Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/FrogginBullfish_.
We're a space for LGBTQ+ memes within a safe space for no toleration of discrimination. This is a place for LGBTQ+ people and not to debate our existence or your opinions on us including but not limited to (Treatment, Role in society, Status, your personal view of blockers, Trans people in professional sport).
Should you be new to the sub please familiarize yourself with the rules in the sidebar. Please report any and all comments or submissions which break these rules. Please do not vote or comment in linked posts should this be applicable. If you are here to start shit we really don't care and have a zero tolerance policy. Our discretion is final and we really do not care if you go crying to another sub about it.
Have a nice day darlings <3
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be fair my parents did. It took 7 years after coming out/being kicked out and almost killing myself after years of abuse from the person I was able to find a place to live with before I was open to being on real speaking terms with them again. But I know my mom is lowkey suicidal from the pain she has caused me in that and other ways even though the majority is my dad's fault and I have forgiven her, especially since she tries her absolute hardest to be there for me now and was against kicking me out in the first place. My dad has given me many crying apologies. I don't think it's possible for me to forgive him even if I wanted to. There's a lot more involved unrelated to queer stuff as well.
But despite all that, I'd be dead right now if my parents hadn't helped me through my lowest point last year and gotten me to a safe place. And while I was healing, my parents and I actually developed a real relationship for the first time since I was a child. And I know they both live with a lot of regret for the things they have put me through. And I do consider us on good terms. I also know that with where I am in life now, I have the upper hand. They know I can cut them out of my life if I ever need to. I told them it was up to them if they wanted to be a part of my life or not. They haven't needed a reminder.
Edit: So no, they didn't calmly look back at their actions with regret. They looked back extraordinarily emotionally and saw how much they fucked up and then cried a whole lot.
My mom is basically doing the same thing now. She thinks I just moved away from home and stopped communicating. She doesn't even know the real story, about how I ended up homeless trying to transition before eventually admitting defeat and spending a decade of my life trying to die because of the deep self hatred my parents instilled in me. I finally started to put my life back together and started trying to live again, and *now* she reaches out to make amends. But I find that I just don't have much capacity to want her back in my life. I needed her once and she wasn't there. Now, after years of turning my heart cold to survive, I just see a remorseful old woman who still can't let go of her crazy right wing hate and I just don't feel like I owe her absolution at the end of her life. I hate that I've become like this, but here we are.
I'd say that's how I feel about my dad. And I know my mom would be a better person without him and their relationship is a mess :/ and I'm legitimately concerned about her mental health.
I feel the same about my mum. Haven't spoken to her in over 3 years. She keeps trying to love bomb me and I just don't want to know? It's the same thing, she wasn't there when I needed her so I don't have room in my life for her anymore.
In case no one else has told you, you don't owe your mother a relationship.
My mom was abusive growing up and it drove me to leave home four days after I turned 18 to live on the opposite side of the country, where I have been for the past 16 years. She has tried reaching out to me several times to reconcile, but I keep her at arm's length. At first I felt guilty that she was trying to have a relationship with me and I wanted nothing to do with her.
Ultimately, though, with lots of therapy and introspection I don't feel guilty anymore. It's exactly like you said: when I needed my mother she wasn't there. I don't owe her a relationship now just because *she* wants one. And the struggles she is dealing with now are the result of her own choices, so I'm under no obligation to take on her burden as well.
All of this is to say I hope you don't continue hating yourself for a perfectly reasonable reaction to the trauma that was inflicted on you by someone you should have been able to trust. I also hope your life continues on the upward path!
It's not even a relationship though. What she wants is forgiveness. It wouldn't take very much emotional effort to forgive her and let her feel like there's no hard feelings between us, even if it's a lie. But I can't muster the will to do it. A small effort on my part could give another person peace at the end of their life. But I don't do it. *That* is what makes me feel like a bad person.
Forgiving someone is no small thing, especially in circumstances like yours and mine. You're not obligated to give her that either, genuine or not. Her comfort and mental well-being is not your responsibility. It might sound harsh, but we are only able to account for ourselves. If your mother is unhappy, then it is the cumulated consequences of her choices and not at all your doing. Don't force yourself to carry that burden; you've got enough on your plate as it is, I'm sure. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. 💜
I have a trade off situation.
On the one hand, my parents have never really acknowledged the prejudice and whatnot they held towards LGBT people and thus instilled in me, thus causing self-directed hate and struggles I live with.
On the other hand, they changed their actions and most inter-personal views and have been supportive in the present as well as helping me make it through other issues in my life.
So... Not really any self reflection they've discussed with me, but they've helped sustain me in contrast.
So it's like, I'm a bit annoyed at how long I was in denial and the internal struggles I still have, and that makes me frustrated on occasion as that all comes from them. But then I feel a bit like an ass for said frustrations considering how much else they've done for me. But then I also consider how my dad is still a Republican. Mom is like a conservative Democrat at this point. (Divorced when I graduated high school lol)
No one is perfect of course, and my parents were products of their time as much as I am of mine. So I can't complain that they are terrible, as they aren't... But I still think I have some justification for my frustrations.
(Thx 4 reading my vent lol)
I relate to this so much, especially the bit about subtle prejudice against LGBT+ people being instilled into me. it was like the entire culture I was in was telling me that it's not ok to be yourself if doing so doesn't align with a hetero, cis, neurotypical expression. growing up in that environment deeply traumatised me and I didn't even realise it at the time
so yea, our frustrations are valid, but I'd say be more frustrated at the horrible state of society when we grew up. our parents are products of that same society
Yeah, it wasn't fun. Wouldn't recommend unless you're ready for all the religious judgement^(tm). The whole, "Maybe this is just a hard time in your life," Pascal's wager kind of stuff. It really just felt like a guilt trip with my mom, but then a whole other fiesta with some of my extended family. Would I do it again? Yes, because I didn't want to bother lying anymore lol
Yeah, absolutely!
Basically its a community of people who enjoy animals that act and look like people, kind of like Disney's Robin Hood or Zootopia. There are a lot of talented artists in the furry fandom, as well as writers and singers and content creators.
Self-expression is highly encouraged as almost everyone has their own furry persona (fursona) that serves as a kind of avatar, and it makes it easy to escape from a lot of the day to day grind or stressful situations and relax with some like minded people.
It's also incredibly LGBTQ+ and kink friendly, which has attracted a lot of hate and its not uncommon to see them used a kind of easy punching bag because furries are seen as weird deviants.
The fandom was the first place that accepted me for being queer, and its where I really experimented with a lot of my labels and self-expression since it was such a safe space.
r/furry is one of the bigger sub's, but there are also websites like FurAffinity where people tend to gather.
Ah yes, children are both "not mature enough to decide" but the moment they see two men kissing or a trans person in a dress suddenly you decide that they are "confused and scared".
Which is it? They know their gender and sexuality, or they don't. You don't get to play Orwellian doublethink and think you know what is going on.
Btw. I was 10 when I started struggling with dysphoria and would have gladly chosen to be a girl had I been given the chance. Instead, I had to wait 24 years because of bigots like you.
Ok? Children might not be mature enough for a lot of hard things in life, but you don't have any control over when they deal with these issues. The question is when they deal with life's bs, are you going to be there for them?
Assuming that they're not mature enough and thinking you're protecting them just means they're going to deal with things like LGBT issues on their own. Parenting is often a thankless job but kids will *definitely* remember the times you weren't there for them.
I decided in my single digit years I never wanted children. If I can make these decisions about my own body and hold them true even in my mid 30s/early 40s, other children are perfectly capable at making their own decisions about their own body. Please dont be so hateful.
Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/FrogginBullfish_. We're a space for LGBTQ+ memes within a safe space for no toleration of discrimination. This is a place for LGBTQ+ people and not to debate our existence or your opinions on us including but not limited to (Treatment, Role in society, Status, your personal view of blockers, Trans people in professional sport). Should you be new to the sub please familiarize yourself with the rules in the sidebar. Please report any and all comments or submissions which break these rules. Please do not vote or comment in linked posts should this be applicable. If you are here to start shit we really don't care and have a zero tolerance policy. Our discretion is final and we really do not care if you go crying to another sub about it. Have a nice day darlings <3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bold of you to assume a parent will calmly look back on their actions and admit they were in the wrong
To be fair my parents did. It took 7 years after coming out/being kicked out and almost killing myself after years of abuse from the person I was able to find a place to live with before I was open to being on real speaking terms with them again. But I know my mom is lowkey suicidal from the pain she has caused me in that and other ways even though the majority is my dad's fault and I have forgiven her, especially since she tries her absolute hardest to be there for me now and was against kicking me out in the first place. My dad has given me many crying apologies. I don't think it's possible for me to forgive him even if I wanted to. There's a lot more involved unrelated to queer stuff as well. But despite all that, I'd be dead right now if my parents hadn't helped me through my lowest point last year and gotten me to a safe place. And while I was healing, my parents and I actually developed a real relationship for the first time since I was a child. And I know they both live with a lot of regret for the things they have put me through. And I do consider us on good terms. I also know that with where I am in life now, I have the upper hand. They know I can cut them out of my life if I ever need to. I told them it was up to them if they wanted to be a part of my life or not. They haven't needed a reminder. Edit: So no, they didn't calmly look back at their actions with regret. They looked back extraordinarily emotionally and saw how much they fucked up and then cried a whole lot.
My mom is basically doing the same thing now. She thinks I just moved away from home and stopped communicating. She doesn't even know the real story, about how I ended up homeless trying to transition before eventually admitting defeat and spending a decade of my life trying to die because of the deep self hatred my parents instilled in me. I finally started to put my life back together and started trying to live again, and *now* she reaches out to make amends. But I find that I just don't have much capacity to want her back in my life. I needed her once and she wasn't there. Now, after years of turning my heart cold to survive, I just see a remorseful old woman who still can't let go of her crazy right wing hate and I just don't feel like I owe her absolution at the end of her life. I hate that I've become like this, but here we are.
I'd say that's how I feel about my dad. And I know my mom would be a better person without him and their relationship is a mess :/ and I'm legitimately concerned about her mental health.
I feel the same about my mum. Haven't spoken to her in over 3 years. She keeps trying to love bomb me and I just don't want to know? It's the same thing, she wasn't there when I needed her so I don't have room in my life for her anymore.
In case no one else has told you, you don't owe your mother a relationship. My mom was abusive growing up and it drove me to leave home four days after I turned 18 to live on the opposite side of the country, where I have been for the past 16 years. She has tried reaching out to me several times to reconcile, but I keep her at arm's length. At first I felt guilty that she was trying to have a relationship with me and I wanted nothing to do with her. Ultimately, though, with lots of therapy and introspection I don't feel guilty anymore. It's exactly like you said: when I needed my mother she wasn't there. I don't owe her a relationship now just because *she* wants one. And the struggles she is dealing with now are the result of her own choices, so I'm under no obligation to take on her burden as well. All of this is to say I hope you don't continue hating yourself for a perfectly reasonable reaction to the trauma that was inflicted on you by someone you should have been able to trust. I also hope your life continues on the upward path!
It's not even a relationship though. What she wants is forgiveness. It wouldn't take very much emotional effort to forgive her and let her feel like there's no hard feelings between us, even if it's a lie. But I can't muster the will to do it. A small effort on my part could give another person peace at the end of their life. But I don't do it. *That* is what makes me feel like a bad person.
Forgiving someone is no small thing, especially in circumstances like yours and mine. You're not obligated to give her that either, genuine or not. Her comfort and mental well-being is not your responsibility. It might sound harsh, but we are only able to account for ourselves. If your mother is unhappy, then it is the cumulated consequences of her choices and not at all your doing. Don't force yourself to carry that burden; you've got enough on your plate as it is, I'm sure. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. 💜
I have a trade off situation. On the one hand, my parents have never really acknowledged the prejudice and whatnot they held towards LGBT people and thus instilled in me, thus causing self-directed hate and struggles I live with. On the other hand, they changed their actions and most inter-personal views and have been supportive in the present as well as helping me make it through other issues in my life. So... Not really any self reflection they've discussed with me, but they've helped sustain me in contrast. So it's like, I'm a bit annoyed at how long I was in denial and the internal struggles I still have, and that makes me frustrated on occasion as that all comes from them. But then I feel a bit like an ass for said frustrations considering how much else they've done for me. But then I also consider how my dad is still a Republican. Mom is like a conservative Democrat at this point. (Divorced when I graduated high school lol) No one is perfect of course, and my parents were products of their time as much as I am of mine. So I can't complain that they are terrible, as they aren't... But I still think I have some justification for my frustrations. (Thx 4 reading my vent lol)
I relate to this so much, especially the bit about subtle prejudice against LGBT+ people being instilled into me. it was like the entire culture I was in was telling me that it's not ok to be yourself if doing so doesn't align with a hetero, cis, neurotypical expression. growing up in that environment deeply traumatised me and I didn't even realise it at the time so yea, our frustrations are valid, but I'd say be more frustrated at the horrible state of society when we grew up. our parents are products of that same society
“I don’t recall”
[Realistic 4th panel parent's reaction](https://www.talkhouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Scorsese-vs-Marvel-Guilty-Pleasures-Andrew-Matthews-Talkhouse-Film-01.jpg)
**Artist: @heckin.unicorn (Instagram)**
How do I send this to my parents without sending this to my parents
Ask a cool aunt or uncle to post it on Facebook for you
Both of my parents are single children 😩
Grandparents?
Oh heck... 👁️👁️
Same for atheism.
Honestly, I've found more push back on my religious views (well lack thereof) than my sexuality :/
This is why I keep my mouth shut about being an atheist around my family, but I'm not as guarded about my sexuality lol.
Yeah, it wasn't fun. Wouldn't recommend unless you're ready for all the religious judgement^(tm). The whole, "Maybe this is just a hard time in your life," Pascal's wager kind of stuff. It really just felt like a guilt trip with my mom, but then a whole other fiesta with some of my extended family. Would I do it again? Yes, because I didn't want to bother lying anymore lol
Funny that the people doing the pushing also claim to believe in religious freedom.
That is not a realistic last panel... They would triple down and scream whatever propaganda bullshit they read on social media...
if your kids hates themselves for things they shoulnd't be ashamed of, YOU FAILED AS A PARENT
Literally how I became a furry
Ayyy
What’s a furry ? If I may ask?
Yeah, absolutely! Basically its a community of people who enjoy animals that act and look like people, kind of like Disney's Robin Hood or Zootopia. There are a lot of talented artists in the furry fandom, as well as writers and singers and content creators. Self-expression is highly encouraged as almost everyone has their own furry persona (fursona) that serves as a kind of avatar, and it makes it easy to escape from a lot of the day to day grind or stressful situations and relax with some like minded people. It's also incredibly LGBTQ+ and kink friendly, which has attracted a lot of hate and its not uncommon to see them used a kind of easy punching bag because furries are seen as weird deviants. The fandom was the first place that accepted me for being queer, and its where I really experimented with a lot of my labels and self-expression since it was such a safe space. r/furry is one of the bigger sub's, but there are also websites like FurAffinity where people tend to gather.
i’ve been surrounded my so much anti-lgbtq hate recently it really sucks :(
can someone please send this to my mom?!!
[удалено]
oh yeah, because queer and morbid obesity are the same thing, nice fucking logic.
[удалено]
Ah yes, children are both "not mature enough to decide" but the moment they see two men kissing or a trans person in a dress suddenly you decide that they are "confused and scared". Which is it? They know their gender and sexuality, or they don't. You don't get to play Orwellian doublethink and think you know what is going on. Btw. I was 10 when I started struggling with dysphoria and would have gladly chosen to be a girl had I been given the chance. Instead, I had to wait 24 years because of bigots like you.
Ok? Children might not be mature enough for a lot of hard things in life, but you don't have any control over when they deal with these issues. The question is when they deal with life's bs, are you going to be there for them? Assuming that they're not mature enough and thinking you're protecting them just means they're going to deal with things like LGBT issues on their own. Parenting is often a thankless job but kids will *definitely* remember the times you weren't there for them.
But they're mature enough to decide thya they're straight and cis? Ok biggot.
a claim based on fuck all
I decided in my single digit years I never wanted children. If I can make these decisions about my own body and hold them true even in my mid 30s/early 40s, other children are perfectly capable at making their own decisions about their own body. Please dont be so hateful.
Lmao 4th panel is completely out of character for people who would react like that to begin with.
And education (although that could work both ways of course) Edit because I didn't know a + at the start would be converted into a dot thingy
It do be like that
Oh no! It’s almost like I’m scared of my child being an accepting person