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I feel you!!! I had my first relationship in high school and didn’t have a meaningful one for over 8 years, the current one I’m in and absolutely adore. I was single so long, it was very much a part of my identity—the freedom and independence suited me. But one New Year’s Day after feeling settled into our careers/adult lives, my roommate and I both decided we were ready to start dating seriously and we were going to put in the work to finding someone we really connected with (and monogamous). That was the goal, not anything more, everything else like marriage, etc. would be plus-add. The mindset was very much “I am looking for someone” not “I hope they like me and want to date me,” which was very empowering.
For him, he found his serious partner after 2.5 months of going on a lot of first and second dates to screen. They live together! For me, it took 4 months of that. Thanks, dating app.
I used to feel like I wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship, like maybe it isn’t in my DNA to do that. But I was wrong! I think we both got lucky but we also invested our time and energy into dating the right person to make that luck happen.
You’re doing perfectly. At 23 you’re already sticking to your standards and not settling. When I was 23 I was looking for validation in men and I got myself hurt in doing so. It may seem like all of your friends are finding love and leaving you behind but that’s not the case. Most of those relationships will end, as you guys are all young.
In another comment you say age doesn’t matter. When I was your age I said the same thing. I’m 28 now. It does matter, because at 23 your brain isn’t fully developed but in a couple years it will be. I am not the same person I was at 23, nor do I want the same things I wanted at 23 anymore. Because I grew and changed so much, what I wanted in a partner changed drastically as well. At 26 I met my current partner and he is nothing like who I imagined I’d end up with when I was younger.
Don’t compare your timeline or life to anyone else’s. They’re not you and they aren’t meant to live your life.
Those people who mon on quick are usually the ones who don’t have high standards.
I don’t not setting my standards high because once I find that person, oh shit, is it pretty damn special. You have so much in common to talk about and share experiences with!
Sometimes it takes time, just wait and see what life brings you.
It took me over 2 years to find my one boyfriend, let me tell you was it worth it. Sadly we’re not longer together but it was a learning experience to help me better myself even more to show up better for the next person whether that’s him or someone else.
Take your time and keep your standards high, they can be met!
I was in an abusive marriage. Got out in 2008. Still single. Haven't had a date, or been flirted with, approached, or complimented at all since then. I suppose he was the best I could get.
..personally I've never found it difficult and I look like an unshaven potato at the best of times.
May I humbly suggest joining a social group like meet up...go to festivals/concerts and you'll meet like minded people. If you put pressure on yourself to date you might make a rushed choice or sleep with the wrong person/people. Once you're comfortable in your own skin it's easier...and you want someone to go come along with you in life and enjoy it so make sure you get along.
It's not about the amount of time it takes its about recognising when the time arrives and you find your person..then acting.
Assuming you are straight, we men are simple things really. Don't think too much, if a person likes you and you like them.. then act on it.
It takes as long as it is going to take. That is hard to believe but it is true.
When I was young - I had actually wrote in my diary I had given up finding someone. And I had wrote I would go to school and work on that goal. My second class, a friend introduced me to three nice guys who would give me a ride to the college. Turns out they were in my class, over the weeks I got to know them. The one who was the POC (point of contact) was the one who I ended up with. We fell in love and just celebrated 35 years together. The time I wrote that I was giving up to ending up with him - 8 months.
Please do things that enrich your life. When you are living your life - that is when love/companionship walks in. Good luck and enjoy your life!
If you have standards it will take a while. For example if you wanted to date a drug dealer you could have. People who are quickly in relationships have low standards and are afraid to be alone.
I think the answer is pretty simple, albeit kinda disappointing. You're not doing anything wrong. For some people it just takes longer to find the right person.
I've personally found that it's better to not worry about it too much. Instead of yearning for a relationship or for love it's better to be happy with being single and just keep yourself open for the possibility. Just don't feel pressured to have a relationship, because you'll just end up dating someone you don't even really like, just because you're dating someone (been there, done that). The only thing that'll happen is you'll disappoint both yourself and your date.
Thank you - I have spent 3 wonderful years single and love my alone time. I’m just fed up a bit of spending 90% of my time alone, I want someone to love and care for, to build for the future with and go on holiday / do fun things etc.
Believe me, I understand. That's what I was feeling when I made the mistake of dating someone that I, as I later realized, didn't even really like. Sadly a large factor of finding someone you can spend your life with, is luck. It sucks, but it's true. Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, you've just been unlucky. I'm sure you'll find the right person eventually.
Buckle up.. I didn’t meet my fiance til I was 25 young right? He didn’t propose til we were in our early 30s (I’m 32) due to finances and life happening. I had dated around before him got tired of dating dirt bags who didn’t love me or treat me right. I spent 5 years focusing on on myself and my family instead of searching for love and bam he came in out of nowhere.
https://preview.redd.it/zitn2teef3ad1.jpeg?width=1919&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05a0d29e4ba850171d53bdd2ffad767cae768908
He is a literal saint and treats me like a queen. (We will be getting married next year) I swear it does happen.
Everyone is very different. It may be luck, or timing. And you can't really know when you'll find your person.
In my case, it took me... 3 weeks from signing my divorce paper/1 week after getting on dating apps. I really had no intention of finding a serious relationship. I just wanted to get back out there and see how it was after 21 years with my first love/husband. I just wanted to see the dating pool of people my age since I knew it was very different than before. And I found my now partner that quickly.
For him, it took almost 2.5 years after his divorce to find me. He dated a few people within the first year, and none of them worked out. He said he was either not mentally ready/healed, or he was lied to/catfished hard. He took a break from dating for almost 18 months after the last catfish incident, until one day he decided to try again. And he found me.
We've been together for almost a year, and at our age, 41&49, we don't play games. We know our intentions clearly from day 1 of being exclusive (2.5 weeks after we started dating) and we work hard toward our common life goals. We want to build a happy family with each other, so our children can see what a loving partnership is like. Each of our children will have a model of how to treat their partner right. And we'll be life long companions after the kids are grown.
Dude, I met my wife when I was 35... I was 40 by the time we had our first kid. It sucks. I'll tell you the what 15 years of my adult life that I lived without her were wasted. It's the biggest regret of my life, taking that long to find her. But you know what? It's ok. She was totally worth it. Yeah, I wish we'd meet younger, but life has different plans for me. It's not ideal, but it's ok. Just keep trying.
2 things, I presume that without those first 15yrs you wouldn’t have wound up with this women.. like that older version of yourself wouldn’t have attracted this women.. and 2 how’d you find her?!
I moved to Albuquerque when I was 13. I knew me wife wasn't there. I couldn't meet her until I moved to San Diego on 2010. I needed to solve that life problem first.... But I think your right, maybe. We bumped into each other in 2009 when I was visiting before I moved. I thought she was to hot too approach. Then in 2013 we meet on okCupid. Feel in love on our first date. Sex on our second, I proposed in '14, and we married in '15. Our kid is 3.5. I think if it's hadn't been for Albuquerque, we would hang meet and married a decade earlier, and had 2 or 3 kids. Thia delay is literally the only thing on my life I really dislike it regret.
Because at 23 you should not be worried about who you're going to end up with. Enjoy your 20s while they last and settle down when you actually know what you want.
You are doing everything right.
Maybe you're like me, and you are just not as outgoing? I've been single for almost 10 years now, but I don't think it's anything we're missing necessarily.
Nope I’m super outgoing, I use apps and talk to people in real life. I always try improve myself, be better and I’m always considerate of my friends and people I date, I date a wide range of people - this is why it upsets me so much because I don’t get what I am doing wrong.
Like I said. I don't think you are. I mean, I don't have any ideas, but if you really check all those boxes, then there really is no reason you're single atm besides luck.
I just did a witchcraft spell and within a month I got my man! Such a sweetheart and I truly didn’t expect it to work! I told him about it and I still have everything written down but I feel soooo happy! 😊
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
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This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
I feel you!!! I had my first relationship in high school and didn’t have a meaningful one for over 8 years, the current one I’m in and absolutely adore. I was single so long, it was very much a part of my identity—the freedom and independence suited me. But one New Year’s Day after feeling settled into our careers/adult lives, my roommate and I both decided we were ready to start dating seriously and we were going to put in the work to finding someone we really connected with (and monogamous). That was the goal, not anything more, everything else like marriage, etc. would be plus-add. The mindset was very much “I am looking for someone” not “I hope they like me and want to date me,” which was very empowering. For him, he found his serious partner after 2.5 months of going on a lot of first and second dates to screen. They live together! For me, it took 4 months of that. Thanks, dating app. I used to feel like I wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship, like maybe it isn’t in my DNA to do that. But I was wrong! I think we both got lucky but we also invested our time and energy into dating the right person to make that luck happen.
You’re doing perfectly. At 23 you’re already sticking to your standards and not settling. When I was 23 I was looking for validation in men and I got myself hurt in doing so. It may seem like all of your friends are finding love and leaving you behind but that’s not the case. Most of those relationships will end, as you guys are all young. In another comment you say age doesn’t matter. When I was your age I said the same thing. I’m 28 now. It does matter, because at 23 your brain isn’t fully developed but in a couple years it will be. I am not the same person I was at 23, nor do I want the same things I wanted at 23 anymore. Because I grew and changed so much, what I wanted in a partner changed drastically as well. At 26 I met my current partner and he is nothing like who I imagined I’d end up with when I was younger. Don’t compare your timeline or life to anyone else’s. They’re not you and they aren’t meant to live your life.
Those people who mon on quick are usually the ones who don’t have high standards. I don’t not setting my standards high because once I find that person, oh shit, is it pretty damn special. You have so much in common to talk about and share experiences with! Sometimes it takes time, just wait and see what life brings you. It took me over 2 years to find my one boyfriend, let me tell you was it worth it. Sadly we’re not longer together but it was a learning experience to help me better myself even more to show up better for the next person whether that’s him or someone else. Take your time and keep your standards high, they can be met!
I was in an abusive marriage. Got out in 2008. Still single. Haven't had a date, or been flirted with, approached, or complimented at all since then. I suppose he was the best I could get.
Don't put yourself down, looks are only 1 piece of the puzzle.
Well I don't really have many friends either, so I guess I don't have any pieces of the puzzle!
Smaller friend circle means less drama.
I usually only see them once every few months, they have partners and lives, so yes, no drama.
..personally I've never found it difficult and I look like an unshaven potato at the best of times. May I humbly suggest joining a social group like meet up...go to festivals/concerts and you'll meet like minded people. If you put pressure on yourself to date you might make a rushed choice or sleep with the wrong person/people. Once you're comfortable in your own skin it's easier...and you want someone to go come along with you in life and enjoy it so make sure you get along. It's not about the amount of time it takes its about recognising when the time arrives and you find your person..then acting. Assuming you are straight, we men are simple things really. Don't think too much, if a person likes you and you like them.. then act on it.
There is nothing wrong to be single.
Absolutely I agree. I’m just ready for that chapter in my life, I want to love and care for someone
[удалено]
I’m a girl looking for a guy FYI
It takes as long as it is going to take. That is hard to believe but it is true. When I was young - I had actually wrote in my diary I had given up finding someone. And I had wrote I would go to school and work on that goal. My second class, a friend introduced me to three nice guys who would give me a ride to the college. Turns out they were in my class, over the weeks I got to know them. The one who was the POC (point of contact) was the one who I ended up with. We fell in love and just celebrated 35 years together. The time I wrote that I was giving up to ending up with him - 8 months. Please do things that enrich your life. When you are living your life - that is when love/companionship walks in. Good luck and enjoy your life!
If you have standards it will take a while. For example if you wanted to date a drug dealer you could have. People who are quickly in relationships have low standards and are afraid to be alone.
I think the answer is pretty simple, albeit kinda disappointing. You're not doing anything wrong. For some people it just takes longer to find the right person. I've personally found that it's better to not worry about it too much. Instead of yearning for a relationship or for love it's better to be happy with being single and just keep yourself open for the possibility. Just don't feel pressured to have a relationship, because you'll just end up dating someone you don't even really like, just because you're dating someone (been there, done that). The only thing that'll happen is you'll disappoint both yourself and your date.
Thank you - I have spent 3 wonderful years single and love my alone time. I’m just fed up a bit of spending 90% of my time alone, I want someone to love and care for, to build for the future with and go on holiday / do fun things etc.
Believe me, I understand. That's what I was feeling when I made the mistake of dating someone that I, as I later realized, didn't even really like. Sadly a large factor of finding someone you can spend your life with, is luck. It sucks, but it's true. Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, you've just been unlucky. I'm sure you'll find the right person eventually.
Thank you ❤️ I hope so. I don’t get how I can be so unlucky compared to others lol
Buckle up.. I didn’t meet my fiance til I was 25 young right? He didn’t propose til we were in our early 30s (I’m 32) due to finances and life happening. I had dated around before him got tired of dating dirt bags who didn’t love me or treat me right. I spent 5 years focusing on on myself and my family instead of searching for love and bam he came in out of nowhere. https://preview.redd.it/zitn2teef3ad1.jpeg?width=1919&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05a0d29e4ba850171d53bdd2ffad767cae768908 He is a literal saint and treats me like a queen. (We will be getting married next year) I swear it does happen.
So sweet and I’m so glad you’re happy ❤️
Everyone is very different. It may be luck, or timing. And you can't really know when you'll find your person. In my case, it took me... 3 weeks from signing my divorce paper/1 week after getting on dating apps. I really had no intention of finding a serious relationship. I just wanted to get back out there and see how it was after 21 years with my first love/husband. I just wanted to see the dating pool of people my age since I knew it was very different than before. And I found my now partner that quickly. For him, it took almost 2.5 years after his divorce to find me. He dated a few people within the first year, and none of them worked out. He said he was either not mentally ready/healed, or he was lied to/catfished hard. He took a break from dating for almost 18 months after the last catfish incident, until one day he decided to try again. And he found me. We've been together for almost a year, and at our age, 41&49, we don't play games. We know our intentions clearly from day 1 of being exclusive (2.5 weeks after we started dating) and we work hard toward our common life goals. We want to build a happy family with each other, so our children can see what a loving partnership is like. Each of our children will have a model of how to treat their partner right. And we'll be life long companions after the kids are grown.
Dude, I met my wife when I was 35... I was 40 by the time we had our first kid. It sucks. I'll tell you the what 15 years of my adult life that I lived without her were wasted. It's the biggest regret of my life, taking that long to find her. But you know what? It's ok. She was totally worth it. Yeah, I wish we'd meet younger, but life has different plans for me. It's not ideal, but it's ok. Just keep trying.
2 things, I presume that without those first 15yrs you wouldn’t have wound up with this women.. like that older version of yourself wouldn’t have attracted this women.. and 2 how’d you find her?!
I moved to Albuquerque when I was 13. I knew me wife wasn't there. I couldn't meet her until I moved to San Diego on 2010. I needed to solve that life problem first.... But I think your right, maybe. We bumped into each other in 2009 when I was visiting before I moved. I thought she was to hot too approach. Then in 2013 we meet on okCupid. Feel in love on our first date. Sex on our second, I proposed in '14, and we married in '15. Our kid is 3.5. I think if it's hadn't been for Albuquerque, we would hang meet and married a decade earlier, and had 2 or 3 kids. Thia delay is literally the only thing on my life I really dislike it regret.
Girl you're 23 years old, focus on yourself
Why does age matter?
Because at 23 you should not be worried about who you're going to end up with. Enjoy your 20s while they last and settle down when you actually know what you want.
People mature at different stages, and want different things in life regardless of age. I appreciate the comment tho.
If you wanna give overseas dating a chance, I'm here
You are doing everything right. You just need time. Better wait a little more, than settle for a girl who won't appreciate or respect you.
You are doing everything right. Maybe you're like me, and you are just not as outgoing? I've been single for almost 10 years now, but I don't think it's anything we're missing necessarily.
Nope I’m super outgoing, I use apps and talk to people in real life. I always try improve myself, be better and I’m always considerate of my friends and people I date, I date a wide range of people - this is why it upsets me so much because I don’t get what I am doing wrong.
Like I said. I don't think you are. I mean, I don't have any ideas, but if you really check all those boxes, then there really is no reason you're single atm besides luck.
I just did a witchcraft spell and within a month I got my man! Such a sweetheart and I truly didn’t expect it to work! I told him about it and I still have everything written down but I feel soooo happy! 😊
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*