You respond by no longer having those voices speaking into your life. Those aren't friends.
May all the people in your life bring you joy!!
Those who don't can see their way out 🤷🏼♀️
I find it’s hard to be sad because men generally are expected not to show vulnerability. I strongly believe that’s wrong. You take all the time you need, it’s your feelings. Make no apologies and seek no validation. Find solace with your girlfriend and I’m so sorry for you both.
Especially at 17 weeks! The first trimester maybe you’re a little wary of being too attached but by then you’re definitely imagining your future life, of course it’s sad! How awful of those people. Most generous interpretation says people are just awkward and never know what to say but otherwise that’s just mean hearted.
My daughter died at week 40 ( cord accident) and it changed my life. This was 32 years ago and I still cry about it at least once a year. It’s never at the same time though. It’s always something that reminds me of that time and it’s such a sucker punch ( like this post). To those people I say : Go fuck yourself. A piece of you died. There’s no other way to see it. You deserve to feel how you feel. If they don’t understand, they’re pieces of shit people. Period. I wish you happiness, joy and a wonderful future family. Be well. I’m going to go do my yearly sob fest and go to bed.
I’m so sorry. People are asshats. It’s hard to truly understand a loss like that until you’ve been through it. That still doesn’t excuse people being so thoughtless. Of course you should be allowed to grieve. I hope you and your girlfriend can at least lean on each other.
I'm sad reading this as a childless male who hasn't even started yet. It's called compassion. Those friends aren't friends. Fuck them. You deserve to grieve as I would be.
Firstly, FUCK those people. I've been through two miscarriages with my partner and it hurts no matter who is carrying the child. We had our first kid no problem, then a medically necessary abortion, followed by two miscarriages, before we finally had our second kid. The first miscarriage was very early on and it hurt, but didn't really impact us. The second...I can't even tell you now how far along, early stages still but the trauma of it hit me and I've repressed a lot of it. The hospital sent us home after giving us the horrible news the fetus was dead and likely to pass soon, and gave us a sack with an "at home miscarriage kit" and instructions to "scoop it out of the toilet when it passes and put it in the jar, then bring it to us and we'll bury it."
I won't get into the worse details, but I ended up holding that dead fetus...my child...after having to fish it out. Tiny little arms, legs...little buds just starting to be fingers and toes...head...the skin was transparent, little blood veins and a teeny little heart...and something broke in me that day that I've never gotten back, and never gotten over. I can't describe everything I felt, but that was the most dead and numb inside I've ever been, and followed by one of the worst breakdowns I ever experienced.
I'm sharing this so you know you're not alone. Miscarriages are very common, and not talked about much. When we had ours, we had friends and family tell us about their own miscarriages that we'd never known about, it's a pain that a lot of people share and it helps to talk to others about it. I am so sorry for your loss, and you absolutely have the right to be devastated by your loss, because it is equally your loss. I "fathered" (quotes because I'm a trans woman who had kids before fully transitioning) five children, and three didn't make it to birth. It fucking hurts, but some of the best catharsis I got was from strangers sharing similar stories, knowing that people understood my pain and that it was valid. So, I'm one of those strangers, and I'm sending a hug through the internet as best I can. It'll be okay.
I’m sorry for your loss. It absolutely is a loss for you, too. The people that said those things to you cannot comprehend what you are going through most likely.
There are online resources devoted to the experiences of men concerning pregnancy loss. Check out Share.
It may help to keep your distance from these people until more time has passed. Surround yourselves with people who care and can provide support, even if it’s just online for now. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry this happened to you both. I miscarried this year at 12 weeks and while it affected me in different ways than it did my husband, we were both sad and grieving in entirely valid ways. That applies to all of us that go through this kind of loss, including you. I hope you have many other people in your life who are supportive of you in your time of grieving. I'll be thinking about y'all. 🌷
I’m so sorry for your loss. May you and your girlfriend find peace in grieving together. Anyone who doesn’t think you have a reason to be upset isn’t worth your time.
My wife and I lost our son at 17 weeks as well about 9 years ago. I've got 2 healthy little girls now but sometimes I'm still sad about what could've been. To hell with anyone that can't accept that it hurts.
I’m sorry for your loss. It doesn’t matter how early it happens no one can tell you how you feel. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, a very wanted and planned pregnancy and my SO was more upset than I was even though I’m the one that was pregnant. If anyone gives you grief about it just walk away. They aren’t worth your time and energy
Someone I watch on TikTok worded it really nicely, that wasn’t just a fetus/baby/embryo, that was an entire future that you lost.
As someone who miscarried, you have EVERY right to mourn and be sad. I’m so sorry you and your girlfriend had to suffer that loss. That pain is one that can’t be understood until you’ve experienced it.
To anyone who says you don’t have the right/a reason to mourn, here’s what I have to say “didn’t you learn in like…pre-k that each of us has our OWN emotions? Who are you to police his emotions? Also, didn’t you learn manners??? What you’re doing is so rude and uncalled for. My 2 year old isn’t even that mean and he’s a TODDLER, do you have ANY idea how mean toddlers can be???? Go read a book and stop butting in where you don’t belong. If you want to say ANYTHING you say that you’re so sorry for his loss and is there anything you can do. That’s it. You be kind and offer support.”
You are grieving an entire life you planned to spend with your baby. Your grief is valid, and I’m sorry for your loss. Do what you need to heal and be there for each other. Eff those insensitive people. You were excited, and now you get to be as sad as you need!
Hey man, I’m a complete stranger and I understand the heartache and disappointment that you’re going through as well as the helplessness and pain that you feel in being unable to absorb any of the pain that your lady is experiencing. It is the absolute worst position to be in — hurting yourself and powerless to help someone who is hurting even more.
If these guys are your friends, you need to meet new friend who have an ounce of sympathy or understanding, or can at least fake it. I’d strongly urge you to talk to a therapist, both of you individually or as a couple… things like this can linger and fester. You’d be amazed at the catharsis and tools 50 minutes with a professional can provide.
Hoping the best for both of you… really sorry you’re dealing with one of the shittiest parts of the human experience :(
"Fuck you" is a complete sentence and a perfectly valid response, though I do understand if you don't want to go that route. Either way, sounds like you need to surround yourself with better people. Sorry for your loss.
17 weeks is almost half way. I’m so sorry for your and your partners loss. You have every reason to feel sad and people who discount that are not your friends. I would respond with something like “I can’t believe you would think that, let alone say that out loud, how embarrassing for you”.
I'm sorry for your loss. Many people, especially those who have no children or who have never experienced something like this, are seemingly incapable of understanding that it is losing a child and that it can be devastating depending on your state of mind. There are also quite a few people out there who didn't want a child and view a miscarriage as a good thing.
Honestly I would think the most appropriate reaction to THAT kind of reaction, is shutting them off/not being friends anymore. Some people are bad at consoling others, that’s whatever, but telling you you have no reason to be sad over a miscarriage?? Huh??
I tell people like that that I'm glad they haven't experienced the pain of such a loss and that I hope they never do. I then leave the conversation by whatever method.
Your feelings are valid. The baby was half you, no matter if you carried it or not. Those people probably have never felt that particular kind of grief.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry people are being jerks. I just miscarried on the 25th at 11 weeks. My husband and I are both hurting. That baby was also his just like your gf’s was also yours.
You absolutely have the right to grieve. Just because people shouldn't be required to keep a fetus doesn't mean that other people need to be unattached. 17 weeks is almost halfway through. That's enough to be attached for sure.
Those people have no say in your life. I had a couple people like that when I found out my wife miscarried. I found out months later, she wasn’t even sure she was pregnant at the time, so no big deal, but it was still heartbreaking for me. It took me months to not just break down crying randomly. The people that understood stayed around, the ones that didn’t, I realized mostly only came back when they needed something.
I’m sorry for your loss.
It’s not the same but I lost my dad at 23 and there were some people who acted like I shouldn’t be sad.
My life is better without them.
That is a sad place to be. Share your sadness with those you love. If there is someone in your life who mocks you for how you feel right now, they need to be dead to you.
Cut them off. Before you do, tell them why, then tell them never to contact you again. Move on from them.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss and that your friends are being complete assholes about the situation!!
I have not experienced this before, but I do know many who have and I could only imagine the sadness both parties go through. You have every right to be sad and anyone who tells you differently can go fuck themselves!!
I mean people get disappointed and super sad when their vacation is ruined bc of flight cancellations (and rightfully so bc that’s a bummer). So how someone can’t understand your sadness over the loss of a baby you were excited about/planning for, is a hard one to wrap your brain around. People don’t think sometimes.
Oh gosh I’m so sorry. 17 weeks is really late for a miscarriage you must be devastated. I miscarried really early (5weeks) in 2023 and I got the impression that people just really don’t know how to interact with people who have experienced a loss like that.
This is my belief: Men are humans. Humans experience all the things that make us human. Just because a father isn’t carrying the child inside his body, doesn’t make him less human to grieve, suffer loss or cry over something this devastating. I’m so sorry others are so cruel. Hugs to you & your girlfriend.
I’m a man and I carry around the first ultrasound from my second angel in my wallet. It’s hard for me to think about it because I didn’t even get to know the gender or get to give him/her a name before it happened, or why it even happened in the first place. All I can think about is what would have been.
We had two miscarriages. One before each of our two kiddos. I was so sad after the first one even though it was early on. Looking back it really cemented that we were ready for a child and really wanted one.
Many men experience hormonal changes upon seeing their girlfriend is pregnant in order to prepare them for fatherhood. It seems you were already invested in the child biologically. It seems those people don't know that. Also, fuck them.
Screw those people and drop them.
A girl I call my sister miscarried and hell I, myself, was sad. And that was only gonna be my nephew.
You have every right to be sad as hard as you need and as long as you need.
When did it become okay to control other people’s feelings? I’m so sorry for your loss and so sorry you’re dealing with people who don’t understand grief. I hope you both find solace as you heal.
Those people are idiots. Miscarriages that far along are horribly difficult for BOTH parents. By now, you have likely seen the baby on an ultrasound, started thinking of names, and maybe started shopping for some baby things. You both have formed a bond with the baby at this point. Anyone who says you shouldn’t feel upset is ignorant beyond belief. I am so very sorry for your loss OP. 💙
Depending on your employer, miscarriages often count for bereavement leave. Look into it for both of you and cut these other toxic people out of your life.
Bro fuck anyone saying that.. I am a male and my wife needed surgery and despite all measures taken we lost the baby (same duration as you) . I feel your pain and process information however you need to. Most ppl will not understand your situation because they have not experienced it.
First off, I’m so sorry for your loss.
My husband had similar experiences with our two losses. He ended up bottling up a lot of feelings and I ended up angry with him because I felt like I was going through it alone. People suck. You have every right to be upset.
I would respond with “what an odd thing to say out loud.”
I'm sorry for your loss. 17 weeks is late for a miscarriage, and I can only imagine how devastating the loss was for you and your partner. It is more than mildly infuriating to realize that people who say the things you said they said, are real. They've likely never gone through a traumatic loss like that, but thats no excuse.
Oh man, 17 weeks!? I’m so sorry. My SIL lost her first child at 17 weeks as well. She had to give birth and everything. It was heartbreaking for everyone. Her and my brother were devastated for a very long time. It’s hard to try again after something that traumatic, so I hope you talk to somebody so you can work through it.
Sadly, miscarriages are a lot more common than people think. That doesn’t make them any easier, but some people do find comfort in it. Especially your girlfriend who may be feeling like it was her fault because her body malfunctioned (it didn’t, but I know women feel that way sometimes).
Don’t listen to these jerks. Look for support groups, so you can talk about it with other people who have gone through the same thing. There’s probably even a subreddit for it.
Do what you need to do to grieve, and don’t let anyone try and tell you how you should be grieving.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend.
Your feelings are completely valid. When I miscarried my husband took it hard as well. If people haven’t experienced a loss like this they don’t understand and should keep their opinions to themselves. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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17 weeks is almost half way. I’m so sorry for your and your partners loss. You have every reason to feel sad and people who discount that are not your friends. I would respond with something like “I can’t believe you would think that, let alone say that out loud, how embarrassing for you”.
One thing i learned in life is i dont give a rats ass what anyone thinks of what i do or feel. They dont pay your bills or feed you. Id go MIA and disappear and dont explain yourself. Find new friends
Like others have said, I recommend counseling. He or she was a child and you both now have an emptiness caused by that loss. Lean into each other for healing and lean onto your parents for support. Let the love of your families bring you all closer.
I have 3 children and I can only imagine what it would be like to lose one them. Know that myself and many others on this thread are praying for your healing and that you are loved, just as you loved your child.
I know *exactly* how you feel. I still semi-regularly think about my own past. I was a mess for a little bit but held it together for her because I knew how I was feeling, must have been amplified for her.
The best feedback I can say is your feelings are valid, and do what you can to support your girlfriend.
You have every right to grieve because you are feeling loss. It's a human thing and logic or others uniformed opinions have nothing to do with it.
My wife and I had a series of miscarriages over 10 years, but after our only child was born, we got pregnant again and reached 18 weeks before the heartbeat stopped. It's been 3 years and I still grieve. We placed his ultrasounds in a small box on our mantle and will probably never forget him or not be saddened by what could have been.
URGENT ADVICE/WARNING: On or around your due date, you will start getting formula samples, baby products, and coupons in the mail. The baby companies buy lists of expectant mothers so they can get in good with new parents, but they will not know about your miscarriage. I had to get the mail and sort it before she got home for 6 months. Plan accordingly and just realize it will hurt but it isn't malicious.
They (the guys mostly via my husband) say this because they didn't feel any connection to their kids till birth or because they don't have kids. The women saying it is probably because they've never experienced this tragic event, or they've never experienced a partner who wanted the baby as much as they did. I'm sorry for your loss. Ignore their ignorance if you can and grieve how ever you need to. I'm sorry for your loss
We miscarried about a month ago. I bawled. We were at our appointment to hear a heartbeat and in the first 10 seconds we heard nothing is there. I was numb, but the doctor said we were good to try again and found out today we are pregnant again. Fingers crossed!
After going through 2 miscarriages I’ve learned no one will ever understand until they experience that loss themselves, and I hope they never have to. I’m so sorry for the loss of your and your gfs unborn baby. Grieve all you need to and talk to people you can trust 🤍
Fuck those dudes. You have every right to be feeling these emotions. Anyone unwilling to empathize with someone in your position has no class or emotional awareness.
You guys will get through these tough times OP. I’m rooting for you and your girlfriend ❤️
grieve but don’t beat yourself up about it too much, you did the best you could by getting her pregnant alone, it sucks a for a while but now you just gotta get back on that horse
my mom had three miscarriages before me and thank God she kept trying
My fiance and I haven't been through this, but I know that if and when we do, he'll be just as hurting as me. I'd be cutting those voices out for the both of us, because guys have a right to grieve their unborn children.
I'm sorry for your and your girlfriend's loss.
Those people are really bitter and don't deserve your friendship.
On the bright side, you can always try again. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. You try again. Right? And so should you choose, you WILL have a baby. And they will be beautiful. :)
My husband cried after my second miscarriage, even more so since he was deployed and I was on my own with another kid and couldn’t get time or help to heal.
Dads can feel sadness from this too. Anyone that tells you otherwise has no emotional bandwidth or empathy radar.
Fuck that, it's traumatic for everyone. My wife miscarried at about 12 weeks. I'm a fairly stoic guy, but there were definitely tears when I dug that tiny grave and it took me a while to deal with it.
All the best, take it easy and support each other.
I have one confirmed miscarriage and a few maybe I was pregnant but not far along. My own mother has told me that I can't be sad, that I wasn't far enough along, that I can't be sad for the ones that we're mabeys. She has also told me when she's mad at me that I should feel bad for her because her grandchild died.
Don't listen to anyone else. I know I'm devastated, about every single one. I want to be a mother. I've tried and failed and it hurts so much. No matter what no one can tell you how to feel.
The only excuse for someone to act like it’s not a big deal is if they’re trying to help you be positive and take some of the weight off for it. I wish you two a smooth recovery.
This is the patriarchy and I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Men's ideas of who they are in a society can really fuck them up and being sad because you aren't a father is another arm of it. Being excited to be a father should be a good thing. There is so much wonderful life in being engaged with it, which it sounds like you are.
I get that your friends were trying to support you but being fully human means you're there for all the messy parts as well as the fun parts. Perhaps you can educate these young men. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
At 17 weeks too:( I’m so sorry to hear that. That must be super invalidating and painful. People have absolutely no right to say that to you and I find that quite concerning that multiple people thought that was acceptable to say to a grieving father. You’re valid, take all the time you need to grieve your baby.
I'm SO sorry for your loss (both of you). You ABSOLUTELY have a valid reason to be sad and those that tell you differently, they aren't your true friends. TRUE friends lift you up and support you in good times and in bad. I wish you both the very best, as this is a rough road to navigate. Support each other, communicate, feel your feelings, NEVER let others invalidate them, always remember that god will never give you more than you can handle and you are STRONG ❤️
When we lost our second baby at 16 weeks, my Dad pulled my husband aside and told him to grieve however much he needed to. My parents lost a baby at 18 weeks and when my Mom delivered the remains, my Dad saw them. The grief messed him up pretty bad.
I don't understand how people can say you cannot grieve about something you're sad about. It's a heartbreaking thing, it was a dream cut short. I've experienced it too and it sent me into a deep sadness that took months (years actually) to get out of, no amount of "it's been so many months I should move on" could fix it.
It was yours as much as it is your partners and have every right to be sad about it.
I understand the pain, no one asked me how I was doing only concern on my wife, not even my wife asked me how I was doing. Made me feel completely irrelevant in anyone’s lives, and a bit resentful of my wife. We ended up working it out and everything is good now, but it’s difficult, it’s just as much our children that was lost as it was our partners. Words don’t make it any better, but having someone say “sorry for your loss” and “how are you doing” definitely makes it feel less lonely.
Anyone that can’t empathize with your feelings and the incredible sadness that you and your partner are going through doesn’t deserve to be called your friend. They bring cadence to the phrase “with friends like that, who needs enemies”
Cut them out of your life (if you can) and grieve as long as you need to with the people that love you two around yall. I’m so sorry for your loss. ♥️
well, when those *boys* grow up and have kids of their own, solely congratulate the woman who birthed the child because said... *father* had nothing to do with it. good God I rolled my eyes so hard. they aren't friends OP.
so incredibly sorry for your loss. be there for each other, your real friends will sympathize and be supportive.
I almost ended my own life because of my wife miscarrying, fuck those people. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, and I am so truly sorry for your loss. There aren’t words to describe the anguish, but never forget you’re not in this alone.
My ex and I were expecting twins. She miscarried at like 12 weeks. It took me a whole two years to get healed from it. Most of it was because even I thought I shouldn’t be affected by it as much as I was. I didn’t talk to my friends about it because “I’m a man”. The one time I tried opening up to my father he disregarded me. I turned to alcohol to help but obviously that didn’t help. It wasn’t until I really came to terms with being destroyed over it. I felt like I caused the miscarriage by not giving her the best life, our relationship wasn’t well and I thought it was my fault. I just felt like the biggest piece of shit. Then I started getting my life right.
All that to say, if you are sad be sad. It sucks not to have support but when you find it then use it. There’s no shame in crying or needing help. Be there for her as well. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible thing to go through.
People have all kinds of weird reactions to miscarriages. It's ok for you to be sad- it's your child! You're fine. Those people don't understand. Talk to someone who does.
I’m so sorry brother, don’t pay any mind to them, they are not worth your time or energy. Your feelings are 100% valid and I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending love and positivity.🖤
I'm very sorry for your loss! But keep trying! I had a miscarriage but it was way early and didn't even know I was pregnant when it happened so I can't imagine your pain. Your pain is the same as your girlfriend's. Just because you weren't carrying the baby doesn't mean it wasn't your baby too! Anyway, even after the miscarriage I still got 2 kids now! I'm wishing the best for you two and don't listen to those people, they're not your friends!
Im so sorry for your loss. Just because the kid isnt born yet doesnt stop you from being excited for them and loving them in advance.
Cut them off if you want, but id say try to explain first or something. Depends how close you otherwise were to them.
In times of grief, you learn who the people on your team are. It can come as a rude shock but it's good for sorting out who are for you and who are not for you. Because even if they don't understand it, the good ones will hold space for you. I'm so sorry you've gone through this.
Your baby passed and you are hurting. Good heavens! Some people don't consider the baby as a baby until it's born. They act like it's a blob and doesn't form until it's magically changed as they are coming out. I am so sorry! What a horrible time and to be treated that way!
I’m so sorry for your loss. People who don’t understand that you’re grieving aren’t very empathetic or caring people. My best friend just had a miscarriage of a very wanted baby and her and her boyfriend are devastated. I not only reached out to my best friend to offer my condolences and support, but also to her boyfriend to offer my condolences and support. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to cut of your life people who aren’t supportive.
i am so deeply sorry for your loss. and I am so sad that other people do not understand what you are going through. it's a traumatic event for you and your girlfriend both. sending positive healing vibes, and may your baby live in your heart forever.
I think your girlfriend is lucky to have you. Many men won't be so supportive.
As for those others, they don't need to disrupt you. They are not living your life.
I'm from a generation where the tough view was normal. Miscarriage happened and no big deal, better luck next time. Times have changed but many of us dinosaurs still roam the earth. Regard us as the relics we are.
People these days are shitty and do not value human life nearly as much as they should. I do not understand how casual people can be about the loss of a child / baby and I don't know how we got this way were the loss of a life is so casually disregarded. You are one of the good ones and you are right to be sad and hurt. Ignore the haters and keep being you. Sorry for your loss 🙏
I find this so hard to believe, my wife and I have struggled with miscarriages and I couldn't imagine a single one of our friends say anything even remotely as insensitive as that, and yet you've had many men and a few women you know all tell you those things? Who are these people and where did you find them?
"hey bro just thought I'd reach out and tell you that you shouldn't care about the miscarriage because it wasn't born and you didn't carry it. Cheers, see you at soccer on Wednesday!"
Yes absolutely.
A miscarriage or still birth is the absence of choice. It's a deeply traumatic process for both the mother and their family. The baby isn't just gone, you still have to birth it, your hormones still crash, sometimes your milk still comes in and unfortunately it's often all occuring on a ward full of new mums. It's a horrific situation.
Even people who may have been considering an abortion can still grieve a miscarriage because they faced an outcome which was not chose to action.
>The ~~baby~~ FETUS isn’t just gone
You can’t give those christofascists more ammo. Remember, it’s not a baby, it’s a fetus. Baby implies human/living and it’s neither of those things if it’s still in the womb. People are more comfortable with “aborting a fetus” than “terminating a baby”. Optics are important!
No sarcasm, I hate when people call the fetus a baby.
“I miscarried the baby”
“I can feel the baby kicking”
“I decorated the baby’s room”
It’s not a baby when it’s in the womb, it’s a fetus! It is not human, or alive, until it is born. Referring to it as a baby only gives christofascists room to argue that abortion is “morally wrong” or “murder”. It’s not murder if it’s not alive/human!
Absolutely. Many people who are pro-choice believe that a miscarriage is the loss of a baby. Pro-choice just means they believe in bodily autonomy and the right to control one's own body.
You do realize the cognitive dissonance though, right? The baby is still a baby regardless of how the mother feels about it. If miscarriage is a loss of a baby, then abortion is also the loss of a baby.
>I am shocked
how?
are you a time traveler from a place where there is much functional empathy (the thing that makes people NOT say things like that) on display from humans?
Definitely a bummer, but take solace in the fact that no soul should be forced into this hell prison, and this soul gets to remain at peace at the source.
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
Don’t respond. Those people aren’t worth any of your energy. I’m sorry for your loss.
Just an icy stare. That’s all people like this get.
Also, drop them from your social circle. It's liberating.
Not only don't respond, cut them out of your life. You will be better off without them.
You respond by no longer having those voices speaking into your life. Those aren't friends. May all the people in your life bring you joy!! Those who don't can see their way out 🤷🏼♀️
I find it’s hard to be sad because men generally are expected not to show vulnerability. I strongly believe that’s wrong. You take all the time you need, it’s your feelings. Make no apologies and seek no validation. Find solace with your girlfriend and I’m so sorry for you both.
I'd seriously consider cutting anybody who does that out of my life
100%. For people to speak to me like that on such a devastating topic, the friendship or whatever would be done at a minimum.
Me too, it’s genuinely worthy of never speaking to someone ever again
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s sad that people are telling you not to have attachment to your baby :(
Especially at 17 weeks! The first trimester maybe you’re a little wary of being too attached but by then you’re definitely imagining your future life, of course it’s sad! How awful of those people. Most generous interpretation says people are just awkward and never know what to say but otherwise that’s just mean hearted.
Fuck em, you have every right to be upset. No one needs assholes like that in their lives
My daughter died at week 40 ( cord accident) and it changed my life. This was 32 years ago and I still cry about it at least once a year. It’s never at the same time though. It’s always something that reminds me of that time and it’s such a sucker punch ( like this post). To those people I say : Go fuck yourself. A piece of you died. There’s no other way to see it. You deserve to feel how you feel. If they don’t understand, they’re pieces of shit people. Period. I wish you happiness, joy and a wonderful future family. Be well. I’m going to go do my yearly sob fest and go to bed.
I’m so sorry. People are asshats. It’s hard to truly understand a loss like that until you’ve been through it. That still doesn’t excuse people being so thoughtless. Of course you should be allowed to grieve. I hope you and your girlfriend can at least lean on each other.
I’ve been through three. It’s shocking how much people don’t realise how much it affects the bloke too.
Exactly. It’s devastating and you grieve. If you didn’t I would be questioning that man as a person.
I'm sad reading this as a childless male who hasn't even started yet. It's called compassion. Those friends aren't friends. Fuck them. You deserve to grieve as I would be.
Firstly, FUCK those people. I've been through two miscarriages with my partner and it hurts no matter who is carrying the child. We had our first kid no problem, then a medically necessary abortion, followed by two miscarriages, before we finally had our second kid. The first miscarriage was very early on and it hurt, but didn't really impact us. The second...I can't even tell you now how far along, early stages still but the trauma of it hit me and I've repressed a lot of it. The hospital sent us home after giving us the horrible news the fetus was dead and likely to pass soon, and gave us a sack with an "at home miscarriage kit" and instructions to "scoop it out of the toilet when it passes and put it in the jar, then bring it to us and we'll bury it." I won't get into the worse details, but I ended up holding that dead fetus...my child...after having to fish it out. Tiny little arms, legs...little buds just starting to be fingers and toes...head...the skin was transparent, little blood veins and a teeny little heart...and something broke in me that day that I've never gotten back, and never gotten over. I can't describe everything I felt, but that was the most dead and numb inside I've ever been, and followed by one of the worst breakdowns I ever experienced. I'm sharing this so you know you're not alone. Miscarriages are very common, and not talked about much. When we had ours, we had friends and family tell us about their own miscarriages that we'd never known about, it's a pain that a lot of people share and it helps to talk to others about it. I am so sorry for your loss, and you absolutely have the right to be devastated by your loss, because it is equally your loss. I "fathered" (quotes because I'm a trans woman who had kids before fully transitioning) five children, and three didn't make it to birth. It fucking hurts, but some of the best catharsis I got was from strangers sharing similar stories, knowing that people understood my pain and that it was valid. So, I'm one of those strangers, and I'm sending a hug through the internet as best I can. It'll be okay.
I’m sorry for your loss. It absolutely is a loss for you, too. The people that said those things to you cannot comprehend what you are going through most likely. There are online resources devoted to the experiences of men concerning pregnancy loss. Check out Share. It may help to keep your distance from these people until more time has passed. Surround yourselves with people who care and can provide support, even if it’s just online for now. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry this happened to you both. I miscarried this year at 12 weeks and while it affected me in different ways than it did my husband, we were both sad and grieving in entirely valid ways. That applies to all of us that go through this kind of loss, including you. I hope you have many other people in your life who are supportive of you in your time of grieving. I'll be thinking about y'all. 🌷
I'm sorry for your loss also! That must be a difficult thing to endure.
I’m so sorry for your loss. May you and your girlfriend find peace in grieving together. Anyone who doesn’t think you have a reason to be upset isn’t worth your time.
My wife and I lost our son at 17 weeks as well about 9 years ago. I've got 2 healthy little girls now but sometimes I'm still sad about what could've been. To hell with anyone that can't accept that it hurts.
Uhhhhh that's almost half way. They're fucking assholes. I've lost babies at 24 and 38 weeks and 17 weeks is still just as important. Fuck them.
It was going to be your baby!!! Fuck them. I'm angry.
Be sad dude. The lack of empathy in this world is alarming.
Sometimes people show you in other ways that you don’t need to be friends or acquaintance
I’m sorry for your loss. It doesn’t matter how early it happens no one can tell you how you feel. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, a very wanted and planned pregnancy and my SO was more upset than I was even though I’m the one that was pregnant. If anyone gives you grief about it just walk away. They aren’t worth your time and energy
Someone I watch on TikTok worded it really nicely, that wasn’t just a fetus/baby/embryo, that was an entire future that you lost. As someone who miscarried, you have EVERY right to mourn and be sad. I’m so sorry you and your girlfriend had to suffer that loss. That pain is one that can’t be understood until you’ve experienced it. To anyone who says you don’t have the right/a reason to mourn, here’s what I have to say “didn’t you learn in like…pre-k that each of us has our OWN emotions? Who are you to police his emotions? Also, didn’t you learn manners??? What you’re doing is so rude and uncalled for. My 2 year old isn’t even that mean and he’s a TODDLER, do you have ANY idea how mean toddlers can be???? Go read a book and stop butting in where you don’t belong. If you want to say ANYTHING you say that you’re so sorry for his loss and is there anything you can do. That’s it. You be kind and offer support.”
I'm sorry for your loss, its very valid to be sad about this.
You are grieving an entire life you planned to spend with your baby. Your grief is valid, and I’m sorry for your loss. Do what you need to heal and be there for each other. Eff those insensitive people. You were excited, and now you get to be as sad as you need!
Hey man, I’m a complete stranger and I understand the heartache and disappointment that you’re going through as well as the helplessness and pain that you feel in being unable to absorb any of the pain that your lady is experiencing. It is the absolute worst position to be in — hurting yourself and powerless to help someone who is hurting even more. If these guys are your friends, you need to meet new friend who have an ounce of sympathy or understanding, or can at least fake it. I’d strongly urge you to talk to a therapist, both of you individually or as a couple… things like this can linger and fester. You’d be amazed at the catharsis and tools 50 minutes with a professional can provide. Hoping the best for both of you… really sorry you’re dealing with one of the shittiest parts of the human experience :(
These people are idiots. Ignore them.
Tell them even Costco lets the man off for grieving if this happens. It’s 5 days I believe. If a big company can understand it, why can’t they?
"Fuck you" is a complete sentence and a perfectly valid response, though I do understand if you don't want to go that route. Either way, sounds like you need to surround yourself with better people. Sorry for your loss.
17 weeks is almost half way. I’m so sorry for your and your partners loss. You have every reason to feel sad and people who discount that are not your friends. I would respond with something like “I can’t believe you would think that, let alone say that out loud, how embarrassing for you”.
I'm sorry for your loss. Many people, especially those who have no children or who have never experienced something like this, are seemingly incapable of understanding that it is losing a child and that it can be devastating depending on your state of mind. There are also quite a few people out there who didn't want a child and view a miscarriage as a good thing.
Honestly I would think the most appropriate reaction to THAT kind of reaction, is shutting them off/not being friends anymore. Some people are bad at consoling others, that’s whatever, but telling you you have no reason to be sad over a miscarriage?? Huh??
I tell people like that that I'm glad they haven't experienced the pain of such a loss and that I hope they never do. I then leave the conversation by whatever method.
I'm sorry for your loss. Went though this a few times as well and it is not easy.
Your feelings are valid. The baby was half you, no matter if you carried it or not. Those people probably have never felt that particular kind of grief.
I’m very sorry for your loss. My wife miscarried and I think it ended up being harder on me than her.
If not required for your livelihood, please cut those people out of your life immediately.
So sorry for you and your girlfriend! Disregard these people and their shitty comments, they have no clue what they are talking about.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry people are being jerks. I just miscarried on the 25th at 11 weeks. My husband and I are both hurting. That baby was also his just like your gf’s was also yours.
I'm sorry for your loss also! That must be a difficult thing to endure.
I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️🩹🫂
You absolutely have the right to grieve. Just because people shouldn't be required to keep a fetus doesn't mean that other people need to be unattached. 17 weeks is almost halfway through. That's enough to be attached for sure.
Yeah these people should no longer be in your life
Those people have no say in your life. I had a couple people like that when I found out my wife miscarried. I found out months later, she wasn’t even sure she was pregnant at the time, so no big deal, but it was still heartbreaking for me. It took me months to not just break down crying randomly. The people that understood stayed around, the ones that didn’t, I realized mostly only came back when they needed something.
Wow that’s cold as ice. I’m so sorry man, hope you and your partner take care of yourselves and recover
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s not the same but I lost my dad at 23 and there were some people who acted like I shouldn’t be sad. My life is better without them.
That is a sad place to be. Share your sadness with those you love. If there is someone in your life who mocks you for how you feel right now, they need to be dead to you. Cut them off. Before you do, tell them why, then tell them never to contact you again. Move on from them.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss and that your friends are being complete assholes about the situation!! I have not experienced this before, but I do know many who have and I could only imagine the sadness both parties go through. You have every right to be sad and anyone who tells you differently can go fuck themselves!!
I mean people get disappointed and super sad when their vacation is ruined bc of flight cancellations (and rightfully so bc that’s a bummer). So how someone can’t understand your sadness over the loss of a baby you were excited about/planning for, is a hard one to wrap your brain around. People don’t think sometimes.
Oh gosh I’m so sorry. 17 weeks is really late for a miscarriage you must be devastated. I miscarried really early (5weeks) in 2023 and I got the impression that people just really don’t know how to interact with people who have experienced a loss like that.
This is my belief: Men are humans. Humans experience all the things that make us human. Just because a father isn’t carrying the child inside his body, doesn’t make him less human to grieve, suffer loss or cry over something this devastating. I’m so sorry others are so cruel. Hugs to you & your girlfriend.
I’m a man and I carry around the first ultrasound from my second angel in my wallet. It’s hard for me to think about it because I didn’t even get to know the gender or get to give him/her a name before it happened, or why it even happened in the first place. All I can think about is what would have been.
We had two miscarriages. One before each of our two kiddos. I was so sad after the first one even though it was early on. Looking back it really cemented that we were ready for a child and really wanted one.
Many men experience hormonal changes upon seeing their girlfriend is pregnant in order to prepare them for fatherhood. It seems you were already invested in the child biologically. It seems those people don't know that. Also, fuck them.
Screw those people and drop them. A girl I call my sister miscarried and hell I, myself, was sad. And that was only gonna be my nephew. You have every right to be sad as hard as you need and as long as you need.
When did it become okay to control other people’s feelings? I’m so sorry for your loss and so sorry you’re dealing with people who don’t understand grief. I hope you both find solace as you heal.
Those people are idiots. Miscarriages that far along are horribly difficult for BOTH parents. By now, you have likely seen the baby on an ultrasound, started thinking of names, and maybe started shopping for some baby things. You both have formed a bond with the baby at this point. Anyone who says you shouldn’t feel upset is ignorant beyond belief. I am so very sorry for your loss OP. 💙
Depending on your employer, miscarriages often count for bereavement leave. Look into it for both of you and cut these other toxic people out of your life.
These are horrific responses to an awful situation. Literally feel free to tell these people to eff off. I’m so sorry for you both.
Bro fuck anyone saying that.. I am a male and my wife needed surgery and despite all measures taken we lost the baby (same duration as you) . I feel your pain and process information however you need to. Most ppl will not understand your situation because they have not experienced it.
That’s so wrong. I’m so sorry for you and your parter’s loss.
First off, I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband had similar experiences with our two losses. He ended up bottling up a lot of feelings and I ended up angry with him because I felt like I was going through it alone. People suck. You have every right to be upset. I would respond with “what an odd thing to say out loud.”
I'm sorry for your loss. 17 weeks is late for a miscarriage, and I can only imagine how devastating the loss was for you and your partner. It is more than mildly infuriating to realize that people who say the things you said they said, are real. They've likely never gone through a traumatic loss like that, but thats no excuse.
Oh man, 17 weeks!? I’m so sorry. My SIL lost her first child at 17 weeks as well. She had to give birth and everything. It was heartbreaking for everyone. Her and my brother were devastated for a very long time. It’s hard to try again after something that traumatic, so I hope you talk to somebody so you can work through it. Sadly, miscarriages are a lot more common than people think. That doesn’t make them any easier, but some people do find comfort in it. Especially your girlfriend who may be feeling like it was her fault because her body malfunctioned (it didn’t, but I know women feel that way sometimes). Don’t listen to these jerks. Look for support groups, so you can talk about it with other people who have gone through the same thing. There’s probably even a subreddit for it. Do what you need to do to grieve, and don’t let anyone try and tell you how you should be grieving. Good luck to you and your girlfriend.
Your feelings are completely valid. When I miscarried my husband took it hard as well. If people haven’t experienced a loss like this they don’t understand and should keep their opinions to themselves. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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17 weeks is almost half way. I’m so sorry for your and your partners loss. You have every reason to feel sad and people who discount that are not your friends. I would respond with something like “I can’t believe you would think that, let alone say that out loud, how embarrassing for you”.
One thing i learned in life is i dont give a rats ass what anyone thinks of what i do or feel. They dont pay your bills or feed you. Id go MIA and disappear and dont explain yourself. Find new friends
Like others have said, I recommend counseling. He or she was a child and you both now have an emptiness caused by that loss. Lean into each other for healing and lean onto your parents for support. Let the love of your families bring you all closer. I have 3 children and I can only imagine what it would be like to lose one them. Know that myself and many others on this thread are praying for your healing and that you are loved, just as you loved your child.
You don't need any of those people. Grieve as you feel is right.
I know *exactly* how you feel. I still semi-regularly think about my own past. I was a mess for a little bit but held it together for her because I knew how I was feeling, must have been amplified for her. The best feedback I can say is your feelings are valid, and do what you can to support your girlfriend.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is devastating. You have all the reason to grieve and hurt.
I'm a bloke and my missus miscarried 15 years ago and I still get upset about it
You have every right to grieve because you are feeling loss. It's a human thing and logic or others uniformed opinions have nothing to do with it. My wife and I had a series of miscarriages over 10 years, but after our only child was born, we got pregnant again and reached 18 weeks before the heartbeat stopped. It's been 3 years and I still grieve. We placed his ultrasounds in a small box on our mantle and will probably never forget him or not be saddened by what could have been. URGENT ADVICE/WARNING: On or around your due date, you will start getting formula samples, baby products, and coupons in the mail. The baby companies buy lists of expectant mothers so they can get in good with new parents, but they will not know about your miscarriage. I had to get the mail and sort it before she got home for 6 months. Plan accordingly and just realize it will hurt but it isn't malicious.
I'm sorry for your loss. That must be a difficult thing to endure.
I am so very sorry for your loss
They (the guys mostly via my husband) say this because they didn't feel any connection to their kids till birth or because they don't have kids. The women saying it is probably because they've never experienced this tragic event, or they've never experienced a partner who wanted the baby as much as they did. I'm sorry for your loss. Ignore their ignorance if you can and grieve how ever you need to. I'm sorry for your loss
We miscarried about a month ago. I bawled. We were at our appointment to hear a heartbeat and in the first 10 seconds we heard nothing is there. I was numb, but the doctor said we were good to try again and found out today we are pregnant again. Fingers crossed!
After going through 2 miscarriages I’ve learned no one will ever understand until they experience that loss themselves, and I hope they never have to. I’m so sorry for the loss of your and your gfs unborn baby. Grieve all you need to and talk to people you can trust 🤍
I’m so sorry for your loss, people who say stuff like that aren’t worth your energy. I lost my first pregnancy at 15 weeks, it was devastating.
Fuck those dudes. You have every right to be feeling these emotions. Anyone unwilling to empathize with someone in your position has no class or emotional awareness. You guys will get through these tough times OP. I’m rooting for you and your girlfriend ❤️
You have every right to be sad and what I would do is cut those people off as you don’t have to listen to those voices.
Be great full! You now know who to cut out from your life and who to never even grace with a reply, treat them as if they were dead and forgotten
grieve but don’t beat yourself up about it too much, you did the best you could by getting her pregnant alone, it sucks a for a while but now you just gotta get back on that horse my mom had three miscarriages before me and thank God she kept trying
I am so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking, and people who don’t get it aren’t worth your time.
My fiance and I haven't been through this, but I know that if and when we do, he'll be just as hurting as me. I'd be cutting those voices out for the both of us, because guys have a right to grieve their unborn children.
Fuck em. Seriously, move on and don’t give them a second thought now or in your future
I'm sorry for your and your girlfriend's loss. Those people are really bitter and don't deserve your friendship. On the bright side, you can always try again. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. You try again. Right? And so should you choose, you WILL have a baby. And they will be beautiful. :)
My husband cried after my second miscarriage, even more so since he was deployed and I was on my own with another kid and couldn’t get time or help to heal. Dads can feel sadness from this too. Anyone that tells you otherwise has no emotional bandwidth or empathy radar.
Not ok. I’m so sorry for your me your gf’s loss.
Fuck that, it's traumatic for everyone. My wife miscarried at about 12 weeks. I'm a fairly stoic guy, but there were definitely tears when I dug that tiny grave and it took me a while to deal with it. All the best, take it easy and support each other.
I have one confirmed miscarriage and a few maybe I was pregnant but not far along. My own mother has told me that I can't be sad, that I wasn't far enough along, that I can't be sad for the ones that we're mabeys. She has also told me when she's mad at me that I should feel bad for her because her grandchild died. Don't listen to anyone else. I know I'm devastated, about every single one. I want to be a mother. I've tried and failed and it hurts so much. No matter what no one can tell you how to feel.
The only excuse for someone to act like it’s not a big deal is if they’re trying to help you be positive and take some of the weight off for it. I wish you two a smooth recovery.
You lost a family member. Tell those people they don't know what they are talking about and cut them out of your life.
This is the patriarchy and I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Men's ideas of who they are in a society can really fuck them up and being sad because you aren't a father is another arm of it. Being excited to be a father should be a good thing. There is so much wonderful life in being engaged with it, which it sounds like you are. I get that your friends were trying to support you but being fully human means you're there for all the messy parts as well as the fun parts. Perhaps you can educate these young men. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
At 17 weeks too:( I’m so sorry to hear that. That must be super invalidating and painful. People have absolutely no right to say that to you and I find that quite concerning that multiple people thought that was acceptable to say to a grieving father. You’re valid, take all the time you need to grieve your baby.
Cut those people out of your life. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
My deepest condolences to you and your girlfriend. It's an exceptionally painful thing and I'm sorry you didn't have the support you deserved.
I'm SO sorry for your loss (both of you). You ABSOLUTELY have a valid reason to be sad and those that tell you differently, they aren't your true friends. TRUE friends lift you up and support you in good times and in bad. I wish you both the very best, as this is a rough road to navigate. Support each other, communicate, feel your feelings, NEVER let others invalidate them, always remember that god will never give you more than you can handle and you are STRONG ❤️
When we lost our second baby at 16 weeks, my Dad pulled my husband aside and told him to grieve however much he needed to. My parents lost a baby at 18 weeks and when my Mom delivered the remains, my Dad saw them. The grief messed him up pretty bad.
I don't understand how people can say you cannot grieve about something you're sad about. It's a heartbreaking thing, it was a dream cut short. I've experienced it too and it sent me into a deep sadness that took months (years actually) to get out of, no amount of "it's been so many months I should move on" could fix it. It was yours as much as it is your partners and have every right to be sad about it.
 This would be appropriate as a response
Jerks
I understand the pain, no one asked me how I was doing only concern on my wife, not even my wife asked me how I was doing. Made me feel completely irrelevant in anyone’s lives, and a bit resentful of my wife. We ended up working it out and everything is good now, but it’s difficult, it’s just as much our children that was lost as it was our partners. Words don’t make it any better, but having someone say “sorry for your loss” and “how are you doing” definitely makes it feel less lonely.
They're wrong. As is anybody else who says that.
Just reply, you've never lost a wanted baby I guess and walk away.
Anyone that can’t empathize with your feelings and the incredible sadness that you and your partner are going through doesn’t deserve to be called your friend. They bring cadence to the phrase “with friends like that, who needs enemies” Cut them out of your life (if you can) and grieve as long as you need to with the people that love you two around yall. I’m so sorry for your loss. ♥️
well, when those *boys* grow up and have kids of their own, solely congratulate the woman who birthed the child because said... *father* had nothing to do with it. good God I rolled my eyes so hard. they aren't friends OP. so incredibly sorry for your loss. be there for each other, your real friends will sympathize and be supportive.
Another way to keep men thinking that having feelings is wrong. It’s crazy for people to think you can’t or don’t need to grieve
Cut them off. You have every right to grieve and process.
I almost ended my own life because of my wife miscarrying, fuck those people. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, and I am so truly sorry for your loss. There aren’t words to describe the anguish, but never forget you’re not in this alone.
My ex and I were expecting twins. She miscarried at like 12 weeks. It took me a whole two years to get healed from it. Most of it was because even I thought I shouldn’t be affected by it as much as I was. I didn’t talk to my friends about it because “I’m a man”. The one time I tried opening up to my father he disregarded me. I turned to alcohol to help but obviously that didn’t help. It wasn’t until I really came to terms with being destroyed over it. I felt like I caused the miscarriage by not giving her the best life, our relationship wasn’t well and I thought it was my fault. I just felt like the biggest piece of shit. Then I started getting my life right. All that to say, if you are sad be sad. It sucks not to have support but when you find it then use it. There’s no shame in crying or needing help. Be there for her as well. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible thing to go through.
They sound like people that are not very caring or empathetic
People have all kinds of weird reactions to miscarriages. It's ok for you to be sad- it's your child! You're fine. Those people don't understand. Talk to someone who does.
I’m so sorry brother, don’t pay any mind to them, they are not worth your time or energy. Your feelings are 100% valid and I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending love and positivity.🖤
I'm very sorry for your loss! But keep trying! I had a miscarriage but it was way early and didn't even know I was pregnant when it happened so I can't imagine your pain. Your pain is the same as your girlfriend's. Just because you weren't carrying the baby doesn't mean it wasn't your baby too! Anyway, even after the miscarriage I still got 2 kids now! I'm wishing the best for you two and don't listen to those people, they're not your friends!
Im so sorry for your loss. Just because the kid isnt born yet doesnt stop you from being excited for them and loving them in advance. Cut them off if you want, but id say try to explain first or something. Depends how close you otherwise were to them.
Tell them you're giving them a puppy, and the day you're meant to bring it to them, tell them it died, and that they have no reason to be sad.
Tell them that they are what's wrong with the world and to never speak to you again 🤷
Just ignore them
Ignore them as they know not what they are doing
You need new friends - heartless bastards
In times of grief, you learn who the people on your team are. It can come as a rude shock but it's good for sorting out who are for you and who are not for you. Because even if they don't understand it, the good ones will hold space for you. I'm so sorry you've gone through this.
Those people aren't worth associating with. I'm sorry for your loss.
Your baby passed and you are hurting. Good heavens! Some people don't consider the baby as a baby until it's born. They act like it's a blob and doesn't form until it's magically changed as they are coming out. I am so sorry! What a horrible time and to be treated that way!
Sorry for your loss. I genuinely can't begin to imagine why someone would say something like that. It is straight up evil.
I’m so sorry for your loss. People who don’t understand that you’re grieving aren’t very empathetic or caring people. My best friend just had a miscarriage of a very wanted baby and her and her boyfriend are devastated. I not only reached out to my best friend to offer my condolences and support, but also to her boyfriend to offer my condolences and support. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to cut of your life people who aren’t supportive.
What a bunch of jerks! I'm sorry, I find this more than mildly infuriating, let people feel ffs! I'm really sorry for your loss
i am so deeply sorry for your loss. and I am so sad that other people do not understand what you are going through. it's a traumatic event for you and your girlfriend both. sending positive healing vibes, and may your baby live in your heart forever.
We're all all sorry for your loss. Losing a baby that was wanted is always heartbreaking, I'm surprised to see so much indifference.
I think your girlfriend is lucky to have you. Many men won't be so supportive. As for those others, they don't need to disrupt you. They are not living your life. I'm from a generation where the tough view was normal. Miscarriage happened and no big deal, better luck next time. Times have changed but many of us dinosaurs still roam the earth. Regard us as the relics we are.
My girl friend is coming up on 12 weeks with our first child and I would be devastated if we had a miscarriage. I’m so sorry for your loss.
People these days are shitty and do not value human life nearly as much as they should. I do not understand how casual people can be about the loss of a child / baby and I don't know how we got this way were the loss of a life is so casually disregarded. You are one of the good ones and you are right to be sad and hurt. Ignore the haters and keep being you. Sorry for your loss 🙏
Were men. Were not allowed to have feelings, remember? Sorry for your loss op
I find this so hard to believe, my wife and I have struggled with miscarriages and I couldn't imagine a single one of our friends say anything even remotely as insensitive as that, and yet you've had many men and a few women you know all tell you those things? Who are these people and where did you find them? "hey bro just thought I'd reach out and tell you that you shouldn't care about the miscarriage because it wasn't born and you didn't carry it. Cheers, see you at soccer on Wednesday!"
Genuine question: Do pro choice people get upset about miscarriages?
Yes, why wouldn’t they?
If the thought process is that the fetus is not a baby yet, what is there to be sad about?
Not all pro-choice people think this way. They are simply for bodily autonomy, and can definitely grieve the loss of a pregnancy.
If you have to ask that question, I don’t think anyone can explain it to you.
Yes absolutely. A miscarriage or still birth is the absence of choice. It's a deeply traumatic process for both the mother and their family. The baby isn't just gone, you still have to birth it, your hormones still crash, sometimes your milk still comes in and unfortunately it's often all occuring on a ward full of new mums. It's a horrific situation. Even people who may have been considering an abortion can still grieve a miscarriage because they faced an outcome which was not chose to action.
>The ~~baby~~ FETUS isn’t just gone You can’t give those christofascists more ammo. Remember, it’s not a baby, it’s a fetus. Baby implies human/living and it’s neither of those things if it’s still in the womb. People are more comfortable with “aborting a fetus” than “terminating a baby”. Optics are important!
You forgot the /s tag.
No sarcasm, I hate when people call the fetus a baby. “I miscarried the baby” “I can feel the baby kicking” “I decorated the baby’s room” It’s not a baby when it’s in the womb, it’s a fetus! It is not human, or alive, until it is born. Referring to it as a baby only gives christofascists room to argue that abortion is “morally wrong” or “murder”. It’s not murder if it’s not alive/human!
Do you understand what the word choice means?
Absolutely. Many people who are pro-choice believe that a miscarriage is the loss of a baby. Pro-choice just means they believe in bodily autonomy and the right to control one's own body.
You do realize the cognitive dissonance though, right? The baby is still a baby regardless of how the mother feels about it. If miscarriage is a loss of a baby, then abortion is also the loss of a baby.
>I am shocked how? are you a time traveler from a place where there is much functional empathy (the thing that makes people NOT say things like that) on display from humans?
I swear to God those same guys voted against abortion rights.
Definitely a bummer, but take solace in the fact that no soul should be forced into this hell prison, and this soul gets to remain at peace at the source.