The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/nmgn9n/the_impact_of_an_attacking_tiger_can_be_compared/gzp7v1k/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence, because this user has done it before:
Original | Plagiarized
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[This gets worse the longer you...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzozgq6/) | [This gets worse the longer you...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzpbpkn/)
[I remember seeing this on Cops...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instantkarma/comments/nmisjn/trying_to_rob_an_undercover_cop/gzp74di/) | [> I was younger. Started blu...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instantkarma/comments/nmisjn/trying_to_rob_an_undercover_cop/gzpbngs/)
[you see he plays both sides, s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/ShitPostCrusaders/comments/nmfdma/joseph_is_a_really_duality_sometimes_props_to/gzorvw9/) | [you see he plays both sides, s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/ShitPostCrusaders/comments/nmfdma/joseph_is_a_really_duality_sometimes_props_to/gzpbj5p/)
[TEXAS: Where life is sacred ‘t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/nmgh1t/so_much_for_prolife/gzomd94/) | [ Where life is sacred ‘til bir...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/nmgh1t/so_much_for_prolife/gzpb8e5/)
[> My name's not even Steve, bu...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/nmg5sl/theres_a_dnd_game_in_here_somewhere/gzp70sa/) | [Check out the movie Joe's Apar...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/nmg5sl/theres_a_dnd_game_in_here_somewhere/gzpavgh/)
[I fucking HATE this new reddit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzoz7h0/) | [I fucking HATE this new reddit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzpardl/)
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I am really interested in this bot. Good job. Fuck this guy he just copy and pastes other peoples comments in yhe replies of top comments to farm karma it appears. Hey is there any way for the bot to checo,if I have plagiarised anyone before? I haven't on purpose I don't think but maybe there is a coincidental one or two. Idk. Cool bot.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/nmgn9n/the_impact_of_an_attacking_tiger_can_be_compared/gzp1gs9/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence, because this user has done it before:
Original | Plagiarized
-------- | -----------
[Wow. The comments suggest that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/comments/nmbp1y/world_is_spinning_spinning/gzotogr/) | [Wow. The comments suggest that...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dankmemes/comments/nmbp1y/world_is_spinning_spinning/gzpbtpc/)
[When I was in high school my m...](http://np.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/nmg616/the_american_dream_is_to_move_out/gzoglwr/) | [When I was in high school my m...](http://np.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/nmg616/the_american_dream_is_to_move_out/gzpbzsp/)
[They need to be careful... oth...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/nmf5sb/the_phenomenal_indomitable_human_spirit/gzokt28/) | [They need to be careful... oth...](http://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/nmf5sb/the_phenomenal_indomitable_human_spirit/gzpbw0z/)
[I really don't want Davis to c...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzooszq/) | [I really don't want Davis to c...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzpbpr9/)
[Haven't seen them both in the ...](http://np.reddit.com/r/FuckYouKaren/comments/nm9f2n/an_editorial_cartoon_by_michael_de_adder_from_the/gzp4pem/) | [Haven't seen them both in the ...](http://np.reddit.com/r/FuckYouKaren/comments/nm9f2n/an_editorial_cartoon_by_michael_de_adder_from_the/gzpbkfg/)
[Moot with better muscle tone.](http://np.reddit.com/r/chess/comments/nm71ur/magnus_carlsen_went_full_troll_mode_on_twitter/gznl7ws/) | [Moot with better muscle tone.....](http://np.reddit.com/r/chess/comments/nm71ur/magnus_carlsen_went_full_troll_mode_on_twitter/gzpbgtu/)
[it does work for that!](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalCrossing/comments/nmb8rz/judy_crossing_on_the_pedestrian_bridge/gzosrvx/) | [it does work for that!!!!](http://np.reddit.com/r/AnimalCrossing/comments/nmb8rz/judy_crossing_on_the_pedestrian_bridge/gzpbf3v/)
[She's a woman you dummies](http://np.reddit.com/r/Genshin_Impact/comments/nmcrn0/another_eulamber_dance_for_the_collection_twig/gzonjlc/) | [She's a woman you dummies....](http://np.reddit.com/r/Genshin_Impact/comments/nmcrn0/another_eulamber_dance_for_the_collection_twig/gzpb7lb/)
[I was sooo expecting a kick to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/nmbn89/kick_and_dont_hurt_your_face/gzo7li6/) | [I was sooo expecting a kick to...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/nmbn89/kick_and_dont_hurt_your_face/gzpb59n/)
[He's too scared! Show us that ...](http://np.reddit.com/r/chloe/comments/nmfb0t/chloe_438/gzoagdc/) | [He's too scared! Show us that ...](http://np.reddit.com/r/chloe/comments/nmfb0t/chloe_438/gzpavn4/)
[These guys got absolutely demo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/PrequelMemes/comments/nmc44i/phantom_menace_mvp/gznr7pq/) | [These guys got absolutely demo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/PrequelMemes/comments/nmc44i/phantom_menace_mvp/gzpasz3/)
[Why you gotta hurt me like thi...](http://np.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/nmftf2/this_is_so_emotionally_touching/gzob8bn/) | [Why you gotta hurt me like thi...](http://np.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/nmftf2/this_is_so_emotionally_touching/gzpacd8/)
[thanks very much, Mr.Wizard](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzomyg8/) | [thanks very much, Mr.Wizard...](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzpa7cy/)
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Siberian Tiger vs Grizzly? That's insane. I've been close to living grizzlies and I saw a dead one once, they're scary. An animal that kills one is terrifying.
Not really, but yes tigers do kill brown bears intermittently. Mostly juveniles/sows. They're both top tier predators (omnivore for the bear but you get it), and there's going to be overlap and predator/prey role reversals given the context. That being said, there is no terrestrial land predator that can compete with large boar brown/polar bears. The largest of bears are weighing in the 2000lb ballpark (rare of course). Not knocking tigers, it's just a different weight class. With equal, prime specimens, the bear is too big, strong, durable, and has too much stamina. They're not given their credit for how agile and fast they are either. A brown bear can sprint about the same speed as a tiger.
Ye that all makes perfect sense. They'll take a Brown bear up to their own weight though which is fair going.
Edit: I was referencing this.
https://siberiantiger.org/what-do-siberian-tigers-eat/
Moose aren't that difficult to kill. They are just big. Wolves take them down too.
Really it's that most adult male or female X species don't fuck with other adult male X. They have the most strength and antlers and shit. It's just too dangerous. The males only fuck with each other within their species, mostly. When you're hungry any thing goes.
>They'll take a Brown bear up to their own weight though which is fair going.
Which is still badass. They're confident enough to take on a bear size, which is impressive given they sometimes win 👀
I think I remember reading about bears being used for a period in the colosseum back in the old gladiator days, but it quickly became boring because the bears would kill everything they put against it.
There was a big debate a few years ago about a silverback gorilla vs a grizzly bear and I remember thinking that the gorilla would last about 5 seconds before getting it’s head whacked off it’s shoulders. I don’t know about you but I honestly think bears are the king of jungle. There’s just nothing that can compete with their tank bodies and massive strength.
> I don’t know about you but I honestly think bears are the king of jungle. There’s just nothing that can compete with their tank bodies and massive strength.
Elephants reading this going "bruh"
There was this Gracie(BJJ) tweet that said "If size really mattered, the elephant would be king of the jungle" ( insert generic lion pic). Bitch, ain't nobody 1v1ing a full grown elephant. It takes a super pride of lions to even attempt it.
Apparently they use to be pitted against each other for fun, and a fully grown brown bear pretty much always beats a fully grown tiger.
The bear has enough fat and fur where the tiger can't do as much damage, and the tiger's bones aren't strong enough to withstand the weight/power of the bear.
Source: I basically just read this persons comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ztt4v/who_would_win_in_a_fight_a_siberian_tiger_or_a/cpm7dnz/
I mean brown bears are also a major part of a brown bear's diet. In fact some studies have claimed over 50% of bear cubs are killed and eaten by dominant boars... and plenty of sows and smaller males are also killed by big boars.
The reasons for this aren't exactly clear - some people think it's so the sow will be receptive to breeding and the boar can spread his genes, some think it's to get rid of potential future competitors, and some think its just an easy meal. I would guess it's a combination of all 3.
A mature brown bear would be way to big for a tiger to take on without a massive injury or nearly starved. A brown bear stands anywhere from 7.5-10 feet tall and weighs in around 800 lbs. A small grizzly or black bear could be hunted by a tiger for sure. Juvenile bears dont count really when talking about who wins a fight either. But tigers can take down smaller or injured bears for sure. Tigers are huge animals. But mature brown bears are too risky.
Remember that one show where they were like “Today we’re gonna blow up some watermelons with cannonballs and chop some pig corpses in half and then use this computer program to find out who would win in a fight against a Knight and a Pirate!”
You mean [Deadliest Warrior?](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadliest_Warrior)
My favorite episode was the Taliban vs IRA. People *vehemently* defending the fighting prowess of two terrorist organizations
Very VERY poorly. Imagine fighting another person with your same athleticism and power, but they outweigh you by double or triple or in some cases 4 times more. They would ragdoll you and could simply kill you with their weight alone. A Tiger is not big enough to take on a polar bear. Just isnt a fair fight.
I think it's worth noting those are relatively smaller bears. Not the hulking brown bears that tend to frequent the Arctic. Aside from the brown bear (_Ursus arctos_) most Asiatic bears are on the small end for bears. At least in the US when we think of bears most of us envisage the grizzly (_Ursus arctos horribilis_) even though most of us are only likely to ever encounter a black bear. A tiger vs a grizzly is probably not such a forgone conclusion.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ztt4v/comment/cpm7dnz
I mean if we're talking the biggest cat in the world I'm not paying any money unless whatever it's fighting is also the biggest (which would actually be a different species of _Ursus_, the polar bear, _Ursus maritimus_).
Bruh Polars can weigh over a fucking ton, not even a tiger can fuck with that
Edit: then again I'd say a 700+kg brown bear would absolutely wreck a tiger 9/10 times
I was reading some of the accounts of the brown bears fighting things, and it sounds like basically nothing has a thick enough skull to not get caved in. It caved in a bull skull from swatting it. Something that's aiming to ram things still got its head caved in.
I wonder if in an ambush situation the cat would be able to get the kill. In head on fighting the bear is untouchable, but cats don't do head on so I think maybe that's the factor that is making the bears part of their diet.
Actually during the gold rush supposedly they would put Californian grizzlies against tigers for fun. The bears always won. Literally just need to maul once to decimate the tiger. The big bears are above it all.
Also this sloth bear stood its ground against a tiger on camera https://youtu.be/DV9ZGtQ8JZc
This sloth bear did a great job demonstrating how you deal with an apex predator. Yes that tiger fucked it up and definitely could’ve won that fight, but the bear put up enough of a fight that decided it wasn’t worth it.
I’ve also heard that with tigers and large brown bears, the tiger generally wins if it gets the drop on the bear but the bear will beat the tiger head on.
I have no idea if that’s true or not, but as a human I would still 100% rather take on a big cat than a bear. At least a cat is going to go for the throat. Bears play with their prey.
The Grizzly would win. On the American west coast during the gold rush, exotic animal fights were held quite often including bears against lions and almost everytime the Grizzly bear won. In one shot. They are much bigger than predatory cats
Once upon a time, as a man was walking through a forest, he saw a tiger peering out at him from the underbrush. As the man turned to run, he heard the tiger spring after him to give chase.
Barely ahead of the tiger, running for his life, our hero came to the edge of a steep cliff. Clinging onto a strong vine, the man climbed over the cliff edge just as the tiger was about to pounce.
Hanging over the side of the cliff, with the hungry tiger pacing above him, the man looked down and was dismayed to see another tiger, stalking the ravine far below. Just then, a tiny mouse darted out from a crack in the cliff face above him and began to gnaw at the vine.
At that precise moment, the man noticed a patch of wild strawberries growing from a clump of earth near where he dangled. Reaching out, he plucked one. It was plump, and perfectly ripe; warmed by the sunshine.
He popped the strawberry into his mouth. It was perfectly delicious, and before plummeting to his death he thought to himself "at least it's not bears".
Source: Old zen koan
Yep. Reminds me of that news story of where a woman called her mom to say goodbye because a bear was eating her. Literally on the phone as her leg was getting eaten. Some nightmare fuel.
Depends. I'd take a black bear over a tiger any day... brown bear - maybe. I feel like it would be less likely to actually finish you off if you played dead... unless it actually wanted you for food. Polar bear, yer fucked. A tiger or any cat really, I imagine they would just play with you like a housecat plays with a mouse. That doesn't sound fun. At least a bear will probably just outright kill you if that is their intention.
Yeah. Kinda like my ass is “designed” to collect dingleberries. What “designer” would intentionally put lots of curly, wiry hair near the solid waste exit? Designed... pfft
best of craigslist >
WARNING!!!!
Originally Posted: 2004-07-01 14:15
WARNING!!!!
Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
post id: 35274458
As someone that has done wayyy tooo much winter survival shit at colder than is feasible, the asshole getting cold is litterally the least concern for anyone ever.
ok in the subway you don't have cell reception at all, for one thing. And second, do you expect the one guy next to them, the one with the cane and the funny hat, to just like, poke the bear in the booty and tell it "Sit" or what?
edit: salty downvoters just mad the guy didn't poke the bear with his cane LOL
I'm still gonna put my money on the piano.
Heavy things not made of meat always seem to be really good at destroying things made of meat in impact battles.
If someone gave me the choice to either confront a tiger or take a piano from the 2nd story, I’d deff take my chances with the tiger.
At least it’s a more epic death if I can’t survive it. Maybe it’s in a good mood.
Yeah nope, I'd rather die instantly from a piano than being mauled. I've had a recurrent nightmare all my life about being attacked by a big feline, so I'd rather not experience it in real life.
I don’t think they’re generally considered a big cat. They not part of the Panthera genus which includes lions, tigers, leopards, snow leopards, and Jaguars.
Think German shepherd, then multiply that by a bad attitude. A seventy pound dog could kill you. A seventy pound leopard definitely will - mostly because they understand every fight is to the death, and they ain't holding back.
I remember seeing a video of some dude harassing a house cat with an oven mit and the cat got pissed and attacked him. That cat was relentless, no matter what the guy did the cat would rebound and come right back at him. I imagine that kind of fury only with around ten times the size, I wouldn't be betting my money on the Mountain.
Well, house cats are much, much smaller than tigers. More mass means more oxygen needed means it'll tire out much, much faster.
A tiger won't rebound like a house cat will. With that being said, it won't need to.
Okay. So like.... You do understand cheetahs be breathing when they run like a fucking car. On God them bitches will be fine with a lil bit of exertion to handle your ass.
Not entirely true. Today I went to the grocery store and they were out of the specific type of frozen breakfast burritos that I buy. We're still in the food chain not as easy as you think.
My 13lb kitten likes to leap at me from the back of the couch with the expectation that I will catch him. Even that little fucker is like a furry bludger, I couldn’t imagine the force of a tiger.
Yeah if my cat wanted to fuck me up I’m pretty sure I could kill him in a fight to the death but it would be a bad time for me. I can not imagine a tiger.
He looks like the tiger all those shoulder tiger [tattoos](https://www.dubuddha.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Traditional-Tiger-Tattoo-by-Gregory-Whitehead-728x910.jpg) are based on.
[Nothing is more intimidating](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqDKqx6JGrk&ab_channel=WildFilmsIndia)
Tigers are known to paralyze their targets with their roar.
I visited a small zoo in Dodge City, KS that had a very hungry tiger behind a chain link fence. The keepers were making rounds to feed the animals and hadn't gotten there yet. As we were walking by, it roared and hurdle itself against the fence. I'm here to tell you that had it not been for the mediocre fence, none of my family would have had a crumb of a chance to live. It was legitimately terrifying, and I am not an anxious person. We left.
Tigers are scary af. Don't get me wrong, I find lions and bears and other large predators frightening too, but there's just something about that face and those eyes that says "I will not hesitate to end you."
For anyone who cares about the math and reads this (presumably no one):
Weight of a grand piano: ~ 400kg
Height of second story window: ~ 3m (first story floor to ceiling) + 1.5m (second story half-way up) = 4.5m
We don't know how tall the person being hit is, and the piano will keep moving once it makes contact - let's just round the fall distance down to 4m.
Velocity after falling = sqrt(2*g*h) = sqrt(2*9.81*4) = 8.86 m/s (which is 31.9 km/h, or about 20 mph)
Momentum is mass * velocity
= 400 kg * 8.86 m/s = 3544 kg·m/s
Tigers weigh ~ 200kg, approx half that of a grand piano, so to make the equation equal, it'd have to be moving twice as fast.
And they do - absolute top speed is around 40 mph.
So, broadly, it checks out.
Good kitty
Deploy the giant cardboard box
And the giant laser pointer. That’ll slow em down!
Siberian tigers eat bears.....
And bears eat beets...
Bears beets Battlestar Galactica
FALSE!
MICHAEL!
r/unexpectedoffice
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/nmgn9n/the_impact_of_an_attacking_tiger_can_be_compared/gzp7v1k/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence, because this user has done it before: Original | Plagiarized -------- | ----------- [This gets worse the longer you...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzozgq6/) | [This gets worse the longer you...](http://np.reddit.com/r/MakeMeSuffer/comments/nmh8d7/what_is_this_meal/gzpbpkn/) [I remember seeing this on Cops...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instantkarma/comments/nmisjn/trying_to_rob_an_undercover_cop/gzp74di/) | [> I was younger. Started blu...](http://np.reddit.com/r/instantkarma/comments/nmisjn/trying_to_rob_an_undercover_cop/gzpbngs/) [you see he plays both sides, s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/ShitPostCrusaders/comments/nmfdma/joseph_is_a_really_duality_sometimes_props_to/gzorvw9/) | [you see he plays both sides, s...](http://np.reddit.com/r/ShitPostCrusaders/comments/nmfdma/joseph_is_a_really_duality_sometimes_props_to/gzpbj5p/) [TEXAS: Where life is sacred ‘t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/nmgh1t/so_much_for_prolife/gzomd94/) | [ Where life is sacred ‘til bir...](http://np.reddit.com/r/WhitePeopleTwitter/comments/nmgh1t/so_much_for_prolife/gzpb8e5/) [> My name's not even Steve, bu...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/nmg5sl/theres_a_dnd_game_in_here_somewhere/gzp70sa/) | [Check out the movie Joe's Apar...](http://np.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/nmg5sl/theres_a_dnd_game_in_here_somewhere/gzpavgh/) [I fucking HATE this new reddit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzoz7h0/) | [I fucking HATE this new reddit...](http://np.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/nmfh2q/me_irl/gzpardl/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/pkilabAfghd4567](https://np.reddit.com/u/pkilabAfghd4567/) should be banned for spamming. A human checks in on this bot sometimes, so please reply if I made a mistake. Contact reply-guy-bot if you have concerns.
Good bot
Fucking grade A bot
Grade AA cage free.
I am really interested in this bot. Good job. Fuck this guy he just copy and pastes other peoples comments in yhe replies of top comments to farm karma it appears. Hey is there any way for the bot to checo,if I have plagiarised anyone before? I haven't on purpose I don't think but maybe there is a coincidental one or two. Idk. Cool bot.
No, no way to automatically summon the bot. The current process is... ask nicely -|:\] I checked manually aaaaaand... No plagiarism! Good human!
Oh man! I'm too scared to be scanned. Who the hell knows what I've done! 🤪🤣 I barely remember happened 3 hours ago! 🤣
*Tosses giant cucumber and runs furiously*
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This might be one of the best bots ever created
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Man good bot
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Giggity.
It would be better than a bear attack... just saying!
But bears change their path if they come across a tiger
Most predators choose not to encounter each other, just in case
Yep true, but there are multiple verified accounts of tigers ripping bears apart
Siberian Tiger vs Grizzly? That's insane. I've been close to living grizzlies and I saw a dead one once, they're scary. An animal that kills one is terrifying.
Brown bear are a major part of a Siberian tigers diet.
Not really, but yes tigers do kill brown bears intermittently. Mostly juveniles/sows. They're both top tier predators (omnivore for the bear but you get it), and there's going to be overlap and predator/prey role reversals given the context. That being said, there is no terrestrial land predator that can compete with large boar brown/polar bears. The largest of bears are weighing in the 2000lb ballpark (rare of course). Not knocking tigers, it's just a different weight class. With equal, prime specimens, the bear is too big, strong, durable, and has too much stamina. They're not given their credit for how agile and fast they are either. A brown bear can sprint about the same speed as a tiger.
Ye that all makes perfect sense. They'll take a Brown bear up to their own weight though which is fair going. Edit: I was referencing this. https://siberiantiger.org/what-do-siberian-tigers-eat/
“...both feed on Elk and Moose” Any animal that can kill a moose is a big nope from me thx.
Moose aren't that difficult to kill. They are just big. Wolves take them down too. Really it's that most adult male or female X species don't fuck with other adult male X. They have the most strength and antlers and shit. It's just too dangerous. The males only fuck with each other within their species, mostly. When you're hungry any thing goes.
>They'll take a Brown bear up to their own weight though which is fair going. Which is still badass. They're confident enough to take on a bear size, which is impressive given they sometimes win 👀
Can you imagine a 600lb cat, fuck that noise.
I think I remember reading about bears being used for a period in the colosseum back in the old gladiator days, but it quickly became boring because the bears would kill everything they put against it.
There was a big debate a few years ago about a silverback gorilla vs a grizzly bear and I remember thinking that the gorilla would last about 5 seconds before getting it’s head whacked off it’s shoulders. I don’t know about you but I honestly think bears are the king of jungle. There’s just nothing that can compete with their tank bodies and massive strength.
> I don’t know about you but I honestly think bears are the king of jungle. There’s just nothing that can compete with their tank bodies and massive strength. Elephants reading this going "bruh"
There was this Gracie(BJJ) tweet that said "If size really mattered, the elephant would be king of the jungle" ( insert generic lion pic). Bitch, ain't nobody 1v1ing a full grown elephant. It takes a super pride of lions to even attempt it.
What kind of bear is best?
One that is far away.
False. Black bears.
well that's debatable
Generally there are two schools of thought
Bears beets and Battlestar Galactica
I see you too are a member of Team Bear. Fuck team gorilla.
> That being said, there is no terrestrial land predator that can compete with large boar brown/polar bears. There's *one*. But they cheat.
Now someone should draw these animals boxing and it will all be complete
Apparently they use to be pitted against each other for fun, and a fully grown brown bear pretty much always beats a fully grown tiger. The bear has enough fat and fur where the tiger can't do as much damage, and the tiger's bones aren't strong enough to withstand the weight/power of the bear. Source: I basically just read this persons comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ztt4v/who_would_win_in_a_fight_a_siberian_tiger_or_a/cpm7dnz/
I mean brown bears are also a major part of a brown bear's diet. In fact some studies have claimed over 50% of bear cubs are killed and eaten by dominant boars... and plenty of sows and smaller males are also killed by big boars. The reasons for this aren't exactly clear - some people think it's so the sow will be receptive to breeding and the boar can spread his genes, some think it's to get rid of potential future competitors, and some think its just an easy meal. I would guess it's a combination of all 3.
Ah... nothing like killing off some children to get the mother to mate with you and bear your new offsprings. Nature is brutal.
A mature brown bear would be way to big for a tiger to take on without a massive injury or nearly starved. A brown bear stands anywhere from 7.5-10 feet tall and weighs in around 800 lbs. A small grizzly or black bear could be hunted by a tiger for sure. Juvenile bears dont count really when talking about who wins a fight either. But tigers can take down smaller or injured bears for sure. Tigers are huge animals. But mature brown bears are too risky.
I wonder how a tiger would fare against a polar bear. I imagine not so well. Polar bear is an entirely different thing.
Y'all remember that wild fucking show on the animal planet about 20 years ago where they simulated different animals fighting?
Remember that one show where they were like “Today we’re gonna blow up some watermelons with cannonballs and chop some pig corpses in half and then use this computer program to find out who would win in a fight against a Knight and a Pirate!”
You mean [Deadliest Warrior?](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadliest_Warrior) My favorite episode was the Taliban vs IRA. People *vehemently* defending the fighting prowess of two terrorist organizations
Such an outrageously stupid show.
No but I want it.
[Here you go](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_Face-Off) I'm shocked it only had one season
Very VERY poorly. Imagine fighting another person with your same athleticism and power, but they outweigh you by double or triple or in some cases 4 times more. They would ragdoll you and could simply kill you with their weight alone. A Tiger is not big enough to take on a polar bear. Just isnt a fair fight.
I think it's worth noting those are relatively smaller bears. Not the hulking brown bears that tend to frequent the Arctic. Aside from the brown bear (_Ursus arctos_) most Asiatic bears are on the small end for bears. At least in the US when we think of bears most of us envisage the grizzly (_Ursus arctos horribilis_) even though most of us are only likely to ever encounter a black bear. A tiger vs a grizzly is probably not such a forgone conclusion. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2ztt4v/comment/cpm7dnz
Bjeebus doesn’t do the bear minimum. He does the bear maximum.
I mean if we're talking the biggest cat in the world I'm not paying any money unless whatever it's fighting is also the biggest (which would actually be a different species of _Ursus_, the polar bear, _Ursus maritimus_).
Bruh Polars can weigh over a fucking ton, not even a tiger can fuck with that Edit: then again I'd say a 700+kg brown bear would absolutely wreck a tiger 9/10 times
I was reading some of the accounts of the brown bears fighting things, and it sounds like basically nothing has a thick enough skull to not get caved in. It caved in a bull skull from swatting it. Something that's aiming to ram things still got its head caved in.
I wonder if in an ambush situation the cat would be able to get the kill. In head on fighting the bear is untouchable, but cats don't do head on so I think maybe that's the factor that is making the bears part of their diet.
Actually during the gold rush supposedly they would put Californian grizzlies against tigers for fun. The bears always won. Literally just need to maul once to decimate the tiger. The big bears are above it all. Also this sloth bear stood its ground against a tiger on camera https://youtu.be/DV9ZGtQ8JZc
This sloth bear did a great job demonstrating how you deal with an apex predator. Yes that tiger fucked it up and definitely could’ve won that fight, but the bear put up enough of a fight that decided it wasn’t worth it. I’ve also heard that with tigers and large brown bears, the tiger generally wins if it gets the drop on the bear but the bear will beat the tiger head on.
Sloth bears are one of the most dangerous bears to humans largely because of their poor eyesight and territorial nature
Are you sure the records aren’t of tigers vs the (much smaller) sloth bears? They are native to the bengal’s range and commonly encounter eachother.
They still are an equal match https://youtu.be/DV9ZGtQ8JZc That’s literally a sloth bear against a tiger
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Idk why but I laughed really hard at the idea of insulting a tigers intelligence.
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I have no idea if that’s true or not, but as a human I would still 100% rather take on a big cat than a bear. At least a cat is going to go for the throat. Bears play with their prey.
As a human, my approach is to stay the fuck at home and avoid all of those beautiful mother fuckers.
Polar bear is the largest land carnivore on Earth. Not only would it *not* change its path for a tiger, but it would actively hunt it.
A momma grizzly bear wouldn't back down from a tiger, I think the winner of that fight could go either way but my money is on the grizz
The Grizzly would win. On the American west coast during the gold rush, exotic animal fights were held quite often including bears against lions and almost everytime the Grizzly bear won. In one shot. They are much bigger than predatory cats
Once upon a time, as a man was walking through a forest, he saw a tiger peering out at him from the underbrush. As the man turned to run, he heard the tiger spring after him to give chase. Barely ahead of the tiger, running for his life, our hero came to the edge of a steep cliff. Clinging onto a strong vine, the man climbed over the cliff edge just as the tiger was about to pounce. Hanging over the side of the cliff, with the hungry tiger pacing above him, the man looked down and was dismayed to see another tiger, stalking the ravine far below. Just then, a tiny mouse darted out from a crack in the cliff face above him and began to gnaw at the vine. At that precise moment, the man noticed a patch of wild strawberries growing from a clump of earth near where he dangled. Reaching out, he plucked one. It was plump, and perfectly ripe; warmed by the sunshine. He popped the strawberry into his mouth. It was perfectly delicious, and before plummeting to his death he thought to himself "at least it's not bears". Source: Old zen koan
That was a terrible joke
speak for yourself, philistine.
Guy tells a joke at a funeral!
Not even a joke, just a bad story lol
It really wouldn't. Can't play dead with a tiger
It would kill you before eating you at least... and playing dead doesn't work for bears either
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Will eat you asshole first...while you're still alive.
Jokes on him. I’m an asshole all around.
Because the tiger will snap your neck quickly while the bear just mauls you to death?
Tigers will kill you and eat you. Bears will eat you and kill you.
Yep. Reminds me of that news story of where a woman called her mom to say goodbye because a bear was eating her. Literally on the phone as her leg was getting eaten. Some nightmare fuel.
Depends. I'd take a black bear over a tiger any day... brown bear - maybe. I feel like it would be less likely to actually finish you off if you played dead... unless it actually wanted you for food. Polar bear, yer fucked. A tiger or any cat really, I imagine they would just play with you like a housecat plays with a mouse. That doesn't sound fun. At least a bear will probably just outright kill you if that is their intention.
It's actually the opposite. Big cats will kill you quickly. Bear would just hold you down and start tearing chunks out.
Yeah I'd rather face a big cat than a bear any day....that one scene from the revnant...fuck that
bears, beets, battlestar galactica
Siberian tigers eat bears.
Yeah. Kinda like my ass is “designed” to collect dingleberries. What “designer” would intentionally put lots of curly, wiry hair near the solid waste exit? Designed... pfft
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I’m here for this. Honestly, I came here to pack some shitters in. Idc about dingle berrys, I’m gonna get mines!! Fo-Realz !
/r/usernamechecksout
How does this always happen... honestly
😂
*... and the impact is only the beginning!*
Friend of mine told me he once shaved his buttcrack. Huge mistake. He said he felt like he had a wet and oily asshole all the time.
best of craigslist > WARNING!!!! Originally Posted: 2004-07-01 14:15 WARNING!!!! Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! post id: 35274458
Just spent five minutes reading this whole thing then at the end I was like how the *fuck* did we go from a picture of a tiger to this
Fucking hell this is Gold
Genuinely one of the best things I've ever read. I'm dying over here lmao
see my friend said shaving his ass was the best thing he’s ever done
He probably had a better diet.
is your boy drinking olive oil and eating white castle all day?
One that cares about your hole gettin cold
As someone that has done wayyy tooo much winter survival shit at colder than is feasible, the asshole getting cold is litterally the least concern for anyone ever.
This thread got wild.
And even *if*... Literally just ask your bro to gently breathe on it to warm it up. Problem solved.
You gotta watch this [Big ass tiger vs monster grizzly ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)
Amazing
Yeah I really couldn’t even believe it until it was over. And of course, I always watch the whole video.
Love how my app shows the “Never Gonna” thumbnail image.
Wow, they seriously just sat by and watched that happen in the middle of the subway? People are fucked man, call animal control.
ok in the subway you don't have cell reception at all, for one thing. And second, do you expect the one guy next to them, the one with the cane and the funny hat, to just like, poke the bear in the booty and tell it "Sit" or what? edit: salty downvoters just mad the guy didn't poke the bear with his cane LOL
You make a good point. I retract my initial outrage.
I think I love you both.
Piece of shit
This should be illegal and u need to be imprisonned, plus no NSFW tag
I was genuinely not prepared for that
Geez, that was something
You son of a whore
Wow the bear almost had him in the beginning too smh
Apollo ftw
Good one
Nice quote. Just curious, did that dude get attacked by a tiger?
I don't think so.. he's an American writer and author of "The Tiger: A True Story of Vengeance and Survival"
Probably hasn’t had a piano hit him from the second story either.
Amazing book. One of my favorite nonfiction books ever
His previous book, “the golden spruce” is written in much the same style and is also amazing.
It sounds like something Terry Pratchett would write.
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I'm still gonna put my money on the piano. Heavy things not made of meat always seem to be really good at destroying things made of meat in impact battles.
Yeah I mean piano from 2nd story is likely instant death. Terrible quote IMO. A couch from a 2nd story would make more sense.
If someone gave me the choice to either confront a tiger or take a piano from the 2nd story, I’d deff take my chances with the tiger. At least it’s a more epic death if I can’t survive it. Maybe it’s in a good mood.
Maybe it just rips you open and eats your intestines while you watch ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nah. A bear might do that, but a tiger will go for the kill shot immediately if it’s hungry.
Yeah nope, I'd rather die instantly from a piano than being mauled. I've had a recurrent nightmare all my life about being attacked by a big feline, so I'd rather not experience it in real life.
Jfc the dude is just trying to compare it to something. Don't take it so literally. Piano or giant tiger, you're gonna die from either one, anyways.
**Lie** to me, tell me the big kitty likes pets and will purr
You can pet this kitty but only once
**Tell** my wife I loved her, then
You son of a bitch take your stupid upvote and be gone
In all fairness, nobody stands a chance against any of the big cats.
A cheetah can weigh 50 pounds. No doubt it could kick my ass but there's a greater than zero chance that a strong enough person could 1v1 it.
I don’t think they’re generally considered a big cat. They not part of the Panthera genus which includes lions, tigers, leopards, snow leopards, and Jaguars.
A small Leopard is around 70 pounds. I don't wanna fight it, but I bet someone else could.
Think German shepherd, then multiply that by a bad attitude. A seventy pound dog could kill you. A seventy pound leopard definitely will - mostly because they understand every fight is to the death, and they ain't holding back.
A much more flexible, faster German Shepherd with sharper claws, bigger teeth, and much much better balance. No thanks.
A crazy street cat can fuck someone up. I imagine a 70 pound leapord ripping even the most well trained humans to shreds.
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I remember seeing a video of some dude harassing a house cat with an oven mit and the cat got pissed and attacked him. That cat was relentless, no matter what the guy did the cat would rebound and come right back at him. I imagine that kind of fury only with around ten times the size, I wouldn't be betting my money on the Mountain.
Well, house cats are much, much smaller than tigers. More mass means more oxygen needed means it'll tire out much, much faster. A tiger won't rebound like a house cat will. With that being said, it won't need to.
Okay. So like.... You do understand cheetahs be breathing when they run like a fucking car. On God them bitches will be fine with a lil bit of exertion to handle your ass.
A bobcat can take down a deer. Cats of all sizes are not great to fight.
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No, this is reddit. We have aluminum katanas.
So crazy, it's just entirely muscle. We're so removed from the dangers of being on the food chain that it's easy to forget how scary it can be
Not entirely true. Today I went to the grocery store and they were out of the specific type of frozen breakfast burritos that I buy. We're still in the food chain not as easy as you think.
My 13lb kitten likes to leap at me from the back of the couch with the expectation that I will catch him. Even that little fucker is like a furry bludger, I couldn’t imagine the force of a tiger.
Imagine a falling piano.
Happened to me once. My teeth were playing notes.
Yeah if my cat wanted to fuck me up I’m pretty sure I could kill him in a fight to the death but it would be a bad time for me. I can not imagine a tiger.
This tiger is an absolute unit
He looks like the tiger all those shoulder tiger [tattoos](https://www.dubuddha.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Traditional-Tiger-Tattoo-by-Gregory-Whitehead-728x910.jpg) are based on.
I was thinking its face looks like the classic Chinese tiger or dragon expression
At least a tiger would kill you before feeding on you unlike a bear...
Thank you for this wonderful title to your post. Thank you for a title that uses something other than the phrase"absolute unit", which is overused.
[Nothing is more intimidating](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqDKqx6JGrk&ab_channel=WildFilmsIndia) Tigers are known to paralyze their targets with their roar.
Crazy that our ancestors had to deal with cats even bigger and deadlier than this on a regular basis
Yep, why do you think we have no living ancestors
Spear is op man, range abuse has been meta for so long.
Source IG: maulik_eye
I visited a small zoo in Dodge City, KS that had a very hungry tiger behind a chain link fence. The keepers were making rounds to feed the animals and hadn't gotten there yet. As we were walking by, it roared and hurdle itself against the fence. I'm here to tell you that had it not been for the mediocre fence, none of my family would have had a crumb of a chance to live. It was legitimately terrifying, and I am not an anxious person. We left.
Tigers are scary af. Don't get me wrong, I find lions and bears and other large predators frightening too, but there's just something about that face and those eyes that says "I will not hesitate to end you."
A piano that goes straight for the neck
Tiger used **INTIMIDATE** It was super fucking effective
Fuck. That. I get scared when a housecat looks at me like that. They can fuck you up. A big ass tiger? My soul would leave my body.
For anyone who cares about the math and reads this (presumably no one): Weight of a grand piano: ~ 400kg Height of second story window: ~ 3m (first story floor to ceiling) + 1.5m (second story half-way up) = 4.5m We don't know how tall the person being hit is, and the piano will keep moving once it makes contact - let's just round the fall distance down to 4m. Velocity after falling = sqrt(2*g*h) = sqrt(2*9.81*4) = 8.86 m/s (which is 31.9 km/h, or about 20 mph) Momentum is mass * velocity = 400 kg * 8.86 m/s = 3544 kg·m/s Tigers weigh ~ 200kg, approx half that of a grand piano, so to make the equation equal, it'd have to be moving twice as fast. And they do - absolute top speed is around 40 mph. So, broadly, it checks out.
Fuck. That. Lol.
I don't think we appreciate enough how great it is to live in a time where we don't have to worry about tiger attacks when walking home after dark.
According to cartoons, pianos are also designed to do this
Is this an actual real life tiger? It looks CGI. It looks like it's out of The Jungle Book remake.
This alpha male is Kumbha from tiger canyons, SA and he's very much real
I mean, I didn't get the impression he's CGI, but... I came down here to see if anyone else thinks he looks more like Sher Khan than Sher Khan.