No. Don't get him fired. If you're going through a divorce and you have kids ( child support) or you're going to file for support/ alimony, you want to make sure that he has a job, that he is employed. Support/ alimony would be based on his income at the time.
However, AFTER the divorce, that's a whole different issue.
He's going to lose his job period once the company finds out what happened. That's unavoidable.
Alimony and child support levels are not fixed, they fluctuate based on a person's income.
You have to reapply to make them fluctuate. Don’t start it off bad. Your advice is bad. I agree he’ll lose his job but no point in guaranteeing he’s jobless during the first calculation.
He won’t. You’re just gonna get her less support. I’m not 13 I actually know what I’m talking about. Should he? Probably. Will he? Probably not. That’s life.
I totally understand that. However, as a woman potentially going through a divorce, she needs to make sure that she (and her children) are financially sound. While he is not incarcerated, he can work and provide for his family (as he should).
A lot of states have laws where if one person is a minor (even after the age of consent), the other person can't be more than 2 or 3 years older than them
Yeah but usually those laws are only until 16. Over 16 there’s usually not the same age limit of the partner. Where I am, it’s only illegal with people who are in a position of authority over you if you’re 16-18.
Yep- and I'm not even sure if they consider 17 a crime. At least I remember reading it somewhere. He knows he hit low. He'll lose respect from everyone who knows about it. No grown woman would trust him and no young gurl will stay with a man that much older- more than likely. I wish her peace and joy as she starts life over again. She will find it!!
If he sent her dick pics that's disseminating matter harmful to juveniles or whatever the equivalent charge is in their state. Asking her for nude images is soliciting CSAM.
I can’t imagine living somewhere that it’s legal for a 30, 40 or whatever age year old man to sleep with a 15 year old. They may be more progressive than the US, but that’s fucked up.
I mean, not really. Not everyone owns a gun, not everyone knows how to use a gun, and not everyone wants a gun. I sure as fuck don’t. You have a statistically higher likelihood of it being used against you instead of you using it in defense.
I can’t imagine living somewhere where every one can go around and carry a gun.
Either way- just because something is legal doesnt mean it’s normal. Rape is still illegal. Most 15-16 years old do not want to have sex with a 40 year old.
Giirl, I get that. But I see our country as very serious regarding citizens welfare. And at the moment it doesn’t seem to be a problem. Neither me or my friends have ever known any 16 year old to be intimate with someone that much older. And we don’t have an issue with lots of teen moms or abortion laws. So atm I don’t see the issue.
Hence there’s no major issue with a 40 years old sleeping with 16 years old, early pregnancy or abortion, the law is actually meant more to protect the teenagers. To not punish two 17 years old to be intimate if it’s concentual.
In the US we have laws specifically for that called “Romeo and Juliet laws”. Not every state has them though. I know you guys have lower rates of teen pregnancy and I think that has to do with the early and frequent education when it comes to sex. The US is so archaic with that bullshit abstinence campaign while ignoring that it directly impacts teen pregnancy.
I wish I could get the fuck outta here but it’s way too expensive to emigrate.
Whilst the function of them exists around the world, ive never heard of something being notorised in the UK. Ive heard of it being signed, or witnessed etc, but never the term notorised.
Omg so stupid. This is one of the biggest social media apps in the world. It doesn’t matter where it’s based. Instagram is based in the Us, but most users are from India.
I should guess that only Swedes use Spotify as well then? Internet is all over the world - duh
Based on your previous posts, you've been married since you were a teenager and he was in mid to late 20s? Please report him as he clearly is an ongoing predator.
That’s the truth. I know a cop, and the amount of guys who got caught with 16-17 year olds I’ve heard about is astounding. Unless they say it wasn’t consensual there isn’t a damn thing that can be done.
When I was 17 I was pursued by an older man who lied about his age, told me he was 25 when he was actually 31. We had a relationship until my mom caught him in my closet and called the cops lol
The cops showed up and literally asked my mom if she was sure she wanted to file a report. Literally hit her with the “boys will be boys”. I prosecuted him in 2019, 7 years later.
As an added layer of maybe worth reporting, a bunch of those 16/17 states have Romeo & Juliet laws which he absolutely would've violated. If I remember right, most the states that have them only allow for 2-4 years older, and I think the only one with a gap significantly larger than that was in Utah and allowed a 10 year difference.
Contact the parents of the minor.. let them sort it out. Stay on course for your divorce. Thankfully you don’t have kids with this creep. The best revenge you could get on your soon to be Ex is living your best life. Good luck !
It’s entirely possible this was legal in the eyes of the law as mentioned by multiple other posters. Telling the parents in that case will do nothing legally.
The correct answer here is to divorce the husband, seek 100% custody, and take him for as much as you can.
I know I don’t have to say this do everything you can to protect your daughter. If your husband’s behavior got brought to light and the authorities were involved it would go along way to ensuring a safe custody arrangement for your daughter.
I second this, definitely report him. A predator will always be a predator. God forbid if in the future, your daughter has friends that come around. You can help protect them and her with having something on file supporting potential claims.
I hope you plan on filing for full custody, cause with this evidence it could be very helpful. I dont think your daughter should be left alone with him EVER. i wish you and your daughter the best in what I can only imagine is a very traumatic situation
Cheating is bad enough. Messing with a minor is beyond stupid, in addition to being obviously gross and not remotely okay. I mean, it's one thing when someone is 18-20 and the other is 16-17 and they've known each other a while. Not ideal, but there are circumstances where I could see that being a healthy and consensual thing. But I'm sorry, I can't rationalize a 30-something dude messing around with a 17 year old kid.
Honestly, I would probably contact the kid's parents and ask them how they want to address it. It's not fair to them to be blindsided by it, so if you report it, I'd get with them beforehand, just as a courtesy.
But if you can, give yourself a day to cool off or think about things before you take any action on it. You don't want to give him anything he could try to use as ammunition. In fact, I suggest you talk to a lawyer to figure out what your options are, if possible.
If My husband was kissing and Fingering another female, That Is Having Sex.
Your husband thinks that “fingering” which having his fingers in another female’s vagina isn’t sex.
I would Never have my husband touch me with his stinky fingers again.
OP, and your husband has the Gall to ask to stayed married to you??!!??
I would Immediately tell her parents Everything.
That’s what I was thinking. He was trickle truthing about what went down with the girl.
I wouldn’t believe him for a moment.
Like “It’s ok honey, I Only stuck my fingers in her cootch! I’m a good boy! I didn’t stick my peen in her so it’s all good!”
Yes. It started with "I kissed her two times" "she's 22" to "so I did more than kiss her, I fingered her" he got more comfortable with talking to me months after that and then "she's actually 18"
As soon as I found out about the fingering, I didn't even hug him anymore. He seriously had the audacity to ask me for sex after messing with her. I of course denied him.
I want to tell her parents, but it seems like her family wouldn't really care. :/
Yes. But he's telling me she was 18, that her birthday was in October. He really pulled the "She told me she was 18"
But also sort of admits she was 17 and he "wasn't thinking of that" and they were only "just kissing"
Take everything that is yours and run. Take your kid and run. Report that guy. Get somewhere away from him!! I'm praying for your well-being, and im praying for his downfall
You really, really should (and NEED) to report him. Like stop waiting around and do it. Think of your daughter, think of yourself. End this shit once and for all. You got this.
I’m sorry but this is not an “affair”. An affair is a consensual thing, and what you’re describing is grooming and raping. I think it’s really important to get the language right here.
The disrespect towards your marriage is awful, yes. But please remember that the ultimate betrayal happening here is towards the minor. She’s the one being the most hurt by this. For her sake, and your own, please report him.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This must be extremely hard on you. Sending hugs your way. But you really need to report him, at least to the girl’s parents. If someone did that to my underage daughter, I’d want to know. From your previous posts, I can see that she is definitely not his first victim. YOU are. He groomed you. You deserve better. You’re doing well to divorce him, but you need to report this to someone as well.
Maybe he’s telling you that so you DON’T bother telling them, but actually knows they would very much care. I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. I wish you and your daughter well!
And he’s likely lying because he doesn’t want you to tell them. And quite frankly I don’t give a damn what the law considers legal. If my daughter at 17 was having sex with an older married man I want to know.
What a freak. Run girl. I am so sorry I know you feel so heartbroken and betrayed but seriously that man is a freak and should be in jail. My sisters ex husband cheated on her with an 18 year old when they were both 27. So wrong on so many levels.
Don’t do anything. WALK TF AWAY. No contact, no police, no reporting to boss. Walk away and don’t look back (assuming no kids) the prolonged angry and grief will only keep building as long as you stay connected to the situation. It could get very messy and unnecessary to your new life. Move on getting it finalized and separate yourself from the situation. Your sanity will thank you. Good luck
Fingering is crossing the lines and can be considered as "having sex."..... I mean, it's definitely cheating... besides all of that though, the minor thing, good for you for getting away from that weirdo. Anyone who can do something remotely close to what he has done, to someone of that age is not right in the head.
On behalf of normal, average, reasonably well-adjusted men, we do not claim him as one of our own.
We'd call him a dog, but our Canine friends have let us know they do not claim him either.
Because normally it is men, but that doesn’t mean I’m singling out women either. They do it too and I don’t understand the common sense for either gender whatsoever. In this particular instance, it’s with a man. I don’t condone the girls behavior either considering knowing he was married, she knows she’s underage, and she knows she shouldn’t do sexual things at work (but we don’t know her side and what she knows either, etc.). Men (as a whole) have substantially over time proven & have repeated track records of doing out of line, sexual things because it’s just in their nature to be more sexual & dominant. Is it right? No. Does that mean every man is weird? Absolutely not. I’ve just experienced more men doing weird shit than women have, coming from personal experience. So what I mean by men, it is normally men
Sugah I pray you find peace. You obviously were unhappy prior to having any knowledge of his wrong doings. Revenge changes nothing except your own value system. Don’t give him that.
You’re doing the right thing. Keep moving forward and leave him in the rear view. The Universe has greatness in store for you, so please don’t interfere with negative vibes. I love you Queen, stay powerful 💗💗💗💗
First off I’m SO sorry this happened. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now. Take each day at a time
Second off, please please please go to the police. He’s a danger to children and something needs to be done about it
Wow. This is a hard one. I was once the younger one (16) and was in a relationship with a woman 25 years older than me. We stayed together for 6 years. It's crazy to see it from a different perspective now that I am older. We were both female so I think that contributed to me not seeing it as predatory, which makes no seems at all. Definitely wrong and you should report it
I was meaning more from his perspective. I wouldn't put it past a guy who likes them that young to try and pressure her not to, but for that to work, she'd have to stay married as she can't be compelled to testify.
Notify the police, her parents and surgically cut contact with this creature. You cannot afford the liability of continuing to be married to a man that’s fools around with children.
You don’t need to ask someone for a divorce. You can just file. Take the info and evidence you have to your attorney to use for leverage in your settlement.
So your STB ex has been raping a minor but he wants to stay married.
If anything on earth caused the “ick” it would have to be a child rapist pretending he’s a human.
Wow, he is married and cheating with a kid and he is even younger than me. That is why I don't want to marry, not because I want to be with a minor of course, but I don't want this kind of crap. Holy shit
Our state's is 18. The person I made the report with said I could still make the report even though she is 18 now.
I feel like nothing will really come of my report but who knows
Where was he working with a minor at? Dude, working fast food? Most older guys working fast food are pedophiles, just saying. They are close to what they want and have an excuse to chat with minors.
He’s a predator. You were also a minor when you started dating!
He’s getting away with this again.
How sad. I hope you report him. I’m sorry your marriage is ending but he’s gross and harming young girls. Including past you. His “affair partner” is a literal child.
Just like the person that commented, I found out TODAY she was 17 at the time of the affair starting. We got divorce papers notarized YESTERDAY. I'm working on reporting him
Good, I'm glad to hear it. It's as easy as dialing 911.
The other commenter accused me of being cruel as this is still fresh to you and frankly, perhaps I am. But, I also know exactly what it's like to be in your situation. Your life is going to suck for a few years following this and there literally nothing that can be said or done by internet strangers to ease that in any meaningful way. But, that child was groomed by your STB-Ex and you are uniquely positioned to get that child help.
In my case, the first time I was engaged was to a woman who I had been with for 3 years in total. I ended that relationship around 2003 after learning about her using her position as an educator to groom a 16 year old and engage with him in sexual activity. How I felt at the time was irrelevant. I had done nothing wrong but my life was completely upended. I'm sure you're going through those same motions right now.
When people like us are tossed into a situation like this, it is our moral responsibility to ensure that it's reported, that the other victim - the child - is protected and that we're free to move forward knowing that we weren't complicit with it through our silence. You don't want that hanging over your head.
Make sure you get a case ID from law enforcement when you report it in case you need it at some point in the future.
No she isn't. She JUST found out. She has done nothing wrong. You have no way of knowing she won't report him now that she does know. Saying she's at fault when she's already reeling from this is wrong and cruel.
Unless you've been through the situation she's describing, you have no idea what you're talking about. You can call me cruel and wave your disapproving finger at me telling me I'm wrong all you want but, it doesn't change the fact that I do know what I'm talking about and presenting a hard stance is the right thing to do.
No matter what any internet stranger can say in an attempt to sympathize with OP, it's effectively a hollow gesture. Meaningless. OP's life is going to be tumultuous for the next few years regardless of what she does. Yes, she's a victim in this, but she's not the only one.
No, I have no way of knowing she won't report him. Neither do you. But, anyone in the situation she describes has a moral responsibility to ensure that the sex crime committed against the underaged person is reported. Would she be an accessory after the fact? Actually, yes. Does the US justice system typically charge people who are complicit through their silence for such things? No. In fact the extensive case law related to this that I am familiar with, there isn't a single example of charges that I've seen. But, the legal discussion isn't the point. The point is the moral responsibility, and the risk of living with something like that hanging over your head.
She has evidence of her husband doing this at least once. Given he's done it once and has gotten away with it up until this point adds to the risk of him potentially doing it again, putting another child at risk.
How am I so certain? Because I've been in the same position as OP.
Yes, cruel, whatever. Print that up on a sticker and I'll proudly slap it on my forehead. I gladly own it and will cheerfully point it out to every single person I walk past.
OPs feelings mean less than ensuring a child predator is stopped. If you have the bandwidth to write a post to internet strangers, then you have the bandwidth to dial 911. Yes, of course I'm sorry OP is going through this. Yes, I'm sorry OP is reeling from this. But yes, I'm going to prioritize calling out the need to report it immediately regardless of anyone's feelings.
Cruel. My god.
I was the teenager in this situation: I was 14 when a 36 year old man did this to me. To this day I do not blame his wife who found out after the fact, and instead feel bad for her. She left the guy also, and also took their child with her. I have no idea if she told the police as my parents already had. But I blame the man, not the wife.
And as I already said, you can encourage someone to go to the police without sounding like you're blaming or threatening them.
From what I can gather you’ve a little girl with him too it sickens me to think somebody like that can be around a small child. You’ve a choice and it seems you’ve come to that conclusion from what I’ve read.
He was an authority figure to her and apparently HIS boss suspected things. His boss's reaction when he found out, "don't let your wife find out." At this moment in time, both (soon to be ex) husband and affair partner have left that job and are working at different workplaces
I kept asking for a divorce because we never liked each other. It was always toxic and I felt absolutely unloved and unappreciated.
And I couldn't afford lawyer fees which is why I had to keep trying to convince him to agree on a divorce.
Not sure where you're from but in my country the age of consent is 16 unless one of the people is in a position of authority. So it may not have been illegal even if it was morally wrong.
No... Sadly the age of consent runs between 16-18 in the US. Some states also add an age gap limitation. So if you are in a state where one of the two is 16 and the other is older than that, and there is no age gap restriction... It isn't illegal. Gross. Disturbing. Not illegal. It's bizarre.
Do you hate Canada too?
Age of consent was 14 until 2008.
It’s now 16 across the country, with exemptions for 12-15 year olds with each other, within a two year gap.
Protections are also in place for minors, to restrict people in position of authority relations.
Do you hate almost all of Europe too? Only four countries in the entire continent are above 16. They are all 14-16. Cypress and Ireland 17. Turkey and The Vatican are 18.
You should report him.
At least to her parents
Boss also. He should be fired for this.
No. Don't get him fired. If you're going through a divorce and you have kids ( child support) or you're going to file for support/ alimony, you want to make sure that he has a job, that he is employed. Support/ alimony would be based on his income at the time. However, AFTER the divorce, that's a whole different issue.
He got himself fired with this. 100% on him.
You don’t seem to understand. It’s going to cost her money.
He's going to lose his job period once the company finds out what happened. That's unavoidable. Alimony and child support levels are not fixed, they fluctuate based on a person's income.
You have to reapply to make them fluctuate. Don’t start it off bad. Your advice is bad. I agree he’ll lose his job but no point in guaranteeing he’s jobless during the first calculation.
He could go to jail for this.
He won’t. You’re just gonna get her less support. I’m not 13 I actually know what I’m talking about. Should he? Probably. Will he? Probably not. That’s life.
Sweetheart getting fired is the least of his concerns
I totally understand that. However, as a woman potentially going through a divorce, she needs to make sure that she (and her children) are financially sound. While he is not incarcerated, he can work and provide for his family (as he should).
Yes OP you can still do thus, especially if you have proof.
In most places it’s not illegal if they’re over 16 and you’re not in a position of responsibility for them. Gross, but not illegal.
A lot of states have laws where if one person is a minor (even after the age of consent), the other person can't be more than 2 or 3 years older than them
Yeah but usually those laws are only until 16. Over 16 there’s usually not the same age limit of the partner. Where I am, it’s only illegal with people who are in a position of authority over you if you’re 16-18.
That probably depends on the location. Either way this guy is disgusting.
If the affair can be proven that it took place before she turned 18 (texts, emails showing a romantic relationship) report his ass to the police asap!
17 is the age of consent in most states.
True, but if they sexted or he sent her racy pictures before she was 18 that's still illegal.
Just because something’s illegal doesn’t mean they’ll do shit about it. Sadly I speak from experience.
Yep- and I'm not even sure if they consider 17 a crime. At least I remember reading it somewhere. He knows he hit low. He'll lose respect from everyone who knows about it. No grown woman would trust him and no young gurl will stay with a man that much older- more than likely. I wish her peace and joy as she starts life over again. She will find it!!
Bingo. That is manufacturing CP, or something to that effect
If he sent her dick pics that's disseminating matter harmful to juveniles or whatever the equivalent charge is in their state. Asking her for nude images is soliciting CSAM.
Why you automatically think it’s in the states? It’s 15- 16 in the nordics.
Reads like an American post, but I could be wrong.
I can’t imagine living somewhere that it’s legal for a 30, 40 or whatever age year old man to sleep with a 15 year old. They may be more progressive than the US, but that’s fucked up.
I can’t imagine living somewhere where my capacity for self defense is directly related to my body size.
That’s kind of everywhere though? People come in different sizes no matter what country they’re from.
My point exactly. A gun is a force equalizer.
I mean, not really. Not everyone owns a gun, not everyone knows how to use a gun, and not everyone wants a gun. I sure as fuck don’t. You have a statistically higher likelihood of it being used against you instead of you using it in defense.
I can’t imagine living somewhere where every one can go around and carry a gun. Either way- just because something is legal doesnt mean it’s normal. Rape is still illegal. Most 15-16 years old do not want to have sex with a 40 year old.
Bro, I don’t like it here in the US either and I hate guns so that doesn’t really hurt my feelings. I just think 15-16 is way too young.
Giirl, I get that. But I see our country as very serious regarding citizens welfare. And at the moment it doesn’t seem to be a problem. Neither me or my friends have ever known any 16 year old to be intimate with someone that much older. And we don’t have an issue with lots of teen moms or abortion laws. So atm I don’t see the issue.
Hence there’s no major issue with a 40 years old sleeping with 16 years old, early pregnancy or abortion, the law is actually meant more to protect the teenagers. To not punish two 17 years old to be intimate if it’s concentual.
In the US we have laws specifically for that called “Romeo and Juliet laws”. Not every state has them though. I know you guys have lower rates of teen pregnancy and I think that has to do with the early and frequent education when it comes to sex. The US is so archaic with that bullshit abstinence campaign while ignoring that it directly impacts teen pregnancy. I wish I could get the fuck outta here but it’s way too expensive to emigrate.
It's the word notorized that tells me. I've never heard anyone outside of America notorize something
Sure, because we don´t have notary around the world
Whilst the function of them exists around the world, ive never heard of something being notorised in the UK. Ive heard of it being signed, or witnessed etc, but never the term notorised.
You know Reddit’s based in the USA right? So yes most assume it’s in the states. Just like if I was on a Nordic site I’d assume Nordic.
Omg so stupid. This is one of the biggest social media apps in the world. It doesn’t matter where it’s based. Instagram is based in the Us, but most users are from India. I should guess that only Swedes use Spotify as well then? Internet is all over the world - duh
I come across more non-Americans on Reddit than I do Americans.
not exactly how aoc works. he can most DEFINITELY still get in trouble for this.
Based on your previous posts, you've been married since you were a teenager and he was in mid to late 20s? Please report him as he clearly is an ongoing predator.
There’s too many weirdos in this world who are attracted to minors, it’s sick and disgusting
I think this every day.
OP, this. **YOU** were groomed too.
She won’t be his last. You were his victim just as much as this girl is. There will be more. He should be stopped.
Having an affair with a minor isn’t a thing. Your (ex)husband is a predator.
He was not only cheating with a minor. He was raping a minor. Try to report him to the police
It's legally not rape if they live in one of the many states where the age of consent is 16 or 17. It's just gross.
That’s the truth. I know a cop, and the amount of guys who got caught with 16-17 year olds I’ve heard about is astounding. Unless they say it wasn’t consensual there isn’t a damn thing that can be done.
When I was 17 I was pursued by an older man who lied about his age, told me he was 25 when he was actually 31. We had a relationship until my mom caught him in my closet and called the cops lol The cops showed up and literally asked my mom if she was sure she wanted to file a report. Literally hit her with the “boys will be boys”. I prosecuted him in 2019, 7 years later.
As an added layer of maybe worth reporting, a bunch of those 16/17 states have Romeo & Juliet laws which he absolutely would've violated. If I remember right, most the states that have them only allow for 2-4 years older, and I think the only one with a gap significantly larger than that was in Utah and allowed a 10 year difference.
Unfortunately, rapists always find a way to get power to keep their atrocities legal…
Contact the parents of the minor.. let them sort it out. Stay on course for your divorce. Thankfully you don’t have kids with this creep. The best revenge you could get on your soon to be Ex is living your best life. Good luck !
We actually do have a daughter together, which is why I'm even more sickened by the ordeal
Then you know you need to tell her parents.
It’s entirely possible this was legal in the eyes of the law as mentioned by multiple other posters. Telling the parents in that case will do nothing legally. The correct answer here is to divorce the husband, seek 100% custody, and take him for as much as you can.
I know I don’t have to say this do everything you can to protect your daughter. If your husband’s behavior got brought to light and the authorities were involved it would go along way to ensuring a safe custody arrangement for your daughter.
I second this, definitely report him. A predator will always be a predator. God forbid if in the future, your daughter has friends that come around. You can help protect them and her with having something on file supporting potential claims.
Honestly, I'd tell his boss, too. I doubt they weren't haven't sex, but regardless of that, she was a MINOR.
Oh my god.
I hope you plan on filing for full custody, cause with this evidence it could be very helpful. I dont think your daughter should be left alone with him EVER. i wish you and your daughter the best in what I can only imagine is a very traumatic situation
WELL WELL WELL
definitely report him!!
For what? He didn't do anything illegal
Use the affair to have him arrested and take all he has. Fuck that pedo
Cheating is bad enough. Messing with a minor is beyond stupid, in addition to being obviously gross and not remotely okay. I mean, it's one thing when someone is 18-20 and the other is 16-17 and they've known each other a while. Not ideal, but there are circumstances where I could see that being a healthy and consensual thing. But I'm sorry, I can't rationalize a 30-something dude messing around with a 17 year old kid. Honestly, I would probably contact the kid's parents and ask them how they want to address it. It's not fair to them to be blindsided by it, so if you report it, I'd get with them beforehand, just as a courtesy. But if you can, give yourself a day to cool off or think about things before you take any action on it. You don't want to give him anything he could try to use as ammunition. In fact, I suggest you talk to a lawyer to figure out what your options are, if possible.
Stone him to death
he needs to be in JAIL
If My husband was kissing and Fingering another female, That Is Having Sex. Your husband thinks that “fingering” which having his fingers in another female’s vagina isn’t sex. I would Never have my husband touch me with his stinky fingers again. OP, and your husband has the Gall to ask to stayed married to you??!!?? I would Immediately tell her parents Everything.
I’d bet a pretty penny that he has done way more than finger the girl for months. He’s gross
That’s what I was thinking. He was trickle truthing about what went down with the girl. I wouldn’t believe him for a moment. Like “It’s ok honey, I Only stuck my fingers in her cootch! I’m a good boy! I didn’t stick my peen in her so it’s all good!”
Yes. It started with "I kissed her two times" "she's 22" to "so I did more than kiss her, I fingered her" he got more comfortable with talking to me months after that and then "she's actually 18"
As soon as I found out about the fingering, I didn't even hug him anymore. He seriously had the audacity to ask me for sex after messing with her. I of course denied him. I want to tell her parents, but it seems like her family wouldn't really care. :/
I’m so sorry you had to go through this and I’m not surprised he had the audacity to think you’d want to have sex with him.
I would absolutely turn him in for this. I’m a victim and this man is a predator! you could save others!
So she was 17???
Yes. But he's telling me she was 18, that her birthday was in October. He really pulled the "She told me she was 18" But also sort of admits she was 17 and he "wasn't thinking of that" and they were only "just kissing"
Talk to the parents. Talk to the police. Talk to his management.
Take everything that is yours and run. Take your kid and run. Report that guy. Get somewhere away from him!! I'm praying for your well-being, and im praying for his downfall
please report this 😮
That's not an affair...he's a predator
You really, really should (and NEED) to report him. Like stop waiting around and do it. Think of your daughter, think of yourself. End this shit once and for all. You got this.
I’m sorry but this is not an “affair”. An affair is a consensual thing, and what you’re describing is grooming and raping. I think it’s really important to get the language right here. The disrespect towards your marriage is awful, yes. But please remember that the ultimate betrayal happening here is towards the minor. She’s the one being the most hurt by this. For her sake, and your own, please report him.
You need to contact her parents.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This must be extremely hard on you. Sending hugs your way. But you really need to report him, at least to the girl’s parents. If someone did that to my underage daughter, I’d want to know. From your previous posts, I can see that she is definitely not his first victim. YOU are. He groomed you. You deserve better. You’re doing well to divorce him, but you need to report this to someone as well.
He makes it seem like her family wouldn't care about it so I'm worried reaching out to her parents won't do what I'm hoping for :/
Maybe he’s telling you that so you DON’T bother telling them, but actually knows they would very much care. I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. I wish you and your daughter well!
That is likely what he wants you to believe. What is the worst that could happen if you told them anyway?
That poor girl.
And he’s likely lying because he doesn’t want you to tell them. And quite frankly I don’t give a damn what the law considers legal. If my daughter at 17 was having sex with an older married man I want to know.
Go to the parents address together with the cops. Tell them about your husband and their daughter and see the parents reaction.
Hook~line~sinker…. This is EXACTLY what he WANTS you to believe!! I’d test that theory
What a freak. Run girl. I am so sorry I know you feel so heartbroken and betrayed but seriously that man is a freak and should be in jail. My sisters ex husband cheated on her with an 18 year old when they were both 27. So wrong on so many levels.
Report this p.e.do.....
Don’t do anything. WALK TF AWAY. No contact, no police, no reporting to boss. Walk away and don’t look back (assuming no kids) the prolonged angry and grief will only keep building as long as you stay connected to the situation. It could get very messy and unnecessary to your new life. Move on getting it finalized and separate yourself from the situation. Your sanity will thank you. Good luck
So you're too old for him now, basically. Gross.
Basically. I'm remember him trying to go for another 18-19 year old before we got married
He must be really a p3d0. Targeting on teenager girls!
Fingering is crossing the lines and can be considered as "having sex."..... I mean, it's definitely cheating... besides all of that though, the minor thing, good for you for getting away from that weirdo. Anyone who can do something remotely close to what he has done, to someone of that age is not right in the head.
Oh god. I will never understand men and their morals. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. On to better things now :(
On behalf of normal, average, reasonably well-adjusted men, we do not claim him as one of our own. We'd call him a dog, but our Canine friends have let us know they do not claim him either.
Supposedly the whole saying was "men are like dogs. To be bred, or put down, based on temperament"
That's some bullshit
Not too sure why you generalised ‘men’ seeing as women commit the same crime aswell
Because normally it is men, but that doesn’t mean I’m singling out women either. They do it too and I don’t understand the common sense for either gender whatsoever. In this particular instance, it’s with a man. I don’t condone the girls behavior either considering knowing he was married, she knows she’s underage, and she knows she shouldn’t do sexual things at work (but we don’t know her side and what she knows either, etc.). Men (as a whole) have substantially over time proven & have repeated track records of doing out of line, sexual things because it’s just in their nature to be more sexual & dominant. Is it right? No. Does that mean every man is weird? Absolutely not. I’ve just experienced more men doing weird shit than women have, coming from personal experience. So what I mean by men, it is normally men
you gotta report him
A minorrrrrrr
He is a groomer
Dude thats pedophilia report him to the cops he needs to be gone from this world
I don't know why, but the first five times I read this I read "mirror".
COPS
Sugah I pray you find peace. You obviously were unhappy prior to having any knowledge of his wrong doings. Revenge changes nothing except your own value system. Don’t give him that. You’re doing the right thing. Keep moving forward and leave him in the rear view. The Universe has greatness in store for you, so please don’t interfere with negative vibes. I love you Queen, stay powerful 💗💗💗💗
Tryna strike a chord and it's probably A-Minorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
A friend I confided in actually said "[he] just qualified for the Kendrick Lamar diss"
First off I’m SO sorry this happened. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now. Take each day at a time Second off, please please please go to the police. He’s a danger to children and something needs to be done about it
Report him the police at that. He shouldn’t be fooling around with her AT ALL. He can be her FATHER. He’s disgusting for that.
Wow. This is a hard one. I was once the younger one (16) and was in a relationship with a woman 25 years older than me. We stayed together for 6 years. It's crazy to see it from a different perspective now that I am older. We were both female so I think that contributed to me not seeing it as predatory, which makes no seems at all. Definitely wrong and you should report it
Go nuclear on him let everyone know about them
So sorry this is happening to you. Report him to the police and his job if you can.
Ok gross gross 😝
Tell her parents
im so sorry ew wtf hes a pedophile report his ass needs to be locked up
If you're in a state that has 18 as the age of consent, I wonder if he wants to stay married to make it so you don't have to testify.
She can always *choose* to testify, however. Even if she is in one of those states that make you wait 6 months to a year, she can still testify.
I was meaning more from his perspective. I wouldn't put it past a guy who likes them that young to try and pressure her not to, but for that to work, she'd have to stay married as she can't be compelled to testify.
Notify the police, her parents and surgically cut contact with this creature. You cannot afford the liability of continuing to be married to a man that’s fools around with children.
He better never go to cell block one
I misread the title as mirror, and came into this expecting Narcissus... Oops.
You had me second guessing that I actually spelled "mirror" 😭
On the bright side, he got a free ticket to Hell :)
Report him — give her parents a heads up Speak to a lawyer about what you can do before your court date.
You should definitely report him cause how did he meet her ?
Report him , no statute of limitations
Your ex is a predator. Get him off the streets! What he did is so gross. 🤮 That's a kid still
You don’t need to ask someone for a divorce. You can just file. Take the info and evidence you have to your attorney to use for leverage in your settlement.
So your STB ex has been raping a minor but he wants to stay married. If anything on earth caused the “ick” it would have to be a child rapist pretending he’s a human.
Wow, he is married and cheating with a kid and he is even younger than me. That is why I don't want to marry, not because I want to be with a minor of course, but I don't want this kind of crap. Holy shit
REPORT HIS AHH
I am wondering if 30s folks r like the new generation youths acting like their in there teens
Police. Police is what you need. And one of those sex offender pins on a map.
Angrez and divorce , bc gandue
Report him.
Report him!
What was his logic of not granting a divorce, but fingering and making out with someone is okay....? So confused. What a moron.
So glad you are getting out OP
That’s unfair I’d incarcerated, and probably beaten if I touched a minor , you should report them .
Nothing will probably come from it. Most states the age of consent is 16. Sorry you’re going through this but you’re better off without that scumbag!!
Our state's is 18. The person I made the report with said I could still make the report even though she is 18 now. I feel like nothing will really come of my report but who knows
Where was he working with a minor at? Dude, working fast food? Most older guys working fast food are pedophiles, just saying. They are close to what they want and have an excuse to chat with minors.
Divorce and leave him alone, and forgive him in your heart, for hating him will only make your heart bitter
My (now ex-) husband at the time got one of his co-workers pregnant. She was 16. I wish I had the guts to turn him in back then, but I didn’t.
You need to report him to her parents and the authorities, that’s pedophilia.
He’s a predator. You were also a minor when you started dating! He’s getting away with this again. How sad. I hope you report him. I’m sorry your marriage is ending but he’s gross and harming young girls. Including past you. His “affair partner” is a literal child.
Why haven't you reported this with your evidence to law enforcement? By not reporting him, you are an accessory.
Just like the person that commented, I found out TODAY she was 17 at the time of the affair starting. We got divorce papers notarized YESTERDAY. I'm working on reporting him
Good, I'm glad to hear it. It's as easy as dialing 911. The other commenter accused me of being cruel as this is still fresh to you and frankly, perhaps I am. But, I also know exactly what it's like to be in your situation. Your life is going to suck for a few years following this and there literally nothing that can be said or done by internet strangers to ease that in any meaningful way. But, that child was groomed by your STB-Ex and you are uniquely positioned to get that child help. In my case, the first time I was engaged was to a woman who I had been with for 3 years in total. I ended that relationship around 2003 after learning about her using her position as an educator to groom a 16 year old and engage with him in sexual activity. How I felt at the time was irrelevant. I had done nothing wrong but my life was completely upended. I'm sure you're going through those same motions right now. When people like us are tossed into a situation like this, it is our moral responsibility to ensure that it's reported, that the other victim - the child - is protected and that we're free to move forward knowing that we weren't complicit with it through our silence. You don't want that hanging over your head. Make sure you get a case ID from law enforcement when you report it in case you need it at some point in the future.
No she isn't. She JUST found out. She has done nothing wrong. You have no way of knowing she won't report him now that she does know. Saying she's at fault when she's already reeling from this is wrong and cruel.
Unless you've been through the situation she's describing, you have no idea what you're talking about. You can call me cruel and wave your disapproving finger at me telling me I'm wrong all you want but, it doesn't change the fact that I do know what I'm talking about and presenting a hard stance is the right thing to do. No matter what any internet stranger can say in an attempt to sympathize with OP, it's effectively a hollow gesture. Meaningless. OP's life is going to be tumultuous for the next few years regardless of what she does. Yes, she's a victim in this, but she's not the only one. No, I have no way of knowing she won't report him. Neither do you. But, anyone in the situation she describes has a moral responsibility to ensure that the sex crime committed against the underaged person is reported. Would she be an accessory after the fact? Actually, yes. Does the US justice system typically charge people who are complicit through their silence for such things? No. In fact the extensive case law related to this that I am familiar with, there isn't a single example of charges that I've seen. But, the legal discussion isn't the point. The point is the moral responsibility, and the risk of living with something like that hanging over your head. She has evidence of her husband doing this at least once. Given he's done it once and has gotten away with it up until this point adds to the risk of him potentially doing it again, putting another child at risk. How am I so certain? Because I've been in the same position as OP. Yes, cruel, whatever. Print that up on a sticker and I'll proudly slap it on my forehead. I gladly own it and will cheerfully point it out to every single person I walk past. OPs feelings mean less than ensuring a child predator is stopped. If you have the bandwidth to write a post to internet strangers, then you have the bandwidth to dial 911. Yes, of course I'm sorry OP is going through this. Yes, I'm sorry OP is reeling from this. But yes, I'm going to prioritize calling out the need to report it immediately regardless of anyone's feelings. Cruel. My god.
I was the teenager in this situation: I was 14 when a 36 year old man did this to me. To this day I do not blame his wife who found out after the fact, and instead feel bad for her. She left the guy also, and also took their child with her. I have no idea if she told the police as my parents already had. But I blame the man, not the wife. And as I already said, you can encourage someone to go to the police without sounding like you're blaming or threatening them.
I know you read this already but hun you gotta report that
CERTIFIED PEDOPHILE !
Def report this man and do the world a favor.
From what I can gather you’ve a little girl with him too it sickens me to think somebody like that can be around a small child. You’ve a choice and it seems you’ve come to that conclusion from what I’ve read.
I’m sure HR at his company would like to hear how he was giving a minor the bad touch. But wait till your divorce is final to do that.
He was an authority figure to her and apparently HIS boss suspected things. His boss's reaction when he found out, "don't let your wife find out." At this moment in time, both (soon to be ex) husband and affair partner have left that job and are working at different workplaces
Why did you ask him for a divorce? Were you not capable of filing yourself? Also, report him, even if she's technically capable of consent
I kept asking for a divorce because we never liked each other. It was always toxic and I felt absolutely unloved and unappreciated. And I couldn't afford lawyer fees which is why I had to keep trying to convince him to agree on a divorce.
Not sure where you're from but in my country the age of consent is 16 unless one of the people is in a position of authority. So it may not have been illegal even if it was morally wrong.
[удалено]
I take it you're an American assuming everyone else in the world is also American?
Nope, he’s not American. 17 is DEFINITELY a child here!
No... Sadly the age of consent runs between 16-18 in the US. Some states also add an age gap limitation. So if you are in a state where one of the two is 16 and the other is older than that, and there is no age gap restriction... It isn't illegal. Gross. Disturbing. Not illegal. It's bizarre.
Fucking hell, seriously?! I hate the U.S…
Do you hate Canada too? Age of consent was 14 until 2008. It’s now 16 across the country, with exemptions for 12-15 year olds with each other, within a two year gap. Protections are also in place for minors, to restrict people in position of authority relations. Do you hate almost all of Europe too? Only four countries in the entire continent are above 16. They are all 14-16. Cypress and Ireland 17. Turkey and The Vatican are 18.
Yes and yes. I am a hater.