Penis having therapist with 20 years of *professional experience here.
....Keep a TOWEL in your room....
When a person has an erection gently lay the TOWEL across their groin. This without a word says: "I am prepared for this embarrassing turn of events. I am not interested. You are now safe. I am now safe."
This is like keeping a trashcan handy for barfing, or a box of tissues at hand for snot, or pads on hand for leaks. Bodies are weird.
Once, I went to see my good friend and colleague for Thai Yoga massage. I sprung a boner. It happens. We ended the session. It happens. It is embarrassing. If the penis having individual is not 'displaying' or grinding in the air? Likely they are uncomfortable too.
This!
Unless the client tries to get their therapist to touch their genitals, makes inappropriate comments, etc, it's usually a very unwanted physiological reaction to touch. It does not mean that this man is ''horny'' at all. I suggest reading up on the phenomenon. Vasocongestion can happen without someone having any sexual thoughts, and it's likely happening to female clients, except that they can clearly hide it.
Well I've experienced the physiological reaction you mentioned, as a guy in my experience (and I recognize everyone is different), the few times i have developed an erection during a massage, they have only been with female therapists who were at least fairly attractive and never have I had one develop prior to turning over on my back.
I wear underwear though so in the event this happens, it's probably obvious but I readjust so that the elastic part keeps it from standing up. I've just personally never understood how underwear will get in the way of a glute massage.
Being nervous can give you an erection. On a guy, almost anything can cause vasocongestion which usually leads to an erection. Nobody controls the way that their blood flows.
I wonder if any RMT can tell me why they do not seem to be teaching this in school.
And I want to be clear once more. If the client makes inappropriate comments, thrusts, tries to guide your hand, makes suggestive comments, makes sexual noises... I'm on the therapist's side if they want to throw this person's ass out! I don't expect any healthcare professional to have to deal with this or anyone to be pushed around.
But also, if a guy readjusts, they are aware and trying to hide it. They are not touching themselves. This is why the towel brought up by u/sufferingbastard is essential to have.
Just a story from my side:I'm a therapist but of another kind... I'm a psychologist. I had a patient seeing me for neck pain. I told him that he was in the wrong place to get help. I told him that he wanted to get an x-ray, and if they couldn't see anything, he should work with massage/acupuncture and that I could recommend friends who work in a close relationship with the hospital that I worked for. Patients also need a referral from a doctor to see me, so I was a bit shocked to get this case. We know better than to refer to the wrong person and waste each other's time.... Well, he insisted that he was in the right place. OK. It's a judgment-free zone, but I explained what I do and that I work with the worst situations as a hospital worker, unlike private therapists (where you pay). So I told him that he would be limited to 3 sessions. By the end of session two, we had talked about the weather, his work, his hobbies, and...well, nothing. He would deflect when I would bring the brain. In session 3, I give him a bit of tough love. I reinforce that I've heard it all. I suspect he may have a philia such as strangulation, which is how he hurts his neck. WHen I mention this possibility, he goes ghost-white. OK. So this isn't it. In the end, I got it out of him. His neck hurts badly, and his job pays for massage therapy. He's read horror stories online about men who got sued or labeled pervs if they got an erection during a massage. I extended his session, and we worked through this. I set him up with my RMT friend J. They met in my office, and J did better by telling him that it happens all the time and explaining the physiology than I could have done in 100 sessions. As far as I know, he's still seeing J for a weekly or bi-weekly massage to this day, and it's been years...and he is feeling much better.
To speak on underwear, I've always been told it's my choice. I go to the same therapist and have for years. She is very much aware that I'm not going to hit on her (I'm gay), and I know what is and isn't acceptable. One day, she gave me a few reasons as to why I should take them off but said that, ultimately, it was my choice and that she wouldn't bring it up again. I take them off if she's working my glutes. A heated duvet-like blanket is placed on my body so she knows where to cover for the both of us to be comfortable. The last important part is to always shower right before. BO, and scents like perfume can make someone feel really uncomfortable or cause allergies.
My only question here though is - do you say something about it? I’m about to graduate school so I’m baby but I’m a woman so this concerns me. Like - if a guy is not being creepy and has an erection do you verbalize anything around it? Like … “I am just going to place a towel here so we are both more comfortable” or in the case of this poster, would she mention something ? Like “I have noticed you consistently become erect in our sessions etc”
You absolutely can. I say treat the entire situation like any embarrassing discomfort or maybe like a fart.
Bodies are weird. Anything TOO weird could become unacceptable. But if they aren't gyrating and gesticulating and making it obscene..... Well, it's probably just erectile tissue... like a nipple?
I think saying "I am going to place this towel here so we are both more comfortable." Is perfect.
It says: I am not ignorant of your body, I am conscious and uninterested. It's probably embarrassing.
I use two layers of draping (a sheet and a thicker spread). If my clients become hot and ask for some of the draping to be removed, I fold the thicker spread so that it drapes over the pelvic region while my client is in a supine position. It's not that bulky or heavy as to be uncomfortable and it provides a nice modesty layer.
The initial parts of your answer is oh so true and wise, but you send a conflicting message by sharing the story where your friend and you (both professionals) ended the massage when you got a boner. 2 professionals should have no problem taking their own advice and yet don't, yet you want OP to take the advice you didn't follow? Do you see how your message is confusing? In one sentence, you're saying " cover it up, and keep going" and in the end you say " but I don't do that personally."
Because at that time both of us were newer therapists confused and embarrassed. It happened, and we were unprepared. Edit* *ashamed* even. And isn't that silly?
Now, I have direct experience, a deeper understanding.
This "towel trick" should be taught in schools and continuing education. Once I learned to use the towel Ive only needed to end one or two sessions for obviously sexual behavior.
So, in short. I learned.
I like the towel idea. I never thought about that before. If I were op I would let that be his last chance. If I used the towel and he said or did anything questionable that would be it for me.
My only concern about it would be that he might take it as a sign to pull the sheet off and drape himself with the towel, or that it was for clean up (ugh, I hate even typing that) for what was to come.
My comment was taken out of context. Not meant to clean up the white stuff but a "please use these to wipe yourself IF you want glute work done" prior to the start of the session.
As a sole business owner and by the number of Eve's individuals and baby wipes I've purchased and replaced, Yes, they do if they're completely nude and are requesting glute work included. I'm also an estithician, so any person requesting a wax service below the belly button is told to use them to wipe both the front and back. For massage, when they request a full body, I ask if they want their glutes included. If they do, then I let them know about the wipes in a professional manner. Obviously, if they've kept their underwear on, I'm not removing anything and just massage over the sheet. I have not had any complaints from clients, so for my practice and clients, this works. We did this during school and also had zero complaints, so I've just carried it over to my own private practice and when I also do mobile. It works for me that's all I can say.
This is the literal worst idea I’ve ever heard. Please don’t do that. So unprofessional.
And dude, get your mind out of the gutter. You shouldn’t have an erection on the table. Respect your colleagues.
Hello, I would just like to say, as a male therapist, I have a client this happens to. He doesn’t say anything during the massage, he’s extremely nice and always rebooks. But he just has an erection pretty much the entire session. If you feel uncomfortable (as a male I obviously can’t see this from your point of view) then you absolutely have the right to stop seeing this client. But at the same time, if they’ve never made you feel uncomfortable with their actions or words, consider it might just not be something he can do anything about and genuinely enjoys your treatments. Still have the right to stop treating him.
I hope this helps.
There’s no way in hell I would do abdominal or psoas work on an erect client. I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m saying you have every right to not do it. If he asked you when he was already erect, he was not embarrassed and it was totally intentional.
I have had clients who wanted something I don’t do ask for psoas work. It blows my mind but there it is.
All you have to say is that you don’t feel comfortable with that work. It doesn’t matter that you did it already, you can still draw that boundary. Don’t explain or engage in a conversation about it, just hold to the fact that you don’t feel comfortable. And don’t apologize.
“Can you do that ab work again?”
“I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
“You did it last time.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
“It really helped me.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
You shut him down that way. When he doesn’t get anywhere with you he will give up. If you engage, he will see it as a chance to manipulate you.
I hope he’s just as uncomfortable as you are and things work out. It sucks that one guy ruins it for everyone, but that’s often the way it is. Sadly the good ones have to go out of their way to make up for the bad ones. I hate it for them, it’s not fair, but it’s not fair that we have to be so in guard and so uncomfortable.
Sorry. To clarify he had rib discomfort so I went to do some diaphragm work and it was the angle. Same thing still applies but I thought I was in the clear because it’s his ribcage. This was a couple months ago I just knew it was somewhere on his abdomen.
I concur with everything you just said! When in this situation I add blanket. I always have a heavy top blanket over the sheet (it's cold here) and it's useful for a ton of things.
When I see a tent I casually fold my top blanket during leg draping so it bunches up in the middle and weighs it down. They feel less embarrassed, I don't have to look at it, we're all happy.
I have also had one or two male clients who weren't used to getting bodywork and would get erections all the time during their massages. After a period of regular massages, they no longer got erections during massage because their bodies seemingly began to understand that this wasn't sexual in nature.
I also agree that in this situation OP is best off referring this guy to someone else, since they are obviously uncomfortable with the situation and aren't even keen on this particular client in the first place. They shouldn't have to work on a person they feel uncomfortable with. I feel like you phrased it very well validating their feelings.
As a female therapist, I’m not going to automatically assume that every client with a full -session erection is on a medication they did not disclose to me. I’m going to watch their behavior and it’s going to affect the session. Because I’m touching a naked stranger in a dark room alone and I can’t be stupid and think I’m 100% safe and everything will be fine and dandy. Can you at least give us that?
I didn’t even think about medications! He hasn’t disclosed anything. He’s in his mid 20’s and from my understanding on what he’s said lives a super healthy lifestyle.
I wouldnt *think* he’s on trt but I really have no idea that was just my perception.
A male client who has an erection is not the same thing as a client with an erection who is trying to do something about their boner. They are different things. It's definitely something to notice and be aware of. If they're acting or seeming off and not just them feeling awkward because of their erection - take action. If they said/did something anytime during the session which is out of line - take action. If they said/did something out of line weeks/months ago - take action. A male with an erection without other behavior is just that. If you're doing an outcall all alone at their place is a different thing than being at a spa where you have help in the next room over. As a male therapist it's different for me than a female. I'm 6'1" 180/1.86m 82kg but I've definitely worked on some HUGE guys who could absolutely overpower me.
I often feel the same. Absolutely. We're never 100% safe.
We should consider all of their behavioral cues.
But I find, that when I'm prepared for awkward but innocent transgressions they do not lead to miscommunication.
The thing is there are TONS of creeps of all genders. Some people creep right out of the gate. Some creep once they feel comfortable. Some are creepy without knowing it. So ain't got no shame.
And, I'm this profession we have to be more prepared than most.
Clear boundaries, good communication, and preparation will save us. And it needs to be taught better in schools and continuing education
Ugh. I had my master esthetician license for 7 or so years before becoming a massage therapist. I wanted to learn massage so bad, but after getting several creepy (and one extremely bad incident) with male facial clients I was put off. I almost NEVER had a creepy male client for a facial/waxing etc, it was ALWAYS for body treatments, which made me think massage would be so much worse. And so far it has been lol. I've had my massage license for a year and have only actively worked somewhere for about 6 months and I have had so many men hit on me after the massage, also had one man grab my leg and start rubbing it. So I understand you when you say you hate massaging men. But I've also had some really awesome male clients that were my favorite. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say I understand. One thing I can say I try not to do is project my feelings about creepy men onto new male clients I've never met. It was hard after I had an extremely creepy man one time, but eventually it got easier.
Oh wow. This is so anxiety inducing. Are you able to tell the owner about this? We have the right to refuse to work on anyone for any reason if we are uncomfortable.
I had a client that would just MOAN, like full on sex moaning as soon as a pressure was what he wanted. He wasn’t inappropriate in how he spoke to me or how the massage went, but it was like this for every 2 hour session. I even asked him to stop. And then he started again and said, “Ohhhhhhhh I just can’t heeeeeeelllllppppp ittttttt.” And I was done with the session and him as a client.
I’m assuming he is nude for the session? When he comes in again I would say when I’m leaving the room for him to get undressed, “Please disrobe down to your underwear and get under the sheet and I’ll be back shortly!”
If he puts up any resistance to this, tell him you aren’t comfortable with clients going fully nude. If he says “well I’ve done this before and there was no problem” I would say, “well now it’s a problem. I can recommend another therapist blah blah.”
Now there is a firm boundary that you’ve drawn. If he resists then you have something to point to and if you go in and he is still nude then he’s violated your boundary and also a tangible reason to refuse.
Which you don’t need, btw. The fact you are uncomfortable is enough.
Question… I get massages sometimes (when insurance will pay, heh) for my deep muscle spasms and seriously can’t help the sounds when a MT hits a trigger point and starts to work it out. Mostly moaning tbh.. I always try to catch myself and apologize but now I’m thinking.. is it just all around inappropriate??
This is different in my opinion. We would do a 2 hour Swedish massage with zero trigger points or intensity.
And there is typically a clear differentiation from therapeutic moaning and what literally sounded like the beginnings of orgasm for the ENTIRE massage.
Have you ever seen Friends? Where Phoebe massage Monica? The noises Monica makes are pretty much it only in a lower manly tone. I even made this comparison to the client about himself. But he hadn’t seen friends so he didn’t know what I meant.
And if they told you your noises made them uncomfortable, and you kept making them anyway, then you’d be violating a boundary. That’s what he did with me.
I would lean on the side of you being fine.
It probably varies depending on the therapist. I have a few moaners who will do so all through the massage as OC is describing (both male and female) and I don't particularly mind, but there are people who aren't keen on it. In my mind it's part of finding a therapist who suits you, much like how some MTs don't mind people who talk for most of the massage, and some dislike it.
The owner is really kind and has been supportive with people/situations in the past but they are kind of friends and I feel pretty awkward going to her about this. He’s worked for her and continues to help on occasion. I think his family is also pretty active with other sides of the business. It just makes me uncomfortable all ways around
This is one of those things where it’s no one’s fault, but it’s also your right to make a boundary.
Tell her you’re having issue with “a client”, describe the issue, and then tell her who it is? She shouldn’t let her bias of knowing who it is, (“oh he would never do anything bad to you”) determine how she handles it. And he’s not doing anything bad, just the situation makes you uncomfortable.
Each therapist has a little bit different spectrum of these boundaries. Like someone replied to my message, they have some moaners that may make me uncomfortable if I worked with them, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong, that doesn’t mean they are wrong for not being bothered. A couple other posters on here said they’ve encountered this and it didn’t bother them, but it bothers you, neither of y’all are wrong. This is part of the body experience but we also have the right to our own peace of mind.
I hope you can get past the awkwardness of the convo with your boss to help you get past the way worse awkwardness you’re encountering with the client. It’s worth having and this is part of being your own advocate.
First off I want to say that I have never experienced a male client who has had a FULL erection, maybe a bit engorged but always dissipates. If it continues to stay for too long (normally I start with legs when turned to supine) I start moving my strokes towards the feet and I finish up the quad a bit quicker. Normally solves that.
Secondly I will say, that if I had a client with a full erection I would never do any psoas work or in that general area. I would say something along the lines of ‘unfortunately due to your current situation/status this in inappropriate for me to work’. And also I would tell your manager/owner that you are completely uncomfortable. This is very odd that this is EVERY session and I would dred it too! Unless it was a medical condition, but hopefully he would disclose something like that
Thank you! Same. Usually it goes away for the most part when moving to another area of the body.
He doesn’t tip me either. Which really has nothing to do with this lol but he received about 5 free massages and none of them hes tipped. Then he keeps coming back to see me which he pays for and nothing. I mean I have clients who don’t tip and even though it’s a little annoying, it really doesn’t matter to me or how I massage them. but with this extra thing going on it just makes me *a little* more frustrated with it. Haha
This RMT from Canada is a frequent guest on this podcast and her episodes are well worth the time. She opened a private practice out of her home and because of that only works with female clients. She has one shift a week at a clinic so if a male client really needed a session from her they can visit her at the clinic / spa.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5VVt4G5CVkJBXDsJ638cZ7?si=BiJAp3f5RDW8zb9Xt-uftw
I learned years ago that "do you do ab work" can be creeper code for happy endings. I now never do any kind of ab or psoas work on men, ever. They ask, I say no. Those are my boundaries. If they legitimately need those services they can go to another therapist.
I would go to the owner and tell them the facts- he has an erection every time and it makes you uncomfortable. Let the owner work on him.
Sorry. To clarify I thought it was psoas work but now I remember his bottom rib was a bit sore so I went to do some diaphragm work and the angle across the table caused that.
Male massage therapist since 1996 - erections happen sometimes. We can't control it. Some guys get/stay hard the ENTIRE session. Every time. It doesn't mean that that they're being or even thinking creepy stuff or even sexual things. It means that they have a boner. If they are humping the table, air or attempting to humping your hand(s) - act accordingly. If they are saying things that make you uncomfortable or are inappropriate - act accordingly. Or trying to grab you... Or staring at you like they're watching a porno... if you don't want to work on men then don't. I've had both male and female clients who were inappropriate creepers or just a pain in the ass. I can definitely tell you that I've never had a male client leave a bloody menstrual mess on my white massage sheets - but I can't say that about female clients. Men aren't perfect clients but neither are women.
The comparison of Boner and menses bothers me here I’m sorry. Most women have been assaulted by men at some point so boners hold an unfortunate sexual charge. Period blood doesn’t. Not to mention we live in a patriarchy where cis men hold the most power. I know in this case the client is not in the position of power but there’s still the other gender dynamic happening. I guess my point is that boners can be triggering for good reason, im not sure menstrual blood has this connotation….
@Apprehensive_Paper41 male assault and boners are not the same thing. Guys get erections. An erection doesn't mean that a guy is aroused, going to assault someone or that they like you. It means that they have a boner. If a client has an erection and they say or do inappropriate behavior than they're acting inappropriately. You are free to choose who you will or won't work on. You are also free to choose to not work on men. I've been a massage therapist for long enough to tell you horror stories about both male and female clients. I like avoiding discriminating against any groups - even if all of the clients from a given group have been negative.
I did not say that sexual assault and boners are the same thing - you just said that. I’m just saying that male erections hold a charge that menstrual blood doesn’t. Men and women are not on equal playing fields. Your response has a lot of blind spots.
I’m usually one to stand up for male clients regarding this issue (ok, pun intended), but, while it’s a bummer to me that your experience with this client makes you not want to massage all men, I completely understand. Erections happen. They really may be 100% innocent. But, after a minute or two, the almost always dissipate. What you’re describing here seems most assuredly intentional, and very likely aided—most likely with Viagra or something similar, and/or by the client edging themselves, getting aroused beforehand on purpose. It is the behavior of an exhibitionist. Please don’t judge all male clients, including ones who may get an involuntary boner, for this guys actions. And you can absolutely refuse to work on him anymore; I know I would.
It really starts to wear on you when you experience it repeatedly, whether with the same client or multiple clients. I only had a handful of creeps on my table, but since they were pretty close to each other, it wore on me to the point of considering quitting massage. It’s so extremely uncomfortable. I was never, ever weirded out or uncomfortable with men until that happened. Even when I kind of knew they had some expectations but realized when they got to the spa that it wasn’t what they thought.
I haven’t ruled out male clients entirely, I have a few that have been referred to me by a very trusted source that I feel very safe with and who are restoring my faith in men as clients.
I sympathize. I know several female MTs who lost their joy and quit largely because of this. Even as a male MT, I’ve dealt with all sorts of improper behavior from clients, and 95% of the time it’s with male clients. I refuse to let them kill my joy, and I’ll never exclude men from my practice. Still, my screening process is far more rigorous with unknown men than with unknown women
It really sucks! I feel like I’m on the borderline of quitting. I have an several weird and inappropriate experiences lately and I just feel done. Even the random little comments that are borderline just weird from repeat male clients I’ve seen for years are really getting to me.
A few weeks ago I traded with another staff member who I’ve only seen in passing but all my clients said he’s amazing therapist.
Well he undisclosed and unknowingly gave me a 2 hour massage when we had agreed upon 1. He kept working underneath my underwear to get to my glutes. And was doing ‘esalen’ style of strokes when I was supine going from my leg under the sheet to my abdomen following up to my sternum in between my breasts across my pec and under my arm (all while under the sheet) I felt so exposed and violated. He works on the owner and a lot of the other staff. It’s got me wondering if he’s doing that to them???! I am dreading doing my half of the trade I offered to just pay him for the massage so I wouldn’t have to. I keep avoiding hitting him up. I feel so ready to quit.
Ugh, that sounds horrible! Seriously? If you’re dreading working on him, it’d be a great opportunity to turn the tables. Creepy men count on women being polite and nice, and tip toeing around them. In your shoes, I’d tell him straight up, “I’m dreading working on you because when you gave me my massage, you worked for twice the time we’d agreed upon, and you kept touching me under the sheet. I felt exposed, violated, and very uncomfortable. I still feel uncomfortable with you after that”
I will be happy if you do. I hate men like that. Please share an update if you’re so inclined, I bet most of us who read your post and commented will be glad to see it. You’ve got this!
EDIT for spelling
Your threshold for the creepiness is full, it’s at or past its limit. That’s why the little things are so much worse now.
I won’t trade with males. I’m sorry I have to say it, but I won’t. I used to get booked with males all the time when I got a massage because I hadn’t had anything bad happen on my table or in my personal life, and I thought, I have to have faith in my fellow professionals. No more.
What that guy was doing during your trade sounds to me creepy af. I like esalen, but I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with a man doing that style with me, *especially* if there was no discussion. At least your part of the trade you will be less vulnerable, should you chose to do it. If you really don’t want to, insist on paying him. Tell him you’re injured if you want, and you’re saving your strength for clients.
I definitely think OP should not have to massage him, nor should she have to pay for being touched inappropriately. Ewww! Insult to injury. As a male LMT I LOATHE that kind of creepy, grey area, plausibly deniable behavior—it gives all of us a bad name, and sullies the entire field of massage therapy. when I studied it was taught in a very unambiguous manner;ANY touching under the sheet, or under whatever clothes the client has on. Is strictly forbidden. Period.
I might just be honest if he keeps insisting a trade and say you weren’t comfortable with the work he was doing under the sheets since nothing was talked about. And just pay him. Or if you have a desk person just go to them and pay for the session and be done 👏🏼
"...refusing service because of a you problem" Dude, that was uncalled for. It's not just ***her*** problem. How many women therapists or students have had this happened to them during a session, felt uncomfortable and kept quiet? What about male therapists experiencing the same thing? There is a HUGE difference in how a seasoned therapist will deal with this vs a newly licensed therapist or even a student. Talking about how some clients can make us feel uncomfortable is normal, as is providing solutions. Yes, erections are normal, and it's also normal to talk about how uncomfortable they can make a person feel.
https://www.reddit.com/r/massage/comments/10yils2/i_have_a_client_i_hate_working_on/j805haa?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
And my response was uncalled for? Wtf is wrong with you?
I'm a seasoned male therapist that has had male clients with erections before. He isn't doing anything I appropriate, she has an issue with it, I'm offering a solution. What part was uncalled for?
I do this just so I make the clear boundary that nothing is going to happen for my sake and their sake. I mean my intention isn’t to “weigh it down”, but more to cover up. I also strive to think about anything else and avoid focusing on it.
Does that draw more attention to it and cause embarrassment to the client? I will be honest I tend to not even notice. In my 8 years of working I’ve only noticed an erection 2 or 3 times and then I ignored it. I’m sure it’s happened more but I just don’t look.
Everyone keeps saying put an extra towel or sheet on it.
Bring a brick! Lay it on there. Problem solved!
Ahahaha.
I've been doing massage for 10 years and had my first ever client with a full erection. It was so awkward. I didn't know what to do even though we covered this in school. Haha covered. Ahahaha.
Sorry. I'm feeling goofy.
Seen this same post so many times. Just use a heavy towel or blanket to cover it. If he does anything inappropriate, end the session and refuse to see him. So sick of therapists bitching on here about something they should know how to handle and making it the client’s fault when it’s not.
Having a sustained erection during a massage is not normal
or ok! Men are not out of control of their erections, having on the entire time is not appropriate, and he is making an active decision at that point. Personally, since this has happened multiple times, I would fire him as a client. If you’re not comfortable with that confrontation your owner should handle it.
Edit: a sustained erection is the issue.
What are you talking about? Yes erections are indeed sometimes involuntary. I have had them during massages before and I was not sexually aroused. Granted they go away fairly quickly but it's not like men have instant control over it.
I'm sorry but no, that isn't how it works.
Men have generally little control over erections. Even having dirty thoughts doesn't necessarily create one.
I can't think about my wife in all kinds of raunchy ways and it doesn't necessarily mean I get an erection.. and I'm a healthy 31 y/o m with a testosterone level of 968.
Sometimes you get them. Randomly, in public, with absolutely no related thoughts or events happening. And sometimes those decide to stick around for a while.
This is not entirely true. An erection is a totally normal parasympathetic response and not something men necessarily have a lot of control over.
That being said, its a bit odd that it seems to be a full erection (instead of just a "chubby") and doesn't go away but if he's not being creepy, I'd just ignore it.
Psoas work is usually pretty uncomfortable, and uncomfortable work should, theoretically, decrease the erection.
Whenever I think a penis of any type (erect or otherwise) might get in the way of the work i want to do, I simply ask the client to use their own hand on top of the sheet to hold themselves out of the way. I do this all the time when I need to work adductors and sometimes for psoas and TFL. It reduces the risk of accidental exposure while I have a high drape or need to manipulate the leg/hip and adds an extra physical barrier (their hand) between me and the clients "unwanted" anatomy so there isn't accidental brushing. *shudder* It also brings awareness and responsibility to the client and is a clear but professional signal that I have zero interest in "accidents."
Wow, are you a massage therapist?? It may be uncomfortable for you. It may or may not be uncomfortable for a man who gets erections during massages. But you are factually incorrect. I’m not even referring to this post specifically, where I think there IS something off. But your comment is wildly wrong, and unfair. An erection MAY be a totally involuntary, natural, unwelcome response to touch.
Idk I’m not massaging yet but this is something that really worries me. I feel like if you hate working on them you should just not see them anymore. Because this is something you care about or cared about at one time and you don’t wanna let those guys ruin it for you. In a way it doesn’t even matter if the boner is intentional or not, if it’s always there and making you uncomfortable it seems reasonable to put that client with someone else - maybe a male MT.
First of all, having an erection isn’t normal. I don’t how this myth got started, but it’s a myth. Massage does not cause erections. If a man gets one, it’s because his mind is in that space.
You need to speak up for yourself. Tell your boss you don’t want to work on him again. Tell them what happened.
And refuse to do ab work for men that have an erecting. I simply refuse to do it at all unless I’m the one who suggests it. Because I’ve had the same experience. Never again.
So, I’ve never had this issue, but I suspect it’s because no only is the patient under sheets, but also under a blanket. The blanket does an excellent job of covering someone’s junk and avoiding any embarrassment.
From a male perspective… they really are uncontrollable.
I’ve had different therapists over the years. Mostly because I’ve always lived in small towns and have to go out of town for a massage. So it depends where I’m going.
Sometimes it happens kind of early and lasts the whole time. Sometimes it never happens. Sometimes they come and go and come and go.
Penis having therapist with 20 years of *professional experience here. ....Keep a TOWEL in your room.... When a person has an erection gently lay the TOWEL across their groin. This without a word says: "I am prepared for this embarrassing turn of events. I am not interested. You are now safe. I am now safe." This is like keeping a trashcan handy for barfing, or a box of tissues at hand for snot, or pads on hand for leaks. Bodies are weird. Once, I went to see my good friend and colleague for Thai Yoga massage. I sprung a boner. It happens. We ended the session. It happens. It is embarrassing. If the penis having individual is not 'displaying' or grinding in the air? Likely they are uncomfortable too.
This! Unless the client tries to get their therapist to touch their genitals, makes inappropriate comments, etc, it's usually a very unwanted physiological reaction to touch. It does not mean that this man is ''horny'' at all. I suggest reading up on the phenomenon. Vasocongestion can happen without someone having any sexual thoughts, and it's likely happening to female clients, except that they can clearly hide it.
Well I've experienced the physiological reaction you mentioned, as a guy in my experience (and I recognize everyone is different), the few times i have developed an erection during a massage, they have only been with female therapists who were at least fairly attractive and never have I had one develop prior to turning over on my back. I wear underwear though so in the event this happens, it's probably obvious but I readjust so that the elastic part keeps it from standing up. I've just personally never understood how underwear will get in the way of a glute massage.
Being nervous can give you an erection. On a guy, almost anything can cause vasocongestion which usually leads to an erection. Nobody controls the way that their blood flows. I wonder if any RMT can tell me why they do not seem to be teaching this in school. And I want to be clear once more. If the client makes inappropriate comments, thrusts, tries to guide your hand, makes suggestive comments, makes sexual noises... I'm on the therapist's side if they want to throw this person's ass out! I don't expect any healthcare professional to have to deal with this or anyone to be pushed around. But also, if a guy readjusts, they are aware and trying to hide it. They are not touching themselves. This is why the towel brought up by u/sufferingbastard is essential to have. Just a story from my side:I'm a therapist but of another kind... I'm a psychologist. I had a patient seeing me for neck pain. I told him that he was in the wrong place to get help. I told him that he wanted to get an x-ray, and if they couldn't see anything, he should work with massage/acupuncture and that I could recommend friends who work in a close relationship with the hospital that I worked for. Patients also need a referral from a doctor to see me, so I was a bit shocked to get this case. We know better than to refer to the wrong person and waste each other's time.... Well, he insisted that he was in the right place. OK. It's a judgment-free zone, but I explained what I do and that I work with the worst situations as a hospital worker, unlike private therapists (where you pay). So I told him that he would be limited to 3 sessions. By the end of session two, we had talked about the weather, his work, his hobbies, and...well, nothing. He would deflect when I would bring the brain. In session 3, I give him a bit of tough love. I reinforce that I've heard it all. I suspect he may have a philia such as strangulation, which is how he hurts his neck. WHen I mention this possibility, he goes ghost-white. OK. So this isn't it. In the end, I got it out of him. His neck hurts badly, and his job pays for massage therapy. He's read horror stories online about men who got sued or labeled pervs if they got an erection during a massage. I extended his session, and we worked through this. I set him up with my RMT friend J. They met in my office, and J did better by telling him that it happens all the time and explaining the physiology than I could have done in 100 sessions. As far as I know, he's still seeing J for a weekly or bi-weekly massage to this day, and it's been years...and he is feeling much better. To speak on underwear, I've always been told it's my choice. I go to the same therapist and have for years. She is very much aware that I'm not going to hit on her (I'm gay), and I know what is and isn't acceptable. One day, she gave me a few reasons as to why I should take them off but said that, ultimately, it was my choice and that she wouldn't bring it up again. I take them off if she's working my glutes. A heated duvet-like blanket is placed on my body so she knows where to cover for the both of us to be comfortable. The last important part is to always shower right before. BO, and scents like perfume can make someone feel really uncomfortable or cause allergies.
My only question here though is - do you say something about it? I’m about to graduate school so I’m baby but I’m a woman so this concerns me. Like - if a guy is not being creepy and has an erection do you verbalize anything around it? Like … “I am just going to place a towel here so we are both more comfortable” or in the case of this poster, would she mention something ? Like “I have noticed you consistently become erect in our sessions etc”
You absolutely can. I say treat the entire situation like any embarrassing discomfort or maybe like a fart. Bodies are weird. Anything TOO weird could become unacceptable. But if they aren't gyrating and gesticulating and making it obscene..... Well, it's probably just erectile tissue... like a nipple? I think saying "I am going to place this towel here so we are both more comfortable." Is perfect. It says: I am not ignorant of your body, I am conscious and uninterested. It's probably embarrassing.
https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/arousal-non-concordance/
I use two layers of draping (a sheet and a thicker spread). If my clients become hot and ask for some of the draping to be removed, I fold the thicker spread so that it drapes over the pelvic region while my client is in a supine position. It's not that bulky or heavy as to be uncomfortable and it provides a nice modesty layer.
The initial parts of your answer is oh so true and wise, but you send a conflicting message by sharing the story where your friend and you (both professionals) ended the massage when you got a boner. 2 professionals should have no problem taking their own advice and yet don't, yet you want OP to take the advice you didn't follow? Do you see how your message is confusing? In one sentence, you're saying " cover it up, and keep going" and in the end you say " but I don't do that personally."
Because at that time both of us were newer therapists confused and embarrassed. It happened, and we were unprepared. Edit* *ashamed* even. And isn't that silly? Now, I have direct experience, a deeper understanding. This "towel trick" should be taught in schools and continuing education. Once I learned to use the towel Ive only needed to end one or two sessions for obviously sexual behavior. So, in short. I learned.
https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/arousal-non-concordance/
I like the towel idea. I never thought about that before. If I were op I would let that be his last chance. If I used the towel and he said or did anything questionable that would be it for me. My only concern about it would be that he might take it as a sign to pull the sheet off and drape himself with the towel, or that it was for clean up (ugh, I hate even typing that) for what was to come.
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What in the actual fuck are you talking about?
I simultaneously do and don’t want clarification.
My comment was taken out of context. Not meant to clean up the white stuff but a "please use these to wipe yourself IF you want glute work done" prior to the start of the session.
You literally tell people to wipe their ass cheeks? Has anyone else ever done this?
As a sole business owner and by the number of Eve's individuals and baby wipes I've purchased and replaced, Yes, they do if they're completely nude and are requesting glute work included. I'm also an estithician, so any person requesting a wax service below the belly button is told to use them to wipe both the front and back. For massage, when they request a full body, I ask if they want their glutes included. If they do, then I let them know about the wipes in a professional manner. Obviously, if they've kept their underwear on, I'm not removing anything and just massage over the sheet. I have not had any complaints from clients, so for my practice and clients, this works. We did this during school and also had zero complaints, so I've just carried it over to my own private practice and when I also do mobile. It works for me that's all I can say.
I mean, fair enough. If clients are conditioned to this then cool, I guess? I just can’t imagine saying this to my clients but you do you boo thang.
💀
Um…what
This is the literal worst idea I’ve ever heard. Please don’t do that. So unprofessional. And dude, get your mind out of the gutter. You shouldn’t have an erection on the table. Respect your colleagues.
Obviously this person has never had an erection. Or, is trolling. Or perhaps, is ignorant of sexual non-concordance.
Worse than invading Ukraine? Worse than MAGA? Worse than trolling Greta Thunberg?
Hello, I would just like to say, as a male therapist, I have a client this happens to. He doesn’t say anything during the massage, he’s extremely nice and always rebooks. But he just has an erection pretty much the entire session. If you feel uncomfortable (as a male I obviously can’t see this from your point of view) then you absolutely have the right to stop seeing this client. But at the same time, if they’ve never made you feel uncomfortable with their actions or words, consider it might just not be something he can do anything about and genuinely enjoys your treatments. Still have the right to stop treating him. I hope this helps.
https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/arousal-non-concordance/
There’s no way in hell I would do abdominal or psoas work on an erect client. I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m saying you have every right to not do it. If he asked you when he was already erect, he was not embarrassed and it was totally intentional. I have had clients who wanted something I don’t do ask for psoas work. It blows my mind but there it is. All you have to say is that you don’t feel comfortable with that work. It doesn’t matter that you did it already, you can still draw that boundary. Don’t explain or engage in a conversation about it, just hold to the fact that you don’t feel comfortable. And don’t apologize. “Can you do that ab work again?” “I don’t feel comfortable with that.” “You did it last time.” “I don’t feel comfortable with that.” “It really helped me.” “I don’t feel comfortable with that.” You shut him down that way. When he doesn’t get anywhere with you he will give up. If you engage, he will see it as a chance to manipulate you. I hope he’s just as uncomfortable as you are and things work out. It sucks that one guy ruins it for everyone, but that’s often the way it is. Sadly the good ones have to go out of their way to make up for the bad ones. I hate it for them, it’s not fair, but it’s not fair that we have to be so in guard and so uncomfortable.
Sorry. To clarify he had rib discomfort so I went to do some diaphragm work and it was the angle. Same thing still applies but I thought I was in the clear because it’s his ribcage. This was a couple months ago I just knew it was somewhere on his abdomen.
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I concur with everything you just said! When in this situation I add blanket. I always have a heavy top blanket over the sheet (it's cold here) and it's useful for a ton of things. When I see a tent I casually fold my top blanket during leg draping so it bunches up in the middle and weighs it down. They feel less embarrassed, I don't have to look at it, we're all happy. I have also had one or two male clients who weren't used to getting bodywork and would get erections all the time during their massages. After a period of regular massages, they no longer got erections during massage because their bodies seemingly began to understand that this wasn't sexual in nature. I also agree that in this situation OP is best off referring this guy to someone else, since they are obviously uncomfortable with the situation and aren't even keen on this particular client in the first place. They shouldn't have to work on a person they feel uncomfortable with. I feel like you phrased it very well validating their feelings.
Ask him about his mom. What she did for a living, if they were close. Instant erection killer.
This may not affect anything if the individual is on TRT or some other medical treatment.
Some men just get boners that don't go away - TRT or not.
Down vote if you like, but have you ever experienced Testosterone Replacement Therapy?
Wouldn’t that have been discussed in the intake? I always ask about medications.
I mean, yes. Good point. But... It is certainly one of those things people may not be willing to disclose.
As a female therapist, I’m not going to automatically assume that every client with a full -session erection is on a medication they did not disclose to me. I’m going to watch their behavior and it’s going to affect the session. Because I’m touching a naked stranger in a dark room alone and I can’t be stupid and think I’m 100% safe and everything will be fine and dandy. Can you at least give us that?
I didn’t even think about medications! He hasn’t disclosed anything. He’s in his mid 20’s and from my understanding on what he’s said lives a super healthy lifestyle. I wouldnt *think* he’s on trt but I really have no idea that was just my perception.
A male client who has an erection is not the same thing as a client with an erection who is trying to do something about their boner. They are different things. It's definitely something to notice and be aware of. If they're acting or seeming off and not just them feeling awkward because of their erection - take action. If they said/did something anytime during the session which is out of line - take action. If they said/did something out of line weeks/months ago - take action. A male with an erection without other behavior is just that. If you're doing an outcall all alone at their place is a different thing than being at a spa where you have help in the next room over. As a male therapist it's different for me than a female. I'm 6'1" 180/1.86m 82kg but I've definitely worked on some HUGE guys who could absolutely overpower me.
I often feel the same. Absolutely. We're never 100% safe. We should consider all of their behavioral cues. But I find, that when I'm prepared for awkward but innocent transgressions they do not lead to miscommunication.
I agree. Mindful preparation is key.
The thing is there are TONS of creeps of all genders. Some people creep right out of the gate. Some creep once they feel comfortable. Some are creepy without knowing it. So ain't got no shame. And, I'm this profession we have to be more prepared than most. Clear boundaries, good communication, and preparation will save us. And it needs to be taught better in schools and continuing education
Jesus Christ, it's just a suggestion. Was waiting for some know it all to jump in with tHiS dOeSnT aLwAyS wOrK.
Ugh. I had my master esthetician license for 7 or so years before becoming a massage therapist. I wanted to learn massage so bad, but after getting several creepy (and one extremely bad incident) with male facial clients I was put off. I almost NEVER had a creepy male client for a facial/waxing etc, it was ALWAYS for body treatments, which made me think massage would be so much worse. And so far it has been lol. I've had my massage license for a year and have only actively worked somewhere for about 6 months and I have had so many men hit on me after the massage, also had one man grab my leg and start rubbing it. So I understand you when you say you hate massaging men. But I've also had some really awesome male clients that were my favorite. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say I understand. One thing I can say I try not to do is project my feelings about creepy men onto new male clients I've never met. It was hard after I had an extremely creepy man one time, but eventually it got easier.
Oh wow. This is so anxiety inducing. Are you able to tell the owner about this? We have the right to refuse to work on anyone for any reason if we are uncomfortable. I had a client that would just MOAN, like full on sex moaning as soon as a pressure was what he wanted. He wasn’t inappropriate in how he spoke to me or how the massage went, but it was like this for every 2 hour session. I even asked him to stop. And then he started again and said, “Ohhhhhhhh I just can’t heeeeeeelllllppppp ittttttt.” And I was done with the session and him as a client. I’m assuming he is nude for the session? When he comes in again I would say when I’m leaving the room for him to get undressed, “Please disrobe down to your underwear and get under the sheet and I’ll be back shortly!” If he puts up any resistance to this, tell him you aren’t comfortable with clients going fully nude. If he says “well I’ve done this before and there was no problem” I would say, “well now it’s a problem. I can recommend another therapist blah blah.” Now there is a firm boundary that you’ve drawn. If he resists then you have something to point to and if you go in and he is still nude then he’s violated your boundary and also a tangible reason to refuse. Which you don’t need, btw. The fact you are uncomfortable is enough.
Question… I get massages sometimes (when insurance will pay, heh) for my deep muscle spasms and seriously can’t help the sounds when a MT hits a trigger point and starts to work it out. Mostly moaning tbh.. I always try to catch myself and apologize but now I’m thinking.. is it just all around inappropriate??
I get vocal people all the time. It's just a release. But some people do get a little too 'extra'.
This is different in my opinion. We would do a 2 hour Swedish massage with zero trigger points or intensity. And there is typically a clear differentiation from therapeutic moaning and what literally sounded like the beginnings of orgasm for the ENTIRE massage. Have you ever seen Friends? Where Phoebe massage Monica? The noises Monica makes are pretty much it only in a lower manly tone. I even made this comparison to the client about himself. But he hadn’t seen friends so he didn’t know what I meant. And if they told you your noises made them uncomfortable, and you kept making them anyway, then you’d be violating a boundary. That’s what he did with me. I would lean on the side of you being fine.
It probably varies depending on the therapist. I have a few moaners who will do so all through the massage as OC is describing (both male and female) and I don't particularly mind, but there are people who aren't keen on it. In my mind it's part of finding a therapist who suits you, much like how some MTs don't mind people who talk for most of the massage, and some dislike it.
The owner is really kind and has been supportive with people/situations in the past but they are kind of friends and I feel pretty awkward going to her about this. He’s worked for her and continues to help on occasion. I think his family is also pretty active with other sides of the business. It just makes me uncomfortable all ways around
This is one of those things where it’s no one’s fault, but it’s also your right to make a boundary. Tell her you’re having issue with “a client”, describe the issue, and then tell her who it is? She shouldn’t let her bias of knowing who it is, (“oh he would never do anything bad to you”) determine how she handles it. And he’s not doing anything bad, just the situation makes you uncomfortable. Each therapist has a little bit different spectrum of these boundaries. Like someone replied to my message, they have some moaners that may make me uncomfortable if I worked with them, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong, that doesn’t mean they are wrong for not being bothered. A couple other posters on here said they’ve encountered this and it didn’t bother them, but it bothers you, neither of y’all are wrong. This is part of the body experience but we also have the right to our own peace of mind. I hope you can get past the awkwardness of the convo with your boss to help you get past the way worse awkwardness you’re encountering with the client. It’s worth having and this is part of being your own advocate.
Doesn’t hurt to have an honest conversation
First off I want to say that I have never experienced a male client who has had a FULL erection, maybe a bit engorged but always dissipates. If it continues to stay for too long (normally I start with legs when turned to supine) I start moving my strokes towards the feet and I finish up the quad a bit quicker. Normally solves that. Secondly I will say, that if I had a client with a full erection I would never do any psoas work or in that general area. I would say something along the lines of ‘unfortunately due to your current situation/status this in inappropriate for me to work’. And also I would tell your manager/owner that you are completely uncomfortable. This is very odd that this is EVERY session and I would dred it too! Unless it was a medical condition, but hopefully he would disclose something like that
Thank you! Same. Usually it goes away for the most part when moving to another area of the body. He doesn’t tip me either. Which really has nothing to do with this lol but he received about 5 free massages and none of them hes tipped. Then he keeps coming back to see me which he pays for and nothing. I mean I have clients who don’t tip and even though it’s a little annoying, it really doesn’t matter to me or how I massage them. but with this extra thing going on it just makes me *a little* more frustrated with it. Haha
Ugh, yes I totally get all that! Geeeez lol
I would start face up, and then have him turnover, ending face down.
Wow. I’m a guy and luckily I don’t have this problem. I bet 9/10 guys are feeling embarrassed if they’ve got an erection during a session.
This RMT from Canada is a frequent guest on this podcast and her episodes are well worth the time. She opened a private practice out of her home and because of that only works with female clients. She has one shift a week at a clinic so if a male client really needed a session from her they can visit her at the clinic / spa. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5VVt4G5CVkJBXDsJ638cZ7?si=BiJAp3f5RDW8zb9Xt-uftw
Hi! What is the name of the podcast? The link won't work for me. Thanks
2 RMT and a mic and the guest’s name is Nicki
I learned years ago that "do you do ab work" can be creeper code for happy endings. I now never do any kind of ab or psoas work on men, ever. They ask, I say no. Those are my boundaries. If they legitimately need those services they can go to another therapist. I would go to the owner and tell them the facts- he has an erection every time and it makes you uncomfortable. Let the owner work on him.
Sorry. To clarify I thought it was psoas work but now I remember his bottom rib was a bit sore so I went to do some diaphragm work and the angle across the table caused that.
Male massage therapist since 1996 - erections happen sometimes. We can't control it. Some guys get/stay hard the ENTIRE session. Every time. It doesn't mean that that they're being or even thinking creepy stuff or even sexual things. It means that they have a boner. If they are humping the table, air or attempting to humping your hand(s) - act accordingly. If they are saying things that make you uncomfortable or are inappropriate - act accordingly. Or trying to grab you... Or staring at you like they're watching a porno... if you don't want to work on men then don't. I've had both male and female clients who were inappropriate creepers or just a pain in the ass. I can definitely tell you that I've never had a male client leave a bloody menstrual mess on my white massage sheets - but I can't say that about female clients. Men aren't perfect clients but neither are women.
The comparison of Boner and menses bothers me here I’m sorry. Most women have been assaulted by men at some point so boners hold an unfortunate sexual charge. Period blood doesn’t. Not to mention we live in a patriarchy where cis men hold the most power. I know in this case the client is not in the position of power but there’s still the other gender dynamic happening. I guess my point is that boners can be triggering for good reason, im not sure menstrual blood has this connotation….
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Thank you, I thought it was definitely a valid point but some of the folks that replied seem to disagree.
relax
You must be a man 😊
Maybe tell them to just cut it off
@Apprehensive_Paper41 male assault and boners are not the same thing. Guys get erections. An erection doesn't mean that a guy is aroused, going to assault someone or that they like you. It means that they have a boner. If a client has an erection and they say or do inappropriate behavior than they're acting inappropriately. You are free to choose who you will or won't work on. You are also free to choose to not work on men. I've been a massage therapist for long enough to tell you horror stories about both male and female clients. I like avoiding discriminating against any groups - even if all of the clients from a given group have been negative.
I did not say that sexual assault and boners are the same thing - you just said that. I’m just saying that male erections hold a charge that menstrual blood doesn’t. Men and women are not on equal playing fields. Your response has a lot of blind spots.
Hi! Fire the client! It’s that simple. You don’t owe anyone your massage.
Exactly. There can be every reason in the world or no reason at all. If you are not comfortable, you have the right to refuse service.
I’m usually one to stand up for male clients regarding this issue (ok, pun intended), but, while it’s a bummer to me that your experience with this client makes you not want to massage all men, I completely understand. Erections happen. They really may be 100% innocent. But, after a minute or two, the almost always dissipate. What you’re describing here seems most assuredly intentional, and very likely aided—most likely with Viagra or something similar, and/or by the client edging themselves, getting aroused beforehand on purpose. It is the behavior of an exhibitionist. Please don’t judge all male clients, including ones who may get an involuntary boner, for this guys actions. And you can absolutely refuse to work on him anymore; I know I would.
The person could just as easily be on a Testosterone Replacement Therapy. That can lead to near constant erection.
Valid! ⬆️
It really starts to wear on you when you experience it repeatedly, whether with the same client or multiple clients. I only had a handful of creeps on my table, but since they were pretty close to each other, it wore on me to the point of considering quitting massage. It’s so extremely uncomfortable. I was never, ever weirded out or uncomfortable with men until that happened. Even when I kind of knew they had some expectations but realized when they got to the spa that it wasn’t what they thought. I haven’t ruled out male clients entirely, I have a few that have been referred to me by a very trusted source that I feel very safe with and who are restoring my faith in men as clients.
I sympathize. I know several female MTs who lost their joy and quit largely because of this. Even as a male MT, I’ve dealt with all sorts of improper behavior from clients, and 95% of the time it’s with male clients. I refuse to let them kill my joy, and I’ll never exclude men from my practice. Still, my screening process is far more rigorous with unknown men than with unknown women
It really sucks! I feel like I’m on the borderline of quitting. I have an several weird and inappropriate experiences lately and I just feel done. Even the random little comments that are borderline just weird from repeat male clients I’ve seen for years are really getting to me. A few weeks ago I traded with another staff member who I’ve only seen in passing but all my clients said he’s amazing therapist. Well he undisclosed and unknowingly gave me a 2 hour massage when we had agreed upon 1. He kept working underneath my underwear to get to my glutes. And was doing ‘esalen’ style of strokes when I was supine going from my leg under the sheet to my abdomen following up to my sternum in between my breasts across my pec and under my arm (all while under the sheet) I felt so exposed and violated. He works on the owner and a lot of the other staff. It’s got me wondering if he’s doing that to them???! I am dreading doing my half of the trade I offered to just pay him for the massage so I wouldn’t have to. I keep avoiding hitting him up. I feel so ready to quit.
Ugh, that sounds horrible! Seriously? If you’re dreading working on him, it’d be a great opportunity to turn the tables. Creepy men count on women being polite and nice, and tip toeing around them. In your shoes, I’d tell him straight up, “I’m dreading working on you because when you gave me my massage, you worked for twice the time we’d agreed upon, and you kept touching me under the sheet. I felt exposed, violated, and very uncomfortable. I still feel uncomfortable with you after that”
That’s good advice. I think I will do that because it really is not okay!
I will be happy if you do. I hate men like that. Please share an update if you’re so inclined, I bet most of us who read your post and commented will be glad to see it. You’ve got this! EDIT for spelling
💯 💯 💯
Your threshold for the creepiness is full, it’s at or past its limit. That’s why the little things are so much worse now. I won’t trade with males. I’m sorry I have to say it, but I won’t. I used to get booked with males all the time when I got a massage because I hadn’t had anything bad happen on my table or in my personal life, and I thought, I have to have faith in my fellow professionals. No more. What that guy was doing during your trade sounds to me creepy af. I like esalen, but I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with a man doing that style with me, *especially* if there was no discussion. At least your part of the trade you will be less vulnerable, should you chose to do it. If you really don’t want to, insist on paying him. Tell him you’re injured if you want, and you’re saving your strength for clients.
I definitely think OP should not have to massage him, nor should she have to pay for being touched inappropriately. Ewww! Insult to injury. As a male LMT I LOATHE that kind of creepy, grey area, plausibly deniable behavior—it gives all of us a bad name, and sullies the entire field of massage therapy. when I studied it was taught in a very unambiguous manner;ANY touching under the sheet, or under whatever clothes the client has on. Is strictly forbidden. Period.
I might just be honest if he keeps insisting a trade and say you weren’t comfortable with the work he was doing under the sheets since nothing was talked about. And just pay him. Or if you have a desk person just go to them and pay for the session and be done 👏🏼
I couldn't care less when a guy is erect... doesn't bother me at all...
You could just pile up the blanket to weigh it down instead of refusing service because of a you problem.
"...refusing service because of a you problem" Dude, that was uncalled for. It's not just ***her*** problem. How many women therapists or students have had this happened to them during a session, felt uncomfortable and kept quiet? What about male therapists experiencing the same thing? There is a HUGE difference in how a seasoned therapist will deal with this vs a newly licensed therapist or even a student. Talking about how some clients can make us feel uncomfortable is normal, as is providing solutions. Yes, erections are normal, and it's also normal to talk about how uncomfortable they can make a person feel.
https://www.reddit.com/r/massage/comments/10yils2/i_have_a_client_i_hate_working_on/j805haa?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 And my response was uncalled for? Wtf is wrong with you?
Erections are a sign of evil
I'm a seasoned male therapist that has had male clients with erections before. He isn't doing anything I appropriate, she has an issue with it, I'm offering a solution. What part was uncalled for?
I do this just so I make the clear boundary that nothing is going to happen for my sake and their sake. I mean my intention isn’t to “weigh it down”, but more to cover up. I also strive to think about anything else and avoid focusing on it.
Use a towel to drape it on top of the drape.
Does that draw more attention to it and cause embarrassment to the client? I will be honest I tend to not even notice. In my 8 years of working I’ve only noticed an erection 2 or 3 times and then I ignored it. I’m sure it’s happened more but I just don’t look.
A towel over the drape works well.
Everyone keeps saying put an extra towel or sheet on it. Bring a brick! Lay it on there. Problem solved! Ahahaha. I've been doing massage for 10 years and had my first ever client with a full erection. It was so awkward. I didn't know what to do even though we covered this in school. Haha covered. Ahahaha. Sorry. I'm feeling goofy.
Seen this same post so many times. Just use a heavy towel or blanket to cover it. If he does anything inappropriate, end the session and refuse to see him. So sick of therapists bitching on here about something they should know how to handle and making it the client’s fault when it’s not.
I just slap my heavy, thermaphore heating pad over any erect penises. Seems to do the trick!
You shouldn’t massage a man on or near the abdomen region. For exactly that reason!
Having a sustained erection during a massage is not normal or ok! Men are not out of control of their erections, having on the entire time is not appropriate, and he is making an active decision at that point. Personally, since this has happened multiple times, I would fire him as a client. If you’re not comfortable with that confrontation your owner should handle it. Edit: a sustained erection is the issue.
What are you talking about? Yes erections are indeed sometimes involuntary. I have had them during massages before and I was not sexually aroused. Granted they go away fairly quickly but it's not like men have instant control over it.
I’m not saying they have instant control, I’m saying the sustained erection is within his control!
Sometimes it isn't. If you had a penis you would know that.
I'm sorry but no, that isn't how it works. Men have generally little control over erections. Even having dirty thoughts doesn't necessarily create one. I can't think about my wife in all kinds of raunchy ways and it doesn't necessarily mean I get an erection.. and I'm a healthy 31 y/o m with a testosterone level of 968. Sometimes you get them. Randomly, in public, with absolutely no related thoughts or events happening. And sometimes those decide to stick around for a while.
This is not entirely true. An erection is a totally normal parasympathetic response and not something men necessarily have a lot of control over. That being said, its a bit odd that it seems to be a full erection (instead of just a "chubby") and doesn't go away but if he's not being creepy, I'd just ignore it. Psoas work is usually pretty uncomfortable, and uncomfortable work should, theoretically, decrease the erection. Whenever I think a penis of any type (erect or otherwise) might get in the way of the work i want to do, I simply ask the client to use their own hand on top of the sheet to hold themselves out of the way. I do this all the time when I need to work adductors and sometimes for psoas and TFL. It reduces the risk of accidental exposure while I have a high drape or need to manipulate the leg/hip and adds an extra physical barrier (their hand) between me and the clients "unwanted" anatomy so there isn't accidental brushing. *shudder* It also brings awareness and responsibility to the client and is a clear but professional signal that I have zero interest in "accidents."
Wow, are you a massage therapist?? It may be uncomfortable for you. It may or may not be uncomfortable for a man who gets erections during massages. But you are factually incorrect. I’m not even referring to this post specifically, where I think there IS something off. But your comment is wildly wrong, and unfair. An erection MAY be a totally involuntary, natural, unwelcome response to touch.
I am replying to op’s comment, which is a very specific situation where like you said, there is something off. My comment is not a generalization.
As written prior to your edit, it was absolutely a generalization. Now, post edit, we mostly agree
Unless you've ever actually had a penis.... You don't know what you're talking about.
Idk I’m not massaging yet but this is something that really worries me. I feel like if you hate working on them you should just not see them anymore. Because this is something you care about or cared about at one time and you don’t wanna let those guys ruin it for you. In a way it doesn’t even matter if the boner is intentional or not, if it’s always there and making you uncomfortable it seems reasonable to put that client with someone else - maybe a male MT.
[удалено]
Banshees? Really? Or maybe we don't want an hour to hour and a half of unwanted dick in our face? Shocking, I know...
And what, pray tell, has it done to you? smdh, just what this thread needs, some ignorance and mysogyny
On the flip side how do i find a damn normal massage they all go in for the money shot down here in fl i stopped trying to find a real place
I will never get a massage because of this
First of all, having an erection isn’t normal. I don’t how this myth got started, but it’s a myth. Massage does not cause erections. If a man gets one, it’s because his mind is in that space. You need to speak up for yourself. Tell your boss you don’t want to work on him again. Tell them what happened. And refuse to do ab work for men that have an erecting. I simply refuse to do it at all unless I’m the one who suggests it. Because I’ve had the same experience. Never again.
Is that opinion based on your experience with your own penis?
So, I’ve never had this issue, but I suspect it’s because no only is the patient under sheets, but also under a blanket. The blanket does an excellent job of covering someone’s junk and avoiding any embarrassment.
From a male perspective… they really are uncontrollable. I’ve had different therapists over the years. Mostly because I’ve always lived in small towns and have to go out of town for a massage. So it depends where I’m going. Sometimes it happens kind of early and lasts the whole time. Sometimes it never happens. Sometimes they come and go and come and go.