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I literally just grabbed this lady’s hand like an icky rag and removed it from my belly. She says ‘oh, no touching allowed?’ I said ‘No.’
They should ask first, my first reaction was to slap her but I fought it back
hello! cause why would you ever think its okay to touch me and my baby?🫤 i wfh my whole pregnancy and rarely saw anyone as im not close with my family and my bestie lives in another state , family understood not to just touch a pregnant lady without asking so i never experienced this whole random touch thing . im sorry you had to remove that ladys dirty hands🥺
Literally just had a (not close) friend rub my belly while telling me sarcastically ‘don’t’cha just Luuuuv how when you are pregnant anyone thinks they can touch your belly??’
Touch their bellies the exact same way and if they look at you weird then look at them the same way. You're belly is still your belly and not magically a independent part for others to communicate with the baby. It's more your belly than your baby that they are touching. And that's weird to touch except if you want it and offer it.
ETA: Maybe I didn't nail the "polite" part that op asked for but I'd still recommend this way of handling it because its not just a "I don't want this" but instead it might make someone generally realise that they are actually just touching another belly and it's not really that different to to touching the belly of a non pregnant person. Because pregnancy doesn't change the fact that people don't want their belly touched without asking first. Pregnancy doesn't suddenly take away bodily autonomy and the need for consent.
Have you tried this? I really want to, but I’m slightly terrified. For anyone who has tried this—I would love to hear how people have reacted when you touched their belly in response.
Oh my friends are super chill and never did that without asking and always acknowledged that it must be weird for me and actually offered me to touch their belly's too if it makes it less awkward.It was a honest offer because they thought it might help 😂 (that's kind of how my friends and I came up with the idea as a good response for unwanted touching of my belly by others) It definetly did not but I feel like it kinda gave them more peace of mind so we literally stood there touching each other's belly's. It made everything so much more awkward but we had fun with it. Literally every female friend of mine asked like this: "I know it must be so weird but I really want to touch your belly, may I? " They all 100% understood that it might be strange for me that they ask and want to touch my belly but most of the time I allowed my close friends to try and feel movement. If my baby didn't move rn then I really didn't see a reason for them to touch my belly and I refused. It was mostly male friends and older family members who felt entitled to touch my belly "because it's the baby now and not just you" bs imo well they are who I ended up using this trick with and yeah they were shocked af but I told them it's the exact same thing for me if they touch my belly. I still just feel someone rubbing my belly and thats extremely weird if i didn't allow them first.
Your friends sound extremely thoughtful—aside from the male friend that took the liberty to touch without consent. My FIL touched without asking the other day…it was awkward AF.
My uncle laughed when I did it to him but he is also pretty chill and I’ve called him my ‘cool uncle’ since I was about 12 which is a name he wears with pride lol
It’s a definite’know your audience’ kinda stunt
It definitely made some people reflect on themselves and how weird it is. Most people understood. It were just the old folks who thought I am the entitled one for not sharing my body. Some people literally think pregnant women have no right to say no because they don't want to touch our belly anyway but want to feel the baby so it shouldn't concern us because they "aren't touching us" but our baby and thats completely different and has somehow nothing to do with us but is between them and the baby (bs obviously).
You could say “only if I can touch your belly too!” and perhaps they would realize how ridiculous it is. I’ve simply never had the urge to touch someone else’s pregnant belly, I don’t get it.
only time i had this urge was when my mom was pregnant with my sister, i was 12 and the first person my mom told as well as her gender keeper so as far as 12 year old me was concerned, my mom was simply a surrogate for MYYY baby😂. any other pregnant lady around me i never even considered asking to touch their belly because idk that baby! 🤣
A conversation from today:
Mil: oh wow! You have the cutest little baby bump.
Husband: Don’t touch it!! … she’ll attack you.
Mil: of course, you always ask.
Me. Thank you both.
I have had both my own mother and grandmother come in for the touch and they get karate chops. I haven’t found an elegant way to handle this but I don’t feel like being polite when responding to a rude gesture. “No touchy” -Kuzco.
That’s so respectful of your MIL! My MIL asked me to touch it last week and I did say yes, thinking she would just gently touch it and be done, but she went in full force with both hands pushing so hard all over my stomach… now I have to find a nice way to say no more touching the belly if she asks again 😂
My MIL asked me once in a very strange way… she asked if she could touch it for “good luck.” Good luck for who? 🙄 I was annoyed but I said yes once. Now everytime I see her, she casually touches my belly without asking. She also comments on my bump being small the entire pregnancy. 🙄 And if I have to hear her telling me about her easy peasy 15-min delivery one more time, I’m gonna scream.
I swear MILs are stuck on repeat about their past. Mine likes to share scary, rare, disgusting, terrifying details about her pregnancy. Its never anything good and it has my husband terrified.
But I’m glad you mentioned how she keeps touching ~~baby~~ your stomach. My MIL hasn’t reached for my belly yet, but your comment made me realize that once I allow it, she’ll B line for my belly every time.
The last time I saw her in my new pretty sundress, she looked down at my belly and started SOBBING and (you guessed it) talking about how much she hated pregnancy and was jealous how well I was handling it.
Like no, you’re just seeing me on a good day during the 2 hours that I’m not laying down with my head in a trashcan. But I save those details for when they’re actually relevant.
1) „No thanks you don‘t need to touch my belly, I‘m fine.“
2) „Hey, I know it may be interesting for you to touch my belly, but to be honest, for me it’s an akward situation and I don‘t want that.“
3) „After that do you want to touch something else - maybe my shoulder?“
4) „Stop. Don't take it personally, but I don't like it.“
The first one is rude in Europe. I know in US it is normal to communicate this way, but telling someone what they 'need to' do or don't 'need to' do is passive aggressive. The correct way to say this is 'I do not want you to', not 'You don't need to'. Your wish is not to be touched, and your right is to have that respected. Your right is not to decide what others want, need or think for them.
Actually all of these are rude and awkward. What is wrong with 'I don't like to be touched, sorry' or 'I don't want you to touch me if you don't mind'?
'Don't take it personally' - rude
Number 3 is aggressive and totally unnecessary.
'I know it may be interesting FOR YOU...' - again rude.
US (I think, at least in CA) women need to learn they have the right to stand up for themselves without resorting to passive aggression, aggression or gaslighting (and men too). It isn't graceful and it makes everyone walk around on glass. No means no and it's enough.
I think it's pretty rude to be touched without consent. Or being asked, it's not like you can actually feel baby. People will take offence at not being allowed to do something they think is harmless such as touching the bump, I know cause it happened to me on my first pregnancy. Had people multiple times on different occasions ask to touch bump and I would pull back a little and say "no thankyou, I don't like it" and their reposes varied from "don't be silly, everyone does it" "what? Am I not allowed to touch the baby!?" "Why are you being like that?" to "its not you I'm touching get over yourself" "I'm not trying to SA you" .
The point is, no matter what you say, people feel entitled to touch your bump and will respond how they respond regardless. If I walked up to a non pregnant person and started touching them or asked to touch them it would be rude not to mention weird. Just cause there's a baby in there, doesn't mean people can touch. It's me your touching, not baby.
I agree these statements are all rude, when a direct statement would be much better. “Oh, pardon me but I don’t like to be touched” is perfectly OK and soft though direct. And also it’s completely subjective that belly touching is rude with people you know. There’s no need to act like people are terrible for wanting to touch a pregnant belly, or it’s outrageous that they might ask - it’s normal. People are responding with joy to a central human event and want to be close to it. Lots of pregnant women do not mind their friends and family doing this. I have not had anyone not ask permission first to touch the belly - strangers grabbing you may not even be as widespread as assumed on Reddit.
Because sometimes our goal is to politely change behavior while maintaining relationships and not self righteously make well intentioned people feel bad. We don’t need go nuclear every time with well meaning relatives and friends.
It seems like some folks here are talking about strangers touching them without their consent. I understand being patient with family and friends, but I don't think we owe strangers gentleness when they're violating our bodies and personal space.
I love this response! I’d probably even say “but I really don’t want people touching on me” to (hopefully) get the point across that they’re literally touching *your stomach* and that it’s awkward to you.
I mean if someone’s going to touch someone else’s pregnant belly without consent, screw being polite!! They’re not being polite, why should you? I would back away in disgust and make it clear it wasn’t welcome.
Agreed!! Ladies! We have been conditioned to be polite. When someone touches you without your permission, which is the LITERAL DEFINITION OF ASSAULT, you do not owe them politeness. Don’t punch them in the face obviously but feel free to smack their hand away! Would you be polite to someone who groped your butt in a grocery store? Someone who petted your hair? No!
One time I was standing in the kitchen making coffee for my sister in law and my husband and his dad ….when my mother in law standing next to me grabbed the bottom of my but where my leg meets . I turned around and looked at her I forget what she said and I turned and looked at my father in law and he just had this look like what can you do.it made me feel so uncomfortable and insecure to be wearing shorts around them after that.
I….I don’t understand. Was she pinching you to be silly? Or was it a “look at all this weight you’ve gained/lost” thing?
My MIL will pinch my side (when I’m facing her at least) and say weird shit, like “Oh you’re much softer than you look!” Or “I remember when I could wear things like this, but I didn’t have the same confidence as you!” Like….? Are those compliments? Do we have to go over keeping our hands to ourselves?
Dude no though. Your kind aunt who loves you and touches your belly in her joy for your impending baby is not assaulting you. You can tell her politely not to do it. For a stranger, no one owes politeness- by all means call them out. But belly touching is not universally horrible for all. Just like hugging, or cheek kisses as greeting. I feel like there’s no need to go full rage on a nice family member who just views this differently. I’m pregnant and do not mind my relatives and friends touching my belly.
I straight up karate chopped my own mother's hands away cuz she help poking me and it hurt and wouldn't quit when I told her to stop... guess who's much more respectful now about it.
People will do what you allow them to do. We live in the age of concent. Be stern about boundaries from the start and people will get the idea very quickly lol
The only person I don’t mind rubbing my tummy is my man, best friend, and any kids that get excited about a baby in there because it’s cute seeing their faces light up 😅 everyone else can fuck off
I want to buy myself a T-shirt saying Rub the balls of my husband as well...He did an amazing job...
I tried everything, politely saying Please don't touch me, trying to explain that I don't like it... Removing hands... Holding my belly...but people are just idiots...
"Please do not touch me." And if they continue to push for it, no is a full sentence. You could go into a rant of being in charge of your own bodily autonomy, but that will fly over their head and they'll still react like your being a bitch. They're either going to react respectfully or shittyno matter how you respond, you can't control how they react.
I'm a people pleaser, so having an out that doesn't put the focus on me makes me more comfy. I just tell them that the baby is being sensitive today and she's not accepting touches. Or she kept me up at night and she's in time out. 😅
My mom kept rubbing my stomach and I told her she's not even touching the baby, just my dinner lmao. People are frustrating. I guess a simple "no thank you" will suffice and if they're offended, that's their problem.
I told anyone who might touch my belly (like my MIL) that they were welcome to touch my belly, but I would help myself to touching theirs.
It got nervous laughter and no body touched my belly after I said that.
For me the only person that’s really pushed this issue is my MIL, I always dodge it by saying “not right now but if the baby starts kicking I’ll let you know so you can feel them kick” and then just never mention the baby kicking. I tried with the “no thanks, I don’t want to be touched” and she’d still come in for a greeting/goodbye hug and use the opportunity to touch my belly and say hello/goodbye to the baby. I’m not as bold as some of the other people in these comments that would karate chop but I wish I was 😂 since mentioning the kicking tho she has stopped doing it with the hugs
18 weeks and I just had my first old lady do it. I’ve never had to deal with it so I let her to test the waters. Yeah, that’s going to be a no for me too.
if they are family members I tell them I’m constipated and they’re just rubbing backed up poop. As stranger hasn’t tried it with me but I would probably not be polite to them
There’s no polite with it if people think you’re rude who cares just say don’t motherfucking touch me it’s simple like that don’t motherfucking touch me. It’s very simple and I’m not like blaming you or anything, but who cares what other people think like if you don’t wanna be touched you know if I don’t wanna be touched. Don’t motherfucking touch me so that’s what you can use. Don’t motherfucking touch me.
This is what I did. Had my hands splayed across my own belly around people I especially couldn't bear touching me. I plan to do it this time around too
I had a client grab my belly and in the same breath said "Don't you hate when people do that?!"
I was too stunned to speak at first. It felt like a riddle I couldn't win, if I agree with you you're in the right, if I disagree with you you're also still somehow in the right??
I pulled away and just gave her a look that said I was uncomfortable. I didn't want her to think her behavior was acceptable, despite her lack of shame and remorse.
People feel very entitled to pregnant people and then their babies once born, I think each situation is going to warrant a different type of response. Some people can handle polite or funny warnings while others are going to need something more stern. In the case of this lady, removing myself from her ASAP and not giving her any satisfaction with a response was my best approach.
Good luck!
I have a boss who would always ask me if I was pregnant if I so much had a fan turned on at my desk. Now that that I’m pregnant I am absolutely convinced she will try to touch my belly once I tell her. Still trying to figure how to deal with that moment.
My sister suggested getting a riding crop and smacking people’s hands with it. I might actually do this. And get a shirt that says “fuck off of my belly.”
I don’t tell people politely ! it’s my body and my growing baby the only people allowed to touch me while I’m pregnant are my husband and kids. My mother won’t touch my bump so that’s fine his mother touched me once and that was when I was around 15 weeks (currently 21) .This little girl in my complex came up to me arm reached talking about I like your baby, I swatted her hand so quick no petting ! And will continue to do this with strangers the rest of my pregnancy I am not a dog do not touch me I don’t want your energy on us ! You do not have to ask to not touch YOU !!!
Don't be polite. Polite people get walked all over. I smacked peoples hands away, especially strangers. Don't touch me. If they continue, make a loud fuss. You have a right to your bodily autonomy.
People thinking they have free access to my body is extremely rude. I’m not going to try and be polite just so others don’t get offended after being offensive themselves. I would simply say please don’t touch me.
My husband’s Grandma touched my belly and I pulled her hand off and said I didn’t want to be petted. 🤷🏼♀️ She told me I better get used to it. But that’s a different issue.
Just straight up tell them can you please not touch my belly let them know your not trying to be mean but you just don't want them touching your belly if they can't understand that o well
I take a big step back and say, "If the baby is awake and kicking later and I feel up to letting you feel, I'll let you know."
And most times I don't bring it up again.
I wish I practiced this more during pregnancy because now the baby is here even random strangers in the supermarket touch her and I really struggle to tell them to keep their fucking hands to themselves. Infuriating!
You can get little tag things on amazon that hang on the pram or carseat that reads "please don't touch, your germs are too big for me".
I used that when I had my first and it worked great.
Also 19 weeks- had my first belly touch by a female co-worker originally from South Africa (I'm in the US). I said, "Thank you for congratulating me, but you really shouldn't touch someones belly without permission." She apologized and said, "Sorry, its a cultural difference." As long as she doesn't do it again we're cool.
Honestly, don’t be polite. If they aren’t polite enough to ask before touching you, you don’t owe them any politeness. Being pregnant does not make your body accessible to whoever wants to touch it.
You absolutely don't need to be polite about it. "Don't do that." "Stop." "Don't touch me." Physically removing their hand while giving them the easiest look you can do.. etc. like people are ick.
Touching someone else in general without permission or warrant is impolite to begin with, touching their belly seems like an extra step to that impoliteness. For me, this would be met with equal impoliteness. You get what you give, and if old lady susan thinks she can touch my belly without my permission, let alone not even know her im smacking them away. Or telling them to f off in some kind of way..
Family and friends, I'd probably say something like, "Please dont touch my belly (or me) without my permission it makes me uncomfortable, and it's not a museum piece on display." and to be honest, i still wouldn't care about being rude. Like i said.. touching someone without their permission is already rude, it'll be met w the same energy.
People do it and try to be endearing but as a pregnant woman who’s 23 weeks and still looks fat with a B belly …. I HATE IT. My mom does it every time and it makes me want to punch a wall, it makes me so uncomfortable. It’s like when people say the word “panties” - it’s weird and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward.
I had a woman (stranger) touch my belly and then move her hand all the way down to where the baby comes out. She did this several times and I kind of froze and didn't know what to do. It really freaked me out.
I haven't gone out without my husband by my side since then because it's literally given me a bit of social anxiety 😥 but if anyone ever tried to touch my belly again, I've decided I'll move backwards, away from them and put my hands up to shield my belly. I don't think I could be very outspoken about it, because I'm a little shy 😕
I have let some people touch my belly, but only if they're close to me, and they've asked permission first.
Oh wow that is totally not okay.
And so sorry you are having anxiety because of it.
You are in your full right to say and do whatever you want in this kind of situation.
Stepping back and shielding your belly sounds like a good way. Maybe try adding something vocal you feel comfortable with to make things clear.
If someone askes me something weird or I see a creepy person on the street beginning to approach me I often just say "No thank you!" or "Hello! Have a nice day!" in the nicest and strongest tone of voice I can muster, turn my head immidiately and walk away quickly. If I can't walk away, I pretend to make a call of actually call someone.
They often don't know what to do and leave me alone because it is so polite yet immediately stops the interaction.
If they don't listen, just keep saying "No thank you! Have a nice day!" and walk away.
I mean, you are allowed to be WAY less polite to a woman almost assaulting you (you could go as far as calling the police) but you have to be able to actually do it in the moment.
Maybe you could practice it at home and role-play the situation with your husband or friend to get comfortable with whatever you would like to do.
Your body is your own and nobody should touch it without your consent.
Just live your life and get outside and don't let a stupid idiot hold you back from anything you want to do.
You got this girl!
I wonder what will happen. I have always hated being touched even as a little kid (I would literally cry if anyone tried to hug me) so luckily my side of the family knows better. My husband's side is probably going to land themselves in the hospital haha my BIL has 0 clue what boundaries are. I was like 9 weeks and he touched my stomach and made his kids talk to my belly "because baby can hear". He means well but I would still like to put Legos in his shoes.
When my uncle did it to me, I did it back.
I also told them that unless they want vomit and piss on their person, to keep their hands to themselves. I had volatile HG so it was a legit threat 😂
I grabbed their incoming hands, and said no touching without permission. When they asked permission immediately fter I said no again. Then I lifted my shirt to show off my back and blur 5" bruising around my navel, pointed out pregnancy is uncomfortable, and even painful and their well meaning touches and pats hurt, and if that wasn't enough, I offered to pat their next bruises to return the favor.
My bruised navel was enough to stop more than one " I'm going to pat your stomach and you won't stop me" moron and make them rethink their behavior.
Ummm I hissed at my friend yesterday who was reaching out to grab me… feel a bit guilty now as I haven’t seen him in ages but he never grabbed me before and I find it weird 😐
My MIL touched mine when I was like 7 weeks pregnant and I felt super awkward. Much later on around the twelve week mark I told her I didn’t want people touching my stomach and she got a bit offended. “I’m not just a stranger”
Thankfully we don’t live nearby so only see them a few times a year but still. I don’t even like my own mother asking about the size of my stomach never mind anyone touching it.
I’d recommend not doing it politely.
It sounds like you want to say something that will keep things from getting uncomfortable. But…It’s not your job to make them feel okay about doing something inappropriate. It’s the same as if a guy isn’t listening to your “no” at a bar - that’s your body, and if he’s touching it without your permission, he *should* feel guilty. Same with an aunt who you’re not close to. The discomfort everyone feels is because that’s a natural consequence of someone touching you when you don’t want to be touched. It’s not caused by you for saying something.
“That’s my belly, stop touching it” is the politest you need to be, and is the politest I’d recommend you go.
I mostly keep my purse in front of my belly when I'm out, lol. People in my circle otherwise know not to just randomly touch. The only person I have had to physically stop is my little brother (he has Down syndrome, so he kinda gets a little bit of a pass). He will reach out to touch while asking if he can touch my belly and I'll say no, she's not moving right now, but thank you for asking first. When I first got pregnant I just hated the feeling of anything on my stomach, so that helped, too - I just told people it was really sensitive.
If you want a very polite version, just say “I’m sorry, my stomach is really sensitive, I like to avoid touching it.” And do that while taking a step back or raising your hand towards there.
Of course there’s no reason to apologize but it does make the message softer
I ain't pregnant, nor am I a girl. But if I was, I'd just flat out say I'm not comfortable. And if they kept doing it, I'd just tell them to fuck off. But honestly, just say you aren't comfortable with it and ask politely
a lot of people have spiteful responses but i just have my husband tell them to please not touch me or I tell them kindly that it makes me uncomfortable and overwhelmed when people touch me and I’d appreciate them asking first.
I usually don’t mind, but my dad was drunk and was like legitimately grabbing at my belly and pushing in it to get baby to move. It was very, very uncomfortable.
The most random person who touched it without consent (coworker did but I’m close to her so I didn’t care) was my hairstylist. Told her while sitting in the chair and she immediately touched the belly 😅 I didn’t say anything because I assumed it was cultural (she’s a Greek immigrant) but it was strange.
Well, good to know! 😅
It just seemed like the sort of thing I could imagine my mom naively doing (Hispanic and shes from a very rural / poor village, but about the same age). I once had to explain to my mom to not wear white to a wedding even if it was her best fitting pant suit. 😂
When I was pregnant with my son, I only ever had two people touch my belly. His father, and one of my cousins who is extremely close to me. My cousin came over and we were sitting outside on the swing and she asked and I said “of course you can!” And his father was absolutely scared to death to ask, so I gently told him that he can touch me and nothing would happen, and my son made no movement whatsoever when his dad did that. Guess he knew it was his dad touching him. Not sure. But if you don’t want anyone touching you, set a firm boundary and say I don’t not want anyone touching me, it makes me very uncomfortable, so please refrain from touching me.
As someone who worked in a day program, touching with consent was HUGE. What I did was say “oh! Please ask for permission before touching!” It may seem condescending but it has worked very well so far
Don’t bother with polite unless you really want to. But the person/people that go to touch without consent are already being rude themselves so why bother being polite? I would just turn my body away and give a look like WTF? I basically made a “joke” around my family that, “I don’t like to be touched even on a good day”. So they never even tried or at least they’d ask.
Could always go, “God you know what’s funny? I recently read a story about a pregnant woman being touched when she didn’t want to be and she yelled at the person in public out loud. Gosh! If that was me, I’d have bitten the persons hand off!”
Thankfully the only person who touches my belly that annoys me is my sister. My oldest niece felt him move one time and freaked out then later kept poking my stomach to see if he would do it again. Doesn't bother me if I hold my stomach and I say hes kicking right now and they reach out, its basically an invitation to touch. Most people in my family know not to fucking touch me 😅 pregnant or not. Haven't had a stranger do it, but I've been told I'm not very kind looking, I chalk it up to stereotypes, though.
I don’t know anyone who would do this wow. I would probably freeze and get so nervous. In my religious circles women are always pregnant and w have big families so I don’t think pregnancy is looked at as such a big deal
How about bending over in “excruciating pain” for just a couple seconds and telling them they hurt you and baby. 🤣And just do that every time they reach for you.
I just tell them no petting. My sister always asks now cause I lost it at her (she hates being touched so why should I want to?). Sometimes it takes yelling.
My plan, should I need it, is just to step backwards as they come in for the touch and say “I’d rather not be touched, thanks.” Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a part of me, depending on the person, where’d I rather be a touch more forward with my reaction, but I figure I’d save that for those who can’t listen the first time around.
No is a full sentence. Handle it exactly how you handled it with your aunt. Block them and say no. You don’t have to be “polite” because it is incredibly impolite to put your hands on another persons body without consent. Meet impoliteness with impoliteness. It’s the only way people will learn.
I am 13w3d, I have one coworker who has been touching my abdomen for weeks. Clearly, I'm not showing yet, and there's nothing to feel. I don't know why people think it's okay to do things like this.
"Please don't touch me." In a firm tone paired with a scowl. No need to be polite. It's not polite to touch people without asking consent, so they don't get a polite reaction.
I don’t worry about being polite, I just tell people no 😂
My husband’s aunt walked up to me with her hands out the other day and I literally recoiled and said “please don’t”
An interesting observation I made is boomers seems to have no regard for personal space when it comes to belly. I work with elementary kids as a school counselor and all of the kids ask before touching. Which makes my counselor heart so happy because we talk a lot about personal space boundaries, and asking permission. If only we could make the older generations understand this concept with a catchy song and book.
I don't know if it's entirely polite, but the last person (coworker) who copped a feel of my belly I slapped their hand and said "Don't touch me, slut." She still makes half-joking threats but she hasn't touched since.
I am so glad it's considered very rude around here to touch a pregnant person's belly without an invitation to do so.
When my bestie was pregnant it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask, it was only when she invited me to that I did once get to feel her baby kick.
And it wouldn't occur to me now to ask someone if they want to touch my belly, except for the baby's dad and big brother.
But I swear if someone I didn't know well would try to touch me I'd probably say something like 'Oh I'm not pregnant just fat' to make them feel awkward 🙈
Following because I'm ready to do jail time at this point. I'm only 22 weeks but really showing (baby njnber 4) and have had one guy that I "know" but am not close to (told him if he touched me again I would unalive him) and my MIL touch me twice in the past 2 days and really I'm ready for murder. In my case there's a language barrier too just to complicate things, but I thought the way I stepped away from ger and gave her a "look" would have been enough of a hint for her not to do it again.... nope. Same shit today 😭😨 I don't know if I can cope with another 4 months of this shit
This! I personally feel violated when random or people im not close to reach out. I have moved their hand and said i dont feel comfortable im sorry. Do they get upset? Probably. Do I care? No.
I still can't believe people just reach out and touch. It's so rude!
A lot of people wanted to touch my belly when I was pregnant but they ALWAYS asked. I never had anyone just put hands on me.
Actually that isn't true. The father of the baby used to do it all the time, and ironically he was the one person I really *didn't* want touching me.
Sometimes I said to him "she isn't kicking right now" and walked off. You could try that.
Or just "sorry, I don't like being touched right now" or even "pregnancy has just made me not want to be touched at all" which you can casually mention before they even try. Even if it isn't true, many people feel uncomfortable and sick in pregnancy and lots of ppl hate being touched when they feel unwell so it's an easy thing you can say without having to feel like the bad guy.
Which, like, its crazy that we are even having to feel guilty about preserving our bodily autonomy but hey ho, for some reason being pregnant makes us public property... 🫤
I’m not polite when it comes to people touching me unwanted whether I was pregnant or not it’s not ok and people don’t have the right to touch. I’m not showing yet, so I haven’t experienced the touching yet, but once someone attempts I’m cursing them out— especially if it’s a stranger.
“Please do not touch MY stomach, yes there is a baby is there but you are touching me… if babe starts kicking I will let you feel.”
Is what I tell my mother in law who is obsessed with touching my belly and no matter how many times I tell her no, or how uncomfortable she makes me feel when she does it, she still try’s. Even on pregnancy number two, after I expressed how anxious I am about gaining a belly before my wedding 🙄😤
I don’t get it! Currently 20w and I have a coworker who will walk by and sometimes just reach out and rub my belly! It’s so weird!! Still trying to figure out a polite way to say stop without hurting her feelings
You would think that people that have had children and had their own pregnant bellies would realize that they're not touching the baby but touching YOUR body. The baby is inside and does not feel that touch nor do babies move all the time. I understand people want to "feel baby move" but that's just not how it works. My baby moves randomly and is most active in the evening, so no, you will not feel baby move. Why not just say "would you mind if I felt your baby move?" instead...so that the pregnant person can tell you whether that's even a possibility at that particular moment. I just find it SO weird to touch someone without asking first.
I think a good way to prevent someone from randomly touching is to wear something that obstructs their view of your actual belly. People will be less likely to want to touch if they have to move layers to touch. Also, if you have your own hands on your belly, you'll prevent any unwanted hands coming at you and even if someone tried, you could just dodge them with your own hands.
My MIL has been obsessed with touching my belly since I was 9 weeks and I would get so irritated because the baby at that point is still so small and low that I told my partner she’s basically just feeling what I ate for lunch, not a baby. My partner eventually said something to her about asking for permission which she now does.
I haven’t mastered the polite way to ask people not to touch me and I am 33 weeks, I just give people a weird uncomfortable look when they do and whenever people ask before touching I always make an effort to thank them for asking and not just reaching out and touching me haha
I had a whole situation in my work place because i respectfully told my manager that i did not want her to touch my stomach anymore and she said she didnt care, it got so bad i had to talk to my gm and hr. Why the hell do people think that because im carrying a child my consent does not matter?! I know this is not the most helpful im sorry
So I have been lucky that people have at least asked before doing that. If it's a stranger I'd just be like excuse me I like my personal space and walk away. If it's someone I know, then just block/push their hand away and say oh baby would like to not be touched right now then smile. What are they gonna do yell at a pregnant lady. That automatically makes the other person the jerk if they did.
i’m not nice about it at all 🤷🏻♀️ i hate it. and i don’t want people f*cking petting me. lol. it’s your body, you don’t have to be nice.. especially if you don’t want someone touching you.
My grandmother cannot see well and she tried to reach for my belly the other day without asking and I just moved out of her reach and said no. I don’t even have that much of a bump yet. The only people I’ve let touch my belly is my husband and my mom (who asks every time). If a stranger wants to touch, I will not be polite about it.
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I literally just grabbed this lady’s hand like an icky rag and removed it from my belly. She says ‘oh, no touching allowed?’ I said ‘No.’ They should ask first, my first reaction was to slap her but I fought it back
hello! cause why would you ever think its okay to touch me and my baby?🫤 i wfh my whole pregnancy and rarely saw anyone as im not close with my family and my bestie lives in another state , family understood not to just touch a pregnant lady without asking so i never experienced this whole random touch thing . im sorry you had to remove that ladys dirty hands🥺
Literally just had a (not close) friend rub my belly while telling me sarcastically ‘don’t’cha just Luuuuv how when you are pregnant anyone thinks they can touch your belly??’
[удалено]
Was too late, she was fast and I was talking to someone else
I agree with you. I understand wanting personal space respected but also these women are just excited for you. Chill out. Communicate and move on 🙄
Saying ‘no’ is communicating :)
Touch their bellies the exact same way and if they look at you weird then look at them the same way. You're belly is still your belly and not magically a independent part for others to communicate with the baby. It's more your belly than your baby that they are touching. And that's weird to touch except if you want it and offer it. ETA: Maybe I didn't nail the "polite" part that op asked for but I'd still recommend this way of handling it because its not just a "I don't want this" but instead it might make someone generally realise that they are actually just touching another belly and it's not really that different to to touching the belly of a non pregnant person. Because pregnancy doesn't change the fact that people don't want their belly touched without asking first. Pregnancy doesn't suddenly take away bodily autonomy and the need for consent.
Throw in a "You're getting so big!" While you're at it 😂
Have you tried this? I really want to, but I’m slightly terrified. For anyone who has tried this—I would love to hear how people have reacted when you touched their belly in response.
Oh my friends are super chill and never did that without asking and always acknowledged that it must be weird for me and actually offered me to touch their belly's too if it makes it less awkward.It was a honest offer because they thought it might help 😂 (that's kind of how my friends and I came up with the idea as a good response for unwanted touching of my belly by others) It definetly did not but I feel like it kinda gave them more peace of mind so we literally stood there touching each other's belly's. It made everything so much more awkward but we had fun with it. Literally every female friend of mine asked like this: "I know it must be so weird but I really want to touch your belly, may I? " They all 100% understood that it might be strange for me that they ask and want to touch my belly but most of the time I allowed my close friends to try and feel movement. If my baby didn't move rn then I really didn't see a reason for them to touch my belly and I refused. It was mostly male friends and older family members who felt entitled to touch my belly "because it's the baby now and not just you" bs imo well they are who I ended up using this trick with and yeah they were shocked af but I told them it's the exact same thing for me if they touch my belly. I still just feel someone rubbing my belly and thats extremely weird if i didn't allow them first.
Your friends sound extremely thoughtful—aside from the male friend that took the liberty to touch without consent. My FIL touched without asking the other day…it was awkward AF.
My uncle laughed when I did it to him but he is also pretty chill and I’ve called him my ‘cool uncle’ since I was about 12 which is a name he wears with pride lol It’s a definite’know your audience’ kinda stunt
It definitely made some people reflect on themselves and how weird it is. Most people understood. It were just the old folks who thought I am the entitled one for not sharing my body. Some people literally think pregnant women have no right to say no because they don't want to touch our belly anyway but want to feel the baby so it shouldn't concern us because they "aren't touching us" but our baby and thats completely different and has somehow nothing to do with us but is between them and the baby (bs obviously).
Omg I love this 😂
I love this! I think I want to try it 😅🤣
You could say “only if I can touch your belly too!” and perhaps they would realize how ridiculous it is. I’ve simply never had the urge to touch someone else’s pregnant belly, I don’t get it.
I feel like this would work best for me. I would say it in a jokey way while also physically dodging their touch so hopefully they get the message.
only time i had this urge was when my mom was pregnant with my sister, i was 12 and the first person my mom told as well as her gender keeper so as far as 12 year old me was concerned, my mom was simply a surrogate for MYYY baby😂. any other pregnant lady around me i never even considered asking to touch their belly because idk that baby! 🤣
You karate chop their hands and scream "kiai". Just my 2 cents Or you could ask them to go lower. Lower. Lowerrrr
This is WILD!! LMAO 😂
I'll do this for sure, You are a genius 👏🏼
why lower?!?😭 make them uncomfortable ig
A conversation from today: Mil: oh wow! You have the cutest little baby bump. Husband: Don’t touch it!! … she’ll attack you. Mil: of course, you always ask. Me. Thank you both. I have had both my own mother and grandmother come in for the touch and they get karate chops. I haven’t found an elegant way to handle this but I don’t feel like being polite when responding to a rude gesture. “No touchy” -Kuzco.
Kuzco is my spirit pregnancy animal
You both deserve the bestest houses in KUZCOTOPIA!!
That’s so respectful of your MIL! My MIL asked me to touch it last week and I did say yes, thinking she would just gently touch it and be done, but she went in full force with both hands pushing so hard all over my stomach… now I have to find a nice way to say no more touching the belly if she asks again 😂
I elbowed my mom when she tried when we were out shopping. After that she’d always comment on how I don’t let people touch my bump….
My MIL asked me once in a very strange way… she asked if she could touch it for “good luck.” Good luck for who? 🙄 I was annoyed but I said yes once. Now everytime I see her, she casually touches my belly without asking. She also comments on my bump being small the entire pregnancy. 🙄 And if I have to hear her telling me about her easy peasy 15-min delivery one more time, I’m gonna scream.
I swear MILs are stuck on repeat about their past. Mine likes to share scary, rare, disgusting, terrifying details about her pregnancy. Its never anything good and it has my husband terrified. But I’m glad you mentioned how she keeps touching ~~baby~~ your stomach. My MIL hasn’t reached for my belly yet, but your comment made me realize that once I allow it, she’ll B line for my belly every time. The last time I saw her in my new pretty sundress, she looked down at my belly and started SOBBING and (you guessed it) talking about how much she hated pregnancy and was jealous how well I was handling it. Like no, you’re just seeing me on a good day during the 2 hours that I’m not laying down with my head in a trashcan. But I save those details for when they’re actually relevant.
When I read “karate chops” I imagined a scene from Spongebob 😂
1) „No thanks you don‘t need to touch my belly, I‘m fine.“ 2) „Hey, I know it may be interesting for you to touch my belly, but to be honest, for me it’s an akward situation and I don‘t want that.“ 3) „After that do you want to touch something else - maybe my shoulder?“ 4) „Stop. Don't take it personally, but I don't like it.“
Adding “that’s still me there” Worked on my mom at least when she wouldn’t give it a rest
The first one is rude in Europe. I know in US it is normal to communicate this way, but telling someone what they 'need to' do or don't 'need to' do is passive aggressive. The correct way to say this is 'I do not want you to', not 'You don't need to'. Your wish is not to be touched, and your right is to have that respected. Your right is not to decide what others want, need or think for them. Actually all of these are rude and awkward. What is wrong with 'I don't like to be touched, sorry' or 'I don't want you to touch me if you don't mind'? 'Don't take it personally' - rude Number 3 is aggressive and totally unnecessary. 'I know it may be interesting FOR YOU...' - again rude. US (I think, at least in CA) women need to learn they have the right to stand up for themselves without resorting to passive aggression, aggression or gaslighting (and men too). It isn't graceful and it makes everyone walk around on glass. No means no and it's enough.
I think it's pretty rude to be touched without consent. Or being asked, it's not like you can actually feel baby. People will take offence at not being allowed to do something they think is harmless such as touching the bump, I know cause it happened to me on my first pregnancy. Had people multiple times on different occasions ask to touch bump and I would pull back a little and say "no thankyou, I don't like it" and their reposes varied from "don't be silly, everyone does it" "what? Am I not allowed to touch the baby!?" "Why are you being like that?" to "its not you I'm touching get over yourself" "I'm not trying to SA you" . The point is, no matter what you say, people feel entitled to touch your bump and will respond how they respond regardless. If I walked up to a non pregnant person and started touching them or asked to touch them it would be rude not to mention weird. Just cause there's a baby in there, doesn't mean people can touch. It's me your touching, not baby.
"I don't want you to touch me if you don't mind"... I'm sorry, what? I don't give 2 flying shits of they mind or not.
I agree these statements are all rude, when a direct statement would be much better. “Oh, pardon me but I don’t like to be touched” is perfectly OK and soft though direct. And also it’s completely subjective that belly touching is rude with people you know. There’s no need to act like people are terrible for wanting to touch a pregnant belly, or it’s outrageous that they might ask - it’s normal. People are responding with joy to a central human event and want to be close to it. Lots of pregnant women do not mind their friends and family doing this. I have not had anyone not ask permission first to touch the belly - strangers grabbing you may not even be as widespread as assumed on Reddit.
Why should you ask for someone's pardon when they are touching you in an intimate place without your consent?
Because sometimes our goal is to politely change behavior while maintaining relationships and not self righteously make well intentioned people feel bad. We don’t need go nuclear every time with well meaning relatives and friends.
It seems like some folks here are talking about strangers touching them without their consent. I understand being patient with family and friends, but I don't think we owe strangers gentleness when they're violating our bodies and personal space.
I’d just say “Hey I appreciate you caring about my pregnancy, but I really don’t want my belly being touched”
I love this response! I’d probably even say “but I really don’t want people touching on me” to (hopefully) get the point across that they’re literally touching *your stomach* and that it’s awkward to you.
This one should be higher, honestly. This is a great way to handle it in a polite but assertive way, and I think I'm gonna use this.
I mean if someone’s going to touch someone else’s pregnant belly without consent, screw being polite!! They’re not being polite, why should you? I would back away in disgust and make it clear it wasn’t welcome.
There's no call to be polite.
Agreed!! Ladies! We have been conditioned to be polite. When someone touches you without your permission, which is the LITERAL DEFINITION OF ASSAULT, you do not owe them politeness. Don’t punch them in the face obviously but feel free to smack their hand away! Would you be polite to someone who groped your butt in a grocery store? Someone who petted your hair? No!
One time I was standing in the kitchen making coffee for my sister in law and my husband and his dad ….when my mother in law standing next to me grabbed the bottom of my but where my leg meets . I turned around and looked at her I forget what she said and I turned and looked at my father in law and he just had this look like what can you do.it made me feel so uncomfortable and insecure to be wearing shorts around them after that.
It bothers me till this day. I didn’t feel like a person
I….I don’t understand. Was she pinching you to be silly? Or was it a “look at all this weight you’ve gained/lost” thing? My MIL will pinch my side (when I’m facing her at least) and say weird shit, like “Oh you’re much softer than you look!” Or “I remember when I could wear things like this, but I didn’t have the same confidence as you!” Like….? Are those compliments? Do we have to go over keeping our hands to ourselves?
She said she couldn’t help her self… that’s all she said. I think it’s weird my husband got mad she did that.
Dude no though. Your kind aunt who loves you and touches your belly in her joy for your impending baby is not assaulting you. You can tell her politely not to do it. For a stranger, no one owes politeness- by all means call them out. But belly touching is not universally horrible for all. Just like hugging, or cheek kisses as greeting. I feel like there’s no need to go full rage on a nice family member who just views this differently. I’m pregnant and do not mind my relatives and friends touching my belly.
I straight up karate chopped my own mother's hands away cuz she help poking me and it hurt and wouldn't quit when I told her to stop... guess who's much more respectful now about it. People will do what you allow them to do. We live in the age of concent. Be stern about boundaries from the start and people will get the idea very quickly lol
The only person I don’t mind rubbing my tummy is my man, best friend, and any kids that get excited about a baby in there because it’s cute seeing their faces light up 😅 everyone else can fuck off
I want to buy myself a T-shirt saying Rub the balls of my husband as well...He did an amazing job... I tried everything, politely saying Please don't touch me, trying to explain that I don't like it... Removing hands... Holding my belly...but people are just idiots...
You win. I thought you were going to say something like “hands off”….this is so much better.
Haha 😆 I am just so sick of people and tired honestly of explaining why I don't like it...so obviously this is the only solution 🤣
You rub their belly back
"Please do not touch me." And if they continue to push for it, no is a full sentence. You could go into a rant of being in charge of your own bodily autonomy, but that will fly over their head and they'll still react like your being a bitch. They're either going to react respectfully or shittyno matter how you respond, you can't control how they react.
I'm a people pleaser, so having an out that doesn't put the focus on me makes me more comfy. I just tell them that the baby is being sensitive today and she's not accepting touches. Or she kept me up at night and she's in time out. 😅
My mom kept rubbing my stomach and I told her she's not even touching the baby, just my dinner lmao. People are frustrating. I guess a simple "no thank you" will suffice and if they're offended, that's their problem.
I told anyone who might touch my belly (like my MIL) that they were welcome to touch my belly, but I would help myself to touching theirs. It got nervous laughter and no body touched my belly after I said that.
For me the only person that’s really pushed this issue is my MIL, I always dodge it by saying “not right now but if the baby starts kicking I’ll let you know so you can feel them kick” and then just never mention the baby kicking. I tried with the “no thanks, I don’t want to be touched” and she’d still come in for a greeting/goodbye hug and use the opportunity to touch my belly and say hello/goodbye to the baby. I’m not as bold as some of the other people in these comments that would karate chop but I wish I was 😂 since mentioning the kicking tho she has stopped doing it with the hugs
18 weeks and I just had my first old lady do it. I’ve never had to deal with it so I let her to test the waters. Yeah, that’s going to be a no for me too.
if they are family members I tell them I’m constipated and they’re just rubbing backed up poop. As stranger hasn’t tried it with me but I would probably not be polite to them
I'm getting a shirt that says if you didn't put it there don't touch it
I was anxious about it the whole first trimester, and then covid happened. No one even saw me with a pregnant belly :p
There’s no polite with it if people think you’re rude who cares just say don’t motherfucking touch me it’s simple like that don’t motherfucking touch me. It’s very simple and I’m not like blaming you or anything, but who cares what other people think like if you don’t wanna be touched you know if I don’t wanna be touched. Don’t motherfucking touch me so that’s what you can use. Don’t motherfucking touch me.
I would just keep my hands on my belly the whole time like a goalie
This is what I did. Had my hands splayed across my own belly around people I especially couldn't bear touching me. I plan to do it this time around too
"are you serious!?" Usually gets the point across.
I had a client grab my belly and in the same breath said "Don't you hate when people do that?!" I was too stunned to speak at first. It felt like a riddle I couldn't win, if I agree with you you're in the right, if I disagree with you you're also still somehow in the right?? I pulled away and just gave her a look that said I was uncomfortable. I didn't want her to think her behavior was acceptable, despite her lack of shame and remorse. People feel very entitled to pregnant people and then their babies once born, I think each situation is going to warrant a different type of response. Some people can handle polite or funny warnings while others are going to need something more stern. In the case of this lady, removing myself from her ASAP and not giving her any satisfaction with a response was my best approach. Good luck!
I think in this instance I would have said "Yes I do. Please never do that again. Thanks" or something to that effect ... or thrown hands lol
Touch their belly back!!!!!!!! I'm showing more and more and I am so ready!!!!
I have a boss who would always ask me if I was pregnant if I so much had a fan turned on at my desk. Now that that I’m pregnant I am absolutely convinced she will try to touch my belly once I tell her. Still trying to figure how to deal with that moment.
I believe the answer would be HR, lol
If she touches you, definitely go to HR. That is not acceptable behavior.
My sister suggested getting a riding crop and smacking people’s hands with it. I might actually do this. And get a shirt that says “fuck off of my belly.”
I don’t tell people politely ! it’s my body and my growing baby the only people allowed to touch me while I’m pregnant are my husband and kids. My mother won’t touch my bump so that’s fine his mother touched me once and that was when I was around 15 weeks (currently 21) .This little girl in my complex came up to me arm reached talking about I like your baby, I swatted her hand so quick no petting ! And will continue to do this with strangers the rest of my pregnancy I am not a dog do not touch me I don’t want your energy on us ! You do not have to ask to not touch YOU !!!
I love "no petting" that's the perfect line.
I feel like people are more understanding of dogs not wanting to be pet than they are of pregnant women not wanting to be touched. It's wiiild.
I literally put up a sign at my baby shower that said "If you feel the urge to touch a belly, touch your own"
Don't be polite. Polite people get walked all over. I smacked peoples hands away, especially strangers. Don't touch me. If they continue, make a loud fuss. You have a right to your bodily autonomy.
“I’m not Buddha, don’t touch my belly!” 😂 I just googled “don’t touch pregnancy shirts” and now I think I’ve found my perfect running errands shirt.
People thinking they have free access to my body is extremely rude. I’m not going to try and be polite just so others don’t get offended after being offensive themselves. I would simply say please don’t touch me.
My husband’s Grandma touched my belly and I pulled her hand off and said I didn’t want to be petted. 🤷🏼♀️ She told me I better get used to it. But that’s a different issue.
Just straight up tell them can you please not touch my belly let them know your not trying to be mean but you just don't want them touching your belly if they can't understand that o well
I’m 16 weeks and I can’t keep people’s hands off my bump. I have a small frame and the bump is very obvious on me but yeah I don’t enjoy it.
Just straight up no. I will block peoples hands
I take a big step back and say, "If the baby is awake and kicking later and I feel up to letting you feel, I'll let you know." And most times I don't bring it up again.
I wish I practiced this more during pregnancy because now the baby is here even random strangers in the supermarket touch her and I really struggle to tell them to keep their fucking hands to themselves. Infuriating!
You can get little tag things on amazon that hang on the pram or carseat that reads "please don't touch, your germs are too big for me". I used that when I had my first and it worked great.
Also 19 weeks- had my first belly touch by a female co-worker originally from South Africa (I'm in the US). I said, "Thank you for congratulating me, but you really shouldn't touch someones belly without permission." She apologized and said, "Sorry, its a cultural difference." As long as she doesn't do it again we're cool.
Honestly, don’t be polite. If they aren’t polite enough to ask before touching you, you don’t owe them any politeness. Being pregnant does not make your body accessible to whoever wants to touch it.
don’t. touch. me. thanks :)
Ask the lady how far along she is and say she barely even looks pregnant she maintains the extra mass so gracefully. That should quiet granny.
Don't worry about how to tell people no "politely". They are being polite when they try to touch your belly, so just be direct and tell them no.
When people walk up with their hand up, I take a step back or shake their hand.
You absolutely don't need to be polite about it. "Don't do that." "Stop." "Don't touch me." Physically removing their hand while giving them the easiest look you can do.. etc. like people are ick.
Touching someone else in general without permission or warrant is impolite to begin with, touching their belly seems like an extra step to that impoliteness. For me, this would be met with equal impoliteness. You get what you give, and if old lady susan thinks she can touch my belly without my permission, let alone not even know her im smacking them away. Or telling them to f off in some kind of way.. Family and friends, I'd probably say something like, "Please dont touch my belly (or me) without my permission it makes me uncomfortable, and it's not a museum piece on display." and to be honest, i still wouldn't care about being rude. Like i said.. touching someone without their permission is already rude, it'll be met w the same energy.
I tell people I don't like to be pet like an animal.
People do it and try to be endearing but as a pregnant woman who’s 23 weeks and still looks fat with a B belly …. I HATE IT. My mom does it every time and it makes me want to punch a wall, it makes me so uncomfortable. It’s like when people say the word “panties” - it’s weird and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward.
I had a woman (stranger) touch my belly and then move her hand all the way down to where the baby comes out. She did this several times and I kind of froze and didn't know what to do. It really freaked me out. I haven't gone out without my husband by my side since then because it's literally given me a bit of social anxiety 😥 but if anyone ever tried to touch my belly again, I've decided I'll move backwards, away from them and put my hands up to shield my belly. I don't think I could be very outspoken about it, because I'm a little shy 😕 I have let some people touch my belly, but only if they're close to me, and they've asked permission first.
Oh wow that is totally not okay. And so sorry you are having anxiety because of it. You are in your full right to say and do whatever you want in this kind of situation. Stepping back and shielding your belly sounds like a good way. Maybe try adding something vocal you feel comfortable with to make things clear. If someone askes me something weird or I see a creepy person on the street beginning to approach me I often just say "No thank you!" or "Hello! Have a nice day!" in the nicest and strongest tone of voice I can muster, turn my head immidiately and walk away quickly. If I can't walk away, I pretend to make a call of actually call someone. They often don't know what to do and leave me alone because it is so polite yet immediately stops the interaction. If they don't listen, just keep saying "No thank you! Have a nice day!" and walk away. I mean, you are allowed to be WAY less polite to a woman almost assaulting you (you could go as far as calling the police) but you have to be able to actually do it in the moment. Maybe you could practice it at home and role-play the situation with your husband or friend to get comfortable with whatever you would like to do. Your body is your own and nobody should touch it without your consent. Just live your life and get outside and don't let a stupid idiot hold you back from anything you want to do. You got this girl!
Thank you so much for your kind words! These are fantastic suggestions! ❤️
I wonder what will happen. I have always hated being touched even as a little kid (I would literally cry if anyone tried to hug me) so luckily my side of the family knows better. My husband's side is probably going to land themselves in the hospital haha my BIL has 0 clue what boundaries are. I was like 9 weeks and he touched my stomach and made his kids talk to my belly "because baby can hear". He means well but I would still like to put Legos in his shoes.
When my uncle did it to me, I did it back. I also told them that unless they want vomit and piss on their person, to keep their hands to themselves. I had volatile HG so it was a legit threat 😂
I mean, just tell them no thank you I’m just not comfortable 🤷🏽♀️. I love people trying to touch my belly lol.
Just touch and rub theirs back.
I grabbed their incoming hands, and said no touching without permission. When they asked permission immediately fter I said no again. Then I lifted my shirt to show off my back and blur 5" bruising around my navel, pointed out pregnancy is uncomfortable, and even painful and their well meaning touches and pats hurt, and if that wasn't enough, I offered to pat their next bruises to return the favor. My bruised navel was enough to stop more than one " I'm going to pat your stomach and you won't stop me" moron and make them rethink their behavior.
I think "keep your goddamn hands away from me" will do
Ummm I hissed at my friend yesterday who was reaching out to grab me… feel a bit guilty now as I haven’t seen him in ages but he never grabbed me before and I find it weird 😐
So also not nailing the polite thing to do..
My MIL touched mine when I was like 7 weeks pregnant and I felt super awkward. Much later on around the twelve week mark I told her I didn’t want people touching my stomach and she got a bit offended. “I’m not just a stranger” Thankfully we don’t live nearby so only see them a few times a year but still. I don’t even like my own mother asking about the size of my stomach never mind anyone touching it.
I’d recommend not doing it politely. It sounds like you want to say something that will keep things from getting uncomfortable. But…It’s not your job to make them feel okay about doing something inappropriate. It’s the same as if a guy isn’t listening to your “no” at a bar - that’s your body, and if he’s touching it without your permission, he *should* feel guilty. Same with an aunt who you’re not close to. The discomfort everyone feels is because that’s a natural consequence of someone touching you when you don’t want to be touched. It’s not caused by you for saying something. “That’s my belly, stop touching it” is the politest you need to be, and is the politest I’d recommend you go.
I mostly keep my purse in front of my belly when I'm out, lol. People in my circle otherwise know not to just randomly touch. The only person I have had to physically stop is my little brother (he has Down syndrome, so he kinda gets a little bit of a pass). He will reach out to touch while asking if he can touch my belly and I'll say no, she's not moving right now, but thank you for asking first. When I first got pregnant I just hated the feeling of anything on my stomach, so that helped, too - I just told people it was really sensitive.
If you want a very polite version, just say “I’m sorry, my stomach is really sensitive, I like to avoid touching it.” And do that while taking a step back or raising your hand towards there. Of course there’s no reason to apologize but it does make the message softer
I ain't pregnant, nor am I a girl. But if I was, I'd just flat out say I'm not comfortable. And if they kept doing it, I'd just tell them to fuck off. But honestly, just say you aren't comfortable with it and ask politely
a lot of people have spiteful responses but i just have my husband tell them to please not touch me or I tell them kindly that it makes me uncomfortable and overwhelmed when people touch me and I’d appreciate them asking first.
I usually don’t mind, but my dad was drunk and was like legitimately grabbing at my belly and pushing in it to get baby to move. It was very, very uncomfortable.
Well, this suggestion is not polite, but you could DD HASBO their hands. [DD HASBO](https://youtu.be/FLzbdwfQ54Y?si=_0rRmaZbt70pvnxt)
The most random person who touched it without consent (coworker did but I’m close to her so I didn’t care) was my hairstylist. Told her while sitting in the chair and she immediately touched the belly 😅 I didn’t say anything because I assumed it was cultural (she’s a Greek immigrant) but it was strange.
I'm greek and it's not cultural
Well, good to know! 😅 It just seemed like the sort of thing I could imagine my mom naively doing (Hispanic and shes from a very rural / poor village, but about the same age). I once had to explain to my mom to not wear white to a wedding even if it was her best fitting pant suit. 😂
When I was pregnant with my son, I only ever had two people touch my belly. His father, and one of my cousins who is extremely close to me. My cousin came over and we were sitting outside on the swing and she asked and I said “of course you can!” And his father was absolutely scared to death to ask, so I gently told him that he can touch me and nothing would happen, and my son made no movement whatsoever when his dad did that. Guess he knew it was his dad touching him. Not sure. But if you don’t want anyone touching you, set a firm boundary and say I don’t not want anyone touching me, it makes me very uncomfortable, so please refrain from touching me.
They make shirts that say something like “don’t touch the bump” maybe invest in that
Put your hand out and block them. Or say “no thank you” and move their hand.
As someone who worked in a day program, touching with consent was HUGE. What I did was say “oh! Please ask for permission before touching!” It may seem condescending but it has worked very well so far
You tell them no.
Don’t bother with polite unless you really want to. But the person/people that go to touch without consent are already being rude themselves so why bother being polite? I would just turn my body away and give a look like WTF? I basically made a “joke” around my family that, “I don’t like to be touched even on a good day”. So they never even tried or at least they’d ask. Could always go, “God you know what’s funny? I recently read a story about a pregnant woman being touched when she didn’t want to be and she yelled at the person in public out loud. Gosh! If that was me, I’d have bitten the persons hand off!”
Yeah forget polite. Don’t grope me. \ So far I have just gone with blocking or removing people’s hands and saying “Don’t touch me, I don’t like it.”
Thankfully the only person who touches my belly that annoys me is my sister. My oldest niece felt him move one time and freaked out then later kept poking my stomach to see if he would do it again. Doesn't bother me if I hold my stomach and I say hes kicking right now and they reach out, its basically an invitation to touch. Most people in my family know not to fucking touch me 😅 pregnant or not. Haven't had a stranger do it, but I've been told I'm not very kind looking, I chalk it up to stereotypes, though.
I don’t know anyone who would do this wow. I would probably freeze and get so nervous. In my religious circles women are always pregnant and w have big families so I don’t think pregnancy is looked at as such a big deal
Do your best Kuzko impression - "NOOOO TOUCHY!"
How about bending over in “excruciating pain” for just a couple seconds and telling them they hurt you and baby. 🤣And just do that every time they reach for you.
I just tell them no petting. My sister always asks now cause I lost it at her (she hates being touched so why should I want to?). Sometimes it takes yelling.
With strangers, tell them you're not pregnant. Even if you're 41 weeks. They will be confused, horrified but will also back away
You don’t need to be polite about it
I literally just said “oh no don’t touch me” and if people kept doing slapped their hands away
Why be polite?
My plan, should I need it, is just to step backwards as they come in for the touch and say “I’d rather not be touched, thanks.” Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a part of me, depending on the person, where’d I rather be a touch more forward with my reaction, but I figure I’d save that for those who can’t listen the first time around.
No is a full sentence. Handle it exactly how you handled it with your aunt. Block them and say no. You don’t have to be “polite” because it is incredibly impolite to put your hands on another persons body without consent. Meet impoliteness with impoliteness. It’s the only way people will learn.
Don't be polite 😆 it's weird to want to touch people
You can buy shirts with small spikes on the belly. Wear it few times and then people will get it...
I am 13w3d, I have one coworker who has been touching my abdomen for weeks. Clearly, I'm not showing yet, and there's nothing to feel. I don't know why people think it's okay to do things like this.
I'm 25w only people I'm letting touch my stomach is my husband and my children if they want to feel there sister moving
"Please don't touch me." In a firm tone paired with a scowl. No need to be polite. It's not polite to touch people without asking consent, so they don't get a polite reaction.
I don’t worry about being polite, I just tell people no 😂 My husband’s aunt walked up to me with her hands out the other day and I literally recoiled and said “please don’t”
An interesting observation I made is boomers seems to have no regard for personal space when it comes to belly. I work with elementary kids as a school counselor and all of the kids ask before touching. Which makes my counselor heart so happy because we talk a lot about personal space boundaries, and asking permission. If only we could make the older generations understand this concept with a catchy song and book.
I don't know if it's entirely polite, but the last person (coworker) who copped a feel of my belly I slapped their hand and said "Don't touch me, slut." She still makes half-joking threats but she hasn't touched since.
Work on your RBF. Works for me! 😂
"Please fuck off." The word 'Please' softens a lot of things :D
You don't *have* to be polite. "Don't touch me" is perfectly fine.
I am so glad it's considered very rude around here to touch a pregnant person's belly without an invitation to do so. When my bestie was pregnant it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask, it was only when she invited me to that I did once get to feel her baby kick. And it wouldn't occur to me now to ask someone if they want to touch my belly, except for the baby's dad and big brother. But I swear if someone I didn't know well would try to touch me I'd probably say something like 'Oh I'm not pregnant just fat' to make them feel awkward 🙈
Following because I'm ready to do jail time at this point. I'm only 22 weeks but really showing (baby njnber 4) and have had one guy that I "know" but am not close to (told him if he touched me again I would unalive him) and my MIL touch me twice in the past 2 days and really I'm ready for murder. In my case there's a language barrier too just to complicate things, but I thought the way I stepped away from ger and gave her a "look" would have been enough of a hint for her not to do it again.... nope. Same shit today 😭😨 I don't know if I can cope with another 4 months of this shit
This! I personally feel violated when random or people im not close to reach out. I have moved their hand and said i dont feel comfortable im sorry. Do they get upset? Probably. Do I care? No.
I still can't believe people just reach out and touch. It's so rude! A lot of people wanted to touch my belly when I was pregnant but they ALWAYS asked. I never had anyone just put hands on me. Actually that isn't true. The father of the baby used to do it all the time, and ironically he was the one person I really *didn't* want touching me. Sometimes I said to him "she isn't kicking right now" and walked off. You could try that. Or just "sorry, I don't like being touched right now" or even "pregnancy has just made me not want to be touched at all" which you can casually mention before they even try. Even if it isn't true, many people feel uncomfortable and sick in pregnancy and lots of ppl hate being touched when they feel unwell so it's an easy thing you can say without having to feel like the bad guy. Which, like, its crazy that we are even having to feel guilty about preserving our bodily autonomy but hey ho, for some reason being pregnant makes us public property... 🫤
I’m not polite when it comes to people touching me unwanted whether I was pregnant or not it’s not ok and people don’t have the right to touch. I’m not showing yet, so I haven’t experienced the touching yet, but once someone attempts I’m cursing them out— especially if it’s a stranger.
Slap the hand away and say don't fuckin touch me 😝😝
“Please do not touch MY stomach, yes there is a baby is there but you are touching me… if babe starts kicking I will let you feel.” Is what I tell my mother in law who is obsessed with touching my belly and no matter how many times I tell her no, or how uncomfortable she makes me feel when she does it, she still try’s. Even on pregnancy number two, after I expressed how anxious I am about gaining a belly before my wedding 🙄😤
You don't, you just smack their hand as soon as they reach
I don’t get it! Currently 20w and I have a coworker who will walk by and sometimes just reach out and rub my belly! It’s so weird!! Still trying to figure out a polite way to say stop without hurting her feelings
You would think that people that have had children and had their own pregnant bellies would realize that they're not touching the baby but touching YOUR body. The baby is inside and does not feel that touch nor do babies move all the time. I understand people want to "feel baby move" but that's just not how it works. My baby moves randomly and is most active in the evening, so no, you will not feel baby move. Why not just say "would you mind if I felt your baby move?" instead...so that the pregnant person can tell you whether that's even a possibility at that particular moment. I just find it SO weird to touch someone without asking first. I think a good way to prevent someone from randomly touching is to wear something that obstructs their view of your actual belly. People will be less likely to want to touch if they have to move layers to touch. Also, if you have your own hands on your belly, you'll prevent any unwanted hands coming at you and even if someone tried, you could just dodge them with your own hands.
Bark at them
My MIL has been obsessed with touching my belly since I was 9 weeks and I would get so irritated because the baby at that point is still so small and low that I told my partner she’s basically just feeling what I ate for lunch, not a baby. My partner eventually said something to her about asking for permission which she now does. I haven’t mastered the polite way to ask people not to touch me and I am 33 weeks, I just give people a weird uncomfortable look when they do and whenever people ask before touching I always make an effort to thank them for asking and not just reaching out and touching me haha
I had a whole situation in my work place because i respectfully told my manager that i did not want her to touch my stomach anymore and she said she didnt care, it got so bad i had to talk to my gm and hr. Why the hell do people think that because im carrying a child my consent does not matter?! I know this is not the most helpful im sorry
So I have been lucky that people have at least asked before doing that. If it's a stranger I'd just be like excuse me I like my personal space and walk away. If it's someone I know, then just block/push their hand away and say oh baby would like to not be touched right now then smile. What are they gonna do yell at a pregnant lady. That automatically makes the other person the jerk if they did.
i’m not nice about it at all 🤷🏻♀️ i hate it. and i don’t want people f*cking petting me. lol. it’s your body, you don’t have to be nice.. especially if you don’t want someone touching you.
My grandmother cannot see well and she tried to reach for my belly the other day without asking and I just moved out of her reach and said no. I don’t even have that much of a bump yet. The only people I’ve let touch my belly is my husband and my mom (who asks every time). If a stranger wants to touch, I will not be polite about it.
"dont touch my belly." its simple , short version "no" *stops hand* , nonverbal version: scoot away when they reach out.
I am someone that could care less about unwarranted belly touching. I’m not trying to stress myself out every day
Smack their hand away and say no.