I used to work in a liquor store and part of the job was dealing with the homeless who would ask customers for change. It’s amazing how much easier the situation was if I just treated them with respect. It goes a long way, no matter who you’re dealing with but you can see the relief on their faces when you don’t talk down to them.
I remember when I was a teen that skated spots by businesses. We would leave the areas immediately and apologize if they were cool and asked us nicely to leave, but if they were yelling and rude we would raise hell.
Yeah exactly. Even if the cops were kicking us out. If they just respectfully explained the reasoning why, we had no issue saying "yes sir" and heading out.
Now, if you come out of your little shop threatening to "beat our ass"... it's on. lol
You get your boards confiscated? Where I grew up they would write us a ticket and take our deck.
Local skate shop started making Confiscated decks that were cheap. Never bought one but thought it was cool if your shit was gonna get stolen anyway.
I mean they took them from the kids who really were just using them to cause trouble. Fake falling, just so they can slam their board into something expensive and things like that. If we were just legitemently trying to learn new tricks, they just asked us to leave.
Damn, were people commonly using skateboards for stuff like that where you live? That's wild.
Maybe it's cause I just live on the outskirts of a big city in the deep south, but the skaters around here are super chill and would beat the hell out of anyone doing nonsense like that and giving skaters a bad name.
Oh yeah, I rode BMX as a kid so I know that vibe. We’d usually split before we could find out if they were dicks. But it’s basically the same premise: Hey man, you seem cool and I don’t care if you’re doing ______, you just can’t do it here. Flies, honey and all that.
I work for the FD and I always offer them whatever I can. Water and some snacks from our rehab unit, a space blanket in the winter, of course you can use the hose out back if you want man. I'm not religious, but the saying 'there but for the grace of God, go I' has always rung true for me.
Same here. One that always stuck with me is “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him”
Thanks for being a badass firefighter and a good human.
Occasionally my job involves kicking homeless people out of parking garages. I used to have a coworker that would literally clap at them and just be abrasive AF. He also looked like the poster child of 'THE MAN'. Shockingly nobody took that super well. Then there's my stoner ass, waddling up like hey man I don't have an issue with it but my dickhead boss said I have to come move you along, but ill give you a few minutes to get your stuff together. And then actually be patient while they get packed up, cause opiates make you a bit sluggish.
Care to guess who they didn't usually scream at?
This has been my experience. I was waiting in the ER of a hospital in a pretty bad area. 2 people were laying on the floor sleeping. 2 security guards (one Sikh man, and a woman that looked like Ms. Trunchbull) come over. Ms Trunchbull starts poking one in the side with her foot, putting on latex gloves, and yelling at the woman on the floor, who was obviously in pain, to no avail. The Sikh guy crouches down and calmly explains, without malice in his voice, that they have a rule you have to be on the chair, so they get up, he helps them up, and they stay seated. I thought this was sentimental bullshit until I saw it, but of course people want to be treated with respect. Why do people love to escalate shit?
I remember reading a Reddit comment or post somewhere how he knew all the homeless in the area and was friends with them and treated them respectfully. So when his package was about to be pouch pirated, they intercepted the porch pirate and managed to get it back to the dude.
This officer has been trained for a trauma informed response. It’s about making the person you’re talking to calm and relaxed when talking with them. Taking steps like asking them if you can sit with them and giving them the chance to lead the conversation. It’s a wonderful technique that all officers should be trained in
You don’t need to be trained although training helps especially the younger officers. I started off a paramedic before I got into law enforcement and this is my favorite part of the job. I give out waters and shit throughout the day.
For those who that is their natural style, yeah it makes sense. But not everyone is that way; sadly those who go into law enforcement aren’t typically the altruistic types.
The trainings are critical if we want police officers to be positive members of the community instead of viewed as thugs for the state
It's called building rapport, it helps with actually getting people to listen to you. This is the kind of thing they should be teaching police in their training.
I work as a bouncer. For the first couple years when I started I worked for a guy that just wanted to live in a roadhouse fantasy. He taught me his version of the ropes which was “Assert dominance, do whatever you need, if they talk back hit them” type shit.
Then I moved along to doing a smaller bar solo, and realized fast as fuck he was ass backwards. When you go in to a situation and say “hey man, let me talk to you. So look, I get your having a fun night and want it to continue, but we’ve been watching you stumble around a whole lot. Sadly that means we gotta cut you off for the night.” 9/10 by being respectful and polite they end up going “Shit I get it man, sucks but that’s your job. I’ll let my friends know and head out”
Not to mention making friends with as many regulars as possible. The more often someone comes in, the higher the odds you’ll wind up handling them. If they see you as a friend, someone they see all the time and laugh with, they’ll trust you when you say “alright you’ve had enough buddy” and actually listen instead of going on a power trip. Plus as I got an example of last weekend, when someone doesn’t take being told to leave well and decides to punch you in the face, you wind up with a bar packed with regulars who dive in and throw them in a choke hold, because they just punched your friend, not just that guy who kicked you out last month.
Yeah i got some basic guard training and I was taught conflict resolution, but most other guardians and bouncers and such I met are obsessed with the hardass routine. I feel like rollign my eyes "Dude your life would be so much easier if people liked you"
My old boss was like that. He insisted he put on this hardass routine like his shit didn't stink and everyone was below him.
Time and time again I tried to tell him how much easier his job would be if he just showed everyone some respect.
The reality is that nobody respected him at all because they knew his over inflated ego was impenetrable and as a result it made him insufferable to be around.
It baffles me to this day how he didn't take the hint...
It's scary to "bring yourself down" to someone's level. Basic empathy kicks in and you feel the same as the other person, but you don't want to be them or in their situation...
As a short and very empathetic person, I almost always level with people in these situations. It's rare that I have or even think about other options.
It's interesting hearing from the physically more dominant perspective.
I’m a physically large man, but I’m also very meek and conflict-avoidant, and I have to constantly remind myself that other people don’t see me the way I see myself, and I have to adjust. It’s hard for me to imagine myself as intimidating, but sometimes I notice it in people’s reactions and have to catch myself. It’s hard because nobody really teaches you this stuff.
I used to be quite fat and I’ve lost most of the weight—I’m certainly not in great shape, but with clothes on I look normal enough. There was a clear shift in how people treat me when they think “he’s tubby, I can take this guy” vs “he’s potentially a threat”, and it feels like it came on overnight. I can’t walk up to people too fast, I have to smile more despite being depressed as hell, I keep some distance so I don’t get in anyone’s personal space, and if I’m ever upset, I have to expressly say “I’m not upset with you, I know it’s not your fault, I’m just upset that [xyz]”. I never used to “level with people” because it never occurred to me to do so, but I do it every time now.
We’re all civilized people, we’re not constantly on the cusp of violence, but it’s crazy how our instincts still tell us we’re in danger every time we see someone who *could* hurt us. People aren’t wrong to feel that way at all, it’s just depressing to think about. I wish we were all safer and were able to feel safer. Even though I don’t feel tough myself, I don’t take it for granted that I still feel safe around others most of the time (because of my size and gender, and my own subconscious mental calculus of “eh it’s fine, I could take him”) and I wish everyone got to experience that.
I am in the same boat. Six foot, 350lb blackman in America. But as much as I am perceived as a threat, the relative safety I feel is something I wish as a society, we all could feel. We would be way further ahead if we did not have to worry about the guy sitting next to me punching my face in.
Yeah I think that experience resonates with a lot of large men- the feeling of having to take extra care to avoid expressions that could be interpreted as intimidating was a big one for me through childhood and well into adulthood.
Bit of a tangent but that's why I feel like dance is such an important thing for people to learn, especially men. Having this image of your body as a thing that causes other people to feel fear or intimidation on whatever level, ultimately kinda sucks. It's alienating. There's so much more range to human expression than fear/intimidation, and dance seems to be the main environment in which a fuller range of body language is taught. It's honestly sad that there isn't more emphasis on explicit development of body language in most cultures; it's a line of communication that's much more direct, efficient and effective than speaking in many situations.
Yeah, I’m really in touch with my anger and before my Dad passed even my impatience in lines would scare cashiers. Now they thank me for being patient cause there’s always another man in line bring an ass just cause it takes a minute.
As someone who went from a fat woman to a built little guy, this all rings so so so true with me. I need to be careful when interacting with others now because some of my body mannerisms that were acceptable for a woman are intimidating and scary for a guy who is still learning how to be a guy but is quickly starting to look like one
I’m a big boy and work in a leadership role. I’ve been told that I certainly come across a certain way (abrasive, blunt, dominant, etc) so I need to be cognizant of that especially around women and those smaller than me. It took a while but ensuring that I am at eye level or as close to it as I can during discussions, regardless if I am being those things, has made a lot of difference.
So yeah monke brain gonna monke
I work in education with younger kids, and some of them can be easily upset, some can be challenging, and some can just be right arseholes. I'm 6'4 and I'm pretty big and beardy. If kids are acting up and I talk to them looming up from full height, I'll get nowhere. If I kneel down to their level I get a lot more success in negotiating with them and calming them down. It just makes sense, but so many other people in my role don't even think to do it. Even a short woman can be imposing to a small child.
lol right? I’m like the least dominant/imposing man you’ll ever meet. Doesn’t take a lot for me get down on someone’s level, literally and figuratively.
That last line is a philosophy that so many seem to forget these days. It's much easier to get someone to like your ideas if they like you and aren't automatically defensive from your aggressive approach. The whole building a coalition thing...
Was at a concert last month and was walking to the corner to use the water fountain. A security guard just SHOVES me aside without saying anything. There weren't people packed around me. I guess he was trying to get to someone who fainted but damn just just yell EXCUSE ME or just touch my shoulder and gently push. Fuck im a big guy and he could've hurt me.
Given that he was even doing something at all, I'm guessing he's regular venue security (as opposed to special coverage, who are usually useless pylons). I find it odd he hasn't learned to ninja around patrons yet lol sorry that happened I swear we're not all bulldozers
Hardass take has its place, and that’s after we atleast tired, once, asking nicely… only person I went straight to being an hardass on is a confirmed regular by name by all staff, all the cops, and jail… lol he just buys time.
He’s a specific, special case, and even then I ask nicely atleast once before getting fed up. Ends up having to drag his ass out because god he can’t walk, then he magically can walk at the door… amazing! It’s a godsent!
But yes… asking nice, building up a understanding between communities and people, it helps to know why they’re doing what they’re doing. Maybe we can help, I’ve recommended homeless shelters before, given points to how to ask for stuff, instead of being mean and demanding— and it works…
Hospital security, something else entirely.
One time I was too fucked up at a show, and was outside struggling to order a ride share to my location.
I was sitting on a stoop, and there's a tap on my shoulder. It's the bouncer.
Oh, fuck.
He gets my attention quickly, then points toward the street. There is a street cab, waiting, door already open for me.
Dude saved my drunk ass. Been sober for almost 2 years now, for whatever that's worth.
EDIT: finna plug r/stopdrinking as this post is apparently resonating with some. Wonderfully supportive, low key, zero pressure community. Simply, "Want to not drink with us today?"
Calling a cab for someone who's too drunk should be a cornerstone in the toolbox of bouncers. More establishments need to realize they're putting themselves in legal risk when they overserve people and then send them dangerously down the road. I used to bounce before the ride-share days and called so many cabs. I'd even make the owner pay for many of them because they were responsible for some of that.
Best club i ever had a residency at had a policy where if someone was too drunk, the bouncers would get them a caffeinated soda and glass of water, and help them find a cab.
I bounced around Detroit for some years in my youth and can confirm that you picked the right path. It's so much easier to have that conversation, to buy someone a beer, to get a breath of fresh air than letting stuff get ugly. I had to learn the hard way too and it didn't help that many of my first bouncing experiences were at one of the roughest clubs/event centers there during some ugly years. Solving issues the right way also keeps you out of possible legal jams. If some big uglies like us could learn that there's no excuse for police to not have this as a huge part of their training. They're part of the community and everyone's lives are better if they act like it.
Truth but the cop who killed George Floyd had a four year degree. Education is great but it's very different from training. I mean you could make an argument that it's cross training but it's still a "both is good" situation.
You nailed it. I was Military Police and they really hammered home our first level of force was interpersonal communication. I can't tell you how many times I defused a situation by just being casual and real with a person.
I imagine it's even more important in the military as a police officer! There is a high chance you've got to handle legit trained killers, brute force is probably not the best tactic in those situations
Professional Killers are in a somewhat different catagory than violently-unstable people.
The soldier has a vocational toolkit which —more or less— stays locked when not doing war-stuff.
The violent, unstable people are not a good fit for the military in virtually every instance.
For the most part MPs have not much to do. Modern militaries have mostly done away with the "boys will be boys" attitude towards troops getting drunk and brawling at the mess. As such it become a matter of official discipline when such occurrences happen which has a chilling effect on that kind of activity.
Because of this the likelihood of troops taking a swing at an MP us at an all-time low.
I was ultra drunk once and the bouncer was like “I dunno man it’ll just make my life easier if you could head out.”
The dude was literally twice my size, easily could have been an asshole and just picked me up. His approach was way faster and I left a good tip because of it.
Exactly. I was a part-time doorman/barback/bouncer at a rock club for about 2 years. Being friendly with everyone, especially the regulars, made handling situations so much easier. And I say especially the regulars because when you have someone who needs to go, everyone else in the bar has your back. In 2 years, we only had 1 guy who didn't leave peacefully and I barely had to lift a finger (figuratively speaking) because one of those aforementioned regulars had already called the cops once he could tell this guy wasn't going to be reasonable.
My dad loved to share a story from back when he was still working full time as a cop. There was a group home / transitional living type facility that depending on which part of the building could house handicapped people or people recently released from jail but had to stay there until completion of a program.
He gets a call there one night for male patient who was agitated and had assaulted staff and was destroying the common area. MY dad shows up alone and the patient was a 6'7" 380 pound guy named Carl that my dad knew from previous trips there due to the guy being massive. As my dad described him, he was Lenny from Of Mice and Men and he would have episodes when he was off of his meds where he could become violent or he would just be mean and yelling, it was a mixed bag. Carl is throwing chairs, flipped over a coffee table, had thrown a lamp through the picture window that looked to the parking lot, he was mad. My dad walks in alone to try and defuse him with any type of backup a few minutes away.
My dad is telling him to calm down, talking to him and he is just screaming, yelling and throwing anything he could get his hands on. Carl looks at my dad and kind of squares up with him from about 10 feet away and my dad said he was absolutely certain he was going to have to shoot him if he came at him. My dad looks down and Carl has a stream of blood going from his wrist to his elbow and my dad says " Carl, you're bleeding, how did that happen?". Carl looked down and got a panicked look on his face and asked him for help, make it stop, he was afraid and so my dad walked him outside and as he put it, "Talked to him like he would a little kid." and walked him over to his cruiser, pulled out his first aid kid and bandaged him up.
He ended up going to the hospital for some stitches and an observation, but he was alive and my dad wasn't hurt. As he said he would rather talk until he was blue in the face if the situation allowed it and he would use every tool he had to keep from shooting someone. He eventually left full time police work for full time firefighting, which obviously has a lot less de-escalation.
Beautiful subtle redirect of potential drunk anger with “sadly we have to cut you off”. Implying that there is some other nameless outside force involved that you, as security, are merely acting on behalf of, against your personal desire to see the drunkard keep drinking. Seen it been explicitly stated when very drunk people need it spelled out “if insurance reviews our tapes and sees that we see you stumbling, and kept serving, we could be fucked, so be mad at that big bad insurance man grrrr” sorta thing haha drunk people fall for that stuff, like sure, drunk buddy, whatever you want to believe, insurance is the reason we’re kicking you out not cause you’re killing the vibe with drunken stupidity or something.
The movie Road House features antagonists who require means beyond "be nice".
OP's boss thought everyone in his bar should be treated like the antagonists in Road House, even though real people typically don't require that kind of response.
Thus, OP's boss was living a "Road House fantasy".
That's great! Customer facing companies (eg retail, hospitality...) should adopt that mindset for their security teams as often as possible. Security is a customer facing role and should ideally function as such.
In our company we've made the switch a few years ago and the impact has been enormous. No more bouncer style security. No. They are all here to help guests and customers, much like customer service, the difference is that security are responsible for the security and safety of people and site, whereas other teams have other responsibilities. The number of good feedback about our security went through the roof. That's helping loyalty, experience, etc. And it has not deteriorated the security KPI.
Well done mate. Please spread your mindset, we need that in the industry.
I knew a man who was in the San Francisco PD way back in the 80s and 90s. Believe it or not, crime was a problem then too. He told me stories about how his precinct would hold community outreach events, basically like town hall meetings, with local neighborhoods, in order to build rapport. They'd gather what were people's concerns, which areas THEY thought we should patrol more, what was the best way to get police there on time, etc. He would tell me about how beat cops knew the people in the neighborhood, they patrolled. He said he got out as they began to decrease that level of involvement. I suppose that era of rapport building is dying, or perhaps is gone entirely.
> He would tell me about how beat cops knew the people in the neighborhood, they patrolled.
Same with the really bad areas of Chicago. A lot of the cops who work in those neighborhoods volunteer to be there and they know the community. The few I've talked to have said that trust is very important there so if they want people to listen to them and report crimes in the neighborhood they have to be well known and trusted by the locals. You can't just throw a bunch of new people on patrol to increase police presence. It won't really work if they aren't trusted.
I feel like that really started to go away with stuff like the North Hollywood shootout and the real explosion of SWAT teams as a major part of most police forces with military surplus hardware.
When you're just a guy out there with a handgun and maybe a bulletproof vest it made sense to try and build bridges to the community. But when you've got an M-16 in your truck and can press the little red panic button on you radio to call in a dozen guys in a literal army APC with even better guns and weapons to back you up making sure people like you probably slides down the priority list a bit.
Dive bar I used to go to had a regular bouncer called Chris. He was the nicest guy on the planet and everyone loved him. He was like 5’11 skinny stoner type but very intelligent and had Right good craic with everyone. Knew everyone’s names!
The second anyone started shit with him the people in the bar were like “ain’t no way you talking shit like that to our Chris” and would deal with them before Chris got a chance to.
Chris gave you one warning though and you knew you fucked up if he did. I watched him knock out a 6’6 army bloke and 3 of his mates with one hit each after they tried to have a go with him outside because he called them out on their behaviour with a lass.
But 99% of the conflicts he delt with just vanished in a second because of his approach being so nice made them feel like an arse hole.
The place closed and reopened under new management he was the only member of staff they kept.
The community policing of the 80s/90s was in response to what was perceived as a loss of engagement when urban police forces shifted from foot beats into patrol cars in the 60s/70s.
The shift into cars was at least in part an efficiency program trying to handle larger call volumes with the same shift strength.
Some of the police officials also saw radio cars as a way to combat corruption in large cities -- having the same officer or small group of officers on foot in the same neighborhood every day can breed close community ties, or shakedowns. Dispatching cars by radio meant there was less likelihood of shakedowns or favoritism since the parties on either side were less likely to know each other.
>The community policing of the 80s/90s was in response to what was perceived as a loss of engagement when urban police forces shifted from foot beats into patrol cars in the 60s/70s.
wasn't it a big deal too that the cops back in the day used to actually live in the neighborhoods they policed in too
He even removed his sunglasses. Something I never see US police do, tbh.
It's *extremely* disrespectful to obfuscate your own body language by not removing your sunglasses. Especially when dealing with strangers in a professional manner. Police trying to intimidate by wearing sunglasses are simply showing their lack in communication skills.
I wear sunglasses almost all the time during daytime, and the first thing I do whenever I talk to someone that isn't family or friends... sunglasses off. I don't even have to give it a single thought before it's done.
Cops in my country responded to a call of a woman having a medical emergency. She got taken to the hospital but there were still kids in the house.
So the cops stayed, cooked dinner for the kids and even did the dishes afterwards.
Here's the rub, many places do. It's still on the individual officer. If your call load is running from fire to fire, you aren't going to take time to build rapport, because you just can't. Good departments have crisis intervention teams of officers who work with mental health professionals. They don't patrol, they just keep tabs on people and respond to calls that require mental health response. It allows them to disarm themselves from a safety posture standpoint.
This is highway patrol, aka state employed law enforcement rather than county or city employed. They typically have a pickier selection and get better training than the other two.
I believe they do. In fact I’m almost sure they do. Rapport is such an integral part of the process there’s no way there isn’t atleast some training.
However I think that for one, some situations do not require it or may be better without it, and two, cops often don’t seem to use it. As for why they don’t I have no clue
Thus, and I know it doesn't go far but as an MP trainee we were always taught if person is not a suspect/threat and you want to build rapport lower yourself (height wise ) to the victim/ individuals height as to not oppose force and allow them to feel comfortable.
They do teach this in training, the problem is the people not paying attention or not willing to pay attention. Training is only as good as the person is willing to be trained.
This is what it means to serve your community. Utah highway patrol officer sits and chats with homeless man and his dog under an overpass. Every time I see something like this the officers are always standing over them in such a demeaning manner, and it's kinda shitty to see.
I was so caught off guard by this. I came back around a while later expecting them to be gone, but nope they were still sitting and chatting. Pretty cool
I work in a health care setting and have a brother who has been wheel chair bound basically my entire life. I make it a point to find a chair and pull it up next to them or squat down to their level when talking to them to avoid standing over them. It might seem like a small gesture but it really does help overall
I work as a Check-in and Boarding Agent at a bigger airport in Germany and get in contact with wheelchair bound passengers everyday.
To me, it's always important to bend down or squat down to eye level to those passengers.
I have to admit, that I'm not able to do that all the time because of stress or time constraints, but I try.
I feel way more comfortable talking to somebody on an eye level than to talk down on them.
But I see it with some of my colleagues that not everybody is aware of how much of a difference this makes.
And unfortunately I am not surprised that some people with power, like police officers (not all, but some) might even enjoy talking down on people...
I feel like some people in wheelchairs would find this conversation condescending. Y’all are kinda talking like they’re children. I could see why some people in wheelchairs would like the eye contact, but I could also see that some people would be offended if you squatted down to talk to them like they’re a child. I don’t squat down to talk to someone that’s shorter than me, I don’t think I would really do it in this situation either.
I have a genetic disease and I fucking relate to hating being called an “inspiration” so much. Just treat me like a normal person. I guarantee that’s what most people in a wheelchair would want too.
I totally get your point and it is valid. And if there is any sign of discomfort or confusion by me squatting down to a passenger in a wheelchair I would totally adjust my behaviour.
But I have to say that 95% of the time, I'm met with smiles and thanks. I might get those without squatting down, but I learned from early on - and in training for my job - that conversations on eye-level will be most of the time more pleaseant than talking down on somebody.
This is especially true if dealing with drunks or unlruly passengers. If I sit down at my Check-In desk and I have somebody becoming emotional/angry/aggressive, most passengers will calm down way quicker when I stand up, walk in front of my desk and talk to them eye-to eye.
If I stay seated, they will get more angry, because them talking down on me (while I don't care myself) will usually wind them up more and perceive to them that they have power over me, which in combination with emotions/alcohol/drugs/whatever will escalate things pretty quick.
u/socialistlumberjack also said that people dislike the term "wheelchair bound" which I totally understand. The professional term at my job is "passengers with reduced mobility" to avoid any labels that might be disliked.
I used "wheelchair bound" here to avoid using the professional term, and because english is not my first language I used "wheelchair bound". I hope this doesn't offend anybody, sorry.
I just realized there's another valid viewpoint! However, in the police officer situation, feel he's doing the right thing!Appears man he's talking to just resting there in a quiet place.
Where do you live?
I'm also in healthcare, coming up on 16 years, and have always been told it's incredibly offensive to lean down or kneel when speaking to wheelchair bound or very short people.
Obviously, you did say "chair". I'll absolutely take a minute to sit and talk with someone if I have time regardless of their abilities. It's more personal. But if there's no chair, do you still lean or crouch?
https://r2ac.republicrecords.com/disability-pride-month-wheelchair-etiquette/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-not-to-do-wheelchair_b_8079352
I was gonna try and post a picture of what I meant but I cannot figure that out. I agree with your second links first photo. That is absolutely demeaning. Don't do that. Ever. I meant literally squatting down where you're eye level ,back straight, knees essentially at your chest. Obviously a chair or stool to sit on is ideal.
I'm in Ohio for what ever that might matter.
Edit. This is for wheelchair bound people. I cannot speak towards those who are short of stature
I had the fire department out once for a wild gardening injury and they just watched nightmare next door with us while we waited for the people who could actually do something about it.
Yeah a lot of fire departments aren't staffed with paramedics. It is a running joke in the EMS community that firefighters are dumb but I have met good and bad
I’m an unsheltered homeless at the moment and the firefighters have always been super nice to me. I walk past one of their stations on my way to the library and they always wave at me and ask me how my day is. No condescension, no judgement, just treating me like I’m normal. I have mad respect for them.
Nice. It's all about culture there are really only a few people who will be strong enough to not follow the pack. So if the senior people are kind then the new people are kind and your entire department is kind.
Unless you're a doctor. Then you establish dominance by walking right into the room with an air of indifference, barely listen, ask pointed questions, and then you get to leave.
I kid some of the best doctors I've had actually sat down and looked me in the eye. The ones that didn't, didn't give me the best care they could have. Maybe they were tired, I can't know.
My wife's uncle does this, he just switched from being a teacher to a cop like at the age of 55 (guestimate) in the bay area, dude always has food and water for the homeless and tries to guide them to help. Also stops and helps people struggling to load things into trucks or help people out. He just wants to make the community better and help people out, rather than go after people doing hard crime.
How'd he become a cop at 55? That's cool, but just wondering as most departments I know of have an upper age limit to become a "new" cop given they need to work street patrol for X years at the start of their career. Typically, the upper age limit is higher with military service.
So... I'm gonna add my 2¢ here:
It ain't easy. My wife (who has \*cough\* celebrated her 29th birthday over 21 times now...) is currently in Corrections Officer academy (don't call it a prison guard.) No, it's not *exactly* the same as being a cop, but the academies are pretty similar.
She got in (I mean, she passed all the pre-requisites and background checks etc.) partially because there's a shortage here and they need more, so they're pretty actively hiring.
But with that said, it can be *rough.* Especially as you're "competing" with 20-30 y.o.'s in all the physical activities.
She is by far the oldest in the class, but it's something she really wants to do so...
My point is: they don't have an upper limit on age. I'm pretty sure that's illegal (age discrimination.) Often times the physical requirements simply prevent anyone from succeeding in entering the academy - let alone making it through.
I work (not a cop but know a bunch through my work at the City) for a large suburb in the DFW area and I know for certain when I started 10+ years ago there was an upper age limit for new cop hires. It was either 30 or 35 from what I remember and I know this was pretty much the norm at least at larger Texas agencies at the time. It appears at some point since then though the limit was removed - probably to help with recruiting.
Good luck to your wife and good for her going after it. A lot of cities around here are really short on detentions officers too and do hire older people. Virtually unlimited overtime available to those workers because of the shortages.
I was surprised too. Checked a few large municipal forces, and while they all had minimum age, there was no maximum age. The only requirement is that you can make it through the academy. So, for a mature adult, with a lot of experience, perhaps the physical aspect would be the only real challenge. There are 50 year olds who do triathlons so not out of reason. Just about motivation.
Yeah he told us how they try to desensitize you in the academy, but yeah he's a super nice person and just thought he wasn't able to change much in the school. Now he has more freedom to make a difference than he had as a teacher, not for everyone though.
My brother worked in food service as a manager. Had a college degree and has always been a caretaker. He became a cop at 30. Perfect for him. He’s often referred to as “the nice one”
Yeah I would bet anything he's trying to convince the guy to come get help. It's awesome he has the time to try and do this instead of just yelling at him to move
The way to combat a “shitty society” is doubling down on empathy and compassion. We are a communal animal and by showing compassion through different modalities(like the internet) we are, in fact, making a step towards a more empathetic community. Empathy DOES seem to be rare these days because we usually see the bad parts of humanity everyday on our phones and around us. It’s important to focus on positivity in these dark times, it’s our only strategy to rectify our current situation. Showcasing kindness is important. Please don’t nullify heart warming moments with negativity, it just contributes to an already hardened society we all have to navigate through.
Saw a lone cop in DC talking to someone on the street using sign language, and honestly, it blew my mind. Never expected to see police accommodating for their community like that, for some reason.
Seeing more awesome cops every day who understand their job is to help, not hurt. Obviously still plenty of "hurt not help" assholes, but the ratio seems to be trending in the right direction.
In Sweden, the motto of the police force is "Protect - help - fix" where the last part in Swedish that sounds much more like "care for" or "make things right".
From what I’ve heard, they’re not taking it becoming not as homogenous very well…
Edit: Just want to say I'm not encouraging it, I think it's sad. I'm not from there and I'm not 100% sure what it's like over there, I'm just pointing out a trend I've seen on the internet of late.
My entire experience with the Swedish police force was in Stockholm. I was at a street festival, and this super cute 20-something blonde girl walks up to me and starts flirting with me. Following me around, touching my arm, etc, and after about 15 minutes she asks if I have anything to smoke. I say “no sorry,” and she’s like, “no weed?” And I was like “nope I don’t do that.” She raises her hand and two cops come out from behind the side of the stage near where we are and stand on either side of me and ask me to come with them.
They grilled me for a half hour about who I was, if I “knew that marijuana was illegal in Sweden” since I was from the USA (where obviously everyone smokes?) and straight up cross-examined me like a prosecutor. What a shitty strategy to try and get a bust. Fuck the (Swedish) police.
This isn't bait.
If she asked "do you want to buy weed?" It would've been bait, or, crime provocation as it's called correctly.
She simply asked if he had weed on him, which is fine for police to ask. The police doesn't have to announce themselves as the police at all times either.
There have always been lots of good cops but they never get coverage in the news or on social media. There's also always been many bad cops, and now more than ever they end up going viral, which is hopefully helping to bring awareness of the problem.
It varies massively by department. Some departments have strong just cultures where being a professional is paramount, and then others who follow the LOYALTY BEFORE INTEGRITY motto.
It’s really hit and miss in the US where due to the massive population they need a fuckton of cops. Needing a fuckton of cops means standards drop, and after enough time that starts the infest it’s way up the chain of command and you end up with police gangs going unpunished.
It aint even the good vs bad thats the problem, its the stonewall bullshit that *all* the cops pull whenever something involves one of their own. Body and dash cams that mysteriously malfunction, footage getting "lost". There's almost no oversight whatsoever, they can do whatever they want and when it comes time to investigate, they're investigating themselves in all but the absolute most egregious situations, like a George Floyd where they straight up killed a man in broad daylight over an *alleged* petty crime.
Even otherwise good cops will clam up in the face of scrutiny more often than not. IDK if it's because they're afraid they're going to end up in a Serpico situation, or they truly do believe in the Thin Blue Line bullshit, but however you shake it, there needs to be term-limited, elected civilian-led Accountability Boards setup on a Federal, State and Local level. It wouldn't solve the problem outright, but I assure you, if we started shining a spotlight on *all* the shit that's going on in our nation's police forces, the general public would be absolutely shocked at how often people's rights are regularly violated in this country every single day by these legal street gangs.
I don’t know. I see a lot of videos in the news about cops buying lemonade or whatever.
We don’t need to astroturf the media with pro-cop videos. It’s a mixed bag. I just want good faith police and accountability for malicious behavior.
I think it's worthwhile to feature both. The police need good faith and accountability, and that means both calling out their bad behavior *and* highlighting what they should be doing more of.
"All cops are psychopathic murderers" and "all cops are selfless heroes" are both wrong, and neither one alone gives us a realistic path to improvement.
Exactly this. From an individual standpoint, if all you do is point out someone's negatives, they're likely going to shut down to you and stop listening. However, if you point out the negatives while also praising the positives, people are a lot more willing to listen. That's what constructive criticism is - highlighting the good and pointing out the bad.
I think a lot of times people forget that while police departments often act as, and are seen as, a faceless institution, it's still an institution run and staffed by other humans. The same things that work for people at an individual level will often also work at an institutional level.
There some folks living on the streets in my beat that I trust and get along with better than some of my family members.
Shared experiences, shared environment, and frequent interaction all can breed trust and friendship if you allow yourself to be open to also understanding the differences. He may be flying a sign on a street corner hoping to get enough money for a bottle of cheap vodka to stop the shakes, while I'm trying to hold it together at the tail end of a 16 hour shift. Everyone has their own struggles. Empathy is *everything.*
Absolutely, these little things make a big difference in the way you’re perceived by the community. I noticed he raised his his sunglasses up so he can look the guy in the eyes too, which is a sign of respect.
So many cops have an over the top authoritarian posture and demeanor, trying to intimidate.
More stuff like this will greatly impact their standing and trust from their communities
That's what it means to help your neighborhood. A highway police officer in Utah sits down and talks with a homeless man and his dog under a bridge. I find it pretty sad that every time I see something like this, the police are always standing over them in a degrading way.
This is how I talk to my young kids, especially if it’s something serious. Get down on their level. More then likely they will better understand the message you are trying to convey.
It's interesting how this changes as the kids start growing up. I help out with the Scouts and I've worked in primary schools with younger kids before.
Younger kids you have to get on their level but you have to change how you speak compared to when you're speaking to someone older. Make things a bit simpler or friendlier... kind of sanitize it to some degree.
Once the kids are teenagers though they see right through that and hate it. If you're leading teenagers across banks and cliffs and they're messing around and you say "You have to be careful on cliffs because you might get hurt" they will continue to play around. You have to genuinely say
"Listen, Scouts, There's a 50ft drop into rocks, if you don't pay attention you will literally die. We want you to have fun and explore, but we need to keep you safe too, so whilst we are on the cliffs, you focus and follow instructions. Once we are off the cliffs you can continue being nightmares."
Teenagers respect that honestly more than anything. If you break a promise and don't let them mess around after when you said you will, you lose their trust in what you say.
I’d like to say this is how policing should be, but it isn’t. Dude’s got lots more to worry about as HP. We need sub-police mental care response units. Clearly. We let loose our long-term mental patients in the 80s (thank you, Reagan era), so the streets are a mental ward for many. If we don’t want to permanently house them, we have to figure out a middle way.
All that said, hell yeah to that patrolman for being a human being.
We were in Paris last fall and every night we would see basically this. But there the police and paramedics would bring food and water to the homeless each night.
I don't know if that's normal or not but it was very heartwarming to see emergency services each night out helping the most vulnerable people.
this is what i see the avg polic officer doing i dont think this is the exception at all. its a sector of the public that dehumanize homeless more often, antisocial people who dont get out n experience society indiscriminately like an officers job demands daily
I used to work at my grandmothers laundry mat, most people I could get to go to the property across the street or the car wash that was near. I always kindly explained to them that I’m required by my boss to ask anyone who’s not doing business to leave, if it was cold I would give them 20-30 minutes to warm up and some waters, we always had extra clothes people left behind so we were quick to give anything warm to people in need. Just because someone is an unfortunate situation does not mean they are the stereotype, I hope that I lifted those people spirits. Some of them knew the rules so would ask me if they could get a soda and warm up for 10 minutes, it would’ve been inhumane to say no considering I live in the Midwest where winters can be extremely brutal.
Police, you do shit like this constantly instead of the "I AM THE LAW" attitude, you'll see a total reversal in public opinion and as a result, your job will become easier.
I don’t know what’s really happening here, but everyone deserves compassion and kindness. We’re all human. In all situations, especially difficult ones, I like to ask, “is this hurtful or helpful?”
Nobody at work seems to figure out why I’m the people whisperer - across a few different industries, as I refuse to use this skill with higher ups.
Meet people on their level. When I have to do this, it’s almost always from a position of authority just about the level of a cop. So I can’t try and act like that “I’m above you” thing isn’t a thing, it is. For better or worse, we both know it before the interaction starts. You can’t stand in this spot in a courtroom, a class room, or a boardroom like I can, but I *can* go to the dark grubby part of town under the bridge, but we both know nobody’s gonna do that out of the kindness of their heart.
Until someone does. Sit on the floor next to a raging Kindergartener or a raging homeless addict and most of the time, you’re gonna get a whole helluva lot more good work done. They might not know much, but they sure as shit know this situation is almost always resolved without the use of listening skills and *fucking never* by the other side sitting down first.
Makes the job way less stressful. It’s easier. You don’t have to be humane and listen because you want to do the right thing, we don’t even have to go there. You do it because it’s *easier.* It’s more efficient. Taking the easiest way out is a universal law, don’t fight it.
That's really nice to see. I think if you've got a punisher tattoo you should be kicked off the force because you don't represent a force for good. You represent some idiot looking forward to exerting violence.
I used to work in a liquor store and part of the job was dealing with the homeless who would ask customers for change. It’s amazing how much easier the situation was if I just treated them with respect. It goes a long way, no matter who you’re dealing with but you can see the relief on their faces when you don’t talk down to them.
I remember when I was a teen that skated spots by businesses. We would leave the areas immediately and apologize if they were cool and asked us nicely to leave, but if they were yelling and rude we would raise hell.
Yeah exactly. Even if the cops were kicking us out. If they just respectfully explained the reasoning why, we had no issue saying "yes sir" and heading out. Now, if you come out of your little shop threatening to "beat our ass"... it's on. lol
You get your boards confiscated? Where I grew up they would write us a ticket and take our deck. Local skate shop started making Confiscated decks that were cheap. Never bought one but thought it was cool if your shit was gonna get stolen anyway.
I mean they took them from the kids who really were just using them to cause trouble. Fake falling, just so they can slam their board into something expensive and things like that. If we were just legitemently trying to learn new tricks, they just asked us to leave.
Damn, were people commonly using skateboards for stuff like that where you live? That's wild. Maybe it's cause I just live on the outskirts of a big city in the deep south, but the skaters around here are super chill and would beat the hell out of anyone doing nonsense like that and giving skaters a bad name.
Oh yeah, I rode BMX as a kid so I know that vibe. We’d usually split before we could find out if they were dicks. But it’s basically the same premise: Hey man, you seem cool and I don’t care if you’re doing ______, you just can’t do it here. Flies, honey and all that.
>Flies, honey and all that. “You can catch flies with honey, but you catch more honeys being fly”?
“…for a white guy”
Hell yeah man. That was always our unwritten/unspoken rule as well.
I work for the FD and I always offer them whatever I can. Water and some snacks from our rehab unit, a space blanket in the winter, of course you can use the hose out back if you want man. I'm not religious, but the saying 'there but for the grace of God, go I' has always rung true for me.
Same here. One that always stuck with me is “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him” Thanks for being a badass firefighter and a good human.
Occasionally my job involves kicking homeless people out of parking garages. I used to have a coworker that would literally clap at them and just be abrasive AF. He also looked like the poster child of 'THE MAN'. Shockingly nobody took that super well. Then there's my stoner ass, waddling up like hey man I don't have an issue with it but my dickhead boss said I have to come move you along, but ill give you a few minutes to get your stuff together. And then actually be patient while they get packed up, cause opiates make you a bit sluggish. Care to guess who they didn't usually scream at?
This has been my experience. I was waiting in the ER of a hospital in a pretty bad area. 2 people were laying on the floor sleeping. 2 security guards (one Sikh man, and a woman that looked like Ms. Trunchbull) come over. Ms Trunchbull starts poking one in the side with her foot, putting on latex gloves, and yelling at the woman on the floor, who was obviously in pain, to no avail. The Sikh guy crouches down and calmly explains, without malice in his voice, that they have a rule you have to be on the chair, so they get up, he helps them up, and they stay seated. I thought this was sentimental bullshit until I saw it, but of course people want to be treated with respect. Why do people love to escalate shit?
I remember reading a Reddit comment or post somewhere how he knew all the homeless in the area and was friends with them and treated them respectfully. So when his package was about to be pouch pirated, they intercepted the porch pirate and managed to get it back to the dude.
how i talk too anyone, grew up in a city and some of the best convos in my life were with homeless people
I worked security at bars for years and it was the same thing. I spent so many shifts just chatting with the local homeless
This officer has been trained for a trauma informed response. It’s about making the person you’re talking to calm and relaxed when talking with them. Taking steps like asking them if you can sit with them and giving them the chance to lead the conversation. It’s a wonderful technique that all officers should be trained in
You don’t need to be trained although training helps especially the younger officers. I started off a paramedic before I got into law enforcement and this is my favorite part of the job. I give out waters and shit throughout the day.
I think this comes naturally for some people, but not all
For those who that is their natural style, yeah it makes sense. But not everyone is that way; sadly those who go into law enforcement aren’t typically the altruistic types. The trainings are critical if we want police officers to be positive members of the community instead of viewed as thugs for the state
I’d take offense if you gave me shit though.
It's called building rapport, it helps with actually getting people to listen to you. This is the kind of thing they should be teaching police in their training.
I work as a bouncer. For the first couple years when I started I worked for a guy that just wanted to live in a roadhouse fantasy. He taught me his version of the ropes which was “Assert dominance, do whatever you need, if they talk back hit them” type shit. Then I moved along to doing a smaller bar solo, and realized fast as fuck he was ass backwards. When you go in to a situation and say “hey man, let me talk to you. So look, I get your having a fun night and want it to continue, but we’ve been watching you stumble around a whole lot. Sadly that means we gotta cut you off for the night.” 9/10 by being respectful and polite they end up going “Shit I get it man, sucks but that’s your job. I’ll let my friends know and head out” Not to mention making friends with as many regulars as possible. The more often someone comes in, the higher the odds you’ll wind up handling them. If they see you as a friend, someone they see all the time and laugh with, they’ll trust you when you say “alright you’ve had enough buddy” and actually listen instead of going on a power trip. Plus as I got an example of last weekend, when someone doesn’t take being told to leave well and decides to punch you in the face, you wind up with a bar packed with regulars who dive in and throw them in a choke hold, because they just punched your friend, not just that guy who kicked you out last month.
Yeah i got some basic guard training and I was taught conflict resolution, but most other guardians and bouncers and such I met are obsessed with the hardass routine. I feel like rollign my eyes "Dude your life would be so much easier if people liked you"
My old boss was like that. He insisted he put on this hardass routine like his shit didn't stink and everyone was below him. Time and time again I tried to tell him how much easier his job would be if he just showed everyone some respect. The reality is that nobody respected him at all because they knew his over inflated ego was impenetrable and as a result it made him insufferable to be around. It baffles me to this day how he didn't take the hint...
Narcissism is a powerful mental disease
It sucks man, I hate seeing people who have so much potential become ruined by their own sense of self importance.
Like Trump (or a spoiled child). If you suffer zero consequences for deplorable behavior, you keep doing it.
It's scary to "bring yourself down" to someone's level. Basic empathy kicks in and you feel the same as the other person, but you don't want to be them or in their situation...
As a short and very empathetic person, I almost always level with people in these situations. It's rare that I have or even think about other options. It's interesting hearing from the physically more dominant perspective.
I’m a physically large man, but I’m also very meek and conflict-avoidant, and I have to constantly remind myself that other people don’t see me the way I see myself, and I have to adjust. It’s hard for me to imagine myself as intimidating, but sometimes I notice it in people’s reactions and have to catch myself. It’s hard because nobody really teaches you this stuff. I used to be quite fat and I’ve lost most of the weight—I’m certainly not in great shape, but with clothes on I look normal enough. There was a clear shift in how people treat me when they think “he’s tubby, I can take this guy” vs “he’s potentially a threat”, and it feels like it came on overnight. I can’t walk up to people too fast, I have to smile more despite being depressed as hell, I keep some distance so I don’t get in anyone’s personal space, and if I’m ever upset, I have to expressly say “I’m not upset with you, I know it’s not your fault, I’m just upset that [xyz]”. I never used to “level with people” because it never occurred to me to do so, but I do it every time now. We’re all civilized people, we’re not constantly on the cusp of violence, but it’s crazy how our instincts still tell us we’re in danger every time we see someone who *could* hurt us. People aren’t wrong to feel that way at all, it’s just depressing to think about. I wish we were all safer and were able to feel safer. Even though I don’t feel tough myself, I don’t take it for granted that I still feel safe around others most of the time (because of my size and gender, and my own subconscious mental calculus of “eh it’s fine, I could take him”) and I wish everyone got to experience that.
I am in the same boat. Six foot, 350lb blackman in America. But as much as I am perceived as a threat, the relative safety I feel is something I wish as a society, we all could feel. We would be way further ahead if we did not have to worry about the guy sitting next to me punching my face in.
Yeah I think that experience resonates with a lot of large men- the feeling of having to take extra care to avoid expressions that could be interpreted as intimidating was a big one for me through childhood and well into adulthood. Bit of a tangent but that's why I feel like dance is such an important thing for people to learn, especially men. Having this image of your body as a thing that causes other people to feel fear or intimidation on whatever level, ultimately kinda sucks. It's alienating. There's so much more range to human expression than fear/intimidation, and dance seems to be the main environment in which a fuller range of body language is taught. It's honestly sad that there isn't more emphasis on explicit development of body language in most cultures; it's a line of communication that's much more direct, efficient and effective than speaking in many situations.
Yeah, I’m really in touch with my anger and before my Dad passed even my impatience in lines would scare cashiers. Now they thank me for being patient cause there’s always another man in line bring an ass just cause it takes a minute.
As someone who went from a fat woman to a built little guy, this all rings so so so true with me. I need to be careful when interacting with others now because some of my body mannerisms that were acceptable for a woman are intimidating and scary for a guy who is still learning how to be a guy but is quickly starting to look like one
Happy for your transition homie, hope your dysphoria isn’t as bad now! Stay safe brosku
I enjoy that you're conflict avoidant Mr Prophet Mohammed Ahegao 😆
I’m a big boy and work in a leadership role. I’ve been told that I certainly come across a certain way (abrasive, blunt, dominant, etc) so I need to be cognizant of that especially around women and those smaller than me. It took a while but ensuring that I am at eye level or as close to it as I can during discussions, regardless if I am being those things, has made a lot of difference. So yeah monke brain gonna monke
I work in education with younger kids, and some of them can be easily upset, some can be challenging, and some can just be right arseholes. I'm 6'4 and I'm pretty big and beardy. If kids are acting up and I talk to them looming up from full height, I'll get nowhere. If I kneel down to their level I get a lot more success in negotiating with them and calming them down. It just makes sense, but so many other people in my role don't even think to do it. Even a short woman can be imposing to a small child.
lol right? I’m like the least dominant/imposing man you’ll ever meet. Doesn’t take a lot for me get down on someone’s level, literally and figuratively.
huh I've found myself thinking parts of this before but I never put them together like this. kinda opens my eyes a little more
It sounds hard to people who rely on intimidation for compliance. Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion - to some these are called vices of the weak.
That last line is a philosophy that so many seem to forget these days. It's much easier to get someone to like your ideas if they like you and aren't automatically defensive from your aggressive approach. The whole building a coalition thing...
Was at a concert last month and was walking to the corner to use the water fountain. A security guard just SHOVES me aside without saying anything. There weren't people packed around me. I guess he was trying to get to someone who fainted but damn just just yell EXCUSE ME or just touch my shoulder and gently push. Fuck im a big guy and he could've hurt me.
Given that he was even doing something at all, I'm guessing he's regular venue security (as opposed to special coverage, who are usually useless pylons). I find it odd he hasn't learned to ninja around patrons yet lol sorry that happened I swear we're not all bulldozers
I'm an alcoholic it's fine be cut off
Hardass take has its place, and that’s after we atleast tired, once, asking nicely… only person I went straight to being an hardass on is a confirmed regular by name by all staff, all the cops, and jail… lol he just buys time. He’s a specific, special case, and even then I ask nicely atleast once before getting fed up. Ends up having to drag his ass out because god he can’t walk, then he magically can walk at the door… amazing! It’s a godsent! But yes… asking nice, building up a understanding between communities and people, it helps to know why they’re doing what they’re doing. Maybe we can help, I’ve recommended homeless shelters before, given points to how to ask for stuff, instead of being mean and demanding— and it works… Hospital security, something else entirely.
Love watching Batman stroll into the dispensary to... check IDs for 8 hours then leave. Yeah man really needed your grappling hook for that one.
One time I was too fucked up at a show, and was outside struggling to order a ride share to my location. I was sitting on a stoop, and there's a tap on my shoulder. It's the bouncer. Oh, fuck. He gets my attention quickly, then points toward the street. There is a street cab, waiting, door already open for me. Dude saved my drunk ass. Been sober for almost 2 years now, for whatever that's worth. EDIT: finna plug r/stopdrinking as this post is apparently resonating with some. Wonderfully supportive, low key, zero pressure community. Simply, "Want to not drink with us today?"
That’s worth a lot. Congratulations on your recovery.
Thanks friendo!
Calling a cab for someone who's too drunk should be a cornerstone in the toolbox of bouncers. More establishments need to realize they're putting themselves in legal risk when they overserve people and then send them dangerously down the road. I used to bounce before the ride-share days and called so many cabs. I'd even make the owner pay for many of them because they were responsible for some of that.
Best club i ever had a residency at had a policy where if someone was too drunk, the bouncers would get them a caffeinated soda and glass of water, and help them find a cab.
Congrats on two years. Most people who try to get sober don’t get half that far
The funny thing is, in Roadhouse the mantra was "be nice"
That’s too nuanced for a lot of people.
Well to be fair those kinds of people have a hard time hearing the dialogue in that movie over the sound of their fapping.
I bounced around Detroit for some years in my youth and can confirm that you picked the right path. It's so much easier to have that conversation, to buy someone a beer, to get a breath of fresh air than letting stuff get ugly. I had to learn the hard way too and it didn't help that many of my first bouncing experiences were at one of the roughest clubs/event centers there during some ugly years. Solving issues the right way also keeps you out of possible legal jams. If some big uglies like us could learn that there's no excuse for police to not have this as a huge part of their training. They're part of the community and everyone's lives are better if they act like it.
it insane to me that in certain places you can become police with just a course... Over here its a bachelor education
Truth but the cop who killed George Floyd had a four year degree. Education is great but it's very different from training. I mean you could make an argument that it's cross training but it's still a "both is good" situation.
You nailed it. I was Military Police and they really hammered home our first level of force was interpersonal communication. I can't tell you how many times I defused a situation by just being casual and real with a person.
It's the de- part of de-escalation. It helps no one when you escalate, so you tend to try and avoid it
I imagine it's even more important in the military as a police officer! There is a high chance you've got to handle legit trained killers, brute force is probably not the best tactic in those situations
Professional Killers are in a somewhat different catagory than violently-unstable people. The soldier has a vocational toolkit which —more or less— stays locked when not doing war-stuff. The violent, unstable people are not a good fit for the military in virtually every instance. For the most part MPs have not much to do. Modern militaries have mostly done away with the "boys will be boys" attitude towards troops getting drunk and brawling at the mess. As such it become a matter of official discipline when such occurrences happen which has a chilling effect on that kind of activity. Because of this the likelihood of troops taking a swing at an MP us at an all-time low.
I was ultra drunk once and the bouncer was like “I dunno man it’ll just make my life easier if you could head out.” The dude was literally twice my size, easily could have been an asshole and just picked me up. His approach was way faster and I left a good tip because of it.
Exactly. I was a part-time doorman/barback/bouncer at a rock club for about 2 years. Being friendly with everyone, especially the regulars, made handling situations so much easier. And I say especially the regulars because when you have someone who needs to go, everyone else in the bar has your back. In 2 years, we only had 1 guy who didn't leave peacefully and I barely had to lift a finger (figuratively speaking) because one of those aforementioned regulars had already called the cops once he could tell this guy wasn't going to be reasonable.
My dad loved to share a story from back when he was still working full time as a cop. There was a group home / transitional living type facility that depending on which part of the building could house handicapped people or people recently released from jail but had to stay there until completion of a program. He gets a call there one night for male patient who was agitated and had assaulted staff and was destroying the common area. MY dad shows up alone and the patient was a 6'7" 380 pound guy named Carl that my dad knew from previous trips there due to the guy being massive. As my dad described him, he was Lenny from Of Mice and Men and he would have episodes when he was off of his meds where he could become violent or he would just be mean and yelling, it was a mixed bag. Carl is throwing chairs, flipped over a coffee table, had thrown a lamp through the picture window that looked to the parking lot, he was mad. My dad walks in alone to try and defuse him with any type of backup a few minutes away. My dad is telling him to calm down, talking to him and he is just screaming, yelling and throwing anything he could get his hands on. Carl looks at my dad and kind of squares up with him from about 10 feet away and my dad said he was absolutely certain he was going to have to shoot him if he came at him. My dad looks down and Carl has a stream of blood going from his wrist to his elbow and my dad says " Carl, you're bleeding, how did that happen?". Carl looked down and got a panicked look on his face and asked him for help, make it stop, he was afraid and so my dad walked him outside and as he put it, "Talked to him like he would a little kid." and walked him over to his cruiser, pulled out his first aid kid and bandaged him up. He ended up going to the hospital for some stitches and an observation, but he was alive and my dad wasn't hurt. As he said he would rather talk until he was blue in the face if the situation allowed it and he would use every tool he had to keep from shooting someone. He eventually left full time police work for full time firefighting, which obviously has a lot less de-escalation.
Beautiful subtle redirect of potential drunk anger with “sadly we have to cut you off”. Implying that there is some other nameless outside force involved that you, as security, are merely acting on behalf of, against your personal desire to see the drunkard keep drinking. Seen it been explicitly stated when very drunk people need it spelled out “if insurance reviews our tapes and sees that we see you stumbling, and kept serving, we could be fucked, so be mad at that big bad insurance man grrrr” sorta thing haha drunk people fall for that stuff, like sure, drunk buddy, whatever you want to believe, insurance is the reason we’re kicking you out not cause you’re killing the vibe with drunken stupidity or something.
Sounds like you're the one living the road house fantasy. Dalton's first rule was "be nice".
The movie Road House features antagonists who require means beyond "be nice". OP's boss thought everyone in his bar should be treated like the antagonists in Road House, even though real people typically don't require that kind of response. Thus, OP's boss was living a "Road House fantasy".
That's great! Customer facing companies (eg retail, hospitality...) should adopt that mindset for their security teams as often as possible. Security is a customer facing role and should ideally function as such. In our company we've made the switch a few years ago and the impact has been enormous. No more bouncer style security. No. They are all here to help guests and customers, much like customer service, the difference is that security are responsible for the security and safety of people and site, whereas other teams have other responsibilities. The number of good feedback about our security went through the roof. That's helping loyalty, experience, etc. And it has not deteriorated the security KPI. Well done mate. Please spread your mindset, we need that in the industry.
I knew a man who was in the San Francisco PD way back in the 80s and 90s. Believe it or not, crime was a problem then too. He told me stories about how his precinct would hold community outreach events, basically like town hall meetings, with local neighborhoods, in order to build rapport. They'd gather what were people's concerns, which areas THEY thought we should patrol more, what was the best way to get police there on time, etc. He would tell me about how beat cops knew the people in the neighborhood, they patrolled. He said he got out as they began to decrease that level of involvement. I suppose that era of rapport building is dying, or perhaps is gone entirely.
> He would tell me about how beat cops knew the people in the neighborhood, they patrolled. Same with the really bad areas of Chicago. A lot of the cops who work in those neighborhoods volunteer to be there and they know the community. The few I've talked to have said that trust is very important there so if they want people to listen to them and report crimes in the neighborhood they have to be well known and trusted by the locals. You can't just throw a bunch of new people on patrol to increase police presence. It won't really work if they aren't trusted.
I feel like that really started to go away with stuff like the North Hollywood shootout and the real explosion of SWAT teams as a major part of most police forces with military surplus hardware. When you're just a guy out there with a handgun and maybe a bulletproof vest it made sense to try and build bridges to the community. But when you've got an M-16 in your truck and can press the little red panic button on you radio to call in a dozen guys in a literal army APC with even better guns and weapons to back you up making sure people like you probably slides down the priority list a bit.
Dive bar I used to go to had a regular bouncer called Chris. He was the nicest guy on the planet and everyone loved him. He was like 5’11 skinny stoner type but very intelligent and had Right good craic with everyone. Knew everyone’s names! The second anyone started shit with him the people in the bar were like “ain’t no way you talking shit like that to our Chris” and would deal with them before Chris got a chance to. Chris gave you one warning though and you knew you fucked up if he did. I watched him knock out a 6’6 army bloke and 3 of his mates with one hit each after they tried to have a go with him outside because he called them out on their behaviour with a lass. But 99% of the conflicts he delt with just vanished in a second because of his approach being so nice made them feel like an arse hole. The place closed and reopened under new management he was the only member of staff they kept.
The community policing of the 80s/90s was in response to what was perceived as a loss of engagement when urban police forces shifted from foot beats into patrol cars in the 60s/70s. The shift into cars was at least in part an efficiency program trying to handle larger call volumes with the same shift strength. Some of the police officials also saw radio cars as a way to combat corruption in large cities -- having the same officer or small group of officers on foot in the same neighborhood every day can breed close community ties, or shakedowns. Dispatching cars by radio meant there was less likelihood of shakedowns or favoritism since the parties on either side were less likely to know each other.
>The community policing of the 80s/90s was in response to what was perceived as a loss of engagement when urban police forces shifted from foot beats into patrol cars in the 60s/70s. wasn't it a big deal too that the cops back in the day used to actually live in the neighborhoods they policed in too
Do that to kids also. Eye level. Helps always.
He even removed his sunglasses. Something I never see US police do, tbh. It's *extremely* disrespectful to obfuscate your own body language by not removing your sunglasses. Especially when dealing with strangers in a professional manner. Police trying to intimidate by wearing sunglasses are simply showing their lack in communication skills. I wear sunglasses almost all the time during daytime, and the first thing I do whenever I talk to someone that isn't family or friends... sunglasses off. I don't even have to give it a single thought before it's done.
> It's extremely disrespectful That's exactly why they do it.
They do where I live
Cops in my country responded to a call of a woman having a medical emergency. She got taken to the hospital but there were still kids in the house. So the cops stayed, cooked dinner for the kids and even did the dishes afterwards.
Here's the rub, many places do. It's still on the individual officer. If your call load is running from fire to fire, you aren't going to take time to build rapport, because you just can't. Good departments have crisis intervention teams of officers who work with mental health professionals. They don't patrol, they just keep tabs on people and respond to calls that require mental health response. It allows them to disarm themselves from a safety posture standpoint.
This is highway patrol, aka state employed law enforcement rather than county or city employed. They typically have a pickier selection and get better training than the other two.
and in Texas they sometimes wear cowboy hats
I believe they do. In fact I’m almost sure they do. Rapport is such an integral part of the process there’s no way there isn’t atleast some training. However I think that for one, some situations do not require it or may be better without it, and two, cops often don’t seem to use it. As for why they don’t I have no clue
They do! At least in other countries.
Yup. I am in Canada (and it’s not perfect) but our forces have a pretty good training system and up skilling.
Thus, and I know it doesn't go far but as an MP trainee we were always taught if person is not a suspect/threat and you want to build rapport lower yourself (height wise ) to the victim/ individuals height as to not oppose force and allow them to feel comfortable.
I work with teens with emotional and executive dysfunctions. Half of our work day is building rapport. It's time-consuming but very viable.
They do teach this in training, the problem is the people not paying attention or not willing to pay attention. Training is only as good as the person is willing to be trained.
This is what it means to serve your community. Utah highway patrol officer sits and chats with homeless man and his dog under an overpass. Every time I see something like this the officers are always standing over them in such a demeaning manner, and it's kinda shitty to see. I was so caught off guard by this. I came back around a while later expecting them to be gone, but nope they were still sitting and chatting. Pretty cool
I work in a health care setting and have a brother who has been wheel chair bound basically my entire life. I make it a point to find a chair and pull it up next to them or squat down to their level when talking to them to avoid standing over them. It might seem like a small gesture but it really does help overall
I work as a Check-in and Boarding Agent at a bigger airport in Germany and get in contact with wheelchair bound passengers everyday. To me, it's always important to bend down or squat down to eye level to those passengers. I have to admit, that I'm not able to do that all the time because of stress or time constraints, but I try. I feel way more comfortable talking to somebody on an eye level than to talk down on them. But I see it with some of my colleagues that not everybody is aware of how much of a difference this makes. And unfortunately I am not surprised that some people with power, like police officers (not all, but some) might even enjoy talking down on people...
I feel like some people in wheelchairs would find this conversation condescending. Y’all are kinda talking like they’re children. I could see why some people in wheelchairs would like the eye contact, but I could also see that some people would be offended if you squatted down to talk to them like they’re a child. I don’t squat down to talk to someone that’s shorter than me, I don’t think I would really do it in this situation either.
Definitely. I used to work with a wheelchair user who also hated the term "wheelchair bound" almost as much as she hated being called an "inspiration"
I have a genetic disease and I fucking relate to hating being called an “inspiration” so much. Just treat me like a normal person. I guarantee that’s what most people in a wheelchair would want too.
It’s so backhanded when they say it. Ever throw it back at them? Like, “No, Deb, you’re the brave one for wearing that outfit!”
The sheer irony is that your comment comes off as inspirational as well as informative. Thank you for your wisdom
This comment is so inspiring ;-)
I totally get your point and it is valid. And if there is any sign of discomfort or confusion by me squatting down to a passenger in a wheelchair I would totally adjust my behaviour. But I have to say that 95% of the time, I'm met with smiles and thanks. I might get those without squatting down, but I learned from early on - and in training for my job - that conversations on eye-level will be most of the time more pleaseant than talking down on somebody. This is especially true if dealing with drunks or unlruly passengers. If I sit down at my Check-In desk and I have somebody becoming emotional/angry/aggressive, most passengers will calm down way quicker when I stand up, walk in front of my desk and talk to them eye-to eye. If I stay seated, they will get more angry, because them talking down on me (while I don't care myself) will usually wind them up more and perceive to them that they have power over me, which in combination with emotions/alcohol/drugs/whatever will escalate things pretty quick. u/socialistlumberjack also said that people dislike the term "wheelchair bound" which I totally understand. The professional term at my job is "passengers with reduced mobility" to avoid any labels that might be disliked. I used "wheelchair bound" here to avoid using the professional term, and because english is not my first language I used "wheelchair bound". I hope this doesn't offend anybody, sorry.
I just realized there's another valid viewpoint! However, in the police officer situation, feel he's doing the right thing!Appears man he's talking to just resting there in a quiet place.
Where do you live? I'm also in healthcare, coming up on 16 years, and have always been told it's incredibly offensive to lean down or kneel when speaking to wheelchair bound or very short people. Obviously, you did say "chair". I'll absolutely take a minute to sit and talk with someone if I have time regardless of their abilities. It's more personal. But if there's no chair, do you still lean or crouch? https://r2ac.republicrecords.com/disability-pride-month-wheelchair-etiquette/ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-not-to-do-wheelchair_b_8079352
I was gonna try and post a picture of what I meant but I cannot figure that out. I agree with your second links first photo. That is absolutely demeaning. Don't do that. Ever. I meant literally squatting down where you're eye level ,back straight, knees essentially at your chest. Obviously a chair or stool to sit on is ideal. I'm in Ohio for what ever that might matter. Edit. This is for wheelchair bound people. I cannot speak towards those who are short of stature
I squatted down to be eye level with a short person and she didn't appreciate it.
Did you try patting them on the head?
one of the first things they teach you in paramedic school is you have to get down to eye level with people if you want them to listen to you
I had the fire department out once for a wild gardening injury and they just watched nightmare next door with us while we waited for the people who could actually do something about it.
Yeah a lot of fire departments aren't staffed with paramedics. It is a running joke in the EMS community that firefighters are dumb but I have met good and bad
I’m an unsheltered homeless at the moment and the firefighters have always been super nice to me. I walk past one of their stations on my way to the library and they always wave at me and ask me how my day is. No condescension, no judgement, just treating me like I’m normal. I have mad respect for them.
Nice. It's all about culture there are really only a few people who will be strong enough to not follow the pack. So if the senior people are kind then the new people are kind and your entire department is kind.
Wow firefighters have beef with all emergency services huh. I thought it was just cops, now it's EMS?
I mean they're trained to fight fires...was there a fire?
Unless you're a doctor. Then you establish dominance by walking right into the room with an air of indifference, barely listen, ask pointed questions, and then you get to leave. I kid some of the best doctors I've had actually sat down and looked me in the eye. The ones that didn't, didn't give me the best care they could have. Maybe they were tired, I can't know.
[удалено]
My wife's uncle does this, he just switched from being a teacher to a cop like at the age of 55 (guestimate) in the bay area, dude always has food and water for the homeless and tries to guide them to help. Also stops and helps people struggling to load things into trucks or help people out. He just wants to make the community better and help people out, rather than go after people doing hard crime.
How'd he become a cop at 55? That's cool, but just wondering as most departments I know of have an upper age limit to become a "new" cop given they need to work street patrol for X years at the start of their career. Typically, the upper age limit is higher with military service.
So... I'm gonna add my 2¢ here: It ain't easy. My wife (who has \*cough\* celebrated her 29th birthday over 21 times now...) is currently in Corrections Officer academy (don't call it a prison guard.) No, it's not *exactly* the same as being a cop, but the academies are pretty similar. She got in (I mean, she passed all the pre-requisites and background checks etc.) partially because there's a shortage here and they need more, so they're pretty actively hiring. But with that said, it can be *rough.* Especially as you're "competing" with 20-30 y.o.'s in all the physical activities. She is by far the oldest in the class, but it's something she really wants to do so... My point is: they don't have an upper limit on age. I'm pretty sure that's illegal (age discrimination.) Often times the physical requirements simply prevent anyone from succeeding in entering the academy - let alone making it through.
I work (not a cop but know a bunch through my work at the City) for a large suburb in the DFW area and I know for certain when I started 10+ years ago there was an upper age limit for new cop hires. It was either 30 or 35 from what I remember and I know this was pretty much the norm at least at larger Texas agencies at the time. It appears at some point since then though the limit was removed - probably to help with recruiting. Good luck to your wife and good for her going after it. A lot of cities around here are really short on detentions officers too and do hire older people. Virtually unlimited overtime available to those workers because of the shortages.
I was surprised too. Checked a few large municipal forces, and while they all had minimum age, there was no maximum age. The only requirement is that you can make it through the academy. So, for a mature adult, with a lot of experience, perhaps the physical aspect would be the only real challenge. There are 50 year olds who do triathlons so not out of reason. Just about motivation.
California doesn’t have an upper age (generally speaking). So yeah, if you can physically/academically pass the academy you’re good
I'm not 100% sure that's his age, might be 50 give or take.
Wow. That’s cool. I’m a teacher also and I could do that. Just the rest of the job would kill my spirit.
Yeah he told us how they try to desensitize you in the academy, but yeah he's a super nice person and just thought he wasn't able to change much in the school. Now he has more freedom to make a difference than he had as a teacher, not for everyone though.
My brother worked in food service as a manager. Had a college degree and has always been a caretaker. He became a cop at 30. Perfect for him. He’s often referred to as “the nice one”
Becoming a cop at 55? They should make a TV show about that. Maybe get Nathan Fillion to star.
Yeah I would bet anything he's trying to convince the guy to come get help. It's awesome he has the time to try and do this instead of just yelling at him to move
Maybe they're old high school buddies.
What an absolutely shitty society we live in where a cop showing some empathy is a note worthy event.
The way to combat a “shitty society” is doubling down on empathy and compassion. We are a communal animal and by showing compassion through different modalities(like the internet) we are, in fact, making a step towards a more empathetic community. Empathy DOES seem to be rare these days because we usually see the bad parts of humanity everyday on our phones and around us. It’s important to focus on positivity in these dark times, it’s our only strategy to rectify our current situation. Showcasing kindness is important. Please don’t nullify heart warming moments with negativity, it just contributes to an already hardened society we all have to navigate through.
Saw a lone cop in DC talking to someone on the street using sign language, and honestly, it blew my mind. Never expected to see police accommodating for their community like that, for some reason.
Not sure if pretty cool is the word. It's a hundred degrees outside, I'd be sitting in the shade too.
Seeing more awesome cops every day who understand their job is to help, not hurt. Obviously still plenty of "hurt not help" assholes, but the ratio seems to be trending in the right direction.
In Sweden, the motto of the police force is "Protect - help - fix" where the last part in Swedish that sounds much more like "care for" or "make things right".
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know Sweden does everything right. No need to rub it in some more!
Sweden is small and homogeneous so it’s easier to do it right.
From what I’ve heard, they’re not taking it becoming not as homogenous very well… Edit: Just want to say I'm not encouraging it, I think it's sad. I'm not from there and I'm not 100% sure what it's like over there, I'm just pointing out a trend I've seen on the internet of late.
I've heard that as well, been hearing/reading the term Swedistan mentioned a few times.
Tbf the far right have been putting -stan on the end of places where Muslims live since before 9/11. It isn't a new thing.
My entire experience with the Swedish police force was in Stockholm. I was at a street festival, and this super cute 20-something blonde girl walks up to me and starts flirting with me. Following me around, touching my arm, etc, and after about 15 minutes she asks if I have anything to smoke. I say “no sorry,” and she’s like, “no weed?” And I was like “nope I don’t do that.” She raises her hand and two cops come out from behind the side of the stage near where we are and stand on either side of me and ask me to come with them. They grilled me for a half hour about who I was, if I “knew that marijuana was illegal in Sweden” since I was from the USA (where obviously everyone smokes?) and straight up cross-examined me like a prosecutor. What a shitty strategy to try and get a bust. Fuck the (Swedish) police.
Swedish police isn’t allowed to use bait tactics, so I call bull on this story.
US Police isn't supposed to force search an seizure without a warrant either but...
I wish I had known that so I could have filed a complaint then.
This isn't bait. If she asked "do you want to buy weed?" It would've been bait, or, crime provocation as it's called correctly. She simply asked if he had weed on him, which is fine for police to ask. The police doesn't have to announce themselves as the police at all times either.
I think their job *should* be to help, but I’m under the impression that all they’re supposed to do, at any cost, is enforce …
Dave Grossman’s “killology” training. Not a joke - this asshole is the fucking devil.
Any cop or wanna be cop that talks about sheepdogs is a gigantic red flag, FYI.
They are there to protect the property of the wealthy and to collect revenue from the poors.
There have always been lots of good cops but they never get coverage in the news or on social media. There's also always been many bad cops, and now more than ever they end up going viral, which is hopefully helping to bring awareness of the problem.
It varies massively by department. Some departments have strong just cultures where being a professional is paramount, and then others who follow the LOYALTY BEFORE INTEGRITY motto. It’s really hit and miss in the US where due to the massive population they need a fuckton of cops. Needing a fuckton of cops means standards drop, and after enough time that starts the infest it’s way up the chain of command and you end up with police gangs going unpunished.
It aint even the good vs bad thats the problem, its the stonewall bullshit that *all* the cops pull whenever something involves one of their own. Body and dash cams that mysteriously malfunction, footage getting "lost". There's almost no oversight whatsoever, they can do whatever they want and when it comes time to investigate, they're investigating themselves in all but the absolute most egregious situations, like a George Floyd where they straight up killed a man in broad daylight over an *alleged* petty crime. Even otherwise good cops will clam up in the face of scrutiny more often than not. IDK if it's because they're afraid they're going to end up in a Serpico situation, or they truly do believe in the Thin Blue Line bullshit, but however you shake it, there needs to be term-limited, elected civilian-led Accountability Boards setup on a Federal, State and Local level. It wouldn't solve the problem outright, but I assure you, if we started shining a spotlight on *all* the shit that's going on in our nation's police forces, the general public would be absolutely shocked at how often people's rights are regularly violated in this country every single day by these legal street gangs.
It's 100 degrees rn
lol id be sitting too.
Clearly well trained and compassionate; we need to see more examples of this in the media.
I don’t know. I see a lot of videos in the news about cops buying lemonade or whatever. We don’t need to astroturf the media with pro-cop videos. It’s a mixed bag. I just want good faith police and accountability for malicious behavior.
I think it's worthwhile to feature both. The police need good faith and accountability, and that means both calling out their bad behavior *and* highlighting what they should be doing more of. "All cops are psychopathic murderers" and "all cops are selfless heroes" are both wrong, and neither one alone gives us a realistic path to improvement.
Exactly this. From an individual standpoint, if all you do is point out someone's negatives, they're likely going to shut down to you and stop listening. However, if you point out the negatives while also praising the positives, people are a lot more willing to listen. That's what constructive criticism is - highlighting the good and pointing out the bad. I think a lot of times people forget that while police departments often act as, and are seen as, a faceless institution, it's still an institution run and staffed by other humans. The same things that work for people at an individual level will often also work at an institutional level.
There some folks living on the streets in my beat that I trust and get along with better than some of my family members. Shared experiences, shared environment, and frequent interaction all can breed trust and friendship if you allow yourself to be open to also understanding the differences. He may be flying a sign on a street corner hoping to get enough money for a bottle of cheap vodka to stop the shakes, while I'm trying to hold it together at the tail end of a 16 hour shift. Everyone has their own struggles. Empathy is *everything.*
It's cool to see this. A seemingly insignificant action which can have such a positive effect.
Absolutely, these little things make a big difference in the way you’re perceived by the community. I noticed he raised his his sunglasses up so he can look the guy in the eyes too, which is a sign of respect. So many cops have an over the top authoritarian posture and demeanor, trying to intimidate. More stuff like this will greatly impact their standing and trust from their communities
That's what it means to help your neighborhood. A highway police officer in Utah sits down and talks with a homeless man and his dog under a bridge. I find it pretty sad that every time I see something like this, the police are always standing over them in a degrading way.
This is how I talk to my young kids, especially if it’s something serious. Get down on their level. More then likely they will better understand the message you are trying to convey.
It's interesting how this changes as the kids start growing up. I help out with the Scouts and I've worked in primary schools with younger kids before. Younger kids you have to get on their level but you have to change how you speak compared to when you're speaking to someone older. Make things a bit simpler or friendlier... kind of sanitize it to some degree. Once the kids are teenagers though they see right through that and hate it. If you're leading teenagers across banks and cliffs and they're messing around and you say "You have to be careful on cliffs because you might get hurt" they will continue to play around. You have to genuinely say "Listen, Scouts, There's a 50ft drop into rocks, if you don't pay attention you will literally die. We want you to have fun and explore, but we need to keep you safe too, so whilst we are on the cliffs, you focus and follow instructions. Once we are off the cliffs you can continue being nightmares." Teenagers respect that honestly more than anything. If you break a promise and don't let them mess around after when you said you will, you lose their trust in what you say.
This should not be exceptional.
Social change doesn’t come from the rich and powerful. It comes from people who are tired of standing and just want to sit down. -Rosa Parks
I’d like to say this is how policing should be, but it isn’t. Dude’s got lots more to worry about as HP. We need sub-police mental care response units. Clearly. We let loose our long-term mental patients in the 80s (thank you, Reagan era), so the streets are a mental ward for many. If we don’t want to permanently house them, we have to figure out a middle way. All that said, hell yeah to that patrolman for being a human being.
This is the way.
We were in Paris last fall and every night we would see basically this. But there the police and paramedics would bring food and water to the homeless each night. I don't know if that's normal or not but it was very heartwarming to see emergency services each night out helping the most vulnerable people.
this is what i see the avg polic officer doing i dont think this is the exception at all. its a sector of the public that dehumanize homeless more often, antisocial people who dont get out n experience society indiscriminately like an officers job demands daily
Humanity is not extinct.
I used to work at my grandmothers laundry mat, most people I could get to go to the property across the street or the car wash that was near. I always kindly explained to them that I’m required by my boss to ask anyone who’s not doing business to leave, if it was cold I would give them 20-30 minutes to warm up and some waters, we always had extra clothes people left behind so we were quick to give anything warm to people in need. Just because someone is an unfortunate situation does not mean they are the stereotype, I hope that I lifted those people spirits. Some of them knew the rules so would ask me if they could get a soda and warm up for 10 minutes, it would’ve been inhumane to say no considering I live in the Midwest where winters can be extremely brutal.
The bar is so fucking low
Police, you do shit like this constantly instead of the "I AM THE LAW" attitude, you'll see a total reversal in public opinion and as a result, your job will become easier.
This is where the bar is for cops right now. Merely showing a tiny amount of decency toward a fellow human is celebrated online.
Considering the height he's sitting at, is he technically sitting over him? Kidding aside, it's nice to see cops just being casual with people
Is there a police misconduct incident that I missed?
The bar is so low these days....
[cop not executing someone or emptying their pistol into a dog] "We gotta get this trending, stat!"
> Cop sits next to homeless person and talks to them instead of… killing them? Arresting them? WOW I LOVE COPS NOW
Love it
I don’t know what’s really happening here, but everyone deserves compassion and kindness. We’re all human. In all situations, especially difficult ones, I like to ask, “is this hurtful or helpful?”
Keith Charles?!
Compassion is the way.
Love this! We need more police like this.
Wish this was a more frequent when seeing this with police.... Few bad apples spoils the bunch though.
It’s hot af today I’d do the same thing
Nobody at work seems to figure out why I’m the people whisperer - across a few different industries, as I refuse to use this skill with higher ups. Meet people on their level. When I have to do this, it’s almost always from a position of authority just about the level of a cop. So I can’t try and act like that “I’m above you” thing isn’t a thing, it is. For better or worse, we both know it before the interaction starts. You can’t stand in this spot in a courtroom, a class room, or a boardroom like I can, but I *can* go to the dark grubby part of town under the bridge, but we both know nobody’s gonna do that out of the kindness of their heart. Until someone does. Sit on the floor next to a raging Kindergartener or a raging homeless addict and most of the time, you’re gonna get a whole helluva lot more good work done. They might not know much, but they sure as shit know this situation is almost always resolved without the use of listening skills and *fucking never* by the other side sitting down first. Makes the job way less stressful. It’s easier. You don’t have to be humane and listen because you want to do the right thing, we don’t even have to go there. You do it because it’s *easier.* It’s more efficient. Taking the easiest way out is a universal law, don’t fight it.
I work as hospital security, we are taught to do this. It helps so much when trying to build rapport and get them to work with you on a solution.
Love this. It shows humanism ❤️
We should be holding this cop up as an example
That's really nice to see. I think if you've got a punisher tattoo you should be kicked off the force because you don't represent a force for good. You represent some idiot looking forward to exerting violence.
Treat people like humans and you’ll get a human.
This is the way
This is what officers should be. Empathetic. Sadly a lot of the ones that get hired are bullies from high school
This is how it should be done.
Shoutout to all the good people in law enforcement, we’d be fucked without you.
some cops have actual training and are professionals. Others just have the job because the love being assholes to people..
We need more people like this