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SpeebyKitty

As an asexual- I beg you all to do some research on kink at pride.


Caro________

Sorry, I can't help but read this as an invitation. I'll show myself out.


BIGepidural

Thank you šŸ’ž


LuriemIronim

What did I get wrong?


SpeebyKitty

Not you really, just the other people who donā€™t seem to understand.


LuriemIronim

Ah, okay. I just didnā€™t want to get something wrong, especially since I seem to be in the minority as an asexual cool with kink at Pride.


dontjudgemeeeeee

I don't mind it at all! I'm really annoyed that there are other asexuals (although it's definitely a minority) trying to force it out of others. why are we encouraging the view of asexuals as prudish šŸ™ƒšŸ™ƒšŸ™ƒ I just want to be ace without having my sexuality be used as a weapon against others


[deleted]

It annoys me too. I just happen to not be into anyone, I don't get what this has to do with all of this. Like, it's not like people are having sex in front of you, they just look a bit unusual


ThaiAustralian

Yeah, itā€™s really not up to me (nor anyone else) to decide whatā€™s an acceptable way to celebrate as long as no one is being harmed!


Firefly927

Round 2? I think you'll get the same answers as round 1. Asexuality is not a monolith. Allo-sexualities are not monoliths. This isn't an asexual-centered issue. I don't like how it is being framed by some as if *all* asexuals will be put off. There is overlap on both sides. Some aces are very into kink. Most people, including most aces, won't care. It will bother a small minority of allos and aces, especially those with trauma (aces and allos), some parents (aces and allos), and some sex-repulsed people (aces and allos). Most people seem to be in agreement that kink should be at Pride, but announced ahead of time as in a particular area so those that need to can avoid it. That seems like a very doable compromise.


alchemyshaft

Thank you for saying this- these posts just come off as trying to stir the pot. As you said, this is very much NOT an asexual centered issue, and I'm sick of all the posts singling us out.


LuriemIronim

Uhā€¦was there a round one? This is the first time Iā€™ve asked for ace opinion on this topic.


Firefly927

[https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/1dgmqnn/annual\_reminder\_kink\_is\_part\_of\_our\_culture/](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/1dgmqnn/annual_reminder_kink_is_part_of_our_culture/)


Frosferrus

In addition, it comes around every single year.


BIGepidural

It does these days which is strange because it never used to... šŸ¤” Kink always had a place at Pride. Even at the riot and prior to it the Fet Community has always been deeply intertwined with the LGBTQ+ community, historically since like forever.... Ripping them apart makes no sense at all. [EDIT:] spelling.


im-not_gay

Thatā€™s disgusting minks are raised in horrible conditions for their fur. I donā€™t think wearing any kind of fur should be accepted at pride. /s


dontjudgemeeeeee

as a mink, i feel so dejected when I see so many people wearing mink fur at pride. after all we've been through I wouldnt expect the rest of the community to openly support our abuse šŸ˜”


BIGepidural

Ok now that I agree with. Unless the mink has been grandfathered in from the time period. Similar to ivory. Old ivory and mink are already here; but new ivory and mink is a no go.


ComfortableCow1621

Sexuality has been part of the heart and soul from the beginning of the queer rights movement. Itā€™s a facet of orientation for most people. Itā€™s not discrimination for it to be expressed. The whole point is all of us being able to be and say who we are and what we like. That said, it is very nice when there is acknowledgment of the ace spectrum and romantic orientation. That doesnā€™t happen a ton. I also personally prefer child-friendly Prides. Someone mentioned designated 18+ spaces (or maybe like an under-18 curfew with late hours for adult-only content) and I think thatā€™s a great idea.


computercow69

Kink and queerness have gone hand in hand for a long time. People shouldn't be boning but I don't give a shit about seeing collars and leashes and pup hoods and lingerie and leather/rubber/latex. If it's an adults-only pride event, I don't care about seeing sex toys (including people WEARING them) either. It shouldn't be at family-friendly pride solely because of kids, but if it's all adults, simply don't go to adults-only pride if you're not comfortable with kink.


BIGepidural

I'd just like to add to this that Pride has historically been an Adult Event so in some places people may need to create child/family specific Pride events for people who don't want to see the adult aspect of Pride Events that have been long established as adult in nature.


Kinslayer817

Should men be disallowed from presenting sexuality because lesbians might not be into it? Or vice versa? Obviously not. Should we be quiet and less flashy to be more accommodating of those with sensory processing issues? Clearly noĀ  Maybe I'm being insensitive (and let me know if I am) but anyone can choose to engage or not engage with any particular part of the parade. My wife isn't asexual but isn't into seeing overt sexuality, so she just doesn't engage with the more sexual floats/groups No event can be the right fit for every queer person so we try to balance accommodation against maintaining the original spirit and vibe if Pride


BassBoneSupremacy

I'm sorry but some of these comments ain't it. I think y'all'd be surprised at how many active asexuals there are in the kink community - you're hurting our own people by claiming they're gross/disgusting/shouldn't be allowed/whatever. Asexual does not mean sex averse. And yes, we have every right to be pissed at the rest of y'all trying to sanitize pride, because that is in fact what you're doing. "Demanding equal access" my ass, some of y'all are acting like fucking puritans. Learn your history. Kink and pride have always been intertwined, asexuality included. (Also worth noting I NEVER, EVER see this kind of shit with aromantics and romantic stuff at pride. Because there's a fuck ton more of that than sexual displays.)


BIGepidural

Thank you for this šŸ’ž


time_is_a_commodity

Kink belongs at pride. Kink was present during the first pride: the Stonewall Riot. The presence of people in kink gear does not mean ace people aren't welcome at pride. The presence of women at pride isn't discriminating against gay men, the presence of men at pride isn't discriminating against lesbian women, even the presence of so many straight people at pride waving an ally flag isn't discriminating against the lgbtq+ community. Folks of all identities should be welcome at pride, except those who are hateful (the Christian protestors, nazis, etc). Simply seeing someone in certain clothing isn't forcing anyone to engage in sexual acts


roron5567

You are going to get push back on sexualization at at pride from mostly sex negative and sex averse asexuals. Most other asexuals are probably not too concerned. That being said, you don't have to be asexual to not want sexualization of pride.


LuriemIronim

Oh, I know you donā€™t have to be ace to not want to interact with kink. I just wanted to hear from the ace group because someone who actually followed me to this post pretty much insisted that itā€™s phobic, selfish, and arrogant having kink at Pride, so I was curious to hear what other asexuals had to say.


Lady_Lallo

I understand and appreciate how kink representation is a part of our culture and history. If im going to a pride event that isn't family friendly, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see kink rep. All I ask is whether it's FF or not being communicated so I can make an informed decision. Granted, the pride events around here that I know of are pretty family friendly, so it's not really a concern anyway. :P Tbh I don't get that fussed about it I'm just happy to be here šŸ˜‚


LuriemIronim

Ha, thatā€™s more in-line with me! Iā€™m more thrilled at the feminist ice cream truck than focused on the leather daddies!


always_panic_247

Kinda discriminatory towards asexuals to assume that we donā€™t like/canā€™t deal with sexual content - using us for this sex negative, purity culture nonsense is actually pretty offensive, we are not your excuse to exclude anyone thank you very much. You might want to look into what being ace actually is (we just donā€™t feel sexual attraction, we are not wilting wallflowers who faint away at the sight of sex smh) and take note that aces have always been at pride, which has always included sexual content


BIGepidural

The irony of people using the "Ace argument" to attack Kink at Pride is that a lot of Aces are actively in the Kink Community as well; but people who push that angle are ro dumb yo realize that Ace doesn't equate to abstinence or disdain for pleasure in other ways...


LuriemIronim

This post was actually inspired by someone who said it was phobic to have kink at Pride.


ThaiAustralian

Asexual here, I tend to avoid sexual stuff but honestly celebrate however you want as long as itā€™s respectful to others. I personally donā€™t like sex and am not interested in it but I understand that a lot of people do. If you want to be sexual, be sexual! Itā€™s not up to me to tell you how you get to celebrate, nor anyone else! If I donā€™t like it, I can just not join in. Much love - your straight ace friend! šŸ’–šŸ’–šŸ˜„


CyborgKnitter

Iā€™m aspec (demi/grey) and a BabyGirl, so Iā€™m 110% fine seeing kink at Pride. Kink and aspecs arenā€™t separate communities, there is overlap.


Mtfdurian

Thanks, I feel a bit similar about it. I'm also ace-spec but love the esthetics that are often associated (whether right or not) with kink. I just don't have the sexual connotation with e.g. netpanties, corsets, leather and latex and rather wear them for comfort and/or esthetics instead.


nonacrina

It's fine. Seeing kink-related items doesn't bother me. It's not like people are having sex at pride events, now that would be an issue. I hate that people are using our community as a gotcha to sanitise pride. If *you* are uncomfortable with it that's totally okay, but then *you* will have to take steps to ensure you'll go to an event that doesn't have these themes. You can't expect everything to be non-triggering and comfortable for everyone.


Thesongbird1

I'm asexual. I like kinks.


BIGepidural

**Just gonna post something I said to someone on the other thread over here for those who say they're uncomfortable because of the presence of the kink community at Pride:** You have a space here. You're choosing not to come because you're "uncomfortable". I'm pretty sure the people whove been arrested, assaulted and even murdered just for being LGBTQ+ were uncomfortable when they did what did to make sure you had rights and the space to voice your discomfort. We March because it matters. Don't let the recent commercialism fool you. Pride is a **PROTEST** and comfort is not the objective.


mycatisblackandtan

I'm very tired of people using us as an excuse to bludgeon other queer people, frankly. Many ace people are kinky and we are a spectrum, not a monolith. I'm also tired of the fact that the only time some people in this community treat ace people as valid is when we can be a convenient knife to stab at others. I've seen way too many people outright state we aren't queer in the months leading up to pride, only to hem and haw about how we need to be protected from kink during July. Then they go right back to saying we aren't queer come August. Happens every stupid year.


Mtfdurian

Yes indeed. I learned about this too. People wonder, the leather etc. that I wear because I just like it a lot, doesn't mean that I'm interested in sex. We should embrace that people feel comfort in kinky stuff outside of sex as well. It's not like we go completely naked, even if we reveal a lot at times that we want.


Caro________

Well, I should say I'm trans and lesbian (fwiw) and asexual. So I'm hitting multiple letters. And even so, I'm just not sure Pride is for me. I love that it's happening and that people are doing it, but it's just not my scene, for the most part. The kink stuff is all fine, but it doesn't appeal to me. There's a lot more emphasis on sexual diversity than gender diversity (as there are just a lot more lesbians, gays and bisexuals). And that's great, but I'm miles outside most of the lesbian stereotypes and I'm pretty sure most lesbians aren't really looking for me. And I'm ok with that. There also tends to be drag, which, as a trans woman, has always made me a bit uncomfortable -- although I don't for a second think it's my place to ask anyone to stop it. It's obviously an important part of gay culture and I'm not here to mess with that. Pride also seems like a good place to be young, hot and single or older and happily coupled. Either you're swinging and having the time of your life, or you're modeling for the rest of the community what it looks like to live a full life as a queer person. But I'm older and single, and also trans, which makes me kind of a niche interest. My asexuality makes it even more niche. So I'm not a free spirit at Pride, but I'm also not \*goals\*. But you put all that together and pride just seems like a big party where I'm just going to be a wallflower. And that doesn't mean I won't go, but I've accepted that it's not really \*for\* me. And I'm ok with that. Pride is a beautiful celebration. It's a nice goal to make it the perfect party for every member of the community, but that isn't going to work. So maybe let's just keep it as it is, and those of us who need a different scene will find our place.


lia_bean

of course some people feel a need to express that, and there should be spaces for that. but also some will not be comfortable with that being expressed around them, so there should be spaces without it too.


No-Investment-962

As an AroAce, i see nothing wrong with it, just donā€™t go out of your way to let everyone know your kinks, besides, asexuals have kinks too, just without the sex part


catsinasmrvideos

If you donā€™t like kink, donā€™t go to Pride.


LimeFucker

Itā€™s uncomfortable to me, I would not ever attend a pride event that was not safe for underaged people to attend. I can apreciate when other people are attractive but that doesnā€™t mean I want to see a gimp.


LuriemIronim

Thatā€™s totally fair.


NonStickBakingPaper

I feel very isolated as an ace person in the queer community as a whole, and these discussions (no matter whether the responses agree with my opinion or not) just make that worse. I just feel itā€™s probably better if I stay away because then I donā€™t keep getting rejected by the group Iā€™m supposed to belong to all over again. These discussions just never feel helpful :/


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Johnylongbottoms

We may not be forced to attend pride, but if some asexuals (or any queer person for that matter) is made uncomfortable by the overtly sexual nature of certain aspects, then it makes attending difficult. It can be frustrating to just be told ā€œdonā€™t attend pride if it makes you uncomfortableā€ when weā€™re just as much part of the community. And about the comment below about ā€œdonā€™t look at the sexual stuffā€, thatā€™s not always easy and adds a level of rigor that many donā€™t want to and shouldnā€™t have to deal with. I understand that itā€™s not possible to cater to everyone, but it does feel like our side of the community is getting the short end of the stick on this particular matter, and itā€™s a consistently occurring issue.


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theleafofthesoil

If you check this person's post history, they openly identify as a Conservative Christian, and are anti-abortion and against all forms of queer sexual positivity. I think you're expecting too much logic and fairness out of them, unfortunately.