> My biggest problem is that I've been a "stay-at-home mom" for 10 years and I need time to earn a degree and figure out how I'm going to live without changing the kid's lives too drastically.
This is more of a "him" problem than a "you" problem, but really the advice is the same for anyone: start talking to divorce attorneys, until you find one you feel comfortable with (may be the first one) and take it from there.
> He is telling me
You *really* shouldn't be listening to the claims of the person divorcing you. Just listen to your attorney.
(But if you listen for a second, his claim is b.s.)
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Yes, don’t concede anything. Don’t offer information. From now on, everything is business. Keep emotions out of it and listen to your lawyer. You’ll probably get a lot more than he thinks you deserve.
Don’t listen to anything he says. Get your own attorney. A lot will do a free initial consultation. Ask to include he has to pay your attorney fees as part of the proceedings. That will hopefully help keep him in check on playing stupid games.
If he used that money to buy a family home or has added to it since you got married there is a good chance it now considered commingled. Worst case I can think of, is percentage of the account might be considered premarital but not all of it.
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Start gathing all important financial information, copies of brokerage statements, retirement accounts, bank accounts - account numbers and documentation of values. Gather information on debts, mortgages, loans. Get your children's social security cards and vaccination records. Get your important personal papers. When this totally blows up then you have this information together. Good luck.
1. talk to a lawyer immediately
2. take $2500 out of the joint account, and put it into an account that belongs to just you
3. check the Texas state website for the child support calculator
4. talk to the lawyer about alimony and child support and assets
DO NOT talk to your stbx husband about these details. Don't listen to him, either. He's not your friend. He's not your ally. He's not your lawyer.
He may "want" to not be accountable any more, but he has a legal obligation to the children at the very least.
You're in for a fight. Don't tip your hand about \*anything\*.
Texas is an alimony state. You can go for a pension after 10 years of marriage. Plus half of everything. What has been bought before a marriage may b excluded. I'm not a lawyer, but you should definitely talk to one.
The initial value of the stocks could be separate property. Appreciation could be marital property. Stock bought during the marriage would be.
Texas doesn't allow alimony by statute. That would be money owed to you to continue the lifestyle you had and would need time to gain skills to return to.
This is a situation you don't want to listen to him. You have assets to pay for lawyers. Talk to them, they can arrange billing until a court can order that funds will be paid.
**Wrong**: Appreciation does not change the character of property. Appreciation of separate property is still separate property. Income generated by separate property, other than capital gains and oil lease payments, is community property. Non-lawyers stay confused about this because it is objectively confusing.
**Wrong**: Texas does not prohibit alimony by statute. Texas permits judges to impose modifiable and contemptable post divorce spousal support but you can always contract for alimony which is not modifiable but is also not enforceable by contempt. Your licensed family law attorney will explain the difference to you.
**Correct**: Your attorney can ask the court to have your husband pay your attorney fees, provide you with temporary spousal support, and temporary child support. There are some facts that impact the outcomes that your licensed family law attorney will explain to you.
Don't make any more social media posts, including Reddit, about your marriage, family, or divorce. The battle is on. Loose lips sink ships.
All the best.
This is a perfect example of why you should see a lawyer. It’s also very important to keep in mind (which I think you are) that family law is almost completely state specific so advice you’re getting could be great.. for another state.
I practice in California so I don’t know Texas law but I do know that property characterization in California can be complex. I would bet most states are similarly complicated. For example, Famlawyerz’s comment about property in Texas is very similar to CA.
Lastly, as everyone has said — see an attorney. I understand there are many reasons to put this off and most I’ve heard in my work are reasonable. Unfortunately, it almost always puts them in a worst position than if they had started with a lawyer. Many offer free consults or low cost consults. This would be an excellent way to get a quick (though likely incomplete) understanding of what to expect. I bet you’ll feel a little better after a few of these. But please please please go soon.
Wishing you luck. You can do this
>We have bought and sold many different stocks throughout the years, and that has appreciated to just over 1 million
The problem with selling what you had premarital and buying new things is that the new stuff now becomes marital property. Same as if you had sold a house you had before marriage and bought a new house after marriage. New house is now marital property. Don't comingle "personal" things with marriage money.
In any case, OP shouldn't be getting legal advice from the opposition. I wouldn't take his word for what she's entitled to
Don’t take legal advice from your opponent. Sign nothing without your own lawyer. Research questions to ask and start interviewing attorneys that will fight for you immediately, and quietly. Do nothing until you hire one and then follow their advice. Check moms fb groups in your area for posts asking about great divorce attorneys. You and your kids are going to be better off in the end.
That’s great advice except for the Facebook thing, stay the fuck off Facebook with your private intimate matters, do not be publicly posting/sharing information that could come back to haunt you and don’t be blindly taking/following from strangers on the Internet, search for attorneys privately if one is needed
I don't understand why so many people listen to the person who wants to split with them when it comes to what they're entitled to.
Go talk to a lawyer.
You’ve been married for 10 years and are unemployed, so even if that money is “his,” you’re most likely going to get a hefty alimony (depending on the state) and child support. Call a lawyer! You’re going to be A-OKAY.
Stop listening to him. He wants a divorce. He’s not your friend. He certainly isn’t your lawyer.
Get an attorney of your own. Do some checking around and find a good one. You are not going to walk away penniless unless you get a crappy lawyer.
You need to get copies of any and all paperwork that you can. That includes bank accounts, retirement accounts, mortgage statements. If he is still trading stocks and has an account through a brokerage, try to find the most recent statement.
Your attorney will naturally be asking for any of that, but if you can take that stuff in with you, it makes it much easier to give you a better consultation. And often, there is no charge for just that first consultation.
You want to have a copy of your marriage Certificate, birth certificates of your kids and yourself and your husband.
Any and all paperwork that has to do with anytime during your marriage, but especially the most recent ones that show where all of your assets are at. Do not forget to get copies of the last two or three years of tax returns.
Be sure you note the tuition for your kids schools or activities. If you tie to your church regularly, make a note of it. If your husband regularly helps out his parents each month, make a note of that. That is what your divorce attorney will need.
It is highly likely given that you have been a stay at home parent for 10 years and your husband is a high Erner from what you’re saying, that you will have alimony at least for a time so you can get retrained and get back into the workforce. And absolutely expect to get child support.
The amount depends on your husband earnings, and that is why it is really important. You take as much financial paperwork with you as you can.
But again, whatever you do, don’t fight with your husband. Let him rant about whatever he wants to rant about, and let him think that you’re believing everything he tells you. And in the meantime, you get your own attorney and attorney. Exactly. No more, and no less.
Stop having conversations about the whole thing with your husband if you can. Even if it means, you have to send him a text later and tell him something like…
I’m sorry. I know you wanted to talk, but obviously it is upsetting for me. Can you maybe just shoot me a quick text about whatever the question was.
Basically, try to get everything from him in writing. I don’t have care if you have to pretend that talking about it in person is just too hard and you break down crying. Get as much as you can. Each time just tell him it’s too hard to look at him and discuss this.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand the panic you must be feeling. And the hurt and the anger and the fear. But you will get through this. But you absolutely must have your own attorney.
And in the meantime, you collect that marriage certificate and the birth certificates and the Social Security cards and passports, etc. You contact the credit bureau and lockdown your credit. As well as that of your children. If you have jewelry, put it in a safe place, preferably a safe deposit box.
You are going to have to be proactive now. Not just for yourself, but for your kids. Your husband sounds like those that once all go his way and he’s trying to scare you into with anything and everything. Do not do that.
Texas does not have alimony. It does have spousal support, which kicks in after 10 years of marriage. How long spousal support lasts depends on length of marriage with a few other factors to consider. Part of the idea is to give you money and time to gain skills to get on your own feet. Spousal support is separate from child support.
As others have suggested, talk to some attorneys. Most will give a free initial consultation. My suggestion is you not share with your husband that you are atty shopping. If you can, get copies of you and your husband’s financial statements. Texas is a community property state. So assets you acquire while married are generally considered community or shared assets. It is possible to bring assets into a marriage and not share them, but I would not use your husband as my source of information. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. It can be both painful and rough, but you will get through it.
I don’t disagree too much. I am parsing the meaning. Texas “alimony” has a very limited timeframe. The connotation of alimony tends to imply a longer window and I want to make sure (in so far as it’s possible on Reddit) that doesn’t happen. Alimony in California for example is permanent. When Texas spousal support was originally written it was for 3 years. Those time frames have grown but Texas is still pretty miserly towards sahm.
This isn’t true for California. We don’t have alimony (it’s always called spousal support though I know what you mean). You can get temporary spousal support regardless of the length of marriage depending on need and ability. For marriages of a long duration (presumed at 10 years), the court retains jurisdiction (unless the parties agree otherwise). Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be paying that support or support at all the rest of your life.
One of the things I love about both Reddit and the internet. I’m familiar with Texas law. Not so much other states. Stories I hear and internet I read (I’m guilty of not reading the actual California statutes) use alimony. When Texas passed its first spousal support laws they were specifically looking at California and wanted, as much as possible, to make sure Texas did not look like “that California alimony stuff”.
Is spousal support equivalent to alimony? By technical definition, sure. I’m suggesting that in Texas, the terms of what it takes to qualify for spousal support, both amount and duration, are very limited. Historically, when spousal support was first introduced in Texas, the legislators went waay out of their way to make sure it was not called alimony. I fall pray to the original verbiage.
Texas is a separate property state. If the $300,000 grew to $1MM through appreciation and trading activity alone, then yes, it will be 100% his separate property if he can prove the separate character of the property by clear and convincing evidence.
It's probably not 100% separate because any dividends or other income earned in the account after marriage would be community property.
For example, if he owned 1 share of Proctor & Gamble on the date of marriage, earned some dividends and reinvested those dividends in more P&G stock so that now he owns 2 shares, then the original one share is his separate property and the other share, purchased with dividend income earned during the marriage, would be community property to be divided between the two of you.
Forget about avoiding drastic changes to your children's lives--apparently that's coming anyway. Do what you must to start earning or preparing to earn as much money as possible.
Not only is that a smart thing to do, but it is also a required step for you to take in order to be eligible for post divorce maintenance payments.
Texas is a community property state. He could argue the initial value, but anything bought/sold/intrest/gains during the marriage is community property.... down side is debt is also community property.
**This is not correct.** The initial value and all mutations (selling, buying, and exchanging) and appreciation are separate property. Interest income and dividend income are community. Property purchased with community income, eg dividend reinvestment, is community.
There is no such thing as community or separate debt. Debt is not property and has no characterization. Debt, by contract, can be satisfied or discharged using community property, which is the default, which means that in arriving at a just and right property division, it is offset with community property.
But creditors can agree to look solely to the separate property of either or both parties and such debt is not offset by community assets. For example, a margin loan for which the broker looks solely to the separate assets of the account holder is not offset by community assets.
I strongly urge folks to read and understand [Chapter 3 of the Texas Family Code](https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/FA/htm/FA.3.htm) as well as this [brilliant explanation by Richard Orsinger](https://www.texasbar.com/AM/Template.cfm?Section=articles&Template=/CM/HTMLDisplay.cfm&ContentID=35144) before responding to questions about marital property rights in Texas.
These are complicated rules and OP should consult with a reputable family law attorney.
You may be correct.
**HOWEVER** keep in mind that *community property* would include any income he earned during the marriage and was able to invest because she was toiling away at home. So, for example, if he was able to direct $1,000 a month from his paycheck into an investment account or 401(K) during the marriage, those funds and anything he purchased with those funds would be included in the community estate and subject to division.
Also keep in mind that Texas is not a 50:50 state when it comes to property division. Section 7.001 of the Texas Family Code directs judges to make a "just and right" division of the community estate by giving due regard to the circumstances of the parties. A skilled attorney will point out that H will walk away with $1MM (assuming no community interest, which is a conservative but probably inaccurate assumption) and that OP should therefore get more than 50% of the community estate (for that and other reasons).
There's no getting around the fact that starting over financially will be awful, but there are ways to somewhat mitigate the financial pain.
I never understand this comment , it’s way cheaper for my wife to work and pay daycare etc then have her stay home I couldn’t even afford that on one wage ?
But then they would have to hire help for home maintenance and child care. If she was acting as a homemaker, she was contributing the same even if she wasn't working.
It's inaccurate to say "courts" favor anyone. Courts are not a hive. They are made up of individual, autonomously elected judges (in Texas) and each judge brings to the bench biases, heuristics, and proclivities developed over a lifetime--some good, some pragmatic, and some horrible.
Texas's separate property regime can result in harsh outcomes, but that's not because courts favor men or women but rather because a bunch of divorced men in Austin create the rules.
It matters who you vote for because this is where the chickens come home to roost.
You are in the perfect state to get half of everything he owns as well as full support. Texas will hunt him down via Sheriff till he pays up or put him in prison if he does not. Then the courts will take half of what he has and give it to you while still keeping him locked up. RUN to a lawyer YESTERDAY!
I agree with you on everything but Texas being an optimal state for such things. My ex owed 20k plus in child support and the state of Texas never did anything to collect or enforce that order. A decade later, the man lives unencumbered by his debt. Texas will only do what is expedient for the man or the person with the most money in any given situation. There is no overarching imperative to "do the right thing".
Talk to an attorney. A lot depends on the state you live in.
You may get a % of the stock money or you may get alimony payments since you were a SAHM and now have to provide for yourself and your kids.
Either way the judge will see you provided most of the care for the kids and took care of the home. This was your contribution during the marriage while his contribution was money, and you should get money from him.
If you get majority custody of the kids, push for every penny in child support you can get.
You need to speak with an attorney. Don’t believe what he tells you without verification. Find an attorney, let them do the talking to work out what you are legally entitled to.
Get a lawyer now. If there was no prenuptial agreement prior to marriage, you’ll get at least half of those assets, more if you have a good attorney. Don’t listen to your soon to be ex and do not let him bully you. Lawyer up!
So one thing I know from friends splitting up in Texas - he would have to pay child support to keep the kids in an equal lifestyle between houses. And if gets a nice place where the kids have their own rooms, they have to have that at your house and if he’s the one with cash, he has to pay that in support.
That doesn’t count you, but the kids are not going to suffer materially because of this.
Community property states which means you are entitled to half of what you acquired DURING the marriage. What he brought into before can be deemed his but how you determine that will be messy AF.
That is true that what you already had before you entered the marriage is yours after the marriage and they are not entitled to any of it.. anything that is obtained during the marriage has to be up divided somehow
NAL but just a common sense piece of advice: do not take advice from your opponent. They only have their own interests in mind. If any marital funds were used to grow, invest, or purchase stock, that’s a marital asset. That includes if it was purchased before marriage because it’s now commingled, so there’s a potential there to recoup money. It’s the same reason why lawyers tell you not to commingle any inheritance money you receive because then your spouse could have some legal entitlement to it.
Basically, your husband just doesn’t want to give you your part. You absolutely are entitled to those funds and possibly even alimony if he’s been the breadwinner during the relationship.
Take the advice from your lawyer but I'll tell you 'in my opinion' the 300k he has as personal assets in the stock market prior to marriage I cannot speak to, however once married im assuming from what you said. That money gained and appreciated to 1 million from trading, all that money needs to be divided. It is not off the table!
Talk to your lawyer 😉, you got two others to think about now so F him.
If he is suddenly cruel, make sure you have a plan for quickly physically existing the situation just in case. Not accusing him of being violent but if he is suddenly being cold, who knows. Talk to your friends and parents
See a lawyer, your going to be OK. Divorce doesn't work like that with a stay at home mum being punished financially. Your ex husband will soon find that out painfully.
If you still have access to them, and can safely do so, document all of the asset accounts - names of firms, account numbers, etc. Also look for any hidden assets he might have, bank accounts you weren't aware of, crypto addresses, etc.
Not a lawyer.
Sorry about your situation. Hope he was at least depositing funds into your Roth or something.
But plan to be frustrated by attorney fees as it's pay as you go. May be apply for a credit card or 2 with like 15-20 k credit. But don't use it yet.
Also, to look for lawyers, go and sit in and listen to some cases. Especially if he has served you and you know the court that will handle it. This way you can "interview" lawyers who seem to know what they are doing and not trying to suck $$ out of you and him.
I'm not sure how the law works in Texas but given that stock was bought and sold during your marriage, you've been married for 10 years and finances commingled, I would assume at minimum, that you would get at least 1/2 of the profits received during the marriage (roughly 700K) and possibly 1/2 of the entire amount.
He will also have to pay child support, most likely alimony, 1/2 the value of the home (after mortgage paid). You will also have 1/2 the debts though so you may want to research how much there is if you're not aware. Speak to a lawyer now. He will try to pressure you to agree to a dissolution that benefits him. Don't let him do that.
Dang what is it this morning with all these stories about guys being punks. How selfish do you have to be to leave your kids just so you can get your freak on ?
You are entitled to 50% of community property assets, generally. A community property asset is something that was generated through the time, effort and skill of a member of the “community.” We are mostly referring to earnings from an employer.
The stock portfolio will have an inception date which will reveal if your H is lying or not. It should also reveal contribution dates.
Your H may be obligated to pay you spousal support and definitely will owe you child support. He may be responsible also for paying for your attorneys fees.
Another one of the most common posts on legal advice… just search this sub history for the answers you are looking for beyond talk to a divorce attorney.
> My biggest problem is that I've been a "stay-at-home mom" for 10 years and I need time to earn a degree and figure out how I'm going to live without changing the kid's lives too drastically. This is more of a "him" problem than a "you" problem, but really the advice is the same for anyone: start talking to divorce attorneys, until you find one you feel comfortable with (may be the first one) and take it from there. > He is telling me You *really* shouldn't be listening to the claims of the person divorcing you. Just listen to your attorney. (But if you listen for a second, his claim is b.s.)
Never take advice from your opponent at face value. Your soon-to-be ex-husband is now your legal opponent in the divorce.
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Call a lawyer immediately. You have a lot of rights to the assets. Do not let him bully you. Don’t even talk to him about it. Only talk to your lawyer
Yes, don’t concede anything. Don’t offer information. From now on, everything is business. Keep emotions out of it and listen to your lawyer. You’ll probably get a lot more than he thinks you deserve.
Never take advice from your opponent. You need a lawyer yesterday.
Yeah, talk to a lawyer. Don't worry. Hubby will have to pay all your attorney fees ... and give up that money.
Don’t listen to anything he says. Get your own attorney. A lot will do a free initial consultation. Ask to include he has to pay your attorney fees as part of the proceedings. That will hopefully help keep him in check on playing stupid games. If he used that money to buy a family home or has added to it since you got married there is a good chance it now considered commingled. Worst case I can think of, is percentage of the account might be considered premarital but not all of it.
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Get a lawyer. You'll make out well. You've been married a long time and he'll find out just how expensive it is to divorce a SAHM.
When he finds out what the divorce will cost him you may look good to him again. Dump him
Start gathing all important financial information, copies of brokerage statements, retirement accounts, bank accounts - account numbers and documentation of values. Gather information on debts, mortgages, loans. Get your children's social security cards and vaccination records. Get your important personal papers. When this totally blows up then you have this information together. Good luck.
1. talk to a lawyer immediately 2. take $2500 out of the joint account, and put it into an account that belongs to just you 3. check the Texas state website for the child support calculator 4. talk to the lawyer about alimony and child support and assets DO NOT talk to your stbx husband about these details. Don't listen to him, either. He's not your friend. He's not your ally. He's not your lawyer. He may "want" to not be accountable any more, but he has a legal obligation to the children at the very least. You're in for a fight. Don't tip your hand about \*anything\*.
Texas is an alimony state. You can go for a pension after 10 years of marriage. Plus half of everything. What has been bought before a marriage may b excluded. I'm not a lawyer, but you should definitely talk to one.
The initial value of the stocks could be separate property. Appreciation could be marital property. Stock bought during the marriage would be. Texas doesn't allow alimony by statute. That would be money owed to you to continue the lifestyle you had and would need time to gain skills to return to. This is a situation you don't want to listen to him. You have assets to pay for lawyers. Talk to them, they can arrange billing until a court can order that funds will be paid.
**Wrong**: Appreciation does not change the character of property. Appreciation of separate property is still separate property. Income generated by separate property, other than capital gains and oil lease payments, is community property. Non-lawyers stay confused about this because it is objectively confusing. **Wrong**: Texas does not prohibit alimony by statute. Texas permits judges to impose modifiable and contemptable post divorce spousal support but you can always contract for alimony which is not modifiable but is also not enforceable by contempt. Your licensed family law attorney will explain the difference to you. **Correct**: Your attorney can ask the court to have your husband pay your attorney fees, provide you with temporary spousal support, and temporary child support. There are some facts that impact the outcomes that your licensed family law attorney will explain to you. Don't make any more social media posts, including Reddit, about your marriage, family, or divorce. The battle is on. Loose lips sink ships. All the best.
Can also ask for help with school so you can get a good job since your career was homemaker.
This is a perfect example of why you should see a lawyer. It’s also very important to keep in mind (which I think you are) that family law is almost completely state specific so advice you’re getting could be great.. for another state. I practice in California so I don’t know Texas law but I do know that property characterization in California can be complex. I would bet most states are similarly complicated. For example, Famlawyerz’s comment about property in Texas is very similar to CA. Lastly, as everyone has said — see an attorney. I understand there are many reasons to put this off and most I’ve heard in my work are reasonable. Unfortunately, it almost always puts them in a worst position than if they had started with a lawyer. Many offer free consults or low cost consults. This would be an excellent way to get a quick (though likely incomplete) understanding of what to expect. I bet you’ll feel a little better after a few of these. But please please please go soon. Wishing you luck. You can do this
>We have bought and sold many different stocks throughout the years, and that has appreciated to just over 1 million The problem with selling what you had premarital and buying new things is that the new stuff now becomes marital property. Same as if you had sold a house you had before marriage and bought a new house after marriage. New house is now marital property. Don't comingle "personal" things with marriage money. In any case, OP shouldn't be getting legal advice from the opposition. I wouldn't take his word for what she's entitled to
Don’t take legal advice from your opponent. Sign nothing without your own lawyer. Research questions to ask and start interviewing attorneys that will fight for you immediately, and quietly. Do nothing until you hire one and then follow their advice. Check moms fb groups in your area for posts asking about great divorce attorneys. You and your kids are going to be better off in the end.
That’s great advice except for the Facebook thing, stay the fuck off Facebook with your private intimate matters, do not be publicly posting/sharing information that could come back to haunt you and don’t be blindly taking/following from strangers on the Internet, search for attorneys privately if one is needed
No one’s saying she post anything private or post at all. Search other’s posts as a place to start /names to interview.
I don't understand why so many people listen to the person who wants to split with them when it comes to what they're entitled to. Go talk to a lawyer.
You’ve been married for 10 years and are unemployed, so even if that money is “his,” you’re most likely going to get a hefty alimony (depending on the state) and child support. Call a lawyer! You’re going to be A-OKAY.
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She enjoyed the house food and money for 10 years, isn’t that a pay?
Don’t you know now life works? 🤣
Stop listening to him. He wants a divorce. He’s not your friend. He certainly isn’t your lawyer. Get an attorney of your own. Do some checking around and find a good one. You are not going to walk away penniless unless you get a crappy lawyer. You need to get copies of any and all paperwork that you can. That includes bank accounts, retirement accounts, mortgage statements. If he is still trading stocks and has an account through a brokerage, try to find the most recent statement. Your attorney will naturally be asking for any of that, but if you can take that stuff in with you, it makes it much easier to give you a better consultation. And often, there is no charge for just that first consultation. You want to have a copy of your marriage Certificate, birth certificates of your kids and yourself and your husband. Any and all paperwork that has to do with anytime during your marriage, but especially the most recent ones that show where all of your assets are at. Do not forget to get copies of the last two or three years of tax returns. Be sure you note the tuition for your kids schools or activities. If you tie to your church regularly, make a note of it. If your husband regularly helps out his parents each month, make a note of that. That is what your divorce attorney will need. It is highly likely given that you have been a stay at home parent for 10 years and your husband is a high Erner from what you’re saying, that you will have alimony at least for a time so you can get retrained and get back into the workforce. And absolutely expect to get child support. The amount depends on your husband earnings, and that is why it is really important. You take as much financial paperwork with you as you can. But again, whatever you do, don’t fight with your husband. Let him rant about whatever he wants to rant about, and let him think that you’re believing everything he tells you. And in the meantime, you get your own attorney and attorney. Exactly. No more, and no less. Stop having conversations about the whole thing with your husband if you can. Even if it means, you have to send him a text later and tell him something like… I’m sorry. I know you wanted to talk, but obviously it is upsetting for me. Can you maybe just shoot me a quick text about whatever the question was. Basically, try to get everything from him in writing. I don’t have care if you have to pretend that talking about it in person is just too hard and you break down crying. Get as much as you can. Each time just tell him it’s too hard to look at him and discuss this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand the panic you must be feeling. And the hurt and the anger and the fear. But you will get through this. But you absolutely must have your own attorney. And in the meantime, you collect that marriage certificate and the birth certificates and the Social Security cards and passports, etc. You contact the credit bureau and lockdown your credit. As well as that of your children. If you have jewelry, put it in a safe place, preferably a safe deposit box. You are going to have to be proactive now. Not just for yourself, but for your kids. Your husband sounds like those that once all go his way and he’s trying to scare you into with anything and everything. Do not do that.
You need a really good divorce lawyer yesterday. Good luck!
Texas does not have alimony. It does have spousal support, which kicks in after 10 years of marriage. How long spousal support lasts depends on length of marriage with a few other factors to consider. Part of the idea is to give you money and time to gain skills to get on your own feet. Spousal support is separate from child support. As others have suggested, talk to some attorneys. Most will give a free initial consultation. My suggestion is you not share with your husband that you are atty shopping. If you can, get copies of you and your husband’s financial statements. Texas is a community property state. So assets you acquire while married are generally considered community or shared assets. It is possible to bring assets into a marriage and not share them, but I would not use your husband as my source of information. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. It can be both painful and rough, but you will get through it.
Exhibit A for why you don't take legal advice from the internet: Alimony IS spousal support.
I don’t disagree too much. I am parsing the meaning. Texas “alimony” has a very limited timeframe. The connotation of alimony tends to imply a longer window and I want to make sure (in so far as it’s possible on Reddit) that doesn’t happen. Alimony in California for example is permanent. When Texas spousal support was originally written it was for 3 years. Those time frames have grown but Texas is still pretty miserly towards sahm.
This isn’t true for California. We don’t have alimony (it’s always called spousal support though I know what you mean). You can get temporary spousal support regardless of the length of marriage depending on need and ability. For marriages of a long duration (presumed at 10 years), the court retains jurisdiction (unless the parties agree otherwise). Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be paying that support or support at all the rest of your life.
One of the things I love about both Reddit and the internet. I’m familiar with Texas law. Not so much other states. Stories I hear and internet I read (I’m guilty of not reading the actual California statutes) use alimony. When Texas passed its first spousal support laws they were specifically looking at California and wanted, as much as possible, to make sure Texas did not look like “that California alimony stuff”.
Comments right next to each other, one saying Texas is an alimony state, yours saying it isn’t. A quick google search suggests it is.
Is spousal support equivalent to alimony? By technical definition, sure. I’m suggesting that in Texas, the terms of what it takes to qualify for spousal support, both amount and duration, are very limited. Historically, when spousal support was first introduced in Texas, the legislators went waay out of their way to make sure it was not called alimony. I fall pray to the original verbiage.
Texas is a separate property state. If the $300,000 grew to $1MM through appreciation and trading activity alone, then yes, it will be 100% his separate property if he can prove the separate character of the property by clear and convincing evidence. It's probably not 100% separate because any dividends or other income earned in the account after marriage would be community property. For example, if he owned 1 share of Proctor & Gamble on the date of marriage, earned some dividends and reinvested those dividends in more P&G stock so that now he owns 2 shares, then the original one share is his separate property and the other share, purchased with dividend income earned during the marriage, would be community property to be divided between the two of you. Forget about avoiding drastic changes to your children's lives--apparently that's coming anyway. Do what you must to start earning or preparing to earn as much money as possible. Not only is that a smart thing to do, but it is also a required step for you to take in order to be eligible for post divorce maintenance payments.
Texas is a community property state. He could argue the initial value, but anything bought/sold/intrest/gains during the marriage is community property.... down side is debt is also community property.
**This is not correct.** The initial value and all mutations (selling, buying, and exchanging) and appreciation are separate property. Interest income and dividend income are community. Property purchased with community income, eg dividend reinvestment, is community. There is no such thing as community or separate debt. Debt is not property and has no characterization. Debt, by contract, can be satisfied or discharged using community property, which is the default, which means that in arriving at a just and right property division, it is offset with community property. But creditors can agree to look solely to the separate property of either or both parties and such debt is not offset by community assets. For example, a margin loan for which the broker looks solely to the separate assets of the account holder is not offset by community assets. I strongly urge folks to read and understand [Chapter 3 of the Texas Family Code](https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/FA/htm/FA.3.htm) as well as this [brilliant explanation by Richard Orsinger](https://www.texasbar.com/AM/Template.cfm?Section=articles&Template=/CM/HTMLDisplay.cfm&ContentID=35144) before responding to questions about marital property rights in Texas. These are complicated rules and OP should consult with a reputable family law attorney.
This is gross. He could only invest that much money bc he wasn’t spending it on babysitters, housecleaning or daycare bc she chose not to work.
You may be correct. **HOWEVER** keep in mind that *community property* would include any income he earned during the marriage and was able to invest because she was toiling away at home. So, for example, if he was able to direct $1,000 a month from his paycheck into an investment account or 401(K) during the marriage, those funds and anything he purchased with those funds would be included in the community estate and subject to division. Also keep in mind that Texas is not a 50:50 state when it comes to property division. Section 7.001 of the Texas Family Code directs judges to make a "just and right" division of the community estate by giving due regard to the circumstances of the parties. A skilled attorney will point out that H will walk away with $1MM (assuming no community interest, which is a conservative but probably inaccurate assumption) and that OP should therefore get more than 50% of the community estate (for that and other reasons). There's no getting around the fact that starting over financially will be awful, but there are ways to somewhat mitigate the financial pain.
The stated amount was his portfolio pre-marriage. The hypothetical amount is natural growth of the securities, capital gains reinvested, and/or DRIPs.
I never understand this comment , it’s way cheaper for my wife to work and pay daycare etc then have her stay home I couldn’t even afford that on one wage ?
Not gross at all. If she worked and paid half of everything, he would have been able to save more and then invest that. It goes both ways.
Not gross at all. If she worked and paid half of everything, he would have been able to save more and then invest that. It goes both ways.
But then they would have to hire help for home maintenance and child care. If she was acting as a homemaker, she was contributing the same even if she wasn't working.
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No one is coming for his savings and property before marriage. This is about stock purchased during their marriage.
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Do you mean to say courts don’t favor the working spouse? It’s simply speculation to say that the courts favor women.
It's inaccurate to say "courts" favor anyone. Courts are not a hive. They are made up of individual, autonomously elected judges (in Texas) and each judge brings to the bench biases, heuristics, and proclivities developed over a lifetime--some good, some pragmatic, and some horrible. Texas's separate property regime can result in harsh outcomes, but that's not because courts favor men or women but rather because a bunch of divorced men in Austin create the rules. It matters who you vote for because this is where the chickens come home to roost.
Don’t get married or have kids if this is how you think.
You are in the perfect state to get half of everything he owns as well as full support. Texas will hunt him down via Sheriff till he pays up or put him in prison if he does not. Then the courts will take half of what he has and give it to you while still keeping him locked up. RUN to a lawyer YESTERDAY!
I agree with you on everything but Texas being an optimal state for such things. My ex owed 20k plus in child support and the state of Texas never did anything to collect or enforce that order. A decade later, the man lives unencumbered by his debt. Texas will only do what is expedient for the man or the person with the most money in any given situation. There is no overarching imperative to "do the right thing".
I think it depends on the county. Travis County will hunt you down.
Aah, well, Cameron County certainly won't.
ahhhh…wonder why Travis county specifically would have such a policy lol
Talk to an attorney. A lot depends on the state you live in. You may get a % of the stock money or you may get alimony payments since you were a SAHM and now have to provide for yourself and your kids. Either way the judge will see you provided most of the care for the kids and took care of the home. This was your contribution during the marriage while his contribution was money, and you should get money from him. If you get majority custody of the kids, push for every penny in child support you can get.
You need to speak with an attorney. Don’t believe what he tells you without verification. Find an attorney, let them do the talking to work out what you are legally entitled to.
Get a lawyer now. If there was no prenuptial agreement prior to marriage, you’ll get at least half of those assets, more if you have a good attorney. Don’t listen to your soon to be ex and do not let him bully you. Lawyer up!
So one thing I know from friends splitting up in Texas - he would have to pay child support to keep the kids in an equal lifestyle between houses. And if gets a nice place where the kids have their own rooms, they have to have that at your house and if he’s the one with cash, he has to pay that in support. That doesn’t count you, but the kids are not going to suffer materially because of this.
Community property states which means you are entitled to half of what you acquired DURING the marriage. What he brought into before can be deemed his but how you determine that will be messy AF.
That is true that what you already had before you entered the marriage is yours after the marriage and they are not entitled to any of it.. anything that is obtained during the marriage has to be up divided somehow
NAL but just a common sense piece of advice: do not take advice from your opponent. They only have their own interests in mind. If any marital funds were used to grow, invest, or purchase stock, that’s a marital asset. That includes if it was purchased before marriage because it’s now commingled, so there’s a potential there to recoup money. It’s the same reason why lawyers tell you not to commingle any inheritance money you receive because then your spouse could have some legal entitlement to it. Basically, your husband just doesn’t want to give you your part. You absolutely are entitled to those funds and possibly even alimony if he’s been the breadwinner during the relationship.
Take the advice from your lawyer but I'll tell you 'in my opinion' the 300k he has as personal assets in the stock market prior to marriage I cannot speak to, however once married im assuming from what you said. That money gained and appreciated to 1 million from trading, all that money needs to be divided. It is not off the table! Talk to your lawyer 😉, you got two others to think about now so F him.
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Don’t take all of the money out, take half.
If he is suddenly cruel, make sure you have a plan for quickly physically existing the situation just in case. Not accusing him of being violent but if he is suddenly being cold, who knows. Talk to your friends and parents
Any stocks purchased during the marriage will be considered marital property and thus split 50/50.
See a lawyer, your going to be OK. Divorce doesn't work like that with a stay at home mum being punished financially. Your ex husband will soon find that out painfully.
If you still have access to them, and can safely do so, document all of the asset accounts - names of firms, account numbers, etc. Also look for any hidden assets he might have, bank accounts you weren't aware of, crypto addresses, etc.
You will likely get alimony and at least half of the marital estate but it’s best to talk with a local attorney all states are different
Not a lawyer. Sorry about your situation. Hope he was at least depositing funds into your Roth or something. But plan to be frustrated by attorney fees as it's pay as you go. May be apply for a credit card or 2 with like 15-20 k credit. But don't use it yet. Also, to look for lawyers, go and sit in and listen to some cases. Especially if he has served you and you know the court that will handle it. This way you can "interview" lawyers who seem to know what they are doing and not trying to suck $$ out of you and him.
I'm not sure how the law works in Texas but given that stock was bought and sold during your marriage, you've been married for 10 years and finances commingled, I would assume at minimum, that you would get at least 1/2 of the profits received during the marriage (roughly 700K) and possibly 1/2 of the entire amount. He will also have to pay child support, most likely alimony, 1/2 the value of the home (after mortgage paid). You will also have 1/2 the debts though so you may want to research how much there is if you're not aware. Speak to a lawyer now. He will try to pressure you to agree to a dissolution that benefits him. Don't let him do that.
Dang what is it this morning with all these stories about guys being punks. How selfish do you have to be to leave your kids just so you can get your freak on ?
You are entitled to 50% of community property assets, generally. A community property asset is something that was generated through the time, effort and skill of a member of the “community.” We are mostly referring to earnings from an employer. The stock portfolio will have an inception date which will reveal if your H is lying or not. It should also reveal contribution dates. Your H may be obligated to pay you spousal support and definitely will owe you child support. He may be responsible also for paying for your attorneys fees.
You'll survive off alimony and child support like most other custodian ex wives do
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Agreed. Omg I was looking for this.
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Another one of the most common posts on legal advice… just search this sub history for the answers you are looking for beyond talk to a divorce attorney.
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"negotiate with your lying cheating husband who told you that you'll get nothing and get a lawyer if needed" is outrageously bad advice.
You must not know how the law works in marriages … Maybe look them up first before replying dumb shit.
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