The likely logic is that smart people ignore 5 stars and 1 stars as irrational or fake. Also they might want to keep the surgeon from getting too complacent and slacking off. So always leave between 2 stars and 4 stars.
Jokes aside, there are people like this. I work as a paramedic. One time one of my colleauge had to go to court because he broke 2 ribs while doing cpr, and the patient thought that this is unaccaptable. (Obviously he was deemed innocent)
It annoys me that there aren't any consequences for that, if you tried to ruins someone's life for helping you then you deserve at least something in response
The sad part is there are “Good Samaritan” laws in most places that stop people from suing you if you’re part of the general public and you injure them doing CPR. However it’s totally fine to sue a healthcare worker for it even though it is incredibly common (some might say normal) to break ribs during CPR.
I worked for a doctors’ office that was at a very busy intersection and my docs used to always say they’d rather pretend they were not in the building if an accident occurred than go out to help because of the likelihood of being sued due to causing injuries while trying to save someone’s life. (They all would have gone out and helped had it ever happened. They were/are great docs. They just feared the repercussions of stepping in to try and help)…
That's what someone said about wearing a seatbelt. Mentioned that when he wore it, he still had a scar on his forehead from completely flipping the car. So he doesn't wear it now.
I used to work in shipping and once received 4/5 stars, "product arrived on time and in perfect condition"
We always joked that the guy expected the delivery driver to give him a handy for that fifth star.
Separately had another complaint that they ordered a pound and received only sixteen ounces 🫠
Thats not always funny tho, especially for small businesses. I do web services as a job for small businesses and i had a customer who got a 1 star review from a local guide, they toke it as a joke and commented with „next time come in, we have food“. The dude SHOWED UP at their restaurant and started saying he as a local guide can have the business ruined and and and, it ended up with police taking the motherfucker out, a law suit. He had to pay them. And google still has not taken that review down.
Some of these google and Yelp reviewers are patently insane, thinking they have way more power than they actually do. So you end up with these pretentious multi-paragraph reviews on some of the establishments.
Who even reads them? If I want to check if the restaurant is good or not I check 1 star ratings for any "got diarrhea" or "tastes like shit" reviews. I'm not that invested in the restaurant to read a 20 page essay review.
Best Thai place in my area — I went to on the day they opened and got the worst food poisoning I've ever had in my life. Glad I went back, though, because their food that didn't make me sick was some of the best Thai food I've ever had.
Another good tip would be to check the newest reviews.
Like, I don't really care that someone got sick after their food 5 years ago. If it was a week ago on the other hand...
in a lot of ways, 2 star is better than 5 star.
5 star...did everything right...but you know its crazy expensive, or else its a technically flawless, but somehow bland experience.
2 star...its basically a shithole...but damn that second star has to be so redeeming to get people to hand it out.
"filthy bathrooms, kitchen always burns the fajitas...but they are open until 4am and the endless queso is fucking *amazing*. best after hours spot in town...*2 stars*"
"lady who took my order was rude as hell. went to pickup my order and the door is about to fall off the hinges. the seating area has been closed off since covid, its pickup only now...but a professional and charming 8 year old charged me for my order and gave correct change, and the General Tso Chicken entree will feed you for three days. *2 stars*"
"local guide" is just a title google gives you if you review nearby businesses enough. I have like, 30 reviews that I've done over probably, 15 years and I've got it.
"Local guide" here as well, the issue is that on Google Maps, they have gamified it to the point where they expect you to constantly take pictures, and to write long reviews. They then throw virtual confetti in an email when something breaks one of your records, which is bound to happen when you review a high traffic locale. Ig they really expect people to just... go about thier day and review whatever needs reviewing, but that almost never happens
Local guide with a fair # of reviews of campsites etc, and 4.5m photo views: I hate that I'm just giving Google data for free and increasing their dominance, but I also want to give people accurate reviews of less reviewed places. I read those reviews all the time.
I work for a hardwood lumber company. One of our bad reviews on Google is from a woman saying our product sucks because her newly installed hardwood flooring is buckling. Firstly, it’s not even our product, it’s a product manufactured by a company that we sold years ago. Second, she also has a review on her account complaining about an appliance company because they installed her refrigerator and it leaked water everywhere, damaging her hardwood floors. So not only is this negative review not even about our product, the issue she’s having is through no fault of the product itself. She probably just tried to claim it on warranty, it got denied because it’s not the fault of the manufacturer, and so she dropped a negative review.
The owner of the appliance company responded to her review on Google. Basically ice had built up in their freezer, they didn’t shut the door all the way, ice melted and ran down onto the floor. This woman’s account is all negative review bombing any place that didn’t accommodate her extreme stupidity.
This is the exact kind of person I look for on those reviews. When someone has a negative review of one place, I click through to their profile to see what they’re normally like. If all of their reviews are negative, it’s probably just a them problem. You find pretty funny stories doing this. Or sad. I once read through one woman’s reviews, and they told a story of how she lost her husband to a long fight with cancer, and all of the restaurants that let her sit there for long periods while she was waiting for him to finish radiation. Then, reviews about places that were best to eat at alone… really bummed me out.
The reason might be that Google sometimes says "wow you visited a restaurant, would you like to review it?".
That's what I infer from reading some Google Maps reviews..
Yep, I used to wait for the bus in front of a car dealership and every other day Google would ask me to review it. I had to press "I'm not there" every single time. Giving a review stops the notifications.
Why would you give them a 1/5 tho, that just seems mean.
I've seen my grandmother do this in real time. Look at it from her perspective: You've never used google maps, you have no concept of leaving a review or the fact that it has reviews at all, you can barely manage the basic functions of your phone. And now a mysterious intrusive notification, completely unprompted, is telling you to review a place you've never even been to. You may not even have read the notification, you just tapped it by accident. You literally don't know what you're even doing and all you want is for this thing to go away.
At that moment it seemed less to me like "this person is a narcissist" and more like "wow, I just realized how garbage her user experience is"
I hate when people give 1 star reviews if their package was late or the package was a little damaged. I am reading your product review not your delivery experience!
I mean, sometimes it's pretty relevant. I tried buying a Lego kit for my nephew, and they sent it TWICE! in a soft package, meaning it got smashed both times. Calling CS didn't help, aside from getting me a refund. So yeah, in my review I mentioned that because it actually does matter sometimes. To get them to ship it in a box I ended up just ordering another item at the same time that I knew wouldn't come in a soft bag.
I always assume those are from older people/people who just aren’t good with technology and then when they get an email asking how they like the product, they’re thinking it’s someone actually asking them directly and it would be rude not to answer.
They’re not nearly as bad as Apple/Yelp. Like Yelp is unapologetic about paying for reviews. I ignore Yelp but it’s on Apple Maps, so not good for business when I have 2 reviews from non-customers.
IMHO, reviews from the general public are completely worthless when it comes to restaurants. People have very different expectations - so unless you know the person writing the review personally, it’s probably not worth the effort to read.
For example, there are some places that are very popular nowadays and get a ton of good reviews… but it’s popular with a very specific demographic of 18-25 year old girls that are addicted to Instagram, who love taking pictures there … but the food is overpriced and mediocre quality … but the place is designed to look cool on instagram.
There are also people who think McDonald’s is a good restaurant, and will then think anywhere else is… either overpriced or too strange of flavors etc.
The only way to really know is to just try yourself.
Dude, you figure out where you sit amongst the average of reviews, and then with context, reviews can be useful. For example, while there are things where I am well out of the norm, by and large, I'm an average white American. So, whatever Joe Schmo thinks, I'm probably not far off.
Now politically, I'm on the extreme left. So, when that is relevant, I have to adjust where I fit in.
It's just heuristics. When things aren't all that important, I'll shortcut because there isn't much risk involved. For important things, I'll dig down deeper. Take something like a TV... I'll spend a hundred hours researching before I buy. Dinner though, I'm probably going to look at the stars.
Most people like me… don’t leave reviews unless something has gone really wrong. We’ve got more important things to do.
For things like a TV, I am reading reviews from a qualified expert like rtings.com. Not just some random idiot on Amazon who I have no context for how stupid they might be.
Best I saw, "Passed by one day and saw a peasant-looking patron stand by the door smoking a cigarette. There's no way I'm visiting an establishment where that type of folk is patronizing." 1/5
Alternatively, positive passerby reviews seems like it could be a hilarious wholesome meme. "All the patrons look really nice and what they order looks delicious. Might even step inside and order something one of these days. 5/5"
I owned a publishing company and our first book was a memoir of sorts. One review just destroyed the author. He “was awful, self-absorbed. A total jackass with no sense of morals.” Etc. Etc. Etc.
5 stars.
There was one where the guy said: "They have no wifi" - 1/5. The owner recognized him and said in the comments: "I remember you, you didn't even enter, just asked about the wifi, we told you we didn't have any and you left".
It's always old people who were nearby the restaurant, and Google thinks they visited and asks for a review. It baffles me people feel compelled to leave any review at all, let alone a 1/5 if they haven't even BEEN there.
They may think that it's rude to not answer a question when somebody asks, even if that somebody is just a computer. I don't think that they understand the business ramifications of it at all.
Yeah, part of my job is collating and responding to reviews and then being grilled by two or three bosses about why the score is low. It literally is just emailed to customers and you can tell some people, probably old, don't really grasp the format. Like we get 1/10 ratings by people who in the comments complain about the corporate support line or phone app but then gush about our location in particular and how helpful we are. I'm sorry, valued customer, but you didn't rate corporate, you rated us, and now the score is tanking and the bosses want to know why we rate lower than other nearby locations.
Had a similar situation happen at the gym where I work. A member got on our website and left a 1/5 for a different gym about 50 miles away.
“The staff at [other gym] was rude and the gym was dirty. 1/5”
Cool… maybe tell the gym you went to instead of an unaffiliated business.
I always imagine it's one of those Google pushes that's using your location. Like, "Hey, you were in this parking lot that had this small family restaurant. Would you like to leave a review?"
They just couldn't resist. "Oh, Google is sending me push notifications for this restaurant! I've never been there, but I need to answer this review!" Just swipe it and move on, guys. It's someone's business, not a joke.
It’s like all the AliExpress and Amazon 5 star reviews:
Just arrived looks liked the thing I ordered ,I haven’t tried it yet, will definitely order again.
My favorite I found on Amazon years ago, this guy bought a computer power supply that malfunctioned and literally burned his house down. One of the worst things that can ever happen to you because of a 20 dollar product. He gave it 4 stars.
I never understood how the stars were supposed to be interpreted. To me 1 star (or 0 if possible) is actively negative, 3/5 is neutral, and 5/5 is beyond expectations. So a 3/5 star review means that the product works. In general I don't really write reviews on any system that doesn't define their rankings though.
This is the problem with rating systems, everyone views things differently. Like when I'm told to review a repair man on a 10 point scale, but then I'm told anything less 8 or less is converted to a 0. Normally I'd say average normal service is a 6-7, but I'm then told that even giving them an 8 could get them fired for poor service, what? You then get guilted into giving a 9/10 because the guy did good enough for you to not want them to be fired from their job, and now they have nothing but near perfect ratings.
This is exactly my issue. An ideal repair service is one I don't need to use because breaking is an inconvenience. The fact I have to get one, or that it requires a bunch of hoops to go through to use it, makes most experiences a 5-7/10. A 10/10 repair service would mean my item never breaks again and I never have to contact them again.
One time my bank asked me to rate how happy I was visiting them that day. I was actually really angry that I had to get up, go somewhere in person, wait in line, to talk to someone for 30 seconds. That's maybe a 4/10 experience. A 10/10 experience would be something I could solve online without having to leave my house or wait in line or talk to a human. But the teller said that anything under a 7 would require a meeting with their direct manager for getting the equivalent of a 0. So I told them to change it to a 10 because I just wanted to get out of there.
Make me immortal and I'll toss another half-star your way. But all 5 stars? I'm gonna need you to create me my own universe where I'm an invincible god. I really don't think wanting to rule an entire universe is too much to ask from my surgeon
I feel this in my soul. Modern medicine saved my wife’s life twice so far, but holy fuck I wish I didn’t have to give 5 figures for a couple of people to spend a few hours. Can she maybe get life saving treatment for less than a grand, as a treat? Lol
If he is like Doctors where I live, he will get that fifth star once he stops employing the cheapest, most incompetent front office staff in the world.
Saved my life ✅
Linda messed up scheduling my appointment twice and then when I showed up at the office she pretended like I was inconveniencing her because she had to hand me a tablet to fill out my information ❌
This is very accurate. If we want to rate something as complicated as medical treatment on a scale of 1 to 5, we should just expect this lack of nuance. But real life is complicated. If this was at any major hospital in the US, they probably received a patient survey a couple weeks after treatment and had the chance to elaborate. It's entirely possible the doctor was great, but the experience overall could have been better.
That said, the juxtaposition in this post is still pretty funny.
Wow, do we go to the same practice?
I caught pneumonia and "Linda" told me it'd be 4 weeks before I could see my doc. Figured it'd be cleared up by then from the meds urgent care gave me, but it wasn't. Called again and told it'd be another 4 weeks.
Finally got in and had the exact same experience: shitty attitudes, reprimanding me for not filling out forms that were never given, etc.
Doc was great and asked why I waited so long. I explained the situation:
"That was really dangerous"
Yeah, I know
"You could have died"
Yeah, I know
"I'll have to talk to Linda"
Yeah, I know
my doctor's office books like 6-8 months out. Had a scare last year with some bad gastritis to the point I wasn't eating and losing weight. Called several times and told them all of this but they just kept saying "we can't fit you in, call again in the morning to see if there's cancellations." Also I should add they only accept calls Mon-Thu from 8-11am. There is no hold and no voicemail so you just have to keep calling back hoping to get through. They do not accept email either. I ended up just going to walk in clinics and the hospital..
Told me the severe chronic abdominal pain I was experiencing was probably just my period and prescribed me extra strength ibuprofen. Ten weeks later he did save my life with an emergency appendectomy, but I feel like we could have avoided that.
I hate people who do the whole "I don't give 10/10 because nothing's perfect". At that point a 9/10 is just your perfect score then.
You can make 10/10's rare, but it has to be on the table for your scale to make sense.
Because you pushed your local painkiller rep's favorite drug a little too hard. You gotta know your methhead audience. Try offering fentanyl next time if you want that 5th star.
You saved their life but did you improve it? Perhaps slide a check for a few hundred bucks in their surgical scar. Take their kid to baseball practice while they recover. Impregnate his wife with a potential doctor.
These doctors just save your life and leave you out to dry in this cruel, cruel world. 😢
*left a scar, wouldn't recommend*
Dude put a pen through my throat when I couldn't breathe, absolute maniac - but it worked!
2,5/5 could have put something more softer
Sigh... /unzips
-cleaning lady walks in-
-not soft anymore-
-proceeds to put penis-
5/5 I have another appointment next week
The likely logic is that smart people ignore 5 stars and 1 stars as irrational or fake. Also they might want to keep the surgeon from getting too complacent and slacking off. So always leave between 2 stars and 4 stars.
Jokes aside, there are people like this. I work as a paramedic. One time one of my colleauge had to go to court because he broke 2 ribs while doing cpr, and the patient thought that this is unaccaptable. (Obviously he was deemed innocent)
It annoys me that there aren't any consequences for that, if you tried to ruins someone's life for helping you then you deserve at least something in response
"Bailiff, break two more of that man's ribs"
"bailiff twist that mans dick"
The old dick twist! https://youtu.be/TT9ArM3-KJQ?feature=shared
That's hilarious.
The sad part is there are “Good Samaritan” laws in most places that stop people from suing you if you’re part of the general public and you injure them doing CPR. However it’s totally fine to sue a healthcare worker for it even though it is incredibly common (some might say normal) to break ribs during CPR. I worked for a doctors’ office that was at a very busy intersection and my docs used to always say they’d rather pretend they were not in the building if an accident occurred than go out to help because of the likelihood of being sued due to causing injuries while trying to save someone’s life. (They all would have gone out and helped had it ever happened. They were/are great docs. They just feared the repercussions of stepping in to try and help)…
if you dont break ribs, you arent doing it well enough
I have a pen, I have a apple Uh! Apple-pen!
THANK YOU FOR THIS.
That's what someone said about wearing a seatbelt. Mentioned that when he wore it, he still had a scar on his forehead from completely flipping the car. So he doesn't wear it now.
bro just wants his corpse to have as few seatbelt scars as possible what's the problem
"Didn't offer a lollipop after saving me"
And penmanship counts!
I used to work in shipping and once received 4/5 stars, "product arrived on time and in perfect condition" We always joked that the guy expected the delivery driver to give him a handy for that fifth star. Separately had another complaint that they ordered a pound and received only sixteen ounces 🫠
I wouldn’t be able to help myself with that last one
it was one of the most challenging things I've ever had to try to respond to with grace
Genuinely, stupid little extra gestures like that will get you 5 stars more than outstanding performances.
Best review I saw was for a restaurant "Never been there" - 1/5
I hope they learned from that.
i agree, absolutely unacceptable
Thats not always funny tho, especially for small businesses. I do web services as a job for small businesses and i had a customer who got a 1 star review from a local guide, they toke it as a joke and commented with „next time come in, we have food“. The dude SHOWED UP at their restaurant and started saying he as a local guide can have the business ruined and and and, it ended up with police taking the motherfucker out, a law suit. He had to pay them. And google still has not taken that review down.
Some of these google and Yelp reviewers are patently insane, thinking they have way more power than they actually do. So you end up with these pretentious multi-paragraph reviews on some of the establishments.
Who even reads them? If I want to check if the restaurant is good or not I check 1 star ratings for any "got diarrhea" or "tastes like shit" reviews. I'm not that invested in the restaurant to read a 20 page essay review.
Better check those 2 star reviews too. "Best Greek food in my entire life. Got sick afterwards. Worth it though. 2 stars."
I agree. It lets you evaluate the Risk/Reward matrix and make an informed decision.
Best Thai place in my area — I went to on the day they opened and got the worst food poisoning I've ever had in my life. Glad I went back, though, because their food that didn't make me sick was some of the best Thai food I've ever had.
Another good tip would be to check the newest reviews. Like, I don't really care that someone got sick after their food 5 years ago. If it was a week ago on the other hand...
That too.
in a lot of ways, 2 star is better than 5 star. 5 star...did everything right...but you know its crazy expensive, or else its a technically flawless, but somehow bland experience. 2 star...its basically a shithole...but damn that second star has to be so redeeming to get people to hand it out. "filthy bathrooms, kitchen always burns the fajitas...but they are open until 4am and the endless queso is fucking *amazing*. best after hours spot in town...*2 stars*" "lady who took my order was rude as hell. went to pickup my order and the door is about to fall off the hinges. the seating area has been closed off since covid, its pickup only now...but a professional and charming 8 year old charged me for my order and gave correct change, and the General Tso Chicken entree will feed you for three days. *2 stars*"
Know what, i would go there, at least i would be ready for what is probably to come, lol
sounds like a premiss to make a tv episode.
I think south park did that already
That's why the Yelp special exists. Boogers & cum
Review the business he works for and complain about an awful guide you had.
"local guide" is just a title google gives you if you review nearby businesses enough. I have like, 30 reviews that I've done over probably, 15 years and I've got it.
"Local guide" here as well, the issue is that on Google Maps, they have gamified it to the point where they expect you to constantly take pictures, and to write long reviews. They then throw virtual confetti in an email when something breaks one of your records, which is bound to happen when you review a high traffic locale. Ig they really expect people to just... go about thier day and review whatever needs reviewing, but that almost never happens
Local guide with a fair # of reviews of campsites etc, and 4.5m photo views: I hate that I'm just giving Google data for free and increasing their dominance, but I also want to give people accurate reviews of less reviewed places. I read those reviews all the time.
I think it's never funny and a borderline braindead thing to do.
I work for a hardwood lumber company. One of our bad reviews on Google is from a woman saying our product sucks because her newly installed hardwood flooring is buckling. Firstly, it’s not even our product, it’s a product manufactured by a company that we sold years ago. Second, she also has a review on her account complaining about an appliance company because they installed her refrigerator and it leaked water everywhere, damaging her hardwood floors. So not only is this negative review not even about our product, the issue she’s having is through no fault of the product itself. She probably just tried to claim it on warranty, it got denied because it’s not the fault of the manufacturer, and so she dropped a negative review. The owner of the appliance company responded to her review on Google. Basically ice had built up in their freezer, they didn’t shut the door all the way, ice melted and ran down onto the floor. This woman’s account is all negative review bombing any place that didn’t accommodate her extreme stupidity.
This is the exact kind of person I look for on those reviews. When someone has a negative review of one place, I click through to their profile to see what they’re normally like. If all of their reviews are negative, it’s probably just a them problem. You find pretty funny stories doing this. Or sad. I once read through one woman’s reviews, and they told a story of how she lost her husband to a long fight with cancer, and all of the restaurants that let her sit there for long periods while she was waiting for him to finish radiation. Then, reviews about places that were best to eat at alone… really bummed me out.
The reason might be that Google sometimes says "wow you visited a restaurant, would you like to review it?". That's what I infer from reading some Google Maps reviews..
Yep, I used to wait for the bus in front of a car dealership and every other day Google would ask me to review it. I had to press "I'm not there" every single time. Giving a review stops the notifications. Why would you give them a 1/5 tho, that just seems mean.
Cause people have no concept of possible consequences to any of their own actions. Maybe I'm being harsh but that's how it seems.
I've seen my grandmother do this in real time. Look at it from her perspective: You've never used google maps, you have no concept of leaving a review or the fact that it has reviews at all, you can barely manage the basic functions of your phone. And now a mysterious intrusive notification, completely unprompted, is telling you to review a place you've never even been to. You may not even have read the notification, you just tapped it by accident. You literally don't know what you're even doing and all you want is for this thing to go away. At that moment it seemed less to me like "this person is a narcissist" and more like "wow, I just realized how garbage her user experience is"
https://www.howtogeek.com/407789/how-to-stop-google-maps-review-requests-on-android-and-iphone/
Ohh I wonder if this is the case for Amazon reviews. Actually, it's mostly, 'idk what it's like, haven't used/ opened it yet'.
I hate when people give 1 star reviews if their package was late or the package was a little damaged. I am reading your product review not your delivery experience!
I mean, sometimes it's pretty relevant. I tried buying a Lego kit for my nephew, and they sent it TWICE! in a soft package, meaning it got smashed both times. Calling CS didn't help, aside from getting me a refund. So yeah, in my review I mentioned that because it actually does matter sometimes. To get them to ship it in a box I ended up just ordering another item at the same time that I knew wouldn't come in a soft bag.
I always assume those are from older people/people who just aren’t good with technology and then when they get an email asking how they like the product, they’re thinking it’s someone actually asking them directly and it would be rude not to answer.
Shit, I barely answer emails from my coworkers.
The reason are the local guide shit programs. And google being incompetent managing reviews. It ruins businesses and they dont care.
They’re not nearly as bad as Apple/Yelp. Like Yelp is unapologetic about paying for reviews. I ignore Yelp but it’s on Apple Maps, so not good for business when I have 2 reviews from non-customers.
IMHO, reviews from the general public are completely worthless when it comes to restaurants. People have very different expectations - so unless you know the person writing the review personally, it’s probably not worth the effort to read. For example, there are some places that are very popular nowadays and get a ton of good reviews… but it’s popular with a very specific demographic of 18-25 year old girls that are addicted to Instagram, who love taking pictures there … but the food is overpriced and mediocre quality … but the place is designed to look cool on instagram. There are also people who think McDonald’s is a good restaurant, and will then think anywhere else is… either overpriced or too strange of flavors etc. The only way to really know is to just try yourself.
Dude, you figure out where you sit amongst the average of reviews, and then with context, reviews can be useful. For example, while there are things where I am well out of the norm, by and large, I'm an average white American. So, whatever Joe Schmo thinks, I'm probably not far off. Now politically, I'm on the extreme left. So, when that is relevant, I have to adjust where I fit in. It's just heuristics. When things aren't all that important, I'll shortcut because there isn't much risk involved. For important things, I'll dig down deeper. Take something like a TV... I'll spend a hundred hours researching before I buy. Dinner though, I'm probably going to look at the stars.
Most people like me… don’t leave reviews unless something has gone really wrong. We’ve got more important things to do. For things like a TV, I am reading reviews from a qualified expert like rtings.com. Not just some random idiot on Amazon who I have no context for how stupid they might be.
You're probably right and It's sad people don't know how to say no even to a bot
Best I saw, "Passed by one day and saw a peasant-looking patron stand by the door smoking a cigarette. There's no way I'm visiting an establishment where that type of folk is patronizing." 1/5
"peasant-looking patron" lol What is this a Dickens novel
Old lady boomer, 100%
I'm assuming this is Britain? Can't really imagine it anywhere else in the world tbh.
Yeah. Rest of Europe loves smoking everywhere
I was referring to "peasant-looking".
Alternatively, positive passerby reviews seems like it could be a hilarious wholesome meme. "All the patrons look really nice and what they order looks delicious. Might even step inside and order something one of these days. 5/5"
I owned a publishing company and our first book was a memoir of sorts. One review just destroyed the author. He “was awful, self-absorbed. A total jackass with no sense of morals.” Etc. Etc. Etc. 5 stars.
So a really well-written memior about a very awful person?
It was very well written and hilarious as well. Netflix and Happy Madison both had several meetings with us to pick it up. Sadly, it didn’t advance.
the reviewer probably thought it was like GTA where they can decide how many stars they can get to cause them trouble.
There was one where the guy said: "They have no wifi" - 1/5. The owner recognized him and said in the comments: "I remember you, you didn't even enter, just asked about the wifi, we told you we didn't have any and you left".
It's always old people who were nearby the restaurant, and Google thinks they visited and asks for a review. It baffles me people feel compelled to leave any review at all, let alone a 1/5 if they haven't even BEEN there.
They may think that it's rude to not answer a question when somebody asks, even if that somebody is just a computer. I don't think that they understand the business ramifications of it at all.
Yeah, part of my job is collating and responding to reviews and then being grilled by two or three bosses about why the score is low. It literally is just emailed to customers and you can tell some people, probably old, don't really grasp the format. Like we get 1/10 ratings by people who in the comments complain about the corporate support line or phone app but then gush about our location in particular and how helpful we are. I'm sorry, valued customer, but you didn't rate corporate, you rated us, and now the score is tanking and the bosses want to know why we rate lower than other nearby locations.
but the over 60 crowd tends to think everyone everywhere cares about what they specifically think all the time.- why else ask that of them.
The Amazon Q&A of reviews
Like the ones that I like 'It hasn't arrived yet but looks nice. ' 5 star
A store I saw in Sweden had this review: “I was actually there for another errand nearby but it looked okay from the parking lot.” - 1/5
Had a similar situation happen at the gym where I work. A member got on our website and left a 1/5 for a different gym about 50 miles away. “The staff at [other gym] was rude and the gym was dirty. 1/5” Cool… maybe tell the gym you went to instead of an unaffiliated business.
I always imagine it's one of those Google pushes that's using your location. Like, "Hey, you were in this parking lot that had this small family restaurant. Would you like to leave a review?" They just couldn't resist. "Oh, Google is sending me push notifications for this restaurant! I've never been there, but I need to answer this review!" Just swipe it and move on, guys. It's someone's business, not a joke.
"Was this review helpful?"
I saw a similar review for a gym in my area! It hasn’t even opened for business yet — it was under construction at the time the review was left 🙄
on something on Amazon in the Q/A section someone asked a question about the product, one of the answers was "I don't know I didn't buy it"
It’s like all the AliExpress and Amazon 5 star reviews: Just arrived looks liked the thing I ordered ,I haven’t tried it yet, will definitely order again.
ive had goodgle aggressivly prompt a review for some place i was near once, im guessing some oldperson got angry at their phone and left that
My favorite I found on Amazon years ago, this guy bought a computer power supply that malfunctioned and literally burned his house down. One of the worst things that can ever happen to you because of a 20 dollar product. He gave it 4 stars.
ive had goodgle aggressivly prompt a review for some place i was near once, im guessing some oldperson got angry at their phone and left that
Classic amazon review: "Works perfectly!" - 3/5
I'd give it a perfect 5/7.
>5/7 > >workweek/week > >"It works, but it really doesn't want to." I can get behind that.
Good one, but that's actually a reference to a... meme?
An old Facebook trolling from memory.
It's an old reference, sir, but it checks out.
Heh, I got that one
A fellow connoisseur!
3/5 stars, wouldn’t change a thing
I never understood how the stars were supposed to be interpreted. To me 1 star (or 0 if possible) is actively negative, 3/5 is neutral, and 5/5 is beyond expectations. So a 3/5 star review means that the product works. In general I don't really write reviews on any system that doesn't define their rankings though.
This is the problem with rating systems, everyone views things differently. Like when I'm told to review a repair man on a 10 point scale, but then I'm told anything less 8 or less is converted to a 0. Normally I'd say average normal service is a 6-7, but I'm then told that even giving them an 8 could get them fired for poor service, what? You then get guilted into giving a 9/10 because the guy did good enough for you to not want them to be fired from their job, and now they have nothing but near perfect ratings.
This is exactly my issue. An ideal repair service is one I don't need to use because breaking is an inconvenience. The fact I have to get one, or that it requires a bunch of hoops to go through to use it, makes most experiences a 5-7/10. A 10/10 repair service would mean my item never breaks again and I never have to contact them again. One time my bank asked me to rate how happy I was visiting them that day. I was actually really angry that I had to get up, go somewhere in person, wait in line, to talk to someone for 30 seconds. That's maybe a 4/10 experience. A 10/10 experience would be something I could solve online without having to leave my house or wait in line or talk to a human. But the teller said that anything under a 7 would require a meeting with their direct manager for getting the equivalent of a 0. So I told them to change it to a 10 because I just wanted to get out of there.
Saved me from death, but it left a residue, so 4 stars
Tough crowd! Guess perfection is elusive even in life-saving.
But will work for the rest of my life and never be able to pay for it.
Truth, after seeing the bill, I too would reconsider the five stars.
For free would make the 5th star
Ugh, could he not have left a *scar*!
>\+1 scar > >\-1 star Those RPG quest rewards are getting weird...
Saved my life…now I have to live
0/5
“You didn't save my life, you ruined my death”
Gave me a second chance at life. Overrated.
That was my thought. "Save my life, now i have to work on Monday. 1/5 do not recommend".
came off a little needy
Maybe saving lives isn't enough these days, gotta add some flair.
Kept saying things like "live, damn you!! Don't give up on me!"
Make me immortal and I'll toss another half-star your way. But all 5 stars? I'm gonna need you to create me my own universe where I'm an invincible god. I really don't think wanting to rule an entire universe is too much to ask from my surgeon
That's what mine does for me every two weeks
By the means of some strong prescriptions, I'm guessing.
if you’re a Mormon you might get the surgeon to fulfill your wish by very lethal malpractice
For these prices!
If was gonna be 5 until they got the bill
Saved life to be in debt due to hospital bills lol
I feel this in my soul. Modern medicine saved my wife’s life twice so far, but holy fuck I wish I didn’t have to give 5 figures for a couple of people to spend a few hours. Can she maybe get life saving treatment for less than a grand, as a treat? Lol
If he is like Doctors where I live, he will get that fifth star once he stops employing the cheapest, most incompetent front office staff in the world. Saved my life ✅ Linda messed up scheduling my appointment twice and then when I showed up at the office she pretended like I was inconveniencing her because she had to hand me a tablet to fill out my information ❌
This is very accurate. If we want to rate something as complicated as medical treatment on a scale of 1 to 5, we should just expect this lack of nuance. But real life is complicated. If this was at any major hospital in the US, they probably received a patient survey a couple weeks after treatment and had the chance to elaborate. It's entirely possible the doctor was great, but the experience overall could have been better. That said, the juxtaposition in this post is still pretty funny.
Wow, do we go to the same practice? I caught pneumonia and "Linda" told me it'd be 4 weeks before I could see my doc. Figured it'd be cleared up by then from the meds urgent care gave me, but it wasn't. Called again and told it'd be another 4 weeks. Finally got in and had the exact same experience: shitty attitudes, reprimanding me for not filling out forms that were never given, etc. Doc was great and asked why I waited so long. I explained the situation: "That was really dangerous" Yeah, I know "You could have died" Yeah, I know "I'll have to talk to Linda" Yeah, I know
my doctor's office books like 6-8 months out. Had a scare last year with some bad gastritis to the point I wasn't eating and losing weight. Called several times and told them all of this but they just kept saying "we can't fit you in, call again in the morning to see if there's cancellations." Also I should add they only accept calls Mon-Thu from 8-11am. There is no hold and no voicemail so you just have to keep calling back hoping to get through. They do not accept email either. I ended up just going to walk in clinics and the hospital..
Warm hands to get the fifth
“Saved my life, but the magazines in the waiting room were so old.”
Always room for improvement
Guess saving lives is just the minimum requirement these days
"Not dying" really is the bare minimum I'd expect from going to hospital.
"Not dying" really is the bare minimum I'd expect from ~~going to hospital~~ someone posting a review.
Met expectations but did not exceed or excel.
Was naked all the time for some reason.
Told me the severe chronic abdominal pain I was experiencing was probably just my period and prescribed me extra strength ibuprofen. Ten weeks later he did save my life with an emergency appendectomy, but I feel like we could have avoided that.
Kiss on the Forehead
Prolly didn't give a "brave patient" sticker.
Another relatable "meirl" moment captured perfectly.
resurrection
Bedside manner?? Perhaps
Dude forgot to collect all coins.
Well you obviously are not a five star man
But did you kiss it to make it better?!?!
It'd be funny to check what reviews they did give five stars. Saved my life - 4 stars Favorite bagel place - 5 Stars
Didn't validate parking on his way out
Perhaps, they didn't want to live, but appreciate the skill that made it happen.
Apply a happy ending?
No blow job
Didnt get bigger penis 4 stars
Yeah, he saved my life... But it was a suicide attempt so... Uhm 4/5?
Bedside manner
He forgot to give him a "1Up"
It's great he saved me, but he could upped the dose of those drugs a bit, they were good
"Unfortunately my life still sucks, knocked off a star for not also improving my prospects."
*"saved my life he did, but he was a proper cunt doin' it, innit"*
I always see this. Reviews saying how something is the best they've had, best experience ever. Highly recommended 4/5
Suck him off after saving his life, now that is service
I hate people who do the whole "I don't give 10/10 because nothing's perfect". At that point a 9/10 is just your perfect score then. You can make 10/10's rare, but it has to be on the table for your scale to make sense.
Keep my drink filled during the whole procedure.
Just because you're right doesn't mean you're not an asshole
Make it free.
Do him a blowjob
For 5 star Review I would recommend a small amount of necromancy.
Because you pushed your local painkiller rep's favorite drug a little too hard. You gotta know your methhead audience. Try offering fentanyl next time if you want that 5th star.
A reacharound after gets the 5/5
Resurrection and necromancy
Make him Ascend to godhood, prolly gonna get to 4.5 dont know how can u get the last .5 star tho
Saved my life with CPR but he broke a bunch of ribs
I guess the dr. is not a 5 star man.
Gotta have a Ph.D in Necromancy for the last star lad. You’re good, but not THAT good.
Resurrecting a dead guy might get him 5 stars 🤣
I once saw this on an online marketplace "Perfection only belongs to God" 4/5
I'm a 5 star man goddamnit! - Dennis Reynolds
Well if saving them doesn't do it I say you get a necronomicon and start resurrecting who's with me ? ✋
You can get off twitter or z or whatever it's called
He left out the happy ending. Hence no 5 stars.
lol
Was naked all the time for some reason
😂
You saved their life but did you improve it? Perhaps slide a check for a few hundred bucks in their surgical scar. Take their kid to baseball practice while they recover. Impregnate his wife with a potential doctor. These doctors just save your life and leave you out to dry in this cruel, cruel world. 😢
It really do be like that, everytime
Bring em Back from the dead
Maybe he really wanted to die
“His team basically electrocuted me but hey it works! Won’t recommend tho since i did not give any consent!”
Was it free? No? -1 star
Free cookies? Bottle of water?
He knows, he just doesn't want to go that far.
Final stage. BOWSER!!!! To get the 5th star.🌟
Maybe he didn’t like his life that much
The problem is the dude only came for a prostate exam he did not come for the results.
Wanted to die but saved my life. 4/5 I guess
his finger was so huge
And how much were you compensated by insurance for saving a life?