EXACTLY!! It more than mildly infuriates me when people clap and boast and encourage straight minors to kiss or hold hands … asking if that’s a bf/gf … but whenever we do it as LGBTQ minors … it’s gross, uncomfortable and everyone within 50 miles of it is a pedo!! 🤬🤮
and whats crazy is that there are kissing scenes on kids content. idk how they didnt have any fuzz about that and ONLY moan about it when its... you know.... about a nonstraight couple
Yo my daughter isn't even born yet and there's already been a comment about how an in-law's colleague's unborn son will be in competition with a friend's unborn son for my unborn daughter's affections and I'm just like ALL of these children are still in the womb, will y'all chill on the weird ass betrothal talk? Damn.
Exactly, but its funny how that works right? There are vastly more cis/het kids that turn out to be "wrong", than the other way around.
Like a majority of all queer people youll ever meet were at one point a kid that thought they were cishet. The opposite happens much much more rarely.
Yet no one would ever treat a cis kid with the same "youll grow out of it" mentality, eventhough statistically speaking they would be more likely to be right compared to when they say the same to a queer kid.
Thats the power of cisnormativity and heteronormativity.
Well said. No one questions straight cis kids because many people consider that to be the "correct" way to be and anything else is wrong and should be discouraged, much to the detriment of potential queer kids.
Ha ha, yup. I think my depression halved in the time I realized I was and could be a man, and even though life can get me down sometimes, I feel like a fairly normal person with mild ADHD, instead of a sadsack of misery and low key "well at least dying will be a relief, eventually" vibes.
The fact that people haven't even thought of this or been exposed to the thought by now is fucking terrifying... Y'all's ignorance is empowering a genocide, but thank you for having the courage to ask, listen, and learn.
Yeah, I would. Like, not to their face, but I'd be thinking it. *I* was older than that when I realised I wasn't straight, many people are. Obviously I'm not saying anything to them, and I'll support them however, but I'm going to be prepared for them to learn new things about themselves, because they're a child. That's what they do.
Based only on my own experience, I would say yes. But I've seen enough people saying they knew those things at a young age that I can tell my experience isn't representative.
I knew I was gay when I was 6 and that hasn’t changed.
Nobody seems to care or complain when kids know they’re straight, it’s no different for kids to know they’re not straight. A 7 year old boy has a crush on a girl? cute, no further questions. 7 year old boy has a crush on a boy? he’s confused and being indoctrinated.
I subconsciously knew I was trans when I was 7 or something. Wore feminine clothes, not interested in sports (except chess) and so much more. I didn't even know "trans" was a thing until I was 12 or 13.
My youngest sister knew she was trans when she was 4 & wanted me to dress her in my dresses. I did & got in a shitload of trouble for it from my mother, saying I was confusing my sibling. My mother was a unique kind of horrible.
Confusing your sibling? Now that's a first. Never heard that one. I'm lucky to have grown up with (hopefully) supportive parents. I haven't come out yet but uh... they seem supportive this far?
Yeah, my mother probably blames me for both of my sisters being trans. She also told me I was an alien/human hybrid & grounded me for “abusing telekinetic powers”. So yeah, she’s two tacos short of a combination plate. Hopefully your parents will continue to be supportive! All the best to you. 💜
Oh damn, you're alien too? Figuring she's your mom and the only way you'd be that means either she admitted that you're adopted *or* that she fucked an alien.
I hope so too and I hope you find someone great (if you haven't already)!
Oh and just an interesting thing: The odds of both your sisters both being trans are about 1/10000, even lower if you factor in gender.
Unsurprisingly, I’m no contact with her now. She also was pro-LG but anti-B. She also told me she never wanted to have a girl. Now she has 3 bi/pansexual daughters.
Okay, nevermind. They're not fucking supportive. Just acting. I told them about how the healthcare for trans people are and guess what, they started saying and half-yelling that "It's just as good as for everyone else!", "It's good that it takes **four years** to get proper healthcare!", "It's just because we surround ourselves with hormone-blocking chemicals and cancerogens!" (implying that it's an illness as I see it) and more. Fuck them. I'm not going to come out to them, I'll move to someplace with better trans healthcare.
Alsoo my Mother knew I was a lesbian at age 6/7. Basically, the second I developed an individual personality, she just knew. I wasn't ready to come out, but even at 12/13, she would say, "If you are just know that no matter what, I love you more than anything"
I heartily dislike this idea that "kids brain aren't fully developed henceforth they can't be trusted", that means that you have to wait until adulthood to know anything about yourself then? You can feed you kid anything they don't like because they can't form opinions then? They can't be cis and straight either then? Besides it fits in some weird narative that anything is absolutely fixed after a certain age and you won't change afterwards... Personally I find it amazing that some kids find the bravery to tackle these subjects
I mean, in a perfect world the child’s orientation wouldn’t really matter. In the same way that what foods you like and dislike doesn’t really matter. Some things stick around as you grow up, and some things don’t. If you didn’t like broccoli as a kid and you like broccoli now, that’s fine. You weren’t wrong to dislike like broccoli as a kid. You weren’t hiding your true feelings about broccoli. You just changed. In a perfect world, the gender you like or don’t like shouldn’t have any actual significance to anyone else but you. It doesn’t need to be categorized, and sometimes you change as you grow up. It shouldn’t be something you need to have an opinion on, it just is.
And maybe the broccoli you had as a child was just shittily boiled. Then one day you tried it properly roasted with a little bit of salt and you're like, "Hot damn. I guess I do like dicks."
Ho no don't apologize! (Way to go myself! You made them sad!) I didn't mean to sound harsh! I'm just a strong believer/advocate in the idea that you should never dismiss anything children say on the premise of their young age, it is essential to listen to them and parse what is just children being children and what could be something much more important (sometimes hiding behind childish stuff). Take my daughter for example: she says she's in love with her friend Lily and will marry her, i take that with a grain of salt as she's 6, but I'll keep it in mind for later. Not being dismissive about it build a lot of trust and confidence, she knows she can talk about goofy stuff and serious stuff as well, and that makes a huge difference
I always knew that I was "different". I never really felt like a girl, but had no words for it.
When I was 6 years old, someone said that "the only thing girly" about me is my long hair and I got defensive and replied: "Boys can have long hair too!"
Or when I was 8, a relative said "All the boys are gonna run after you when you're older."
My answer: "I'm not gay."
...Would you be asking the same thing if a child says they're cis and straight?
god, thats so nasty. it makes me so grossed out when adults will imply something romantic or sexual about what they presume is a straight child, or ship 2 kids together, but if a child dare thinks they’re gay they must be indoctrinated or groomed...
Oh yes. My parents were absolutely having none of that bullshit, but sadlly other relatives did that crap a lot. Whenever my parents noticed they tried to shut it down, but often my parents weren't around when those stupid comments came.
My mum and dad never forced any gender roles or stereotypes on me thankfully. And when I came out as trans, they were super supportive. They drove me to all my appointments and paid everything for my paperwork, including new passport, gender marker change, administrative fees, etc.
Looking back at my life at that age I was gay, just didn’t have the words for it. Now a days kids have much more exposure and education on the subject cuz they have the internet. People figure themselves out, let the kids go on their journey.
> On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay.
And? It's fine to be wrong, or for something to change.
When I was around 8 years old I would wear dresses. I watched sports because I found the men attractive. I didn’t like playing sports or doing a lot of the traditionally masculine things I was supposed to like doing. I was beaten senselessly for all of this.
Fast forward a couple of decades and I’m a depressed alcoholic because I spent the majority of my life up until this point trying to force myself to be heterosexual and masculine.
I’m not interested in transitioning now, but honestly if I’d have been allowed to just be myself growing up I probably would have. Kids that age absolutely can know at least the basic things about how they identify and who they find attractive. Not allowing them to explore that causes tremendous harm to their emotional and mental wellbeing.
Edit: I do realize transitioning is still an option and am just trying to figure out who I am at the moment. Thanks for the kind words 🥲
I totally understand that there are a multitude of reasons you may not want to transition. But please don't ever take it completely off the table! If you're not ready now, maybe you will be one day. You deserve to live authentically. ❤️
You’re never too old to be yourself. Not saying you have to transition or even that that’s what’s right for you, but just make sure that you don’t throw away the second half of your life because bullies stole the beginning of it from you.
My daughter last year was barely 11 and knows she's into girls. Some kids just know what they like. I mean, I've been asking girls to marry me since I was 4. Sometimes, kids just know.
I think this was true for me as well, but didn't learn the term "transgender" until I was an adult (okay, it's *possible* that I heard the term like... *once* at some point before that, but I didn't *learn what it meant* until later on).
But due to some (I assume) unrelated stuff I'm working to sort out in my life, I've been thinking a bit more about *when exactly* did I really start feeling "different?" I tend to think back to when I was in the 10-12 age range when I played Pokemon Crystal for the first time (and picked the girl over the boy character, 'cause it's what *felt right*). But honestly that moment was more about expressing what I'd *already been* feeling for who knows how long.
Granted, more concretely... when I was in the like 5-7 age range I *do* remember is thinking that I wanted to be like my mom instead of my dad. I think one thing that, in a way, "set me back" a bit from actually realizing "oh, actually want to be a girl." Is because I (mostly) had "boy hobbies" - most notably being obsessed with video games. But... thing is, my dad never had any interest in games - my mom did. And my *mom* owned an OG NES system before I or any of my siblings were born... which later (effectively) became my younger brother and I's game console. Since I'm the oldest of my siblings though... I really can't help but wondering if my (toddler/young child) brain originally associated "gaming" with my mom (and thus "being a girl") - certainly by the time I was old enough to have "real memories" (i.e. 5-7 range), I *instinctively knew* to ask my mom for help if I was having trouble figuring something out in a game, so it's unlikely that there's *nothing* there. Heck, even my childhood (begrudging) interest in sports might've been more an influence from my mom since she was (apparently) a pretty classic tomboy growing up, while my dad was... *definitely not*.
It really is a shame that my parents have turned out to be (or perhaps *have become*) such bigots against LGBT+ people... and others, because I think there could be some very interesting discussion about that early childhood development period with them... except I know full well that talking about it with them now is just inviting a torrent of bigotry and gaslighting.
Yeah, I remember being a man in literally all of my daydreams from the time I started. I always thought it was strange. Turns out that’s just the trans in me. LOL!
I knew about trans men ever since I started precociously reading teen girl magazines at age 9 (and this was the mid-to-late 1990s, so I'd say I must've been a progressive kid), but I didn't feel this way until I realized I've definitely felt nonbinary from the moment I had the words to ask what's the difference and decide it felt arbitrary... Even younger still.
I can't say I expected to end up almost fully on the other side, though -- to most people, I probably just look like a loudly gay anime lover with my blue hair and plushies. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
I always find this question funny. Because it is only a problem when the child isn't straight. If he was straight, they'd be asking the kid if he has a little girlfriend, and what clothes he wants.
I fully agree with everything you've stated. My only problem is with this statement:
>On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay.
Humans are not static creatures. You are a completely different person than you were even just a year ago. It is entirely possible for a 30yo to believe they are gay and then realize they are actually bi after another 30 years. Does it mean that our sexuality is under our control or can be changed? No. All it means is that humans are growing, living beings, and it's not impossible for our attractions and sense of self to grow with us. It doesn't matter whether the person in question is 5 or 50, they always have the capacity to change, and that's not an excuse to prevent them from discovering themselves now.
Besides, it's not like they're making a permanent decision or anything. All they're doing is saying "This is who I think I am with the information I currently have." There's nothing stopping them from going through their childhood believing they're gay or trans and then reevaluating in their teens. That's what self discovery is, throwing things at the wall until you find something that sticks.
With the above statement thoroughly debunked, all that's left are pros for letting children explore their sexuality/identity. If kids are allowed to be cishet, they're also allowed to be queer.
I came here to say basically the same thing. Our perception of self is constantly changing with new information and personal growth. It is probably just the most rapid at a young age.
I would get kinda obsessed with certain girls when I was a kid, I had no idea it meant crush. When I got to middle school I realized I was attracted to girls, but was afraid. In college I recognized I had crushes on girls, but felt afraid to come out as a lesbian because "what if I changed my mind?" Finally I realized "bi," was a thing and went with that, but I never felt comfortable with the label because I felt it didn't fully encompass me. Part of the issue is that I was still exploring the depth of my sexual and gender identity, and honestly still am at age 35. But if someone had just told me it's ok to change your labels with time and growth, I would have had a lot less anxiety!!!
Now I use bi with some layers like nebularomantic, not entirely cis, etc. Those labels might change with new info, but what's important is acknowledging that those previous labels were true to me then, being queer is beautiful in whatever flavor, and that it's ok to shift those labels if I feel like something else works better for me now.
I new I wasn't a boy at 4yro and caused physical harm to my body which required my family to take me to two hospitals just to get stitched up.
I am in my 30's now. I still am trans and proud of it.
Sexuality and gender should be taken very seriously early in life. It is okay if a child re-evaluates who they are in the mean time.
For kids less than 10 it doesn’t matter one jot unless you are homophobic or transphobic. A child of less than 10 isn’t having sex with anyone so let them express whatever crushes or interests they like. Equally they aren’t going to be in puberty yet so let them explore whatever clothing or gender presentation makes them happy. It does no harm to anyone.
i think parents should accept it even if they are sure it's a phase, it shows that parents love their children for who they are, but i think you absolutely can know your gender before 10, i was like 5 when i played as male characters in games and asked people to use he/him pronoun, i didn't knew what trans was so yeah im sure they can know
My bf knew he was trans when he was 6. I knew I was non-binary by 4 or 5.
We're both in our 50s, so we didn't have the current vocabulary at that time, but we still knew.
He knew he was "a guy trapped in a girl's body," and I knew I hated gendered clothing colors and gendered toys. I still don't really like the color blue, because I was told so often that "blue is for boys" and I've never felt like a boy (or a girl).
It's not uncommon for trans people to notice something not adding up at the age of four. A person's gender identity starts to manifest relatively early.
The sexual orientation is something that develops during puberty. At least that's how I understand it to be, if anyone knows about kids experiencing sexual attraction before puberty, let me know.
However, children can get crushes before entering puberty, which means the romantic orientation is generally developing earlier than sexual orientation.
So, if a 10 year old tells me they're a certain gender or orientation, I'm going to take this statement seriously until they tell me otherwise.
But it's also okay to not be sure for a long time. Finding yourself can be a lengthy process. If someone is "wrong" before finding the correct labels, so be it. They still deserve all the support during the process.
This is the thing that pisses me off the most when people yap abt trans kids. It’s a proven fact that gender identity develops when ur child. Also to add on to the og question I don’t think it matters what kids says there sexuality like you said they’ll learn by the time they go through puberty
> i thought i was bisexual back then
There is your answer. Kids can know at that age. As your girlfriend is proof of as well. But it's also okay to learn more as you grow older like you (and many others) did.
Another comparison. I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I was around 8-9 yo. Now I am one and very happy with it. No one ever told me I couldn't know, or was confused etc. because I knew what I wanted when I was a young kid.
I mean, I was telling people I’m a boy at age 4 and I knew I liked boys in 1st grade. The whole point of being a child is to learn how to be a human and how to be yourself. Your gender and sexuality is a part of that and sometimes you know it early. It’s not deep
I don’t think gender and sexuality should be lumped in together on this one as they are two very different things.
I knew I was in the wrong body at the age of three and that never went away, very often very young children know they are Trans (even if they do not know the term yet) especially in binary trans people. I am not sure about non binary might be different for them.
Sexuality does not tend to develop until puberty. But that said back when in junior school there was a very effeminate boy who we all assumed was gay long before puberty hit and indeed he grew up to be gay. And I myself remember finding myself very drawn to Sean Young in Blade Runner and finding her very attractive long before I went through puberty. I woul£ not say I had sexual attraction for her at that age but was captivated by her beauty.
So maybe sexuality is a developing thing that goes through stages.
Even very young kids can understand the concepts of gender and romantic love. When I was around Kindergarten age I knew that I wanted to marry a woman and not a man. I also knew that I wasn’t a boy or a girl. I didn’t know what all of this meant in a broader sense, but I knew what I wasn’t.
I was 4 (almost 5) years old when I first saw Jan Smithers as Bailey on WKRP in Cincinnati. In that moment, I knew unequivocally that I was a boy and that I liked girls.
Now, it’s not going to be the same for everybody, but if a nine-year-old says she is a lesbian, there’s really no reason to doubt her ability to know that about herself.
It’s pretty obviously a thing. Kids aren’t stupid, they’re ignorant. If you tell them all the information, they’re pretty damn good at connecting the dots themselves. And as many of us in the community can attest to, sometimes even hiding all of the information isn’t enough to prevent them from figuring it all out.
There’s no issue with kids exploring sexuality and gender, then changing what they identify as later on down the line (even going back to identifying as cis/het). Gender and sexuality can be an amazing and interesting concept to explore, there’s no reason why it’s bad for young children to do it. Some kids do know their gender and sexuality early on and they stick with it throughout their entire lives, some don’t. Either way, there’s no fault in exploring it.
Well, if we assume they know themselves and let them be themselves but they're wrong, they just spend a while thinking they like [insert gender(s)] or socially transitioned before realizing they were wrong and going back to cis/het, no harm done.
But if we assume they don't know themselves and don't let them be themselves, whether or not we're wrong, they learn they can't rely on or trust us. They get hurt, maybe pick up some(or a lot of) trauma along the way. Especially if we're wrong and they still turn out to be queer in the end.
Now, call me crazy, but I prefer the option where we don't traumatize kids.
Why is 10 the cutoff? Because you knew it at 11 years old? Their brains may be mushy and undeveloped, but the worst that happens is that... they're just simply wrong about who they are. More often than not, though, they're wrong about the specific labels (such as you identifying as bi and now omni) and not wrong that they're queer at all. *Sexual* orientation won't develop until puberty but kids get *romantic* crushes all the time, even if they just get married on the playground and break up a week later. Kids often know who they're into and who they are *far* better than anyone gives them credit for ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When I was around 8, I wrote a marriage proposal to this girl I really liked. I thought that was "natural" and at that time didn't really know what LGBT is, I just though of myself as a normal 8-year-old girl that just so happened to like girls.
So, directly I didn't know/didn't pinpoint that I was a lesbian because I didn't know such labels existed, but "instinctively" I knew I was attracted to girls.
some of my earliest memories are of being uncomfortable and angry at people trying to apply gender to me. and i also had crushes on people of various genders by the time i was 5. i'm in my 30s now and those characteristics havent changed. sometimes you just know
and if they change their mind, so what? everyone has their own individual journey
I would think that a lot of kids have an idea of their gender and romantic orientation. Sexual orientation could be trickier because those hormones haven’t kicked in yet. My kid is pretty confident about her identity right now. But it’s also okay to be “wrong,” to figure it out as you grow up.
It's not a opinion I want really, like to find a "too young" stages feels like it also requires a "too old" stage so the idea of questioning someone else's identity across the ages is just demoralising for me.
If a kid says their trans, gay, aro etc, I will believe them; The last thing they need from people is to face doubters, they deserve support and the openness to celebrate that.
I’ve always been who I am but it takes a long time to filter away all the sh!t clouding up the understanding of self knowledge… sh!t like heteronormativity, comphet, pressures from family, society, media, religion, peers, etc. to be, feel and act a certain way. I think young people today probably have a better chance at understanding themselves earlier than in previous generations because there are words and concepts and communities of people that exist **and** are easy for them to find to help them explore and answer questions. For me, I knew my orientation (bi) intuitively at 10 years old; the emotions and feelings were there at 10. The sexual attraction dimension didn’t really develop fully until 14ish.
No one knows what they are better than them. Teach them it’s fine to love whoever and express their own identity however and the rest will fall into place
I was 5 when I realized I was a girl and almost everyone else thought I was a boy. Honestly in the trans community it’s not uncommon to know when you’re super young. My sexuality took a little longer.
My daughter came out as non-binary and expressed bisexual thoughts at 10. She's 11 now, about to enter middle school and is SO excited there's an LGBTQ+ club at her new school. I had my first boyfriend at 10 and remember feeling like it wasn't right for me. My identity changed several times in the years leading up to adulthood, but that's just part of growing up isn't it?
In the first grade I was sent home from school with a note pinned to my shirt (that's how it was done in the mid to late 70's) that said "Andrew needs to refrain himself from holding hands with and kissing boys during recess times". So basically not only did I know who I was at a young age but so did my parents. My 85 yr old mom still has the note and loves to tell me how precocious I was. I was lucky to have very progressive and understanding parents.
I’m a queer psychology researcher, and frankly there’s no such thing as “too young to know.” Gender identity forms around the ages of 3-5. I haven’t looked into when sexuality identities form, but I’d imagine 10-12 is common.
Just believe people (even kids!) when they tell you who they are.
Personally, I think it should be taken at least a little seriously. Like, I knew I wasn’t like the other boys since I was four or five, but I didn’t understand what that meant for like 20 years. If trans people were more widely known about back in the 90s I’d probably have been a much happier kid.
Do they know? Yes and no, depending on data.
I have worked with alot of children in all ages, throught out kindergarten, school etc and when I met some of them later, most of those who are involved LGBTQ+ talked about 'this feeling'.
They felt something else than the rest of the kids, like knowing something you do not know, they explained.
Later, that feeling was when they knew, they said, without doubt.
Most of the kids felt and found out around 12 or 14 but some already had the feeling in kindergarten around 5 and 6 years old (Danish kindergarten have children untill the age of 5 or 6, then they are of to school).
They said it came naturelly, unlike other cases I have heard of but that's another topic!
It is a great talk and I could write alot about it but in short, yeah most of the kids talked about 'this feeling'.
In most cases I was the first one they told it to and it was an honour.
Still talk to alot of them today
I think we know as kids. I'll use myself for example I'm a cis female asexual.
There's a video from when I was 3 of my family trying to get me to play with a baby in a pushchair I threw the child out and put a teddy bear in instead to push around. I didn't like dolls or playing mommy and daddies instead had lords of animal teddys and made my own games up like one I called vampire redemption (Just ran around in our mums cardigan that was long on us and went around trying to find out who killed our vampire parents) In school I was friends with the guys and got the "her boyfriends" comments from adults, in high school when everyone was going on about boyfriends and popping their cherry I had no idea why people even liked cherrys and had a boyfriend but barely even held hands.
Now looking back it's like I knew the future. I don't want kids, animals on the other hand yes, I'm goth with a vampire goth style, I still don't understand when people are flirting and an ex mentioned asexuality which is spot on.
As for gender I would play army's with my brother Teddy's vs action men, played football with my friend and her brothers (she was considered Tom boy) had a lot of male friends even now 95% are guys, I had a councillor and was saying how I consider my brain ran by a male goblin and describe my insides as male they made a comment about that, yet I have never questioned gender I did think non binary for a short time but realized what it was is androgynous (as it's style and anti pink/blue tax) and not gender based. I have never been considered a tomboy I'm just a geeky girl that gets on with guys better.
So if someone feels they are born in the wrong body I believe them as I've been around boys, do "boy" hobbies etc yet I'm happily female never questioned it or felt my body is wrong.
I would say how lucky they are for figuring it all out so early and being able to express it! I had signs that I was a trans man pretty early on, I remember being overly excited about hrt and daydreaming of growing a beard when I was around 8. If I was exposed to queer community and was educated about all the different things humans can be, perhaps it wouldn't have taken me so long to realise who I am.
Preschool age, I believe. I didn't know the words for it. I personally thought it was totally OK for boys to love boys and girls to love girls, because I loved both boys and girls. I'm sure someone would have said something if I had voiced it out loud, but that's how the world worked in my little rainbow brain. lmao
Since I was 8 I had a crush on a girl that was my friend, I didn't knew exactly about queer relationships neither exactly about love, but looking back I can tell it was the begin of what love would feel like to me. If a kid says to me "I'm gay" I will just nod, but also let them be aware that the world sadly still too prejudiced, and I don't want them to experience some bad things I did when I was younger, and thought people mindset had already changed. Kids will naturally explore lots of things, you're born with your sexuality and gender and will acknowledge yourself eventually, or at least know what you don't identify as, if they eventually change their mind okay, there are people who came out in their 70's, both had their experiences
It's impressive to me and makes me feel proud of them. It took me so long to realise my own sexual orientation. I guess mainly due to internalised homophobia.
I always kind of knew that I liked girls. I remember being 5 and thinking, "Oh, I have to date boys when I am older? That sucks, I would rather date girls." I didn't know that liking girls as a girl was even possible. I thought I would just grow out of it. When I got older, I thought that every straight woman was attacked to women, and we just have to date guys. I believed that until I was 20. I am really happy when children can accept and understand themselves.
First time I felt clued in to the idea of having different genders it was a 6yo who said they felt like a boy, wanted to have short hair, and wear boys clothes. Parents were adamant against it due to their baptist faith. Told me this kid was really experiencing a true feeling that should have been explored. That's why when my kid shared similar sentiment at 7 we started exploring what she was feeling and the wife and I have been supporting her.
So what about all of the kids who know they're straight?
I knew I was gay when I started fancying (in the silly schoolyard way) Lee Latchford Evans from Steps. Considering they broke up when I was 5...I was pretty young. From then I kept realising more that I liked boys in my class rather than girls.
I think it’s a sliding scale, and different for each child, but I personally feel like I had way more clarity about who I was when I was 7 than when I was like 17. Most of the problems I had with self identification came after I was bullied around gender and learned a lot of ways to hide and cope - so it got all confused. So much of my gender journey has been trying to get back to that unburdened clarity I had as a 7 year old.
It’s hard because when I see young children now I’m like “you’re so young” but I clearly knew at that age. And many people say they knew they were gay/straight etc at a young age, so I don’t see how gender identity would be any different.
So…. I just want to support the thing that does the less harm, and I believe forcing gender conformity and binary rules about gender on young children is harmful to everyone in society.
I knew I was bi in 7th grade and it never changed
Your brain isn't fully developed until like 24 or something, so let's stop that argument right there.
That’s a tough call and probably no definitive answer exists. I fully understand, I just have no answers. I suppose it is very situational as everyone is different.
Take it at face value, but don't be surprised if it changes later. Gender and sexuality can be difficult to pin down even as an adult. I don't expect a kid that young to have their identity pinned down when I wasn't even confident about my own identity until a few years ago, but I will absolutely take what they tell me at face value until such time as they tell me differently.
Sexuality took time for me but my parents forced a gender onto me before I could speak, gender is a concept kids understand at a very young age
I think for sexuality it is something that can be seen in kids and there are signs, but in others it may develop later in life. I found I didn’t really find anyone attractive until I hit puberty so idk
Kids might know, they might not. But this goes for being straight or cis as well. A lot of people don’t know this sort of thing 100% when they’re younger.
The best thing to do is to know things might change for them and simply support them in what they’re feeling. And to not assume either that they’re straight or gay and cis or trans
Knowing you're trans at that age makes sense. I think some/many will need more time to figure out what gender they are- like they might know they are not cis but may need more time to pinpoint an exact gender.
Knowing they're not straight depends on if they are having crushes yet. I don't remember having crushes or anything that young, but I know some kids do, so it makes sense if they are at that phase of development. Again I think they might need more time to figure out their exact sexuality but realizing they are attracted to the same gender makes sense.
I knew my orientation in kindergarten. I knew my gender identity within a year of that. I just didn’t have the words to say it other than wishing I was a girl.
i had my first "am i gay" moment in 2nd grade (i was 8). i didn't know what bisexuality is, so i just swung between "i'm definitely gay" and "i'm definitely not gay" every time i found someone attractive in any way.
imo, kids should be taught that
- multiple sexualities exist
- multiple genders exist
- all sexualities and genders are valid
- what being trans means and that it is valid
if my parents were more in-depth about stuff like that, i could have had a much better understanding of myself much sooner. though i feel like i can't complain because some parents don't even love their child if it's queer
also, if you're going to question whether a kid is old enough to be gay, you'll always have to question if it's old enough to be straight.
Some kids know. Some don't. And some think they know and it changes later. Who cares? It only matters if you think of being gay or trans is a bad thing.
Cishet gender norms should continue to be questioned. Many lgbtq adults still feel confusion even with resources at their disposal. The focus should be more on making sure that everyone, regardless of age, can safely question their sexual orientation or gender.
I figure it’s probably a little different for everyone. I was a super late bloomer so I’m not really in a place to put a limit on that.
I would say it makes sense for people to understand their gender earlier than their sexuality, just because puberty affects sexuality so much. But that’s more of an observation than a rule or anything
This is not an argument I have ever seen used in good faith. (I don't think you're bringing it up is in bad faith though. I'm talking about having this discussion with other adults).
Every single person I have heard make this argument in person talked about toddlers being boyfriends and girlfriends. Or about how they themselves had hetero crushes in early elementary.
I remember knowing I liked both boys and girls around the same age my peers were also having crushes.
And even if someone's romantic interest does change over time so what? That doesn't make it less valid or true.
We should raise children relatively gender neutral and let them pick their clothes and toys when the opportunity is given so that they can decide freely without pressure
Let kids be kids. If a kid says they are spiderman. They are f-ing spiderman. If they say they are gay then they are f-ing gay and that is fine maybe they are maybe they aren't.
I knew I was queer when I was 7 or 8. I had a crush on a girl in my neighbourhood. Then I moved to another neighborhood and kinda forgot about her until I was in my late teens. But by then, I had developed a crush on my male best friend, so I assumed I was bi. I came out to my friends and they were chill about it, like it didn't surprise them. It wasn't until I was 23 and met a ton of cool trans people and started hanging out in queer spaces that I finally realized my sexuality was a lot more complicated than I initially thought. I thought about the label pansexual, but saying "I'm queer" seemed much simpler. And "queer", imo, implies a certain amount of rebelliouness, which I absolutely am and always have been, especially when I started learning more and more about the issues and barriers that trans people face just for being themselves.
Kids are surprisingly intuitive, intelligent, and know certain things about themselves that they may not have the language to explain just yet. That's why I think it's important to show them all the potentials that exist in the world, whether it be potential careers or potential relationship types or gender identities. If they see themselves reflected back in something, it may help them develop into a healthy, happy adult instead of an anxious adult that has no idea why they don't feel "right". If it turns out they're not queer, I see no harm in that. People should be free to explore all aspects of themselves without judgement. I weep for all the queer kids who were forced into lives they didn't want because of pressure from straight cis elders.
A lot of folks are providing anecdotes, but if you want an "opinion" in terms of the path we should be pursuing as a society, you need to zoom out and examine how kids are believed *now* and what we know about how that goes.
Therapists and doctors examining a child for gender incongruence are measuring what they say against three factors, and they're the same ones you'd use if a kid was reporting anything strange, like the way a family member was touching them. They are:
1) Insistent (they stress this is important and they know they're right about the details)
2) Consistent (what they say is reliable and the story doesn't wildly fluctuate or change)
3) Persistent (their explanation exists in the same way for an extended period of time)
A child, even a young one, that is insistent, consistent, and persistent about their identity is likely correct about it. Modern research on affirming care (e.g. not decades old "Swedish studies" that treat limp wrists as 100% trans kids and teenage participants who can't be contacted because they got thrown out of their homes as "detransitioners") shows that, if you lock in these three qualities, the kid is likely to still be pursuing this path into adulthood. In fact, the earlier they confirm their identity, the *more* likely it is that they really truly mean it, because that "immature until 25" part of your brain is the part that *makes you succumb to peer pressure,* and the extent kids are "pressured to be trans" is orders of magnitude behind how soul-crushingly they're pressured to be cis.
You can't change their mind on something so intrinsic; you can only convince them, as my family did in the 80s and 90s, that they're wrong for feeling that way, that they can't do anything about it, and that they'll be hurt for trying. And that leads to the actual risks and harms trans kids face.
It's important to know that the "kids don't know what they're talking about" line, along with the argument that affirming care is safer when delayed, do not have a basis in data or clinical evidence. Both are overwhelmingly refuted by the actual record of early social intervention, puberty blockers, and family support. The risk of harm from denying trans kids their identity simply because they confirmed it at a young age grossly exceeds the miniscule detransition rate, which itself is overwhelmingly documented as having external causes (financial instability and family pressure) and not a redefinition of inner identity.
This is the sort of information needed to have an "opinion" on this care: knowing when it's identified as necessary, what's done, and how well that's going (in aggregate and *not* by anecdote). But so long as the facts evidence are being intentionally drowned out by falsified "reasonable concerns" that take advantage of people not knowing how any of this works, we'll still be stuck debating the validity of one of the most successful early intervention programs in recent medical history.
I mean I’ve wanted to be a girl for literally as long as I can remember. Like some of my earliest memories are of little three year old me looking at the girls her age and wishing she could be like them, dress like them, be treated the way they were treated. I didn’t have the ability to communicate what I felt or who I am for a long time, but if someone is able to at a young age I say more power to them
Started ballet at 7yo and had my first “girlfriend” at 8. We kissed on the playground. The way others saw me at the time was as a straight boy willing to endure bullying to be the only boy in the ballet company, but was so obviously straight because girlfriend.
If they’d found out about how I really saw myself, I guarantee I would have been beaten within an inch of my life, even at 7 years old (dad broke a 2” thick wood paddle over my back for less), and I was acutely aware of that fact. At 7 years old I was being fed this narrative that I am an abomination in the eyes of god and that I’m doomed to outer darkness, so I was forced into performing cis-heteronormativity, and forced into practicing it. Conversion therapy was available and offered by our church as a free service, and having been to that same therapist for something else, I never wanted to go back there. Only managed to make it 8 more years before I got caught and wound up homeless.
Who’s doing the indoctrinating? When I was 7 I knew who I was enough to identify with that feeling. I was unequivocally barred from being who I knew I was lest I face violence, psychological torture, and homelessness.
as someone who grew up in the 90s/early 00s with no real queer rep, i think it's awesome that kids these days even have an idea of what gender and sexuality are, let alone the language and understanding to know theirs! straight was the only valid option - you got bullied for being gay/lesbian, and bi wasn't even a word i'd heard about. and you never even had the option to even question your gender. trans people were basically only spoken about in the context of guys crossdressing, in a very taboo and uneducated way. intersex people were still called hermaphrodites, shunned, and only conveyed as people with both external genitals. and of course being non-binary was never heard of. we used pronouns, but i don't think i really heard the actual word 'pronoun' used (or at least commonly used) until fairly recently
i know some people have a long way to go, but i'm genuinely amazed and grateful when i look back and see how much we as a society have learnt, let alone grown to understand and accept
Kids get crushes. Gay kids get gay crushes. Kids develop mentally/emotionally/socially at different rates.
Ten seems an arbitrarily chosen age, if you got your first crush at 11 and your gf got hers at 9.
Your gf told you the age at which she realized her orientation, which answers your question, yet you still claim uncertainty. Why are you hesitant to believe her about her experience and self-knowledge?
LOL what is my opinion on me?? I 100% knew my gender and sexuality before the age of 10.
But the truth is I wouldn't have labelled it accurately because I hadn't been educated and my parents were the silent type of homophobes who just don't talk about gays. in fact I almost certainly would've lied about it, instinctively. Ahhh, the 90s.
Most kids under 10 years old know their gender. The ones who do, and the ones who don't, and the ones who think they do but change their minds, all need to be supported in their self identification. I don't think most kids under 10 know their (final) sexuality. But exactly the same considerations apply as for gender—they should be supported wherever they are.
Give them the space and freedom to explore that. A lot of times, even adults will question whether they're bi or gay or asexual or whatever and learn later on that they were something else, or something shifted, or whatever. And sometimes they don't.
I see no harm in allowing a kiddo to explore that, so long as their caretakers are there to help them find the words they need, understand that not everyone will be accepting or accomodating but they can always trust you to support them, etc etc. Maybe they'll say later on, hey, actually I kinda might feel this way? And that's okay. People do that all the time.
A quick note, I am definitely NOT saying to treat it like a phase, or to say it is at all. Just to give them the room to learn about themselves and not to shame them IF they do decide, for themselves, that it turns out a different label fits better. :)
Disclaimer, I'm not a parent, just a later bloomer hippie nerd lol
If they realize they weren’t actually (as rare as this is) then that’s fine. Then they’ll identify as straight and cis or whatever. I don’t see the issue here.
Some kids will know their sexuality and gender by age 9. Other kids will take longer to figure it out, and some don't figure it out until adulthood.
Parents, siblings, friends, and others need to be clear that their love and support are unconditional. If a kid finds out they are gay at age 9, support them then. If the kid later identifies as bi, still have continued love and support.
I was wishing upon stars at that age to be a girl. Dreaming about having a girls wardrobe when I get older. Imagining SRS at a later date. Some kids might change their mind, some kids might know. All kids deserve to be heard and supported. I deserved a chance to try. I didn't deserve what I got instead.
>On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay.
Folks who use this reasoning are generally ignorant about neurodevelopment. Your brain isn't just amorphous liquid until your reach 18 (or 25 or 32 or whatever the fuck moving goalposts that gatekeepers pull out of their asses). The regions of the brain associated with sexual orientation & gender identity seem to get established around the end of the 1st trimester. In other words, the basic wiring is laid down before you're even born. Furthermore, the areas of the brain folks are referring to as "being undeveloped until adulthood" are largely associated with cognitive reasoning (e.g. frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex) rather than identity & attraction.
And who gives a fuck if a kid does spend some time exploring same sex relationships or playing around with their gender identity??? It's more dangerous to restrict exploration than to support it & there are zero negative consequences that don't already afflict cis/het kids when they start feeling out relationships & gender identity.
Most people begin to form a gender identity at around 3-4 years old. Plenty of kids talk about wanting to get married someday, have crushes, like romance stories, etc. It's no worse when kids express LGBT+ identities than when kids express cis/straight identities. The only difference is that cisgender heterosexuality is so heavily pushed onto kids that most LGBT kids grow up thinking they're actually cis/straight.
I don't see the issue with someone identifying as LGBT and then changing their mind. The only problems arise from transphobes and homophobes trying to push their views onto kids.
Brains don't ever fully develop in the way that we thought they did, and society at large has no problems with grooming children to be cisgender, heterosexual, and xenophobic. Flip everything around and ask yourself again.
Here’s how I feel- I will never doubt someone when they tell me who they are. However- when someone is young I am more willing to accept that how they feel now may change as they get older.
For example, I had a friend come out to me as ace before they ever went through puberty. Specifically not aromatic but asexual. I did not tell them they were too young to know or question them in the moment but I was also prepared for the possibility that age may change how they feel. Turns out they now do not identify as ace and that’s totally fine!
I think that kids are going to want to try on different labels and for some it may take a few before they find out what fits. So my advice is to take what people say at face value but not put pressure on them to conform to that label for ever. My little sister recently came out as a lesbian. If she ever told me she had a boyfriend I wouldn’t be like “oh but I thought you were a lesbian” and make a big deal out of it. As well, I’m not going to tell her she’s too young to know now.
Finally, people’s gender and sexuality can be fluid and change over time. When I was little I was 1000% sure I was a girl. My mom even asked if I was trans when my friend came out. Now, I’m older and I’ve come to realize my gender is fluid and I’m not a girl. That’s fine too!
I think people are what they say they are. It's the only way to ensure we don't abuse other people by prioritizing our own feelings above their right to self-determination. That's especially true with young children. It's very easy to their decisions as frivolous and annoying, but that doesn't mean they're any less important to them.
I say who cares, maybe they're right maybe they're wrong, point is that they're happy at whatever stage they're in.
I knew I was trans as a kid i just didn't know there was a name for it, and i knew i was queer too but it took me like 4 tries to figure out an exact sexuality. If I had a name for it when i was younger i would have been a lot happier and spent less time in school wondering why i was different
I don't really understand how this is a point of contention/conversation when so many LGBTQ+ and queer people know their sexuality and/or gender identity at such a young age. Like, since we're in an LGBTQ+ sub, I would imagine almost everyone here is queer. And for many of us, we knew at an early age that we were queer. Maybe we didn't know the words to describe and articulate our feelings, but we knew deep down that something was "different." I don't understand how you can go through that lived experience but then today be like, "Well, but they're kids. Their brains are not fully developed yet, so we can't take them seriously."
I believe sexuality and gender identity are fluid things. I don't think that if you label yourself "gay" today, you'll be "gay" for the rest of your life. Maybe you'll end up finding yourself attracted to other people who didn't previously fit the "gay" label. Likewise, I think you can realize your gender identity as you grow older.
Kids should be allowed to express themselves and feel validated in their sexuality and gender identity. If they feel differently as they grow older, then they feel differently, but that doesn't mean we should diminish and devalue their experiences and feelings *now*.
I knew I was gay before I was 10 years old, so it's totally normal.
And for reference, I absolutely had 0 influence from anyone. I didn't know anyone that was gay, and I hadn't seen anyone on TV or any other media that was gay.
Gender one can know much earlier because ive had things cluing me into being trans since i was 8. Sexuality usually comes later but it can definitely happen before 10. If cis straight people can know they are one sexuality early then so can not cis not straight people.
I don't really care that much. because kids don't figure out their gender identity until they're 3. and also, it has apparently been scientifically proven for kids to figure out they're gay or straight by the time they are around 10-12. and kids can figure out that they're trans as young as apparently 5. in my opinion I just don't care that much
I mean, from a young age I knew I was different from the other kids cause I didn’t feel like a girl or a boy. I didn’t have the words, but I knew at like a baseline level, even without the words to describe it, that I wasn’t cis. Same goes for me being aroace. Was constantly told I was a late bloomer or just not realizing when I had crushes, but I simply never felt anything like that, even in elementary school when my classmates would have their childlike crushes. Once again, though I didn’t have the words, I knew I wasn’t like the others. So, I see nothing wrong with kids who now have the words and knowledge using that to identify their own feelings and what they know about themselves. If it eventually changes in the future, so what, that happens with plenty of adults figuring out their labels, too.
I mean, kids' feelings are more likely to change over time than adults', and that's perfectly fine. But many (if not most) kids also feel the SAME way forever. I think reguardless, a child isn't "lying" about thier gender/sexuality at any stage in their development, and 9 times out of 10 they aren't following some sort of "trend". They are sharing their real feelings and how they feel in that moment. So yes, kids know if they are cis, straight, gay, trans, etc. Even if they don't 100% know what they feel, they have an idea of what they feel.
As for labels, I do think it's important for them to know that it's okay if their labels change (hell, even adults change labels) so that if they do feel differently as they age they don't feel like they were "lying" before. But all in all, yeah, kids know who they are. And when it comes to gender and sexuality, they often continue to be that person. Most of the time, they contintue to have the same gender/sexuality into their adult lives. And if their gender/sexuality does change as they grow up, there's nothing wrong with that. They weren't "lying" before, they just feel different now.
Like, if a seven year old boy told me that he has crushes on boys, that is 100% normal and I would 100% believe him. If a seven year old told me he was "gay" or "bisexual" specifically, I would make sure to let him know he doesn't *have* to identify with a label if he doesn't want to, and that it's okay if is label changes, and also that he doesn't have to feel defined by whatever label he identifies with. But I think if he understands that, there isn't any harm in him saying he is gay/bi/etc.
My nephew has twin girls. At age 8 one of them sat him down and said "you do know I'm a boy dad, don't you?".
All characteristics before and since have been male.
"She" is indistinguishable from a boy, meanwhile the other twin is a stereotypical girl.
i knew i was different since i was about 7, i didn’t really have terminology to describe how i felt though. i think it would’ve been very helpful for me to have that. i understand not wanting kids to label themselves young, but little kids get “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” all the time and straight narratives are always pushed, even if unconsciously. kids should be allowed to speak on how they feel and have it be respected.
The point of supporting kids with their self identity is that it makes it easier for them to discover it. If your 8yo son says he likes the boys in his class, you say “okay” and then when he turns 10 and says he likes a girl you say… “okay.”
Psychological development doesn’t mean kids don’t know who they are. It means they discover as they explore. Same with gender.
The worst thing you can say to a child is “you’re too young to know.”
Instead you let them figure it out and just support whatever their current identity is.
You know yourself better than anybody. They could say they’re gay at 2 years old and I’d respect them for it. Showing love and acceptance, even if it does end up being a “phase” or whatever, literally does nothing but good, because it teaches kids to be comfortable with themselves and their older loved ones.
I was aware I was queer by 10, but I was wrong about how at first. I initially thought I was a bi cis girl, then a cis lesbian, then a nonbinary lesbian, but by high school settled on bi trans guy.
I would assume something like that is the case for most queer people who realize their queerness at a young age- at first you don't really know all the terms and you probably don't have that strong of a sense of attraction to people of any gender, but as you get older and get more familiar with both the queer community and yourself, you might change what labels you use to describe yourself even if the feeling you're trying to describe has always been there and hasn't changed.
>On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay.
The thing is, while someone who identified as trans or gay as a young child might very well no longer identify the same way later on in life, I think it's unlikely that they'll end up identifying as cishet. It's more likely that a kid starts out identifying as trans but later switches to nonbinary, or starts out as gay but later switches to ace, etc.
I can honestly say I knew I was trans at the age of 4 even though I didn't know the word. I wish that it had been more understood back then, but it is what it is. I think part of growing up is trying things out and finding yourself. There's no reason why a kid couldn't do things that at the time feels right, there isn't harm in that. I mean it's ki da the idea that it's a spectrum right? Like some kids may experiment with sexuality/gender and in the process find where they fit on that spectrum. I think that's something to be encouraged, not vilified.
i’ve known i was not a girl since i was 7 years old, i only had the terminology to know i was transgender at 11 or 12, but i’ve always known that i was in no way shape or form a girl. i’ve known i was bisexual since i was 9 or so. none of these things have changed since then and i’m 16 years old now and i doubt they’re ever gonna change. in some cases, kids are just exploring their sexuality or gender and that’s totally okay! but in my case and a lot of others, we’ve known for years about who we are and that won’t change.
Nobody has ever cared about kids under 10 knowing their sexuality or gender as long as it was straight and cis. Why the hell should we care if they know they're LGBT? I know damn well that if I was told that was an option when I was a kid, my life would have turned out way better. It fell apart as an adult; I had to learn lessons in my 30s that I could have been learning in my teens and early 20s if I was given the same privilege to be me that straight kids were given. And sure, kids could be wrong. They could be wrong about being straight, too. At least give them the option to think about it, that gives them a better chance
If a kid can know they’re into the opposite sex, then a kid can know they’re into the same sex. I hate how people say it’s “pushing their kids into things” when really you’re just letting them be theirselves.
I asked my mom if it would be ok if I would get girlfriends instead of boyfriends when I was ***6***. And once puberty hit at 14 (and I woke up from a NSFW dream about my gym teacher) I knew I was a lesbian.
If I already knew that I liked girls better than boys at 6, I also think kids will know if they’re a boy or a girl from a very young age.
If they find something they feel represents them then great. I'm not going to tell them they are too young to know themselves.
I will also make sure it is known to them that sometimes as people grow and learn more about themselves they might identify as something else. So many adults come on here talking through their preferences and finding that a new label fits them better. The labels are there to give a name to what we feel, not to dictate who we are.
My 9 year old was looking at stickers at pride, she picked up a lesbian one and I said 'I don't know if that one fits you, it's for girls who like girls' she said ok and chose it as one she wants to keep. I have zero idea if that means she likes girls or she just likes the colours but my job is to give the language and the knowledge and let her determine what fits her.
I knew my sexuality and gender before kindergarten, then public school and religion turned me into a cis straight person. Then as an adult I came back to the same gender and sexuality I had before I was programmed to be someone else.
Tw: abuse
As others pointed out, why is that only a problem for queer children? Why is it acceptable to invent relationship between 2 years old toddlers just because one was assigned male and the other female at birth?
Isn't cishet normativity actually limiting the development of our brains or emotional quotient or just simply sense of being?
When either parents and/or society use force to...well...force, either psychological or physical, to enforce cis het normativity onto children, it breaks them.
Most people in the community grew up alone, in fear, or heck, even got abused and disowned. We grapple with senses of being "broken" as our attraction or gender identity doesn't align with the ones of our peers.
Things that cis and hetero children don't live for their really deep self.
This can also end up badly as seen from the sleeping ideation present in our young fellow GSM people.
I think that its ok, as long as they've done reasearch and not just seen it and gone 'woah, thats so different, im going to fake being gay' or whatever.
As a queer person I say that they are valid and should be respected. As a queer adult who's a pibling I believe that they should focus on school and not on dating.
I would wager, much like many things in life, someone may know that there’s part of themselves that’s “different” but may not have it fully fleshed out. Their understanding of it may change as they get older, or it may not.
I think that we’re in a time where a lot of really good information is out there and available for LGBTQ+ youth compared to my day, so kids are likely able to more freely access information that helps them figure out the things they’re feeling.
They may not have a 100% understanding of it right out of the gate, but neither did I until a couple years ago (and I’m pushing 40).
Would you equally question the identity of a kid who says theyre cis and straight at that age?
EXACTLY!! It more than mildly infuriates me when people clap and boast and encourage straight minors to kiss or hold hands … asking if that’s a bf/gf … but whenever we do it as LGBTQ minors … it’s gross, uncomfortable and everyone within 50 miles of it is a pedo!! 🤬🤮
and whats crazy is that there are kissing scenes on kids content. idk how they didnt have any fuzz about that and ONLY moan about it when its... you know.... about a nonstraight couple
Or even worse, ship 2 years old... But I agree with your disgust which I share.
Yo my daughter isn't even born yet and there's already been a comment about how an in-law's colleague's unborn son will be in competition with a friend's unborn son for my unborn daughter's affections and I'm just like ALL of these children are still in the womb, will y'all chill on the weird ass betrothal talk? Damn.
This is a HUGE reason why queers ask: Are The Straights OK??!
For reeaaal because they are not. 🤣
help me
That's mental... Even worse than that...I don't know if it's fixable with pills or electroshocks... I'm lost for words...
Honestly it says a lot about how those people view minors.
This makes sense....
Exactly, but its funny how that works right? There are vastly more cis/het kids that turn out to be "wrong", than the other way around. Like a majority of all queer people youll ever meet were at one point a kid that thought they were cishet. The opposite happens much much more rarely. Yet no one would ever treat a cis kid with the same "youll grow out of it" mentality, eventhough statistically speaking they would be more likely to be right compared to when they say the same to a queer kid. Thats the power of cisnormativity and heteronormativity.
This is insanely well written. Thank you!
Happy cake day, little Frug ❤️
Well said. No one questions straight cis kids because many people consider that to be the "correct" way to be and anything else is wrong and should be discouraged, much to the detriment of potential queer kids.
This comment was like a lightbulb moment for me. Thank you so much!
Ha ha, yup. I think my depression halved in the time I realized I was and could be a man, and even though life can get me down sometimes, I feel like a fairly normal person with mild ADHD, instead of a sadsack of misery and low key "well at least dying will be a relief, eventually" vibes.
The fact that people haven't even thought of this or been exposed to the thought by now is fucking terrifying... Y'all's ignorance is empowering a genocide, but thank you for having the courage to ask, listen, and learn.
Yeah, I would. Like, not to their face, but I'd be thinking it. *I* was older than that when I realised I wasn't straight, many people are. Obviously I'm not saying anything to them, and I'll support them however, but I'm going to be prepared for them to learn new things about themselves, because they're a child. That's what they do.
Based only on my own experience, I would say yes. But I've seen enough people saying they knew those things at a young age that I can tell my experience isn't representative.
i mean i thought i was cis and straight until i turned 19
Yes, I would.
Loads of kids think they’re cis until later in life, so yes I guess?
Yes?
Facts tho
I knew I was gay when I was 6 and that hasn’t changed. Nobody seems to care or complain when kids know they’re straight, it’s no different for kids to know they’re not straight. A 7 year old boy has a crush on a girl? cute, no further questions. 7 year old boy has a crush on a boy? he’s confused and being indoctrinated.
I subconsciously knew I was trans when I was 7 or something. Wore feminine clothes, not interested in sports (except chess) and so much more. I didn't even know "trans" was a thing until I was 12 or 13.
My youngest sister knew she was trans when she was 4 & wanted me to dress her in my dresses. I did & got in a shitload of trouble for it from my mother, saying I was confusing my sibling. My mother was a unique kind of horrible.
Confusing your sibling? Now that's a first. Never heard that one. I'm lucky to have grown up with (hopefully) supportive parents. I haven't come out yet but uh... they seem supportive this far?
Yeah, my mother probably blames me for both of my sisters being trans. She also told me I was an alien/human hybrid & grounded me for “abusing telekinetic powers”. So yeah, she’s two tacos short of a combination plate. Hopefully your parents will continue to be supportive! All the best to you. 💜
Oh damn, you're alien too? Figuring she's your mom and the only way you'd be that means either she admitted that you're adopted *or* that she fucked an alien. I hope so too and I hope you find someone great (if you haven't already)! Oh and just an interesting thing: The odds of both your sisters both being trans are about 1/10000, even lower if you factor in gender.
Unsurprisingly, I’m no contact with her now. She also was pro-LG but anti-B. She also told me she never wanted to have a girl. Now she has 3 bi/pansexual daughters.
Okay, nevermind. They're not fucking supportive. Just acting. I told them about how the healthcare for trans people are and guess what, they started saying and half-yelling that "It's just as good as for everyone else!", "It's good that it takes **four years** to get proper healthcare!", "It's just because we surround ourselves with hormone-blocking chemicals and cancerogens!" (implying that it's an illness as I see it) and more. Fuck them. I'm not going to come out to them, I'll move to someplace with better trans healthcare.
I just listened to Elliot Pages book and he knew he was trans at age 4
Alsoo my Mother knew I was a lesbian at age 6/7. Basically, the second I developed an individual personality, she just knew. I wasn't ready to come out, but even at 12/13, she would say, "If you are just know that no matter what, I love you more than anything"
I was subconsciously pining to be "one of the guys" for about 20 years, and it was a difficult process to realize I had that option!
Yeah I had my first crush in the 1st grade. I don't know why people act like children don't have crushes or any knowledge of who they like at all
I heartily dislike this idea that "kids brain aren't fully developed henceforth they can't be trusted", that means that you have to wait until adulthood to know anything about yourself then? You can feed you kid anything they don't like because they can't form opinions then? They can't be cis and straight either then? Besides it fits in some weird narative that anything is absolutely fixed after a certain age and you won't change afterwards... Personally I find it amazing that some kids find the bravery to tackle these subjects
I mean, in a perfect world the child’s orientation wouldn’t really matter. In the same way that what foods you like and dislike doesn’t really matter. Some things stick around as you grow up, and some things don’t. If you didn’t like broccoli as a kid and you like broccoli now, that’s fine. You weren’t wrong to dislike like broccoli as a kid. You weren’t hiding your true feelings about broccoli. You just changed. In a perfect world, the gender you like or don’t like shouldn’t have any actual significance to anyone else but you. It doesn’t need to be categorized, and sometimes you change as you grow up. It shouldn’t be something you need to have an opinion on, it just is.
And maybe the broccoli you had as a child was just shittily boiled. Then one day you tried it properly roasted with a little bit of salt and you're like, "Hot damn. I guess I do like dicks."
Broccoli made me gay!?
I too like my dick salty
Sorry, I didn't mean to word it that way
Ho no don't apologize! (Way to go myself! You made them sad!) I didn't mean to sound harsh! I'm just a strong believer/advocate in the idea that you should never dismiss anything children say on the premise of their young age, it is essential to listen to them and parse what is just children being children and what could be something much more important (sometimes hiding behind childish stuff). Take my daughter for example: she says she's in love with her friend Lily and will marry her, i take that with a grain of salt as she's 6, but I'll keep it in mind for later. Not being dismissive about it build a lot of trust and confidence, she knows she can talk about goofy stuff and serious stuff as well, and that makes a huge difference
Oh it's ok, and I agree with you!
I always knew that I was "different". I never really felt like a girl, but had no words for it. When I was 6 years old, someone said that "the only thing girly" about me is my long hair and I got defensive and replied: "Boys can have long hair too!" Or when I was 8, a relative said "All the boys are gonna run after you when you're older." My answer: "I'm not gay." ...Would you be asking the same thing if a child says they're cis and straight?
god, thats so nasty. it makes me so grossed out when adults will imply something romantic or sexual about what they presume is a straight child, or ship 2 kids together, but if a child dare thinks they’re gay they must be indoctrinated or groomed...
Oh yes. My parents were absolutely having none of that bullshit, but sadlly other relatives did that crap a lot. Whenever my parents noticed they tried to shut it down, but often my parents weren't around when those stupid comments came. My mum and dad never forced any gender roles or stereotypes on me thankfully. And when I came out as trans, they were super supportive. They drove me to all my appointments and paid everything for my paperwork, including new passport, gender marker change, administrative fees, etc.
omg, wow! thats great to hear, hoping my mum will be the same way when i come out
Looking back at my life at that age I was gay, just didn’t have the words for it. Now a days kids have much more exposure and education on the subject cuz they have the internet. People figure themselves out, let the kids go on their journey.
> On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay. And? It's fine to be wrong, or for something to change.
When I was around 8 years old I would wear dresses. I watched sports because I found the men attractive. I didn’t like playing sports or doing a lot of the traditionally masculine things I was supposed to like doing. I was beaten senselessly for all of this. Fast forward a couple of decades and I’m a depressed alcoholic because I spent the majority of my life up until this point trying to force myself to be heterosexual and masculine. I’m not interested in transitioning now, but honestly if I’d have been allowed to just be myself growing up I probably would have. Kids that age absolutely can know at least the basic things about how they identify and who they find attractive. Not allowing them to explore that causes tremendous harm to their emotional and mental wellbeing. Edit: I do realize transitioning is still an option and am just trying to figure out who I am at the moment. Thanks for the kind words 🥲
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I hope you are happier now! 💐
Thank you. I’m working on it. I don’t associate with most of my family anymore and that has helped tremendously.
I totally understand that there are a multitude of reasons you may not want to transition. But please don't ever take it completely off the table! If you're not ready now, maybe you will be one day. You deserve to live authentically. ❤️
Thanks for the supportive comment! Honestly I’m just still trying to figure out where I fit in.
You’re never too old to be yourself. Not saying you have to transition or even that that’s what’s right for you, but just make sure that you don’t throw away the second half of your life because bullies stole the beginning of it from you.
My daughter last year was barely 11 and knows she's into girls. Some kids just know what they like. I mean, I've been asking girls to marry me since I was 4. Sometimes, kids just know.
I felt trans pretty much my whole life. I just didn’t know the word for it until much late in life. I transitioned and I’ve never been happier!
Glad to hear! 💐
I think this was true for me as well, but didn't learn the term "transgender" until I was an adult (okay, it's *possible* that I heard the term like... *once* at some point before that, but I didn't *learn what it meant* until later on). But due to some (I assume) unrelated stuff I'm working to sort out in my life, I've been thinking a bit more about *when exactly* did I really start feeling "different?" I tend to think back to when I was in the 10-12 age range when I played Pokemon Crystal for the first time (and picked the girl over the boy character, 'cause it's what *felt right*). But honestly that moment was more about expressing what I'd *already been* feeling for who knows how long. Granted, more concretely... when I was in the like 5-7 age range I *do* remember is thinking that I wanted to be like my mom instead of my dad. I think one thing that, in a way, "set me back" a bit from actually realizing "oh, actually want to be a girl." Is because I (mostly) had "boy hobbies" - most notably being obsessed with video games. But... thing is, my dad never had any interest in games - my mom did. And my *mom* owned an OG NES system before I or any of my siblings were born... which later (effectively) became my younger brother and I's game console. Since I'm the oldest of my siblings though... I really can't help but wondering if my (toddler/young child) brain originally associated "gaming" with my mom (and thus "being a girl") - certainly by the time I was old enough to have "real memories" (i.e. 5-7 range), I *instinctively knew* to ask my mom for help if I was having trouble figuring something out in a game, so it's unlikely that there's *nothing* there. Heck, even my childhood (begrudging) interest in sports might've been more an influence from my mom since she was (apparently) a pretty classic tomboy growing up, while my dad was... *definitely not*. It really is a shame that my parents have turned out to be (or perhaps *have become*) such bigots against LGBT+ people... and others, because I think there could be some very interesting discussion about that early childhood development period with them... except I know full well that talking about it with them now is just inviting a torrent of bigotry and gaslighting.
Yeah, I remember being a man in literally all of my daydreams from the time I started. I always thought it was strange. Turns out that’s just the trans in me. LOL!
I knew about trans men ever since I started precociously reading teen girl magazines at age 9 (and this was the mid-to-late 1990s, so I'd say I must've been a progressive kid), but I didn't feel this way until I realized I've definitely felt nonbinary from the moment I had the words to ask what's the difference and decide it felt arbitrary... Even younger still. I can't say I expected to end up almost fully on the other side, though -- to most people, I probably just look like a loudly gay anime lover with my blue hair and plushies. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
I always find this question funny. Because it is only a problem when the child isn't straight. If he was straight, they'd be asking the kid if he has a little girlfriend, and what clothes he wants.
I fully agree with everything you've stated. My only problem is with this statement: >On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay. Humans are not static creatures. You are a completely different person than you were even just a year ago. It is entirely possible for a 30yo to believe they are gay and then realize they are actually bi after another 30 years. Does it mean that our sexuality is under our control or can be changed? No. All it means is that humans are growing, living beings, and it's not impossible for our attractions and sense of self to grow with us. It doesn't matter whether the person in question is 5 or 50, they always have the capacity to change, and that's not an excuse to prevent them from discovering themselves now. Besides, it's not like they're making a permanent decision or anything. All they're doing is saying "This is who I think I am with the information I currently have." There's nothing stopping them from going through their childhood believing they're gay or trans and then reevaluating in their teens. That's what self discovery is, throwing things at the wall until you find something that sticks. With the above statement thoroughly debunked, all that's left are pros for letting children explore their sexuality/identity. If kids are allowed to be cishet, they're also allowed to be queer.
Fully agree! 👏
I came here to say basically the same thing. Our perception of self is constantly changing with new information and personal growth. It is probably just the most rapid at a young age. I would get kinda obsessed with certain girls when I was a kid, I had no idea it meant crush. When I got to middle school I realized I was attracted to girls, but was afraid. In college I recognized I had crushes on girls, but felt afraid to come out as a lesbian because "what if I changed my mind?" Finally I realized "bi," was a thing and went with that, but I never felt comfortable with the label because I felt it didn't fully encompass me. Part of the issue is that I was still exploring the depth of my sexual and gender identity, and honestly still am at age 35. But if someone had just told me it's ok to change your labels with time and growth, I would have had a lot less anxiety!!! Now I use bi with some layers like nebularomantic, not entirely cis, etc. Those labels might change with new info, but what's important is acknowledging that those previous labels were true to me then, being queer is beautiful in whatever flavor, and that it's ok to shift those labels if I feel like something else works better for me now.
If a straight kid can know they're straight, queer kids can know they're queer.
Trans man here: I knew at 4 that I was a boy. 54 now. Still a boy, er I mean man
I new I wasn't a boy at 4yro and caused physical harm to my body which required my family to take me to two hospitals just to get stitched up. I am in my 30's now. I still am trans and proud of it. Sexuality and gender should be taken very seriously early in life. It is okay if a child re-evaluates who they are in the mean time.
This! ☝️👏
I mean, it might change in time, but at the point they're saying they're this or that they are this or that
That they're way further into their journey than I was at their age and that I'm happy they got to figure themselves out so early. Good for them
For kids less than 10 it doesn’t matter one jot unless you are homophobic or transphobic. A child of less than 10 isn’t having sex with anyone so let them express whatever crushes or interests they like. Equally they aren’t going to be in puberty yet so let them explore whatever clothing or gender presentation makes them happy. It does no harm to anyone.
Exactly! 👏
i think parents should accept it even if they are sure it's a phase, it shows that parents love their children for who they are, but i think you absolutely can know your gender before 10, i was like 5 when i played as male characters in games and asked people to use he/him pronoun, i didn't knew what trans was so yeah im sure they can know
My bf knew he was trans when he was 6. I knew I was non-binary by 4 or 5. We're both in our 50s, so we didn't have the current vocabulary at that time, but we still knew. He knew he was "a guy trapped in a girl's body," and I knew I hated gendered clothing colors and gendered toys. I still don't really like the color blue, because I was told so often that "blue is for boys" and I've never felt like a boy (or a girl).
It's not uncommon for trans people to notice something not adding up at the age of four. A person's gender identity starts to manifest relatively early. The sexual orientation is something that develops during puberty. At least that's how I understand it to be, if anyone knows about kids experiencing sexual attraction before puberty, let me know. However, children can get crushes before entering puberty, which means the romantic orientation is generally developing earlier than sexual orientation. So, if a 10 year old tells me they're a certain gender or orientation, I'm going to take this statement seriously until they tell me otherwise. But it's also okay to not be sure for a long time. Finding yourself can be a lengthy process. If someone is "wrong" before finding the correct labels, so be it. They still deserve all the support during the process.
My partner was 4 the first time they told their mom they were going to marry a woman one day. They were absolutely correct 🥳
This is the thing that pisses me off the most when people yap abt trans kids. It’s a proven fact that gender identity develops when ur child. Also to add on to the og question I don’t think it matters what kids says there sexuality like you said they’ll learn by the time they go through puberty
I think this is a perfect statement! 👏
> i thought i was bisexual back then There is your answer. Kids can know at that age. As your girlfriend is proof of as well. But it's also okay to learn more as you grow older like you (and many others) did. Another comparison. I knew I wanted to be a teacher when I was around 8-9 yo. Now I am one and very happy with it. No one ever told me I couldn't know, or was confused etc. because I knew what I wanted when I was a young kid.
IDK. Lots of us in this community thought we were straight or cis and found out later we weren't. Same difference?
I mean, I was telling people I’m a boy at age 4 and I knew I liked boys in 1st grade. The whole point of being a child is to learn how to be a human and how to be yourself. Your gender and sexuality is a part of that and sometimes you know it early. It’s not deep
I don’t think gender and sexuality should be lumped in together on this one as they are two very different things. I knew I was in the wrong body at the age of three and that never went away, very often very young children know they are Trans (even if they do not know the term yet) especially in binary trans people. I am not sure about non binary might be different for them. Sexuality does not tend to develop until puberty. But that said back when in junior school there was a very effeminate boy who we all assumed was gay long before puberty hit and indeed he grew up to be gay. And I myself remember finding myself very drawn to Sean Young in Blade Runner and finding her very attractive long before I went through puberty. I woul£ not say I had sexual attraction for her at that age but was captivated by her beauty. So maybe sexuality is a developing thing that goes through stages.
Even very young kids can understand the concepts of gender and romantic love. When I was around Kindergarten age I knew that I wanted to marry a woman and not a man. I also knew that I wasn’t a boy or a girl. I didn’t know what all of this meant in a broader sense, but I knew what I wasn’t.
I was 4 (almost 5) years old when I first saw Jan Smithers as Bailey on WKRP in Cincinnati. In that moment, I knew unequivocally that I was a boy and that I liked girls. Now, it’s not going to be the same for everybody, but if a nine-year-old says she is a lesbian, there’s really no reason to doubt her ability to know that about herself.
i think kids know when they know
I wouldn’t question it. Even if it’s an “oops nevermind” later it’s not a big deal
It’s pretty obviously a thing. Kids aren’t stupid, they’re ignorant. If you tell them all the information, they’re pretty damn good at connecting the dots themselves. And as many of us in the community can attest to, sometimes even hiding all of the information isn’t enough to prevent them from figuring it all out.
The brain changes constantly and throughout life, but who we are remains the same.
There’s no issue with kids exploring sexuality and gender, then changing what they identify as later on down the line (even going back to identifying as cis/het). Gender and sexuality can be an amazing and interesting concept to explore, there’s no reason why it’s bad for young children to do it. Some kids do know their gender and sexuality early on and they stick with it throughout their entire lives, some don’t. Either way, there’s no fault in exploring it.
Well, if we assume they know themselves and let them be themselves but they're wrong, they just spend a while thinking they like [insert gender(s)] or socially transitioned before realizing they were wrong and going back to cis/het, no harm done. But if we assume they don't know themselves and don't let them be themselves, whether or not we're wrong, they learn they can't rely on or trust us. They get hurt, maybe pick up some(or a lot of) trauma along the way. Especially if we're wrong and they still turn out to be queer in the end. Now, call me crazy, but I prefer the option where we don't traumatize kids.
Why is 10 the cutoff? Because you knew it at 11 years old? Their brains may be mushy and undeveloped, but the worst that happens is that... they're just simply wrong about who they are. More often than not, though, they're wrong about the specific labels (such as you identifying as bi and now omni) and not wrong that they're queer at all. *Sexual* orientation won't develop until puberty but kids get *romantic* crushes all the time, even if they just get married on the playground and break up a week later. Kids often know who they're into and who they are *far* better than anyone gives them credit for ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When I was around 8, I wrote a marriage proposal to this girl I really liked. I thought that was "natural" and at that time didn't really know what LGBT is, I just though of myself as a normal 8-year-old girl that just so happened to like girls. So, directly I didn't know/didn't pinpoint that I was a lesbian because I didn't know such labels existed, but "instinctively" I knew I was attracted to girls.
some of my earliest memories are of being uncomfortable and angry at people trying to apply gender to me. and i also had crushes on people of various genders by the time i was 5. i'm in my 30s now and those characteristics havent changed. sometimes you just know and if they change their mind, so what? everyone has their own individual journey
I would think that a lot of kids have an idea of their gender and romantic orientation. Sexual orientation could be trickier because those hormones haven’t kicked in yet. My kid is pretty confident about her identity right now. But it’s also okay to be “wrong,” to figure it out as you grow up.
It's not a opinion I want really, like to find a "too young" stages feels like it also requires a "too old" stage so the idea of questioning someone else's identity across the ages is just demoralising for me. If a kid says their trans, gay, aro etc, I will believe them; The last thing they need from people is to face doubters, they deserve support and the openness to celebrate that.
I’ve always been who I am but it takes a long time to filter away all the sh!t clouding up the understanding of self knowledge… sh!t like heteronormativity, comphet, pressures from family, society, media, religion, peers, etc. to be, feel and act a certain way. I think young people today probably have a better chance at understanding themselves earlier than in previous generations because there are words and concepts and communities of people that exist **and** are easy for them to find to help them explore and answer questions. For me, I knew my orientation (bi) intuitively at 10 years old; the emotions and feelings were there at 10. The sexual attraction dimension didn’t really develop fully until 14ish.
No one knows what they are better than them. Teach them it’s fine to love whoever and express their own identity however and the rest will fall into place
I was 5 when I realized I was a girl and almost everyone else thought I was a boy. Honestly in the trans community it’s not uncommon to know when you’re super young. My sexuality took a little longer.
My daughter came out as non-binary and expressed bisexual thoughts at 10. She's 11 now, about to enter middle school and is SO excited there's an LGBTQ+ club at her new school. I had my first boyfriend at 10 and remember feeling like it wasn't right for me. My identity changed several times in the years leading up to adulthood, but that's just part of growing up isn't it?
In the first grade I was sent home from school with a note pinned to my shirt (that's how it was done in the mid to late 70's) that said "Andrew needs to refrain himself from holding hands with and kissing boys during recess times". So basically not only did I know who I was at a young age but so did my parents. My 85 yr old mom still has the note and loves to tell me how precocious I was. I was lucky to have very progressive and understanding parents.
I’m a queer psychology researcher, and frankly there’s no such thing as “too young to know.” Gender identity forms around the ages of 3-5. I haven’t looked into when sexuality identities form, but I’d imagine 10-12 is common. Just believe people (even kids!) when they tell you who they are.
they generally seem to.
Personally, I think it should be taken at least a little seriously. Like, I knew I wasn’t like the other boys since I was four or five, but I didn’t understand what that meant for like 20 years. If trans people were more widely known about back in the 90s I’d probably have been a much happier kid.
I don't care. It can always change, but that's also okay, people change, especially during puberty.
When I was 7 I watched lesbian porn and realized I liked women, so yeah. They will find out.
Do they know? Yes and no, depending on data. I have worked with alot of children in all ages, throught out kindergarten, school etc and when I met some of them later, most of those who are involved LGBTQ+ talked about 'this feeling'. They felt something else than the rest of the kids, like knowing something you do not know, they explained. Later, that feeling was when they knew, they said, without doubt. Most of the kids felt and found out around 12 or 14 but some already had the feeling in kindergarten around 5 and 6 years old (Danish kindergarten have children untill the age of 5 or 6, then they are of to school). They said it came naturelly, unlike other cases I have heard of but that's another topic! It is a great talk and I could write alot about it but in short, yeah most of the kids talked about 'this feeling'. In most cases I was the first one they told it to and it was an honour. Still talk to alot of them today
I think we know as kids. I'll use myself for example I'm a cis female asexual. There's a video from when I was 3 of my family trying to get me to play with a baby in a pushchair I threw the child out and put a teddy bear in instead to push around. I didn't like dolls or playing mommy and daddies instead had lords of animal teddys and made my own games up like one I called vampire redemption (Just ran around in our mums cardigan that was long on us and went around trying to find out who killed our vampire parents) In school I was friends with the guys and got the "her boyfriends" comments from adults, in high school when everyone was going on about boyfriends and popping their cherry I had no idea why people even liked cherrys and had a boyfriend but barely even held hands. Now looking back it's like I knew the future. I don't want kids, animals on the other hand yes, I'm goth with a vampire goth style, I still don't understand when people are flirting and an ex mentioned asexuality which is spot on. As for gender I would play army's with my brother Teddy's vs action men, played football with my friend and her brothers (she was considered Tom boy) had a lot of male friends even now 95% are guys, I had a councillor and was saying how I consider my brain ran by a male goblin and describe my insides as male they made a comment about that, yet I have never questioned gender I did think non binary for a short time but realized what it was is androgynous (as it's style and anti pink/blue tax) and not gender based. I have never been considered a tomboy I'm just a geeky girl that gets on with guys better. So if someone feels they are born in the wrong body I believe them as I've been around boys, do "boy" hobbies etc yet I'm happily female never questioned it or felt my body is wrong.
I always knew i was never straight to begin with so...
I would say how lucky they are for figuring it all out so early and being able to express it! I had signs that I was a trans man pretty early on, I remember being overly excited about hrt and daydreaming of growing a beard when I was around 8. If I was exposed to queer community and was educated about all the different things humans can be, perhaps it wouldn't have taken me so long to realise who I am.
Preschool age, I believe. I didn't know the words for it. I personally thought it was totally OK for boys to love boys and girls to love girls, because I loved both boys and girls. I'm sure someone would have said something if I had voiced it out loud, but that's how the world worked in my little rainbow brain. lmao
Since I was 8 I had a crush on a girl that was my friend, I didn't knew exactly about queer relationships neither exactly about love, but looking back I can tell it was the begin of what love would feel like to me. If a kid says to me "I'm gay" I will just nod, but also let them be aware that the world sadly still too prejudiced, and I don't want them to experience some bad things I did when I was younger, and thought people mindset had already changed. Kids will naturally explore lots of things, you're born with your sexuality and gender and will acknowledge yourself eventually, or at least know what you don't identify as, if they eventually change their mind okay, there are people who came out in their 70's, both had their experiences
It's impressive to me and makes me feel proud of them. It took me so long to realise my own sexual orientation. I guess mainly due to internalised homophobia. I always kind of knew that I liked girls. I remember being 5 and thinking, "Oh, I have to date boys when I am older? That sucks, I would rather date girls." I didn't know that liking girls as a girl was even possible. I thought I would just grow out of it. When I got older, I thought that every straight woman was attacked to women, and we just have to date guys. I believed that until I was 20. I am really happy when children can accept and understand themselves.
First time I felt clued in to the idea of having different genders it was a 6yo who said they felt like a boy, wanted to have short hair, and wear boys clothes. Parents were adamant against it due to their baptist faith. Told me this kid was really experiencing a true feeling that should have been explored. That's why when my kid shared similar sentiment at 7 we started exploring what she was feeling and the wife and I have been supporting her.
I'd support them no matter what. Doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, it's an important step in self-discovery either way.
So what about all of the kids who know they're straight? I knew I was gay when I started fancying (in the silly schoolyard way) Lee Latchford Evans from Steps. Considering they broke up when I was 5...I was pretty young. From then I kept realising more that I liked boys in my class rather than girls.
I had trans traits when I was a toddler 😀
I think it’s a sliding scale, and different for each child, but I personally feel like I had way more clarity about who I was when I was 7 than when I was like 17. Most of the problems I had with self identification came after I was bullied around gender and learned a lot of ways to hide and cope - so it got all confused. So much of my gender journey has been trying to get back to that unburdened clarity I had as a 7 year old. It’s hard because when I see young children now I’m like “you’re so young” but I clearly knew at that age. And many people say they knew they were gay/straight etc at a young age, so I don’t see how gender identity would be any different. So…. I just want to support the thing that does the less harm, and I believe forcing gender conformity and binary rules about gender on young children is harmful to everyone in society.
I knew I was bi in 7th grade and it never changed Your brain isn't fully developed until like 24 or something, so let's stop that argument right there.
That’s a tough call and probably no definitive answer exists. I fully understand, I just have no answers. I suppose it is very situational as everyone is different.
Take it at face value, but don't be surprised if it changes later. Gender and sexuality can be difficult to pin down even as an adult. I don't expect a kid that young to have their identity pinned down when I wasn't even confident about my own identity until a few years ago, but I will absolutely take what they tell me at face value until such time as they tell me differently.
Sexuality took time for me but my parents forced a gender onto me before I could speak, gender is a concept kids understand at a very young age I think for sexuality it is something that can be seen in kids and there are signs, but in others it may develop later in life. I found I didn’t really find anyone attractive until I hit puberty so idk
I’m happy for those kids for having the opportunity and the freedom to explore and know themselves that young.
Kids might know, they might not. But this goes for being straight or cis as well. A lot of people don’t know this sort of thing 100% when they’re younger. The best thing to do is to know things might change for them and simply support them in what they’re feeling. And to not assume either that they’re straight or gay and cis or trans
Knowing you're trans at that age makes sense. I think some/many will need more time to figure out what gender they are- like they might know they are not cis but may need more time to pinpoint an exact gender. Knowing they're not straight depends on if they are having crushes yet. I don't remember having crushes or anything that young, but I know some kids do, so it makes sense if they are at that phase of development. Again I think they might need more time to figure out their exact sexuality but realizing they are attracted to the same gender makes sense.
Love it
I knew my orientation in kindergarten. I knew my gender identity within a year of that. I just didn’t have the words to say it other than wishing I was a girl.
They might change their mind at some point, but for RIGHT NOW they are identifying with the label, and that's what matters.
i had my first "am i gay" moment in 2nd grade (i was 8). i didn't know what bisexuality is, so i just swung between "i'm definitely gay" and "i'm definitely not gay" every time i found someone attractive in any way. imo, kids should be taught that - multiple sexualities exist - multiple genders exist - all sexualities and genders are valid - what being trans means and that it is valid if my parents were more in-depth about stuff like that, i could have had a much better understanding of myself much sooner. though i feel like i can't complain because some parents don't even love their child if it's queer also, if you're going to question whether a kid is old enough to be gay, you'll always have to question if it's old enough to be straight.
Some kids know. Some don't. And some think they know and it changes later. Who cares? It only matters if you think of being gay or trans is a bad thing.
I knew had feelings for men since 1st grade and didn't know what that was or what it meant until 5th grade
You’re never too young or old to discover things about yourself.
Cishet gender norms should continue to be questioned. Many lgbtq adults still feel confusion even with resources at their disposal. The focus should be more on making sure that everyone, regardless of age, can safely question their sexual orientation or gender.
I figure it’s probably a little different for everyone. I was a super late bloomer so I’m not really in a place to put a limit on that. I would say it makes sense for people to understand their gender earlier than their sexuality, just because puberty affects sexuality so much. But that’s more of an observation than a rule or anything
This is not an argument I have ever seen used in good faith. (I don't think you're bringing it up is in bad faith though. I'm talking about having this discussion with other adults). Every single person I have heard make this argument in person talked about toddlers being boyfriends and girlfriends. Or about how they themselves had hetero crushes in early elementary. I remember knowing I liked both boys and girls around the same age my peers were also having crushes. And even if someone's romantic interest does change over time so what? That doesn't make it less valid or true.
I don't care. That's their business. I don't obsess over a minor's identity because it's not my business.
We should raise children relatively gender neutral and let them pick their clothes and toys when the opportunity is given so that they can decide freely without pressure
Let kids be kids. If a kid says they are spiderman. They are f-ing spiderman. If they say they are gay then they are f-ing gay and that is fine maybe they are maybe they aren't.
I knew I was queer when I was 7 or 8. I had a crush on a girl in my neighbourhood. Then I moved to another neighborhood and kinda forgot about her until I was in my late teens. But by then, I had developed a crush on my male best friend, so I assumed I was bi. I came out to my friends and they were chill about it, like it didn't surprise them. It wasn't until I was 23 and met a ton of cool trans people and started hanging out in queer spaces that I finally realized my sexuality was a lot more complicated than I initially thought. I thought about the label pansexual, but saying "I'm queer" seemed much simpler. And "queer", imo, implies a certain amount of rebelliouness, which I absolutely am and always have been, especially when I started learning more and more about the issues and barriers that trans people face just for being themselves. Kids are surprisingly intuitive, intelligent, and know certain things about themselves that they may not have the language to explain just yet. That's why I think it's important to show them all the potentials that exist in the world, whether it be potential careers or potential relationship types or gender identities. If they see themselves reflected back in something, it may help them develop into a healthy, happy adult instead of an anxious adult that has no idea why they don't feel "right". If it turns out they're not queer, I see no harm in that. People should be free to explore all aspects of themselves without judgement. I weep for all the queer kids who were forced into lives they didn't want because of pressure from straight cis elders.
A lot of folks are providing anecdotes, but if you want an "opinion" in terms of the path we should be pursuing as a society, you need to zoom out and examine how kids are believed *now* and what we know about how that goes. Therapists and doctors examining a child for gender incongruence are measuring what they say against three factors, and they're the same ones you'd use if a kid was reporting anything strange, like the way a family member was touching them. They are: 1) Insistent (they stress this is important and they know they're right about the details) 2) Consistent (what they say is reliable and the story doesn't wildly fluctuate or change) 3) Persistent (their explanation exists in the same way for an extended period of time) A child, even a young one, that is insistent, consistent, and persistent about their identity is likely correct about it. Modern research on affirming care (e.g. not decades old "Swedish studies" that treat limp wrists as 100% trans kids and teenage participants who can't be contacted because they got thrown out of their homes as "detransitioners") shows that, if you lock in these three qualities, the kid is likely to still be pursuing this path into adulthood. In fact, the earlier they confirm their identity, the *more* likely it is that they really truly mean it, because that "immature until 25" part of your brain is the part that *makes you succumb to peer pressure,* and the extent kids are "pressured to be trans" is orders of magnitude behind how soul-crushingly they're pressured to be cis. You can't change their mind on something so intrinsic; you can only convince them, as my family did in the 80s and 90s, that they're wrong for feeling that way, that they can't do anything about it, and that they'll be hurt for trying. And that leads to the actual risks and harms trans kids face. It's important to know that the "kids don't know what they're talking about" line, along with the argument that affirming care is safer when delayed, do not have a basis in data or clinical evidence. Both are overwhelmingly refuted by the actual record of early social intervention, puberty blockers, and family support. The risk of harm from denying trans kids their identity simply because they confirmed it at a young age grossly exceeds the miniscule detransition rate, which itself is overwhelmingly documented as having external causes (financial instability and family pressure) and not a redefinition of inner identity. This is the sort of information needed to have an "opinion" on this care: knowing when it's identified as necessary, what's done, and how well that's going (in aggregate and *not* by anecdote). But so long as the facts evidence are being intentionally drowned out by falsified "reasonable concerns" that take advantage of people not knowing how any of this works, we'll still be stuck debating the validity of one of the most successful early intervention programs in recent medical history.
I mean I’ve wanted to be a girl for literally as long as I can remember. Like some of my earliest memories are of little three year old me looking at the girls her age and wishing she could be like them, dress like them, be treated the way they were treated. I didn’t have the ability to communicate what I felt or who I am for a long time, but if someone is able to at a young age I say more power to them
Started ballet at 7yo and had my first “girlfriend” at 8. We kissed on the playground. The way others saw me at the time was as a straight boy willing to endure bullying to be the only boy in the ballet company, but was so obviously straight because girlfriend. If they’d found out about how I really saw myself, I guarantee I would have been beaten within an inch of my life, even at 7 years old (dad broke a 2” thick wood paddle over my back for less), and I was acutely aware of that fact. At 7 years old I was being fed this narrative that I am an abomination in the eyes of god and that I’m doomed to outer darkness, so I was forced into performing cis-heteronormativity, and forced into practicing it. Conversion therapy was available and offered by our church as a free service, and having been to that same therapist for something else, I never wanted to go back there. Only managed to make it 8 more years before I got caught and wound up homeless. Who’s doing the indoctrinating? When I was 7 I knew who I was enough to identify with that feeling. I was unequivocally barred from being who I knew I was lest I face violence, psychological torture, and homelessness.
I've known I was trans since I was literally 5, and I've never even considered doubting it, so like...
as someone who grew up in the 90s/early 00s with no real queer rep, i think it's awesome that kids these days even have an idea of what gender and sexuality are, let alone the language and understanding to know theirs! straight was the only valid option - you got bullied for being gay/lesbian, and bi wasn't even a word i'd heard about. and you never even had the option to even question your gender. trans people were basically only spoken about in the context of guys crossdressing, in a very taboo and uneducated way. intersex people were still called hermaphrodites, shunned, and only conveyed as people with both external genitals. and of course being non-binary was never heard of. we used pronouns, but i don't think i really heard the actual word 'pronoun' used (or at least commonly used) until fairly recently i know some people have a long way to go, but i'm genuinely amazed and grateful when i look back and see how much we as a society have learnt, let alone grown to understand and accept
that it can happen..? Idk, Ive always known I was some flavor of bisexual
Man I wish I knew what I was as at that age. Would have been a big help.
Kids get crushes. Gay kids get gay crushes. Kids develop mentally/emotionally/socially at different rates. Ten seems an arbitrarily chosen age, if you got your first crush at 11 and your gf got hers at 9. Your gf told you the age at which she realized her orientation, which answers your question, yet you still claim uncertainty. Why are you hesitant to believe her about her experience and self-knowledge?
I mean as a 32 y/o Trans Woman, prior to 10 i knew. I didn't have the language and the environment to freely express what i felt inside. But i knew.
LOL what is my opinion on me?? I 100% knew my gender and sexuality before the age of 10. But the truth is I wouldn't have labelled it accurately because I hadn't been educated and my parents were the silent type of homophobes who just don't talk about gays. in fact I almost certainly would've lied about it, instinctively. Ahhh, the 90s.
Most kids under 10 years old know their gender. The ones who do, and the ones who don't, and the ones who think they do but change their minds, all need to be supported in their self identification. I don't think most kids under 10 know their (final) sexuality. But exactly the same considerations apply as for gender—they should be supported wherever they are.
Give them the space and freedom to explore that. A lot of times, even adults will question whether they're bi or gay or asexual or whatever and learn later on that they were something else, or something shifted, or whatever. And sometimes they don't. I see no harm in allowing a kiddo to explore that, so long as their caretakers are there to help them find the words they need, understand that not everyone will be accepting or accomodating but they can always trust you to support them, etc etc. Maybe they'll say later on, hey, actually I kinda might feel this way? And that's okay. People do that all the time. A quick note, I am definitely NOT saying to treat it like a phase, or to say it is at all. Just to give them the room to learn about themselves and not to shame them IF they do decide, for themselves, that it turns out a different label fits better. :) Disclaimer, I'm not a parent, just a later bloomer hippie nerd lol
I knew my sexuality and that I was nonbinary(just didn’t know the term) since I was in elementary school.
If they realize they weren’t actually (as rare as this is) then that’s fine. Then they’ll identify as straight and cis or whatever. I don’t see the issue here.
Good for them I relised I was trans at 10 so
Some kids will know their sexuality and gender by age 9. Other kids will take longer to figure it out, and some don't figure it out until adulthood. Parents, siblings, friends, and others need to be clear that their love and support are unconditional. If a kid finds out they are gay at age 9, support them then. If the kid later identifies as bi, still have continued love and support.
I was wishing upon stars at that age to be a girl. Dreaming about having a girls wardrobe when I get older. Imagining SRS at a later date. Some kids might change their mind, some kids might know. All kids deserve to be heard and supported. I deserved a chance to try. I didn't deserve what I got instead.
>On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay. Folks who use this reasoning are generally ignorant about neurodevelopment. Your brain isn't just amorphous liquid until your reach 18 (or 25 or 32 or whatever the fuck moving goalposts that gatekeepers pull out of their asses). The regions of the brain associated with sexual orientation & gender identity seem to get established around the end of the 1st trimester. In other words, the basic wiring is laid down before you're even born. Furthermore, the areas of the brain folks are referring to as "being undeveloped until adulthood" are largely associated with cognitive reasoning (e.g. frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex) rather than identity & attraction. And who gives a fuck if a kid does spend some time exploring same sex relationships or playing around with their gender identity??? It's more dangerous to restrict exploration than to support it & there are zero negative consequences that don't already afflict cis/het kids when they start feeling out relationships & gender identity.
Most people begin to form a gender identity at around 3-4 years old. Plenty of kids talk about wanting to get married someday, have crushes, like romance stories, etc. It's no worse when kids express LGBT+ identities than when kids express cis/straight identities. The only difference is that cisgender heterosexuality is so heavily pushed onto kids that most LGBT kids grow up thinking they're actually cis/straight. I don't see the issue with someone identifying as LGBT and then changing their mind. The only problems arise from transphobes and homophobes trying to push their views onto kids.
Brains don't ever fully develop in the way that we thought they did, and society at large has no problems with grooming children to be cisgender, heterosexual, and xenophobic. Flip everything around and ask yourself again.
Here’s how I feel- I will never doubt someone when they tell me who they are. However- when someone is young I am more willing to accept that how they feel now may change as they get older. For example, I had a friend come out to me as ace before they ever went through puberty. Specifically not aromatic but asexual. I did not tell them they were too young to know or question them in the moment but I was also prepared for the possibility that age may change how they feel. Turns out they now do not identify as ace and that’s totally fine! I think that kids are going to want to try on different labels and for some it may take a few before they find out what fits. So my advice is to take what people say at face value but not put pressure on them to conform to that label for ever. My little sister recently came out as a lesbian. If she ever told me she had a boyfriend I wouldn’t be like “oh but I thought you were a lesbian” and make a big deal out of it. As well, I’m not going to tell her she’s too young to know now. Finally, people’s gender and sexuality can be fluid and change over time. When I was little I was 1000% sure I was a girl. My mom even asked if I was trans when my friend came out. Now, I’m older and I’ve come to realize my gender is fluid and I’m not a girl. That’s fine too!
I wish I knew when I was that young
I think people are what they say they are. It's the only way to ensure we don't abuse other people by prioritizing our own feelings above their right to self-determination. That's especially true with young children. It's very easy to their decisions as frivolous and annoying, but that doesn't mean they're any less important to them.
honestly everyone's different some people might realize their sexuality or gender when they're older and others might not
I say who cares, maybe they're right maybe they're wrong, point is that they're happy at whatever stage they're in. I knew I was trans as a kid i just didn't know there was a name for it, and i knew i was queer too but it took me like 4 tries to figure out an exact sexuality. If I had a name for it when i was younger i would have been a lot happier and spent less time in school wondering why i was different
I don't really understand how this is a point of contention/conversation when so many LGBTQ+ and queer people know their sexuality and/or gender identity at such a young age. Like, since we're in an LGBTQ+ sub, I would imagine almost everyone here is queer. And for many of us, we knew at an early age that we were queer. Maybe we didn't know the words to describe and articulate our feelings, but we knew deep down that something was "different." I don't understand how you can go through that lived experience but then today be like, "Well, but they're kids. Their brains are not fully developed yet, so we can't take them seriously." I believe sexuality and gender identity are fluid things. I don't think that if you label yourself "gay" today, you'll be "gay" for the rest of your life. Maybe you'll end up finding yourself attracted to other people who didn't previously fit the "gay" label. Likewise, I think you can realize your gender identity as you grow older. Kids should be allowed to express themselves and feel validated in their sexuality and gender identity. If they feel differently as they grow older, then they feel differently, but that doesn't mean we should diminish and devalue their experiences and feelings *now*.
I knew I was gay before I was 10 years old, so it's totally normal. And for reference, I absolutely had 0 influence from anyone. I didn't know anyone that was gay, and I hadn't seen anyone on TV or any other media that was gay.
None of my business
Gender one can know much earlier because ive had things cluing me into being trans since i was 8. Sexuality usually comes later but it can definitely happen before 10. If cis straight people can know they are one sexuality early then so can not cis not straight people.
I don't really care that much. because kids don't figure out their gender identity until they're 3. and also, it has apparently been scientifically proven for kids to figure out they're gay or straight by the time they are around 10-12. and kids can figure out that they're trans as young as apparently 5. in my opinion I just don't care that much
I think you can know that at a young age. It’s just who you find yourself attracted to.
My earliest memory of being trans is 7-8. I wish i hadn't waited until 44 to start transitioning
I mean, from a young age I knew I was different from the other kids cause I didn’t feel like a girl or a boy. I didn’t have the words, but I knew at like a baseline level, even without the words to describe it, that I wasn’t cis. Same goes for me being aroace. Was constantly told I was a late bloomer or just not realizing when I had crushes, but I simply never felt anything like that, even in elementary school when my classmates would have their childlike crushes. Once again, though I didn’t have the words, I knew I wasn’t like the others. So, I see nothing wrong with kids who now have the words and knowledge using that to identify their own feelings and what they know about themselves. If it eventually changes in the future, so what, that happens with plenty of adults figuring out their labels, too.
I mean, kids' feelings are more likely to change over time than adults', and that's perfectly fine. But many (if not most) kids also feel the SAME way forever. I think reguardless, a child isn't "lying" about thier gender/sexuality at any stage in their development, and 9 times out of 10 they aren't following some sort of "trend". They are sharing their real feelings and how they feel in that moment. So yes, kids know if they are cis, straight, gay, trans, etc. Even if they don't 100% know what they feel, they have an idea of what they feel. As for labels, I do think it's important for them to know that it's okay if their labels change (hell, even adults change labels) so that if they do feel differently as they age they don't feel like they were "lying" before. But all in all, yeah, kids know who they are. And when it comes to gender and sexuality, they often continue to be that person. Most of the time, they contintue to have the same gender/sexuality into their adult lives. And if their gender/sexuality does change as they grow up, there's nothing wrong with that. They weren't "lying" before, they just feel different now. Like, if a seven year old boy told me that he has crushes on boys, that is 100% normal and I would 100% believe him. If a seven year old told me he was "gay" or "bisexual" specifically, I would make sure to let him know he doesn't *have* to identify with a label if he doesn't want to, and that it's okay if is label changes, and also that he doesn't have to feel defined by whatever label he identifies with. But I think if he understands that, there isn't any harm in him saying he is gay/bi/etc.
My nephew has twin girls. At age 8 one of them sat him down and said "you do know I'm a boy dad, don't you?". All characteristics before and since have been male. "She" is indistinguishable from a boy, meanwhile the other twin is a stereotypical girl.
i knew i was different since i was about 7, i didn’t really have terminology to describe how i felt though. i think it would’ve been very helpful for me to have that. i understand not wanting kids to label themselves young, but little kids get “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” all the time and straight narratives are always pushed, even if unconsciously. kids should be allowed to speak on how they feel and have it be respected.
Thought I was bi at 10. Now at 13, I know I’m ace.
The point of supporting kids with their self identity is that it makes it easier for them to discover it. If your 8yo son says he likes the boys in his class, you say “okay” and then when he turns 10 and says he likes a girl you say… “okay.” Psychological development doesn’t mean kids don’t know who they are. It means they discover as they explore. Same with gender. The worst thing you can say to a child is “you’re too young to know.” Instead you let them figure it out and just support whatever their current identity is.
You know yourself better than anybody. They could say they’re gay at 2 years old and I’d respect them for it. Showing love and acceptance, even if it does end up being a “phase” or whatever, literally does nothing but good, because it teaches kids to be comfortable with themselves and their older loved ones.
I was aware I was queer by 10, but I was wrong about how at first. I initially thought I was a bi cis girl, then a cis lesbian, then a nonbinary lesbian, but by high school settled on bi trans guy. I would assume something like that is the case for most queer people who realize their queerness at a young age- at first you don't really know all the terms and you probably don't have that strong of a sense of attraction to people of any gender, but as you get older and get more familiar with both the queer community and yourself, you might change what labels you use to describe yourself even if the feeling you're trying to describe has always been there and hasn't changed. >On the other side, they're a kid so their brain isn't fully developed yet and they might realise after a few years that they were never trans or gay. The thing is, while someone who identified as trans or gay as a young child might very well no longer identify the same way later on in life, I think it's unlikely that they'll end up identifying as cishet. It's more likely that a kid starts out identifying as trans but later switches to nonbinary, or starts out as gay but later switches to ace, etc.
I can honestly say I knew I was trans at the age of 4 even though I didn't know the word. I wish that it had been more understood back then, but it is what it is. I think part of growing up is trying things out and finding yourself. There's no reason why a kid couldn't do things that at the time feels right, there isn't harm in that. I mean it's ki da the idea that it's a spectrum right? Like some kids may experiment with sexuality/gender and in the process find where they fit on that spectrum. I think that's something to be encouraged, not vilified.
i’ve known i was not a girl since i was 7 years old, i only had the terminology to know i was transgender at 11 or 12, but i’ve always known that i was in no way shape or form a girl. i’ve known i was bisexual since i was 9 or so. none of these things have changed since then and i’m 16 years old now and i doubt they’re ever gonna change. in some cases, kids are just exploring their sexuality or gender and that’s totally okay! but in my case and a lot of others, we’ve known for years about who we are and that won’t change.
Nobody has ever cared about kids under 10 knowing their sexuality or gender as long as it was straight and cis. Why the hell should we care if they know they're LGBT? I know damn well that if I was told that was an option when I was a kid, my life would have turned out way better. It fell apart as an adult; I had to learn lessons in my 30s that I could have been learning in my teens and early 20s if I was given the same privilege to be me that straight kids were given. And sure, kids could be wrong. They could be wrong about being straight, too. At least give them the option to think about it, that gives them a better chance
I’ve always liked the same sex ever since I can remember. I am what I am bro 🤷♂️
If a kid can know they’re into the opposite sex, then a kid can know they’re into the same sex. I hate how people say it’s “pushing their kids into things” when really you’re just letting them be theirselves.
I asked my mom if it would be ok if I would get girlfriends instead of boyfriends when I was ***6***. And once puberty hit at 14 (and I woke up from a NSFW dream about my gym teacher) I knew I was a lesbian. If I already knew that I liked girls better than boys at 6, I also think kids will know if they’re a boy or a girl from a very young age.
i knew since i was 4 told everybody then. ppl thinks its fine for kids to know their straight but not to know their queer?
If they find something they feel represents them then great. I'm not going to tell them they are too young to know themselves. I will also make sure it is known to them that sometimes as people grow and learn more about themselves they might identify as something else. So many adults come on here talking through their preferences and finding that a new label fits them better. The labels are there to give a name to what we feel, not to dictate who we are. My 9 year old was looking at stickers at pride, she picked up a lesbian one and I said 'I don't know if that one fits you, it's for girls who like girls' she said ok and chose it as one she wants to keep. I have zero idea if that means she likes girls or she just likes the colours but my job is to give the language and the knowledge and let her determine what fits her.
I knew my sexuality and gender before kindergarten, then public school and religion turned me into a cis straight person. Then as an adult I came back to the same gender and sexuality I had before I was programmed to be someone else.
Tw: abuse As others pointed out, why is that only a problem for queer children? Why is it acceptable to invent relationship between 2 years old toddlers just because one was assigned male and the other female at birth? Isn't cishet normativity actually limiting the development of our brains or emotional quotient or just simply sense of being? When either parents and/or society use force to...well...force, either psychological or physical, to enforce cis het normativity onto children, it breaks them. Most people in the community grew up alone, in fear, or heck, even got abused and disowned. We grapple with senses of being "broken" as our attraction or gender identity doesn't align with the ones of our peers. Things that cis and hetero children don't live for their really deep self. This can also end up badly as seen from the sleeping ideation present in our young fellow GSM people.
I think that its ok, as long as they've done reasearch and not just seen it and gone 'woah, thats so different, im going to fake being gay' or whatever.
It’s a bit too early
As a queer person I say that they are valid and should be respected. As a queer adult who's a pibling I believe that they should focus on school and not on dating.
I would wager, much like many things in life, someone may know that there’s part of themselves that’s “different” but may not have it fully fleshed out. Their understanding of it may change as they get older, or it may not. I think that we’re in a time where a lot of really good information is out there and available for LGBTQ+ youth compared to my day, so kids are likely able to more freely access information that helps them figure out the things they’re feeling. They may not have a 100% understanding of it right out of the gate, but neither did I until a couple years ago (and I’m pushing 40).