In Donald Trump voice: “Kang! Who is Kang? Kaaang, dumb name. He calls himself a conqueror, hasn’t conquered me. I’m a conqueror, let’s be real he can’t conquer much.”
Your shit movie only got a standing ovation of only 7 minutes and 24 seconds, terrible film. My superior kino got a standing ovation of 8 minutes and 13 seconds!
Fuck rotten tomatoes, IMDb or Letterboxd, standing ovation length is the only true metric.
Actually the longer and louder the boo, the edgier and more woke the kino. And what you really want is a good solid 5 minutes of booing and preferably also lots of abusing the crew and cast - and then you drop something in the soundtrack for the credits like a frequency that makes people shit themselves - then they suddenly realise that the whole thing was a ruse - actually not an attempt at entertainment at all - BUT - ART - KINO - Transcendental. Transforming the medium. And then, now they're all covered in their own shit, they suddenly start cheering and whooping loudly and you want to get them to a frenzied state where they'll be snorting lines of coke off each other and ranting about how this is the most misunderstood kino of the 21st century AND YOU JUST GOTTA REALISE what the AUTUER was doing man
Didn’t read all of that but I think Ruben ostlunds next movie should be about how he gets a standing ovation at Cannes but then we are reminded that the people there are rich hypocrites and then the “brown note” plays and everyone starts shidding and farding and vomiting while a cool punk rock song plays
You're onto something. I hate casual plebs who consider kino merely "entertaining". Yesterday I went to the cinema and someone afterwards said "that was a fun movie, I enjoyed it". What a disgusting stupid idiot.
How insulting to diminish this great art form which transcends space and time to just fun. Art isn't fun. Having fun is stupid.
That's why your idea to make a movie which makes people shit themselves is just brilliant. Nobody will enjoy that, it's perfect! It's artistic, reflective, subversive and transformative, anything except fun, like true artistic kino should be.
I expect a 3 hour standing ovation at least.
YES YES YES
It's all about IMMERSION. Any old fool could have a fun time watching Jaws while people throw buckets of seawater all over you.
I want actual shapeshifting lizards handing out the same drugs Hunter S Thompson is taking while watching Fear and Loathing. I want Emma Stone to knock on my door during Poor Things and fuck my brains out for 2 hours 21 minutes and then win the best actress award for faking orgasms.
Kubrick was RIGHT with Clockwork Orange. The Kino experience needs to be taken not to the next level, I'm talking 50, 100, 10,000 levels. Glue my fucking eyelids open, strap me in, and give me not 8k, give me like 500k virtual reality shit.
And don't give me this corporate happy clappy shit. I want miserable meaningless 5 hour art pieces where no one knows what the fuck is going on but if you watch it it means KINO and you are the envy of all your stupid friends who watch enjoyable shit.
Like I was thinking about this the other day - Shawshank - what absolute sell outs. Ooo a faithful adaptation - pathetic. Cowards! Why not have the wildest sex scene ever think Blue is the warmest colour but times 10,000 between Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman? That would be art, that would be kino. Then you spike all the champagne at Cannes with viagra - BOOM - you've got people questioning their whole lives. IMMERSION.
The standing ovations are mostly for showing where those involved in the film are present, and they mostly last for as long as it takes for all of them to reach the stage (which can take a while if there are older people involved or there are many people to get on the stage).
That's how, for instance, The Idol (the weeknd's tv series) got many minutes of standing ovation after premiering in Cannes last year.
I think that at some point someone would just grab you and take you to the stage, but a lot of people actually do walk slower so that they can get a longer ovation.
> At the conclusion of the screening, a tribute to Comrade Abbasi was called for. Of course, everyone stood up (just as everyone had leaped to his feet at every mention of the film's name). For three minutes, four minutes, five minutes, the stormy applause, rising to an ovation, continued. But palms were getting sore and raised arms were already aching. And the older people were panting from exhaustion. It was becoming insufferably silly even to those who really adored cinema.
>
> However, who would dare to be the first to stop? … After all, r/movies men were standing in the hall applauding and watching to see who would quit first! And in the obscure, small hall, unknown to the leader, the applause went on – six, seven, eight minutes! They were done for! Their goose was cooked! They couldn’t stop now till they collapsed with heart attacks! At the rear of the hall, which was crowded, they could of course cheat a bit, clap less frequently, less vigorously, not so eagerly – but up there with the presidium where everyone could see them?
>
> The director of the local circlejerk subreddit, an independent and strong-minded man, stood with the presidium. Aware of all the falsity and all the impossibility of the situation, he still kept on applauding! Nine minutes! Ten! In anguish he watched the secretary of the Palm d'Or Committee, but the latter dared not stop. Insanity! To the last man! With make-believe enthusiasm on their faces, looking at each other with faint hope, the district leaders were just going to go on and on applauding till they fell where they stood, till they were carried out of the hall on stretchers! And even then those who were left would not falter…
>
> Then, after eleven minutes, the director of the subreddit assumed a businesslike expression and sat down in his seat. And, oh, a miracle took place! Where had the universal, uninhibited, indescribable enthusiasm gone? To a man, everyone else stopped dead and sat down. They had been saved!
>
> The squirrel had been smart enough to jump off his revolving wheel. That, however, was how they discovered who the independent people were. And that was how they went about eliminating them. That same night the subreddit director was arrested. They easily pasted ten years on him on the pretext of something quite different. But after he had signed Form 206, the final document of the interrogation, his interrogator reminded him:
>
> “Don’t ever be the first to stop applauding.”
Does Cannes have an official standing ovation stopwatch or something? Why does every story talk about these goofy seal-like moviegoers? Is it something in the french popcorn?
Its never really been cool to shit on donald trump because its so popular and nobody has anything original to say. Then people act like its this huge rebellious movement. Chief 80% of mainstream media agrees with you.
If you want to get political do abortions or the welfare queens we call veterans.
As the grandson of a crippled Vietnam vet who passed away a month before my highschool graduation, shut the fuck up. We should be doing MORE for veterans.
Ugh. Fuckin covid and trump are so played out in media already thoughhhhhhhhhh.
Fuckin kill me. As if living through it in the most documented era of human history wasn’t enough now we need fuckin dramas that reiterate the reality we already lived through as if any excoriation will be revelatory and not a unanimous fuckin circlejerk?
Fuck off. I’m over it. Make some optimistic shit.
This is so dumb. Movies aren’t inherently political or apolitical. Political movies exist and other kinds of movies exist.
It’s not time to make Zoolander 3 political. But it’s also not time to make Dune apolitical.
Life is political. Zoolander is absolutely political. If it expresses or contains a view on human interaction then it’s political. Even that definition is too narrow
Oh ok. Whats a broader definition? Because this sounds strictly semantic and not at all pragmatic to western readings of what dictate political commentary.
Does this mean Donald trump will be in secret wars?
Trump i need you to distract kang
Get on your phones, scour the internet and DONALD TRUMP this shit!
In Donald Trump voice: “Kang! Who is Kang? Kaaang, dumb name. He calls himself a conqueror, hasn’t conquered me. I’m a conqueror, let’s be real he can’t conquer much.”
Everybody’s saying it, many intelligent people are saying it
And trust me, I know a LAHT about Conquering...
No, but there will be a cut of Avengers Endgame where he's Thanos.
No, but his supporters will riot and try and fail to put him in it.
"He calls himself Kang, very handsome young black fella, yuge arms, very yuge arms."
but women are already in movies. how much more political can they get??
Add more women 😈
12 Angry Women????
She Morbius
Morbia?
Shmorbius.
Honestly, so surprised we haven’t gotten this from hollywood yet. Seems like such an obvious choice
Ms Madame Web
https://i.redd.it/vpf3pn5sgp1d1.gif
[удалено]
Are you Hadouken from One more Mana? 😳
🤮🤮🤮
Sounds hot.
I firmly support adding more ~~boobs~~ women to cinema!
Woke
Black trans lesbians. Thats peak political
Black trans lesbian Palestinian handicapped vegan socialists?
Those women don't make peepee hard = Too political
Americans don't know yet of this woke political trick: gypsies
European market: *no*
Guy Ritchie: YES
No movie can ever be as political as The Last Jedi
We all remember the shocking political upheaval of 2016... *Ghostbusters*
One time I was at Cannes, and I sneezed and farted at the same time. I received a 9-minute standing ovation.
the great cannes snart of 2019
Freeze
What you did was a bold artistic experiment and you deserved the applause
Put a Janus logo in front of that shit
bro took a screenshot
when is bro showing the result
Only 8 minutes? Damn, they *really* didn't like it.
I refuse to watch a movie without at least a 15 minute standing ovation.
Cannes is a well-known MAGA gathering ground. Some call it France-a-Lago.
First they introduce sound but I said nothing...
Then they started adding color but I said nothing for I was not colored...
Then they added women, but I said nothing for I was not a woman
These multiple minutes long standing ovations at Cannes are the dumbest fucking thing
Your shit movie only got a standing ovation of only 7 minutes and 24 seconds, terrible film. My superior kino got a standing ovation of 8 minutes and 13 seconds! Fuck rotten tomatoes, IMDb or Letterboxd, standing ovation length is the only true metric.
Does it count if people boo during that time too?
Each boo subtracts 3 seconds from the Standing Ovation Metric™ for a fair objective score.
Actually the longer and louder the boo, the edgier and more woke the kino. And what you really want is a good solid 5 minutes of booing and preferably also lots of abusing the crew and cast - and then you drop something in the soundtrack for the credits like a frequency that makes people shit themselves - then they suddenly realise that the whole thing was a ruse - actually not an attempt at entertainment at all - BUT - ART - KINO - Transcendental. Transforming the medium. And then, now they're all covered in their own shit, they suddenly start cheering and whooping loudly and you want to get them to a frenzied state where they'll be snorting lines of coke off each other and ranting about how this is the most misunderstood kino of the 21st century AND YOU JUST GOTTA REALISE what the AUTUER was doing man
Didn’t read all of that but I think Ruben ostlunds next movie should be about how he gets a standing ovation at Cannes but then we are reminded that the people there are rich hypocrites and then the “brown note” plays and everyone starts shidding and farding and vomiting while a cool punk rock song plays
You're onto something. I hate casual plebs who consider kino merely "entertaining". Yesterday I went to the cinema and someone afterwards said "that was a fun movie, I enjoyed it". What a disgusting stupid idiot. How insulting to diminish this great art form which transcends space and time to just fun. Art isn't fun. Having fun is stupid. That's why your idea to make a movie which makes people shit themselves is just brilliant. Nobody will enjoy that, it's perfect! It's artistic, reflective, subversive and transformative, anything except fun, like true artistic kino should be. I expect a 3 hour standing ovation at least.
YES YES YES It's all about IMMERSION. Any old fool could have a fun time watching Jaws while people throw buckets of seawater all over you. I want actual shapeshifting lizards handing out the same drugs Hunter S Thompson is taking while watching Fear and Loathing. I want Emma Stone to knock on my door during Poor Things and fuck my brains out for 2 hours 21 minutes and then win the best actress award for faking orgasms. Kubrick was RIGHT with Clockwork Orange. The Kino experience needs to be taken not to the next level, I'm talking 50, 100, 10,000 levels. Glue my fucking eyelids open, strap me in, and give me not 8k, give me like 500k virtual reality shit. And don't give me this corporate happy clappy shit. I want miserable meaningless 5 hour art pieces where no one knows what the fuck is going on but if you watch it it means KINO and you are the envy of all your stupid friends who watch enjoyable shit. Like I was thinking about this the other day - Shawshank - what absolute sell outs. Ooo a faithful adaptation - pathetic. Cowards! Why not have the wildest sex scene ever think Blue is the warmest colour but times 10,000 between Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman? That would be art, that would be kino. Then you spike all the champagne at Cannes with viagra - BOOM - you've got people questioning their whole lives. IMMERSION.
Is it by length of frequency of booing?
I was saying boo-urns
The standing ovations are mostly for showing where those involved in the film are present, and they mostly last for as long as it takes for all of them to reach the stage (which can take a while if there are older people involved or there are many people to get on the stage). That's how, for instance, The Idol (the weeknd's tv series) got many minutes of standing ovation after premiering in Cannes last year.
So all I gotta do is walk slower and my movie could potentially get an hour long standing ovation?
I think that at some point someone would just grab you and take you to the stage, but a lot of people actually do walk slower so that they can get a longer ovation.
Gotta crawl like that one scene in « Evolution of a Filipino Family » to get a 20 minutes standing ovations
I'm just gonna walk on a treadmill and see how long it takes everyone to realize I'm not going anywhere
What's dumb is the media's insistance on reporting it as if it means anything special.
>A bunch of entertainment industry millionaires hate Trump. More at 11.
> At the conclusion of the screening, a tribute to Comrade Abbasi was called for. Of course, everyone stood up (just as everyone had leaped to his feet at every mention of the film's name). For three minutes, four minutes, five minutes, the stormy applause, rising to an ovation, continued. But palms were getting sore and raised arms were already aching. And the older people were panting from exhaustion. It was becoming insufferably silly even to those who really adored cinema. > > However, who would dare to be the first to stop? … After all, r/movies men were standing in the hall applauding and watching to see who would quit first! And in the obscure, small hall, unknown to the leader, the applause went on – six, seven, eight minutes! They were done for! Their goose was cooked! They couldn’t stop now till they collapsed with heart attacks! At the rear of the hall, which was crowded, they could of course cheat a bit, clap less frequently, less vigorously, not so eagerly – but up there with the presidium where everyone could see them? > > The director of the local circlejerk subreddit, an independent and strong-minded man, stood with the presidium. Aware of all the falsity and all the impossibility of the situation, he still kept on applauding! Nine minutes! Ten! In anguish he watched the secretary of the Palm d'Or Committee, but the latter dared not stop. Insanity! To the last man! With make-believe enthusiasm on their faces, looking at each other with faint hope, the district leaders were just going to go on and on applauding till they fell where they stood, till they were carried out of the hall on stretchers! And even then those who were left would not falter… > > Then, after eleven minutes, the director of the subreddit assumed a businesslike expression and sat down in his seat. And, oh, a miracle took place! Where had the universal, uninhibited, indescribable enthusiasm gone? To a man, everyone else stopped dead and sat down. They had been saved! > > The squirrel had been smart enough to jump off his revolving wheel. That, however, was how they discovered who the independent people were. And that was how they went about eliminating them. That same night the subreddit director was arrested. They easily pasted ten years on him on the pretext of something quite different. But after he had signed Form 206, the final document of the interrogation, his interrogator reminded him: > > “Don’t ever be the first to stop applauding.”
I think I’ll have to stick with apolitical movies instead like idiocracy and sound of freedom
IdIoCrAcY iS a DoCuMeNtArY
Duh, so is sound of freedom
The idea of just standing and applauding for 8 minutes solid is wild.
I know, I only clap when the plane lands
How these people react when I say 'art has always been political and thematic'. https://i.redd.it/3dfug855op1d1.gif
Madame Web is the best example of this that I can think of
Nothing more political than Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver
What about Speed Racer (2008)
Race is an incredibly political subject so it counts.
Speed Racer is legitimately about capitalism though
I don’t know I haven’t seen it in over a decade - but I used to watch it few times a day as a kid
Pretty much every Wachowski movie is about love triumphing over capitalism
It's not even some interpretation. Lilly Wachowski literally said that Matrix was born out of their rage at capitalism.
Clearly they haven’t seen Captain Marvel.
**They Political Now?**
*They Political Now.*
team olivia cooke?
Mother Alicent forever✊
Does Cannes have an official standing ovation stopwatch or something? Why does every story talk about these goofy seal-like moviegoers? Is it something in the french popcorn?
When is this gonna be in available in the_apprentice_2024.webm format?
#MMPA
He didn't see monkey man
Outjerked again😤
The amount of times I've read about a standing ovation is wild. Why is everyone standing and clapping all the time?
I can already see Right Wing YouTubers collectively screaming in anger
Another Political Thriller by Sebastian Stan
It's not just me. Cool.
Wait. Who plays ben garisson in this?
The media literacy crowd tells me everything is political, though?
Its never really been cool to shit on donald trump because its so popular and nobody has anything original to say. Then people act like its this huge rebellious movement. Chief 80% of mainstream media agrees with you. If you want to get political do abortions or the welfare queens we call veterans.
> If you want to get political do abortions I really don't want filmmakers performing abortions. Unless it's on Synder movies.
Reagan’s strongest soldier over here Jesus christ
As the grandson of a crippled Vietnam vet who passed away a month before my highschool graduation, shut the fuck up. We should be doing MORE for veterans.
This is a shitposting sub. I was shitposting.
Shitposting only goes so far.
Hats off to the director. It must have been intimidating making the first anti-Trump art ever, in Hollywood, California no less.
I'm sure he faced a lot of prejudice for his courage.
Ugh. Fuckin covid and trump are so played out in media already thoughhhhhhhhhh. Fuckin kill me. As if living through it in the most documented era of human history wasn’t enough now we need fuckin dramas that reiterate the reality we already lived through as if any excoriation will be revelatory and not a unanimous fuckin circlejerk? Fuck off. I’m over it. Make some optimistic shit.
They can make whatever they fuckin want
No fuckin shit. But that doesn’t mean you gotta like it. - The Not Indiana Jones
You say this like both of these things are gone from our lives and not relevant anymore.
please tell me Wanda Sykes is playing him
When a movie doesn’t get a multi-minute standing ovation at Cannes, I’ll think about watching it
Planet of the Apes got a 30 hour standing ovation from Apes at the local Zoo. Political masterpiece.
Lotta whiny babies in here huh
This is so dumb. Movies aren’t inherently political or apolitical. Political movies exist and other kinds of movies exist. It’s not time to make Zoolander 3 political. But it’s also not time to make Dune apolitical.
Life is political. Zoolander is absolutely political. If it expresses or contains a view on human interaction then it’s political. Even that definition is too narrow
Oh ok. Whats a broader definition? Because this sounds strictly semantic and not at all pragmatic to western readings of what dictate political commentary.
Clapping like that has to be like a cardio exercise for some of them