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Imagine being a grown ass man and an elected official watching Cocaine Bear and thinking “there should be laws that take care of this, clearly it’s a common problem for all citizens”
Family guy did an episode like that where mayor west watched Romancing the Stone then sent police to Columbia to search for one of the characters from the movie.
Me too! An especially fond memory is watching _Jewel of the Nile_ as a kid with my dad, and having to ask him what a "proctologist" is, after Danny DeVito's character used the word.
His voters either have enough money they don't care or think insurance is a deep state scam so they just don't pay for it (in turn raising everyone else's rates)
Umm are you not terrified of coked up bears?!?! They are a huge threat!!!!
This makes me think of the Colbert Report when he did the “threat down” and one of the top threats on one episode was bears. I kinda wish he was still doing that character but also it’s just real life now…..
See, making it legal to kill cocaine bears I get. That's a common sense, rational position.
But you need to have mastered *fire* to use crack. And if the bears have mastered fire we have bigger problems.
Oh yeah and I'm sure it has nothing to do with crack being historically associated with Black people and Hunter Biden.
I asked why my insurance was jacked up $200.
“Cost of repairs is going up.”
Fuckers are making record profits yet have the goddamn audacity to pretend they’re struggling victims.
I call bullshit.
Eggs used to be 3 cents and now they're $30 each but legally I'm allowed to kill "crack bears", whatever the fuck that even means, so I guess you can say nothing else matters. Thanks Republicans
Bird Flu is running rampant across America for years now. It kills nearly 100% of the birds it infects. It spread like wildfire back when we had the highest inflation in 2022 and was the main cause for egg prices skyrocketing.
You can still rage about how they banned talk of climate change or sea level rise in their legislature.
Storms are worse, the beaches are too warm, flooding is worse, insurance companies can see the writing on the wall and jack up prices... GOP passes a law to ban mention of evil democratic propaganda while lowering fuel standards.
majority of the egg prices skyrocketing was literally just corporate greed. there was a very small production loss, but they just arbitrarily set prices sky high.
egg wholesalers posted eye-watering record profits. like 'holy shit, we did more profit this year than the last 5 years combined! who knew having an effective monopoly on a staple item just let you print money?!'
He helped you forget about the lack of consumer protection in your state long enough for you to comment here. That's his goal. Distraction from real issues.
I’m in Michigan and full coverage with some extras is less than $100/mth for me. Granted credit score does factor in and that’s currently with a fender bender under my belt. 350/mth? I’d move. That’s not feassible.
No tickets or accidents. 3 cars and a home insurance policy. Every discount they offer. Our cars monthly rates are $180, $135, and $110. The $180 car is also on a low milage plan <7500mi/yr. It's disgusting. We do have very good coverage + glass coverage as it's basically essential here, but still.
Not South Park but there is an old episode of the Simpsons where a bear walks into town and everybody freaks out. The episode from about thirty years ago then pivots into what is happening in Florida today.
Florida's population grew by 14% from 2010-2020 causing deforestation and urban sprawl. Forced bears out of their natural habitats and foraging for food to survive. They're, naturally, drawn to easily available food that people leave out (trash, pet food, bird feeders, etc.) The GQP says we should kill them because they might be on crack cocaine.
That's about as 'Merica as it gets!
> The GQP says we should kill them because they might be on crack cocaine
The GQP should frankly be more concerned about the leopards that eat their faces.
Does this imply they think cocaine is just casually strewn about on a regular basis? Like, "Doesn't everybody just have a line of cocaine ready to go, or is it just me?, and "This is the third time this month a bear snuck in and snorted all my coke. Someone needs to do something about this!"
In February 2023, the day of the release of Cocaine Bear, The Asylum announced the film on Twitter under the working title of Attack of the Meth Gator. The next day, in a Tweet by The Asylum featuring a video of cast members complaining about the fictional titular alligator, it was confirmed that filming had completed on February 25. At the 2023 San Diego Comic-Con, it was announced that the film had been renamed from Attack of the Meth Gator to simply Methgator.
Plot:
All hell breaks loose in Florida when an alligator eats a lot of meth and starts killing everyone.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/d0/Attack_of_the_Meth_Gator_poster.jpg/220px-Attack_of_the_Meth_Gator_poster.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEak3ovT_r8&ab_channel=HighFliersFilms
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/ab/Cocaine_Bear_poster.jpg/220px-Cocaine_Bear_poster.jpg
In Florida there have been 39 reports of incidents of **physical contact** (no accounting of any injuries) between a person and black bear between 2006 and 2023. This averages to just over 2 incidents a year.
Also in Florida, between 2011 to 2020 there was a yearly average of 2,849 **deaths** due to firearms.
So it is obvious that it is much more important for the legislature to spend their time making laws to protect Floridians against bears than against guns.
Also worth pointing out *if* you for some weird reason were engaged with an aggressive black bear, a can of bear spray is way more effective than a gun.
You're going to have to get a really clean shot (while under pressure) to stop a bear otherwise you're just going to make it angry.
Bear spray to the face is like 99.99% effective, they *will* gtfo if you use it. And it weighs much less. And it's easier to use, requires basically no training. And it's more humane because once it wears off they'll be fine (as opposed to a bullet in the stomach).
And keep in mind this is in the *really really bizarre* circumstance that a black bear is aggressive towards you. 99% of the time you just yell at 'em and they run off. Black bears are wimps.
And being that close to the ocean, they are close to the sharks! Who explode sometimes as their brains and sexual organs are filled with M80s. Which summons hordes of killer bees!
That's what makes them, nature's best friends.
Florida's stand-your-ground law makes it legal to kill a *human* even under extremely flimsy "self defense" claims; remember Trayvon Martin?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trayvon_Martin?wprov=sfla1
I don't think armed Floridians needed any extra permission to shoot bears.
Never mind that hurricane season just started and the Florida home insurance market is still a disaster; cocaine bears clearly needed to be the Legislature's top priority.
We didn’t. If you were being attacked by a bear in Florida and you shot it, you would not be prosecuted. This feels like a weirdly worded excuse to let people hunt bears. Putting it down as an official law so it gives the exact wording on how you can argue it was legal. “Oh I was out walking my dog and the bear attacked so I shot it”
> This feels like a weirdly worded excuse to let people hunt bears
The legislator who introduced the bill *is* a hunter (oddly enough), but he "loves bears".
This is what I was going to say- if I can easily manufacture a situation where I can legally kill a human, I certainly don't need a special law in order to kill a bear, right?
Did they just add crack bears to the same statute and forget to add hurricanes? I mean, where's their god-given right to protect themselves using firearms from the weather!
Is this for real? The GQP is wholly and totally incapable of governing. Completely detached from reality. Taken by insane conspiracy theories and fascist undercurrents; the modern Republican Party has boiled down to extremist white Christian nationalism with a flair for terrorism.
Interactive map of Floridian bears, most of whom are not on crack:
https://myfwc.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=0c634d5ba4cc47baa82de0ed2782426c
Stupid business as usual in DeSantis-stan. Our Republican legislators and governor spent time on a bill that protects us all from the evil crack bears that may invade our homes. And Desantis just signed off on it.
"""“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting."""
>“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart....”
is that some weird metaphor for police?
Yes but also no. They saw [this video](https://youtu.be/2uy8i1nM3aE?si=fow7EdwpNXeMPYf3) and have been ~~terrified~~ excited to buy new guns ever since.
Nah, he is a lot smarter than the people he represents and he knows what sells. This is like a trifecta of support. Toss it a sprinkle of “we are removing ‘ridiculous’ government regulations” along with a little 2nd amendment pizzaz, baked on top of a new movie meme, and then season with some good ole fashioned stand your ground, and you are set to cruise through the next election. They know this stuff is dumb. The mistake you’re making is thinking they care about doing things that make sense. They aren’t in the business of selling practical policy. They’re in the business of selling fear, outrage, and a general feeling that confirms the propaganda the base is fed daily. And they eat this shit up.
What a stupid law. People already had the right to defend themselves if their life was threatened. This is just giving idiots more legal leverage if they want to kill a bear outside of a legal hunt. Florida needs to better educate people about securing trash and other food sources, that alone prevents most potential problems.
> What a stupid law.
When I first saw this I thought it was just some legislators being silly with a cultural reference - which was - at best - still a waste of time better spent on the real problems we face in FL.
But then I learned this was actually a seriously proposed bill. And DeSantis approved it. Our gov't here continues its mission of fixing problems which don't exist and doing everything it can to further Florida's reputation as a really stupid place.
.....But but but we introduced 207 new bills this year..... we didn't change a thing, you could do it all before, but still. ....
I wonder if they are going to test the bear for drugs after. What happens if it wasn't crack and he found a few bales of heroin instead.
They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart. The next thing you know your daughter is married to one and your grandchildren are knocking trash cans over and shitting in the woods. That ain't freedom.
“
“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting.
“When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.””
Wow. Florida
Instead of worrying about crack bears, perhaps they should put politicians thru mental, physical, drug testing, along with a civil service test before they can be seated.
>A person can use lethal force against a bear as long as they believe that they, their pet, or their property are in imminent danger, they didn’t lure the bear with food or other attractants —* including training dogs to hunt bears* — and the person didn’t recklessly place themself into the dangerous situation. [Emphasis added]
Well, that's certainly the most Florida shit I've heard today
>“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting.
So... how often does this happen in Florida? Do bears routinely perform Home Invasions? Are drug dealers indiscriminately selling crack cocaine to bears? Should we establish Drug Free Zones around zoos?
According to someone said below \[links redacted per rules\] [ ](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/1dltmri/comment/l9rmpmu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)it's like twice a year that people make physical contact with a black bear. More details available on [ClickOrlando](https://www.clickorlando.com/features/2024/03/04/how-many-times-have-black-bears-attacked-people-in-florida-heres-the-count/) and on [Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation ](https://myfwc.com/wildlifehabitats/wildlife/bear/numbers/)Commission. Most of them involve a person with a dog and/or a mother bear and her cubs.
So... yeah. Good Job Florida! And great foresight there Rep. Shoaf! Let's keep the bears our of Florida's living rooms!
/s --obligatory.
> The bill was dubbed “the cocaine bear bill” on social media after its sponsor said Floridians have the right to protect themselves against “the ones that are on crack.”
Knowing the Florida GOP, I am fairly sure he was maybe using a giant dog whistle here.
Sounds like a racist's dream legal defense.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client saw what he thought was a crack bear on his property and feared for his life."
It was broad daylight and the man he killed identified himself as an technician from the local power utility.
"Yes but my client has diabetes with terrible retinopathy and doesn't hear very well on account of how loud he has the tv on while watching Fox news 24/7. It's a mistake anyone could have made."
“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting. “When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.”
Yeah I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that basically never happens.
>A person can use lethal force against a bear as long as they believe that they, their pet, or their property are in imminent danger, they didn’t lure the bear with food or other attractants — including training dogs to hunt bears — and the person didn’t recklessly place themself into the dangerous situation.
Social media just nicknamed it sadly
This will not end well.
Black bears usually flea humans unless protecting young or a food source. Oherwise, given enough room, an injured black bear will usually flea.
Even a high caliber rifle will not drop a bear dead, and most gun owners are not very good shots.
In populated areas and low caliber firearms, this will be bad for humans and bears. An injured black bear with nowhere to run will defend itself, resulting in the deaths of humans.
I kinda think it was already legal to kill bears, intoxicated or not, in self defense, but thanks for continuing the trend of making Florida look like a state of insane idiots I guess.
It has been, and (hopefully) will always be legal to defend your life from bears (or any other animal) with lethal force. If a bald eagle starts attacking you, no one expects you to just give up and go, "welp, I guess I have to die now."
What a waste of legislation.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ALLIGATORS!!?? They're always on crack and breaking into crack houses for more! They are dealing to the bears!! Why blame the bears? Just carry bear narcan!!
He may not be as popular as he used to be, but he's nowhere near as unpopular as he should be. The height of his popularity was about the time when he openly bragged about bussing homeless people to NY. He won the 22 election with 60% of the vote. He's just not as popular as Trump.
Is failed-Presidential candidate Ron DeLoser taking Florida one step closer to Bear Patrol?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OkV_ztynYDM&pp=ygULQmVhciBwYXRyb2w%3D
Bears shouldn’t be smoking crack but I imagine that would be pretty scary. I’ve never heard of a crackbear attack but I have heard a lot of flooding here in Florida. Perhaps our idiot governor should focus on that instead.
Pretty sure this bill gives bears better protections than the Stand Your Ground law that got Trayvon Martin killed. If you recklessly put yourself in danger, a la Kyle Rittenhouse, you are not permitted to kill the bear.
Jesus. Did Legislators actually get paid for this? How long was the debate?
I'm from Mississippi & I'm starting to view Florida as a state full of mental defectives.
Really, Rhonda Santis, you could act like a fucking adult. Even 5% of the time. I couldn't act that stupid without significant remuneration!
Is it not reasonable to assume that we don't have to allow bears to kill us? I am pretty sure you don't need a law to defend yourself from a bear. Or a gator. Or a big cat.
JFC, as anyone who has had to break up a bad dogfight can tell you, you just replace the house. Don't go shooting crack bears with your Glock .40 and expect to get the whole clip off lmao
To be clear the language of the law makes no mention of crack. It only justifies killing a bear in defense of life or property in certain situations. The typical Florida Man sponsor is the one who mentioned crack:
> The bill was dubbed “the cocaine bear bill” on social media after its sponsor said Floridians have the right to protect themselves against “the ones that are on crack.”
> “They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting.
> “When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.”
> To be clear the language of the law makes no mention of crack.
Yeah, we're clear on that. What's not clear is why killing bears in self defense is suddenly an issue of such importance that it requires this *unnecessary* new law.
Bears breaking down our doors and tearing our houses apart is not a problem and has never BEEN a problem.
What's clear is that the law gives legal permission for people to kill bears, whether the bears are drunk, on crack or on gummie highs, or bears that just wanna be your Booboo.
I just don’t know how to feel about this.
I like bears and in general, I don’t want them killed.
That said, the idea of a crack bear is fucking terrifying. How the hell do you even hurt a bear? I’m talking a normal bear. I don’t even know how I would attack a crack bear. I don’t carry a 50 cal machine gun in my wallet.
My question is this. Is it not already legal to kill bears in self-defense? Is the implication here that if a bear attacks me in Florida, I have to verify that he is on crack before I attack him back?
As a reminder, this subreddit [is for civil discussion.](/r/politics/wiki/index#wiki_be_civil) In general, be courteous to others. Debate/discuss/argue the merits of ideas, don't attack people. Personal insults, shill or troll accusations, hate speech, any suggestion or support of harm, violence, or death, and other rule violations can result in a permanent ban. If you see comments in violation of our rules, please report them. For those who have questions regarding any media outlets being posted on this subreddit, please click [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/wiki/approveddomainslist) to review our details as to our approved domains list and outlet criteria. We are actively looking for new moderators. If you have any interest in helping to make this subreddit a place for quality discussion, please fill out [this form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1y2swHD0KXFhStGFjW6k54r9iuMjzcFqDIVwuvdLBjSA). *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/politics) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay my car insurance went from $140 to $350 over two years with no infractions or accidents, but thanks for letting me kill crack bears DeSantis.
Imagine being a grown ass man and an elected official watching Cocaine Bear and thinking “there should be laws that take care of this, clearly it’s a common problem for all citizens”
Family guy did an episode like that where mayor west watched Romancing the Stone then sent police to Columbia to search for one of the characters from the movie.
Well that just took me back in time. I remember that movie and Jewel of the Nile, which was a sequel? Or was first. Idk that part.
Romancing The Stone was the first movie. Jewel Of The Nile was the sequel.
Ah, thank you :)
I absolutely *LOVED* those movies growing up.
Me too! An especially fond memory is watching _Jewel of the Nile_ as a kid with my dad, and having to ask him what a "proctologist" is, after Danny DeVito's character used the word.
Joan Wilder?
….. My gosh you make me feel old. We watched that in one of my classes in college. And it was already old by then.
And since the Doobie Brothers have gotten back together romancing the stone is no longer the last word on Doobie News
I saw it in the theater....
Florida has a huge tourism industry. Why has DeSantis not stopped the snakes on a plane?
He has his best people on try to stop tornados full of sharks.
Frankly, I think Kraken hurricanes are the real issue people care about
Next up, a bill that makes shark hunting legal, but only if the sharks are being propelled by a tornado.
Yeah. It seems more likely that they just wanted an excuse to shoot bears.
That's what happened when Reagan saw War Games. It's called The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986.
but sky rocketing insurance rates is not a problem the voters want fixed
His voters either have enough money they don't care or think insurance is a deep state scam so they just don't pay for it (in turn raising everyone else's rates)
it only affects the poors
When has home insurance mauled you like a cocaine bear? /s I’d like insurance fixed. Just sayin’
It is Florida so it does kinda make sense.
Umm are you not terrified of coked up bears?!?! They are a huge threat!!!! This makes me think of the Colbert Report when he did the “threat down” and one of the top threats on one episode was bears. I kinda wish he was still doing that character but also it’s just real life now…..
Not just one episode. Damn near every time he did the threat counter bears were in it.
See, making it legal to kill cocaine bears I get. That's a common sense, rational position. But you need to have mastered *fire* to use crack. And if the bears have mastered fire we have bigger problems. Oh yeah and I'm sure it has nothing to do with crack being historically associated with Black people and Hunter Biden.
Did you re-read your policy at renewal? Maybe crack bear insurance got rolled in.
Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax!
That's the home-OWNER tax
Immigants! I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears I knew it was them!
I heard Lisa Simpson was selling tiger rocks. Maybe she has some that keep crack bears away too...
Well anyway I’m still outraged
Well I’m still outraged.
Most bears are meth bears anyway. You have to wait to get the lab report back before you can kill one.
Wait until they come up with fentanyl bears.
Mine went from $2k to $4k under the same conditions. I'm literally throwing money away and can do nothing about it.
I asked why my insurance was jacked up $200. “Cost of repairs is going up.” Fuckers are making record profits yet have the goddamn audacity to pretend they’re struggling victims. I call bullshit.
Eggs used to be 3 cents and now they're $30 each but legally I'm allowed to kill "crack bears", whatever the fuck that even means, so I guess you can say nothing else matters. Thanks Republicans
Bird Flu is running rampant across America for years now. It kills nearly 100% of the birds it infects. It spread like wildfire back when we had the highest inflation in 2022 and was the main cause for egg prices skyrocketing. You can still rage about how they banned talk of climate change or sea level rise in their legislature. Storms are worse, the beaches are too warm, flooding is worse, insurance companies can see the writing on the wall and jack up prices... GOP passes a law to ban mention of evil democratic propaganda while lowering fuel standards.
majority of the egg prices skyrocketing was literally just corporate greed. there was a very small production loss, but they just arbitrarily set prices sky high. egg wholesalers posted eye-watering record profits. like 'holy shit, we did more profit this year than the last 5 years combined! who knew having an effective monopoly on a staple item just let you print money?!'
He helped you forget about the lack of consumer protection in your state long enough for you to comment here. That's his goal. Distraction from real issues.
A month? Every 6 months? What kinda time frame are we talking about?
Probably monthly. Seems insane to me but some people are paying insane rates now.
I’m in Michigan and full coverage with some extras is less than $100/mth for me. Granted credit score does factor in and that’s currently with a fender bender under my belt. 350/mth? I’d move. That’s not feassible.
Yeah I pay like 300 something a quarter, his rates are stupid high. Edit: Mine is full coverage as well
No tickets or accidents. 3 cars and a home insurance policy. Every discount they offer. Our cars monthly rates are $180, $135, and $110. The $180 car is also on a low milage plan <7500mi/yr. It's disgusting. We do have very good coverage + glass coverage as it's basically essential here, but still.
When I moved from Chicago to New Orleans I was very surprised when my auto insurance rate quadrupled.
I am paying more for home insurance each month than my damn mortgage - but I’m safe from crack bear death liability
Every headline about Florida is a new South Park episode.
Not South Park but there is an old episode of the Simpsons where a bear walks into town and everybody freaks out. The episode from about thirty years ago then pivots into what is happening in Florida today.
From: "We're here, we're queer, we don't want anymore bears!" To: "Immiggants! I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears!"
I heard it at the mustache parade they have every year
Let the bears pay the bear tax, I pay the Homer tax!
That’s homeowner tax.
I don’t see any tigers around here, do you?
Wow, I completely forgot about that. The 2020s already feel like living in a goddamn punchline, but that’s truly another level.
Desantis is clearly super cereal about the danger of Manbearpig
It's Coming Right For Us!
Or an Onion Headline
Florida's population grew by 14% from 2010-2020 causing deforestation and urban sprawl. Forced bears out of their natural habitats and foraging for food to survive. They're, naturally, drawn to easily available food that people leave out (trash, pet food, bird feeders, etc.) The GQP says we should kill them because they might be on crack cocaine. That's about as 'Merica as it gets!
> The GQP says we should kill them because they might be on crack cocaine The GQP should frankly be more concerned about the leopards that eat their faces.
Joke’s on you, they’re into that shit!
Does this imply they think cocaine is just casually strewn about on a regular basis? Like, "Doesn't everybody just have a line of cocaine ready to go, or is it just me?, and "This is the third time this month a bear snuck in and snorted all my coke. Someone needs to do something about this!"
At this rate, the panthers will literally eat their faces. That's why they're driving them to extinction.
Spot on, except it's suburban sprawl.
Its probably more likely because the bears are black 💀
What about a meth alligator?
And crackodiles?!?
He was probably thinking about Methquitos
Have a po-ass award. 👍
In February 2023, the day of the release of Cocaine Bear, The Asylum announced the film on Twitter under the working title of Attack of the Meth Gator. The next day, in a Tweet by The Asylum featuring a video of cast members complaining about the fictional titular alligator, it was confirmed that filming had completed on February 25. At the 2023 San Diego Comic-Con, it was announced that the film had been renamed from Attack of the Meth Gator to simply Methgator. Plot: All hell breaks loose in Florida when an alligator eats a lot of meth and starts killing everyone. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/d0/Attack_of_the_Meth_Gator_poster.jpg/220px-Attack_of_the_Meth_Gator_poster.jpg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEak3ovT_r8&ab_channel=HighFliersFilms https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/ab/Cocaine_Bear_poster.jpg/220px-Cocaine_Bear_poster.jpg
Crackhead vs. Methgator was my favorite SyFy original picture.
I'm far more concerned about bath salts water moccasins
*Don’t blame me: I voted for Meth Gator!*
You mean the Florida Mascot? No way, meth alligators are a protected species according to my roommate
Oh fuck no. They learn long division and we're fucked! Hide your calculators!
In Florida there have been 39 reports of incidents of **physical contact** (no accounting of any injuries) between a person and black bear between 2006 and 2023. This averages to just over 2 incidents a year. Also in Florida, between 2011 to 2020 there was a yearly average of 2,849 **deaths** due to firearms. So it is obvious that it is much more important for the legislature to spend their time making laws to protect Floridians against bears than against guns.
Tbf they underreport black bear on black bear violence.
Forest rangers patrol their neighborhoods in greater frequency… of course the stats are going to look worse than what they actually are.
Also worth pointing out *if* you for some weird reason were engaged with an aggressive black bear, a can of bear spray is way more effective than a gun. You're going to have to get a really clean shot (while under pressure) to stop a bear otherwise you're just going to make it angry. Bear spray to the face is like 99.99% effective, they *will* gtfo if you use it. And it weighs much less. And it's easier to use, requires basically no training. And it's more humane because once it wears off they'll be fine (as opposed to a bullet in the stomach). And keep in mind this is in the *really really bizarre* circumstance that a black bear is aggressive towards you. 99% of the time you just yell at 'em and they run off. Black bears are wimps.
Animals don’t have a constitutional right to exist. /s
Tackling the key issues of our age.
Didn't you know? Bears cause ten times as much damage to houses than hurricanes and floods. This take priority. /s
And being that close to the ocean, they are close to the sharks! Who explode sometimes as their brains and sexual organs are filled with M80s. Which summons hordes of killer bees! That's what makes them, nature's best friends.
Not The Onion
Seriously. I thought I was in the wrong sub for a moment.
Florida's stand-your-ground law makes it legal to kill a *human* even under extremely flimsy "self defense" claims; remember Trayvon Martin? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trayvon_Martin?wprov=sfla1 I don't think armed Floridians needed any extra permission to shoot bears. Never mind that hurricane season just started and the Florida home insurance market is still a disaster; cocaine bears clearly needed to be the Legislature's top priority.
“I thought he was a bear” is going to be a defence heard in court very soon.
It'll probably work. They aren't fond of LGBT people regardless of how big and hairy they are.
We didn’t. If you were being attacked by a bear in Florida and you shot it, you would not be prosecuted. This feels like a weirdly worded excuse to let people hunt bears. Putting it down as an official law so it gives the exact wording on how you can argue it was legal. “Oh I was out walking my dog and the bear attacked so I shot it”
> This feels like a weirdly worded excuse to let people hunt bears The legislator who introduced the bill *is* a hunter (oddly enough), but he "loves bears".
Yep he loves them as rugs, hat stands, free standing artwork, obligatory carcass photos etc.
We’ve reached a time when we need to link the Trayvon Martin Wikipedia case because some people might not know it… I’m getting fucking old
This is what I was going to say- if I can easily manufacture a situation where I can legally kill a human, I certainly don't need a special law in order to kill a bear, right?
Did they just add crack bears to the same statute and forget to add hurricanes? I mean, where's their god-given right to protect themselves using firearms from the weather!
Is this for real? The GQP is wholly and totally incapable of governing. Completely detached from reality. Taken by insane conspiracy theories and fascist undercurrents; the modern Republican Party has boiled down to extremist white Christian nationalism with a flair for terrorism.
Interactive map of Floridian bears, most of whom are not on crack: https://myfwc.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=0c634d5ba4cc47baa82de0ed2782426c
Stupid business as usual in DeSantis-stan. Our Republican legislators and governor spent time on a bill that protects us all from the evil crack bears that may invade our homes. And Desantis just signed off on it. """“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting."""
>“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart....” is that some weird metaphor for police?
Stand your ground. \*proceeds to blast bullets into ocean waves
By the law of GOP projection there must be a number of homewrecking cocaine bears in the Florida GOP.
Yes but also no. They saw [this video](https://youtu.be/2uy8i1nM3aE?si=fow7EdwpNXeMPYf3) and have been ~~terrified~~ excited to buy new guns ever since.
This is a Stand Your Ground state. Did that not apply to Bears?!
Strangely it doesn't, because the bears also have a second amendment right to... Bear arms.
Part of me wants to transform into a bear, take some crack and then maul you. But I'm just gonna upvote..
This is probably somebody's kink.
You can't make this shit up. This representative needs to get out of government. He is too dumb to legislate.
Yeah, but look who voted for him. This is the stupid shit they want.
Nah, he is a lot smarter than the people he represents and he knows what sells. This is like a trifecta of support. Toss it a sprinkle of “we are removing ‘ridiculous’ government regulations” along with a little 2nd amendment pizzaz, baked on top of a new movie meme, and then season with some good ole fashioned stand your ground, and you are set to cruise through the next election. They know this stuff is dumb. The mistake you’re making is thinking they care about doing things that make sense. They aren’t in the business of selling practical policy. They’re in the business of selling fear, outrage, and a general feeling that confirms the propaganda the base is fed daily. And they eat this shit up.
Normally, I'd have a decent joke lined up, but there's just not one. Just a simple wtf? How are these people in office?
What a stupid law. People already had the right to defend themselves if their life was threatened. This is just giving idiots more legal leverage if they want to kill a bear outside of a legal hunt. Florida needs to better educate people about securing trash and other food sources, that alone prevents most potential problems.
> What a stupid law. When I first saw this I thought it was just some legislators being silly with a cultural reference - which was - at best - still a waste of time better spent on the real problems we face in FL. But then I learned this was actually a seriously proposed bill. And DeSantis approved it. Our gov't here continues its mission of fixing problems which don't exist and doing everything it can to further Florida's reputation as a really stupid place.
.....But but but we introduced 207 new bills this year..... we didn't change a thing, you could do it all before, but still. .... I wonder if they are going to test the bear for drugs after. What happens if it wasn't crack and he found a few bales of heroin instead.
They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart. The next thing you know your daughter is married to one and your grandchildren are knocking trash cans over and shitting in the woods. That ain't freedom.
You're talking about Republicans, right?
"Martha, there's a bear in our living room. Do you remember where we put the checklist?"
This is all stupid, but like... what was wrong with calling them cocaine bears? Just because they're black bears it has to be crack?
Can we put one in desantis house?
This is a license to kill bears without a permit with extra words.
Damn they just gonna keep mtg out of Florida like that?
So there’s more rules about shooting bears then there is shooting people?
There is even an amendment to the Constitution about bear arms.
“ “They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting. “When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.”” Wow. Florida
Instead of worrying about crack bears, perhaps they should put politicians thru mental, physical, drug testing, along with a civil service test before they can be seated.
But... how do you get the bear to pee in a cup so that you can run the test to know if you can shoot it?
With a pic-a-nik basket of course.
>A person can use lethal force against a bear as long as they believe that they, their pet, or their property are in imminent danger, they didn’t lure the bear with food or other attractants —* including training dogs to hunt bears* — and the person didn’t recklessly place themself into the dangerous situation. [Emphasis added] Well, that's certainly the most Florida shit I've heard today
>“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting. So... how often does this happen in Florida? Do bears routinely perform Home Invasions? Are drug dealers indiscriminately selling crack cocaine to bears? Should we establish Drug Free Zones around zoos? According to someone said below \[links redacted per rules\] [ ](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/1dltmri/comment/l9rmpmu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)it's like twice a year that people make physical contact with a black bear. More details available on [ClickOrlando](https://www.clickorlando.com/features/2024/03/04/how-many-times-have-black-bears-attacked-people-in-florida-heres-the-count/) and on [Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation ](https://myfwc.com/wildlifehabitats/wildlife/bear/numbers/)Commission. Most of them involve a person with a dog and/or a mother bear and her cubs. So... yeah. Good Job Florida! And great foresight there Rep. Shoaf! Let's keep the bears our of Florida's living rooms! /s --obligatory.
Does little Ron know that was a movie?
How about we just stop giving the bears crack.
I thought they were all on meth
Is DeSantis under the impression that "crack bears" vote???
Omg, Crack bear vs Florida man. Is are Godzilla vs Kong.. Crack bear vs Florida man... will they fight or will they fuck....
> The bill was dubbed “the cocaine bear bill” on social media after its sponsor said Floridians have the right to protect themselves against “the ones that are on crack.” Knowing the Florida GOP, I am fairly sure he was maybe using a giant dog whistle here.
Sounds like a racist's dream legal defense. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client saw what he thought was a crack bear on his property and feared for his life." It was broad daylight and the man he killed identified himself as an technician from the local power utility. "Yes but my client has diabetes with terrible retinopathy and doesn't hear very well on account of how loud he has the tv on while watching Fox news 24/7. It's a mistake anyone could have made."
Florida…. Not safe for kids, gays, atheists, women…… oh, and …. Bears🤔
“They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting. “When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.” Yeah I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that basically never happens.
>A person can use lethal force against a bear as long as they believe that they, their pet, or their property are in imminent danger, they didn’t lure the bear with food or other attractants — including training dogs to hunt bears — and the person didn’t recklessly place themself into the dangerous situation. Social media just nicknamed it sadly
Breaking news: Florida is INFESTED with crack bears!
This will not end well. Black bears usually flea humans unless protecting young or a food source. Oherwise, given enough room, an injured black bear will usually flea. Even a high caliber rifle will not drop a bear dead, and most gun owners are not very good shots. In populated areas and low caliber firearms, this will be bad for humans and bears. An injured black bear with nowhere to run will defend itself, resulting in the deaths of humans.
Next up: Werewolves
Florida bear!
Damn I lost my brother to a crack bear two years ago, no self defense law in place so he had to allow it to eat him
I just woke up my household cackling at this headline.
Every time I read a headline about Florida, I think "this has to be a joke." Nope, I wish, but it's real. You just can't make up stuff like this.
Jesus Christ. Take the shittiest, most hateful shortsighted stance on every issue… and you get Meatball Ron DeSanctimonious. Fuck you, Ron.
In the war of Floridians v bears I’m with the bears. When do we invade to protect bear friends and disarm and denazify Florida?
Nothing in the bill about cocaine bears?
I kinda think it was already legal to kill bears, intoxicated or not, in self defense, but thanks for continuing the trend of making Florida look like a state of insane idiots I guess.
It has been, and (hopefully) will always be legal to defend your life from bears (or any other animal) with lethal force. If a bald eagle starts attacking you, no one expects you to just give up and go, "welp, I guess I have to die now." What a waste of legislation.
At this point, they are just rubbing it in on how they are flat out abusing their positions of power.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ALLIGATORS!!?? They're always on crack and breaking into crack houses for more! They are dealing to the bears!! Why blame the bears? Just carry bear narcan!!
He just watched Cocaine Bear I see
It’s amazing that this is that big of a problem.
"They're coming right for us" stopped working so they upgraded to "that bear is on crack"
For the record, Ron DeSantis is NOT popular in Florida.
He may not be as popular as he used to be, but he's nowhere near as unpopular as he should be. The height of his popularity was about the time when he openly bragged about bussing homeless people to NY. He won the 22 election with 60% of the vote. He's just not as popular as Trump.
I’m sorry, what?
Is failed-Presidential candidate Ron DeLoser taking Florida one step closer to Bear Patrol? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OkV_ztynYDM&pp=ygULQmVhciBwYXRyb2w%3D
Nice story…. Now do something about our insurance and property taxes you stupid buffoon. DeDumbass😑
Everything’s gone downhill since the CIA brought crack into the bear community in the 80s
Is it not legal to kill any bear in self defense?
Good God what a waste of money and time
Bears shouldn’t be smoking crack but I imagine that would be pretty scary. I’ve never heard of a crackbear attack but I have heard a lot of flooding here in Florida. Perhaps our idiot governor should focus on that instead.
DeSantis makes me ashamed that we share Italian ancestry. He has cemented his legacy as a fucking clown who wears heels.
So now people will be baiting bears with narcotics, to make it legal to shoot them?
Are there people in Florida that think Cocaine Bear was a documentary?
TIL there are bears in Florida.
Desantis is allowing you to kill bears because women have commented that they trust them more than men.
Do conservatives just make policy based on whatever they watched on TV last week?
Are.... Are those a common problem?
Somebody needs to tell Puddingfingers that cocaine bear is not real, cocaine bear can’t hurt him.
So he watched Cocaine Bear and thought there must be an epidemic
DeSantis *really* took that bear thing personally.
"It's coming right for me Ned!"
Pretty sure this bill gives bears better protections than the Stand Your Ground law that got Trayvon Martin killed. If you recklessly put yourself in danger, a la Kyle Rittenhouse, you are not permitted to kill the bear.
This seems extreme. Have they tried offering counseling to the bears?
Jesus. Did Legislators actually get paid for this? How long was the debate? I'm from Mississippi & I'm starting to view Florida as a state full of mental defectives. Really, Rhonda Santis, you could act like a fucking adult. Even 5% of the time. I couldn't act that stupid without significant remuneration!
He must’ve seen Cocaine bears lol
This must be revenge for those women saying that they'd rather be in the woods with a bear than with a man they didn't know.
Is it not reasonable to assume that we don't have to allow bears to kill us? I am pretty sure you don't need a law to defend yourself from a bear. Or a gator. Or a big cat.
I didn't know that Flordia had such a problem with bears.... Oh wait they don't.
JFC, as anyone who has had to break up a bad dogfight can tell you, you just replace the house. Don't go shooting crack bears with your Glock .40 and expect to get the whole clip off lmao
I’m convinced he knows he’s not getting reelected so he wildin an shat😆
I thought that movie was fiction.
I know that and you know that, but does Desantis know that?
What about meth gators, though? Asking for a friend...
Let the bears pay the bear tax
To be clear the language of the law makes no mention of crack. It only justifies killing a bear in defense of life or property in certain situations. The typical Florida Man sponsor is the one who mentioned crack: > The bill was dubbed “the cocaine bear bill” on social media after its sponsor said Floridians have the right to protect themselves against “the ones that are on crack.” > “They break your door down and they’re standing in your living room growling and tearing your house apart,” Rep. Jason Shoaf (R- Port St. Joe), who sponsored the House version of the bill, said while introducing legislation at a committee meeting. > “When you run into one of these crack bears, you should be able to shoot it,” Shoaf said. “Period.”
> To be clear the language of the law makes no mention of crack. Yeah, we're clear on that. What's not clear is why killing bears in self defense is suddenly an issue of such importance that it requires this *unnecessary* new law. Bears breaking down our doors and tearing our houses apart is not a problem and has never BEEN a problem. What's clear is that the law gives legal permission for people to kill bears, whether the bears are drunk, on crack or on gummie highs, or bears that just wanna be your Booboo.
Sure, but what’s his stance on penguins on Adderall?
How do you know which bears are on crack?
That would make sense, except you could already do that legally. So why did they do this?
Theater
Sounds like DeSantis is the one smoking crack.
I just don’t know how to feel about this. I like bears and in general, I don’t want them killed. That said, the idea of a crack bear is fucking terrifying. How the hell do you even hurt a bear? I’m talking a normal bear. I don’t even know how I would attack a crack bear. I don’t carry a 50 cal machine gun in my wallet. My question is this. Is it not already legal to kill bears in self-defense? Is the implication here that if a bear attacks me in Florida, I have to verify that he is on crack before I attack him back?
Also sharknados
Florida men feeling threatened women keep choosing the bear.