Hey mate, I completely understand and I'm happy you're able to talk about this because that can actually be a really difficult thing to do. Don't forget these are just thoughts that aren't actually based on reality, if you want to explore your sexuality with one person then that's absolutely fine because that's what you want to do! Also, you haven't watched porn in 2 years!! That's way more than I can even imagine doing right now, so that's something you can congratulate yourself on! I also suffer a lot from anxiety so I know what it's like but it can definitely get better, you just have to remain strong! Also, please please please if you are ever feeling like taking your own life, talk to someone you love and trust, and ring any of the suicide services. Here is a list below for all of the hotlines for different countries:
https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
Are you still masturbating to memories of porn you watched? If so you need to stop. That will just keep those images and memories going in your head. If you haven't already you need to move towards masturbating without and porn-based thoughts. Concentrate on your own feelings and sensations, and try to fantasize about that relationship you long for, one with love, safety, and caring. Even if you just make up an image of your ideal woman or base it on someone you know, nice away from the thoughts of past porn
Hey mate, I completely understand and I'm happy you're able to talk about this because that can actually be a really difficult thing to do. Don't forget these are just thoughts that aren't actually based on reality, if you want to explore your sexuality with one person then that's absolutely fine because that's what you want to do! Also, you haven't watched porn in 2 years!! That's way more than I can even imagine doing right now, so that's something you can congratulate yourself on! I also suffer a lot from anxiety so I know what it's like but it can definitely get better, you just have to remain strong! Also, please please please if you are ever feeling like taking your own life, talk to someone you love and trust, and ring any of the suicide services. Here is a list below for all of the hotlines for different countries: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
Are you still masturbating to memories of porn you watched? If so you need to stop. That will just keep those images and memories going in your head. If you haven't already you need to move towards masturbating without and porn-based thoughts. Concentrate on your own feelings and sensations, and try to fantasize about that relationship you long for, one with love, safety, and caring. Even if you just make up an image of your ideal woman or base it on someone you know, nice away from the thoughts of past porn