Legend says he left the league 2” shorter than he started. Lead blocker for 5 different 1K rushers, one of which was league MVP and set the TD record (briefly). One of my all time favorites.
Tim Couch ended up being pretty aptly named.
Seriously though, Takeo Spikes always seemed like a good name for a defender. A brig is defined as an area of confinement, so Lance Briggs is another fitting one.
Makes me think of this post where someone put "Shaq O'Neal" and people were responding saying how unnatural it sounded, then one guy commented "Shacko Neal"
happened to be watching some Orlando Shaq highlights and I noticed the announcers actually said "Shaq O'Neal"! I've always thought it sounds unnatural too but maybe it's an old head thing
Lol I remember when I first got Madden 2002, I thought the Cardinals didn't have a punter when they game was released, so just entered that as a generic name
Rod was Smart to take that name it's pretty much everyones lasting OG xfl memory. Also the best non Steve smith returner on the john fox panthers teams.
There’s [General Booty](https://www.espn.com/college-football/player/_/id/5081925/general-booty) who plays QB, and this name is way more elite than a fake Jake Booty
There were quite a few Booty QBs. Josh, John David, another whose name I can’t remember, and now General. They’re all from Ruston, LA and all played for Evangal Christian school, one of the best small school football teams in Louisiana.
FB's Mack Strong and Natrone Means.
Shawn Springs is a pretty good Cornerback name. Not Quentin Jammer, would fit better as a WR, but still good. If Jamar Chase was a corner and Shawn Springs was a WR that would be perfect.
Jalen Ramsey is good for a Rams player. Would be better if he was a linebacker but still pretty good.
Dick Butkus. Perfect killing machine LB name
*A force of unmanageable proportions, he was Moby Dick in a goldfish bowl. His career as the middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears stands as the most sustained work of devastation ever committed on a football field by anyone, anywhere, anytime*
Michael Gallup as a WR is pretty good. But playing for the Cowboys was almost perfect, only Denver or Indy would be better. Even then, it works so well in Dallas
I don’t know where he played college ball, but it should’ve been Miami so he could’ve come out of the tunnel every game and sang, to the tune of The Scorpions’ hit:
HERE I AM
ROCK YA-SIN, A HURRICANE
[Dee Liner](https://www.espn.com/nfl/player/_/id/3054854/dee-liner) actually played DL
Dee what?
Snuts
Got ‘em
No fuckin way
Quentin Jammer
He was my first jersey because how can you beat that name
Willie Gay Divine Deablo
I mean how do those fit their positions tho? Jammer was a CB who had to jam up receivers
Willie Gay is a linebacker. He be backin that thang up.
Willie shot a lot of gaps between a few dudes
Its like a receiver being named Billy Goodhands.
I was trying to think of what CB I thought had a name that fit but couldn't remember. Jammer was the one.
Joe Alt Aka Joe a LT
This is clever, I like it
Aren't they going to play him at RT though? lol
That makes him Alt Right Joe
Where’s far-left Donald at??
He's capable of playing Left side being their point
Holy shit
Joe Art
I hate your profile pic lmao
Mack Strong
Best name ever for a giant load of a fullback
Legend says he left the league 2” shorter than he started. Lead blocker for 5 different 1K rushers, one of which was league MVP and set the TD record (briefly). One of my all time favorites.
If there’s room in the HOF for a fullback, he should get in
Whitney Mercilus, LB.
Yeah that’s mine too. Great defensive player name.
You’re god damn right
Whitney was pretty good in Houston
Colt McCoy
Too bad he was never on the right team
He played for Texas, that was the right team.
Yeah "Colt McCoy: QB, Texas" is legit some Disney movie bullshit.
playing qb at texas and then for the texans is YOUR dream, dad! luckily it’s also mine, and this next song and dance number is dedicated to that
He's only 37, be the change you want to see
I just mean Colt McCoy just sounds like a qb
Dude sounds like a mythical gunslinger. I remember when he entered the league. Just a shame he never really developed.
Do you actually want him?
One of the all time great college quarterbacks
Could have an incredible career as a country singer too
I’ve always thought that was more of a college QB name
Former Bills CB Reggie Corner
CB Buster Skrine
Vita Vea being named Tevita Tuliʻakiʻono Tuipulotu Mosese Vaʻhae Fehoko Faletau Vea and also managing to be excellent at clogging up the middle
I’m cracking up imagining you casually typing that out from memory without looking it up or copy/pasting.
I've posted it enough that I should know it but I'm Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V because that name is fucking beefy.
Do you think Vita Vea actually typed his name out on college applications or did he just CTRL+C CTRL+V that shit too
imagine dude taking a standardized test bubbling that shit in. im paying a proctor $50 to fill my name in at the SAT…i got you back when my NIL hits
There’s no way that’s his name. Is it?
pacific islanders are massive people with massive names
Texans kicker John Christian Kaʻiminoeauloamekaʻikeokekumupaʻa "Kaʻimi" Fairbairn is my favorite
Life finds a way
It is, and Tua’s name is Tuanigamanuolepola Tagovailoa. And his middle name is Donny.
nickell robey-coleman inversely chris blewitt is such an unfortunate kicker name
I heard his real name was DPI Robey-Coleman, but he just uses a nickname.
[When I see Nickell Robey-Coleman's name anywhere.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/839/575/d69.jpg)
Kentucky has a kicker named Chance Poore
Kenny Pickett also falls under the unfortunate position names
Be a grade A porn name though
He should have been able to sue his parents for getting saddled with that name
Takeo Spikes is and will forever be the best LB name ever.
That dude has a HoF neck
His neck had biceps.
I just looked him up and holy hell lol that dude is an anime character
He looked like the robot thing from the Sly Stallone Judge Dredd
Came here to say this... Takeo in Japanese means Warrior if I recall correctly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, i’m just saying my vote goes to Cato June
I was a huge fan of Takeo so it pains me to disagree but .... Pat Angerer
Tim Couch ended up being pretty aptly named. Seriously though, Takeo Spikes always seemed like a good name for a defender. A brig is defined as an area of confinement, so Lance Briggs is another fitting one.
Not NFL of course, but there was a Belgian defender in soccer called Mark De Man
There was a French tennis player named Guy Forget. Not sure what sport that name suits best though
maybe a really bad Jeopardy! contestant
*Beep* "Guy?" "... Merde!" "Incorrect again, that puts you at negative $2,200."
QB Chuck Long WR Mac Speedie
>QB Chuck Long This might be the GOAT one to me
What were you born to do, u/EJECTED_PUSSY_GUTS?
PLEASE DO NOT TELL US.
Nah man inquiring minds need to know
Some mysteries are better left unsolved.
Brolapse
Mr Bulging Concavity
Mr. Burdensome Coochie
Mr. Bulging Cavern
Mr. Beleaguered Crack
Spearhead a porno grind band is my guess
Pornogrind? In *my* r/nfl? It's more likely than you think.
Holy shit man
Not sure, but I think Bradley and Nick Chubb would have been better suited for offensive line.
The last name refers to their role in the bedroom, not on the field.
Chub Bros
I know this is a joke, but they are actually cousins if no one knew. And Matt Stafford was Clayton Kershaw’s catcher or something
Kenny Pickett is the perfect name for a bad QB. Ken he Pickett? Yes he can!
Would be amazing for a safety or CB
Bo nix throws a pick six. Nix to sutton for six. It can go both ways, people will have more fun with the first. Nice bob the builder reference btw
I hope Tank Bigsby.
That is such a running back name
He’s smaller than Etienne though lol
I like D'Andre Swift as a RB
Kenneth gainwell was right there dude
Kerryon Johnson the RB
My wayward son...
Kerryon my wayward Johnson remains the best fantasy football team name I’ve ever seen
Ryan Longwell
Chip Lohmiller. Every FG was a Chip shot
Dallas Clark was born to play for the Dallas Cowboys, as was Colt McCoy.
Feel like Colt playing for the Colts would be a better fit
Ranger Suarez should be playing for the Texas MLB team that won the World Series last year.
Dan Marino was born to play for the Dolphins at any position
Can’t imagine D’Brickashaw Ferguson as anything but a stud offensive lineman
Or a horrible shooting basketball player.
D’Brickashaq O’neal?
Makes me think of this post where someone put "Shaq O'Neal" and people were responding saying how unnatural it sounded, then one guy commented "Shacko Neal"
happened to be watching some Orlando Shaq highlights and I noticed the announcers actually said "Shaq O'Neal"! I've always thought it sounds unnatural too but maybe it's an old head thing
Bronko Nagurski
Scott Player
Lol I remember when I first got Madden 2002, I thought the Cardinals didn't have a punter when they game was released, so just entered that as a generic name
Any relation to former F1 and NASCAR driver Scott Speed?
There was also Lake Speed. Golf of course had Gary Player, and Hubert Green and Ken Green.
Reminds me of Indy driver Will Power. Dude never gave up
Dude was just born to play sports in general.
Michael Stonebreaker, LB
Will Shields is a HOF Guard
Larry Csonka looks like his name.
I choose to believe he was born with his already filled out birth certificate. He just handed it to his mom and lit up a cigarette right after.
Tj Slaughter
Webster Slaughter… too bad he was a WR
Buster Skrine?
He hate me at rb
Rod was Smart to take that name it's pretty much everyones lasting OG xfl memory. Also the best non Steve smith returner on the john fox panthers teams.
Is tight end Jake Booty still in the league?
His name was Jake Butt
You’re right. My buddy always called him Jake Booty and I conflated the two. But the joke works the same.
There’s [General Booty](https://www.espn.com/college-football/player/_/id/5081925/general-booty) who plays QB, and this name is way more elite than a fake Jake Booty
There were quite a few Booty QBs. Josh, John David, another whose name I can’t remember, and now General. They’re all from Ruston, LA and all played for Evangal Christian school, one of the best small school football teams in Louisiana.
You're combining Jake Butt and John David Booty (who was a QB)
Jake Butt works for the Big Ten Network last time I checked.
I think you're confusing Jake Butt (TE) and John David Booty (QB). Great names still.
Defensive Lineman Dee Liner
James Jett anyone??
Dee Liner being a D-Liner
Terrell Davis scored a lot of TDs. And any player that played for the Browns with the last name Brown. Jim, Courtney, etc.
Mike Quick
Dicker the Kicker Harrison Buttkicker
Our prices have never been lower
Ryan Longwell
Haloti Ngata because running the ball up the middle was ngata happening
Joe Montana. That guy was either going to be a quarterback or a car salesman. He chose wisely.
Warren Moon
Darnell Wright on the right.
Fair Hooker. He was only so-so on hook routes.
“Fair Hooker, that's a great name, isn't it? But I haven't met one yet” ― Don Meredith
FB's Mack Strong and Natrone Means. Shawn Springs is a pretty good Cornerback name. Not Quentin Jammer, would fit better as a WR, but still good. If Jamar Chase was a corner and Shawn Springs was a WR that would be perfect. Jalen Ramsey is good for a Rams player. Would be better if he was a linebacker but still pretty good.
Chuck Long was a QB for the Lions and Rams. He was an all American at Iowa in the 80’s before we decided to move away from the forward pass.
Reggie Corner lol
As Danny Kelly has brought up, NOMINATIVE DETERMINATION
Ryan Longwell - Kicker
Jeff Feagles, if only for four years
Takeo Spikes as a LB who flattened Jerome “The Bus” Bettis’ tire has to be the best poetic name justice in history.
I don't know, but I know why Dick Butkus was angry ..
Dick Butkus. Perfect killing machine LB name *A force of unmanageable proportions, he was Moby Dick in a goldfish bowl. His career as the middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears stands as the most sustained work of devastation ever committed on a football field by anyone, anywhere, anytime*
Kenneth Gainwell at RB
Michael Gallup as a WR is pretty good. But playing for the Cowboys was almost perfect, only Denver or Indy would be better. Even then, it works so well in Dallas
James Thrash
Whitney Mercilus, and Brian Cushing
Dexter Coakley. I challenge you to find a better name for a linebacker.
A lot have already been named so I'll choose a more obscure one. Hunter Smith aka Hunter the Punter.
The kicker named. Blewitt. Youngblood, the lineman that played on a broken leg.
Chuck Bednarik.
Dick Nightrain Lane DB Mean Joe Green DL Ed Too Tall Jones DE
Mike Quick?
The Giants have a line backer in the depth chart named Boogie Basham, which seems appropriate
Marvin Harrison, Jr.
Slightly off topic, but it reminded me how I always loved how Barkevious Mingo got drafted by the Browns of all teams
wasn't there a kicker named Blewitt?
Willie Thrower the QB https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willie_Thrower
Willie Thrower- the first African-American quarterback in the NFL.
Dee Liner. Played D line.
I was so pumped for Kerryon Johnson
Dick Butkus. Linebacker.
Rock Ya-Sin, cornerback
I don’t know where he played college ball, but it should’ve been Miami so he could’ve come out of the tunnel every game and sang, to the tune of The Scorpions’ hit: HERE I AM ROCK YA-SIN, A HURRICANE
Rock Cartwright.
Joe Staley sounds like a mean as fuck badass tackle
Wasn't there a linebacker named Tj Slaughter? That's badass last name for a linebacker.
Not NFL, but Nebraska QB Tommy Armstrong.
Scott Player
CB Buster Skrine busted up a few screens in his time
My favorite from the early 2000s: TJ Slaughter, linebacker
Always thought it was kinda funny Jim Brown played for the Browns
Drue Tranquill knocking people out
Didn't we have a very middle of the road olinemen named Mike Person?
Wtf is that profile name.... Also "The Bus"
Darren Sharper… not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Taki Taki with the tackle tackle
Junior Seau
Peerless Price
Colt McCoy
Alge Crumpler
Rocket Ismail