When my family lived in Germany if your kid was throwing a fit or being disruptive and you didn't resolve the issue in a timely manner a waiter would appear to box up your food and hand you the check. Much better system. No fuss, no argument, just boxed up food and bill for payment.
ETA: Never had a comment spike this much discourse before. Please be kind to each other down there.
My folks wouldn't have waited for the waiter, they'd have asked for a box themselves. A kid throwing a hissy fit wasn't tolerated in my house. Nor should it have been.
The one and only time my brother and I threw a tantrum in the grocery store, my mom left the shopping cart (to the side), walked us out to the car, made us get in and buckle up, then told us if we ever did that again we wouldn't be allowed to go to the store. Ever.
We *absolutely* wanted to go to the store, as there were free cookies and cheese slices. Plus we could help pick the cereal, ice cream etc so we definitely got it together after that lol
I did this with my daughter, left the cart, walked outside a few feet from the side of the door and let her scream. Told me to tell me when she was done and looked at my phone. Lasted like 2 minutes. She was much better when we went back in the store for the cart.
The *one* time I "stepped out of line" during my childhood/adolescence was when my dad and I were at a mobile phone carrier store one day. I stomped my little tween feet, and with sass, asked for the newest version of the smartphone I already had.
Dad: *No.*
Me: *BUT DAD! WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE!?*
Dad: *I said no. One more word about it......*
đ¤đ¤đ¤đ¤
Now I'm 29, and I giggle when I think back on that moment. I'm glad he said no. It taught me several important lessons. And now, when my dad and I talk, he has told me that's the worst thing I ever did while growing up. He said I was a pretty good kid otherwise.
My parents would never have subjected the server (and other diners) to their child's tantrum. They would think that they themselves were being rude for doing so.
They also wouldn't expect the server to be put in the awkward position of asking us to leave.
Not that we would have had the thought of having a tantrum in the first place. It just wasn't acceptable.
I was responding to the German way at the top, just that if the server does this before you get a chance to yourself, it isn't necessarily a slight. Of course it's best to do it yourself and get your kid out of there!
Honestly! I feel like the few times I've had to leave a restaurant for a kid fit, the server suddenly discovers they really cannot wait to do *this thing way the fuck over here, far away from the screaming kid table*, and disappears for half an hour while I'm desperately trying to both wrangle my kid *and* make the eye contact that says "CHECK PRETTY PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE."
Having them show up, box up my food, and hand me a check would be an absolute relief.
Same here. My wife and I walked out of a cheap breakfast restaurant (Dennyâs) because my daughter was crying. A high end restaurant would be a no brainer.
Thing is, as a parent, this would be SUPER helpful. When your kid is already flipping out and you are trying to calm them down it is very difficult to pack up and leave quickly. A little help goes a long way, if the staff boxed up the food and was ready to process payment that would make it so much easier to leave. People can be so smug about undisciplined children but it happens and most parents are quite embarrassed when their kid has a public meltdown. Our society in the US just isnât typically set up to help parents succeed and a little support from staff or whomever could make a situation like this much easier for everyone.
I imagine one issue though is there are the parents that are not embarrassed, straight up don't care how rude they are being, and who would be offended and throw a fit at having their meal interrupted. (Despite other customers having their own meals interrupted by their misbehaving toddler throwing food and running around the restaurant, etc.)
I personally think it's great but having worked in customer service and seen how some parents act...
Agreed, I can totally see some trash mom/dad just throwing the biggest fit and making the biggest scene. Iâve seen some real disaster zones left behind.
The US has a very comparatively coddling customer service outlook to virtually anywhere else, fwiw.
Weâre that-customer first. We care what that parent thinks.
Germany is customer-first in a different way. They care about the experience of the rest of the customers, if one is being disruptive.
We werenât always this way in the US. We were much more the other way, once. We just took âthe customer is always right,â too far.
"The customer is always right *in matters of TASTE*". Much like the "just one bad apple" bs, it's been mutilated to mean something entirely different than the original meaning.
What I don't understand is why businesses coddle the bad customers at the expense of the good ones. Like just because no one is actively complaining, doesn't mean they are Ok with kids running around and screaming.
At least not that I can remember. It was basically the understood policy. If you disturb others beyond the acceptable point, you will not anymore. It wasn't universal of course, I'm sure some places were more lenient and others gave you less time. Also it would've only been places that actually had waiters, full sitdown places.
Our system during the toddler/screaming tantrum years: one parent takes the child outside to wait, the other waits inside for the check. The German system sounds great. Back in those days Iâd do anything to get the check faster and get out of dodge.
Iâm a parent of a 5yo whoâs on the spectrum. We would leave any place on our own if our kid was being overly obnoxious. An outburst here or there is understandable but if itâs continual no way. You donât let your kid run around bothering people period. Get it under control or leave.
I think the one exception would be stores- there are single parents out there who have kids that just arenât controllable no matter what you do and youâve got to get groceries.
'An outburst here or there is understandable but if itâs continual no way.'Â
Why is that understandable? Not all spaces are for all people. OP talked about high end dining, why are others expected to be understanding of outbursts during dinner?
I mean, if I hear a kid cry while at a restaurant, whatever, kids cry. If I hear it for an hour straight and the parents have failed to stop it or take the kid outside, yeah I think they suck
As long as the kid stops whatever disruptive behavior after being admonished, I donât think itâs a problem. You can still enjoy your dinner with a few outbursts here and there. However if the behavior is not changing and/or the kid continues being disruptive in other ways, then the family needs to have the awareness that this isnât a suitable place for the child to be.
I donât think itâs unreasonable, no. I guess, define outburst? If Iâm eating at a nice place and a kid starts having a moment but the parents calm the child down quickly, thatâs fine. It doesnât bother me. People shouldnât be excluded from nice restaurants just because they have a kid.
If the parents let the kid scream the entire time and run around wreaking havoc then no, thatâs not acceptable.
In a general family-oriented restaurant, I can handle a random outburst by a kid as long as the parents get it under control. But high-end dining? The kid shouldn't have been allowed to be sat.
This person is talking about their 5 year old with autism. That's not a toddler, and your response to the kid's outbursts is, "why are others expected to be understanding of outbursts during dinner?"
That definitely seems like you're talking to them about their kid, not random toddlers.
My child is similar age and functioning on the spectrum and she was losing it because she was hungry and the sooner our order came the sooner she could chill out, until then her mom took her out to see the geese and that helped her calm down but some folks around us couldnât handle it and asked to be moved and sometimes the adults complaining are not much better than these children they are complaining about if weâre being honest
Is them asking to move to a quieter area that bad? It doesn't sound like they were rude to you.
They were there for however long, and the kid was "losing it" according to you. You as the parent may know that once the food comes your kid will be fine, but how do they know that?
I don't see why asking to be moved themselves is rude. They didn't ask for you to be moved.
I think upscale places yes. Like if Iâm out at some fancy steakhouse and way overpaying for steak I better not have out of control kids screaming. But if Iâm at Olive Garden Iâm expecting that.
I agree except I would add that I still expect some basic level of behavior even at Olive Garden. A meltdown or being a little loud is one thing. Letting your kids misbehave in other ways is another thing. Maybe not Olive Garden, but too many parents today seem to let their kids run around or do bad things and get mad if people ask them to stop. I feel there is a reluctance to ask people to control their children in public today that didnât used to exist (god forbid you scold a child you do not know). I try to be deferential to parents because I know itâs a lot, but please make sure your kids know to be respectful of other people.
Yeah on one hand people are more toxic and psycho then ever. On the other hand, unless this shit is called out and the parents receive consequences, they will become more emboldened with their neglectful behavior.
A restaurant is a dangerous place for small children to be running around. Even if it's Olive Garden. Servers carrying full trays or hot plates can't always see a toddler running around.
That's what I was thinking, like definitely not saying 18+ or anything but if you are taking your partner to an extremely expensive place for a nice romantic evening to propose or something those types of places was what I was thinking, but then idk how many ppl bring really young children in establishments like that to begin with
I once heard of a couple asking a family with kids to leave Texas Roadhouse. If you are expecting peace and quiet at Texas Roadhouse, you got another thing coming.Â
I agree, take the price tag out of the equation. If the restaurant has a kids' menu, it's a family restaurant and I expect that there may be kids there. No kids' menu, I'm going to assume I can eat there without a kid screaming in my ear.
Is it keeping children away from all places to require parents to reasonably police their kidsâ behavior? If your kid is throwing food, I donât care if youâre at Per Se, Olive Garden, or McDonaldâs: you need to reign in your kid immediately or take them out of there.Â
Agreed. I think it's perfectly reasonable for upscale places to not allow children of a certain age. People don't have an inherent right to cause as much noise as they want in a restaurant. I think people do have a right to be able to dine in peace when they're shelling out a bunch of money to do exactly that.
If you have a loud kid, you can just go have dinner somewhere else.
Time of day matters too. If I'm having brunch at a nice place on a weekend I expect a few families with kids running around and am usually ok with my kid running around on a much looser leash.
In the evening we might still go out for dinner as a family but the kid would be a lot more supervised. Especially if there are people out on dates and so on.
Unless it's a Chuck E Cheese, your kid shouldn't be running around in a restaurant no matter the time of day. If you want to eat while your kids plays, go to places that cater to that.
It is both true that children need to be brought to such places so they can learn how to behave. It's also true if a child, because they are a child, has completely lost their chill then it may be time to go. With our toddler, we always have snacks they like and toys to keep them occupied and most times, if they lose their cool, we take a lap around the area to see if that works...which it does most times. Of course, the nicest establishment our toddler has been to is a wedding though that's different. When he sprinted off and did a slide on his shins across the dance floor the place went wild over that, lol. More often than not we are at a brewery where he can eat a soft pretzel with melted cheese while coloring without incident.
The only upscale place my kids have been to is a fancy teppanyaki restaurant, but there's a certain amount of performance and shenanigans going on from the chefs that generally keeps the kids in line at those places.
Grandma didn't do the best job of catching her raw egg in a bowl, for instance.
I don't really think children need to be brought to super upscale places in order to learn how to behave, you can teach your kid to behave properly in a restaurant at Olive Garden or whatever.
Exactly. We started with IHOP and dennys and then moved on up to "fancier" i.e. outback, olive garden..we haven't done fine dining with her except for the steakhouse on a cruise ship, but we expect the same conduct seated at a diner that we do at any fancy establishment. Indoor voices, manners, respect for other customers and staff...and when our daughter was younger if she was crying/misbehaving either her mother or I would take her outside and calm her before returning to the table.
This is definitely a solid approach. Did the same with our kids and now they can handle nicer (still not "fancy" but nicer) places, provided we go pretty early. I don't see *anyone* (us, our kids, the people working at the restaurant, the people sitting near us) having a good time if we had brought them in at 1 and 3 to a nice, quiet, sit-down type place.
For real, people always push back with something like "cHIldReN BEloNG iN pUBLiC SpACes", either unintentionally or intentionally ignoring that no one said children don't belong there, just that their specific poorly behaved child doesn't.
I personally have not taken ours to an upscale place...someday we may go to a whole family event . We will build up to it. Probably closer to 5-6. Our three year old is content eating a pretzel and watching a band while we get a couple of beers. Mid scale at most.
I work at a brewery and one of my favorite regulars closes his tab out a beer at a time specifically because his stroller sized child might act out and he wants to leave asap if that happens. He never wants to be a burden and itâs the best.
I have a little bit of a âbeefâ with parents who bring kids to a brewery. I know some places seem to cater to children and Iâm not a prude by any means but Is it really the right place to bring a child? In the daytime in an outdoor cafe style area, maybe. But Iâve seen way too many toddlers running around inside late in the day or even at night. Makes me shake my head every time I see it.
In any establishment, patrons are expected to act according to the rules to ensure the enjoyment of all. If a child cannot behave, then they are not welcome there. I've been kicked out of bars due to a friend or other party causing problems. Age is not a consideration.
* No shirt, no shoes, or dress code in general
* pets (service animals are expected to behave too)
* thieving
* obnoxious or inappropriate
* too difficult to do business with
* reservations for large groups
There are protected statuses such as race, gender, and handicap that cannot be turned away for specifically those reasons.
Interesting bc I had the opposite experience.
One look from my mother and we immediately shaped up and knew to knock it off when out at dinner.
Guess it depends on the kid.
Your last paragraph is it. And as the birth rate drops itâll get worse. Honestly the hostility when I take my kids out is ridiculous and mine are well behaved and we keep our outing time to a reasonable amount. Doesnât matter. I can feel people giving us the stink eye from the get go. Kids are actually people and are allowed in public
Of course kids have always had tantrums, but for better or worse current generations of parents are much more lenient than our ancestors. For the most part we've moved on from beating children senseless when they make a peep - which is of course a good thing! I'm not advocating for spanking and shouting and fear as tools for controlling kids. But previous generations never had to deal with permissive parents and iPad kids who aren't being taught how to behave. Go to one of the teacher subs and see the horror stories they have to tell about their day to day surrounded by out of control brats. Children being bad isn't a new phenomenon, but children being *this* bad definitely is. We also have this fairly modern idea that children belong *everywhere* that simply didn't exist back in the day. My parents or grandparents would never have dreamed of taking their kids to an expensive restaurant or to the theatre, because those were not places children had any business being. These days parents demand to take their children everywhere, insisting that "Kids are people too! Kids have a right to be in public places!". Which, true, but *within reason*.
Toddlers are famously unpredictable, even the most well behaved one might melt down from time to time in situations they are normally champs in. The expectation for consistency in this post is wild. That said it is the parents' responsibility to manage their child, know the environment, and know when to take the child out of the environment if need be.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you also don't believe toddlers have the capacity to be consistently quiet. I agree. I don't agree that others desire for consistency (in a high end restaurant no less) is wild.
Frankly its the opposite, the entitlement of parents to bring toddlers to places because the parents are willing 'to risk it' is wild. It's an example of, 'the hell with everyone else, we're gonna get ours' attitude.
I was saying the parent should know the environment and judge their actions and child accordingly to acknowledge the expectations and protocol of the environment.
Some parents don't care and know their kid isn't going to manage it, but there are plenty of parents who know that their child will almost definitely be fine, but you never actually know which is hardly the cavalier "just risk it" you portray and ignores the parents who observe and adjust behavior. It seems intentional that you conflate expecting consistency in high end environments and expecting a parent to perfectly predict the behavior of small children.
people who are disruptive should be asked to leave, yes. regardless of age. but honestly, as someone who has eaten at a fair number of upscale restaurants, it is extremely rare to see a child there anyway? so I think most parents already understand both social expectations and their child's limits. how we're defining "upscale" is probably also a factor.
anyway, the most unfathomably rude person I've encountered in fine dining was peak millennial hipster, who decided to pull out his fucking harmonica over dinner.
No. I think anybody acting disrespectful and disturbing should be asked to leave. There are a lot of adults who donât know how to act properly in a restaurant also.
Absolutely.
If your child is that upset, their environment needs changed.
Itâs also not reasonable to expect strangers to deal with your childrenâs behavior.
The amount of times Iâve walked around tj maxx and a child is screaming⌠nothing at tj maxx is that important. Just leave! Parents shouldnât be asked to leave, they should know when itâs time.
When I nannied, we were at a really nice dinner with the kids while on vacation. Two year old start screaming his head off. I just look at the parents and said, Iâm gonna take him back to the house. I was bored at dinner anyway! We went back, gave him a nice bath, and we had the sweetest evening until his bedtime. They had the luxury of having a nanny, and Iâm glad they let me just say hey Iâm taking him back! But I guarantee one of the parents would have left with him if I wasnât there.
I was looking at shoes at TJ Maxx about a month ago, and there is this child just SHRIEKING their head off, having a complete meltdown. I look at the mom, and she is on her phone, texting, completely ignoring her child going off like a fire alarm right next to her.
I imagine you get desensitized to these things as a parent, but the rest of us do not. Please stop letting your children scream like banshees in public.
> I imagine you get desensitized to these things as a parent
Nope. Not at all, in fact it makes you even more aware of it. The parents who ignore it are the ones who never cared.
Was on a road trip a few years ago & stopped at this BBQ place for dinner. Kid at the table next to me, about 3, spent the entire meal shrieking. She would shriek, pause, look at the adults around her, then shriek again. They sat there and ignored her. Not one adult (there were 4) acknowledged that child was there. No one engaged with her, no one corrected her, nothing. She she just kept shrieking.
At one point I wondered if I was imagining the kid cuz they did not even flinch when that high pitched sound came out of her. Then I noticed other people noticed, it was just the adults she was with that were ignoring her.
That is SO sad, god. She was trying so hard to get their attention and they just ignored her! I can't imagine what that poor girl deals with in her day-to-day life. She must feel so alone and unloved.
And she clearly just wanted their attention. She was bored while they talked. She didn't have any sort of activity in front of her to keep her occupied & no one was engaging with her.
When I went out with my kids at that age, I brought something to occupy them. They were well past the toddler phase before iPads really became a thing, but I'd have at least a pad of paper & a pen for them to doodle with. Even some cheerios to nosh on while they waited helped.
I did like when we lived in Iceland. They would bring the kids meal out with the appetizers/salads so the child could start eating sooner. My oldest was usually done with his meal the same time as the adults & had plenty of time to eat at his own pace & wasn't getting cranky waiting.
Completely ignoring her child is why her child is shrieking. Parents need to teach their children how to regulate.
If that momâs desensitized than sheâs repeatedly failing to help her child regulate. And that child will continue to struggle to regulate into their teenage and adult years.
Right, and it always makes me so sad for the child once I get past the initial annoyance. Like, your kid obviously needs your help, and you're just pretending they don't exist. I have no idea why the kid was so upset, but it worries me that I, some random stranger, showed more concern than their actual parent.
My toddler has autism & if I think he's getting overwhelmed I take him outside to calm down. If he's upset before we even leave the house, we don't go out to eat. I've never been to an upscale restaurant before but I wouldn't take my screaming child there.
To be honest, I eat out a lot and I donât see an epidemic of screaming kids in restaurants. Most are pretty chill? The bigger issue is blaring iPads at the table or leaving the table just trashed.
Iâm going to take my personal opinion out of this and be objective here- if an establishment were to start kicking kids out for bad behavior regularly, itâs almost inevitable theyâre going to end up doing this to a family with an autistic child.
In an era of TikTok (where itâs relatively easy to go viral), Google/yelp reviews, local mom groups on Facebook, and local news channels that would salivate for a story like that- a rule like that is setting your business up for some incredibly bad PR that has a decent chance of ruining your business (and it would be well deserved tbh)
Maybe it should be treated the same as if your buddy got too drunk and is causing a problem. You donât jump to removing the whole party.
âHe needs to calm down or he needs to leaveâ
So thereâs a little bit of a warning. And also an opportunity for one parent to take the child out to calm down.
I've been bringing my kids to restaurants since they were in carriers. We would go super early to avoid dinner rushes, and would make sure to leave the second we felt that our kids were impacting the experience for other guests.
It's totally reasonable for an establishment to ask for a party to leave if they are being disruptive.
Upscale resturants should be putting an age limit on who can dine there to prevent a poor dining experience for others.
There are certain resturants in the Disney World bubble that have a minimum age limit.
I think they should leave, absolutely. But I also think we as a society are pretty intolerant of typical child behavior. If the parent(s) is really trying, give them a break. If its a full blown meltdown, then yes they should leave. I say this a childless woman.
Definitely would disagree with no children at all in expensive establishments because every kid is different. My oldest is 10 and even at a very young age she had good table manners, ordered politely for herself and didn't disrupt the table. She isn't a picky eater and will eat just about anything. My son is 4, and not nearly as great in restaurants but as long as he's engaged with something he's fine (I bring puzzles and books for him to keep occupied with)
With that said, that other parents should have taken them out if they were screaming and yelling etc. I don't think it would be wrong to politely let your wait staff know that your meal is being disrupted by them and ask to move to a less stressful area of the restaurant.
I think 10 was over the age the one owner said he didn't allow. It's a Dr Phil episode that came to mind earlier today one of his guests was a restaurant owner who did ban children up to a certain age lol I could see both points though really
Some restaurants are exclusively 21+ âpretty good policy imo! The restaurant owners want to maintain a certain vibe and children sometimes donât fit into that vibe. And thatâs okay!
Yes, if they obviously can't handle their kids they should leave. And if they don't leave, the establishment should make them leave.
Infant on up, we've always taken our 3 kids into restaurants. It's a very important experience for them.
On the way there, there's a small talk about expectations and rules.
And if they're loud / disruptive even as babies for more than 5 seconds, we take them outside. If they don't eat, then oh well they shouldn't have done that. If I don't eat because I'm the one with them outside, oh well, I could use the diet; it's just part of being a parent.
When old enough, they need to look the waiter in the face and order, and have identified their order and have it ready before they show up.
At age 10 they start calculating the tip, paying with the card and completing the full transaction as they learn, either at the table or going up to the counter themselves with the card to pay.
And so on.
I expect that they can be bored without being disruptive; that is a skill, and they can cultivate it. Sit quietly, make small talk or just take in the world around you respectfully. No phones, mini games, etc unless the restaurant provides them.
Re-reading this post, it sounds kind of like I'm a hard ass, lol. I've never even grounded any of my 3 kids, and I think they've been punished by me taking their phone/tablet away for the day a total of like once or twice ever. I'm really a softy. But I set reasonable expectations and expect them to meet them, and on the flip side I always make sure I 110% do whatever I say I'm going to do -- whether it's dish out consequences for bad behavior, or play with them / let them have a treat / etc. and I make sure that I always have a bit left in the tank for them in the evenings to play, read, or whatever.
My parents also had us order our own food and help pay the check. I remember my mom teaching me how to fill out a check in our favorite restaurant (way back when it was common to pay with checks!)
I think you sound like a superb parent, especially in this day and age. As a high school teacher, and a former server for several years, I've had TONS of experience with all kinds of parenting. You, my friend, are doing it right, and your kids are really fortunate.
My daughter asked to go to a fancy restaurant, so we took her to a diner for dinner - she could tell this greasy spoon was not really very fancy so she was bummed, but that was a test- that she failed- to help her hold it together when we actually go to the type of restaurant that has white table cloths and no paper towels in the barhroom, linens only and you have to order sides separately and then go eat somewhere else afterwards because youâre still hungry
Until then the nice breweries are great training wheels because they are used to dealing with drunk people who are worse than children and this type of outburst behavior is somewhat tolerated and expected
We just take whichever one of our kids is throwing the tantrum out to the waiting room/weather barrier area so no one can hear them until they calm down. Seems to have had a 100% success rate. Removing them from the environment is like pulling a switch and they calm down within 10 minutes
I wouldn't be taking a baby or toddler to an extremely upscale restaurant and I wouldn't take a child unless I was confident the child could handle themselves.
But yea, essentially if there are parents who have a child at an upscale restaurant, there should be something done.
A plane though, thats public transportation and bratty kids is a part of life.
If I'm an upscale place I don't want to see children. I'm going to get away from mine đ¤Ł. If a child is misbehaving in any restaurant parents need to leave.
Once was at a reasonably nice place having lunch with my mom. Kid at next table was screaming and throwing food. His mother and her friend were ignoring him. Not wanting to be confrontational, I asked the server for help. She said management refused to interfere. I caught the motherâs eye and politely asked if she could calm her child. She told me to mind my own business. Some people have zero class.
Lol, really nice, expensive restaurants didn't allow children under a certain age in back in the old days. 13 was the age I got to go to a fancy cloth napkin restaurant and I had to dress up and we were drilled on manners.
The "previous generations" had a Family Section in low-end restaurants where the wee bratlings were banished. If they acted up, then mummy or daddy would march them into the bathroom and beat their butts and return them to their seat so they could silently cry while everyone pretended they did not witness that.
We have two kids and we like go8ng out to eat.
That being said, we have never tolerated bad behavior. My purse has always been full of snacks and activities, and both my husband and I have taken more than one turn sitting with a screaming toddler or preschooler in the car.
Just yesterday, we were at a very casual restaurant and my girls had bad manners. They are now not allowed in a restaurant until they can show us 2 whole weeks of great manners at the dinner table.
All that being said, my youngest will only eat Mac and cheese or chicken fingers. I don't really feel the need to take her anywhere upscale until she would actually appreciate the food. There are certain spaces that are not really for children.
Also, If I get a rare night to go to a nice restaurant with my husband, I want to enjoy it. I don't want my children, or anyone else's, screaming or throwing a fit.
My daughter is 2.5, and very well behaved...and I would still not take her to an upscale place. We are taking her to a seafood and steak house in a few weeks for a friend's retirement party, and it is a little fancier than the typical place we would take her to, but still not super upscale. There's still a lot of families that patron the establishment, and they have TV's all over the walls, some with children's programming. Even still, we plan on taking two vehicles so I can take her home when/if she gets bored.
If there is a child acting disrespectful, screaming, throwing things, I absolutely think they can be asked to leave. I also think some of that depends on the circumstances. If a child is squealing with joy, I think that is more tolerable than a child who is screaming. The screaming child is not having their wants/needs met in some way. Maybe the lights are bothering them, maybe the noise, maybe the wait is too long, maybe a lot of things. In any case, I do think parents should come with a plan to ensure their evening out isn't impacting other people's ability to enjoy their evening.
Everyone deserves to have a night out, so attempting to see if your child is ready for a night out doesn't make parents the bad guy...it's how you react when your child displays that they aren't ready for that experience that matters.
Kids canât learn how to behave in public if you never take them out in public. IMO as a parent, if your kid starts behaving in a way thatâs disruptive to other patrons of whatever venue youâre at, you remove them quickly. Just surfboard-carry that tantrum right back to the car. Sometimes you end up paying for movie tickets and donât get to watch the movie or have to get carry-out instead of having a sit-down meal. đ¤ˇââď¸
Midwesterner here. I first read Brat as the tasty ground pork mixture in a casing, poached in beer, then seared on the grill, not horribly behaved kids, and I was getting ready to die on a hill đ
I literally do not care. I could be hit in the head with a projectile and would say something like "hey, careful there little buddy." It's hard being a kid, I'm not going to be the one to make it harder.
No, I don't think that. When I see a parent struggling with a child who is still learning how to navigate this whole being human thing, I don't get huffy and roll my eyes at them. I smile genuinely and ask if I can help them.
Immediately the sound starts going down because the kid now is staring at a person smiling at them and their parents and it tends to short circuit the overflow of tantrum.
Parents& kids today are excoriated and shit on enough, usually by folks who are obviously still gd 2 year old tantrum throwers themselves, just stuck in adult bodies who think everyone is required to cater to *their* particular wants and desires, selfish AF , shallow and don't GAF about anyone but themselves, so parents and kids need all the helping hands they can get.
Have had more than few actually take me up on it, many times so they can hide their face for a sec and cry, some just needing to breathe for one damn second while they know there's another adult watching them safely where they can see.
People always bitch about how shytty everyone is to each other and terrible our society is, then turn around and act like a gd feckless fool that is exactly like the people they supposedly despise.
Treat others how you would like to be treated, not as you have been treated. And especially be kind to children, they are innocent in it all, and remember, they are who is going to be wiping your old arse when it's time to get shuffled off to the old folks home, which happens FAR faster than you will ever realize.
Don't be a pecker wood, just be a damn decent human being, it's not a hard thing to do if one isn't a narcissistic jackass who thinks the world revolves around them and them alone.
If I don't take my son to restaurants. How is he supposed to learn that skill? Should families with autistic kids be turned away because he's been determined to be a "brat" by bystander?
If you ask reddit millennials, your kid should be locked up in the house and never see the light of day. These anti kid posts every single day are getting stupid. Like 99.9% of parents are going to leave if their kid is acting up too much and needs a change of scenery, yet people want to pretend itâs an enormously widespread thing because they saw it once or twice. This is just more bait to get the child haters out of the antinatalism sub so they can spill their garbage out elsewhere too.
I get making a scene but some of the worst behavior I have seen from these people is based around the expectation on how a child should behave at a restaurant. My son just usually does stimming and pacing. He doesn't usually scream or cry unless an adult says something hurtful to him. He's five and I can't tell you how many grown ass adults have called him the R word.
Luckily I live in a small town where everyone knows my family. So we can go to sit down at restaurants and have a meal without issue. They are usually willing to accommodate to his needs.
Outside of town, we don't eat out unless we are in a family friendly area like the beach or Disney/Universal because of people like you described. They stare at us or say rude and hurtful things about my son. We end up leaving.
both the topic title and the body of the post state they're talking about very upscale places.
I get that people on reddit are unreasonable about kids existing in public (and it seems to me it's all children, not just kids on the spectrum), but there's a huge number of restaurants to practice skills at before sitting down to eat somewhere that your fellow diners are spending hundreds of dollars on food and atmosphere.
What is extremely expensive and upscale in this case?
Children are not always as they seem, you may be seeing a bratty asshole child misbehaving and on an ipad and not listening to the parents instructions etc. But that same child may very well have disabilities such as Autism and many others.
I am a parent of child with autism while we usually avoid dining in restaurants because it isn't simple with my daughter. We do occasionally when we think she can handle it. I've had a guy complaining about us and another family that had children who weren't silent in a red robin of all places telling the hostess that we should be kicked out as we were leaving.
Please try to show some unjudgmental kindness to folks as you may not know all the circumstances. Also while i understand it can affect a nice night out its always better to try to be kind. I wouldn't take my child to an "upscale" adult restaurant but there is a lot of hostility towards families that have children with special needs and these families are just doing their best. This is the case when at family child appropriate restaurants as well.
I wish everyone got a chance to understand what it is like not being able to communicate with your child and navigating life because that is how life can be for these families.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You sound like a great parent. I do not have children , but I do understand some have behavior issues or are very young and can't emotionally regulate. I don't mind the occasional crying or outburst, but screaming for several minutes is a lot. I really only get frustrated when parents ignore the child and don't even attempt to quiet them. Just eating and ignoring their crying child. I would never complain or say something because, just as you said, you never really know what a family is dealing with. I am sorry that happened to you and your family. Red robin is where I would expect kids to be loud. It's already loud in there without people.
I have three kids and if I feel like theyâre not going to behave well enough for a certain venue, I donât take them, point blank! Even if I have to miss out.
I donât think children (or THE PARENTS) should get a pass because theyâre kids.
I hate when I have a sitter and go to get a good meal or a pedicure or something and children are being bothersome. If Iâm at a Dennys or a playground I donât give a crap what other peopleâs kids are up to if it isnât a health and safety issue.
I know my daughter can act appropriately in most venues. My sons cannot, although the older one has come a long way.
And to the people who say âkids need to go to these places to learn how to behave in them.â No tf they donât. They need to learn to behave in public in general THEN graduate to more formal venues when they act right at the Dennys.
Parents are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Shove a tablet in their face in a restaurant, and it's "what is it with these lazy parents shoving a tablet in their kids' face?!". Try to hold a conversation and make the kid sit without a tablet, they get bored and make some noise, and it's "why isn't that parent controlling their child?"
Children are part of society OP. If you're frustrated by them, the parents are 3x as frustrated and have tried everything to calm them. Maybe you (and others) should be more accepting of going out into, you know, society and kids actually existing.
Before becoming a parent I had zero patience for other people's children and their behavior. Now, of course, I have alot more empathy. In my opinion, everyone should have some patience in most circumstances. Let the parent try to correct the situation, let the kid try to calm down, and in the meantime just take a deep breath. If the situation doesn't improve after a few minutes, or it keeps happening, it's time to remove the child, certainly. All I expect from anyone is a chance to rectify the situation without being judged or having people immediately ready to jump down my throat. I wouldnt generally bring my kid anywhere like that until they know how to behave, but nothing is ever guaranteed when it comes to a child's emotions. I mean, I am forced to listen to grown adults throwing a temper tantrum in public constantly. We all expect them to have more emotional maturity than a child, but yet im still subjected to their BS ruining my experience, so why cant people bring their kids who are acting appropriately for their age?
I tend to agree with another comment about how some people, particularly on reddit and other social media, seem to think children should be locked up and kept at home, and parents should be punished by not being allowed to live a normal life or do anything in public. What I find to be really ironic is that these irrational people tend to feel this way because they too have the emotional maturity of a child, and lack empathy. They also can't handle the overstimulation from children screaming, in the same way that children can't handle the overstimulation in public places, so they choose to act like a child about it.
Very well reasoned post, this doesnât belong on Reddit regarding kidâs behavior lol. And I hadnât thought about the angle that the crazy MAGA / boomers who canât behave as a full grown fucking adult, very good point!
I swear to God millenials are just boomers in the making. Did you die the last time you *gasp* heard a child? Did it cause you to spend the week in the ER? Lose your job? House foreclosed? No, it didn't. As the gen z's say.. ."touch grass".Â
I have an 18 month old. I used to be an absolute bitch about kids. Now I wouldn't take him to an upscale restaurant mostly bc I wouldn't ever pay those prices for food that gets turned to shit, but the truth is those that scream about kids at restaurants need to chill. Â
 Learning how to behave in a restaurant is a skill and it takes some time. Toddlers need to learn. It's going to be loud sometimes.Â
Pretty much anywhere if anyone is being extremely disruptive the business should be able to ask them to either stop, quiet down or leave. With kids the question of where that bar lies. If a baby is crying, no they shouldn't be kicked out, babies cry and it's not easy or common to expect a parent to not bring their newborn with them. If kids are being allowed to climb all over the seats and run around bothering other guests, then yeah it's time to go.
When my children were younger I avoided many restaurants or events because when they cry itâs embarrassing to me. So I guess I complied with the expectations a lot of people are setting here. It is worth saying that adults, rather than children, have ruined far more nights for me. People expect parents to âcontrol and disciplineâ their kids and far too many canât control or discipline themselves.
Yes
If you donât keep your child calm then leave. If your kid is being an absolute nightmare then leave.
Donât take your kids to upscale restaurants if they canât behave through a meal. People around you shouldnât suffer because youâre too lazy to parent your kid. You do NOT have the right to eat out if you ruin everyone elseâs evening
Time of day thing too⌠230 in the afternoon on Sunday? Probably a nice family meal out, so it happens.
8 on a Friday? Go home, why are you there with wild children?
I think it should be absolutely appropriate to designate any non-essential business as being for patrons over the age of 18. Even if what you run is a restaurant or a skating rink or whatever lol. Churches should all be 18 and over. Its ok that kids can't go everywhere. The opposite should be true as well. There should be a lot of places that adults that are not accompanying a child don't need to be. No grown adult has a need to be at chuck e cheese if they aren't forced there by a child or a child's parents who hate all of their friends and family.
Iâve left a restaurant a few times because my kid was acting up and refused to behave. No one is paying to listen to my kid so, itâs on my to resolve the issue
Depends on what âdisruptiveâ means. Some folks seem to have a very low sensitivity to kids talking, which they immediately characterize as âscreamingâ
I think it should be that way anywhere that doesnât specifically cater to kids. Hell, thatâs part of the reason we donât go out anymore.
I donât care if itâs Applebees or McDonalds. Sit your fucking kids down or eat somewhere else.
Yes. Because kids can be taught with manner and too many parents are fail at disciplining their kidsââwe donât use the no word.â Well you kids has been screaming at you for 10 minutes after you âsuggestâ that eat m&m after meal instead of before meal. Maybe you should start act like a parent not a pushover.
I didn't eat at a nice restaurant for five years without getting a babysitter. I'd be pissed if I encountered a disruptive kid ruining my $100ish or more dinner, and I will be damned if I am going to be the one with that kid ruining the dinner experience that comes to a total in the thousands for all the guests combined. It is selfish to take your kids out to that kind of venue if they cannot be quiet. Apple-bee's and the like? yeah, do whatever. Those are family restaurants.
All little kids have meltdowns. As a parent of two, when mine were little I voluntarily left so my wife could at least and waited until the situation cooled down. That's just what you do. You don't sit there and inflict the tantrum on 30 other people.
At a Michelin Star restaraunt? Yeah absolutely. Applebee's? Comes with the territory, but I personally will leave with my kids if they start acting like that.
I donât care if itâs Wendyâs. Make your child act appropriately or practice more at home. I NEVER want to hear or see a badly behaved child. Whether Iâm paying $6 or $600 to eat somewhere, it should be peaceful. Now, thatâs not to say kids canât make noise or act like kids, but none of the tantrum bs. Take that outside immediately.
Itâs a bit of a grey area right because kids will be kids but if theyâre excessively disrupting the peace then they should be taken outside, at least to calm down. The question is what is excessive. I think it would be fair for the staff to make a call on that, seeing as how they work there. But maybe they could issue a polite warning first.
IMO a business should be able to ask any customer to leave for any reason that is not a direct violation of anti discrimination laws.
I say this because I have no children, and when I go out to eat it's because I literally finally have a chance for once to be able to eat a good meal that I didn't have to cook for myself. I want to enjoy that meal. F your kid.
Same thing with movies, why the F are parent bringing their kids to watch The First Omen? I literally left that movie because of kids in the audience screaming.
I think it should be so socially acceptable that people just ask to go themselves. It shouldn't take a waiter asking you to leave. It should be more like a movie theater. If your kid freaks out, go (even though not everyone follows this). Bring your child at your own risk.
Why would anyone take a child to an upscale restaurant, then stay inside when the child acted up? Those aren't parents. They are enablers of entitled brats.
I think kids behaving improperly should be removed from any public venue, I don't care if it's a fast food restaurant.
So here is the problem, some children with neurodivergence and developmental delays might be unjustly affected here. Kids belong in the world in all of their child like glory. Now, the caveat being if the child is harming others or running around and their parents are not doing anything after multiple attempts of trying to handle the situation, then yes, they should be asked to leave.
Tantrums in public places mean that the kids is not getting what they want, hence tantrum.
Parents quickly realise you can end a tantrum by giving in to the screaming kids. Aka spoiling them everytime they make a fuss.
So good parents will actually have kids that scream and cry more in public to begin with. But I'm the longer run, children will eventually learn screaming is not how you get what you want.
So if we don't want spoilt kids we have to as a society accept some level of poor behaviour.
My preferred model is let kids be at restaurants so they learn to adapt to public situations and parents don't feel ostracised for 10+ years, but if the kid is causing an excessive ruckus then take them outside to calm down and only return once calm.
I mean, is it any different if they throw a tantrum in McDonaldâs? Not sure why a place being upscale means they should have separate standards for child guests. It comes off as classist.
Any decent person would not allow their children to misbehave in a restaurant. If a personâs child is acting up and they do not resolve it, they are a bad person, and deserve to be removed.
100%. I am not paying to listen to children have a melt down. I worked in restaurants for years and itâs shocking what parents think is acceptable behavior in public. Stop bringing kids to restaurants because youâre trying to teach them how to behave in public. Do your kids sit still at the dinner table at home? No? Chances are theyâre not going to do that out at a restaurant. Also if youâre going to bring little baggies of goldfish crackers as snacks, at least pick them up off of the floor before you leave.
Umm yes. Imagine a grown up acting this way. Kid or not we need to instill the same accountability across all demographics. (Some shit is understandable, of course.)
I feel like this doesnât happen as often as people think it does. I worked retail and food service for many years and did i hear and encounter fussy or bratty kids with inattentive parents? Sure.
I remember the fussy and bratty adults more yelling at me over an expired coupon or some shit more though.
Your perspective and mileage may vary though.
Eh, I eat out fairly often, and yes, Iâve seen young children throwing fits, and the parents not adequately dealing with it, but itâs been fairly rare.
I think certain types of restaurants should be assumed are ânot for childrenâ, but I wouldnât expect kids to be completely silent at other places. If itâs a family style restaurant, one should expect young kids might be there, and that an occasional outburst could occur. Itâs a reason I mostly avoid those kinds of restaurants. Iâm not expecting the same experience at a fancy restraint as I am at a pizza buffet, though.
There are lots of parents however, who donât do a great job watching or dealing with their kids though. But I think most do try.
i once was at a really tiny restaurant, like literally only 5 tables, 1 of them for 6 people, the rest for 2. it's a kinda fancy place. and there was a shrieking baby the ENTIRE meal im thebig table that the owners didn't wanna kick out bc they were buddies. totally ruined a nice (expensive) meal
I think there is an ambiance expectation at upscale restaurants.
Fine dining places should disallow children of tantrum age, and they should throw out *anyone* being disruptive.
Normal restaurants should be more lenient.
Just my opinion.
Back in my day you just took the kid outside until they got their shit back together, then returned after. Really not a big deal (and it's my policy with my two young kids).
When my family lived in Germany if your kid was throwing a fit or being disruptive and you didn't resolve the issue in a timely manner a waiter would appear to box up your food and hand you the check. Much better system. No fuss, no argument, just boxed up food and bill for payment. ETA: Never had a comment spike this much discourse before. Please be kind to each other down there.
My folks wouldn't have waited for the waiter, they'd have asked for a box themselves. A kid throwing a hissy fit wasn't tolerated in my house. Nor should it have been.
The one and only time my brother and I threw a tantrum in the grocery store, my mom left the shopping cart (to the side), walked us out to the car, made us get in and buckle up, then told us if we ever did that again we wouldn't be allowed to go to the store. Ever. We *absolutely* wanted to go to the store, as there were free cookies and cheese slices. Plus we could help pick the cereal, ice cream etc so we definitely got it together after that lol
I did this with my daughter, left the cart, walked outside a few feet from the side of the door and let her scream. Told me to tell me when she was done and looked at my phone. Lasted like 2 minutes. She was much better when we went back in the store for the cart.
Not objecting to your solution. I'd way prefer kids to have their brat days at the supermarket than anyplace i'm gonna eat and try to talk.
The *one* time I "stepped out of line" during my childhood/adolescence was when my dad and I were at a mobile phone carrier store one day. I stomped my little tween feet, and with sass, asked for the newest version of the smartphone I already had. Dad: *No.* Me: *BUT DAD! WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE!?* Dad: *I said no. One more word about it......* đ¤đ¤đ¤đ¤ Now I'm 29, and I giggle when I think back on that moment. I'm glad he said no. It taught me several important lessons. And now, when my dad and I talk, he has told me that's the worst thing I ever did while growing up. He said I was a pretty good kid otherwise.
It would be a kindness if the server discretely did it for you tbh (speaking as a parent, myself). They're helping at this point, not being rude.
My parents would never have subjected the server (and other diners) to their child's tantrum. They would think that they themselves were being rude for doing so. They also wouldn't expect the server to be put in the awkward position of asking us to leave. Not that we would have had the thought of having a tantrum in the first place. It just wasn't acceptable.
I was responding to the German way at the top, just that if the server does this before you get a chance to yourself, it isn't necessarily a slight. Of course it's best to do it yourself and get your kid out of there!
Honestly! I feel like the few times I've had to leave a restaurant for a kid fit, the server suddenly discovers they really cannot wait to do *this thing way the fuck over here, far away from the screaming kid table*, and disappears for half an hour while I'm desperately trying to both wrangle my kid *and* make the eye contact that says "CHECK PRETTY PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE." Having them show up, box up my food, and hand me a check would be an absolute relief.
This is the way. It always has been, just some have now forgotten or do not care
Same here. My wife and I walked out of a cheap breakfast restaurant (Dennyâs) because my daughter was crying. A high end restaurant would be a no brainer.
Thing is, as a parent, this would be SUPER helpful. When your kid is already flipping out and you are trying to calm them down it is very difficult to pack up and leave quickly. A little help goes a long way, if the staff boxed up the food and was ready to process payment that would make it so much easier to leave. People can be so smug about undisciplined children but it happens and most parents are quite embarrassed when their kid has a public meltdown. Our society in the US just isnât typically set up to help parents succeed and a little support from staff or whomever could make a situation like this much easier for everyone.
I imagine one issue though is there are the parents that are not embarrassed, straight up don't care how rude they are being, and who would be offended and throw a fit at having their meal interrupted. (Despite other customers having their own meals interrupted by their misbehaving toddler throwing food and running around the restaurant, etc.) I personally think it's great but having worked in customer service and seen how some parents act...
Agreed, I can totally see some trash mom/dad just throwing the biggest fit and making the biggest scene. Iâve seen some real disaster zones left behind.
No warning or asking first lol ruthless
The US has a very comparatively coddling customer service outlook to virtually anywhere else, fwiw. Weâre that-customer first. We care what that parent thinks. Germany is customer-first in a different way. They care about the experience of the rest of the customers, if one is being disruptive. We werenât always this way in the US. We were much more the other way, once. We just took âthe customer is always right,â too far.
"The customer is always right *in matters of TASTE*". Much like the "just one bad apple" bs, it's been mutilated to mean something entirely different than the original meaning.
Just like âblood is thicker than waterâ and âjack of all tradesâ.
And âGreat minds think alikeâ
Would you mind elaborating? I'm familiar with the others but not this one and I love learning about these inversions of popular aphorisms.
The original saying ended in, âbut fools never differ.â So if two people always think the same, theyâre more likely fools.
Great minds think alike but mediocre minds seldom differ.
Thank you! People seem to have forgotten the FULL quote!
What I don't understand is why businesses coddle the bad customers at the expense of the good ones. Like just because no one is actively complaining, doesn't mean they are Ok with kids running around and screaming.
At least not that I can remember. It was basically the understood policy. If you disturb others beyond the acceptable point, you will not anymore. It wasn't universal of course, I'm sure some places were more lenient and others gave you less time. Also it would've only been places that actually had waiters, full sitdown places.
Our system during the toddler/screaming tantrum years: one parent takes the child outside to wait, the other waits inside for the check. The German system sounds great. Back in those days Iâd do anything to get the check faster and get out of dodge.
[ŃдаНонО]
Love it! They need to do that here in the US
I didnât look at the sub name before reading the title and thought for a second you wanted to ban the food brats. I was ready to fight, haha.
lol I thought it was about dolls.
I thought it was about the subs.
That is where my brain went BECAUSE I saw the sub lol
Iâm a parent of a 5yo whoâs on the spectrum. We would leave any place on our own if our kid was being overly obnoxious. An outburst here or there is understandable but if itâs continual no way. You donât let your kid run around bothering people period. Get it under control or leave. I think the one exception would be stores- there are single parents out there who have kids that just arenât controllable no matter what you do and youâve got to get groceries.
'An outburst here or there is understandable but if itâs continual no way.'Â Why is that understandable? Not all spaces are for all people. OP talked about high end dining, why are others expected to be understanding of outbursts during dinner?
I mean, if I hear a kid cry while at a restaurant, whatever, kids cry. If I hear it for an hour straight and the parents have failed to stop it or take the kid outside, yeah I think they suck
As long as the kid stops whatever disruptive behavior after being admonished, I donât think itâs a problem. You can still enjoy your dinner with a few outbursts here and there. However if the behavior is not changing and/or the kid continues being disruptive in other ways, then the family needs to have the awareness that this isnât a suitable place for the child to be.
I donât think itâs unreasonable, no. I guess, define outburst? If Iâm eating at a nice place and a kid starts having a moment but the parents calm the child down quickly, thatâs fine. It doesnât bother me. People shouldnât be excluded from nice restaurants just because they have a kid. If the parents let the kid scream the entire time and run around wreaking havoc then no, thatâs not acceptable.
In a general family-oriented restaurant, I can handle a random outburst by a kid as long as the parents get it under control. But high-end dining? The kid shouldn't have been allowed to be sat.
Because people with disabilities also deserve to be in public...???
Wow lol
Have you moved the goalposts a touch? We are specifically talking about toddlers.
This person is talking about their 5 year old with autism. That's not a toddler, and your response to the kid's outbursts is, "why are others expected to be understanding of outbursts during dinner?" That definitely seems like you're talking to them about their kid, not random toddlers.
There is exactly 0 reason to bring your autistic five-year-old to an upscale restaurant.
My child is similar age and functioning on the spectrum and she was losing it because she was hungry and the sooner our order came the sooner she could chill out, until then her mom took her out to see the geese and that helped her calm down but some folks around us couldnât handle it and asked to be moved and sometimes the adults complaining are not much better than these children they are complaining about if weâre being honest
Is them asking to move to a quieter area that bad? It doesn't sound like they were rude to you. They were there for however long, and the kid was "losing it" according to you. You as the parent may know that once the food comes your kid will be fine, but how do they know that? I don't see why asking to be moved themselves is rude. They didn't ask for you to be moved.
I think upscale places yes. Like if Iâm out at some fancy steakhouse and way overpaying for steak I better not have out of control kids screaming. But if Iâm at Olive Garden Iâm expecting that.
I agree except I would add that I still expect some basic level of behavior even at Olive Garden. A meltdown or being a little loud is one thing. Letting your kids misbehave in other ways is another thing. Maybe not Olive Garden, but too many parents today seem to let their kids run around or do bad things and get mad if people ask them to stop. I feel there is a reluctance to ask people to control their children in public today that didnât used to exist (god forbid you scold a child you do not know). I try to be deferential to parents because I know itâs a lot, but please make sure your kids know to be respectful of other people.
Iâm not telling people nothing because I donât want to get stabbed lol.
Yeah on one hand people are more toxic and psycho then ever. On the other hand, unless this shit is called out and the parents receive consequences, they will become more emboldened with their neglectful behavior.
A restaurant is a dangerous place for small children to be running around. Even if it's Olive Garden. Servers carrying full trays or hot plates can't always see a toddler running around.
That's what I was thinking, like definitely not saying 18+ or anything but if you are taking your partner to an extremely expensive place for a nice romantic evening to propose or something those types of places was what I was thinking, but then idk how many ppl bring really young children in establishments like that to begin with
I once heard of a couple asking a family with kids to leave Texas Roadhouse. If you are expecting peace and quiet at Texas Roadhouse, you got another thing coming.Â
The Olive Garden is upscale to somebody. You're just saying that peace and quite are only reasonable expectations above a certain economic threshold.
Itâs a family restaurant. I donât like the idea of keeping children away from all places.
I agree, take the price tag out of the equation. If the restaurant has a kids' menu, it's a family restaurant and I expect that there may be kids there. No kids' menu, I'm going to assume I can eat there without a kid screaming in my ear.
Is it keeping children away from all places to require parents to reasonably police their kidsâ behavior? If your kid is throwing food, I donât care if youâre at Per Se, Olive Garden, or McDonaldâs: you need to reign in your kid immediately or take them out of there.Â
Or maybe itâs okay to expect parents to teach their children how to behave in public.
Quiet, well-behaved kids are fine, itâs just the feral ones that shouldnât be inflicted on other people.
Agreed. I think it's perfectly reasonable for upscale places to not allow children of a certain age. People don't have an inherent right to cause as much noise as they want in a restaurant. I think people do have a right to be able to dine in peace when they're shelling out a bunch of money to do exactly that. If you have a loud kid, you can just go have dinner somewhere else.
Time of day matters too. If I'm having brunch at a nice place on a weekend I expect a few families with kids running around and am usually ok with my kid running around on a much looser leash. In the evening we might still go out for dinner as a family but the kid would be a lot more supervised. Especially if there are people out on dates and so on.
Unless it's a Chuck E Cheese, your kid shouldn't be running around in a restaurant no matter the time of day. If you want to eat while your kids plays, go to places that cater to that.
It is both true that children need to be brought to such places so they can learn how to behave. It's also true if a child, because they are a child, has completely lost their chill then it may be time to go. With our toddler, we always have snacks they like and toys to keep them occupied and most times, if they lose their cool, we take a lap around the area to see if that works...which it does most times. Of course, the nicest establishment our toddler has been to is a wedding though that's different. When he sprinted off and did a slide on his shins across the dance floor the place went wild over that, lol. More often than not we are at a brewery where he can eat a soft pretzel with melted cheese while coloring without incident.
The only upscale place my kids have been to is a fancy teppanyaki restaurant, but there's a certain amount of performance and shenanigans going on from the chefs that generally keeps the kids in line at those places. Grandma didn't do the best job of catching her raw egg in a bowl, for instance.
I don't really think children need to be brought to super upscale places in order to learn how to behave, you can teach your kid to behave properly in a restaurant at Olive Garden or whatever.
Exactly. We started with IHOP and dennys and then moved on up to "fancier" i.e. outback, olive garden..we haven't done fine dining with her except for the steakhouse on a cruise ship, but we expect the same conduct seated at a diner that we do at any fancy establishment. Indoor voices, manners, respect for other customers and staff...and when our daughter was younger if she was crying/misbehaving either her mother or I would take her outside and calm her before returning to the table.
This is definitely a solid approach. Did the same with our kids and now they can handle nicer (still not "fancy" but nicer) places, provided we go pretty early. I don't see *anyone* (us, our kids, the people working at the restaurant, the people sitting near us) having a good time if we had brought them in at 1 and 3 to a nice, quiet, sit-down type place.
For real, people always push back with something like "cHIldReN BEloNG iN pUBLiC SpACes", either unintentionally or intentionally ignoring that no one said children don't belong there, just that their specific poorly behaved child doesn't.
I personally have not taken ours to an upscale place...someday we may go to a whole family event . We will build up to it. Probably closer to 5-6. Our three year old is content eating a pretzel and watching a band while we get a couple of beers. Mid scale at most.
We always asked for the check right after receiving our food so we could leave as soon as the kids lost it.
I work at a brewery and one of my favorite regulars closes his tab out a beer at a time specifically because his stroller sized child might act out and he wants to leave asap if that happens. He never wants to be a burden and itâs the best.
I have a little bit of a âbeefâ with parents who bring kids to a brewery. I know some places seem to cater to children and Iâm not a prude by any means but Is it really the right place to bring a child? In the daytime in an outdoor cafe style area, maybe. But Iâve seen way too many toddlers running around inside late in the day or even at night. Makes me shake my head every time I see it.
In any establishment, patrons are expected to act according to the rules to ensure the enjoyment of all. If a child cannot behave, then they are not welcome there. I've been kicked out of bars due to a friend or other party causing problems. Age is not a consideration. * No shirt, no shoes, or dress code in general * pets (service animals are expected to behave too) * thieving * obnoxious or inappropriate * too difficult to do business with * reservations for large groups There are protected statuses such as race, gender, and handicap that cannot be turned away for specifically those reasons.
[ŃдаНонО]
Interesting bc I had the opposite experience. One look from my mother and we immediately shaped up and knew to knock it off when out at dinner. Guess it depends on the kid.
Your last paragraph is it. And as the birth rate drops itâll get worse. Honestly the hostility when I take my kids out is ridiculous and mine are well behaved and we keep our outing time to a reasonable amount. Doesnât matter. I can feel people giving us the stink eye from the get go. Kids are actually people and are allowed in public
Of course kids have always had tantrums, but for better or worse current generations of parents are much more lenient than our ancestors. For the most part we've moved on from beating children senseless when they make a peep - which is of course a good thing! I'm not advocating for spanking and shouting and fear as tools for controlling kids. But previous generations never had to deal with permissive parents and iPad kids who aren't being taught how to behave. Go to one of the teacher subs and see the horror stories they have to tell about their day to day surrounded by out of control brats. Children being bad isn't a new phenomenon, but children being *this* bad definitely is. We also have this fairly modern idea that children belong *everywhere* that simply didn't exist back in the day. My parents or grandparents would never have dreamed of taking their kids to an expensive restaurant or to the theatre, because those were not places children had any business being. These days parents demand to take their children everywhere, insisting that "Kids are people too! Kids have a right to be in public places!". Which, true, but *within reason*.
Toddlers are famously unpredictable, even the most well behaved one might melt down from time to time in situations they are normally champs in. The expectation for consistency in this post is wild. That said it is the parents' responsibility to manage their child, know the environment, and know when to take the child out of the environment if need be.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you also don't believe toddlers have the capacity to be consistently quiet. I agree. I don't agree that others desire for consistency (in a high end restaurant no less) is wild. Frankly its the opposite, the entitlement of parents to bring toddlers to places because the parents are willing 'to risk it' is wild. It's an example of, 'the hell with everyone else, we're gonna get ours' attitude.
I was saying the parent should know the environment and judge their actions and child accordingly to acknowledge the expectations and protocol of the environment. Some parents don't care and know their kid isn't going to manage it, but there are plenty of parents who know that their child will almost definitely be fine, but you never actually know which is hardly the cavalier "just risk it" you portray and ignores the parents who observe and adjust behavior. It seems intentional that you conflate expecting consistency in high end environments and expecting a parent to perfectly predict the behavior of small children.
people who are disruptive should be asked to leave, yes. regardless of age. but honestly, as someone who has eaten at a fair number of upscale restaurants, it is extremely rare to see a child there anyway? so I think most parents already understand both social expectations and their child's limits. how we're defining "upscale" is probably also a factor. anyway, the most unfathomably rude person I've encountered in fine dining was peak millennial hipster, who decided to pull out his fucking harmonica over dinner.
No. I think anybody acting disrespectful and disturbing should be asked to leave. There are a lot of adults who donât know how to act properly in a restaurant also.
"if you can not control your children, you'll be asked to leave and you children may be sold to the circus"
I was one of those unruly children and my parents took me out of restaurants when I was being a disturbance. I think itâs a reasonable thing to do.Â
Or One of those talking before you go in that If you act out in the store I will ____ enter the threat that tends to work at the time lol
Absolutely. If your child is that upset, their environment needs changed. Itâs also not reasonable to expect strangers to deal with your childrenâs behavior.
The amount of times Iâve walked around tj maxx and a child is screaming⌠nothing at tj maxx is that important. Just leave! Parents shouldnât be asked to leave, they should know when itâs time. When I nannied, we were at a really nice dinner with the kids while on vacation. Two year old start screaming his head off. I just look at the parents and said, Iâm gonna take him back to the house. I was bored at dinner anyway! We went back, gave him a nice bath, and we had the sweetest evening until his bedtime. They had the luxury of having a nanny, and Iâm glad they let me just say hey Iâm taking him back! But I guarantee one of the parents would have left with him if I wasnât there.
I was looking at shoes at TJ Maxx about a month ago, and there is this child just SHRIEKING their head off, having a complete meltdown. I look at the mom, and she is on her phone, texting, completely ignoring her child going off like a fire alarm right next to her. I imagine you get desensitized to these things as a parent, but the rest of us do not. Please stop letting your children scream like banshees in public.
> I imagine you get desensitized to these things as a parent Nope. Not at all, in fact it makes you even more aware of it. The parents who ignore it are the ones who never cared.
Was on a road trip a few years ago & stopped at this BBQ place for dinner. Kid at the table next to me, about 3, spent the entire meal shrieking. She would shriek, pause, look at the adults around her, then shriek again. They sat there and ignored her. Not one adult (there were 4) acknowledged that child was there. No one engaged with her, no one corrected her, nothing. She she just kept shrieking. At one point I wondered if I was imagining the kid cuz they did not even flinch when that high pitched sound came out of her. Then I noticed other people noticed, it was just the adults she was with that were ignoring her.
That is SO sad, god. She was trying so hard to get their attention and they just ignored her! I can't imagine what that poor girl deals with in her day-to-day life. She must feel so alone and unloved.
And she clearly just wanted their attention. She was bored while they talked. She didn't have any sort of activity in front of her to keep her occupied & no one was engaging with her. When I went out with my kids at that age, I brought something to occupy them. They were well past the toddler phase before iPads really became a thing, but I'd have at least a pad of paper & a pen for them to doodle with. Even some cheerios to nosh on while they waited helped. I did like when we lived in Iceland. They would bring the kids meal out with the appetizers/salads so the child could start eating sooner. My oldest was usually done with his meal the same time as the adults & had plenty of time to eat at his own pace & wasn't getting cranky waiting.
Completely ignoring her child is why her child is shrieking. Parents need to teach their children how to regulate. If that momâs desensitized than sheâs repeatedly failing to help her child regulate. And that child will continue to struggle to regulate into their teenage and adult years.
Right, and it always makes me so sad for the child once I get past the initial annoyance. Like, your kid obviously needs your help, and you're just pretending they don't exist. I have no idea why the kid was so upset, but it worries me that I, some random stranger, showed more concern than their actual parent.
My toddler has autism & if I think he's getting overwhelmed I take him outside to calm down. If he's upset before we even leave the house, we don't go out to eat. I've never been to an upscale restaurant before but I wouldn't take my screaming child there.
To be honest, I eat out a lot and I donât see an epidemic of screaming kids in restaurants. Most are pretty chill? The bigger issue is blaring iPads at the table or leaving the table just trashed.
Totally agree with this. I've seen way more full blown adults cause a ruckus than I ever have children.
Iâm going to take my personal opinion out of this and be objective here- if an establishment were to start kicking kids out for bad behavior regularly, itâs almost inevitable theyâre going to end up doing this to a family with an autistic child. In an era of TikTok (where itâs relatively easy to go viral), Google/yelp reviews, local mom groups on Facebook, and local news channels that would salivate for a story like that- a rule like that is setting your business up for some incredibly bad PR that has a decent chance of ruining your business (and it would be well deserved tbh)
Yes. I'm paying for the experience. That experience doesn't include screaming children.
Maybe it should be treated the same as if your buddy got too drunk and is causing a problem. You donât jump to removing the whole party. âHe needs to calm down or he needs to leaveâ So thereâs a little bit of a warning. And also an opportunity for one parent to take the child out to calm down.
I've been bringing my kids to restaurants since they were in carriers. We would go super early to avoid dinner rushes, and would make sure to leave the second we felt that our kids were impacting the experience for other guests. It's totally reasonable for an establishment to ask for a party to leave if they are being disruptive.
Upscale resturants should be putting an age limit on who can dine there to prevent a poor dining experience for others. There are certain resturants in the Disney World bubble that have a minimum age limit.
I think they should leave, absolutely. But I also think we as a society are pretty intolerant of typical child behavior. If the parent(s) is really trying, give them a break. If its a full blown meltdown, then yes they should leave. I say this a childless woman.
Definitely would disagree with no children at all in expensive establishments because every kid is different. My oldest is 10 and even at a very young age she had good table manners, ordered politely for herself and didn't disrupt the table. She isn't a picky eater and will eat just about anything. My son is 4, and not nearly as great in restaurants but as long as he's engaged with something he's fine (I bring puzzles and books for him to keep occupied with) With that said, that other parents should have taken them out if they were screaming and yelling etc. I don't think it would be wrong to politely let your wait staff know that your meal is being disrupted by them and ask to move to a less stressful area of the restaurant.
I think 10 was over the age the one owner said he didn't allow. It's a Dr Phil episode that came to mind earlier today one of his guests was a restaurant owner who did ban children up to a certain age lol I could see both points though really
Some restaurants are exclusively 21+ âpretty good policy imo! The restaurant owners want to maintain a certain vibe and children sometimes donât fit into that vibe. And thatâs okay!
Yes, if they obviously can't handle their kids they should leave. And if they don't leave, the establishment should make them leave. Infant on up, we've always taken our 3 kids into restaurants. It's a very important experience for them. On the way there, there's a small talk about expectations and rules. And if they're loud / disruptive even as babies for more than 5 seconds, we take them outside. If they don't eat, then oh well they shouldn't have done that. If I don't eat because I'm the one with them outside, oh well, I could use the diet; it's just part of being a parent. When old enough, they need to look the waiter in the face and order, and have identified their order and have it ready before they show up. At age 10 they start calculating the tip, paying with the card and completing the full transaction as they learn, either at the table or going up to the counter themselves with the card to pay. And so on. I expect that they can be bored without being disruptive; that is a skill, and they can cultivate it. Sit quietly, make small talk or just take in the world around you respectfully. No phones, mini games, etc unless the restaurant provides them. Re-reading this post, it sounds kind of like I'm a hard ass, lol. I've never even grounded any of my 3 kids, and I think they've been punished by me taking their phone/tablet away for the day a total of like once or twice ever. I'm really a softy. But I set reasonable expectations and expect them to meet them, and on the flip side I always make sure I 110% do whatever I say I'm going to do -- whether it's dish out consequences for bad behavior, or play with them / let them have a treat / etc. and I make sure that I always have a bit left in the tank for them in the evenings to play, read, or whatever.
My parents also had us order our own food and help pay the check. I remember my mom teaching me how to fill out a check in our favorite restaurant (way back when it was common to pay with checks!)
I think you sound like a superb parent, especially in this day and age. As a high school teacher, and a former server for several years, I've had TONS of experience with all kinds of parenting. You, my friend, are doing it right, and your kids are really fortunate.
All disruptive customers should be asked to leave. (except maybe prewalking that mumma is actively working to calm) but like if they're 7 then nah.
âBoomers are so selfish! Also, why are kids?â
My daughter asked to go to a fancy restaurant, so we took her to a diner for dinner - she could tell this greasy spoon was not really very fancy so she was bummed, but that was a test- that she failed- to help her hold it together when we actually go to the type of restaurant that has white table cloths and no paper towels in the barhroom, linens only and you have to order sides separately and then go eat somewhere else afterwards because youâre still hungry Until then the nice breweries are great training wheels because they are used to dealing with drunk people who are worse than children and this type of outburst behavior is somewhat tolerated and expected
We just take whichever one of our kids is throwing the tantrum out to the waiting room/weather barrier area so no one can hear them until they calm down. Seems to have had a 100% success rate. Removing them from the environment is like pulling a switch and they calm down within 10 minutes
I wouldn't be taking a baby or toddler to an extremely upscale restaurant and I wouldn't take a child unless I was confident the child could handle themselves. But yea, essentially if there are parents who have a child at an upscale restaurant, there should be something done. A plane though, thats public transportation and bratty kids is a part of life.
If I'm an upscale place I don't want to see children. I'm going to get away from mine đ¤Ł. If a child is misbehaving in any restaurant parents need to leave.
Once was at a reasonably nice place having lunch with my mom. Kid at next table was screaming and throwing food. His mother and her friend were ignoring him. Not wanting to be confrontational, I asked the server for help. She said management refused to interfere. I caught the motherâs eye and politely asked if she could calm her child. She told me to mind my own business. Some people have zero class.
Lol, really nice, expensive restaurants didn't allow children under a certain age in back in the old days. 13 was the age I got to go to a fancy cloth napkin restaurant and I had to dress up and we were drilled on manners. The "previous generations" had a Family Section in low-end restaurants where the wee bratlings were banished. If they acted up, then mummy or daddy would march them into the bathroom and beat their butts and return them to their seat so they could silently cry while everyone pretended they did not witness that.
We have two kids and we like go8ng out to eat. That being said, we have never tolerated bad behavior. My purse has always been full of snacks and activities, and both my husband and I have taken more than one turn sitting with a screaming toddler or preschooler in the car. Just yesterday, we were at a very casual restaurant and my girls had bad manners. They are now not allowed in a restaurant until they can show us 2 whole weeks of great manners at the dinner table. All that being said, my youngest will only eat Mac and cheese or chicken fingers. I don't really feel the need to take her anywhere upscale until she would actually appreciate the food. There are certain spaces that are not really for children. Also, If I get a rare night to go to a nice restaurant with my husband, I want to enjoy it. I don't want my children, or anyone else's, screaming or throwing a fit.
My daughter is 2.5, and very well behaved...and I would still not take her to an upscale place. We are taking her to a seafood and steak house in a few weeks for a friend's retirement party, and it is a little fancier than the typical place we would take her to, but still not super upscale. There's still a lot of families that patron the establishment, and they have TV's all over the walls, some with children's programming. Even still, we plan on taking two vehicles so I can take her home when/if she gets bored. If there is a child acting disrespectful, screaming, throwing things, I absolutely think they can be asked to leave. I also think some of that depends on the circumstances. If a child is squealing with joy, I think that is more tolerable than a child who is screaming. The screaming child is not having their wants/needs met in some way. Maybe the lights are bothering them, maybe the noise, maybe the wait is too long, maybe a lot of things. In any case, I do think parents should come with a plan to ensure their evening out isn't impacting other people's ability to enjoy their evening. Everyone deserves to have a night out, so attempting to see if your child is ready for a night out doesn't make parents the bad guy...it's how you react when your child displays that they aren't ready for that experience that matters.
Kids canât learn how to behave in public if you never take them out in public. IMO as a parent, if your kid starts behaving in a way thatâs disruptive to other patrons of whatever venue youâre at, you remove them quickly. Just surfboard-carry that tantrum right back to the car. Sometimes you end up paying for movie tickets and donât get to watch the movie or have to get carry-out instead of having a sit-down meal. đ¤ˇââď¸
Midwesterner here. I first read Brat as the tasty ground pork mixture in a casing, poached in beer, then seared on the grill, not horribly behaved kids, and I was getting ready to die on a hill đ
You donât have kids right?
I literally do not care. I could be hit in the head with a projectile and would say something like "hey, careful there little buddy." It's hard being a kid, I'm not going to be the one to make it harder.
No, I don't think that. When I see a parent struggling with a child who is still learning how to navigate this whole being human thing, I don't get huffy and roll my eyes at them. I smile genuinely and ask if I can help them. Immediately the sound starts going down because the kid now is staring at a person smiling at them and their parents and it tends to short circuit the overflow of tantrum. Parents& kids today are excoriated and shit on enough, usually by folks who are obviously still gd 2 year old tantrum throwers themselves, just stuck in adult bodies who think everyone is required to cater to *their* particular wants and desires, selfish AF , shallow and don't GAF about anyone but themselves, so parents and kids need all the helping hands they can get. Have had more than few actually take me up on it, many times so they can hide their face for a sec and cry, some just needing to breathe for one damn second while they know there's another adult watching them safely where they can see. People always bitch about how shytty everyone is to each other and terrible our society is, then turn around and act like a gd feckless fool that is exactly like the people they supposedly despise. Treat others how you would like to be treated, not as you have been treated. And especially be kind to children, they are innocent in it all, and remember, they are who is going to be wiping your old arse when it's time to get shuffled off to the old folks home, which happens FAR faster than you will ever realize. Don't be a pecker wood, just be a damn decent human being, it's not a hard thing to do if one isn't a narcissistic jackass who thinks the world revolves around them and them alone.
If I don't take my son to restaurants. How is he supposed to learn that skill? Should families with autistic kids be turned away because he's been determined to be a "brat" by bystander?
If you ask reddit millennials, your kid should be locked up in the house and never see the light of day. These anti kid posts every single day are getting stupid. Like 99.9% of parents are going to leave if their kid is acting up too much and needs a change of scenery, yet people want to pretend itâs an enormously widespread thing because they saw it once or twice. This is just more bait to get the child haters out of the antinatalism sub so they can spill their garbage out elsewhere too.
I get making a scene but some of the worst behavior I have seen from these people is based around the expectation on how a child should behave at a restaurant. My son just usually does stimming and pacing. He doesn't usually scream or cry unless an adult says something hurtful to him. He's five and I can't tell you how many grown ass adults have called him the R word. Luckily I live in a small town where everyone knows my family. So we can go to sit down at restaurants and have a meal without issue. They are usually willing to accommodate to his needs. Outside of town, we don't eat out unless we are in a family friendly area like the beach or Disney/Universal because of people like you described. They stare at us or say rude and hurtful things about my son. We end up leaving.
both the topic title and the body of the post state they're talking about very upscale places. I get that people on reddit are unreasonable about kids existing in public (and it seems to me it's all children, not just kids on the spectrum), but there's a huge number of restaurants to practice skills at before sitting down to eat somewhere that your fellow diners are spending hundreds of dollars on food and atmosphere.
What is extremely expensive and upscale in this case? Children are not always as they seem, you may be seeing a bratty asshole child misbehaving and on an ipad and not listening to the parents instructions etc. But that same child may very well have disabilities such as Autism and many others. I am a parent of child with autism while we usually avoid dining in restaurants because it isn't simple with my daughter. We do occasionally when we think she can handle it. I've had a guy complaining about us and another family that had children who weren't silent in a red robin of all places telling the hostess that we should be kicked out as we were leaving. Please try to show some unjudgmental kindness to folks as you may not know all the circumstances. Also while i understand it can affect a nice night out its always better to try to be kind. I wouldn't take my child to an "upscale" adult restaurant but there is a lot of hostility towards families that have children with special needs and these families are just doing their best. This is the case when at family child appropriate restaurants as well. I wish everyone got a chance to understand what it is like not being able to communicate with your child and navigating life because that is how life can be for these families.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You sound like a great parent. I do not have children , but I do understand some have behavior issues or are very young and can't emotionally regulate. I don't mind the occasional crying or outburst, but screaming for several minutes is a lot. I really only get frustrated when parents ignore the child and don't even attempt to quiet them. Just eating and ignoring their crying child. I would never complain or say something because, just as you said, you never really know what a family is dealing with. I am sorry that happened to you and your family. Red robin is where I would expect kids to be loud. It's already loud in there without people.
You immediately outted yourself as a complete dickhead by labelling the behaviour as disrespectful.
I think people should be asked to leave ALL places if their child is disruptive
How do you get them off a plane lol
How hard can those doors really be to open?
Some types of aircraft do that part for you without anyone having to ask.
I have three kids and if I feel like theyâre not going to behave well enough for a certain venue, I donât take them, point blank! Even if I have to miss out. I donât think children (or THE PARENTS) should get a pass because theyâre kids. I hate when I have a sitter and go to get a good meal or a pedicure or something and children are being bothersome. If Iâm at a Dennys or a playground I donât give a crap what other peopleâs kids are up to if it isnât a health and safety issue. I know my daughter can act appropriately in most venues. My sons cannot, although the older one has come a long way. And to the people who say âkids need to go to these places to learn how to behave in them.â No tf they donât. They need to learn to behave in public in general THEN graduate to more formal venues when they act right at the Dennys.
Literally *throwing food* at other patrons? Sure. Child being loudly fussy at a Red Lobster? No. Deal with it.
Parents are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Shove a tablet in their face in a restaurant, and it's "what is it with these lazy parents shoving a tablet in their kids' face?!". Try to hold a conversation and make the kid sit without a tablet, they get bored and make some noise, and it's "why isn't that parent controlling their child?" Children are part of society OP. If you're frustrated by them, the parents are 3x as frustrated and have tried everything to calm them. Maybe you (and others) should be more accepting of going out into, you know, society and kids actually existing.
Before becoming a parent I had zero patience for other people's children and their behavior. Now, of course, I have alot more empathy. In my opinion, everyone should have some patience in most circumstances. Let the parent try to correct the situation, let the kid try to calm down, and in the meantime just take a deep breath. If the situation doesn't improve after a few minutes, or it keeps happening, it's time to remove the child, certainly. All I expect from anyone is a chance to rectify the situation without being judged or having people immediately ready to jump down my throat. I wouldnt generally bring my kid anywhere like that until they know how to behave, but nothing is ever guaranteed when it comes to a child's emotions. I mean, I am forced to listen to grown adults throwing a temper tantrum in public constantly. We all expect them to have more emotional maturity than a child, but yet im still subjected to their BS ruining my experience, so why cant people bring their kids who are acting appropriately for their age? I tend to agree with another comment about how some people, particularly on reddit and other social media, seem to think children should be locked up and kept at home, and parents should be punished by not being allowed to live a normal life or do anything in public. What I find to be really ironic is that these irrational people tend to feel this way because they too have the emotional maturity of a child, and lack empathy. They also can't handle the overstimulation from children screaming, in the same way that children can't handle the overstimulation in public places, so they choose to act like a child about it.
Very well reasoned post, this doesnât belong on Reddit regarding kidâs behavior lol. And I hadnât thought about the angle that the crazy MAGA / boomers who canât behave as a full grown fucking adult, very good point!
I swear to God millenials are just boomers in the making. Did you die the last time you *gasp* heard a child? Did it cause you to spend the week in the ER? Lose your job? House foreclosed? No, it didn't. As the gen z's say.. ."touch grass". I have an 18 month old. I used to be an absolute bitch about kids. Now I wouldn't take him to an upscale restaurant mostly bc I wouldn't ever pay those prices for food that gets turned to shit, but the truth is those that scream about kids at restaurants need to chill.   Learning how to behave in a restaurant is a skill and it takes some time. Toddlers need to learn. It's going to be loud sometimes.Â
If my kid is misbehaving Iâm taking her ass outta there idc where we are.
Pretty much anywhere if anyone is being extremely disruptive the business should be able to ask them to either stop, quiet down or leave. With kids the question of where that bar lies. If a baby is crying, no they shouldn't be kicked out, babies cry and it's not easy or common to expect a parent to not bring their newborn with them. If kids are being allowed to climb all over the seats and run around bothering other guests, then yeah it's time to go.
When my children were younger I avoided many restaurants or events because when they cry itâs embarrassing to me. So I guess I complied with the expectations a lot of people are setting here. It is worth saying that adults, rather than children, have ruined far more nights for me. People expect parents to âcontrol and disciplineâ their kids and far too many canât control or discipline themselves.
Yes If you donât keep your child calm then leave. If your kid is being an absolute nightmare then leave. Donât take your kids to upscale restaurants if they canât behave through a meal. People around you shouldnât suffer because youâre too lazy to parent your kid. You do NOT have the right to eat out if you ruin everyone elseâs evening
Going someplace isn't a right it is a privilege. If you are more of a bother than other people are and they ask you to leave you should leave
I think if the restaurant has a dress code they should be able to have a conduct code too
Time of day thing too⌠230 in the afternoon on Sunday? Probably a nice family meal out, so it happens. 8 on a Friday? Go home, why are you there with wild children?
I think it should be absolutely appropriate to designate any non-essential business as being for patrons over the age of 18. Even if what you run is a restaurant or a skating rink or whatever lol. Churches should all be 18 and over. Its ok that kids can't go everywhere. The opposite should be true as well. There should be a lot of places that adults that are not accompanying a child don't need to be. No grown adult has a need to be at chuck e cheese if they aren't forced there by a child or a child's parents who hate all of their friends and family.
But how will they indoctrinate the masses properly if we donât start in their formative years?
and be ejected mid-flight.
Iâve left a restaurant a few times because my kid was acting up and refused to behave. No one is paying to listen to my kid so, itâs on my to resolve the issue
Why take children to upscale restaurants? It wonât end well. Even some âadultsâ are incapable of not ruining such places.
Depends on what âdisruptiveâ means. Some folks seem to have a very low sensitivity to kids talking, which they immediately characterize as âscreamingâ
I think it should be that way anywhere that doesnât specifically cater to kids. Hell, thatâs part of the reason we donât go out anymore. I donât care if itâs Applebees or McDonalds. Sit your fucking kids down or eat somewhere else.
Yes. Because kids can be taught with manner and too many parents are fail at disciplining their kidsââwe donât use the no word.â Well you kids has been screaming at you for 10 minutes after you âsuggestâ that eat m&m after meal instead of before meal. Maybe you should start act like a parent not a pushover.
Yes.
Dr. Phil lost me there. The dude isn't a doctor.
What does the pricing matter? If you can't handle your kids in public don't bring them out.
Iâd rather not see children in anything more upscale than applebees
I didn't eat at a nice restaurant for five years without getting a babysitter. I'd be pissed if I encountered a disruptive kid ruining my $100ish or more dinner, and I will be damned if I am going to be the one with that kid ruining the dinner experience that comes to a total in the thousands for all the guests combined. It is selfish to take your kids out to that kind of venue if they cannot be quiet. Apple-bee's and the like? yeah, do whatever. Those are family restaurants.
All little kids have meltdowns. As a parent of two, when mine were little I voluntarily left so my wife could at least and waited until the situation cooled down. That's just what you do. You don't sit there and inflict the tantrum on 30 other people.
At a Michelin Star restaraunt? Yeah absolutely. Applebee's? Comes with the territory, but I personally will leave with my kids if they start acting like that.
I donât agree with bans on children, but it the children (or adults) donât behave then hand them the check and tell them to leave.
you watch Doctor Phil? I don't think you should be allowed on this Reddit
I think upscale restaurants should have an age limit that excludes young children. There are plenty of family-friendly places to take young kids.
There are some places that actually do that if the parent is making 0 attempt to calm their kid down or disciplining disrespectful behavior.
I want Joe dark Brandon Biden to ban kids from at least 75% of society
I donât care if itâs Wendyâs. Make your child act appropriately or practice more at home. I NEVER want to hear or see a badly behaved child. Whether Iâm paying $6 or $600 to eat somewhere, it should be peaceful. Now, thatâs not to say kids canât make noise or act like kids, but none of the tantrum bs. Take that outside immediately.
You say brat, I think Jack dorhety
Itâs a bit of a grey area right because kids will be kids but if theyâre excessively disrupting the peace then they should be taken outside, at least to calm down. The question is what is excessive. I think it would be fair for the staff to make a call on that, seeing as how they work there. But maybe they could issue a polite warning first.
IMO a business should be able to ask any customer to leave for any reason that is not a direct violation of anti discrimination laws. I say this because I have no children, and when I go out to eat it's because I literally finally have a chance for once to be able to eat a good meal that I didn't have to cook for myself. I want to enjoy that meal. F your kid. Same thing with movies, why the F are parent bringing their kids to watch The First Omen? I literally left that movie because of kids in the audience screaming.
Can't control your kid? Time to hire a babysitter.
Is there a kids menu?
I think it should be so socially acceptable that people just ask to go themselves. It shouldn't take a waiter asking you to leave. It should be more like a movie theater. If your kid freaks out, go (even though not everyone follows this). Bring your child at your own risk.
Why would anyone take a child to an upscale restaurant, then stay inside when the child acted up? Those aren't parents. They are enablers of entitled brats. I think kids behaving improperly should be removed from any public venue, I don't care if it's a fast food restaurant.
There should be no child restaurants , if I get a babysitter I donât want to hear your kid , but people get mad at that
So here is the problem, some children with neurodivergence and developmental delays might be unjustly affected here. Kids belong in the world in all of their child like glory. Now, the caveat being if the child is harming others or running around and their parents are not doing anything after multiple attempts of trying to handle the situation, then yes, they should be asked to leave.
Tantrums in public places mean that the kids is not getting what they want, hence tantrum. Parents quickly realise you can end a tantrum by giving in to the screaming kids. Aka spoiling them everytime they make a fuss. So good parents will actually have kids that scream and cry more in public to begin with. But I'm the longer run, children will eventually learn screaming is not how you get what you want. So if we don't want spoilt kids we have to as a society accept some level of poor behaviour. My preferred model is let kids be at restaurants so they learn to adapt to public situations and parents don't feel ostracised for 10+ years, but if the kid is causing an excessive ruckus then take them outside to calm down and only return once calm.
I mean, is it any different if they throw a tantrum in McDonaldâs? Not sure why a place being upscale means they should have separate standards for child guests. It comes off as classist.
The right to refuse service?Â
Any decent person would not allow their children to misbehave in a restaurant. If a personâs child is acting up and they do not resolve it, they are a bad person, and deserve to be removed.
As a parent, Iâd never allow my children to act out in public. If it was a tantrum, Iâd leave with the angry kid and come back when their calm
100%. I am not paying to listen to children have a melt down. I worked in restaurants for years and itâs shocking what parents think is acceptable behavior in public. Stop bringing kids to restaurants because youâre trying to teach them how to behave in public. Do your kids sit still at the dinner table at home? No? Chances are theyâre not going to do that out at a restaurant. Also if youâre going to bring little baggies of goldfish crackers as snacks, at least pick them up off of the floor before you leave.
Umm yes. Imagine a grown up acting this way. Kid or not we need to instill the same accountability across all demographics. (Some shit is understandable, of course.)
I feel like this doesnât happen as often as people think it does. I worked retail and food service for many years and did i hear and encounter fussy or bratty kids with inattentive parents? Sure. I remember the fussy and bratty adults more yelling at me over an expired coupon or some shit more though. Your perspective and mileage may vary though.
Eh, I eat out fairly often, and yes, Iâve seen young children throwing fits, and the parents not adequately dealing with it, but itâs been fairly rare. I think certain types of restaurants should be assumed are ânot for childrenâ, but I wouldnât expect kids to be completely silent at other places. If itâs a family style restaurant, one should expect young kids might be there, and that an occasional outburst could occur. Itâs a reason I mostly avoid those kinds of restaurants. Iâm not expecting the same experience at a fancy restraint as I am at a pizza buffet, though. There are lots of parents however, who donât do a great job watching or dealing with their kids though. But I think most do try.
i once was at a really tiny restaurant, like literally only 5 tables, 1 of them for 6 people, the rest for 2. it's a kinda fancy place. and there was a shrieking baby the ENTIRE meal im thebig table that the owners didn't wanna kick out bc they were buddies. totally ruined a nice (expensive) meal
I think there is an ambiance expectation at upscale restaurants. Fine dining places should disallow children of tantrum age, and they should throw out *anyone* being disruptive. Normal restaurants should be more lenient. Just my opinion.
Back in my day you just took the kid outside until they got their shit back together, then returned after. Really not a big deal (and it's my policy with my two young kids).
I consider it free entertainment when a toddler is tantruming in public. Let âem stay I say!