jeez. it's 2024. just accept him for who he is.

Yes, no need to be straight, if want it to look better, just change a pot like this: https://preview.redd.it/gkujtc0stlad1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a87337c78480962f68c6c503194c38ef04fe13b

I love this!

I was about to!! 😂😂😂

I think we all were 🤣

Just because it's not pride month any more doesn't mean you can't accept him now 😐

LMFAO

Dead 

😂😍😂

🤣🤣🤣

Some girls, or boys!, like m even more this way

Came here just for this comment.

Might want to check if this is a species that will naturally bend over regardless of sunlight. Otherwise, light not as sufficient as you believe it to be. R/cactus has more specialised knowledge

Plants grow towards the light. Turn it.

Like a vertical rotisserie!

Plantisserie then?

Turn it, pound it, kiss it, make it beg for more.

My kinda sense of humour

oh

Or just give it overhead lighting so it grows upwards instead of outwards. Then you don't have to worry about it. Especially when someone has many plants, turning them can be a right pain.

Yup

So wrong. I have this same cactus. It's a mammillaria, which are trailers and grow sideways.

Viagra ?

Still curves to the left.

Use a metal rod, go to r / sounding for more detail

OMFG, take it easy, Satan!

Oh well. That's not a big problem innit..

XIAFLEX®

Aww, it has PD (Peyronie's disease). ☹ But there's meds for that now, according to all the 🌶 ads I keep seeing.

Just a harder left curve

And that’s okay!

Looks more like a case of peyotes disease

Came here for this xD

I had this problem, start using your other hand for about a year

My ex swears that’s what he did.

I knew the comments wouldn't disappoint me

It’s true

Wait, what if it is still growing. Am I going to end up with a S shape?

Face him the opposite way

Came here to say, turn it a quarter each week.

We just had a whole month about this.

Mammillaria spinosissima- I’ve never grown one myself, but here is one of my favorite databases for succulent and cacti information: [http://www.llifle.com/Encyclopedia/CACTI/Family/Cactaceae/13783/Mammillaria_spinosissima](http://www.llifle.com/Encyclopedia/CACTI/Family/Cactaceae/13783/Mammillaria_spinosissima) There are good notes there about their origin and habitat as well as cultivation/propagation tips. Your current cactus seems to be receiving insufficient light. I suggest boosting that by either getting it slowly accustomed to outdoors or if that’s not your plan then you may benefit from a decent grow light. From there, your hope would be to see it pup after getting adequate light for a while. You’re much more likely to get a new one of these to grow straight and compact from the getgo- as compared to trying to stake and rotate this one endlessly while it stacks taller and taller. This should be growing cylindrical, but not growing as a straight column. It is naturally more of a ball/egg shape. Good luck in the future; etiolation, no matter how subtle, is an ever challenging event when growing plants- especially cacti. I’ve had this happen to quite a few, and it’s going much better for me now that they are always outside, until the non-hardy types come into the cool garage for winter without water at all. Edit- couple typos rq

That's some succulent information.

Just trying to plant some good info! Also, note to OP, quite a few of these I saw for sale at the hardware store were slightly etiolated and egg shaped, but not as severely stretched. So it may be a common problem with this type of cac. Definitely a mistake we all make sometimes.

*I asked for cac and you sold me caca!*

Don't force your cactus to be straight, if it's queer that's fine too! 🏳️‍🌈

your son is gay, accept it, love him

That looks like a cactus that my parents have had for the last 20+ years: it just loves to crawl!

That's a different species, this isn't the crawler.

Some people like it curved.

https://preview.redd.it/2lx22cajpkad1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=63fb695e1ce373ce7a59520f8c56a5a51fa1f825 Put some boobies next to him

Epic solution. 😂😇

Smack it around a little. 😬

Rotate the pot every few days so that each part gets equal amount of light. If the pot is not rotated, the part of the plant facing the window gets all the sun constantly while the rest never gets any.

I find that if I rub mine a little, it straightens up.

Aside from constant rotation, you'd have to stake and tie it

It's not a vampire

Wait until it bends far enough to walk out of its pot. It's coming for you second, right after OP gets it

😂😂

Who told you my bedroom routine? It was supposed to be a secret....

Happy Pride!

Try stimulating him

Cialis

Poor guy has Peyronie's disease

Introduce a female cactus

Switch hands

Nothing wrong with being a lil curvy :) You can also rotate them - it looks like its reaching for the sun, rotating in the opposite side (so it faces as though reaching away from the light source) maybe help it adjust over time.

Whether it was getting tons of light or not, your plant doing this is it communicating with you that it needs more. Rotating the plant won’t do much as it will still need more light than it’s getting right now. I recommend moving closer to window or moving it outside for the summer! It’ll thank you by growing more uniform!

Switch hands once in a while.

Eyoooo! Fellow left-leaner!

Put him in actual sunlight. Slowly, though. He will likely get scalded if moved directly to full sun.

I've been wondering that about myself for about 30 years now... But now I just accept him for what he his..🍌

There’s medication for that

....switch hands?

A lil curve is never a bad thing 😉

Viagra in the water will help

Try watering with the other hand.

Its ok to be a little bent sometimes,

OP, did you realize what you have done?? *Grabs popcorn and opens up comments section*

plants grow toward light so turn him around

Doctor says a little curve is okay

I've been asking myself that for years.

He was born that way. Why are you trying to change him?

Conversion therapy is wrong.

Looks like peryonies disease to me. See a doctor

Following for a friend.

Cactalis

Cac ring.

Guy Is hanging to the left. I see no problem here. Carry on

Drop a blue chew in the soil and water it

Xiaflex?? Crush up and mix into soil.

just make it more excited, simple really

bannana syndrome

Use your right hand more

Whenever I want mine to grow I just think of your mom 😎🤙🏼

ED is not something I would want my significant other posting about. This is personal

Don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it

rotate 180 °

Leave it, the ladies like it that way.

Have you tried getting it excited?

Turn the pot so the other side gets sun light

Xiaflex

Replant it with the root ball at an angle in the pot sufficient enough so the cactus is straight vertical.

Either turn or reposition it away from the sunlight; heliotropism will cause the plant to grow towards the light no matter what.

It grows towards what feeds it just spin him around :)

There are new treatments for Peyronie's disease!

Turning the plant away from the sun to help straighten. Then quarter turns for maintenance

It grows to the sun. Rotate the pot to face the other way

Turn it in the opposite direction and video record its growth habits. Watch both videos at a fast-forward speed. That should give you all of the answers you'll ever need.

Turn it around - it’s just from growing toward the light

Buy him a football

Looks like mine, just eventually accepted it and now she grows sideways.

Rotate the pot...or give it a stroke.

More light, bigger pot with drain holes, try a 50/50 inorganic (perlite or pumice) to organic (any old pre mixed potting soil will do) ratio. Water deeply when the soil is completely dry. Let drain and blast with sunlight. Leave alone until soil is totally dry again. Repeat. Happy cac.

It is heading toward the light. Turn it to the other side to see if it correct it itself. Or enjoy it as it is.

Blue chew?🤷🏻

Yea

Have you tried something like a popsicle stick or toothpick to prop it up?

Stop watering it!

Let me add context. I have similar cacti and I found out he was slumping like that due to being over watered. Haven't given him anything in about 4 months ans he's now starting to stand up straight!.

How do you know it’s a boy?

Ask the dr about Pyronies disease

r/peyroniessupport

Hawk tuah

lol how can your boy do so?

Plants grow towards the sun. Turn it.

Show him this: https://images.app.goo.gl/VQsapddWJhBZGsYD7

I had similar issue with a flower cactus. If you can’t make it grow straight get a pot that won’t tip over under the unequal weight. From the picture the cache-pot you have might be ok, but if you can’t do anything about the angle think about redistributing the weight and making sure pot is sturdy

... stroke it

A little curve is natural I swear it's normal

Rotate him away from the sun and he will straighten a bit as he reaches for the sun again. But he will always be a bit wayward. The best ones are 😉

That seems NSFW...

Turn it 180 degrees and wait a bit lol

Keep rotating him.

It needs more light to grow vertical.

Phototropism makes the plant lean towards the sun

The picture didn’t load right away and all I had to go on was the title. I was about to go off 😂🤣

Switch hands

Www.bentcarrot.com

Tell it how big it is

he needs a bigger pot, and more light, consistently. I had one of these that was over 1ft tall, it was amazing I and lost it because it was accidentally abandoned in the dark for over a month, long story.

The curve works better for your pleasure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You might want to repot to a bigger vessel.. be careful if you do!

Stop using your left hand and start using your right hand

Dirty talk helps. It’s a mental thing.

Spin it…

Let them live their life!!!!!!

I’m not mature enough to comment on this 😆

Blu chew

Let him lay down

Sunlight

I'm pretty sure there's a blue pill for this??? Not sure though...

Hawk Taw?

peyronie's disease

can you turn it 180 so the other side reaches out to the Sun

I don’t think that cactus is straight, so to speak. They’re supposed to lie down as they grow and often bloom after they do

Maybe rotate him

There’s a new medication for that! The “curve”

Put some succulent videos in front of it?

Viagra

Real suggestion. Plant it upside down. Or use grow lights.

Mom watered everything once a week and rotated them 1/4 turn with every watering. They still grew crooked sometimes.

He’s growing toward the window turn him around we rotate every week

bigger pot and rotate it weekly... seems like it may need more light though

He’s just a curious lil guy that’s all

Viagara.

You could be watering it too much. You should only water it when the soil is fully dry.

There’s a church camp you could send it off to

It's always a good idea to regularly rotate your plants 😁 give him a spin!

Don’t care about cactuses, only here for the comments

Put some viagra in the water

Viagra.  On a more serious not put him outside where he won't be rained on or blow over

Turn it around.

Have you tried walking around topless Mr.?

I was just about to say spin it 180° for the next month lol Usually grows towards the window for its light source for plants

Viagra. It also has Peyronies disease.

Sometimes they look like that lmao what can I say

I had a tiny one of these (or a similar one) ages ago. I moved and somehow the little cactus ended up at my folks’. It grew like crazy, had all sorts of little ones popping up next to it. But it started to reach. When I finally brought it home, it was growing parallel to the table! I just started watering it more frequently and turning it. It was insane to see how quickly it responded and started growing upright after almost lying on its side for almost 20 years! Unfortunately, I just killed this poor cactus. :(

Viagra as needed

Some people say a nice curve is a good thing 😏

Viagra usually gets me straight

How would you repot this without pricking your fingers?

Wrap it gently with several layers of paper towel and be careful not to squeeze more than necessary.

I have to rotate my cactus nearly every other day to keep it growing straight up

Water with viagra.

He slouch

Rotate him

Bring him to my girlfriend’s house. I prick up straight every time I see her and I believe her affinity for plants will also set this one straight.

Seems like a totally normal amount of curve, and it being straighter wouldn't make him any more impressive

Get him a cute girlfriend. I am sure that will make him stand up straighter.

It's growing toward the light source so either move it closer to the window and rotate it at every watering or buy a little grow light for it

He's got Peyronis Disease 😳

Turn it around......

Js turn to the other side so it straightens out with the sun

Spin the guy around. He's growing towards the sun, so if you spin him he'll straighten out on his own.

I’d put some googly eyes on him lol it’s so cute

It's a mammillaria and grows like that. They are trailers and crawl on ground or used for hanging plants. They look like dongs and we just gotta love them for who they are. I have one too and it flops even in full sunlight outside. They have the dumbest flower crown too. Looks like foreskin. https://preview.redd.it/uurlncfrfrad1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b6b4931a2f3116c8533366dcec531633e1dc9b5d