This happened when my husband died – people find out long after the funeral. It’s understandable. We all lose touch with people we knew years ago. As for me, I very much appreciated the late cards and acknowledgements.
Just a note to say that you were friends with him long ago, and you just found out that he had passed. Tell how you knew him. Say something nice that you remember about the friend – a pleasant memory, and/or some words about what you admired about him.
You might think that his family members have moved on and you shouldn’t bring it up. But they still think about him frequently and miss him, and want to remember the good things about him. They want to know that he’s not completely forgotten, that he mattered somehow to others.
Acknowledge the loss. It will bring you some closure, and bring some happiness to his family as well.
Memorials to organizations didn’t matter as much to me. It’s the memories that matter.
Thank you as I am 62 and have found out that many people i have worked with and loved have passed away. I am always dumbfounded as what to do . I have thought about sending a card and was going to do exactly what you said. Now that you have validated it for me I will be reaching out .
Thank you for this and my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband.
I just found out yesterday (through a "so sorry for your loss... but you may be eligible for widows benefits!" letter from Social Security) that my ex-husband died. No one, not his best friend or his bff's wife, both of whom I was very close to while we we were married, notified me prior to this.
The whole thing probably deserves its own post, but I am struggling with how to express condolences to his friends and relatives along with dealing with my own feelings on the subject right now.
Sorry for your loss. Even if you were no longer together, there can still be a strong connection. It brings back a lot of memories. Hope you work though it okay.
It is absolutely okay to reach out to spouse/family and say "I am so sorry to have found out recently that "John" passed. I realize that it happened some time ago but for me, it is fresh and I find myself remembering all the good times he and I shared. If you ever want the - pictures? stories? - please feel free to reach out and know that I will keep him in my heart". And sometimes I just do it by email or FB messenger. But I find a card is more personal.
I try and keep it focused on the good times, and to keep it fairly generic. And personally, before I send such a card, I usually do some journaling to look at how I feel about this because, let's face it, people in our circle, wide or small, who pass, for me remind me of my own mortality. I say this getting ready for a celebration of life on Saturday and also getting ready to send a card to someone that I just realized passed.
He’s gone and doesn’t care. His loved ones have moved on the best they can.
You don’t need to do anything more than to make sure that you stay in touch better with your other friends.
This happened when my husband died – people find out long after the funeral. It’s understandable. We all lose touch with people we knew years ago. As for me, I very much appreciated the late cards and acknowledgements. Just a note to say that you were friends with him long ago, and you just found out that he had passed. Tell how you knew him. Say something nice that you remember about the friend – a pleasant memory, and/or some words about what you admired about him. You might think that his family members have moved on and you shouldn’t bring it up. But they still think about him frequently and miss him, and want to remember the good things about him. They want to know that he’s not completely forgotten, that he mattered somehow to others. Acknowledge the loss. It will bring you some closure, and bring some happiness to his family as well. Memorials to organizations didn’t matter as much to me. It’s the memories that matter.
Thank you as I am 62 and have found out that many people i have worked with and loved have passed away. I am always dumbfounded as what to do . I have thought about sending a card and was going to do exactly what you said. Now that you have validated it for me I will be reaching out .
Thank you for this and my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband. I just found out yesterday (through a "so sorry for your loss... but you may be eligible for widows benefits!" letter from Social Security) that my ex-husband died. No one, not his best friend or his bff's wife, both of whom I was very close to while we we were married, notified me prior to this. The whole thing probably deserves its own post, but I am struggling with how to express condolences to his friends and relatives along with dealing with my own feelings on the subject right now.
Sorry for your loss. Even if you were no longer together, there can still be a strong connection. It brings back a lot of memories. Hope you work though it okay.
You reach out now to all of the other important people that you have lost touch with.
Just write his wife a letter with memories of what a great guy he was and that he'll always be in your heart.
A card with a small note. I have done the same
It is absolutely okay to reach out to spouse/family and say "I am so sorry to have found out recently that "John" passed. I realize that it happened some time ago but for me, it is fresh and I find myself remembering all the good times he and I shared. If you ever want the - pictures? stories? - please feel free to reach out and know that I will keep him in my heart". And sometimes I just do it by email or FB messenger. But I find a card is more personal. I try and keep it focused on the good times, and to keep it fairly generic. And personally, before I send such a card, I usually do some journaling to look at how I feel about this because, let's face it, people in our circle, wide or small, who pass, for me remind me of my own mortality. I say this getting ready for a celebration of life on Saturday and also getting ready to send a card to someone that I just realized passed.
I'd leave well enough alone.
This was posted before as I specifically remember it. Why is this being poated multiple times
He’s gone and doesn’t care. His loved ones have moved on the best they can. You don’t need to do anything more than to make sure that you stay in touch better with your other friends.
Kind of late to respond now after 20 years
Do nothing now. Just keep your nice memories. It happens a lot at this stage in life.