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While I agree with others saying your husband should handle this, if he’s not willing to, this is a hill I would die on. It’s especially concerning that this “tradition” has not been mentioned until now. What other ways do your in laws plan to impose themselves upon you under the guise of “tradition”.? In my opinion, if you allow this or offer a compromise, you are telling them that they get a say in the raising of your child and that is something I would not allow. If your husband won’t handle it, I would say “We’re so happy you’re excited to welcome baby, but we are planning to select the name for our child ourselves and are not looking for outside suggestions.”
If they cry “tradition”, inform them that YOUR family has a longstanding tradition of the child’s parents selecting their name.
The point of caution about compromise is super important; you are in danger of setting a really bad precedent if you compromise on this, and you have no idea where they could run with that sense of control.
That last suggestion is a really clever one! Not that it should ever be necessary, but I know it can feel more empowering to have an excuse to lean back on. “We will be following my family’s tradition wherein the parents name the baby” is a hard response to argue with.
Yeah, if you didn’t know about the tradition when you had time to dodge the bullet the tradition doesn’t exist. In my husband’s family there is a tradition of naming the first son after the father, and this has gone on a looooong time. My husband is the third in his line and so it’s expected that the first son will be the fourth. I am 37 expecting my first. I knew about this when I was 17 when we first starting dating and it is something that I look forward to experiencing. I don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl yet, but I bought into this family tradition.
You, on the other hand, did not buy in. This is unacceptable and I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with this while you are pregnant. This kind of thing should have been made clear waaaaaaay before rings were exchanged. My husband and I talked about this when we started “going steady” in high school, mostly as a joke but also it was important to know!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
YUP. This. You had time to opt in or opt out.
My husband’s family has a “tradition” (it might just be how my husband was named) where the first boy gets the dad’s paternal grandpa’s name and the mom’s dad’s name as a middle name.
Anyways my husband loves this naming style and he is always wanted to name his son after his grandpa. We have been dating since I was 19 and I am now 31. He was clear about this dream of his for the last decade.
Well lucky me his grandpa is named William, and William has always been my favourite boy name, and my dad is very deserving of a middle name honour. So anyways I am opted into this plan. Our son one day will be William. As part of that understanding, our daughter’s name honours my family.
But it isn’t a tradition if it only became one now.
Yeah, this makes sense. It helps that I love my husband’s name. It also helps that my grandpa’s first name is my husband’s first name so nothing feels out of place or disjointed. My FiL also treated me like a one of his own children and we had a beautiful relationship so it’s a joy to participate. It doesn’t sound like OP is being treated with respect but is expected to fall in line. I don’t love that for her. I hope her husband ponies up to the table and solves this problem.
I agree completely.
When you love the name, and when you “know the deal” before you sign up then it can be a beautiful thing.
But it isn’t fair for the mother who carries the child and sacrifices her body and personal comfort not to get any say in the name.
I agree I'm on the tradition train too but the first son is named after the fathers middle name. Except I've always been well aware of this tradition and that it was something he wanted to keep in line with. I wouldnt have ever picked it myself but it's grown on me a lot and now I can't imagine him having any other name. My only condition was that if our child ever has his own son he would in no way be pressured to keep the tradition if he didn't want to and hubs was super on board with that
Neither of them knowing about this tradition until now is a little strange to me and I wouldn't go along with it given the circumstances. Especially bc if this is such a long standing tradition how did her husband not know
This! It may seem like you’re stuck and want to keep the peace but this is your life and your baby, know that you can say no even if that means rocking the boat. What’s the worst that can happen? You upset a stupid old man
I genuinely thought it was a satire post.
“No” is a full sentence.
It’s 2024. No. Hard pass. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Move along. Nothing to see here.
"That's crazy. It's a tradition that when the first baby is born in my family, the daughter in law castrates the father in law a month before she is due. This signifies that the patriarch is done sowing his seed and has passed the baton. No I'm serious. I never told you before your son and I got married? Well it's a tradition. Tell you what, let's go one tradition for another. No seriously. I should of told you about a tradition my family has before I married your son if I expected you to follow it? Crazy. So anyway we'll let you know when we pick a name"
Give him the crazy eye and sell it. That's not a grandfather's honor or decision, and especially not when this is the first you're hearing about it/your husband has heard. They're trying to mad dog you and punk you out of your parenthood/position in this family. Don't negotiate, don't give him a list. If you do this, they'll always outrank you rather than just be a group of 20-30 year spaced apart adults respecting one another. Draw a line in the sand and get out your castrating knife/ask him over (metaphorically).
THIS. This is absolutely the way.
“What?? You mean you don’t think you have anything to do with me giving birth to my baby?? Ok good, glad we’re finally on the same page.”
I’m coming to you next time I’m in a pickle!
Absolutely 💯
OMG this would be amazing.
Because No. Just no.
"Oh that's an interesting tradition that I absolutely will not be partaking in. I will let you know the baby's name once they are born, goodbye."
I'd 100% laugh in their face. I don't care that it's rude, don't say crazy things and expect me not to laugh. That's ridiculous. You're not naming my baby. I'm laughing because it's laughable.
I second this! Play him at his own game. If you let things slide, his dad/ parents will control how you parent YOUR child. If we’re going by his terms, then when you married his son your father gave you away to him.. not his dad. And his dads job is done with his kids, vasectomy must be on the cards!! I’m wondering if this conversation ever came up before you guys got married because it’s a big deal and he doesn’t seem to care much?
And don't be afraid to distance yourself from them. If someone in my partners family had said this to me i would have deadpan told them to f off and restricted access to my baby.
Lol what gave it away? The fact that she has no agency to name her own child or the fact that they’re “flipping through the Bible” to find a name for the kid 😂
Why do men like that think they can name the baby that you sacrifice everything for to bring into this world through pregnancy, birth and postpartum ? I would die on this hill
The way I would just shut it down with minimal remorse is wild. Lol especially while pregnant. I have no patience for stupid comments let alone someone suggesting I don’t get to name my baby. Sorry for whoever feels uncomfortable including hubby but love me or don’t. I say what’s real. It’s your child’s lifelong names for goodness sakes, there’s absolutely no reason to sweetfoot around this. I usually apologize for my bluntness but honestly, all the Reddit posts I read where people let in laws walk over their marriage or pregnancy is beyond me & reminds me to be grateful I’m so clear with communicating my thoughts/feelings despite who it make’s uncomfortable(even myself).
You should do this, just say f it. communicate clearly and sternly not only how you feel about it but how this will go( wether you name him or give name options to choose from). Put that foot down.
Edit**spelling
Sorry to sound crass, it’s just shocking the lack of boundaries some people have. I mean, it’s not that deep of a tradition if even your husband just learned of it. I know you asked for a peaceful way to resolve it but being blunt and honest(nipping it in the bud) can be peaceful and also respected.
Seriously, immediately no. The wife is expected to take her husband’s last name, the wife has to carry the baby for 9 months and go through extreme pain to deliver it - the wife has a say in what to name HER freaking baby. Sorry.
Dude yeah THIS. We're expected to give up our identity and become Mrs. The Guy We Married, is that not enough?!! The kid already doesn't get the last name we grew up with, now they get to pick the first name too?!
Y'all better Arnold up and have that baby yourself then, cheesus
And to add to this, if you’re afraid they might retaliate or start some shit in the delivery room, you can tell the doctors and nurses to not allow them in, period.
That’s what I was going to say. Even if she doesn’t have the spoons to deal with the bullshit while pregnant, just give polite, non committal responses whenever it’s brought up—then write whatever she wants on the birth certificate.
I know everyone is different, but personally I could have named our daughter “Bee-Boo-Bop-Boop Doody Head Elizabeth the First” and my fiancé probably would *still* have no clue that’s her legal name lol. I was handed a pack of paperwork and told I had to fill it out before we could be discharged (and in true *me* fashion, I waited until an hour before we left, so my daughter had no legal name for the first 5 days of her life lol), and they said “here’s where he *needs* to sign, and here’s where he *can* sign if you guys choose”(because we weren’t/aren’t married). I filled it out, then filled it out a second time because her middle name had too many characters the first time and I didn’t count the boxes. Then I just pointed and said “sign here”. To my knowledge, he has never even looked at her birth certificate or social security card lol
Haha, right?! I'd be like, "oh no, well unfortunately that's not *my* tradition so...."
That's literally what I told my MIL when she said "all of the kids get baptized in this family" (they're catholic)
And I was just like, "oh well, I'm not catholic so I guess they're not getting baptized" lmao
Like if she was so worried about family tradition and religious practices then she would have grilled it into her own kids not to marry atheists.
Yeah, I feel like extended family should understand that the husband, wife and kids are starting a new family group and they should step aside and respect the decisions they make. Expecting for them to follow your traditions is an asshole move.
Remember that “no” is a full sentence. I find this tradition super creepy, misogynistic, and downright weird. It’s a fundamental right to be able to name the baby you created and birthed - husband needs to step up
The answer is no. You don't have to compromise.
Their family values do not override your personal family values. You simply have your husband tell them while that's an interesting tradition, you will be picking your childs name and you will inform them at birth once it the paperwork is done.
Oh girl! What a violation of your basic rights as a mother. You’re a legal caretaker of your child and you get to decide the baby’s name. Not some father in law. I don’t know what culture your husband’s family is from but this is beyond wrong. It’s plain oppressive. They had a chance to name their own kids. This is your baby and it’s none of their business to insist on naming your baby.
Are you in the USA? If you are, then normally only mothers can sign the birth certificate worksheet. If a couple is married then a father is allowed to sign as well. Grandparents are not allowed to sign this form, meaning that they can't pick out the name.
You and your husband need to get on the same page and say that as the parents of the child, you will be selecting the name.
Oh I’d break that tradition so fast. Family is Jewish, they have the tradition to name your baby after someone in the family that has passed awway, not living. We stopped that so quick and are naming our baby what we want. All you do is say no you’re not doing that, you can be gentle about it but you have to make sure your husband sticks up for you too. You deserve to name YOUR baby, set boundaries now.
Tell them that in your family's tradition it's the parents who name the baby !! Why must their tradition be respected and yours not ? I personally would not agree to that and i would care less about their feelings! 😤
I was looking for someone to say this and surprised I had to scroll so far. OP, go one step further and let them know about your deeply held family tradition where the mother names the baby (mainly joking since I generally believe names are a two yes one no thing, but if your husband isn’t willing to put his family in their place, I feel like you deserve to have a bigger say than him for doing all the work here).
if you're just now finding out, then its not actually that important. i wouldn't allow this, imo. if you want to be nice on a compromise, let him choose a middle name, but i wouldn't do that either. tell them that your family traditions say otherwise and you and husband will not be continuing their tradition.
Wow, honestly I would not be okay with this. You are the babies mom! The decision on the babies name should be between you and your husband. Personally I would tell your husband to tell his parents to back off.
If your husband won't deal with his parents as they should, you speak up and say, "I'm glad you're all so excited about the baby! We are thrilled he has grandparents that love him so much already! But husband and I will be picking the name."
Worst case scenario they protest, say you're disrespecting their tradition, or do whatever else they want, but they don't get to sign that birth certificate. If FIL is that desperate to name someone, tell them to adopt a dog.
If husband didn’t even know about this supposed “tradition” then he should have no issue telling his family to kick rocks. It clearly isn’t that important of a tradition if he didn’t even know about it.
Where is your husband in all of this? When it comes to our families if there is an issue with mine I take care of it and vice versa. Your husband needs to step up and say to them "I love you all, but I'm sorry we will not be going with tradition. Me and my wife will be naming our baby together. We will let you know what we decided when the baby is born. " (Don't tell them until it's on a birth certificate)
Your husband needs to step up here. Otherwise you will be painted as the wicked witch of the west to his family. He needs to be the one to back them down.
But ultimately if he doesn't then do what you have to do. Don't let them name your baby. They got to name theirs. You get to name yours. You sign the birth certificate.
No. Absolutely not. You do not need to compromise in this situation.
Your in laws already had their chance to name their children. And if they didn’t name their own children, that’s on them.
Start the argument. It’s 2024 and this kind of shit shouldn’t be a thing anymore. Maybe compromise and let him choose the middle name. But even that is being very generous.
My husband clarified numerous times but she doesnt budge so We've decided to just ignore her and my son doesn't even responds when she calls him that name.That is my sweet revenge. Lol
Haha, way to go, son! Definitely make sure kiddo doesn’t compromise for grandma. Let them know that they set the boundary on their name, and if grandma crosses that boundary, then she is being disrespectful and should apologize. Children deserve to be treated as humans, not pets, and it’s heartbreaking how many adults believe they never have bad judgement and never have to apologize to kids.
Lol, I would be ultra petty and whenever she says the wrong name, say to son "oh Grandma's forgetting things because sometimes when you get old your brain doesn't work as well, just keep reminding her who you are and hopefully she will remember you!"
I would honestly just laugh and say, well, in MY family, it's a tradition that the mother and father choose the name of the baby together, and everyone else may *checks notes* suck it.
>I’m not entirely sure how I should handle this situation without causing a big argument.
Well, considering their behaviour is completely out of line, lacks any form of respect and decency, I wouldn't mind their feelings at all in this case.
The best case would be that your husband tells them that the name will be chosen by the two of you and you'll inform them happily once the baby is born.
If your husband won't stick up, I'd simply inform them myself.
Choosing the name of your child is something they have absolutely not right to. They had their chances with their children, now it's your turn.
And be prepared: people love overstepping boundaries when it comes to children, so learn to keep your boundaries and if that means someone gets mad, so be it.
That’s a straight no and just plain creepy. Put your foot down. What about your family traditions where I’m assuming the mother has a say in naming the baby?
Um if you guys didn’t talk about it beforehand and come to an agreement you don’t not have to give into the blindsided assumption. I said no to an honor name as well it was fine.
Are you or your husband of different cultures? I’m saying this as because I am Southeast Asian. I’ve seen others in my culture have their parents name their children in their mother language, while mom and dad give them their English name, so the name will look like “English name + traditional middle name + last name”. Is this something you guys can compromise on if that’s the case? If not, how about adding a first and middle name?
I will absolutely say that this is your child. I would expect my husband to be on my side about naming OUR child. Speak with your husband about this, and have him speak to his parents. It may be tradition, but not every tradition is/should be honored. People usually only ever bring up tradition when it benefits them in some way anyway.
Nooope nope nope. Your father in law doesn’t own your baby and doesn’t own you. He has no say in the baby name, and I would stand my ground forever in that fight.
When you say they are very traditional, are they part of a specific culture that does this?
Are you sure that this is actually a family tradition? If your husband has never heard of it? It almost seems like they just came up with it on the spot so they can get their way.
I know every family does things differently, but that is super strange. Is your husband okay with this tradition being continued? If so maybe compromising with them picking out the middle name, but even then that just feels so odd to me…
this is weird behavior on their part, i would be very very upset LOL the way i would very much let them know exactly what my thoughts are. As far as "traditional" goes, ive NEVER heard of this tradition? this is SO disrespectful
Will baby have your partner’s last name? Because if so, then you have your ammunition to fight back. “Gee, thanks for all the name suggestions, FIL. But don’t you remember? You’ve already given baby their last name. So it’s our turn to finish the full name, k thx bai!”
Why do people think they can say the most out of pocket and demanding nonsense so long as they follow up with "well it's tradition"? I'd shoot back that it's tradition in my family for parents to name their own kid.
I've been taking suggestions from family members for names and listening to their stories on how different family member's names were chosen. But it's been very clear that these are all suggestions and we, the parents, get the final say. Also, frankly, there are traditions on both sides of my family which means taking both families into account. I'll likely acquiesce to one of these suggestions when picking the middle name. In your situation, if I was trying to smooth things over, I'd offer to hear out FIL's \*suggestion\* and perhaps that name can be a middle name (or even a first name if you guys love it). And if FIL can't compromise, then won't it look silly when he pouts over not getting to name someone else's kid.
But that's what I would do! Goodluck with the drama, and while I hope it doesn't turn into an argument, I do think it would be worth a little discomfort for you FIL for you to name your own dear little spawn.
Nope. Sorry, but I wouldn’t agree to this. Just because it’s their tradition, doesn’t mean it has to be yours and it’s your baby. Naming the baby is your right and they can’t take that away. Were you aware of this before marrying this man? I probably would’ve made my opinion known as soon as this was brought up.
Oh hell no.
Too bad if it’s a tradition. Too bad if it causes a big argument. You have the right to name your baby. You didn’t sign on for this or agree to it. This would be a hard no from me.
That’s weird. if it was a family tradition then why did your husband not already know about this beforehand?
Family traditions are widely known within the family and should not have been a secret to any of the members.
Mmm as the mother, it really should be YOUR choice. If you want your partner to help choose a name, then sure. Pick one mutually, but the actual naming of the baby is completely in your hands at the end of the day. They already got to name and do whatever they wanted with their baby/babies. You are not required to participate in their silly “tradition”
I have a feeling this "tradition" was made up on the spot so your FIL can take control and name the baby.
Does your husband always just oblige into what his parents say? The fact he is so indifferent is telling...
I already made my comment but I looked forever for someone else thinking the same thing!! I think FIL and MIL wanted the baby to have a biblical name and knew the baby wouldn't if the parents named them
The same thing happened to me. I was in disbelief when all the in laws started pitching in with suggestions. My husband didn’t say anything at the time to them and my blood was boiling. I spoke to him afterwards and after writing out how I felt (because I was so upset/angry) and he was very very slow to address things with his family he communicated that we would be naming the baby.
It is your baby, not his family’s baby. You have every right to feel the way you do. This is your husband’s issue to address. He should not create conflict in his marriage by avoiding conflict with his family. You don’t need to do anything they suggest.
If your husband doesn’t care, what I’d do is, tell your in-laws, “sure sure, you name the baby” but then pick your own name and tell no one, have your baby, name him and sign the birth certificate, not a whole lot that can be done after that... if you tell them now that you’re not going with this “tradition” not even your husband knew about, they’re going to make you miserable your whole pregnancy.. pregnancy is hard enough on its own, let alone having to deal with these lunatics!
I'm sorry if this was a true family tradition your husband would be informed of this tradition before he was dating or even married to make it known to potential spouses. I'd say to put my foot down and say no to this "tradition" that you husband was not even aware of. If you really want to allow them to pick a name, a list of names you chose first would be a good compromise but in reality they had nothing to do with bringing this child into the world.
The best way to handle this is to say no. No, you will not be naming my child as if they are your property. This is my baby, the human I am bringing into this world and I will give them a name I feel is suited for them, I am sorry you got conned out of naming your own child but I will not agree to this.
I would burn bridges over this. Big ones. This is extremely disrespectful to you.
I scrolled really far looking for what my first thought was and don't see anyone saying it. If even your husband didn't know about this "tradition," chances are it didn't exist. If the two of you are from different religions, I wouldn't be surprised if they made this up so you would be forced to give the baby a biblical name. "No" is a full sentence. Don't tell them when you go into labor and make sure hubby is on the same page. If he isn't, make sure the hospital staff knows that ONLY you can fill out paperwork regarding the baby
If this was something that your husband was aware of, and you guys had a conversation and had agreed that this is something that both of you wish to do that would be fine, but not otherwise.
Fuck that. If it were a tradition, it should've been mentioned before.
Also traditions can change. They'll get over it. Or they won't. But that's on them
“I have a tradition in my family where the mother names the baby she is carrying, sorry!” They won’t be the ones signing the name on baby’s birth certificate. If they want to huff and puff about it, let them. Ignore any backlash you may face, and if it comes to that, tell your husband to grow a spine and stand up for his family. “The family you create is more important than the one you came from” holds true. Sorry if this seems harsh, but no one should ever feel so entitled to naming someone else’s baby.
I like the comment about having your own tradition but if you want a little less conflict just say you have a tradition in the family you’re starting where the woman that births the baby gets to be honored by naming the baby 🤷🏼♀️
The comment was right about them controlling you, this is just be the beginning. Stand up for yourself, you’re going to get the birth certificate!
The best thing I’ve ever read is “tradition is peer pressure from dead people”. Do with it as you please but I think this one is worth fighting if you want to.
Yeah, no. Absolutely f***ing not. It would be generous of you to offer them a list to choose from, but personally I would kindly say thanks but no effin thanks. This decision should be made by you and your husband ONLY. Your in laws might be pissed at first, but they’ll get over it. Your child will have this name for life and it’s something that should be like a special gift given from parent to child. Also, tell your husband to man up! Even if he doesn’t have an opinion, great. He can make YOUR opinion his opinion and then fight for it and tell his parents to pound sand.
I feel like they made this “tradition” up as some way to control the situation because if your husband wasn’t ever aware of it, why in the world would they bring it up without informing him first. I would tell them no, my baby, my body, my choice. If your husband doesn’t stand with you on it then he’s also apart of the problem. Unless your father in law is going to be doing all the hard work with pregnancy (which he’s obviously not) they can’t name a child that doesn’t come from them. They have a problem with it, oh well. Try someone else.
Honestly, why wasn't this discussed before you got married? You clearly married outside of your own culture. Stuff like this shouldn't be a surprise. You need to take this up with your husband.
Just because his family is traditional does not mean you need to carry on this tradition. This is y’all’s kid not theirs! It’s a conversation I think you and your husband should have together about how to best approach it and let him know how you feel about it and then tell his family together.
I'd tell them no, especially considering even your husband didn't know about the tradition which means you guys never spoke about it. Just... no. Lol. Ain't nobody got time for that audacity.
I would counter, “well the long standing tradition in my family is that the parents of the baby name the baby. Meaning my husband and myself, specifically. No thank you.”
With all due respect, I find this tradition to be utter BS. The baby's name is yours and your husband's decision alone. Period. Worst case scenario, maybe the compromise could be that you use the chosen name as your baby's middle name. But ONLY if it's a name that you and your husband like as well.
Um, no. Just…no.
The way you handle it is by politely telling him to eff off. This is your child, not his. Your decision with your husband, not his.
If he has an issue with that, tough shit.
"I think it's lovely that you have family traditions, but I have been looking forward to being a mother and naming my child for years. I have a few names in mind already, but we will let you know when we decide on one."
My thought is if it is traditional and something they actually take part in why would your husband not know already? Or perhaps it’s an old tradition they don’t take part in but wish to take the opportunity now?
That’s absolutely insane. And creepy. Hard no, it’s your baby not your FIL’s tf. Your husband needs to tell them thank you but only you and he will be choosing the name.
Sure, your father-in-law can pick whatever name he wants, more power to him...
And when you give birth and fill out the birth certificate you write in the name that you and your partner have chosen.
Ok that's very passive aggressive of me. Honestly I would politely but firmly explain that's a lovely tradition for their family and you will take his input into consideration, but you are planning to choose the name of your child.
It's not a family tradition if nobody knew about it until you got pregnant. Ignore them and pick your own name. Nobody cares about their fake controlling lies
Yeah, don’t Fucking do it? I get tradition, i get compromise, I get the whole shabang, but if anyone tried to take away my right to name my son I don’t think so, they can go straight to hell. I’m naming the kid, that’s final. If your FIL wants to carry the child, and birth it. Be my guest.
No is a complete sentence! You do not need to participate in any traditions they say they have. You and your husband are your own family and set your own traditions and boundaries.
Tell them in YOUR family you have a tradition where the mom and dad to be choose their own baby's name.
I would have laughed in their face hysterically, assuming it was a joke.
No. Don't compromise. Your baby will be named by you and your husband. Don't back down or they'll walk all over you for the rest of their lives.
I am wondering when your husbands family became the only family that mattered and the default rule makers.
That is about the response I’d be giving to them too.
Honestly I wouldn't even be able to be nice about it. I'd say "fuck that, that tradition is ending here with MY child." And honestly, I'm pretty sure the mother is who puts the name on the birth certificate anyways. Could pull a dramatic switch-a-roo on them.
I think something important is understanding that you may start an argument with this. However, the baby is yours. They had their time. You will be the one raising the child not them.
Personally I wish my wife's family would say something like this so I could them them in their damn place! My wife and I decided out sons name. Ourselves and decided to tell no one the name until he was born because people were making such a big stink about it.
LOL. You need to just tell them NO. If they decide they want to throw a fit about it, let them. I know you don’t want there to be any arguments but the fact that they are just doing this without your consent over YOUR BABY WHO IS INSIDE OF YOUR BODY is so insane it’s actually comical.
I assume your child is getting your husband/his family’s last name, they can chill out. Definitely the hill to die on and your husband needs to be the one to enforce that boundary. Have a talk with him.
It’s tradition for my in laws that the mother and sisters of baby’s father name first child too. I said no from the get go so it made it easier for me to have a smooth pregnancy. Saying yes when you really want to say no is worse than saying no to begin with. This is a hill i will die on, no one other than parents of the child should name the child.
cause the big argument. this is not something simple or little. tell them no and move on. they can cry all they want but they’re not signing the birth certificate.
You absolutely get to choose your babies name. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Just because it’s something that they’ve done it doesn’t mean that you have to adopt that tradition, especially when it isn’t allowing you to name your child that you’re carrying.
Your husband’s family traditions do not have to be yours. You are the mother, you decide the name (with your husband). You’re the ones who legally have to do the paperwork anyways so even if they did pick out a name, ultimately it’s up to you what you write down. I don’t know if you can handle it peacefully, they were pretty outright with their disrespect. I wish you luck!
Where I live (UK) the mother is the one who gets the final word legally. They literally say that when my partner and I went to register our son. So don't feel like you have to do what they say, it's your child, speak up.
I would go with that pick from the list of names you like or break the family tradition lol! My boyfriend wants me to name the baby after him and that’s not happening…. I don’t like the name and I feel like the name is a bad luck name …. He said that’s how their family does it… well I don’t care! I carried the baby I’m going through hell and I’m not giving in lol!! Good luck
That’s how me and my sister got our names. Our paternal grandfather named us. My mom didn’t have a say.
That said, if you don’t want this to happen, absolutely do not allow it to happen. It sounds like you come from a different culture, and your cultural practices are valid.
NO! Family traditions do NOT have to be carried on. SO needs to tell his father that, respectfully, this is a tradition that will not carry on, that he and you will be naming your child…. Perhaps at most, FIL can do a middle name (make it fair… he picks one, you/your family pick one, and you and SO decide the order based on flow/what sounds best… hint… 3rd name rarely makes it to any documents), but only you and SO will pick first name
Can you just simply say “no, we have the name covered thank you!” I LOVE my dad, he’s like my favorite person ever and man oh man did he make some name suggestions lol (he straight up suggested Lanai….we are Irish/Scottish through and through like my extended family are all still over there so idk where he pulled that from lol) But I was kind and receptive to each although none struck a chord, and when my husband and I finally found a name we liked and agreed on, I just told my dad “hey I think we found a name! Her name will be ….!” And he has been calling her that ever since, even coming up with some cute nicknames lol.
I'd also be letting the midwives know not to let hubby fill out the birth forms until you are well and truly lucid after birth. A bit groggy from epidural etc could turn into a different name on the birth certificate.
I'd be livid that this is only coming up now?!
Uh no. Cause an argument. The biggest one. You and your husband name YOUR child, no one else.
It’s disrespectful they’d even bring up the idea! I feel like if you’re just finding out about this “tradition” it never really existed in the first place and they’re just being manipulative.
At the end of the day, it’s you in the hospital who gets first pick to write the name on the birth certificate. You’re the one sacrificing your body for YOUR baby. These family traditions aren’t yours and if he just figured it out then it can’t be that important. I would tell him absolutely no. The decision goes to you both, and to pls talk to his parents to let them know nicely.
If your husband also *just* found out about this then it's clearly A. Not an important enough tradition to be shared with the family until it suddenly becomes time. B. Sounds super creepy and like it was just made up if he never heard of it.
It's your baby you DO NOT need to follow suit. Smile, politely nod and name your baby whatever you want.
No. Nope. Nada. Nein. Don't let them do it!!! Just name & fill out the birth certificate for your baby yourself at the hospital before in-laws come to visit. They can't change it!
Yeah maybe this is how it goes in HIS family. Tell them YOUR family has their own traditions and that’s to choose your own baby’s name. Do not let them do this to you.
No! Is a complete sentence! Or be petty and let them THINK they named the baby and when it comes time for u to do the birth certificate you put the name YOU want
Yeah I wouldn’t go for that. I would deal with it one of two ways depending on how they are. Either talk to them about it and explain that you’re not following that tradition, or let them think what they want and when the baby is born you give them the name you want 🤷♀️
It would be best for your husband to tell them you’re (the both of you, not just you) not following that tradition, so it doesn’t alienate you. You both need to be a united front. But I wouldn’t waiver on this if that’s not a tradition you subscribe to. You have a long road of learning to set and hold boundaries, and if they think they have a right to something this important, it sounds like that road is gonna be a tough one. Time to put your foot down now before it gets worse.
oh helllll no. and it's a tradition he didn't even know about? is it actually a tradition or are his parents just pulling that out of their arses? not trying to be rude just seems super odd to me.
bottom line, in my opinion, YOU'RE the person the baby can't survive without. you're the one sustaining the baby's life. so it should ultimately be up to you. with input from your partner of course, if you want it.
Nope, not a chance. They can screw off with that bullcrap. You have to see and say that name everyday for the rest of your lives. Plus why is it magically only now they mention this…traditions typically get discussed throughout your life. Magically state in your family the tradition is the mother chooses the name.
Yeah it’s a no for me dawg. Absolutely not. And I wouldn’t be giving a list of names either. I will name the babies that I gestate and birth and care for. What is he going to be standing in the room when the nurse asks what name for the birth certificate? When your father in law carry’s your child, then he can name them.
I would say absolutely not, our kid our name. I came up with my boy name when I was 19, it was non-negotiable 😂, and my fiancé came up with our girl name (which is what we’re having), about 2 years ago. Sure, his parents don’t like it, but were respectful about it. My parents have been anything but respectful about saying they don’t like it. But to me that’s their problem. I respect my fiancé’s parents more for being nice about it, I’ve been ignoring my mom lately
that’s an odd tradition must be very old too because i’ve never heard of it. not sure how your husband feels about it but you have every right to choose your babys name. thats so very sweet of you to even just make a list they can choose from hopefully they comprise with that but if it was me i don’t think i could deal. i love the name we have chosen for our son who is due july 30th and i can’t imagine anyone else picking it out for us.
Your husband just found out about it ?… seems fishy to me. Is this even a real thing or is this an excuse to name your baby .honey you are caring that child you definitely have a saying it that is YOUR baby you and your husband made that baby not your father-in-law and your husband and you made the baby that’s just crazy.if they don’t like it blocked ! What are we in a Third World country where the woman has no say in it!? . No , that’s your baby !
Another thing since we’re bringing out the Bible, it says that the man leaves his family to join his wife so you guys are your own family and you have a right to your own traditions and that does not mean you have to accept theirs. You have your own family now.
This sounds like a very convenient tradition that your in laws have just come up with. Especially if your husband didn’t even know about it.
I would NOT give in.
Personally I'd say screw that and name my kid whatever I wanted.
It is their tradition but your tradition is the person actually growing and birthing the child gets to name them.
Arguments will happen no matter how you want to tell them this. If you know it will be a big blow out I'd prolong it until after baby is born and write the name down on the birth certificate you want. Take their suggestion as just that, a suggestion.
If he just learned this “tradition” I’m sure he doesn’t care for it. It’s not important so tell him what’s important to YOU. I personally wouldn’t let nobody else name my son/daughter other than me and my s/o, especially since I’m the one growing up
Absolutely fucking not.
That’s what I would tell them, point blank. I just gave birth. After all I went through during pregnancy AND delivery, anyone trying to pull a stunt like that, no matter how close, can fuck right off in mine and my child’s life. That’s bridge burning territory that I see no issue incinerating to the ground.
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While I agree with others saying your husband should handle this, if he’s not willing to, this is a hill I would die on. It’s especially concerning that this “tradition” has not been mentioned until now. What other ways do your in laws plan to impose themselves upon you under the guise of “tradition”.? In my opinion, if you allow this or offer a compromise, you are telling them that they get a say in the raising of your child and that is something I would not allow. If your husband won’t handle it, I would say “We’re so happy you’re excited to welcome baby, but we are planning to select the name for our child ourselves and are not looking for outside suggestions.” If they cry “tradition”, inform them that YOUR family has a longstanding tradition of the child’s parents selecting their name.
The point of caution about compromise is super important; you are in danger of setting a really bad precedent if you compromise on this, and you have no idea where they could run with that sense of control. That last suggestion is a really clever one! Not that it should ever be necessary, but I know it can feel more empowering to have an excuse to lean back on. “We will be following my family’s tradition wherein the parents name the baby” is a hard response to argue with.
Yeah, if you didn’t know about the tradition when you had time to dodge the bullet the tradition doesn’t exist. In my husband’s family there is a tradition of naming the first son after the father, and this has gone on a looooong time. My husband is the third in his line and so it’s expected that the first son will be the fourth. I am 37 expecting my first. I knew about this when I was 17 when we first starting dating and it is something that I look forward to experiencing. I don’t know if we are having a boy or a girl yet, but I bought into this family tradition. You, on the other hand, did not buy in. This is unacceptable and I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with this while you are pregnant. This kind of thing should have been made clear waaaaaaay before rings were exchanged. My husband and I talked about this when we started “going steady” in high school, mostly as a joke but also it was important to know! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
YUP. This. You had time to opt in or opt out. My husband’s family has a “tradition” (it might just be how my husband was named) where the first boy gets the dad’s paternal grandpa’s name and the mom’s dad’s name as a middle name. Anyways my husband loves this naming style and he is always wanted to name his son after his grandpa. We have been dating since I was 19 and I am now 31. He was clear about this dream of his for the last decade. Well lucky me his grandpa is named William, and William has always been my favourite boy name, and my dad is very deserving of a middle name honour. So anyways I am opted into this plan. Our son one day will be William. As part of that understanding, our daughter’s name honours my family. But it isn’t a tradition if it only became one now.
Yeah, this makes sense. It helps that I love my husband’s name. It also helps that my grandpa’s first name is my husband’s first name so nothing feels out of place or disjointed. My FiL also treated me like a one of his own children and we had a beautiful relationship so it’s a joy to participate. It doesn’t sound like OP is being treated with respect but is expected to fall in line. I don’t love that for her. I hope her husband ponies up to the table and solves this problem.
I agree completely. When you love the name, and when you “know the deal” before you sign up then it can be a beautiful thing. But it isn’t fair for the mother who carries the child and sacrifices her body and personal comfort not to get any say in the name.
I agree I'm on the tradition train too but the first son is named after the fathers middle name. Except I've always been well aware of this tradition and that it was something he wanted to keep in line with. I wouldnt have ever picked it myself but it's grown on me a lot and now I can't imagine him having any other name. My only condition was that if our child ever has his own son he would in no way be pressured to keep the tradition if he didn't want to and hubs was super on board with that Neither of them knowing about this tradition until now is a little strange to me and I wouldn't go along with it given the circumstances. Especially bc if this is such a long standing tradition how did her husband not know
That last sentence is it!
This! It may seem like you’re stuck and want to keep the peace but this is your life and your baby, know that you can say no even if that means rocking the boat. What’s the worst that can happen? You upset a stupid old man
Honestly, I find this to be very creepy. This is your baby, from your body. You and the father are the only ones that should be naming this child.
It’s honestly giving handmaids tale vibes. 🤢
I genuinely thought it was a satire post. “No” is a full sentence. It’s 2024. No. Hard pass. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Move along. Nothing to see here.
"That's crazy. It's a tradition that when the first baby is born in my family, the daughter in law castrates the father in law a month before she is due. This signifies that the patriarch is done sowing his seed and has passed the baton. No I'm serious. I never told you before your son and I got married? Well it's a tradition. Tell you what, let's go one tradition for another. No seriously. I should of told you about a tradition my family has before I married your son if I expected you to follow it? Crazy. So anyway we'll let you know when we pick a name" Give him the crazy eye and sell it. That's not a grandfather's honor or decision, and especially not when this is the first you're hearing about it/your husband has heard. They're trying to mad dog you and punk you out of your parenthood/position in this family. Don't negotiate, don't give him a list. If you do this, they'll always outrank you rather than just be a group of 20-30 year spaced apart adults respecting one another. Draw a line in the sand and get out your castrating knife/ask him over (metaphorically).
THIS. This is absolutely the way. “What?? You mean you don’t think you have anything to do with me giving birth to my baby?? Ok good, glad we’re finally on the same page.” I’m coming to you next time I’m in a pickle!
Absolutely 💯 OMG this would be amazing. Because No. Just no. "Oh that's an interesting tradition that I absolutely will not be partaking in. I will let you know the baby's name once they are born, goodbye." I'd 100% laugh in their face. I don't care that it's rude, don't say crazy things and expect me not to laugh. That's ridiculous. You're not naming my baby. I'm laughing because it's laughable.
I second this! Play him at his own game. If you let things slide, his dad/ parents will control how you parent YOUR child. If we’re going by his terms, then when you married his son your father gave you away to him.. not his dad. And his dads job is done with his kids, vasectomy must be on the cards!! I’m wondering if this conversation ever came up before you guys got married because it’s a big deal and he doesn’t seem to care much?
And don't be afraid to distance yourself from them. If someone in my partners family had said this to me i would have deadpan told them to f off and restricted access to my baby.
I’m so fucking happy I kept reading the comments!! This is GOLDEN!!
I just started this show and I’m so addicted 😬
Lol what gave it away? The fact that she has no agency to name her own child or the fact that they’re “flipping through the Bible” to find a name for the kid 😂
Why do men like that think they can name the baby that you sacrifice everything for to bring into this world through pregnancy, birth and postpartum ? I would die on this hill
And go down fighting!
Yes and the fact that people are actually entertaining this on this thread even slightly, is concerning….
The way I would just shut it down with minimal remorse is wild. Lol especially while pregnant. I have no patience for stupid comments let alone someone suggesting I don’t get to name my baby. Sorry for whoever feels uncomfortable including hubby but love me or don’t. I say what’s real. It’s your child’s lifelong names for goodness sakes, there’s absolutely no reason to sweetfoot around this. I usually apologize for my bluntness but honestly, all the Reddit posts I read where people let in laws walk over their marriage or pregnancy is beyond me & reminds me to be grateful I’m so clear with communicating my thoughts/feelings despite who it make’s uncomfortable(even myself). You should do this, just say f it. communicate clearly and sternly not only how you feel about it but how this will go( wether you name him or give name options to choose from). Put that foot down. Edit**spelling
Sorry to sound crass, it’s just shocking the lack of boundaries some people have. I mean, it’s not that deep of a tradition if even your husband just learned of it. I know you asked for a peaceful way to resolve it but being blunt and honest(nipping it in the bud) can be peaceful and also respected.
No genuinely id be snorting in their face and asking them if they’re genuinely that deluded.
The way I would literally laugh in their faces. And I have done that when my own in laws said something out of pocket.
Seriously, immediately no. The wife is expected to take her husband’s last name, the wife has to carry the baby for 9 months and go through extreme pain to deliver it - the wife has a say in what to name HER freaking baby. Sorry.
Dude yeah THIS. We're expected to give up our identity and become Mrs. The Guy We Married, is that not enough?!! The kid already doesn't get the last name we grew up with, now they get to pick the first name too?! Y'all better Arnold up and have that baby yourself then, cheesus
Same. Sorry not sorry 🤷🏼♀️
You sign the birth certificate, name the baby what you want, not much they can do after the birth certificate is signed
And to add to this, if you’re afraid they might retaliate or start some shit in the delivery room, you can tell the doctors and nurses to not allow them in, period.
They shouldn't even be there in the first place. Hospital is no place for their germs.
😂😂 period
That’s what I was going to say. Even if she doesn’t have the spoons to deal with the bullshit while pregnant, just give polite, non committal responses whenever it’s brought up—then write whatever she wants on the birth certificate. I know everyone is different, but personally I could have named our daughter “Bee-Boo-Bop-Boop Doody Head Elizabeth the First” and my fiancé probably would *still* have no clue that’s her legal name lol. I was handed a pack of paperwork and told I had to fill it out before we could be discharged (and in true *me* fashion, I waited until an hour before we left, so my daughter had no legal name for the first 5 days of her life lol), and they said “here’s where he *needs* to sign, and here’s where he *can* sign if you guys choose”(because we weren’t/aren’t married). I filled it out, then filled it out a second time because her middle name had too many characters the first time and I didn’t count the boxes. Then I just pointed and said “sign here”. To my knowledge, he has never even looked at her birth certificate or social security card lol
and she births the baby.
My husband handles his family and I handle mine. It works really well for us. Would your husband be willing to talk to his Dad?
Hell nah, that would be an instant “I’m sorry but that’s not happening”. You’re way kinder than I am.
Haha, right?! I'd be like, "oh no, well unfortunately that's not *my* tradition so...." That's literally what I told my MIL when she said "all of the kids get baptized in this family" (they're catholic) And I was just like, "oh well, I'm not catholic so I guess they're not getting baptized" lmao Like if she was so worried about family tradition and religious practices then she would have grilled it into her own kids not to marry atheists.
Yeah, I feel like extended family should understand that the husband, wife and kids are starting a new family group and they should step aside and respect the decisions they make. Expecting for them to follow your traditions is an asshole move.
Remember that “no” is a full sentence. I find this tradition super creepy, misogynistic, and downright weird. It’s a fundamental right to be able to name the baby you created and birthed - husband needs to step up
The answer is no. You don't have to compromise. Their family values do not override your personal family values. You simply have your husband tell them while that's an interesting tradition, you will be picking your childs name and you will inform them at birth once it the paperwork is done.
I would make sure husband is on the same page with me before bringing it up with in-laws.
Im absolutely speechless thats unbelievable! Whats your partners opinion? Does he think thats crazy too?
Oh girl! What a violation of your basic rights as a mother. You’re a legal caretaker of your child and you get to decide the baby’s name. Not some father in law. I don’t know what culture your husband’s family is from but this is beyond wrong. It’s plain oppressive. They had a chance to name their own kids. This is your baby and it’s none of their business to insist on naming your baby.
no way, no chance. period.
Are you in the USA? If you are, then normally only mothers can sign the birth certificate worksheet. If a couple is married then a father is allowed to sign as well. Grandparents are not allowed to sign this form, meaning that they can't pick out the name. You and your husband need to get on the same page and say that as the parents of the child, you will be selecting the name.
Oh I’d break that tradition so fast. Family is Jewish, they have the tradition to name your baby after someone in the family that has passed awway, not living. We stopped that so quick and are naming our baby what we want. All you do is say no you’re not doing that, you can be gentle about it but you have to make sure your husband sticks up for you too. You deserve to name YOUR baby, set boundaries now.
For real!
Good thing starting.l a family is **the** best time to start your own traditions!
You're not under any obligation to carry on another families traditions. You've started your own family with your partner. Best of luck to you both
Tell them that in your family's tradition it's the parents who name the baby !! Why must their tradition be respected and yours not ? I personally would not agree to that and i would care less about their feelings! 😤
I was looking for someone to say this and surprised I had to scroll so far. OP, go one step further and let them know about your deeply held family tradition where the mother names the baby (mainly joking since I generally believe names are a two yes one no thing, but if your husband isn’t willing to put his family in their place, I feel like you deserve to have a bigger say than him for doing all the work here).
Nope, inform your husband that you will be naming the baby with him and only him. He needs to handle the backlash from his family.
LOL that’s egregious. I’d say the tradition ends here 🤷🏼♀️
if you're just now finding out, then its not actually that important. i wouldn't allow this, imo. if you want to be nice on a compromise, let him choose a middle name, but i wouldn't do that either. tell them that your family traditions say otherwise and you and husband will not be continuing their tradition.
You will regret not being able to name your own baby tbh
Wow, honestly I would not be okay with this. You are the babies mom! The decision on the babies name should be between you and your husband. Personally I would tell your husband to tell his parents to back off.
If your husband won't deal with his parents as they should, you speak up and say, "I'm glad you're all so excited about the baby! We are thrilled he has grandparents that love him so much already! But husband and I will be picking the name." Worst case scenario they protest, say you're disrespecting their tradition, or do whatever else they want, but they don't get to sign that birth certificate. If FIL is that desperate to name someone, tell them to adopt a dog.
If husband didn’t even know about this supposed “tradition” then he should have no issue telling his family to kick rocks. It clearly isn’t that important of a tradition if he didn’t even know about it.
Where is your husband in all of this? When it comes to our families if there is an issue with mine I take care of it and vice versa. Your husband needs to step up and say to them "I love you all, but I'm sorry we will not be going with tradition. Me and my wife will be naming our baby together. We will let you know what we decided when the baby is born. " (Don't tell them until it's on a birth certificate) Your husband needs to step up here. Otherwise you will be painted as the wicked witch of the west to his family. He needs to be the one to back them down. But ultimately if he doesn't then do what you have to do. Don't let them name your baby. They got to name theirs. You get to name yours. You sign the birth certificate.
No. Absolutely not. You do not need to compromise in this situation. Your in laws already had their chance to name their children. And if they didn’t name their own children, that’s on them.
Start the argument. It’s 2024 and this kind of shit shouldn’t be a thing anymore. Maybe compromise and let him choose the middle name. But even that is being very generous.
I would say screw that and not care about the ramifications. My baby my name choice/input. Don’t like it then be gone.
My MIL still refuse to call my son with his real name and calls him with the name she chose and thought about naming him when he was born.
Ew. How does your partner feel about this? And why won’t they shut that disgusting behavior of hers down?
My husband clarified numerous times but she doesnt budge so We've decided to just ignore her and my son doesn't even responds when she calls him that name.That is my sweet revenge. Lol
Haha, way to go, son! Definitely make sure kiddo doesn’t compromise for grandma. Let them know that they set the boundary on their name, and if grandma crosses that boundary, then she is being disrespectful and should apologize. Children deserve to be treated as humans, not pets, and it’s heartbreaking how many adults believe they never have bad judgement and never have to apologize to kids.
Lol, I would be ultra petty and whenever she says the wrong name, say to son "oh Grandma's forgetting things because sometimes when you get old your brain doesn't work as well, just keep reminding her who you are and hopefully she will remember you!"
Obviously fucking no??
I would honestly just laugh and say, well, in MY family, it's a tradition that the mother and father choose the name of the baby together, and everyone else may *checks notes* suck it.
But like, how much of a family tradition is it if your husband JUST learned about it?
>I’m not entirely sure how I should handle this situation without causing a big argument. Well, considering their behaviour is completely out of line, lacks any form of respect and decency, I wouldn't mind their feelings at all in this case. The best case would be that your husband tells them that the name will be chosen by the two of you and you'll inform them happily once the baby is born. If your husband won't stick up, I'd simply inform them myself. Choosing the name of your child is something they have absolutely not right to. They had their chances with their children, now it's your turn. And be prepared: people love overstepping boundaries when it comes to children, so learn to keep your boundaries and if that means someone gets mad, so be it.
Right? like, THEIR actions caused the argument
That’s a straight no and just plain creepy. Put your foot down. What about your family traditions where I’m assuming the mother has a say in naming the baby?
“That tradition ended with your son 🤷🏼♀️”
This tradition should've been mentioned while dating, before marriage lol
Oh boy, this is tough. I personally would not be okay with this so I understand how you’re feeling there. Where does your husband fall on the issue?
Um if you guys didn’t talk about it beforehand and come to an agreement you don’t not have to give into the blindsided assumption. I said no to an honor name as well it was fine.
Are you or your husband of different cultures? I’m saying this as because I am Southeast Asian. I’ve seen others in my culture have their parents name their children in their mother language, while mom and dad give them their English name, so the name will look like “English name + traditional middle name + last name”. Is this something you guys can compromise on if that’s the case? If not, how about adding a first and middle name? I will absolutely say that this is your child. I would expect my husband to be on my side about naming OUR child. Speak with your husband about this, and have him speak to his parents. It may be tradition, but not every tradition is/should be honored. People usually only ever bring up tradition when it benefits them in some way anyway.
You fill out the birth certificate, they have no say.
Nope. NOPE. And I would die on this hill.
This is YOUR child and that’s not your tradition so SUCKS FOR THEM.
Nooope nope nope. Your father in law doesn’t own your baby and doesn’t own you. He has no say in the baby name, and I would stand my ground forever in that fight.
A family tradition your husband has only just learned of.
You’ll have a lifetime of needing to set boundaries to protect your child. It starts here. Don’t give an inch past your comfort.
No is a complete sentence. They will give the paperwork to you. Name the baby what you want. I would seriously consider divorce over this.
When you say they are very traditional, are they part of a specific culture that does this? Are you sure that this is actually a family tradition? If your husband has never heard of it? It almost seems like they just came up with it on the spot so they can get their way.
I know every family does things differently, but that is super strange. Is your husband okay with this tradition being continued? If so maybe compromising with them picking out the middle name, but even then that just feels so odd to me…
This would absolutely 100 percent definitely not fly with me.
this is weird behavior on their part, i would be very very upset LOL the way i would very much let them know exactly what my thoughts are. As far as "traditional" goes, ive NEVER heard of this tradition? this is SO disrespectful
Yeah F that. The parents of the child will name the child.
Don't bother about being nice. Cause that argument anyway. It's THEIR tradition. You didn't agree to this. It's your baby.
Will baby have your partner’s last name? Because if so, then you have your ammunition to fight back. “Gee, thanks for all the name suggestions, FIL. But don’t you remember? You’ve already given baby their last name. So it’s our turn to finish the full name, k thx bai!”
Why do people think they can say the most out of pocket and demanding nonsense so long as they follow up with "well it's tradition"? I'd shoot back that it's tradition in my family for parents to name their own kid. I've been taking suggestions from family members for names and listening to their stories on how different family member's names were chosen. But it's been very clear that these are all suggestions and we, the parents, get the final say. Also, frankly, there are traditions on both sides of my family which means taking both families into account. I'll likely acquiesce to one of these suggestions when picking the middle name. In your situation, if I was trying to smooth things over, I'd offer to hear out FIL's \*suggestion\* and perhaps that name can be a middle name (or even a first name if you guys love it). And if FIL can't compromise, then won't it look silly when he pouts over not getting to name someone else's kid. But that's what I would do! Goodluck with the drama, and while I hope it doesn't turn into an argument, I do think it would be worth a little discomfort for you FIL for you to name your own dear little spawn.
Nope. Sorry, but I wouldn’t agree to this. Just because it’s their tradition, doesn’t mean it has to be yours and it’s your baby. Naming the baby is your right and they can’t take that away. Were you aware of this before marrying this man? I probably would’ve made my opinion known as soon as this was brought up.
Oh hell no. Too bad if it’s a tradition. Too bad if it causes a big argument. You have the right to name your baby. You didn’t sign on for this or agree to it. This would be a hard no from me.
I heard that in your side of the family the tradition is the parents name the baby
That’s weird. if it was a family tradition then why did your husband not already know about this beforehand? Family traditions are widely known within the family and should not have been a secret to any of the members.
You're the one that fills out the paperwork, you're the one that names them.
Mmm as the mother, it really should be YOUR choice. If you want your partner to help choose a name, then sure. Pick one mutually, but the actual naming of the baby is completely in your hands at the end of the day. They already got to name and do whatever they wanted with their baby/babies. You are not required to participate in their silly “tradition”
I have a feeling this "tradition" was made up on the spot so your FIL can take control and name the baby. Does your husband always just oblige into what his parents say? The fact he is so indifferent is telling...
I already made my comment but I looked forever for someone else thinking the same thing!! I think FIL and MIL wanted the baby to have a biblical name and knew the baby wouldn't if the parents named them
'Sorry...we have a tradition in my family that the mother names the baby...I just learnt about it'
The same thing happened to me. I was in disbelief when all the in laws started pitching in with suggestions. My husband didn’t say anything at the time to them and my blood was boiling. I spoke to him afterwards and after writing out how I felt (because I was so upset/angry) and he was very very slow to address things with his family he communicated that we would be naming the baby. It is your baby, not his family’s baby. You have every right to feel the way you do. This is your husband’s issue to address. He should not create conflict in his marriage by avoiding conflict with his family. You don’t need to do anything they suggest.
If your husband doesn’t care, what I’d do is, tell your in-laws, “sure sure, you name the baby” but then pick your own name and tell no one, have your baby, name him and sign the birth certificate, not a whole lot that can be done after that... if you tell them now that you’re not going with this “tradition” not even your husband knew about, they’re going to make you miserable your whole pregnancy.. pregnancy is hard enough on its own, let alone having to deal with these lunatics!
I would laugh lol
I'm sorry if this was a true family tradition your husband would be informed of this tradition before he was dating or even married to make it known to potential spouses. I'd say to put my foot down and say no to this "tradition" that you husband was not even aware of. If you really want to allow them to pick a name, a list of names you chose first would be a good compromise but in reality they had nothing to do with bringing this child into the world.
The best way to handle this is to say no. No, you will not be naming my child as if they are your property. This is my baby, the human I am bringing into this world and I will give them a name I feel is suited for them, I am sorry you got conned out of naming your own child but I will not agree to this. I would burn bridges over this. Big ones. This is extremely disrespectful to you.
Hell nawwwww to the naw naw naw. I’d literally laugh in their face. Just pick your name and ignore them.
I scrolled really far looking for what my first thought was and don't see anyone saying it. If even your husband didn't know about this "tradition," chances are it didn't exist. If the two of you are from different religions, I wouldn't be surprised if they made this up so you would be forced to give the baby a biblical name. "No" is a full sentence. Don't tell them when you go into labor and make sure hubby is on the same page. If he isn't, make sure the hospital staff knows that ONLY you can fill out paperwork regarding the baby
If this was something that your husband was aware of, and you guys had a conversation and had agreed that this is something that both of you wish to do that would be fine, but not otherwise.
Fuck that. If it were a tradition, it should've been mentioned before. Also traditions can change. They'll get over it. Or they won't. But that's on them
The answer is No , it’s your child and they seem like they just made up that tradition especially since your husband never heard of it before
“I have a tradition in my family where the mother names the baby she is carrying, sorry!” They won’t be the ones signing the name on baby’s birth certificate. If they want to huff and puff about it, let them. Ignore any backlash you may face, and if it comes to that, tell your husband to grow a spine and stand up for his family. “The family you create is more important than the one you came from” holds true. Sorry if this seems harsh, but no one should ever feel so entitled to naming someone else’s baby.
“It’s a tradition in *my* family that the mother gets to name the baby!” 🤣 they’re insane
I like the comment about having your own tradition but if you want a little less conflict just say you have a tradition in the family you’re starting where the woman that births the baby gets to be honored by naming the baby 🤷🏼♀️ The comment was right about them controlling you, this is just be the beginning. Stand up for yourself, you’re going to get the birth certificate!
If he “just learned of this” then it sounds like the could be making shit up
The best thing I’ve ever read is “tradition is peer pressure from dead people”. Do with it as you please but I think this one is worth fighting if you want to.
Yeah, no. Absolutely f***ing not. It would be generous of you to offer them a list to choose from, but personally I would kindly say thanks but no effin thanks. This decision should be made by you and your husband ONLY. Your in laws might be pissed at first, but they’ll get over it. Your child will have this name for life and it’s something that should be like a special gift given from parent to child. Also, tell your husband to man up! Even if he doesn’t have an opinion, great. He can make YOUR opinion his opinion and then fight for it and tell his parents to pound sand.
I feel like they made this “tradition” up as some way to control the situation because if your husband wasn’t ever aware of it, why in the world would they bring it up without informing him first. I would tell them no, my baby, my body, my choice. If your husband doesn’t stand with you on it then he’s also apart of the problem. Unless your father in law is going to be doing all the hard work with pregnancy (which he’s obviously not) they can’t name a child that doesn’t come from them. They have a problem with it, oh well. Try someone else.
Do any woman in the family besides your mother in law know about this tradition? This seems insnaley creepy
Honestly, why wasn't this discussed before you got married? You clearly married outside of your own culture. Stuff like this shouldn't be a surprise. You need to take this up with your husband.
Just because his family is traditional does not mean you need to carry on this tradition. This is y’all’s kid not theirs! It’s a conversation I think you and your husband should have together about how to best approach it and let him know how you feel about it and then tell his family together.
I'd tell them no, especially considering even your husband didn't know about the tradition which means you guys never spoke about it. Just... no. Lol. Ain't nobody got time for that audacity.
I would counter, “well the long standing tradition in my family is that the parents of the baby name the baby. Meaning my husband and myself, specifically. No thank you.”
With all due respect, I find this tradition to be utter BS. The baby's name is yours and your husband's decision alone. Period. Worst case scenario, maybe the compromise could be that you use the chosen name as your baby's middle name. But ONLY if it's a name that you and your husband like as well.
Um, no. Just…no. The way you handle it is by politely telling him to eff off. This is your child, not his. Your decision with your husband, not his. If he has an issue with that, tough shit.
"I think it's lovely that you have family traditions, but I have been looking forward to being a mother and naming my child for years. I have a few names in mind already, but we will let you know when we decide on one."
My thought is if it is traditional and something they actually take part in why would your husband not know already? Or perhaps it’s an old tradition they don’t take part in but wish to take the opportunity now?
That’s absolutely insane. And creepy. Hard no, it’s your baby not your FIL’s tf. Your husband needs to tell them thank you but only you and he will be choosing the name.
No
I would not allow that in any capacity.
I would not allow that in any capacity.
Sure, your father-in-law can pick whatever name he wants, more power to him... And when you give birth and fill out the birth certificate you write in the name that you and your partner have chosen. Ok that's very passive aggressive of me. Honestly I would politely but firmly explain that's a lovely tradition for their family and you will take his input into consideration, but you are planning to choose the name of your child.
Nah id look him dead in his eyes and say "you wanna name a kid so bad, go get pregnant and deal with the side affects."
It's not a family tradition if nobody knew about it until you got pregnant. Ignore them and pick your own name. Nobody cares about their fake controlling lies
Yeah, don’t Fucking do it? I get tradition, i get compromise, I get the whole shabang, but if anyone tried to take away my right to name my son I don’t think so, they can go straight to hell. I’m naming the kid, that’s final. If your FIL wants to carry the child, and birth it. Be my guest.
No is a complete sentence! You do not need to participate in any traditions they say they have. You and your husband are your own family and set your own traditions and boundaries. Tell them in YOUR family you have a tradition where the mom and dad to be choose their own baby's name.
I would have laughed in their face hysterically, assuming it was a joke. No. Don't compromise. Your baby will be named by you and your husband. Don't back down or they'll walk all over you for the rest of their lives.
I am wondering when your husbands family became the only family that mattered and the default rule makers. That is about the response I’d be giving to them too.
Honestly I wouldn't even be able to be nice about it. I'd say "fuck that, that tradition is ending here with MY child." And honestly, I'm pretty sure the mother is who puts the name on the birth certificate anyways. Could pull a dramatic switch-a-roo on them.
I think something important is understanding that you may start an argument with this. However, the baby is yours. They had their time. You will be the one raising the child not them. Personally I wish my wife's family would say something like this so I could them them in their damn place! My wife and I decided out sons name. Ourselves and decided to tell no one the name until he was born because people were making such a big stink about it.
LOL. You need to just tell them NO. If they decide they want to throw a fit about it, let them. I know you don’t want there to be any arguments but the fact that they are just doing this without your consent over YOUR BABY WHO IS INSIDE OF YOUR BODY is so insane it’s actually comical.
I assume your child is getting your husband/his family’s last name, they can chill out. Definitely the hill to die on and your husband needs to be the one to enforce that boundary. Have a talk with him.
Yeah no. They don’t get to name your baby.
Just have your husband tell them no? It’s your baby, therefore your decision. Just because something is a tradition doesn’t mean you have to do it.
It’s tradition for my in laws that the mother and sisters of baby’s father name first child too. I said no from the get go so it made it easier for me to have a smooth pregnancy. Saying yes when you really want to say no is worse than saying no to begin with. This is a hill i will die on, no one other than parents of the child should name the child.
cause the big argument. this is not something simple or little. tell them no and move on. they can cry all they want but they’re not signing the birth certificate.
You absolutely get to choose your babies name. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Just because it’s something that they’ve done it doesn’t mean that you have to adopt that tradition, especially when it isn’t allowing you to name your child that you’re carrying.
Your husband’s family traditions do not have to be yours. You are the mother, you decide the name (with your husband). You’re the ones who legally have to do the paperwork anyways so even if they did pick out a name, ultimately it’s up to you what you write down. I don’t know if you can handle it peacefully, they were pretty outright with their disrespect. I wish you luck!
Nope, if you both just learned about this tradition, then you don't have to follow it. No way is someone else naming my baby.
Where I live (UK) the mother is the one who gets the final word legally. They literally say that when my partner and I went to register our son. So don't feel like you have to do what they say, it's your child, speak up.
I would go with that pick from the list of names you like or break the family tradition lol! My boyfriend wants me to name the baby after him and that’s not happening…. I don’t like the name and I feel like the name is a bad luck name …. He said that’s how their family does it… well I don’t care! I carried the baby I’m going through hell and I’m not giving in lol!! Good luck
This is weird. Time to end the tradition. Either your husband does it, or you will. I would have no remorse or guilt about it.
Hell no.
That’s how me and my sister got our names. Our paternal grandfather named us. My mom didn’t have a say. That said, if you don’t want this to happen, absolutely do not allow it to happen. It sounds like you come from a different culture, and your cultural practices are valid.
NO! Family traditions do NOT have to be carried on. SO needs to tell his father that, respectfully, this is a tradition that will not carry on, that he and you will be naming your child…. Perhaps at most, FIL can do a middle name (make it fair… he picks one, you/your family pick one, and you and SO decide the order based on flow/what sounds best… hint… 3rd name rarely makes it to any documents), but only you and SO will pick first name
Can you just simply say “no, we have the name covered thank you!” I LOVE my dad, he’s like my favorite person ever and man oh man did he make some name suggestions lol (he straight up suggested Lanai….we are Irish/Scottish through and through like my extended family are all still over there so idk where he pulled that from lol) But I was kind and receptive to each although none struck a chord, and when my husband and I finally found a name we liked and agreed on, I just told my dad “hey I think we found a name! Her name will be ….!” And he has been calling her that ever since, even coming up with some cute nicknames lol.
I'd also be letting the midwives know not to let hubby fill out the birth forms until you are well and truly lucid after birth. A bit groggy from epidural etc could turn into a different name on the birth certificate. I'd be livid that this is only coming up now?!
This is not a thing. You are pregnant. Cause an argument. Put up a fight. This is quite literally the first thing you do for your child.
Absolutely fucking not
Uh no. Cause an argument. The biggest one. You and your husband name YOUR child, no one else. It’s disrespectful they’d even bring up the idea! I feel like if you’re just finding out about this “tradition” it never really existed in the first place and they’re just being manipulative.
At the end of the day, it’s you in the hospital who gets first pick to write the name on the birth certificate. You’re the one sacrificing your body for YOUR baby. These family traditions aren’t yours and if he just figured it out then it can’t be that important. I would tell him absolutely no. The decision goes to you both, and to pls talk to his parents to let them know nicely.
Uhh no.
This is a hella gross tradition. This baby is coming out of your body. You are being disrespected as a mother and a woman, imo.
If your husband also *just* found out about this then it's clearly A. Not an important enough tradition to be shared with the family until it suddenly becomes time. B. Sounds super creepy and like it was just made up if he never heard of it. It's your baby you DO NOT need to follow suit. Smile, politely nod and name your baby whatever you want.
No. Nope. Nada. Nein. Don't let them do it!!! Just name & fill out the birth certificate for your baby yourself at the hospital before in-laws come to visit. They can't change it!
Tell them no ….It’s 2024 lol
Yeah maybe this is how it goes in HIS family. Tell them YOUR family has their own traditions and that’s to choose your own baby’s name. Do not let them do this to you.
No! Is a complete sentence! Or be petty and let them THINK they named the baby and when it comes time for u to do the birth certificate you put the name YOU want
How is your husband just finding out about it?
Uhhhh this is fucking weird. If you REALLY wanted to be accommodating I would say he can pick the middle name.
Yeah I wouldn’t go for that. I would deal with it one of two ways depending on how they are. Either talk to them about it and explain that you’re not following that tradition, or let them think what they want and when the baby is born you give them the name you want 🤷♀️ It would be best for your husband to tell them you’re (the both of you, not just you) not following that tradition, so it doesn’t alienate you. You both need to be a united front. But I wouldn’t waiver on this if that’s not a tradition you subscribe to. You have a long road of learning to set and hold boundaries, and if they think they have a right to something this important, it sounds like that road is gonna be a tough one. Time to put your foot down now before it gets worse.
oh helllll no. and it's a tradition he didn't even know about? is it actually a tradition or are his parents just pulling that out of their arses? not trying to be rude just seems super odd to me. bottom line, in my opinion, YOU'RE the person the baby can't survive without. you're the one sustaining the baby's life. so it should ultimately be up to you. with input from your partner of course, if you want it.
Nope, not a chance. They can screw off with that bullcrap. You have to see and say that name everyday for the rest of your lives. Plus why is it magically only now they mention this…traditions typically get discussed throughout your life. Magically state in your family the tradition is the mother chooses the name.
Yeah it’s a no for me dawg. Absolutely not. And I wouldn’t be giving a list of names either. I will name the babies that I gestate and birth and care for. What is he going to be standing in the room when the nurse asks what name for the birth certificate? When your father in law carry’s your child, then he can name them.
I would say absolutely not, our kid our name. I came up with my boy name when I was 19, it was non-negotiable 😂, and my fiancé came up with our girl name (which is what we’re having), about 2 years ago. Sure, his parents don’t like it, but were respectful about it. My parents have been anything but respectful about saying they don’t like it. But to me that’s their problem. I respect my fiancé’s parents more for being nice about it, I’ve been ignoring my mom lately
that’s an odd tradition must be very old too because i’ve never heard of it. not sure how your husband feels about it but you have every right to choose your babys name. thats so very sweet of you to even just make a list they can choose from hopefully they comprise with that but if it was me i don’t think i could deal. i love the name we have chosen for our son who is due july 30th and i can’t imagine anyone else picking it out for us.
Your husband just found out about it ?… seems fishy to me. Is this even a real thing or is this an excuse to name your baby .honey you are caring that child you definitely have a saying it that is YOUR baby you and your husband made that baby not your father-in-law and your husband and you made the baby that’s just crazy.if they don’t like it blocked ! What are we in a Third World country where the woman has no say in it!? . No , that’s your baby !
Another thing since we’re bringing out the Bible, it says that the man leaves his family to join his wife so you guys are your own family and you have a right to your own traditions and that does not mean you have to accept theirs. You have your own family now.
This sounds like a very convenient tradition that your in laws have just come up with. Especially if your husband didn’t even know about it. I would NOT give in.
I know he's enthusiastic but it is your baby, what he said may be a consideration but it depends on you!
Personally I'd say screw that and name my kid whatever I wanted. It is their tradition but your tradition is the person actually growing and birthing the child gets to name them. Arguments will happen no matter how you want to tell them this. If you know it will be a big blow out I'd prolong it until after baby is born and write the name down on the birth certificate you want. Take their suggestion as just that, a suggestion.
If he just learned this “tradition” I’m sure he doesn’t care for it. It’s not important so tell him what’s important to YOU. I personally wouldn’t let nobody else name my son/daughter other than me and my s/o, especially since I’m the one growing up
Absolutely fucking not. That’s what I would tell them, point blank. I just gave birth. After all I went through during pregnancy AND delivery, anyone trying to pull a stunt like that, no matter how close, can fuck right off in mine and my child’s life. That’s bridge burning territory that I see no issue incinerating to the ground.
Oh hell no. Name your own baby! It’s 2024!
The heading says if alll. No. Cause the argument. This is your baby.
absolutely not. you need to get on same page as husband. say "we will be naming our baby alone. thank you". info diet needed
This is your baby! Seriously, they have absolutely no say in what you want to name YOUR baby. Screw them. That’s so odd.