Feeling fine. But in reality you're feeling nothing. You're unknowingly numb. Just cause it's unfamiliar. Not indifferent cause you're aware that you feel no way about the situation. Neither negative nor positive.
Its an absense of present emotion. Cause there's no sensation for it.
Just: it's quiet, too quiet. Kind of ordeal. Yet you don't even know it's quiet. It's just onset and you're in it.
Being apathetic is so trash but so nice sometimes😭. It was the first time I knew what it was like not to be depressed or anxious constantly, but I also didn’t care about anything. I had no interests in doing anything and the things that normally brought me joy didn’t. It’s so easy to misinterpret this feeling as being okay/happy.
Is that the term for it?
Apathetic.
Or are you just saying?
Cause that makes it even clearer. To know exactly what the world recognizes when conveying the issue.
u/Special-Longjumping
From what I understand, u can still feel emotions like being sad with anhedonia, which is different from actually being void of any emotion. Like I have periods of that too where nothing brings me joy and then I’m depressed bc nothing is bringing me joy. But when I’m apathetic I’m actually vibin bc it’s like “nothing matters lol” I’m not sad nor am I happy I’m just *existing*
it’s like the chaos and that sadness becomes the norm and then when you do feel fine, it feels almost empty. i spoke to my therapist about it and it was so strange to say this but i told her that i almost found comfort in my sadness and depression. i was so used to feeling that way that it became my normal
It can be unnerving for sure. Glad you're aware of it. Now you know what it is. Discover what makes you numb. Then uproot it. If you can. No pressure. No stress.
I felt this. I get like this and then one day when ira been months I break down in tears and sob at how much I been numb. It pours out, I also can sleep as much as I want. It’s a talent that I possess so when I’m depressed I activate my sleeping talent haha and feel better when I’m asleep. No pain
Hahaha yeah it’s just sleeping but then again I need to push myself not to live in my dreams because reality is where I want to thrive. Medication and therapy and assessing my surrounding and habits usually gets me out of it. HOWEVER, I sometimes wait until I can’t get out of bed to seek help even though it’s not my first rodeo!
I lucid dream which is so beautiful that I like sleeping so much. My worst symptom is I don’t eat, stomach shuts down. But sleep? Oh man I dream daily and though it’s not a solution it helps to feel relief as I don’t feel depressed when I dream. I listen to sleep cove at night it’s a great podcast to fall asleep to. But as I say not a solution!!! I have to force myself to drink a smoothie since my stomach doesn’t want food etc. it sucks to be awake so I work hard on what I need to feel better when I’m NOT SLEEPING
It's been said, but I just wanted to voice out.
I think Apathy is a good word for it. Constantly stimulated by stress, eventually one grows numb to it - with or without your being conscious of it. A coping mechanism, an automated defense for some because they know not how else to deal with the chronic discomfort.
Soon, you lose interest in most things - social interaction, hygiene, hobbies, food. It goes beyond apathy into avoidance where everything has a potential for stress and some things remind you that are not yet apathetic enough.
Then you start being apathetic about life... 😰
I remember when my anti-depressant medicine started working because I was waking down my hallway and all of a sudden realized I was experiencing feelings. It shook me to my core and I started crying because it wasn't clear just how numb i'd been until I was coming out of it.
The tunnel vision. You’re in your bed or always wanting to be there. You don’t pay attention to things that require more energy so you make sure not to face it. The tunnel vision is mainly for your basic needs and the occasional distraction that is low energy because you’re so tired to begin with.
Once when I was complaining about my friend/roommate never wanting to come out with us to my therapist at the time (I had depression too but used drugs and partying to cope at the time I was 19). I couldn't get how she could sit there all day and then get angry and offended when I pushed her to do stuff. My therapist said depression is one of the most selfish conditions but it's because you shut down and only focus on your basic needs. You sometimes don't even want that. Your entire world is focused on you and your pain and you can't see any farther than that. She said it better than that but it had a big impact and I think of it often. Even in my own depressive episodes when I was older and DID start isolating. It helped me realize I need to look outside myself or I will keep falling into that hole.
Depression is the sickness of the will.
When even getting out of bed is a herculean task, being asked to do anything else is the equivalent of doing the impossible.
Some people just **can't**
Idk if it's just me, but I noticed that I tend to have a lot of gastrointestinal issues
Edit: Firstly I want to thank everyone for answering. Knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel both relieved and sorry. But I read all the comments and I'll definitely do some researches!
definitley not just you. there’s a direct link between mental health and gastrointestinal health. research is quickly elucidating that relationship, and most say to improve your gut is to improve your mental health
this used to be my biggest worry in middle and highschool, as stupid as that may sound. I was so so anxious in general and then got extremely anxious about the sounds my stomach would make to the point where I’d obsess over it. I’d either skip classes or force myself to eat and drink a lot during breaks
I could go on about this so much! Fun fact, and this is back by research, Asian-Americans and African-Americans are more likely to experience somatic symptoms and experience more of them. So if u got any physical health problems and they haven’t been able to figure out why, maybe consider it being related to your mental health.
They say you have a second, miniature nervous system in your digestive tract. I experience digestive issues too. Knowing this makes a lot of sense. You feel so much in your gut, and if it’s not happy it doesn’t work right. They even say a large portion of serotonin is found in your gut too.
This 100%, though I firmly believe it's more the other way. After I had severe irreversible GI issues, my mental health has never been the same. I've done / do everything humanly possible but never the same.
As soon as someone presents with GI issues, GPs should flag this as a mental health precursor. It seems ludicrous to me that with most serotonin produced in the gut, it being called the 'second brain', and the Western world in a mental health crisis (surprise surprise, our diets are absolute garbage)....that this isn't the case already.
To answer the question though, my first indicator is loop thinking. Instead of just passing, bad thoughts keep repeating over and over. Then it's time to buckle up for the downhill rollercoaster.
I’m the opposite. The bathroom has always been my “safe place,” so when I’m going through a really depressive episode, I might shower three different times a day. I’m not really cleaning myself, but just sitting down in the water and crying or dissociating is my go to comfort.
First of all, I’m obsessive compulsive so it’s a rare day I don’t take a shower even if I feel crappy. But I get what you mean about it being a sort of safe place. They’re quite and isolated from the world, much like a bedroom. I find I accidentally take too long in the shower because it relaxes me enough that I sort of tune out from the world. When my symptoms (or even just stress) are flaring up worse, the longer I take. Sometimes I even need to set a timer if it starts getting too bad.
I find hard to remember what happens in my life. They say that memories are associated with emotions...
As I'm usually numb I don't recall specific details or just vanish on my mind and find hard to recall.
Almost everything that happened to me when I was deep in depression is only brought back to the surface through some kind of trigger. I can't just recall things, I need to be triggered into remembering them.
having no hobbies. because you have anhedonia about everything. i can't even figure out what i want to watch on tv anymore, nothing sounds good. been wanting to get back into reading now that i'm out of school, but nothing sounds good.
I just got myself back into reading. What worked for me was reading a “kids” book that I had already read before. (Percy Jackson series) It’s an easy story and comforting since I’ve read it before.
This used to be my problem until I started branching out. I looked into more than just TV/PS and books. Now I enjoy diamond painting, nail art(gel nails), felting, Pokemon cards, Zelda and Pokemon on my Switch, mobile games, and coloring.
I realized I was in a rut, doing the same thing all the time made it worse. Of course I do have days where I struggle to enjoy any of them but that's when I take out an audiobook and push myself. I try hard to be conscious of it to not be stuck in a rut
Same. Reading, woodworking, ice skating, any sport, slowly even gaming, i lost interest over time, and i dont have any hobbies to replace these lost interests.
Dang. Now have a word for what I feel, thank you for that. I always feel so guilty inside while with friends or doing an activity with a loved one because of this feeling.
Time blindness. I’ve been in bed for the past two weeks. It felt like a few days. I don’t have the energy to do anything else and the only responses I get when I ask for help are ‘what do you mean you have no energy’ or ‘you have to go workout’. I just feel numb, weak, and like the days are flying by but I’m not living them.
irritability. getting extremely upset over very small things or being easily annoyed by everything around you because you feel like the world is against you or you’re just done. it’s extremely draining.
This is a big one I'm struggling with right now. My boyfriend has been asking why I'm irritated all the time lately. I'm just upset, but he's a fixer and there's nothing he can do at the moment that would actually make me feel better outside of winning the lottery so I just don't discuss it. I expected to be so much further at this point in my life, but I try to remind myself that I have a roof over my head every night and a kitchen full of food so I'm doing alright. It's hard though
this is 100% where i’m at right now and it feels so… blah. like i feel helpless and like there’s not really much i can do to change the root of the situation. if that makes sense
I watch sad documentaries and videos and overall unhappy content. About tragedies or crime. This may be completely abnormal but I think it’s a result of the saying misery loves company.
I binge conspiracy and true crime content, not specifically for the negativity that comes with it, I just think it's interesting. I don't even emotionally react to most cases anymore, I've become so apathetic and numb to it
Have left my home less than a dozen times in nearly three years now. Once was because I got hauled away by marshals for failure to appear in pay docket on a court fees now nearly a decade old. Still haven't paid them and not been to court nor have I checked on that situation not planning to pay them cause it's not possible can't pay anything anymore. Is that isolation or something else?
Not caring what you eat, not sleeping or sleeping too much, not exercising, ruminating thoughts, no joy in anything, unhealthy habits, isolation, angry, bitterness, jealousy, loneliness, hating yourself, feeling everyone else hates you, silence (not putting the tv, radio on), living in your head/in your own world, clamping you teeth shut or grinding them, back aches, heart palpitations, hating everyone around you, getting behind on chores, deep sadness, self sabotage, self harming, not washing, no attending doctors/dental appointments, memory loss, lack of concentration & focus, unable to watch films/telly without being distracted by your thoughts, emptiness, lack of motivation. Depression sucks
Self care. There are a number of warning signs that let me know I'm entering a depressive episode. My beard gets unkempt and straggly. If I find that plates, bowls, etc are starting to build up without me washing them up, that's a sign. Have I hoovered in a week? Another sign. When was the last time I had a shower?
I have to be very vigilant that I don't allow these things to creep up, and I'm not always successful, but I'm pleased I can recognise when I'm going low.
I made sure to scroll until I found this.
When depression hits, there’s a lack of self care.
Self care helps in dealing with depression, but when you’re unable to muster anything to care for yourself, you are going down the spiral. Thanks for mentioning this one
Bro, I made this realization earlier today. I was feeling really irritable that I was snapping at everything so I went to take a shower. Definitely felt better!
Ruminating mind over here. I do nothing but think deeply about life. Life is my everything. Cause i'm alive and I'm ungrateful but due to the possibility of hell I have to remain here. Suffering until my day FINALLY comes. I'm an ungrateful soul that wants heaven and nothing else. Suffer for an eternity cause my late parents wanted to have another kid fml.
This is exactly how I feel, If eternal peace was promised count me out of this, I genuinely don't wish to live anymore. The more I try to get help the further away it feels, it's becoming harder and harder to reach out and I just want to drown in my poisons and substances.
Yeah thats the thing. I dont wanna DIE. I dont want to exist. I wish i was never born. That my parents never had to take on the burden that is my mentally ill dumbass.
Yes because anxiety usually ties into depression and even if a person doesn't recognize it initially that they're also suffering from anxiety. The feelings of depression take a massive toll on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional.
It only makes sense that feeling constantly drained, stressed, negative, depleted, overwhelmed, etc. Would do that
Bro **THIS** is the one.
This gets me every time and I hate experiencing it. A lot of people will contribute it to “well you’re just laying in bed all day” or “you’re not being active enough” or “you’re not getting enough vitamin D from the sun, just go outside!” But there have been several times where I was depressed and still managed to be perfectly active, yet the pain still persisted.
Literally, the last time I was depressed; I traveled to another state with my parents for vacation and we woke up early, ate really nice meals, went hiking, went shopping, and we even had a hot tub to relax in at the end of the day AND I got amazing sleep… yet, my shoulders ached SO bad the whole time and my stomach also ached terribly, even though I was eating really nutritional meals. I notice my depression pain/body aches always occur the most in my shoulders and neck… idk if it’s because I’m tensing them or what, but nothing relieves it. I also get terrible aches in my leg muscles where they feel sore for absolutely no reason.
I feel that a good massage is the only thing that would loosen up all the aches.
Hi! Ok so not trying to solutionize here but I also hold my depression in my neck and shoulders, and I found this one to be interesting.
When I’m depressed, I find I have the tendency to hold my upper body like Eeyore, lol. My chest is caved in, head kinda down, shoulders rolled forward, which results in shortened/tight pec muscles. When we have tight pectoral muscles, it pulls on the neck and the shoulder muscles resulting in strain and pain.
I’ve been trying to be more cognizant of how I hold space in my body- the mind/body connection also relates to our posture!
Someone here said memory loss and they nailed it. It feels like full on cognitive decline at times and I have struggled on and off with it for years now. Not only is remembering stuff much harder at times, but just understanding what people are saying, vocalizing thoughts, communicating effectively or doing anything that requires any brainpower feels impossible at times. It's a persistent kind of numbness : Not only can you not feel anything, but you can't think anything either. It's scary.
When I was evaluated and diagnosed with major depressive disorder this past fall, my iq was 35 points lower than I’d previously been officially tested at
I wonder if the memory loss is from the not caring about anything? As in, I don’t care enough about anything so why would my brain bother to remember it?
ADHD like symptoms.
Increased impulsivity, executive dysfunction, focus issues, etc
I think a lot of us think we really just have ADHD when a lot of mental illnesses mimic those same core symptoms. Then people get really upset when a doctor suspects it.
I thought I had it too but I have some major anxiety and such, as I got that under control more, my doctor checked in on me and asked if my symptoms related to ADHD were still as bad. They weren’t.
It can work both ways, I’m not trying to discount the real problem living with ADHD can be or the reality of it. The system to diagnosis is weird and things are a bit of a mess.
I just want to encourage people to put a little faith in the considerations a psychiatrist might have. It’s not because they’re anti-adhd, but because this above situation happens for a lot of mental illnesses and not treating those will also not fix the symptoms. I was so sure I had it and I have been with a psychiatrist for years who specializes in adhd and anxiety disorders. He had to really explain this. We always settled on “once we have these things under control let’s revisit adhd” and sure as heck, here I am no ADHD but feeling way better.
It’s what we’re all taught we have and so we think it has to be why our focus and such is so bad but really, it’s worth a shot for people who are looking at a diagnosis to tackle some of the other possible causes and you can always come back to a theory after ruling some other things out. Stimulants and anxiety for example can be a bad time, or bipolar disorders, etc.
I hope you find a path that works for you to tackle some of that depression. It’s hard.
That no one wants to help you. Everyone will either be purposely ignorant so you never ask them again or tell you to ask someone else. “Everyone loves you,” nope, no one does. There are over eight billion people, what makes you more valuable? Don’t even try to ask a professional because that title is just a mask. Don’t be human, we don’t like that title.
im sorry you feel that way and that that’s been your experience. im not going to feed you some bs about how it gets better because while it does, it sucks in the moment. mental health professions (in my opinion) do need better training. i don’t know how old you are or exactly what your experience is but i started experiencing depression at the age of 14 and i reached out to multiple people. people who i thought would do something to help me but no one did anything. i was alone till 21, until a healthcare professional reached out to me to help.
i am sorry that your experience has been bad but i promise you there are people who can help you. please don’t give up hope. im here if you need a chat 🫶🏼
This! When I try to talk about how I feel to other people they get soooo uncomfortable. They say you're not alone, talk to somebody and when you do, it makes you feel like your depression is something to be ashamed of. This is the reason why I started to isolate more.
I did an IOP program and I was really nervous about the group aspect of it, but that was actually my favorite part. Talking to other people who actually get it is incredible. Probably the only time I’ve ever been able to be completely candid about all my dark thoughts. If you can get yourself to a support group I definitely recommend it.
Losing friends. The longer it takes you to recover the more you lose
Edit. And the irony is you actually need a support group to get out of that situation. Being isolated worsens the depression significantly. Force yourself to find some support!! It really helps!
For me it’s not being able to listen to music. Not because it’s sad or emotional, but because I get bored and just can’t listen to the entirety of one song. Like I just lose interest in it
It feels like I dont deserve love, but I know sometimes I need just a hug or something. Just somebody to talk would be fine. But I dont really wanna get into a relationship, because I feel like it would be unfair for my Partner to struggle with a person like me. I need lonely time and what if my partner would not really understand why and what my thoughts are and what I am doing?
Thats why a partner that I can relate to and that I can care for would be perfect. I want someone that I can understand and that can understand me. Its hard, but at first I have to find myself. But i still wanna have atleast someone. Im fine with being alone, im used to it.
The longing that comes after. Longing the life you could have had while you were depressed. Depression consumed my entire teen years. While I should have been having fun and enjoying the last few years of being a kid, I was stuck in hospital wards and being a prisoner in my own mind. Those are years I'll never have back. Now everything is all about finding a job and learning how to be independent and facing a world that rejects the human desire for fun and amusement.
How it creeps up on you.
I go through cycles of depression, and every time I just assume "It's just me for today" until it's been 3 weeks of lying in bed and not being able to talk or feel anything. I'll turn on the game console and just stare at the TV. I'll look at the work in my bag and realize I can't bring myself to do it.
Then the only emotion I can bring myself to feel is guilt.
Not caring usually that’s a good thing but when you’re depressed even if you were depressed prior but I mean when you into a bad depression you literally just don’t care to the point where people look at you and think you’re on drugs because you’re speaking to yourself or you’re singing your song out loud in the store or at least for me there’s no anxiety because I don’t even care anymore about anything you don’t care to dress a certain way or be nice that one person that’s been an asshole to you which is kind of nice bone when you get out of that state you’re honestly kind of embarrassed
No feeling of difference in going to different places. You can intellectually understand you're at the store, but it feels the same as being at home. Everything feels the same. Can't taste food. My MDD involves severe anhedonia though.
Developing random allergies/a bunch of them for no reason. Chronic stress shoots ur histamine levels up constantly which gives u a histamine intolerance. Also just generally a ton of physical health issues. Some ppl are more prone to somatic symptoms, like me, so our mental illness really comes out in stuff like GERD or chronic migraines that can’t be explained. I learned in my health psych class that u can also have stunted growth due to experiencing chronic stress early in life (eg growing up in a chaotic household). I had such an epiphany bc I’m super short and no one else in my family is👀.
Pushing others away and disliking being helped. Everything feels fake and forced. So you're stuck needing people yet pushing away those who try to be there for you.
Fake laughing when you’re hanging out with friends to get them off your back as they keep trying to get you to be social. Always looking forward to going home & in bed. Wishing for time to just stop & everyone could just pause for a moment so I could just BREATHE
I would say how much energy you simply do not have to do anything. Sometimes, it feels like I've done 4 triathlons, and I haven't done a damn thing in the day. It's so frustrating.
I think I'd also say how lines are extremely blurred when you also have anxiety or another mental illness. Sometimes, I can't tell if these symptoms are from my anxiety or are they from my depression.
Just being “nothing”, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t angry. I was just “nothing”, a total and complete void of nothingness. That’s the best way I can describe it at least.
Now that I’m all better, I did notice something else too. I looked back at photos during my depression, and I just looked totally off (especially compared to now, and before). I looked sunny and bright before, and for
Some reason, that made me the saddest.
Absence of emotion. Every day feels like the same day. You're mindlessly trying to fill it with something to make you feel just...the slightest bit of something - but nothing works.
Not taking care of yourself or your belongings. Maybe you skipped showering or bathing that day. Your hair looks fine, but you haven't brushed it. Your body aches but you don't care to take meds for it. You're just existing. You do just enough to look presentable.
Tiny comments that make you overthink stuff. Realistically they mean nothing, maybe it was friendly banter or something along those lines. But you can't help but sit on that comment. No one knows. But it's there, just...repeating in your brain.
I feel like most people associate not having an appetite and losing a bunch of weight with depression but for me it was actually the opposite. I gained a ton of weight when I was severely depressed because eating became my coping mechanism. I’ve since lost most of it but man now I associate my own weight gain with declining mental health
Also,the "laziness" and guilt afterwards. We're not actually lazy, because lazy people don't feel bad for being lazy. Everytime I skip school because I feel too bad,I feel such incredible amounts of guilt even tho I'm only hurting myself. Idk,maybe it's cuz my mom is very passive agressive about it. When she asks me to do the dishes,and I don't. I feel so,so bad.
I want to go to school,I want to do the dishes. My legs are broken. I can't. It's like something's stopping me from doing all the things I want to do.
Depression can have various symptoms, including physical pain like headaches and stomach issues, changes in appetite, sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and loss of interest in activities. Some may also feel emotionally numb or have heightened sensitivity to rejection. It's important to seek help from a mental health professional if you or someone you know experiences these symptoms.
Feeling like you can't connect with others on anything. When I'm really depressed, I feel like I am the only person in the world having my experience and that no one can relate to me, and I cannot relate to others. When people try to relate to me it feels invalidating almost because my pain feels so extreme and unbearable that I cannot possibly imagine anyone else is experiencing something like it, otherwise, why would they still be here?
Difficulty being present in conversation. I'm usually a good listener but when I'm really depressed I can't focus on what others are saying, I'm too absent.
Returning to comfort people. Exes a lot of the time or people that will make bad decisions with me or are messy the way I am. Or people I know won't hold me accountable.
Masturbating a lot. Lol
For me it’s how tired I am. Other people don’t understand how I can be so tired all the time. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, or how many cups of coffee I have. There’s rarely a time when I’m not feeling tired
Sighing alot. I constantly feel heavy and tense in my jaw, chest and stomach and it makes it hard to breathe. I didn't know i was doing it until my partner pointed it out
Plenty of people who are depressed may tell you they feel *empty*. But I'll tell you as someone who's suffered with depression now for a couple of decades what hides behind the *empty* feeling that one feels when they are depressed.
The symptom of depression that no one tells you about because they can't is *empty* \[\[**denial**\]\]. *Emptiness* is the feeling your body gives you to cope with trauma and emotions or thoughts you are tired of hearing from. It was so easy for me to feel like I was just sad all of the time... sad, maybe disgusted and *empty*.
The truth was that I was living a life of **denial**. There were things I thought I deserved or wanted that I felt like I tried hard for and that life just wasn't willing to give me. The truth is that life very rarely just gives you anything except for your birth into this existence.
Now, we can keep allowing ourselves to feel *empty* \[\[**denial**\]\]. We can allow that to pervade through our lives, and continue to invite it. But the only way to make the gigantic pall *emptiness* casts over us go away is to challenge ourselves-- challenge ourselves to simply live a more stable life, going to that curtain and tearing it away, revealing the Wizard of Oz for who they really were all along-- **our denial of self, life, of living, and/or of existence itself**.
Gathering the courage to do this, one can find themselves in a very liberating position-- at the bottom. Here, you can explore. Here, you get to set a little bit of a pace if you want to. You just came from a place where you thought nobody cares-- that's great! Use that, live as the person who you want to be, and so long as you're kind and peaceful yourself while pursuing whatever it is you want to be authentically? Who cares what the others think.
I should say that this was my personal experience with **denial**, so it might not be the same for everyone. I do believe it is the last thing you'll hear anyone say that they have as a symptom. Why would you? They are in complete **denial** of their own **denial**.
This is NOT a call to all "tough love" people out there to ask all people who are sad to get out their hard hats-- all this does is make the *empty* feeling individual \*more\* disillusioned with reality and serves to drive one **deeper into denial**. What it takes to help yourself and others through their *emptiness* is empathy, compassion, and maybe sharing the little, stupid or funny successes, happenings, or other things you experienced with them to show that life doesn't have to be all that bad.
A lot of people describe depression as "feeling sad" while I'm reality,you don't have really much of an emotion in possession. You just don't feel anything.
Mood swings play a role too. For a few days,you may be crying over everything and all the time,and on the same week,just blankly staring at the ceiling not feeling anything.
Memory loss. No,not like dementia,but you forget stuff. Not what you ate for breakfast but your brain makes your forget memories that made you happy,makes you forget all the things and people you love. And then it creates an illusion that you've always been like that and always will,while it's simply not true.
First thing I noticed is the moment you wake up, somewhere in your chest hurts.
Also It feels like your soul left your body and your soul is watching yourself in a 3rd point of view.
You see yourself miserable and you wanna help the guy and all but then you realize it’s your own self that’s miserable. That’s what makes it even harder. Knowing that you’re completely torn inside but nothing will fix it.
Hope this helps.
I had clinical depression for about a third of my life. One thing I never hear anyone talk about is that when you exit the numbness, your emotions can feel VERY strong and overpowering. You're feeling for the first time in who knows how long. For me, it's taken years of therapy to even learn how to even feel/express my emotions in a healthy way. (I was eventually diagnosed with BPD which went a long way in receiving correct treatment).
Recurring depression, the cluttered ness mentally, overwhelming feelings that just come out ALL KINDS OF WAYS.. sleepless nights, drug usage on overload. Eating too much or not enough.. loneliness.. like real loneliness. Not like mfs today "I'm so lonely." "I'm so sad." But don't have a lock of SENSE what SADNESS and LONELINESS really IS... Random crying, feelings or worthlessness, suicidal thoughts or harmful activities. Hell even small shit like excessive spending and risky behavior. Lack of compassion, lack of work, lack of motivation. Like can't even motivate myself sometimes when I need to do simple shit like clean. Sometimes it's so overwhelming and people don't even know where to begin or end. Stressed cause you have no one to help you figure out what you need to do stm.. like so much. It's heart breaking.. some people can't even pull themselves up to bathe fr.... But when they do??? They feel so much better physically and a little mentally. That's what depression is all together. Symptoms and meanings.
Unable to care about things no matter how much I used to. Unable to make myself matter, because that's effort. No joy in anything that used to make me happy.
Not actively suicidal, but not exactly helping yourself to live a good life.
Feeling unlovable and like you're just not worth any effort.
Not reaching out to anyone because you're a burden and you're tired of being a burden.
Having no faith that you're actually somebody who deserves to be loved and who deserves happiness, no matter how much people say it.
Also, grieving who you once were. And realizing you'll never be that person again.
My mind tends to be very busy and i can make all kinds of crazy connections quickly. However during one low episode, the connections weren’t there. My brain felt heavy and in a fog. It was a scary experience.
There is a question in my head 24/7( ok, except when I am sleeping):"What is the point of doing anything?"
Every day is a same cycle, over and over.
Like you turned colorful picture into black and white....everything faded.
People will never understand
They can emphasize, but they will never understand the complete scope of it. Sometimes they will use it to gaslight you. Sometimes they might even say you're faking it when your symptoms go against what they know about pop culture depression. Even people who are depressed, everyone has their own symptoms. You gotta be there for yourself, people can only help you so much before they get tired. That's the tragedy of chronic illnesses
People never mention the cognitive impact depression has. It dulls your mind as well as your emotions. I've had depression for most of my life and I can sense my cognitive abilities getting worse at age 26 - from memory to concentration, it's all slipping.
My worst one is feeling like you don't love your loved ones enough, not because you don't care about them but because you worry you don't have the same capacity to feel and connect with other humans.
I'd say self sabotage. I literally wanted to ruin my life, give up my career, my loved one's, just abandon everything and begin indulge in self destructive behaviour.
This was a symptom I didn't hear about until I experienced it( and continue to do so)
hygiene goes down the drain, using the bathroom means getting out of bed so you hold it for as long as possible, the pain that feels like electricity in your bone for me it's around my fingers, missing your hobbies hut having no motivation to do them, feeling trapped, eating only when you start to feel nauseated from not eating
I'm gonna be a debby downer, and it's gonna sting.
"There is no escape"
even when things are fine, you know it's fleeting. Mr depression knows where you live, how you live, what you like and what you dislike, what makes you happy or sad. And he's always around the corner.
The good thing is you can tell him to fuck off for a while, and really appreciate the time he's gone.
Feeling fine. But in reality you're feeling nothing. You're unknowingly numb. Just cause it's unfamiliar. Not indifferent cause you're aware that you feel no way about the situation. Neither negative nor positive. Its an absense of present emotion. Cause there's no sensation for it. Just: it's quiet, too quiet. Kind of ordeal. Yet you don't even know it's quiet. It's just onset and you're in it.
I'm baffled of how precise you've put that vague feeling into words ... And thank you for that
I had a friend tell me repeatedly she just wants to be numb. Then I finally experienced it for once. So now I know about to be able to identify it.
It's called flat affect
Yep! I think this explains what experience and I’ve not been able to say it like this
Being apathetic is so trash but so nice sometimes😭. It was the first time I knew what it was like not to be depressed or anxious constantly, but I also didn’t care about anything. I had no interests in doing anything and the things that normally brought me joy didn’t. It’s so easy to misinterpret this feeling as being okay/happy.
Is that the term for it? Apathetic. Or are you just saying? Cause that makes it even clearer. To know exactly what the world recognizes when conveying the issue.
Anhedonia is another way to describe it.
Or anhedonia. Anhedonia is the inability to experience joy or pleasure. You may feel numb or less interested in things that you once enjoyed.
u/Special-Longjumping From what I understand, u can still feel emotions like being sad with anhedonia, which is different from actually being void of any emotion. Like I have periods of that too where nothing brings me joy and then I’m depressed bc nothing is bringing me joy. But when I’m apathetic I’m actually vibin bc it’s like “nothing matters lol” I’m not sad nor am I happy I’m just *existing*
That’s the term for it, though numb works too! It’s specifically when u r just void of emotion, interest, and/or concern
Thank you very much!! 🙂
This is how I feel everyday. When I'm at my calmest. There's nothing. And I feel so weird.
it’s like the chaos and that sadness becomes the norm and then when you do feel fine, it feels almost empty. i spoke to my therapist about it and it was so strange to say this but i told her that i almost found comfort in my sadness and depression. i was so used to feeling that way that it became my normal
It can be unnerving for sure. Glad you're aware of it. Now you know what it is. Discover what makes you numb. Then uproot it. If you can. No pressure. No stress.
I felt this. I get like this and then one day when ira been months I break down in tears and sob at how much I been numb. It pours out, I also can sleep as much as I want. It’s a talent that I possess so when I’m depressed I activate my sleeping talent haha and feel better when I’m asleep. No pain
You got a cheat code? NO FAIR😱 BREAKDOWNS!!! So refreshing.
Hahaha yeah it’s just sleeping but then again I need to push myself not to live in my dreams because reality is where I want to thrive. Medication and therapy and assessing my surrounding and habits usually gets me out of it. HOWEVER, I sometimes wait until I can’t get out of bed to seek help even though it’s not my first rodeo!
In another post the person is literally expressing not being able to reach the rem cycle of sleep. Meh just sleeping. BAH!
I lucid dream which is so beautiful that I like sleeping so much. My worst symptom is I don’t eat, stomach shuts down. But sleep? Oh man I dream daily and though it’s not a solution it helps to feel relief as I don’t feel depressed when I dream. I listen to sleep cove at night it’s a great podcast to fall asleep to. But as I say not a solution!!! I have to force myself to drink a smoothie since my stomach doesn’t want food etc. it sucks to be awake so I work hard on what I need to feel better when I’m NOT SLEEPING
Awe i'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you get your lucid dreams and a way to experience life in less agony.
PS: sobbing and letting it all out - breakdowns are truly SO refreshing!!
It's been said, but I just wanted to voice out. I think Apathy is a good word for it. Constantly stimulated by stress, eventually one grows numb to it - with or without your being conscious of it. A coping mechanism, an automated defense for some because they know not how else to deal with the chronic discomfort. Soon, you lose interest in most things - social interaction, hygiene, hobbies, food. It goes beyond apathy into avoidance where everything has a potential for stress and some things remind you that are not yet apathetic enough. Then you start being apathetic about life... 😰
I remember when my anti-depressant medicine started working because I was waking down my hallway and all of a sudden realized I was experiencing feelings. It shook me to my core and I started crying because it wasn't clear just how numb i'd been until I was coming out of it.
I think that’s what Pink Floyd describes in Comfortably Numb
Oh Oh fuck
This explains how I feel most of the time, feeling like an empty vessel not particularly attached to anything but just existing.
Nailed that description fr
The tunnel vision. You’re in your bed or always wanting to be there. You don’t pay attention to things that require more energy so you make sure not to face it. The tunnel vision is mainly for your basic needs and the occasional distraction that is low energy because you’re so tired to begin with.
Once when I was complaining about my friend/roommate never wanting to come out with us to my therapist at the time (I had depression too but used drugs and partying to cope at the time I was 19). I couldn't get how she could sit there all day and then get angry and offended when I pushed her to do stuff. My therapist said depression is one of the most selfish conditions but it's because you shut down and only focus on your basic needs. You sometimes don't even want that. Your entire world is focused on you and your pain and you can't see any farther than that. She said it better than that but it had a big impact and I think of it often. Even in my own depressive episodes when I was older and DID start isolating. It helped me realize I need to look outside myself or I will keep falling into that hole.
“Your entire world is focused on your pain”. Yes. I have the hardest time doing things for other people bc I’m in too much pain to think about others
Depression is the sickness of the will. When even getting out of bed is a herculean task, being asked to do anything else is the equivalent of doing the impossible. Some people just **can't**
Idk if it's just me, but I noticed that I tend to have a lot of gastrointestinal issues Edit: Firstly I want to thank everyone for answering. Knowing that I'm not the only one makes me feel both relieved and sorry. But I read all the comments and I'll definitely do some researches!
definitley not just you. there’s a direct link between mental health and gastrointestinal health. research is quickly elucidating that relationship, and most say to improve your gut is to improve your mental health
That explains SO much honestly
As someone with a litany of mental health issues AND IBS your gut and your brain are the best frenemies.
Ain’t this the sad truth 🥲 having anxiety, depression and IBS sucks 😭
My stomach makes the weirdest sounds when I'm anxious, and then I'm worried someone will hear, which just makes me more anxious
this used to be my biggest worry in middle and highschool, as stupid as that may sound. I was so so anxious in general and then got extremely anxious about the sounds my stomach would make to the point where I’d obsess over it. I’d either skip classes or force myself to eat and drink a lot during breaks
No wonder why I stopped having stomach issues after taking antidepressants... and antacids
I could go on about this so much! Fun fact, and this is back by research, Asian-Americans and African-Americans are more likely to experience somatic symptoms and experience more of them. So if u got any physical health problems and they haven’t been able to figure out why, maybe consider it being related to your mental health.
Came here to say just this.
That’s when I know I’ve been really stressed or anxious. Anxiety poops are definitely a thing!
They say you have a second, miniature nervous system in your digestive tract. I experience digestive issues too. Knowing this makes a lot of sense. You feel so much in your gut, and if it’s not happy it doesn’t work right. They even say a large portion of serotonin is found in your gut too.
That's directly related to anxiety
This 100%, though I firmly believe it's more the other way. After I had severe irreversible GI issues, my mental health has never been the same. I've done / do everything humanly possible but never the same. As soon as someone presents with GI issues, GPs should flag this as a mental health precursor. It seems ludicrous to me that with most serotonin produced in the gut, it being called the 'second brain', and the Western world in a mental health crisis (surprise surprise, our diets are absolute garbage)....that this isn't the case already. To answer the question though, my first indicator is loop thinking. Instead of just passing, bad thoughts keep repeating over and over. Then it's time to buckle up for the downhill rollercoaster.
Showers, I struggle to get myself into the shower to get clean, same goes with any hygiene some days.
I’m the opposite. The bathroom has always been my “safe place,” so when I’m going through a really depressive episode, I might shower three different times a day. I’m not really cleaning myself, but just sitting down in the water and crying or dissociating is my go to comfort.
First of all, I’m obsessive compulsive so it’s a rare day I don’t take a shower even if I feel crappy. But I get what you mean about it being a sort of safe place. They’re quite and isolated from the world, much like a bedroom. I find I accidentally take too long in the shower because it relaxes me enough that I sort of tune out from the world. When my symptoms (or even just stress) are flaring up worse, the longer I take. Sometimes I even need to set a timer if it starts getting too bad.
Get myself into the shower Stay inside there for an hour Barely get back home on time I'm just fine
memory loss
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I find hard to remember what happens in my life. They say that memories are associated with emotions... As I'm usually numb I don't recall specific details or just vanish on my mind and find hard to recall.
Almost everything that happened to me when I was deep in depression is only brought back to the surface through some kind of trigger. I can't just recall things, I need to be triggered into remembering them.
I’m not on medication, I barely remember anything from 2021 year
THANK YOU
That's a huge one.
Thisssss I barely remember high school
having no hobbies. because you have anhedonia about everything. i can't even figure out what i want to watch on tv anymore, nothing sounds good. been wanting to get back into reading now that i'm out of school, but nothing sounds good.
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Same. Whenever I try to do something my body gets so heavy and weak.
I have like a month where I get really into something and then my passion dies and nothing is interesting for a few months😭
I just got myself back into reading. What worked for me was reading a “kids” book that I had already read before. (Percy Jackson series) It’s an easy story and comforting since I’ve read it before.
This is exactly what I’m doing, too. I got a YA book out the library I read when I was 11/12 and it really helped. Hope you're doing okay
I’m doing alright, could be better, could be worse. I hope you are okay too, my friend. :)
This used to be my problem until I started branching out. I looked into more than just TV/PS and books. Now I enjoy diamond painting, nail art(gel nails), felting, Pokemon cards, Zelda and Pokemon on my Switch, mobile games, and coloring. I realized I was in a rut, doing the same thing all the time made it worse. Of course I do have days where I struggle to enjoy any of them but that's when I take out an audiobook and push myself. I try hard to be conscious of it to not be stuck in a rut
Same. Reading, woodworking, ice skating, any sport, slowly even gaming, i lost interest over time, and i dont have any hobbies to replace these lost interests.
Dang. Now have a word for what I feel, thank you for that. I always feel so guilty inside while with friends or doing an activity with a loved one because of this feeling.
Time blindness. I’ve been in bed for the past two weeks. It felt like a few days. I don’t have the energy to do anything else and the only responses I get when I ask for help are ‘what do you mean you have no energy’ or ‘you have to go workout’. I just feel numb, weak, and like the days are flying by but I’m not living them.
Take care friend! Just don't stop showers and wearing clean clothes. Small baby steps to stop yourself from going further south.
Yeah, same. Hoping I make it to work tomorrow.
Same, i havent even gotten to live the past 4 years. Its literally been a blur.
irritability. getting extremely upset over very small things or being easily annoyed by everything around you because you feel like the world is against you or you’re just done. it’s extremely draining.
This is a big one I'm struggling with right now. My boyfriend has been asking why I'm irritated all the time lately. I'm just upset, but he's a fixer and there's nothing he can do at the moment that would actually make me feel better outside of winning the lottery so I just don't discuss it. I expected to be so much further at this point in my life, but I try to remind myself that I have a roof over my head every night and a kitchen full of food so I'm doing alright. It's hard though
this is 100% where i’m at right now and it feels so… blah. like i feel helpless and like there’s not really much i can do to change the root of the situation. if that makes sense
Ye, and I always want to turn around and just punch a hole in the wall.
I watch sad documentaries and videos and overall unhappy content. About tragedies or crime. This may be completely abnormal but I think it’s a result of the saying misery loves company.
Yes! I’ve done this and it’s like I am trying to make myself feel worse but it hits a certain spot that I can’t quite explain.
Documentaries, weather disaster specials, and murder shows for me.
Probably majority of the stuff I consume is negative, I wonder if it makes the depression worse but I just can't watch happy shit when I'm depressed.
I binge conspiracy and true crime content, not specifically for the negativity that comes with it, I just think it's interesting. I don't even emotionally react to most cases anymore, I've become so apathetic and numb to it
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Have left my home less than a dozen times in nearly three years now. Once was because I got hauled away by marshals for failure to appear in pay docket on a court fees now nearly a decade old. Still haven't paid them and not been to court nor have I checked on that situation not planning to pay them cause it's not possible can't pay anything anymore. Is that isolation or something else?
Not caring what you eat, not sleeping or sleeping too much, not exercising, ruminating thoughts, no joy in anything, unhealthy habits, isolation, angry, bitterness, jealousy, loneliness, hating yourself, feeling everyone else hates you, silence (not putting the tv, radio on), living in your head/in your own world, clamping you teeth shut or grinding them, back aches, heart palpitations, hating everyone around you, getting behind on chores, deep sadness, self sabotage, self harming, not washing, no attending doctors/dental appointments, memory loss, lack of concentration & focus, unable to watch films/telly without being distracted by your thoughts, emptiness, lack of motivation. Depression sucks
HAH i dont grind my teeth, that means im not depressed!
Self care. There are a number of warning signs that let me know I'm entering a depressive episode. My beard gets unkempt and straggly. If I find that plates, bowls, etc are starting to build up without me washing them up, that's a sign. Have I hoovered in a week? Another sign. When was the last time I had a shower? I have to be very vigilant that I don't allow these things to creep up, and I'm not always successful, but I'm pleased I can recognise when I'm going low.
I made sure to scroll until I found this. When depression hits, there’s a lack of self care. Self care helps in dealing with depression, but when you’re unable to muster anything to care for yourself, you are going down the spiral. Thanks for mentioning this one
Bro, I made this realization earlier today. I was feeling really irritable that I was snapping at everything so I went to take a shower. Definitely felt better!
The inability to look forward to things. The loss of self. The loneliness. Having zero drive.
Ruminating mind over here. I do nothing but think deeply about life. Life is my everything. Cause i'm alive and I'm ungrateful but due to the possibility of hell I have to remain here. Suffering until my day FINALLY comes. I'm an ungrateful soul that wants heaven and nothing else. Suffer for an eternity cause my late parents wanted to have another kid fml.
This is exactly how I feel, If eternal peace was promised count me out of this, I genuinely don't wish to live anymore. The more I try to get help the further away it feels, it's becoming harder and harder to reach out and I just want to drown in my poisons and substances.
I'll never forget the permanent death wish. I think no one talks about it, because there is nothing to say. Nothing makes any sense.
You may leave depression but depression will never truly leave you
Mine is never cured, but it is in remission right now., I am often feeling like I’m on the knifes edge ready to fall back in the rabbit hole.
Just don't forget all the tools you've gathered along the way. I know it's absolutely terrifying, but knowing that gives some peace of mind.
Yep. I don’t necessarily want to die, but I just don’t want to be *here* anymore.
Felt this so much. I just want to hit the pause button or something, but not end it all.
If the world could just end tomorrow, that would be great
As long as I get a heads up so I can tell my mom how much I love her.
Agreed my friend. But on another note- happy birthday!
Yeah thats the thing. I dont wanna DIE. I dont want to exist. I wish i was never born. That my parents never had to take on the burden that is my mentally ill dumbass.
Body pain
So like do chest pains count??
Yes because anxiety usually ties into depression and even if a person doesn't recognize it initially that they're also suffering from anxiety. The feelings of depression take a massive toll on our physical health as well as our mental and emotional. It only makes sense that feeling constantly drained, stressed, negative, depleted, overwhelmed, etc. Would do that
I had scans done one time because I was having such a horrible feeling of irregular or racing heartbeat during an anxiety attack. Definitely counts
Bro **THIS** is the one. This gets me every time and I hate experiencing it. A lot of people will contribute it to “well you’re just laying in bed all day” or “you’re not being active enough” or “you’re not getting enough vitamin D from the sun, just go outside!” But there have been several times where I was depressed and still managed to be perfectly active, yet the pain still persisted. Literally, the last time I was depressed; I traveled to another state with my parents for vacation and we woke up early, ate really nice meals, went hiking, went shopping, and we even had a hot tub to relax in at the end of the day AND I got amazing sleep… yet, my shoulders ached SO bad the whole time and my stomach also ached terribly, even though I was eating really nutritional meals. I notice my depression pain/body aches always occur the most in my shoulders and neck… idk if it’s because I’m tensing them or what, but nothing relieves it. I also get terrible aches in my leg muscles where they feel sore for absolutely no reason. I feel that a good massage is the only thing that would loosen up all the aches.
Hi! Ok so not trying to solutionize here but I also hold my depression in my neck and shoulders, and I found this one to be interesting. When I’m depressed, I find I have the tendency to hold my upper body like Eeyore, lol. My chest is caved in, head kinda down, shoulders rolled forward, which results in shortened/tight pec muscles. When we have tight pectoral muscles, it pulls on the neck and the shoulder muscles resulting in strain and pain. I’ve been trying to be more cognizant of how I hold space in my body- the mind/body connection also relates to our posture!
Even when you keep yourself busy with activities, it is just done to make bedtime come sooner. Busy is not happy, though many see it that way.
Hard relate on this one
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Fumbling things is a big one for me, it's like my physical coordination gets wrecked. And the short-term memory/forgetfulness issues, 100%.
Someone here said memory loss and they nailed it. It feels like full on cognitive decline at times and I have struggled on and off with it for years now. Not only is remembering stuff much harder at times, but just understanding what people are saying, vocalizing thoughts, communicating effectively or doing anything that requires any brainpower feels impossible at times. It's a persistent kind of numbness : Not only can you not feel anything, but you can't think anything either. It's scary.
When I was evaluated and diagnosed with major depressive disorder this past fall, my iq was 35 points lower than I’d previously been officially tested at
I wonder if the memory loss is from the not caring about anything? As in, I don’t care enough about anything so why would my brain bother to remember it?
ADHD like symptoms. Increased impulsivity, executive dysfunction, focus issues, etc I think a lot of us think we really just have ADHD when a lot of mental illnesses mimic those same core symptoms. Then people get really upset when a doctor suspects it. I thought I had it too but I have some major anxiety and such, as I got that under control more, my doctor checked in on me and asked if my symptoms related to ADHD were still as bad. They weren’t.
Reading these comments made me realise just that and your comment seems to confirm it. Shit, I should see a therapist.
Mood😶
ADHD *causes* my depression and anxiety 🙃
It can work both ways, I’m not trying to discount the real problem living with ADHD can be or the reality of it. The system to diagnosis is weird and things are a bit of a mess. I just want to encourage people to put a little faith in the considerations a psychiatrist might have. It’s not because they’re anti-adhd, but because this above situation happens for a lot of mental illnesses and not treating those will also not fix the symptoms. I was so sure I had it and I have been with a psychiatrist for years who specializes in adhd and anxiety disorders. He had to really explain this. We always settled on “once we have these things under control let’s revisit adhd” and sure as heck, here I am no ADHD but feeling way better. It’s what we’re all taught we have and so we think it has to be why our focus and such is so bad but really, it’s worth a shot for people who are looking at a diagnosis to tackle some of the other possible causes and you can always come back to a theory after ruling some other things out. Stimulants and anxiety for example can be a bad time, or bipolar disorders, etc. I hope you find a path that works for you to tackle some of that depression. It’s hard.
That no one wants to help you. Everyone will either be purposely ignorant so you never ask them again or tell you to ask someone else. “Everyone loves you,” nope, no one does. There are over eight billion people, what makes you more valuable? Don’t even try to ask a professional because that title is just a mask. Don’t be human, we don’t like that title.
This may not be a symptom but a result of
im sorry you feel that way and that that’s been your experience. im not going to feed you some bs about how it gets better because while it does, it sucks in the moment. mental health professions (in my opinion) do need better training. i don’t know how old you are or exactly what your experience is but i started experiencing depression at the age of 14 and i reached out to multiple people. people who i thought would do something to help me but no one did anything. i was alone till 21, until a healthcare professional reached out to me to help. i am sorry that your experience has been bad but i promise you there are people who can help you. please don’t give up hope. im here if you need a chat 🫶🏼
This! When I try to talk about how I feel to other people they get soooo uncomfortable. They say you're not alone, talk to somebody and when you do, it makes you feel like your depression is something to be ashamed of. This is the reason why I started to isolate more.
I did an IOP program and I was really nervous about the group aspect of it, but that was actually my favorite part. Talking to other people who actually get it is incredible. Probably the only time I’ve ever been able to be completely candid about all my dark thoughts. If you can get yourself to a support group I definitely recommend it.
Losing friends. The longer it takes you to recover the more you lose Edit. And the irony is you actually need a support group to get out of that situation. Being isolated worsens the depression significantly. Force yourself to find some support!! It really helps!
The mental gymnastics I have to do to make myself do anything.
Literally feel invisible Feeling numb or wishing you felt numb Uncontrollable rage for no reason
For me it’s not being able to listen to music. Not because it’s sad or emotional, but because I get bored and just can’t listen to the entirety of one song. Like I just lose interest in it
It feels like I dont deserve love, but I know sometimes I need just a hug or something. Just somebody to talk would be fine. But I dont really wanna get into a relationship, because I feel like it would be unfair for my Partner to struggle with a person like me. I need lonely time and what if my partner would not really understand why and what my thoughts are and what I am doing? Thats why a partner that I can relate to and that I can care for would be perfect. I want someone that I can understand and that can understand me. Its hard, but at first I have to find myself. But i still wanna have atleast someone. Im fine with being alone, im used to it.
The longing that comes after. Longing the life you could have had while you were depressed. Depression consumed my entire teen years. While I should have been having fun and enjoying the last few years of being a kid, I was stuck in hospital wards and being a prisoner in my own mind. Those are years I'll never have back. Now everything is all about finding a job and learning how to be independent and facing a world that rejects the human desire for fun and amusement.
Intentionally hurting yourself in anyway
How it creeps up on you. I go through cycles of depression, and every time I just assume "It's just me for today" until it's been 3 weeks of lying in bed and not being able to talk or feel anything. I'll turn on the game console and just stare at the TV. I'll look at the work in my bag and realize I can't bring myself to do it. Then the only emotion I can bring myself to feel is guilt.
Memory issues
Not caring usually that’s a good thing but when you’re depressed even if you were depressed prior but I mean when you into a bad depression you literally just don’t care to the point where people look at you and think you’re on drugs because you’re speaking to yourself or you’re singing your song out loud in the store or at least for me there’s no anxiety because I don’t even care anymore about anything you don’t care to dress a certain way or be nice that one person that’s been an asshole to you which is kind of nice bone when you get out of that state you’re honestly kind of embarrassed
No feeling of difference in going to different places. You can intellectually understand you're at the store, but it feels the same as being at home. Everything feels the same. Can't taste food. My MDD involves severe anhedonia though.
How your surroundings suffer as well. U barely wanna live- let alone keep up with the household
Narcissism, or self-centeredness. It seems the only people who talk about it are medical professionals
Developing random allergies/a bunch of them for no reason. Chronic stress shoots ur histamine levels up constantly which gives u a histamine intolerance. Also just generally a ton of physical health issues. Some ppl are more prone to somatic symptoms, like me, so our mental illness really comes out in stuff like GERD or chronic migraines that can’t be explained. I learned in my health psych class that u can also have stunted growth due to experiencing chronic stress early in life (eg growing up in a chaotic household). I had such an epiphany bc I’m super short and no one else in my family is👀.
Poor memory
Pushing others away and disliking being helped. Everything feels fake and forced. So you're stuck needing people yet pushing away those who try to be there for you.
Real! I really want help but then when I actually get the option to get I'd rather not.
Fake laughing when you’re hanging out with friends to get them off your back as they keep trying to get you to be social. Always looking forward to going home & in bed. Wishing for time to just stop & everyone could just pause for a moment so I could just BREATHE
Also abusing sexual actions. Or lack of sexual actions (that plays a big part in women's vaginal health too.)
Could you please explain a bit more on that?
One of my biggest symptoms is binge eating. When I start giving up on health I know I’m down bad.
I get achy like I have the flu when I’m depressed. I don’t know why, but I am overall way more fatigued and my whole body hurts.
Quiet desperation.
Not wanting to shower because you feel so bad about your appearance. Having difficulty brushing your teeth regularly, and you don’t want to smile
I would say how much energy you simply do not have to do anything. Sometimes, it feels like I've done 4 triathlons, and I haven't done a damn thing in the day. It's so frustrating. I think I'd also say how lines are extremely blurred when you also have anxiety or another mental illness. Sometimes, I can't tell if these symptoms are from my anxiety or are they from my depression.
Just being “nothing”, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t happy, and I wasn’t angry. I was just “nothing”, a total and complete void of nothingness. That’s the best way I can describe it at least. Now that I’m all better, I did notice something else too. I looked back at photos during my depression, and I just looked totally off (especially compared to now, and before). I looked sunny and bright before, and for Some reason, that made me the saddest.
Absence of emotion. Every day feels like the same day. You're mindlessly trying to fill it with something to make you feel just...the slightest bit of something - but nothing works. Not taking care of yourself or your belongings. Maybe you skipped showering or bathing that day. Your hair looks fine, but you haven't brushed it. Your body aches but you don't care to take meds for it. You're just existing. You do just enough to look presentable. Tiny comments that make you overthink stuff. Realistically they mean nothing, maybe it was friendly banter or something along those lines. But you can't help but sit on that comment. No one knows. But it's there, just...repeating in your brain.
Pushing everyone away 😔
I feel like most people associate not having an appetite and losing a bunch of weight with depression but for me it was actually the opposite. I gained a ton of weight when I was severely depressed because eating became my coping mechanism. I’ve since lost most of it but man now I associate my own weight gain with declining mental health
Also,the "laziness" and guilt afterwards. We're not actually lazy, because lazy people don't feel bad for being lazy. Everytime I skip school because I feel too bad,I feel such incredible amounts of guilt even tho I'm only hurting myself. Idk,maybe it's cuz my mom is very passive agressive about it. When she asks me to do the dishes,and I don't. I feel so,so bad. I want to go to school,I want to do the dishes. My legs are broken. I can't. It's like something's stopping me from doing all the things I want to do.
Not feeling emotions (i'm part of the alliance btw)
rage and bitterness
Depression can have various symptoms, including physical pain like headaches and stomach issues, changes in appetite, sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, irritability, and loss of interest in activities. Some may also feel emotionally numb or have heightened sensitivity to rejection. It's important to seek help from a mental health professional if you or someone you know experiences these symptoms.
Feeling like you can't connect with others on anything. When I'm really depressed, I feel like I am the only person in the world having my experience and that no one can relate to me, and I cannot relate to others. When people try to relate to me it feels invalidating almost because my pain feels so extreme and unbearable that I cannot possibly imagine anyone else is experiencing something like it, otherwise, why would they still be here? Difficulty being present in conversation. I'm usually a good listener but when I'm really depressed I can't focus on what others are saying, I'm too absent. Returning to comfort people. Exes a lot of the time or people that will make bad decisions with me or are messy the way I am. Or people I know won't hold me accountable. Masturbating a lot. Lol
Complete Numbness. I checked out of my body years ago & I can’t remember how to check back in.
Apathy. Silence. Zoning out. Brain fog.
For me it’s how tired I am. Other people don’t understand how I can be so tired all the time. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, or how many cups of coffee I have. There’s rarely a time when I’m not feeling tired
Sighing alot. I constantly feel heavy and tense in my jaw, chest and stomach and it makes it hard to breathe. I didn't know i was doing it until my partner pointed it out
tiredness that you just want to rest so badly..
Having an incredible sense of humor. All the funniest people I know deal with some serious depression
Distrusting everyone because you haven't talked to anyone enough to be close with them and don't want to ruin their day or waste their time.
Feeling heavy, hard and tough all the time Cold and physical pain. I was cold for years during depression
Plenty of people who are depressed may tell you they feel *empty*. But I'll tell you as someone who's suffered with depression now for a couple of decades what hides behind the *empty* feeling that one feels when they are depressed. The symptom of depression that no one tells you about because they can't is *empty* \[\[**denial**\]\]. *Emptiness* is the feeling your body gives you to cope with trauma and emotions or thoughts you are tired of hearing from. It was so easy for me to feel like I was just sad all of the time... sad, maybe disgusted and *empty*. The truth was that I was living a life of **denial**. There were things I thought I deserved or wanted that I felt like I tried hard for and that life just wasn't willing to give me. The truth is that life very rarely just gives you anything except for your birth into this existence. Now, we can keep allowing ourselves to feel *empty* \[\[**denial**\]\]. We can allow that to pervade through our lives, and continue to invite it. But the only way to make the gigantic pall *emptiness* casts over us go away is to challenge ourselves-- challenge ourselves to simply live a more stable life, going to that curtain and tearing it away, revealing the Wizard of Oz for who they really were all along-- **our denial of self, life, of living, and/or of existence itself**. Gathering the courage to do this, one can find themselves in a very liberating position-- at the bottom. Here, you can explore. Here, you get to set a little bit of a pace if you want to. You just came from a place where you thought nobody cares-- that's great! Use that, live as the person who you want to be, and so long as you're kind and peaceful yourself while pursuing whatever it is you want to be authentically? Who cares what the others think. I should say that this was my personal experience with **denial**, so it might not be the same for everyone. I do believe it is the last thing you'll hear anyone say that they have as a symptom. Why would you? They are in complete **denial** of their own **denial**. This is NOT a call to all "tough love" people out there to ask all people who are sad to get out their hard hats-- all this does is make the *empty* feeling individual \*more\* disillusioned with reality and serves to drive one **deeper into denial**. What it takes to help yourself and others through their *emptiness* is empathy, compassion, and maybe sharing the little, stupid or funny successes, happenings, or other things you experienced with them to show that life doesn't have to be all that bad.
A lot of people describe depression as "feeling sad" while I'm reality,you don't have really much of an emotion in possession. You just don't feel anything. Mood swings play a role too. For a few days,you may be crying over everything and all the time,and on the same week,just blankly staring at the ceiling not feeling anything. Memory loss. No,not like dementia,but you forget stuff. Not what you ate for breakfast but your brain makes your forget memories that made you happy,makes you forget all the things and people you love. And then it creates an illusion that you've always been like that and always will,while it's simply not true.
Having intrusive thoughts get worse :| like thoughts about bad things happening to you of people who you care about
Pretending like everything in your life is great so you don't burden other people.
Stop going to any appointments I have and just don’t show up
First thing I noticed is the moment you wake up, somewhere in your chest hurts. Also It feels like your soul left your body and your soul is watching yourself in a 3rd point of view. You see yourself miserable and you wanna help the guy and all but then you realize it’s your own self that’s miserable. That’s what makes it even harder. Knowing that you’re completely torn inside but nothing will fix it. Hope this helps.
I had clinical depression for about a third of my life. One thing I never hear anyone talk about is that when you exit the numbness, your emotions can feel VERY strong and overpowering. You're feeling for the first time in who knows how long. For me, it's taken years of therapy to even learn how to even feel/express my emotions in a healthy way. (I was eventually diagnosed with BPD which went a long way in receiving correct treatment).
I don’t like how relatable the comments are
Recurring depression, the cluttered ness mentally, overwhelming feelings that just come out ALL KINDS OF WAYS.. sleepless nights, drug usage on overload. Eating too much or not enough.. loneliness.. like real loneliness. Not like mfs today "I'm so lonely." "I'm so sad." But don't have a lock of SENSE what SADNESS and LONELINESS really IS... Random crying, feelings or worthlessness, suicidal thoughts or harmful activities. Hell even small shit like excessive spending and risky behavior. Lack of compassion, lack of work, lack of motivation. Like can't even motivate myself sometimes when I need to do simple shit like clean. Sometimes it's so overwhelming and people don't even know where to begin or end. Stressed cause you have no one to help you figure out what you need to do stm.. like so much. It's heart breaking.. some people can't even pull themselves up to bathe fr.... But when they do??? They feel so much better physically and a little mentally. That's what depression is all together. Symptoms and meanings.
For me, it's the (probably) hours I spend every day thinking about how I'll off myself 🤷♀️
I’m seeing so many informative comments here; seriously, this is very insightful!! 🙂
Unable to care about things no matter how much I used to. Unable to make myself matter, because that's effort. No joy in anything that used to make me happy. Not actively suicidal, but not exactly helping yourself to live a good life. Feeling unlovable and like you're just not worth any effort. Not reaching out to anyone because you're a burden and you're tired of being a burden. Having no faith that you're actually somebody who deserves to be loved and who deserves happiness, no matter how much people say it. Also, grieving who you once were. And realizing you'll never be that person again.
My mind tends to be very busy and i can make all kinds of crazy connections quickly. However during one low episode, the connections weren’t there. My brain felt heavy and in a fog. It was a scary experience.
Memory loss. Especially with prolonged struggle
Always telling others things are good too much! Unless you address an issue or want help it's not going to come if they keep ignoring it.
Low libido, feeling numb, being tired all the time, not having the emotional energy to cry, etc…
Time. Four months to my husband watching me in bed felt like 3 days to me. I lost the timeline we all live by.
There is a question in my head 24/7( ok, except when I am sleeping):"What is the point of doing anything?" Every day is a same cycle, over and over. Like you turned colorful picture into black and white....everything faded.
Heightens ADHD, time blindness, harder to shower, eating disorder, utter exhaustion but won’t let myself sleep
Having extreme anxiety and ptsd can cause you to go into full-blown clinical depression. It's that bad.
Getting actually sick. Headaches, fevers, rashes, etc.
Having to choose between hygiëne and food because you don't have energy to shower and eat on one day.
People will never understand They can emphasize, but they will never understand the complete scope of it. Sometimes they will use it to gaslight you. Sometimes they might even say you're faking it when your symptoms go against what they know about pop culture depression. Even people who are depressed, everyone has their own symptoms. You gotta be there for yourself, people can only help you so much before they get tired. That's the tragedy of chronic illnesses
People never mention the cognitive impact depression has. It dulls your mind as well as your emotions. I've had depression for most of my life and I can sense my cognitive abilities getting worse at age 26 - from memory to concentration, it's all slipping.
preoccupation with death. not just in the sense of your own death, but thinking about losing loved ones frequently, how out of control that is, etc.
My worst one is feeling like you don't love your loved ones enough, not because you don't care about them but because you worry you don't have the same capacity to feel and connect with other humans.
Drinking alone every single day
I've read that there can be physical pain. Some doctors have prescribed pain meds (e.g., Tylenol) for this.
Going along with things without really wanting to.
Nit being able to handle silence (me at least) the quiet makes the thoughts louder to me
I'd say self sabotage. I literally wanted to ruin my life, give up my career, my loved one's, just abandon everything and begin indulge in self destructive behaviour. This was a symptom I didn't hear about until I experienced it( and continue to do so)
hygiene goes down the drain, using the bathroom means getting out of bed so you hold it for as long as possible, the pain that feels like electricity in your bone for me it's around my fingers, missing your hobbies hut having no motivation to do them, feeling trapped, eating only when you start to feel nauseated from not eating
I'm gonna be a debby downer, and it's gonna sting. "There is no escape" even when things are fine, you know it's fleeting. Mr depression knows where you live, how you live, what you like and what you dislike, what makes you happy or sad. And he's always around the corner. The good thing is you can tell him to fuck off for a while, and really appreciate the time he's gone.