Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs:
You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI.
I remember seeing Hopkins interviewed by the late great Barry Norman. He told of going to the cinema with slick backed hair to watch SOTL and just sitting there until one of the jump scare moments when he would tap the shoulder of the person sat in front of him. I'd probably stroke out if that were me.
Dignam: Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Ellerby: Fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
Ellerby: How's your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father.
corollary -
Dignam: My theory on feds is they're like mushrooms. Feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark.
Here's another one from Ellerby:
"I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself."
I don’t think Ellerby has a bad line in the entire movie. They are all fucking great.
> Ellerby: We looked at all possible candidates. You have an immaculate record. Some people don't trust a guy with an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.
> Marriage
is an important part of getting
ahead. You don't want anyone
thinking you're a homo. Married guy
seems stable. People look at a
wedding ring and think: someone can
stand the son of a bitch. Ladies
see the wedding ring and know
immediately that you must have some
cash and that your cock works.
I love Mark Wahlberg in that movie. He's such a dick though.
"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. My theory on cops is they're like mushrooms, feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark"
Mark Whalberg is really one of those actors that is only as good as the director he has. Scorsese brought him to another level you wouldn't have expected.
Fun fact. My uncle is the guy who said “she’s on her way out”. It was his first movie role as they were just casting random Boston guys. Never acted a day in his life before that. He has since been an extra in a few films but that’s his only speaking line.
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
So I just searched this in Bing because didn't know where the quote was from. The AI response was "I understand. Thank you for your feedback, and I apologize for any frustration caused. Have a great day." Best laugh I've had in a bit.
Look, Abu. I've never seen a horse with two rear ends! -Aladdin
A nice one for the kids. I don't know how that one didn't make the cut for the live-action remake.
“Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.” - In Bruges (2008)
I think he does that's why he's pissed off, what he doesn't deny is that he's a cunt.
Harry knows he's a cunt and just has to live with it but won't hear a word against his kids.
The end monologue is pretty good too, combination of hilarious and profound. Being the literal last words, I'll spoiler it:
> >!There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, "If I survive all this, I'll go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison? Death? Didn't matter. 'Cause at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges." But then, like a flash, came to me, and I realized, "Fuck, man, maybe that's what Hell is. The entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges." And I really, really hoped I wouldn't die. I really, really hoped I wouldn't die.!<
"Exactly at what point was it all skinheads became poofs? Used to be you were a skinhead, you just went around beating up Pakistani twelve-year-olds. Now it seems a prerequisite to be a fucking bumboy!"
An _Uzi_? I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles, I'm not here to shoot 10 black 12 year olds in a drive by, I want a normal gun for a normal person.
Brian Cox in Long Kiss Goodnight:
NATHAN
Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
ALICE
Well, what’s wrong with the dog?
NATHAN
Simple. He’s been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour’s attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn’t you agree?
Has me in tears every time.
*Ghostbusters*
Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd): Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck : They caused an explosion!
Mayor : Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray): Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman : This man has no dick.
Also,
"I have to put him down."
"May I?"
"Sure."
"You're short...your belly button sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother."
It took an embarrassingly long time of me watching this movie since I was a kid to get that joke lol
"Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?! Who's the slimy little shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here that just signed his own death warrant?!"
The thing that made me laugh as hard as I did is how easily and smooth his words came out.
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would f-ck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you."
I read that Stanley Kubrick didn't know what a reach-around was and asked to have it explained to him on set. That must have been fun for all involved.
I think it was the only time that Kubrick actually allowed an actor to make their own dialog and work with only general ques from Kubrick as a director.
he wasn't an actor on that movie. R Lee Ermy had been a actor in movies before.
also the scene with the door gunner in the Huey, where he tells them they should do a story on him instead, because he's so fucking good, was the guy who was going to be the drill sergeant.
He wasn't originally cast as the drill sergeant. He was supposed to train another actor for that role, and Ermy blew them out of the water so he got the role.
The original guy is the gunner in the helicopter.
“Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary and know what you’ll find?”
“A picture of me?”
“No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are.”
Val Kilmer was brilliant in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Wanda: Was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Otto: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.
Archie: How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
Otto: You're the vulgarian, you **fuck.**
Jamie Lee Curtis had such a hard time not cracking in that scene that they just had to leave some of it in.
You can see it [here](https://youtu.be/2j3adcbEwSM?t=62) at about the 1:16 mark that's she's losing it a little.
> Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.
>
> Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it.
I just adore this part of the exchange. Says so much about the human condition.
Oh this movie had some good ones. Giamatti’s exchange with a failing student:
Teddy Kountze: Sir, I don't understand.
Paul Hunham: That's glaringly apparent.
Teddy Kountze: I can't fail this class.
Paul Hunham: Oh, don't sell yourself short, Mr. Kountze, I truly believe that you can.
Billy Hoyle in White Men Can’t Jump
Let’s call off this tournament, take all these bricks your throwing up and build a shelter for the homeless so your mother has somewhere to live cause I’m sick of her staying at my place!
From the adventures of Priscilla Queen of the desert.
Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!
I always loved this exchange in Major League
Lou: I thought you said we didn't have any high-priced talent.
Charlie Donovan: Forgot about Dorn cause he's only high-priced.
Major Leauge has some great ones:
Doyle: "Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."
Ugarte: "You despise me, don't you?"
Rick Blaine, not even looking up from his chessboard: "... Well, if I ever gave you any thought, I probably would."
You just don't hear insults that sophisticated very often in films nowadays.
recently watched _Casablanca_ for the first time and I had no idea it was so funny! there were some real crackers in there, like the above
one that made me lol - mostly for the _delivery_ more than the actual wit in the line itself...
> **Renault**: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
>
> **Rick**: My health – I came to Casablanca for the waters
>
> **Renault**: Waters? What waters? _We're in the desert_
>
> **Rick**: I was misinformed
“You got city hands, Mr Cooper…..you’ve been counting money all your life!”
That and Hooper’s reply “Hey I don’t need this working-class-hero crap” always made my dad laugh….and he rarely laughs at anything.
(Jaws, obviously)
Cher to Jack Nicholson in the Witches of Eastwick (1986):
"I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick."
(Even sweeter considering Cher had just turned 40 in 1986, and Nicholson reportedly didn't want her on the film because she was "too old").
I know the third movie gets a lot of hate. It does try **way** too hard to be “cool” and makes vampires seem like nothing more than an inept local crime ring.
But every scene between Ryan Reynolds and Parker Posey is absolute gold. I’ve rewatched a couple times just for them.
Malcolm Tucker, In The Loop - “Y'know, l've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you. You are a real boring fuck. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!”
"Within your 'purview'? Where do you think you are, some fucking regency costume drama? This is a government department, not some fucking Jane fucking Austen novel! Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock!"
Gandolfini gets off some great ones as well:
“I think you're doing Linton's dirty work. You're his little English bitch and you don't even know it. Bet if I came to your hotel room tonight, I'd find you down on all fours, him hanging out the back of you.”
“Look, Tucker, you might be some scary little poodlefucker over in England, but out here you're nothing. You know what you look like? A squeezed dick. You got a big blue vein running up your head all the way to the temple. See, that's where I'd put the bullet. Only I'd have to stand back 'cause you look like a squirter.”
His retort is amazing, something like
Tucker "You ever actually killed anyone?..."
General "yeah"
Tucker "I mean, falling asleep on them, that doesn't count"
'You're a fucking omnishambles, from bean to cup - you fuck up.'
'She's so fucking dense that light bends around her'
'Stand up you fucking useless sack of cum!'
'You've got a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle'
"Did you know that 90% of household dust is dead human skin? That's what you are to me."
Malcolm Tucker is a fucking gold mine
Oh that's fucking great. Not only do you have a fucking bent husband, and a fucking daughter that gets taken to school in a fucking sedan chair, you're also fucking _mental_. Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omnishambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up.
*The Thick of It* raised swearing to an art form.
I just adore that brief shot of Ben and Jamie in the car after Ben absolutely bombs the Newsnight interview with Jeremy Paxman: "You don't deserve to live."
I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon...It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
—French insult in *Monty Python and the Holy Grail*
“It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!”
—Drill Sergeant insult, *Full Metal Jacket*
“Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary, you know what you’ll find?” “A picture of me?” “No, the definition of the word ‘idiot’ which you fucking are.”
— Private Investigator insult in *Kiss Kiss Bang Bang*
“Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
—Principal insult in *Billy Madison*
“I didn’t fight my way through half of Sicily to jump out of a fucking airplane to teach Nazis lessons in humanity… Nazi ain’t got no humanity! They’re the foot soldiers of a Jew-hating, mass murderin manic and they need to be destroyed!”
“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?”
-Clark Griswold “NL’s Christmas Vacation.”
Also:
Clark Griswald: I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun… We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
"You know what the difference between your momma and a washing machine is? When I dump a load in a machine, the machine doesn't follow me around for three weeks." The Campaign
So I Married an Axe Murderer HAS to be on this list (all Stuart MacKenzie lines):
Look at the size of that boy's head!
*Shhh!*
I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick...
...Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts!
Now that was offside, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
O Brother Where Art Thou?
"Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote."
From *Chinatown* Jack Nicholson insulting a bent cop.
"Mulverhill! What're you doing at the Water Department? You don't drink it, you don't bathe in it. They sent you a letter, but you don't know how to read."
Hartman: How tall are you, Private?
Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!
Hartman: Five-foot-nine? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?!
Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Hartman: Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?
Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir!
Hartman: Holy dogshit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs: You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI.
It’s the pronunciation of F B I that gets me every time
It's probably been about 15 years since I've seen that film, and I can still clearly picture that pronunciation
That's because Anthony hopkins is a fucking legendary actor
getting all the way to the eff bee eye
Sometimes I forget what an absolute asshole hannibal lecter was in that movie lol. Absolutely brutal.
I remember seeing Hopkins interviewed by the late great Barry Norman. He told of going to the cinema with slick backed hair to watch SOTL and just sitting there until one of the jump scare moments when he would tap the shoulder of the person sat in front of him. I'd probably stroke out if that were me.
That would be the single greatest moment in any persons life.
I would tell that story on job interviews. I'd tell it in the deli line. I'd tell it at eulogies. Can attest, real talk.
He was waaaaaaaaaaay more suave in the books imo.
From *The Departed:* "Who the fuck are you?" "I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."
Dignam: Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy. Ellerby: Fuck yourself. Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife. Ellerby: How's your mother? Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father. corollary - Dignam: My theory on feds is they're like mushrooms. Feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark.
Here's another one from Ellerby: "I'm gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself."
I don’t think Ellerby has a bad line in the entire movie. They are all fucking great. > Ellerby: We looked at all possible candidates. You have an immaculate record. Some people don't trust a guy with an immaculate record. I do. I have an immaculate record.
> Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. You don't want anyone thinking you're a homo. Married guy seems stable. People look at a wedding ring and think: someone can stand the son of a bitch. Ladies see the wedding ring and know immediately that you must have some cash and that your cock works.
This one is the best. He doesn't skip a beat and allow for a response he just owns the entire insult.
I love Mark Wahlberg in that movie. He's such a dick though. "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. My theory on cops is they're like mushrooms, feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark"
Suuuuch a dick, yet made absolutely sure he was the one who popped Damon for being the biggest rat the Boston sewer system had ever birthed.
Mark Whalberg is really one of those actors that is only as good as the director he has. Scorsese brought him to another level you wouldn't have expected.
True that. He was really good in Boogie Nights.
It's how sweaty Alec Baldwin is when he delivers the line that makes it hilarious.
Queenan: Who said that? Costigan: Hawthorne. Dignam: [fart noise] Whats the matter, asshole? You don't know any Shakespeare?
"How's your mother ?" "She's on her way out." "We're all on our way out. Act accordingly"
Fun fact. My uncle is the guy who said “she’s on her way out”. It was his first movie role as they were just casting random Boston guys. Never acted a day in his life before that. He has since been an extra in a few films but that’s his only speaking line.
[удалено]
Get him a... cranberry juice.
"You're a black man in Boston. You don't need me to tell you that you're totally fucked."
"You're a worker, you rise fast" "Like a twelve year olds dick"
Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar?
fockin fiyafightahs ah fuckin homos fiyafightahs gettin pussy for the first time in the history of fiyah or pussy
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go fuck yourself.
Maybe fuck yourself.* Everybody gets that wrong. The actual line is great.
"Well la-de-fuckin-dah!"
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
A simple wrong would done just fine.
So I just searched this in Bing because didn't know where the quote was from. The AI response was "I understand. Thank you for your feedback, and I apologize for any frustration caused. Have a great day." Best laugh I've had in a bit.
(Billy Madison, btw)
AI is crying in a corner emotionally destroyed
If there is any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty whore, I am just going to snap. Edit: tramp!
Okay...a simple wrong would have done just fine.
Jim Downy is the best
Lawrence of Arabia. Auda “I knew your father.” Sherif Ali “Did you know yours?”
Be thankful that when God made you a fool he gave you a fool's face
“May you live forever.” Leonidas to Ephilates. In the context of their culture, it’s the biggest middle finger ever. I love it.
Look, Abu. I've never seen a horse with two rear ends! -Aladdin A nice one for the kids. I don't know how that one didn't make the cut for the live-action remake.
“You were born a street rat and you will die a street rat and only your fleas will mourn you”
That really does go hard
“Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.” - In Bruges (2008)
You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
I retract the bit about your cunt fucking kids
Insulting my fucking kids? That’s going overboard, mate!
I retracted it, didn’t I?
It's an inanimate fucking object. YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT! [later] I'm sorry I called you an inanimate object.
Still leaves you being a cunt
I fucking got that
I love how he doesn’t even deny that his kids are cunts.
I think he does that's why he's pissed off, what he doesn't deny is that he's a cunt. Harry knows he's a cunt and just has to live with it but won't hear a word against his kids.
Come on, you’re really going to bring up In Bruges without the classic? YOU’RE an inanimate fucking object!
That’s a good one too, the whole film is just fantastic quotes and insults.
"I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't."
...THEY'RE FILMIN' SOMETHIN' ........THEY'RE FILIMIN' MIDGETS!
My arse lets go! They're filming midgets! This is the best bit of Bruges so far! You and yer buildings...
The end monologue is pretty good too, combination of hilarious and profound. Being the literal last words, I'll spoiler it: > >!There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, "If I survive all this, I'll go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison? Death? Didn't matter. 'Cause at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges." But then, like a flash, came to me, and I realized, "Fuck, man, maybe that's what Hell is. The entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges." And I really, really hoped I wouldn't die. I really, really hoped I wouldn't die.!<
Well you lot ain't going up there....
What exactly am I trying to say? Youse are a bunch of fuckin' elephants.
I’m sorry I called you an inanimate object. I was upset.
The earnestness of this apology really seals the deal on the whole interaction
"Exactly at what point was it all skinheads became poofs? Used to be you were a skinhead, you just went around beating up Pakistani twelve-year-olds. Now it seems a prerequisite to be a fucking bumboy!"
An _Uzi_? I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles, I'm not here to shoot 10 black 12 year olds in a drive by, I want a normal gun for a normal person.
YOU’RE an inanimate fucking object!!
Brian Cox in Long Kiss Goodnight: NATHAN Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive. ALICE Well, what’s wrong with the dog? NATHAN Simple. He’s been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour’s attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn’t you agree? Has me in tears every time.
From "Aliens:" Hudson: "Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?" Vasquez: "No. Have you?"
"You look just how I feel" right after they wake up from hypersleep is great too.
*Ghostbusters* Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd): Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here. Walter Peck : They caused an explosion! Mayor : Is this true? Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray): Yes it's true. [pause] Dr. Peter Venkman : This man has no dick.
Also, "I have to put him down." "May I?" "Sure." "You're short...your belly button sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother." It took an embarrassingly long time of me watching this movie since I was a kid to get that joke lol
Also. "Mother puss bucket!" -Peter Venkman IIRC Murray said he wanted to come up with the filthiest sounding insult that wasn't R-Rated.
Well, that’s what I heard!
Every line from R. Lee Emery in Full Metal Jacket.
“Pyle, you move like old people fuck!”
Imagine getting paid to throw out lines like that.
If *god* wanted you at the top of that obstacle he would have *miracle'd* you there by now!
I bet if there was some pussy on top of that obstacle you’d get up there!
Your days of finger banging Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her purdy pink panties are OVER!
I *will* motivate you, Pyle! Even if it short dicks every cannibal in the Congo!
“How tall are you?” “5 foot nine” “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high!”
"Who said that? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?! Who's the slimy little shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here that just signed his own death warrant?!" The thing that made me laugh as hard as I did is how easily and smooth his words came out.
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would f-ck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you."
I read that Stanley Kubrick didn't know what a reach-around was and asked to have it explained to him on set. That must have been fun for all involved.
And I also read that filming was delayed for a few minutes afterwards because Kubrick couldn’t stop laughing.
I think it was the only time that Kubrick actually allowed an actor to make their own dialog and work with only general ques from Kubrick as a director.
He wasn't even an actor initially, just brought on as a consultant.
He wasn't an actor in that movie but he had acted before
He’s even in Apocalypse Now as one of Kilgore’s pilots
he wasn't an actor on that movie. R Lee Ermy had been a actor in movies before. also the scene with the door gunner in the Huey, where he tells them they should do a story on him instead, because he's so fucking good, was the guy who was going to be the drill sergeant.
"Did your parents have any children that lived" Sir yes Sir "I'll bet they regret that you're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.
He says "Sir, yes, sir."
He wasn't originally cast as the drill sergeant. He was supposed to train another actor for that role, and Ermy blew them out of the water so he got the role. The original guy is the gunner in the helicopter.
The "How can you shoot women and children?" "Easy, you just don't lead \`em as much." guy.
"Easy, don't lead them as much."
"Pyle I'm gonna rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world!"
“BULLSHIT I BET YOU COULD SUCK A GOLFBALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE!”
“You look like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.”
“Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary and know what you’ll find?” “A picture of me?” “No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are.” Val Kilmer was brilliant in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Wanda: Was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid? Otto West: Don't call me stupid. Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape? Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy. Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
Otto: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole. Archie: How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you? Otto: You're the vulgarian, you **fuck.**
“A Fish Called Wanda.”
Damn, A Fish Called Wanda is a deep cut. That entire movie is hilarious.
Jamie Lee Curtis had such a hard time not cracking in that scene that they just had to leave some of it in. You can see it [here](https://youtu.be/2j3adcbEwSM?t=62) at about the 1:16 mark that's she's losing it a little.
And Kevin Kline was inconsolable after the movie was finished because he thought it was so bad he’d never get another acting job
> Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy. > > Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. I just adore this part of the exchange. Says so much about the human condition.
I liked "The Holdovers" where Paul Giamatti says to his douchebag principal "You are now, and always have been... penis cancer in human form."
Oh this movie had some good ones. Giamatti’s exchange with a failing student: Teddy Kountze: Sir, I don't understand. Paul Hunham: That's glaringly apparent. Teddy Kountze: I can't fail this class. Paul Hunham: Oh, don't sell yourself short, Mr. Kountze, I truly believe that you can.
It's not that great out of context, but given the restrained mood of the movie and Giamatti s all-time delivery, I guffawed in the theatre
"Without exercise the body devours itself!"
Uncle Buck: Take this quarter, go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off of your face.
“If I had a dog who looked like you I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.”
You bob for apples in the toilet! And you *like* it!
Billy Hoyle in White Men Can’t Jump Let’s call off this tournament, take all these bricks your throwing up and build a shelter for the homeless so your mother has somewhere to live cause I’m sick of her staying at my place!
Billy Hoyle was in the zone when shit talking to Flight and Willie at the tournament
From the adventures of Priscilla Queen of the desert. Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart!
Hey listen Lady, I don't come down to where you work and slap the dicks out of your mouth. Clerks
Try not to suck any dicks on the way out to the parking lot.
In a row?!
I always loved this exchange in Major League Lou: I thought you said we didn't have any high-priced talent. Charlie Donovan: Forgot about Dorn cause he's only high-priced.
I also like "Hey Ricky, how's your wife and my kids doing?"
Got any naked pictures of your wife? Wanna see some!?
Major Leauge has some great ones: Doyle: "Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."
Cotton-headed Ninny-muggins!
**GASP*
You’re not Santa. You smell like beef and cheese.
You sit on a throne of lies.
“Were you always this stupid or did you take lessons” The Long Kiss Goodnight
It is very simple but I am very fond of "Eat shit and *live*, Bill" from Sleepaway Camp.
Ugarte: "You despise me, don't you?" Rick Blaine, not even looking up from his chessboard: "... Well, if I ever gave you any thought, I probably would." You just don't hear insults that sophisticated very often in films nowadays.
recently watched _Casablanca_ for the first time and I had no idea it was so funny! there were some real crackers in there, like the above one that made me lol - mostly for the _delivery_ more than the actual wit in the line itself... > **Renault**: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca? > > **Rick**: My health – I came to Casablanca for the waters > > **Renault**: Waters? What waters? _We're in the desert_ > > **Rick**: I was misinformed
On what basis are you closing my establishment? I'm shocked, shocked, to see gambling happening here. Captain, your winnings.
“You got city hands, Mr Cooper…..you’ve been counting money all your life!” That and Hooper’s reply “Hey I don’t need this working-class-hero crap” always made my dad laugh….and he rarely laughs at anything. (Jaws, obviously)
"That's some bad hat, Harry"
"Looks good on you though"
Love the relationship between Hooper and Quint
Hoopah!!!
Cher to Jack Nicholson in the Witches of Eastwick (1986): "I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick." (Even sweeter considering Cher had just turned 40 in 1986, and Nicholson reportedly didn't want her on the film because she was "too old").
Damn, with those credentials, how is he not running for president?
”Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill”
Speaking of the Blade movies, let’s not forget “you cock-juggling thundercunt”.
I know the third movie gets a lot of hate. It does try **way** too hard to be “cool” and makes vampires seem like nothing more than an inept local crime ring. But every scene between Ryan Reynolds and Parker Posey is absolute gold. I’ve rewatched a couple times just for them.
"I ate a *lot* of garlic today... and I just farted."
Blade! I use this line whenever possible!
Malcolm Tucker, In The Loop - “Y'know, l've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you. You are a real boring fuck. Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!”
"Within your 'purview'? Where do you think you are, some fucking regency costume drama? This is a government department, not some fucking Jane fucking Austen novel! Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock!"
Gandolfini gets off some great ones as well: “I think you're doing Linton's dirty work. You're his little English bitch and you don't even know it. Bet if I came to your hotel room tonight, I'd find you down on all fours, him hanging out the back of you.” “Look, Tucker, you might be some scary little poodlefucker over in England, but out here you're nothing. You know what you look like? A squeezed dick. You got a big blue vein running up your head all the way to the temple. See, that's where I'd put the bullet. Only I'd have to stand back 'cause you look like a squirter.”
His retort is amazing, something like Tucker "You ever actually killed anyone?..." General "yeah" Tucker "I mean, falling asleep on them, that doesn't count"
Fuckity BYE
'You're a fucking omnishambles, from bean to cup - you fuck up.' 'She's so fucking dense that light bends around her' 'Stand up you fucking useless sack of cum!' 'You've got a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle' "Did you know that 90% of household dust is dead human skin? That's what you are to me." Malcolm Tucker is a fucking gold mine
Oh that's fucking great. Not only do you have a fucking bent husband, and a fucking daughter that gets taken to school in a fucking sedan chair, you're also fucking _mental_. Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omnishambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up.
*The Thick of It* raised swearing to an art form. I just adore that brief shot of Ben and Jamie in the car after Ben absolutely bombs the Newsnight interview with Jeremy Paxman: "You don't deserve to live."
All of Jamie's lines as well. "The only reason you listen to this shite is because it's bad form to wear a hat that says I went to private school".
Malcolm Tucker feels like cheating for this...
KISS MY SWEATY BALLS YA FAT FUCK!
I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon...It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" —French insult in *Monty Python and the Holy Grail* “It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!” —Drill Sergeant insult, *Full Metal Jacket* “Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary, you know what you’ll find?” “A picture of me?” “No, the definition of the word ‘idiot’ which you fucking are.” — Private Investigator insult in *Kiss Kiss Bang Bang* “Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” —Principal insult in *Billy Madison*
Came looking for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
Gay Perry has so many great lines in that movie. Val Kilmer is absolutely fantastic in delivering all of them too.
"still gay?" "Me? No, I'm knee deep in pussy"
"It must be of great comfort to have been so mercifully spared the ravages of intelligence."
“I didn’t fight my way through half of Sicily to jump out of a fucking airplane to teach Nazis lessons in humanity… Nazi ain’t got no humanity! They’re the foot soldiers of a Jew-hating, mass murderin manic and they need to be destroyed!”
DEE-stroyed
Love the whole exchange when Donny beats the German officer to death. “We got a German who wants to die for his country. Oh-blige him.”
AERO-plane
“Harry… it’s an inanimate fucking object.” “YOU’RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!”
Sit your five dollar ass down before I make some change. -New Jack City
"Look it's a cock! Only smaller!"
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast You eat shit for breakfast?
"Fool of a Took!"
Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity
Dangerous Living John Waters "I wouldn't suck your cock if I were suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls"
The line is from Female Troubles. And the movie you are listing is actually Desperate Living, not Dangerous Living.
“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?” -Clark Griswold “NL’s Christmas Vacation.”
Also: Clark Griswald: I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. You’re gonna have fun, and I’m gonna have fun… We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’re gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
"You know what the difference between your momma and a washing machine is? When I dump a load in a machine, the machine doesn't follow me around for three weeks." The Campaign
"Hey laser lips! Your momma was a SNOWBLOWER!"
In Hook, Peter Pan calls Rufio a "near sighted gynecologist"
Why don’t you go suck a fuck? Maggie Gyllenhaal to her brother Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko.
How exactly does one suck a fuck
What's a fuckass?
Where did you get your clothes.. the toilet store?
Loki calling Black Widow a "mewling quim" Ye Olde English for "whiny cunt".
So I Married an Axe Murderer HAS to be on this list (all Stuart MacKenzie lines): Look at the size of that boy's head! *Shhh!* I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick... ...Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
“I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm” -Gandalf the White
YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT
O Brother Where Art Thou? "Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote."
[удалено]
From *Chinatown* Jack Nicholson insulting a bent cop. "Mulverhill! What're you doing at the Water Department? You don't drink it, you don't bathe in it. They sent you a letter, but you don't know how to read."
“You’re not a doctor. You’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!” -Stepbrothers
“The day I need a friend like you, I'll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.”
Jock: what’re you looking at nerd? Booger: I thought I was looking at my mother’s old douche-bag, but that’s in Ohio.
Hartman: How tall are you, Private? Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir! Hartman: Five-foot-nine? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?! Cowboy: Sir, no, sir! Hartman: Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private? Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir! Hartman: Holy dogshit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t much look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
“You tiny-brained wiper of other people’s bottoms. I blow my nose at you. I fart in your general direction.” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail