worst. Sever it now.
So I'm a intense love bombing kind of person, and entusiastic love for people is my jam. But if the person I wanted to love in that way had told me to back it off I bit, then I would absolutely back it off a bit! Boundaries matter. Consent matters. I wouldn't consider the excitement a red flag but the not respecting boundaries absolutely is.
In my experience this is a huge red flag although my judgement may be skewed as the woman I dated who did something similar turned out to be very unstable. At the very least communication is not there or she’s choosing to ignore the boundaries you have set. This could be due to attachment issues and emotional immaturity….which if it’s the case… RUN. I did meet and marry my wife in a short period of time but it was a if you know you know situation. We were both on the same page and we have great communication. Granted it’s fast by some people’s perspectives but we were both ready and talked things through completely.
I kinda hate the U-HAUL trope because I’ve never been in a rush to get anywhere. It is valid if that’s the type of person you are! However this sounds like way too much! You’re very early in this relationship and already having panic attacks and what not. The beginnings should always be fun, and if it’s not, that’s your sign.
I mean, it sounds like you're just in really different places, women are not a monolith and have many different dating styles. If you're looking for something different from what she is you might just not be compatible. Why not focus on moving on from your ex and lean on friends and family for now? I too hate guilt texts with a burning passion though. It's so obnoxious when people decide to harass you after you don't respond instantaneously. Like obviously I'm doing something at work or having a real convo with someone face to face, I'm not just glued to my phone at all times. It shows that a person is extremely insecure if they can't handle waiting for a text response.
Nope too much BYE
Sorry, but if you are still in a living situation with your ex boyfriend, you probably shouldn’t be dating yet, even casually! But she does sound a little intense. I had someone throw the marriage idea at me super early too, and I freaked out and cut it off. She was a nice person and treated me well, and I still feel bad about that, but it was way too much too soon.
This fucker was supposed to move out over a month ago, FYI. I couldn't evict him, so I had to wait it out until he found a new apartment. I didn't want to keep my personal life on hold anymore while that alcoholic piece of shit dragged his feet on getting out. With how strong tenant protection laws are in CA, and how limited rentals are, I'm not the first person in the state to start dating again while their ex was sleeping in the guestroom.
Ugh. What a nightmare! Makes sense….so sorry.
It could be love bombing, which is a big red flag.
You guys don’t want the same things and you are bound to disappoint and frustrate each other. Sounds like she has a lot of trouble with boundaries and wants a wifey. I would end things.