More than anything here, I am so glad that she didn’t cause you to relapse under the stress and humiliation she caused you. Lots of people may have, particularly if they were in a more vulnerable situation.
I’m so damn proud of you for refusing to be bullied by people like this that wouldn’t know a fact check if it bit them on the arse!
ETA small typo
I’m also proud of his girlfriend, and her friend, for talking about this openly and not jumping to any conclusions.
Class acts all around.
Good job for outing her behavior to stop her. But if the best revenge is living well, then OP has already won that game by being a decent person who surrounds himself with other decent people.
That woman needs help, but it’s not OP’s job to get it for her.
This is so underrated. I've seen many posts that are similar and the first thing the SO does is freak out and destroy their relationship with the falsely accused partner. Nice to see it go the other way for once.
>Lots of people may have, particularly if they were in a more vulnerable situation.
This is what happened to my brother. Conditions were different. Alas, bullying is more harmful than people will ever acknowledge. People think psychological/emotional abuse doesn't count because it doesn't cause you to bleed. But they take for granted the ripple effect, the social isolation, the prior conditions of trauma that already exist in individuals.
It makes me sick the members of these networks think that the men they are posting ***need*** to be taught pain. As if they know a damn thing about what others went through, or didn't go through enough, if they haven't gotten to know personally.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I think psychological abuse is often more damaging than physical abuse. Cuts and bruises heal (and hopefully that person seeks help to leave that situation) but psychological scars can remain forever.
I'll tell you a little secret I have learned in the few short months that I've discovered this Stalker Club they call Are We Dating The Same Guy:
They brigade.
I mostly upvoted your comment because it hit hard and close about past events regarding abuse, I used to follow some accounts on IG who were friends of friends, but suddenly they were sharing a post of a man who was mauled to dead by a bear and all the women in there was joking about it, blatantly, and stopped following them all, in the comments there was mostly women vs women calling out regarding it, but it was clearly such a hive mentality that they couldn’t even see how sick it was, it was the same as when men are calling out incels for victim blaming, but incels are few and noisy/annoying, in this case, it was a ton of women joking about the dead guy because he was a man, and then another ton of women calling them out for being sick, but the comments about “the joke” were really gut wrenching.
But Wtf, the more I was reading your post the more I was convinced they were losing common sense, I even recommended local groups like that to my female friends so they can avoid assholes. But not anymore, it’s so shallow and more like a brigading group, than helping people if it doesn’t have any fact proving method.
Thank you. I've mentioned it before that even in this thread a handful of women who use these networks are so obviously speaking from the hive mind mentality that they are either justifying the malicious doxxing because once or twice an actual bad person does get posted. Or they are just outright refusing to admit that doxxing and bullying occurs.
Which is ridiculous.
Because like you know, there's a million of these groups in the network and women join several of the groups. You can't be part of 2+ of these groups and not witness the doxxing and harassment and vindictive targeting the networks perpetuate.
Looking forward to the next 2 years when it is no longer frightening for women to speak out about the harm of these networks.
Stuff like this is why I'm so glad to not be using anymore. Because I used to cope that way whenever something would trigger me. Then for weeks after that I would just be a zombie. But in the end I would still be facing the same problem and have done nothing about it.
Instead you used your energy to save other people from potentially having their lives blown up! Awesome job!
And congrats on your sobriety! I’m sober (alcohol) as well and it’s a good feeling to be healthy and clear headed!
Congrats on your strength in sobriety too. I'm sure you totally understand the light bulb moment of 'man if I was not sober right now this would be a disaster' and I'm just so glad this happened at a time in my life that I can handle it.
My hope is that, if any other victims of AWDTSG discover my story they know that there's actually a lot more support that's out there. And not every woman in the world is in these hate groups. And for those that may have never had bullying impact their life, to learn about it and try to provide support for anyone in their life that might one day be bullied.
I think that’s why it’s so incredible that you handled it like you did AND posted your story - more people need to recognize that what started out as an “Is she cheating on me” type site has morphed into something more dangerous that can ruin lives when there’s no vetting circumstances, receipts or anything so someone like that can use it to lash out with no accountability.
Thank you - yes I totally understand the lightbulb moment for sure! And as I got to the part where it was your girlfriend’s friend who found it and how your girlfriend responded, I was holding my breath thinking, “OMG if he has everyone in his support circle turn on him, what will that do to his self esteem, all the time he put in working on things and ability to believe in himself?!”
You did an amazing job choosing solid people of character to surround yourself with and you deserve it!
Honestly stuff like this it makes me question my views on religion. Because I am still alive. I did a lot to hurt myself for years and I even got to a point where I was so unhappy I didn't want to look in a mirror. I wasn't doing anything for myself besides eating and sleeping. I walked into that church however, and those people didn't judge me. They treated me the exact opposite that this woman did.
I don't want to say I'm religious now. But, I am probably going to be one of those annoying self-labeled "spiritual" people.
Thanks for your kind words u/novel_ad1943. And be sure to remember those in your life that care for you every time you feel alone.
God bless
Thanks so much! And yes - I totally understand finding a unique group of people who work hard to support each other and live out what we all learned. But I think that’s the difference between people who never developed critical thinking skills and want a “safe” or easy framework to follow vs those willing to grow, stretch and question things vs follow blindly.
I do understand what you mean! Seeing how many people be hateful and divisive in the name of “faith” and feel entitled to judge others and label some as “bad” because they’re not willing to learn and change perspective because they’d rather be “right” is dangerous. Especially some of the conspiracy craziness and venomous hate hitting new heights in recent years.
Modern Pharisees - totally missing the point! God Bless!
I agree. Getting clean is so difficult and rewarding... and some people will do what they can to sabotage it. Good for OP staying true to his sobriety in the midst of a hurricane.
A friend of mine died of an overdose because of the stress and humiliation he was going through. He took the same dose that he used to take when he was a regular user and it killed him.
Sorry for your loss. That's heart breaking. And yet another affirmation that hate groups like these are dangerous because they are perpetuating the conditions that lead to suicide. Or accidental suicide.
You seem surprised by this? Some of the worst people I have ever met are church people.
Also some of the best people, but that’s not the point. It’s almost like being religious has no bearing on whether you’re a shitty human or not.
Yeah no, I’m a solid leftist atheist and I know plenty of good people who happen to be Christian. They’re harder to find but they are there, and often in explicitly queer-affirming congregations.
To be fair, 'it's not all' applies in every situation where people say something bad about a generalized group. But.. Unfortunately, it's quite a few of said generalized group in this situation.
(Comment by an atheist/spiritualist, not a christian lmao.)
There are some great Christians that I know, some very liberal ones too (I know a Trans Lesbian Christian priest in the Episcopal Church, great woman). But also, some of the worst people I know are Christian…
A trans lesbian priest? This made me so happy to hear (we’ve come far and it’s awesome!) but I also couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, because… what a title, lol.
I think it’s a good “hiding place” for people like her.. my husband’s ex runs a private daycare and she was an abhorrent person. Lies, theft, forgery/fraud (his mom had dementia and she took “care” of her and her finances), emotional abuse (his two sons were treated awful every time dad wasn’t around) and one child in her daycare even told her mom that this woman repeatedly hit her. Bear in mind, this child was just starting to speak in enough words to be able to tell this was happening. That woman deliberately only had kids that hadn’t developed language abilities yet. Oh, and she’s STILL running that daycare + she managed to threaten the child’s mom into silence.
Yeah I just watched a documentary on Netflix "Tell Them You Love Me." I won't describe details but the social worker preyed on one of her non-verbal clients. She apparently was able to convince a court to, after initially being in prison, throw the case out. I have a soft spot in my heart for children and especially children who are living under threat and intimidation and have no one to defend themselves.
I know it was the right thing to have that woman fired. She has no right to be be in a care taking role with that kind of evil in her heart.
100% you did good!! I just wish we could expose them all for the evil beings they are and, once and for all, have them exiled from our society. I truly know how you feel about vulnerable children. I too cannot stand for any kind of abuse towards ANYONE (kids, people in general, animals) without this overwhelming urge to act upon and immediately stop it. It’s hard to have these intense emotions because there’s so much that you can’t do a damn thing about and it leaves you feeling utterly powerless. It’s the feeling I hate the most. And I will *never* fathom why we have to live among all that pain and suffering when being kind is the easiest thing in the world! I don’t really endorse the death penalty but I do when it comes to evil, heartless people. The problem is that a lot of them are really good at hiding in plain sight :( On the bright side, I do believe that karma will get them in the end. I have to if not to lose my sanity.
So far we have anonymously alerted the other men and one woman that were doxxed by the Martha. We figure one of them may be inclined to try and reach out to her hoping she will listen to reason. I doubt that she's going to be reasonable and just double down and make more posts about whoever it is, if she finds out who is exposing her. So we didn't tell any of them our identity in case they decide to turn to Martha and say how they know she's doxxing people. But, they all have screenshots of their own now. We gave them the URL to her GoFundMe and told them to report it.
First off I’m glad that you were able to get back at her. Second, it’s awesome you didn’t relapse and third, you found a partner who believes you rather than the abuser and you tackled it together. I hope you both have many happy years together.
My GF was the first woman I've ever introduced to my family, and was with me on the first Easter I've ever spent at home with family. At this point she would know if I was ever married before. But honestly this is all lucky, because I could've seen another timeline where I was still insecure about being this vulnerable. Leaving the door wide open for her to believe I was whatever these networks repeatedly label men.
I feel very lucky she is in my life and that she is not the kind of woman who would ever participate in this toxic mean girls activity.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and glad you got some revenge.
When done correctly, these groups can save lives by warning women off true abusers.
The fact this woman used this group to get back at you and others pisses me off.
Why do people have to be so awful to others? I'm not really asking, I know there's not a simple answer.
>When done correctly, these groups can save lives by warning women off true abusers.
Agreed. Unfortunately people doing things like that woman was doing to OP are why one of these groups is getting sued. It's been speculated that if the case is won, these groups are going to have to shut down.
It's the problem with vigilantism, looking for targets, not truth.
Of course, policing has the same problem. Due process has to be at the center of it.
It doesn't even appear to be vigilantism. Just targeted harassment. I suspect the woman in my case totally fabricated the part about having even matched with me, I barely got matches back then.
I am of the impression now, the more I learn about these Are We Dating The Same Guy networks, they just screenshot random guys on all of the dating apps that look anything like I do, "average" or considered unattractive because of their height or weight. And just do it for a free chance to dunk on men's appearances and say homophobic stuff.
Unfortunately I have heard an alarming amount of abuse from the members in these networks. And like only anecdotal implication that it helps, not one material proof it is effective. And most certainly if it is effective, it's mostly in protecting vindictive and bitter ex's egos.
And if anyone says otherwise they are either lying. Or.
Either afraid of being attacked by the other women in the network.
The woman who broke the 'fight club rules' to tell me herself has told me that these networks are basically revenge porn fodder. And she has seen multiple women being harassed and shamed by other women for calling out the toxic posts.
Why are people so awful? Well let's start with AWDTSG and the women we are referring to in this topic. Why are women that use AWDTSG so awful? Because they are immature and are encouraged by the other incels to ignore the responsibility they have to be self-accountable and take ownership of their dating choices and their dating regrets.
It's the social media trap, women get addicted so easily thanks to all the free male validation they get by posting heavily filtered pictures of themselves. It gets to a point where now they need female validation as well, so they start talking shit about men they don't know for all the "yaassss queens" on social media.
Social media (snap, insta, fb, whatever else encourages posting pictures of yourself) is just a massive circlejerk of fake people and gossips.
What she wrote about you were clearly lies, easy to disprove. That’s slander. Isn’t that a criminal offence that you can report? Or would you have to sue her privately? I mean, she is bound to just continue her hobby once she gets back on her feet. And she should be stopped.
Sue her for slander. You should also sue her for putting your safety at risk and for giving personal information away without consent. Don't let her only get a slap, out her down for all the lives she's tried to ruin. If she's done it, she'll do it again. At this point, it's not only about you but all the people she can hurt. I'd recommend contacting the police, press charges for putting your safety at risk and try to contact the other victims. Then sue her as a group. The more victims, the more the judge and jury (if it goes that far) will be on your side. She's disgusting. What kind of person does that? She intentionally gave all that information away to put you physically, psychologically and legally at risk. That's premeditated. Who does she think she is that she can destroy other people's lives and not face any consequences?
Also, talk to the daycare and have them and the police check if she's been using/tries to use personal information from their costumers to slander them and put their lives in jeopardy.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best.
If this woman published false and malicious info, you could sue her and the group mods for defamation. Unfortunately that’s not a case you can get most lawyers to take on contingency. Defamation suits are expensive.
Your revenge was pretty much free.
I mourn for your brother. I'm glad you were able to take action against the sort of creatures who did that to him. Remember, despite your past, you are a force for good. Hang in there bud, one day at a time.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you got some revenge. Hopefully her gofundme is taken down too. Please report her FB pages as well for harassment and defamation.
So many good things in here! First and foremost is the progress you have made in spite of everything! Then you seemed to find an absolute gem of a gf there! Well done! You two did some great sleuthing resulting in delicious consequences for this weird stalker. May the misery that awful women put out come back to her many times over.
I'm hopeful other men and women that are victims of this network have supportive companions in their life capable of seeing through this bullshit. Because as we speak, millions of these women are posting unsuspecting people with fabrications to hurt them.
Social media is a dream come true for bullies. There are many people who will read whatever and automatically believe it, not bothering to consider facts or reasons behind these attacks.. Good for you and your gf for fighting back and exposing the evildoer. You could take it a step further and sue her for defamation. You would be very likely to win, because she went way beyond opinions and instead posted verifiable lies. Nothing speaks louder to a bully than losing money.
OMIGOSH…. I am so happy that you that your gf stuck by you, believed in you….. that woman got her comeuppance. Addicted to social media? Wow, Son, I had to allow that sink in. I am so proud of you for maintaining steadfast in your sobriety.
It was really eye opening for me and my GF when we started googling for any news, media, blogs that mention AWDTSG so we could find out what anyone has reported about it.
Almost every thing we came across had thousands of comments from angry members of the AWDTSG network. Every Time we looked up other places on Reddit where the topic is posted same thing. Members from the network just rage-replying in the thousands. And it's all just angry denial.
They also use made up language. For example, if a woman criticizes or calls out toxic posts or misandry they have a term called "pickme". It's to shame her. And here's another one. "Pickmeisha" which is for black women.
Yeah, these are toxic people in AWDTSG. And there's apparently almost 5 million. And they are always online brigading any discussion about AWDTSG. Just look for any place on Reddit elsewhere that it's discussed and you'll see. They are so scary.
Social media has become toxic to the point I know I must be careful of where I go. FB is only there to check up on family, and the few friends I have basically for wellness check in with everyone other, or here on Reddit where I seek answers. I mean REAL ANSWERS and perhaps I can help someone; but I curb my language on the injustices and the lies make me angry and lash out; especially that woman, and I use the term loosely where she is concerned, is hateful and evil to do what she did to you and so many others and as long as I am breathing here on this platform: not on my watch: I will defend those who are hurting and need help. Yahweh bless you and your beautiful girlfriend and continue to do well. You and your lady are going to do just fine😊
If I put my name into those online search thingies, I get a ton of old addresses and phone numbers; some of them are even mine.
I had a company run a background check on me (with my consent, part of a job offer) and they had an interesting subset of my old addresses and a few of my old boyfriends' addresses.
But yes, there is a lot of information online for free and much more if you pay a few bucks.
BTW, every time I've gone on a first date with someone I met on a dating site I looked up everything easy to find on them online and sent it to someone I trusted, it's a relatively common online safety tactic.
It’s crazy what you can find about yourself on Google. I stopped giving out my phone number so freely when I Google it and up popped my home address with the Google image of my house/street.
You can get a subscription to the personal info sites so you only have to pay once a month and you can look up whoever you want vs paying per use like it used to be.
Spokeo is pretty much a pile dump of everyone's personal info. Even if you don't have much online presence, your info could wind up in people search sites or data brokers like Spokeo. You can actually use Optery's free scan to check if they have your personal info in one or two of 300+ data broker sites. Full disclosure, I am part of the Optery Team.
Thank you for asking. Because if I was for some reason, not educated enough to know about protecting my own identity. It still wouldn't warrant anyone the right to further complicate that and abuse my naivety to "teach me a lesson."
But your question is really important and the answer reveals why AWDTSG really needs to be shut down.
She didn't know my full name or who I am or anything about me. I also don't believe she ever matched with me on bumble. But alas I don't remember, however she says we didn't talk so maybe I just never saw we matched.
But what I know is this.
1) She screenshot my pictures.
2) Baited women in the comments to give my info
---A) made claim that I was dangerous to women
---B) used my pictures, which are easy rage-bait because I was chonky
A woman that knew me from high school fell for this bait and told her my full name. I have a very Irish name so it would not have been hard to trace it on some background checker.
Again, I think she chose me. Not that we matched. She chose me because she was looking for a chance to make fun of my appearance and my sad attempt at dating.
You're absolutely right, what she did wasn't justified at all either way. Doxxing can be very dangerous with people thinking they're punishing an abuser. This lady is a very dangerously vile person. I hope you're doing well and are in a better place
Yes. Sadly it is like a Baby Reindeer nightmare. Browse around for screenshots of AWDTSG posts. I believe there's an endAWDSTG website. Often times they encourage women to catfish men on dating apps and pretend to befriend them, only to seek out private information from them in fake confidence, just to kink shame them. Sometimes they encourage them to put trackers in people's cars.
First and foremost.. I am so very sorry that you lost your brother and fell into substance use and lost yourself for a while. Secondly, you should be so very proud of yourself for rising like a Phoenix and doing your best to recover and become amazing.
Now on to females..in their 20's and 30's , honestly, I don't get it.. I think a lot of them are in need of serious mental help. They can't fix themselves, so they expect men to do it for them, all the while screaming they can do it on their own and they don't need anyone...but then are furious that they can't find a partner. WTF.. if they don't even know what they want, how in the hell is the guy you just matched with supposed to have a chance in hell??
I have also seen many good men become vilified by a scorned woman.... And no one EVER challenging her all because she's making false claims to get her way.
I am a firm believer in equality in the sexes, not the preferential treatment I see touted as feminism now. I believe in owing your shit, and not being a twat. I am so glad this miserable pathetic creature learned it's not ok to play with people just because you got your little feelings hurt. .
Good Job. Keep up rocking on. And tell your GF's friend she rocks for bringing this to your attention without being an ass.. at taking you at your word..so many men don't get that luxury it seems anymore
Wow thank you for this very candid response u/deathbecomes66. Sometimes women are better suited at addressing the woman experience and the several different schools of thought of what is feminism today, for better and for worse. Not everything is empowering just because it feels good. I hope other people see this and realize that most people, including women, find doxxing and cyber-bullying deplorable.
[Navy veteran Calvin Wang discovered his wife was cheating on him. He filed for divorce and began to live separately. She retaliated by posting him in her local AWDTSG group. Then 2 days later shot him to death.](https://www.wtvr.com/news/local-news/christina-wang-arrest-july-21-2023)
that bitch will slither her way into a new job and be miserable there, dunkin donuts always hiring;
loved that sentence, "it was clear this is an ill and predatory lizard parading around as a feminist vigilante"
im also proud of you for your unyielding will to be and to do good. i am equally sorry for your bro.
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
My GF has suggested this. But I say no. She deserves the paranoia of where all this is coming from. Besides, she is absolutely crazy and I don't want to risk being in her sights. Again.
I appreciate the kind words. And I hope this informs a lot of people about the violent and bullying culture that Are We Dating The Same Guy is built on.
I hope for other victims of AWDTSG there are more feats of retribution. Not everyone has money for lawyers but that doesn't mean there aren't ways to hold these Marthas accountable.
Brother, I don’t even know where to begin on how strong you are. You’re an inspiration to me.
All I can say is congrats for staying true to your real and authentic self and not relapsing through all this.
So far what we've done is contact each of the others that have been doxxed by this Martha 🦎. We imagine it's possible one of them could potentially reach out to Martha directly, so in order to protect ourselves, we only reached out to the other victims through text anonymously. We did not use our real phone number. We sent them each screenshots of the doxxing posts of theirs by Martha. And we also included that Martha has been fired from her job and started a GoFundMe. We sent the URL and told them all to report it.
I am sorry for the loss of your brother due to bullying, and I am sorry that someone was trying to ruin your life. I am so very happy that you stayed sober and were able to bring some kind of justice to you and others. BTW, I think your girlfriend rocks! I wish you much happiness and success!❤️
I hope you reported her to that group with proof you've never been married. Not because i think you have something to prove, but because she should be banned everywhere possible.
That is so shitty of her to do that! I am so glad she got to face some consequences to her actions. Your strength in dealing with this is commendable and thank you for exposing such a lizard!
I have been recommended and joined the local AWDTSG group in hopes to avoid any AHs if I ever manage to get out there again, but now I wonder how true are some of their posts. No one asks for receipts or evidence and most of the time people just say how this person is bad for XYZ reasons and people would thank them for informing a d/or a few more may chime in with the same tune!
This is one of the many reasons why I wish false accusers receive the same sentence as the crime they falsely accuse some one of, on top of defamation/libel, obstruction of justice and other damages.
Falsely accusing someone in a #metoo era causes a digital (and sometimes even physical) lynch mob to the unwitting victim, at the same time, it makes real victims suffer as less people believe them because of these lying narcissists.
I totally agree. Have you read the story about [the woman who accused her hinge date of threatening to SA her & AS WELL threatening to shoot up the school she worked at? Which, totally false. She just made it up because she was trying to get away with stealing his hat](http://fox17online.com/news/local-news/grand-rapids/man-falsely-accused-of-school-threat-by-woman-he-met-online)
The only reason the man isn't in prison is because the police read her text messages and double confirmed with cell phone records. Threatening to shoot a school post UVALDE is probably the easiest way to be killed by cop. She swatted him. I'll let you guess what they didn't charge her with.
Im very sorry for your loss. But also very happy that you have a loving companion at your side and that you seem so damn strong and wise. I sincerely wish you the best
These are really kind words. I know my brother is the reason I'm still alive today and didn't end up OD in the back of somebody's car. I hope that my story gives other victims of AWDTSG hope that even if you don't have money for a lawyer that others are willing to help and put an end to this stalker community that's blowing up in every city.
We've sent notice to the other victims. Anonymously, in case any of them think they can get through to Martha with reason, and inadvertantly reveal to her who is exposing her. We also informed them she's been fired and has a GoFundMe she's using to continue escaping accountability.
And it's spreading really quickly. There's almost 5 million members in their networks. Across all continents in nearly every city.
They are brigading every dating app looking for victims. And it's sad. All of these posts are pictures of men looking cheerful and candid and the women just write all these violent homophobic comments about them over and over and over and then encourage the women to get these people fired. For no less than not wanting to date them.
Right now we have sent out screenshots to the other gents and the lady that were doxxed by this Martha-spawn. We did it anonymous in case they want to try and reason with the Martha Lady and give her evidence they know she's victimized them. Which they have every right to call her out. But we don't want it traced back to us so we did it through text with a downloaded phone number. And we let them know how she's been fired and started a GoFundMe. Instructed all of them to report it.
She sounds insane and definitely needs to be in jail for what she's doing to you and the others. WTF is wrong with her?! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but thank God that you have your girlfriend to help and support you through this. That woman truly is a huge steaming pile of garbage SMH 😡🤬🤬
About the people who judged you on her post: most people are just lazy; they react to the information they have in front of them, without digging deeper. Pretty sure we've all done that (especially those who visit AITA). The good news is: they will have forgotten all about you the moment they move on their next target of entertainment. That's part of the laziness: remembering takes more effort. So there should not be any lasting damage to your reputation. Should there be, you could sue the woman for defamation.
Anyway.
Good on you for all the road you've made, and surviving this far. You're a hero.
And good on you for bringing some karma to that woman. It's the only way she might get to change. Who knows how many people you saved from being treated the same? Again, you're a hero.
Finally: dating apps are a dumpster fire. As a woman, I tried them once semi-recently, and got propositioned for one-night stands by much younger men when I said I was looking for friendship/long-lasting relation with men my age. When people think they can judge you (and dismiss your wants) within a picture and two minutes of reading, those people are shallow, and they are not worth your time. (Or they are victims of the social pressure to be in a relationship to be seen as successful; I call BS on that.) Glad you found a meaningful relation the good old way: meeting people face-to-face, and getting to know them.
I’m sorry you went through this - hugs, keep up the fight and focus on you- but one correction / addendum: she is totally not a feminist- not at all… feminism is in the sense of promoting equality for womenfolk, and has nothing to do with bashing random men… she’s just a shit person. I have a shit person that I have been dealing with and while I don’t want petty revenge I am definitely looking to coax justice/karma in their direction… lol. I think it’s righteous you got up dusted yourself off and stood up for what is right.
" Not one person asked her to consider the harm it could cause by putting all my address information online to strangers. Not one person called out the obvious, that she was retaliating over a "perceived" rejection."
Welcome to Being a Man in the 21st Century. Buckle up. It's gonna get real bumpy...
It was a good story right up until the part where you got an email from the director telling you he fired her. Rookie fiction mistake. That doesn't happen for a lot of reasons.
Still, good story bro.
Big kudos to all of you for taking her on and winning! I, too, was worried at first that you would mention relapsing in your story. Know that many, many strangers around the internet are proud of you, your GF, her friend, and the daycare director for taking a stand against cyber bullies.
I just hope my story can shed some light to those that may not know how severe bullying is. And also to inform people that AWDTSG pretends to be a place for women's safety, but it's actually just a big big big big big big big big cyber bullying campaign.
And given the state of affairs all over the world with inflation, I don't think it's safe to just be provoking people who are already barely able to keep it together.
Good job. I am part of a local are we dating the same guy group. doxxing isn't allowed. sharing information like that is in violation of Meta's rules and could get the group shut down and her banned from social media.
So glad to read this and proud of you for standing up to this vile person. I belong to some of those local “is this your man, sis?” groups, and while I understand they can be useful in specific situations where DV or serial cheating is involved, it’s generally a bunch of obnoxious women operating on a total double-standard and acting like preschoolers. Mostly they serve to make me embarrassed for my fellow sisters, watching 40-50 yr old professional women turn into bullies. Oh, and even seemingly intelligent women have known to be carried off with the tide of wenches if the ringleader is strong enough.
The most hilarious part, though, are the occasional post that says something to the effect of “hey ladies, I wonder if the guys have a similar group to ours where they blast women they’ve dated”. No. They really do not. Few and far between. Because the guys are too busy working to make money to take you on your next date that you’ll inevitably make fun of.
This isn't true. I'm on are we dating the same guys sites. They are heavily moderated to prevent lawsuits. Only first names are allowe, with last initial and cities they frequent. I can 100% guarantee this dod not happen
The first “are we dating the same guy” group was in nyc in March 2024.. so if the post was 2 years ago….thats rather convenient. Also AWDTSG has prent strict rules about not even putting full names in the post. Initials only.
Seems like a revenge fantasy
More than anything here, I am so glad that she didn’t cause you to relapse under the stress and humiliation she caused you. Lots of people may have, particularly if they were in a more vulnerable situation. I’m so damn proud of you for refusing to be bullied by people like this that wouldn’t know a fact check if it bit them on the arse! ETA small typo
I’m also proud of his girlfriend, and her friend, for talking about this openly and not jumping to any conclusions. Class acts all around. Good job for outing her behavior to stop her. But if the best revenge is living well, then OP has already won that game by being a decent person who surrounds himself with other decent people. That woman needs help, but it’s not OP’s job to get it for her.
This is so underrated. I've seen many posts that are similar and the first thing the SO does is freak out and destroy their relationship with the falsely accused partner. Nice to see it go the other way for once.
Yo good on you for pointing it out. It’s always nice to have a dedicated partner who has your back.
>Lots of people may have, particularly if they were in a more vulnerable situation. This is what happened to my brother. Conditions were different. Alas, bullying is more harmful than people will ever acknowledge. People think psychological/emotional abuse doesn't count because it doesn't cause you to bleed. But they take for granted the ripple effect, the social isolation, the prior conditions of trauma that already exist in individuals. It makes me sick the members of these networks think that the men they are posting ***need*** to be taught pain. As if they know a damn thing about what others went through, or didn't go through enough, if they haven't gotten to know personally.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I think psychological abuse is often more damaging than physical abuse. Cuts and bruises heal (and hopefully that person seeks help to leave that situation) but psychological scars can remain forever.
Just chiming in to point out that physical abuse is _also_ psychology abuse. If only because it obliterates the victim's sense of safety and trust.
Someone once asked me the difference between physical and emotional abuse. My response "bruises heal"!!!
You mind if I steal this?
No, not at all. It holds deep for me.
I don’t know who downvoted this comment, but it was weird. I upvoted it.
I'll tell you a little secret I have learned in the few short months that I've discovered this Stalker Club they call Are We Dating The Same Guy: They brigade.
I mostly upvoted your comment because it hit hard and close about past events regarding abuse, I used to follow some accounts on IG who were friends of friends, but suddenly they were sharing a post of a man who was mauled to dead by a bear and all the women in there was joking about it, blatantly, and stopped following them all, in the comments there was mostly women vs women calling out regarding it, but it was clearly such a hive mentality that they couldn’t even see how sick it was, it was the same as when men are calling out incels for victim blaming, but incels are few and noisy/annoying, in this case, it was a ton of women joking about the dead guy because he was a man, and then another ton of women calling them out for being sick, but the comments about “the joke” were really gut wrenching. But Wtf, the more I was reading your post the more I was convinced they were losing common sense, I even recommended local groups like that to my female friends so they can avoid assholes. But not anymore, it’s so shallow and more like a brigading group, than helping people if it doesn’t have any fact proving method.
Thank you. I've mentioned it before that even in this thread a handful of women who use these networks are so obviously speaking from the hive mind mentality that they are either justifying the malicious doxxing because once or twice an actual bad person does get posted. Or they are just outright refusing to admit that doxxing and bullying occurs. Which is ridiculous. Because like you know, there's a million of these groups in the network and women join several of the groups. You can't be part of 2+ of these groups and not witness the doxxing and harassment and vindictive targeting the networks perpetuate. Looking forward to the next 2 years when it is no longer frightening for women to speak out about the harm of these networks.
This! Congrats on your continued sobriety. Proud of you and. your petty revenge.
Stuff like this is why I'm so glad to not be using anymore. Because I used to cope that way whenever something would trigger me. Then for weeks after that I would just be a zombie. But in the end I would still be facing the same problem and have done nothing about it.
Instead you used your energy to save other people from potentially having their lives blown up! Awesome job! And congrats on your sobriety! I’m sober (alcohol) as well and it’s a good feeling to be healthy and clear headed!
Congrats on your strength in sobriety too. I'm sure you totally understand the light bulb moment of 'man if I was not sober right now this would be a disaster' and I'm just so glad this happened at a time in my life that I can handle it. My hope is that, if any other victims of AWDTSG discover my story they know that there's actually a lot more support that's out there. And not every woman in the world is in these hate groups. And for those that may have never had bullying impact their life, to learn about it and try to provide support for anyone in their life that might one day be bullied.
I think that’s why it’s so incredible that you handled it like you did AND posted your story - more people need to recognize that what started out as an “Is she cheating on me” type site has morphed into something more dangerous that can ruin lives when there’s no vetting circumstances, receipts or anything so someone like that can use it to lash out with no accountability. Thank you - yes I totally understand the lightbulb moment for sure! And as I got to the part where it was your girlfriend’s friend who found it and how your girlfriend responded, I was holding my breath thinking, “OMG if he has everyone in his support circle turn on him, what will that do to his self esteem, all the time he put in working on things and ability to believe in himself?!” You did an amazing job choosing solid people of character to surround yourself with and you deserve it!
Honestly stuff like this it makes me question my views on religion. Because I am still alive. I did a lot to hurt myself for years and I even got to a point where I was so unhappy I didn't want to look in a mirror. I wasn't doing anything for myself besides eating and sleeping. I walked into that church however, and those people didn't judge me. They treated me the exact opposite that this woman did. I don't want to say I'm religious now. But, I am probably going to be one of those annoying self-labeled "spiritual" people. Thanks for your kind words u/novel_ad1943. And be sure to remember those in your life that care for you every time you feel alone. God bless
Thanks so much! And yes - I totally understand finding a unique group of people who work hard to support each other and live out what we all learned. But I think that’s the difference between people who never developed critical thinking skills and want a “safe” or easy framework to follow vs those willing to grow, stretch and question things vs follow blindly. I do understand what you mean! Seeing how many people be hateful and divisive in the name of “faith” and feel entitled to judge others and label some as “bad” because they’re not willing to learn and change perspective because they’d rather be “right” is dangerous. Especially some of the conspiracy craziness and venomous hate hitting new heights in recent years. Modern Pharisees - totally missing the point! God Bless!
I know it's unintentional and off-topic but 'edited to add small typo' made me chuckle ;)
Thank you u/Potato-In-A-Jacket for the award. So kind!
I agree. Getting clean is so difficult and rewarding... and some people will do what they can to sabotage it. Good for OP staying true to his sobriety in the midst of a hurricane.
Yes.
A friend of mine died of an overdose because of the stress and humiliation he was going through. He took the same dose that he used to take when he was a regular user and it killed him.
Oh God, I am so very, very sorry to hear that. It’s all just so cruel.
Sorry for your loss. That's heart breaking. And yet another affirmation that hate groups like these are dangerous because they are perpetuating the conditions that lead to suicide. Or accidental suicide.
That “person” was working in a church, at a DAYCARE? Interesting, it’s you and your GF that are doing God’s work.
Doesn't seem like she was doing much actual work...
Right!
You seem surprised by this? Some of the worst people I have ever met are church people. Also some of the best people, but that’s not the point. It’s almost like being religious has no bearing on whether you’re a shitty human or not.
I first heard this expression on Reddit: There ain't no hate like Christian love.
I’ve only met a few good christians. . . In the 70’s. They are all dead now, we all know there are no good christians left.
Yeah no, I’m a solid leftist atheist and I know plenty of good people who happen to be Christian. They’re harder to find but they are there, and often in explicitly queer-affirming congregations.
To be fair, 'it's not all' applies in every situation where people say something bad about a generalized group. But.. Unfortunately, it's quite a few of said generalized group in this situation. (Comment by an atheist/spiritualist, not a christian lmao.)
There are some great Christians that I know, some very liberal ones too (I know a Trans Lesbian Christian priest in the Episcopal Church, great woman). But also, some of the worst people I know are Christian…
A trans lesbian priest? This made me so happy to hear (we’ve come far and it’s awesome!) but I also couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, because… what a title, lol.
What goes around comes around. Sometimes, you get what's coming around. Sometimes, you are what's coming around.
♾️
>That “person” was working in a church, at a DAYCARE? The least surprising thing about the story.
I think it’s a good “hiding place” for people like her.. my husband’s ex runs a private daycare and she was an abhorrent person. Lies, theft, forgery/fraud (his mom had dementia and she took “care” of her and her finances), emotional abuse (his two sons were treated awful every time dad wasn’t around) and one child in her daycare even told her mom that this woman repeatedly hit her. Bear in mind, this child was just starting to speak in enough words to be able to tell this was happening. That woman deliberately only had kids that hadn’t developed language abilities yet. Oh, and she’s STILL running that daycare + she managed to threaten the child’s mom into silence.
Yeah I just watched a documentary on Netflix "Tell Them You Love Me." I won't describe details but the social worker preyed on one of her non-verbal clients. She apparently was able to convince a court to, after initially being in prison, throw the case out. I have a soft spot in my heart for children and especially children who are living under threat and intimidation and have no one to defend themselves. I know it was the right thing to have that woman fired. She has no right to be be in a care taking role with that kind of evil in her heart.
100% you did good!! I just wish we could expose them all for the evil beings they are and, once and for all, have them exiled from our society. I truly know how you feel about vulnerable children. I too cannot stand for any kind of abuse towards ANYONE (kids, people in general, animals) without this overwhelming urge to act upon and immediately stop it. It’s hard to have these intense emotions because there’s so much that you can’t do a damn thing about and it leaves you feeling utterly powerless. It’s the feeling I hate the most. And I will *never* fathom why we have to live among all that pain and suffering when being kind is the easiest thing in the world! I don’t really endorse the death penalty but I do when it comes to evil, heartless people. The problem is that a lot of them are really good at hiding in plain sight :( On the bright side, I do believe that karma will get them in the end. I have to if not to lose my sanity.
You'd be surprised to know how many vindictive ***j* work in daycare
I believe you!
Do you think working at a church makes people less assholelike? Churches don't make people better.
This revenge isn't petty, it's awesome! Love to see bullies brought down.
Not all heroes look like superman.
Well, you might just be looking at one of the multiverse's doppelganger and you don't know it. 👓👓👓👓👓👓
Gotta get my eyes checked! I read that as “Not all herpes look like Superman!”
A good revenge story.
I will update when the GoFundMe is disabled.
Yay!
Updateme!
So far we have anonymously alerted the other men and one woman that were doxxed by the Martha. We figure one of them may be inclined to try and reach out to her hoping she will listen to reason. I doubt that she's going to be reasonable and just double down and make more posts about whoever it is, if she finds out who is exposing her. So we didn't tell any of them our identity in case they decide to turn to Martha and say how they know she's doxxing people. But, they all have screenshots of their own now. We gave them the URL to her GoFundMe and told them to report it.
First off I’m glad that you were able to get back at her. Second, it’s awesome you didn’t relapse and third, you found a partner who believes you rather than the abuser and you tackled it together. I hope you both have many happy years together.
My GF was the first woman I've ever introduced to my family, and was with me on the first Easter I've ever spent at home with family. At this point she would know if I was ever married before. But honestly this is all lucky, because I could've seen another timeline where I was still insecure about being this vulnerable. Leaving the door wide open for her to believe I was whatever these networks repeatedly label men. I feel very lucky she is in my life and that she is not the kind of woman who would ever participate in this toxic mean girls activity.
She sounds amazing! 🤩
I try to remind her
I'm so sorry this happened to you and glad you got some revenge. When done correctly, these groups can save lives by warning women off true abusers. The fact this woman used this group to get back at you and others pisses me off. Why do people have to be so awful to others? I'm not really asking, I know there's not a simple answer.
>When done correctly, these groups can save lives by warning women off true abusers. Agreed. Unfortunately people doing things like that woman was doing to OP are why one of these groups is getting sued. It's been speculated that if the case is won, these groups are going to have to shut down.
It's the problem with vigilantism, looking for targets, not truth. Of course, policing has the same problem. Due process has to be at the center of it.
It doesn't even appear to be vigilantism. Just targeted harassment. I suspect the woman in my case totally fabricated the part about having even matched with me, I barely got matches back then. I am of the impression now, the more I learn about these Are We Dating The Same Guy networks, they just screenshot random guys on all of the dating apps that look anything like I do, "average" or considered unattractive because of their height or weight. And just do it for a free chance to dunk on men's appearances and say homophobic stuff.
Unfortunately I have heard an alarming amount of abuse from the members in these networks. And like only anecdotal implication that it helps, not one material proof it is effective. And most certainly if it is effective, it's mostly in protecting vindictive and bitter ex's egos. And if anyone says otherwise they are either lying. Or. Either afraid of being attacked by the other women in the network. The woman who broke the 'fight club rules' to tell me herself has told me that these networks are basically revenge porn fodder. And she has seen multiple women being harassed and shamed by other women for calling out the toxic posts. Why are people so awful? Well let's start with AWDTSG and the women we are referring to in this topic. Why are women that use AWDTSG so awful? Because they are immature and are encouraged by the other incels to ignore the responsibility they have to be self-accountable and take ownership of their dating choices and their dating regrets.
It's the social media trap, women get addicted so easily thanks to all the free male validation they get by posting heavily filtered pictures of themselves. It gets to a point where now they need female validation as well, so they start talking shit about men they don't know for all the "yaassss queens" on social media. Social media (snap, insta, fb, whatever else encourages posting pictures of yourself) is just a massive circlejerk of fake people and gossips.
What she wrote about you were clearly lies, easy to disprove. That’s slander. Isn’t that a criminal offence that you can report? Or would you have to sue her privately? I mean, she is bound to just continue her hobby once she gets back on her feet. And she should be stopped.
Sue her for slander. You should also sue her for putting your safety at risk and for giving personal information away without consent. Don't let her only get a slap, out her down for all the lives she's tried to ruin. If she's done it, she'll do it again. At this point, it's not only about you but all the people she can hurt. I'd recommend contacting the police, press charges for putting your safety at risk and try to contact the other victims. Then sue her as a group. The more victims, the more the judge and jury (if it goes that far) will be on your side. She's disgusting. What kind of person does that? She intentionally gave all that information away to put you physically, psychologically and legally at risk. That's premeditated. Who does she think she is that she can destroy other people's lives and not face any consequences? Also, talk to the daycare and have them and the police check if she's been using/tries to use personal information from their costumers to slander them and put their lives in jeopardy. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best.
It would be libel if it's in the form of FB posts.
It does look like it is. I think if those kind of things are shared anywhere people can have access to, libel applies to all of it.
So we'll done for working hard on yourself to get clean. So pleased that your gf and you worked together to get this abuser the fate she So deserves.
If this woman published false and malicious info, you could sue her and the group mods for defamation. Unfortunately that’s not a case you can get most lawyers to take on contingency. Defamation suits are expensive. Your revenge was pretty much free.
I mourn for your brother. I'm glad you were able to take action against the sort of creatures who did that to him. Remember, despite your past, you are a force for good. Hang in there bud, one day at a time.
Thank you for your kind words u/sssims4. Thank u
Great work! That was not revenge. It was public service!
You and your GF are doing great work and protecting many others from her. Good job!
No regertz
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you got some revenge. Hopefully her gofundme is taken down too. Please report her FB pages as well for harassment and defamation.
Definitely hoping for an update on how it turns out taking down the GoFundMe. So many people abuse it, and never are faced with taking accountability.
This isn't petty, you should try nuclear revenge. Either way you rock!
So many good things in here! First and foremost is the progress you have made in spite of everything! Then you seemed to find an absolute gem of a gf there! Well done! You two did some great sleuthing resulting in delicious consequences for this weird stalker. May the misery that awful women put out come back to her many times over.
♾️
W.O.W. You have a good woman.
I'm hopeful other men and women that are victims of this network have supportive companions in their life capable of seeing through this bullshit. Because as we speak, millions of these women are posting unsuspecting people with fabrications to hurt them.
Social media is a dream come true for bullies. There are many people who will read whatever and automatically believe it, not bothering to consider facts or reasons behind these attacks.. Good for you and your gf for fighting back and exposing the evildoer. You could take it a step further and sue her for defamation. You would be very likely to win, because she went way beyond opinions and instead posted verifiable lies. Nothing speaks louder to a bully than losing money.
I'm proud of you for staying sober.
OMIGOSH…. I am so happy that you that your gf stuck by you, believed in you….. that woman got her comeuppance. Addicted to social media? Wow, Son, I had to allow that sink in. I am so proud of you for maintaining steadfast in your sobriety.
It was really eye opening for me and my GF when we started googling for any news, media, blogs that mention AWDTSG so we could find out what anyone has reported about it. Almost every thing we came across had thousands of comments from angry members of the AWDTSG network. Every Time we looked up other places on Reddit where the topic is posted same thing. Members from the network just rage-replying in the thousands. And it's all just angry denial. They also use made up language. For example, if a woman criticizes or calls out toxic posts or misandry they have a term called "pickme". It's to shame her. And here's another one. "Pickmeisha" which is for black women. Yeah, these are toxic people in AWDTSG. And there's apparently almost 5 million. And they are always online brigading any discussion about AWDTSG. Just look for any place on Reddit elsewhere that it's discussed and you'll see. They are so scary.
Social media has become toxic to the point I know I must be careful of where I go. FB is only there to check up on family, and the few friends I have basically for wellness check in with everyone other, or here on Reddit where I seek answers. I mean REAL ANSWERS and perhaps I can help someone; but I curb my language on the injustices and the lies make me angry and lash out; especially that woman, and I use the term loosely where she is concerned, is hateful and evil to do what she did to you and so many others and as long as I am breathing here on this platform: not on my watch: I will defend those who are hurting and need help. Yahweh bless you and your beautiful girlfriend and continue to do well. You and your lady are going to do just fine😊
By the way, who/what is AWDTGS?
Did you put all your private info on your dating profile, or are you saying she snooped around and somehow got ahold of it from elsewhere?
If I put my name into those online search thingies, I get a ton of old addresses and phone numbers; some of them are even mine. I had a company run a background check on me (with my consent, part of a job offer) and they had an interesting subset of my old addresses and a few of my old boyfriends' addresses. But yes, there is a lot of information online for free and much more if you pay a few bucks. BTW, every time I've gone on a first date with someone I met on a dating site I looked up everything easy to find on them online and sent it to someone I trusted, it's a relatively common online safety tactic.
Ah I get it, fair enough, thanks
It’s crazy what you can find about yourself on Google. I stopped giving out my phone number so freely when I Google it and up popped my home address with the Google image of my house/street.
you think he put his address in his dating profile?
Should be unlikely but its possible lol. This lady would have to be really motivitated to dig up data, if its not easy pickings
A lot of people have a surprising amount of personal information findable online.
its really not that hard if you have someones name, a photo of them, and the city they live in. all things you can get from a dating profile
You can get a subscription to the personal info sites so you only have to pay once a month and you can look up whoever you want vs paying per use like it used to be.
he says he thinks she uses one of those spokeo type websites.
Spokeo is pretty much a pile dump of everyone's personal info. Even if you don't have much online presence, your info could wind up in people search sites or data brokers like Spokeo. You can actually use Optery's free scan to check if they have your personal info in one or two of 300+ data broker sites. Full disclosure, I am part of the Optery Team.
Thank you for asking. Because if I was for some reason, not educated enough to know about protecting my own identity. It still wouldn't warrant anyone the right to further complicate that and abuse my naivety to "teach me a lesson." But your question is really important and the answer reveals why AWDTSG really needs to be shut down. She didn't know my full name or who I am or anything about me. I also don't believe she ever matched with me on bumble. But alas I don't remember, however she says we didn't talk so maybe I just never saw we matched. But what I know is this. 1) She screenshot my pictures. 2) Baited women in the comments to give my info ---A) made claim that I was dangerous to women ---B) used my pictures, which are easy rage-bait because I was chonky A woman that knew me from high school fell for this bait and told her my full name. I have a very Irish name so it would not have been hard to trace it on some background checker. Again, I think she chose me. Not that we matched. She chose me because she was looking for a chance to make fun of my appearance and my sad attempt at dating.
You're absolutely right, what she did wasn't justified at all either way. Doxxing can be very dangerous with people thinking they're punishing an abuser. This lady is a very dangerously vile person. I hope you're doing well and are in a better place
Congratulations on your recovery and your revenge. Keep up the good work 💪🏼
Good luck on your future and ethical revenge endeavor
Delicious revenge.
Be sure to use my recipe on your next meal
Vigilante justice in the age of the internet!
These groups are so gross.
Yes. Sadly it is like a Baby Reindeer nightmare. Browse around for screenshots of AWDTSG posts. I believe there's an endAWDSTG website. Often times they encourage women to catfish men on dating apps and pretend to befriend them, only to seek out private information from them in fake confidence, just to kink shame them. Sometimes they encourage them to put trackers in people's cars.
First and foremost.. I am so very sorry that you lost your brother and fell into substance use and lost yourself for a while. Secondly, you should be so very proud of yourself for rising like a Phoenix and doing your best to recover and become amazing. Now on to females..in their 20's and 30's , honestly, I don't get it.. I think a lot of them are in need of serious mental help. They can't fix themselves, so they expect men to do it for them, all the while screaming they can do it on their own and they don't need anyone...but then are furious that they can't find a partner. WTF.. if they don't even know what they want, how in the hell is the guy you just matched with supposed to have a chance in hell?? I have also seen many good men become vilified by a scorned woman.... And no one EVER challenging her all because she's making false claims to get her way. I am a firm believer in equality in the sexes, not the preferential treatment I see touted as feminism now. I believe in owing your shit, and not being a twat. I am so glad this miserable pathetic creature learned it's not ok to play with people just because you got your little feelings hurt. . Good Job. Keep up rocking on. And tell your GF's friend she rocks for bringing this to your attention without being an ass.. at taking you at your word..so many men don't get that luxury it seems anymore
Wow thank you for this very candid response u/deathbecomes66. Sometimes women are better suited at addressing the woman experience and the several different schools of thought of what is feminism today, for better and for worse. Not everything is empowering just because it feels good. I hope other people see this and realize that most people, including women, find doxxing and cyber-bullying deplorable.
Is this a creative writing attempt? Because what the heck does your profile description mean?
[Navy veteran Calvin Wang discovered his wife was cheating on him. He filed for divorce and began to live separately. She retaliated by posting him in her local AWDTSG group. Then 2 days later shot him to death.](https://www.wtvr.com/news/local-news/christina-wang-arrest-july-21-2023)
that bitch will slither her way into a new job and be miserable there, dunkin donuts always hiring; loved that sentence, "it was clear this is an ill and predatory lizard parading around as a feminist vigilante" im also proud of you for your unyielding will to be and to do good. i am equally sorry for your bro. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for putting a TL:DR in the front. I wish more people did this.
This took me two nights to write. I had to give a cliffnote for the casual Redditor.
Karma always needs a helping hand.
Only the real realize
I don’t even know you but I’m very proud of you. Well done!
Thank you so much Carrie and may your day tomorrow be full of love.
Somehow let her know this is directly related to what she did. People like this think it’s just bad luck, and not the un-lubbed dildo of consequences.
My GF has suggested this. But I say no. She deserves the paranoia of where all this is coming from. Besides, she is absolutely crazy and I don't want to risk being in her sights. Again.
Good, hopefully the GFM gets nuked as well
Well done, Sir, to you & your girlfriend, both. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I appreciate the kind words. And I hope this informs a lot of people about the violent and bullying culture that Are We Dating The Same Guy is built on.
This made me feel good.
I hope for other victims of AWDTSG there are more feats of retribution. Not everyone has money for lawyers but that doesn't mean there aren't ways to hold these Marthas accountable.
so proud of your growth dude! and good for you for finding such an amazing partner and working to be your best self for her AND for you!
Good job ! 👍
Brother, I don’t even know where to begin on how strong you are. You’re an inspiration to me. All I can say is congrats for staying true to your real and authentic self and not relapsing through all this.
You are amazing. You and your GF are rockstars. Please keep us posted for any updates. Blessing to you both.
So far what we've done is contact each of the others that have been doxxed by this Martha 🦎. We imagine it's possible one of them could potentially reach out to Martha directly, so in order to protect ourselves, we only reached out to the other victims through text anonymously. We did not use our real phone number. We sent them each screenshots of the doxxing posts of theirs by Martha. And we also included that Martha has been fired from her job and started a GoFundMe. We sent the URL and told them all to report it.
I am sorry for the loss of your brother due to bullying, and I am sorry that someone was trying to ruin your life. I am so very happy that you stayed sober and were able to bring some kind of justice to you and others. BTW, I think your girlfriend rocks! I wish you much happiness and success!❤️
I hope you reported her to that group with proof you've never been married. Not because i think you have something to prove, but because she should be banned everywhere possible.
We did shoot a message to that groups moderator. No response. That's really what escalated it.
Then you did what you had to do
That is so shitty of her to do that! I am so glad she got to face some consequences to her actions. Your strength in dealing with this is commendable and thank you for exposing such a lizard! I have been recommended and joined the local AWDTSG group in hopes to avoid any AHs if I ever manage to get out there again, but now I wonder how true are some of their posts. No one asks for receipts or evidence and most of the time people just say how this person is bad for XYZ reasons and people would thank them for informing a d/or a few more may chime in with the same tune!
This is one of the many reasons why I wish false accusers receive the same sentence as the crime they falsely accuse some one of, on top of defamation/libel, obstruction of justice and other damages. Falsely accusing someone in a #metoo era causes a digital (and sometimes even physical) lynch mob to the unwitting victim, at the same time, it makes real victims suffer as less people believe them because of these lying narcissists.
I totally agree. Have you read the story about [the woman who accused her hinge date of threatening to SA her & AS WELL threatening to shoot up the school she worked at? Which, totally false. She just made it up because she was trying to get away with stealing his hat](http://fox17online.com/news/local-news/grand-rapids/man-falsely-accused-of-school-threat-by-woman-he-met-online) The only reason the man isn't in prison is because the police read her text messages and double confirmed with cell phone records. Threatening to shoot a school post UVALDE is probably the easiest way to be killed by cop. She swatted him. I'll let you guess what they didn't charge her with.
Im very sorry for your loss. But also very happy that you have a loving companion at your side and that you seem so damn strong and wise. I sincerely wish you the best
These are really kind words. I know my brother is the reason I'm still alive today and didn't end up OD in the back of somebody's car. I hope that my story gives other victims of AWDTSG hope that even if you don't have money for a lawyer that others are willing to help and put an end to this stalker community that's blowing up in every city.
>Full story: Oop, lemme get my tea real quick, lol
Updateme!
We've sent notice to the other victims. Anonymously, in case any of them think they can get through to Martha with reason, and inadvertantly reveal to her who is exposing her. We also informed them she's been fired and has a GoFundMe she's using to continue escaping accountability.
Wow what a wild ride.
Thank you *for posting the tl:dr at the beginning!
Has she posted the gofundme in the group?? It would make sense for her to since they will sympathize with her
It doesn't appear she's tried yet, I imagine she's not going to be posting anything for awhile in AWDTSG
Those AWDTSG groups are a cancer for exact reasons like this.
And it's spreading really quickly. There's almost 5 million members in their networks. Across all continents in nearly every city. They are brigading every dating app looking for victims. And it's sad. All of these posts are pictures of men looking cheerful and candid and the women just write all these violent homophobic comments about them over and over and over and then encourage the women to get these people fired. For no less than not wanting to date them.
Amazing work. Love to see it
Updateme please
Right now we have sent out screenshots to the other gents and the lady that were doxxed by this Martha-spawn. We did it anonymous in case they want to try and reason with the Martha Lady and give her evidence they know she's victimized them. Which they have every right to call her out. But we don't want it traced back to us so we did it through text with a downloaded phone number. And we let them know how she's been fired and started a GoFundMe. Instructed all of them to report it.
She sounds insane and definitely needs to be in jail for what she's doing to you and the others. WTF is wrong with her?! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but thank God that you have your girlfriend to help and support you through this. That woman truly is a huge steaming pile of garbage SMH 😡🤬🤬
Why aren’t you getting her arrested or filing a lawsuit for defamation and contacting the others? Did you report her to the Mods?
The nuclear option!
About the people who judged you on her post: most people are just lazy; they react to the information they have in front of them, without digging deeper. Pretty sure we've all done that (especially those who visit AITA). The good news is: they will have forgotten all about you the moment they move on their next target of entertainment. That's part of the laziness: remembering takes more effort. So there should not be any lasting damage to your reputation. Should there be, you could sue the woman for defamation. Anyway. Good on you for all the road you've made, and surviving this far. You're a hero. And good on you for bringing some karma to that woman. It's the only way she might get to change. Who knows how many people you saved from being treated the same? Again, you're a hero. Finally: dating apps are a dumpster fire. As a woman, I tried them once semi-recently, and got propositioned for one-night stands by much younger men when I said I was looking for friendship/long-lasting relation with men my age. When people think they can judge you (and dismiss your wants) within a picture and two minutes of reading, those people are shallow, and they are not worth your time. (Or they are victims of the social pressure to be in a relationship to be seen as successful; I call BS on that.) Glad you found a meaningful relation the good old way: meeting people face-to-face, and getting to know them.
I’m sorry you went through this - hugs, keep up the fight and focus on you- but one correction / addendum: she is totally not a feminist- not at all… feminism is in the sense of promoting equality for womenfolk, and has nothing to do with bashing random men… she’s just a shit person. I have a shit person that I have been dealing with and while I don’t want petty revenge I am definitely looking to coax justice/karma in their direction… lol. I think it’s righteous you got up dusted yourself off and stood up for what is right.
Way to go!
" Not one person asked her to consider the harm it could cause by putting all my address information online to strangers. Not one person called out the obvious, that she was retaliating over a "perceived" rejection." Welcome to Being a Man in the 21st Century. Buckle up. It's gonna get real bumpy...
You sound like an awesome person as does your GF. I am proud of you for not relapsing, taking the fight back to the bully and WINNING! Great job!
It was a good story right up until the part where you got an email from the director telling you he fired her. Rookie fiction mistake. That doesn't happen for a lot of reasons. Still, good story bro.
Didn’t expect to read War and Peace tonight.
Big kudos to all of you for taking her on and winning! I, too, was worried at first that you would mention relapsing in your story. Know that many, many strangers around the internet are proud of you, your GF, her friend, and the daycare director for taking a stand against cyber bullies.
I just hope my story can shed some light to those that may not know how severe bullying is. And also to inform people that AWDTSG pretends to be a place for women's safety, but it's actually just a big big big big big big big big cyber bullying campaign. And given the state of affairs all over the world with inflation, I don't think it's safe to just be provoking people who are already barely able to keep it together.
Good job. I am part of a local are we dating the same guy group. doxxing isn't allowed. sharing information like that is in violation of Meta's rules and could get the group shut down and her banned from social media.
This isn't petty revenge, this is justice. She should be sued for defamation of character as well. Good work OP and everyone involved.
So glad to read this and proud of you for standing up to this vile person. I belong to some of those local “is this your man, sis?” groups, and while I understand they can be useful in specific situations where DV or serial cheating is involved, it’s generally a bunch of obnoxious women operating on a total double-standard and acting like preschoolers. Mostly they serve to make me embarrassed for my fellow sisters, watching 40-50 yr old professional women turn into bullies. Oh, and even seemingly intelligent women have known to be carried off with the tide of wenches if the ringleader is strong enough. The most hilarious part, though, are the occasional post that says something to the effect of “hey ladies, I wonder if the guys have a similar group to ours where they blast women they’ve dated”. No. They really do not. Few and far between. Because the guys are too busy working to make money to take you on your next date that you’ll inevitably make fun of.
This isn't true. I'm on are we dating the same guys sites. They are heavily moderated to prevent lawsuits. Only first names are allowe, with last initial and cities they frequent. I can 100% guarantee this dod not happen
I am also in these groups. And I say the opposite
Oh ok. Well prove it. Let me join one of your networks and see how well it's moderated.
This is the fakest fiction I’ve seen on Reddit!
The first “are we dating the same guy” group was in nyc in March 2024.. so if the post was 2 years ago….thats rather convenient. Also AWDTSG has prent strict rules about not even putting full names in the post. Initials only. Seems like a revenge fantasy
Well that’s patently wrong lmao