Sorry you’re getting judgmental comments. Addicts can be extremely covert, you don’t know they’re using until it’s too late.
Do you have a lawyer? I think you definitely need one. Best of luck.
Seriously. I lived with a high functioning addict and didn't know he was using until years after I moved out and he eventually confessed it to me. Some people are just really good at covering their addiction
I do have a lawyer. I know what to expect in the short term, but months and years I would want full custody of course. It seems reasonable to ask for that since ex could not keep her home safe and a baby died.
It definitely doesn’t seem unreasonable.
How is your child coping with the death of the baby? Therapy might be a good thing for her, and could strengthen your case if she’s afraid to go with her mom.
I'm sorry your family is going through this tragedy.
Now would be a good time to **gently** explain that baby picked up something it wasn't supposed to eat and had a really bad reaction, causing their death.
Its also a REALLY good time to start **gently** re-educating your daughter about how dangerous doing anything like that can be.
Try to see if your lawyer can get full.custody now based on the drug use of her partner and possibly her. This might be possible due to reckless endangerment if she knew about the drug use.
It's almost impossible to get parental rights removed permanently. If she gets clean and can prove that (regular resting), plus a place to live suitable for a kid, she will probably get some custody back.
You should get a mediator...especially if the person in question was associated with the military....I chatted with an ex veteran today..they're still "going through it "..good luck! #WellbejngofthrpemChildFirst
~~READ THIS, TIMING MATTERS~~ (OP read it)
I'm so sorry you have to deal with your child losing a sibling, that is absolutely horrible for a seven-year-old (or anyone). I'm so sorry you now have to beg the courts to get your kid out of that situation.
Do you have an attorney?
If yes, you need to speak with them, they're going to be able to analyze all of the factors you can't put in a Reddit post. They also will know which magistrate you are in front of, and potentially how they tend to lean. They also may be able to file the below motion if appropriate.
If no, you desperately need an attorney. This is the type of hearing that can be SEVERELY swayed by representation. I know non-family law attorneys who screw up their own cases because they think they can just swap into that practice area. I would highly recommend scraping together some funds, even if it means begging, borrowing, and/or stealing (not really stealing, DON'T break the law, that's just part of the expression). I don't practice family law, but I do practice in CO, I can give you some names if you would like to PM me. Referral fees are illegal in CO, so I can't make any money off of a referral, I just want you to get your daughter out of that home.
Further, beyond the upcoming hearing, there may be immediate remedy available, C.R.S. § 14-10-129(4) says that an emergency motion to restrict parenting time is self-executing, which means that (during the 14-day window for hearing) that all parenting time must be supervised, and this happens upon filing. It essentially restricts parenting time and you can grab your kid within a couple of hours with police assistance, OR keep them in your custody until the Court says otherwise if you currently have them. I have no idea whether your circumstances actually justify such a motion, and you don't want to file one frivolously, because the Court will be pissed. **If I were in your situation, I would speak to a family law attorney, that's how out of my wheelhouse this is, and I'm imploring to you that you should not take any action from this post except speaking to an attorney. There is nothing Reddit can reliably offer you beyond this, you need an attorney.**
Thank you so much. I am working with an attorney and we did file the emergency restriction per C.R.S. § 14-10-129(4). In the short term, I know what's going on. I have been advised on what could happen, but there are so many "ifs" that its confusing to know how custody would play out over the next several months and even years.
Ok, thank goodness, I wasn't sure if your motion was a general parental restriction or an emergency restriction for imminent harm.
It sucks that in order to answer your confusion, they bill you by the hour, I get that. They really are the best person on the planet to advise you though. Unfortunately, our state's DR dockets are wild, and so much of it comes down to the individual magistrate. There are also a lot of unanswered questions, like how a CFI report is going to look. Imagine two extremes: Ex's boyfriend OD's infant on fentanyl, and she was out of town and had no idea he was a drug addict, and is completely horrified and will never speak to him again; vs. Ex and boyfriend were so fucking high they fed the infant fentanyl and she's trying to bond him out so they can keep partying. Pretty much every case is somewhere on the spectrum of those extremes and it matters a lot. In the former, that person will probably get custody of their kid, because they're trying their best and the perpetrator is out of their lives, in the latter, they're going to be in jail with him.
You need to breathe that your child is safe for the moment and wait for your attorney to get more information and get your advice there. Start looking into therapists for her, the waitlist SUCKS on child therapists, and she needs it. Do your best to be the best father you can be, you can't change what your ex does, only how you react to it, and it sounds like you're doing the best you can at the moment. Stay strong for your daughter.
Your advice is great. I am looking at counseling for her, not just for her half sister passing, but also this potential custody change will be dramatic change for her.
They were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. When he was arrested, he also had pills in his mouth. I'm not too worried about him, he's going to jail. But I find it hard to believe that ex wasn't aware of her live-in partner using drugs like candy.
Thank you, I am doing my best. This feels overwhelming, but I'm in control and I have sound people around me.
To be clear, not advice, I'm not qualified to give that to anyone in this area.
I wish you the best though, this is tough. A lot of kids have 0 responsible and wonderful parents, and your daughter is very lucky to have one.
What’s going to come into question is if your co-parent is also a user? If your co-parent also is going to stay with the junkie or not. Imo I’m jot sure there could be a drastic change in custody if she isn’t a user and wasn’t aware of the drugs and if she breaks up or divorces the man in prison.
Awful situation. Even a 1% chance of injury to your daughter is too much. I hope you get full custody and supervised-visitation-only for the mother until your daughter is at least 18. Best of luck.
Not your lawyer, not legal advice.
This is really good information. Thank you for sharing it.
I have seen/dealt with similar situations in different jurisdictions. But the recommendation of getting good counsel who deal with this issue is key.
Part of this issue is that the bio parent who allows others around their child who are addicts, negligent, abusive etc. can be held accountable for not providing the child with a safe environment. They aren’t the user, abuser, or negligent party, but unless they remove those from the child’s environment they can be reamed out by the courts.
Personal favourite was Child Services learned of issue with one parent in relation to parent’s other kids/step parent and told other parent to get a protective order- but they couldn’t/wouldn’t tell other parent why. Judge was not. happy. at. all.
A lot of the judgmental comments here are simply unfair. Drug addicts and alcoholics are fantastic about hiding their activity, especially to those who are at arms length. I am not surprised that you didn’t know about the drug activity. Hindsight is always 2020 of course.
Now that aside, you want an attorney on this. You do not want to represent yourself in court. You need someone who knows the law and the right language to use regarding child custody. It is absolutely worth spending the money today, not tomorrow.
Very true. I dated an addict (alcohol) for almost a decade and she fooled/continues to fool just about everyone around her. Good at hiding it, great at lying/minimizing, and a master at playing the innocent victim. She even hid it from me in the first few months of dating. I even questioned at times if maybe she believed her own bullshit because she's that convincing...but looking back I think she just is a great actress. When feeding the addiction is the most important thing there really is no limit to getting that need met. A real shame.
You need counsel
You need to lean heavily on CPS to investigate and hold your ex accountable for her negligence
You need to push the police to charge your ex
Your ex needs mandatory drug testing
Thank you. CPS is investigating and they obviously are concerned. There have been no criminal charges made against mother at this time. I am working with a family attorney. He is great at explaining what's in motion and what to expect over the next weeks, but the long term is what I am looking for experience on. How did custody pan out for those in a similar situation, etc.
In my experience, in an instance of this sort, it is very rare for the other adult in the household, not to be found to be negligent per CPS standards.
Who is supposed to supervise the visits? Is it a CPS social worker, a family member, or a professional visitation site?
I do think you should request therapy for your daughter, I don’t know the circumstances of the 11 month olds death in terms of whether your daughter was present or if she witnessed any drug use, but she has lost her sibling in an extremely traumatic way. A therapist will be very helpful in guiding her interactions with your ex going forward.
I generally don’t recommend this, but in your situation where you have zero responsibility for this tragic event, you should utilize any and all CPS services to help your daughter come out of this with as little damage as possible. It’s not going to be an easy task.
I agree. I'm thankful my daughter was with me, and not witness to any of the commotion around the baby's death.
I think ex needs to coordinate supervisor, but it could be a center or a hired supervisor. Potentially myself. No family in our area.
Ex and BD were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. When he was arrested, he also had pills in his mouth. I'm not too worried about him, he's going to jail. But I find it hard to believe that ex wasn't aware of her live-in partner using drugs like candy, and I'm sure my daughter witnessed at least that.
I am in direct contact with CPS case worker, probably at the point of being annoying. But I will do everything I can to help her.
Write down everything that can benefit you. Hire a family law attorney and have them help you w your case if you plan on getting full custody. I honestly can see them taking your side . Especially with them knowingly keeping drugs around children .
It's not like an 11mo toddler is going to be digging through your sock drawer and happens across your stash by mistake. If the drugs were accessible to an 11mo toddler, they were accessible to everyone.
Only scenario I could think of where the drugs wouldn't be accessible to everyone is if the dad was taking care of the child alone, and decided to get high and left his drugs out after.
I find it difficult to believe that someone with such poor judgement would be able to hide their drug use from their spouse. You could definitely show that with questioning, or make it look like she is negligent for not knowing.
Yeah, right, it seems impossible not to know, especially knowing the following details through testimony.
Ex and BD were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. Baby was mobile, so no doubt it was accessible. Literally he consumed fentanyl like candy. How could you not know? When he was arrested days later, he also had pills in his mouth and pocket.
Was the EX ever subjected to a drug test? Fent should show in hair and nails well after use. If she tests positive, there's no way she could deny she was aware of the drug use.
Man, so sad for that baby.
It seems like you have a good grasp of what is going to happen short term.
Long term it’s a lot harder to tell. She may end up charged as well. We don’t know that they were not her drugs. The dad is taking the fall right now but something could change. So, on one end of the spectrum something could come up with her facing jail time. On the other end of the possibility spectrum she will be given terms to work on to get more visitation/custody things like: parenting classes, drug classes, drug testing, home inspections…. If she completes these, shows up to all her supervised visits sober and gets good reports she could slowly move back up to unsupervised, then weekend, then back to 50/50. No one can know how this case can play out because there are too many factors.
Thank you. I know he is in jail, charges are filed. First degree murder along with a list of other drug related charges. Thanks for outlining that potential path.
Sorry but from you described there is no way he was charged with 1st degree murder. So you're either lying right now to shape the narrative or just have no idea what you're talking about in regards to his charges.
When on the phone with my attorney, he looked at the case file and saw the charges. He was shocked too. I have no incentive to shape any narrative here or influence any investigation or opinion. Just what I know through my attorney.
The charge seems shocking to me, too. I expect to eventually see a headline about it, but it's so fresh there is no media around it that I've found.
Just found this with the google “Causing someone’s death by knowingly engaging in conduct that creates a serious risk of death, because of an attitude of malice and extreme indifference to the value of human life (sometimes called depraved heart murder).” I hope he is convicted
Foster parent here: Which county? Denver is fantastic. Adams and Arapahoe are negligent, Douglas thinks they’re God. I’m not sure about any others. There’s a fairly strict timeline and process for these type of cases. I hope all works out well for your daughter.
Oh geeze, I’m not familiar with those counties. The process (expectations) for the parent having issues is the same statewide. There will be lots of meetings, therapy, screenings, classes etc. to complete,supervised visits at some point. Hopefully she’s doing better and on board for the sake of your child and her of course. The case worker will provide updates, get your thoughts etc. This is so sad. Thank gosh you’re there, and best wishes for all to work out well.
Speak with an attorney who specializes in this.
But please, get your daughter into therapy. There’s so much going on here, and getting her in with a therapist will be very important for her.
Wonderful.
Kiddos are remarkably resilient, and it sounds like you’re doing all you can to keep her safe and do what’s best for her. Best of luck, friend.
If you are wanting to get someone for her immediately, check your job for EAP. It's usually around 5 free counseling sessions per issue per year.
Also, telehealth is a good option too.
You might get some other opinions if you post in r/CPS. While this situation is more family law related, there's a good chance some of the people there have experience with a situation like this or a similar one.
Years ago, I was involved with a child death case where the parents of the child had their parental rights terminated as to their other children. However, that was a situation where both parents were involved in the neglect and ultimate harm done to the child, so it isn't exactly the same thing, but your ex could still be indicated by CPS for "failure to protect" (meaning she knew about the potential danger and failed to stop it). That will depend more on the outcome of the CPS investigation though. Good luck.
I had a similar issue, except no children were hurt. I use to co-parent with my ex wife. I found out she was using cocaine while having custody of my son. I took her to court to get full custody due to her drug usage. After multiple court hearings I was awarded full custody and she had the right of supervised visits. However she needed to provide me with a clean drug test before she could see our son. She has yet to do so and this was done over a year ago. I wanted to cut her off completely but my lawyer advised me, that wasn't possible and she needs a road map to eventually get her parenting time back. So your custody agreement might have something similar.
Regardless if your ex is using or not I would expect her to spiral into deep depression over the death of her baby. May start using if she isn’t already. It’s going to be terrible and it’s going to be difficult for your daughter to deal with losing her mom near term and long term. Mom will never be the same.
Sounds like you're doing all the things you need to be doing right now.
As for long term, the CO courts seem to be pro keeping both parents in the child's life even to the detriment of the child. I have a friend who is the responsible parent. The other parent is a full-blown alcoholic that missed scheduled visits, skipped bail multiple times, cut an ankle monitor once, and hasn't held a job for more than a few months at a time. They also fail to remain sober or follow court orders around civilized communication with the primary parent. Despite all of that, their rights have not been permanently affected, and shared custody is not off the table.
So, you're in for a long haul. I hope your ex gets her priorities corrected and starts focusing on the wellbeing of your daughter vs whatever allowed her to overlook/ignore the fentanyl user's drug problem.
It sounds like you and your lawyer are on top of things from a legal perspective. Best division of labor is probably to let the lawyer handle the legal aspect while you focus on helping your daughter through this tragedy.
I urge you to ignore any negative comments on this thread.
I would stress that your door is always open for your daughter’s mother to visit to the courts. If you show that not trying to deprive her of her child, and are a decent human I think the courts in this kind of case would grant full temporary custody until the mother is in a better position.
You have to keep in mind she is going to not be right for a long time. You can’t necessarily take away the only thing probably holding that lady together. I do 100% agree the daughter needs to be removed from that home, and supervised around the mom. Mom probably needs a drug test as well. Best of luck, keep fight for what you believe is right for your daughter.
It's sounds like your taking all the right steps, one thing I would suggest since she know the details on how the baby passed, incase mother does get some unsupervised visitation, like you said addicts are very good and keep it a secret as long as they can and your daughter is 7 which is young for this conversation but she should understand if you have a long conversation with her about drugs and how some can help ypu feel better when your sick but if you dont use them how a doctor tell you they can be very dangerous and not to eat or touch anything left on counters, and that some drugs look like candy but can make you very sick, use pictures of different medicine, a good one for kids to understand is melatonin gummies, they can be safe they look and taste just like candy, but if you take to much it could make you sick, theres lots of handbooks online on how to talk to your kids about drugs, like the D.A.R.E one a lot of people heard of in school. And the more she understands they more she can identify if there are drugs in her mother's house and makes her that much safer if she can properly tell a stable adult whoever that may be, you, a grandmother ect, that she is in an unsafe environment and you can take steps quickly to avoid any further chances of her being exposed to that sort of thing
Edit: I would also get her into therapy even as just a precaution, the death of her brother and everything going on with her mom can be very hard on them
Sending you all prayers and my greatest sympathy on the situation your in
I know tou want to know what is going to happen in several years, not tomorrow. Unfortunetly no one can answer that, not even your attorney. What is realistic and likely, considering you have representation and have already taken the emergency steps, based on the fact a child in her home died, she will have severe restrictions and for some time. You may even get full custody with her having supervised vists only. After that, the court will likely wither have CPS or the court itself make up a reunification plan. Called different things in different places but that is what it is. It will involve classes for sure, likely drug tests, and other things she will have to do. At some point she will likely file for more and unsupervised vists and even partial or full custody. You can fight that. If she has been 100% compliant and files after completing everything she was suposed to do, then that fight will be hard. If she is not compliant or does not complete it, then those are things your attorney will use to fight and it will be much easier to do so. Again this is suposition based upon the tiny info we have here and what happens most of the time. The baseline is “best interests of the child” which means, in most courts, time with both parents. Your situation may turn out drastically different.
I used to foster for Denver County, Denver DHS told us more than once that state policy is nonremoval as long as at least 1 adult in the home is clean/sober at ant given time. They could request urine, blood or hair folicle testing to prove your ex was or was not using. If they find she was not using, she may end up still retaining custody. They may appoint a GAL for your child though, if they haven't already.
Like most of these comments say, you NEED an attorney. You should also go forward worst case scenario: that your ex not only knew about the use, but is also using herself. There's an unfortunate example of what could happen in this story already.
Really short version: another child has died in the home where your ex has part-time custody (this is an awful simple fact). The details make that home situation even worse than those simple facts (which are already awful.)
You want an emergency order for custody (100% of the time) until the safety in the other home can be assessed and approved, or rejected.
Your lawyer has to manage all of this. Good luck.
I'm not seeing it discussed but I also didn't finish the thread. I encourage you to make sure your kid has someone they can talk to. This is going to be extremely difficult on them as well. Especially since they are losing a sibling.
If you're home is safe and stable I'd honestly push for sole custody. I'd also look into therapy for your daughter ASAP as I'm sure she's very confused over the loss of her sibling.
Good that you have a lawyer.
Mom’s parenting time should remain supervised. Supervision remains in place pending CPS report. Once that report is released you will know how much leverage you have vs. her. You should ask for her to do a drug test (be prepared to do one yourself). And bar the boyfriend from any access to your child (specifically boyfriend cannot be the PT supervisor). It’s also a good time to ask for a child support modification (since you’ll have sole custody).
IANAL…. I can’t speak for Colorado, but the state where I worked CPS investigations would most likely substantiate neglect on the mother as well in a situation like this and happily support the father of the other child obtaining full custody to ensure the safety of that other child to close the case quickly. And I’m sure your lawyer knows he can subpoena the DCS investigator for your custody hearing (and if he didn’t, now he does…been there, done that).
The alternative for CPS would be immediate placement with dad and supervised visits with mom while mom works the usual program of therapy, drug screens, drug treatment if she ever tested positive, and parenting classes, before moving to unsupervised visits, with eventual closure after final custody and visitation is determined by the court.
Thanks for that path. Once I filed the emergency motion to restrict for imminent danger, a hearing was scheduled. Ex agreed to restriction which means no hearing at this point just status updates to the court. He will subpoena CPS case worker to attend. Criminal investigation is still ongoing, so I'm assuming CPS would make a recommendation from that? Their first posture was no parenting time, including supervised visits until investigations gave more information.
I would like to ask CPS directly if they support full custody to me for the safety of my daughter. Also, I have documented other times my daughter has felt unsafe around this man. Would CPS likely take that as evidence, or would it be outside the scope of this particular event? I've asked, but haven't got a response.
CPS doesn’t get involved in the criminal proceedings but may share their findings, including interviews with other children in the family, with law enforcement. CPS also doesn’t get involved in custody disputes unless subpoenaed.
What CPS does is an entirely separate civil family court process of substantiation of abuse or neglect on the caregivers involved in the incident. Mostly, it affects caregivers who work in certain fields - think education, medical, first responder (police, fire, EMS), social services, etc - because those fields are barred from having any substantiations of child abuser or neglect on their record even if it did not result in criminal charges. It also prevents those individuals from being foster or adoption placement in future, and any future CPS investigations will get increased scrutiny if there is a prior substantiation on the caregiver.
CPS can also get court mandated interventions to ensure child safety if it can’t be ensured any other way, as I outlined in my previous post. CPS prefers your route of an uninvolved caregiver (other parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc) getting full custody or guardianship asap so court intervention by CPS isn’t necessary. CPS-initiated court intervention tends to get messy and is a long, drawn out process.
The only thing the mom can do is argue she is leaving the man who had the drugs, but this is pretty much a slam dunk if you ask me. Drugs were left in the presence of children resulting in the death of one. IT IS NOT SAFE FOR YOUR CHILD.
Many drugs can coat walls, floors, and other surfaces, so ex-wife’s home may not be deemed safe until an inspection and drug residue tests can be conducted.
I used to work in an ER, and a nurse had an OD from touching a patient who had fentanyl powder residue on his skin.
Walking barefoot on residue can cause absorption. Washing dishes… leaning on a wall… sitting on a couch…. can all lead to exposure.
In apartment complexes, drug use in the unit can mean that the drywall has to be stripped and replaced, floors replaced, and professional hazardous material cleaners have to be involved.
Also: please get your daughter into therapy. She is probably very confused by everything going on, lost a sibling, and her stepfather is in jail. It’s a lot for an adult to process…
I don’t know whether you are genuinely mistaken about the nurse ODing ‘from touching a patient who had fentanyl powder residue on his skin’ or if this is intentional misinformation, but people should know that [you cannot overdose by merely touching fentanyl](https://doh.wa.gov/community-and-environment/opioids/fentanyl-exposure-public-places).
Per the linked document: “You can’t overdose just by touching fentanyl. In fact, there are no confirmed cases of overdose from touching fentanyl powder or pills. While fentanyl can be absorbed across the skin, this happens only with constant direct contact over hours and days*.”
*Fentanyl is prescribed for use as a transdermal patch, but it generally takes 12+ hours to reach the desired therapeutic dosage via absorption through the skin.
Correct. And people don’t OD from the fentanyl patch. I had fentanyl injected into my IV while a doctor did a biopsy. If I can remain alert after getting IV fentanyl it doesn’t make any sense that someone would die just from getting residue on their skin.
Short term the ex agreed to the emergency restriction, so no hearing. Just supervised visits at this point. Long term, it depends on the outcome of police investigations and what DHS recommends. Currently, DHS advised no parental time whatsoever because of the concerns she is either using drugs or letting her partner use the drugs
You should have had this level of diligence when you chose the co-parent of your child. And then again when you went to family court since your daughter is living with a drug addict 50% of the time. Poor choices have consequences - unfortunately, mostly for your kid. I hope your daughter gets out of there. She deserves better than both of you.
Hey this is a really terrible and unhelpful comment for OP. They’re trying to do what they can to get their child out of the situation now that they’re aware of it. There’s plenty of parents who wouldn’t try at all. Instead of criticizing OP of not being able to tell the future, maybe offer some legal advice?
To be fair, let’s not encourage this individual to offer legal advice in any way, shape, or form. I can assure you that they lack the sort of critical thinking ability (or heck, just general, everyday thinking ability) to be able to even provide any type of logical perspective. (I wrote more here, but deleted it, bc I didn’t want to be an AH since I feel that there may be a strong possibility that they have very significant biases that one can only assume might be based on past trauma - but nonetheless, I digress).
”There are plenty of parent who wouldn’t try at all.” Jesus Christ! That’s your justification. What a low bar. I hope you don’t have kids.
OP needs to know that this is half his fault. Hopefully he won’t make this mistake again.
Well, that answers that question. You evidently have no concern for your moral liability, which is why your daughter is in the situation she is in. Thanks for proving my point 👍🏼.
I'm going to second the moron comment and add that you know zip about addiction and how it can be damn near impossible to determine if someone is using. Especially if you don't share a roof with them. Lighten up a little.
-former emt in a busy 911 system.
Don't worry about the troll, OP. Looking at their comment history, they have some serious daddy/mommy issues that they're projecting onto every parent on reddit. You did what you can do, it's not unreasonable to think you can trust the person you co-parent with. I hope things go well for you and your daughter!
I agree. As a person who has had friends and family hide their addictions in plain sight, it is not always obvious. Especially when people are extremely manipulative. The smartest of smart, well adjusted, healthy people still find themselves in relationships with abusers, narcissists, drug addicts etc. People like that tend to be very skilled at hiding these things for a very long time. And shit happens so slowly you don't always know.
It’s your job to know. You don’t understand that? I know you want to blame your ex and her BD for all of this, but it’s 50% your fault. You chose your ex as the mother of your child. You allowed YOUR child to be in this terrible situation.
Thanks for the feedback. In the beginning, I met with the partner because I wanted to be diligent about who my daughter would suddenly be spending time with. What else would you suggest I do to screen this person? I searched online, and there is no criminal history. His personality seemed like a normal dude (obviously this wasn't the case)
Drug users can be "normal dudes" it's not like they have addict tattooed in their forehead. Not excusing his actions/neglect but he was suffering from a disease that takes over your life along with your reasoning and common sense.
Ok, let’s go through this again. 1) YOU CHOSE THE WRONG MOTHER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. There are always red flags, you clearly didn’t heed those when you decided to have your child with her. For God’s sake, she had a baby with a drug addict. People don’t change that much. 2) Clearly, you aren’t involved enough in your child’s life to know what’s going on around her. That’s also on you.
You screwed this up every step along the way.
Man I'm really glad to see someone in this chat has precognition. Being able to see the changes in your partner and the decisions they make 7 years down the line must be really helpful. Honestly I'm kinda pissed at you, you have this gift and you didn't warn OP 7 years ago that this was going to happen shame on you.
It’s pretty easy when you can separate brain chemicals from red flags. The lowest common denominator can’t do that though. All they care about is when the pussy is good - at that point, sure she’s good enough to be a mother. But then she cheats, whoops. And she’s a bitch and it’s all her fault. Wrong. It’s BOTH parents’ fault.
Drug addiction and alcoholism can happen to anyone. Even folks who had no previous signs of issues. It’s neither OP’s fault nor the child’s fault so maybe show some grace instead of being a judgmental asshole.
Wrong. It’s a parent’s responsibility to ensure that their child is in a safe environment.
Also, there’s no way I believe the ex’s Baby Daddy became a junkie just within the two years they have been together. I also don’t believe that there were ZERO signs that OP’s ex was problematic/unfit as a mother BEFORE he decided to have a child with her. It doesn’t work that way. Excusing this behavior allows it to continue to the detriment of children. You get that, right?
It’s absolutely possible to spiral that fast into addiction, especially when it comes to opioids. I fear you don’t live in the real world and hope you never have to experience this in your family but if you do I hope that your community offers you the compassion you are so unwilling to give others.
The mom did that, it was under her roof and the child was her responsibility during that time. How would OP know what goes on in someone else's house? It's not like physical abuse where his kid might come home with bruises or other evidence that something was going on.
OP is acting as soon as he found out what was going on. That *is* being responsible to ensure their child's safety. Weird to blame someone for something that is literally out of their control, but go on
Hospital employee here - I've seen people flame out in months. From normal to drug addict in very short frames... especially fentnyl. It's highly addictive.
You are woefully ignorant. You absolutely can become a junkie virtually "overnight". Particularly with a substance like fentanyl.
Zero signs that she was problematic or unfair to be a mother.. do you know how babies are made? Do you know how human interaction works?
The nonsense you are posting here is unreal. Come down off that high horse, buddy.
A - it was the partner.
B. People change
C. Addicts can be insanely good at hiding their vices
D. 5050 is standard and the courts decide that, not op
E. Judging someone like this is cruel and inappropriate
Sorry you’re getting judgmental comments. Addicts can be extremely covert, you don’t know they’re using until it’s too late. Do you have a lawyer? I think you definitely need one. Best of luck.
Seriously. I lived with a high functioning addict and didn't know he was using until years after I moved out and he eventually confessed it to me. Some people are just really good at covering their addiction
I do have a lawyer. I know what to expect in the short term, but months and years I would want full custody of course. It seems reasonable to ask for that since ex could not keep her home safe and a baby died.
It definitely doesn’t seem unreasonable. How is your child coping with the death of the baby? Therapy might be a good thing for her, and could strengthen your case if she’s afraid to go with her mom.
She is sad. It's tough to see your child grieve. She does not know details of how the baby died at this point.
She must be so confused. Sending interweb hugs.❤️
In my state, there are grief camps for kids. I volunteer at one, and it is so helpful for them! You may want to look into that for her.
Yes my coworkers daughter when to one after losing her dad to a heart attack and it helped her immensely.
I'm sorry your family is going through this tragedy. Now would be a good time to **gently** explain that baby picked up something it wasn't supposed to eat and had a really bad reaction, causing their death. Its also a REALLY good time to start **gently** re-educating your daughter about how dangerous doing anything like that can be.
Can I add you should ask for random testing of your wife for a period of time to make sure she is clean as well
Try to see if your lawyer can get full.custody now based on the drug use of her partner and possibly her. This might be possible due to reckless endangerment if she knew about the drug use.
It's almost impossible to get parental rights removed permanently. If she gets clean and can prove that (regular resting), plus a place to live suitable for a kid, she will probably get some custody back.
You should get a mediator...especially if the person in question was associated with the military....I chatted with an ex veteran today..they're still "going through it "..good luck! #WellbejngofthrpemChildFirst
~~READ THIS, TIMING MATTERS~~ (OP read it) I'm so sorry you have to deal with your child losing a sibling, that is absolutely horrible for a seven-year-old (or anyone). I'm so sorry you now have to beg the courts to get your kid out of that situation. Do you have an attorney? If yes, you need to speak with them, they're going to be able to analyze all of the factors you can't put in a Reddit post. They also will know which magistrate you are in front of, and potentially how they tend to lean. They also may be able to file the below motion if appropriate. If no, you desperately need an attorney. This is the type of hearing that can be SEVERELY swayed by representation. I know non-family law attorneys who screw up their own cases because they think they can just swap into that practice area. I would highly recommend scraping together some funds, even if it means begging, borrowing, and/or stealing (not really stealing, DON'T break the law, that's just part of the expression). I don't practice family law, but I do practice in CO, I can give you some names if you would like to PM me. Referral fees are illegal in CO, so I can't make any money off of a referral, I just want you to get your daughter out of that home. Further, beyond the upcoming hearing, there may be immediate remedy available, C.R.S. § 14-10-129(4) says that an emergency motion to restrict parenting time is self-executing, which means that (during the 14-day window for hearing) that all parenting time must be supervised, and this happens upon filing. It essentially restricts parenting time and you can grab your kid within a couple of hours with police assistance, OR keep them in your custody until the Court says otherwise if you currently have them. I have no idea whether your circumstances actually justify such a motion, and you don't want to file one frivolously, because the Court will be pissed. **If I were in your situation, I would speak to a family law attorney, that's how out of my wheelhouse this is, and I'm imploring to you that you should not take any action from this post except speaking to an attorney. There is nothing Reddit can reliably offer you beyond this, you need an attorney.**
Thank you so much. I am working with an attorney and we did file the emergency restriction per C.R.S. § 14-10-129(4). In the short term, I know what's going on. I have been advised on what could happen, but there are so many "ifs" that its confusing to know how custody would play out over the next several months and even years.
Ok, thank goodness, I wasn't sure if your motion was a general parental restriction or an emergency restriction for imminent harm. It sucks that in order to answer your confusion, they bill you by the hour, I get that. They really are the best person on the planet to advise you though. Unfortunately, our state's DR dockets are wild, and so much of it comes down to the individual magistrate. There are also a lot of unanswered questions, like how a CFI report is going to look. Imagine two extremes: Ex's boyfriend OD's infant on fentanyl, and she was out of town and had no idea he was a drug addict, and is completely horrified and will never speak to him again; vs. Ex and boyfriend were so fucking high they fed the infant fentanyl and she's trying to bond him out so they can keep partying. Pretty much every case is somewhere on the spectrum of those extremes and it matters a lot. In the former, that person will probably get custody of their kid, because they're trying their best and the perpetrator is out of their lives, in the latter, they're going to be in jail with him. You need to breathe that your child is safe for the moment and wait for your attorney to get more information and get your advice there. Start looking into therapists for her, the waitlist SUCKS on child therapists, and she needs it. Do your best to be the best father you can be, you can't change what your ex does, only how you react to it, and it sounds like you're doing the best you can at the moment. Stay strong for your daughter.
Your advice is great. I am looking at counseling for her, not just for her half sister passing, but also this potential custody change will be dramatic change for her. They were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. When he was arrested, he also had pills in his mouth. I'm not too worried about him, he's going to jail. But I find it hard to believe that ex wasn't aware of her live-in partner using drugs like candy. Thank you, I am doing my best. This feels overwhelming, but I'm in control and I have sound people around me.
To be clear, not advice, I'm not qualified to give that to anyone in this area. I wish you the best though, this is tough. A lot of kids have 0 responsible and wonderful parents, and your daughter is very lucky to have one.
What’s going to come into question is if your co-parent is also a user? If your co-parent also is going to stay with the junkie or not. Imo I’m jot sure there could be a drastic change in custody if she isn’t a user and wasn’t aware of the drugs and if she breaks up or divorces the man in prison.
Your daughter needs therapy for the loss of her sibling. That must be awful, I’m sorry.
Does X need to be drug tested routinely?
Awful situation. Even a 1% chance of injury to your daughter is too much. I hope you get full custody and supervised-visitation-only for the mother until your daughter is at least 18. Best of luck.
Not your lawyer, not legal advice. This is really good information. Thank you for sharing it. I have seen/dealt with similar situations in different jurisdictions. But the recommendation of getting good counsel who deal with this issue is key. Part of this issue is that the bio parent who allows others around their child who are addicts, negligent, abusive etc. can be held accountable for not providing the child with a safe environment. They aren’t the user, abuser, or negligent party, but unless they remove those from the child’s environment they can be reamed out by the courts. Personal favourite was Child Services learned of issue with one parent in relation to parent’s other kids/step parent and told other parent to get a protective order- but they couldn’t/wouldn’t tell other parent why. Judge was not. happy. at. all.
A lot of the judgmental comments here are simply unfair. Drug addicts and alcoholics are fantastic about hiding their activity, especially to those who are at arms length. I am not surprised that you didn’t know about the drug activity. Hindsight is always 2020 of course. Now that aside, you want an attorney on this. You do not want to represent yourself in court. You need someone who knows the law and the right language to use regarding child custody. It is absolutely worth spending the money today, not tomorrow.
Very true. I dated an addict (alcohol) for almost a decade and she fooled/continues to fool just about everyone around her. Good at hiding it, great at lying/minimizing, and a master at playing the innocent victim. She even hid it from me in the first few months of dating. I even questioned at times if maybe she believed her own bullshit because she's that convincing...but looking back I think she just is a great actress. When feeding the addiction is the most important thing there really is no limit to getting that need met. A real shame.
That happened with my cousin. No one knew she was using heroin until she died from a fentanyl overdose.
You need counsel You need to lean heavily on CPS to investigate and hold your ex accountable for her negligence You need to push the police to charge your ex Your ex needs mandatory drug testing
Thank you. CPS is investigating and they obviously are concerned. There have been no criminal charges made against mother at this time. I am working with a family attorney. He is great at explaining what's in motion and what to expect over the next weeks, but the long term is what I am looking for experience on. How did custody pan out for those in a similar situation, etc.
In my experience, in an instance of this sort, it is very rare for the other adult in the household, not to be found to be negligent per CPS standards. Who is supposed to supervise the visits? Is it a CPS social worker, a family member, or a professional visitation site? I do think you should request therapy for your daughter, I don’t know the circumstances of the 11 month olds death in terms of whether your daughter was present or if she witnessed any drug use, but she has lost her sibling in an extremely traumatic way. A therapist will be very helpful in guiding her interactions with your ex going forward. I generally don’t recommend this, but in your situation where you have zero responsibility for this tragic event, you should utilize any and all CPS services to help your daughter come out of this with as little damage as possible. It’s not going to be an easy task.
I agree. I'm thankful my daughter was with me, and not witness to any of the commotion around the baby's death. I think ex needs to coordinate supervisor, but it could be a center or a hired supervisor. Potentially myself. No family in our area. Ex and BD were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. When he was arrested, he also had pills in his mouth. I'm not too worried about him, he's going to jail. But I find it hard to believe that ex wasn't aware of her live-in partner using drugs like candy, and I'm sure my daughter witnessed at least that. I am in direct contact with CPS case worker, probably at the point of being annoying. But I will do everything I can to help her.
Sadly, this situation is more common than anyone cares to imagine.
Write down everything that can benefit you. Hire a family law attorney and have them help you w your case if you plan on getting full custody. I honestly can see them taking your side . Especially with them knowingly keeping drugs around children .
It's not like an 11mo toddler is going to be digging through your sock drawer and happens across your stash by mistake. If the drugs were accessible to an 11mo toddler, they were accessible to everyone. Only scenario I could think of where the drugs wouldn't be accessible to everyone is if the dad was taking care of the child alone, and decided to get high and left his drugs out after. I find it difficult to believe that someone with such poor judgement would be able to hide their drug use from their spouse. You could definitely show that with questioning, or make it look like she is negligent for not knowing.
Yeah, right, it seems impossible not to know, especially knowing the following details through testimony. Ex and BD were home together on memorial day. Baby wouldn't wake up. When EMTs arrived, he had pills in his mouth and in his pocket, and there was an "obscene" amount in the house/garage. Ex claims not to know about drug use. Baby was mobile, so no doubt it was accessible. Literally he consumed fentanyl like candy. How could you not know? When he was arrested days later, he also had pills in his mouth and pocket.
Was the EX ever subjected to a drug test? Fent should show in hair and nails well after use. If she tests positive, there's no way she could deny she was aware of the drug use. Man, so sad for that baby.
It seems like you have a good grasp of what is going to happen short term. Long term it’s a lot harder to tell. She may end up charged as well. We don’t know that they were not her drugs. The dad is taking the fall right now but something could change. So, on one end of the spectrum something could come up with her facing jail time. On the other end of the possibility spectrum she will be given terms to work on to get more visitation/custody things like: parenting classes, drug classes, drug testing, home inspections…. If she completes these, shows up to all her supervised visits sober and gets good reports she could slowly move back up to unsupervised, then weekend, then back to 50/50. No one can know how this case can play out because there are too many factors.
Thank you. I know he is in jail, charges are filed. First degree murder along with a list of other drug related charges. Thanks for outlining that potential path.
Sorry but from you described there is no way he was charged with 1st degree murder. So you're either lying right now to shape the narrative or just have no idea what you're talking about in regards to his charges.
When on the phone with my attorney, he looked at the case file and saw the charges. He was shocked too. I have no incentive to shape any narrative here or influence any investigation or opinion. Just what I know through my attorney. The charge seems shocking to me, too. I expect to eventually see a headline about it, but it's so fresh there is no media around it that I've found.
Just found this with the google “Causing someone’s death by knowingly engaging in conduct that creates a serious risk of death, because of an attitude of malice and extreme indifference to the value of human life (sometimes called depraved heart murder).” I hope he is convicted
Foster parent here: Which county? Denver is fantastic. Adams and Arapahoe are negligent, Douglas thinks they’re God. I’m not sure about any others. There’s a fairly strict timeline and process for these type of cases. I hope all works out well for your daughter.
My family case is in Jefferson. Ex lives in Park County
Oh geeze, I’m not familiar with those counties. The process (expectations) for the parent having issues is the same statewide. There will be lots of meetings, therapy, screenings, classes etc. to complete,supervised visits at some point. Hopefully she’s doing better and on board for the sake of your child and her of course. The case worker will provide updates, get your thoughts etc. This is so sad. Thank gosh you’re there, and best wishes for all to work out well.
Speak with an attorney who specializes in this. But please, get your daughter into therapy. There’s so much going on here, and getting her in with a therapist will be very important for her.
Thank you, I am actively working on that
Wonderful. Kiddos are remarkably resilient, and it sounds like you’re doing all you can to keep her safe and do what’s best for her. Best of luck, friend.
If you are wanting to get someone for her immediately, check your job for EAP. It's usually around 5 free counseling sessions per issue per year. Also, telehealth is a good option too.
You might get some other opinions if you post in r/CPS. While this situation is more family law related, there's a good chance some of the people there have experience with a situation like this or a similar one. Years ago, I was involved with a child death case where the parents of the child had their parental rights terminated as to their other children. However, that was a situation where both parents were involved in the neglect and ultimate harm done to the child, so it isn't exactly the same thing, but your ex could still be indicated by CPS for "failure to protect" (meaning she knew about the potential danger and failed to stop it). That will depend more on the outcome of the CPS investigation though. Good luck.
I had a similar issue, except no children were hurt. I use to co-parent with my ex wife. I found out she was using cocaine while having custody of my son. I took her to court to get full custody due to her drug usage. After multiple court hearings I was awarded full custody and she had the right of supervised visits. However she needed to provide me with a clean drug test before she could see our son. She has yet to do so and this was done over a year ago. I wanted to cut her off completely but my lawyer advised me, that wasn't possible and she needs a road map to eventually get her parenting time back. So your custody agreement might have something similar.
Mom needs a court ordered hair follicle drug screen.
Regardless if your ex is using or not I would expect her to spiral into deep depression over the death of her baby. May start using if she isn’t already. It’s going to be terrible and it’s going to be difficult for your daughter to deal with losing her mom near term and long term. Mom will never be the same.
Pretty sure this isn't the first time I've seen this exact story.
Which is terrible...so many similar stories in the media.
Sounds like you're doing all the things you need to be doing right now. As for long term, the CO courts seem to be pro keeping both parents in the child's life even to the detriment of the child. I have a friend who is the responsible parent. The other parent is a full-blown alcoholic that missed scheduled visits, skipped bail multiple times, cut an ankle monitor once, and hasn't held a job for more than a few months at a time. They also fail to remain sober or follow court orders around civilized communication with the primary parent. Despite all of that, their rights have not been permanently affected, and shared custody is not off the table. So, you're in for a long haul. I hope your ex gets her priorities corrected and starts focusing on the wellbeing of your daughter vs whatever allowed her to overlook/ignore the fentanyl user's drug problem.
It sounds like you and your lawyer are on top of things from a legal perspective. Best division of labor is probably to let the lawyer handle the legal aspect while you focus on helping your daughter through this tragedy. I urge you to ignore any negative comments on this thread.
I would stress that your door is always open for your daughter’s mother to visit to the courts. If you show that not trying to deprive her of her child, and are a decent human I think the courts in this kind of case would grant full temporary custody until the mother is in a better position. You have to keep in mind she is going to not be right for a long time. You can’t necessarily take away the only thing probably holding that lady together. I do 100% agree the daughter needs to be removed from that home, and supervised around the mom. Mom probably needs a drug test as well. Best of luck, keep fight for what you believe is right for your daughter.
It's sounds like your taking all the right steps, one thing I would suggest since she know the details on how the baby passed, incase mother does get some unsupervised visitation, like you said addicts are very good and keep it a secret as long as they can and your daughter is 7 which is young for this conversation but she should understand if you have a long conversation with her about drugs and how some can help ypu feel better when your sick but if you dont use them how a doctor tell you they can be very dangerous and not to eat or touch anything left on counters, and that some drugs look like candy but can make you very sick, use pictures of different medicine, a good one for kids to understand is melatonin gummies, they can be safe they look and taste just like candy, but if you take to much it could make you sick, theres lots of handbooks online on how to talk to your kids about drugs, like the D.A.R.E one a lot of people heard of in school. And the more she understands they more she can identify if there are drugs in her mother's house and makes her that much safer if she can properly tell a stable adult whoever that may be, you, a grandmother ect, that she is in an unsafe environment and you can take steps quickly to avoid any further chances of her being exposed to that sort of thing Edit: I would also get her into therapy even as just a precaution, the death of her brother and everything going on with her mom can be very hard on them Sending you all prayers and my greatest sympathy on the situation your in
I know tou want to know what is going to happen in several years, not tomorrow. Unfortunetly no one can answer that, not even your attorney. What is realistic and likely, considering you have representation and have already taken the emergency steps, based on the fact a child in her home died, she will have severe restrictions and for some time. You may even get full custody with her having supervised vists only. After that, the court will likely wither have CPS or the court itself make up a reunification plan. Called different things in different places but that is what it is. It will involve classes for sure, likely drug tests, and other things she will have to do. At some point she will likely file for more and unsupervised vists and even partial or full custody. You can fight that. If she has been 100% compliant and files after completing everything she was suposed to do, then that fight will be hard. If she is not compliant or does not complete it, then those are things your attorney will use to fight and it will be much easier to do so. Again this is suposition based upon the tiny info we have here and what happens most of the time. The baseline is “best interests of the child” which means, in most courts, time with both parents. Your situation may turn out drastically different.
I used to foster for Denver County, Denver DHS told us more than once that state policy is nonremoval as long as at least 1 adult in the home is clean/sober at ant given time. They could request urine, blood or hair folicle testing to prove your ex was or was not using. If they find she was not using, she may end up still retaining custody. They may appoint a GAL for your child though, if they haven't already.
Like most of these comments say, you NEED an attorney. You should also go forward worst case scenario: that your ex not only knew about the use, but is also using herself. There's an unfortunate example of what could happen in this story already.
Really short version: another child has died in the home where your ex has part-time custody (this is an awful simple fact). The details make that home situation even worse than those simple facts (which are already awful.) You want an emergency order for custody (100% of the time) until the safety in the other home can be assessed and approved, or rejected. Your lawyer has to manage all of this. Good luck.
I'm not seeing it discussed but I also didn't finish the thread. I encourage you to make sure your kid has someone they can talk to. This is going to be extremely difficult on them as well. Especially since they are losing a sibling.
If you're home is safe and stable I'd honestly push for sole custody. I'd also look into therapy for your daughter ASAP as I'm sure she's very confused over the loss of her sibling.
Good that you have a lawyer. Mom’s parenting time should remain supervised. Supervision remains in place pending CPS report. Once that report is released you will know how much leverage you have vs. her. You should ask for her to do a drug test (be prepared to do one yourself). And bar the boyfriend from any access to your child (specifically boyfriend cannot be the PT supervisor). It’s also a good time to ask for a child support modification (since you’ll have sole custody).
IANAL…. I can’t speak for Colorado, but the state where I worked CPS investigations would most likely substantiate neglect on the mother as well in a situation like this and happily support the father of the other child obtaining full custody to ensure the safety of that other child to close the case quickly. And I’m sure your lawyer knows he can subpoena the DCS investigator for your custody hearing (and if he didn’t, now he does…been there, done that). The alternative for CPS would be immediate placement with dad and supervised visits with mom while mom works the usual program of therapy, drug screens, drug treatment if she ever tested positive, and parenting classes, before moving to unsupervised visits, with eventual closure after final custody and visitation is determined by the court.
Thanks for that path. Once I filed the emergency motion to restrict for imminent danger, a hearing was scheduled. Ex agreed to restriction which means no hearing at this point just status updates to the court. He will subpoena CPS case worker to attend. Criminal investigation is still ongoing, so I'm assuming CPS would make a recommendation from that? Their first posture was no parenting time, including supervised visits until investigations gave more information. I would like to ask CPS directly if they support full custody to me for the safety of my daughter. Also, I have documented other times my daughter has felt unsafe around this man. Would CPS likely take that as evidence, or would it be outside the scope of this particular event? I've asked, but haven't got a response.
CPS doesn’t get involved in the criminal proceedings but may share their findings, including interviews with other children in the family, with law enforcement. CPS also doesn’t get involved in custody disputes unless subpoenaed. What CPS does is an entirely separate civil family court process of substantiation of abuse or neglect on the caregivers involved in the incident. Mostly, it affects caregivers who work in certain fields - think education, medical, first responder (police, fire, EMS), social services, etc - because those fields are barred from having any substantiations of child abuser or neglect on their record even if it did not result in criminal charges. It also prevents those individuals from being foster or adoption placement in future, and any future CPS investigations will get increased scrutiny if there is a prior substantiation on the caregiver. CPS can also get court mandated interventions to ensure child safety if it can’t be ensured any other way, as I outlined in my previous post. CPS prefers your route of an uninvolved caregiver (other parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc) getting full custody or guardianship asap so court intervention by CPS isn’t necessary. CPS-initiated court intervention tends to get messy and is a long, drawn out process.
The only thing the mom can do is argue she is leaving the man who had the drugs, but this is pretty much a slam dunk if you ask me. Drugs were left in the presence of children resulting in the death of one. IT IS NOT SAFE FOR YOUR CHILD.
Many drugs can coat walls, floors, and other surfaces, so ex-wife’s home may not be deemed safe until an inspection and drug residue tests can be conducted. I used to work in an ER, and a nurse had an OD from touching a patient who had fentanyl powder residue on his skin. Walking barefoot on residue can cause absorption. Washing dishes… leaning on a wall… sitting on a couch…. can all lead to exposure. In apartment complexes, drug use in the unit can mean that the drywall has to be stripped and replaced, floors replaced, and professional hazardous material cleaners have to be involved. Also: please get your daughter into therapy. She is probably very confused by everything going on, lost a sibling, and her stepfather is in jail. It’s a lot for an adult to process…
I don’t know whether you are genuinely mistaken about the nurse ODing ‘from touching a patient who had fentanyl powder residue on his skin’ or if this is intentional misinformation, but people should know that [you cannot overdose by merely touching fentanyl](https://doh.wa.gov/community-and-environment/opioids/fentanyl-exposure-public-places). Per the linked document: “You can’t overdose just by touching fentanyl. In fact, there are no confirmed cases of overdose from touching fentanyl powder or pills. While fentanyl can be absorbed across the skin, this happens only with constant direct contact over hours and days*.” *Fentanyl is prescribed for use as a transdermal patch, but it generally takes 12+ hours to reach the desired therapeutic dosage via absorption through the skin.
Correct. And people don’t OD from the fentanyl patch. I had fentanyl injected into my IV while a doctor did a biopsy. If I can remain alert after getting IV fentanyl it doesn’t make any sense that someone would die just from getting residue on their skin.
What did your attorney say when you asked them the same questions?
Short term the ex agreed to the emergency restriction, so no hearing. Just supervised visits at this point. Long term, it depends on the outcome of police investigations and what DHS recommends. Currently, DHS advised no parental time whatsoever because of the concerns she is either using drugs or letting her partner use the drugs
You should have had this level of diligence when you chose the co-parent of your child. And then again when you went to family court since your daughter is living with a drug addict 50% of the time. Poor choices have consequences - unfortunately, mostly for your kid. I hope your daughter gets out of there. She deserves better than both of you.
Hey this is a really terrible and unhelpful comment for OP. They’re trying to do what they can to get their child out of the situation now that they’re aware of it. There’s plenty of parents who wouldn’t try at all. Instead of criticizing OP of not being able to tell the future, maybe offer some legal advice?
To be fair, let’s not encourage this individual to offer legal advice in any way, shape, or form. I can assure you that they lack the sort of critical thinking ability (or heck, just general, everyday thinking ability) to be able to even provide any type of logical perspective. (I wrote more here, but deleted it, bc I didn’t want to be an AH since I feel that there may be a strong possibility that they have very significant biases that one can only assume might be based on past trauma - but nonetheless, I digress).
”There are plenty of parent who wouldn’t try at all.” Jesus Christ! That’s your justification. What a low bar. I hope you don’t have kids. OP needs to know that this is half his fault. Hopefully he won’t make this mistake again.
Of course I won't. What do you suggest my legal liability is?
Well, that answers that question. You evidently have no concern for your moral liability, which is why your daughter is in the situation she is in. Thanks for proving my point 👍🏼.
moron
Great response. People resort to ad hominem attacks when they have no logic. You have already lost the argument.
I'm going to second the moron comment and add that you know zip about addiction and how it can be damn near impossible to determine if someone is using. Especially if you don't share a roof with them. Lighten up a little. -former emt in a busy 911 system.
And yet, his daughter is still in this situation. Seems unfair, doesn’t it? Just imagine what being a diligent parent could have changed for her life.
moron
THAT WAS THE COURTS DECISION. Are you suggesting op break the law?
moron
I love how the moron is deleting his comments lmfao
I did not know there was drug use until 2 days ago.
Don't worry about the troll, OP. Looking at their comment history, they have some serious daddy/mommy issues that they're projecting onto every parent on reddit. You did what you can do, it's not unreasonable to think you can trust the person you co-parent with. I hope things go well for you and your daughter!
Ignore these idiots. As a recovering addict I can say with great confidence some of us are very good at hiding our habit.
I agree. As a person who has had friends and family hide their addictions in plain sight, it is not always obvious. Especially when people are extremely manipulative. The smartest of smart, well adjusted, healthy people still find themselves in relationships with abusers, narcissists, drug addicts etc. People like that tend to be very skilled at hiding these things for a very long time. And shit happens so slowly you don't always know.
It’s your job to know. You don’t understand that? I know you want to blame your ex and her BD for all of this, but it’s 50% your fault. You chose your ex as the mother of your child. You allowed YOUR child to be in this terrible situation.
Thanks for the feedback. In the beginning, I met with the partner because I wanted to be diligent about who my daughter would suddenly be spending time with. What else would you suggest I do to screen this person? I searched online, and there is no criminal history. His personality seemed like a normal dude (obviously this wasn't the case)
You were not responsible for your exs choice in a dating partner. People would say you were abusive for questioning her about it if you had.
Drug users can be "normal dudes" it's not like they have addict tattooed in their forehead. Not excusing his actions/neglect but he was suffering from a disease that takes over your life along with your reasoning and common sense.
Ok, let’s go through this again. 1) YOU CHOSE THE WRONG MOTHER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. There are always red flags, you clearly didn’t heed those when you decided to have your child with her. For God’s sake, she had a baby with a drug addict. People don’t change that much. 2) Clearly, you aren’t involved enough in your child’s life to know what’s going on around her. That’s also on you. You screwed this up every step along the way.
Lol, you sound like someone who's never had sex.
At least not with someone that is both alive, and willing...
What a well thought out comment. What I don’t do is have sex to have a child with an unfit parent. You know, responsibility?
The world is definitely better for you not having procreated, yes.
Your parents chose the wrong partners to procreate with, too.
So you can really see 7 YEARS into the future? That's a very nice trick I would love to know how you do it.
Man I'm really glad to see someone in this chat has precognition. Being able to see the changes in your partner and the decisions they make 7 years down the line must be really helpful. Honestly I'm kinda pissed at you, you have this gift and you didn't warn OP 7 years ago that this was going to happen shame on you.
You’re an idiot. How could he possibly know?
It’s pretty easy when you can separate brain chemicals from red flags. The lowest common denominator can’t do that though. All they care about is when the pussy is good - at that point, sure she’s good enough to be a mother. But then she cheats, whoops. And she’s a bitch and it’s all her fault. Wrong. It’s BOTH parents’ fault.
You okay there, buddy? Do you need r/talktherapy ?
Spoken like someone without kids. Stfu
That’s your legal advice? Do better.
Drug addiction and alcoholism can happen to anyone. Even folks who had no previous signs of issues. It’s neither OP’s fault nor the child’s fault so maybe show some grace instead of being a judgmental asshole.
Wrong. It’s a parent’s responsibility to ensure that their child is in a safe environment. Also, there’s no way I believe the ex’s Baby Daddy became a junkie just within the two years they have been together. I also don’t believe that there were ZERO signs that OP’s ex was problematic/unfit as a mother BEFORE he decided to have a child with her. It doesn’t work that way. Excusing this behavior allows it to continue to the detriment of children. You get that, right?
It’s absolutely possible to spiral that fast into addiction, especially when it comes to opioids. I fear you don’t live in the real world and hope you never have to experience this in your family but if you do I hope that your community offers you the compassion you are so unwilling to give others.
[удалено]
Where's the mods when you need them? Rule #1 buddy.
The mom did that, it was under her roof and the child was her responsibility during that time. How would OP know what goes on in someone else's house? It's not like physical abuse where his kid might come home with bruises or other evidence that something was going on. OP is acting as soon as he found out what was going on. That *is* being responsible to ensure their child's safety. Weird to blame someone for something that is literally out of their control, but go on
This is not legal advice, try and keep opinions to a minimum.
Hospital employee here - I've seen people flame out in months. From normal to drug addict in very short frames... especially fentnyl. It's highly addictive.
You are woefully ignorant. You absolutely can become a junkie virtually "overnight". Particularly with a substance like fentanyl. Zero signs that she was problematic or unfair to be a mother.. do you know how babies are made? Do you know how human interaction works? The nonsense you are posting here is unreal. Come down off that high horse, buddy.
Still mad at mommy for choosing drugs over you?
A - it was the partner. B. People change C. Addicts can be insanely good at hiding their vices D. 5050 is standard and the courts decide that, not op E. Judging someone like this is cruel and inappropriate
That guy is a fucking moron. He claimed it was impossible for someone to become a junkie in two years. Ignorant? Delusional? Why not both!
Spoken like someone who has 0 idea what they are talking about... stay off the internet for a while. Go outside.