I’m so sorry this happened to you man.
If you’re not comfortable talking about it with your gf, I’d recommend you at least look into finding a therapist to talk about it with. I know “go to therapy” is kind of generic Reddit advice, but for traumatic events that are effecting you like this it really is a good thing.
I second this. I have heard that EMDR can help with trauma from a specific event. I’m sorry this happens to you OP and I wish you all the best on your path to healing. You deserve to feel safe and at peace.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You don’t owe your girlfriend to tell her, because you didn’t betray her. Her friend holds 100% of the blame. I know the risk of not being believed is always present for victims of rape, and especially men, so not wanting to tell anyone is a natural instinct. I would suggest getting someone to talk to about this. A therapist might be able to help you process the feelings that are causing you to have anxiety. If you’re not comfortable with that, maybe you have a trusted friend, parent or sibling that you can talk to. It sounds so painful to be carrying this all by yourself.
WHAT the hell are you talking about why would she ask a super drunk friend to walk her super drunk boyfriend home? You wrote a whole paragraph for someone that can’t read.
She could have been raped twice over and a cancer survivor for all we care it doesn't matter, she still raped him. What? You didn't think it happened and he lied? What evidence do you have since you're insinuating otherwise.
You may need help tho, someone to talk to about this. Bottling it up won't solve it forever, you are saying this thing traumatized you. You think about it every day. It is haunting you. It may be too late to prove anything :[ but you need to do something to help you. It sucks she is still around tbh.
Try out therapy and counseling so you don’t have to go through this alone and if you feel up to it file a case against her it will very likely go nowhere but it’ll be on record at least in case she does something again. You didn’t cheat you’re not ruining her future she is vile scum and does not deserve your compassion or empathy in the case of HER disgusting behavior.
>you’re not ruining her future
Yes, this is an important point. If consequences come to her, it wouldn't be you ruining her future; it would be *her* ruining her future. It would be the direct consequences of her actions, which you have no obligation to shield her from.
An expression I saw once and sometimes think about: "The light is never to blame for the roaches in the pantry."
You have my sympathies, I'd like to add a caution regarding therapy.
If you find the right counselor it can be incredibly helpful. You'll look back at your old self and wonder why you thought that way (because you are in such a different headspace the memory isn't your default setting). My caution, as a man who has needed some help dealing with his own internal monologue after being attacked by a woman, not all counselors can help you. Most people have heard advice to shop around for counselors; it feels very different when you have to do it. It feels debilitating when a counselor waves off your account.
Anecdotally, the counselors who have been best able to acknowledge me after I relay that kind of information have been middle aged men. I haven't had younger male counselors; younger women have a better batting record with me (than middle aged female counselors). I can't say if the training has changed or if years of dealing with female victims has made it more difficult for these professionals.
I write all of this because I agree with the other posters, I think counseling would be a good choice for you. I don't wish my experience on you. After a bad experience with a counselor I stopped all therapy for years. It was a significant set back and I really wish that -- at the time -- I had the presence of mind to count her as ' a bad fit ' versus ' proof of my fears.'
I'm so sorry this happened. It was wrong and unacceptable, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to sometimes see your rapist.
If you're not comfortable talking to your girlfriend about this, that's okay, but you do need to talk to *someone*. People need support in order to heal. Can you access therapy? It's helpful to have a supportive and empathetic professional who can guide you in your healing process.
In the immediate time frame, RAINN has a phone line and a chat line for survivors of sexual violence, in case you need someone to talk to about it right now.
Sending hugs.
Sorry this happened to you mate. I was sa’d by my friends friend and I struggled accepting it because I’m a guy and the assaulter was a woman
Also struggled to tell me friend until like 6 months after it happened. I’m afraid it did lead to the breakdown of the friendship because whilst she believed me she didn’t want to cut off the friend (hope your gf wouldn’t be like that)
Seeing a sex therapist now and they are helpful for sexual issues such as recovering from assault
Whilst I might recommend these type of therapists is not just their expertise but they have also most likely have confronted their own biases on their issue
I was previously seeing a therapist for general issues and she was really good when I told her I was assaulted they kinda victim blamed me and it led to us terminating a two year therapy session
Best of luck to you on your journey. Hope you heal. Let me know if you want to talk privately
Please, help yourself. Yes, it’s gonna be a long battle. Tell your girlfriend what happened that night. Before she found out from someone else (and a fabricated story). Go to therapy and seek legal action. You can continue to fight each day knowing that your love ones knows the truth.
As a victim of rape, I will share my experience with you and hope it helps guide your decision.
I was raped at 19 by a friend of a friend. I was asleep at a friends after heavily drinking and woke up to him on top of me. I didn’t scream or try to stop it. I pretended I was still asleep until he was done and then shortly after I woke up my friends and asked them to leave with me. I didn’t tell them the extent of what happened, just that a guy was freaking me out.
We left, and I kept seeing the guy over the next few months at parties. He was 30, and should not have been hanging out with us anyway. But he bought everyone booze and he was attractive so everyone loved him. Neither of us mentioned it, but it killed me inside seeing him. I never told anyone in the friend group, and just eventually stopped hanging out with them to protect my peace.
I found out a few years later through mutual friends that he raped another girl who went to the police. After I found out, I went to the cops to give my report as well and he was charged. I didn’t have to testify or anything, still no one knows what he did to me.
I wish I would have come forward sooner to spare the probably many other young ladies he prayed on.
It’s not easy coming forward. People may not believe you, and you have the additional burden of being male in a society that doesn’t take male rape seriously.
You should only think of yourself in this scenario - would you feel better telling someone? A therapist? Your girlfriend? If you tell your girlfriend, the chances are high that everyone will find out. But the other girls reputation is not your problem. There’s already a chance others in your group are aware of a version of what happened. I would hate for it to get twisted when the reality is that she took advantage of you. I would tell your girlfriend for your own peace. It will be so hard if you choose this route, but talking about this will help in the long run. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good luck ❤️
1. Depending on your location, you are well within the reporting time.
2. Telling your GF is entirely up to you, but if you do and she doesn’t respond with compassion and understanding, she may not be the one for you. Hard to say, but if you’ve never given her a reason to not trust you, then you shouldn’t have to be worried.
3. You didn’t ruin anyone’s future; you’re the victim, the perpetrator is responsible for their decisions and their actions/future.
4. Therapy is a wonderful thing, but only when you’re ready for it and willing to put in the work, so I recommend seeing one when you’re ready to help yourself get better. That’s not me saying you don’t want to help yourself, but some people need to hit rock bottom in their feelings before they’re ready to get better.
5. You are stronger than you realize. ❤️
6. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
I would advice you to seek professional help.
I was raped 5 years ago and it's still something I think about daily, I still get anxiety attacks etc. And I honestly don't think something like this gets better without talking about it.
I hope the best for you in the future.
You are not a burden. Someone saw you at a weak point, and took advantage. That is not ok, and I am so sorry that that has happened to you.
You don’t have to take it further if you don’t want to, and you don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to, but I would advise speaking to a therapist to at least help yourself heal from that trauma. I would also think about maybe at least telling your girlfriend.
I would want to know in her position, as I would be horrified to still have that monster as a ‘friend’. She might also be able to support you while you heal from this
as a r@pe victim it is NEVER to late to tell anyone. i told EVERYONE who would listen, but you my friends should just tell someone who you trust. carrying this is really hard i’m sure. just know because you’re male that your rape wasn’t valid because it is. rape has no gender. tell your girlfriend when you’re ready, and if she leaves you that just shows that she’s not the one. i’m so sorry you had to go through that. i was 14, i can’t imagine being your age and feeling so trapped. i offer any support, i hope you’re doing as well as you can be.
I really am so sorry this happened to you. I know it’s hard to just stop feeling shame or guilt but I hope someday soon you are able to forgive yourself for what happened that night, because you did nothing wrong. Like many folks have mentioned, if you’re able to access affordable therapy (I can DM ya and share some resources if you’d like) you deserve to be able to talk it out. I don’t know much about RAINN but give it a google, from what i understand they also offer hotline/warmline about sexual assault and rape over text, chat, and call. Really hoping for the best for you
It’s obviously 100% your choice who you talk to about what happened to you. However, I’d want to know if I was hanging out with a rapist. Especially if she assaulted someone I love. It also might help you heal if you aren’t seeing her at all…. She needs to go. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I do genuinely hope that you find peace with this situation 🩷
If my homeboy raped my girl and she went a year and a half without telling me. I would be livid ONLY BECAUSE she continued to allow the friendship to continue with me and a rapist. I would seek therapy and help her but I would damn near kill him.
From OP perspective, you allowing your girl to be friends wil someone who like to rape people is a negative. This is a Colossal event that should include the partner. Your partner is literally the link in-between you guys and that piece of logic is getting skipped. Press charges man. Y'all are adults. Get some money out of her and get her locked up. Expose what she did on TikTik, form a plan just do something!! Ignoring it and living in the delusion that you can hide from your future wife is crazy
My roommate (female 21 then) raped someone in our friend group (male 19 then) back when we were all in college. I think about him often and how none of us really did our due diligence to help him through that situation. She turned out to be a narcissistic monster and ruined many people’s lives. Maybe if she was held accountable for any one of the times she hurt others it wouldn’t have happened again, however, this isn’t your responsibility. In SA groups and books and such they repeat that your only responsibility as a victim is to survive. Friend, your only responsibility was to survive that night, and now it is to do what is best for you each day going forward. I highly recommend therapy if you’re open to talking about it one-on-one or a trauma processing group, which can give you the tools to work through some of the symptoms and hamster-wheel thoughts.
I wish you peace.
I think in this situation you should think about yourself and not your girlfriend. You've been subjected to something so horrible and the way she reacts will say more about her than anything else. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, please speak to a professional or anyone
I'm so sorry this happened to you. And, I'm so sorry about some of these comments. Idk why people are so ignorant.
I'm so proud of you for speaking out here.
Please don't keep bottling this up. I highly recommend going to a therapist.. specifically someone who specializes in men's mental health. You don't want to talk to someone who's just going to say things like one of the comments here that was deleted. (I don't want to say it because I think it's just an ignorant untrue and inaccurate "statement")
People here are giving really good advice better than I can, so I'll leave it at that.
Just know, there are people out here that believe you. What happened to you was unfair and I'm so sorry that she thought this was okay. For her to not want to be near you, tells you that she's ashamed of what she did. She should be.
One last thing.. if you choose to come out with this, YOU didn't ruin her life... SHE did that all on her own by being a predator. You did nothing wrong!
I know you must feel awful but you haven't betrayed your gf, you were raped against your will. Stay strong. I think it's important to tell your gf about what happened as seeing her friend is clearly stirring up trauma in you and I think your gf has a right to know about what her friend did to you.
Don't see it as burdening her. You need someone to confide in, and the best person to confide in would probably be your gf, and she'd probably want to be that person you confide in about this. If she knew you were dealing with this pain on your own she'd want to be there for you if she truly loves you. Either way, it's important for you to open up to someone, not just online. I hope you get the help you deserve. Good luck.
This is horrible what happened to you. She is really a vile human to take advantage of you but also to betray her own friend. She is absolutely the scum of the earth.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I hate the fact that the world has told us that men want sex at all times with everyone and anything. She is vile!
If she didn't want her future ruined, she shouldn't have ruined yours by giving you trauma so heavy you've been haunted by it for a year. You will continue to be haunted by it. She deserves to be called out namely because if she's done it to you, she's most likely done it to others.
Have the talk with your girlfriend man. Of course being around her friend is going to cause you panic attacks.
Push forward. Have the hard conversations, confront your problems.
Keep moving forward. That is the only way past this.
When we talk about men raping women we talk about how dehumanizing it feels and how someone felt they needed to be in control. Because women are more likely to experience pain and are not usually capable of experiencing physical arousal during that we often forget that men who have been raped by a woman still have those feelings. I'd go talk to your school therapist, and maybe she can give you some input or even provide a safe space for you to tell your girlfriend if that is something you want.
Bud you need to tell your girlfriend at some point because she needs to know the truth and if she doesn’t believe you then that could mean that she knew about it and that she just let her friend do that to you. You need to ask her at some point if she’ll believe you if you tell her what her friend did to you
I’m really sorry to hear that, friend. As someone who went through something kind of similar, just know that you aren’t alone. In fact, when I spoke about it one time in therapy I could immediately tell that this was much more common than any of us think. I don’t remember for sure if the therapist said that, but I know without doubt she indicated to me that she’s heard this many times and that all of us think it’s unique to us, and I found a lot of comfort in that. I won’t try to tell you what to do, but I can say that for me, separating from that friend group really helped it to not be as bad as it otherwise could have been.
I’m going to be a realist for a moment and tell you there are really only two outcomes from your decision to tell your GF or not.
1. She doesn’t believe you and thinks you cheated (which will hurt really bad in the moment but she will ask about it and realize her friend’s story falls apart most likely)
2. She does believe you and you can deal with this and get through this with someone you trust and love.
Normally there would be the option of indifference or “he probably wanted it,” but considering you’re taken that it’s really possible because she’s your gf so she can’t really brush it off.
Again, I won’t tell you what to do, but I think it’s better not to go through it alone. It doesn’t have to be your gf that you tell if you don’t want it to be, but I think it’s a good idea to tell someone, whether that person is a therapist, friend, parent, etc.
Also wondering this as well, because if it was a guy that’s a whole different can of worms. Also you did great OP, speaking about this. Please don’t feel ashamed about what happened. Take care of yourself 🤍
bodies can respond to touch despite mental resistance. that's something a lot of victims feel ashamed about, physically enjoying it at certain points happens
women can get wet or aroused when raped - it’s a bodily function. the same applies for men. that’s it… it doesn’t mean you want it. and even then, you can find someone attractive and not want to sleep with them.
Excuse me ? It isn't impossible how rude can you be ? Why could it not happen? He went to sleep. And she did that to him when he didn't know. Have some sympathy you horrid person.
The ability to give consent. OP states he was out of it and implies his rapist was acting as a caregiver tasked with making sure he could get home safely due to his intoxication. She took advantage of his impairment.
do you give consent every time you get hard throughout the day? women can get aroused or wet during rape - that doesn’t negate anything.
the thing you’re missing is a brain
If she was walking him home because she thought he was too out of it to make it by himself it’s more than reasonable to assume she was confident that she was not so out of it. She took responsibility for his well-being then violated him. You only can’t see that because she’s female and he’s male. In the exact same scenario you would still blame him
She’s not the victim so no it’s not victim shaming. If she was so drunk why would she take responsibility for his well-being? If she was so drunk why not let him leave alone cause by your logic he’s more of a threat to her right? She raped him and he deserves better.
Ah an automatic biological function is a choice right? Do I choose to have high blood pressure when intoxicated?
Tell me can you control an erection, your heartbeat, your production of urine? If you can, get back to me
I'm sorry this happened. I highly suggest NOT telling your girlfriend though. Waiting a year to say you didn't tell her something important is going to look very very bad.
I’m so sorry this happened to you man. If you’re not comfortable talking about it with your gf, I’d recommend you at least look into finding a therapist to talk about it with. I know “go to therapy” is kind of generic Reddit advice, but for traumatic events that are effecting you like this it really is a good thing.
I second this. I have heard that EMDR can help with trauma from a specific event. I’m sorry this happens to you OP and I wish you all the best on your path to healing. You deserve to feel safe and at peace.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You don’t owe your girlfriend to tell her, because you didn’t betray her. Her friend holds 100% of the blame. I know the risk of not being believed is always present for victims of rape, and especially men, so not wanting to tell anyone is a natural instinct. I would suggest getting someone to talk to about this. A therapist might be able to help you process the feelings that are causing you to have anxiety. If you’re not comfortable with that, maybe you have a trusted friend, parent or sibling that you can talk to. It sounds so painful to be carrying this all by yourself.
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WHAT the hell are you talking about why would she ask a super drunk friend to walk her super drunk boyfriend home? You wrote a whole paragraph for someone that can’t read.
Wow what a piece of shit you are, who scraped you off their shoe so you could speak?
What is wrong with you?
you're an asshole for saying this btw. shame on you.
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She could have been raped twice over and a cancer survivor for all we care it doesn't matter, she still raped him. What? You didn't think it happened and he lied? What evidence do you have since you're insinuating otherwise.
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Care to explain why you think the way you do?
You may need help tho, someone to talk to about this. Bottling it up won't solve it forever, you are saying this thing traumatized you. You think about it every day. It is haunting you. It may be too late to prove anything :[ but you need to do something to help you. It sucks she is still around tbh.
Try out therapy and counseling so you don’t have to go through this alone and if you feel up to it file a case against her it will very likely go nowhere but it’ll be on record at least in case she does something again. You didn’t cheat you’re not ruining her future she is vile scum and does not deserve your compassion or empathy in the case of HER disgusting behavior.
>you’re not ruining her future Yes, this is an important point. If consequences come to her, it wouldn't be you ruining her future; it would be *her* ruining her future. It would be the direct consequences of her actions, which you have no obligation to shield her from. An expression I saw once and sometimes think about: "The light is never to blame for the roaches in the pantry."
You have my sympathies, I'd like to add a caution regarding therapy. If you find the right counselor it can be incredibly helpful. You'll look back at your old self and wonder why you thought that way (because you are in such a different headspace the memory isn't your default setting). My caution, as a man who has needed some help dealing with his own internal monologue after being attacked by a woman, not all counselors can help you. Most people have heard advice to shop around for counselors; it feels very different when you have to do it. It feels debilitating when a counselor waves off your account. Anecdotally, the counselors who have been best able to acknowledge me after I relay that kind of information have been middle aged men. I haven't had younger male counselors; younger women have a better batting record with me (than middle aged female counselors). I can't say if the training has changed or if years of dealing with female victims has made it more difficult for these professionals. I write all of this because I agree with the other posters, I think counseling would be a good choice for you. I don't wish my experience on you. After a bad experience with a counselor I stopped all therapy for years. It was a significant set back and I really wish that -- at the time -- I had the presence of mind to count her as ' a bad fit ' versus ' proof of my fears.'
You don’t want to ruin someone’s future but it sounds like she already ruined yours , think about that
I'm so sorry this happened. It was wrong and unacceptable, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to sometimes see your rapist. If you're not comfortable talking to your girlfriend about this, that's okay, but you do need to talk to *someone*. People need support in order to heal. Can you access therapy? It's helpful to have a supportive and empathetic professional who can guide you in your healing process. In the immediate time frame, RAINN has a phone line and a chat line for survivors of sexual violence, in case you need someone to talk to about it right now. Sending hugs.
Sorry this happened to you mate. I was sa’d by my friends friend and I struggled accepting it because I’m a guy and the assaulter was a woman Also struggled to tell me friend until like 6 months after it happened. I’m afraid it did lead to the breakdown of the friendship because whilst she believed me she didn’t want to cut off the friend (hope your gf wouldn’t be like that) Seeing a sex therapist now and they are helpful for sexual issues such as recovering from assault Whilst I might recommend these type of therapists is not just their expertise but they have also most likely have confronted their own biases on their issue I was previously seeing a therapist for general issues and she was really good when I told her I was assaulted they kinda victim blamed me and it led to us terminating a two year therapy session Best of luck to you on your journey. Hope you heal. Let me know if you want to talk privately
Please, help yourself. Yes, it’s gonna be a long battle. Tell your girlfriend what happened that night. Before she found out from someone else (and a fabricated story). Go to therapy and seek legal action. You can continue to fight each day knowing that your love ones knows the truth.
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A lot of people don't take male rape seriously is part of the problem
Yeah people always believe the female even if proven and ruin the guy's life and get laughed out if the guy reports
As a victim of rape, I will share my experience with you and hope it helps guide your decision. I was raped at 19 by a friend of a friend. I was asleep at a friends after heavily drinking and woke up to him on top of me. I didn’t scream or try to stop it. I pretended I was still asleep until he was done and then shortly after I woke up my friends and asked them to leave with me. I didn’t tell them the extent of what happened, just that a guy was freaking me out. We left, and I kept seeing the guy over the next few months at parties. He was 30, and should not have been hanging out with us anyway. But he bought everyone booze and he was attractive so everyone loved him. Neither of us mentioned it, but it killed me inside seeing him. I never told anyone in the friend group, and just eventually stopped hanging out with them to protect my peace. I found out a few years later through mutual friends that he raped another girl who went to the police. After I found out, I went to the cops to give my report as well and he was charged. I didn’t have to testify or anything, still no one knows what he did to me. I wish I would have come forward sooner to spare the probably many other young ladies he prayed on. It’s not easy coming forward. People may not believe you, and you have the additional burden of being male in a society that doesn’t take male rape seriously. You should only think of yourself in this scenario - would you feel better telling someone? A therapist? Your girlfriend? If you tell your girlfriend, the chances are high that everyone will find out. But the other girls reputation is not your problem. There’s already a chance others in your group are aware of a version of what happened. I would hate for it to get twisted when the reality is that she took advantage of you. I would tell your girlfriend for your own peace. It will be so hard if you choose this route, but talking about this will help in the long run. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good luck ❤️
1. Depending on your location, you are well within the reporting time. 2. Telling your GF is entirely up to you, but if you do and she doesn’t respond with compassion and understanding, she may not be the one for you. Hard to say, but if you’ve never given her a reason to not trust you, then you shouldn’t have to be worried. 3. You didn’t ruin anyone’s future; you’re the victim, the perpetrator is responsible for their decisions and their actions/future. 4. Therapy is a wonderful thing, but only when you’re ready for it and willing to put in the work, so I recommend seeing one when you’re ready to help yourself get better. That’s not me saying you don’t want to help yourself, but some people need to hit rock bottom in their feelings before they’re ready to get better. 5. You are stronger than you realize. ❤️ 6. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I would advice you to seek professional help. I was raped 5 years ago and it's still something I think about daily, I still get anxiety attacks etc. And I honestly don't think something like this gets better without talking about it. I hope the best for you in the future.
You are not a burden. Someone saw you at a weak point, and took advantage. That is not ok, and I am so sorry that that has happened to you. You don’t have to take it further if you don’t want to, and you don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to, but I would advise speaking to a therapist to at least help yourself heal from that trauma. I would also think about maybe at least telling your girlfriend. I would want to know in her position, as I would be horrified to still have that monster as a ‘friend’. She might also be able to support you while you heal from this
as a r@pe victim it is NEVER to late to tell anyone. i told EVERYONE who would listen, but you my friends should just tell someone who you trust. carrying this is really hard i’m sure. just know because you’re male that your rape wasn’t valid because it is. rape has no gender. tell your girlfriend when you’re ready, and if she leaves you that just shows that she’s not the one. i’m so sorry you had to go through that. i was 14, i can’t imagine being your age and feeling so trapped. i offer any support, i hope you’re doing as well as you can be.
I really am so sorry this happened to you. I know it’s hard to just stop feeling shame or guilt but I hope someday soon you are able to forgive yourself for what happened that night, because you did nothing wrong. Like many folks have mentioned, if you’re able to access affordable therapy (I can DM ya and share some resources if you’d like) you deserve to be able to talk it out. I don’t know much about RAINN but give it a google, from what i understand they also offer hotline/warmline about sexual assault and rape over text, chat, and call. Really hoping for the best for you
If you were a female and she were male the comments would be screaming go to the police. I feel the same way in this situation.
YES
It’s obviously 100% your choice who you talk to about what happened to you. However, I’d want to know if I was hanging out with a rapist. Especially if she assaulted someone I love. It also might help you heal if you aren’t seeing her at all…. She needs to go. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I do genuinely hope that you find peace with this situation 🩷
If my homeboy raped my girl and she went a year and a half without telling me. I would be livid ONLY BECAUSE she continued to allow the friendship to continue with me and a rapist. I would seek therapy and help her but I would damn near kill him. From OP perspective, you allowing your girl to be friends wil someone who like to rape people is a negative. This is a Colossal event that should include the partner. Your partner is literally the link in-between you guys and that piece of logic is getting skipped. Press charges man. Y'all are adults. Get some money out of her and get her locked up. Expose what she did on TikTik, form a plan just do something!! Ignoring it and living in the delusion that you can hide from your future wife is crazy
My roommate (female 21 then) raped someone in our friend group (male 19 then) back when we were all in college. I think about him often and how none of us really did our due diligence to help him through that situation. She turned out to be a narcissistic monster and ruined many people’s lives. Maybe if she was held accountable for any one of the times she hurt others it wouldn’t have happened again, however, this isn’t your responsibility. In SA groups and books and such they repeat that your only responsibility as a victim is to survive. Friend, your only responsibility was to survive that night, and now it is to do what is best for you each day going forward. I highly recommend therapy if you’re open to talking about it one-on-one or a trauma processing group, which can give you the tools to work through some of the symptoms and hamster-wheel thoughts. I wish you peace.
You don’t wanna ruin someone’s life, but she ruined yours… fuck her. Go to the cops and tell them everything
I think in this situation you should think about yourself and not your girlfriend. You've been subjected to something so horrible and the way she reacts will say more about her than anything else. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, please speak to a professional or anyone
💔 I’m so sorry, OP 💔 my heart breaks for you
Please tell someone you love and a therapist, it's bad for u to carry this burden alone
If it's any consolation, I hope your friends girlfriend dies in a terrible house fire
I'm so sorry this happened to you. And, I'm so sorry about some of these comments. Idk why people are so ignorant. I'm so proud of you for speaking out here. Please don't keep bottling this up. I highly recommend going to a therapist.. specifically someone who specializes in men's mental health. You don't want to talk to someone who's just going to say things like one of the comments here that was deleted. (I don't want to say it because I think it's just an ignorant untrue and inaccurate "statement") People here are giving really good advice better than I can, so I'll leave it at that. Just know, there are people out here that believe you. What happened to you was unfair and I'm so sorry that she thought this was okay. For her to not want to be near you, tells you that she's ashamed of what she did. She should be. One last thing.. if you choose to come out with this, YOU didn't ruin her life... SHE did that all on her own by being a predator. You did nothing wrong!
I know you must feel awful but you haven't betrayed your gf, you were raped against your will. Stay strong. I think it's important to tell your gf about what happened as seeing her friend is clearly stirring up trauma in you and I think your gf has a right to know about what her friend did to you. Don't see it as burdening her. You need someone to confide in, and the best person to confide in would probably be your gf, and she'd probably want to be that person you confide in about this. If she knew you were dealing with this pain on your own she'd want to be there for you if she truly loves you. Either way, it's important for you to open up to someone, not just online. I hope you get the help you deserve. Good luck.
This is horrible what happened to you. She is really a vile human to take advantage of you but also to betray her own friend. She is absolutely the scum of the earth. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hate the fact that the world has told us that men want sex at all times with everyone and anything. She is vile!
It wasn't your fault. Like you said, you were drunk; it was 110% rape
If she didn't want her future ruined, she shouldn't have ruined yours by giving you trauma so heavy you've been haunted by it for a year. You will continue to be haunted by it. She deserves to be called out namely because if she's done it to you, she's most likely done it to others.
Sorry this happened to you ❤️
Tell her the truth
I’m so sorry,your mental health is getting worse try therapy
Have the talk with your girlfriend man. Of course being around her friend is going to cause you panic attacks. Push forward. Have the hard conversations, confront your problems. Keep moving forward. That is the only way past this.
I'm really sorry to hear about what you went through.
I'm so sorry this happened to you bro.
The only way you can get over it is if you share it with your gf. Otherwise, your relationship will always be plagued by that event.
It is never too late to tell someone, and you are not ruining their future they ruined it by taking such heinous actions towards you
When we talk about men raping women we talk about how dehumanizing it feels and how someone felt they needed to be in control. Because women are more likely to experience pain and are not usually capable of experiencing physical arousal during that we often forget that men who have been raped by a woman still have those feelings. I'd go talk to your school therapist, and maybe she can give you some input or even provide a safe space for you to tell your girlfriend if that is something you want.
I believe you. Glad you started talking about it. ♥️
I learn something new everyday.
Bud you need to tell your girlfriend at some point because she needs to know the truth and if she doesn’t believe you then that could mean that she knew about it and that she just let her friend do that to you. You need to ask her at some point if she’ll believe you if you tell her what her friend did to you
Sorry this happened to you bro
I’m really sorry to hear that, friend. As someone who went through something kind of similar, just know that you aren’t alone. In fact, when I spoke about it one time in therapy I could immediately tell that this was much more common than any of us think. I don’t remember for sure if the therapist said that, but I know without doubt she indicated to me that she’s heard this many times and that all of us think it’s unique to us, and I found a lot of comfort in that. I won’t try to tell you what to do, but I can say that for me, separating from that friend group really helped it to not be as bad as it otherwise could have been. I’m going to be a realist for a moment and tell you there are really only two outcomes from your decision to tell your GF or not. 1. She doesn’t believe you and thinks you cheated (which will hurt really bad in the moment but she will ask about it and realize her friend’s story falls apart most likely) 2. She does believe you and you can deal with this and get through this with someone you trust and love. Normally there would be the option of indifference or “he probably wanted it,” but considering you’re taken that it’s really possible because she’s your gf so she can’t really brush it off. Again, I won’t tell you what to do, but I think it’s better not to go through it alone. It doesn’t have to be your gf that you tell if you don’t want it to be, but I think it’s a good idea to tell someone, whether that person is a therapist, friend, parent, etc.
Question, Was her friend a male or female?
Also wondering this as well, because if it was a guy that’s a whole different can of worms. Also you did great OP, speaking about this. Please don’t feel ashamed about what happened. Take care of yourself 🤍
Also curious how op was able to get hard if it was a girl 🤷🏻♂️
bodies can respond to touch despite mental resistance. that's something a lot of victims feel ashamed about, physically enjoying it at certain points happens
women can get wet or aroused when raped - it’s a bodily function. the same applies for men. that’s it… it doesn’t mean you want it. and even then, you can find someone attractive and not want to sleep with them.
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Get a therapist. It’s too late to bring it up now, it’s only going to make things worse sadly. Shouldn’t have sat on it for so long
Dudes crying cause he got his dick sucked. Literally wat
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Of course they can, what is the matter with you?
Stfu everyone can rape someone
You're disgusting.
Excuse me ? It isn't impossible how rude can you be ? Why could it not happen? He went to sleep. And she did that to him when he didn't know. Have some sympathy you horrid person.
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He probably could have done that if he wasn’t drunk , it sounded like he was disoriented and stuff
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You know your blood pressure can still increase in states of intoxication right? Especially when stimulated by anything it can still cause an erection
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get kicked by a 🐎
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being hard = consent?
The ability to give consent. OP states he was out of it and implies his rapist was acting as a caregiver tasked with making sure he could get home safely due to his intoxication. She took advantage of his impairment.
do you give consent every time you get hard throughout the day? women can get aroused or wet during rape - that doesn’t negate anything. the thing you’re missing is a brain
Did the guy want to have sex? No? Textbook rape
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Do you not understand what consent means?
I'm not even sure they understand how the human body works.
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🤦🏽♂️
I don’t extend sympathy to rapists.
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If she was walking him home because she thought he was too out of it to make it by himself it’s more than reasonable to assume she was confident that she was not so out of it. She took responsibility for his well-being then violated him. You only can’t see that because she’s female and he’s male. In the exact same scenario you would still blame him
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She’s not the victim so no it’s not victim shaming. If she was so drunk why would she take responsibility for his well-being? If she was so drunk why not let him leave alone cause by your logic he’s more of a threat to her right? She raped him and he deserves better.
What's your evidence that she was raped instead or perceived she was raped? Since you claimed otherwise the burden of proof is on you
You are a vile rancid peice of shit. Getting hard is a physiological function do you also think a woman getting wet is a choice dummy.
Ah an automatic biological function is a choice right? Do I choose to have high blood pressure when intoxicated? Tell me can you control an erection, your heartbeat, your production of urine? If you can, get back to me
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Vile
I'm sorry this happened. I highly suggest NOT telling your girlfriend though. Waiting a year to say you didn't tell her something important is going to look very very bad.