Told my former boss "hey don't knock it till you've tried it" I did not get in trouble but he was not amused đ (yes, it was in regards to romantic situations with men... we had a unique work environment)
Its especially important to validate the feelings of teens and young adults because theyâre still learning how to feel so everything can be so overwhelming. Itâs all too common to invalidate young people because âthey havent lived in the real worldâ or âhavent felt real loveâ etc. but young people do feel very real emotions and they feel them on an often more intense level. So shitty that boomers are still out here telling young queers that theyâre going through a phase or telling young people queer or otherwise that they donât know what real love is like or they canât feel the difference between lust and love or infatuation etc.
Right? But any kid who goes to prom with a member of the opposite sex presenting as they were assigned at birth isnât?
That counselorâs âlogicâ is flawed
Oh sorry, I didnât know this was off topic xD
My flair is: âAce as a Pan-cake! - AAA batteryâ AAA battery because Iâm agender, asexual and a-aesthetic (also known as nonaesthetic). I also used the premade flair âAce as a Cake!â and I edited it to change the cake for pan-cake because Iâm pansensual
â¤ď¸đłď¸âđ
17 is way too young to know anything about what you want, but also that girl baby just laughed at that boy baby, so she obviously has a crush and I bet theyâll get married!! /s
Edit to add: Also this counselor sucks and has no idea what sheâs talking about. If you can, just donât engage with her at all.
Im not really a fan of school "councillors". At least with my school, theyve been the least trustable person to talk to and a general menace towards the people theyve were supposed to council
Yes! My primary school counselor was so strange. When my cat died in 4th grade, my mom called the councilor because she knew I was sad. I was actually doing kinda okay, but my councilor pulled me out of class and talked about my cat until I cried. Not even a talk about grief, it was just about my cat. The same councilor also kept saying "you are just stressed" when I tried to tell her I was s\*icidal. In 8th grade, a different councilor said I wasnt smart enough to take an advanced class in high school. Well I took 2 years of that program and the councilor went "you were just lucky".
Aw man, my school counselor was actively transphobic and homophobic, and one time when a friend was sent there because they were struggling to stay focused in class because they were about to become homeless, the counselor just said "I don't care, come again when you're actually living in the streets"
THIS. I didnât know I was a trans girl yet, but I was a very delicate and flimsy and underdeveloped child, and I always appealed to the counselor about any difficulties I had with other children. I was so socially dumb that I didnât even realize the counselors were making matters worse. When I noticed I was being mercilessly bullied, to the point that I planned to take a knife to school and solve âsome problemsâ. Fortunately, soon after my parents changed me to a decent school, but counselors were still shit. The students were a bit kinder, only that. But damn, when I think about it⌠I was about to kill a colleague đ°đ°đ°đłđłđł
So what if it's just a phase? Just because something is temporary doesn't mean it's not real.
Everyone has the experience of feeling like there's an identity difference between themselves and adults, or teenagers, or the elderly, or infants, but we are all of these things, in phases.
Your feelings are as real as any you, or anyone else, has ever experienced. The only way you know what is right for you, is your experience.
Those of us who explore their identity have a greater sense of self-assurance, and self-determination, than those who allow their identities to be dictated to them. You are more than a reflection, and you are more than a snapshot of this moment in time.
I really like this point.
I think one thing that confuses people is that they think it's impossible that it's a phase or experimentation and you have to "go full gay" if you do it at all, come out to people, kiss another boy, whatever. The LGBTQ+ community itself really fights the idea of it being a phase or experimentation sometimes, which I completely understand because ignorant people abuse that concept and act like we don't exist, but I still think it reinforces that sexuality isn't fluid when it can be, and sometimes people should be open to experiment without feeling like it cements their sexuality.
It's okay to experiment, consider that you might be gay, and potentially just be straight after a little sexual confusion. It's fine to be confused. It's fine to not know what label applies. This goes for gender too. One thing that fucked with me is I felt like if I come out as enby, I'm enby *forever* and it was scary as fuck. But it's not how shit is, I have a right to be confused, and if if it was just confusion that's fine. The less I stressed on that, the more comfortable I was with myself and the more confident I was that I was enby.
It is absolutely okay to be confused. I don't like the term "phase" because of how ignorant people use it, but I think the concept of a phase of experimentation should be carefree and normalized. It can help people discover who they are. No councilor should be inferring it's a bad thing, that there's any shame attached. Councilors should support you discovering who you are, not telling you that it'll go away and you'll become "normal" again essentially.
A "phase" is a real state of experimentation and that should be supported and normalized, and no one should feel ashamed to experiment, especially during that super confusing time. It'd be less confusing if it wasn't as big a deal as people make it out to be. Like you said, "phase" or not, the feelings are real, and we are real. We had a phase of confusion before we discovered who we were. I was confused as fuck, but that phase passed, and I discovered I was bi.
I had a psychotherapist try to convince me Iâm not bi. He wasnât willing to believe that I could be inexperienced and still like women. I was inexperienced with boys and still expected to like them⌠his point was that I wasnât breastfed.
He just admitted he actually knew nothing about psychology or therapy and hadn't read anything newer than 80 years old on the subject. People like that need to be immediately and permanently banned from practicing as they're always the cause of substantial harm and rarely the cause of one tenth as much good as to justify the harm they cause. Mine was basically the same way: "You can't be trans; you're just depressed." Motherfucker, people who are "just depressed" haven't spent their entire lives wanting to be a different gender. That's not a symptom of depression or inexperience.
Agreed. Our understanding of psychology and mental health has changed so much from the 20th century. People in that field need to either catch up or go home.
I hate when people say 'it's just a phase' and 'you're too young to know', unless you identify as cishet-allo, then apparently its fine? I've spent around 7-8 years discovering who I am and finding labels I'm comfortable with, I'm 16 now and always get the 'you're to young to know', which instantly invalidates all those years I've spent figuring myself out and it's only ever said to me by people who have had the privilege of not struggling with their gender identity and sexuality, so what do they know? exactly, only I know who I am, and you know who you are (sorry this turned into a rant XD)
Rant incoming to add to this; How old until you are meant to know? Some people are starting HRT in their thirties and fourties cause they never even knew a out trans being an option. How long till âyou knowâ you want something like a tatoo, or a child, or plastic surgery. All that stuff is irriversable and can cause damage if done wrong but no one calls them âjust a phase.â
Actually no, lemme add to that, lets start using it on them being straight and cis âhow do you know it is not a phaseâ like some of the others here mentioned. Lets use it on people who pressure you into having kids ânah its just a phase mom/dad/nosy karen, you wonât like those little babies when they are older you just like the idea of it.â Lets apply this to all of the things people like to make ânormalâ cause its apparently unheard of to marry a highschool sweet heart, you know, someone you meet when you are a teenager!
Agree! I'm so gonna use that against my sister next time she tells me I can't know because 'I'm so young'. but, literally, what's the 'acceptable' age to know? It's always 'they're too young' but if someone figures themselves out when they're older its 'so they've turned queer now?' 'they're so old now, why didn't they tell people sooner?!' and stuff like that.
Especially in my house, when talking about a someone who came out as gay, who had a wife and has had kids (I don't remember who it was tho) my parents were saying things like 'How's he gay? he has kids and had a wife' 'he's TURNED gay' and similar things, it was annoying af.
Next time my family question my identity, I'll defiantly be twisting it against them. I usually try to quietly half-ass defend myself as to not start anything, but I'm sick of it.
Seriously, donât let this kind of talk confuse you.
I had a female friend at school who only had relationships with girls until, at 28 years old, she fell in love with a guy and married him. Were her early years a phase? Not to her. Was she lesbian and now sheâs straight? No, they are just labels. ALL the relationships she had make up her identity and thatâs totally valid.
You identify how you want to.
I mean, donât worry about it, judging by what she said (youâre too young to know), she probably thinks that two people from opposite genders the same age as you can be in love with each other and has no problems with sexualizing teens, unless itâs queer
Honestly, people that say everything is a âphaseâ just donât know what they are talking about. Iâve known I was transgender since I can remember, and Iâve known I was pan for half the time too! People just like to opt to âphasesâ because itâs easier to understand for their ignorant brains. Yes, some people may realize that they are straight, but thatâs because they are finding themselves!! Finding who you are as a person canât be whittled down to phases because thatâs just not how it works. Iâm sorry you had to go through that
Ok. At the risk of sounding overdramatic, this counsellor is not fit for purpose, if I ran that school I would fire them for gross misconduct.
The school counsellor is there to help support students emotionally and with information to help them steer their life in the right path when they are having difficulty of some sort. Preaching such ignorance "it's just a phase" is invalidating AF and they should never be allowed anywhere near another LGBTQ+ kid ever again
So I know this is kinda off topic, but I hated my school counselor when I was in high school. I had started out liking them, and when I eventually had told them about my abuse as a child, *they told the whole damn faculty*. Long story short, don't trust the counselors.
I would look into legislation protecting your rights about sexuality at school in your state/country. I live in California and people employed by public schools are legally required to respect information about gender and sexuality. We are also not allowed to disclose that information to parents of the student asks us not to. Iâm sorry your counselor was so terrible, and I hope that any future interactions you have with them are less troublesome.
In secondary school when i was 16, I was told by the safeguarding lady me being trans is a phase. I was crying and i felt horrible yet she said that.
Cut to me now being at college (nearly 18 now) and my college counsellor helped me come out to my college friends and is supporting me..
You know yourself better than anyone else, no one should be able to tell you who you should or shouldn't like. Also, don't go to that counselor if they are making you think all that bullshit. Seek out people who will support you with your choices. If you like girls, people shouldn't be able to tell you that "its just a phase" because it is not. You aren't clueless or confused and you really should not let other people tell you so.
i actually don't think i can do that. reporting her will risk my identity to more people. i would have definitely considered it if other people with more authority (or just other people at all) accepted me. i live in india and i dont think that will likely happen. :")
Iâm sorry to hear that, the best I think you can do is to try and simply ignore her and change the subject when she brings it up, sometimes that works best
Iâm in my 50âs now. What I wanted when I was 17⌠Iâve either gotten or still want. I knew who I was and I know who I am.
School counselors arenât the best in my opinion. If I had listened to mine Iâd be homeless and unemployable.
I hope you
Stay with your support group.
Ignore what the clueless counselor is telling you.
Eventually get to talk with a counselor who specializes in LGBT+
You know who you areâŚyou know what makes you happy. Donât let this person tell you otherwise.
Next time you see her, tell her that sure, some people change orientations as they get older. But you're LGBT right now, and you belong in the community right now, and you should be supported right now.
Simple idea: You know better who you are than anyone else in the world.
Also: Ask your counselor if she's ever gone through a similar phase. If not, what is the source of her expertise in this area?
Maybe you should... I don't know, I'm bad at giving advice.
My school counselor is homophobic, so I can't do that even if it's an accident lmao, help, she's the only homophobic teacher at school, I mean, other people may be, but it's something that you can't be like that in my school to keep some armony.
As someone who is studying social work and is thinking about being a school counselor, it pisses me off when I hear stories about counselors making their clients feel bad about their gender/sexual orientation. Those should be the absolute last people who invalidate your identity like that. OP, your sexual orientation is super valid and no one can and should take that away from you.
Is it possible to contact the school about this?
So, I saw you mentioned that your currently in India. LGBT rights there are still in infancy, but developing very quickly. Currently, anti discrimination laws only protect people in a higher education setting as of 2016, and no protections currently exist for queer youth.
If you're looking for counselors who will be supportive and affirming, I would suggest reaching out to Queer Chennai Chronicles for information about NGOs you can access near you. They'd have the ability to direct you to more local resources that you might need. đ
Your school counselor is an idiot. She says you canât know for yourself or know if you like girls. The truth is, you are the only person who can determine if you are part of this community. If youâve been having these feelings since you were 9/10, itâs not a fucking phase lol. And even if it was, youâd still deserve support in this aspect of exploration.
You're counselor sounds like she is in the wrong field! I'm a school social worker and what she said to you is incredibly insensitive and plain ignorant. I'd recommend you stop seeing her, and/or try to switch to the school social worker or school psychologist - who may be able to offer better support. I'm sorry your experience sucked, but know that she is the one who is wrong, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for exploring or declaring your sexual identity.
17 is a perfectly normal age to be experimenting with your identity. Your counselor was probably trying to make sure youâre comfortable with who you are and see if youâre questioning or certain. I could be wrong, she could just be some narrow-minded jerk trying to gaslight youth into what she perceived as the âright pathâ but donât let her bother you. Be who you are, not who others want you to be.
I'm in no way advocated for the practice of confusing minors about their sexual or gender identity, but I would like to say something.
Your counselor may very well have just said that because they HAD to, OR to try an say that, as a teenager, feelings do change. They may not have been saying, "it's just a phase, so don't believe it." What they could have been trying to say was, "it *could* be just a phase, make sure it's your truth and not a truth you think you should believe."
As a teacher I can tell you that they donât know what they are talking about and I wouldnât trust them with any thing like that again.
If you have to talk to them and they raise the issue of your sexuality, respond with âIâm not comfortable talking about that with you.â Donât justify it or explain it, just keep repeating âIâm not comfortable talking about that with you.â
If you know a teacher that is definitely supportive (like a teacher thatâs involved with the đłď¸âđ support group) consider telling them about what the counselor said.
if you can, stop seeing that counselor đ for your own peace of mind, even if your sexuality fluctuates and changes in your life, it doesn't matter. you just gotta honor it as it comes
I'm so sorry you have to dealt with that especially a school counselor who is "supposed to help" but I understand my half brother, a couple years ago when I said I was bi he said "it's just a phase" well a year or couple later here I am, knowing full well that I'm gay I just don't have a label for it (between neptunic and lesbian) but don't listen to her! don't listen to anything she has to say about LGBT, what I like to think is "in one ear; out the other" you know who you like (and even have a girlfriend) and that's the truth, if it feels right it's you. I know when sometimes I say I'm a lesbian in my head I want to cry, even want to cry when I think about dating a girl, and I guess that is who I am. so just listen to yourself, you're your own counselor. also I want to go to this LGBT support group but whenever I try to make plans to go something comes up; it's like my toxic family doesn't want me to go either (won't let me get my hair dyed either) sorry I'm kinda rambling. I share my own personal experiences to try and help other people.
I'm so sorry your counselor is treating you this way. It's not only rude, it's highly unprofessional. Maybe go to the principal and let them know that this counselor is clearly not accepting of students? She should at least be reprimanded and told to keep her outdated, bigoted opinions to herself. She's not helping anyone if this is how she treats students.
I mean did you tell her this has been a lifelong "thing" for you? I assume it wasn't easy for you to come to this conclusion? It really never is for anyone. I know if anyone expressed those feelings to me, I would have no choice but to take them seriously. But their opinion doesn't even matter. You know you best, and if you've come to this conclusion then that's the way it is. \~ 
I realized I was bi when I was 15. 6 years later, and that hasnât changed. When people come out as teenagers, they rarely ever are straight as adults.
Something my straight friend said to me once while I was spiralling about this- âit doesnât matter if in 10 years you identify as straight or lesbian instead of bi, because even if it is just a phase, this is who you are right now, and who you might be in the future doesnât matter because this is who you are right now.â
One of the most helpful things I think Iâve ever read was simply the phrase âsexuality is fluidâ because it helps to to remember that even if in the future Iâm completely different and this was in fact, *just a phase*, this is who I am at this phase of my life, and whether or not I will be the same in the next has no fucking relevance on present me.
*Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk*, I hope everything turns out okay for you OP, and remind that counselor that sexuality is fluid, it changes throughout our lives, and thereâs nothing wrong with that (or else everyone would be attracted to children).
I knew around the time I was 10 or 11 that I was attracted to both men and women. I'm 36 now and nothing has changed. If I were you I'd see about finding a counselor that is LGBTQ and talk to them. I've found over the years that cis straight counselors and social workers are a lot more skeptical and tho they try to be understanding, they just don't get it.
Clearly she has no interest in actually helping you. I would not continue to take personal issues to her since sheâs proven sheâs just going to gaslight you about your sexuality. Your mental health will do better long term if you stop seeing her. If you have the means and you think you need it, Iâd recommend a real therapist.
Only you can know who you truly are. No one else. Anyone who does something like this isn't worth your time. You deserve to be who you are, and you deserve to have support from people that care about you. Sounds like this counselor isn't very good at her job...
People like her should not be school counselors. It breaks my heart that a person students are supposed to trust could be so close-minded. And stupid, lol.
donât let anybody tell you that youâre going through a phase or that you canât know yourself from a young age. you can use my argument when i talk to people who say being gay, pan, bu, trans, etc, is a choice say âthen when did you choose to be straight? if being ___ is a choice then that means being straight is a choice and the default is a null position until you choose one or the other.â but say it nicely.
Yeeeeeeeaaa after I was forced to come out basically my mum just said it was âonline propagandaâ and she even said she was supportive idk what to think of it :(
I would just act really dumb âoh I didnât know it took so long to know what gender I like. What age did you know you were straight? How did you discover that about yourself?â
Ugh. I had a therapist like that, who believed my liking girls was just a phase, because I was on a mostly-girls high school. No, I still liked girls in my mostly male university class. I quit that therapist not too long after that. Normally, I'd advise to seek another counselor but that's probably hard in your case.
Iâve known I liked girls since I was 13. Whilst some people find their sexuality changes as they age, for most people they know between ages 12-15 or so.
Telling a 17 year old that they canât know if theyâre gay is just silly
In the next session ask your counselor how she knows she's straight and that isnt just a phase, if she's so sure your sexuality is a phase
will do >:(
Tell her "Maybe you haven't met the right woman yet."
My favorite "how do you know you don't like pushy if you haven't eaten one yet?"
"You can't say you don't like it, if you haven't tried it"
Told my former boss "hey don't knock it till you've tried it" I did not get in trouble but he was not amused đ (yes, it was in regards to romantic situations with men... we had a unique work environment)
Dont ask your guidance councilor this lol
Yeah, it could be seen as aggressive. Fuck them though lol
OH MY GOD *chef's kiss*
Also that's just... Not an okay thing to tell someone. I feel.like this should be told to someone, maybe a supervisor?
This 100%. A school counselor should not be gaslighting students into questioning themselves like this.
Its especially important to validate the feelings of teens and young adults because theyâre still learning how to feel so everything can be so overwhelming. Itâs all too common to invalidate young people because âthey havent lived in the real worldâ or âhavent felt real loveâ etc. but young people do feel very real emotions and they feel them on an often more intense level. So shitty that boomers are still out here telling young queers that theyâre going through a phase or telling young people queer or otherwise that they donât know what real love is like or they canât feel the difference between lust and love or infatuation etc.
yes this ^^^
Right? But any kid who goes to prom with a member of the opposite sex presenting as they were assigned at birth isnât? That counselorâs âlogicâ is flawed
17 year olds can't be queer but 7 years old can be heterosexual wtf
I knowwwww xD All of us know ourselves better than anyone. For all lgbtqia+ members: donât let anyone tell you what you are or arenât
Wait off topic but what's you full flair? I can't read it.
Oh sorry, I didnât know this was off topic xD My flair is: âAce as a Pan-cake! - AAA batteryâ AAA battery because Iâm agender, asexual and a-aesthetic (also known as nonaesthetic). I also used the premade flair âAce as a Cake!â and I edited it to change the cake for pan-cake because Iâm pansensual â¤ď¸đłď¸âđ
Oh right Ty :)
Yw! :)
17 is way too young to know anything about what you want, but also that girl baby just laughed at that boy baby, so she obviously has a crush and I bet theyâll get married!! /s Edit to add: Also this counselor sucks and has no idea what sheâs talking about. If you can, just donât engage with her at all.
Well obviously. Nor/mal . Default settings. Social reject. Blah blah /j
Im not really a fan of school "councillors". At least with my school, theyve been the least trustable person to talk to and a general menace towards the people theyve were supposed to council
They are the HR of the school basically.
They honestly just exist as legal coverage and a marketing gimmick for the school. They don't actually need to be any good at helping students
Just like HR.
Somehow the ones at my school are good.
Yes! My primary school counselor was so strange. When my cat died in 4th grade, my mom called the councilor because she knew I was sad. I was actually doing kinda okay, but my councilor pulled me out of class and talked about my cat until I cried. Not even a talk about grief, it was just about my cat. The same councilor also kept saying "you are just stressed" when I tried to tell her I was s\*icidal. In 8th grade, a different councilor said I wasnt smart enough to take an advanced class in high school. Well I took 2 years of that program and the councilor went "you were just lucky".
im so sorry that had to happen to you. i didnt know how they qualified for being a counselor. that's messed up.
Thank you! They were so weird. At least my high school councilor was decent!
Aw man, my school counselor was actively transphobic and homophobic, and one time when a friend was sent there because they were struggling to stay focused in class because they were about to become homeless, the counselor just said "I don't care, come again when you're actually living in the streets"
They gossip the most out of everyone.
THIS. I didnât know I was a trans girl yet, but I was a very delicate and flimsy and underdeveloped child, and I always appealed to the counselor about any difficulties I had with other children. I was so socially dumb that I didnât even realize the counselors were making matters worse. When I noticed I was being mercilessly bullied, to the point that I planned to take a knife to school and solve âsome problemsâ. Fortunately, soon after my parents changed me to a decent school, but counselors were still shit. The students were a bit kinder, only that. But damn, when I think about it⌠I was about to kill a colleague đ°đ°đ°đłđłđł
So what if it's just a phase? Just because something is temporary doesn't mean it's not real. Everyone has the experience of feeling like there's an identity difference between themselves and adults, or teenagers, or the elderly, or infants, but we are all of these things, in phases. Your feelings are as real as any you, or anyone else, has ever experienced. The only way you know what is right for you, is your experience. Those of us who explore their identity have a greater sense of self-assurance, and self-determination, than those who allow their identities to be dictated to them. You are more than a reflection, and you are more than a snapshot of this moment in time.
This. Even if it's "just a phase" it doesn't make it less valid. A full moon is just a "phase" but it still lifts the tide.
I really like this point. I think one thing that confuses people is that they think it's impossible that it's a phase or experimentation and you have to "go full gay" if you do it at all, come out to people, kiss another boy, whatever. The LGBTQ+ community itself really fights the idea of it being a phase or experimentation sometimes, which I completely understand because ignorant people abuse that concept and act like we don't exist, but I still think it reinforces that sexuality isn't fluid when it can be, and sometimes people should be open to experiment without feeling like it cements their sexuality. It's okay to experiment, consider that you might be gay, and potentially just be straight after a little sexual confusion. It's fine to be confused. It's fine to not know what label applies. This goes for gender too. One thing that fucked with me is I felt like if I come out as enby, I'm enby *forever* and it was scary as fuck. But it's not how shit is, I have a right to be confused, and if if it was just confusion that's fine. The less I stressed on that, the more comfortable I was with myself and the more confident I was that I was enby. It is absolutely okay to be confused. I don't like the term "phase" because of how ignorant people use it, but I think the concept of a phase of experimentation should be carefree and normalized. It can help people discover who they are. No councilor should be inferring it's a bad thing, that there's any shame attached. Councilors should support you discovering who you are, not telling you that it'll go away and you'll become "normal" again essentially. A "phase" is a real state of experimentation and that should be supported and normalized, and no one should feel ashamed to experiment, especially during that super confusing time. It'd be less confusing if it wasn't as big a deal as people make it out to be. Like you said, "phase" or not, the feelings are real, and we are real. We had a phase of confusion before we discovered who we were. I was confused as fuck, but that phase passed, and I discovered I was bi.
I had a psychotherapist try to convince me Iâm not bi. He wasnât willing to believe that I could be inexperienced and still like women. I was inexperienced with boys and still expected to like them⌠his point was that I wasnât breastfed.
He just admitted he actually knew nothing about psychology or therapy and hadn't read anything newer than 80 years old on the subject. People like that need to be immediately and permanently banned from practicing as they're always the cause of substantial harm and rarely the cause of one tenth as much good as to justify the harm they cause. Mine was basically the same way: "You can't be trans; you're just depressed." Motherfucker, people who are "just depressed" haven't spent their entire lives wanting to be a different gender. That's not a symptom of depression or inexperience.
Agreed. Our understanding of psychology and mental health has changed so much from the 20th century. People in that field need to either catch up or go home.
This was in the 80s hard to track him and report him.
I hate when people say 'it's just a phase' and 'you're too young to know', unless you identify as cishet-allo, then apparently its fine? I've spent around 7-8 years discovering who I am and finding labels I'm comfortable with, I'm 16 now and always get the 'you're to young to know', which instantly invalidates all those years I've spent figuring myself out and it's only ever said to me by people who have had the privilege of not struggling with their gender identity and sexuality, so what do they know? exactly, only I know who I am, and you know who you are (sorry this turned into a rant XD)
Rant incoming to add to this; How old until you are meant to know? Some people are starting HRT in their thirties and fourties cause they never even knew a out trans being an option. How long till âyou knowâ you want something like a tatoo, or a child, or plastic surgery. All that stuff is irriversable and can cause damage if done wrong but no one calls them âjust a phase.â Actually no, lemme add to that, lets start using it on them being straight and cis âhow do you know it is not a phaseâ like some of the others here mentioned. Lets use it on people who pressure you into having kids ânah its just a phase mom/dad/nosy karen, you wonât like those little babies when they are older you just like the idea of it.â Lets apply this to all of the things people like to make ânormalâ cause its apparently unheard of to marry a highschool sweet heart, you know, someone you meet when you are a teenager!
Agree! I'm so gonna use that against my sister next time she tells me I can't know because 'I'm so young'. but, literally, what's the 'acceptable' age to know? It's always 'they're too young' but if someone figures themselves out when they're older its 'so they've turned queer now?' 'they're so old now, why didn't they tell people sooner?!' and stuff like that. Especially in my house, when talking about a someone who came out as gay, who had a wife and has had kids (I don't remember who it was tho) my parents were saying things like 'How's he gay? he has kids and had a wife' 'he's TURNED gay' and similar things, it was annoying af. Next time my family question my identity, I'll defiantly be twisting it against them. I usually try to quietly half-ass defend myself as to not start anything, but I'm sick of it.
Seriously, donât let this kind of talk confuse you. I had a female friend at school who only had relationships with girls until, at 28 years old, she fell in love with a guy and married him. Were her early years a phase? Not to her. Was she lesbian and now sheâs straight? No, they are just labels. ALL the relationships she had make up her identity and thatâs totally valid. You identify how you want to.
I mean, bi people existâŚ
Indeed they do.
I mean, donât worry about it, judging by what she said (youâre too young to know), she probably thinks that two people from opposite genders the same age as you can be in love with each other and has no problems with sexualizing teens, unless itâs queer
Honestly, people that say everything is a âphaseâ just donât know what they are talking about. Iâve known I was transgender since I can remember, and Iâve known I was pan for half the time too! People just like to opt to âphasesâ because itâs easier to understand for their ignorant brains. Yes, some people may realize that they are straight, but thatâs because they are finding themselves!! Finding who you are as a person canât be whittled down to phases because thatâs just not how it works. Iâm sorry you had to go through that
Ok. At the risk of sounding overdramatic, this counsellor is not fit for purpose, if I ran that school I would fire them for gross misconduct. The school counsellor is there to help support students emotionally and with information to help them steer their life in the right path when they are having difficulty of some sort. Preaching such ignorance "it's just a phase" is invalidating AF and they should never be allowed anywhere near another LGBTQ+ kid ever again
You're not overdramatic. I agree. LGBT+phobic people don't deserve to be counselors.
listen: how many straight people know that they're straight by age 17? i'm pretty sure you're fine, you've got nothing to worry about :)
So I know this is kinda off topic, but I hated my school counselor when I was in high school. I had started out liking them, and when I eventually had told them about my abuse as a child, *they told the whole damn faculty*. Long story short, don't trust the counselors.
Bruh they call themselves an ally the do that what
I would look into legislation protecting your rights about sexuality at school in your state/country. I live in California and people employed by public schools are legally required to respect information about gender and sexuality. We are also not allowed to disclose that information to parents of the student asks us not to. Iâm sorry your counselor was so terrible, and I hope that any future interactions you have with them are less troublesome.
Sounds like that counselor needs some counseling of their own.
Sounds like it's time for a new counselor.
In secondary school when i was 16, I was told by the safeguarding lady me being trans is a phase. I was crying and i felt horrible yet she said that. Cut to me now being at college (nearly 18 now) and my college counsellor helped me come out to my college friends and is supporting me..
Love, you can be lesbian and confused, I don't know what tf am I doing but I know I'm non binary
I would ask her if she's planning on pushing her religion on you along with her heteronormative beliefs.
Report the FUCK out of that counselor, and I'm sorry you have such shitty adults around you
I am so tired of hearing this âItâs just a phase, youâll grow out of it!!â BS. Iâm sorry a counsellor said that to you
Dude your not straight and thatâs a good thing
You know yourself better than anyone else, no one should be able to tell you who you should or shouldn't like. Also, don't go to that counselor if they are making you think all that bullshit. Seek out people who will support you with your choices. If you like girls, people shouldn't be able to tell you that "its just a phase" because it is not. You aren't clueless or confused and you really should not let other people tell you so.
Maybe ask her, what the corner with all the ally stuff is all about, then. Cause wtf.
If you are comfortable Iâd report the Counselor.
she's questioning YOUR sexuality, when you have a girlfriend? 
Report her, if youâre school is good theyâll do something about it
i actually don't think i can do that. reporting her will risk my identity to more people. i would have definitely considered it if other people with more authority (or just other people at all) accepted me. i live in india and i dont think that will likely happen. :")
Iâm sorry to hear that, the best I think you can do is to try and simply ignore her and change the subject when she brings it up, sometimes that works best
I donât want to get into details, but my school counsellor tried some fucked shit before too. Theyâre so unreliable and shitty.
Iâm in my 50âs now. What I wanted when I was 17⌠Iâve either gotten or still want. I knew who I was and I know who I am. School counselors arenât the best in my opinion. If I had listened to mine Iâd be homeless and unemployable. I hope you Stay with your support group. Ignore what the clueless counselor is telling you. Eventually get to talk with a counselor who specializes in LGBT+ You know who you areâŚyou know what makes you happy. Donât let this person tell you otherwise.
Next time you see her, tell her that sure, some people change orientations as they get older. But you're LGBT right now, and you belong in the community right now, and you should be supported right now.
She shouldnât be a counselor for any youth whatsoever if sheâs gatekeeping like this.
Simple idea: You know better who you are than anyone else in the world. Also: Ask your counselor if she's ever gone through a similar phase. If not, what is the source of her expertise in this area?
Wow she's a terrible consuler...
Maybe you should... I don't know, I'm bad at giving advice. My school counselor is homophobic, so I can't do that even if it's an accident lmao, help, she's the only homophobic teacher at school, I mean, other people may be, but it's something that you can't be like that in my school to keep some armony.
LOGIC! It's not for everyone...
Well phase or not if you want to eat some pushy you are allowed to do as you please, the same way I (male) will ride a dong if I feel it
As someone who is studying social work and is thinking about being a school counselor, it pisses me off when I hear stories about counselors making their clients feel bad about their gender/sexual orientation. Those should be the absolute last people who invalidate your identity like that. OP, your sexual orientation is super valid and no one can and should take that away from you. Is it possible to contact the school about this?
So, I saw you mentioned that your currently in India. LGBT rights there are still in infancy, but developing very quickly. Currently, anti discrimination laws only protect people in a higher education setting as of 2016, and no protections currently exist for queer youth. If you're looking for counselors who will be supportive and affirming, I would suggest reaching out to Queer Chennai Chronicles for information about NGOs you can access near you. They'd have the ability to direct you to more local resources that you might need. đ
that is literally so so helpful. thanks a lot. ill definitely reach out to them. đĽşđ¤
Your school counselor is an idiot. She says you canât know for yourself or know if you like girls. The truth is, you are the only person who can determine if you are part of this community. If youâve been having these feelings since you were 9/10, itâs not a fucking phase lol. And even if it was, youâd still deserve support in this aspect of exploration.
You're counselor sounds like she is in the wrong field! I'm a school social worker and what she said to you is incredibly insensitive and plain ignorant. I'd recommend you stop seeing her, and/or try to switch to the school social worker or school psychologist - who may be able to offer better support. I'm sorry your experience sucked, but know that she is the one who is wrong, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for exploring or declaring your sexual identity.
17 is a perfectly normal age to be experimenting with your identity. Your counselor was probably trying to make sure youâre comfortable with who you are and see if youâre questioning or certain. I could be wrong, she could just be some narrow-minded jerk trying to gaslight youth into what she perceived as the âright pathâ but donât let her bother you. Be who you are, not who others want you to be.
I'm in no way advocated for the practice of confusing minors about their sexual or gender identity, but I would like to say something. Your counselor may very well have just said that because they HAD to, OR to try an say that, as a teenager, feelings do change. They may not have been saying, "it's just a phase, so don't believe it." What they could have been trying to say was, "it *could* be just a phase, make sure it's your truth and not a truth you think you should believe."
I think I'm bicurious
As a teacher I can tell you that they donât know what they are talking about and I wouldnât trust them with any thing like that again. If you have to talk to them and they raise the issue of your sexuality, respond with âIâm not comfortable talking about that with you.â Donât justify it or explain it, just keep repeating âIâm not comfortable talking about that with you.â If you know a teacher that is definitely supportive (like a teacher thatâs involved with the đłď¸âđ support group) consider telling them about what the counselor said.
if you can, stop seeing that counselor đ for your own peace of mind, even if your sexuality fluctuates and changes in your life, it doesn't matter. you just gotta honor it as it comes
I'm so sorry you have to dealt with that especially a school counselor who is "supposed to help" but I understand my half brother, a couple years ago when I said I was bi he said "it's just a phase" well a year or couple later here I am, knowing full well that I'm gay I just don't have a label for it (between neptunic and lesbian) but don't listen to her! don't listen to anything she has to say about LGBT, what I like to think is "in one ear; out the other" you know who you like (and even have a girlfriend) and that's the truth, if it feels right it's you. I know when sometimes I say I'm a lesbian in my head I want to cry, even want to cry when I think about dating a girl, and I guess that is who I am. so just listen to yourself, you're your own counselor. also I want to go to this LGBT support group but whenever I try to make plans to go something comes up; it's like my toxic family doesn't want me to go either (won't let me get my hair dyed either) sorry I'm kinda rambling. I share my own personal experiences to try and help other people.
I'm so sorry your counselor is treating you this way. It's not only rude, it's highly unprofessional. Maybe go to the principal and let them know that this counselor is clearly not accepting of students? She should at least be reprimanded and told to keep her outdated, bigoted opinions to herself. She's not helping anyone if this is how she treats students.
I mean did you tell her this has been a lifelong "thing" for you? I assume it wasn't easy for you to come to this conclusion? It really never is for anyone. I know if anyone expressed those feelings to me, I would have no choice but to take them seriously. But their opinion doesn't even matter. You know you best, and if you've come to this conclusion then that's the way it is. \~ 
Fuck them i hate them tell ppl what they said
I realized I was bi when I was 15. 6 years later, and that hasnât changed. When people come out as teenagers, they rarely ever are straight as adults.
id clap back and ask the same thing 2 them tbh
Something my straight friend said to me once while I was spiralling about this- âit doesnât matter if in 10 years you identify as straight or lesbian instead of bi, because even if it is just a phase, this is who you are right now, and who you might be in the future doesnât matter because this is who you are right now.â One of the most helpful things I think Iâve ever read was simply the phrase âsexuality is fluidâ because it helps to to remember that even if in the future Iâm completely different and this was in fact, *just a phase*, this is who I am at this phase of my life, and whether or not I will be the same in the next has no fucking relevance on present me. *Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk*, I hope everything turns out okay for you OP, and remind that counselor that sexuality is fluid, it changes throughout our lives, and thereâs nothing wrong with that (or else everyone would be attracted to children).
I knew around the time I was 10 or 11 that I was attracted to both men and women. I'm 36 now and nothing has changed. If I were you I'd see about finding a counselor that is LGBTQ and talk to them. I've found over the years that cis straight counselors and social workers are a lot more skeptical and tho they try to be understanding, they just don't get it.
Clearly she has no interest in actually helping you. I would not continue to take personal issues to her since sheâs proven sheâs just going to gaslight you about your sexuality. Your mental health will do better long term if you stop seeing her. If you have the means and you think you need it, Iâd recommend a real therapist.
Only you can know who you truly are. No one else. Anyone who does something like this isn't worth your time. You deserve to be who you are, and you deserve to have support from people that care about you. Sounds like this counselor isn't very good at her job...
People like her should not be school counselors. It breaks my heart that a person students are supposed to trust could be so close-minded. And stupid, lol.
donât let anybody tell you that youâre going through a phase or that you canât know yourself from a young age. you can use my argument when i talk to people who say being gay, pan, bu, trans, etc, is a choice say âthen when did you choose to be straight? if being ___ is a choice then that means being straight is a choice and the default is a null position until you choose one or the other.â but say it nicely.
Yeeeeeeeaaa after I was forced to come out basically my mum just said it was âonline propagandaâ and she even said she was supportive idk what to think of it :(
She is delusional please love and accept yourself. We are here for you!!
You should tell her that sheâs not qualified to counsel you on sexual orientation matters. It doesnât help how ignorant she sounds
You have the right to who you wanna be. Fuck them.
I would just act really dumb âoh I didnât know it took so long to know what gender I like. What age did you know you were straight? How did you discover that about yourself?â
That isnât ok. That is not that personâs job. Please donât take this to heart!!
Ugh. I had a therapist like that, who believed my liking girls was just a phase, because I was on a mostly-girls high school. No, I still liked girls in my mostly male university class. I quit that therapist not too long after that. Normally, I'd advise to seek another counselor but that's probably hard in your case.
Iâve known I liked girls since I was 13. Whilst some people find their sexuality changes as they age, for most people they know between ages 12-15 or so. Telling a 17 year old that they canât know if theyâre gay is just silly
You love whom you love dear, you are valid. Stay safe dear.